[]THE LYING VALET.

ACT. II.

PRithee be ſerious, Sharp. Haſt thou really ſucceeded?

To our Wiſhes, Sir. In ſhort I have managed the Buſineſs with ſuch Skill and Dex⯑terity that neither your Circumſtances, nor my Veracity are ſuſpected.

But how haſt thou excuſed me from the Ball and Entertainment?

Beyond Expectation, Sir.—But in that particular I was obliged to have re⯑courſe to Truth, and declare the real Situation of your Affairs. I told her we had ſo long diſ⯑uſed our ſelves to dreſſing either Dinners or Suppers, that I was afraid we ſhould be but aukward in our Preparations. In ſhort, Sir,—at that inſtant a curſed Gnawing ſeized my Stomach, that I could not help telling her, that both you and myſelf ſeldom make a good Meal now-a-days once in a Quarter of a Year.

Hell and Confuſion, have you betrayed me, Villain! Did not you tell me this Mo⯑ment, [23] ſhe did not in the leaſt ſuſpect my Cir⯑cumſtances?

No more ſhe did, Sir, till I told her.

Very well; and was this your Skill and Dexterity?

I was going to tell you; but you won't hear Reaſon; my melancholy Face and piteous Narration had ſuch an Effect upon her generous Bowels, that ſhe freely forgives all that's paſt.

Does ſhe, Sharp?

Yes; and deſires never to ſee your Face again; and, as a farther Conſideration for ſo doing, ſhe has ſent you Half-a-Guinea.

What do you mean?

To ſpend it, ſpend it, Sir; and re⯑gale.

Villain, you have undone me!

What, by bringing you Money, when you are not worth a Farthing in the whole World? Well, well, then to make you happy again, I'll keep it myſelf; and wiſh Some-body would take it in their Head to load me with ſuch Misfortunes.

Do you laugh at me, Raſcal?

Who deſerves more to be laugh'd at? Ha, ha, ha. Never for the future, Sir, diſpute the Succeſs of my Negociations, [24] when even you, who know me ſo well, can't help ſwallowing my Hook. Why, Sir, I could have play'd with you backwards and forwards at the End of my Line, till I had put your Senſes into ſuch a Fermentation, that you ſhould not have known in an Hour's Time, whether you was a Fiſh or a Man.

Why, what is all this you have been telling me?

A down-right Lye from Beginning to End.

And have you really excuſed me to her?

No, Sir; but I have got this Half Guinea to make her Excuſes to you; and, in⯑ſtead of a Confederacy between you and me to deceive her, ſhe thinks ſhe has brought me over to put the Deceit upon you.

Thou excellent Fellow!

Don't loſe Time, but ſlip out of the Houſe immediately; the Back-way, I believe, will be the ſafeſt for you, and to her as faſt as you can; pretend vaſt Surprize and Con⯑cern, that her Indiſpoſition has debarr'd you the Pleaſure of her Company here to Night: You need know no more; away!

But what ſhall we do, Sharp? Here's her Maid again.

The Devil ſhe is.—I wiſh I could poiſon her; for I'm ſure, while ſhe lives, I can never proſper.

Your Door was open, ſo I did not ſtand upon Ceremony.

I am ſorry to hear your Miſtreſs is ta⯑ken ſo ſuddenly.

Vapours, Vapours only, Sir, a few matrimonial Omens, that's all; but I ſuppoſe Mr. Sharp has made her Excuſes.

And tells me I can't have the Plea⯑ſure of her Company to Night, I had made a ſmall Preparation; but 'tis no Matter: Sharp ſhall go to the reſt of the Company, and let 'em know 'tis put off.

Not for the World, Sir; my Miſtreſs was ſenſible you muſt have provided for her, and the reſt of the Company; ſo ſhe is reſolv⯑ed, tho' ſhe cant', the other Ladies and Gen⯑tlemen ſhall partake of your Entertainment; ſhe's very good natur'd.

I had better run, and let 'em know 'tis deferr'd.

I have been with 'em already, and told 'em my Miſtreſs inſiſts upon their coming, and they have all promiſed to be here; ſo, pray, don't be under any Appre⯑henſions, that your Preparations will be thrown away.

