THE Hiſtory and Adventures OF AN ATOM.

THE time was now come when Fortune, which had hitherto ſmiled upon the Chineſe arms, reſolved to turn tail to that vain-glorious nation; and preciſely at the ſame inſtant Taycho undertook to diſplay his whole ca⯑pacity in the management of the war. But before he aſſumed this province, it was neceſſary that he ſhould eſtabliſh a deſpotiſm in the council of Twenty-eight, ſome mem⯑bers of which had ſtill the preſump⯑tion to offer their advice towards the; [2] adminiſtration of affairs. This coun⯑cil being aſſembled by the Dairo's order, to deliberate upon the objects of the next campaign, the preſi⯑dent began by aſking the opinion of Taycho, who was the youngeſt mem⯑ber; upon which the orator made no articulate reply, but cried ‘"Ba-ba-ba-ba!"’ The Dairo exclaimed ‘"Boh!"’ The Fatzman ejaculated the interjection ‘"Piſh!"’ The Cu⯑boy ſat in ſilent aſtoniſhment. Gotto⯑mio ſwore the man was dumb, and hinted ſomething of lunacy. Fok⯑ſi-rokhu ſhook his head; and Soo⯑ſan-ſin-o ſhrugged up his ſhoulders. At length, Fika-kaka going round and kiſſing Taycho on the forehead, ‘"My dear boy (cried he)!—Gad's curſe! what's the matter? Do but open the ſluices of your elo⯑quence once more, my dear orator;—let us have one ſimile—one dear ſimile; and then I ſhall die con⯑tented. [3] —With reſpect to the opera⯑tions of the campaign, don't you think"’—Here he was interrupted with ‘"Ka, ka, ka, ka!"’ ‘"Heigh⯑day!" (cried the Cuboy) Ba-ba-ba, ka-ka-ka! that's the language of children!"’ ‘"And children you ſhall be (exclaimed the orator). Here is a two-penny trumpet for the amuſement of the illuſtrious Got-hama-baba; a ſword of ginger⯑bread covered with gold-leaf for the Fatzman; and a rattle for my lord Cuboy. I have, likewiſe, ſugar⯑plumbs for the reſt of the council."’ So ſaying, he, without ceremony, advanced to the Dairo, and tied a ſcarf round the eyes of his imperial majeſty: then he produced a num⯑ber of padlocks, and ſealed up the lips of every Quo in council, before they could recollect themſelves from their firſt aſtoniſhment. The aſſem⯑bly broke up abruptly; and the [4] Dairo was conducted to his cabinet by the Fatzman and the Cuboy, which laſt endeavoured to divert the chagrin of his royal maſter, by blow⯑ing the trumpet and ſhaking the rat⯑tle in his ears: but Got-hama-ba-ba could not be ſo eaſily appeaſed. He growled like an enraged bear, at the indignity which had been offer⯑ed to him, and kicked the Cuboy before as well as behind. Mr. Ora⯑tor Taycho was fain to come to an explanation. He aſſured the Dairo, it was neceſſary that his impe⯑rial majeſty ſhould remain in the dark, and that the whole council ſhould be muzzled for a ſeaſon, otherwiſe he could not accompliſh the great things he had projected in favour of the farm of Yeſſo. He declared, that while his majeſty re⯑mained blindfold, he would enjoy all his other ſenſes in greater perfec⯑tion; that his ears would be every [5] day regaled with the ſhouts of tri⯑umph, conveyed in notes of uncom⯑mon melody; and that the leſs quan⯑tity of animal ſpirits was expended in viſion, the greater proportion would flow to his extremities; con⯑ſequently, his pleaſure would be more acute in his pedeſtrian exerci⯑tations upon the Cuboy and others whom he delighted to honour. He, therefore, exhorted him to undergo a total privation of eye-ſight, which was at beſt a troubleſome faculty, that expoſed mankind to a great va⯑riety of diſagreeable ſpectacles. This was a propoſal which the Dairo did not reliſh: on the contrary, he waxed exceedingly wroth, and told the orator he would rather enjoy one tranſient glance of the farm of Yeſſo, than the moſt exquiſite delights that could be procured for all the other ſenſes. ‘"To gratify your majeſty with that ineffable pleaſure, (cried [6] Taycho) I have devoted myſelf, ſoul and body, and even reconciled con⯑tradictions. I have renounced all my former principles without for⯑feiting the influence which, by pro⯑feſſing thoſe principles, I had gain⯑ed. I have obtained the moſt aſto⯑niſhing victories over common ſenſe, and even refuted mathematical de⯑monſtration. The many-headed Mob, which no former demagogue could ever tame, I have taught to fetch and to carry; to dance to my pipe; to bray to my tune; to ſwallow what I preſent without murmuring; to lick my feet when I am angry; and kiſs the rod when I think proper to chaſtiſe it. I have done more, my liege; I have prepared a drench for it, which, like Lethe, waſhes away the remembrance of what is paſt, and takes away all ſenſe of its own con⯑dition. I have ſwept away all the money of the empire; and perſuad⯑ed [7] the people not only to beggar themſelves, but likewiſe to entail in⯑digence upon their lateſt poſterity; and all for the ſake of Yeſſo. It is by dint of theſe efforts I have been able to ſubſidize Brut-an-tiffi, and raiſe an army of one hundred thou⯑ſand men to defend your imperial majeſty's farm, which, were the en⯑tire property of it brought to mar⯑ket, would not fetch one-third part of the ſums which are now yearly expended in its defence. I ſhall ſtrike but one great ſtroke in the country of Fatſiſio, and then turn the whole ſtream of the war into the channel of Tartary, until the barren plains of Yeſſo are fertilized with human blood. In the mean time, I muſt inſiſt upon your ma⯑jeſty's continuing in the dark, and amuſing yourſelf in your cabinet with the trumpet and other gew⯑gaws which I have provided for your [8] diverſion; otherwiſe I quit the reins of adminiſtration, and turn the mon⯑ſter out of my trammels; in which caſe, like the dog that returns to its vomit, it will not fail to take up its former prejudices againſt Yeſſo, which I have with ſuch pains obliged it to reſign."—"O my dear Taycho! (cried the affrighted Dairo) talk not of leaving me in ſuch a dreadful di⯑lemma. Rather than the dear farm ſhould fall into the hands of the Chineſe, I would be contented to be led about blindfold all the days of my life.—Proceed in your own way.—I inveſt you with full power and authority, not only to gag my whole council, but even to nail their ears to the pillory, ſhould it be found neceſ⯑ſary for the benefit of Yeſſo. In token of which delegation, preſent your poſ⯑teriors, and I will beſtow upon you a double portion of my favour."’ Tay⯑cho humbly thanked his imperial [9] majeſty for the great honour he in⯑tended him; but begged leave to decline the ceremony, on account of the haemorrhoids, which at that time gave him great diſturbance.

The orator having thus annihilated all oppoſition in the council of Twenty-eight, repaired to his own houſe, in order to plan the opera⯑tions of the enſuing campaign. Tho' he had reinforced the army in Tar⯑tary with the flower of the Japoneſe ſoldiery, and deſtined a ſtrong ſqua⯑dron of Fune, as uſual, to parade on the coaſt of China; he foreſaw it would be neceſſary to amuſe the people with ſome new ſtroke on the ſide of Fatſiſio, which indeed was the original, and the moſt natural ſcene of the war. He locked himſelf up in his cloſet, and in conſulting the map of Fatſiſio, he found that the principal Chineſe ſettlement of that [10] iſland, was a fortified town called Quib-quab, to which there was acceſs by two different avenues; one by a broad, rapid, navigable river, on the banks of which the town was ſituated; and the other by an inland route over mountains, lakes, and dangerous torrents. He meaſured the map with his compaſs, and per⯑ceived that both routes were nearly of the ſame length; and therefore he reſolved that the forces in Fatſiſio, being divided into two equal bodies, ſhould approach the place by the two different avenues, on the ſuppoſition that they would both arrive before the walls of Quib-quab at the ſame inſtant of time. The conduct of the inland expedition was given to Yaff⯑ray, who now commanded in chief in Fatſiſio; and the reſt of the troops were ſent up the great river, under the auſpices of Ya-loff, who had ſo [11] eminently diſtinguiſhed himſelf in the courſe of the preceding year.

