DOUBLE FALSHOOD; OR, The DISTREST LOVERS.
[]ACT I. SCENE I.
SCENE, A Royal Palace.
SCENE II. Proſpect of a Village at a Diſtance.
How comes the Duke to take ſuch Notice of my Son, that he muſt needs have him in Court, and I muſt ſend him upon the View of his Letter?—Horſemanſhip! What Horſemanſhip has Julio? I think, he can no more but gallop a Hackney, unleſs he practiſed Riding in France. It may be, he did ſo; for he was there a good Continuance. But I have not heard him ſpeak much of his Horſemanſhip. That's no Mat⯑ter: if he be not a good Horſeman, all's one in ſuch a Caſe, he muſt bear. Princes are abſolute; they may do what they will in any Thing, ſave what they cannot do.
O, come on, Sir; read this Paper: no more Ado, but read it: It muſt not be anſwer'd by my Hand, nor yours, but, in Groſs, by your Perſon; your ſole Per⯑ſon. Read aloud.
'Pleaſe you, to let me firſt o'erlook it, Sir.
I was this other day in a Spleen againſt your new Suits: I do now think, ſome Fate was the Taylour that hath fitted them: for, this Hour, they are for the Palace of the Duke.—Your Father's Houſe is too duſty.
Hem!—to Court? Which is the better, to ſerve a Miſtreſs, or a Duke? I am ſued to be his Slave, and I ſue to be Leonora's.
You ſhall find your Horſemanſhip much praiſed there; Are you ſo good a Horſeman?
Take one Commendation with another, every Third's a Mock.—Affect not therefore to be praiſed. Here's a deal of Command and Entreaty mixt; there's no denying; you muſt go, peremptorily he inforces That.
What Fortune ſoever my Going ſhall encoun⯑ter, cannot be good Fortune; What I part withal unſeaſons any other Goodneſs.
You muſt needs go; he rather conjures, than importunes.
No moving of my Love-Suit to him now?—
Great Fortunes have grown out of leſs Grounds.
What may her Father think of me, who ex⯑pects to be ſollicited this very Night?
Thoſe ſcatter'd Pieces of Virtue, which are in him, the Court will ſolder together, varniſh, and rectify.
He will ſurely think I deal too ſlightly, or un⯑mannerly, or fooliſhly, indeed; nay, diſhoneſtly; to bear him in hand with my Father's Conſent, who yet hath not been touch'd with ſo much as a Requeſt to it.
Well, Sir, have you read it over?
Yes, Sir.
And conſider'd it?
As I can.
If you are courted by good Fortune, you muſt go.
So it pleaſe You, Sir.
By any Means, and to morrow: Is it not there the Limit of his Requeſt?
It is, Sir.
I muſt bethink me of ſome Neceſſaries, with⯑out which you might be unfurniſh'd: And my Sup⯑plies ſhall at all Convenience follow You. Come to my Cloſet by and by; I would there ſpeak with You.
What, Julio, in publick? This Wooeing is too urgent. Is your Father yet moved in the Suit, who muſt be the prime Unfolder of this Buſineſs?
Chaſe!—Let Chaſe alone: No Mat⯑ter for That.—You may halt after her, whom you profeſs to purſue, and catch her too; Marry, not [9] unleſs your Father let you ſlip.—Briefly, I deſire you, (for ſhe tells me, my Inſtructions ſhall be both Eyes and Feet to her;) no farther to inſiſt in your Re⯑quiring, 'till, as I have formerly ſaid, Camillo make known to Me, that his good Liking goes along with Us; which but once breath'd, all is done; 'till when, the Buſineſs has no Life, and cannot find a Begin⯑ning.
His Father is as unſettled, as he is way⯑ward, in his Diſpoſition. If I thought young Julio's Temper were not mended by the Mettal of his Mo⯑ther, I ſhould be ſomething crazy in giving my Con⯑ſent to this Match: And, to tell you true, if my Eyes might be the Directors to your Mind, I could in this Town look upon Twenty Men of more delicate Choice. I ſpeak not This altogether to unbend your Affections to him: But the Meaning of what I ſay is, that you ſet ſuch Price upon yourſelf to him, as Many, and much his Betters, would buy you at; (and reckon thoſe Vir⯑tues in you at the rate of their Scarcity;) to which if he come not up, you remain for a better Mart.
My Obedience, Sir, is chain'd to your Ad⯑vice.
'Tis well ſaid, and wiſely. I fear, your Lover is a little Folly-tainted; which, ſhortly after it proves ſo, you will repent.