But as I can't have her Company, Mrs. Kitty, 'twill be a greater Pleaſure to me, and a greater Compliment to her, to defer our [26] Mirth; beſides, I can't enjoy any thing at pre⯑ſent, and ſhe not partake of it.

Oh, no to be ſure; but what can I do? My Miſtreſs will have it ſo, and Mrs. Gad-about, and the reſt of the Company will be here in a few Minutes; there are two or three Coachfuls of 'em.

Then my Maſter muſt be ruin'd in ſpite of my Parts.

'Tis all over, Sharp.

I know it, Sir.

I ſhall go diſtracted; what ſhall I do?

Why, Sir, as our Rooms are a little out of Furniture at preſent, take 'em into the Captain's that lodges here, and ſet 'em down to Cards; if he ſhould come in the mean time, I'll excuſe you to him.

I have diſconcerted their Affairs, I find; I'll have ſome Sport with 'em.—Pray, Mr. Gayleſs, don't order too many Things, they only make you a friendly Viſit; the more Ceremony, you know, the leſs Welcome. Pray, Sir, let me intreat you not to be pro⯑fuſe. If I can be of Service, pray command me; my Miſtreſs has ſent me on purpoſe; while Mr. Sharp is doing the Buſineſs without Doors, I may be employed within; if you'll lend me the Keys of your Side-board

I'll diſpoſe of your Plate to the beſt Advantage.

Thank you, Mrs. Kitty; but it is diſpos'd of already.

Bleſs me the Company's come, I'll go to the Door and conduct 'em into your Preſence.

If you'd conduct 'em into a Horſe⯑pond, and wait of 'em there yourſelf, we ſhould be more obliged to you.

I can never ſupport this!

Rouſe your Spirits and put on an Air of Gaiety, and I dont deſpair of bring⯑ing you off yet.

Your Words have done it effectually.

Ah my dear Mr. Gayleſs!

My dear Widow!

We are come to give you Joy, Mr. Gayleſs.

You never was more miſtaken in your Life.

I have brought ſome Company here, I believe, is not ſo well known to you, and I proteſt I have been all about the Town to get the little I have—Priſſy, my Dear—Mr. Gayleſs, my Daughter.

And as handſome as her Mother; you muſt have a Husband ſhortly, my Dear.

I'll aſſure you I dont deſpair, Sir.

My Niece too.

I know by her Eyes ſhe belongs to you, Widow.

Mr. Guttle Sir, Mr. Gayleſs, Mr. Gayleſs, Juſtice Guttle.

Oh Deſtruction! one of the Quo⯑rum.

Hem, Tho' I had not the Honour of any perſonal Knowledge of you, yet at the Inſtigation of Mrs. Gadabout, I have, with⯑out any previous Acquaintance with you, throw'd aſide all Ceremony to let you know that I joy to hear the Solemnization of your Nuptials is ſo near at hand.

Sir, tho' I cannot anſwer you with the ſame Elocution, however, Sir, I thank you with the ſame Sincerity.

Mr. and Mrs. Trippet, Sir, the propereſt Lady in the World for your Purpoſe, for ſhe'll dance for four and twenty Hours together.

My dear Charles, I am very angry with you, faith; ſo near Marriage and not let me know, 'twas barbarous; you thought, I ſup⯑poſe, I ſhould rally you upon it; but dear Mrs. Trippet here has long ago eradicated all my antimatrimonial Principles.

I eradicate, fye, Mr. Trippet, dont be ſo obſcene.

Pray, Ladies, walk into the next Room; [29] Mr. Sharp can't lay his Cloth till you are ſet down to Cards.

One Thing I had quite forgot; Mr. Gayleſs, my Nephew who you never ſaw, will be in Town from France preſently, ſo I left Word to ſend him here immediately to make one.

You do me Honour, Madam.

Do the Ladies chuſe Cards or the Supper firſt?

Supper! what does the Fellow mean?

Oh, the Supper by all Means, for I have eat nothing to ſignify ſince Dinner.

Nor I, ſince laſt Monday was a Fortnight.

Pray, Ladies, walk into the next Room: Sharp, get Things ready for Supper, and call the Muſick.

Well ſaid, Maſter.

Without Ceremony, Ladies.

