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The Third and laſt Volume OF THE MEMOIRS OF Mrs. Laetitia Pilkington,

Written by HERSELF.

Wherein are occaſionally interſperſed, VARIETY of POEMS: As alſo the LETTERS of ſeveral PERSONS of DISTINCTION: With the Concluſive Part of the Life of the Inimitable Dean SWIFT.

Finis Coronat Opus.

LONDON: Printed for R. Griffiths at the Dunciad in Pater-noſter Row. 1754.

To the RIGHT HONOURABLE Sir John Lewis Ligonier, KNIGHT of the BATH, One of his Majeſty's moſt Honourable PRIVY-COUNCIL, &c. &c.

[]
SIR,

'TIS Cuſtomary with Mankind, to deem all Dedicators Flatterers, who rather pay Court to the Fortune of their Patrons, than to any real Merit they poſſeſs.

[iv]But in order to avoid Cenſure, on Account of this too obvious Meanneſs, I have happily made Choice of a Gentleman, to preſent this laſt Offſpring of my beloved Mother to, of whom, had I Eloquence enough to ſay all that is good and great, the World muſt allow 'twere but barely doing Juſtice to his exalted Character.

To expatiate, Sir, on the various Points in which you excel, would be a Task more fittly adapted to the Accuracy of a Plutarch, or the Perſpicuity of a Rapin, than a Pen ſo unſkilled as mine, in every poliſh'd Art.

Since to diſplay your Magnanimity in the Field, Wiſdom [v] in the Council, ſingular Politeneſs, and univerſal Benevolence, demands the Flowers of Rhetorick and Poeſy.

Yet, Sir, that you are dear to the Soldier as his Honour, to the Publick as a Guardian, and to all who are bleſs'd with a Participation of your ſocial Hours, as a ſincere Friend and moſt agreeable Companion, I hope I may be allow'd to ſay.

I ſhould never, Sir, have arrived at the Honour, of drawing, even this imperfect Sketch of Sir John Ligonier, but that I retained the Sentiments from my Mother, whoſe Intent it was, had ſhe liv'd, to have inſcrib'd this Volume to you.

[vi]In this Addreſs, therefore, Sir, at the ſame Time that I ſatisfy my own Ambition, I do an Action, grateful to the Manes of a departed Mother; ſince, though ſhe hated Vice, and was bold enough to reprove it; Goodneſs like yours was her darling Theme.

I have the Honour, to be with unſpeakable Reſpect,

SIR,
Your moſt devoted, Moſt Obedient, And moſt humble Servant, J. C. Pilkington.

THE PREFACE.

[vii]

LEST the World ſhould imagine I publiſh'd this Volume, in order to diſpleaſe my Father, or any other Perſon, the [viii] Reflection of which, would give me the utmoſt Uneaſineſs, I thought it quite neceſſary, in this Place, to declare the Reaſon it lay ſo long in Obſcurity; and why it is at this Time made publick.

My Mother, before her Death, had taken in a Number of Subſcriptions in Ireland, and after her Departure from Life, as I was left quite deſtitute of Money or Friends, I was obliged to purſue the Deſign of Printing the Volume; to which I was encouraged, by ſeveral Perſons of real Worth and Diſtinction: but tho' I became indebted to the Publick, it was never in my power, [ix] to raiſe a ſufficient Sum to defray the Expence of Printing; but on the contrary, thro' the Reſentment of thoſe, whom my Mother had formerly deſcrib'd, I was not only baſely traduc'd in my Reputation, but plung'd into a World of Calamities, which I may, perhaps, at ſome Time hereafter relate, together with the various Paſſages of my Life. However, amongſt many Accuſations, that fell heavy on me, one was, that I had defrauded the Publick, by taking Subſcriptions to a Work, which I not only had not a Deſign of Printing, but one that never exiſted, except in my Imagination; as they were kind [x] enough to declare, that my Mother never wrote ſuch a Book.

Yet ſhould I have been content, to have ſtood all this Reproach, and much more, nay, as the Subſcribers were Perſons of Fortune and Humanity, whoſe Contributions proceeded more from a Deſire of ſerving me, than a Curioſity to ſee the Book, I would have remain'd their Debtor for ever, ſooner than have brought ſuch an Affair over; but, that having a Wife and Family to ſupport, and finding it impoſſible to obtain from my Father the ſmalleſt Succour, [xi] though I applied to him in the moſt ſubmiſſive and pathetick Manner: On the contrary, when I found him endeavouring to hurt me in the Opinion of *thoſe, with whom I had ſome Intereſt; I thought it but prudent, to acquit myſelf of the Charge of Diſhoneſty, by delivering the Books to my Benefactors, and at the ſame Time, to endeavour to make as much as poſſible by it. To this end I came to London laſt October, but had not brought the Manuſcript with me, which was in the [xii] Hands of Mr. Powel, Printer in Dublin. I thought it prudent, not being over-ſtocked with Caſh, to try how a Subſcription would take in London. before I ventured to pay a Sum, which was due to Powel. I therefore printed Propoſals, and communicated my Plan to Mr. Foote, who had, when in Ireland, profeſs'd a great Friendſhip for me, (not without ſome Cauſe) as will be ſeen hereafter. He highly approv'd my Project, and aſſured me I might make a conſiderable Sum by it; and that for his own Part, he would get me at leaſt a hundred Subſcribers, all which, not knowing the Gentleman's [xiii] real Diſpoſition, I ſincerely believed. His Farce of the Engliſhman in Paris, was at this Time acting; and I ventured to write the following Lines upon it, which I ſent to him in a Letter, and beg'd his Permiſſion, to inſert them in the Daily Advertiſer.

To Samuel Foote, Eſq on ſeeing his Engliſhman in Paris.
When brilliant Merit juſtly claims Applauſe,
Commands Eſteem, and Admiration draws;
When ev'ry Action ſuits to pleaſe Mankind,
Delights the Senſe, and elevates the Mind:
[xiv]Each Bard enraptur'd ſhould exalt his Lays,
And gladly pay his tributary Praiſe;
Yet Britiſh Wits are ſilent when they ſee,
Thy laſt inimitable Comedy;
In which, a Spirit lives through every Part,
That charms, that ſooths, that captivates the Heart.
'Tis thine, O Foote, with a peculiar Eaſe,
At once to laſh, t'inſtruct us, and to pleaſe:
So ſweet, yet poignant, all your Satires flow,
That patiently from you our Faults we know;
[xv]The Dunce, the Fribble, the affected Wit,
Chaſtiz'd by you, muſt ſilently ſubmit.
Still may Britannia, with a grateful Senſe,
Thy matchleſs Labours ſtrive to recompenſe;
Thus we in Time, may ev'ry Error find,
And Foote ſtill prove a Mirror to Mankind.

The Gentleman was pleaſed to honour me with the following Anſwer:

Dear Sir,

IT is impoſſible for me to thank you as I ought, for [xvi] your incloſed Favour; and full as impoſſible for me, to anſwer the Contents of your obliging Letter*; there is at preſent, ſuch a Conflict in me, between Modeſty and Vanity, that as neither can get the better, I muſt leave the Deſtination of your elegant Piece, to your own Diſcretion.

I am, Dear Sir, Moſt ſincerely Yours, SAMUEL FOOTE.
*
To correct it.

[xvii]An indifferent Perſon would now imagine, that this Gentleman was inclinable to ſerve me; but whether he contracted Inſincerity, in his late Tour to Paris, or whether 'tis native to him, I know not. But when I went to him, with the Subſcription Papers, he took a Quantity of them, and deſired me to call in about a Week; he then excus'd himſelf, by ſaying he had been unwell, but finally, when I preſs'd him hard, he wrote me the following polite and obliging Note.

[xviii]
SIR,

I am ſorry the diſadvantageous Light, in which ſome of your Countrymen have placed you here, has put it out of my Power, to be as uſeful to you as I could wiſh. I have ſent you Half a Guinea, together with all your Subſcriptions; you will conſider, that the many Calls I have of this Kind, (though not too much for my Inclination) are a little too heavy for my Income.

Yours, &c. SAMUEL FOOTE.

[xix]I ſhall make no Comment in this Place, upon this extraordinary Revolution; perhaps as he ſays himſelf,

'Tis Pride, nay ſomething worſe, the Pocket's low.
Epilogue to the Engliſhman in Paris.

But on his acting the Characters of Ben the Sailor, and Buck in the Engliſhman in Paris one Night, ſome envious anonymous Scribbler, furniſhed out the following Lines; and as that Gentleman's tranſcendant Abilities, are ſuperior to any low Things of this Nature, that can be ſaid, I hope it will not be [xx] thought Malice in me, to tranſcribe them here.

To S—l F—te, Eſq on his condeſcending to enact Ben and Buck.
Oft haſt thou ſought the Comick Muſe in vain,
While thy ſtrain'd Geſture but excited Pain;
For when Sir Courtly Nice was play'd by thee,
The murm'ring Audience cried, it cannot be;
With like Succeſs ſome other Parts you tried,
Nay, ev'n for Favour in the Buſkin vied;
[xxi]But all in vain, you were compell'd to drop it,
And act the Satyr, the Buffoon, and Poppet*;
Till wiſely pond'ring what compos'd your Mind,
Where you no gen'rous Sentiment could find;
You ſaw the Error, and to end Diſpute,
Shin'd in your native Character a B—te.

I am told, that the ludicrous Author of this, was not threatned with ſo ſlender a Revenge as Tea or Coffee, but abſolute Newgate and the Pillory; which poor Subterſuge gave him ſo much Reaſon to pity [xxii] his Antagoniſt, that he has ſince held him incorrigible, below the Notice, even of a Scribbler.

And here I cannot help remarking at the ſame Time, that I return my moſt ſincere Acknowledgments to my noble Subſcribers in England, that amongſt the Number of Perſons, whoſe Characters my Mother had endeavour'd to illuſtrate by due Praiſe, not one, except his Grace the Duke of Marlborough, and Sir John Ligonier, to whoſe ſuperlative Bounties I am unſpeakably indebted, would aſſiſt me. But as they are the greateſt and nobleſt Characters, which compoſe her Writings, I muſt e'en [xxiii] content myſelf; and tho' this Volume is not in Octavo, which I at firſt propos'd, but was afterwards oblig'd to alter my Deſign, in order to make it match the other two, I am perſuaded, that as my Subſcribers are compos'd of the greateſt and beſt Perſons in England, they will pardon that Defect, ſince it contains the purpoſed Quantity*. However, any Perſon who imagines they have paid too much, ſhall have the Overplus return'd, on ſending to me.

N. B. A Liſt of Subſcribers is omitted for particular Reaſons, which the Reader will be better qualified to gueſs at after he has peruſed the enſuing Pages.

MEMOIRS OF Mrs. Letitia Pilkington.

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A Third Volume of Memoirs is really a bold Undertaking, as they are generally light, frothy, and vain; yet I have met with ſuch unhop'd Succeſs, that I am quite encouraged to proceed; more eſpecially as my Word is paſs'd to the Publick; and my Word I have ever held ſacred. I cannot, like a certain Female Writer, ſay, I hope if I have done nothing to pleaſe, I have done nothing to offend; for truly I mean to give both Pleaſure and Offence: Lemon and Sugar is very pretty. I ſhould be ſorry to write a Satire which did not [2] ſting, nor will I ever write a Panegyrick on an Undeſerver: If a Rogue ſhould happen to be mine honeſt Friend, I owe him Silence; but that is the moſt he can expect.

Many indeed are glad to become Purchaſers of it. Perſons whom I know nothing of, come and beg I may not put them into the Third Volume; and they will ſubſcribe: Surely then they ſhould knock at their own Hearts; and if it confeſs a natural Guiltineſs,

Let it not breathe a Thought upon their Tongue
To my Diſhonour—
Shakeſpear.

I threaten not any, nor did I ever do it; but Characters are my Game, who

Eye Nature's Walks, ſhoot Folly as it flies,
And catch the Manners living as they riſe.

I ſhould now be glad to know how I could proſecute my own Hiſtory without intermingling that of others; I have not lived in Deſarts, where no Men abide, nor in a Cave, like Eccho; therefore it [3] is no more in my power to grant ſuch unreaſonable Requeſts, when a Book is requir'd of me, than it is in that of an hiſtorical Painter to give a good Piece, when he is poſitively commanded never to draw the Likeneſs of any thing in Heaven or on Earth.

But, Oh my dear LADIES, why are you ſo frightened? Why ſo many Supplications to a Perſon unacquainted with you? Have you all then a ſore Place, which you are afraid I ſhould touch? But now*, I ſay this to you, or to the ſame Defect: Ladies, or moſt fair Ladies, I would requeſt you not to fear, not to tremble; my Life for yours, if you think I come as a Lion, 'twere Pity of my Life: No, no, I am no ſuch thing; I am a Woman, as other Women are—

But, after all, it does not a little ſurpriſe me, that every Perſon who ſuffers a Panick, leſt their own Reputations ſhould be attack'd, has not a little Compaſſion for that of another: No, no! let [4] them find a Flaw in a Brilliant, and by the Help of their magnifying Talents, they ſhall dim it all over: If they look upon this as a Virtue, 'tis one I ſhall never be emulous of.

I remember Doctor Swift told me, he once dined at a Perſon's Houſe, where the Part of the Table-Cloth, which was next to him, happened to have a ſmall Hole in it, which, ſays he, I tore as wide as I could; then aſked for ſome Soop, and fed myſelf through the Hole. The Dean, who was a great Friend to Houſwifery, did this to mortify the Lady of the Houſe; but, upon my Word, by the general Love of Scandal and Detraction in Dublin, one might reaſonably imagine they were all to feed themſelves through the Holes, which they had made in the Characters of others: ‘But 'tis of no Conſequence to me; as Treaſon and Malice now have done their worſt. Shakeſpear.

Reputation once gone is never to be retriev'd: The Wiſe ſay, it is as often [5] gain'd without Merit, as loſt without a Crime; ſo I muſt comfort myſelf the beſt I can. The Fable of Reputation, Fire, and Water, is too well known to want a Recital; and, to quote a Paragraph from a late Letter of Mr. CIBBER'S to me, in Anſwer to one of mine, wherein I had acquainted him, that a Gentleman who had formerly been prejudiced againſt him, was now his very ſincere Admirer; as his Lines may in ſome Meaſure be applicable to me, I ſhall inſert them as follows: ‘It is now growing too late in Life, to be much concerned about whatever Good or Evil the World may think it worth their while to ſay of me. All I have to do, is to fix a Conſciouſneſs of my own Integrity, and then let the Devil do his worſt. Truth has a ſtrong Arm, and in that the weakeſt Perſon living, with an honeſt Heart, may truſt for their Protection.’

So let this ſerve by way of Preface, while I proceed in my Narrative, or,

[6]
Take the ſprightly Reed, and ſing and play,
Careleſs of what the cenſuring World may ſay.

And here, before I proceed, to give Eaſe to every Heart, which may poſſibly ſuffer any Anxiety, on Account of what might be ſaid of them, I proclaim Peace to all, but thoſe who have directly affronted me. 'Tis but a mean Piece of Cowardice to inſult a Woman, and as ſome Gentlemen have had the Courage to challenge me, by the known Laws of Chivalry, I have a right to chuſe the Weapons; a Pen is mine, let them take up another, and may-hap they will meet their Match.

But Hibernian Writers are evermore threatened, not with the Wit of their Antagoniſts, but the Arm of the Fleſh; and truly that is ſuch a knock-down Argument, as I, at leaſt, am utterly unable to reſiſt.

Upon my Word, were any Folly of mine to produce real Wit in another Perſon, [7] I ſhould not be diſpleaſed to be roundly rallied.

I was very well diverted with Mr. Woodward's* Coffee, and humorous Deſcription of me, crying,

Subſcribe, or elſe I'll paint you like the Devil.

Though how I, who never either was a dramatick Writer, or a Player, came to have ſuch extraordinary Marks of Diſtinction paid me from the Theatre, is more than I can readily account for.

However I enjoy'd the Jeſt, and the worſt Mark of Reſentment I ſhew'd, was to ſend him a Crown for a Box Ticket, which he graciouſly accepted; and in Return, got his Friend in the College to add ſix Couplets of Scurrility to his former Encomium on me.

No marvel, for I remember the Dean told me, he paid a Man's Debt on Account of his having wrote ſomething tollerably good; and the next Proof he gave of his Talents, as ſoon as he was [8] releas'd from Jail, was to write a Satire on his Benefactor and Deliverer. I told this Paſſage to Mr. Cibber, who aſſured me he had been juſt ſerv'd in the ſame Manner.

Gratitude is, of all Virtues, the moſt ſeldom practis'd; the Cauſe of this Defect, I take to be our innate Pride; few Perſons can bear to be under the Weight of an Obligation, not conſidering that,

The grateful Heart by paying owes not,
But ſtands at once indebted and diſcharged.
MILTON.

Doctor Swift very well obſerves, that many Perſons have done a juſt, many a generous, but few a grateful Act.

I have indeed experienced Gratitude, even to painful Extaſy; eſpecially, when you my dear, and honoured Lord Kingſborough, vouchſafe to cheer my Habitation, with the Muſes, Loves, and Graces in your Train; with all the Virtues that adorn the Good, and every ſhining Excellence which diſtinguiſhes the fine [9] Gentleman: So Cyrus deigned to viſit Zoroaſter, and bleſs his ſolemn Grotto.

You have, my Lord, another Talent, which as Leiſure and Fortune give you a Power of exerting it, I hope you will; and which, by the Honour you have allowed me, of being your Correſpondent, I have diſcovered, and, like a true Woman, cannot bear the Pain of keeping a Secret. Amongſt all the Letters I have yet ſeen publiſhed, I never ſaw any ſo truly elegant, learned, and polite, as thoſe with which your Lordſhip has condeſcended to honour your poor Servant: Invoke then, my Lord, the ſacred Nine; not one of the beauteous Virgins can be coy to ſuch a Lover, reſembling ſo much their own Apollo. I am very certain they have all beſtow'd their Favours, though you are too much the Man of Honour to reveal it.

Let Britannia boaſt her Shafteſburys, Dorſets, Mulgraves; and let us tell her in Return, we have our Kingsborough. And here I muſt vindicate the Learning, as well as the Politeneſs of the Nobility; [10] though it be in Oppoſition to Mr. Pope's Opinion; who ſays,

What woeful Stuff this Madrigal would be
In ſome ſtarv'd Hackney Sonnetteer, or me?
But let My Lord once own the happy Lines,
How the Wit brightens, how the Stile refines!

Why ſure every Perſon muſt acknowledge, that while he is inſulting his Betters, his Ethic Epiſtles are little more than Lord Shaftſbury's Rhapſody berhym'd; his Windſor Foreſt ſtollen from Cooper's Hill; and his Eloiſa and Abelard, the moſt beautiful Lines in it, taken from Milton's Il Penſeroſo; and if I wrong his Merit, let the Learned judge. Mr. Pope ſays, in his Deſcription of the Convent,

Where awful Arches, make a Noon-day Night,
And the dim Windows ſhed a ſolemn Light.

[11]
MILTON ſays,
And ſtory'd Windows richly dight,
Shedding a dim religious Light.

Which of theſe is beſt, I leave to any Perſon of Taſte to determine.

POPE.
From the full Choir when loud Hoſanna's riſe,
And ſwell the Pomp of dreadful Sacrifice.

MILTON.
There let the pealing Organ blow,
To the full-voic'd Choir below.
For Service high, &c.

But I forget, and am launching into a Criticiſm e'er I am aware of it.

Now though I have held out the Olive Branch to my Friends, to whom I would be kind, as the life-rendering Pelican; yet my Foes are not included in the Treaty. [12] You, my Lady of the Fiſhponds and Lakes of Lebanon, muſt be remembered.

And I cannot avoid paying my Acknowlegements to the Vice Queen of a certain Village. Vice-Queen I term you, for the lovely *Goddeſs of the Plains has as much Humanity and Politeneſs as you want, and I cannot pay her a higher Compliment; though indeed it is no wonder, as ſhe is the Daughter of an Engliſh Earl, and you derive your Pedigree from a Scotch Pedlar; I will not name you, becauſe you ſhall not take the Law of me, but deſcribe you I will.

Pray, when I ſent you a Book, how came it to intitle me to an Affront? and your civil Meſſage, that if my third Volume was worth reading, you would buy it at the Stationer's: Why, it will coſt you a Crown there.

But how long have you commenced a Judge of the Belles Lettres? That you may be a competent one of Men, nobody diſputes; and for your Honour, I [13] believe a certain Relation of mine was pretty intimate with it at *********.

And do you and your two Companions take a Friſk ſtill, now you are grown old! Certainly it muſt be as entertaining as the Witches in Macbeth.

Why, Madam, had I ſaid that your Fa—r died blaſpheming the Almighty, and of the foul Diſeaſe; had I ſaid that he refus'd to ſee his Wife's Cubbs, as he call'd your Siſters, at the Hour of his Death; had I ſaid, that you hid Lady D— behind the Arras, to ſee—Nothing—which you ſaid, your little Tom Titmouſe of a Huſband had, you cou'd not have uſed me worſe.

But I ſcorn your low Invectives, which ſavour more of Malice than of Wit; theſe and many other valuable Secrets, which I have the Honour of knowing of you, ſhall be buried in Oblivion.

Stand apart now, ye Roderick Randoms,
Foundlings, baſtard Sons of Wit,
Hence, ye Profane, be far away,
[14]All ye that bow to Idol Luſts, and Altars raiſe,
Or to falſe Heroes give fantaſtick Praiſe:

While I, the Cream of Hiſtorians, Mirror of Poets, worthy not only the Bays but the Laurel made for mighty Conquerors, for my ſignal Victories, proceed in my true Hiſtory, which take as follows, from me the genuine Succeſſor of Cid Hamet, and immortal SWIFT:

Thus much may ſerve by Way of Proem,
Proceed we now to Tale or Poem.

ONE Day as I was ſitting in my Shop,* a Woman who though very badly dreſt, had a Dignity in her Air which diſtinguiſh'd her from the Vulgar, ſtood reading the Paper I had ſtuck up, with Regard to writing Letters and Petitions. At length ſhe came in, and begg'd of me to write a Petition for her, to his Majeſty, from whom, as ſhe ſaid, ſhe hop'd for a Penſion. I [15] aſked her what Title ſhe had to it? She ſaid, if I could have Patience to hear her Story, ſhe was certain I would think ſhe had a very juſt one. As I was fond of Novelties, I aſſured her ſhe could not oblige me more; ſo to avoid Interruption, I took her into the Parlour, when ſhe began her Hiſtory as follows:

I am, ſaid ſhe, Grandaughter to the Marquis of Vendoſme; my Mother, whoſe Name was Margaretta de Tiaange, was one of the moſt celebrated Beauties in the Court of France. The late Electreſs of Hanover (poor Lady, though her Huſband was crown'd King of England, ſhe never was acknowledg'd as Queen) had ſo fond an Affection for her, that ſhe could not think of parting with her; but when ſhe was married, entreated ſhe would accompany her to Hanover; their united Prayers prevailed on my Grandfather to give his Aſſent, and the Electreſs plac'd her in Quality of the firſt Lady of her Bedchamber, that [16] ſhe might ever have her near her Perſon,—

Whatever Regret my Mother felt, at the ſtrange Difference ſhe found between the Court of Paris and the Houſe of Herenhauſen, yet being happy in the Favour of her Royal Miſtreſs, young and chearful, ſhe made herſelf quite eaſy; and ſhe and Count Conningſmark uſed to ſet their Heads together, to ſtudy what might be moſt amuſing to the lovely Lady.

But alas! while they thought only of Innocence, the Princeſs Sophia, and the Dutcheſs of Munſter, a diſcarded Miſtreſs of the Elector's, had other Schemes in their Heads, which not long after they put in Practice, to the Deſtruction of the Count, the Diſgrace of the Electreſs, and the Baniſhment of every Perſon, whom ſhe honoured with her Confidence.

I have frequently heard my Mother declare, that ſhe believ'd there was not in the World a more virtuous Perſon than the Electreſs, and indeed [17] her Conduct from the Time of her Separation from the late King, to the Hour of her Death, ſufficiently convinced the World of her unſpotted Purity.

Well, in the general Ruin my Mother, as her firſt Favourite, was inevitably involv'd: She was order'd to return home to France; and as ſhe was a Woman of Quality, a Man of War was fitted out for that Purpoſe.

I could not here avoid interrupting her, to ſay I wonder'd that the Princeſs Sophia ſhould enter into any Scheme which might in the leaſt reflect on the Honour of her own illuſtrious Family; ſhe anſwer'd, the Princeſs lov'd nothing ſo well as Dominion, and as the Ladies of France had a natural Turn to Politicks, ſhe was afraid the Electreſs might interfere, ſo as to injure her Power, which was almoſt abſolute. Oh! Ambition! by what cruel Means doſt thou compaſs thy Ends? I deſired her to proceed, which ſhe did as follows.

[18]

My Mother return'd home ſafe, though much dejected at a Separation from her Miſtreſs, with whom had ſhe been permitted, ſhe would willingly have embraced an Exile from the gay World. But as Time inſenſibly wears off Affliction, and leſſens the Object, by removing it to a greater Diſtance, ſo ſhe began to reſume her native Chearfulneſs, and once more ſhone at Court.

The firſt Night ſhe appeared there, an Engliſh Nobleman, for as ſuch he paſs'd himſelf, (neither did his good Mien or Politeneſs, in the leaſt contradict this generally received Opinion) paid his Addreſſes to her. Gallantry and Complaiſance are ſo much the Mode at Paris, that my Mother took all he ſaid of his Paſſion, and her Charms, meerly as Words of Courſe, and told him ſo; he anſwered that he found ſhe was unacquainted with the Temper of the Engliſh, who, above all other People, particularly valued themſelves on Sincerity, and ſcorned [19] Deceit or Hypocriſy even to the Fair, to whom moſt Men practiſe it. She anſwer'd, the Ladies in his Country muſt certainly be very happy; he ſaid, the moſt convincing Proof he could give of the Reality of his Paſſion, was, that, provided her Heart and Hand were diſengaged, he would uſe his utmoſt Endeavours to merit both. She aſſured him ſhe was intirely at her Father's Diſpoſal, and that if he was ſerious in his Declaration, he muſt apply to the Marquis of Vendoſme. Accordingly, next Day he paid the Marquis a Viſit, and brought ſuch Credentials, of his being a Man of Fortune and Quality in England, that the Marquis had but one Objection, which was an Unwillingneſs to part with my Mother; however, my Father promiſed they would once a Year pay the Marquis a Viſit: So all Things being agreed on, the Marriage was celebrabrated with great Pomp and Feſtivity.

[20] No ſooner were the Rejoicings ended, than it was whiſper'd my Father was not a Man of Quality, but an Impoſtor. This greatly afflicted both the Marquis and my Mother; they mentioned it to my Father, who aſſured them it was a malicious Falſhood, rais'd by ſome Perſons who envy'd his Happineſs. As it was too late to retract what was done, they could only hope the beſt. Shortly after, my Father urg'd a Neceſſity of his returning to London, to which the Marquis reluctantly conſented.

At Dover my Father's Chariot met them, carried them to a very handſome Houſe, where there were a Number of Servants in rich Liveries, waiting the Commands of the Bride and Bridegroom.

But after all, not to hold you longer in Suſpenſe, my Father was a Limner; but ſo excellent in his Art, that he could well afford to keep his Wife like a Man of Quality. However, as there is no Country where Perſons ſet [21] a higher Value on noble Blood than France; my Mother was cruelly mortified to find herſelf impoſed upon, and fell into a deep Melancholy, which preying on the very Pith of Life, ſhe languiſh'd in a Conſumption for three Years and died, leaving me and another Daughter deſolate Orphans.

After this Loſs, which I was too young to regret, my Father brought in a Woman, whom it ſeems he had ſome Time kept as a Miſtreſs, to order his Houſhold, and take care of us, which ſhe did ſo well, that at length my Father married her.

Here happened a moſt ſtrange Reverſe of Fortune to us: For no ſooner did this Woman attain her Ends, than ſhe altered her Conduct, and from a fawning Servant, turned a haughty and deſpotick Tyrant. My Father was oblig'd to turn off all his old Servants, becauſe they did not pay Reſpect enough to her Ladyſhip, for he had the Honour of Knighthood conferred on him by King William.

[22] This Step-Dame now continually endeavour'd to ſet my Father againſt us; till at length, wearied out with Injuries, I hired myſelf as a Servant to the Governor's Lady of St. Chriſtophers; and ſhe being informed who I was, treated me with the utmoſt Kindneſs.

This unhealthful Climate ſoon deprived me of her, who with her dying Breath, recommended me to the Care of the Governor; he called me up, told me her Requeſt, and kindly ſaid, whoever was dear to her, it ſhould be his particular Care to protect, even for her Sake.

I kneeled down by the Bedſide, to bleſs them both for their Goodneſs, my Miſtreſs took my Hand, graſp'd it very hard, and inſtantly expir'd.

I fainted away, and my Maſter, as I was afterwards informed, quitted the Chamber, bidding the Servants take care of the poor Child.

When the Funeral was over, and that the firſt Tranſports of my Maſter's Sorrow were abated, he deſired to ſee [23] me, and renew'd his kind Aſſurances of Protection and Favour to me. He made me dine at his Table, ſaying, that my innocent Prattle diverted his Melancholly; and I, ſtudious to pleaſe him, did it ſo effectually, that inſtead of my being his Servant, he became mine; and as he was too humane and generous, to entertain a diſhonourable Thought, he propoſed Matrimony to me, an Offer too conſiderable for me to reject.

The Evening before the Day appointed for our Nuptials, my dear Maſter, Friend, and Lover, was taken very ill, on which they were deferred. But his Illneſs increaſing, he thought proper to have the Marriage Ceremony performed, made his Will, and as he had no Children, left me all his Fortune, and died the next Day.

Though I cannot ſay I was in Love with this Gentleman, yet Gratitude made me a ſincerely ſorrowful Widow; though I was young, rich, and, as the World ſaid, handſome.

[24] When my Year of Mourning expired, I had ſeveral Matches propoſed to me, of which I made Choice of the worſt. He was an Engliſhman, but to ſay the Truth had nothing but his Perſon to recommend him. He was addicted to every Vice, and conſequently ſoon ſquandered the plentiful Fortune I had brought him.

And at laſt, one Day when I was abroad, he robbed the Houſe of every thing it contained that was valuable, and he, with a Negro Woman Servant I had, got on board a Veſſel bound for England.

I was now plung'd into not only the Extremity of Sorrow, but alſo of Want. However, being very expert at my Needle, particularly in Embroidery, and alſo very curious in Shell Work; I ſet up a School, and inſtructed young Ladies. Money is very eaſy to be got there, and ſo it ought, for the Iſland is productive of nothing for the Service of Life, neither [25] Fruit nor Herbage, and consequently there are no Cattle, but what they have either from the Continent, or ſalted from England.

Well; bad as the Place was, I lived there thirty Years after the Departure of my ſecond Huſband, tolerably eaſy; till at length I received, from an Engliſh Captain of a Ship, a Letter from the Siſter I have mentioned, who was extremely well married in London, and gave me a kind Invitation to come and paſs the Remainder of my Life with her.