Orator Taycho had received ſome articles of intelligence which em⯑barraſſed him a little at firſt; but theſe difficulties ſoon vaniſhed before the vigour of his reſolutions. He knew, that not only the town of Quib-quab was fortified by art, but alſo, that the whole adjacent coun⯑try was almoſt impregnable by na⯑ture: that one Chineſe general block⯑ed up the paſſes with a ſtrong body of forces, in the route which was to be followed by Yaff-rai; and that another commanded a ſeparate corps in the neighbourhood of Quib-quab, equal, at leaſt, in number to the de⯑tachment of Ya-loff, whom he might therefore either prevent from land⯑ing, or attack after he ſhould be landed: or finally, ſhould neither of theſe attempts ſucceed, he might re⯑inforce the garriſon of Quib-quab, [12] ſo as to make it more numerous than the beſieging army, which, accord⯑ing to the rules of war, ought to be ten times the number of the beſieged. On the other hand, in order to inva⯑lidate theſe objections, he reflected that Fortune, which hath ſuch a ſhare in all military events, is inconſtant and variable; that as the Chineſe had been ſo long ſucceſsful in Fatſiſio, it was now their turn to be unfortunate. He reflected that the daemon of folly was capricious; and that as it had ſo long poſſeſſed the rulers and gene⯑rals of Japan, it was high time it ſhould ſhift its quarters, and occupy the brains of the enemy; in which caſe they would quit their advan⯑tageous poſts, and commit ſome blunder that would lay them at the mercy of the Japoneſe.—With re⯑ſpect to the reduction of Quib-quab, he had heard, indeed, that the be⯑ſiegers ought to be ten times the [13] number of the garriſon beſieged; but as every Japoneſe was equivalent to ten ſubjects of China, he thought the match was pretty equal. He re⯑flected, that even if this expedition ſhould not ſucceed, it would be of little conſequence to his reputation, as he could plead at home, that he neither conceived the original plan, nor appointed any of the officers concerned in the execution. It is true, he might have reinforced the army in Fatſiſio, ſo as to leave very little to Fortune: but then he muſt have ſubſtracted ſomething from the ſtrength of the operations in Tar⯑tary, which was now become the favourite ſcene of the war; or he muſt have altogether ſuſpended the execution of another darling ſcheme, which was literally his own concep⯑tion. There was an iſland in the great Indian ocean, at a conſiderable diſtance from Fatſiſio; and here the [14] Chineſe had a ſtrong ſettlement. Taycho was inflamed with the am⯑bition of reducing this iſland, which was called Thin-quo; and for this purpoſe he reſolved to embark a body of forces which ſhould co-operate with the ſquadron of Fune deſtined to cruize in thoſe latitudes.—The only difficulty that remained was to chooſe a general to direct this enter⯑prize.—He peruſed a liſt of all the military officers in Japan; and as they were all equal in point of repu⯑tation, he began to examine their names, in order to pitch upon that which ſhould appear to be the moſt ſignificant: and in this particular, Taycho was a little ſuperſtitious. Not but that ſurnames, when pro⯑perly beſtowed, might be rendered very uſeful terms of diſtinction: but I muſt tell thee, Peacock, no⯑thing can be more prepoſterouſly abſurd than the practice of inheriting [15] cognomina, which ought ever to be purely perſonal. I would aſk thee, for example, what propriety there was in giving the name Xenophon, which ſignifies one that ſpeaks a fo⯑reign language, to the celebrated Greek who diſtinguiſhed himſelf, not only as a conſummate captain, but alſo as an elegant writer in his mother-tongue? What could be more ridiculous than to deno⯑minate the great philoſopher of Crotona Pythagoras, which implies a ſtinking ſpeech? Or what could be more miſapplied than the name of the weeping philoſopher Hera⯑clitus, ſignifying military glory? The inheritance of ſurnames, among the Romans, produced ſtill more ludi⯑crous conſequences. The beſt and nobleſt families in Rome derived their names from the coarſeſt em⯑ployments, or elſe from the corpo⯑real blemiſhes of their anceſtors. [16] The Piſones were millers: the Cice⯑rones and the Lentuli were ſo called from the vetches and the lentils which their forefathers dealt in. The Fabij were ſo denominated from a dung-pit, in which the firſt of the family was begot by ſtealth in the way of forni⯑cation. A ploughman gave riſe to the great family of the Serrani, the ladies of which always went without ſmocks. The Suilli, the Bubulci, and the Porci, were deſcended from a ſwine-herd, a cow-herd, and a hog⯑butcher.—What could be more diſ⯑graceful than to call the ſenator Strabo, Squintum; or a fine young lady of the houſe of Poeti, Pigſnies? or to diſtinguiſh a matron of the Li⯑mi, by the appellation of Sheep's-eye?—What could be more diſho⯑nourable than to give the ſurname of Snub-noſe to P. Silius, the pro⯑praetor, becauſe his great-great-great-grand-father had a noſe of that [17] make? Ovid, indeed, had a long noſe, and therefore was juſtly de⯑nominated Naſo: but why ſhould Horace be called Flaccus, as if his ears had been ſtretched in the pil⯑lory: I need not mention the Bur⯑rhi, Nigri, Ruſi, Aquilij, and Rutilij, becauſe we have the ſame fooliſh ſurnames in England; and even the Lappa; for I myſelf know a very pretty miſs called Rough-head, tho' in fact there is not a young lady in the Bills of Mortality, who takes more pains to dreſs her hair to the beſt ad⯑vantage. The famous dictator whom the deputies of Rome found at the plough, was known by the name of Cincinnatus, or Ragged-head. Now I leave you to judge how it would found in theſe days, if a footman at the play-houſe ſhould call out, ‘"My Lady Ragged-head's coach. Room for my Lady Ragged-head."’ I am doubt⯑ful whether the Engliſh name of Hale [18] does not come from the Roman cog⯑nomen Hala, which ſignified ſtinking⯑breath. What need I mention the Plauti, Panci, Valgi, Vari, Vatiae, and Scauri; the Tuditani, the Ma⯑lici, Ceneſtellae, and Leccae; in other words, the Splay-foots, Bandy-legs, Shamble-ſhins, Baker-knees, Club⯑foots, Hammer-heads, Chubby-cheeks, Bald-heads, and Letchers.—I ſhall not ſay a word of the Buteo, or Buzzard, that I may not be obliged to ex⯑plain the meaning of the word Tri⯑orchis, from whence it takes its de⯑nomination; yet all thoſe were great families in Rome. But I cannot help taking notice of ſome of the ſame improprieties, which have crept into the language and cuſtoms of this country. Let us ſuppoſe, for example, a foreigner reading an En⯑gliſh news-paper in theſe terms: ‘"Laſt Tueſday the right honourable Timothy Sillyman, ſecretary of ſtate [19] for the Southern department, gave a grand entertainment to the nobility and gentry at his houſe in Knaves⯑acre. The evening was concluded with a ball, which was opened by Sir Samuel Hog and Lady Diana Rough-head.—We hear there is pur⯑poſe of marriage between Mr. Al⯑derman Small-cock and Miſs Harriot Hair-ſtones, a young lady of great fortune and ſuperlative merit.—By the laſt mail from Germany we have certain advice of a compleat victory which General Coward has obtained over the enemy. On this occaſion the general diſplayed all the intrepi⯑dity of the moſt renowned hero:—by the ſame canal we are informed that Lieutenant Little-fear has been broke by a court-martial for cow⯑ardice.—We hear that Edward Weſt, Eſq will be elected preſident of the directors of the Eaſt-India company for the enſuing year. It is reported [20] that Commodore North will be ſent with a ſquadron into the South-Sea.—Captains Eaſt and South are ap⯑pointed by the Lords of the Admiral⯑ty, commanders of two frigates to ſail on the diſcovery of the North-weſt paſſage.—Yeſterday morning Sir John Summer, bart. lay dangerouſly ill at his houſe in Spring-garden: he is attended by Dr. Winter: but there are no hopes of his recovery.—Satur⯑day laſt Philip Froſt, a dealer in Gun⯑powder, died at his houſe on Snow⯑hill, of a high fever caught by overheating himſelf in walking for a wager from No Man's Land to the World's End.—Laſt week Mr. John Fog, teacher of aſtronomy in Rother⯑hith, was married to the widow Fairweather of Puddledock.—We hear from Bath, that on Thurſday laſt a duel was fought on Lanſdown, by Captain Sparrow and Richard Hawke, Eſq in which the latter was [21] mortally wounded.—Friday laſt ended the ſeſſions at the Old Bailey, when the following perſons received ſentence of death. Leonard Lamb, for the murder of Julius Wolf; and Henry Grave, for robbing and aſſault⯑ing Dr. Death, whereby the ſaid Death was put in fear of his life. Giles Goſling, for defrauding Simon Fox of four guineas and his watch, by ſubtle craft, was tranſported for ſeven years; and David Drinkwater was ordered to be ſet in the ſtocks, as an habitual drunkard. The trial of Thomas Green, whitſter at Ful⯑ham, for a rape on the body of Flora White, a mulatto, was put off till next ſeſſions, on account of the abſence of two material evidences, viz. Sarah Brown, clear-ſtarcher of Pimlico, and Anthony Black, ſcarlet⯑dyer of Wandſworth."’ I aſk thee, Peacock, whether a ſenſible foreigner, who underſtood the literal meaning [22] of theſe names, which are all truly Britiſh, would not think ye were a nation of humoriſts, who delighted in croſs-purpoſes and ludicrous ſin⯑gularity? But, indeed, ye are not more abſurd in this particular, than ſome of your neighbours.—I know a Frenchman of the name of Bouvier, which ſignifies Cow-keeper, pique himſelf upon his nobleſſe; and a general called Valavoir, is ſaid to have loſt his life by the whimſical impropriety of his ſurname, which ſignifies ^* Go and ſee.—You may remember an Italian miniſter called Groſſa-teſta, or Great-head, though in fact he had ſcarce any head at all. That nation has, likewiſe, its Sforzas, Malateſtas, Boccanigras, Por⯑cinas, [23] Giudices; its Colonnas, Mura⯑torios, Medicis, and Gozzi; Endea⯑vours, Chuckle-heads, Black Muzzles, Hogs, Judges, Pillars, Maſons, Leeches, and Chubby-chops. Spain has its Almohadas, Girones, Utreras, Urſinas, and Zapatas; ſignifying Cuſhions, Gores, Bullocks, Bears, and Slippers. The Turks, in other reſpects a ſen⯑ſible people, fall into the ſame ex⯑travagance, with reſpect to the inhe⯑ritance of ſurnames. An Armenian merchant, to whom I once belonged at Aleppo, uſed to dine at the houſe of a cook whoſe name was Clock⯑maker; and the handſomeſt Icho⯑glan in the Baſhaw's ſeraglio was ſur⯑named Crook-back.—If we may be⯑lieve the hiſtorian Buck, there was the ſame impropriety in the ſame epithet beſtowed upon Richard III. king of England, who, he ſays, was one of the beſt-made men of the age in which he lived: but here [24] I muſt contradict the ſaid Buck, from my own knowledge. Richard had, undoubtedly, one ſhoulder higher than the other, and his left arm was a little ſhrunk and contracted: but, notwithſtanding the ungracious colours in which he has been drawn by the flatterers of the houſe of Lan⯑caſter, I can aſſure thee, Peacock, that Richard was a prince of a very agree⯑able aſpect, and excelled in every perſonal accompliſhment; neither was his heart a ſtranger to the ſofter paſſions of tenderneſs and pity. The very night that preceded the fatal battle of Boſworth, in which he loſt his life, he went in diſguiſe to the houſe of a farmer in the neighbourhood, to viſit an infant ſon there boarded, who was the fruit of an amour between him and a young lady of the firſt condition. Upon this occaſion, he embraced the child with all the marks of paternal affection, and doubtful of the iſſue [25] of the approaching battle, ſhed a flood of tears at parting from him, after having recommended him to the particular care of his nurſe, to whom he gave money and jewels to a conſiderable value. After the ca⯑taſtrophe of Richard this houſe was plundered, and the nurſe with diffi⯑culty eſcaped to another part of the country; but as the enemies of Rich⯑ard now prevailed, ſhe never durſt reveal the ſecret of the boy's birth; and he was bred up as her own ſon to the trade of brick-laying, in which character he lived and died in an ad⯑vanced age at London.—Moreover, it is but juſtice in me, who conſtituted part of one of Richard's yeomen of the guard, to aſſure thee that this prince was not ſo wicked and cruel as he has been repreſented. The only ſhare he had in the death of his brother Clarence, was his forbearing to in⯑terpoſe in the behalf of that prince [26] with their elder brother king Ed⯑ward IV. who, in fact, was the great⯑eſt brute of the whole family: nei⯑ther did he poiſon his own wife; nor employ aſſaſſins to murder his two nephews in the Tower. Both the boys were given by Tyrrel in charge to a German Jew, with di⯑rections to breed them up as his own children, in a remote country; and the eldeſt died of a fever at Embden, and the other afterwards appeared as claimant of the Engliſh crown:—all the world knows how he finiſhed his career under the name of Per⯑kin Warbeck.—So much for the abuſe of ſurnames, in the inveſtiga⯑tion of which I might have uſed thy own by way of illuſtration; for, if thou and all thy generation were put to the rack, they would not be able to give any tolerable reaſon why thou ſhouldeſt be called Peacock rather than Crablouſe.—But it is now high [27] time to return to the thread of our narration. Taycho, having conſider⯑ed the liſt of officers, without finding one name which implied any active virtue, reſolved that the choice ſhould depend upon accident. He huſtled them all together in his cap, and putting in his hand at random, drew forth that of Hob-nob; a perſon who had grown old in obſcurity, without ever having found an opportunity of being concerned in actual ſervice. His very name was utterly unknown to Fika-kaka; and this circumſtance the orator conſidered as a lucky omen; for the Cuboy had ſuch a remarkable knack at finding out the leaſt qualified ſubjects, and overlook⯑ing merit, his new collegue concluded (not without ſome ſhadow of reaſon) that Hob-nob's being unknown to the prime miniſter, was a ſort of ne⯑gative preſumption in favour of his character. This officer was accord⯑ingly [28] placed at the head of an ar⯑mament, and ſent againſt the iſland of Thin-quo, in the conqueſt of which he was to be ſupported by a ſquadron of Fune already in thoſe latitudes, under the command of the chief He-Rhumn.