Sir, I confeſs, I approve him of all the Men I know; but that Approbation is nothing, 'till ſeaſon'd by your Conſent.
We ſhall hear ſoon what his Father will do, and ſo proceed accordingly. I have no great Heart to the Buſineſs, neither will I with any Violence oppoſe [10] it: But leave it to that Power which rules in theſe Conjunctions, and there's an End. Come; haſte We homeward, Girl.
SCENE III.
ACT II. SCENE I.
SCENE, The Proſpect of a Village.
SOFT, ſoft you, Neighbour; who comes here? Pray you, ſlink aſide.
Ha! Is it come to this? Oh the Devil, the Devil, the Devil!
Lo you now! for Want of the diſcreet Ladle of a cool Underſtanding, will this Fellow's Brains boil over.
Love! Love!—Downright Love! I ſee by the Fooliſhneſs of it.
Now then to Recollection—Was't not ſo? A Promiſe firſt of Marriage—Not a Promiſe only, for 'twas bound with Surety of a thouſand Oaths;—and thoſe not light ones neither.—Yet I remember too, thoſe Oaths could not prevail; th' unpractis'd Maid trembled to meet my Love: By Force alone I [14] ſnatch'd th' imperfect Joy, which now torments my Memory. Not Love, but brutal Violence prevail'd; to which the Time, and Place, and Opportunity, were Acceſſaries moſt diſhonourable. Shame, Shame upon it!
What a Heap of Stuff's this—I fancy, this Fellow's Head would make a good Pedlar's Pack, Neigh⯑bour.
Hold, let me be ſevere to my Self, but not unjuſt.—Was it a Rape then? No. Her Shrieks, her Exclamations then had drove me from her. True, ſhe did not conſent; as true, ſhe did reſiſt; but ſtill in Silence all.—'Twas but the Coyneſs of a mo⯑deſt Bride, not the Reſentment of a raviſht Maid. And is the Man yet born, who would not riſque the Guilt, to meet the Joy?—The Guilt! that's true—but then the Danger; the Tears, the Clamours of the ruin'd Maid, purſuing me to Court. That, that, I fear will (as it already does my Conſcience) ſome⯑thing ſhatter my Honour. What's to be done? But now I have no Choice. Fair Leonora reigns confeſt the Tyrant Queen of my revolted Heart, and Violante ſeems a ſhort Uſurper there.—Julio's already by my Arts remov'd.—O Friendſhip, how wilt thou an⯑ſwer That? Oh, that a Man could reaſon down this Feaver of the Blood, or ſooth with Words the Tu⯑mult in his Heart! Then, Julio, I might be, indeed, thy Friend. They, they only ſhould condemn me, who born devoid of Paſſion ne'er have prov'd the fierce Diſputes 'twixt Virtue and Deſire. While they, who have, like me,
This Man is certainly mad, and may be miſ⯑chievous. Pr'ythee, Neighbour, let's follow him; but at ſome Diſtance, for fear of the worſt.
SCENE II. An Apartment.
[15]Lady, I know not That; nor is it in the Com⯑mand I have to wait your Anſwer. For the peruſing the Letter I commend you to your Leiſure.
SCENE III. Proſpect of a Village, before Don Bernard's Houſe.
Pr'ythee, fear neither the One, nor the O⯑ther: I tell thee, Girl, there's more Fear than Dan⯑ger. For my own part, as ſoon as Thou art married to this noble Lord, my Fears will be over.
Why then, by my Conſent e'en take it back again. Thou, like a ſimple Wench, haſt given thy Affections to a Fellow, that does not care a Farthing for them. One, that has left thee for a Jaunt to Court; as who ſhould ſay, I'll get a Place now; 'tis Time enough to marry, when I'm turn'd out of it.
Mad; Mad. Stark mad, by this Light.
Go to, you're a Fool. No doubt, You have old Stories enough to undo you.—What, you can't throw yourſelf away but by Precedent, ha?—You will needs be married to One, that will None of You? You will be happy no Body's way but your own, forſooth.—But, d'ye mark me, ſpare your Tongue for the future; (and That's uſing you hardly too, to bid you ſpare what you have a great deal too much of:) Go, go your ways, and d'ye hear, get ready within theſe Two days to be married to a Huſ⯑band you don't deſerve;—Do it, or, by my dead Fa⯑ther's Soul, you are no Acquaintance of mine.
