CHAP. XIV.

IN the preceding Chapter I omitted to mention that I made many attempts to ſee the DUKE OF [2]ORLEANS, without ever being ad⯑mitted to his preſence; but accident throwing me in his way one morn⯑ing in ST. JAMES'S PARK, I had an opportunity of obſerving, that great Men, like great Wits, have ſome⯑times ſhort memories, for he either did not know me, or affected to treat me like a ſtranger. Upon my com⯑municating ROBESPIERRE's meſſage he aſſumed an air leſs forbidding, thanked me for my intelligence, and ordered me to return to PARIS im⯑mediately.

WITH this command I did not in⯑tend to comply, for two ſufficient reaſons. Firſt, I was juſt then me⯑ditating the deſign of looking into the [3]contents of my maſter's ſtrong box, and this attention to my own affairs claimed an indiſputable priority. Next, as the Police of PARIS would moſt probably have ſpeedy notice of the tranſaction, and they might en⯑tertain ſentiments different from mine about the partition of ef⯑fects without the conſent of one of the parties, the Capital ſeemed to me by no means an eligible place for my immediate reſidence.

I HAD heard much of the beauty of the Banks of the GARONNE, ſo I reſolved to bend my courſe towards LANGUEDOC. While my carriage was getting ready at CALAIS, I gave the Nephew of DAMIEN, by letter, a [4]ſhort account, which I knew would divert him much, of my manner of dividing with the Marquis, and de⯑ſiring him to direct a line to me at TOULOUSE, when he was certain I could be of ſervice to my country by my preſence at PARIS. As that could not be, till there was no law left, and every thing put upon a right footing, I knew I could then make my appearance without the leaſt danger.

IN the neighbourhood of TOULOUSE I found ſo many habitations fit for my purpoſe, which were then unoc⯑cupied, that I was for ſome time perplexed about an option. A cir⯑cumſtance at laſt determined me, to [5]which I look back at this moment with a recollection ſo pleaſing, that were I to omit a particular account of it, well might I be accuſed of want of fidelity in my Confeſſions.

A VERY creditable-looking houſe, with offices in perfect repair, a good garden, pleaſant fields, and from the ſide of a hill well wooded command⯑ing a noble reach of the river, in⯑duced me to make ſome enquiries about it. After the grounds had been ſhewn me by the Farmer that took care of them in the abſence of the maſter, who was then at PARIS, he told me his Daughter CLAUDINE was within, had the keys of the apartments, and would [6]have the honour to attend me, if I thought proper to examine them. I never beheld a countenance where openneſs, and what is called Honeſty, ſeemed to be embelliſhed by ſuch come⯑ly features. An air and aſpect ſo uncom⯑mon made me, as we walked together, a little inquiſitive about his hiſtory.

"HE had lived," he ſaid, ‘chiefly in that Province, where he had long been happy with a wife, as good as ſhe was beautiful, but ſhe was now in a better place, where he humbly hoped, when his days were count⯑ed, Heaven would be pleaſed again to unite him to her.’— ‘The death of her two ſons in the laſt war in America,’ added he, with a big [7]tear falling down his cheek, ‘was too much for her; ſhe languiſhed and died of it. I have a daughter left, and ſhe now is every thing to me. She is the pride of my heart, and when you ſee her, Sir, I think you will not wonder at her father's fondneſs.’

ALAS! good BERTRAND (for that was the name of my venerable con⯑ductor), the careful Shepherd cloſes the fold againſt the wolf, which thou openeſt. I followed him to the houſe. From a parlour on the left ſide of the hall, a female voice (which the door of the room beingbut half ſhut I could hear diſtinctly) was juſt about to cloſe a ſong in ſuch ſweet accents as might have made the chord of ſympathy vibrate, even in [8]the breaſt of a Dutchman. We ſtood ſtill at the door for a moment. ‘It is my daughter, ſays the old man, ſhe is at her wheel; thus always does her ſong beguile her labour.’

HER age ſeemed to be under twenty, and ſhe wore the becoming dreſs of the girls of the province, except that her little feet were at their eaſe in ſlippers, and not compreſſed by the unyielding texture of the ſabots of the country. All the ma⯑terials too of which her habit was compoſed were finer. From the delicate whiteneſs of her ivory taper⯑ing fingers, and the beautiful arm above them, it was plain they had never been employed in any coarſe or vulgar labour. Such an air of grace and dignity was ſpread over [10]her whole appearance, that one might have imagined ſome Lady of the firſt diſtinction had choſen that dreſs for a maſquerade, to make love⯑lineſs more lovely.

"MY Child," ſays BERTRAND, ‘ſhew this Gentleman the houſe; he has thoughts of becoming our Landlord’. At hearing this ſhe lifted up her gloſſy eyes to my tre⯑mendous face for an inſtant, and with a ſort of painful expreſſion, which ſhe could not entirely conceal, as quickly caſt them down again, as if unable to bear the examination of a viſage in every reſpect ſo perfectly un⯑like her own. For the firſt time in my life I felt a little vexed at my uglineſs, [11]and wiſhed in vain for the diſguiſing maſk of the Profeſſor of Population in LONDON. I glanced at my legs, in hopes her looks would take the ſame direction; but no, the ground was preferable.

WITH a reſpectful inclination of her head ſhe led the way, and I fol⯑lowed. In every chamber I detained her as long as poſſible, aſking num⯑berleſs queſtions upon points about which I was utterly indifferent, to protract the infinite gratification which I felt in beholding her. When it would have been ſuſpicious to have loitered longer, I pretended to be ſa⯑tisfied, and we returned to the hall, where we found her father. She [12]paſſed into the parlour, and left us to conclude our bargain.

To conceal the real purpoſe for which every fiery particle in my veins was flaming, I pretended little difficulties about ſmall articles of ac⯑commodation, which I knew could be removed eaſily, and at laſt cloſed finally with all the terms mentioned by the reſpectable BERTRAND. That he ſhould take care of the land, and his bewitching daughter continue her government of the houſe and ſu⯑perintendency of the dairy, were conditions indiſpenſible, I may per⯑haps be accuſed of inattention to my finances for not endeavouring to ſti⯑pulate ſome abatement of the rent, [13]which was very conſiderable; but when the Reader hears, that let that have been what it would, I never meant to pay a ſingle livre of it, he will agree with me the point was hardly worth conteſting.

MY impatience to be under the ſame roof with this beautiful creature brought me next day to take poſs;eſ⯑ſion of my new manſion. I had a hundred queſtions to aſk, which CLAUDINE only could anſwer. A ſecond inſpection of the houſe was neceſſary, and ſhe was my con⯑ductreſs. No Engineer, preparing to attack a fortified place, ever ſtudied the plan with more care than I exa⯑mined the doors and paſſages which [14]led to her bed-chamber. With infinite mortification I perceived, that tho' ſhe behaved to me with great reſpect, and invariable good-humour, her aver⯑ſion to look at me ſtill continued. So anxious was I to remove this diſ⯑poſition in her, ſo adverſe to my pur⯑poſes, that I tried to ſoften my voice, naturally more rough than BOREAS, into the gentleſt accents: nay, I went ſo far as to ſit down to a glaſs, endea⯑vouring to model my features into the moſt engaging expreſſion of which they were capable. I prac⯑tiſed a ſmile, and it made me appear but more ferocious; as to my ſquint, I found at once it was deſperate, ſo I loſt no time in fruitleſs experiments. Nothing but the Pall Mall Maſk [15]could improve me. In a rage I broke the glaſs to ſhivers, and contented myſelf with concluding, that I was born to command, and not to inſi⯑nuate. Self-love is never without a ſubterfuge.

As my paſſion for this lovely girl increaſed daily, it was time to think of concerting ſome plan to ſecure its gratification. Old BERTRAND watched the golden fruit like the Heſperian Dragon. His preſence being moſt unpropitious to the ſucceſs of my amours, it became neceſſary to remove him. He had more than once obſerved to me, that the ſtock of cattle was by no means ſufficient for the quantity of my land, and that [16]I ſhould loſe conſiderably by delay⯑ing to increaſe it. Nothing could be more fortunate. As his ſkill and probity were unqueſtionable, I gave him a commiſſion to purchaſe for me, in perſon, whatever number of ſheep and oxen he thought neceſſary; and the country under the PYRENEES being the place fixed upon where they could be beſt procured, his journey thither, and his return, re⯑tarded too by the ſlow march of my cattle, would unavoidably take up ſufficient time to allow oppor⯑portunities enough for the execution of my amorous operations. Fare⯑well, good BERTRAND! With the innocence of a Patriarch, thou art gone upon a Patriarch's errand, and [17]no Angel will meet thee on the way, and turn thee back to avert the woe which is at home preparing for thee. He embraced his weeping daughter tenderly at parting, but little knew it was his laſt embrace.

AFTER BERTRAND's departure, pretending I could not bear to be left quite alone in the evening in a place where I was a ſtranger, I prevail⯑ed upon CLAUDINE to bring her guitar and play to me, and I detain⯑ed her afterwards to a little ſupper which ſhe always ordered for me. I took care that not a word ſhould eſcape me to give her delicacy the ſlighteſt alarm; nay, I talked with ſuch ſeeming fervour in praiſe of Re⯑ligion, [18]Virtue, and on ſeveral moral topics, that ſhe began to liſten to me with ſatisfaction. When a little diſ⯑ſimulation can anſwer a good pur⯑poſe, as in the preſent inſtance, no Philoſopher, no Reformer need be aſhamed of it. In this caſe, the end was to ſanctify the means. I talked like what is called a Good Man, that what is alſo vulgarly called Evil might come of it; and ſuch being the motive, the proudeſt Patriot in FRANCE need not bluſh to have con⯑ducted himſelf as I did.

To feel any real reſpect for Religion or Virtue would be diſgraceful to an enlightened underſtanding, but to affect it may be ſometimes merito⯑rious. [19]The name of GOD, or of Heaven, never eſcaped from the roſe⯑bud lips of this innocent creature without being accompanied with ſuch a look of reverence and devotion as proved too plainly how badly ſhe had been educated. An object of diſtreſs, or a tale of pity, imme⯑diately called up a tear into her eye, and her fair boſom heaved with ſym⯑pathy. Had I burſt upon her at once in all the ſplendor of impiety, ſhe would probably have ſunk under it, like SEMELE under the celeſtial panoply of JUPITER, and I ſhould have fruſtrated my own wiſhes by attempting an injudicious method of accompliſhing them. No; my mode [20]of proceeding was right, and the ſucceſs evinces it.

THREE evenings paſſed in the harmleſs manner I have deſcribed already; I reſolved to dedicate the fourth to the little God of Love, not ill deſcribed by HORACE, ‘as ſharpening his burning arrows on an enſanguined anvil: Semper ardentes acuens ſagittas Cote cruenta.’

On the fourth, after my unſuſpect⯑ing miſtreſs had played and ſung, and talked of her abſent father, the time of whoſe expected return ſhe had exactly calculated, we ſat down, as uſual, to ſupper. At Toulouſe [21]I had procured a ſleeping potion, which the Quack who ſold it aſſured me, would in leſs than an hour after its abſorption conſign even the hun⯑dred eyes of ARGUS to a ſtate of pro⯑found ſomnolency. I was now to make the experiment, for the draught had been carefully infuſed into a bottle of ſmall weak wine of the country, of which CLAUDINE com⯑monly drank two or three glaſſes, mixed however with water, before ſhe retired from the parlour. ‘O true Apothecary!’ cried I, like ROMEO, for her long dark eye-laſhes ſeemed to be almoſt weighed down as ſhe was riſing from her chair to leave me.

[22]THE apartment where ſhe ſlept was in a wing ſeparated from the body of the houſe, and commu⯑nicating by a pretty long paſſage. The key of her chamber was in my poſſeſſion, and there being no bolt to the door on the inſide, ſhe could not have excluded me, even had ſhe thought any precaution neceſſary.

LET any of my Readers, who has felt the gentle flame of Love, judge with what impatience I waited near a quarter of an hour till I was certain of her being in a place fit for my re⯑ception. With a dark lanthorn, and the torch of CUPID to guide my foot⯑ſteps, I traverſed the paſſage, and aſcended to her chamber. The affected [23]ſqueamiſhneſs of ſome female Critics muſt prevent my dwelling on parti⯑culars. As the Grecian Artiſt, de⯑ſpairing to expreſs the fatherly an⯑guiſh of AGAMEMNON at the ſacri⯑fice of his daughter, concealed his countenance in the picture, ſo will I throw a veil of ſilence over this moſt intereſting tranſaction. Let it ſuf⯑fice to ſay, I was contented; I was bleſſed even to ſatiety. All the rap⯑tures which beauty, in a ſtate of in⯑ſenſibility, could beſtow, I enjoyed in the keeneſt perfection. Having locked the door at the outſide to pre⯑vent accidents, I retired to my bed, hoping that the ſweet image of CLAUDINE would not fail in dreams to viſit me.

[24]NEXT morning, after having conned overa ſpeech full of tenderneſs and ac⯑knowledgments for the favours with which ſhe had never intended to honour me, I mounted to the bower which contained the perſon of my lovely de⯑ſpoiled LUCRETIA. Her cap was on the ground, her bright auburn hair ſpread over her ſhoulders in wild diſ⯑order, and a look of the deepeſt anguiſh and deſpair too ſtrongly imprinted on all her expreſſive features. As I attempted to approach, ſhe ſtarted up with an air of frenzy, buried her face in one of the bed-curtains, ſtamped with her little feet againſt the floor, and with an impatient motion of her white arm tried to waft me from her pre⯑ſence. The little ſpeech which I had [25]prepared, I thought too good to be loſt, ſo I uttered it, but it only ſeemed to increaſe her diſtraction.

I RESOLVED to give her one trial more before I proceeded to the laſt extremity. My reception was rather worſe than at firſt, and I could obſerve ſhe was faſt verging to a ſtate of inſanity. No time was to be loſt. BERTRAND was ſoon to return;—ſuppoſing her to run mad, ſhe might in ſome lucid interval reveal the cauſe which had impaired her reaſon, and there being then ſome law in FRANCE, the breaſts of my Judges, perhaps, might never have felt the tender paſſion, and they might advert only to the [26]fact, without due allowance for the temptation.

WITH that deciſion which always marks a manly character, I took my meaſures immediately. More than three days had paſſed ſince my fair captive (at leaſt to my knowledge) had taken any nouriſhment; for tho' I conſtantly carried up food to her, and of the niceſt kind, it ſeemed to me to remain untaſted. She loved milk, it was her favourite diet. In about a quart of milk I mingled a ſtrong infuſion of the fineſt arſe⯑nic, and left it in her ſight upon a table. My tenderneſs for her was ſtill ſuch, that I would give her no⯑thing [27]unpalatable and diſguſting. Next day before I unlocked the door, profound ſilence within, announced to me her cataſtrophe. Her face, though a good deal diſtorted by con⯑vulſions from the poiſon, ſtill retained more beauty than ſhe had left perhaps behind her in the province. A book of devotion lay upon the table before the chair ſhe died in, and a letter from her father I found crumpled up in one of her hands, which I ſuppoſe proceeded from her expiring ſpaſms; for, poor girl! while ſhe could do it, ſhe was fond of ſmoothing and fold⯑ing up things very neatly.

SEEING all right, I waited for darkneſs to conclude her obſequies. [28]At midnight I put her, with her fa⯑ther's letter undiſturbed in her hand, and her praying book, into a large ſack which lay empty in the granary for corn; then raiſing the whole with one arm, and caſting it behind me, I trudged towards the bridge at about half a mile's diſtance. Light as ſhe was, I continued groping about for near ten minutes before I could find a ſtone to put into the ſack weighty enough to ſink her. From the centre arch of the bridge I dropped my cold burden into the middle of the river, liſtening to hear it deſcend to the bottom; and I will venture boldly to affirm, that earth or water never re⯑ceived the remains of a more beauti⯑ful creature.

[29]WHO can reſlect upon this whole buſineſs without feeling indignation againſt early prejudices, and a miſ⯑taken ſyſtem! H ad this fie crea⯑ture's, this paragon's exiſtence been prolonged to the preſent illuminated hour, how different might have been her condition! Had ſhe but lived to ſee divorces ſanctioned by the Legiſ⯑lature, to ſee the mothers of a pro⯑miſcuous offspring preſenting at the Bar of the Nation the liſping pro⯑duce of their unreſtrained inconti⯑nence, and claiming for it public ho⯑nours and diſtinction, how muſt ſhe have deſpiſed the narrow notions which Prieſts and Parents had in⯑ſtilled into her! Inſtead of falling a victim to an over-delicate and falſe [30]ſenſibility, ſhe would have found herſelf raiſed to a higher rank in ſociety; and diſdaining the ſuperſti⯑tious forms and ceremonies of Monks and Churchmen, and ſnapping her fingers at the Altar, herſelf a free citizen, ſhe might have raiſed up free citizens to her country.