I'll to my Miſtreſs, and let her know every Thing is ready for her Appear⯑ance.

Pray Mr. what's your Name, dont be long with Supper; but harkee, what can I do in the mean Time? Suppoſe you get me a [30] Pipe and ſome good Wine, I'll try to divert myſelf that way till Supper's ready.

Or ſuppoſe, Sir, you was to take a Nap till then, there's a very eaſy Couch in that Cloſet.

The beſt Thing in the World, I'll take your Advice, but be ſure to wake me when Supper is ready.

Pray Heav'n you may not wake till then—What a fine Situation my Maſter is in at preſent? I have promis'd him my Aſ⯑ſiſtance, but his Affairs are in ſo deſperate a Way, that I am afraid 'tis out of all my Skill to recover 'em. Well, Fools have Fortune, ſays an old Proverb, and a very true one it is, for my Maſter and I are two of the moſt unfortunate Mortals in the Creation.

Well, Sharp, I have ſet 'em down to Cards, and now what have you to propoſe?

I have one Scheme left which in all Probability may ſucceed. The good Citizen overloaded with his laſt Meal, is taking a Nap in that Cloſet, in Order to get him an Appe⯑tite for yours. Suppoſe, Sir, we ſhould make him treat us.

I dont underſtand you.

I'll pick his Pocket, and provide us a Supper with the Booty.

Monſtrous! for without conſidering the Villany of it, the Danger of waking him makes it impracticable!

If he wakes, I'll ſmother him, and lay his Death to Indigeſtion—a very com⯑mon Death among the Juſtices.

Prithee be ſerious, we have no Time to loſe; can you invent nothing to drive 'em out of the Houſe?

I can fire it.

Shame and Confuſion ſo perplex me, I cannot give myſelf a Moment's Thought.

I have it; did not Mrs. Gadabout ſay her Nephew would be here?

She did.

Say no more, but into your Com⯑pany; if I dont ſend 'em out of the Houſe for the Night, I'll at leaſt frighten their Sto⯑machs away; and if this Stratagem fails, I'll relinquiſh Politicks, and think my Underſtand⯑ing no better than my Neighbours.

How ſhall I reward thee, Sharp?

By your Silence and Obedience; away to your Company, Sir.

Now, dear Madam Fortune, for once open your Eyes, and behold a poor unfortunate Man of Parts addreſſing you; now is your Time to convince your Foes, you are not that blind whimſical Whore they take you for; but let 'em ſee by your aſſiſting me, that Men of Senſe, as well as Fools, are ſome⯑times [32] intitled to your Favour and Protection.—So much for Prayer, now for a great Noiſe and a Lye.

Help, help, Maſter; help, Gentlemen, La⯑dies; Murder, Fire, Brimſtone; help, help, help!

What's the Matter?

Matter, Sir, if you dont run this Minute with that Gentleman, this Lady's Nephew will be murder'd; I am ſure 'twas he, he was ſet upon the Corner of the Street, by four; he has kill'd two, and if you dont make haſte, he'll be either murdered or took to Priſon.

For Heaven's Sake, Gentlemen, run to his Aſſiſtance. How I tremble for Meliſſa! this Frolick of her's may be fatal.

Draw, Sir, and follow me.

Not I; I dont care to run my⯑ſelf into needleſs Quarrels; I have ſuffered too much formerly by flying into Paſſions: beſides, I have pawn'd my Honour to Mrs. Trippet, never to draw my Sword again; and in her preſent Condition, to break my Word might have fatal Conſequences.

Pray, Sir, dont excuſe yourſelf, the young Gentleman may be murder'd by this Time.

Then my Aſſiſtance will be of no Service to him; however—I'll go to oblige you, and look on at a Diſtance.

I ſhall certainly faint, Mr. Trip⯑pit, if you Draw.

What Noiſe and Confuſion is this?

Sir, there's a Man murder'd in the Street.

Is that all—zounds, I was afraid you had throw'd the Supper down—a Plague of your Noiſe—I ſhan't recover my Stomach this half Hour.

Well, but my dear Jemmy, you are not hurt, ſure?

A little with riding Poſt only.

Mr. Sharp alarm'd us all with an Ac⯑count of your being ſet upon by four Men; that you had kill'd two, and was attacking the other when he came away, and when we met you at the Door, we were running to your Reſcue.