Accordingly I embraced the firſt Opportunity of returning to my dear native Country; all the Ladies entreated me to ſtay, but finding me determined to the contrary, they gave me ſignal Marks of their Favour: Each making me a Preſent, and aſſuring me that if ever I returned, I ſhould be affectionately received.

We had a tolerable Voyage, even till we were in Sight of the Engliſh Shore; when a furious Tempeſt aroſe, [26] which ſet us almoſt beſide ourſelves. The Goods were thrown over Board, ſo that I loſt all my Cloaths; and a few Minutes after, we ſtruck upon a Rock, but by God's Providence, not a Soul periſhed. All that I ſaved was a Baſket of Curioſities, ſuch as the Iſland afforded.

But not to detain you with trivial Circumſtances, I got to London, and went to my Siſter's Houſe, which I found hung with black, ſhe in her Coffin, and the Hearſe ready to convey her to the Grave.

This was a dreadful Diſappointment to me, for I was quite a Stranger, moneyleſs, and could not reaſonably hope for much Favour from a Brother-in-law, whom I had never ſeen, eſpecially as the Link of the Chain which united us, was now diſſolv'd.

The next Day I went to him; and, upon telling him the Circumſtances of my Life, exactly as my Siſter had done, he had the Goodneſs to give me [27] her Cloathes; a ſeaſonable Relief, as my own were loſt.

The following Day I went into a Broker's Shop, to know if the Perſon who kept it would buy ſome of my Merchandize: He deſired me to come in, and ſeemed ſurpris'd at the Variety and Beauty of my Collection; and perceiving me very faint, for indeed I was all almoſt famiſh'd, he offered me a Dram; which I refus'd, as I was ſenſible it muſt have got the better of one ſo weak as I was.

However, I accepted of ſome Toaſt and Ale, which, I really think, ſaved my Life: After this Act of Civility I told my Diſtreſs to him, and he kindly gave me a Lodging, and recommended me to you.

I wrote a Petition for this unhappy Stranger; which had no manner of Effect on his Majeſty: I afterwards wrote to her Brother-in-law; who gave her Five Guineas, with which Sum ſhe again ſet out for St. Chriſtophers; and, as I afterwards [28] learne, the Ship, with all the Paſſengers, were loſt.

I think this poor Lady's Life was but a continual Scene of Storms and Misfortunes, as if Heaven had

Bar'd her Boſom to the Thunderſtone.

But alas! how ſhall we poor Reptiles preſume to judge the Ways of Providence; all things are ordered with Harmony and Beauty; though, like a Fly, our feeble Ray ſees but an Inch around, yet dares diſlike the Structure of the Whole.

As well might a Mariner, in the midſt of the wide World of congregated Waters, hope, with his Line, to ſound the deep Abyſs, as our finite Minds to comprehend the Ways of Deity.

Here then let us reſt,

Whatever is, is right; Wiſdom and Goodneſs govern all.

[29]Reader, have Patience with my Philoſophick Whimſies, which I muſt ſometimes indulge: 'Tis frequent, in Converſation, to ſay, of thoſe that are drown'd, That they are gone to the Bottom of the Sea; but, with due Deference to better Judges, I cannot conceive the Ocean to have any Bottom, except near the Shore. I have obſerved every ſingle Drop of Water to be an intire Globe; put another to it, they unite by Adheſion of Parts, like Quickſilver, to form a larger: Thus the tributary Streams pour in globulous Chryſolites, to form that wondrous Maſs of Waters, which we term the Ocean, and which, no Doubt, goes quite through the Center of the Earth, without any middle Way to ſtop it.

I know it may be here objected, that a Ship loſt on one Side ought, by this Rule, to riſe at the oppoſite Place: Not at all; the Preſſure of the Atmoſphere is every-where equal, nor is there any ſuch thing as up or down in Nature: As many Stars beſpread the Firmament beneath us, as above us: As Travellers, ſuch as have [30] ſailed round the World, ſufficiently evidence; and did not the ſtrong Laws of Gravitation hold all in firm Union, the Sea, no Doubt, would tumble on our Heads.

Oh! thou rever'd Spirit of NEWTON, who couldſt take the Dimenſion of each Planet in our Solar Syſtem, and then demonſtrate to us,

How other Planets circle other Suns.

Giving us thereby the moſt auguſt View of that Being, who pour'd forth new Worlds to all Eternity, and peopled the Infinity of Space: If I have err'd, through Pride, in endeavouring to ſearch into the Secrets of Nature, wherein I may very poſſibly err; let thy honour'd Manes vouchſafe to ſet me right,

For I ſo much a Catholick will be,
As for this once, great Saint, to pray to thee.
Cowley.

I think I have ſcarce ever read Two better Lines than Mr. POPE's Epitaph [31] on this Prince of Philoſophers, which, to prove my regard to him as a Poet, I will inſert:

Nature, and Nature's Laws, lay wrapt in Night,
GOD ſaid, Let Newton be, and all was Light!

His Inſcription on Sir Godfrey Kneller's Monument is as remarkably bad as this is excellent:

* Kneller by Heav'n, and not a Maſter, taught,
Whoſe Art was Nature, and whoſe Pictures Thought,
When now two Ages he had ſnatch'd from Fate,
Whate'er was beauteous, and whate'er was great,
Reſts crown'd with Princes, Honours, Poets, Lays,
Due to his Merit, and brave Thirſt of Praiſe,
[32]Living, great Nature fear'd he might outvie,
Her Works, and dying, fears herſelf ſhall die.

And bad as it is, 'tis but a lean Tranſlation from the Italian, an enervate Language, well adapted to the ſoft Warblers of it, but incapable of manly Strength, Dignity, or Grace.

I always find in myſelf a ſtrong Inclination to Criticiſm, and, if I live to finiſh this Volume, I ſhall certainly indulge it: For my Part, let the World ſay what they pleaſe of Criticks, I eſteem them as very uſeful Members of the Commonwealth of Learning. Whatever is well written will ſtand the Teſt of ſtrict Examination, ay, and of Ridicule too; and when that is paſt, the Work appears like Gold from the Furnace, with ten-fold Luſtre: Therefore I fairly invite the whole Body of Criticks to canvas my Writings; if they point out an Error I ſhall eſteem them as Friends, and endeavour to amend: If they make an injudicious [33] Criticiſm, for ſome ſuch I have ſeen publiſh'd againſt me, they prove their own Ignorance, and cannot give me a greater Triumph: I only wiſh I may have a Longinus, not a Zoilus, to judge me.

Well now, Mrs. Pilkington, ſays, perhaps, my Reader, What, in the Name of Wonder have we to do with all this?

Why, truly, no more, I think, than with a Buff Jerkin, or mine Hoſteſs at St. Albans; but I am no Methodiſt either in Writing or Religion; ſometimes Irregularities pleaſe; ſhapeleſs Rock, or hanging Precipice, preſent to the poetick Imagination more inſpiring Dreams than could the fineſt Garden: Where

Grove nods at Grove, each Alley has a Brother,
And half the Platform juſt reflects the other.

I am, in ſhort, an Heteroclite, or irregular Verb, which can never be declined, or conjugated.

[34]But however, conſidering it was a Hiſtory of myſelf, I promiſed to the World, I now proceed in it thus:

Two very fine young Gentlemen, whom I did not know, came to buy ſome Prints, and obſerving a large Book in Manuſcript, open before me, one of them demanded, Was that my Account-Book? I aſſured the Gentlemen, my Revenue was eaſily caſt up, and that I was but a bad Arithmetician, though I frequently dealt in Figures and Numbers.

This Gentleman, whom I preſently after found was an Earl, by his Companions calling him by his Title, inſiſted on ſeeing the Subject of my Amuſement. This was the Firſt Volume of my Work, which when once he had began, he went quite through with, and gave it more Applauſe than ever an Author's dear Partiality to their own Offspring could poſſibly make me believe it deſerved.

However, his Lordſhip made a juſt Remark, That I was very fond of introducing [35] the Sun by way of Simile, in all my Poems, and ſaid, he had a Mind to cut it out where-ever he met it.

I told his Lordſhip, he would then leave my Book in the Land of Darkneſs, and the Shadow of Death.

The Earl then aſked me, if I intended to print it? I ſaid I would, if I could get Subſcribers to it, otherwiſe it muſt, like many other valuable things, be buried in Oblivion. He gave me a Subſcription, and, as it was Dinner-time, took his Leave, with a Promiſe of drinking Coffee with me the next Evening; when, as it was Sunday, I ſhould be diſengaged from Buſineſs; which Promiſe, however, he did not fulfil; and having vainly expected him till Eight, I then went up Stairs, to ſit with the Counteſs of Yarmouth's Steward's Wife; and, on my Return, found my Shop broke open, and every Article of my Wearing Apparel taken away: This was a dreadful Mortification, and a ſad Loſs! All my Comfort was, that the Thieves had taken nothing but what belonged to me.

[36]This Robbery quite ruin'd me, as I was obliged to lay out my Money for Neceſſaries to appear decent; my Landlord ſeiz'd for a Quarter's Rent, though he was my Countryman, and profeſs'd great Friendſhip for me.

I was once more in doleful Plight; however, I got a ready-furniſh'd Lodging, juſt tolerable.

One Evening, when I came Home from a Friend's, my Landlady told me, there was a young Woman to viſit me, who wept ſadly that I was abroad. I aſk'd her what ſort of a Perſon ſhe was? She told me, ſhe thought ſhe greatly reſembled me, and that ſhe would be with me early in the Morning: Accordingly ſhe came, and I knew her, at firſt Sight, to be my Daughter: The Surprize made me faint away; not but I was very glad to ſee her, but Joy is overcoming as Grief; and when I conſider'd how little it was in my Power to help her, it quite ſurk my Spirits. She was in a Garb which beſpoke Poverty, and gave me [37] a long Account of her Father's Inhumanity to her, and his youngeſt Son.

A few Days after her Arrival came the Son I have now with me, from on board a Privateer, as ragged as a Prodigal return'd from keeping Swine; but, poor Child, I wonder how he ſubſiſted at all, conſidering the Hardſhips he had ſuffer'd, and what to do with them both I could not tell: Mr. Richardſon * was ſo kind to give my Son a new Suit of Clothes, which put him in a Capacity of going amongſt my Friends, from whom I received a tranſient Relief.

At length the Girl, finding how Matters were, went to wait on a Lady, and Captain Meade took my Son with him on board a Man of War, with which a Number of Tranſports, and others, then went on a ſecret Expedition, but were prevented in their Deſign, by having their Intentions betray'd to the French.

Well, this was a little Reſpite to me: I heard Worſdale was in London, and wrote to him, but receiv'd no Anſwer; a Day [38] or two after, as I was going through Spring-Garden, pretty early in the Morning, who ſhould I ſee but the very identical Man, ſtanding at a Coffee-Houſe Door!

I ſtop'd, and look'd at him, when he immediately recollected me, and ſeem'd over-joy'd to ſee me: He invited me to Breakfaſt, and told me, he was upon his Keeping; ſo that he had been obliged to quit a pretty ready-furniſh'd Houſe, he had in Mount-Street, Berkley-Square, and leave it to the Care of a Servant, to retire to this privileg'd Place.

After Breakfaſt he deſired I would write a Letter for him to the Bavarian Ambaſſador, and to two others, whom I have now forgot, to beg their Protection; which accordingly he obtain'd, though not directly. He made me dine with him, and promiſed to reward me when he ſhould be at Liberty to purſue his Work; and, in the mean time, he ſaid, I ſhould be welcome to his Houſe in Mount-Street; an Offer which I readily [39] accepted, as well for the fine Air, as being Rent-free.

He allow'd me a Shilling a Day to live on, which I could very well do: But he came every Morning to know how much I had wrote. He would give me Fifteen Subjects at once, and expected I ſhould compoſe ſomething excellent on every one of them: In ſhort, there was no End to my Labour, nor any Relaxation from it, except ſometimes a kind of troubled Sleep; for, amongſt other Miſfortunes, I was not able to make my Bed, nor light the Fire; and the old Woman, his Houſe-keeper, proud, ignorant, and inſolent beyond Imagination, aſk'd me, Where the Devil I was bred, that I could not ſweep Rooms, light Fires, and make Beds, as well as other Servants; and that truly Mr. Worſdale was a Fool to hire me, who did nothing but write all Day long.

Though I conceiv'd a good deal of Indignation at being thought the Servant of a Colour-grinder's Son, yet I could not [40] forbear laughing at the Ideas of this good Creature.

Never did any Soul lead a more ſolitary Life than poor Laetitia; for Worſdale had poſitively order'd the old Woman not to let any human Creature come near me; and ſhe punctually obey'd him, more out of Malice than Integrity.

In this Sequeſtration from the World I wrote three Ballad Operas, one of them plan'd on the Story of the old Song, A Pennyworth of Wit; where I have ſo exalted the Wife over the Harlot, that at laſt, as Worſdale is a profeſt Libertine, I began to think it was quite neceſſary to apologize for his writing any thing to the Honour of Virtue, or expoſing of Vice; ſo I wrote the following Epilogue, to be ſpoke by a Woman:

EPILOGUE to Virtue Triumphant.
DUce on't, I wonder what the Author means,
To peſter thus the Stage with moral Scenes!
[41]The Fool! He ſent me hither to excuſe him;
Faith I'll be even with him, and abuſe him.
I hope he liſtens, while I ſpeak my Thoughts
And tell, what he muſt bear to hear, his Faults.
Firſt he endeavours, in a free-born Nation,
To bring the wearing Fetters into Faſhion,
Nor would have loving Couples go together,
Till they are yok'd by matrimonial tether.
Here he does plainly Liberty invade,
And is, beſides an Enemy to Trade:
Should his Advice be follow'd thro' the Land,
What muſt became of Drury, and the Strand?
In France, when Age appears thro' Walls of Paint,
Each batter'd Jade turns Devotè, or Saint;
And, when her Looks no longer Love inſpire,
Does wiſely to a Nunnery retire:
[42]But here ſhould pretty Females leave off ſinning,
What muſt they do? betake themſelves to Spinning!
Why, ſure, 'twou'd vex the Heart of Jew, or Turk,
To ſee the pretty playful Creatures work.
Well, after all his railing thus at Harlots,
'Tis ſaid, he lik'd them once, by lying Varlets;
And that, unleſs be perfectly had known 'em,
He never cou'd ſo perfectly have ſhewn 'em.
But, Jeſts apart, the Poet bad me ſay,
He to the gen'rous Fair commends this Play,
To ſhew their matchleſs Excellence deſign'd,
And cure the roving Madneſs of Mankind;
To ſhew the Fair, tho' Husbands may be led
By artful Wiles, to ſtain the nuptial Bed;
Yet Virtue ſhall, at laſt, triumphant prove,
And Husbands bleſs the Joys of faithful Love.
[43]Studious the Worthy and the Good to pleaſe,
If ſuch with Approbation crown his Lays,
Our happy Author ſeeks no other Praiſe.

I am ſorry I have not the Opera, but Worſdale was too cunning for me, and ſeiz'd it, ſheet by Sheet, as faſt as I wrote it: And having now Liberty, by means of the Protection, and a good deal of Work beſpoke in the City, he took a Floor near the Royal-Exchange, in a large old-faſhion'd Houſe, with very antique Furniture; and there he gave me a little Room to myſelf; but, as it was within-ſide of his Painting-room, I was a Priſoner all the Morning, and might faſt and write till Three o'Clock in the Day; then I was called to Dinner, of Beef-ſteaks, or Mutton-chops, cook'd by himſelf: The manner of our eating I muſt deſcribe.

We had four Play-bills laid for a Table-cloth, Knives, Forks, or Plates, had we none; no matter for that—

[44]
I had a Blade,
With which my tuneful Pens were made—
And, ſo to make my Dinner ſure,
I for a Fork employ'd a Skewer.

The Butter, when we had any, was depoſited in the cool and fragrant Receſs of an old Shoe, a Coffee-pot of mine ſerved for as many Uſes as ever Scrub had, for ſometimes it boil'd Coffee, ſometimes Tea, it brought ſmall Beer, ſtrong Beer, and I am more than half afraid it has been applied to leſs noble Uſes; but be that as it may, I've done the Man ſome Service, and he knows it—No more of that.

He happened to paint, as he told me, the young Chevalier's Picture, at Mancheſter. As he went to Richmond he left all his Pictures in my Care, when, one Morning, a very beautiful young Lady, of about Sixteen, and her Brother, a fine young Gentleman, came to the Houſe: I was called down, and they walk'd up Stairs; when, after a little Heſitation, [45] the Lady aſk'd me, could ſhe ſee the Picture of the Highlander? I anſwered, yes, and brought it to her: She kiſs'd the Face, Feet, and every Bit of it; and judging from this that ſhe was a Roman Catholick, a Religion that * Patrick Sarſfield's Neice can never hate, let who will take Offence at it; for he was generous, noble, and humane; and, in God's Name, let every one of his Creatures be as upright and juſt as he, (and no Doubt but he will look down well pleas'd, and bleſs the fair Variety).

The young Lady repeated two Lines of a Poem of Lady Mary Wortley Montague, on ſeeing this Picture:

In ev'ry Linament of which we trace
The injur'd Saint, and Royal Martyr's Face.

Their Curioſity being ſatisfied, the Lady would have given me ſome Money: I told her, I was not a Servant, but that, as I lodged in the Houſe, Mr. Worſdale left the Pictures in my Care: Madam, [46] ſays ſhe, I beg Pardon; but how can I make you a Recompence for your Trouble? By giving me, Madam, the Remainder of the Poem: She repeated it; and, finding I had ſomething like Taſte, ſhe kindly embraced me, giving me a Direction where to wait on her; and we parted, I believe, delighted with each other; but I only ſpeak for myſelf.—

Worſdale came to Town, and called on this Lady, and Gentleman: They were ſo kind to praiſe me highly, and aſk him, who I was? He declared he did not know; he left, he ſaid, an old Chairwoman to look after his Houſe, perhaps it was ſhe.—

This Anſwer did not ſatisfy them, they were ſo unreaſonable as to inſiſt on it, that I was a Gentlewoman, that they knew it by my Speech, and Hands, by my refuſing Money, and begging Poetry: But Worſdale renounced me more heartily than ever he did the Devil, whoſe Servant he is.—

He came home very angry, abuſed me at an unmerciful rate, and told me, I [47] ſhould not ſtay in his Houſe, to ſhew my Wit and Breeding, forſooth, when I had neither; and boaſt of my Family, when it would have been better for me to have been the Daughter of a Cobler. As this Fellow always boaſted of his being Sir Godfrey Kneller's Baſtard, I could not avoid telling him, that ſome People were ſo fond of Family, that, to keep it up, they would prove themſelves Sons of Whores.

The Hour of my Deliverance, from this worſe than Egyptian Bondage, now approach'd; a young Woman, for whom I had wrote ſeveral Love-Letters to a Gentleman who had, it ſeems, kept her till he married, and then forſook her, as indeed he ought, found me out.

The Scheme was to perſuade him, that at the Time he diſmiſſed her, ſhe was with Child by him, though ſhe in Reality confeſt ſhe was never in that Circumſtance in her Life: But, Bite the Biter was fair enough; if he cheated her out of Innocence (a Loſs never to be retriev'd) I think ſhe had a juſt Title to ſome of [48] his Money, of which he had more than he knew how to uſe.

I was writing a melancholy Epiſtle for her, when in came Worſdale; he gave me a furious Look, and withered all my Strength before he ſpoke; then he went out of the Chamber, and ſent for me, demanding of me, whether I intended to neglect his Buſineſs, and turn Secretary for the Whores. I was really ſurpriſed, that he of all Men, ſhould fall ſo hard on kind Females; and as their Money was honeſtly earn'd by me, and they are generally liberal, I never thought I did any thing amiſs, in helping them out with a ſoft Epiſtle: He ſtorm'd at me, ſhe heard him, and finding his Wrath was raiſed on her Account, was very much troubled, and ſlipping a Guinea into my Hand ſoftly, whiſpered me to come to her Houſe in Golden-ſquare, and ſhe would make me full amends for my Vexation.—Of all Men I ever ſaw, W—e has the ſtrongeſt Appearance of Charity and Compaſſion, and the leaſt of it in reality. He would take any curious [49] Artiſt out of trouble, provided their Work, which he appropriated to himſelf, would yield him ten-fold Intereſt. Love, Favour, or even common Decency, no Perſon ever met with from him, except on terms of becoming his Slave. I have often reflected with Wonder, on the vaſt Propenſity that appears in Perſons of Quality, to provide for the ſpurious Offſpring of Beggars, Vagrants, &c. by depriving themſelves of the Enjoyments of Life, to amaſs vaſt Treaſure, and when that tremendous Hour arrives, in which all earthly Glories, Honours, Wealth, and Titles, cannot give a Moment's Eaſe, or prolong frail Life, the Queſtion is, ‘"How ſhall I diſpoſe of this, to appeaſe that God, at whoſe Tribunal I expect ſhortly to appear? Oh! I'll leave it all to the Poor."’—As if the Omnipotent could not ſee through the ſhallow Device, or that his eternal Kingdom was to be purchaſed with their Leavings.

I have obſerved, that moſt of thoſe, who have choſen to be publick ſpirited after their Death, have in their Lifetime [50] been meer unhoſpitable narrow hearted Souls; and if a Perſon of Birth and polite Education, had by any Misfortune fallen into Diſtreſs, and made an Application to them, ſuch would not fail of meeting with an Affront, and having their Letter ſent back open, with the Civil Meſſage, that truly my Lord or my Lady did not know any Thing of it, and had Dependants enough of their own to provide for.

And pray now let us enquire, who are theſe Poor, that the publick and private are eternally providing for; are there not Collections daily in Churches, beſides the vaſt Legacies left to Pariſhes, Hoſpitals, &c. and yet to Appearance no Soul the better.

Are not the Streets infeſted with Beggars of all Denominations? and in the Houſes, Objects that would raiſe Compaſſion in any humane, well-judging Perſon?

Here we ſhall find a poor Wretch, for a few Shillings a Week, ſlaving to ſupport a Wife and Children, and perhaps [51] at the End of the Quarter, is ſtripped by a cruel Landlord, and torn relentleſly from the Relief of his Family, while they are expoſed to the ſharpeſt Pangs of Want, Cold and Nakedneſs.

And where ſhall they apply for Relief? if to the Pariſh, perhaps they may obtain a few Half-penee, but no real Succour.

If to a beneficent Lady, who diſtinguiſhes herſelf, by giving a Gown once in the Year to ſome particular old Beggar Women, and Six-pence a Week for their Support, to give them a Taſte of Life, (as the ſame Woman muſt not expect to be ſerv'd two Years ſucceſſively) Why, truly my Lady Bountifull is not at home, or the Servant durſt not carry up any Letter or Petitions: So the poor Sufferer may return, loaden with Poverty, and ſwollen with Sorrow.

And yet this Lady expects to be almoſt deified for her Munificence, and Patriotiſm; ſhe laid out her Money on a Houſe, not to ſatisfy her Vanity, but to employ her diſtreſſed Countrymen; [52] ſhe never ſaw the Naked, but ſhe cloathed them; nor the Sick, but ſhe viſited them; nor the Hungry or Thirſty but ſhe relieved them, whilſt the Rich ſhe ſent empty away. In which charitable Opinion of her own Virtues, ſhe expects to go directly to Heaven; but now hear the Opinion of Impartiality.

Indeed ſhe never ſaw her Fellow Creatures in Diſtreſs, but ſhe being of a compaſſionate Temper, found it neceſſary for her own Quiet, to relieve them; therefore, ſhe always choſe a back Room to ſit in, that ſhe might not view ſuch diſagreeable Objects; and in order to ſave her Money for ſome great laſt Stroke, if Perſons of Rank dine or ſup with her, they muſt take ſuch as the Houſe affords, by which Means the Rich are always ſent empty away.

If no body knows this Picture, without writing the Name under it, I will confeſs myſelf to be as bad a Painter as W—e.

Dean SWIFT's excellent Scheme for building an Hoſpital for Lunaticks and [53] Idiots, was of a different Caſt from thoſe of moſt other Men, as it was not a Matter utter'd with his laſt Breath, but ſtudied, calculated, and determined for many Years before, as the following Lines in his Elegy on his own Death ſufficiently evince.

He left the little Wealth he had,
To build a Houſe, for Fools and Mad,
And ſhew'd by one Satyrick Touch,
No Nation wanted it ſo much.

And according to his uſual Wiſdom, he committed the Regulation of it to Gentlemen of real Worth, Honour, and Probity, in which, would others follow ſo great, ſo laudable an Example, perhaps the many Sums that were deſigned for good *Uſes, but are now appropriated to the purchaſing Eſtates, and ſplendid Equipages for ſome particular People, might have the wiſh'd Effect of being a univerſal Benefit.

[54]The Dean could not abide the thought of being like other Mortals, forgot as ſoon as his venerable Duſt was convey'd to the Earth; and therefore he always endeavour'd to render himſelf worthy of a grateful Remembrance in the Hearts of the People; yet how true are his own Lines!

And now the Dean no more is miſs'd,
Than if he never did exiſt;
Except amongſt old-faſhioned Folks,
Who now and then repeat his Jokes.

A remarkable Inſtance of his whimſical Diſpoſition, which I omitted in my firſt Volume, as I find

His ſacred Name remains ſtill dear,
To every juſt Hibernian Ear;

I will here inſert, and muſt ſay, 'tis with infinite Pleaſure, I find that my weak Attempts to delineate his inimitable Character, have met with ſuch unhoped Approbation, both here and in England; [55] not ſo much for the Vanity of an Author, as the Pleaſure I feel at ſeeing ſo vaſt a Reſpect paid to his Memory.

I believe the Dean on his firſt coming to Ireland, was very melancholy, and indeed it was not to be wonder'd at, as he was then ſeparated from thoſe whom he lov'd, Mr. Pope, Lord Bolingbroke, &c. and in one of his Poems, he ſeems to deſpair of meeting with Friendſhip in a ſtrange Country, or that,

Not a Judas could be found,
To ſell him for three Hundred Pound.

I one Day aſk'd him how he came to write that Poem; he told me he had three Times like to have been hang'd, ‘"and, Pox take me, ſaid he, but I believe the People thought I could bring the Pretender in my Hand, and place him on the Throne."’

I remember a worthy Gentleman, who had the Honour of his Acquaintance, told me, that the Dean and ſome other Perſons of Taſte, whom I do not now recollect, [56] came to a Reſolution to have a Feaſt once a Year, in imitation of the Saturnalia, which, in heathen Rome, was held about the Time we keep our Chriſtmas, whereat the Servants perſonated their Maſters, and the Maſters waited as Servants.

The firſt Time they put this Scheme in Practice, was at the Deanery Houſe. When all the Servants were ſeated, and every Gentleman placed behind his own Man, the Dean's Servant took an Opportunity of finding Fault with ſome Meat that was not done to his Taſte, and taking it up in his Hand, he threw it in his Maſter's Face, and mimick'd him in every other Foible which he had ever diſcover'd in him.

At this the Dean flew in a violent Rage, beat the Fellow, and put every Thing into ſuch Diſorder, that the Servants affrighted, fled the Room; and here ended the Feaſt of Saturnalia.

Stella, * whom he has ſo beautifully praiſed through his Writings, was actually [57] his Wife, though they never, I am convinced, taſted even the chaſte Joys which Hymen allows.

It is certain, they retain'd for each other, a moſt tender Love; and though they did not indulge the Deſires of the Body, yet their Souls were united by the ſtricteſt Bonds of divine and ſocial Harmony.

He, in the latter Part of his Life, offered to acknowledge her as the Partner of his Heart; but ſhe wiſely declin'd it, knowing that while ſhe continued only as a Viſitor, he would treat her with Reſpect; which would ceaſe, as his Temper was unpaſſive, if ſhe lived intirely with him; and every Fault of his Servants would be attributed to her. I am certain he muſt have tenderly loved that Lady, as I have been a Witneſs, that the bare mention of her Name has drawn Tears from him, which it was not eaſy to effect.

I remember he ſent for me one Morning very early, to Breakfaſt; and as I always drank Tea or Coffee, I expected [58] to have found one of theſe ready; but after he had detained me two Hours, diſcourſing on his Houſhold Oeconomy, and other Matters, amongſt which one was, that a Piece of his Garden Wall had fallen down; and ‘"ſo ſaid he,"’ ‘"one of my Fellows forſooth, muſt needs get a Trowel and Mortar, and undertake to mend the Breach.’

‘"I happened, continued the Dean, to ſpy him out of my Window at this Employment, and call'd to him to know why he did that? he told me he had been bred a Bricklayer, and that his doing it, would ſave me Money; ſo I let him finiſh it, which he did very compleatly in about an Hour's time. I gave him a Moidore; and Pox take me, but the Fellow inſtead of going as he ought, to the Alehouſe or a Whore, went and bought Silver Buckles, and is grown very proud upon it."’

I think, Sir, ſaid I, the Man made a good Hour's Work of it.

[59] ‘"Come ſaid he, ſhall we go to Breakfaſt, I know you were once Bermudas mad; now I'll give you ſome of that Country Cheer; open that Drawer and reach me a flat Bottle you'll find there."’ I ran to obey him, and as the Drawer was low, kneeled down to it.

I no ſooner attempted to unlock the Drawer, but he flew at me and beat me moſt immoderately; I again made an Effort, and ſtill he beat me, crying, ‘"Pox take you, open the Drawer."’ I once more tried, and he ſtruck me ſo hard, that I burſt into Tears, and ſaid, Lord, Sir, what muſt I do?

Pox take you for a Slut, ſaid he, ‘"would you ſpoil my Lock, and break my Key?"’ Why, Sir the Drawer is lock'd. ‘"Oh! I beg Pardon, ſaid he, I thought you were going to pull it out by the Key; well, open it and do what I bid you."’

I did ſo, and found the Bottle. ‘"Now ſaid he,"’ ‘"you muſt know I always breakfaſt between my own Houſe and the Church, and I carry my Proviſion [60] in my Pocket,"’ upon this he pulled out a Piece of Gingerbread, and offered me ſome.

As I was terribly afflicted with the Heart-burn, the very thoughts of any thing ſo dry, made me ten times worſe, which I told him, and begged he would excuſe me. He poſitively inſiſted on my eating a Piece of it, which I was, on Penalty of another Beating, obliged to comply with.