Go thy ways, Contradiction.—Follow her, my Lord; follow her, in the very Heat. This Obſtinacy muſt be combated by Importunity as obſti⯑nate.
[21] The Girl ſays right; her Mother was juſt ſuch A⯑nother. I remember, Two of Us courted her at the ſame Time. She lov'd neither of Us, but She choſe me purely to ſpight that ſurly Old Blockhead my Fa⯑ther-in-Law. Who comes here, Camillo? Now the refuſing Part will lie on my Side.—
My worthy Neighbour, I am much in For⯑tune's Favour to find You thus alone. I have a Suit to You.
Pleaſe to name it, Sir.
Sir, I have long held You in ſingular Eſteem: and what I ſhall now ſay, will be a Proof of it. You know, Sir, I have but one Son.
Ay, Sir.
And the Fortune I am bleſt withal, You pret⯑ty well know what it is.
'Tis a fair One, Sir.
Such as it is, the whole Reverſion is my Son's. He is now engaged in his Attendance on our Maſter, the Duke. But e'er he went, he left with me the Secret of his Heart, his Love for your fair Daughter. For your Conſent, he ſaid, 'twas ready: I took a Night, indeed, to think upon it, and now have brought you mine; and am come to bind the Contract with half my Fortune in preſent, the Whole ſome time hence, and, in the mean while, my hearty Bleſſing. Ha? What ſay You to't, Don Bernard?
Why, really, Neighbour,—I muſt own, I have heard Something of this Matter.—
Heard Something of it? No doubt, you have.
Yes, now I recollect it well.
Was it ſo long ago then?
Very long ago, Neighbour.—On Tueſ⯑day laſt.
What, am I mock'd in this Buſineſs, Don Bernard?
Not mock'd, good Camillo, not mock'd: But in Love-matters, you know, there are Abundance of Changes in half an Hour. Time, Time, Neigh⯑bour, plays Tricks with all of us.
Time, Sir! What tell you me of Time? Come, I ſee how this goes. Can a little Time take a Man by the Shoulder, and ſhake off his Honour? Let me tell you, Neighbour, it muſt either be a ſtrong Wind, or a very mellow Honeſty that drops ſo eaſily. Time, quoth'a?
Look'ee, Camillo; will you pleaſe to put your Indignation in your Pocket for half a Moment, while I tell you the whole Truth of the Matter. My Daugh⯑ter, you muſt know, is ſuch a tender Soul, ſhe can⯑not poſſibly ſee a Duke's younger Son without falling deſperately in Love with him. Now, you know, Neighbour, when Greatneſs rides Poſt after a Man of my Years, 'tis both Prudence, and good Breeding, to let one's ſelf be overtaken by it. And who can help all This? I profeſs, it was not my ſeeking, Neigh⯑bour.
I profeſs, a Fox might earth in the Hollow⯑neſs of your Heart, Neighbour, and there's an End. If I were to give a bad Conſcience its true Likeneſs, it ſhould be drawn after a very near Neighbour to a certain poor Neighbour of yours.—Neighbour! with a Pox.
Nay, you are ſo nimble with me, you will hear Nothing.
Sir, if I muſt ſpeak Nothing, I will hear Nothing. As for what you have to ſay, if it comes from your Heart, 'tis a Lye before you ſpeak it.—I'll to Leonora; and if I find her in the ſame Story, why, I ſhall believe your Wife was true to You, and your Daughter is your own. Fare you well.
Ay, but two Words muſt go to that Bar⯑gain. It happens, that I am at preſent of Opinion my Daughter ſhall receive no more Company to day at leaſt, no ſuch Viſits as yours.
SCENE IV. Changes to another Proſpect of Don Bernard's Houſe.
ACT III. SCENE I.
SCENE, The Proſpect of a Village.
[25]SCENE II. Don Bernard's Houſe.
SCENE III. Proſpect of a Village at a Diſtance.
None, but the worſt. Your Father makes mighty Offers yonder by a Cryer, to any One can bring you home again.
Art Thou corrupted?
No.
Wilt thou be honeſt?
I hope, you do not fear me.
By my Life, Miſtreſs,—
If I fail your Truſt,—
Well; what elſe?
D'ye fear me ſtill?
ACT IV. SCENE I.
SCENE, A Wide Plain, with a Proſpect of Mountains at a Diſtance.
[39]WELL, he's as ſweet a Man, Heav'n com⯑fort him! as ever theſe Eyes look'd on.