POOR CLAUDINE! I did not wiſh to deſtroy her; I loved her, tenderly loved her, and ſhe died an oblation, not to my inhumanity, but to a miſ⯑taken faith, and to prejudices im⯑bibed from the nipple. Let the in⯑dignant world cry out with me, ‘Theſe are the effects of ſuper⯑ſtition; tantumreligio potuit ſuadere malorum.’

[31]EVERY thing being now finiſhed to my ſatisſaction, I returned to my houſe, not a little fatigued with my labour, and drenched with rain, which had ſallen inceſſantly. A cold roaſted turkey, and above two bottles of the beſt wine of Bourdeaux ſoon re⯑ſtored me to my accuſtomed vigour, and a long ſound ſleep, unſolicited by an opiate, completed the renovation of all my powers.

I HAVE dwelt more particularly on all the circumſtances of the ad⯑venture juſt recited than upon any other to be found in my Confeſſions, becauſe I can recur to it with the moſt complete ſatisfaction. In this atchievement no one can claim a [32]ſhare with me: nihil cohors, nihil turma decerpit. The idea, the plan, the execution, were all my own. I ſtudied the characters I had to deal with, and governed them; I watch⯑ed for every accident, and bent it to my intereſt; I foreſaw every difficulty, and I removed it. The DUKE of ORLEANS boaſts that he has ſpread deſtruction wider, that he has ſhed more innocent blood than any Reformer of our country. It may be ſo, bat how has he done it? By money and the agency of others. DANTON, THURIOU, MADAME TEROIGNE, SANSTERRF MERLIN, ROBESPIERRE, MARAT, cannot count their ſlain. If that be the firſt teſt of public virtue, I feel no infe⯑riority; [33]I wiſh not to depreciate their merits, but let any of them ſhew me a period of their lives to be compared with my ſhort reſidence on the Banks of the GARONNE. To which would a PLUTARCH give the preference? ALEXANDER had his paſſage of the GRANICUS, POMPEY his victory over the Pirates, CAESAR his taking ALESIA, MARLBOROUGH his HOCKSTET; TURENNE, CONDE, VILLARS, SAXE, CORNWALLIS, every Hero has had his favourite at⯑chievement. Let the Rape and Death of CLAUDINE be engraved on my tombſtone. This, however, may be preſumption; for, after all, not I, but the world muſt determine. Self-love is a great deceiver.

CHAP. XV.

EVERY thing for my eaſe and ſecurity ſeemed to have been arranged in the whole affair with my late miſtreſs, of obſtinate memory, by ſome power propitious to the tender paſſion. Juſt as her father might have been expected to return (to whom I ſhould have been per⯑plexed to account in a ſatisfactory manner for her diſappearance), I [35]found a ſhort note from the Nephew of DAMIEN, directed for me at THOULOUSE, in theſe words: ‘The States General are aſſembled at VERSAILLES; every thing wears the moſt promiſing aſpect; the Duke wiſhes to ſee you at PARIS. Loſe not a moment.’

THIS was in the ſummer of 1789. In leſs than half an hour I was in a chaiſe with the horſes heads turned towards the Metropolis, and I could not help laughing heartily, while I figured to myſelf the wonder and ſtupefaction of old BERTRAND, when he ſhould return from the moun⯑tains with his cattle, and find neither the maſter nor daughter he had left [36]behind him. The peaſants about the place, and two poor drudges kept in the houſe for the meaneſt offices, could give him no ſatisfaction; and I, the only perſon in the ſecret, being con⯑vinced that nothing I could tell him would make things much better, re⯑ſolved to leave him to expatiate in the wide region of conjecture, or to look for his conſolation to the pro⯑ſpect of being again united to his be⯑loved wife by a ſecond marriage with her in another world.

OBJECTS of ſo much greater im⯑portance then occupied my mind, and have ever ſince kept poſſeſſion of it, that this good man, with his herds and flocks, and his beautiful daugh⯑ter, [37]never once entered my head till I ſat down to ranſack my memory for the ſeries of my adventures, after I had reſolved to gratify the public with their recital.

THE glorious events which ſince the year 1789 have followed each other in ſuch rapid ſucceſſion in FRANCE, ſeem in a degree to have obliterated the recollection of thoſe primary paſſages which prepared the way for them. It will not there⯑fore be impertinent, in a ſummary manner, juſt to touch upon them; and it will appear, that tho', perhaps, all that ſublime confuſion and anarchy which have filled mankind with ſuch aſtoniſhment might not have [38]been expected to reſult from them, yet that they ſhould be attended with very important conſequences was at leaſt inevitable.

THAT twenty-five millions of Slaves ſhould in a few weeks become Freemen, was ſufficiently wonderful; but that twenty-five millions of Slaves ſhould be converted into an equal number of Tyrants, the moſt cruel and ſanguinary that any por⯑tion of the globe ever groaned under, muſt appear much more auguſt and tremendous; that one of the moſt antient and beſt eſtabliſhed mo⯑narchies in the world ſhould be ſub⯑verted almoſt before it was menaced; that a King, beloved by his people, [39]eſteemed for his good qualities, and never convicted of one act of op⯑preſſion, ſhould loſe his head upon a ſcaffold; that the proudeſt Nobi⯑lity in EUROPE ſhould be exiled, beggared, or butchered; that a ve⯑nerable Religion, and its Hierarchy, ſhould be almoſt aboliſhed; that preſcriptive privileges, rights, laws, cuſtoms, and property, ſhould be torn up by the roots and trampled upon; that every thing which was once revered ſhould be treated with igno⯑miny, all which was held ſacred ſhould be profaned, all that was be⯑loved ſhould be deteſted; that the very eſſence of right and wrong ſhould be ſo confounded as to be no more diſtinguiſhable; and that all [40]this ſhould be done by men without wiſdom, experience, fortune, abilities, or character, would appear incredible in a fiction, and yet the reality is confirmed by the moſt univerſal and undiſputed notoriety. LIMA, LISBON, CALABRIA, overthrown and deſo⯑lated by earthquakes, preſent no ſuch ſtupendous objects for human con⯑templation.

THE foundation for all this felicity was laid by a Miniſter of Finance, who certainly neither foreſaw nor in⯑tended it; by the vain, the elaborate, the ingenious, the poliſhed Mr. NECKER.

[41]FRANCE ſinking under an accumu⯑lated load of debt, and ſtill further ex⯑hauſted by efforts beyond her abilities to ſupport the revolt of the American Colonies from the Mother Country ENGLAND, was to be relieved by ſome great maſter-ſtroke of policy. The Mi⯑niſter juſt mentioned reſorted to the happy expedient of aſſembling the ſtates general. Their collective wiſdom was to deviſe ſome means at once to lighten the public burden, and to repleniſh the Royal Exchequer, two points not very eaſily attainable. No plan hav⯑ing been previouſly digeſted with wiſdom, Diſorder and Democracy began to take the lead from the mo⯑ment the States were aſſembled. Had it been duly promulgated before their [42]convention, that the three Eſtates, the Nobility, the Clergy, and the Commons, were to form ſeparate bodies, each to act as a controul upon the other, and that no meaſure was to be ratified but by their triple concurrence, the loweſt would not have had the aſcendancy; but the Ordinance only held out, that they were to meet in the ſame chamber, and to deliberate all together. There being a vaſt majority of the Tiers, the powers of the other two Orders muſt be at once over-ruled, and rendered inſignificant. Cooped up as it were to be ſpectators of their own diſgrace, nothing was left to them but to be placed like cyphers in the account, to increaſe the hoſtile importance of [43]the figures which outnumbered them. This it muſt be allowed was a pro⯑miſing beginning.

THE King, rather of a lethargick diſpoſition, and ſenſible that the people had been much oppreſſed, ſeemed more anxious that they ſhould be relieved than for the preſervation of his own deſpotiſm, or for the pri⯑vileges of his haughty Nobility. The Nobles and the Clergy, though con⯑ſcious of their danger, and knowing that they muſt be ſtrengthened by union, did not however unite, nor take any ſteps to ſecure their immu⯑nities from encroachment, till their very exiſtence was in jeopardy. His Majeſty was ſuffered to go to the [44]States General before their powers were verified; and the military parade with which this ceremony was at⯑tended, together with the inſults offered to the Repreſentatives, who were excluded from the great cham⯑ber, by armed guards, on pretence that it was preparing for the Royal reception, only drove them to find out another place of meeting, the Jeu de Paume, where they entered into the moſt ſolemn engagements never to be diſſolved but by their own conſent, and declaring themſelves the whole Legiſlature, to the entire excluſion of all the privileged Orders. Here we ſaw at once the Long Par⯑liament of ENGLAND, in the reign of the Firſt CHARLES.

[45]A BLESSED dearth of corn (which was felt at this time) helped to ſet the maſs of diſcontent into quicker fermentation. Upon this ſcarcity, the Commons invited the Clergy to deliberate with them in the Com⯑mon Hall upon the means for the relieſ of the people. Their refuſal, which was expected, contributed to their unpopularity, and the queſtion was immediately agitated by the Politicians in the Caffe dc Foy, Whether it was not lawful for the Commons to de⯑cree the application of eccleſia⯑ſtical revenues towards the relief of the people? or, in other words, Whether they had not a right to take their property from the lawful owners, and give, or pretend to give [46]it to thoſe who had no right to it! It would be paying an ill compli⯑ment to the underſtandings of my philoſophical Readers, to explain to them, that the relief of the poor was not the purpoſe in contemplation. Heaven forbid! Our Patriots wiſhed to ſee them periſh by thouſands; they could be ſpared: no, to caſt an odium upon an opulent and reſpectable order was the object, and to accuſtom men to the idea that nothing could be ſanctioned againſt the omnipotence of the multitude. Having often, with a knife or piſtol in my hand, practiſed this method of transferring property for my own advantage, it is hardly neceſſary to ſay that I approved of it entirely. [47]From this moment may be dated the downſall of our Clergy.

IN June 1789, our good friend Abbe SYEYES made a motion, which a little amended was aſterwards de⯑creed: ‘That if the privileged Orders continued their refuſal to join the Commons, the latter would proceed without them.’

DURING theſe commotions, the Preſs at PARIS, like the Chimera, vomited out ſmoke and fire. The moſt furious and inflammatory publi⯑cations, to the number of near one hundred weekly, iſſued reeking from the Palais Royal; and their diſſemi⯑nation was ſuffered, without a ſingle [48]ſtep being taken by the Government to ſtop the circulation, or to extin⯑guiſh the combuſtion. Geſticulat⯑ing Orators, in every corner, mount⯑ed upon benches or barrels, ha⯑rangued their reſpective circles of gaping auditors, and by the mere energy of vociferation and action bade defiance to logic, and ſurpaſſed all eloquence. The favourite topics of theſe popular mountebanks were, the nature of civil govern⯑ment, and the incompatibility of law and liberty; the ſupreme power of the people, and their wiſ⯑dom; the uſurpation of the No⯑bility and Clergy, not half ſo well qualified as the populace (virtu⯑ous though ignorant) for the buſi⯑neſs [49]of legiſlation; the enormous expence of Royal eſtabliſhments; but above all, the multiplied abuſes of Government, which it was impoſ⯑ſible to correct but by demoliſhing entirely the preſent ſyſtem, and in⯑troducing another on principles dia⯑metrically oppoſite.

MEANTIME the Army, which had ſucked in ſome muddy notions of Republicaniſm in AMERICA, and happened at his time to be diſcon⯑tented with their Commander, the DUKE DE CHATELET, were ſeduced from their fidelity to the Crown by the promiſe of increaſed pay and re⯑laxed diſcipline. We knew they [50]might be our maſters, ſo we wiſely made them our inſtruments.

THE undaunted ſpirit of THE QUEEN, which ſeemed to be heredi⯑tary, was for a time formidable, ſo the principal popular batteries were directed againſt her, and her ſup⯑poſed favourite the COUNT D'ARTOIS. Our Demagogues raked into every hiſtorical dunghill of female infamy, from JEZEBEL downwards, to find materials for loading her character with an accumulation of follies, crimes, and vices. Impoſſible as were many of our charges againſt Her Ma⯑jeſty, and improbable as were moſt of them, they ſerved our purpoſe full as well as if they had been true, for the [51]malignant credulity of our good people made their verification unne⯑ceſſary. As to our illiterate Re⯑formers who could not read, we ſpoke through their eyes to their paſſions. We had Prints exhibiting her in every attitude which a polluted imagination could deviſe, and theſe were expoſed in ſhop-windows, in⯑viting the inſpection of every paſ⯑ſenger. We contented ourſelves with only repreſenting THE KING under the likeneſs of a Hog wallowing in a ſtye of gluttonous ſenſuality.

LA FAYETTE having ſome credit with the troops, was ſuffered to take the lead where military ſkill and diſciplined numbers were neceſſary; [52]but, he being ſuppoſed not to be en⯑tirely devoid of what is called Con⯑ſcience and Humanity, was only to be employed as a tool at the time, and to be afterwards removed (as he, DILLON, DUMOURIER, and ſo many others have experienced), by pro⯑ſcription, baniſhment, or aſſaſſination, the ultima ratio of all Democratical Governments.

THE demolition of all the PARLIA⯑MENTS was alſo a meaſure reſolved upon.

ALL the expences of hired mobs, of bonfires, and rejoicings to celebrate the triumphs of the rabble, and for the diſperſion of the moſt ſeditious pam⯑phlets, [53]were defrayed by the DUKE OF ORLEANS. But the zeal of his Moſt Serene Highneſs was not con⯑fined to VERSAILLES and PARIS; orders were ſent into the provinces to ſet fire to the houſes and caſtles, and to cut the throats of Ariſtocrates; the perpetrators of ſuch heroic deeds always being aſſured of a handſome gratuity for their ſervices from the Duke's liberality.

THE annual revenue of his High⯑neſs was above 300,000 l. with a reverſion of 175,000 l. yearly, after the death of his Father-in-Law the DUKE DE PENTHIEVRE; ſo we had a fund of near half a million yearly at our command, which we uſed to [54]call facetiouſly ANARCHY FUND. And indeed this immenſe income, and the ſums accruing from plunder, we al⯑ways applied tovery laudable purpoſes: and what perhaps will not a little ſurpriſe, at leaſt, a foreign reader, we always found the charges much more reaſonable for aſſaſſination than for perjury, owing entirely to our aſſociates being ſo much more in habits of the former. We paid at laſt but a Louis ſor cutting the throat of an Ariſtocrat, while I think the price was not leſs than five for ſwearing a plot againſt him. We kept ſome of theſe ac⯑counts pretty regularly, as we did not know but the JACOBINS might like to look over them. Thoſe who recollect the Duke's converſation in [55]the Ninth Chapter, will not aſcribe all this profuſion to his generoſity. He imagined he was laying out his money to the beſt intereſt. On the 25th of June he went over publicly with forty-ſeven of the Nobility to the Commons; many of the Clergy followed him.

IT has always been acknowledged, that Popular Aſſemblies too nume⯑rous can never deliberate with wiſ⯑dom and effect; nay, it has been ſaid, that even the Commons of ENGLAND, decorous as they are by the obſer⯑vance of known forms, habituated to debate, and ſeldom exceeding three or four hundred preſent, would never be able to come to any determination, [56]if the buſineſs was not in ſome degree prepared by the Miniſter, or other perſons, previous to its introduction among them. We had all the defects and diſadvantages of a Popular Aſ⯑ſembly, in their moſt complete im⯑perfection. The Hall of Seſſion con⯑tained above two thouſand perſons; about a hundred Repreſentatives were upon their legs at a time, all talking together, and each bellowing for pre⯑audience; while the Galleries were employed in clapping or hiſſing, hooting or applauding juſt as they happened to like or diſlike the perſon or propoſition of the Speaker. Thus this FREE ASSEMBLY (as it was pleaſed to call itſelf) became, as we wiſhed them to be, and as they have ever [57]ſince continued to be, the organized Puppets and Sub-delegates of the Rabble. Add to this, that their motions were always complicated: ſome parts might be eligible, ſome not; ſome pleaſant, ſome bitter; ſome wholeſome, others indigeſtible; but the Repreſentatives were obliged to gulp down the whole, to ſwallow the ſtones with the fruit, not knowing how to reject the one, and to retain the other. Ignorant how to ſeparate or ſimplify their motions, two mea⯑ſures directly repugnant in their ten⯑dency were ſometimes voted toge⯑ther, and matter ſo diſcordant blended or rather huddled up in the ſame Reſolution, that any attempt at an index would but have increaſed the confu⯑ſion. [58]Our Aſſemblies, however, ſoon became ſo expert in the buſineſs of voting and legiſlation, that they de⯑creed away the life, liberty, and pro⯑perty of their fellow-ſubjects with more expedition than a Committee of the ENGLISH or IRISH Houſe of Commons would have ventured in paſſing half a dozen clauſes in a Turn⯑pike Bill. If tardy juſtice is an evil, tardy injuſtice is a greater; and if our people had reaſon to complain, it was not for want of celerity at leaſt in their ſufferings. A man left his houſe, thinking it his own, in the morning; he returned at noon, and found it confiſcated. The ſame might be ſaid of his head; he thought it properly placed on his ſhoulders, the [59]Nation thought it would look better on a pike, and it was decreed im⯑mediately. He knew every thing in FRANCE belonged to the Nation, and his head being national property, and removable at pleaſure, he had no right to murmur.