‘"Now, ſaid he, you muſt take a Sup out of my Bottle."’ I juſt held it to my Mouth, and found it ſo ſtrong, that I intreated he would not aſk me to taſte it: He endeavoured to perſuade me; but finding that would not avail, he threw me down, forced the Bottle into my Mouth, and pour'd ſome of the Liquor down my Throat, which I thought would have ſet my very Stomach on Fire. He then gravely went to Prayers, and I returned home, not greatly delighted, but, however, glad to come off no worſe. I went the enſuing. Evening to pay a Viſit to my Kinſman Doctor S—ge, [61] then lately conſecrated Lord B—p of ****. This Gentleman, and his Family, were extremely fond of my Father, and always pleaſed when I did myſelf the Honour to call on them; and received me with that Eaſe and Politeneſs, peculiar to well bred People. I congratulated the Biſhop on his Preferment: He modeſtly told me, that his Honours did not ſit eaſy on him, and that he would willingly diſpence with his Friends not ſaluting him by his Title of Lord, as it always made him uneaſy. He then aſked me, as he ſaw my Father's Chariot at the Door, where I intended to go? I told him, to the Dean. Well, ſaid he, I beg you'll give my Compliments to him, and tell him, That, as 'tis to his Recommendation I owe my preſent Happineſs, I am ſurpriſed I never had the Pleaſure of ſeeing him ſince he conferred ſo great a Favouron me: While I was plain Doctor S—ge, continued he, the Dean uſed to ſend his Wine and Bread before him, and frequently take a Dinner with me; but now, I believe, he is [62] aſham'd to own me: Pray ſpeak to him, and let me know his Anſwer. I promiſed I would, and then departed.

I found the Dean at home, and alone, which gave me an immediate Opportunity of delivering the B—p's Meſſage. He liſten'd to me very attentively, and then ſaid, ‘"Oh, I remember ſomething of it: L—d C—t applied to me for a Perſon to make a Biſhop of, whom I knew was not an honeſt Man; and, as I wanted the Living of W—b's for D—y, I recommended S—ge to the Biſhoprick, with an Aſſurance, that he would anſwer his Excellency's Purpoſe; and Pox take me if I ever thought him worth my Contempt, till I had made a Biſhop of him."’

The Dean then told me, that as he had no Company, and did not know how to diſpoſe of his time, I ſhould have the Honour to ſup with him; and, ſaid he, I will give you a moſt kingly Entertainment.

[63]I accordingly waited, in Expectation of ſome extraordinary Repaſt, till about Nine o'Clock, in which Interval, my Readers may be aſſured, I wanted not Amuſements for the Mind: However, at length, the Cloth was laid on a ſmall Table, and, to my great Surprize, the Servant brought up four blue Eggs, on a China Plate: ‘"Here, Huſſey, ſaid he, is a Plover's Egg; King William uſed to give Crowns apiece for them, and thought it Prophanation in a Subject to eat one of them; as he was, amongſt his other immortal Perfections, an Epicure, a Glutton, and a—Hold, ſaid he, I had like to have ſpoken Treaſon: But how do you like the Eggs?"’ Sir, I have eat none yet. ‘"Well, eat like a Monarch then, and tell me your Opinion."’ I did eat, and told him, I had not that elevated Notion of his Banquet, which he might poſſibly have, from ſo great a Precedent. ‘"Well, ſaid he, theſe Eggs coſt me Six-pence apiece, which is a little extravagant, conſidering a Herring will coſt but a [64] Halfpenny; but I never exceed two; and this is the only Article in which I am luxurious."’

I muſt here again apologize to my Reader for my frequent Digreſſions, in which, however, 'tis poſſible, they will find more Entertainment than a ſimple Narrative will afford.

I believe there never was any Set of People ſo happy in ſincere and uninterrupted Friendſhip, as the Dean, Doctor Delany, Mr. Pilkington, and myſelf; nor can I reflect, at this Hour, on any thing with more Pleaſure, than thoſe happy Moments we have enjoyed! 'Tis for this Reaſon I am fond of mentioning Matters; which bring the pleaſing Ideas to my Mind. I have obſerved, that the Scent of a Flower, or the Tune of a Song, always conveys to Remembrance the exact Image of the Place in which they were firſt noticed. Well, therefore, in the Relation of a Story, where one Circumſtance inſenſibly brings on another, may a Writer, who ſcorns to deal in Romance, be led, like me, to digreſs.

[65]Mrs. Barber, whoſe Name, at her earneſt Requeſt, I omitted in my firſt Volume, and who was the Lady I mentioned to have been with me, at my firſt Interview with the Dean at Dr. Delany's Seat, was at this time writing a Volume of Poems, ſome of which I fanſy might, at this Day, be ſeen in the Cheeſemongers, Chandlers, Paſtry-cooks, and Second-hand Book-ſellers Shops: However, dull as they were, they certainly would have been much worſe, but that Doctor Delany frequently held what he called a Senatus Conſultum, to correct theſe undigeſted Materials; at which were preſent ſometimes the Dean, (in the Chair) but always Mrs. Grierſon, Mr. Pilkington, the Doctor, and myſelf. One Day that he had appointed for this Purpoſe, we received from him the following Lines, which, as they contain a Compliment to me, from ſo eminent a Hand, I muſt inſert: Take notice, that as we were both diminutive in Size, Mr. Pilkington was ſtiled Thomas Thumb, and I his Lady fair:

[66]
Mighty Thomas, a ſolemn Senatus I call,
To conſult for Saphira, ſo come one and all;
Quit Books, and quit Buſineſs, your Cure and your Care,
For a long winding Walk, and a ſhort Bill of Fare.
I've Mutton for you, Sir; and as for the Ladies,
As Friend Virgil has it, I've Aliud Mercedes;
For Letty, one Filbert, whereon to regale,
And a Peach for *pale Conſtance, to make a full Meal;
And for your cruel Part, who take Pleaſure in Blood,
I have that of the Grape, which is ten times as good:
Flow Wit to her Honour, flow Wine to her Health,
High rais'd be her Worth, above Titles or Wealth.

[67]We obeyed the Summons, and had a very elegant Entertainment; and afterwards proceeded to our Buſineſs, which we completed, to the Satisfaction of all Parties.

Of all the Gentlemen I ever knew, this I muſt ſay, that Doctor Delany excels in one Point particularly; which is, in giving an elegant Entertainment, with Eaſe, Chearfulneſs, and an Hoſpitality, which makes the Company happy.

Lord Carteret, in his Lieutenancy, being very fond of this Gentleman, who is indeed worthy of univerſal Eſteem, came one Day, quite unattended, and told the Doctor he was come to dine with him. He thank'd his Excellency for the Honour he confer'd on him, and invited him to walk into his (beautiful) Gardens; which his Excellency did, with great good Humour. They took a Turn or two, when the Servant came to inform them, that Dinner was on the Table. The Doctor had generally ſomething nice, in the Seaſon, for himſelf and his Mother, to whom he behaved with true filial Tenderneſs [68] and Reſpect; for which, no Doubt, his Days will be long in the Land, which the Lord hath given him.

The Doctor made the old Lady do the Honours of his Table; for which, nor for the Entertainment, he never made the leaſt Apology, but told his Lordſhip, that

To Stomachs cloy'd with coſtly Fare,
Simplicity alone was rare.

This Demeanor of his was infinitely agreeable to Lord C—t, who, tho' a Courtier, hated Ceremony when he ſought Pleaſure, which is indeed inconſiſtent with it. And what Reſpect ſoever our Nobility may think is owing to the French Mode of cringing and complimenting, I muſt confeſs I never ſee it practiſed, without a peculiar Pain, which I can compare to nothing but the Apprehenſions I am under at the Sight of Tumblers, Rope-dancers, &c. ſuch as, I believe, all rational Creatures ſhare, at ſeeing Men deform their Viſages by a [69] thouſand aukward Grimaces, and their Bodies like jointed Babies, only becauſe it is Alamode Francoiſe: Neither do we often ſee any but the moſt illiterate Coxcombs practiſe it.

His Excellency, after the Cloth was taken away and the Bottle introduced, (when conſequently, the Lady departed) told the Doctor, ‘"that he always believed him a moſt well-bred Gentleman, but never had ſo clear a Demonſtration of it, as he had this Day ſeen. Others, ſaid he, whom I have tried the ſame Experiment on, have met me in as much Confuſion as if I came to arreſt them for High-Treaſon; nay, they would not give me a Moment of their Converſation; which, and not their Dinner, I ſought, but hurry from me; and then, if I had any Appetite, deprive me of it by their fulſome Apologies for Defects. This, ſaid his Excellency, is like a Story I heard the Dean tell of a Lady, who had given him an Invitation to Dinner: As ſhe heard he was not eaſily pleaſed, ſhe had taken [70] a Month to provide for it. When the Time came, every Delicacy which could be purchaſed, the Lady had prepared, even to Profuſion, (which you know Swift hated.) However, the Dean was ſcarce ſeated, when ſhe began to make a ceremonious Harangue; in which ſhe told him, that ſhe was ſincerely ſorry ſhe had not a more tolerable Dinner, ſince ſhe was apprehenſive there was not any thing there fit for him to eat; in ſhort, that it was a bad Dinner: Pox take you for a B—, ſaid the Dean, why did you not get a better? Sure you had Time enough! but ſince you ſay it is ſo bad, I'll e'en go Home and eat a Herring. Accordingly he departed, and left her juſtly confuſed at her Folly, which had ſpoilt all the Pains and Expence ſhe had been at."’

And here, if it will not be thought impertinent in me, to intrude into ſuch Company, I alſo have a Story, which I ſomewhere heard, not unapplicable to the above.

[71]A certain Engliſh Nobleman, who had the Honour to be ſent Embaſſador to France, was ſaid to be one of the moſt polite accompliſhed fine Gentlemen in Europe. This reached the Ears of the French King, who thought ſuch a Character due to none but himſelf; but as every thing is proved by Trial, his Majeſty took this Method of informing his Curioſity. One Morning that the Ambaſſador had a private Audience, the King told him he ſhould be glad of his Excellency's Company, to take an airing with him; the Ambaſſador did not heſitate on accepting the Offer; but told his Majeſty, he was ready to wait on him; the King's Chariot was at the Door, which he very careleſsly deſired the Nobleman to ſtep into: No, Sir, replied the Ambaſſador, not before your Majeſty; at which the King burſt out a Laughing, and ſaid, ‘"No, no, my Lord, you are not the beſt bred Man in the World; otherwiſe you would have done what I deſired, ſince you might well know, that if it was not agreeable to me, I ſhould never [72] have paid you the Compliment."’

And indeed I have heard thoſe who ought to be the beſt Judges of Manners, declare, that in Company with Superiors, to act implicitly according to their Directions, is the moſt effectual Method of being always acceptable; which leads me to another little Circumſtance related by Mrs. Percival.

This Lady, with a Company of very agreeable Perſons, reſolved in the Summer-time to take a Trip to the Hague; they accordingly ſet out, and landed at ſome Place in Holland, the Name of which I have now forgot: However, on their firſt Day's Journey, they ſtopp'd at an Inn to dine, and enquired what they could have to eat; they were told there was nothing in the Houſe but a Neck of Veal; which, tho' inſufficient, they deſired to be dreſſed, as there was not an Inn for ſome Miles forward; therefore they made it up with ſome of their Sea Proviſions, which the Servants had fortunately brought in. After Dinner they [73] called a Bill, and amongſt other Articles of Extortion, they were charged for Meat One Pound Four Shillings, which was ſo palpable an Impoſition, that tho' each of the Company had Fortune and Liberality enough, yet they called for the Man, and told him they abſolutely would not pay ſo extravagant a Price; ſooner than which, as they came meerly for Pleaſure, they would ſtay a Month and ſpend a hundred Pounds a Piece in Law; the Booriſh Fellow told them that it was the common Price in this Place; which if they doubted, he was willing to appeal to the Magiſtrate. This they readily agreed to, and were all preparing for a ſerious Trial of the Matter, when Minheer told them, in an ironical Tone, that he was himſelf the Ruling-Officer and Diſpenſer of Law and Juſtice in that Place. Finding this to be the Fact, and that the Defendant muſt be the Judge in this Cauſe, the Plaintiffs thought proper to ſubmit, and pay'd him.

If the Reader thinks this little Narrative is not quite in Point; which, now it is related, I begin to find out myſelf, [74] he may blot it out of his Book if he pleaſes, but he ſhall not blot it out of my Manuſcript, for that would be to deprive me of a Page, that is worth a Crown to me: Nay, and as it is Truth, who knows but it may prove worth two Crowns to the Reader, if he ſhould happen to make the ſame Tour.

My dear Mr. Cibber, to whom, for his Amuſement, I uſed to relate ſuch little Incidents, would frequently admire what a Fund of Matter for Entertainment my Brain contained, and he bad me write it all; ſince, if it pleaſed him, it might poſſibly have the ſame Effect on others. This Gentleman's frequent Converſation with the Great, gave him a better Opportunity of knowing their Diſpoſition (as he had infinite Penetration) than moſt others: In Conſequence of which, he adviſed me, when I ever had Occaſion to ſollicit a Favour from any Perſons of Diſtinction, to take Care to Time it properly; for Inſtance, ſaid he, "Never write to him or her, of a dark foggy froſty Morning; particularly before Breakfaſt, at which Time it is Ten [75] to One, they are out of Temper; nor though you ſend at any Time, and even received an unmannerly Anſwer, do not let a raſh Pride drive you to return the Affront, ſince it is impoſſible for you to know what at that Inſtant had chagrin'd their Temper. He who will not be your Friend at one Time, may at another; and tho' you never can bring him to do you any Service, yet do not provoke him to be your Enemy; a Man may have had ill Succeſs at Play, miſſed an Appointment with a fine Woman, or twenty ſuch Accidents; which may for the preſent ſour his Diſpoſition; whereas if you continue your Aſſiduities, in Proceſs of Time he might do you more Service than you could hope. Theſe are Truths which I have ſince experienced, and I ſhould be wanting in Gratitude as well as Sincerity, if I did not make it publick. Here follows an Inſtance.

Nicholas Loftus Hume, Eſq whom I mentioned in my ſecond Volume, that came to ſee me in London, but declined ſubſcribing to me, becauſe he was going to the Duke of Dorſel's to Dinner, has [76] ſince my being in this Kingdom, been kind enough to ſend me Five Guineas as a Subſcription; for which I reſt his moſt obliged Servant.

I remark'd to Mr. Cibber, upon this Converſation, that though the Engliſh Nobility were outdone by none in Munificence and Liberality; yet I could by no Means conceive, that their Buildings were the leaſt expreſſive of it; ſince there was ſcarcely one fine Houſe in London, which was not obſcured by a monſtrous high Wall, that intirely intercepted the Proſpect, and took much from the Magnificence the Streets might poſſibly have. He told me, it was the Method in Italy, from whence our Peers, and others, tranſplanted it as a great Beauty, becauſe the Surpriſe has a vaſt Effect. Sir, ſaid I, in Italy thoſe Walls are requiſite, to keep off the extreme Heat of the Sun; and if poſſible to ſhut out the Eye of God from their abominable Pollutions; but as we enjoy a mild and temperate Region, and are I hope, untainted with their beaſtly Vices, I ſee no Reaſon for our Peers to affect it; there is beſides, generally at [77] theſe Gates, a moſt avaricious Cerberus, who, ſhould a Stranger happen to ſtand and gaze at any occaſion of the Gates being opened, would very judiciouſly ſlap it in their Faces, as if our Eyes, like the Sphynx of Egypt, could penetrate Stone Walls. If you have the ſmalleſt Suit to make to his Maſter, the Fellow will be as dull of Apprehenſion as the Mock Doctor, till you tip him the Symptoms; which when you have given him, he prevails on the Valet to deliver it, which muſt alſo be accompanied by a Daub in the Fiſt. I have computed the Expence of Writing to a Great Man, as under,

 £.S.D.
For Pen, Ink, and Paper,00
For a Perſon to find when his Lordſhip is at Home,010
To the Porter,0106
To the Valet,110
To the Footman, who brings the Anſwer,050
The amount of which is,117

[78]Theſe Obſervations I thought proper to communicate, as I am perſuaded ſome of the Nobility of England, will be curious enough to read this Work, and I do aſſure them, nothing ſo much dims their Luſtre, as the Arrogance and Penury of their Vaſſals; which, when they know, perhaps they may reclaim. Dean Swift diſcharged a Servant only for rejecting the Petition of a poor old Woman; ſhe was very ancient, and on a cold Morning, ſat at the Deanery Steps a conſiderable Time, during which the Dean ſaw her through a Window, and no doubt commiſerated her deſolate Condition. His Footman happened to come to the Door, and the poor Creature beſought him in a piteous Tone, to give that Paper to his Reverence. The Servant read it, and told her with infinite Scorn, his Maſter had ſomething elſe to mind than her Petition. ‘"What's that you ſay, Fellow, ſaid the Dean, looking out at the Window, come up here.'’ [79] The Man trembling obey'd him: he alſo deſired the poor Woman to come before him, made her ſit down, and ordered her ſome Bread and Wine; after which he turned to the Man, and ſaid, ‘"At what time, Sir, did I order you to open a Paper directed to me? or to refuſe a Letter from any one? Hark ye, Sirrah, you have been admoniſh'd by me for Drunkenneſs, idling, and other Faults, but ſince I have diſcovered your inhuman Diſpoſition, I muſt diſmiſs you from my Service: So pull off my Cloaths, take your Wages, and let me hear no more of you."’—The Fellow did ſo, and having vainly ſollicited a Diſcharge, was compelled to go to Sea, where he continued five Years; at the end of which time, finding that Life far different from the Eaſe and Luxury of his former Occupation, he returned, and humbly confeſſing, in a Petition to the Dean, his former manifold Crimes; he aſſured him of his ſincere Reformation, which the Dangers he had [80] undergone at Sea, had happily wrought, and begg'd the Dean would give him ſome Sort of Diſcharge, ſince the Honour of having liv'd with him, would certainly procure him a Place. Accordingly, the Dean call'd for Pen, Ink and Paper, and gave him a Diſmiſſion, with which, and no other Fortune, he ſet out for London.

Among others he applied to me, who had known him at his late Maſter's, and produc'd his Certificate; which for its Singularity, I tranſcribed, and believe it may not be diſpleaſing to the Reader.

Whereas the Bearer—ſerv'd me the Space of one Year, during which time he was an Idler and a Drunkard, I then diſcharged him as ſuch; but how far his having been five Years at Sea, may have mended his Manners, I leave to the Penetration of thoſe who may hereafter chuſe to employ him.

J. SWIFT.

[81]I adviſed him to go to Mr. Pope, who, on ſeeing the Dean's Hand-writing, which he well knew, told the Man, if he could produce any credible Perſon, who would atteſt, that he was the Servant that the Dean meant, he would hire him. On this Occaſion he applied to me, and I gave him a Letter to Mr. Pope, aſſuring him, that I knew the Man to have been Footman to the Dean. Upon this Mr. Pope took him into his Service, in which he continued till the Death of his Maſter.

'Tis now, I think, full time for me to take up my Clue, and go on with my Memoirs; previous to which it is, however, I think, it incumbent on me, to intreat my Readers Forgiveneſs for my ſo frequently mentioning, in the Proſecution of my Story, a Perſon ſo contemptible, ſo unworthy even of Satire, as one Worfdale, a Painter; yet thoſe who examine theſe Writings will find, that he is ſo unluckily interweven in my Hiſtory, that it is as impoſſible for me to eradicate him, as it was for Jack, in the Tale of [82] a Tub, to ſtrip his Coat of its Fopperies, without viſibly defacing the whole.

Worſdale went abroad, and I took an Opportunity to make my Eſcape, to viſit Mr. Cibber, and met, according to Cuſtom, a very kind Reception: For his Friendſhip to me was inviolable. He was writing the Character and Conduct of CICERO conſider'd; and did me the Honour to read it to me: I was infinitely pleaſed to find, by the many lively Sallies of Wit in it, that the good Gentleman's Spirits were undepreſs'd with Years;—Long may they continue ſo. This gave me an Opportunity of writing a Poem to him, which W—e had the Confidence to aſk from me; but I did not chuſe to compliment him with it: [The Editor has applied to Mr. Cibber for a Copy of this Poem, but he having diſpoſed of them all, we are obliged to omit it].

Mr. Cibber was exceeding well pleas'd when I waited on him with it, and ſaid, he would give it a Place, but that it wanted Correction, which he promiſed to beſtow on it: This I readily agreed to, [83] being convinced his Judgment far ſurpaſſed mine.

I waited on him next Morning, and found he had greatly improved my Work: I thank'd him for his obliging Pains, but remarked his Modeſty in having ſtruck out ſome Lines, in which he was moſt praiſed.

Well, Madam, ſaid he, there are two Guineas for your Flattery, and one more for the Liberty I took. I bleſſed my Benefactor ſincerely, from my Soul; he ſmiled benevolent: ‘"Come, ſaid he, I have more good News for you; Mr. Stanhope alter'd a Line, for which he deſires you will accept of a Guinea: Mr. Hervey alſo pays you the ſame Compliment, for changing one Monoſyllable for another:"’ To ſay the Truth, I only wiſhed every Gentleman at White's had, on the ſame Terms, taken the ſame Liberty, till my Work, like Admiral Drake's Ship, had been ſo often mended, that not a Bit of the original Stuff it was compos'd of, ſhould remain; for

[84]
Here, in nice Balance, Truth with Gold ſhe weighs,
And ſolid Pudding, againſt empty Praiſe.

I could do no more than (after ſome joyful Tears) to aſſure Mr. Cibber, that neither his own Favours to me, nor thoſe he had ſollicited for me, ſhould ever be forgot, while this poor Machine of mine had any Exiſtence.

Surely I hope we ſhall know our Friends after Death, that we may hold ſweet Communion with them; and

—Quaff Immortality.
Milton.

If, in the melancholy Shades below,
The Flames of Friends or Lovers ceaſe to glow,
Yet mine ſhall ſacred laſt, mine undecay'd,
Burn on thro' Death, and animate my Shade.
Homer's Odyſſey.

What ſtrange things are thought; and Reflections, how do they wander? Who [85] but the Almighty can account for them? I went, when in London, to be electrified, when finding the Motion given to a glaſs Globe not only made Sparks of Fire come out of my Arm, but alſo ſet a Bowl of Sand under it a boiling, I could not help thinking, that the Earth revolving each Day on its own Axis, muſt of courſe take Fire, as I have ſeen a Chariot-wheel do: Our Globe may then become a Comet, and the Inhabitants of others gaze on it with Surprize and Admiration. I think no Philoſopher has yet been able to tell us, by all their mathematical Rules, what Comets are. I have been told many Stars, which once adorn'd the blue etherial Space, have diſappear'd; Worlds perhaps loſt in a Conflagration, which no more fill the wide Expanſe.

But how I ramble out of my Sphere, in a vain Attempt to ſoar above it,

For while this muddy Veſture of Decay,
Doth groſly cloſe me in, I cannot do it.
Milton.

[86]I long to liſten to the young ey'd Cherubims, and am weary of the World; but what of that, I gave not Life to myſelf, nor dare I attempt to abridge it.

Reader, excuſe me; if you are a Man of Senſe I am certain you will, and from the Ladies I yet hope Compaſſion; tho' rarely met with from one Woman to another.

Had I ſtray'd from the Paths of Virtue, when turn'd out deſolate to the wide World, forſaken by all my once dear ſeeming Friends, and tender Relatives, I might at leaſt have hoped for Pity, and given Neceſſity as a Plea for Error: This has made me ſo circumſtantial in every Particular of my nine Years living in London, where I am certain I have many Friends, and thoſe ſuch as would be an Honour to any Perſon to gain. And I really was

Rank'd with their Friends, not number'd with their Train.
Pope.

My dear and honour'd Lady Codrington, thou lovely Epitome of every female [87] Virtue, whoſe Ear is ſhut to Scandal, whoſe Hand is liberal, whoſe Chaſtity immaculate, whoſe Zeal to ſerve the diſſtreſs'd unwearied, whoſe Friendſhip I experienced when you kindly pleaded in my behalf to her Grace the late Dutcheſs of Marlborough, to the royal Offspring of our auguſt Monarch, and whoſe Politeneſs is as conſpicuous as your every other amiable Virtue;

Pardon me, Abſtract of all Goodneſs, that I dare to whiſper your immortal Name; but your ſweet Epiſtle, when you told me it was neceſſary for me to write a Letter of Acknowlegement to her Grace, which Letter I ſubmitted to your Ladyſhip's ſuperior Judgment to correct, where there was any thing defective; pardon my Vanity, I muſt inſert:

To Mrs. Meade.

Madam,

I Have obſerved that ſuperior Geniuſes have ever more a Diffidence of themſelves; you pay me a very high Compliment in believing me capable of mending [88] what comes from you: I wiſh it may have the Effect I deſire, of a farther Bounty from her Grace: I am,

Madam,
your real Friend, and moſt obedient Servant, Eliza. Codrington.

As I had wrote my Letter to her Grace in a very ſmall Hand, a Fault we Scribblers are apt to run into, whence ariſe numerous Miſtakes, I aſked Lady Codrington, whether her Grace, who was now declin'd into the Vale of Years, could ſee to read it? She aſſured me, ſhe could, as well as I: This put me in mind of ſome very fine Lines, wrote on this illuſtrious Lady, in the Kit-cat Toaſts, which cannot but be acceptable to my Readers.

On the Dutcheſs Dowager of Marborough:
Let others Youth eſteem, this Glaſs ſhall boaſt,
A great, immortal, undecaying Toaſt,
[89]In the quick Luſtre of whoſe radiant Eye,
Still lives the beauteous Spark of Liberty,
Whoſe Spirit undepreſs'd by fourſcore Years,
Except for England's Safety knows no Fears;
From whom a Race of Toaſts, and Patriots came,
England ſhall pledge me, when I MALBRO' name.

To all this noble Family my Reſpect and Gratitude are due; 'tis a Bleſſing to our Iſland, that ſome of their Deſcendants, equal in Wiſdom and Virtue to their Anceſtors, vouchſafe to reſide in it, where may they flouriſh like the Cedars of Libanus.

But to return: I was now able to quit my Confinement; for Worſdale made his Houſe a ſevere one to me: Oh how I rejoiced at my Deliverance, and took a little decent Lodging; but my Joys were periſhable as the baſeleſs Fabrick of a Viſion: Captain Meade, with whom I mentioned my Son's going on the ſecret [90] Expedition, came to tell me, that the Boy and he landed the Day before; that my Son was ſeized with all the Symptoms of a violent Fever, and wanted to ſee me. I went to the Captain's Lodgings, in Scotland-Yard, and found my poor Wanderer quite light-headed. The Captain ſent a Phyſician and a Surgeon to him, with Orders to the Miſtreſs of the Houſe to provide for him whatever was neceſſary, and he would anſwer the Expence For many Days we deſpair'd of his Life, till at length God's Mercy reſtor'd him to my Prayers and Tears. When he came perfectly to himſelf he told me, they had been in a violent Tempeſt, where, the Waves rolling Mountains high, he was wet to his Skin, and the Ship in imminent Danger of being loſt: Captain Meade, he ſaid, begged of God, that he might juſt ſee his Wife and Children, and then he ſhould die without the ſmalleſt Reluctance; his Prayer was heard, the Storm abated, and all got ſafe on Shore.

As he was impatient to ſee his Family, he had left Directions for my Son to follow [91] him to Teddington, if it pleaſed God he recover'd. As I knew nothing could be a greater Reſtorative, after a Fit of Sickneſs, than a pure Air, I recommended that ſovereign Elixir to him: He went the Moment he was able, and ſent me the next Day the following Letter.

Dear Mamma,

I Have return'd to what I had juſt left, Sickneſs: The Captain is in a malignant Fever, beyond any thing I ever ſaw; he knows nobody, nor has he any Phyſician; I don't believe he can outlive tomorrow Night: I am really greatly griev'd, as I am ſure he lov'd me, and on account of his poor Wife, who is almoſt diſtracted: The four little Girls, I fear, will be quite unprovided for: All things here are in Confuſion: Adieu, my dear Mother, Heaven preſerve you to

Your affectionate and dutiful Son, John Carterert Pilkington.

[92]My Son's Prognoſtick happened to prove true, the Captain expir'd about four the next Morning, of which the Boy was firſt inform'd by the diſmal Outcry of the Widow and Children. This Woman's Character has ſomething in it ſo far ſurpaſſing any thing I have yet met with, that I hope it may at once divert and inſtruct my Readers; the Story is genuine.

She was the Daughter of Mr. Wh—f—ld, of Canterbury, an ancient and honourable Family, many of whom had Seats in Parliament; but it ſeems he had ſtray'd from the Wiſdom and Virtue of his Anceſtors, and devoted himſelf intirely to Belial. Women and Wine were all his Joy, till he broke his Lady's Heart: And, Oh ſtrange to hear, ſhocking to human Nature! had the the Cruelty to attempt his Virgin Daughters! one of whom, to protect herſelf from ſuch devilliſh Solicitations, ran away with his Coachman.

[93]
She thought it neither Shame nor Sin,
For John was come of honeſt Kin.
Swift.

The Heroine of our Story, being left alone, was ſo tormented by his inceſtuous infernal Fire, that ſhe fled to her younger Brother, who was an Apothecary, and lived at W—d—r.

As he was a Batchelor, he was very glad of her, to over-ſee his domeſtick Affairs, which, I dare ſay, ſhe did very well, as ſhe was a good Houſewife, eſpecially in the frugal Part of Management: It happened another Apothecary fell in love with her, but nothing could prevail on her to accept of him as a Huſband, tho' her Brother tried every Art he could to perſuade her to it.

Things were in this Situation when Captain Mead was commanded on Duty to W—d—r, and as he had often been there, was well acquainted with the Town, and as well eſteem'd: Miſs Wh—f—d and her Brother, with ſome young Ladies, were walking on the Terraſs, [94] when Captain Meade accoſted them. They fell into Chat, and Mr. Wh—f—ld invited the Captain to Supper; after which the young Lady retir'd.

Mr. Wh—f—ld then acquainted the Captain with his Siſter's obſtinate Refuſal of an advantageous Match. ‘"She has,’ ſaid he, ‘"ſeem'd to pay a particular Deference to every Word you ſpoke to-night, and, I am certain, if you undertake the Lover's Cauſe, you will bring my Siſter to Reaſon."’

The Captain ſaid it would be too abrupt to pretend to adviſe a Lady he had never ſeen before, in ſo delicate a Point as that of Matrimony, wherein many Circumſtances ought to be conſidered, in order to a Union firm and laſting. It may be, ſaid he, the young Lady's Heart is pre-engaged; in that Caſe, how cruel would it be to force her into a hateful Wedlock, the Conſequence of which is Miſery?

Mr. Wh—f—ld then aſſured him, he had no ſuch Intention, all he aimed at was her Happineſs: ‘"Cultivate, added he, [95] a Friendſhip with her; you may eaſily do it, and diſcover the true Cauſe of her Averſion toward an honeſt good Man, who loves her, and is in Circumſtances to maintain her in Eaſe and Plenty."’

Captain Mead promiſed all in his Power, and when, by frequenting the Houſe, he had got into a little Intimacy with her, he in a paternal Stile, when they were alone, expoſtulated with her, to no purpoſe: She ſaid, ſhe was determined never to marry, as ſhe was certain ſhe ſhould never have the Man ſhe only could love.

He preſſed very hard to know who it was; aſſuring her of his Friendſhip; and, at the ſame time, laying hold of her Hand, ſaid, he muſt be inſenſible indeed, who did not, above all other Conſideration, regard ſo much Tenderneſs and Beauty.