The voyage was performed without loſs: the troops were landed without oppoſition. They had already ad⯑vanced towards a riſing-ground which commanded the principal town of the iſland, and He-Rhumn had of⯑fered to land and draw the artillery by the mariners of his ſquadron, when Hob-nob had a dream which diſcon⯑certed all his meaſures. He dream⯑ed that he entertained all the iſland⯑ers in the temple of the White Horſe; and that his own grand-mother did the honours of the table.—Indeed he could not have performed a greater act of charity; for they were literal⯑ly in danger of periſhing by famine. [29] Having conſulted his interpreter on this extraordinary dream, he was gi⯑ven to underſtand that the omen was unlucky; that if he perſiſted in his hoſtilities, he himſelf would be taken priſoner, and offered up as a ſacrifice to the idol of the place. While he ruminated on this unfavourable re⯑ſponſe, the principal inhabitants of the iſland aſſembled, in order to de⯑liberate upon their own deplorable ſituation. They had neither troops, arms, fortifications, nor proviſion, and deſpaired of ſupplies, as the fleet of Japan ſurrounded the iſland. In this emergency, they determined to ſubmit without oppoſition; and appointed a deputation to go and make a tender of the iſland to ge⯑neral Hob-nob. This deputation, preceded by white flags of truce, the Japoneſe commander no ſooner deſ⯑cried, than he thought upon the in⯑terpretation of his dream. He miſ⯑took [30] the deputies with their white flags for the Bonzas of the idol to which he was to be ſacrificed; and, being ſorely troubled in mind, order⯑ed the troops to be immediately re⯑imbarked, notwithſtanding the ex⯑hortations of He-Rhumn, and the remonſtrances of Rha-rin-tumm, the ſecond in command, who uſed a number of arguments to diſſuade him from his purpoſe. The deputies ſeeing the enemy in motion, made a halt, and, after they were fair⯑ly on board, returned to the town, ſinging hymns in praiſe of the idol Fo, who, they imagined, had con⯑founded the underſtanding of the Ja⯑poneſe general.

The attempt upon Thin-quo hav⯑ing thus miſcarried, Hob-nob declar⯑ed he would return to Japan; but was with great difficulty perſuaded by the commander of the Fune and his own ſecond, to make a deſcent [31] upon another iſland belonging to the Chineſe, called Qua-chu, where they aſſured him he would meet with no oppoſition. As he had no dream to deter him from this attempt, he ſuf⯑fered himſelf to be perſuaded, and actually made good his landing: but the horror occaſioned by the appari⯑tion of his grand-mother, had made ſuch an impreſſion upon his mind, as affected the conſtitution of his body. Before he was viſited by an⯑other ſuch viſion, he ſickened and died; and in conſequence of his death, Rha-rin-tumm and He-Rhumn made a conqueſt of the iſland of Qua-Chu, which was much more valu⯑able than Thin-quo, the firſt and ſole object of the expedition.—When the firſt news of this ſecond deſcent ar⯑rived in Japan, the miniſtry were in the utmoſt confuſion. Mr. Orator Taycho did not ſcruple to declare [32] that general Hobnob had miſbehav⯑ed; firſt, in relinquiſhing Thin-quo, upon ſuch a frivolous-pretence as the ſuppoſed apparition of an old wo⯑man; ſecondly, in attempting the conqueſt of another place, which was not ſo much as mentioned in his inſtructions. The truth is, the importance of Qua-chu was not known to the cabinet of Japan. Fika-kaka believed it was ſome place on the continent of Tartary, and ex⯑claimed in a violent paſſion, ‘"Rot the block-head, Hob-nob; he'll have an army of Chineſe on his back in a twinkling!"’ When the preſident Soo-ſan-ſin-o aſſured him that Qua-chu was a rich iſland at an immenſe diſtance from the continent of Tar⯑tary, the Cuboy inſiſted upon kiſſing his excellency's poſteriors for the agreeable information he had recei⯑ved. In a few weeks arrived the [33] tidings of the iſland's being totally reduced by Rha-rin-tumm and He-Rhumn.—Then the conqueſt was publiſhed throughout the empire of Japan with every circumſtance of ex⯑aggeration. The blatant beaſt bray⯑ed applauſe. The rites of Fakku⯑baſi were celebrated with unu⯑ſual ſolemnity; and hymns of tri⯑umph were ſung to the glory of the great Taycho. Even the Cuboy ar⯑rogated to himſelf ſome ſhare of the honour gained by this expedi⯑tion; inaſmuch as the general Rha-rin-tumm was the brother of his friend Mr. Secretary No-bo-dy. Fi⯑ka-kaka gave a grand entertainment at his palace, where he appeared crowned with a garland of the Tſikk⯑buraſiba, or laurel of Japan; and eat ſo much of the ſoup of Joniku or famous Swallow's-neſt, that he was for three days troubled with flatulencies and indigeſtion.