I had a ſmall Rencounter with half a dozen Villains; but finding me reſolute, they were wiſe enough to take to their Heels; I believe I ſcrat ſome of 'em.

His Vanity has ſav'd my Credit. I have a Thought come into my Head may prove to our Advantage, provided Monſieur's Ignorance bears any Proportion to his Impu⯑dence.

Now my Fright's over, let me intro⯑duce you, my Dear, to Mr. Gayleſs; Sir, this is my Nephew.

Sir, I ſhall be proud of your Friendſhip.

I don't doubt but we ſhall be better acquainted in a little Time.

Pray, Sir, what News in France?

Faith, Sir, very little that I know of in the political Way; I had no Time to ſpend among the Politicians. I was—

Among the Ladies, I ſuppoſe.

Too much indeed. Faith, I have not Philoſophy enough to reſiſt their Solicita⯑tions; you take me

Yes, to be a moſt incorrigible Fop, s'Death, this Puppy's Impertinence is an Ad⯑dition to my Miſery.

Poor Gayleſs, to what Shifts is he reduced to? I cannot bear to ſee him much longer in this Condition, I ſhall diſcover my ſelf.

Not before the End of the Play; be⯑ſides, the more his Pain now, the greater his Pleaſure when relieved from it.

Shall we return to our Cards? I have a ſans prendre here, and muſt inſiſt you play it out.

With all my Heart.

Allons donc.

Sir, Sir, ſhall I beg Leave to ſpeak with you? Pray, did you find a Bank-note in your Way hither?

What, between here and Dover do you mean?

No, Sir, within twenty or thirty Yards of this Houſe.

You are drunk, Fellow.

I am undone, Sir; but not drunk, I'll aſſure you.

What is all this?

I'll tell you, Sir: A little while ago my Maſter ſent me out to change a Note of Twenty Pounds; but I unfortunately hearing a Noiſe in the Street of, Damn-me, Sir, and claſhing of Swords, and Raſcal, and Murder; I runs up to the Place, and ſaw four Men up⯑on one; and having heard you was a mettle⯑ſome young Gentleman, I immediately con⯑cluded it muſt be you, ſo ran back to call my Maſter, and when I went to look for the [36] Note to change it, I found it gone, either ſtole or loſt; and if I don't get the Money immediately, I ſhall certainly be turned out of my Place, and loſe my Character.—

I ſhall laugh in his Face.

Oh, I'll ſpeak to your Maſter about it, and he will forgive you at my Interceſſion.

Ah, Sir! You don't know my Ma⯑ſter.

I'm very little acquainted with him; but I have heard he's a very good-natured Man.

I have heard ſo too, but I have felt it otherwiſe; he has ſo much Good-nature, that, if I could compound for one Broken⯑head a Day, I ſhould think my ſelf very well off.

Are you ſerious, Friend?

Look'e, Sir, I take you for a Man of Honour; there is ſomething in your Face that is generous, open, and maſculine; you don't look like a foppiſh, effeminate Tell-tale; ſo I'll venture to truſt you.—See here, Sir,

theſe are the Effects of my Maſter's Good-nature.

Matchleſs Impudence!

Why do you live with him then after ſuch Uſage?

He's worth a great deal of Money, and when he's drunk, which is commonly once a Day, he's very free, and will give me any thing; but I deſign to leave him when he's married for all that.

Is he going to be married then?

To-morrow, Sir, and, between you and I, he'll meet with his Match both for Humour and ſomething elſe too.

What, ſhe drinks too?

Damnably, Sir; but mum,—You muſt know this Entertainment was deſign'd for Madam to Night; but ſhe got ſo very gay after Dinner, that ſhe could not walk out of her own Houſe; ſo her Maid, who was half gone too, came here with an Excuſe, that Mrs. Meliſſa had got the Vapours, and ſo ſhe had indeed violently; here, here, Sir.

This is ſcarcely to be born.

Meliſſa! I have heard of her; they ſay ſhe's very whimſical.

A very Woman, and pleaſe your Honour, and, between you and I, none of the mildeſt or wiſeſt of her Sex—but to return, Sir, to the Twenty Pounds.