He perceiv'd ſhe trembled, bluſh'd, and ſeem'd quite confounded: ‘"Would to God, Madam, ſaid he, that I was the happy Occaſion of all thoſe tender Emotions which ſwell your fair Boſom, [96] how bleſt ſhould I think myſelf?"’ And are you, ſaid ſhe, in a fault'ring Voice, are you in earneſt, or do you only trifle with a Weakneſs, which your Penetration muſt have obſerved, even from the firſt Moment I beheld you?

Altho' this Declaration was very plain, yet it was ſo unexpected, that the Captain was for ſome Moments at a Loſs how to make a ſuitable Return: But, recovering himſelf, he told her, Joy had made him ſpeechleſs, but from that Hour he was intirely devoted to her for Life.

He then aſk'd her in Marriage of her Brother, who abſolutely refuſed her to him, on account of his being in the Army.

But as the Lady was willing to be the kind Companion of his Flight, he hired a Chariot and Six, and took her with him.

This Story Captain Meade told me before her: Nor did ſhe in the leaſt attempt to deny it; but ſaid, ſhe had [97] gain'd a good Huſband by her Sincerity.

Indeed, while I was with them, they ſeemed to me perfect Patterns of conjugal Love; but her Fondneſs ſeem'd to ſurpaſs all things, for ſhe would kiſs her Husband's Linen, ſaying, they ſmelt of Violets and Roſes; but truly, though I lov'd my dear Relation very well, I was grown ſo delicate I did not like a dirty Shirt (for that was ſometimes the Caſe) to be offered to me as a Noſegay.

Her Piety was ſo great, that Whitſunday Morning, when we were going to Church, which was near half a Mile from Captain Meade's Houſe, a young Lady called to us, to know, did the Bell ring? Mrs. Meade anſwered, yes, but finding even the Church-yard Door not open'd, ſhe ſaid, ſhe would not receive the Sacrament that Morning: I aſked her, why ſhe ſhould not? Becauſe, ſaid ſhe, I have told a Lye, in ſaying the Bell rang: I told her Scruple to Doctor Hales; who join'd us, and preſently diſpelled her [98] Fears, by aſſuring her, an innocent Miſtake could never be deemed a Lye.

Upon this we both ventured to receive the bleſſed Euchariſt, adminiſtered to us by a truly holy Hand; for, aſſuredly, Doctor Hales, yours is ſuch. And let no Perſon ſay, I do not reverence the Clergy, for I really do; but not any one of them, who does not, as near as Humanity can go, aim at the Perfection of their Maker and Redeemer.

As I have already related the Manner of Captain Meade's Death, let us ſee how his pious Widow behav'd herſelf on the Occaſion; after having yell'd and ſcream'd to ſave Appearances, ſhe lock'd up his Body, and had him next Day buried.

She deſired my Son, who remained diſconſolate in the Houſe, to go to the Tower, and bring home whatever of the Captain's was there; but he being apprehenſive that, perhaps, on Account of his Youth, and his not having a Line with him, they might be refuſed to him, begg'd of me to accompany him; which, as I was truly deſirous of rendering any [99] Service I could to his Family, I readily did. When we arrived at his Apartment there, for the Officers keep one in every Place where they are obliged to be on Guard, and told the Miſtreſs of the Houſe my melancholly Errand, ſhe gave me the Keys of his Bureau, Portmanteau, Trunk, &c.

When I took out his Regimentals, his Saſh, and many other things appertaining to him, in which I had ſo often ſeen him array'd, I could not refrain burſting into Tears, to think the dear Wearer of them was now no more. Amongſt other things we found two Guineas, which was a ſeaſonable Relief to the Widow. The Soldiers on Duty wept like Children at his Death's ſad Story. My Son convey'd all things ſafe; but the Sight of them did not take the ſame Effect on his Relict that they had done on me; for ſhe only ſaid, ſhe was very glad to get them.

My Boy, who colours Prints beautifully, was employed by Mr. Millan, ſo that he was innocently and elegantly employed. [100] The Sweets of getting Money made him doubly diligent; and, to be quite undiſturbed, which it was impoſſible he ſhould be with me, ſo many Perſons coming for Letters, Petitions, &c. he took a Lodging for himſelf. I was one Day exceedingly ſurpriſed when the Penny-poſt brought a Letter, directed to my Son; as it was marked Teddington I open'd it, judging it was ſome Buſineſs that Mrs. Meade wanted to have tranſacted; when, O ſhameful! it was a Love-letter to the Child, who was but ſixteen Years of Age, and ſhe is four Years older than I am, with a Direction to him to meet her at a Coffee-houſe in London, and an Offer of Marriage to him.

I really could ſcarce believe the true and credible Avouchment of my own Eyes. Bleſs me! ſhe amaz'd me! yet, thinking this might be a Counterfeit, I ſhew'd it to the Boy, and deſired he would go, and ſee into this Matter, neither of us being acquainted with her Hand, which was a deſperate bad one.

[101]He went accordingly, and ſtay'd moſt Part of the Evening abroad: When he return'd, he ſaid he had inquired after her every-where, and could not learn any Tidings of her; ſo I conceived this Letter was either wrote by ſome Enemy of hers, or elſe for Sport, by ſome of the Girls at Teddington, in order to ſend him on a Wild-gooſe Chaſe.

About ſix Weeks after the Captain's Death an Officer inquired for me; as I did not know him I aſked, what Commands he had for me? He deſired to know of me, whether I was not a near Relation to Captain Meade: To which, anſwering in the Affirmative, I deſired the Gentleman to ſit, for he looked as if he had ſomething of Importance to deliver. Pray, Madam, ſaid he, can you inform me what is become of the Captain's Widow; my Reaſon for inquiring is this; a prior Wife has ſet up a Claim to the Penſion, and produced a Certificate, which we believe to be a Counterfit, as it is dated twenty Years ago, and 'tis but reaſonable to think ſhe would, [102] in that time, have aſſerted her juſt Rights. But this is not all, the Officers have made a Collection for the Lady he acknowledg'd, and the Children: But there is a Report ſpread, that ſhe is married to a Boy, young enough to be her Son, who was a Helper in the Captain's Stable. This has damped the Charity of thoſe who, had ſhe even been deceived by the Captain, would have aſſiſted her.

I told him I had often heard the Captain relate that, in his younger Days, he got in a League with one Mrs. Meadows, who, after having been divorced from her Huſband, ſet up a Coffee-houſe, where he boarded and lodg'd: He found her in every Reſpect ſo unfaithful to him, that he quitted her. Not long after ſhe broke; and, being in Diſtreſs, applied to Captain Meads, who, in Conſideration of former Friendſhip, agreed to give her annually 20 l. provided ſhe retired; which ſhe agreed to.

I can't, Sir, ſaid I, help thinking this is ſome Piece of her Contrivance: 'Tis very poſſible, Madam, return'd he; and [103] if you will be ſo kind to inquire into it, that theſe Reports may be confuted, it will be of the utmoſt Conſequence towards the future Welfare of the Widow and Orphans of your deceaſed Relation. I ſhall pay my Reſpects to you again in two or three Days. The Gentleman left me, and, after a good deal of Search amongſt Mrs. Meade's Acquaintance, I learned ſhe lodged in the Strand. There I went, and found her in a very indifferent Lodging; the Children were in deep Mourning, but Madam herſelf was deck'd out very gay. After cuſtomary Compliments, I told her I was ſurpriſed to ſee her out of Mourning: Why, Cawzan, for that was her manner of Pronunciation, I am married. What, already, return'd I, e'er the Man you ſeem'd to doat on, even to Extravagance, is cold in his Grave. Cold, ſays ſhe, aye, he's cold enough, and rotten too, by this time. May be you made him ſo before Death. Why ſhould you think ſo? Becauſe you ſeem to have thrown of common Decency: And is this all the Reſpect [104] you pay to ſo good a Huſband? In anſwer to this, and to my great Surprize, ſhe aſſured me, ſhe never was married to the Captain in her Life.

Here was Hypocriſy! (that ſly Fiend who 'ſcapes all but the piercing Eye of GOD) in its utmoſt Perfection; if one may make uſe of ſuch an Epithet to ſuch a deviliſh Sin. To live in Fornication, yet go to the Communion without the leaſt Purpoſe of Amendment of Life, and to pretend ſuch ſtrong Affection to a Man, whoſe very Memory ſhe ſhewed ſhe hated; I ſhall ever after this ſuſpect the Sincerity of ſuch an over-acted Fondneſs.

I told her my Errand, and that I was really ſorry ſhe had put it out of my Power to vindicate her Conduct; which, cut of Regard to the poor Children, I would gladly have done. She told me, Doctor Hales approved of her Proceeding; and ſo ſhe did not care what I thought. Though I am certain this muſt have been falſe, for the Doctor had ſuch high Notions of conjugal Fidelity, that [105] he was true to the Aſhes of his Spouſe, whom he loſt when he was but a very young Man, and having an agreeable Perſon, a ſweet Temper, and unbounded Learning, might no Doubt have raiſed his Fortune by a ſecond Marriage.

Amongſt other Inſtances of her Hypocriſy, this Woman uſed to pretend, that even ſmall Beer got into her Head, and would ſeverely cenſure any Lady who drank a Glaſs of Wine; yet now, though it was but nine o' Clock in the Morning ſhe called for a Dram, drank it off, and would have had me follow her Example, but I had no Inclination to ſuch a Breakfaſt: Beſides, having no other Eſtate but my Head, on which were hourly Demands, it was by no other means my Intereſt to deſtroy it.

I took my Leave; and, when I related this to my Son, the Boy laughed exceſſively; and, as he then had no manner of Reſpect for her, he told me, he had gone to her according to her Appointment; that ſhe had treated him with two Bottles of Mountain, and preſs'd: [106] him hard to marry her: Indeed I remember, when he came home, I ſaw he had been drinking, but he ſaid ſome young Gentlemen of Ireland, whom he met, gave him a Bottle of Wine.

However, ſome time after, ſhe made him pay for his Liquor, for ſhe opened a Punch-houſe, which I believe ſhe ſtill keeps, at leaſt ſhe did when I left London; ſhe wrote a Letter to my Son, to deſire to ſee him; accordingly he went; and Madam Temperance carried him into the Dining-room, and ordered her Husband, who ſerved in Quality of Waiter, to bring up a Bowl of Arrack-Punch, and half a Dozen Glaſſes of Jelly. The Boy was well pleaſed with this ſumptuous Fare; but when the good Chear was ended, ſhe demanded Payment, and he was obliged to part with his Week's Earning, which he had juſt received. What could the moſt mercenary Proſtitute have done worſe?

But I believe ſhe is ſufficiently puniſh'd, for I was well aſſured the Groom [107] took the Liberty of correcting her, and no-body pitied her.

I think the Philoſopher was in the wrong who wiſhed for Windows in the human Breaſt; how miſerable muſt we have been, when we beheld thoſe whom we eſteem'd Friends, under ſpecious Appearance, plotting our Deſtruction; the Object of our Love, even in the midſt of well-feign'd Rapture, wiſhing themſelves in the Arms of another: The Son who bows his Knee in filial Reverence to his hoary Sire, curſing the Gout, Pitargo, and the Rheum, for ending him no ſooner. In ſhort, the Scenes would be too ſhocking; they would quite imbite Life.

Thoſe philoſophical Gentlemen, who have ſearched into the Secrets of Nature, have admired the Wiſdom of Providence, in kindly concealing from us many things, which known, would make us wretched: I am ſure it was well for poor Captain Meade this Woman's Breaſt was not tranſparent.

[108]They have farther obſerved, that were our Perceptions ſtronger than they are, the Senſes, which convey Pleaſure to us, would become the Inſtruments of intolerrable Pain.

The Touch, if tremblingly alive all o'er,
Would ſmart and agonize at ev'ry Pore.
Or quick Effluvia darted to the Brain,
Die of a Roſe, in aromatic Pain.
Shou'd Nature thunder in our open'd Ears,
And ſtun us with the Muſic of the Spheres,
Pope's Eſſay on Man.

How terrible muſt be our Condition?

Moſt married Perſons, even in the happieſt Wedlock, which is, at beſt, but tolerable, look back with ſecret Regret on the ſweet Hours of Freedom, when no Anxiety reign'd, ſuch as the Care of a Family, the Sickneſs, or Diſobedience of Children, the total Loſs of them, and a thouſand Troubles which perplex the married Life; and yet no [109] ſooner are they ſingle, but they run into the ſame Toils again, hardly affording time for a decent Mourning: Strange Infatuation! In which, I think, the Ladies more excuſable than the Men, ſince their Weakneſs may make them want a Protector; yet they who can have Reſolution enough to know no ſecond Bride-bed but the Grave, certainly claim a higher Degree of Reſpect and Veneration.

In this aimable Light ſhines the preſent Lady Dowager Meade, who, tho' left a Widow, in the Bloom of her Youth and Beauty, the Widow of a Gentleman old enough to be her Father, who loſt her ſole Guardian to their Offſpring, turn'd all her Thoughts to the Improvement of her Childrens Minds, and Fortunes, in both of which Heaven crown'd her Goodneſs with Succeſs, and the World with Honour.

I could mention another great Lady, not unallied to her, who though ſhe has many Virtues, as I have acknowledged in my firſt Volume, being left exactly in the ſame Situation, was ſo faithful a [110] Steward for her Son, that with his Rents, which ſhe received during his Minority, ſhe purchaſed an Eſtate for herſelf; a thouſand Pounds a Year Jointure not being ſufficient for her, neither would ſhe ever come to any Account with him for the Produce of his Eſtate. The Gentleman had too high a Senſe of filial Piety to commence any Suit in Law againſt his Mother, though ſhe was married to a ſecond Husband, much younger than herſelf, and has been

Like to a Step-dame, or a Dowager,
"Long withering out a young Man's Revenue."
Shakeſpear.

I am ſure, Mr. Pilkington, I pray heartily for your Life, leſt I ſhould ever be ſuch a Fool as to engage in new Scenes of Trouble; for if I could not keep your Heart, properly due to me, at a Time when the flattering World called me agreeable,

[111]
Much leſs would my declining Age,
A ſecond Husband's Love engage;
Nor from the Dregs of Life could I receive,
What the firſt ſprightly Running could not give.

And now, to convince you, that I bear no Malice to you, I will tell you an authentic Truth, true as the Goſpel; for one Truth is, even by mathematical Demonſtration, adequate to another.

I was, ſince I came to Dublin, invited to a Widower's Houſe to Dinner: As his Buſineſs called him out, he had left Orders for my Reception; your youngeſt Son was with me, and we were ſhewn into a Parlour, where a Gentleman ſat reading my firſt Volume. I did not interrupt him, as he ſeem'd to be deeply engaged. The Maſter of the Houſe coming in, and ſaying, ‘"Mrs. Pilkington, I am very glad to ſee you, and your Son;"’ made the Gentleman look at us attentively: After Dinner, he told us, he had a Bond and Judgment entered on [112] it againſt you, at the Suit of Mr. Clark, the Brewer; that hitherto he had been compaſſionate, ſuppoſing us to be ſuch Creatures as your Imagination had painted us out to the Worl [...] to be: But, ſaid he, now I am convinced of my Error, I ſhall ſhew him no farther Mercy: My Boy ſtarting up, cry'd, What do you mean to do to my Father? Nothing, ſaid Mr. Edwards, only to try how he will brook Impriſonment; 'tis full as fi [...] for him as for your Mother; for my own part I was weak enough to burſt into Tears, and your Son ſwore a good privateer Oath, that he would ſhoot any Man who ſhould offer to diſtreſs his Father.

Mr Edward ſeem'd ſurpriſed, as judging, no doubt, we ſhould have rejoiced in your Calamity, as you had done in ours; yet being of a generous, humane Diſpoſition, he was touch'd with our Sorrows, and granted that Liberty you now enjoy to our Interceſſion: You know the Perſ [...]n, and, if I ſet down a Falſhood, let him diſprove me.

[113]Upon my Word, I muſt contradict the witty Mr. Congreve, who ſays,

Heaven has no Rage, like Love to Hatred turn'd,
Nor Hell a Fury like a Woman ſcorn'd.

For I do not hate you. I am in an Apathy, a cool Suſpence from Pleaſure, and from Pain, both of which I muſt acknowledge I received from you; but that was when you wrote in my Praiſe; and, at the very ſame time, ſaid every thing diſagreeable to me: Was not this done to deceive the World? ‘"I will make them believe I love her; and, as ſhe has too much Pride and Decency to complain of me, I will indulge my Pleaſure abroad, with Miſs * N—y S—d—s, or the Widow, or any W—e."’

I can't indeed ſay, but Miſs S—d—s's Father owed a Favour to Mr. Pilkington, who kindly taking Compaſſion on his Neceſſities, when his Lady was not ſatisfied with his keeping a Miſtreſs in the [114] Houſe with her, and inſiſted on her being diſmiſs'd: Mr. P—n, ever humane, received her to his Habitation with open Arms, gave the old Gentleman free Ingreſs and Egreſs, for which he gratefully permitted the Parſon to go to bed to his Daughter; indeed I ſhould have pitied her, had ſhe been deceived by the Report of my Death, ſo induſtriouſly ſpread, into Marriage; but ſhe had it under my own Hand, that I was living, for I did the Creature the Honour, S—t as ſhe is, to write to her, in order to prevent her being impoſed on. I think the Form of Matrimony really wants an Explanation, if we go according to the ſtrict Letter of the Law. What a happy State muſt a young Woman imagine herſelf entering into, where ſhe is to be lov'd, honour'd, cheriſh'd, nay, even worſhipped; ſhe has a Protector till the Hour of Death, who is to forſake all, even his Parents, for her, if it be required, who endows her with his Fortune, and promiſes all this ſolemnly at the Altar.

[115]Then follow the Words, Thoſe whom GOD hath joined, let no Man put aſſunder.

Now let us ſee how this is really to be interpreted, at leaſt how far this Covenant is uſually kept.

No ſooner is the Honey-moon expir'd but the fawning Servant turns a haughty Lord: Inſtead of honouring his Wife, 'tis Odds if he treats her with common Civility; he ſhall tell her, to her Face, he wiſhes her Death, in order to marry another. The Cuſtom authorizes this free way of ſpeaking; yet I never knew it agreeable to any Wife, nor did I ever doubt but the Huſband ſpoke in the Sincerity of his Heart.

As for our being endow'd with the worldly Goods of our Husbands, 'tis known they are ſo little apt to ſhare with us, that it has always been found neceſſary, in a Marriage-Settlement, to ſtipulate for Pin-money, a very uſeful Clauſe even to the Husband, and it is much better his Wife ſhould have a Share of his Fortune, than be obliged to a [116] Gallant for a Trifle, which Gratitude may make her repay in too tender a manner.

Indeed the laſt Article againſt Divorcement, I intirely diſapprove of; and am glad it has ſeem'd good to the Wiſdom of the Church to act in direct Contradiction to it: This has made Numbers eaſy, and, as they tell us, 'tis not lawful to ſeparate on any Cauſe, ſave that of Adultery. A Woman of Spi [...]it, who is married to a ſordid diſagreeable Wretch, has nothing to do but to make him a Cuckold; and then welcome thrice dear Liberty: Yet methinks the Husbands ſhould, in Juſtice, return to their Wives, when they abandon them, the Dowry they brought with them: Now, leſt my worthy Husband ſhould ſay by this Rule, I ſhould have nothing, who had not a Portion regularly paid, and yet was a pe [...]petual Fortune to him, I'll tell him a Story.

The Counteſs of Eglantine, one of the greateſt Beauties in Scotland, fell under the Diſpleaſure of her Lord, for no other [117] Cauſe but having brought him ſeven Daughters, all charming as this fair Northern Laſs, and never a Son: On this his Lordſhip aſſured her, he was determined to ſue for a Divorce. The Lady told him, ſhe would readily agree to a Separation, provided he gave her back what he had with her. He, ſuppoſing ſhe meant pecuniary Affairs, aſſured her ſhe ſhould have her Fortune to the laſt Penny. Nay, nay, my Lord, ſaid ſhe, ‘"that winna do; return me my Youth, Beauty, and Virginity, and diſmiſs me as ſoon as you pleaſe:"’ His Lordſhip being unable to anſwer this Demand, ſpoke no more of parting with his Lady, and, e'er the Year expired, ſhe made him the glad Father of a lovely Boy, whoſe Birth reſtored Love and Harmony to his noble Parents. This was related to me by the late Lord Primroſe; and therefore I believe it.

But now, Mr. P—n, tho' I preſented you with this Piece, don't think I meant you ſhould take a Hint, and endeavour to end our matrimonial Warfare [118] in the ſame manner: No, no, tho' you linger about the Door in an Evening, in your long Cloke, and Slops; and that I do believe thee to be my Spouſe, by the amorous Glances darted thro' thy Spy-glaſs, at the Window of my ſacred and ſequeſtred Bower, where no profane thing, Prieſt, Dog, nor Worm, dare enter, I am reſolved to remain obdurate: Sooner ſhall Lambs make Love to Lambs, Tygers to Tygers, and every Creature couple with its Foe, as the Poet wittily expreſſes it, than I unite with thee.

Yet verily thou doſt manifeſt ſome Tokens of Grace, inaſmuch as thou dareſt not to contradict the Truth; I fancy when thy Pen-uſing Talents periſh'd, thy Pen-making ones ſhot forth; which have been ſo fortunate as to recommend thee more effectually to a certain B—'s Favour, than could ten hundred thouſand Folios, ſprung from thy ſhallow Brain.

And truly this is an uſeful Accompliſhment; I wiſh I poſſeſſed it, 'twould ſave me ſome Pence in the Year; but there are different Talents beſtow'd on [119] different People; I muſt even reſt contented with ſuch as I have,

And ſooner will I wear
My Plectrum to the Stump in uſing of it, Nay,
Not blacker Tube, nor of a ſhorter Size,
Smoaks Cambrio-Briton vers'd in Pedigree,
Who on a Cargo of fam'd Ceſtrian Cheeſe,
High over-ſhadowing rides.
Philips's Splend. Shill.

than mine ſhall be,

—Ere once my learned Pate
Ducks to a golden Fool:

I make no Application.

There are many ſtrange Ways of getting into the Favour of the Great, Pimping, Lying, Flattering: Who can be Proof againſt the Force of ſuch united Virtues? For your great Men who have too much Honour to pay a juſt Debt never fail to reward the Servant of their [120] Vices; and it may be, ſome odd Knack recommends them, where thoſe baſer Applia [...]s are not required. On which I have thought of a Story not quite foreign to the preſent Purpoſe.

A Man who had a ſpent a good Part of his Life in dri [...]ing Pins into a Wall; on the Point of each he would with infinite Dexterity throw a Pea; his Fame ſpread even to the Emperor, who deſired to ſee this matchleſs Son of Science; overjoyed he came, ſhewed his Trick to the infinite Pleaſure of the Spectators; the Emperor highly applauded him, and as he ſuppoſed this muſt be a Work of long Practice to arrive at ſuch a Proficiency in it, demanded of him how many Years he had ſpent in attaining it; the Fellow being willing to inhance his own Merit, aſſured the Monarch he had ſpent thirty Years in it; on which the Emperor ordered him thirty Baſtinadoes on the Soals of his Feet, for having ſo much miſſpent his Time.

And, my dear Huſband, if you have your Deſert, you merit juſt ſuch a Reward for miſapplying Time in Trifles. [121] Writing one good Sermon, or uſeful Book, both of which when I knew you, you were as capable of as moſt young Men, would have tended more to your Reputation, than any merely mechanical Art.

But in ſhort, I ſincerely pity you, and if ever you want a Shilling, let me but know it, and if I have the good Fortune to have a Guinea Subſcription, for Gentlemen ſeldom ſend me any ſmaller Coin, you ſhall not go without one.

The dignified Clergy indeed have been niggardly to me. Yet not againſt them all do I bring this Accuſation, many of them have even a bleeding Humanity for the Diſtreſſes of their Fellow Creatures; and have not only pitied, but aſſiſted me; and while I can in that noble Liſt inroll the ſacred Names of Berkley and Delany, Patterns of Virtue in their Lives, really apoſtolick in their Doctrine, winning ſtraying Souls with Goodneſs and Humility, learned as far as Humanity can ſoar; ſurely no other of the Clergy need ſend me a Meſſage when they ſubſcribe, not to [122] divulge ſo terrible a Secret: I always in this Caſe judge there is more Fear than Charity in their Contributions. But here I muſt remember a certain croſs Dean, to whom, as my Father was Phyſician, I took the Liberty of applying. My Son went with the Letter; he came out, and cried, "Boy, opening his ponderous and toothleſs Jaws, what do you want? An Anſwer, Sir, ſaid he; why, then my Anſwer is, I won't. My Son proteſted he was quite ſtartled at his ferocious Features and ſtentorian Voice. Yet, after all, we laugh'd away our Indignation, as he was really not worth it.

This admirable Orator ought to have a larger Roſtrum than the narrow Limits of a Pulpit to diſplay his graceful Action, and never-enough to be admired Grimace. A Theatre would ſuit his Genius; a Puppet one I mean, where glorious Punch himſelf muſt yield the Prize.

I remember once to have ſeen this Reverend Flamen, in his lengthened Dreſs, aſcend St. Andrew's Pulpit; where, recollecting [123] the enormous Iniquities of the Congregation, he of ſudden gave ſo furious a Toſs to his Head, like a metalſome Horſe hard rein'd, that back fell his Wig and down flew his Sermon; which not being well ſecured, fluttered in numerous Leaves about the Church, ſcattered like the Ungodly, as Chaff before the Wind; the Sleepers awoke, the old Men who dream'd Dreams, and the Virgins who ſaw Viſions, ſtarted from their downy Trance; and he, willing at leaſt, to give us his Benediction, cried aloud, ‘"Depart ye curſed into everlaſting Fire, which that ye may all do, &c. &c. &c."’

The late Lady Rawden, not long after ſhe became a Widow, invited the Dean as her Pariſh Miniſter, to Dinner; the Lady went to take the Air, and Sir John, then a Child, was in the Parlour; the Dean fell into Chat with the ſweet Boy, and amongſt other Queſtions ſaid, do you know me? No, Sir; why I am Dean C—, your Pariſh Miniſter. Poor Maſter innocently verified the old Proverb, [124] that Children ſpeak Truth, for he cried out, O indeed, I heard my Mamma ſay, you were the worſt Preacher in Dublin: His Reverence's Wrath was hereupon ſo rais'd, that he failed not to reproach the Lady, who, to pacify him, corrected the poor Child: However, ſhe could not avoid relating the Story; which I heard from Lady Rawden, at Mrs. Percival's, to the infinite Laughter of the Auditors, and which I from henceforth conſign to Fame in theſe my immortal Labours.

I was much obliged to Sir John's Humanity in London, which I gratefully acknowledge. But there is one great Man I cannot paſs over; great, according to Serjeant Kite's Definition of one, for he is full ſix Foot high; his Fortune rais'd from the noble Spirit of Malt; for I do remember, like Prince Henry, that poor Creature's Small-Beer, which his Father ſold to mine; and from the golden Grains aroſe a princely Fortune; from the humbly Dray appeared a Coach, ſuch as Ambaſſadors uſe when on public [125] Occaſions, they by their State give us a Picture of the Grandeur of the Potentate they repreſent.

For if the Man ſuch Honour have,
What muſt be his, who keeps the Knave?

Not that I would hence infer all Ambaſſadors to be Rogues, farther than lying a little for the Good of their King and Country.

It was this worthy Gentleman who told them at White's that I had nothing to publiſh: I had quick Intelligence of his Favour; after which Obligation he came to viſit me, and would have been very kind to me becauſe I was a Gentlewoman, a Perſon he could depend on; and he was then in Diſtreſs, being at a Diſtance from his Lady and native Country; to be ſure I ought to have been charitable, but that I always ſtood in the Way of my own Preferment; and another unlucky Circumſtance for my Swain was, that I remembered the deplorable [126] Condition to which he reduced his firſt Wife, who died of his Love, as did alſo his Child, the Nurſe it was given to, and her Huſband. Noble Atchievements worthy of your illuſtrious Birth and Lineage. For,

'Tis you can taint the ſweeteſt Joy,
And in the Shape of Love deſtroy.

However, I ſhould have paſs'd you over in Silence, but that you told a Nobleman here, I had been quite compliant to your Deſire: Why then you prove yourſelf a generous Lover, in ſending me Five Britiſh Shillings for a Book. A wondrous Bounty really; why your Neighbour the B— always pays a Moidore Commutation for Adultery; and ſure you ought to give more than a Man, who by the Power committed to him from above, is entitled to give himſelf Abſolution.

Your hoary canting Sire was a Votary to Venus, even in old Age. When a certain Widow, and her dancing Daughter lodged at Glaſnevin, a young Gentleman [127] who was much enamoured of the younger Dame, uſed to viſit her every Evening; as he did not care to have it known, he went in thro' a low Window to Miſs's Bedchamber: It happened that Miſs being abroad, the venerable Pair made Choice of that Place, to indulge the gentler Paſſions: The young Gentleman came according to Cuſtom, and without Ceremony threw up the Saſh, flew in, and unfortunately ſtarted from their downy Couch the reverend Elder and the chaſte Matron.

Miſs following her Mother's Example, reſigned her Virgin Charms to you, and loſt at once her Health and Reputation.

This might have been my unhappy Lot; but that however careleſs I have been about Reputation, I was always determined not to put my own precious Perſon into any Peril.

Now ſays my Reader, if he be a Giber, how this prating old Woman, who certainly never had any Temptation, boaſts of Chaſtity: Ay, 'tis no Matter, I [128] have had ſo many amorous Epiſtles, Odes, Songs, Anacreonticks, Saphics, Lyricks, and Pindaricks, in Praiſe of my Mind and Perſon too, ſent to me ſince I came to Ireland; that I believe ſome Gentlemen, tho' I cannot, have found me out to be a marvellous proper Woman.

I'll get my Room hung round with Looking-Glaſſes,
And entertain a ſcore or two of Taylors;
And ſtudy Faſhions to adorn my Body.

And ſome time or other, as I find it is the Mode in London, for the Ladies to publiſh the Triumphs of their Eyes, and how many Men fell a Prey to their Luxury; or, as Dr. Young ſays,

Had ever Nymph ſuch Reaſon to be glad?
In Duel fell three Lovers, two ran mad.

[129] Though I cannot indeed produce ſuch dreadful Proofs of my Beauty as ſome of them; nor chuſe I to have my Print exhibited before my Work, but Teſtimonies of Authors with Regard to it, I hope I may be allowed. The ſame Vanity Mr. Pope ſhews in the Vindication of his Wit, Learning and Humanity may be pardoned in a Female, in the Vindication of that far nobler Part, external Lovelineſs; for a Mind in a Woman is of little Conſequence. Dr. Young ſeems of a different Mind; but great Authors ſometimes vary: As it is now my Intereſt to be of his Side the Queſtion, I ſhall give his Opinion, and who knows if it ſhould chance to be true, but my Admirers may be real ones.

What's Female Beauty but an Air divine,
Thro' which the Mind's all gentle Graces ſhine;
They like the Sun irradiate all between,
The Body charms, becauſe the Soul is ſeen.
[130]Hence ſome we ſee are Captives of a Face,
They know not why, of no peculiar Grace.