[34] In the midſt of all this feſtivity, the emperor ſtill growled and grum⯑bled about Yeſſo. His new ally Brut-an-tiffi had met with a variety of fortune, and even ſuffered ſome ſhocks, which orator Taycho, with all his art, could not keep from the knowledge of the Dairo.—He had been ſeverely drubbed by the Mant-choux, who had advanced for that purpoſe even to his court-yard: but this was nothing in compariſon to another diſaſter, from which he had a hair-breadth 'ſcape. The Great Khan had employed one of his moſt wily and enterpriſing chiefs to ſeize Brut-an-tiffi by ſurprize, that he might be brought to juſtice, and ex⯑ecuted as a felon and perturbator of the public peace. Kunt-than, who was the partiſan pitched upon for this ſervice, practiſed a thouſand ſtrata⯑gems to decoy Brut-an-tiffi into a careleſs ſecurity; but he was ſtill [35] baffled by the vigilance of Yam-a-Kheit, a famous ſoldier of fortune, who had engaged in the ſervice of the outlawed Tartar. At length the opportunity offered, when this cap⯑tain was ſent out to lay the country under contribution. Then Kunt-than marching ſolely in the dead of night, caught Brut-an-tiffi napping. He might have ſlain him upon the ſpot; but his orders were to take him alive, that he might be made a public ex⯑ample; accordingly, his centinels be⯑ing diſpatched, he was pulled out of bed, and his hands were already tied with cords, like thoſe of a common malefactor, when, by his roaring and bellowing, he gave the alarm to Yam-a-Kheit, who chanced to be in the neighbourhood, returning from his excurſion.—He made all the haſte he could, and came up in the very nick of time to ſave his maſter. He fell upon the party of Kunt-than [36] with ſuch fury, that they were fain to quit their prey: then he cut the fetters of Brut-an-tiffi, who took to his heels and fled with incredible expedition, leaving his preſerver in the midſt of his enemies, by whom he was overpowered, ſtruck from his horſe, and trampled to death. The grateful Tartar not only deſert⯑ed this brave captain in ſuch extre⯑mity, but he alſo took care to aſ⯑perſe his memory, by inſinuating that Yam-a-Kheit had undertaken to watch him while he took his repoſe, and had himſelf fallen aſleep upon his poſt, by which neglect of duty the Oſtrog had been enabled to pe⯑netrate into his quarters. 'Tis an ill wind that blows no-body good:—the ſame diſaſter that deprived him of a good officer, afforded him an opportunity to ſhift the blame of ne⯑glect from his own ſhoulders to thoſe of a perſon who could not anſwer for [37] himſelf.—In the ſame manner, your general A—y acquitted himſelf of the charge of miſconduct for the at⯑tack of T—a, by accuſing his engineer, who, having fallen in the battle, could not contradict his aſ⯑ſertion. In regard to the affair with the Mantchoux, Brut-an-tiffi was reſolved to ſwear truth out of Tar⯑tary by meer dint of impudence. In the very article of running away, he began to propagate the report of the great victory he had obtained. He ſent the Dairo a circumſtantial detail of his own proweſs, and ex⯑patiated upon the cowardice of the Mantchoux, who he ſaid had vaniſh⯑ed from him like quick-ſilver, at the very time when they were quietly poſſeſſed of the field of battle, and he himſelf was calling upon the moun⯑tains to cover him. It muſt have been in imitation of this great origi⯑nal, that the Inſpector, of tympani⯑tical [38] memory, aſſured the public in one of his lucubrations, that a cer⯑tain tall Hibernian was afraid of looking him in the face; becauſe the ſaid poltroon had kicked his breech the night before in preſence of five hundred people.

Fortune had now abandoned the Chineſe in good earneſt. Two ſquadrons of their Fune had been ſucceſſively taken, deſtroyed, or diſ⯑perſed, by the Japoneſe commanders Or-nbos and Faſ-khan; and they had loſt ſuch a number of ſingle junks, that they were ſcarce able to keep the ſea. On the coaſt of Africa they were driven from the ſettle⯑ment of Kho-rhé, by the com⯑mander Kha-fell. In the extremity of Aſia, they had an army totally defeated by the Japoneſe captain Khutt-whang, and many of their ſettlements were taken. In Fat⯑ſiſio, they loſt another battle to [39] Yan-oni, and divers ſtrong holds. In the neighbourhood of Yeſſo, Bron⯑xi-tic, who commanded the merce⯑nary army of Japan on that conti⯑nent, had been obliged to retreat before the Chineſe from poſt to pil⯑lar, till at length he found it abſo⯑lutely neceſſary to maintain his po⯑ſition, even at the riſque of being at⯑tacked by the enemy, that outnum⯑bered him greatly. He choſe an advantageous poſt, where he thought himſelf ſecure, and went to ſleep at his uſual time of reſt. The Chi⯑neſe-general reſolving to beat up his quarters in the night, ſelected a body of horſe for that purpoſe, and put them in motion accordingly. It was happy for Bron-xi-tic that this detachment fell upon a quarter where there happened to be a kennel of Japoneſe dogs, which are as famous as the bull-dogs of England. Theſe animals, ever on the watch, not only [40] gave the alarm, but at the ſame time fell upon the Chineſe horſes with ſuch impetuoſity, that the ene⯑my were diſordered, and had actu⯑ally fled before Bron-xi-tic could bring up his troops to action. All that he ſaw of the battle, when he came up, was a ſmall number of killed and wounded, and the cavalry of the enemy ſcampering off in con⯑fuſion, tho' at a great diſtance from the field. No matter;—he found means to paint this famous battle of Myn-than in ſuch colours as dazzled the weak eye-ſight of the Japoneſe monſter, which bellowed hoarſe ap⯑plauſe through all its throats; and in its hymns of triumph equalled Bron-xi-tic even to the unconquer⯑able Brut-an-tiffi, which laſt, about this time, received at his own door another beating from the Mant⯑choux, ſo ſevere that he lay for ſome time without exhibiting any ſigns of [41] life; and, indeed, owed his ſafety to a very extraordinary circumſtance. An Oſtrog chief called Llha-dahn, who had reinforced the Mantchoux with a very conſiderable body of horſe before the battle, inſiſted up⯑on carrying off the carcaſe of Brut-an-tiffi, that it might be hung up on a gibbet in terrorem, before the pa⯑vilion of the great Khan. The general of the Mantchoux, on the other hand, declared he would have it flayed upon the ſpot, and the ſkin ſent as a trophy to his ſovereign. This diſpute produced a great deal of abuſe betwixt thoſe barbarians; and it was with great difficulty ſome of their inferior chiefs, who were wiſer than themſelves, prevented them from going by the ears to⯑gether. In a word, the confu⯑ſion and anarchy that enſued, afford⯑ed an opportunity to one of Brut-an-tiffi's partiſans to ſteal away the [42] body of his maſter, whom the noiſe of the conteſt had juſt rouſed from his ſwoon. Llha-dahn perceiving he was gone, rode off in diſguſt with all his cavalry; and the Mantchoux, inſtead of following the blow, made a retrograde motion towards their own country, which allowed Brut-an-tiffi time to breathe. Three ſucceſſive diſaſters of this kind would have been ſufficient to lower the military character of any warrior, in the opi⯑nion of any public that judged from their own ſenſes and reflexion: but, by this time, the Japoneſe had quiet⯑ly reſigned all their natural percep⯑tions, and paid the moſt implicit faith to every article broached by their apoſtle Taycho. The more it ſeemed to contradict common rea⯑ſon and common evidence, the more greedily was it ſwallowed as a myſ⯑terious dogma of the political creed. Taycho then aſſured them that the [43] whole army of the Mantchoux was put to the ſword; and that Bron-xi-tic would carry the war within three weeks, into the heart of Chi⯑na; he gave them goblets of horſe⯑blood from Myn-than; and tickled their ears and their noſes: they ſnorted approbation, licked his toes, and ſunk into a profound lethargy.