I am ſurpriz'd, you, who have got ſo much Money in his Service, ſhould be at a Loſs for twenty Pounds, to ſave your Bones at this Juncture.

I have put all my Money out at In⯑tereſt; I never keep above five Pounds by me; and if your Honour would lend me the other fifteen, and take my Note for it.

Somebody's at the Door.

I can give very good Security.

Don't let the People wait Mr.—

Ten Pounds will do.

Allez vous en.

Five, Sir.

Je ne puis pas.

Je ne puis pas.—I find we ſhan't underſtand one another, I do but loſe Time; and, if I had any Thought, I might have known theſe young Fops return from their Travels generally with as little Money as Im⯑provement.

Ha, ha, ha, what Lies does this Fel⯑low invent, and what Rogueries does he com⯑mit for his Maſter's Service? There never ſure was a more faithful Servant to his Ma⯑ſter, or a greater Rogue to the reſt of Man⯑kind; but here he comes again, the Plot thickens, I'll in and obſerve Gayleſs.

Fortune, I thank thee, the moſt lucky Accident!

This Way, Gentle⯑men, this Way.

I am afraid I have miſtook the Houſe. Is this Mr. Treatwell's?

The ſame, the ſame: What, don't you know me?

Know you!—Are you ſure there was a Supper beſpoke here?

Yes: Upon my Honour, Mr. Cook, the Company is in the next Room, and muſt have gone without, had not you brought it. I'll draw in a Table. I ſee you have brought a Cloth with you; but you need not have done that, for we have a very good Stock of Linen—at the Pawn-broker's.

—

Come, come, my Boys, be quick, the Com⯑pany began to be very uneaſy; but I knew my old Friend Lick-ſpit here would not fail us.

Lick-ſpit! I am no Friend of yours; ſo I deſire leſs Familiarity: Lick-ſpit too!

What is all this?

Sir, if the Sight of the Supper is of⯑fenſive, I can eaſily have it removed.

Prithee explain thy ſelf, Sharp.

Some of our Neighbours, I ſuppoſe, have beſpoke this Supper; but the Cook has drank away his Memory, forgot the Houſe, and brought it here; however, Sir, if you diſ⯑like it, I'll tell him of his Miſtake, and ſend him about his Buſineſs.

Hold, hold, Neceſſity obliges me a⯑gainſt my Inclination to favour the Cheat, and feaſt at my Neighbour's Expence.

Hark you, Friend, is that you Maſ⯑ter?

Ay, and the beſt Maſter in the World.

I'll ſpeak to him then—Sir, I have, according to your Commands, dreſs'd as gen⯑teel a Supper as my Art and your Price would admit of.

Good again, Sir, 'tis paid for.

I dont in the leaſt queſtion your A⯑bilities, Mr. Cook, and I am oblig'd to you for your Care.

Sir, you are a Gentleman,—and if you would but look over the Bill and approve it

you will ever and above re⯑turn the Obligation.

Oh the Devil!

Very well, I'll ſend my Man to pay you To-morrow.

I'll ſpare him that Trouble, and take it with me, Sir—I never work but for ready Money.

Hah?

Then you won't have our Cuſtom.

My Maſter is buſy now, Friend; do you think he won't pay you?

No Matter what I think; either my Meat or my Money.

'Twill be very ill-convenient for him to pay you To-night.

Then I'm afraid it will be ill-conve⯑nient to pay me To-morrow, ſo d'ye hear—

Prithee be advis'd, s'death, I ſhall be diſcover'd.

What's the Matter?

The Cook has not quite anſwer'd my Maſter's Expectations about the Supper, Sir, and he's a little angry at him, that's all.

Come, come, Mr. Gayleſs, don't be uneaſy, a Batchelor cannot be ſuppoſed to have Things in the utmoſt Regularity; we don't ex⯑pect it.

But I do expect it, and will have it.

What does that drunken Fool ſay?

That I will have my Money, and I won't ſtay till To-morrow—and, and—

Hold, hold, what are you doing? Are you mad?

What do you ſtop the Man's Breath for?

Sir, he was going to call you Names—don't be abuſive, Cook, the Gentleman is a Man of Honour, and ſaid nothing to you; pray be pacify'd, you are in Liquor.