THUS began our Revolution; et mobilitate vigens, which may pro⯑perly be conſtrued, ‘flouriſhing by the Mob,’ et vires acquirens eundo, every day exhibiting ſome new pro⯑digy, ſtands now unparalleled in the Hiſtory of the Univerſe. Who can pronounce deciſively, that we have yet aſcended to our ultimate point of perfection? A Reformer greater than MARAT may ſtill be reſerved [60]for our poſterity. We know what we have; perhaps we may yet have more. We have wars abroad, and inſurrections at home; we have the certainty of bloodſhed, and the proba⯑bility of famine; we have Clubs in every quarter, Decrees innumerable with Murmurs and Applauſes, and a very fine Conſtitution upon paper. We have the good wiſhes of Colonel TANDY and the UNITED IRISHMEN, with ſix ſmall pieces of cannon and a hundred pair of ſhoes from a FRIENDLY SOCIETY in ENGLAND.

BUT into the account muſt alſo be taken our negatives. We have no KING, having murdered him to ſave charges; but we have a Democracy [61]forty-fold more expenſive, and in the ſame proportion more reſpectable. We have no Lettres de Cachet; no Baſtile with ſix priſoners, one of whom never knew why he was com⯑mitted; but more awfully, we have five hundred priſons full of free Citi⯑zens, who not only know why they are in captivity, but alſo know, with⯑out the torture of uncertainty, that they will be maſſacred before they get out of it.

WE have no impoſts by the old names of Gabelle, Taille, or Corvé; but we have ampler public revenues from Loans, Benevolences, and Free Gifts, enforced by the Pike, the Poniard, and the Lamp-iron. We have no reſtraints [62]from Law or from Religion; we have no God, nor no Gentleman. We are without money or breeches; and where is the uſe of the latter, having nothing to put into them? Shortly, perhaps, we ſhall be exempt from the incumbrance of Colonies and Manufactures. To conclude all: We have Liberty, ſuch as the world never before ſaw or heard of; and a Republic, which being above the comprehenſion of human nature, ſets all human nature nobly at defiance.

CHAP. XVI.

ON my arrival at PARIS I found my reception with the DUKE OF ORLEANS very different from what I had experienced in LONDON. He rubbed his hands together with plea⯑ſure at ſeeing me, clapped me on the [64]ſhoulder, and called me his WELL⯑BELOVED. "The time," ſays he, ‘is come; majus opus moveo: Let our enemies look to it. Ha, ha, LOUIS CAPET! Ha, ha, MARIE ANTOI⯑NETTE! Remember TRIANON.—A ſtout heart and a ſharp dagger ſhall ſhew them I have not forgot their kindneſs.’ Thus went he on. In ſhoit, nothing was too good for me—I was his deareſt friend, nor would he hear of my lodging any⯑where but in the Palace. This al⯑teration I was not weak enough to aſcribe to any revival of his former partiality for me, but to his knowing that he could now employ me more effectually for his ſervice. He was cold to me in LONDON becauſe then [65]he did not want my abilities, and he careſſed me at PARIS becauſe there he could make uſe of them: ſo much does the conſequence of individuals depend upon place and ſeaſon. I pretended to be the dupe of his inſin⯑cerity, knowing that a wiſe man who wiſhes to make his fortune, ſhould always, like the Cameleon, aſſume the colour of the object next to him.

THE manner in which the Baſtile was taken is ſo well and ſo univer⯑ſally known, that it would be unne⯑ceſſary and impertinent to waſte any of my paper in the recital. It was the great event which confirmed the tri⯑umph of the Populace at the time, and [66]its conſequences, by our able manage⯑ment, has entailed upon them more miſeries than they, or any people in EUROPE ever groaned under. This un⯑expected conqueſt was attended with advantages much more important to us than the mere demolition of a fortreſs, which, properly deſended, might have baffled all our hoſtilities, for it ſerved to ſhelter every enormity which we committed for many months aſterwards. When we were accuſed of injuſtice, pillage, or maſ⯑ſacre, we pointed to the ruins of that priſon, though we might as well have referred the ſuſferers, for their conſolation, to the burning of TROY or of CARTHAGE. When a mother complained of the wanton murder of [67]her child, or a child lamented the ſlaughter of its parent, we bade them dry up their tears, and think of the Baſtile inſtead of it. Did the poor cry for the bread we had torn from their hunger, we literally fulfilled the Scripture, and gave them a ſtone of the Baſtile to appeaſe it. This was the balm for every wound, the panacea for every malady. It ſerved as a kind of croſs-purpoſes to the underſtanding. Like the ‘ſans Dot’ of HARPAGON, it ſtopped the mouth of all cavillers, and ſupplied the place of honour, wiſdom, and probity. It was our unanſwerable anſwer to every objection, the uni⯑verſal ſpunge which ſoaked up every iniquity.

[68]WE were indeed much diſap⯑pointed to find, when its unhallowed jaws were forced open, that it con⯑tained but ſix priſoners. We hoped to have found thouſands. It ſhewed at leaſt the lenity and moderation of the then exiſting Government. The moſt violent enemies, however, of our Reformation were too wiſe to dwell much upon this as an argu⯑ment againſt us. A priſon is not in⯑compatible with the general freedom of mankind, in ſome caſes it, conſti⯑tutes their ſecurity; but a priſon where men might be conſined inno⯑cent of any crime againſt Society or the State and who had no means of eſcaping from it but the permiſſion of the tyrants who enſlaved them, [69]can admit of no palliation from elo⯑quence or ingenuity. Abuſe long ſanctioned by preſcription, and long, tho' indignantly, acquieſced under, may be relaxed at particular ſeaſons: yet that makes little difference; its exiſtence, the poſſibility of ſuffering by it, is the grievance. It is ſuch, let AUGUSTUS or TIBERIUS, TITUS or DOMITIAN, be the Rulers. Its iron hinges may ruſt under a mild Prince, they will ſoon be oiled again under a Tyrant. It is the real Sword of DAMOCLES, ſuſpended by a hair over the head of the ſubject. He muſt have indeed a keen appetite and a ſtrong digeſtion who can glance his eye towards the point, and [70]reliſh under ſuch circumſtances the moſt delicious banquet.

IT is well known how we cut off DE LAUNAY the Governor's head without any trial, and piked it. BERTHIER and FOULON we ſerved in the ſame manner. The ceremony of parading the heads was done by ſuggeſtion from the DUKE OF ORLEANS. Beſides the beauty of the ſpectacle, it was the opinion of His Moſt Serene Highneſs, that the familiarizing the people to ſuch ſights muſt make them much more ferocious and cruel, and fitter of courſe for our purpoſes. SYLLA, at ROME, he ſaid, had derived num⯑berleſs [71]advantages from a ſimilar practice.

MARAT and I were the Foll⯑bearers, and infinite were the plea⯑ſantries which paſſed between us, while we ſtaggered along under our ghaſtly burdens. I never knew the rogue ſo witty. Borrowing a hint from the ſtory of JACK CADE (a Reformer of ENGLAND in the Reign of the Sixth HENRY), we brought the heads to⯑gether at the corners of the ſtreets, that they might ſeem to have a little conference, then chucked the faces againſt each other by way of a fare⯑well kiſs, and taking leave politely on their ſeparation. This little play [72]with the heads always made the Duke laugh prodigiouſly.

I SHALL paſs over without parti⯑cular notice the various tumults at VERSAILLES in October 1789, the Gardes de Corps firing upon the Mob who attacked the Palace, the Regi⯑ment de Flandre clubbing their arms, and the Swiſs doing nothing for want of orders. But as about this time the honour of my family was more immediately concerned, I cannot for⯑bear to mention, that my Mother put herſelf at the head of about five thouſand of her own ſex, and chiefly of her own reſpectable calling, Fiſh⯑women, and marchedto VERSAILLES, in order to ſettle matters as ſhe and [73]her corps of Nereids ſhould find beſt for the public welfare, No ſpectacle could be more ſublime and awful. The altitude of her ſtature, the huge length of her ſtrides, the brandiſh⯑ing of her bloody knife in her left hand, her pole, with a ſpike at the end of it, in her right, the ferocity of her countenance, the ſhrillneſs of her cries, the clattering of her wooden ſhoes in the kennel, the ſcales and entrails of fiſh which co⯑vered her tattered garments, three or four eels alive twining about her, and the odour iſſuing from the whole, formed ſuch an aſſemblage of the diſguſting and terrible, as no human fortitude could behold and inhale without ſhrinking.

[74]Terribilis Stygio facies pallore gravatur, Impexis onerata comis.

She might have ſat to FUSELI for the Picture of ERICTHO or MEGARA.

On the evening of the ſame day, LA FAYETTE, who perhaps might have thought that my mother's way of ſettling the State would not ex⯑actly anſwer his purpoſe, marched off for VERSAILLES at the head of twenty thouſand of the Paris Militia, and brought up the Royal Family pri⯑ſoners to the metropolis.

MAMMA, who was a little fatigued by her expedition, firſt mounted on the roof of the King's coach, at⯑tended by three Ladies, her Aids-de⯑Camp; [75]and as her long legs hung down over the window, ſhe had the honour of beſpattering his Majeſty's viſage with the mire of her ſabots during the whole paſſage, which laſt⯑ed at leaſt for ſix hours. The vehicle, with the King cooped up a priſoner within, and Mamma with her atten⯑dants howling and geſticulating over him, exhibited a very exact emblem of our Governmen.

A KING leſs humane than LOUIS would certainly never have ſuffered himſelf to be ſubject to ſuch cruel inſults, but nothing could induce him to countenance the ſlaughter of his people.

[76]Two or three attempts, as is well known, conducted by the DUKE OF ORLEANS, were near being ſucceſs⯑ful to aſſaſſinate him and the Queen, during their impriſonment in the Thuilleries. It was not at this time called their impriſonment, tho' in fact it was ſo, for they were con⯑ſtantly watched by our Spies, and attended by Guards we had placed over them, but all was under the pretext of ſecuring them from the rabble. LA FAYETTE, a weak man, infected with ſome dregs of huma⯑nity, never intended them any per⯑ſonal injury; but unable to controul the ſtorm which he contributed to raiſe, he has ſuffered for his, half-treaſon the fate which commonly at⯑tends [77]upon all Half-traitors: he has no friends on any ſide. We ſhould have cut off his head, and our enemies have caſt him into a dun⯑geon. It requires great vices, or very ſuperior qualifications, to be a ſucceſsful Conſpirator.

WE kept, in ſhort, this ill-matched, this ill-fated Royal Pair in ſuch a conſtant ſtate of ſubjection and terror, that at laſt they attempted to eſcape, but, by a few perverſe accidents, fell back again into our hands to ſuffer all the ingenious cruelty of inexo⯑rable Republicaniſm. Then fol⯑lowed their depoſition, and impriſon⯑ment in the Temple, the King's mock trial, and his murder.

[78]PREVIOUS to this ſolemn mummery, MARAT, ROBESPIERRE and myſelf, by the DUKE'S intereſt, were elected Members of the National Conven⯑tion His Highneſstold us we were at liberty to turn this new dignity to our own advantage, that is, to get what money we could for our voices, he having but one condition to make with us, that we ſhould vote to find the King guilty. As we hear⯑tily wiſhed for his Majeſty's con⯑demnation, we made no ſcruple to enter into this engagement. Plunder, and to ſhelter ourſelves from any after-account for it, were our prin⯑cipal objects.

[79]So great an event as the King's death upon a ſeaffold, we knew, would throw things, if poſſible, into a ſtate of more inexplicable confuſion, and conſequently give us more ſecurity; for in complete anarchy, who need fear retribution, and the feeble voice of Juſtice? Our venality was ſo notorious, that thoſe who had buſineſs depending before the Con⯑vention did not, as ſometimes hap⯑pens, pretend to colour over or diſ⯑guiſe their motives for offering us money, by ſaying, perhaps we might want it, and they had plenty, or ſuch half-faced baſhful pretences; but like people of plain ſenſe and fair deal⯑ing, they came to the point at once, and aſked our loweſt price for each [80]ſpecific act of injuſtice. We had a certain ſum for keeping away from the Aſſembly entirely, a certain ſum for raiſing a riot to interrupt the pro⯑ceedings, ſtill more for voting di⯑rectly againſt the evidence; in ſhort, we were well paid for every thing we could do for the advantage of our clients. We very much reſembled thoſe great men who were called the Patrons of the Poor in the Roman Senate.

NOR did its being divulged that we had taken money on one ſide pre⯑vent applications to us from the other. Our flexibility was no ſecret; the notoriety of our being retained by one party was even of conſiderable [81]ſervice to us, as it greatly increaſed our demand for the counter-bribe, which every candid perſon muſt al⯑low to have been perfectly reaſonable. From this ſort of fair traffic we derived very conſiderable profit. Let it not be ſuppoſed that this practice was confined to the Triumvirate. Far from it, above half the Convention ſhewed the ſame good ſenſe that we did. In the buſineſs of the King's trial I was bribed nine times back and forward, but nothing could get the better of my honour; my word to the DUKE was pledged, and I kept it ſacred. From the converſation of all thoſe about me, I found moſt of my Brother-Members had made a very good day's work of it. We ex⯑pected [82]at leaſt as much when it came to the Queen's turn to appear before us, one reaſon which always made MARAT in particular ſo violent for bringing her Majeſty to juſtice.

THE Tenth of Auguſt 1792, that glorious day, ſurpaſſed only by the Second of September following, would require an abler pen than mine to do juſtice to its immortal horrors.

OUR Emiſſaries, with their uſual induſtry and ſucceſs, had ſet the common people in a ferment by ru⯑mours that the ariſtocratical party at Paris, not yet cruſhed by all our perſecution, but acting in concert [83]with the Pruſſian and Auſtrian In⯑vaders, had formed a conſpiracy to deliver the Royal Family from capti⯑vity, and to maſſacre, without diſ⯑tinction, all the harmleſs, unſuſpect⯑ing inhabitants. This was more than ſufficient. Dry ſtraw, flax, or thread, are not more eaſily kindled into a flame than the Mob of Paris, and eſpecially ſince they have been taught that to be in a conſtant ſtate of inſur⯑rection is one unqueſtionable right of the people.

THEY aſſembled early. The Quays, the Fauxbourgs, and the Marſh vomited out their deſperate thou⯑ſands; every garret, every cellar was emptied of its ragged Reformers. [84]In numbers without number they rolled on to the Thuilleries, determined to ſeize the KING and QUEEN, and immolate them to their blind fury. Their Majeſties fled for ſafety to the Convention, who ſnatched them from the preſent danger, chuſing to reſerve for themſelves the ceremony of their future murder. While their ammunition laſted, the Swiſs who were upon duty kept up an inceſſant fire, and did great execution; but that being expended, the multitude broke in upon them, and maſſacred them all to a man with the moſt unrelent⯑ing ferocity. Then followed ſuch a glorious ſcene as the Gods of HOMER might have looked down upon with complacency. I will not attempt to [85]repreſent it, nor is it neceſſary. The great Hiſtorian TACITUS, when he deſcribed the ſtate of ROME after the death of VITELLIUS, drew the picture of PARIS on the tenth of Auguſt.

PLENAE caedibus viae, cruenta ſora templaque, paſſim trucidatis, ut quemque fors obtulerat. Ac mox au⯑geſcente licentiâ, ſcrutari ac protra⯑here abditos: ſi quem procerum habitu et juventâ conſpexerant, obtruncare, nullo militum aut populi diſcrimine. Quae ſaevitia recentibus odiis ſanguine explebatur dein verterat in avaritiam. Nihil uſquam ſecretum aut clauſum ſinebant, Vitellianos occultari ſimu⯑lantes. Initium id perfringendarum domuum; vel ſi reſiſteretur cauſ [...] [86]caedis.—Ubique lamenta, conclama⯑tiones, et fortuna captae civitatis. Duces partium accendendo civili bello acres, temperandae victoriae im⯑pares. Quippe in turbas et diſcordias peſſimo cuique plurima vis: pax et quies bonis artibus indigent.

