[] ODE TO Mr. PINCHBECK, UPON HIS NEWLY INVENTED PATENT CANDLE-SNUFFERS, By MALCOLM McGREGGOR, Eſq Author of the Heroic Epiſtle to Sir WILLIAM CHAMBERS, and the Heroic Poſtſcript.
Quoſque ergo fruſtrà paſcemus ignigenum iſtum?
Apuleii Met. Lib. 7.
Why ſhould a Patent be granted to this Candle-Snuffer in vain?
THE SECOND EDITION.
LONDON: Printed for J. ALMON, oppoſite Burlington-Houſe, Piccadilly.
MDCCLXXVI.
[Price SIX-PENCE.]
ADVERTISEMENT.
[]EVER ſince my firſt Pulication, the Curioſity, not to ſay Anxiety, of the World concerning my Name, has been ſo great, that it has frequently given me Pain to conceal what the World will now ſee it was not poſſibly in my Power to diſcover.
In ſhort, I had no Name, till the Royal Favour lately reſtored my very antient and honourable Clan to its priſtine Title and Honours. I was therefore in the ſame deplorable Caſe with a certain nameleſs Lady, whom I have long had the Honour to call my Neigh⯑bour, and who, I ſincerely hope, will ſoon, by the ſame Favour, be reſtored to that Title, which, upon my Ho⯑nour, I believe, ſhe has erroneouſly, and not inten⯑tionally forfeited.
I have only to add, that now, when the Public is in poſſeſſion of my real Name, it will not, I hope, ſuf⯑fer any national Prejudice to prevent it from receiving [4] this my firſt Lyrical Attempt with its former Candour. But I muſt needs ſay, that if this Ode does not ſell as well as Mr. CUMBERLAND'S, I ſhall be apt to impute it, not to any inferiority of Lyrical Ordonance, but merely to its having been written by a Scotchman.
Knightſbridge, May 6, 1776.
[]ODE TO Mr. PINCHBECK.I.
ILLUSTRIOUS PINCHBECK! condeſcend,
Thou well-belov'd, and beſt King's-Friend,
Theſe Lyric Lines to view;
O! may they prompt thee, e'er too late,
To ſnuff the Candle of the State,
That burns a little blue.
[6]II.
It once had got a ſtately Wick,
When in its Patent-Candleſtick
The Revolution put it;
As white as Wax we ſaw it ſhine
Thro' two whole Lengths of BRUNSWICK's Line,
'Till B—firſt dar'd to ſmut it.
III.
Since then—but wherefore tell the Tale?
Enough, that now it burneth pale,
And ſorely waſtes its Tallow:
Nay, if thy Poet rightly weens,
(Though little ſkill'd in Ways and Means)
Its Save-all is but ſhallow.
IV.
Come then, ingenious Artiſt, come,
And put thy Finger, and thy Thumb,
Into each poliſh'd Handle;
On thee alone our Hopes depend,
Thy King's, and eke thy Country's Friend,
To trim Old England's Candle.
[7]V.
But firſt we pray, for its Relief,
Pluck from its Wick, each Tory Thief,
It elſe muſt quickly rue it;
* While N—and M—ſputter there,
Thou'lt ne'er prevent with all thy Care,
The melting of the Suet.
VI.
There's TWITCHER too, that old He-witch,
Sticks in his Bole as black as Pitch,
† And makes a ſilthy pother;
When curſt with ſuch a ſorry Fiend,
And lighted too at either End,
'Twill ſoon be in a ſmother.
[8]VII.
I fear me much in ſucha plight,
Thoſe Tapers bleſt would loſe their Light,
Canadian Fanes that deck;
Which pious—*—ordains to blaze,
And gild with their eſtabliſh'd Rays,
Our Lady of Quebec.
VIII.
† His Arms, thou hallowed Image! bleſs,
And ſurely thou canſt do no leſs,
He is thy Faith's Defender;
Thou oweſt thy Place to him alone,
As other Jacobites have done,
And not to the Pretender.
[9]IX.
Haſte then, and quaſh the hot Turmoil,
That flames in Boſton's angry Soil,
And frights the Mother-Nation:
Know, Lady! if its Rage you ſtop,
PINCHBECK ſhall ſend you, from his Shop,
A moſt ſuperb Oblation.
X.
His Patent-ſnuffers, in a Diſh
Of burniſh'd Gold; if more you wiſh,
His Cyclops ſhall beſtir
Their brawny Stumps, and for thy ſake,
Of PINCHBECK's own Mixt-metal make
A huge Extinguiſher.
XI.
To form the Maſs—,thy Zeal
Shall furniſh that well-temper'd Steel,
Thou didſt at Minden brandiſh;
Nor yet ſhall G—'s reverend Dean,
Counting its Worth, refuſe, I ween,
His ponderous leaden Standiſh.
[10]XII.