And ſo much for what I never had, except according to his Judgment. There as a Proof of my Humility, I put in my Claim, and will, like * Socrates, diſpute the Prize even with Alcibiades.

Now I have mentioned this ſmall but inimitable well wrote Book, which was recommended to me by Dr. Swift, and which I in return commend to all ſuch of my fair Readers as have a Taſte for real Wit, in which the divine Socrates as conſpicuouſly ſhone, as he did in Purity of Life and Conſtancy in Martyrdom; that they peruſe it with Care, as it will refine their Ideas and improve their Judgments, poliſh their Stile, ſhew them true Beauty, and lead them gently and agreeably to its [131] prime Origin and Source; here they will find

Divine Philoſophy,
Not ſo harſh and rugged as ſome falſely think,
But muſical as is Apollo's Lute;
And a perpetual Feaſt of nectar'd Sweets,
Where no crude Surfeit reigns.
Milton.

I muſt here obſerve in my tracing Authors thro' each other, Zenophon and Plato borrowed from Socrates, whoſe Diſciples they were. Zenophon acknowledges it as freely as I do the Inſtructions I received from Dr. Swift. Lord Shaftſ: bury's Search after Beauty, is copied from Socrates; Mr. Pope's Ethics ſtolen from both; and the learned Mr. Hutcheſon's Beauty and Harmony, an Imitation of the great Philoſophers and excellent Moraliſts firſt mentioned.

Had Mr. Hutcheſon ſtop'd at this Book, by which he had acquired ſome Degree of Reputation, both as a Writer, a Divine, [132] and a Mathematician, he had done wiſely; but O! his Eſſay on the Paſſions overturned his ſcarce eſtabliſhed Praiſe; if it has any Meaning, it is like dark veil'd Cotyto, in her Ebon Chair, cloſe curtained round, impenetrably obſcure, or from his Flames,

No Light, but rather Darkneſs viſible.

I really thought it was the Defect of my Head that made me not comprehend this Piece, till I heard the preſent Lord Biſhop of Elphin, whoſe Learning or Judgment were never yet doubted, declare he did not underſtand it. After all, whether the Defect lay in the Book or the B—p let the Reader determine.

Wollaſton's Religion of Nature delineated, tho' frequently intermingled with Mathematical Proofs, is yet ſo plain, that it demonſtrates the Author's Thoughts clearly; which whoever does, can never fail to write with equal Perſpicuity. But Learning ſeems encumbered [133] with Words or technical Terms ſignifying nothing; and our Schoolmaſters, leſt our Children ſhould attain it too ſoon if they ſhould lead them to the Fountain from whence the Streams of Knowledge flow copious to quench or rather to increaſe that Deſire of it which we obſerve from their firſt prattling Infancy, chuſe rather to make them begin at the Bottom of ſome Rivulet, from whence, with infinite Difficulty, when they have waded about half Way, they are obliged to retire by the Command of another, then begin at another, till wearied they give over, and hate the fruitleſs, endleſs, unprofitable Toil. I believe that formerly they had a better Method of inſtructing than what is now practiſed. I judge this by the Eloquence ſhewn by the Youth of thoſe Ages, and the beautiful Pieces of Poetry ſtill extant, ſome of them ſtiled the minor Poets; perhaps to diſtinguiſh them from the venerable Antients, or on Account of the juvenile Years of the Authors.

[134]Perhaps Nature in her prime Creation was productive of more Strength and Beauty even in the Mind, than at this Time, when Luxury and Exceſs pull down our ros'd-cheek'd Youth, emaciate their Bodies, and enervate their Underſtandings; for Mind and Body are ſo cloſely united, that whatever affects the one, muſt of Conſequence affect the other.

I hope my Reader will pardon my Reflections on the Works of thoſe valuable Writers I have mentioned, for I mean no Diſreſpect to their ſacred Memories; but as I am accuſed of being a Plagiary myſelf, which I own I am; my Intention is to prove all Writers to be Thieves as well as their humble Servant, Shakeſpear alone excepted.

Some of my learned Correſpondents ſend me Word I do not write theſe my own Memoirs; why I fancy were I to publiſh their Epiſtles, the World would not believe that any of them were my Aſſiſtants; but their Modeſty makes them [135] conceal their Names, and I have no Curioſity to diſcover them.

With ſuch all Authors ſteal their Works or buy,
Garth did not write his own Diſpenſary.
Pope.

But Authors are a little too fond of Fame to let any one run away with it from them, or a tolerable Performance paſs for the Work of another; I ſpeak from Experience; I have wrote for Numbers, and do ſtill, but no Human Creature ever helped me out with a ſingle Line; if they did let it appear againſt me, and my Writings be torn to Fragments, or condemned to Flames.

And talking of burning, puts me in mind of dear Lord Kingsborough, who becauſe he ſaw that I endeavour'd to do but barely Juſtice to his inimitable Pen, bid me burn all his Letters, upon which in a Paſſion, I ſnatch'd up my Pen, even before his Face, and ſcribbled the following Lines.

[136]
To the Right Hon. the Lord KINGSBOROUGH.
*How could my dear Lord make me ſuch a Requeſt?
I flatter myſelf, you are only in Jeſt;
Thoſe Epiſtles which all my ſoft Raptures inſpire,
Do you think I could bear to commit to the Fire;
Like Mutius, I'd put my own Hand in the Flame,
For the Elements us'd to compoſe your lov'd Name:
Should I promiſe Obedience, I ſurely ſhould lye,
Give me a more gentle Command, I'll comply;
[137]But here I ſhould baffle the beſt of your Art,
For each Line you have wrote, is engrav'd on my Heart.

His Lordſhip was ſo humane, as not to inſiſt on my Obedience; and now my Lord, I tell you publickly, that, not the grim Tyrant Death ſhall divorce me from the ineſtimable Treaſure I poſſeſs, they ſhall reſt with me in the Grave, next to my Heart,

When every Motion, Senſe, and Pulſe is o'er,
And even my Kingſborough belov'd no more.

I have often, my Lord, reflected with Pleaſure, on the Bleſſing my Father gave me, when he brought your Lordſhip into the World; why according to the Midwife's Phraſe, you are one of his Children, and conſequently my Brother, for I muſt prove a Kindred to you, though I fetch it from Japheth; as I have been long buried to my Brother, and by your [138] Lordſhip's Bounty, have acquired a kind of ſecond Birth,

New born I may a nobler Brother claim,
And join'd to thine immortalize my Name.

Pardon my Preſumption if I am too bold, 'tis owing to your Lordſhip's Indulgence both to my Scribbling and Prattling Vein. So.

You muſt excuſe a Nymph of Letters,
Thus Poets often treat their Betters.

But I think I muſt ſpeak in the Superlative Mood, and call you beſt of Men; for what Day of your Life paſſes, without a worthy Deed to crown it? Your Virtue would ſigh to loſe one.

Indeed, my Lord, I love you, and if you are too great to be beloved,

Be greater greater ſtill, and be ador'd.

Now, in return, I beg a Place in your Friendſhip, where, if I grow, the Harveſt is your own.

[139]But Oh! I am Sick of many Griefs,

And this frail Tenement of Clay,
Muſt quickly, very quick decay.

But, perhaps all things are ordered for the beſt, on which Hope, I relate what I know to be Truth.

A Captain of a Man of War took a Fancy to deſpiſe his Wife, and engage with another Woman: The Wife took it patiently, till at laſt he had the Impudence to tell her, he would either bring his Harlot to live with her, or ſhe and his three Children ſhould turn out: The Lady was confounded at ſo ſtrange a Propoſal, and begg'd three Days time to conſider of it; and then ſhe would give him a determinate Anſwer: He agreed: She told her Affliction to a Friend, and begg'd her Advice; on which they reſolved to conſult Doctor Potter, late Lord Archbiſhop of Canterbury: Accordingly they took a Boat, and went to Lambeth: The good Prelate propoſed an Invocation to the Almighty [140] to direct their Counſels: After Prayers he deſired the Lady not, by any means, to quit her Houſe, but to acquieſce in her Husband's Deſire, and let him bring the Woman home; and, depend on it, ſaid he, God will aſſiſt you, and what at preſent appears an Evil, will turn out a Bleſſing to you: So, giving them his Benediction, they departed full of Hope of an happy Iſſue.

The Husband, who flatter'd himſelf that the Wife would quit the Houſe, was not a little aſtoniſh'd to find her quite ſubmiſſive to his Commands, and conſenting to live with his Miſtreſs.

Accordingly he ordered his Chariot, bade his Wife prepare Dinner, and went for his Harlot, whom he brought home triumphant, and handed into the Dining-room; the Wife received her with a Civility that confounded and enraged her; ſhe brought her a Glaſs of Lisbon Wine, and then left her with the Captain, who, in a few Minutes came down, and ſeeing all things ready for Dinner, ordered his Wife to go and bring the Lady down: [141] She obey'd, but Madam called her a hundred Names, flew at the Captain, beat him, and put herſelf in ſuch a Rage, that ſhe fell into Fits, was ſeiz'd with a Fever, and died.

After this Cataſtrophe, the Captain ſeriouſly reflecting on the Submiſſion and Virtue of his Wife, thus addreſs'd her: My Dear, if I thought there was a Poſſibility of your pardoning my paſt Errors, and never reproaching me with them, I do aſſure you, I wou'd never fall into them again, but make a faithful tender Huſband to you. The Lady burſt into joyful Tears at this happy Change, and kindly aſſured him, ſhe would never even think of what was paſt: She told him it was by the Archbiſhop's Advice ſhe had acted with the Moderation ſhe now found to be ſo happy in the Event; and they both went to thank the venerable Prelate, who truly partook in their Joy. The Captain died about a Year after, and left his whole Fortune to his Lady, who lives an honourable Widow at Greenwich.

[142]Thus we may ſee, if we perſevere in our Duty, the Almighty is not ſlow to hear, nor reward;

But, when we ſink beneath a Load of Grief,
By unforeſeen Expedients brings Relief.

I was told a pretty Circumſtance of his Grace, when he was at Weſtminſter School: It ſeems he ſtood terribly in awe of the Rod, and having committed ſome Miſtake that deſerved Chaſtiſement, which Doctor Busby was very liberal in beſtowing, he was ready to die with the Apprehenſion of it; when a good bold-ſpirited Lad, taking Compaſſion on him, own'd the Fault, and took the Whiping; for which his timid Friend promiſed to be grateful, if ever it came in his way to ſerve him: They both took holy Orders, but met not till many Years after, when his Grace was an Archbiſhop, his Friend remained a Curate; but Time, which brings all things about, ſo order'd it, that the Archbiſhop and the Curate [143] met at a Nobleman's Houſe: His Grace, hearing him named, recollected both the Gentleman, the Whipping, and his own Promiſe of Gratitude; and finding the Curate had no Preferment, he gave him a very good Living.

I hope theſe Incidents will not be diſagreeable to my Readers, as I really ſet down nothing but what I know to be Truth, which is more than moſt of our modern Memorialiſts can ſay, who preſent us with Heaps of Improbabilities, and expect implicit Faith from us; and if what ſome of them have told us be genuine, though it may redound to their Profit, it never can to their Honour; for their Actions are neither worthy being recorded, nor their Writings of being read; the true End of Writing being to give Inſtruction with Pleaſure, which, whoever is ſo happy to do, may juſtly hope for a Place in the Temple of Fame: But

All human kind will needs be Wits,
"Tho' Millions miſs for one that hits:
[144]"Our chilling Climate, hardly bears,
"A Sprig of Bays in Fifty Years,
"Yet every Fool his Claim alleges,
"As if it grew in common Hedges.
Swift's Rhapſody.

And having once more quoted our unrivalled Dean, and being well aſſured no Part of my Work can be half ſo agreeable or entertaining to the Publick, as that which relates to him, I ſhall, as far as in my Power, preſent them with his lively Portraiture. The moſt minute Circumſtances relating to ſo great a Man cannot, I hope, be deem'd trivial; ſince we find by Experience, that the Night-Scene, ſo beautifully drawn by Shakeſpear, between Brutus and his Domeſticks, ſleeping in his Tent, the little Incident of his taking the Lute out of the Boy's Hand, and ſaying, when he fell aſleep,

This is a ſleepy Tune:—O murtherous Sleep,
Layeſt thou thy leaden Mace upon my Boy,
[145]That plays thee Muſick? Gentle Knave, good Night:
I will not do thee ſo much Wrong to wake thee;
If thou doſt nod, thou break'ſt thy Inſtrument,
I'll take it from thee, and, good Boy, good Night.

Do we not love him more in this amiable View of him, than in all his Conqueſts; or that ſad Act whereby he thought to give his Country Liberty? The World are ſufficiently acquainted with the Dean's publick Character, be it then my Taſk to trace him in private Life; for there only it is we can frame a true Judgment of any Perſon, the reſt is frequently mere Outſide.

When the Dean was at Bellcamp, at the Houſe of the Reverend Doctor Gratton, he wrote to Doctor Delany, to come and dine with him, mighty Thomas Thumb, and her ſerene Highneſs of Lillyput, meaning my Husband and me: Accordingly we went; the Dean came out [146] to meet us, and I, by Agreement, hiding my Face, Mr. Pilkington told him they had picked up a Girl on the Road, and deſired to know whether they might bring her in? He, gueſſing who it was, ſaid, let her ſhew her Face, and if ſhe be likely, we'll admit her. On this I took down my Fan, and ſaid, O, indeed, Sir, I am: Well then, ſaid he, give me your Hand. He led me into a Parlour, where there were twelve Clergy men, and ſaid, thoſe Fellows coming in had brought a Wench with them; but, added he, we'll give her a Dinner, poor Devil! and keep the Secret of our Brethren:—As moſt of the Gentlemen knew me, we were very merry on this odd Introduction.

Pox on you, you Slut, ſaid the Dean, you gave me a Hint for my polite Converſation, which I have purſued: You ſaid, it would be better to throw it into Dialogue; and ſuppoſe it to paſs amongſt the Great; I have improved by you: O dear Sir, ſaid I, 'tis impoſſible you ſhould do otherwiſe. Matchleſs Saucineſs! return'd [147] he: Well, but I'll read you the Work; which he did with infinite Humour, to our high Entertainment.

It was Chriſtmas time, and froze very hard: The Dean, meditating Revenge, ſet the Wine before a great Fire, the Corks of the Wine being ſecured with Pitch and Roſin; which began, in a little while, to melt: No ſooner did the Dean perceive they were fit for his Purpoſe, but he ſlyly rubbed his Fingers on them, and daubed my Face all over. Inſtead of being vexed, as he expected I would, I told him he did me great Honour in ſealing me for his own. Plague on her, ſaid he, I can't put her out of Temper; yet he ſeemed determined to do it, if poſſible, for he aſked the Company, if they had ever ſeen ſuch a Dwarf? and inſiſted, that I ſhould pull off my Shoes till he meaſured me: To this I had no Inclination to ſubmit, but he was an abſolute Prince, and Reſiſtance would have little availed me; ſo when I obey'd, he ſaid, Why, I ſuſpected you had either [148] broken Stockings, or foul Toes, and in either Caſe ſhould have delighted to have expoſed you.

He then made me ſtand up againſt the Wainſcot, leaned his Hand as heavy as he could upon my Head, till I ſhrunk under the Weight, to almoſt half my Proportion; then making a Mark with his Pencil, he affirmed, I was but three Foot two Inches high.

Dinner was brought up, and I being, like Mrs. Qualmſick the Curate's Wife, always a breeding, could not eat any; the Gentlemen gueſſing at my Circumſtances, by my decreaſing Face, and increaſing Waſte, were ſo over-obliging to know what I liked beſt; that at laſt I told the Dean, I wiſh'd I was a Man, that I might be treated with leſs Ceremony: Why, ſaid the Dean, it may be you are: I wiſh, Sir, ſaid I, you would put the Queſtion to the Company, and accordingly to their Votes, let my Sex be determined. I will, ſaid he; Filkington, what ſay you? A Man, Sir: they all took his Word; and, in Spite [149] of Petticoats, I was made a Man of after Dinner: I was obliged to put a Tobacco-pipe in my Mouth; but they ſo far indulged me, as to let it be an empty one; as were the Dean's, Doctor Delany's, and my Husband's.

The Dean aſked me, could I play Cribbidge? I ſaid, I could: Upon which he called for Cards; but, upon Recollection, ſaid, he would not play with a Beggar, for he ſhould ſtand no Chance; for if he won, he would not take the Money, and if he loſt, he muſt in Honour pay. But why a Beggar, Mr. Dean, ſaid Doctor Delany? A married Curate muſt of Conſequence be a Beggar, return'd he, and you are another; and Pox on me, if I can ever get acquainted with any Perſons but Beggars; and I don't think but this Woman, or Man here, is in the way of producing another. Then, Sir, I hope you will be ſo kind to ſtand Godfather, which will ſecure it from ſo hard a Fate. So! ſaid he, more Demands upon me! Well, if it be a Boy, I don't much care [150] if I do; but if it be a little Bitch I'll never anſwer for her.

A Day or two after this the Dean came to Town, and ſummoning a Senatus Conſultum, as he called thoſe few Friends whom he peculiarly regarded; he placed us round a great Table, where he told us, we were an empannell'd Jury; and he placed himſelf at the Head of it, where he ſat as Judge. He then told us, the Reaſon why we were ſummoned, Mr. Gratton's favourite Hen was put to Death by an unlucky Stroke of a Whip, by one of my Fellows, as I ſuppoſe: I accuſed them, and they denied the Fact; but as Murder always will come to light, I found the Hen's Head and Neck in the Seat of my Chaiſe-box; and now I want to convict the Criminal: Accordingly he ordered his three Men Servants to come before us, and related the following Story to them: When Doctor Donne, afterwards Dean of St. Paul's, London, took Poſſeſſion of the firſt Living he ever had, being a ſpeculative Man, he took a Walk into the Church-yard, where the Sexton [151] was digging a Grave, and throwing up a Skull, the Doctor took it up, to contemplate thereon; and found a ſmall Sprig, or headleſs Nail ſticking in the Temple, which he drew out ſecretly, and wrapt it up in the Corner of his Handkerchief; he then demanded of the Gravedigger, whether he knew whoſe Skull that was? He ſaid he did, very well; declaring it was a Man's who kept a Brandy-ſhop, an honeſt drunken Fellow, who one Night taking two Quarts of that comfortable Creature, was found dead in his Bed the next Morning: Had he a Wife, ſaid the Doctor? Yes, Sir: Is ſhe living? Yes: What Character does ſhe bear? a very good one; only indeed the Neighbours reflected on her, becauſe ſhe married the Day after her Husband was buried; though, to be ſure, ſhe had no great Reaſon to grieve after him. This was enough for the Doctor, who under Pretence of viſiting all his Pariſhioners, called on her; he aſked her ſeveral Queſtions, and amongſt others, What Sickneſs her firſt Husband died of? She giving [152] him the ſame Account he had before received, he ſuddenly opened the Handkerchief, and cried, in an authoritative Voice, Woman, do you know this Nail? She was ſtruck with Horror at the unexpected Demand, and inſtantly owned the Fact: And ſo, Fellow, ſaid Dean Swift, do you know this Head? The Criminal confeſſed his Fault, and the Jury brought him in guilty of Henſlaughter, in his own Defence, for he declared he was hungry, and did eat it, having no Malice prepenſe to it, but rather Love. On Account of his Sincerity, and our Interceſſion, the Dean pardon'd him.

Mr. Gratton had preſented the Dean with a ſmall Caſk of fine Ale, of which he was very choice; good Malt-Liquor not being eaſily purchaſed even in Ireland. On Sunday Evening the Dean's Set of Intimates came as uſual, to paſs it with him, and he being in high good Humour, ſaid, he would treat us with a Pot of this Ale. I had the Honour of being intruſted with the Key of the Cellar, [153] with a particular Order to hold the Candle in ſuch a Poſition, that it might drop into the Tankard; as alſo not to put the Spiggot faſt in, but let the Drink run about. After receiving his Commands, which I promiſed punctually to obey, I went down, but had ſcarce open'd the Door, when Doctor Delany and Doctor Sheridan were with me. O Breach of Truſt, unpardonable! We ſat down on a Bench, and each of us drank; but we laughed ſo heartily at cheating the Dean, that he ſtole down, having ſome Suſpicion, that where there was a Woman, and two Clergymen, there might be a Plot, and ſurpriſed us: I, in Imitation of his Servant, told him, the Parſons ſeduced me, and I did drink: Pox choke you all, ſaid he.

In vain did I, with all the moving Eloquence of a female Orator, plead for Pardon: The Key was taken from me, and Mr. Rochford was, before my Face, inveſted with my Honours; and I, Oh fatal Sentence! condemn'd to be Sock-waſher [154] to the blackguard Boy, who waited on the under Butler's under Butler.

I would have perſuaded Mr. Rochford to plead in my Behalf, but he was obdurate as Adamant; eſpecially as by my Diſgrace he roſe. However, not long after, I preſented him with an humble Petition, wherein I failed not to extol the Neatneſs of the Boy's Feet, ſince they came into my Hands, inſomuch

—that not the niceſt Noſe
Cou'd, in the Dog-days, ſmell his Toes.

And, as a Reward, I was made Inſpectoreſs-general of all the drinking Veſſels; but no more intruſted with the Key of the Cellar: To ſay the Truth, I could not well vindicate my Conduct in that important Point.

The Dean had twenty of thoſe agreeable Whims, which kept us all chearful, as was his Intent; for I ſuppoſe my Readers will believe, that neither he nor we valued the Ale, but for the Jeſt's ſake.

[155]No Man living told a Story to more Advantage than the Dean; there never was a Word too little or too much in it, it was always apt, full, clear, and conciſe, truly epigrammatick.

It would be well for their Readers, if ſome of our Writers had learn'd this happy Art; but they draw out their Tales to a tireſome Length, dwelling on every trivial Circumſtance, and omitting things of greater Conſequence, and when they would ſeem wiſe, they grow obſcure.

Thus the ſmall Silk-worm ſpins her ſlender Store,
And labours till ſhe clouds herſelf all o'er.
Pope.

The Dean told me, he did remember that he had not laugh'd above twice in his Life; once at ſome Trick a Mountebank's Merry-Andrew play'd; and the other time was at the Circumſtance of Tom Thumb's killing the Ghoſt; and, I can aſſure Mr. Fielding, the Dean had a high Opinion of his Wit, which muſt [156] be a Pleaſure to him, as no Man was ever better qualified to judge, poſſeſſing it ſo eminently himſelf.

Yet was he ſo free from any vain Oſſtentation of it, that he could ſuit his Converſe to the Talents of his Company; inſomuch that, I believe, had they propoſed to play Puſh-pin, or talk Nonſenſe, he would have complied even with the latter, if it had been in his Power.

I have known him fill up Rhymes, given after the manner of the French, though he had found it true muſical Rhythm, ſo eſteem'd by the Antients; nay, he could deal in the

Pun ambiguous, or Conundrum quaint.

Which ſome book-learned Blockheads, for ſuch I have ſeen, with each a Store of Lumber, crude and undigeſted in their Brains, would no doubt have ſcorn'd: But, as Horace obſerves, there is a Sweetneſs in ſometimes mingling Folly with Wiſdom; and I am well convinced no Perſon, without a good Underſtanding, can even play the Fool agreeably.

[157]
Triflers can't even in trifling excel,
For only ſolid Bodies poliſh well.
Young.

One Night, that I had the Honour to be in as polite a Set of Company as ever Europe bred, they took a Fancy that each of them would imitate the Voice of a different Animal, either Bird or Beaſt, each having fixed on what ſuited their Inclination; they began the Conſort at once: Would not any one, who had refuſed to join in the Frolick, have ſeem'd ridiculous? 'Tis true, indeed, this was attended with one mortifying Conſequence; for the Servants, ſcar'd at the hideous Yelling, and concluding we were all fighting, ran haſtily in to part us; but finding all was right, they left us; however, we heard them laugh heartily at our Entertainment.

As I have often mentioned the Dean's Charity, one ill conferr'd Inſtance of it cannot, I believe, but make my Readers ſmile:

[158]He obſerved a Woman, whoſe whole Eſtate was a Sieve of Fruit, which ſhe had in a Stall, where ſhe ſat footing worn-out Stockings. Seeing the Woman very decent, and always at work, he judged her to be a proper Perſon for him to aſſiſt; eſpecially as, by the Report of her Neighbours, ſhe was a very honeſt Woman. The Dean aſked her, why ſhe did not try to borrow twenty Pounds, and ſet up a handſome Fruitſhop. Alas-a-day, Sir, ſaid ſhe, who would truſt a poor Creature like me with ſuch a Sum? Why, ſaid he, if I thought you would improve it, I would lend it you. The Woman promiſed fair, and the Dean lent her the Money; and, at the ſame time, wrote down the particular kinds of Fruit he would have her furniſh herſelf with. She was to let him know when ſhe was ſtock'd, and he promiſed to recommend her to Cuſtomers.

The Woman, overjoy'd at her good Fortune, went about five o'Clock next Morning to a Gardener's, produced her Bill of Fare, on which they, judging by her [159] Appearance ſhe could not pay for ſuch a Cargo, laugh'd at her. This provok'd the Pride of the new-rais'd Beggar; who, to convince them of her Wealth, produced it to their aſtoniſh'd View; upon which they alter'd their Note, and as it was a cold Morning, ſaid, That ‘"Bargains were never made with dry Lips."’ They drew in the poor Woman to drink plentifully of *Hotpot, which ſoon left her ſtupid in the Ale-houſe; but not till they had firſt done her the Favour to rob her.

When ſhe came a little to herſelf, the Woman of the Houſe demanded Payment; the Fellows being gone. She was going to pay the Reckoning, but alas! her Money was gone too: It was in vain for her to enquire for it, every-body diſavowed the Fact; but the Gardener, out of his great Charity, gave her a Baſket of Windfalls, with which ſhe was obliged, ſeeing no Remedy, to return to her original Poverty.

The Dean vainly look'd for the Product of his Charity; he could neither [160] ſee Shop, nor Woman, for ſhe kept out of his way; at length he happened in Church to be ſeiz'd with the Cholick, and went out in the middle of Service; and who ſtood at the Church-door, but the very Perſon? He ſtopp'd, and demanded, why he had not heard from her, and how ſhe proceeded? Upon this the Woman flew into a Rage, abuſed him all the Way to his own Houſe, told him, that his curſed Money had bewitch'd her; that all the Neighbours knew ſhe was a modeſt, virtuous, ſober Woman, and that he had made her turn Whore and Drunkard; the Dean ran in, clap'd the the Door upon her, and begged the Protection of his Domeſticks againſt the mad Woman.

And here I muſt obſerve, that as the Dean was very juſtly ſatirical on the Vices of human Kind, yet when he fell on Infirmities, he ſeem'd to have done a diſpleaſing Act to Heaven, inaſmuch as he was puniſhed with them all in a remarkable manner; he lived to be a [161] Struldbrugg, helpleſs as a Child, and unable to aſſiſt himſelf.

I ſay not this as any Reflection to his ſacred Memory, Heaven forbid I ſhould; but with all the Reverence I have for the Dean, I really think he ſometimes choſe Subjects unworthy of his Muſe, and which could ſerve for no other End except that of turning the Reader's Stomach, as it did my Mother's, who, upon reading the Lady's Dreſſing-room, inſtantly threw up her Dinner.

Here I digreſs, oddly enough, on a whimſical Circumſtance. Having once had the Honour of being known to Lady ******, I took the Liberty of applying to her for a Subſcription; her Neice came out, and miſtaking the Perſon who brought the Letter for me, ſaid, ‘"Her Lady wondered at my Impudence, to apply to her, when I knew how I had uſed Sir ******:"’ But if ever I uſed him, or he me, then am I no two-legged Creature; for, to my Knowledge, I never even ſaw him; if the Man did dare to contradict me, I [162] wou'd make him eat a Piece of my Pen: But how uſed him? not unlawfully, I hope. Did your Ladyſhip ever ſee me lewdly lolling on a Love-bed with him? No, if we ever met, he was ſupported by two reverend Prelates, proper Supporters for a Chriſtian Hero; but I never heard that the Gentleman was addicted to Women; ſo that I hope I may reſt uncenſured by him, and alſo by your L—p.

I do this, Madam, in regard to the Gentleman's Character, for my own is of no Conſequence.

'Tis Bare-bit, and knawn by Treaſon's Canker-Tooth.
Shakeſpear.

And pray now, Sir C—, for to thee I call, but with no friendly Voice. What time? what Day? what Hour did I ever diſoblige you? the Injuries you have done me, I freely forgive, and

If you pleaſe,
Will honour you with Panegyrick Lays.

[163] But then take notice you muſt come down handſomely; you are not Lord Kingsborough, nor will my Verſe flow ſpontaneous.

His Virtues might the humbleſt Bards inſpire,
And fill their Boſoms with poetick Fire.

So now, for ever and for ever farewel, Brutus! if we do meet again, why we ſhall laugh, if not, why ſurely we ſhall never weep; a more inſpiring Theme demands my Attention: So, Sir Knight of the Oracle, adieu, if thou dyeſt before me, as you ſhould, ſince you ſtept into the World thirty Years e'er my dim Speck of Entity was animated; I have wrote your Epitaph, which I beg you may have engrav'd on your Tomb-ſtone; leſt you ſhould not, I will raiſe you a Monument more laſting than Braſs.

I preſume, by the Information of your Boots, you have read Horace, take your Encomium.

[164]
Here lies the greateſt Man that e'er was born,
All Womankind ſincerely did he ſcorn,
And kept the good old Proverb in his Mind,
He that won't go before—muſt go behind.

And if my Printer ſhould dare to put a daſh or blank in your illuſtrious Name, I will in Capitals inſert it, and you know,

When in bold Capitals expreſs'd,
The dulleſt Reader takes the Jeſt.

This, Sir, I give you as a farther Proof of my Impudence, in which I own your Family to have far the Superiority to mine; for though ſome of them did Execution in the well-fought Field, yet none of them were condemn'd to ſuffer one: So read this, and then to Breakfaſt with what Appetite you may.

[165]But after all I have ſaid, I bear you no Ill-will; but you began with me this Tennis-game, and I have match'd my Racquet to the Balls; and, depend on't, whoever begins with me, I bear the Motto of the Thiſtle:

Nemo me impune laceſſit.

The Hour now came, when the Dean's Promiſe was to be claim'd; as I brought forth a Son, I wrote to him, but he was in the Country, and in five Days the Boy died: The Dean did not return till I was a Fortnight brought to Bed.

He came directly to viſit me: Mr. Pilkington open'd the Door for him, and brought him up to me. After wiſhing me Joy, he aſked, where was his Godſon-elect? I told him in Heaven: The Lord be praiſed, ſaid he, I thought there was ſome good News in the way, your Husband look'd ſo briſk: Pox take me, but I was in Hopes you were dead yourſelf; but 'tis pretty well as it is, I have [166] ſav'd by it, and I ſhould have got nothing by you.