THE latter part of the foregoing quotation, I am ſenſible, does not ſeem favourable to the principles of our party, but to prove the impar⯑tiality of my ſpirit, I would not ſup⯑preſs it; beſides, no great weight ſhould be allowed to the ſentiments of a ROMAN, however illuſtrious, who wrote after his country ceaſed to be Republican. I quote TACITUS as a Painter, not as a Politician.

[87]AFTER having recorded ſo many actions of my own and of others in the courſe of this faithful narration, filial piety will not ſuffer me to paſs over on that memorable day the atchieve⯑ments of the dear Woman who bore me nine moons in her maternal flank, who fed my infant hunger with ſtale fiſh, and moiſtened my young lip with brandy. Though knowledge be ſhut out at one entrance, thy eyes—for thou, my honoured Parent, knoweſt not how to read—the pious labour ſhall not yet be loſt, ſome friendly tongue ſhall tell thee thy ſon has not forgot thee.

How many ſhe might have hurled "to PLUTO'S gloomy reign" I cannot [88]pretend to calculate. No real Hero of Antiquity, no Heroine of Ro⯑mance MARPHIS or BRADAMANTE, ever dealt out death with ſuch un⯑ſparing liberality. To the right and left, before her and behind her, ſtab⯑bing with her pike, cutting with her knife, tearing with her teeth, dans ſtragem late, all fleſh was humbled before her; Friends and Foes, Men and Women, Young and Old, Boys and Girls, the Noble and the Peaſant, the Soldier and the Citizen, Prelates, Prieſts, Patriots, Publicans, Saints and Sinners, all fell without diſtinc⯑tion. Sometimes ſhe fought for the Conſtitution, ſometimes for plunder; one while the name of an Ariſtocrate, at another the ſight of his watch⯑chain [89]inflamed her; but whatever was the motive, equally true to her Country's intereſt, the carnage was equal. The kennels ran nothing but blood, and the Seine was choaked with carcaſſes. Even Madam TERROIGNE ^* "fortis;ſima Tyndaridarum," turned pale with envy, ſtopped her horſe, and let fall her hatchet. Its edge ſeemed blunt, the execution tardy, when compared with the extermi⯑nating virtue of my dear Parent's weapons. Whoever has chanced to [90]ſee a kite in a poultry-yard may form ſome image of my loved Mother's patriotiſm. Night, the Coward's friend, ſaved a remnant from her heroic fury. Fatigued, not ſatiated with ſlaughter, ſhe laid her down among her dead, and repoſed in the Golgotha of her own making. Yes, tender Mother! moſt reſpect⯑able, moſt ſanguinary of Viragos! though thou hadſt the honour of the Sitting, though thy name was men⯑tioned with applauſes in the Conven⯑tion, diſdain not to accept this humble tribute from the pen of thy admiring offspring.

CHAP. XVII.

THE maſſacre of the Hugonots in FRANCE on the feſtival of Saint BARTHOLOMEW ſtood for more than two centuries unrivalled. Many have doubted whether it ſhould not yield the preference to the Tenth of Auguſt 1792. My opinion is clearly in favour of the latter. It was little leſs bloody, more deciſive, and look⯑ing to its conſequences, more im⯑portant [92]and extraordinary. The firſt but diminiſhed a Sect, the laſt over⯑turned a Monarchy. The Sect ſoon recovered, but the Kingly Crown lies for ever proſtrate. Let but the holy flame of Enthuſiaſm act upon the major part of a nation as a great prin⯑ciple of union, it will naturally fire men to the moſt extravagant, the wildeſt exceſſes. Tempers the moſt mild, diſpoſitions the moſt benevo⯑lent have been totally perverted by it. It has often metamorphoſed the lamb into the tyger. But there was no Religion, no pretence of Religion on the Tenth of Auguſt to combine our efforts, and to precipitate our fury. It was pure, unmixed democratic rage, and virtuous cruelty.

[93]LEAVING then the advocates for each of theſe great days to decide the palm as they pleaſe, the Second of September claims over them both an indiſputable ſuperiority.

EVERY priſon in PARIS was crowded with wretches who had eſcaped the ſaughter of Auguſt; well would it have been for them, that they had then periſhed. Moſt of them were Prieſts, feeble old men, women or children, and as ignorant of the cauſe of their commitment as we were indifferent about it. We re⯑ſolved to have a general gaol deli⯑very, and our manner of performing this ceremony was perhaps the moſt ſingular of any upon record in the [94]annals of juriſprudence. The Nephew of DAMIEN, MARAT, and I, took upon ourſelves the conduct of this buſineſs. Our firſt care was to hire about a hundred Executioners; theſe were called the Tueurs, or Killers, and being men of good prin⯑ciples, friends to their Country, and fond of the People's Government, they agreed for the reaſonable gra⯑tuity of ſix livres per day each, to deliver all the gaols, by putting every priſoner in them to death.

THE ſtrict attention to the oeco⯑nomical management of the public money, which we manifeſted in our ſtipulation with the Killers, well de⯑ſerved the honourable mention made [95]of it in the Convention aſterwards; for we not only reduced the demand of theſe Gentlemen from a Louis d'Or to ſix Livres, by aſſuring them, that if they did not agree to the abatement, we would get it done for nothing; but the whole expence was deſrayed out of the pockets of the condemned, ſo the priſoners paid for their own execution.

IT is probable that every Miniſter at the head of the finances of his country may adopt this mode of ſav⯑ing the public treaſure; and among the reſt, I ſhould not be ſurpriſed to hear that Mr. PITT of ENGLAND (that hereditary ſcourge of our nation, and whoſe name my aſſociates never [96]mention without abhorrence) may alſo condeſcend to borrow the prac⯑tice from us, though, perhaps, he will not have candour enough to ac⯑knowledge from whence the hint was taken.

IN every room of every priſon was erected a little tribunal. A Judge ſat with a red night-cap, the emblem of ſpeedy Juſtice and Liberty, on his head, without breeches, his legs and arms bare, and a bloody ſword lying drawn before him. A paper, con⯑taining the names of the Criminals, was preſented to him. When the Judge could not read, as was com⯑monly the caſe, the names were told to him by one of the Pike-men, his [97]Guards, who ſtood on each ſide of him. Theſe Guards had alſo their legs and arms bare, and were with⯑out breeches, and it greatly encreaſed the dignity and awfulneſs of the ſpectacle. Nothing ſerves to make Juſtice ſo reſpectable as when its ap⯑pearance ſtrikes a Priſoner immedi⯑ately with the conviction that his condemnation is certain, and that his execution will be inſtantaneous. A man of ſenſe makes up his mind at once to his condition, and is relieved in a moment from the torture of ſuſpenſe, that moſt uneaſy of all hu⯑man ſenſations. When a name was called, two of the Killers immediately ſeized upon the Priſoner next to them, and holding their drawn [98]ſwords to his throat, dragged him before the Tribunal. His pockets were rifled, and their contents deli⯑vered to the Judge, who ſometimes, after aſking a queſtion or two, but never paying any attention to the an⯑ſwers, gave a nod to the Killers, and they diſpatched him immediately. The body was then dragged out of the room, and thrown into the ſtreet, or into the yard of the priſon. Many were condemned for their ariſtocra⯑tical names, and many for the in⯑civiſm of their faces. Sometimes the Judge would ſay, ‘I find this man guilty,’ when a woman or a child happened to be before him; but many more had the ſatisfaction of ſuffering under names which did [99]not belong to them; ſo there might have been a reviſion of the ſentence, had the ſurvivors of the family thought proper to ſue for it, as it might eaſily have been proved there had been an error in the proceedings. As to the real ſubſtance of the matter, this laſt circumſtance made no great difference; for as we had reſolved to deſtroy them all, the little miſtake of a name was of no material conſequence.

SUMMARY as was the manner in which our DANIELS adminiſtered uſtice (for no trial laſted above two minutes) MARAT, that friend to hu⯑manity, and I deviſed a method ſtill more expeditious. We ordered the culprits to be dragged down by [100]dozens into the yard, and there to be run through with pikes, or hewn down with ſabres, and ſo to diſpenſe with the unneceſſary delay from any further formality. We had at leaſt five thouſand ſouls to diſpoſe of, and every one muſt ſee that no time ought to have been waſted on trifles. Time is one of the modes of exiſt⯑ence moſt precious to thoſe who know how to make a good uſe of it; but ſhort and tranſient as it is, the idler is for ever complaining that it hangs like a dead weight upon him, whereas he ought to blame the va⯑cuity of his own mind, and his mo⯑notonous indolence.

[101]As we began by delivering the gaols firſt in the lower apartments, I can well conceive that the victims in thoſe above, who could ſee between the bars of the windows what was doing in the yard beneath them, muſt have paſſed the interval, till it came to their turn, rather unplea⯑ſantly. One Citizen indeed, almoſt the only one who eſcaped, and almoſt as by a miracle, has given a ſhort ac⯑count, though ſatisfactory enough, of the effect of theſe executions upon the then ſurviving ſpectators. He ſays (I think), that concluding their death to be inevitable, they tried to obſerve what manner of receiving it was attended with the leaſt pain, and the greateſt celerity; and that thoſe who [102]ſubmitted at once, without attempt⯑ing any degree of reſiſtance, ſeemed to expire with perceptibly the ſmalleſt ſenſe of anguiſh. ^*

I BELIEVE he is right; and I re⯑commend to my readers, eſpecially thoſe of my own dear country, not to think the obſervation unworthy of their ſerious notice; for in a free Government like ours, where Li⯑berty is ſo well underſtood, that no man can calculate upon his exiſtence for ſix hours, it is clearly a matter of ſome moment to aſcertain the manner [103]in which he can be deprived of it with the leaſt embarraſſment.

To the immortal honour of the CONVENTION, let it not be forgotten, that tho' they were perfectly well ac⯑quainted with all that was tranſact⯑ing in the priſons, ſuch was their deference for the ſpirit of a free people, that they took not a ſingle ſtep to ſave the captives, or to impede the courſe of that juſtice which was thus flowing in ſo many crimſon ſtreams through different quarters of the metropolis. It was a proud day, a glorious day, quibus laudibus effe⯑remus?

[104]ONE obſervation muſt, I think; in this place, ſtrike even a ſuperſicial reader, that we are the moſt philoſo⯑phical people, and moſt exempt from the weakneſs of humanity, of any in the univerſe, conſequently the moſt formidable. Look for any ſoaring example of ambition in modern times, Where is it to be found? In FRANCE. Look for one of public faith nobly diſdained, or ingeniouſly eluded, FRANCE can furniſh it. Look for animated profligacy, luxurious re⯑finement in debauch, for unadulte⯑rated impiety and atheiſm, What na⯑tion can compare with us? Our in⯑tolerance, our maſſacres in cold blood are unparalleled. We taught the world the moſt amiable depravity, [105]the moſt polite corruption of manners, while we were ſlaves; let it learn from us more awful leſſons, now we are become Tyrants. While we were but libertines and coxcombs, the na⯑tions around admired, and tried to imitate us; it would become them to reverence us, and to ſubmit, now we are exalted into Regicides and Re⯑formers. Have we not above twenty millions of people? a delicious cli⯑mate? the purple grape? the par⯑tridge-eyed wine and the white of louſy Champagne in abundance? a ſoil exuberant in its produce, ingenious artiſts, light-heeled dancers, magni⯑ficent theatres, eſtabliſhed manufac⯑tures, flouriſhing colonies, ſhips, docks, arſenals, canals, and navigable [105]rivers? Have we every bleſting, every advantage that Nature and Art can beſtow upon reaſonable creatures, and ſhall we ſit down tamely con⯑tented? Shall we not ſhew our ſupe⯑riority? Shall not others be the worſe for all this? Shall we not invade? Shall we not deſolate? Shall we not plant the Tree of Liberty? Shall we not fraternize? Shall we not reform? Shall we not pull down Kings, and elevate the Red Night-Cap? ENG⯑LAND, SPAIN, AUSTRIA, PRUSSIA, RUSSIA, and SAVOY may ſay, "NO." We care not: Let them but follow our example, or adopt our maxims, they will have the worſt of the con⯑teſt. Being a FRENCHMAN, I may be partial, yet I think we have a fair [107]claim to the pre-eminence I thus mo⯑deſtly contend for.—But this is from my ſubject.

UNLESS the Reader will take warmly with me a retroſpective view to the Second of September, he cannot ſhare my glowing ſenſibility at the recollection. "How is it," as ROUSSEAU ſays of Love, ‘that being ſo penetrated with the ſenſe, I fail ſo in the deſcription?’ Let it be conſidered, when the butchery began, the heat and flame of action was over, that it laſted the whole day without intermiſſion, that the Judges and Executioners knew the ſufferers were all as innocent as lambs unſhorn, and that it made no moreimpreſſion on [108]them than if their hearts had been compoſed of the ſame metal as their ſword-blades. Here was firmneſs; here was Roman Fortitude. So ſhould the benches of Democratic Juſtice be always filled! No voice faultered, no cheek loſt its colour. Unmoved they ſaw their ſtreaming eyes, their piteous looks, their ſup⯑plicating geſtures. They were thanked by their Country for their ſervices, but they found their beſt re⯑tribution in their own reflections, and in the conſcious ſenſe of having faithfully diſcharged their duty to the Republic.

ON this great day fell the DUCHESS OF LAMBALLE, and the proudeſt [109]Ariſtocratical Spirit in FRANCE fell with her. Her high birth, her lofty notions, her diſdain of the Mob, and her attachment to the Royal Family, had long marked her as a proper ſacrifice for the Altar of Liberty. But ſhe had a crime of a deeper die, She was intitled to twelve thouſand pounds a-year from the DUKE OF ORLEANS. Hinc illi prima mali labes. When we had the honour of confining the Royal Family in the Temple, we thruſt Madame LAMBALLE into a priſonalſo. While juſtice was adminiſtering, as I have before related, ſome weak friend of this Lady, who wiſhed to ſave her, flew to the Palais Royal, his face pale, and his hair ſtanding erect [110]with horror, to appriſe the DUKE OF ORLEANS of her danger. Good ſoul! he had forgot that His High⯑neſs paid her twelve thouſand a-year, and only remembered the nearneſs of their alliance. Not ten minutes before, I had ſlipped home (knowing what was to happen) to congratulate my Patron on the diſcontinuance of his future payments to the Ducheſs.

To ſpeak but truth, the DUKE never diſplayed more good ſenſe, more politeneſs, and more compoſure. He received the ſtranger with his uſual good-breeding, and an air of uncom⯑mon feſtivity. "Pray, Sir," ſays the merry Duke, ‘ſuffer me to put ſome wine in your glaſs, you ſeem diſ⯑compoſed! If I do not miſtake, [111]you, mentioned Madame LAM⯑BALLE; a fine woman, young gentleman!—Abumper, COUTEAU! (looking at me archly) This is Ma⯑dame LAMBALLE'S health! You are a happy fellow! you have been in her good graces, I doubt not.’ Theſe little pleaſantries were not at all in uniſon with the mood of the ſtranger; but abaſhed, aſtoniſhed, and ſhocked, he ran ſobbing out of the room, his eyes and hands liſted up to Heaven, as if he expected the roof would fall to cruſh our unhallowed Sympoſium.

THERE were ſome circumſtances attending the execution of this fair [112]Ducheſs ſingular and entertaining enough.

SEVERAL inſinuations at the time were thrown out againſt the fair fame of this Killer, as if he had been under a trepidation, or unwil⯑ling [114]to do his duty, but it was the lie of the day, and perfectly unfounded. Had I a friend or an enemy to ſlay, I know no one to whom I would ſooner truſt the buſineſs. We ſometimes ſport too lightly with reputation. From the tediouſneſs of the operation the Ducheſs ſuffered little, for from the moment ſhe received the blow from the Coal-porter's iron ſhe was in a ſtate of inſenſibility: there was no perſonal malice intended by the executioner; had ſhe been his ſiſter or his mother, the thing would have been done juſt in the ſame manner.

THIS Lady being a character con⯑ſpicuouſly obnoxious, it was reſolved to make her conſpicuouſly an ex⯑ample. [115]Her head being off, her en⯑trails were next taken out, and put carefully into a large veſſel of wood with a flat bottom. Her head was ſent to one of her hair-dreſſers, with orders to have her cheeks well rouged, and her fine hair dreſſed in the moſt be⯑coming manner; for as we intended ſhe ſhould pay ſome viſits, it would have been unpardonable to have ſuf⯑fered her appearance to be entirely neglected.