Poor Doctor JOHNSON, I'm afraid,
Can give but metaphoric Aid;
His Style's caſe-harden'd Graces:
M' PHERSON, without Shame, or Fear,
Sir JOHN DALRYMPLE, and SHEBBEARE
Shall melt their brazen Faces.
XIII.
And ſure, this mixt metallic Stuff,
Will yield Materials large enough
To mold the mighty Cone;
But how tranſport it, when 'tis caſt
Acroſs the deep Atlantic Vaſt,
'Twill weigh ſome thouſand Stone?
XIV.
"Leave that to me" our Lady cries,
"Howe'er gigantic be its Size,
"I have a Scheme in petto;
"I'll fly with it from Shore to Shore,
"Safe as my ſooty Siſter bore,
"Her Cottage to Loretto.
[11]XV.
"Swift to the Congreſs with my Freight
"I'll ſpeed, and on their Heads its Weight
"Souſe with ſuch Skill and Care;
"That PUTTNAM, WASHINGTON beneath,
"And graſping LEE ſhall wiſh to breathe
"
§ A Pint of PRIESTLEY's Air.
XVI.
"The Deed is done, thy Foes are dead,
"No longer England, ſhalt thou dread
"Such Preſbyterean Huffers;
"Thy Candle's Radiance ne'er ſhall fade,
"With now and then a little Aid,
"From PINCHBECK's Patent-ſnuffers."
FINIS.
Appendix A JUST PUBLISHED.
[]AN Heroic Epiſtle to Sir William Chambers, Knight, Comptroller General o his MAJESTY's Works, and Author of a late Differtation on Oriental Garden⯑ing; enriched with explanatory Notes, chiefly extracted from that elaborate Perfor⯑mance.—The Thirteenth Edition, Price 1s.
An Heroic Poſtſcript to the Public, occaſioned by the favourable Reception of, A Late Heroic Epiſtle to Sir William Chambers, Knt. &c. By the Author of that Epiſtle.—Seventh Edition, Price 1s.
Lord Ch-t—m's Prophecy, An Ode; addreſſed to Lieut. Gen. Gage, with ex⯑planatory and critical Notes, Price 1s.
Ode for the New Year, 1776, (not the Laureat's) Price 1s.
Genius of Britain, An Ode, in alluſion to the preſent Times, Price 1s.
An Epiſtle from Oberea, Queen of Otaheite, to Joſeph Banks, Esq tranſlated by T. Q. Z. Esq Profeſſor of the Otaheite Language in Dublin, and of all the Languages of the undiſcovered Iſlands in the South-Seas; and enriched with hiſtori⯑cal and explanatory Notes.—Fifth Edition, Price 1s.
Macarony Fables.—Third Edition, Price 2s. 6d.
Lyric Conſolations, by the ſame, Price 3s.
The Above are all printed in Quarto.
An Aſylum for Fugitives; No. I. Price 1s.—No. II. will be publiſhed on the 1ſt. of June 1776.
[The New Foundling Hoſpital for Wit, and the Fugitive Miſcellany, being com⯑pleted; it has been deſired to continue the Plan of collecting ſuch Fugitive Pieces of Merit, as are either circulated in M. S. or occaſionally printed in the temporary Publications of the Day. Though this Work may be called a Continuation of the former two, being printed in the ſame Size and Manner; yet, the Publication being intended to be more frequent, affords a greater variety; and therefore it is hoped, will prove as agreeable to the Public. Thoſe Gentlemen, who wiſh to ſee any of their Pieces preſerved in this Collection, may be aſſured, that their Favours will, at all Times, be moſt gratefully received.]
The New Foundling Hoſpital for Wit, being a Collection of Fugitive Pieces in Verſe and Proſe, many of which were not before printed; ſeveral were written by Sir Charles Hanbury Williams, the Duke of Wharton, Earls of Cheſterfield, De⯑lawar, Bath, Hardwicke, Carliſle, and Chatham; Lord Viſc. Clare; Lords Lyttel⯑ton, Harvey, and Capel; Lady M. W. Montagu, Lady Irwin; Miſs Carter; Hon. C. Yorke, and Hon. H. Walpole; Rt. Hon. C. Townſhend; Sir J. Mawbey; T. Potter, Soame Jenyns; Dr. King, Dr. Armſtrong, Dr. Akenſide; C. Anſtey, T. Edwards, C. Churchill, W. Shenſtone, Mr. Gray; J. Thomſon, J. S. Hall, J. Wilkes, D. Garrick, S. Johnſon, B. Thornton, G. Colman, R. Lloyd, R. Bentley, C. Morris, Eſqrs. and other eminent Perſons; with ſome Pieces of Milton, Waller, Pope, Congreve, &c. not in their Works; in ſix Volumes, (each Volume ornamented with a curious Frontiſpiece) Price 18s. bound, and 15s. ſewed.
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