I will have my—

Why, I tell you, Fool, you miſtake the Gentleman, he is a Friend of [42] my Maſter's, and has not ſaid a Word to you—Pray, good Sir, go into the next Room; the Fellow's drunk, and takes you for another—You'll repent this when you are ſober, Friend—Pray, Sir, don't ſtay to hear his Im⯑pertinence.

Pray, Sir, walk in—He's below your Anger.

Damn the Raſcal! what does he mean by affronting me!—Let the Scoundrel go, I'll poliſh his Brutality, I warrant you: Here's the beſt Reformer of Manners in the Univerſe.

Let him go, I ſay.

So, So, you have done finely, now—Get away as faſt as you can; he's the moſt couragious mettleſome Man in all England—Why, if his Paſſion was up, he could eat you.—Make your Eſcape, you Fool!

I won't—Eat me! He'll find me damn'd hard of Digeſtion tho'—

Prithee come here; let me ſpeak with you.

Gad's me, is Supper on the Table al⯑ready?—Sir, pray defer it for a few Mo⯑ments; my Miſtreſs is much better, and will be here immediately.

Will ſhe indeed! Bleſs me—I did not expect—but however—Sharp?

What Succeſs, Madam?

As we could wiſh, Girl—but he is in ſuch Pain and Perplexity I can't hold it out much longer.

Ay, that not holding out is the Ruin of half our Sex.

I have pacify'd the Cook, and if you can but borrow twenty Pieces of that young Prig, all may go well yet; you may ſucceed though I could not: Remember what I told you—about it ſtraight, Sir—

Sir, Sir,

I beg to ſpeak a Word with you; my Servant, Sir, tells me he has had the Misfortune, Sir, to loſe a Note of mine of twenty Pounds, which I ſent him to receive—and the Bankers Shops being ſhut up, and having very little Caſh by me, I ſhould be much obliged to you if you would favour me with twenty Pieces till to-morrow.

Oh Sir, with all my Heart

and as I have a ſmall Favour to beg of you, Sir, the Obligation will be mu⯑tual.

How may I oblige you, Sir?

You are to be marry'd, I hear, to Me⯑liſſa.

To-morrow, Sir.

Then you'll oblige me, Sir, by never ſeeing her again.

Do you call this a ſmall Favour, Sir!

A meer Trifle, Sir—breaking of Contracts, ſuing for Divorces, committing A⯑dultery, and ſuch like, are all reckon'd Trifles now-a-days; and ſmart young Fellows, like you and myſelf, Gayleſs, ſhould be never out of Faſhion.

But pray, Sir, how are you concern⯑ed in this Affair!

Oh Sir, you muſt know I have a very great Regard for Meliſſa, and, indeed, ſhe for me; and by the by, I have a moſt deſpicable Opinion of you; for, entre nous, I take you, Charles, to be a very great Scoundrel.

Sir!

Nay, don't look fierce, Sir! and give yourſelf Airs—Damme, Sir, I ſhall be through your Body elſe in the ſnapping of a Finger.

I'll be as quick as you, Villain!

Hold, hold, Murder! you'll kill my Miſtreſs—the young Gentleman I mean.

Ah! her Miſtreſs!

How! Meliſſa! nay, then drive away Cart.—All's over now.

What, Mr. Gayleſs, engaging with Meliſſa before your Time. Ah, ah, ah!

Your humble Servant, good Mr. Politician,

This is, Gentlemen and Ladies, the moſt celebrated and ingenious Ti⯑mothy Sharp, Schemer General and redoubted Squire to the moſt renowned and fortunate Adventurer Charles Gayleſs, Knight of the Woeful Countenance: Ha, ha, ha!—Oh that diſmal Face, and more diſmal Head of yours.

'Tis cruel in you to diſturb a Man in his laſt Agonies.

Now, Mr. Gayleſs!—what, not a Word! you are ſenſible I can be no Stranger to your Misfortunes, and I might reaſonably expect an Excuſe for your ill Treatment of me.

No, Madam, Silence is my only Re⯑fuge; for to endeavour to vindicate my Crimes would ſhew a greater Want of Virtue than even the Commiſſion of 'em.