THE High-Prieſt of the Toilette, a mere milk-ſop, fainted at the ſight, and was immediately pierced with twenty Republican ſwords, as a re⯑ward for his deſpicable puſillanimity and inciviſm. By another artiſt [116]of more firmneſs and better prin⯑ciples the dreſſing was done very neatly. The head and bowels were then placed upon a board, and pa⯑raded round the Palais Royal, but firſt under the DUKE'S windows. His Highneſs roſe from table with a napkin in his hand, and looking out ſaid no more than, ‘Aye, I ſee it is the Ducheſs, I know her by the hair; ſhe is come to take leave, but, thank my ſtars! not to call for her jointure.’ What a pity that a perſon who can ſhew ſuch a great mind at times, and be ſo pleaſant as the DUKE, ſhould be ſubject to any capital weakneſſes.

[117]AFTER the head and viſcera had paid their compliments at the Palais Royal, their next viſit was to the Temple.

OUR friends, who went before, rent the air with the joyful ſhouts of "Liberty" to bring the Royal Priſoners to the window, and they ſucceeded. The remains of the Ducheſs were then held up, ſo as to be viſible from that where the Queen ſtood. We could obſerve ſhe turned deadly pale at the fight; and we heard after⯑wards from our Guards, who were in the chamber, that ſhe ſhrieked out, "Monſters! Ah poor LAMBALLE!" and fell in a deep ſwoon into the King's arms.

[118]THROUGH the ſame channel of in⯑telligence we had alſo the pleaſure to learn that her wonted fortitude ap⯑peared to have forſaken her from that hour, a diſmal melancholy took poſ⯑ſeſſion of her mind, and there was reaſon to hope it would end in the entire loſs of her ſenſes.

WHILE the head and bowels were paying their compliments as I have related, the reſt of MADAME's ana⯑tomy was diverting our good friends in other parts of the City. Four gallant Demagogues, one ſtationed at each leg and arm, dragged the beau⯑tiful body thro' moſt of the kennels of Paris. When the parade was over it was tumbled among the other car⯑caſes, [119]all forming together a very noble pile of carnage. Upon the whole, I prefer this act of juſtice, with all its concomitant circum⯑ſtances, to the mangling of the Ad⯑miral COLIGNI, ſo minutely de⯑ſcribed by DAVILA and other Hiſto⯑rians. We have not degenerated from our Anceſtors: if I am not too partial to my Contemporaries, I pre⯑ſume to flatter myſelf, that we have ſoared above them.

IN the morning of this glorious day we had ſet up a Tree of Liberty properly decorated in the Palais Royal, and we concluded the night with a concert, a little dance, and a bonfire, the DUKE doing our family [120]the honour to take out my Mother as his firſt partner.

THE Tree of Liberty is not origi⯑nally of FRENCH inſtitution. We tranſplanted it ſince laſt war from AMERICA; and as the ſolemnity at home is exactly the ſame as in that country, and ſo generally known, there is no neceſſity to particularize it here. The improvements in coun⯑tries we have fraternized deſerve to be mentioned. Our Soldiers without breeches, and in red night-caps, form a ring round the Tree. Should there happen to be the leaſt deficiency in the contributions we have ordered to be levied upon our brethren, we ſeize half-a-dozen of the Magiſtrates, or [121]principal inhabitants, load them with irons, caſt them into a dungeon, and prohibit any intercourſe between them and their families. After a little time they are drawn out of priſon, and faſtened by their chains to the Tree of Liberty. Every now and then our Guards give them a ſlice with their ſabres, a ſtab with the pike, or roaſt them a little at a ſlow fire, all the time our fifers and hautboys playing "Ca Ira," or ſome other animating harmony; and no ſcene can be imagined more lively. In the end we all get drunk, and leave our brethren tied to the Tree, either to die of their wounds, or to expire with, hunger.

[122]THESE ceremonies have a wonder⯑ful effect on the nerves of the Spec⯑tators, and on all Friends of Liberty, according to the real ſignification of that emphatic term, which is ſo often pronounced, and ſo ſeldom under⯑ſtood by the generality of mankind.

CHAP. XVIII.

IN the two preceding Chapters, which contain a ſhort ſummary of events diſtinguiſhing thoſe two bright days the Tenth of Auguſt and the Second of September, it was im⯑poſſible not to preſent the Public with pictures drawn only in blood: but "non omnes arbuſta juvant;" however fond we may be of the good [124]things which furniſh out our tables, no one would chuſe to walk always in the ſhambles, to which our in⯑ternal hiſtory for near four years bears ſo ſtriking a reſemblance.

SOME perhaps may be ſo difficult as not to reliſh any entertainment we can ſet before them, yet have our Penmen variety in abundance for va⯑rious appetites. Who can be unin⯑tereſted to hear of the perpetual de⯑feats of our armies, the ſlaughter of our bare-breeched ragged Soldiers without any viſible diminution of their numbers, the deſolation of our Frontier Towns, the reduction of our ſtrongeſt Fortreſſes, hoſtile Nations pouring in upon us from every [125]quarter, and all mankind ſhrinking from our alliance, while our Demo⯑cratic Spirit ſeems to ride nobly buoyant over he calamities which environ us? What can be more ex⯑traordinary than to ſee our Conven⯑tion decreeing away property which does not belong to their diſpoſal, ſending about Commiſſioners to ani⯑mate deſperation, denouncing each other as traitors at every meeting, and caſhiering, diſgracing, impriſoning, or beheading in their turn every one of our Generals? The Republic of CARTHAGE, which ſometimes cru⯑cified unſucceſsful leaders, was but our humble precurſor in ſeverity; for from the mongrel Royaliſt LA FAYETTE to the carouſing CUSTINE, [126]we have not ſpared a man of them. We have taught them a new Tactic, to tremble at their friends, and fly for refuge to their enemies. If they con⯑quer, we denounce; if they are van⯑quiſhed, we behead them. What confidence can be repoſed in Officers who could betray their Sovereign? They inveſted us with the power to be Tyrants, and they muſt expect to feel it. Thus all denominations, all orders of mankind are taught to re⯑ſpect us.

IF matter like this, with the inceſ⯑ſant play of our nimble Guillotine, be not ſufficient to intereſt curioſity, it muſt reſort to fiction and fancy, for [127]our hiſtory, our facts are too tame for it.

THE following Anecdote, which is rather of a comic than of a ſerious nature, does not deſerve attention ſo much for its own importance, as be⯑cauſe it may ſerve, in my hands, to ſettle the public belief about an affair, which, though it has been often and variouſly related, has never hitherto been related truly. Almoſt every perſon had heard ſomething, yet the information of no two was ſo much alike, as to make in their ac⯑counts any tolerable agreement. It is better to be entirely ignorant of a ſtory than to know it imperfectly. The [128]mind in ſuch a ſtate acquires nothing but miſinformation and uncertainty.

IT has always been ſuppoſed in FRANCE, that the DUKE OF OR⯑LEANS had ſold himſelf to the Devil. His way of life, and the general tenor of his conduct, made it appear pro⯑bable. Whatever might be the foun⯑dation for ſuch a rumour, it certainly was not the buſineſs of His Highneſs to diſcountenance it, as it greatly en⯑creaſed the veneration for his cha⯑racter among his countrymen. His being ſuppoſed beſides to act by the inſpiration, and under the protection of a preternatural being, ſeemed to imply not only wiſdom and ſucceſs [129]in what he ſhould undertake, but ſecurity againſt any ſchemes to con⯑troul his deſigns, or plots to endanger his perſon. To my knowledge it gained him many adherents. Like ſe⯑veral others, being in the twilight, and believing neither in God nor Devil, I did not well know what to think, but I reſolved not to continue long ſo. A mark of gunpowder in the Duke's left arm, which I had been deſired to obſerve, and had often ſeen as he was changing his linen, per⯑plexed me not a little.

THE intimacy ſubſiſting between us baniſhed all ceremony; ſo one evening as we were ſitting together over our wine, I aſked him directly if [130]it was true that he had ſold himſelf to the Devil? He anſwered with a ſmile, that it was perfectly true, and if I deſired it, he would tell me the particulars. With my uſual fidelity I ſhall communicate them, as nearly as I can recollect, in the very words of His Highneſs, who ſpoke as follows: ‘THIS whole buſineſs, about which ſo much has been ſaid, and ſo little known, was a mere piece of knavery from the beginning to the ending. The Devil wanted to cheat me, and I wanted to cheat the Devil. Some years ſince as I was in my cloſet aſſorting ſome curious poiſons which had been [131]ſent me by one of my Agents in ITALY for a few of my particular friends, a gentle tap called me to the door, which was locked. There I found SARPINI, one of the Grooms of my Chamber, a Nea⯑politan, a domeſtic at that time much in my confidence. After apologizing for the interruption, he told me he could procure me a viſit from the Devil, if I choſe to honour him with the commiſſion; a friend of his, who was a Sorcerer, having a magical ſecret by which he could conjure him up from the regions of darkneſs. He added, that the Devil, being all-powerful, could appean in any diſguiſe I thought proper, and would come [132]either as a Monk or an Abbé, to avoid giving any ſcandal in the family; but that the Sorcerer was too poor to bear the expence of the charms and incantations neceſſary to raiſe his Maſter, without aſſiſt⯑ance from my liberality. Good, good! (anſwered I) by all means let him come; there is no one I reſpect more, and I ſhall be impa⯑tient to ſee him. Deſire your friend the Sorcerer to make my humble duty: I ſhall expect the honour of the Devil's company to⯑morrow exactly at midnight. At the ſame time I gave SARPINI an order for a conſiderable ſum upon one of my Bankers at Paris, and bad him take care to have an excellent [133]ſupper, and all ſorts of liquors ready, that his Majeſty might have no reaſon to complain of my hoſ⯑pitality. The Devil (ſays he), my Lord! I believe, is not nice, but eats and drinks like other people; however, I will take care nothing ſhall be wanting for his good re⯑ception; and away went the Nea⯑politan. PUNCTUAL to his hour, in ſtalked my viſitor, in the habit of a Franciſcan. He was a big tall Devil, above ſix feet high, with a hoarſe voice, and ſpeaking our lan⯑guage with a ſtrong German ac⯑cent and pronunciation. After the uſual compliments, and my en⯑quiring [134]about his health, and his little family, he placed himſelf in a chair oppoſite to me, and drank off a large glaſs of almoſt every wine on the table, to moiſten about three pounds of a cold paſty and ſour crout, which he crammed in as faſt as if he had not taſted food for a fortnight. I thought the raſcal would never have done ſtuffing. AT laſt we entered upon buſineſs. He promiſed me mountains; I was to be the head of all the BOURBONS, to aſcend the throne, and live to be the oldeſt man in all my domi⯑nions. He was to be always at my command, and though in⯑viſible, [135]to obey my orders as much as if he wore my livery and re⯑ceived my wages. In return for all this, I was to ſign a paper in my own blood, containing the re⯑verſionary grant of my ſpirit to his diſpoſal for ever. He drew a few drops of blood from my left arm with a lancet, after producing the bond which contained the terms of our agreement. The ſides were ſcrawled over with tails, claws and flames, and the middle was in red characters, which he aſ⯑ſured me were traced in the blood of a new-born child, whoſe throat had been cut expreſly for the pur⯑poſe. I ſigned my name, leaving out however the laſt letter, s, for [136]I was then CHARTRES. By this omiſſion I concluded the condi⯑tion could not be exacted, as I ſup⯑poſed the Courts and Lawyers in the dominions beneath decreed and practiſed much in the ſame way as ours, who always pay more regard to forms and trifles than to the ſub⯑ſtance of the cauſe before them. Thus ended our interview. My Devil ſtalked off without appear⯑ing to diſcover the trick I had played him, and left me entirely ſatisfied with the thoughts of hav⯑ing ſo ingeniouſly outwitted him. But I got to the bottom of the whole buſineſs ſoon afterwards by means of another ſervant, who was either really attached to me, or was [137]jealous of my regard for SARPINI. My Devil, it ſeems, was no other than a raſcally German Mountebank, hired by the Nea⯑politan to trick me out of a good ſum of money. The farce ended tragically for them. I had them both aſſaſſinated. By my order my Bravos told the Mountebank he had no right to complain, for if he was the Devil, as he pretended, they could do him no injury; if not, he deſerved to be puniſhed for attempting to ſport with ſo ſacred a character, and to impoſe upon a Prince of the Blood Royal. The Neapolitan was ſtabbed, and thrown into the River without any explanation.’

[138]THUS ended the DUKE's ſtory.—He cloſed it with an obſervation, which as it ſhews at once his candour, his weak⯑neſs and his ambition, deſerves to be re⯑membered. ‘You ſee (ſays he), my friend, how two worthleſs varlets wanted to ſport with my credulity; yet ſuch is human nature, ſo un⯑willing is the mind to relinquiſh any wiſh or deſire which has taken deep root in the affections, that though I detected the cheat, tho' I know the fellow was an im⯑poſtor, without power to foreſee events, or to influence them, yet I often throw the veil of deluſion over my fancy, and half-cloſing the eyes of my underſtanding, give myſelf up to the pleaſing reverie, [139]that the ſpoke from preſcience, and that his promiſes will be all ac⯑compliſhed.’

I ENDEAVOURED at the time ſtill more to embody for him this chi⯑mera; and I muſt do myſelf the juſtice to declare, that while he had any power, while any thing was left to him to give, no patriot behaved to him with more attachment and fide⯑lity than I did. I partook of his proſperity in the moſt friendly manner; but to avoid the appearance of ſingularity, I could not venture to adhere to him in his misfortunes. Alas, poor Prince! in ſpite of his German Mountebank, his predicted throne is the ſtraw of a dungeon in [140]MARSEILLES, his dominions the ex⯑tent of his priſon, his ſubjects rats and lizards, and his longevity will terminate when his former partizans have ſettled in what manner they can deprive him of his exiſtence moſt conveniently for their own intereſt. We have ſtripped him already of what was valuable, his money, and the worthleſs carcaſe we conſider but as lumber. We have beſides the ſa⯑tisfaction to reflect, that he has not what is called one principle or virtue left, which can give him a right to reproach us. If he offers to upbraid us with the ſums he has laviſhedon us, we anſwer, they were ſquandered for his own purpoſes, and his own ambi⯑tion. If he preſumes to talk of our [141]ingratitude and cruelty, we refer him to his own conduct towards his Royal Kinſman and Benefactor, when he purchaſed venal ſuffrages for his con⯑demnation, and took the part of a pioneer in his murder; ſo when darkneſs and death come upon him, as he lived unpitying, he will fall unpitied.

THE Converſation I have men⯑tioned paſſed between us on the eve of the KING's Execution. It was interrupted by the entrance of MARAT and the Nephew of DAMIEN. To the vigilance of the laſt we are obliged for the legalized murder of the SOVEREIGN. As the criminal law ſtood on the day before [142]His MAJESTY'S Mock Trial, to con⯑demn capitally, a majority of one third part of the Aſſembly preſent was requiſite. By the addreſs of my friend we had the law changed on that very morning, and it was enacted, that the majority of a ſingle voice was ſufficient. He alſo exerciſed with great ſucceſs his known talent for forgery. Moſt of the papers pro⯑duced againſt the KING, as extracts from his letters and diſpatches, were of this great man's fabricating. With⯑out them we ſhould have had no⯑thing which could have ſerved for evidence. The DUKE, MARAT, and I, who were in the ſecret, diſtin⯑guiſhed ourſelves much by the vio⯑lence [143]lence with which we inſiſted on their authenticity.

TOM PAINE aſſiſted a good deal as to ordering the form of the Trial, by recommending to us the pre⯑cedent of King CHARLES the Firſt of ENGLAND, who was murdered by his ſubjects much in the ſame way as we intended to diſpoſe of our unfortunate Sovereign. TOM'S con⯑duct, who has now loſt the confi⯑dence of his Conſtituents, by voting not for the King's death, only for his perpetual impriſonment, was for a time inexplicable. When it was ob⯑jected to him that the tendency of all his writings had been to recommend and ſanctify the moſt daring and vio⯑lent [144]exceſſes, and that the perturba⯑tors of the world were in fact but his Diſciples, yet he had ſhrunk from his own principles, and like a baſe Rene⯑gade voted for mercy; he aſſumed to himſelf, with exultation, all the merit due to his anarchical publica⯑tions, but tried in vain to reconcile them with his puſillanimous ſuffrage in the Convention. The ſubſtance of his defence was, that in the happy diſpoſition of the Nation, he knew very well nothing he could recom⯑mend, under the appearance of lenity, could have much weight, for the people were like tygers, who, once they had taſted blood, muſt be gorged before they could be ſatiated. Thoſe, he ſaid, muſt know him little who [145]could impute to him any ſentiment of juſtice or moderation, from which he was as conſcious of being exempt as any Reformer among our mil⯑lions; but he apprehended the KING'S public execution might be attended with embarraſſing conſequences not immediately obvious; multitudes al⯑ready diſcontented at home would be united by it, and every Nation in EUROPE with a King at its head, would be naturally ſummoned to take vengeance for an act which ſet an example ſo dangerous to every Regal Government. The people of AMERICA, he added, were known to diſapprove of the meaſure for ſome of the reaſons by which he was influ⯑enced; it was his buſineſs to appear [146]to reſpect their ſentiments, and in them it would be highly impolitic not to ſeem, at leaſt, to remonſtrate againſt the murder of a King who was abſolute when he had aſſiſted them with his fleets and armies; and that, in ſhort, there were many different ways of annihilating a Royal Family, equally, effectual, and much leſs exceptionable, than a public execution on a ſcaffold. Thus did TOM attempt to diſplay his wiſ⯑dom, and to vindicate his conſiſtency. We knew him too well, not to ſuſ⯑pect his ſincerity. We diſcovered that he had taken a large bribe for his antiregicidal vote, and out of falſe modeſty was aſhamed to acknowledge it.