He drank a little Caudle with me, and then went away; about an Hour after his Servant brought me a Letter, and a great Bundle of brown Paper, ſealed with the utmoſt Care, and twiſted round with I know not how many Yards of Pack-thread; my Curioſity led me to read the Letter before I examined the Contents of the Paper, which, to the beſt of my Knowledge, was this:

Madam,

I Send you a Piece of Plumb-cake, which I did intend ſhould be ſpent at your Chriſtening; if you have any Objection to the Plumbs, or do not like to eat them, you may return them to,

Madam,
your ſincere Friend and Servant, J. Swift.

I now examined the Contents of the Paper, in which I found a Piece of Ginger-bread, in which were ſtuck four [167] Guineas, wrapt in white Paper, on the Outſide of each was wrote Plumb.

I ſent the Dean a real Piece of Pumb cake, with this Anſwer:

Sir,

I Have heard that Oſtridges could digeſt Iron, but you give me a harder Taſk, when you bid me eat Gold; but ſuppoſe I ſhould, like the rich Streams of the Tagus, flow potable Gold, the Interpretation of which is, that I mean to drink your Health this Minute, in a Glaſs of Sack; and am, with the utmoſt Reſpect, Sir,

Your ever devoted Servant, L. Pilkington.

Juſt when he had fix'd Mr. Pilkington to be Chaplain to Alderman Barber, the Dean received from Spain, from one Mr. Wogan, a green Velvet Bag, in which was contained the Adventures of Eugenius; as alſo an Account of the Courtſhip and Marriage of the Chevalier, to the Princeſs Sobieſky, wherein he repreſents [168] himſelf to have been a principal Negotiator. It was wrote in the Novel Stile, but a little heavily: There was alſo ſome of the Pſalms of David, paraphras'd in Miltonick Verſe, and a Letter to the Dean, with Remarks on the Beggar's Opera; in which he ſays he believes the People of England and Ireland had quite loſt all Remains of Elegance and Taſte, ſince their top Entertainments were compoſed of Scenes of Highwaymen, and Proſtitutes, who all remain unpuniſh'd and triumphant in their Crimes: He concluded with paying the Dean the Compliment of intreating him to correct the Work.

The Dean ſaid, he did not care to be troubled with it, and bid Mr. Pilkington take it to London, and look it over at his Leiſure, which accordingly he did.

He was ſcarce gone, when the Dean came to me for the Bag; I told him my Huſband had; according to his Commands, taken it with him. He proteſted he never gave him any ſuch Permiſſion; [169] that I was impudent to ſay it, and my Husband more ſo to do it; the Concluſion of which was; that he ordered me to write to him to return it immediately; and, leaſt I ſhould forget it, he gave me a very good Beating. Well; I writ Mr. Pilkington an Account of the Dean's Wrath, and he ſent me the fatal Bag by a Clergyman: I directly carried it to the Dean, and hoped he would be pleaſed, by my punctual and ready Obedience to his Will; but far otherwiſe it fell out, for the Dean flew into a Paſſion, for my daring to preſume to write for it, and gave me another Beating.

But did not this more reſemble the Actions of a Lunatick than of a Gentleman of ſuperior Wit and Knowledge? Indeed, I believe too much Learning had turn'd his Head, or too deep a Search into the Secrets of Nature; as nothing could eſcape his Obſervation. And this wrong Turn in his Brain, I fancy had poſſeſſed him a long time before it was taken notice of, as numberleſs Proofs might be produced; and even [170] amongſt the Facts that I have related there are ſome ſtrong Inſtances of it; had he been leſs witty, it would ſooner have been taken notice of; but, as the Poet obſerves,

Great Wit to Madneſs ſure is near allied,
And thin Partitions do their Bounds divide.

The firſt Proof he gave of his Incivility was affronting the Lord Lieutenant, at the Lord Mayor's Table; who, becauſe he had not paid his Compliments to him in due Form, he very civilly accoſted, by the extraordinary Title of, you, Fellow with the blue String. Some little time after this, he invited two Clergymen to take the Air with him, and when he got them into a Coach, he did ſo belabour them and knock their Heads together, that they were obliged to cry out for Aſſiſtance.

From this he fell into a deep Melancholly, and knew no body; I was told the laſt ſenſible Words he uttered, were on this Occaſion: Mr. Handel, when [171] about to quit Ireland, went to take his leave of him: The Servant was a conſiderable Time, e'er he could make the Dean underſtand him; which, when he did, he cry'd ‘"O! A German, and a Genius! A Prodigy! admit him."’ The Servant did ſo, juſt to let Mr. Handel behold the Ruins of the greateſt Wit that ever liv'd along the Tide of Time, where all at length are loſt.

If ought elſe relating to him, ſhould occur to my Remembrance, I will faithfully relate it; as I am certain it cannot but be acceptable to the Public, whoſe Intereſt he had evermore at Heart, and whoſe Liberties on all Occaſions, he warmly and nobly aſſerted.

'Tis mine, O honoured Shade, to celebrate thy Goodneſs, without extenuating thy Faults; I deal impartially, which is the true Taſk of an Hiſtorian, and I would inſcribe thy Tomb-Stone, were I permitted; but without Characters, Fame lives long. Thine will laſt, while Wit or Genius are admired in this ſublunary Globe.

[172]However diſagreeable it may be to me, I find I muſt proſecute my own Hiſtory, till my leaving London, to which Metropolis I never intend to return, as has been inſinuated, in order to hurt my Subſcription: While ever I can find Means of ſubſiſting in my native Country, where I have received more Favour, than I could reaſonably hope for, I ſhould eſteem myſelf not only ungrateful, but unjuſt to raiſe Contributions on the Public, and carry the Money from this poor Iſland, to ſpend it in a rich and opulent City.

Beſides my Days of Vanity are over. The Woods, Groves, Fountains, ſacred Receſſes, dear to the Muſes, would be my Choice, even had I a Fortune to entitle me to enjoy the Splendor of a Court in its utmoſt Magnificence. O how I languiſh for Retirement; even as the Heart panteth after the Water Brooks, ſo longeth my Soul after it; where I might ſit upon ſunleſs Side of ſome Romantic Mountain, Foreſt crown'd. I wiſh my beſt and deareſt Friend, would take this into Conſideration, and in ſome Part of his wide [173] extended Domains, afford his Muſe an humble Hermitage.

I ſhould not then be diſtracted with Fears of an imperious Landlord's Threats. No; your happy Tenant would pay her Debt in Weeds, which, when I once told your Lordſhip, you very politely anſwered, that ſuch Verſes as mine were the fineſt Flowers in the Garden of the Muſes.

I muſt here relate to your Lordſhip, a little Circumſtance which happened to me lately. I took a Lodging in Drumcondra-lane; the two Ladies, (Siſters) who keep the Houſe, kindly invited me to Dinner; it was very natural for me to enquire what Perſons of Diſtinction lived in our Neighbourhood; they told me Lord Kingsborough had lately purchaſed a Houſe in it, a moſt worthy fine Gentleman. I happened to expreſs ſo much Pleaſure, at hearing this agreeable piece of News, and at the ſame time ſo warmly joined in their Sentiments, that one of the Ladies ſaid: Well, Madam, though you have made a Myſtery of your Name, [174] I am certain you are Mrs. Pilkington; I am ſure you are the Perſon; becauſe you ſpeak of his Lordſhip, in the very ſame Stile you have wrote of him. I have the two Volumes.

As I found they were prepoſſeſſed in Mrs. Pilkington's Favour, I confeſs'd they had gueſs'd right. But whenever I want Concealment, if your Lordſhip is mentioned, I will take Care to be ſilent. Otherwiſe I ſhall ſoon betray myſelf, as out of the Abundance of the Heart, the Mouth ſpeaketh. Though I am afraid, that like holy David, it would be Grief, and Pain to me, and while I ſat muſing the Fire would kindle; the Sacred Fire of Friendſhip and Gratitude, would unlock my Tongue and give me Utterance, even though I had been born dumb.

Why, my dear Lord, were but a few Perſons of Diſtinction, in your Way of thinking, Earth itſelf would become a Paradiſe: no more would the ſorrowful Sighing of the Priſoner, nor the Voice of Lamentation be heard in our Streets, and 'tis with infinite Pleaſure, I ſee our long [175] ſtain'd Nobility, who were only famous for undoing, and built their Characters on Rapes and Ruin, now almoſt to a Man, not only juſt, but beneficent; not only learned themſelves, but Encouragers of Science in others. If amongſt our Country's Worthies, I name you Lord Moleſworth, who have diſtinguiſhed yourſelf in Fields and Senates, in the Seats of the Muſes, and Academic Groves; whoſe well try'd Valour has approved itſelf; not in Raſhneſs, but a noble Intrepidity and Scorn of Death, whenever your God, your King, or Country, requir'd your Service; I hope it will not offend you, to ſay, may your God, your King, and Country, make you as happy, as my much obliged, and moſt truly grateful Heart ſincerely wiſhes, ſhall ever be my ardent Prayer.

Your Lordſhip has kindly viſited the Virtues of my Father on his Daughter. I am ſure I had no other Claim, to the Favours or Honours for which I am indebted to your Lordſhip, and for which I reſt your faithful Servant.

[176]At length, through ſtrange Viciſſitudes, and Variety of Misfortunes, finding I could get no Relief from Ireland, I determined, with my Son, to reviſit it; and though late in Life, try my Fortune in Hibernia. But how to compaſs a Journey and a Voyage without Money, was really a difficult Taſk; to this End I ſet my Wits to Work, to find out whether any Perſons of my own Country were in London, from whom, by revealing my Diſtreſs, I could hope for Relief. At length I learned, that Dr. Delany was there, who never rejected the Petition of the afflicted, even though they had no other Merit to recommend them, but that of Anguiſh. My Suit was granted in the moſt compaſſionate and obliging Manner; accompanied by his Tears for my Misfortunes, and Prayers for the Preſervation of my Soul and Body. And ſure the Oraiſons of one ſo good, muſt have uncommon Efficacy in them, to turn the Sinner, and confirm the Juſt in well-doing, while his own Example ſtrengthens all his Precepts.

[177]How different was the Reception I met with, at the Hands of this worthy Man, from the rough Return made to my Sollicitations, for a Subſcription from Lady ****; who, ‘"wondered at my Impudence in applying to her."’

Ladies, let me entreat you will drop that naſty paw Word impudent, at leaſt don't annex it to my Name, who never yet had the Aſſurance to appear in any publick Place, ſince I came laſt to this Kingdom; nor ever to apply in Perſon for a Favour. But a Woman who has ſuffered in Reputation, knows not what to do; 'tis all Impudence, though her Betters have more; for that in the Captain is but a Choleric Word, which in the Soldier is flat Blaſphemy.

Upon my Word, if inſtead of the Impudence I am charged with; you would call me a deſolate afflicted Wretch, you would ſpeak the Truth; for poor Laetitia is become the Foot-ball of Fortune; but why ſhould I complain? when the Son of Man ſays, that the Foxes had Holes, and he himſelf had no Place to lay his Head [178] in! Anſwer me ſome of ye great, learned, and pious Divines; why is our Bleſſed Redeemer ſtiled the Son of Man? When we are told, that a Virgin ſhould conceive; that the Power of the higheſt ſhould over-ſhadow her! How was he then the Son of Man? We are all ordered to apply to our Heavenly Father, and therefore may ſtile ourſelves the Children of God; why then is there any Exception made in this Caſe?

I hardly dare allow myſelf the Liberty of thinking, leſt I ſhould do it too deeply, and Reaſon be my Diſeaſe; and yet I believe it was given me to follow and ſearch after Truth; where then ſhall I find it? not on Earth, no more than Peace or Juſtice, who are long fled from theſe lower Regions. Boldly then let me purſue them, even to the high Place, from whence they ſprung; the Seat of Calms and Eaſe, the Manſions of the Bleſt, where holy Hope and conſtant Faith, ſhall be loſt in Fruition of that Happineſs, which hath not yet entered into the Heart of Man to conceive.

[179]Mr. Woolaſton's Religion of Nature delineated, ſhews us powerfully, how much a Lye muſt offend the Creator; as I am tax'd with numerous Quotations, which are tedious (as ſome of my Readers tell me) I ſhall not borrow one from him, but refer the Learned to his inimitable Work; though I am perſuaded, no Perſon who has not a clear Head, can taſte his Beauties: And truly, I have paid myſelf no ſmall Compliment here; but, as it is written, e'en let it paſs.

And here, Mr. Blake * permit me to tell you, though no Perſon can more revere your every amiable Quality than I do, yet as the Objection you ſtarted to my Philoſophic Doctrine, of the Ocean's having no Bottom, has deprived me of Reſt ever ſince, I could find in my Heart to be angry with you; You aſked me then, how I could account for Iſlands, which muſt have a Foundation? I am not ſure of that, perhaps they float like Delos. 'Tis demonſtrable that wherever we dig [180] deep, we find Water, not Salt indeed like that of the Sea; but may it not be Purified by running through the Veins of the Earth, and ariſe to us in freſh Fountains, mineral Streams, or milky Currents, ſuch as Mallow affords. Our Foundation we know is on the Waves, our Building on the Great Deep: This was ſo at the firſt Creation; then, when the Windows of Heaven were opened, and the deep Abyſs or Receptacle of Waters broke up; what had we but the Ruins of a World to inhabit, the Fragments of which may ſwim; at leaſt, moſt worthy Sir, I can find no better Solution, for the Doubt you rais'd in my Mind, pray conſider the Queſtion yourſelf; and if your Learning, which I own is extenſive, be adequate to your Virtue, you are better qualified to give me an Anſwer, than moſt Men living.—Now do I know I give your Modeſty Pain, but amongſt other Inſtances of my Impudence, I could not forbear this.

And had I never honoured you, for your own Goodneſs, yet your Anſwer [181] when I aſked you, did you love Lord Kingsborough? ‘"Who knows him, but muſt love him."’! would have commanded my Reſpect and beſt Wiſhes, and they both ſincerely attend you. And here, my polite Roman! * my Friend, beloved by all, but the malicious and unworthy, who perſecute you for no other Cauſe, but that you excel in Courage, and Learning; accept of my Thanks, for the many fine Encomiums you have beſtowed on me; think of me as one incapable of purſuing the Advice you gave me, of forſaking a Friend in the Hour of Calamity. Sure 'tis then our Duty, to adminiſter Conſolation, as far as our Power extends; the Fortunate want it not: Your Magnanimity of Soul bears up againſt the Storms of Fortune, and

Amidſt the Noiſe of Chains and Keys,
Thou can'ſt of Cupid ſing;
The Warders their hoarſe Bawling ceaſe,
And Drawers watch thy String.

[182] But, ſays my Reader, what have I to ſay to your Philoſophy, or particular Attachments? proceed in your Story; inform us how you got to Ireland? Well, now you have reminded me of it, I think I will. To confeſs the Truth, I had like to have forgotten myſelf; my Thoughts are apt to wander through Eternity, and

Like Pompey's tranſported to Regions of Day,
Diſdain to be ty'd to a Manſion of Clay.

After receiving the worthy Doctor Delany's Bounty, which was ſufficient to pay every Debt I ow'd in London; which, as I was cautious in contracting any, a Sum, though leſs, would have paid. But I had not a Sufficiency to anſwer the Expence of travelling Charges, for two Perſons. The Parliament was diſſolved, the Nobility gone to enjoy the Sweets of Spring, April having deck'd all Things in freſh and fragrant Bloom; all, but wretched Humankind, from whom, whence parted, it no more returns, to bluſh or beautify [183] the Cheek again. But let us not Sorrow after that, as thoſe who have no Hope beyond this Life; if we can go unſtain'd through this World, which 'tis almoſt impoſſible to do, or ſeeing the Errors of our Ways, forſake them; we have Aſſurance given us, of a joyful and triumphant Reſurrection.

Mark with what Hope, upon the ſurrow'd Plain,
The chearful Plowman caſts the pregnant Grain;
There hid, as in a Grave, a while it lies,
Till the revolving Seaſon bids it riſe;
Till Nature's genial Power, command a Birth,
And potent call it, from the teeming Earth;
Then large Encreaſe, the buried Treaſure yields,
And with full Harveſt crowns the plenteous Fields.

I wrote, in order to gain Relief, to a Prelate of Ireland, then reſident in London; [184] I ſent the Letter by the Daughter of a diſſenting Clergyman, of whoſe Honour and Virtue I was confident. He received her civilly, read over my Letter, and declared he did not know me; but as he had ſome ſlight Knowledge of my Family, there was a Guinea for me. This anſwered no End: But yet he gave me ſome Comfort, by bidding her call again, and he would think of ſomething for my Service: Accordingly, in a Week's Time ſhe went again, and again; till at length his Lordſhip vouchſafed to ſend out a very rough Anſwer, not in the leaſt befitting his Function or Dignity, eſpecially to one whom he knew from her Infancy, to be a Woman of good Birth, and Education.

But I reſolving to be as chuffy as he, ſent him in reality another Epiſtle, not over-courteous I own; yet it wrought a better Effect, than my complaining one produced, for his Gentleman came to me early next Morning, with a very civil Letter; and produced ten Guineas, to my unſpeakable Joy; but there was a Drawback [185] on my Happineſs, for I was obliged to return ten Shillings Change, which I very reluctantly complied with.

With this Sum my Son and I quitted London, and being on the ſaving Scheme, took Places in the Waggon. A moſt tireſome Way of travelling! May Morning we ſet forth, our Slow-pac'd Cattle were adorned with Ribbands and Flowers, and till then, I never underſtood the meaning of the vulgar Expreſſion, of being as fine as a Horſe, for it ſeems it is cuſtomary on this Month, to preſent the Waggoners with a Ribband, at every Inn; till our Flea-bitten Nags, were almoſt blinded by the tawdry party-coloured flowing Honours of their Heads. I was really almoſt fatigued to Death, for I was called up at three o'Clock in the Morning, though perhaps you don't ſet out till five. Tea or Coffee, none to be had, unleſs in ſome of the Towns: Indeed, if I could, like our Driver, have eat a Breakfaſt of Salt Beef and Cabbage at that ſqueamiſh Hour, it was laid there ready. They bait not all Day; ſo one [186] might have an Appetite by Evening, but it happened not ſo to me. The Heat and Duſt quite depriv'd me of any Inclination to Food, and eſpecially to the rough Fare provided.

My chief Delight was liſtening to the Nightingale, who then warbled forth her love-laboured Song, to indulge the Pleaſure of hearing the ſoft Warbler, pour forth her plaintive and harmonious Lay: I uſed when we were near our reſting Place, to alight and walk through the flower-enamell'd Meads, filled with Cowſlips, Primroſes, and wild Violets, for

In rural Scenes the Soul of Beauty reigns,
The Soul of Pleaſure lives in rural Scenes.
POPE.

My Son and I found out a ſweet Place, canopy'd with Wood-bine, which had enringed itſelf in Plats about a large Apple Tree, whoſe Bloſſoms ſhed Perfumes, while the whole Seaſon warbled round our [187] Heads; we ſeated ourſelves under the wide ſpreading Shade, liſtening with Delight to thoſe wild Muſicians. Suddenly the Boy cry'd out, O Mamma what ſhall I do? What is the Matter, Child? Look at my Leg: I did ſo, and behold a Snake had twiſted up it; I, though heartily ſtartled, had Preſence of Mind ſufficient, to beg he would not ſtrike it; he took my Advice, though indeed both he and I were ready to faint, and the evil Worm crawled away, without doing him any Prejudice. But not being well aſſured that all the Serpent Race, ſworn Foe to Man, might be ſo complaiſant, I was never after tempted to ſit down in Albion's fruitful Fields.

We lodged this Night at a ſtrange old Village, whoſe Name I have forgot; I believe the Inn had formerly been a Convent, by the numerous little Cells and Cloyſters, ſmall Windows, almoſt darkened with Jeſſamine and Vines; it had a moſt romantic melancholy Air, fit for ſtudious Contemplation, but not repleniſhed with rich Repaſt, or chearful [188] Wine. The next Day being Sunday, a Day of Reſt, we took up our Quarters at another Inn, where we got a Chicken and a Pint of Wine, and lived ſumptuouſly.

We then walk'd out to ſee what kind of Curioſity this Place afforded, worth Remark; but finding none, we ſtrayed out on a Common, when the firſt Object which ſtruck my Sight, was that of a Man ſuſpended high in the Air, hanging in Chains on a Gibbet; ſhocking as it was, it engaged my Attention; I concluded he muſt have been a moſt undutiful Son, when the Birds of Prey had devoured him, and the Ravens picked out his Eyes. Suddenly I was ſurprized with the Voice of a Man, who cried, O my dear Coſhen Paddy, I wiſh thoſe who put you there for noting, were there themſelves. I looked about, and ſaw fifteen or twenty Men and Women lying in a dry Ditch; I would have fled, but conſidering that might not be ſafe, I rather choſe to walk at an eaſy Pace: One of the Fellows made up to us, and aſked where we were [189] going; I told him to our Country, Ireland. Arah, ſaid he, are you a Catolic? I ſaid I was! Upon I which he ſaid, Faith poor Paddy Lawler, who hangs there was a good one. And what, Sir, brought him to ſo unfortunate an End? Why, ſaid he, he was in Love with a proud ſcornful Huſſey, and ſhe ſlighted him, ſo he met her in this Plaiſh, and becauſe ſhe would not accept of his Shivility, he lent her a Nock on the Head, and ſo he got his Will of her. She died the next Day, after ſhe had given Information againſt him; to be ſure her Skull was broke, but he did not deſhine that.

While he was telling me this Story, I trembled, but made the beſt Speed I could to the Village, being infinitely more frightened at him, than I had been at the Snake. He accompanied us there, for which I returned him Thanks; how ſincerely my Readers may judge. But I made a Virtue of Neceſſity, and gave him fair Words. Now ſaid he, are not all theſe Heretics damn'd Rogues? Ay, ſaid I, and I hope our [190] true King will put all Villains to Death. Arrah, give me your Fiſt for that; I was obliged to comply. When I got to the Inn I told him, I ſhould be glad of his Company, but that I had a jealous Huſband, who would certainly kill me, if he found any Man in my Company. Damn the Rogue, ſaid he, if I was as you, I would make him a Cuckold in a crack. I deſired he would pleaſe to accept of a Pot of Drink, which he did, and making a Leg, walk'd off leaving us unmoleſted, and I bleſt God I had purchaſed Life at ſo cheap a Rate.

That ſoft Anſwers turn away Wrath, is moſt aſſured; for I remember ſome Years ago, when the Cavan Rabble were up in Arms, my Mother, Siſter, and I, went to pay a Viſit at Rathfarnam, to the Lady of our excellent *Recorder. On our return home, we were ſurrounded by a Pack of theſe Wretches, who ordered my Father's Coachman to pull off his Hat to them, which he refuſing, and they being [191] all armed with ſhort thick Oak Tree Clubs, they ſwore we ſhould not ride in a Coach, and they walk; my Mother, with ſurprizing Preſence of Mind, ſaid Gentlemen, you are very welcome to the Coach, my Daughter and I will walk, to oblige you with it; which, Villains, Ruffians, and Murtherers as they were, they would not permit, but only deſired we might Huzza for them, this notwithſtanding our Terror, we chearfully did; and my Mother ſaid, Gentlemen perhaps you are dry, and gave them a Crown, with which they were ſo well pleaſed, that they huzza'd for us, offering to guard us ſafe to Town; but ſhe alledging that would be too much trouble, they left us with a kind Aſſurance, that they would drink our Healths, and fight for us any Time we ſtood in need of their Protection.

Nothing material happened to us till we got to Cheſter; we took a Survey of the Cathedral Church, which had nothing like Beauty to recommend it, any more [192] than the old black Walls which environ Part of the City.

Next Day we ſet out for Parkgate, which was crowded with Nobility and Gentry, waiting for a fair Wind; here we were ſo long detained, that my Purſe was quite exhauſted, even my laſt Shilling gone; this was a ſad Situation, we were fixed to a Point without any Power of Moving one way or another, wanting the neceſſary Agent Money. There was but one Way left, which was even to apply to Lady Kildare, who was there; but being aſhamed to do it in my Name, I e'en did it in my Son's, who waited on her Ladyſhip with it, met a favourable Reception, and brought home a Guinea. The Wind ſprung up fair and we embarked on board the Race Horſe. As I am always deadly Sick at Sea, I choſe to keep on Deck, as long as I poſſibly could. My Son being well inured to the wat'ry Element, ſkipped about, and ſung Marine Songs. Moſt of the Paſſengers went to their Cabbins, when Mr. Hudſon, the Clergyman, ſeeing my Boy ſpeak to me, [193] aſked me, was not that young Lad's Name Pilkington? I ſaid Yes! I thought ſo ſaid he, for he is very like Mr. Pilkington the Clergyman; he has ſome Cauſe to be ſo, Sir, for he is his Son. How can you anſwer for that, Madam? Why indeed, Sir, I have ſome Cauſe of Knowledge of it, for I am that worthy Divine's Wife, and the Boy's Mother. The Gentleman confeſſed the Force of my Plea, and expreſſed great Compaſſion for us both; and I do verily believe, had he known our Circumſtances, he would have added Relief to Pity.

He ſeemed to be a learned and worthy Gentleman, which I had the better Opportunity of diſcovering, as he, my Son, myſelf, and a Gentleman whom I did not know, ſat all Night in Lady Kildare's Coach, which was laſh'd upon Deck. We there were becalm'd, and amongſt other things, Mr. Hudſon ſaid, that had he ever been ſo unfortunate to take a common Woman, and ſhe had brought forth a Son ſo like him, as mine was to [194] my Huſband, he would at leaſt have concluded that to be his own.

Upon which I related to him a true Story. A Servant Maid who had lived with Mr. Pilkington in Ireland, enquired of the Perſons who kept the next Houſe, who were the new Lodgers they had got; the Name made her but more inquiſitive, and ſhe begg'd I would permit her to ſee me, but as I had met with many a Trick in Life, I bid my Son and Daughter ſit behind the Bed Curtain, and then deſir'd her to come up; I aſked her, did ſhe know me; ſhe ſaid no indeed! but ſhe had lived with one Mr. Pilkington in Ireland, who had turn'd his Wife out of Doors; and that he lived on Lazer's Hill. And what ſaid I were the Names of the Children? Why, returned ſhe, there was Maſter Billy, Miſs Betty, and Maſter Jack! And how came you to leave him? Why, indeed he was beating Miſs and Maſter ſadly, and I aſked him why he did it? he ſaid becauſe they were none of his! [195] Oh, Sir, ſaid I, ſure Maſter Jack is yours, for he is your own Picture. Ay, ſaid he, the Mother was thinking of me when he was got. In troth, Sir, ſaid ſhe, I don't doubt that, for I believe you were the neareſt Perſon to her; for which Offence, ſhe was directly diſmiſſed: And could he have found Matter againſt her Life, he would have proſecuted her.

The Children knew her, and whatever little Favours ſhe had by Stealth done for them in my Exile, I did my utmoſt to return to her. A Benefit is ſeldom loſt.

At length the Day broke and diſcovered us my native Earth; I hail'd the Mother Land which gave me Birth, but knowing how little Money I had, did not chuſe to Land at Dunlary, which muſt be attended with more Expence, than I had any Poſſibility of anſwering: The other Paſſengers all went aſhore; 'twas about three o'Clock, and my Boy and I waited in the Ship, not doubting but we ſhould be ſoon at Ringſend; but it happened [196] otherwiſe, for we were becalm'd; we once more took our Seats in the Coach, and found there the Hammer Cloth, in which I wrapt myſelf, and fell faſt aſleep. In the Night I was awaked by the terrible Curſes of the Captain of the Ship, who ſwore dreadfully we ſhould be that Moment loſt. I dropt the Glaſs, and aſked him what was the Matter; he ſaid he had fallen aſleep, and truſted the Ship to one who had directly thrown us on the North Bull. And are we then to be loſt? I ſee no Remedy, we ſhall ſtrike in a Minut [...] I pulled my Son, who laughed at my Fears, which really were very great. The Ship ſtruck upon a Sand-Bank, with ſuch Force, that it rebounded on another, and beat it almoſt to Pieces. However, the Morn aroſe, that gilded all the flowery Plains, and preſented to our View a moſt agreeable Proſpect, both of Land and Water; the Tide left our Ship on the Strand, ſo that without Expence or Difficulty, we walked to Ringſend.

Here we took a little decent Lodging, till I could be able to remove to Dublin; [197] and I immediately diſpatched my Son, with a Letter to a Nobleman, whom I had formerly ſeen at my Father's; who obligingly ſent me a Guinea: This enabled me to diſmiſs my Lodging; my Son brought me a Coach, in which we put our Portmanteau, and remov'd to an Apartment he had taken for me at a ſmall Rent in Aungier-ſtreet.

Well, Reader, I have now brought you with me to Hibernia; where you will ſuppoſe the Daughter of a Gentleman ſo univerſally eſteemed, as Doctor Van Lewin, would, after ſo long an Exile, have ſurely found ſome Friends.

I wrote a very mannerly Epiſtle to my beloved Spouſe, in which I ſlightly mentioned his mercileſs Treatment of me, and his poor Children; and told him, that if he would pay me the Sixty five Pounds, for which I had his Bond in Counſellor Smith's Hands, I would not only forego the Intereſt, which amounted to a conſiderable Sum, but alſo immediately leave the Kingdom; provided alſo, he would give me Aſſurance, that he [198] would take Care of his youngeſt Son. I leave every Perſon of Candour, to judge whether or not this was a fair Propoſal: And I moſt ſolemnly proteſt to Almighty God, that I had no other intention, as there was not at that Time, above forty Pages of my Firſt Volume wrote; however he ſcorned to ſend me an Anſwer of any kind. Well, I wrote again, yet ſtill his Reverence was ſilent as the Grave.

This I confeſs a little incenſed me; and firſt determined me in the Deſign, of publickly vindicating my Innocence, and laying open, for univerſal Benefit, his unparallel'd Character; in which, if I have err'd, 'tis through Tenderneſs, as his Actions,

Call Virtue Hypocrite,
Pluck the fair Roſe from a young innocent Love,
And plant a Bliſter there.—
SHAKESPEAR.

I wrote to Counſellor Smith, and told him how Mr. Pilkington had treated me, [199] and withal informed him, that if he had too much Lenity to ſue him for my lawful Right, I inſiſted on his delivering me the Bond, that I might put it in Force, for the Relief of myſelf and my Child.

The Counſellor was at a Loſs how to act in ſo critical a Point. He knew Mr. Pilkington's Talent, of traducing every Perſon, who did not act in Compliance to his Inclination; and, on the other Hand, Juſtice compell'd him to think I had a Right to be paid, what had ſo long and ſo unlawfully been withheld from me; and by which I was drove to ſuch Extremities in London.

He therefore wrote to him, and I ſuppoſe acquainted him, how much it was out of his Power, as an honeſt Man, to defend him from the Conſequences of that Bond. Mr. Pilkington finding all his Policy of no Effect in this particular Affair, condeſcended to honour the Counſellor with a moſt ſtupid Epiſtle, in which he inſinuated, ‘"that his Motive for giving that Bond, was in order to make me live virtuouſly for the future, which [200] he could ſufficiently prove I had not done."’ [Produce your Evidence Mr. Parſon.] ‘"That if he was allow'd only ſuch Time to pay it, as his Circumſtances would not allow, he would try what Remedy he could obtain from a Court of Equity, when a full State of the Caſe was laid before them."’ Theſe are pretty near the Words; I wiſh you had my dear Spouſe, as it muſt have given Pleaſure to any Court, to ſee you look CONSCIENCE in the Face.