From this, however, they were ſoon arrouſed by unwelcome tidings from Fatſiſio. Yaff-rai had proceeded in his route until he was ſtopped by a vaſt lake, which he could not poſ⯑ſibly traverſe without boats, cork⯑jackets, or ſome ſuch expedient, which could not be ſupplied for that campaign. Ya-loff had ſailed up the river to Quib-quab, which he found ſo ſtrongly fortified by nature, that it ſeemed raſhneſs even to at⯑tempt a landing, eſpecially in the face of an enemy more numerous than his own detachment. Land, however, [44] he did, and even attacked a forti⯑fied camp of the Chineſe; but, in ſpite of all his efforts, he was repul⯑ſed with conſiderable ſlaughter. He ſent an account of this miſcarriage to Taycho, giving him to underſtand, at the ſame time, that he had receiv⯑ed no intelligence of Yaff-rai's mo⯑tions; that his troops were greatly diminiſhed; that the ſeaſon was too far advanced to keep the field much longer; and that nothing was left them but a choice of difficulties, every one of which ſeemed more inſurmount⯑able than another. Taycho having deliberated on this ſubject, thought it was neceſſary to prepare the mon⯑ſter for the worſt that could hap⯑pen, as he now expected to hear by the firſt opportunity, that the grand expedition of Fatſiſio had to⯑tally miſcarried. He reſolved there⯑fore to throw the blame upon the ſhoulders of Ya-loff and Yaff-rai, [45] and ſtigmatize them as the creatures of Fika-kaka, who had neither abi⯑lity to comprehend the inſtructions he had given, nor reſolution to exe⯑cute the plan he had projected. For this purpoſe he aſcended the roſ⯑trum, and with a rueful length of face opened his harangue upon the defeat of Ya-loff. The Hydra no ſooner underſtood that the troops of Japan had been diſcomfited, than it was ſeized with a kind of hyſteric fit, and uttered a yell ſo loud and horrible, that the blind-fold Dairo trembled in the moſt internal receſſes of his palace: the Cuboy Fika-kaka had ſuch a profuſe evacuation, that the diſcharge is ſaid to have weighed five Boll-ah, equal to eight and forty pounds three ounces and two penny⯑weight averdupois of Great-Britain. Even Taycho himſelf was diſcom⯑poſed.—In vain he preſented the draught of yeaſt, and the goblet [46] of blood:—in vain his pipers ſooth⯑ed the ears, and his tall fellows tickled the noſe of the blatant beaſt. It continued to howl and grin, and gnaſh its teeth, and writhe itſelf in⯑to a thouſand contortions, as if it had been troubled with that twiſting of the guts called the iliac paſſion. Tay⯑cho began to think its caſe deſperate, and ſent for the Dairo's chief phy⯑ſician, who preſcribed a glyſter of the diſtilled ſpirit analogous to your Geneva; but no apothecary nor old woman in Meaco would un⯑dertake to adminiſter it on any con⯑ſideration, the patient was ſuch a filthy, aukward, lubberly, unma⯑nageable beaſt.—‘"If what comes from its mouths (ſaid they) be ſo foul, virulent, and peſtilential, how nauſeous, poiſonous, and intolerable muſt that be which takes the other courſe?"’—When Taycho's art and foreſight were at a ſtand, accident [47] came to his aſſiſtance. A courier arrived, preceded by twelve poſtilions blowing horns; and he brought the news that Quib-quab was taken. The orator commanded them to place their horns within as many of the monſter's long ears, and blow with all their might, until it ſhould exhibit ſome ſigns of hearing. The experi⯑ment ſucceeded. The Hydra waking from its trance, opened its eyes; and Taycho ſeizing this opportunity, hollowed in his loudeſt tone, ‘"Quib-quab is taken."’ This note being re⯑peated, the beaſt ſtarted up; then, raiſing itſelf on its hind legs, began to wag its tail, to friſk and fawn, to lick Taycho's ſweaty ſocks: in fine, crouching on its belly, it took the orator on its back, and proceeding through the ſtreets of Meaco, brayed aloud, ‘"Make way for the divine Taycho! Make way for the con⯑queror of Quib-quab!"’—But the gal⯑lant [48] Ya-loff, the real conqueror of Quib-quab, was no more.—He fell in the battle by which the conqueſt was atchieved, yet not before he ſaw victory declare in his favour. He had made incredible efforts to ſurmount the difficulties that ſurrounded him. At length he found means to ſcale a perpendicular rock, which the enemy had left unguarded, on the ſuppoſi⯑tion that nature had made it inac⯑ceſſible. This exploit was perform⯑ed in the night, and in the morn⯑ing the Chineſe ſaw his troops drawn up in order of battle on the plains of Quib-quab. As their numbers greatly exceeded the Japoneſe, they did not decline the trial; and in a little time both armies were engag⯑ed. The conteſt, however, was not of long duration, tho' it proved fatal to the general on each ſide.—Ya-loff being ſlain, the command devolved up⯑on Tohn-ſyn, who purſued the enemy [49] to the walls of Quib-quab, which was next day ſurrendered to him by capi⯑tulation. Nothing was now ſeen and heard in the capital but jubilee, tri⯑umph, and intoxication; and, indeed, the nation had not for ſome centu⯑ries, ſeen ſuch an occaſion for joy and ſatisfaction. The only perſon that did not heartily rejoice was the Dairo Got-hama-baba. By this time he was ſo Tartariſed, that he grudged his ſubjects every advantage obtain⯑ed in Fatſiſio; and when Fika-kaka hobbled up to him with the news of the victory, inſtead of ſaluting him with the kick of approbation, he turned his back upon him, ſay⯑ing ‘"Boh! boh! What do you tell me of Quib-quab? The damned Chineſe are ſtill on the frontiers of Yeſſo."’ As to the beaſt, it was doomed to undergo a variety of agi⯑tation. Its preſent gambols were in⯑terrupted by a freſh alarm from Chi⯑na. [50] It was reported that two great ar⯑maments were equipped for a double deſcent upon the dominions of Japan: that one of theſe had already ſailed north about for the iſland of Xicoco, to make a diverſion in favour of the other, which, being the moſt conſi⯑derable, was deſigned for the ſou⯑thern coaſt of Japan. Theſe tidings, which were not without foundation, had ſuch an effect upon the multi⯑tudinous monſter, that it was firſt of all ſeized with an univerſal ſhiver⯑ing. Its teeth chattered ſo loud, that the ſound was heard at the diſtance of half a league; and for ſome time it was ſtruck dumb. During this paroxyſm it crawled ſilently on its belly to a ſand-hill juſt without the walls of Meaco, and began to ſcratch the earth with great eagerneſs and perſeverance. Some people imagined it was digging for gold: but the truth is, the beaſt was making a hole [51] to hide itſelf from the enemy, whom it durſt not look in the face; for, it muſt be obſerved of this beaſt, it was equally timorous and cruel; equally cowardly and inſolent.—So hard it laboured at this cavern, that it had actually burrowed itſelf all but the tail, when its good angel Taycho whiſtled it out, with the news of another compleat victory gained over the Chineſe at ſea, by the Sey-ſeo-gun Phal-khan, who had ſure enough diſcomfited or de⯑ſtroyed the great armament of the ene⯑my. As for the other ſmall ſquadron which had ſteered a northerly courſe to Xicoco, it was encountered, de⯑feated, taken, and brought into the harbours of Japan, by three light Fune, under the command of a young chief called Hel-y-otte, who happen⯑ed to be cruiſing on that part of the coaſt.—The beaſt hearing Taycho's auſpicious whiſtle, crept out with its [52] buttocks foremoſt, and having done him homage in the uſual ſtile, be⯑gan to react its former extravagan⯑ces. It now conſidered this dema⯑gogue as the ſupreme giver of all good, and adored him accordingly. The apoſtle Bupo was no longer in⯑voked. The temple of Fakkubaſi was almoſt forgotten; and the Bonzas were univerſally deſpiſed. The praiſe of the prophet Taycho had ſwallow⯑ed up all other worſhip.—Let us en⯑quire how far he merited this ado⯑ration: how juſtly the unparalleled ſucceſs of this year was aſcribed to his conduct and ſagacity. Kho-rhé was taken by Kha-fell, and Quib-quab by Ya-loff and Thon-ſyn. By land, the Chineſe were defeated in Fatſiſio by Yan-o-ni; in the extre⯑mity of Aſia, by Khutt-whang; and in Tartary, by the Japoneſe bull-dogs, without command or direction. At ſea one of their ſquadrons had been [53] deſtroyed by Or-nbos; a ſecond by Faſ-khan; a third was taken by Hel-y-otte; a fourth was worſted and put to flight in three ſucceſſive engage⯑ments near the land of Kamt⯑ſchatka, by the chief Bha-kakh; and their grand armament defeated by the Sey-ſeo-gun Phal-khan. But Kha-fell was a ſtranger to orator Taycho: Ya-loff he had never ſeen: the bull-dogs had been collected at random from the ſhambles of Meaco: he had never heard of Yan-o-ni's name, till he diſtinguiſhed himſelf by his firſt victory; nor did he know there was any ſuch perſon as Khutt-whang ex⯑iſting. As for Or-nbos, Faſ-khan, Phal-khan, and Bha-kakh, they had been Sey-ſeo-guns in conſtant em⯑ployment under the former admini⯑ſtration; and the youth Hel-y-otte owed his promotion to the intereſt of his own family.—But it may be alledged, that Taycho projected in [54] his cloſet thoſe plans that were crown⯑ed with ſucceſs.—We have ſeen how he mutilated and frittered the origi⯑nal ſcheme of the campaign in Fat⯑ſiſio, ſo as to leave it at the caprice of Fortune. The reduction of Kho-rhé was part of the deſign formed by the Banyan Thum-khumm-qua, which Taycho did all that lay in his power to render abortive. The plan of operati⯑ons in the extremity of Tartary, he did not pretend to meddle with;—it was the concern of the officers appointed by the trading company there ſettled: and as to the advantages obtained at ſea, they naturally reſulted from the diſpoſition of cruiſes, made and regu⯑lated by the board of Sey-ſeo-gun-ſealty, with which no miniſter ever interfered. He might, indeed, have recalled the chiefs and officers whom he found already appointed when he took the reins of adminiſtration, and filled their places with others of [55] his own chooſing. How far he was qualified to make ſuch a choice, and plan new expeditions, appears from the adventures of the generals he did appoint; Moria-tanti, who was deterred from landing by a perſpec⯑tive view of whiſkers; Hylib-bib, who left his rear in the lurch; and Hob-nob, who made ſuch a maſter⯑ly retreat from the ſuppoſed Bonzas of Thin-quo.—Theſe three were li⯑terally commanders of his own crea⯑tion, employed in executing ſchemes of his own projecting; and theſe three were the only generals he made, and the only military plans he pro⯑jected, if we except the grand ſcheme of ſubſidizing Brut-an-tiffi, and form⯑ing an army of one hundred thouſand men in Tartary, for the defence of the farm of Yeſſo.—Things being ſo cir⯑cumſtanced, it may be eaſily conceiv⯑ed that the Orator could aſk nothing which the Mobile would venture to [56] refuſe; and indeed he tried his influ⯑ence to the utmoſt ſtretch; he milk⯑ed the dugs of the monſter till the blood came. For the ſervice of the enſuing year, he ſqueezed from them near twelve millions of obans, amount⯑ing to near twenty-four millions ſter⯑ling, about four times as much as had ever been raiſed by the empire of Japan in any former war. But, by this time, Taycho was become not only a convert to the ſyſtem of Tartary, which he had formerly per⯑ſecuted, but alſo an enthuſiaſt in love and admiration of Brut-an-tiffi, who had lately ſent him his poetical works in a preſent. This, however, would have been of no uſe, as he could not read them, had not he diſco⯑vered they were printed on a very fine, ſoft, ſmooth Chineſe paper made of ſilk, which he happily converted to another fundamental purpoſe. In return for this compliment, the Ora⯑tor [57] ſent him a bullock's horn bound with braſs, value fifteen pence, which had long ſerved him as a pitch-pipe when he made harangues to the Mo⯑bile;—it was the ſame kind of inſtru⯑ment which Horace deſcribes; Tibia vincta orichalco: and pray take no⯑tice, Peacock, this was the only pre⯑ſent Taycho ever beſtowed on any man, woman, or child, through the whole courſe of his life, I mean out of his own pocket; for he was ex⯑tremely liberal of the public money, in his ſubſidies to the Tartar chiefs, and in the proſecution of the war upon that continent. The Orator was a genius ſelf-taught without the help of human inſtitution. He affected to undervalue all men of lite⯑rary talents; and the only book he ever read with any degree of plea⯑ſure, was a collection of rhapſodies preached by one Ab-ren-thi, an ob⯑ſcure fanatic Bonza, a native of the [58] iſland Xicoco. Certain it is, Na⯑ture ſeemed to have produced him for the ſole purpoſe of faſcinating the mob, and endued him with faculties accordingly.