If he have a Mother, I believe, Neigh⯑bours, ſhe's a Woe-woman for him at this Hour.
Why ſhould he haunt theſe wild unpeopled Mountains, Where nothing dwells but Hunger, and ſharp Winds?
His Melancholy, Sir, that's the main De⯑vil does it. Go to, I fear he has had too much foul Play offer'd him.
How gets he Meat?
Why, now and then he takes our Victuals from us, tho' we deſire him to eat; and inſtead of a ſhort Grace, beats us well and ſoundly, and then falls to.
Where lies He?
Ev'n where the Night o'ertakes him.
Now will I be hang'd, an'ſome fair-ſnout⯑ed skittiſh Woman, or other, be not at the End of this Madneſs.
Well, if he lodg'd within the Sound of us, I knew our Muſick would allure him. How atten⯑tively he ſtood, and how he fix'd his Eyes, when your Boy ſung his Love-Ditty. Oh, here he comes again.
Let him alone; he wonders ſtrangely at us.
Not a Word, Sirs, to croſs him, as you love your Shoulders.
He ſeems much diſturb'd: I believe the mad Fit is upon him.
I don't know what to ſay: Neither I, nor all the Confeſſors in Spain, can unriddle this wild Stuff.
—In Troth, not I, Sir.
Marry, now there is ſome Moral in his Madneſs, and we may profit by it.
Alas! I tremble—
Ha—ha—goes it there? Now if the Boy be witty, we ſhall trace ſomething.
Yes, Sir, it was the Subject.
Why do you look ſo on me?
—Sometimes, I do.
Indeed, I've ſeen more Sorrows far than Years.
A Woman, Sir?—I fear, h'as found me out.
He takes the Boy for a Woman.—Mad, again!
You read a Truth then.
You're not far off.
—Yes.
I fear, his Fit is returning. Take heed of all hands.—Sir,—do you want any thing?
Help! help! good Neighbours; he will kill me elſe.
Good Sir, have Patience; this is no Hen⯑riquez.
Go thy Ways, and a Vengeance go with [43] Thee!—Pray, feel my Noſe; is it faſt, Neighbours?
'Tis as well as may be.
He pull'd at it, as he would have drag'd a Bullock backward by the Tail.—An't had been ſome Men's Noſe that I know, Neighbours, who knows where it had been now? He has given me ſuch a de⯑viliſh Daſh o'er the Mouth, that I feel, I ſhall never whiſtle to my Sheep again: Then they'll make Holy-day.
Come, ſhall we go? for, I fear, if the Youth return, our ſecond Courſe will be much more againſt our Stomachs.
Pray, do not linger.
Grazing below, Sir.—What does he mean, to ſtroke One o'the Cheek ſo? I hope, I'm not betray'd.
Good Even, my Friend; I thought, you all had been aſleep in this Country.
You had lied then; for you were waking, when you thought ſo.
I thank you, Sir.
I pray, be cover'd; 'tis not ſo much worth, Sir.
Was that thy Boy ran crying?
Yes; what then?
Why doſt thou beat him ſo?
To make him grow.
A pretty Med'cine! Thou can'ſt not tell me the Way to the next Nunnery?—
How do you know That?—Yes, I can tell you; but the Queſtion is, whether I will or no; and, indeed, I will not. Fare you well.
SCENE II.
ACT V. SCENE I.
SCENE, The Proſpect of the Moun⯑tains continued.
SCENE II. An Apartment in the Lodge.
Ay, then your Grace had had a Son more; He, a Daughter; and I, an Heir: But let it be as 'tis, I cannot mend it; one way or other, I ſhall [...] it o⯑ver, with rubbing to my Grave, and there's an End on't.
Hang me, Sir, if I ſhed one Tear more. By Jove, I've wept ſo long, I'm as blind as Juſtice. When I come to ſee my Hawks (which I held a Toy next to my Son;) if they be but Houſe-high, I muſt ſtand aiming at them like a Gunner.
Let them e'en have their Swing: they're young and wanton; the next Storm we ſhall have them gal⯑lop homeward, whining as Pigs do in the Wind.
Ay, ay; you've all Comforts but I; you have ruin'd me, kill'd my poor Boy; cheated and ruin'd him; and I have no Comfort.
This Lord has abuſed Men, Women, [...] Children already: What farther Plot he has, the D [...] knows.
Our Prudence ſhould now teach us [...] forget, what our Indiſcretion has [...] ⯑mitted. I have already made one [...] towards this Wiſdom—
D. Bern.