But not to be tedious, after much Trouble and Vexation of Spirit, I procured from him twenty Pounds at one Payment, with which I took a little rural Habitation near Bow-Bridge.

I wrote a Letter to my dear old Friend, Mr. Cibber, and told him, that however improbable it might ſeem to him, I had actually Twenty Pounds in my Pocket; and added, that I had

A little Room to lodge a Friend,
A River at my Garden's End,

[201] and wanted nothing, but the Delights of his Converſation, to make my Situation compleatly agreeable. I believe Mr. Cibber had not till then heard of my Expedition, ſo that my Letter muſt have ſurpriz'd him. By the return of the Poſt, I received from his dear Hand the following humorous Epiſtle.

To Mrs. Laetitia Pilkington, &c.

THOU frolickſome Farce of Fortune: What! is there then another Act to come of you yet? I thought you had ſome Time ago, made your final Exit. Well, but without Wit or Compliment, I am glad to hear you are ſo tolerably alive. I have your agreeable Narrative from Dublin before me, and ſhall, as you deſire, anſwer every Paragraph in its Turn, without once conſidering its Importance or Connection. In the firſt Place, you ſay I have for many Years been the kind Preſerver of your Life. In this, I think I have no great Merit, as you ſeemed to ſet ſo little Value on it yourſelf, otherwiſe you would [202] have conſidered, that Poverty was the moſt helpleſs Handmaid, that ever waited on a high ſpirited Lady. You ſeem to have a Glimpſe of a new World before you; think a little how you are to ſqueeze through the Crowd, with ſuch a Bundle at your Back, and do not ſuppoſe it poſſible, you can have a Grain of Wit, till you have twenty Pounds clear in your Pocket; with half that Sum, a greater Sinner than you, may look the Devil in the Face.

Few People of Senſe will turn their Backs on a Woman of Wit, that does not look as if ſhe came to borrow Money of them; but when Want brings her to her Wit's End, every Fool will have Wit enough to avoid her.

I am not ſure your Spouſe's having taken another Wife, before you came over, might not have proved the only Means, of his becoming a better Huſband to you; for had he pick'd up a Fortune, the Huſh of your Prior Claim to him, might have been worth a better ſeparate [203] Maintenance, than what you are now likely to get out of him.

As to my Health and Spirits, they are as uſual, and full as ſtrong as any body's that has enjoy'd them the ſame Number of Years.

If the Value I have for you, gives you any Credit in your own Country, pray ſtretch it as far as you think it can be ſerviceable to you; for under all the Rubbiſh of your Misfortunes, I could ſee your Merit ſparkle like a loſt Jewel. I have no greater Pleaſure, than in placing my Eſteem on thoſe, who can feel and value it. Had you been born to a large Fortune, your ſhining Qualities might have put half the reſt of your Sex out of Countenance. If any of them are uncharitable enough to call this Flattery, tell them what a poor Devil you are, and let that ſilence them.

I hope you have but one Volume of your Works in the Preſs, becauſe if it meets with any Succeſs, I believe I could give you ſome natural Hints, which, in [204] the eaſy Dreſs of your Pen, might a good deal enliven it.

You pay your Court very ill to me, by depreciating the natural Bleſſings on your Side the Water: Pray what have we to boaſt off, that you want, but Wealth and inſolent Dominion? Are not the Glory of God's Creation there?—Woman, lovely Woman there, in their higheſt Luſtre! I have ſeen ſeveral and frequent Samples of them here; and have heard of many, not only from yourſelf, but others, who for the agreeable Entertainments of ſocial Life, have not their equal Play-Fellows in Old England.

And pray what would Life be worth without them? Dear ſoft Souls, for now too they are laviſh of Favours, which in my Youth, they would have trembled to truſt me with. In a Word, if inſtead of the Sea, I had only the dry Ground Alps to get over, I ſhould think it but a Trip to Dublin; in the mean time, we muſt even compound for ſuch Interviews, as the Poſt or Packet can bring or ſend, to

Your real Friend and Servant, C. Cibber.

[205]I communicated this Letter to Lord Chief Baron Bowes, the Hon. Arthur Hill, Eſq and ſeveral Perſons of Taſte, who were infinitely delighted with it, as they were with many others, which I had from Mr. Cibber, and which would conſiderably have embeliſhed my Work, had I not the Misfortune to loſe them, by lending them to a Man of Diſtinction, who by ſome Accident miſlaid them; ſo I muſt e'en entertain you, with the neat Product of my own Brain.

Mr. Victor, whom I have mentioned in my Second Volume, and who is now Treaſurer of the Theatre Royal in Smock-Alley, came to viſit me ſeveral Times, and frequently favoured us with an Order to ſee the Play, as we were upon a very friendly and familiar Footing. My Son uſed, when he had an Inclination, to call on my Friend for a Paſs; one Night he ſent once or twice for that Purpoſe, when the Gentleman was abroad? What does the giddy Creature do, but aukwardly counterfeits his Hand in an Order for two. He told me of it, and ſaid he was [206] ſure Mr. Victor would not deny it, when he was informed who had taken that Freedom with his Name: I laugh'd at the Reflection of the Jeſt, when it came to be known, as Mr. Victor had had the Boy in his Arms when an Infant. Accordingly we took a Coach, went to the Play, and the Forgery ſeem'd to paſs extremely well. The firſt Act was ſcarce begun, when a Perſon entered, and as the Houſe was thin of Company, tapt my Son on the Shoulder. I did not apprehend the Cauſe of it, but began to grow uneaſy when I found him ſtay a full Hour; at length he returned, and informed me, that he had been, at the Inſtigation of Mr. Sh—n, arreſted by two Conſtables, from whom he was only delivered by the Sollicitations of Mr. Victor. This greatly aſtoniſhed me, as I thought Mr. Sh—n ought to have had a little more Reſpect for the Son of a Clergyman, eſpecially as he was well convinced, that as I knew his Father, (whom the Dean entertained more as a Buffoon, than a Friend or Companion) and his Mother, I had a Power [207] of furniſhing the World with ſome Anecdotes, which were hitherto unrevealed; but the Scheme of letting my Son eſcape was not any Lenity in him, but a Bait to catch me going out, whom they imagined they ſhould diſcover by the Boy; but it happened that a Gentleman handed me me out, by which this generous Intent was fruſtrated.

His little deformed Brother had the Aſſurance to tell my Son ſome Nights after, that Mr. S—n would eſteem any Satire I wrote on him a Panegyrick; which when I heard, in order to oblige him with a Compliment to his Taſte, I inclos'd to Mr. Victor the following Lines, to be forwarded to his Mightineſs.

To Mr. S—n.
FAIN would the Muſe record thy Crimes,
And leave them to ſucceeding Times;
But finds it difficult to trace,
The Vices of thy motly Race;
Whether thy Inſolence and Pride,
Spring from thy S—l Father's Side.
[208]That Pedant, who with Rod in Hand,
Could in his paultry School command,
And underneath his cruel Yoke;
Many a generous Spirit broke;
Who elſe were form'd in Camps to ſhine,
Or grace the Noble Patriot Line:
Or didſt thou from thy Dam inherit,
Thy fordid avaricious Spirit,
Of whom I heard old SWIFT declare,
So many Vices were her Share,
That were her Sex created all,
Pure as the firſt before the Fall;
And but her Crimes thro' all diſtributed,
The beſt would merit to be gibbeted.
Thy Father he applauded next,
Studying a Wench more than a Text;
Who having got of Money ſtore,
Laviſhing all upon a Whore,
Was ſent to Hell, his lateſt Journey,
By her baſe Brother an Attorney;
Such be thy Fate, thou Wretch accurs'd,
Or elſe with Spleen and Envy burſt;
Or with thine Uncle, brave M'Faddin,
Whoſe Infamy thy Soul is clad in,
[209]To free the ſuffering Stage and Nation,
Be doom'd like him to Tranſportation.
But who thy Deſtiny can alter?
Thy very Looks, preſage a Halter.
Oh may I live to hail the Day,
When the glad Players ſhall ſurvey,
Their Tyrant ſtript of all Command,
High on the well fixt Ladder ſtand.
And taking thence, one glorious Swing,
How will they ſpout, "God ſave the King?"
Then ſhall thoſe Cloaths, in which diſguiſe,
You'd ſeem a Lord to vulgar Eyes.
Did not thy baſe and abject Mien,
Betray the Beggar's Brat within,
Be by thy Kinſman Hangman worn,
And ſtill a Scoundrel Thief adorn.

This, Sir, I moſt humbly beg your Acceptance of, as 'tis indeed the only thing which I could without Diſſimulation ſay of you.

I was told, that this worthy Gentleman, in a Letter to the inimitable Mr. Garrick, ſaid, ‘"We ſhine like Caſtor and Pollux, [210] you adorn Great Britain, while I illuminate Hibernia."’ Nothing ſure, but his matchleſs Ignorance, could have drawn ſo diſproportionate a Parrallel. I remember the firſt time I had the Pleaſure of ſeeing Mr. Garrick perform, it was the Character of King Lear; I was in one of the Boxes, and when he came to the mad Scene, I was ſo much affected at it, that I got up inſenſibly, and was going out, till I was wak'd, like one from a Trance, by the Lady who accompanied me, pulling me by the Sleeve, and demanding where I was going? and to ſay the Truth,

He made me Marble, with too much conceiving.
MILTON.

I am certain no Perſon was ever capable of making the Audience feel a Part, which they did not ſincerely do themſelves; and I'm convinced, Mr. Garrick never play'd a Part, wherein he did not, through the whole Performance, believe himſelf the Man; whereas Pollux, as Sh—n [211] modeſtly ſtiles himſelf, is no other than Tom Sh—n, though he change Dreſs and Perriwig twenty Times a Night; he is indeed, Semper Eadem, worſe and worſe, as my Countryman has it.

This brings to my Memory, a Story of a very eminent Player, who was to perform the Part of Hannibal. A Nobleman behind the Scenes, took the Liberty to give a Twitch to one Tye of his Peruke. The enraged Hero turned on his Heel, and with his martial Truncheon, ſmote the Peer over the Cheek.

A Blow, by Heaven! and from an Actor's Hand!
He did not ſtab him, for that were poor Revenge.

But when he came off the Stage, my Lord told him, he believed he thought himſelf really Hannibal, when he could give with Impunity, ſuch an Indignity, to a Man of his Conſequence. My Lord, ſaid the Player, if I did not think myſelf Hannibal, I ſhould never be able to make [212] the Audience do ſo.—So much for Theatrical Affairs.

I now began ſeriouſly to reſolve on Publiſhing my Writings, and to that End had Propoſals printed. Perſons were at firſt a little timorous, leſt I ſhould print a Liſt of Subſcribers, and by that Means they might unwittingly give Offence; but when I declared no Names ſhould be inſerted, I had a numerous Contribution, from all the Nobility, Clergy, and Gentry; amongſt whom, when I name our excellent Lord Chancellor, in whom Titles and Honours had made no Alteration, but that of increaſing his Politeneſs, Munificence, and Liberality, to every Individual; our Patriot Speaker; and worthy Recorder Eaton Stannard Eſq I believe no Perſon of Diſtinction, will bluſh to have their Names mentioned.

Well, at length my firſt Volume was finiſhed, and I wrote a bantering Letter to Sir J—n F—ke, to whom I have the Diſhonour to be allied, to tell him, that I intended to dedicate it to him, [213] Nemine Con. He, whoſe Mind is truly pictured in his ill-favoured Face, told my Son, that for himſelf, every Body would take it as a thing done to make him ridiculous, ſince he had not any Accompliſhments, that might merit an Encomium, which indeed was true, except 'tis his matchleſs Impudence, in keeping Poſſeſſion of an Eſtate, which his own Mother, the Lady —, told him he had no more Right to, than to the Dukedom of Burgundy.

When his ſuppoſed Father, Sir B—ph F—ke died, this young Spark was an Enſign in the Army, and ſtepping at once into Affluence, he being naturally of a covetous Diſpoſition, refuſed to pay his Mother the Jointure which ſhe claim'd, and was going to commence a Suit with her; when one Morning ſhe called on him and ſaid, Hark ye, Sir John, do you reſolve to go to Law with me for what's my Right? He begg'd to be excuſed, but told her, Self-Preſervation was the firſt Law of Nature; ſo it is Sir, ſaid ſhe, calling him by his real Father's Name; then [214] you are no longer Sir J—n F—ke which I will go inſtantly and make publick.

He fell dutifully on his Knees, entreated her Pardon for his Diſobedience, and promis'd for the future to pay all proper Reſignation to her ſuperior Underſtanding.—This, Sir John, you and many others know to be Fact.

He pointed out to me, as a ſubject for everlaſting Praiſe, my beloved Lord Kingsborough, then Sir Robert King, and though I had not the Felicity I have ſince experienced of a perſonal Acquaintance with him, yet the Character pleaſed me, and accordingly I wrote a trifling Dedication, far inferior to his Merit, which notwithſtanding he kindly accepted, and ſent me the following Letter:

Madam,

I Return you my Thanks for the Favour of your Dedication, which tho' I am ſenſible is too high a Compliment, yet my Vanity will not permit me to refuſe. I beg you will take the Trouble [215] to ſend your Servant to me to-morrow Morning, and you'll oblige,

Madam,
Your devoted humble Servant, R. KING.

I accordingly ſent my Son, who returned with a Letter, in which were incloſed two Notes for ten Pounds each, The Letter was only this;

Madam,

I Once more return you Thanks for the Favour you intend me, and have the Honour to be,

Madam,
Your obliged humble Servant, R. KING.

An obliging and eaſy manner of conferring the higheſt Favours, is what few ev'n amongſt the moſt Polite have been able to arrive at, a Perfection which alone is given to adorn a Marlborough or a Kingsborough.

[216]But alas, how vain, how fleeting were all the Joys I ever propoſed to myſelf. This Nobleman, in whoſe Eſteem I imagined myſelf to be ſo deeply riveted, that not Fortune, Time, or Fate, could ever diſplace me, was, as I have ſince learned, by the Inſinuations of one Clancy, an old blind Beggar, whoſe Wants I had often ſupplied, both in London and Dublin, perſuaded to believe, that I had ſpoken diſreſpectfully of his Lordſhip; and that my Son ſaid he would print his Letters, and ſell them for Halſpence a-piece; all which was moſt notoriouſly falſe: However, it had ſuch an Effect, that his Lordſhip came to me, and giving me ten Guineas in a ſort of commanding Tone, deſired me to give him his Letters; I burſt into Tears, and told him, I would reſign them, (or even any thing, if poſſibly dearer) to his Pleaſure. I went to my Drawer, took as many as I could find, and delivered them as I would,

The ruddy Drops that viſit my ſad Heart.

[217]He took them abruptly, and departing, told me he would ſend in the Morning for the Remainder of them; he left me in a Condition which I am utterly incapable of deſcribing. A Circumſtance ſo unlook'd for, ſunk me into a Train of the moſt gloomy Reflections, which might have been attended with fatal Conſequences, had not the Entrance of ſome agreeable Company diſſipated my preſent Reflections.

The next Morning before I was up a Chairman came and knock'd at the the Door; the Servant aſked who he wanted: He ſaid he came from Lord Kingsborough, and muſt ſee Mrs. Pilkington herſelf; he told him I was not up; but he ſwore and ſtormed, ſaying he would not leave the Place till he had his Lord's Letters from me. I happened to overhear him, and deſired the Maid to tell the Chairman, I would ſend to his Lordſhip preſently; I according aroſe, and piqued at the Uſage I had received from the Fellow, I muſt confeſs with Shame, I wrote a little [218] warmly on the Subject to my Lord, and without allowing myſelf time for Thought diſpatched it off.

For I bear Anger as the Flint bears Fire,
Which much enforced, ſhews a haſty Spark,
And ſtrait is cool again.
SHAKESPEAR.

The fatal Epiſtle had ſcarce left my Hand, e'er my Heart was agitated with the moſt ſenſible Remorſe. I in vain diſpatched a Meſſenger after the firſt,

'Twas paſt, 'twas gone, 'twas irrecoverable;

It reach'd his Hands, and he only ſent for Anſwer, "'Tis very well:"

I believe the judicious Part of my Readers, muſt have apprehended that the Sin of Ingratitude is not amongſt the Number of mine, ſince I have endeavoured through my Work, if poſſible, to make the contrary conſpicuous, by rendering [219] due Praiſe to all my Benefactors. Yet what could my beloved Lord imagine, but that he had beſtow'd all his Favours on an unworthy Perſon?

I did not believe that after all the Anguiſh of Mind I had ſuſtained through my Life, any thing could move my Philoſophy, (which had made me determine never to be overjoyed or ſurprized, at any Advancement in Life, nor dejected or caſt down at any Adverſity on this Side Futurity) ſo much as this.

Downy Repoſe was a Stranger to my Pillow, and I fell a Prey to the greateſt Languor and Heavineſs of Soul. However as I knew his Lordſhip was filled with the Milk of human Pity, I imagined, by apologizing for the raſh Act, I ſhould be bleſt with his forgiveneſs, and a Renewal of his Friendſhip to me, to which End I wrote the following Lines:

To the Right Hon. the Lord Kingſborough.
No more my Lord with Pleaſure I expect,
Your friendly Aid my Weakneſs to protect.
[220]Loſt to thoſe Tranſports, you have oft inſpired,
And every Happineſs my Soul deſir'd;
Oh where for Succour, whither ſhall I fly,
But buried in unheard of Sorrows die?
The Soul of Pity dwells not in a Slave,
But kind Compaſſion dignifies the brave.
At Darius' Woes, great Philip's Warlike Son
Was mov'd, when Conqueſts and when Toils were done.
Each Godlike Hero has a tender Part,
And Woes like mine, wou'd melt a ſavage Heart.
E'er long my Soul had no Deſire in View,
No Hope or Wiſh, but that of pleaſing you.
One Smile from you could make a rich Amends,
For ſhatter'd Fortune, and the Loſs of Friends:
Eſteem'd by you, I could with Eaſe ſurvey
My Name and Honour, to the World a Prey.
[221]But now no more, I'm raviſh'd with that Voice,
Whoſe ſacred Sound bids Agony rejoice,
The vernal Blooms no longer give me Eaſe,
Nor painted Violets my Fancy pleaſe.
Each Darling Object but elates my Grief,
And Death's cold Hand can only give Relief.
Yet, when Laetitia ſhall exiſt no more,
But Duſt to Duſt, as ſhe muſt ſhort, reſtore,
Shed one kind Tear of Pity on her Hearſe,
Thou matchleſs Subject of her lateſt Verſe;
And let no Stone or Marble ever tell
What Woes her Children, or herſelf, befel:
But, mix'd and cover'd, with forgotten Clay,
Time ſhall diſſolve her Memory away.

His Lordſhip ſent me the following Anſwer, which only added more Weight to my oppreſſed Soul.

[222]
Madam,

I Am extremely honoured, by that Eſteem and Friendſhip which you profeſs for me in your really fine Copy of Verſes; yet, when I reflect on a late Letter of yours, which I ſtill have by me, I cannot help thinking myſelf as unworthy of your Praiſes, as I was of your Threats.

I am, Madam, Your very humble Servant, —.

I concluded from this Letter, that I had loſt all the Share in his Eſteem, that I once flattered myſelf I was poſſeſſed of; which ſhews the Inſtability of human Affairs.

And here, gentle Reader, my Story and my Life draw to a Period. I am convinced, from the preſent Situation of my Health, that I ſhall never live to ſee this Volume publiſhed. It is the only Legacy I have to leave my poor Boy, who, I fear, [223] will meet with many Enemies, on account of my Writings, when it will be out of my Power to protect him. But Oh! ye Good and Great, to you and the Almighty I commend him; and hope that Tenderneſs which melted you to compaſſionate my Woes, will incline you to aſſiſt him. Believe me, my dear Lord Kingſborough, no Creature living holds your Lordſhip in higher Eſteem than he; and, as you told me in one of your Letters, your Inclinations were, and Endeavours ſhould be, to ſerve him, let not the Memory of my Offence prevent your keeping that Promiſe ſacred.

Appendix A APPENDIX.

[224]

I Promiſed in my Propoſals for printing this Volume by Subſcription, to give the Readers a Key to the firſt, ſecond, and third Volumes, in this Place; but having been adviſed by ſome judicious Friends, that ſuch a thing would only tend to create ill Blood, and excite a Reſentment too powerful to be withſtood by ſo inconſiderable a Perſon as myſelf, it has been thought expedient to furniſh them with an Account of my Mother's Death; which I am the more capable of doing, as I remained with her to her laſt Moments.

She had been a long time in a declining State of Health, having an extreme bad Stomach, and Digeſtion: Nor did [225] ſhe imagine that Nature could have held out as long as it did.

She never ſeemed in the leaſt uneaſy at the Knowledge of her approaching End; often declaring, that if ſhe could take me with her to Felicity, ſhe would leave this World without Reluctance.

And indeed, I am not ſurprized, that her maternal Love extended ſo far, as ſhe even then foreſaw the Calamities which I have ſince ſuſtained; and knew, that if the World, at her firſt ſetting out as a Writer, with her extraordinary Talents, ſcarce afforded her Bread, my Fate muſt be even harder, except I met the Patronage of ſome illuſtrious Perſon.

And Providence ſeemed inclinable to comply with her Wiſh; for, in the latter End of June, 1751, I was ſeized with a moſt violent Pleuretic Fever, which I got by an extreme Cold, I ſent for Doctor Fergus, a moſt eminent Phyſician, and worthy Gentleman; my Mother was at this time ſo weak as to be obliged to keep her Bed: When the Doctor ſaw me, and [226] heard the Symptoms of my Diſorder, he told me I was a dead Man; that I ſhould have applied ſome Days ſooner, ſince he was now of Opinion it had got too far the Aſcendency over me for any Cure to be effected: However, he ordered me to be blooded four times that Day, and then went up to my Mother's Apartment.

She aſked him his Advice upon her own Caſe and mine; and he told her a little too frankly, that Nature might do ſomething for my Recovery, but that her Death was inevitable; ſhe ſmiling, ſaid to him, That the Worms would have but a poor Feaſt of her, ſhe being quite worn away.

Well, I was blooded according to his Order, and the Fever abated conſiderably. I had the next Night an exceſſive Perſpiration, which carried off all the Symptoms except a little Weakneſs.

In the Morning a young Lady, who honour'd me with a particular Regard, came to ſee me. She was ſo exceſſively delighted at my ſpeedy and unexpected Recovery, that ſhe reſolved to ſpend the [227] Day with me; and my poor Mother, ever willing to contribute to my Satisfaction, told the Nurſe-keeper that ſhe found herſelf much better, and deſired ſhe might be brought to my Apartment; accordingly ſhe lifted my dear Mother like a Child, in her Arms, and placed her in an Elbow-chair by my Bed-ſide: She affected, in order to pleaſe me, to be extremely chearful; and the young Lady kneeled down, and aſked her Bleſſing; telling her ſhe wanted to have a Wedding in the Houſe inſtead of a Burying from it. My Mother, who retained her Spirits and good Humour to the laſt, gave us both her Bleſſing very devoutly, and her ſincere Permiſſion to marry. I had a ſmall Chicken dreſſed for my Dinner, of which my Mother partook, but her Stomach was too weak to keep it, or a Glaſs of Wine, which ſhe drank after it; ſo ſhe was obliged to be carried to Bed.

After her Departure, as the Weather was vaſtly warm, I ordered the Maid to open the Saſh-window; and, in the mean time, comes the Doctor; we were juſt [228] going to drink Tea: This Gentleman is a little near-ſighted; but ſeeing the Saſh up, and Company in the Room, What, ſaid he, this poor Boy's gone; I thought ſo! And was going out: No, Sir, ſaid I, I am ſtill alive: Alive! ſaid he, And what are all theſe People doing here? He immediately went and darkened the Window, taking the Company by the Shoulders, and turning them out; he then charged the Nurſe-keeper, not to open the Window, nor let any Perſon talk to me for a Week.

I thought this Preſcription a little hard, as I imagined myſelf quite well: Accordingly the next Morning I ſent the Nurſe out, got up, dreſſed myſelf, and went to my poor Mother; ſhe was agreeably ſurprized to ſee me, but upon opening the Curtains, I found ſhe had a great Caſt in her Eyes, which ſhocked me extremely, and ſhe told me, that every thing appeared double to her; I did not give her to underſtand, that I perceived it, but told her, ſhe looked better than I had known her do a long [229] Time. She ſaid the Doctor had given her over: Why ſo he did me, Madam, and yet you ſee I am alive; and if you will take my Preſcription, I dare ſay you will make a Fibber of him.

She ſaid ſhe would, and I propoſed, that my Spouſe as I call'd Miſs C—m, and ſhe, and I, ſhould the next Morning go to Chapel Izod, a Place about three Miles from Dublin, and ſpend the Day. She ſeemed quite pleaſed with my Requeſt, and ſent to have a Landau beſpoke for that Purpoſe.

In the Morning ſhe was up and dreſſed before me, and was as ſprightly as I had ever ſeen her, tho' quite weak, inſomuch that ſhe was obliged to be carried into the Machine and out again.

We ſet out before Breakfaſt, and went thro' the Phoenix Park, it was a fine Day, and we had the Landau opened; the freſh Air vaſtly revived her, and ſhe repeated a good many Lines of the Poem on Windſor-Foreſt; ſhe even complained of being hungry. When we came to the Tavern, I ordered ſome Tea; and to [230] my infinite Surprize, my Mother called for a Plate of Ham, and ſome Oil and Vinegar, eat very hearty, and drank two Glaſſes of White-wine.

The Readers may judge that I was overjoyed at ſeeing ſo fair a Proſpect of her Recovery; ſhe after made a Shift to walk down into the Flower-Garden, and ſeemed to enjoy the balmy Fragrance with great inward Satisfaction. I then went in, and beſpoke Dinner, which was young Ducks, and Green Peaſe; my Mother lay down and ſlept 'till 'twas ready, at which Hour ſhe roſe, and eat very hearty: There happened to be a Couple of Gentlemen in the Houſe of our Acquaintance, who after Dinner joined Company with us; and my Mother told them that the Doctor had given her over, but ſhe-was reſolved to outlive the whole Faculty. In ſhort, ſhe related twenty agreeable Stories to our infinite Entertainment.

Little did I imagine, that our preſent Joy was only the Prologue to the Grief I too ſoon after received. We did not leave Chapel Izod till Ten at Night, [231] when we all ſet out in the Landau; I know not whether the Air might not have been very fatal to her, for no ſooner were we got a hundred Yards, but ſhe began to cough, and continued ſo all that Night, during which I ſat up with her.

We lodged at this Time in the Houſe of one Sheil, in Phraper-Lane, Dublin: We had a firſt and ſecond Floor, for which we conſtantly paid Ten Shillings and Six-pence a Week; the Man of the Houſe had been a Pariſh-Clerk, and had held that Dignity under my Father for ſome Years; he afterwards turned Farrier, or Horſe-Doctor, in which meeting with no Succeſs, he came to Dublin, took a Houſe which he let to Lodgers, except the Parlours and Kitchen, and commenced a famous Quack; I queſtion whither the moſt eminent of that Profeſſion in London, which I take to be R—k, ever tried more ſalutary Methods to deſtroy the human Species, than this profound Eſculapius had done, nor with more Succeſs; whom we ſhall [232] hereafter diſtinguiſh by the Title of Doctor Sheil.

This Wretch, who was ignorant beyond Conception, was a Compound of Pragmataciſm and Hypocriſy, his Eyes were eternally bent to Heaven, with the moſt ſolemn and auſtere Aſpect, while his Heart was perpetrating the Deſtruction of all who had the Misfortune to be thrown into his Houſe.

The firſt Inſtance which convinced me of it, was this; the light Guineas were now cried down, ſo that People would ſcarcely accept them on any Account. This Doctor was very particular every Saturday to call for his Money; being the moſt avaricious Mortal I had ſeen. It happened one Evening, that we had no Money in the Houſe but theſe Guineas, one of which was very remarkable and wanted Six Shillings. This I gave him, and allowed him the Deficiency. In a few Days after, every light Guinea which my Mother had, ſhe ſold, and took current Guineas for them. She had exactly five Weight ones in her Purſe. [233] One Morning that I went out, ſhe left her Pocket hanging on a Chair; as ſhe was never ſuſpicious of any one. When I returned, ſhe was going to ſend me to pay ſome Caſh; when what ſhould I ſee but the light Guinea I had ſome Days before given Sheil. The Thing aſtoniſhed me; I aſked if Sheil had been in the Room, ſhe ſaid no, nor any Perſon beſides Nurſe; this Nurſe, under the Roſe, was much addicted to Liquor, I called her, and examined her cloſely about the Matter, ſhe ſtrenuouſly denied her knowing any thing of it; at length, by Threats and Entreaties, ſhe confeſſed that Sheil had given her Half a Pint of Rum to change them in her Pocket, he aſſuring her it was the ſame Thing.

I now beſought my Mother's Permiſſion to lay the old canting R—l in Newgate, but ſhe begged, that I would let her die in Peace, and not cauſe her laſt Moments to be diſturbed with Contention; ſhe farther conjured me not to mention it till ſhe was either dead, or in ſome [234] other Lodging. In Compliance to her Requeſt, I dropt the Affair.

But notwithſtanding her Deſire of Quietneſs, this Blood-hound, for ſuch alone I can ſtile him, reſolved to haſten her Exit; for the next Day watching his Opportunity, when I was out, he came up, and with an auſtere Countenance demanded three Weeks Rent, which was that Day due to him, ſhe told him in a faint Voice, that I was gone for Money, and would pay him at my Return; but he ſwore he would not be trifled with any longer; and if ſhe did not inſtantly pay him, he would turn her into the Street.

Imagine what a Shock this Behaviour muſt be to one in her feeble Condition; ſhe could make no Anſwer, but burſt into Tears. Come, Madam, ſaid the inhuman Cannibal, theſe Arts won't paſs on me; give me either my Money, or Value for it, or by G—d you ſhall go out of this Lodging.

She gave him the Keys of her Drawers, and deſired him to take any Moveables [235] he thought proper for his Security, and intreated for Chriſtian Charity he would leave the Room, as his Preſence was baneful to her.

This was all he aimed at, ſo very modeſtly helped himſelf to every Thing that was valuable, and left the Room.

I returned ſoon after, and was greatly ſurprized, to ſee my poor Mother trembling, and pale, ſo that ſhe ſcarce ſeemed to live; ſhe faintly looked up at me, and ſaid my dear Child, that Villain Sheil has been the Death of your Mother; I knew I had not long to exiſt, but ſure it was cruel to ſtab at Half an Hour of my frail Life.

I could ſcarce contain the various Paſſions riſing in my Breaſt; Love, Pity, Horror, and Reſentment, reciprocally took Place, and I ſhould doubtleſs have gone and taken his Life, but that filial Duty withheld me from adding to my dear Mother's Affliction.