Notwithſtanding all his efforts in behalf of the Tartarian ſcheme, the Chineſe ſtill lingered on the frontiers of Yeſſo. The views of the court of Pekin exactly coincided with the intereſt of Bron-xi-tic, the mercenary general of Japan. The Chineſe, con⯑founded at the unheard-of ſucceſs of the Japoneſe in Fatſiſio and other parts of the globe, and extremely mortified at the deſtruction of their fleets and the ruin of their com⯑merce, ſaw no other way of diſtreſ⯑ſing the enemy, but that of prolong⯑ing the war on the continent of Tar⯑tary, which they could ſupport for little more than their ordinary ex⯑pence; whereas Japan could not main⯑tain it without contracting yearly im⯑menſe [59] loads of debt, which muſt have cruſhed it at the long-run. It was the buſineſs of the Chineſe, therefore, not to finiſh the war in Tartary by taking the farm of Yeſſo, becauſe, in that caſe, the annual expence of it would have been ſaved to Japan; but to keep it alive by forced marches, praedatory excurſions, and undeciſive actions; and this was preciſely the intereſt of general Bron-xi-tic, who in the continuance of the war en⯑joyed the continuance of all his emo⯑luments. All that he had to do, then, was to furniſh Taycho from time to time with a caſk of human blood, for the entertainment of the blatant beaſt; and to ſend over a few horſe-tails, as trophies of pretended victories, to be waved before the monſter in its holiday proceſſions. He and the Chineſe general ſeemed to act in concert. They advanced and retreated in their turns betwixt [60] two given lines, and the campaign al⯑ways ended on the ſame ſpot where it began. The only difference be⯑tween them was in the motives of their conduct; the Chineſe commander acted for the benefit of his ſovereign, and Bron-xi-tic acted for his own.

The continual danger to which the farm of Yeſſo was expoſed, pro⯑duced ſuch apprehenſions and cha⯑grin in the mind of the Dairo Got-hama-baba, that his health began to decline. He neglected his food and his rattle, and no longer took any pleaſure in kicking the Cuboy. He frequently muttered ejaculations about the farm of Yeſſo: nay, once or twice in the tranſports of his im⯑patience, he pulled the bandage from his eyes, and curſed Taycho in the Tartarian language. At length he fell into a lethargy, and even when rouſed a little by bliſters and cauſ⯑tics, ſeemed inſenſible of every thing [61] that was done about him. Theſe bliſters were raiſed by burning the moxa upon his ſcalp. The powder of menoki was alſo injected in a glyſter; and the operation of acu⯑puncture, called Senkei, performed without effect. His diſorder was ſo ſtubborn, that the Cuboy began to think he was bewitched, and ſuſ⯑pected Taycho of having practiſed ſorcery on his ſovereign. He com⯑municated this ſuſpicion to Mura⯑clami, who ſhook his head, and ad⯑viſed that, with the Orator's good leave, the council ſhould be conſult⯑ed. Taycho, who had gained an ab⯑ſolute empire over the mind of the Dairo, and could not foreſee how his intereſt might ſtand with his ſucceſ⯑ſor, was heartily diſpoſed to concur in any ſeaſible experiment for the recovery of Got-hama-baba: he therefore conſented that the mouths of the council ſhould be unpadlock⯑ed [62] pro hac vice, and the members were aſſembled without delay; with this ex⯑preſs proviſo, however, that they were to confine their deliberations to the ſubject of the Dairo and his diſtemper. By this time the phyſicians had diſ⯑covered the cauſe of the diſorder, which was no other than his being ſtung by a poiſonous inſect produced in the land of Yeſſo, analogous to the tarantula, which is ſaid to do ſo much miſchief in ſome parts of Apuglia, as we are told by Aelian, Epiphanius Ferdinandus, and Baglivi. In both caſes the only effectual reme⯑dy was muſic; and now the council was called to determine what ſort of muſic ſhould be adminiſtered. You muſt know, Peacock, the Japoneſe are but indifferently ſkilled in this art, tho', in general, they affect to be connoiſſeurs. They are utterly igno⯑rant of the theory, and in the prac⯑tice are excelled by all their neigh⯑bours, [63] the Tartars not excepted. For my own part, I ſtudied muſic under Pythagoras at Crotona. He found the ſcale of ſeven tones imperfect, and added the octave as a fixed, ſen⯑ſible, and intelligent termination of an interval, which included every poſſible diviſion, and determined all the relative differences of ſounds: beſides, he taught us how to expreſs the octave by ½, &c. &c. But why ſhould I talk to thee of the an⯑tient digramma, the genera, &c. of muſic, which with their colours, were conſtructed by a diviſion of the diateſſaron. Thou art too dull and ignorant to comprehend the chro⯑matic ſpecies, the conſtruction of the tetrachord, the Phrygian, the Ly⯑dian, and other modes of the antient muſic: and for diſtinction of ear, thou mighteſt be juſtly ranked among the braying tribe that graze along the ditches of Tottenham-court or Hock⯑ley-i'the-hole. [64] I know that nothing exhilarates thy ſpirits ſo much as a ſo⯑nata on the ſalt-box, or a concert of marrow-bones and cleavers. The ears of the Japoneſe were much of the ſame texture; and their muſic was ſuited to their ears. They neither excelled in the melopoeia, and rythm or ca⯑dence; nor did they know any thing of the true ſcience of harmony, com⯑poſitions in parts, and thoſe combi⯑nations of ſounds, the invention of which, with the improvement of the ſcale, is erroneouſly aſcribed to a Be⯑nedictine monk. The truth is, the antients underſtood compoſition per⯑fectly well. Their ſcale was found⯑ed upon perfect conſonances: they were remarkably nice in temper⯑ing ſounds, and had reduced their intervals and concords to mathemati⯑cal demonſtration.

But, to return to the council of Twenty-eight, they convened in the [65] ſame apartment where the Dairo lay; and as the buſineſs was to de⯑termine what kind of muſic was moſt likely to make an impreſſion upon his organs, every member came pro⯑vided with his expedient. Firſt and foremoſt, Mr. Orator Taycho pro⯑nounced an oration upon the excel⯑lences of the land of Yeſſo, of ener⯑gy (as the Cuboy ſaid) ſufficient to draw the moon from her ſphere; it drew nothing, however, from the patient but a ſingle groan: then the Fatzman cauſed a drum to beat, without producing any effect at all upon the Dairo; tho' it deprived the whole council of their hearing for ſome time. The third eſſay was made by Fika-kaka; firſt with a rat⯑tle, and then with tongs and grid⯑iron, which laſt was his favourite muſic; but here it failed, to his great ſurprize and conſternation. Sti⯑phi-rum-poo brought the crier of his [66] court to promulgate a decree againſt Yeſſo, in a voice that is wont to make the culprit tremble; but the Dairo was found Ignoramus. Nin-com-poo-po blew a blaſt with a kind of boatſwain's whiſtle, which diſcom⯑poſed the whole audience without af⯑fecting the emperor. Fokh—ſi—rokhu ſaid he would try his im⯑perial majeſty with a ſound which he had always been known to pre⯑fer to every other ſpecies of muſic; and pulling out a huge purſe of golden obans, began to chink them in his ear.—This experiment ſo far ſucceeded, that the Dairo was perceived to ſmile, and even to con⯑tract one hand: but further effect it had none. At laſt Gotto-mio ſtart⯑ing up, threw a ſmall quantity of aurum fulminans into the fire, which went off with ſuch an exploſion, that in the ſame inſtant Fika-kaha fell flat upon his face, and Got-hama-baba [67] ſtarted upright in his bed. This, however, was no more than a convulſion that put an end to his life; for he fell back again, and ex⯑pired in the twinkling of an eye.—As for the Cuboy, tho' he did not die, he underwent a ſurpriſing tranſ⯑formation or metamorphoſis, which I ſhall record in due ſeaſon.