[147]EUROPE has reſounded ſo loudly with the Trial and Execution of LOUIS, and we ourſelves have made the whole ſo public by details in our Newſpapers, that ſtrangers are al⯑moſt as well acquainted with the particulars as we who aſſiſted at both the ſolemnities. I had the honour, as my reader may remember, to let fall the edge of the law on the neck of my Sovereign. We had thoughts of placing the Queen and her Chil⯑dren under the ſcaffold, that the blood of the Huſband and Father might fall upon them; but recollecting that this embelliſhment of Juſtice had been before introduced at the execution of NEMOURS by LOUIS the Eleventh, a King and a Tyrant, we rejected it; [148]yet, not to leave the public mind un⯑ſatisfied, we treated the Royal Cap⯑tives with every rigour and indignity which human cruelty could deviſe, after the Murder of His Majeſty.

BUT, not with ſtanding all our merit in this heroical and neceſſary act of Juſtice, it evidently did not give uni⯑verſal ſatisfaction to the people in general. It became neceſſary there⯑fore to divert their thoughts to ſome other ſubject, and chance kindly pre⯑ſented it to us. It happened moſt op⯑portunely, that on the very day of the execution, the Demigod PLATTER-BREECH, ſpinning himſelf thro' the ſtreets as uſual, was cruſhed to death by the Cavalry which guarded the [149]King to the ſcaffold He was maſhed as if he had been brayed in a mortar. His laſt wiſh, as we heard, was, that his cataſtrophe might be ſerviceable to Liberty: moſt luckily, his I latter received no injury.

I IMMEDIATELY informed the Convention of the misfortune which had deprived us of PLATTER BREECH, with many encomiums on the virtues of the deceaſed, who, like myſelf, was a Member of that auguſt Aſſembly. I moved that his remains ſhould be honoured with a decree for their public interment, in a ſtyle the moſt magnificent. Collecting all my powers of oratory, I ſpoke in the Senate as follows;

EVERY thing I propoſed was agreed to, and decreed unanimouſly by the Convention. The DUKE OF ORLEANS was appointed Chief Mourner; but to ſhew extraordinary reſp [...]ct to a great popular character, [153]he inſiſted alſo on being more particu⯑larly uſeful, and that he would himſelſ carry the little coſſin under his arm to the place of interment. The Spectators, who were more nume⯑rous than at the King's Execution, while the proceſſion moved along, cried out, as with one voice, that the burden was not unworthy of the bearer.

CHAP. XIX.

OUR domination was now in ap⯑pearance pretty well eſta⯑bliſhed. The KING murdered; the QUEEN almoſt bowed to the grave with the weight of her afflictions, and ſuffering with her Children and Siſter-in-Law all the miſery which a priſon and hard treatment could in⯑flict [155]on the vileſt criminals; the Nobility exiled, plundered, or but⯑chered; the Clergy hanged, and the people half ſtarving; our next care was to ſecure to ourſelves the perma⯑nency of all this power and felicity which we had thus noly acquired.

FOR this purpoſe we had many meetings at the Palais Royal. All who had diſtinguiſhed themſelves in the maſſacres, women as well as men, were at firſt admitted, but little of im⯑portance was determined in ſuch mixed and numerous Aſſemblies. All talked together at the ſame time, every one boaſting of his own exploits, and ſeeming to think more of what was already performed than of arranging [156]matters for the ſuture. ‘I ripped up the entrails of ten Swiſs (cried one) who were lying together with their hands tied behind them—’ ‘I ſtabbed two Ducheſſes, three Biſhops, and a fat Baroneſs (roared another), and here's a piece of her liver,’ which he produced from his pocket— ‘I ſtrangled ſeven Children in the nurſery (ſays a third) before the face of their parents;—’ and thus they went on. Their vanity, in ſhort, was into⯑lerable.

WE got them away as well as we could, and when they were gone, agreed to form a private Committee, which ſhould be the ſoul and centre [157]of every thing. Citizen EQUALITY was allowed to be Chairman, or Preſident: the Committee conſiſted of ROBESPIERRE, MARAT, and Myſelf; EQUALITY was to have two voices, when neceſſary upon a diviſion, in order to throw in his caſting-vote, that nothing might re⯑main undetermined. At times we had ſome trouble to keep him quiet, for every now and then he gave us hints that the hour was come to pro⯑claim him King, which we knew had been his object from the begin⯑ning; but we put him off as often on different pretences. MARAT, I re⯑member, was once obliged to tell him, that if he did not hold his tongue, he would denounce him of [158]inciviſm, put him into a ſtate of accu⯑ſation, and give him up to the Revo⯑lutionary Tribunal. The terror of this threat always kept him ſilent.

SANSTERRE, DANTON, THOURIOT, GORSAS, MERLIN, HENRIOT, Ma⯑dame TEROIGNE, my Mother, and others, were at times admitted to conſultations, and their opinions taken upon matters, when we wiſhed to extend reſponſibility. Not one of the perſons I have juſt mentioned but might have officiated with propriety as High-Prieſt at the Altar of MOLOCH.

FOR ſome time, indeed, the Select Committee did not do ſo much good [159]as might have been expected. Our meetings often ended only in getting drunk and quarrelling. MARAT and I had twice a fierce diſpute, each claim⯑ing to himſelf the honour of having ſlaughtered a family in the Rue Co⯑lombiere; and the Ruffian finding I had the advantage while we kept to our tongues, whipped out his knife, and ſtruck me twice in the face with it. I retain the mark of his handy⯑work, and had not my good fortune averted the point a little, I might have loſt my left eye; ſo I ſhould have reſembled LYCURGUS not only in being a Legiſlator, but a Monoculiſt. No man ever had from the womb of his mother a temper more fierce, or a diſpoſition, more ſan⯑guinary [160]than my PYLADES: he was born with all thoſe fine pro⯑penſities which Naturaliſts aſcribe to the Tiger-Cat and the Hyaena; and if his ſpirit ever tranſmigrates, it will certainly reſide in one of theſe animals hereafter. His diſtempers and the evil habit of his body, how⯑ever, have increaſed his malignity, and filled his veſſels with a more cor⯑roding vitriol; for, like NAAMAN, the Syrian, ‘he is a mighty man, but he is a Leper.’ The Nephew of DAMIEN (who always fomented our altercations from the mere hope of bloodſhed) is by nature not leſs cruel, but being like DRANCES, linguá melior, ſedfrigida bello dextra, he contents himſelf with recom⯑mending [161]ſlaughter, and in praiſing the perpetrators, but leaves exe⯑cution to us. He will indeed ſtab, or cut a throat when we hold a vic⯑tim for him, but he never oſſers to attack where there appears to be the leaſt danger of reſiſtance.

AFTER many diſputes, much diſcuſſion, and frequent adjournments, we at laſt agreed to the following Regulations.

As our Revolution was com⯑pletely unlike any other ever heard of, we agreed to ſupport it by means as novel. All other Legiſlators, from the time of MOSES to the preſent hour, began by founding the State in [162]the eſtabliſhment of a Religion, and in ſecuring a maintenance for the Miniſters of the Altar: we opened by aboliſhing Religion, and continuing to plunder and hang the Clergy. In all other nations certainacts called crimes, ſuch as parricide, murder, ſacrilege, robbery, perjury, maiming, and the reſt, were defined, brought under a particular deſcription, prohibited, and a penalty annexed reſpectively to their commiſſion. The law was made general, without diſtinction of perſons, and promulgated. We made a particular law for every particular caſe, and leaving all things to the diſcretion of the Judge, the Court's deciſion became an example without being a precedent; ſo that from ſuch [163]capricious authorities no knowledge could be gained, nor no rule eſta⯑bliſhed. It could not indeed be well otherwiſe, as may be ſeen by the fol⯑lowing diſtinctions.

IF an Ariſtocrate, in defending his own life againſt a Sans Culotte, who attacked him pike or poniard in hand, happened to kill the aſſailant, he was ipſo facto condemned to death; if, on the contrary, a Sans Culotte, after robbing an Ariſtocrate, killed him, a Civic Crown was decreed to him, he was admitted to the honour of the Sitting with applauſes, and re⯑ſpectable mention made of the tranſ⯑action in the Minutes of the Coven⯑tion. It would have been no leſs [164]difficult in many other inſtances to make the law general. The excep⯑tions would have been more nume⯑rous than the caſes coming under the rule. Inſtead of a general prohibition (as may be ſeen above) againſt kil⯑ling, our code only meant, ‘Thou ſhalt not kill a Sans Culotte.’ In⯑ſtead of "Thou ſhalt not ſte [...]", it meant, ‘Thou ſhalt ſteal from every one except a Sans Culotte;’ and ſo with the reſt of the Decalogue.

UPON theſe points there was no diviſion of opinion. The ſame una⯑nimity appeared in the Cabinet upen the following: [165]THAT it was for the good of the State to oppreſs, harraſs, deſtroy, and utterly extirpate by all poſſible means every perſon ſuſpected of having the leaſt pretenſions to birth, education, property, talents, or integrity, with a ſaving for Citizen EQUALITY, who was deſcended from the Royal Family, and had learned to dance, and ride the great horſe. Upon the firſt of theſe points, his high birth, he always aſſured us no exemption was neceſſary, for he was not legiti⯑mately a BOURBON, but the ſon of a Coachman.

IT was alſo agreed, that all inno⯑cent perſons ſhould be condemned, and all the guilty acquitted; that the [166]ſimple accuſation of a ſingle Sans Cu⯑lotte ſhould be conſidered as ſufficient for the conviction of ten Ariſtocrates; and that the teſtimony of ten Ariſto⯑crates, though taken ſeparately, and all concurring in proof of the crime of a Sans Culotte, ſhould be conſi⯑dered as perjury; and that they ſhould ſtand three times in the Pillory, with a paper faſtened to their breaſts, with theſe words in Capital Letters, "CALUMNY AND PERJURY."

IN order to complete the ſlavery of the Public, and to ſecure our own authority, we reſolved to have the word LIBERTY for ever in our mouths, and a drawn Dagger in our hands as conſtantly; to men⯑tion [167]MUTIUS SCAEVOLA, BRUTUS, and OLIVER CROMWELL, always with applauſes; and never to pro⯑nounce the word King without ac⯑companying it with ſome epithet of contempt, or term of opprobrium; in the Convention, to bear down with hiſſings, hootings, or the cudgel, any of that free Aſſembly who ſhould dare to differ from us in opinion; but above all, as our loweſt people are the moſt ſanguinary, and the greateſt poltroons in the world, to amuſe and make them happy at proper intervals, by ſounding the tocſin ordering a maſſacre, and allowing them the plunder of ſome houſes, after we had taken out what was moſt valuable for our own uſe, under the name of a [168]"Fund for Public Exigencies." Here it was that ROBESPIERRE, for the enlargement of natural rights, firſt threw out his beautiful theory upon the neceſſity of aſſaſſinating, without any previous information, all who were ſuſpected to be guilty of in⯑civiſm by public clamour. He more largely expatiated upon it afterwards in its proper place, the Convention.

MARAT, with more good ſenſe than I ſuppoſed him to be maſter of, ſaying that nothing kept the people ſo much in awe of a Government as a conſtant ſtate of terror, propoſed to have a Guillotine in every ſtreet, and to chop off the heads of all who were ſuſpected of diſcontent, or [169]heard to utter the leaſt murmur againſt our Adminiſtration, without any other formality than our de⯑nunciation. This idea we in a great meaſure adopted, and it proved a very wholeſome expedient. Beſides the diſ⯑play of our power, it was attended by theſe two good conſequences: Such as we ſuffered to remain alive were obliged to us for their exiſtence, and we got rid of a number of mouths by deſtroying ſuch a multitude of people; for who does not know that the dead neither eat nor prattle? In order to keep things quiet, he alſo ſuggeſted the aſſaſſination of two hundred and ſixty thouſand people all together, pledging himſelf at the ſame time, to get the buſineſs done in the moſt [170]ſatisfactory manner. We liked the motion much, and for a time gave into it; but upon mature conſidera⯑tion we were obliged to relinquiſh it, ſolely becauſe it did not ſeem probable that ſuch a multitude would ſuffer their throats to be cut without a certain degree of troubleſome reſiſtance. By this for bearance, when the temptation was ſo ſtrong, we made a great ſa⯑crifice to prudence, for we, ſhould aſſuredly have acquired great popu⯑larity by the maſſacre; but popularity may ſometimes be purchaſed too dearly.

WE were not inattentive to the education of our youth. By the ſame Edict which forbad parents to ſuffer [171]their children to go to Church, tend⯑ing only to effeminate their minds and to infect their morals, we en⯑joined a ſubſtitutionary exerciſe much more likely to prepare them to be good Citizens, and uſeful members of the Democracy. A certain number of unadults in every diſtrict, from the age of eight to fourteen, were ordered to attend the waggons which carried off the dead bodies of ſuch as were maſſacred. Theſe children were to be inſtructed how to pack the car⯑caſes ſo as to lye moſt conveniently, and take up leaſt room in the vehicle. This inſtitution not only ſerved to make them handy, but to familiarize them to ſpectacles from which tender minds are too apt to revolt. Thus [172]we laid a foundation to ſecure the pa⯑triotiſm and confirm the fortitude of the riſing generation. Another ad⯑vantage is alſo likely to reſult from it. The reliſh for human fleſh is be⯑ginning to prevail much in our country. Should it ever become an article of exportation (as it probably may be), our infants will thus have learned one branch of a trade which may bring in large ſums to the People's Exchequer; our young fe⯑males may ſoon be taught to become ſalters; and we ſhall then be able to underſell all our neigbours, not only from our greater abundance of the exportable commodity, but from the ſuperior excellence of the manu⯑facture, no nation having taken ſuch [173]wiſe precautions as we have done to ſecure a preference in this article of proviſions.

IT is a vulgar error to ſuppoſe that human fleſh is not palatable. I have taſted it often, and never without pleaſure. Even a woman of ſeventy, provided ſhe has not been what is called an Old Maid, eats well with vinegar, muſtard, and red pepper. The fair ſex in general are preferable to males, and the younger the better, no doubt; but all mouths cannot expect delicacies. An Iriſh Child which has been fed on milk and potatoes, particularly from the Province of Munſter, is a nicer diſh with ſpinach than any houſe-lamb [174]I ever ſaw ſerved to table. Sa⯑vages, whoſe appetites are unadulte⯑rated, prefer a human broil to any viand whatſoever; and this well-known fact muſt get the better of all ſpeculation, and remove all pre⯑judice.

THESE were the Arcana of our Government. With what awe muſt not the world be ſtruck when it con⯑templates the perſonages who com⯑poſed our Cabinet, and the great ob⯑jects which engaged our attention. All that is held dear by mankind was at our diſpoſal; the fate of near twenty millions of perſons depended entirely on our ſupreme will and pleaſure. I have taken the remain⯑ing [175]population of FRANCE at this amount; for notwithſtanding all the boaſting of ſome Patriots, I do not believe, from the hour when BERTHIER and FOULON were mur⯑dered, we have, upon the whole, exiled and deſtroyed five millions. To hear ſome people talk one would think the number had been conſider⯑able. My computation, I am certain, is pretty aceurate. As to what was done at PARIS, I know within a thou⯑ſand; the whole does not amount to half a million. With regard to the provincial returns I cannot be po⯑ſitive, becauſe we detected conceal⯑ments of the number in ſeveral places, and accounts exaggerated from motives of intereſt or vanity in [176]others. We have, however, the ſa⯑tisfaction to think that the work is but begun; and if fortune be not un⯑propitious, and no intervention hap⯑pens of accidents impoſſible to be foreſeen, we are likely to be bleſſed with a continuance of theſe happy convulſions at leaſt for fifty years longer.

To ſhew that I do not ſpeak at random, I will gratify the Public with the following authentic Docu⯑ment.