[236]I prevailed on her to take a little mull'd Wine, after which ſhe went to Bed; and I found on the Table theſe Lines, which were the laſt ſhe ever wrote;

My Lord, my Saviour, and my God,
I bow to thy correcting Rod;
Nor will I murmur or complain,
Tho' ev'ry Limb be fill'd with Pain;
Tho' my weak Tongue its Aid denies,
And Day-light wounds my wretched Eyes.

I ſat up with her all this Night, during which ſhe ſlept little for the heavy Cough on her Lungs; but ſhe retained her Senſes ſo well, that ſhe entertained me with many Stories, and repeated Part of a Poem written on Mrs. Waller. I believe, Madam, ſaid I, ſhe's a Subſcriber to you; Yes, ſaid ſhe, ſhe paid the Money to my Father. I now found her Brain begin to grow defective; which gave the moſt piercing Anguiſh to my Heart I had ever received.

She doz'd a little about four o'Clock in the Morning; and when ſhe awoke, [237] told me, ſhe had a mighty agreeable Dream; which was, that her Father came to her in a Mourning Coach and Six; and told her he was very angry ſhe had been ſo long ill, and yet never ſent for him whom ſhe knew was always ready to aſſiſt her: I am come, continued he, to bring you out of all your Troubles; and with that, took her in his Arms, like a Child, and carried her away in the Coach.

My boding Heart readily interpreted this Dream, as indeed did her own; my Dear, ſaid ſhe, you know the Uſage I have received from your Father, together with the Knowledge I have that there are but few good Clergymen to be found, have ever made me declare that I would permit none of them to viſit me in my laſt Hours, except dear Doctor Delany: However, ſince he is from Town, and the World would add Impiety to all they have ſaid of me, if I don't have ſome one of them, pray ſend for the Curate of this Pariſh; I accordingly did, and we all joined in Prayer; after which ſhe fell into a good deal of Diſcourſe with [238] him, and they drank a Glaſs of Wine together: He aſked her if ſhe forgave my Father; and ſhe related the following Story to him.

There was an honeſt Iriſh Papiſt, on his Death-bed, and when the Prieſt was going to give him Abſolution, he aſked the ſick Man, If he freely forgave all his Enemies? Otherwiſe he could not adminiſter that Sacrament to him; the Man replied, Arah faith, Father, I do forgive every one, only Teddy Brenan, that pounded my Cow. Nay, but, ſaid the Prieſt, you muſt forgive him alſo, or I cannot abſolve you; Well, ſaid he, Father, if I die, I will forgive him; but if I live, I never can. Will that do, ſaid the ſick Man? Arah faith, ſaid the Prieſt, if it won't do, it muſt do; and accordingly proceeded.

So, Sir, ſaid ſhe, if I die I do forgive him; and I wiſh the God whom he has offended may do the ſame; but if I live, mark you that, Maſter Parſon, I never will.

[239]The Clergyman departed, and in about an Hour's time came a great long Letter, written, I ſuppoſe, at the Deſire of Doctor Sheil, by ſome of the enthuſiaſtical Methodiſts, of which Dublin is now the chief Receptacle in his Majeſty's Dominions; it was written in their whining Stile, declaring that ſhe, my Mother, was damned beyond Redemption; that ſhe was now on the Brink of Hell; and that not the Blood of the Lamb could intercept her.

We both laughed at this fantaſtic Contrivance, and ſhe only wiſhed for Strength to be able to anſwer it properly; but alas, that ſhe never had.

This Day ſhe retained her Senſes tolerably till Evening, when ſhe began to talk incoherently. I ſat up till Four in the Morning, at which time I grew very heavy: What, ſaid ſhe, can't you watch and pray a Moment, till this bitter Cup paſſes from me; a Moment, and I ſhall be no more: Come, ſaid ſhe, kneel down, and take my Bleſſing, and the laſt Adieu. With a Heart rent in twain, I complied, [240] and ſhe laid her Hand on my Head, and ſaid, very devoutly, the God of Abraham, Iſaac, and Jacob, bleſs you; the Father, the Son, and Holy Ghoſt, protect and guard you, and bring you ſafe to everlaſting Peace, where I go a little before you; for, ſurely, my dear Child, I believe, through Chriſt, I ſhall be happy hereafter.

The Words made ſo deep an Impreſſion on my Soul, that I could not help repeating them; and I do it more particularly, becauſe ſome People have been cruel enough to ſay, ſhe died an Atheiſt; but ſurely ev'ry Perſon, who examines her Writings, will find that ſhe was a ſincere Believer in the Doctrines of Chriſtianity, as taught by the Church of England; the perpetual Benefit of which I hope ſhe now enjoys. I remember in the Beginning of her Illneſs, ſhe called me to her; and ſaid, I have a thing to requeſt, and you muſt by no means deny me, but promiſe on your Life, your Honour, and your Soul, to perform it; I told her, as I had not often diſobeyed her, ſhe need [241] not be ſo particular in charging me; 'tis this, ſaid ſhe, in a few Days you'll loſe your poor little Mother; and as you know I have no Money, your Father undoubtedly will bury me, and, perhaps, may propoſe putting my Remains in his Family Burial Place; but if you ſuffer that, you have my heavy Curſe; nay, if it's poſſible, I will come from the Grave to reſent it. Lay me by my dear Father, and let our kindred Aſhes mingle together; for, were I put in the Ground with your Father,*

The Miracle of Thebes wou'd be renew'd,
And the dividing Flames burn different Ways.

Theſe were her very Words: Now, ſaid ſhe, if ever you grow rich, erect a little ſquare Marble Stone over me; and let this Inſcription be on it; Here lyeth, near the Body of her honoured Father, John Vanlewen, M. D. the Mortal Part of
Mrs. LAETITIA PILKINGTON,
[242] Whoſe Spirit hopes for that Peace, thro' the infinite Merit of CHRIST, which a cruel and mercileſs World never afforded her.

I ſincerely promiſed to obey her Injunction. But to return:—Between Five and Six her Breath grew ſhort, and her Eye-Sight failed her, I went, and embracing her Hand, which was now almoſt lifeleſs, aſked her if ſhe knew me: Yes, ſaid ſhe, you are my eldeſt Son, come from the College for my Bleſſing; you might have called before, but God bleſs you. It ſeemed as if her not being permitted to ſee him diſturbed her laſt Moments. She then deſired me to kneel down and pray by her, which I did, ſtill keeping her Hand in mine, I found it grow cold, and heavy, and looking up juſt ſaw her expire with a Sigh.

I now beheld the moſt tender and endearing Mother departed from me: My only Prop and Succour gone: While I ſaw myſelf ready to be expoſed to all the Malice of Fortune. I too well before experienced the obdurate Temper of my [243] Father, to hope any Favour from him. However, ſummoning up all my Philoſophy, and repoſing my intire Confidence in divine Providence, I left that Scene of Sorrow and Lamentation, and retired to take a little Repoſe.

I had ſome few Days before this ſecured all my Mother's Manuſcripts in the Hands of a Friend, which was very fortunate for me, ſince the Moment old Sheil heard ſhe was dead, he ran into the Dining-Room, and ſecured every Thing he could lay Hands on; after which he went to inform my Father of the long wiſhed and joyful News. He could ſcarce credit it at firſt; but when the pious Mr. Sheil aſſured him on the Word of a Chriſtian, that he ſpoke Truth, my Father, with great Compoſure, ſaid it had been well for her, to have died ſome Years ago; old Sheil aſſured him, that he believed ſhe would not have died this Bout, but for the Fright he gave her in her Sickneſs; for which kind Office my Father could not but thank him.

[244]He gave immediate Orders for her Funeral, which you may depend on it was not profuſe; he allowed her, however a decent Oak Coffin and Shrowd, and the Nurſe-keeper told me, that Sheil was ſo unparalleled a Wretch, that ſhe could ſcarce keep him out of the Room while ſhe ſtripped the Corpſe, which the Moment ſhe had done, and put her Shrowd on, he came and took the Linen in which ſhe died, and ſecured that alſo.

When I aroſe in the Morning, the old Hypocrite aſked me to Breakfaſt with him, and endeavoured to comfort me, by ſaying my Father was too good a Chriſtian to let me want; and that as the Cauſe of his Anger to me was now removed, by the Death of my Mother, the Effect would undoubtedly ceaſe.

I told him I expected nothing from him, nor ſhould I, tho' infinitely diſtreſſed, make any Application to him; that Nature inſtructed me to love and protect my Mother, whoſe Cauſe my Duty prompted me to eſpouſe, of which [245] I could not be aſhamed, ſince I would do it, were it to be done again.

He ſaid I ought to ſubmit to my Father, and write to him; and, ſaid he, thoſe Papers and Letters you have, ſend them to him, which will prove your Reſpect, and I will engage to mediate Matters ſo well between you, that he ſhall allow you Twenty Pounds a Year, tho' he won't ſee you.

As I am too apt to be credulous, had any Perſon, but this Man, whom my Soul abhorred, made ſuch Overtures, I ſhould have thought there was ſomething in it; but if the Harmony of Angels proceeded from his Lips, whom I looked on as the Murderer of my dear Mother, it would to me be hateful as the Hiſſing of Serpents.

However, I liſtened to him, and anſwered that thoſe Papers would certainly obtain Money for me, and Promiſes were often broke; that as to Twenty Pounds a Year, my Father would as ſoon give Twenty of his Teeth; but if the officious Mr. Sheil would prevail [246] on my Father to give me Fifty Pounds, I would not only reſign them, but would go to ſome Part of the World, where he ſhould never hear of me.

The latter Part of this my Father would readily agree to, nay have given me his Bleſſing at my Departure, but not a Word of the Nine and Forty Pieces. Indeed another pious Divine offered me a Sum of Money to go to America, which becauſe I did not conſent to, he has ſince utterly rejected me; but a little Time will ſhew the World his Motives for that, and open a very unexpected Scene to the Publick; and tho' I have not kept my Promiſe to him in making the Affair known before now, yet I take this Opportunity of informing his Reverence that I have not forgot him.

In ſhort, the Doctor (Sheil I mean) went to my Father, and told my Conditions; but he only laughed, and ſaid I had not my Mother's Genius, and muſt quickly fall into Contempt, therefore he very fairly ſet me at Defiance; and ſhould I dare to print any Thing [247] againſt him, he had Intereſt enough to ſend me over the Water. I am ſorry for the diſagreeable Neceſſity I am under of ſpeaking or writing any Thing to diſpleaſe him, but Facts may be related, I hope, without Offence.

The next Day Mr. Faulkner inſerted the following Paragraph in his Paper.

Yeſterday Morning died Mrs. Letitia Pilkington. And the Author of Pue's Occurrences, one of the worſt Papers publiſhed there, (I ſuppoſe by my Father's Direction) inſerted a very falſe and ſcandalous Paragraph; while Mr. Eſdall, who is a Gentleman of known Worth and Integrity publiſhed a genteel Encomium on her.

A few Days after I wrote the following little Piece, which, as it was almoſt my firſt Attempt in Rhyme, and on ſo particular a Subject, I hope the Readers will pardon me for introducing it here.

[248]
On the DEATH of my BELOVED MOTHER.
And ſhall no mournful elegiac Lay,
Thy matchleſs Worth and Excellence diſplay?
From me, at leaſt, 'tis but a poor Amends,
Thou tendereſt Mother, and thou beſt of Friends;
While, from my Eyes, the ſtreaming Sorrows run,
Accept this Tribute from thy darling Son;
Who, taught by thee, in melting Numbers tells
What agonizing Pain his Boſom ſwells;
What dreadful Anguiſh preys upon his Mind,
That thou art fled, and he remains behind:
Pleas'd if with you he might aſcend the Sky,
To the bright Regions of Felicity;
But here no Joy, no Comfort, no Delight,
Can charm his Fancy, or divert his Sight:
[249]Wilt thou from never-fading Bliſs deſcend
Me from the Storms of Fortune to defend?
Midſt the rude Strokes of adverſe Fate protect,
Or in ſweet Viſions all my Ways direct:
Alas! too many Bleſſings wait on thee,
To know one anxious, tender Pang for me.
Yet ſure the pure celeſtial Joys above,
Cannot extirpate thy maternal Love;
Which, with a Care, Deſcription that ſurpaſt,
Defended me from each untimely Blaſt;
Rais'd me to Knowledge in each poliſh'd Art,
Refin'd my Manners, and improv'd my Heart;
Taught me from pleaſing, ſacred Truths to know,
The Source from whence perpetual Mercies flow:
Then, to the Throne of never-dying Worth,
[250]Taught me to pour my Supplications forth.
May that tranſcendant Pow'r, which call'd you hence,
Be ſtill my Shield, my Refuge, and Defence,
Till the grim Tyrant kindly ends my Pain,
And we, enraptur'd, meet in Heav'n again.

I never communicated theſe Lines to any one; and now tranſcribe them only from my Memory.

Since, by writing this little Account, I have obtained the Honour of ſpeaking to the Public, it gives me an Opportunity of ſaying ſomething in Favour of myſelf, who I am convinced have been miſrepreſented to them, and for which, I hope, I ſhall be excuſed, as Self-preſervation is the firſt Law of Nature. There are many Perſons of ſome Note in Life, who have, on hearing me mentioned, cried, Oh, horrid Dog, ſhocking Fellow, &c. Pray, Gentlemen and Ladies, for [251] what? Where are my Accuſers; let them name the particular Crimes for which I deſerve thoſe Epithets, or elſe not mention me at all.

My Lord Stafford, I think, is the only Inſtance which Engliſh Hiſtory furniſhes us with, of a Perſon being condemn'd for accumulated Treaſon; nay, even he had a fair Hearing for his Life: But theſe People are for condemning me unheard, for no particular Fault, only that ſuch and ſuch People ſay ſo and ſo.

A Conſciouſneſs of this has made me reſolve to write my own Life, by which means only I ſhall have a Power of ſetting Things in a clear Light, and of adjuſting many preſent Ambiguities; and, though I confeſs the Public are burthened with Things of this kind already, many of which have no Tendency to reform the Manners of the Age, but rather vitiate them; yet I flatter myſelf, among the Variety of real Incidents, and whimſical Revolutions I have met with, they may find as well Entertainment, as Matter, to moralize on.

[252]As I do by no means aſſume the Name of a Writer, ſo the Public may be aſſured I ſhall never attempt Satyr; if my Betters have Faults, that's no Affair of mine; I am to purſue my own Story. A Man who can't put up with a Tweak by the Noſe, and a Foot in the Rump, is not fit to live in this faſhionable World; I therefore aſſure the Public, before hand, that I will be quite paſſive; and tho' I name the Error, not the Man; by which manner of Proceeding, 'tis not improbable that by the time I am fourſcore, I may have an Annuity of forty Pounds a Year; upon the Hopes of which I may reaſonably ſubſiſt and keep up my Spirits. And in this I ſtrictly follow the Advice of a certain great Man in Ireland, whoſe Place of Abode is not remote from the Phenix-Park; and whoſe Acquirements have juſtly raiſed him from Obſcurity to Opulence; his extenſive Plans in Building have excited an univerſal Admiration of his Taſte in Architecture. This worthy Perſon I applied to, after the Death of my Mother; and informed him, that I [253] was poſſeſſed of ſome Letters, which he had in her Life-time been pleaſed to honour her with; and that as her Papers would, undoubtedly, fall into the Hands of a Printer, I thought proper, leſt the Publication of them might be offenſive to him, to give him this Information.

He ſent his Compliments by the Meſſenger, and deſired to ſee me the next Morning; I accordingly waited on him; and tho' my Circumſtances were not in the flow, yet, in order to convince him that I had no lucrative Motive in addreſſing him, I put the Letters under a Cover, and ſent them in before me.

I was then introduced to his Preſence; he received me with the utmoſt good Manners, deſiring me to ſit: Young Man, ſaid he, I have had a Letter from you lately, concerning ſome Writings of mine to your Mother; ſhe was a Lady whom I regarded, on account of her Father and Family, whom I well knew; and therefore I correſponded with, and aſſiſted her, my Letters you have here ſent me; and, young Man, I'll [254] keep them; and will give you a Piece of Advice better than Gold, if you'll follow it.

There has been lately at my Houſe his G—ce the P—te *****, and ſeveral other Perſons of the moſt eminent Stations in this Kingdom, and diſcourſing of your Mother's Writings, introduced you; and it was ſaid, that you had taken the Liberty to write to ſeveral great Men, very much in the Stile of your Mother; they imagined, when ſhe was dead, they ſhould have heard no more of the Matter; but you ſeem'd to keep her Spirit alive. Now, young Man, ſaid he, conſider you are not a Woman, from whom ev'n a Blow cannot hurt Honour: We tollerated thoſe Things in her, which, in you, would be culpable in the higheſt degree; in ſhort, if you have any Talents, as I am told you have, apply them to make Friends, inſtead of troubling your Head about the Follies of Mankind; find out their Virtues, and make that your Theme. Indeed, Sir, that, ſaid I, will be a difficult Matter. [255] In ſhort, Sir, continued he, if you do not apply your Genius, according to the Will of your Superiors, Care will be taken to ſend you out of the Kingdom before you are aware of it.

I thanked him ſincerely for his Admonition, which I determined from that Moment to eſtabliſh as my Principle; and, on my Return thro' the Park, upon examining the Affair, found it more rational to ſuppoſe, that I ſhould live by writing Panygeric than Satyr, I reſolved to try the Experiment, and, at the ſame time, determined to beſtow random Praiſe, no matter to me tho' the Perſon I addreſſed was tainted with the moſt diabolical Vices, I was to form the ſuppoſed Virtues and Graces from my own copious Idea. The firſt I exerted my Talent on, was the Son of a Baſhaw, then reſident in theſe Dominions; and one whoſe wiſe Interpoſition in the S—te Matters of that Kingdom, have made him ſo much the Darling of the grateful People, and ſo far raiſed Envy on this Side the Water, that on his Return, inſtead of Acclamations [256] he is accoſted with Sneers and Hiſſes, where-ever he appears; while he, conſcious of his innate Worth, ſheds a contemptuous Smile on the ſenſeleſs Idiots, who are weak enough to cenſure his ſuperior Abilities.

I remembered to have heard him receive the Applauſe of the Senate-houſe, for telling Mr. S—r, that as the Seaſon was far advanced, and the Gentlemen deſirous of returning to their Seats, he thought it beſt to p—ge the P—t till April enſuing.

This ſublime Piece of Elocution was Matter enough for me, who, from my preſent Syſtem, you'll allow was a profeſs'd Sycophant; I accordingly wrote ſome Lines on the Occaſion, which were not of Conſequence enough to ſubſiſt till this time; therefore cannot be here recited. I waited on his L—p, and put them into his Hand as he ſtept into his Chariot; he received them, and drove off; the next Morning I waited at the ſame Place, till he was going out, and had the Honour of a gracious Smile; [257] upon which, I liv'd elegantly that Day. The ſucceeding Morning I receiv'd, What? a familiar Nod! Upon which I ſubſiſted tollerably, till five that Afternoon. At that Time indeed, ſome extraordinary Emotion in my Stomach, gave me to underſtand, that Nods and Smiles though conferr'd by the Sons of Baſhaws, will not fill the Belly.

The indifferent Succeſs of my firſt Enterprize made me almoſt determine, never to attempt any Thing more in that Way; though an Affair of like Nature, which happened ſome Time before, might, if I had common Senſe, have been ſufficient to deter me.

As I was walking one Day, penſive and pennyleſs through Henry-ſtreet, I ſaw ſome Footmen and Chairmen with White Gloves and Cockades; and on enquiring the Occaſion, was told that L—d H—th, was that Day married to Miſs K—g; I immediately ran to a Coffee-Houſe, call'd for Pen, Ink, and Paper, and wrote a flaming Epithalamium, which I as ſuddenly diſpatch'd, reſolving to [258] have the Start of all Grub-ſtreet. His L—dſhip came out and told the Meſſenger, that when Mr. Pilkington wrote better Verſes, he would ſend him a Reward.

I was at this Time in a Window oppoſite to his Lordſhip, who ſaw the Man come over and deliver me the Anſwer; I took a Pen, and before his Face, wrote Extempore the following Truth:

To the Right Hon. the Lord H—th.
In a Coffee-Houſe hurried, and preſt by my Fate,
I wrote a few Lines to get ſomething to eat;
Perhaps, though the Subject, a Dunce might inſpire,
The want of Subſiſtence has ſlackened my Fire;
But if your kind Lordſhip, that Want will ſupply,
No Man ſhall write faſter, nor better than I.

[259]His Lordſhip ſent Word it was very well: It may be ſo, thought I, but Faith I found it very ill.

I could not avoid repeating the Story, in ſome Companies I after fell into, and whether they reſented the Reception I met, or had ſome former Pique to that N—n, I ſhall not pretend to ſay, but ſhortly after, the following Epigram was handed about;

When in proper Terms, we Dulneſs would cloath,
We ſay you'r as dull as the Hill that's in H—th;*
But would you give Dulneſs the Force of Record,
Say that every Thing ſtupid reſembles my L—d.

I ſhould be ſorry, by producing theſe Pieces, to be thought to harbour the leaſt Reſentment, for the Fate of my [260] Marriage Poem; the Judgment of a P—r muſt ever be Superior to that of the Inſect, called a Scribbler, whoſe Views extend no farther than a Dinner, or a Shilling; and I only relate theſe little Anecdotes, to ſhew that I am quite incapable of reſenting any Thing my Superiors are pleas'd to do.

As this is the firſt Time I have been bleſſed with an Opportunity, of addreſſing the polite World, I find myſelf much inclin'd to prate, though I already begin to fear I ſhall be cenſur'd for this impertinent Intruſion, where I am an entire Stranger; yet as I have got ſo far, and my Publiſher, who is a Man of real Taſte, and diſtinguiſhed Abilities, neither of which, my Printer is deſtitute of; as they I ſay, have not yet rejected any Part of this Appendix as Nonſenſe, I have a ſtrange Inclication to venture upon a Page or two more.

I remember to have ſeen amongſt my Mother's Papers, an Advertiſement which ſhe intended to have publiſhed in London; and as it contains ſome Humour, [261] I here recite it as well as I can recollect.

Since it is become cuſtomary with every Perſon, to advertiſe the Talents, they either in Reality or Imagination poſſeſs; I have been told I have a Stock on my Hands, which is of no manner of uſe to me, and having ſold every Thing, but the Gift of God to me, if any Simon will purchaſe I will diſpoſe of it as follows:

If any illiterate Divine, from Cambridge or Oxford, has a Mind to ſhew his Parts in a London Pulpit, let him repair to me, and he ſhall have a Sermon, not ſtolen from Barrow, Tillotſon, or other eminent Preachers, as is frequently the Practice, with thoſe who have Senſe enough to do it; but Fire-new from the Mint. If any Painter has a Mind to commence Bard without Wit, and join the Siſter Arts, I alſo will aſſiſt him. If any Author wants a Copy of Commendatory Verſes, to prefix to his Work, or a flattering Dedication, to a worthleſs Great [262] Man; any poor Perſon, a Memorial or Petition, properly calculated to diſſolve the Walls of Stone and Flint which invir [...]n the Hearts of rich Men, P—tes in particular; any Printſeller, Lines to put under his humorous, comic, or ſerious Repreſentations; any Player an occaſional Prologue or Epilogue; any Beau a handſome Billetdoux, from a fair Incognita; any old Maid, a Copy of Verſes in her Praiſe; any Lady, of high Dreſs, and low Quality, ſuch as are generally the Ladies of the Town, an amorous melting delicate Epiſtle; any Projector a Paragraph in Praiſe of his Scheme; any extravagant Prodigal, a Letter of Recantation to his Honoured Father; any Miniſter of St—te, an Apology for his Conduct, which thoſe Gentlemen frequently want; any Undertaker a Funeral Elegy; or any Stone-Cutter an Epitaph; or in ſhort, any Thing in the Poetical Way; ſhall be diſpatched in the moſt private, eaſy, and genteel [263] Manner by applying to me, and that at the moſt reaſonable Rates.

I think this Advertiſement may ſeriouſly now ſerve for me, ſince I find I have no Means of ſubſiſting, but by a ſmall Smattering of Wit, which is ſomehow inherent to me, to which I do aſſure the Readers, nothing but Neceſſity could make me have Recourſe. I too well know, that the greateſt Genius's in that Way, have been ſcarce able to keep a Coat to their Backs; therefore if ſome generous, noble, or humane Perſon, would beſtow on me a ſmall Annuity, which might barely ſet me above Want, I would reſign all Pretenſions to the Pen, into the Hands of thoſe, who by Education, and native Endowments, are better qualified to uſe it. Some Perſons of Rank who are inclined to banter, tell me they would by no Means deprive the World of their Entertainment, by giving me a Proviſion; but if they will pleaſe to conſider, that one leiſure-well-finiſhed Line, is of more Importance, than Volumes [264] written in a Hurry, they will be of another Mind. If the great Mr. Dryden had been poſſeſſed of an eaſy affluent Fortune, his Works, which are now almoſt buried in Oblivion, would have been had in much greater Eſteem than they are; ſince 'tis impoſſible to think, but a Perſon of ſo extenſive a Capacity, muſt at one Time or other have produced ſomething excellent.

And ſince I have ſaid ſo much, one Thing more, Truth, Gratitude, and Honour, compels me to ſay, which is in relation to Mr. James Worſdale, ſo often mentioned in theſe Memoirs. I'm ſorry I'm oblig'd to confeſs, that I think my Mother carried her Reſentment too far, in deſcribing the Character of this Gentleman; but all Perſons who have any ſuperior Qualification, have generally ſome Imperfection adequate to it, which is done by Providence, to ſhew us, that none are perfect on Earth. Thus we ſee, an Apollo in Muſick, a Swine in his Appetite: Thus Swift, unrival'd in Wit, was a Slave to Peeviſhneſs and ill Temper, [265] which obſcur'd his Merit, in the moſt ſocial Hour; and my Mother, who poſſeſt a pretty Manner of Writing, was apt to fall too hard, on thoſe whom ſhe imagined herſelf injured by.

However, I'm convinced Mr Worſdale never did, nor intended Injury to her, or any other Perſon, as he is good-natur'd to a Fault, and as he has ſaid himſelf,

Anxious to gain, but not to keep his Pelf,
A Friend to ev'ry Creature but himſelf.

And this is a Truth that I can aſſert, having liv'd ſome Years in his Houſe, which was truly hoſpitable to every indigent Perſon that fell in his Knowledge, but particularly ſuch as had any Pretenſions to Merit.

What my Mother has ſaid of him proceeded from ſome little Pique, and therefore I hope People who read it, will only laugh at her Humour, but not ſeriouſly [266] reflect on it, to the Diſadvantage of a Perſon, who is incapable of acting, but with Honour, Juſtice, and Integrity, which will be more fully in my Power to demonſtrate, in the little Account I intend to give of my own Life.

And though it would exceed the ſmall Limits I am preſcrib'd, to apologize to every particular Perſon, pointed at in this Volume, yet I hope they will be humane enough, to harbour no Reſentment againſt me, for any Thing it contains, ſince I have before ſpecified the Neceſſity I was under of publiſhing it; and as many Characters are there, of which I am really ignorant; ſo it would be impoſſible to break in upon the Connection of one Part with another, by making Alterations, or leaving any Part out.

There were ſome Perſons, whom my Mother was highly obliged to, and to whom, had ſhe lived to compleat this Work, ſhe would have returned her Acknowledgments publickly; one of them was the Earl of Clanrickarde, a Nobleman [267] of moſt illuſtrious Deſcent, and one who conſpicuouſly retains the united Virtues of his Anceſtors. My Mother having wrote his Lordſhip a Letter for a Subſcription, he ſent her in Return a moſt polite Epiſtle, which I have now the Honour to poſſeſs, in which his Lordſhip promiſed ſhortly to favour her with a Viſit, and in ſome Time he came. After having ſat about half an Hour chatting, he told her, he had promiſed to ſubſcribe to her Works, but that he imagined a Poem in her Praiſe, written by himſelf, would be of infinitely more Service to her; upon which he delivered her a Sheet of Paper, and ſhe really believing him ſerious, was about to open it. Pardon me, Madam, ſaid my Lord, you muſt not read my Verſes while I am preſent, or you'll offend my Modeſty. She laid the Paper down, and ſhortly after my Lord took has Leave. When ſhe opened it, ſhe found a Draft on Dillon and Company for twenty Pounds. I hope I ſhall obtain his Lordſhip's Forgiveneſs for the Freedom I [268] here take of mentioning his Name; but I think ſuch Actions, and ſuch alone compoſe his Life, ought not to be obſcured; and tho' doubtleſs this is but a trivial Inſtance of the Munificence and Honour of that worthy Nobleman, yet as my Mother was an intire Stranger, and that his Lordſhip did it purely in Compaſſion to her Sufferings and Regard to her Talents, ſhe ever eſteemed both the Gift, and the Manner it was given in, as the genteeleſt Thing that could poſſibly be done: and as ſhe did not ſurvive to ſpeak her Sentiments on that Occaſion, I hope I ſhall be pardoned for attempting it.

FINIS.
Notes
*
Particularly the Lord Biſhop of Derry, to whom I am much obliged.
*
i. e. In the Haymarket.
*
The Iriſh Edition is in Octavo.
*
Taken from the Play of Pyramus and Thisbe, in Shakeſpear's Midſummer Nights Dream.
*
When this Gentleman exhibited at Dublin, in Oppoſition to Mr. Foote's Tea.
*
Lady Ann Conn [...]lly.
*
Vide the 2d Vol. of theſe Memoirs.
*
See Weſtminſter-Abbey.
*
Author of Clariſſa.
*
Lord Lucan, eldeſt Son to the Earl of Kilmalock.
*
Mem. The Work-Houſe in Dublin.
*
Mrs. Johnſon, ſaid to be his own Siſter.
*
Mrs. Grierſon.
My Mother, who uſed to argue with the Doctor about his Declamations againſt eating Blood.
*
His preſent Wife.
*
See Zenophon's Banquet.
*
For the Benefit of the illiterate, to whom theſe Lines may appear as obſcure as ſome in Perſius let them read the Works of Livy and Pythagoras, and may-hap they may gueſs at the meaning; if they cannot, their Time at leaſt will be innocently employ'd, till they can come at the Grand Arcana of the Roſicruſians, or diſcover the Longitude.
*
Brandy and Ale mixt.
*
Ignatius Blake, Eſq
*
John Brown of the Neal, Eſq then going to take his Trial.
*
Eaton Stannard, Eſq who reſigned.
*
She and her Father are buried in St. Anne's Church, Dawſon-ſtreet,
*
'Tis frequent in Dublin, to ſay you are as ſtupid as the Hill of Hoath.
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Zitationsvorschlag für dieses Objekt
TextGrid Repository (2020). TEI. 5271 Memoirs of Mrs LÃ titia Pilkington wife to the Rev Mr Matthew Pilkington Written by herself Wherein are occasionally interspersed all her poems with anecdotes of several eminent persons livi. University of Oxford Text Archive. . https://hdl.handle.net/21.T11991/0000-001A-5907-9