Taycho was no ſooner certified that Got-hama-baba had actually breathed his laſt, than he vaniſhed from the council in the twinkling of an eye, and mounting the beaſt whoſe name is Legion, rode full ſpeed to the habitation of Gio-gio, the ſuc⯑ceſſor and deſcendant of the deceaſed Dairo.—Gio-gio was a young prince who had been induſtriouſly ſequeſtered from the public view, and excluded from all ſhare in the affairs of ſtate by the jealouſy of the [68] laſt emperor.—He lived retired un⯑der the wings of his grand-mother, and had divers preceptors to teach him the rudiments of every art but the art of reigning. Of all thoſe who ſuperintended his education, he who inſinuated himſelf the fartheſt in his favour, was one Yak-ſtrot, from the mountains of Ximo, who valued him⯑ſelf much upon the antient blood that ran in his veins, and ſtill more upon his elevated ideas of patriot⯑iſm. Yak-ſtrot was honeſt at bot⯑tom, but proud, reſerved, vain, and affected. He had a turn for nick-nacks and gim-cracks, and once made and mounted an iron jack and a wooden clock with his own hands. But it was his misfortune to ſet up for a connoiſſeur in paint⯑ing and other liberal arts, and to an⯑nounce himſelf an univerſal patron of genius. He did not fail to infuſe [69] his own notions and conceits into the tender mind of Gio-gio, who gradu⯑ally imbibed his turn of thinking, and followed the ſtudies which he recommended.—With reſpect to his leſſons on the art of government, he reduced them to a very few ſim⯑ple principles.—His maxims were theſe: That the emperor of Japan ought to cheriſh the eſtabliſhed re⯑ligion, both by precept and exam⯑ple; that he ought to aboliſh cor⯑ruption, diſcourage faction, and balance the two parties by admitting an equal number from each, to places and offices of truſt in the adminiſtra⯑tion: that he ſhould make peace as ſoon as poſſible, even in deſpite of the public, which ſeemed inſenſible of the burthen it ſuſtained, and was indeed growing delirious by the il⯑luſions of Taycho, and the cruel eva⯑cuations he had preſcribed: that he ſhould retrench all ſuperfluous ex⯑pence [70] in his houſhold and govern⯑ment, and detach himſelf intirely from the accurſed farm of Yeſſo, which ſome evil genius had fixed upon the breech of Japan, as a cancerous ulcer thro' which all her blood and ſubſtance would be diſcharged. Theſe maxims were generally juſt enough in ſpecu⯑lation, but ſome of them were alto⯑gether impracticable;—for example, that of forming an adminiſtration equally compoſed of the two ſac⯑tions, was as abſurd as it would be to yoke two ſtone-horſes and two jack-aſſes in the ſame carriage, which, inſtead of drawing one way, would do nothing but bite and kick one another, while the machine of go⯑vernment would ſtand ſtock-ſtill, or perhaps be torn in pieces by their dragging in oppoſite directions.—The people of Japan had been long divided between two inveterate par⯑ties known by the names of Shit-tilk-umſ-heit, [71] and She-it-kumſ-hi-til, the firſt ſignifying more fool than knave; and the other, more knave than fool. Each had predominated in its turn, by ſecuring a majority in the aſſem⯑blies of the people; for the majori⯑ty had always intereſt to force them⯑ſelves into the adminiſtration; be⯑cauſe the conſtitution being partly democratic, the Dairo was ſtill obliged to truckle to the prevailing faction.—To obtain this majority, each ſide had employed every art of corruption, calumny, inſinuation, and prieſt-craft; for nothing is ſuch an effectual ferment in all po⯑pular commotions as religious fana⯑ticiſm.—No ſooner one party ac⯑compliſhed its aim than it repro⯑bated the other, branding it with the epithets of traitors to their country, or traitors to their prince; while the minority retorted upon them the charge of corruption, ra⯑paciouſneſs, [72] and abject ſervility. In ſhort, both parties were equally abu⯑ſive, rancorous, uncandid, and illi⯑beral. Taycho had been of both factions more than once.—He made his firſt appearance as a Shi-tilk-umſ-heit in the minority, and diſplayed his talent for ſcurrility againſt the Dairo to ſuch advantage, that an old rich hag, who loved nothing ſo well as money, except the gra⯑tification of her revenge, made him a preſent of five thouſand obans, on condition he ſhould continue to revile the Dairo till his dying⯑day.—After her death, the miniſ⯑try, intimidated by the boldneſs of his tropes, and the fame he be⯑gan to acquire as a mal-content orator, made him ſuch offers as he thought proper to accept; and then he turned She-it-kumſ-hi-til.—Being diſguſted in the ſequel, at his own want of importance in the [73] council, he opened once more at the head of his old friends the Shi-tilk-umſ-hitites; and once more he de⯑ſerted them to rule the roaſt, as chief of the She-it-kumſ-hi-tilites, in which predicament he now ſtood. And, in⯑deed, this was the moſt natural poſ⯑ture in which he could ſtand; for this party embraced all the ſcum of the people, conſtituting the blatant beaſt, which his talents were ſo peculiarly adapted to manage and go⯑vern. Another impracticable maxim of Yak-ſtrot, was the abolition of corruption, the ordure of which is as neceſſary to anoint the wheels of government in Japan, as greaſe is to ſmear the axle-tree of a loaded wag⯑gon. His third impolitic (tho' not impracticable) maxim, was that of making peace while the populace were intoxicated with the ſteams of blood, and elated with the ſhews of triumph. Be that as it will, Gio⯑gio, [74] attended by Yak-ſtrot, was draw⯑ing plans of windmills, when Orator Taycho, opening the door, advanced towards him, and falling on his knees, addreſſed him in theſe words: ‘"The empire of Japan (magnanimous prince!) reſembles at this inſtant, a benighted traveller, who by the light of the ſtar Heſperus continued his journey without repining, until that glorious luminary ſetting, left him bewildered in darkneſs and con⯑ſternation: but ſcarce had he time to bewail his fate, when the more glorious ſun, the ruler of a freſh day, appearing on the tops of the Eaſ⯑tern hills, diſpelled his terrors with the ſhades of night, and filled his ſoul with tranſports of pleaſure and de⯑light. The illuſtrious Got-hama-baba, of honoured memory, is the glorious ſtar which hath ſet on our hemiſphere.—His ſoul, which took wing about two hours ago, is now [75] happily neſtled in the boſom of the bleſſed Bupo; and you, my prince, are the more glorious riſing ſun, whoſe genial influence will chear the empire, and gladden the hearts of your faithful Japoneſe.—I therefore hail your ſucceſſion to the throne, and cry aloud, Long live the ever-glorious Gio-gio, emperor of the three iſlands of Japan."’ To this ſalutation the beaſt below brayed hoarſe applauſe; and all preſent kiſſed the hand of the new emperor, who, kneeling before his venerable grandame, craved her bleſſing, deſiring the benefit of her prayers, that God would make him a good king, and eſtabliſh his throne in righteouſneſs. Then he aſcended his chariot, accompanied by the Orator and his beloved Yak-ſtrot, and proceeding to the palace of Meaco, was proclaimed with the uſual ceremonies, his relation the Fatz-man and other princes of [76] the blood aſſiſting on this occaſion.

The firſt ſtep he took after his eleva⯑tion, was to publiſh a decree, or rather exhortation, to honour religion and the Bonzes; and this was no impolitic expedient: for it firmly attached that numerous and powerful tribe to his intereſt. His next meaſures did not ſeem to be directed by the ſame ſpi⯑rit of diſcretion. He admitted a parcel of raw boys, and even ſome individuals of the faction of Shi-tilk-umſ-heit into his council; and though Taycho ſtill continued to manage the reins of adminiſtration, Yak-ſtrot was aſſociated with him in office, to the great ſcandal and diſſatisfaction of the Niphonites, who hate all the Xi⯑mians with a mixture of jealouſy and contempt.