COPY of the RETURN from RUE ST.

ANTOINE to the COMMITTEE of MURDER and PILLAGE.

THURSDAY, AUG. 27. FIRST YEAR OF THE REPUBLIC.

HANGED—Thirty Prieſts for croſſing them⯑ſelves.

[177]DITTO—Nine Ariſtocrates, convicted of having gold watches.

STABBED—Their Wives and Children for pitying them. (Number of Children un⯑certain.)

BEHEADED—Two ci-devant Biſhops for being found at prayers.

DITTO—Nineteen Free Citizens, for ſaying times were better under the King.

THROWN INTO THE RIVER—Twelve Far⯑mers, for aſking money for their corn.

ROASTED AND EATEN—One Engliſh Girl, aged Thirteen, and three Children quite in ſeaſon—of an Ariſtocrate by name PHILIBERT.

BURNED ALIVE—Two Old Women and an Auſtrian Corporal.

[178]PLUNDERED AND GUTTED—Seventeen Houſes.

THIS paper was not ſelected, but is preſented as the firſt which came to my hand. Sometimes the numbers were more, ſometimes leſs, the above may ſerve as a medium.

OUR Reformation might be com⯑pared to a blunt razor, which tho' it leaves behind the beard or ex⯑creſcence which it is employed to re⯑move, yet tears off the ſkin, and lets the blood out plentifully.

THE good-natured part of the world will no doubt be anxious for our private ſituation. It will naturally [179]ſuppoſe us worn down with fatigue, and inſufferably harraſſed by the mul⯑tiplicity of our occupations. But let me remove this anxiety, for in truth we were as much objects of envy in our private, as we were of admira⯑tion in our public capacity. Every thing had its proper time and place. The Committee of Murder ſat for two hours three times every week; the Committee of Plunder as often; and half an hour on Sundays ſerved for the Committee to propagate Im⯑piety. Nothing could be more eaſy and expeditious. EQUALITY lived as uſual, in all the luxury of his pa⯑lace; ROBESPIERRE, my PYLADES, and I, poſſeſſed ourſelves of the three beſt Hotels at PARIS, after [180]hanging the owners at the door; we found the cellars well ſtored, the ſtables full of good horſes; and the fund for public exigencies ſupplied us with every thing we could deſire for our private gratification. The plunder of the Royal Jewels and Ca⯑binets at VERSAILLES and PARIS were an inexhauſtible mine to us. We lived, in ſhort, in the firſt ſtyle, like the moſt opulent Noblemen, like the NEMOURS, the ROCHEFOUCAULTS, the LIANCOURTS, the BRISACS, the HARCOURTS, and others, whom we pillaged or murdered. There was no difference in our grandeur or our appearance, except that theſe Noble⯑men wore hats, and we wore the Red Night-Cap. ‘[181]CHARITY (ſays the Scripture) covereth a multitude of ſins.’ I ſay, the Red Night-Cap covers them much better, and in a greater abundance.

THOUGH, perhaps, it may be ra⯑ther beneath the dignity of a French Reformer to enter into a ſort of conteſtation with a Chriſtian Apoſtle, yet I will condeſcend once, for the exemplification of truth, to lay before the Public all the inſipid qualities aſcribed by St. PAUL to what he calls the virtue of Charity, and let them be compared with the more energetic properties which belong to the Red Night-Cap. [182] ‘CHARITY (ſays the Tent-maker of TARSUS) ſuffereth long, and is kind; Charity envieth not; Cha⯑rity vaunteth not itſelf, is not puffed up; Charity doth not behave itſelf unſeemly, ſeeketh not her own, is not eaſily provoked, thinketh no evil, rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; beareth all things, believeth all things, endureth all things. Cha⯑rity never faileth.’

THUS much in favour of Charity. Audi alteram partem! Hear now the Advocate for the Red Night-Cap.

THE RED NIGHT-CAP never ſuf⯑fers the ſlighteſt injury without taking vengeance for it, and is of a noble fero⯑city. [183]The Red Night-Cap with good ſenſe envies every thing that is worthy of envy, and having proper pride, on every occaſion makes the beſt diſplay of its own merits. The Red Night-Cap deſpiſes a finical at⯑tention to behaviour or courteſy, and not only ſeeks and keeps its own, but ſeizes every thing which belongs to other people. The mereſt trifles provoke the high ſpirit of the Red Night-Cap, and it knows mankind too well not to do them juſtice by having a bad opinion of them. It re⯑joiceth in acts of heroiſm which are miſcalled iniquity, and has too much ingenuity to pay any regard to truth, a ſtrict adherence to which is infal⯑libly an indication of deficient parts [184]and abundant ſtupidity. The fiery genius of the Red Night-Cap is not like a horſe or an aſs made to bear any thing; while ſo far from believ⯑ing all things, it does not even be⯑lieve in God, and cannot endure to be ſeriouſly told of ſuch chimeras as Virtue, Religion, and a World to come. As to the never-failing part of Charity, it is not half ſo infallible as the Red Night-Cap, for even the Pope himſelf has been obliged to ac⯑knowledge its infallibility, and many of the Saints in his calendar, nay, the Virgin MARY have been com⯑pelled to wear it. This juxta-poſi⯑tion places te matter fairly before the underſtanding. Let me now aſk, Could Charity be converted into a [185]broad-brimmed hat retaining all the properties aſcribed to it by the Tent-maker, whether a wiſe man would not chuſe to cover his head with a Red Night-Cap?

CHAP. XX.

WHEN I conſider the arduous taſk I have undertaken, not only to lay before the world an ac⯑count of my life and actions, but the ſecret hiſtory of my heart, interſper⯑ſed ſo frequently with the characters and conduct of thoſe eminent men [187]who were my coadjutors, without omitting a ſummary relation of many extraordinary events which ſtand prominent in our annals for near four years, I muſt acknowledge it gives me pleaſure to find that my labours are drawing towards a concluſion.

FOR what relates to myſelf, I have turned my mind inſide out to the Public, as fairly as the ingenious Mr. BARRINGTON turned inſide out the pockets of the leſs ingenious Mr. GRAY, with the very inſtrument the former deviſed and the latter exe⯑cuted. Authenticity, the true touch⯑ſtone of hiſtorical merit, will be found better here than in any of the nume⯑rous publications occaſioned by our [188]numerous Revolutions. Others have written but as Spectators, I claim the dignity of an Actor. Much of what I relate I have created, and may therefore, without preſumption, aſ⯑ſert a ſuperiority over every other Relator of Facts, quorum pars magna ſui. Although a little partiality for my beloved Countrymen may per⯑haps be now and then diſcernible, it has never induced the willing miſ⯑tatement of any important tranſac⯑tion, or any inference glaringly tinc⯑tured with prejudice. The ſtation I now occupy, and the country I reſide in, ſo detached from, and inde⯑pendent of my own, remove from my mind any apprehenſions of expoſing myſelf to inconvenience or danger [189]from the reſentment of Frenchmen, who may affect to think they have been miſrepreſented, or their names treated with too little reſpect in the courſe of my Confeſſions.

FROM what has been communi⯑cated, a Reader of common ſagacity may find a Clavis to the true meaning of many tranſactions which other⯑wiſe would remain inexplicable. By taking our words in a ſenſe exactly oppoſite to their uſual acceptation, and our theory as the very reverſe of our practice, he will penetrate at once to the bottom of the myſtery. He will find the nominal Government of Re⯑preſentatives in the Convention means the real Government of the Mob who [190]elected them; he will find our Courts of Juſtice, Tribunals for the acquittal of the Guilty, and the condemnation of the Innocent; and our mild Ordi⯑nances, quemlibet occidunt populariter, like the laws of DRACO, written all in blood: he will find our Equality means pulling down all that is called reſpectable or ſacred in ſociety, to level it with all that is vile and igno⯑minious; and our Liberty the moſt conſummate Deſpotiſm. When we recommended peace, we were prepar⯑ing to wage war; and while we pro⯑feſſed to make mankind free, we were forging for them the moſt intolerable ſhackles.

[191]BUT our policy at leaſt deſerves ad⯑miration. By pacific profeſſions we lulled the Nations which were weak enough to believe us into a ſtate of ſecurity and torpor, and immediately took advantage of their credulous oſcitancy. Add to this, that we could not exiſt in a ſtate of pacification. Where could we find employment for our turbulent Millions but in war? When agriculture is ſo much ne⯑glected that we are threatened every month with famine, from our Plow⯑men being converted into Politicians, how could theſe ſwarms of idle gap⯑ing boobies find ſubſiſtence without being diſperſed into the countries of our neighbours? With what addreſs did we not cheriſh diſcontents, foment [192]ſedition, and diſſeminate our viſionary projects of Reformation even in ENGLAND, that beſt governed, moſt free, and happy Kingdom in the Univerſe? With what true Gallic alacrity did we not pledge ourſelves to dethrone her King, and ſend a Citizen General, with our Ragamuf⯑fins and her own, to give new laws to GREAT BRITAIN, and riot in the Royal Apartments at St. JAMES'S? With what genuine Democratic au⯑dacity did we not hurl the gauntlet at the face of every Sovereign and Regal Government in EUROPE; and with what incomparable hypo⯑criſy did we not afterwards complain that they attacked and invaded us?

[193]THE wretched people of SAVOY firſt felt the benefit of our kind Fra⯑ternization. After we had drained her poverty to the laſt ſad penny; after our troops, like a whirlwind, had ſwept away her cottages, her corn, her cattle, and her inhabitants; we reſolved to turn our arms towards the North, and in the ſame manner to fraternize the Brabanters.

As the full meaning of this new term may not perhaps be perfectly un⯑derſtood by all my Readers, let them take the following explanation.

SHOULD any Prince refuſe to accept our parchment for money, or to let us new-model his Government, we com⯑plain of his inſolence, and the ill treat⯑ment [194]we have received from him. We denounce him by a decree of the Convention as our enemy, a Tyrant, and a Deſpot. We declare his ſub⯑jects to be our brethren, abſolved from their bonds of allegiance and fidelity, and free from that moment; and that we are going to make war upon the Deſpot only, not upon the people, who are always to conſider themſelves as our brothers. Imme⯑diately upon this, fifty or a hundred thouſand of our brave Sans Culottes invade his dominions, overturn the altars, bury dead horſes or pigs under the communion-table of the great church, ravage the country, ſack the towns, burn the houſes, rob the men, raviſh the women, let the [195]Deſpot eſcape, and ſlaughter the people. As the war is made only againſt the Tyrant, it is not neceſſary to ſay that no injury is intended againſt his ſubjects.

AFTER theſe juſt and unavoidable acts of hoſtility, we convene the mi⯑ſerable remnant of the natives who have eſcaped from our heroic fury in ſome public place. We firſt make an eloquent harangue of conſiderable length, which always gives great ſatisfaction, in praiſe of our own lenity and moderation; then we give them an embrace, clap a Red Night-Cap on their heads, take away all their arms and money, pronounce [196]them free, and our brothers; ſo in this manner they are fraternized.

IT muſt be allowed, that taking the matter in a certain light, they are our Brothers, that is, as CAIN was the Brother of ABEL, for CAIN mur⯑dered his dear Brother ABEL. Were I to attempt an anſwer to every ac⯑cuſation and invective which has been poured out upon us ſince the year 1789, I ſhould have no right to con⯑gratulate myſelf upon the proſpect of concluding my labours. I might begin, but I know not where would be the termination. Of a few which are eaſily obviated, I ſhall condeſcend to take ſome ſlight notice.

[197]WE hear on every ſide that our firſt ſteps were wrong, and that we have advanced in the mire only to flounder deeper. Theſe Speculatiſts, theſe cool pen-and-ink Politicians tell us, we ſhould have limited the Regal Power, not have aboliſhed Royalty, and cruelly murdered our benevo⯑lent, our public-ſpirited Sovereign; and that our barbarity to his calum⯑niated Queen, and unoffending Chil⯑dren, is unprovoked, unexampled, and hideouſly atrocious; that we ought to have removed the oppreſſive Seigneural Rights of our Nobles, not have exiled or maſſacred them, and eſpecially thoſe excellent men who of ſuch rights had made a voluntary ſurrender; that we ſhould have [198]ſettled a competent proviſion for our Curates by ſome new fund, or have waited at leaſt till by the death of the incumbents, Church Revenues too exorbitant reverted to the Com⯑munity, not have plundered our Biſhops without mercy, and hanged them or cut their throats after⯑wards.

As one ſhort anſwer may ſerve to diſpatch theſe three objections at once, I ſhall give it. When any meaſure is neceſſary, the moſt ſpeedy method of effecting it is beſt. Could a LACED AEMONIAN, the greateſt enemy to prolixity, have deviſed any more expeditious than that which we adopted, Sudden Death? They tell [199]us beſides, that we ſhould have ex⯑empted the poor from taxes, and left the rich to ſupply them, not have quadrupled our public expences, and left none able to pay them. Do they not know, then, that no man in FRANCE pays any thing but as he chooſes, which is Liberty, or when compelled by the pike or the bayonet, another ſpecies of it; becauſe we call theſe compulſory contributions, not by the odious name of Taxes, but Loans and Free Gifts, though the Loan is never paid back, and the Free Gift is always extorted; and what can be more ſatisfactory to a free people, as the French now are?

[200]WE are aſked, with a ſort of tri⯑umphant inſolence, Did ſuch furious exceſſes, ſuch ſavage licentiouſneſs, ſuch execrable cruelties ever before prevail in any civilized country? Why—Yes. GREECE, where De⯑mocracy flouriſhed, was often in a condition almoſt as diſtracted. Was ROME much better during the pro⯑ſcriptions of MARIUS and SYLLA? and after the death of CAESAR, under the bloody Triumvirate? or at the irruption of the Scourge of GOD, ATTILA, GENSERIC, and their ſuc⯑ceſſors? Was JERUSALEM upon roſes when torn within by the fac⯑tions of JOHN and SIMON, and in⯑veſted without by the Legions of TITUS? In that City a mother was [201]compelled to eat her own child from hunger; our Ladies eat the children of their enemies to ſatiate their re⯑venge, or to prove their civiſm. The caſes are widely different. Was ENGLAND a Paradiſe when YORK and LANCASTER drew forth their battles, or in the Civil Wars of King CHARLES and his Parliament? But to bring things nearer to our own aera, when the Fifty Sons of MULEY ISMAEL deſolated their country with fifty civil wars all together, was the condition of MOROCCO much leſs ca⯑lamitous? No—We have the plea⯑ſure to reflect, and it is the true ſolamen miſeris, the ſoft balm to the afflicted, that other nations have had their periods of adverſity, and that [202]they wanted but our numbers and our ſpirit to be nearly as invelved and ferocious as we are.

BUT human wiſdom, human logic, human crimination are not ſufficient; the Artillery of Heaven muſt alſo be drawn down upon us. Divine vengeance, we are told, has already overtaken us, not only in the multi⯑plied miſeries we labour under, but in the particular puniſhment of the very individuals who were moſt in⯑ſtrumental in bringing about our barbarous Revolutions. Our Generals and Officers (they ſay), thoſe double traitors, falſe to their oaths and their honour, are to a man proſcribed, im⯑priſoned, or beheaded. Why, granted— [203]I know nothing about divine venge⯑ance, nor ever will believe in ſuch ſuperſtitious folly; but I know the fate of theſe men does not proceed from any celeſtial interpoſition, but from the very nature of Democracy, which has been the ſame in all ages and countries, and will for ever con⯑tinue to be the ſame; for which rea⯑ſon Soldiers who have common ſenſe ſhould be of all men the moſt averſe to it. What ſaid the excellent PHOCION, when dragged on a hurdle to an un⯑juſt death by the People of ATHENS? Hunc exitum plerique clari viri habu⯑erunt Athenienſes," as NEPOS has tranſ⯑lated it, ‘Such muſt be the exit of all eminence where there is ſuch a Conſtitution, and Liberty likeours.’ [204]Democracy is a kind of dunghill, which cheriſhes nothing but weeds to grow to any height in it.

WE are aſked tauntingly, Where is ORLEANS? Where is LA FAYETTE? Where is PETION? Where BRISSOT? Where CONDORCET? Where MARAT? Where TOM PAINE? Where a thou⯑ſand others, once ſo popular, now ſo deteſted? I anſwer, EQUALITY is in a dungeon; ſome have fled, ſome are impriſoned, many are hanged, my PYLADES is aſſaſſinated, and TOM PAINE is in a quarry-hole. But I aſk, Is it not natural? Was it not expect⯑ed? Could it be otherwiſe? Does any human creature wonder at their fate, or pity them?