Oh, Gayleſs! 'twas poor to impoſe upon a Woman, and one that lov'd you too.

Oh moſt unpardonable; but my Ne⯑ceſſities—

And mine, Madam, were not to be match'd, I'm ſure, o' this ſide ſtarving.

His Tears have ſoftned me at once—Your Neceſſities, Mr. Gayleſs, with ſuch real Contrition are too powerful Motives not to affect the Breaſt already prejudic'd in your Fa⯑vour—You have ſuffer'd too much already for your Extravagance; and as I take part in your [46] Sufferings, 'tis eaſing myſelf to relieve you: know therefore, all that's paſt I freely for⯑give.

You cannot mean it ſure; I am loſt in Wonder.

Prepare yourſelf for more Wonder—You have another Friend in Maſquerade here: Mr. Cook, pray throw aſide your Drunkenneſs, and make your ſober Appearance—Don't you know that Face, Sir?

Ay, Maſter, what, have you forgot your Friend Dick, as you us'd to call me?

More Wonder indeed! don't you live with my Father?

Juſt after your hopeful Servant there had left me, comes this Man from Sir Wil⯑liam with a Letter to me; upon which (be⯑ing by that wholly convinced of your neceſ⯑ſitous Condition) I invented, by the Help of Kitty and Mrs. Gadabout, this little Plot, in which your Friend Dick there has acted Mi⯑racles, reſolving to teaze you a little, that you might have a greater Reliſh for a happy Turn in your Affairs. Now, Sir, read that Letter, and compleat your Joy.

Madam, I am Father to the unfortunate young Man, who, I hear by a Friend of mine (that by my Deſire, has been a continual Spy upon him) is making his Ad⯑dreſſes to you; if he is ſo happy as to make himſelf agreeable to you (whoſe Character I am charm'd [47] with) I ſhall own him with Joy for my Son, and forget his former Follies. I am, Madam, Your moſt Humble Servant. William Gayleſs.

P.S. I will be ſoon in Town myſelf to con⯑gratulate his Reformation and Marriage.

Oh, Meliſſa, this is too much; thus let me ſhew my Thanks and Gratitude,

for here 'tis only Due.

A Reprieve! a Reprieve! a Re⯑prieve!

I have been, Sir, a moſt bitter Ene⯑my to you; but ſince you are likely to be a little more converſant with Caſh than you have been, I am now with the greateſt Since⯑rity your moſt obedient Friend and humble Servant. And I hope, Sir, all former Enmity will be forgotten.

Oh, Mrs. Pry, I have been too much indulged with Forgiveneſs myſelf not to for⯑give leſſer Offences in other People.

Well then, Madam, ſince my Ma⯑ſter has vouchſaf'd Pardon to your Handmaid Kitty, I hope you'll not deny it to his Foot⯑man Timothy.

Pardon! for what?

Only for telling you about ten thou⯑ſand Lies, Madam, and, among the reſt, in⯑ſinuating that your Ladyſhip would—

I underſtand you: and can forgive any thing, Sharp, that was deſign'd for the Service of your Maſter; and if Pry and you will follow our Example, I'll give her a ſmall Fortune as a Reward for both your Fide⯑lities.

I fancy, Madam, 'twould be better to half the ſmall Fortune between us, and keep us both ſingle; for as we ſhall live in the ſame Houſe, in all probability we may taſte the Comforts of Matrimony, and not be troubled with its Inconveniencies; what ſay you, Kitty?

Do you hear, Sharp, before you talk of the Comforts of Matrimony, taſte the Comforts of a good Dinner, and recover your Fleſh a little; do, Puppy.

The Devil backs her, that's certain; and I am no Match for her at any Weapon.

And now, Mr. Gayleſs, to ſhew I have not provided for you by halves, let the Muſick prepare themſelves, and, with the Approbation of the Company, we'll have a Dance.

By all means, a Dance.

By all means a Dance; after Supper tho'.—

Oh, pray, Sir, have Supper firſt, or, I'm ſure, I ſhan't live till the Dance is finiſhed.

Behold, Meliſſa, as ſincere a Convert as ever Truth and Beauty made. The wild [49] impetuous Sallies of my Youth are now blown over, and a moſt pleaſing Calm of perfect Happineſs ſucceeds.