[205]UPON the whole, then, our adver⯑ſaries preſume to tell us, that we have done nothing but to bring in⯑delible diſgrace and durable woe upon ourſelves; and to confirm, by our example, the ſubjects of Govern⯑ments the moſt arbitrary to acquieſce under any mode of being governed, rather than expoſe themſelves by re⯑bellion to that wild and capricious ſtate of oppreſſion which always re⯑ſults from anarchy, or the ſupremacy of the rabble.

Is it then nothing to have deraci⯑nated a ſuperſtitious faith, and a falſe ſyſtem of enervating morality? Is it nothing to have inveſted with the robes of legiſlations, and to have [206]placed on the benches of juſtice, an ignorant and ſturdy banditti, who in the dull courſe of former uſage would only have been conſigned to the gallies or the executioner? Is it no⯑thing to have demoliſhed in a few months that awful fabric of ſocial concord which the painful reſearches, the united experience of ſo much falſe virtue, learning, and wiſdom, had endeavoured to eſtabliſh for ſo many centuries? Is novelty nothing? Is a thrice-told tale more intereſting than a freſh and lively invention? Is the reſtoration of Paganiſm nothing? Nothing to make many Gods of our own, inſtead of allowing that one God was our Creator? But above all, is it nothing to have rendered the [207]name of FRENCHMAN as tremendous to human nature as hurricanes, vol⯑canoes, and earthquakes? Let theſe interrogatories be anſwered, before our antagoniſts come forward again with new caſuiſtry and freſh aſſertions.

HAVING ſhewn how little weight there is in the arguments of our op⯑ponents, I will now ſhew how little truth there is in ſome of their aſſe⯑verations,

EVERY writer (they affirm) of candour and information who was an Advocate for our Revolution at firſt, particularly in ENGLAND, retracts his opinion, and either vindicates his original ſentiments by declaring that [208]the abuſes of our former ſlaviſh Government required Reformation, but that our exceſſes have gone be⯑yond all imagination; or he aſſerts, that our nominal Conſtitution being but a line for us to deviate from, we are actuated by cruel frenzy only, and muſt be leſt to grope our way through Chaos and Anarchy in the dark as we got into it; and ſo he leaves us. That ſome Writers, and perhaps of the above deſcription, have acted in this tergiverſive manner I deny not; but it is not the caſe with all.

THE ingenious Traveller Mr. RICHARD TWISS, better known in ENGLAND by the name of TUMBLE⯑DUNG, [209]from his fondneſs for that Inſect of which he has publiſhe the Natural Hiſtory, has never re⯑ceded from his early opinion in our favour. He was too much frightened it is true to leave his garret, and be a ſpectator of our maſſacres in Auguſt and September, but he had the plea⯑ſure, in eaſe and ſafety, to view the carnage afterwards. How congenial are his ſentiments with our own! ‘There is (he ſays) ſomething diſ⯑guſting, perhaps, in ſeeing a ſingle dead body, but thouſands of carcaſes in a heap, and tumbled all together, excite rather a pleaſurable ſenſation.’ No inſidel can ſpeak with more con⯑tempt of our Religion, or expreſs more philoſophical ſatisfaction at the [210]deſpoiling of our Churches. How does he extol the amiable, the pa⯑triotic fierceneſs of the Fair Sex, who not only ripped up the vitals of the SWISS they had murdered, but wore their bloody ſhirts for turbans, and ſerved up their joints broiled or roaſted as a repaſt for their little in⯑nocent, hungry families! He does not proclaim that he was an Anthropophagos, but he clearly does not diſapprove of Canibaliſm, and by implication recommends the experi⯑ment. ^*

IT may be ſaid, that having paid for his paſſport at the Secretary of [211]State's Office in LONDON, and hav⯑ing got it for nothing at PARIS, the contraſt was enough to diſguſt and incenſe him againſt his native country, and to juſtify his wiſhing to ſee it as miſerable as FRANCE; but this ought not to impeach his impar⯑tiality; for can it be conceived, that the ſaving of forty ſhillings could counter-balance all the terrors he ſmelt under during the delays he ex⯑perienced before he could procure his permiſſion to depart from us? His ſentiments clearly flow from his un⯑derſtanding and his principles. Over⯑looked, neglected, or derided, as he is at home, I cannot forbear to proſeſs myſelf his well-wiſher. May he diſcover new tribes of Beetles, Piſ| [212]mires, and Tumbledungs! May the Fungus, the Ragweed, and the Toad⯑ſtool develop to him all their latent beauties, and flouriſh in the paths before him! May the Dunghills of FRANCE conceal nothing from his botanical reſearches; and in the arms of his favourite Madame TERROTGNE may he beget a little race of Natu⯑raliſts and Homicides to cheriſh the inſect tribes of the earth, and to de⯑populate the human ſpecies!

I HAVE made it a rule in this work to touch but lightly upon events which have been detailed in our own Newſpapers, or in the Gazettes of other Nations; for which reaſon I have not dwelt upon our military [213]operations, or the progreſs of our arms. What looked moſt like order and ſyſtem in our Campaigns was, that we left the ſlaughter of our pri⯑vate men to the enemy, and took upon ourſelves the killing our Gene⯑rals. For about every thouſand de⯑ſtroyed in the field, we cut off the heads of about a dozen Commanders on the ſcaffold; and this proportion has been all along obſerved pretty exactly. Fortune has changed her aſpect towards us ſince Citizen DUMOURIER beſpoke his ſupper at AMSTERDAM in January laſt, and GREAT BRITAIN was to be frater⯑nized the February following. Three ſtrong frontier towns, in the poſſeſſion of the enemy, put our people ſo much [214]out of humour, that we were obliged to order a number of executions, to reſtore the Capital to its uſual gaiety. FRANCE is in a conſtant pleuriſy, and the only medicament to keep her healthy, is to let out her blood co⯑piouſly.

BUT a domeſtic occurrence about this time entirely diverted the public attention from fleets and armies, and all apprehenſions of foreign in⯑vaſion.

THE death of MARAT, the amiable MARAT that friend to the extirpa⯑tion of his countrymen, was an event entirely unexpected. His power and [215]popularity were in their meridian when his Country loſt him.

ON the 13th of June 1793, he fell, purpureus veluti cum flos, by the po⯑niard of CHARLOTTE CORDE, a Female Fanatic, who ſufered for it upon a ſcaffold with all the reſolu⯑tion of a Chriſtian Martyr. Blood⯑thirſty Woman! O deed for ever to be deteſted! O name for ever exe⯑crable! Smiles were all her repen⯑tance, and to meet death with firm⯑neſs her contrition. She called him Monſter too, and having delivered the world from him, reſigned her breath with indifference. Miſtaken Enthuſiaſt! FRANCE has millions of ſuch Monſters. Thunder may cruſh, [216]the earth may gape and ſwallow us, but we laugh to think of human means for our extinction. Thy Fel⯑low-Citizens, my dear, my mur⯑dering, and murdered Friend! did not forget thee. More than the Pagan honours of the Pantheon were decreed to thee; thou waſt deified, they made thee a God, and gave thee the pas to the ſuppoſed Saviour of the world. Let not thy ſpirit complain, my PYLADES! though it ſhould hereafter be conſigned to the Devil, for thy confederates on earth exalted thy remains above the Devil's Maſter. ROBESPIERRE turned pale at thy exit, yet with the uſual fervour of his friendſhip, voted thee a whole heca⯑tomb of human victims to appeaſe thy [217]manes. TOM PAINE ſkulked, and has ever ſince hid himſelſ in a quarry⯑hole, where ravens miniſter to him. There he trembles at the upliſted viſionary dagger which his eloquence has ſo often pointed againſt the bo⯑ſom of Kings and Tyrants.

VIVIT poſt funera virtus. Even the carcaſe of my PYLADES retained ſome of his living virtues. Theſe eyes beheld the boy, the little ſmil⯑ing Cherub who ſuſtained the civic wreath over thy deified temples, ſink down and expire by the ſtench which iſſued from thy leprous anatomy. Thou waſt a mankiller and a wo⯑mankiller when alive, and thou didſt kill a child, after the dagger of [218]CHARLOTTE had killed thee. Fare⯑wel, Epitome of thy Countrymen! Adieu, moſt admirable of all Re⯑formers! I can no more; let my tears ſpeak the reſt for me.

THE premature end of this great man ſpread a conſiderable alarm among us: when one deer is ſtruck, the whole herd begin to prick up their ears, and to look about them. ROBESPIERRE'S terrors, who was known to be a coward, would not have been regarded; he went about muttering, ‘If MARAT will not ſa⯑tisfy them, where can virtue be ſecure? Lord! Lord! the Devil preſerve me! my turn will be next.’ We laughed at this, but [219]DANTON, THURIOT, MERLIN, and others of a different ſtamp, could not diſguiſe their uneaſineſs.

ABOUT this time anonymous letters, threatening me with ſome inviſible danger, were left for ever at my door, or ſcraps of paper were ſtrewed before me in my houſe; ſo that I could not avoid ſeeing them, without my being able to diſcover how they had been depoſited. In a legible hand were written words like theſe— ‘Thy hour is come’— ‘Murderers meet with no pardon’— ‘Thou haſt ſhed man's blood, by man ſhall thy blood be ſhed’— ‘Deſpair and death are round thee’— ‘Re⯑member MARAT;’—and many [220]more admonitions were given me with the ſame tremendous brevity. Several fell as victims to my ſuſpi⯑cions, but the menaces ſtill continued.

WHETHER it proceeded from the diſturbance of my waking thoughts, or whether my daemon warned me, I know not, but as I lay one night in bed, neither aſleep nor quite awake, the following dreadful viſion appeared before me. Methought I was placed between MARAT and the Nephew of DAMIEN in the Revolutionary Tribunal. We ſat up to our knees in blood, the walls of the Court were conſtructed with human ſkulls, ranged in exact order, and kept toge⯑ther without any cement. From the [221]ſockets of the eyes iſſued red flames in the ſhape of darts and ſcorpions, and all pointed towards me and my companions. The ceiling rained down thick ſhowers of different-co⯑loured fire, which fell upon and burned us to the bone, without de⯑ſtroying us. Our ears were then deafened by the moſt terrible ſhrieks and inceſſant claps of thunder, when ſuddenly a thouſand ſhadows, all in bright raiment, paſſed before us, and each was followed by the earthly form it had worn, as defaced and mangled by our cruelty; while a youthful Angel, with celeſtial ſorrow in his aſpect, held a branch of golden palm ſuſpended over them. The figure of the murdered King was [222]conſpicuous. His head ſeemed to be encircled with crowns and ſtars of the moſt dazzling radiance, ſo that my wretched eyes were quite blinded with the ſplendor. He pointed to the ſky, and vaniſhed.

ROCHEFOUCAULT, CLERMONT DE TONNERRE, LA PORTE, Prieſts and Biſhops without number, and Madame LAMBALLE, followed in the viſionary proceſſion. But O! what words can paint, what imagination can conceive my agonies when the glorified ſhades of old BERTRAND and his beautiful Daughter glided by before me! I looked about for my companions, and found their bodies conſumed to a cinder, with a livid flame riſing like a ſmall [223]pyramid from the ſpot they had oc⯑cupied. Not only the bed I toſſed on, but the whole chamber ſhook with the violence of my agitations; I yelled out loud, and tried in vain, with both my hands before my eyes, to exclude the terrifying phantoms. Such is the power of imagination, the ſcene ſeemed to laſt for fifty years, and my horrors to increaſe with its continuance.

AT the cloſe of all, the image of my Mother appeared twice before me. The firſt or ſecond time, methought no fragrance filled the chamber; her countenance was not irradiated; ſhe wore her uſual habit; her hair un⯑combed, her garments tattered, and [224]her ſabots foul from the Fiſh-market. She held an oyſter half-open in one hand, and in the other the knife with which ſhe opened it. Thrice ſhe ſhook the honours of her matted treſſes, looked mournfully at me, and vaniſhed from my embrace in a ſigh ſtrongly impregnated with brandy. The ſecond time her garb was the ſame, but her aſpect different. She frowned upon me, and raiſing her knife to my throat, cried out in a ſhrill tone, which ſtill vibrates on my ear, ‘Fly, raſh Boy, or ſtay and periſh!’ Human nature could ſuſtain no more. The morning ſun at length kindly diſpelled my viſion, and my terrors; I crawled from bed in a ſtate of feebleneſs and decrepi⯑tude [225]which made me at firſt imagine my torments had really laſted for half a century.

THERE is grent difference between fortitude and fool-hardineſs. It ſeemed better in my eyes to be alive like a man, than to have my breath⯑leſs carrion deified like MARAT'S by a vote of the CONVENTION, ſo I re⯑ſolved to find immediately ſome ſafe aſylum.

WITHOUT communicating my in⯑tended flight to any living creature, I packed up all my plunder, jewels, and gold, to an incredible value, and in the dead of night ſet off for MARSEILLES, intending to ſail from [226]thence into ASIA MINOR. But even in theſe laſt moments I did not for⯑get my duty to my Country. As the good CATO, after he had reſolved on ſuicide, took care to make the beſt diſ⯑poſition for his friends at UTICA, ſo I left a letter for the Nephew of DAMIEN to be delivered after my de⯑parture, full of advice for the public welfare. I recommended the ſeparation of the Queen from her Children, thus to tear aſunder the laſt heart-ſtring which could attach her to exiſtence, to deliver her over to the Revolu⯑tionary Tribunal, and to confine her in the Conciergerie, one of the moſt loath ſome of our numerous priſons; and to dig up the bones and aſhes of the dead at St. Denys, to prove that nothing [227]above or under ground could be ſa⯑cred from our fury. While I waited incognito for a veſſel at MARSEILLES, I had the pleaſure to hear that all this was carried into execution. Not long afterwards, with a light heart, and a favourable wind, I ſet ſail, and arrived ſafely at SMYRNA.

EVERY thing in TURKEY, as in FRANCE, is venal. In leſs than a week I purchaſed the poſt of a Cadi which happened to be vacant, and by the virtue of circumciſion became a Mahometan. I would willingly have diſpenſed with that diſagreeable rite, but the Turks threatened to impale me, ſo I ſubmitted.

[228]THE Reader may now view me without my foreſkin, and my head overwhelmed in a turban. My office ſecures to me the gratification of two predominant appetites, the love of money, and the love of women. Exalted on my tribunal, I diſpenſe injuſtice to the world around me, and am as formidable to innocence in my capacity of a Judge, as I was to my Country in that of a Reformer. How admirable is it to ſee me deciding cauſes without hearing a word of the pleadings, and commonly without knowing even the names of the parties! My faithful Secretary XANTHIUS, a Greek, ſaves me much trouble by whiſpering in my ear, ‘One is rich, [229]and the other poor: Poverty has nothing to do with litigation.’

THE fame of my ſummary deciſions is diffuſed ſo widely, that the parties in general ſay not a word, but after the proſtrations due to my dignity, lay their purſes down before me. I put both in my pocket, and always decide in favour of the heavieſt; thus it may be ſeen I eſtimate Juſtice by the weight, as ſome people do ſilk ſtock⯑ings, or Engliſh Sailors ſilver watches.

YET, notwithſtanding all my power, and the full enjoyment of every Aſiatic Luxury, I often caſt my eyes with regret towards my dear native Country.

[230]WHAT fate may await her I cannot pretend to foreſee. Whether ſhe will over-run EUROPE, or is on the eve of her diſmemberment, may furniſh abundant matter of ſpeculation to Coffee-Houſe Politicians, and the Writers of Pamphlets. Her actual condition is too well known to admit of any diſguiſe, except in Newſ⯑papers, or the repreſentations of the CONVENTION.

To ſubdue her entirely is difficult, but to reſtore her to any ſtate of tran⯑quillity and order much more ſo. What human induſtry had raiſed, human induſtry may demoliſh, and erect in its place ſomething perhaps more noble and perſect; but the mind [231]of FRANCE is overturned, her prin⯑ciples are rooted out, and her reaſon lies buried; the preſent generation cannot live to ſee that reſurrection.

WHETHER AUSTRIA will reſt ſa⯑tisfied with the recovery of LORRAIN and ALSACE; whether PRUSSIA will compound for money, or the poſſeſ⯑ſion of a diſtrict; whether ENGLAND will be content to occupy our har⯑bours, and to annihilate our navy; are events repoſing perhaps in the womb of futurity. Deſperation is our goad, nor are our internal enemies leſs deſperate. Priſoners on both ſides muſt periſh by the executioner.

[232]OUR great conteſt at home is now between Republicaniſm and Demo⯑cracy, or between the Tyranny of many, and the Madneſs of all, for the Royal Cauſe in FRANCE has but un⯑lucky ſupporters; yet there is cer⯑tainly but one remedy for all her calamities, and that (having now no further intereſt in their continuance) I heſitate not to declare, can only be found in THE RESTORATION OF ROYALTY.