Fika-kaka was not the laſt who payed his reſpects to his new ſo⯑vereign, by whom he was graci⯑ouſly received, altho' he did not ſeem quite ſatisfied; becauſe when [77] he preſented himſelf in his uſual at⯑titude, he had not received the kick of approbation. New reigns, new cuſtoms: This Dairo never dreamed of kicking thoſe whom he delighted to honour.—It was a ſecret of ſtate which had not yet come to his knowledge; and Yak-ſtrot had al⯑ways aſſured him, that kicking the breech always and every-where im⯑plied diſgrace, as kicking the parts before, betokens ungovernable paſſion. Yak-ſtrot, however, in this particu⯑lar, ſeems to have been too confined in his notions of the etiquette: for it had been the cuſtom time imme⯑morial for the Dairos of Japan to kick their favourites and prime miniſters. Beſides, there are at this day diffe⯑rent ſorts of kicks uſed even in Eng⯑land, without occaſioning any diſho⯑nour to the Kickee.—It is ſome⯑times a misfortune to be kicked out of place, but no diſhonour. A man [78] is often kicked up in the way of pre⯑ferment, in order that his place may be given to a perſon of more intereſt. Then there is the amorous kick, called Kick 'um, Jenny, which every gallant undergoes with pleaſure: hence the old Engliſh appellation of Kickſy-wickſy, beſtowed on a wanton leman who knew all her paces. As for the familiar kick, it is no other than a mark of friendſhip: nor is it more diſhonourable to be cuffed and cudgelled. Every body knows that the alapa or box o' the ear, among the Romans, was a particular mark of favour by which their ſlaves were made free; and the favourite gla⯑diator, when he obtained his diſmiſ⯑ſion from the ſervice, was honoured with a found cudgelling; this being the true meaning of the phraſe rude donatus. In the times of chivalry, the knight when dubbed, was well thwacked acroſs the ſhoulders by his [79] god-father in arms.—Indeed, dubbing is no other than a corruption of drub⯑bing. It was the cuſtom formerly here and elſewhere, for a man to drub his ſon or apprentice as a mark of his freedom, and of his being ad⯑mitted to the exerciſe of arms. The Paraſchiſtes, who practiſed em⯑balming in Aegypt, which was count⯑ed a very honourable profeſſion, was always ſeverely drubbed after the operation, by the friends and rela⯑tions of the defunct; and to this day, the patriarch of the Greeks once a year, on Eaſter-eve, when he carries out the ſacred fire from the holy ſe⯑pulchre of Jeruſalem, is heartily cudgelled by the infidels, a certain number of whom he hires for that purpoſe; and he thinks himſelf very unhappy and much diſgraced, if he is not beaten into all the colours of the rain-bow. You know the Qua⯑kers of this country think it no diſ⯑honour [80] to receive a ſlap o' the face; but when you ſmite them on one cheek, they preſent the other, that it may have the ſame ſalutation. The venerable father Lactantius falls out with Cicero for ſaying, ‘"A good man hurts no-body, unleſs he is juſtly provoked;"’ niſi laceſſitur injuria. O, (cries the good father) quam ſimpli⯑cem veramque ſententiam duorum ver⯑borum adjectione corrupit!—non minus enim mali eſt, referre injuriam, quam in⯑ferre. The great philoſopher Socra⯑tes thought it no diſgrace to be kick⯑ed by his wife Xantippe; nay, he is ſaid to have undergone the ſame diſ⯑cipline from other people, without making the leaſt reſiſtance, it being his opinion that it was more coura⯑geous, conſequently more honourable, to bear a drubbing patiently, than to attempt any thing either in the way of ſelf-defence or retaliation.—The judicious and learned Puffendorf, in [81] his book De Jure Gentium & Naturali, declares, that a man's honour is not ſo fragile as to be hurt either by a box on the ear, or a kick on the breech, otherwiſe it would be in the power of every ſaucy fellow to diminiſh or infringe it.—It muſt be owned, in⯑deed, Grotius De Jure Belli & Pacis, ſays, that charity does not of itſelf require our patiently ſuffering ſuch an affront. The Engliſh have with a moſt ſervile imitation, borrowed their punto, as well as other modes, from the French nation. Now kick⯑ing and cuffing were counted infa⯑mous among thoſe people for theſe reaſons. A box on the ear deſtroys the whole oeconomy of their friſure, upon which they beſtow the greateſt part of their time and attention; and a kick on the breech is attended with great pain and danger, as they are generally ſubject to the piles. This is ſo truly the caſe, that they have [82] no leſs than two ſaints to patronize and protect the individuals afflicted with this diſeaſe. One is St. Fiacre, who was a native of the kingdom of Ireland. He preſides over the blind piles. The other is a female ſaint, Hoe⯑morrhoiſſa, and ſhe comforts thoſe who are diſtreſſed with the bleeding piles. No wonder, therefore, that a French⯑man put to the torture by a kick on thoſe tender parts, ſhould be pro⯑voked to vengeance; and that this vengeance ſhould gradually become an article in their ſyſtem of punctilio.

But, to return to the thread of my narration.—Whatever inclination the Dairo and Yak-ſtrot had to re⯑ſtore the bleſſings of peace, they did not think proper as yet to combat the diſpoſition and ſchemes of Ora⯑tor Taycho; in conſequence of whoſe remonſtrances, the tributary treaty was immediately renewed with Brut-an-tiffi, and Gio-gio declared in the [83] aſſembly of the people, that he was determined to ſupport that illuſtrious ally, and carry on the war with vi⯑gour.—By this time the Chineſe were in a manner expelled from their chief ſettlements in Fatſiſio, where they now retained nothing but an inconſiderable colony, which would have ſubmitted on the firſt ſum⯑mons: but this Taycho left as a neſt-egg to produce a new brood of diſturbance to the Japoneſe ſettle⯑ments, that they might not ruſt with too much peace and ſecurity. To be plain with you, Peacock, his thoughts were entirely alienated from this Fatſiſian war, in which the intereſt of his country was chiefly concerned, and converted wholly to the conti⯑nent of Tartary, where all his cares centered in ſchemes for the ſucceſs of his friend Brut-an-tiffi. This free⯑booter had lately undergone ſtrange viciſſitudes of fortune. He had ſeen [84] his chief village poſſeſſed and plun⯑dered by the enemy; but he found means, by ſurprize, to beat up their quarters in the beginning of winter, which always proved his beſt ally, becauſe then the Mantchoux Tar⯑tars were obliged to retire to their own country, at a vaſt diſtance from the ſeat of the war.—As for Bron-xi⯑tic, who commanded the Japoneſe ar⯑my on that continent, he continued to play booty with the Chineſe ge⯑neral, over whom he was allowed to obtain ſome petty advantages, which, with the trophies won by Brut-an⯑tiffi, were ſwelled up into mighty victories, to increaſe the infatua⯑tion of the blatant beaſt.—On the other hand, Bron-xi-tic obliged the generals of China with the like indul⯑gences, by now and then ſacrificing a detachment of his Japoneſe troops, to keep up the ſpirits of that nation.

Taycho had levied upon the people [85] of Japan an immenſe ſum of money for the equipment of a naval arma⯑ment, the deſtination of which was kept a profound ſecret. Some politi⯑cians imagined it was deſigned for the conqueſt of Thin-quo, and all the other ſettlements which the Chineſe poſſeſſed in the Indian ocean: others conjectured the intention was to at⯑tack the king of Corea, who had, ſince the beginning of this war, acted with a ſhameful partiality in favour of the emperor of China, his kinſman and ally. But the truth of the matter was this: Taycho kept the armament in the harbours of Ja⯑pan ready for a deſcent upon the coaſt of China, in order to make a diverſion in favour of his friend Brut-an-tiffi, in caſe he had run any riſque of being oppreſſed by his ene⯑mies. However, the beaſt of many heads having growled and grum⯑bled during the beſt part of the [86] ſummer, at the inactivity of this expenſive armament, it was now thought proper to ſend it to ſea in the beginning of winter: but it was ſoon driven back in great diſtreſs, by contrary winds and ſtorms;—and this was all the monſter had for its ten millions of Obans.

While Taycho amuſed the Mobile with this winter expedition, Yak-ſtrot reſolved to plan the ſcheme of oecono⯑my which he had projected. He diſ⯑miſſed from the Dairo's ſervice about a dozen of cooks andſcullions; ſhut up one of the kitchens, after having ſold the grates, hand-irons, ſpits and ſauce⯑pans; deprived the ſervants and officers of the houſhold of their breakfaſt; took away their uſual allowance of oil and candles; retrenched their tables; reduced their proportion of drink; and perſuaded his pupil the Dairo to put himſelf upon a diet of ſoup⯑meagre thickened with oat-meal. In [87] a few days there was no ſmoke ſeen to aſcend from the kitchens of the palace; nor did any fuel, torch, or taper blaze in the chimnies, courts, and apartments thereof, which now became the habitation of cold, dark⯑neſs, and hunger. Gio-gio himſelf, who turned peripatetic philoſopher merely to keep himſelf in heat, fell into a waſh-tub as he groped his way in the dark through one of the lower galleries. Two of his body-guard had their whiſkers gnawed off by the rats, as they ſlept in his anti⯑chamber; and their captain preſent⯑ed a petition declaring, that neither he nor his men could undertake the defence of his imperial majeſty's per⯑ſon, unleſs their former allowance of proviſion ſhould be reſtored. They and all the individuals of the houſe⯑hold were not only puniſhed in their bellies, but likewiſe curtailed in their clothing, and abridged in their ſti⯑pends. [88] The palace of Meaco, which uſed to be the temple of mirth, jol⯑lity, and good cheer, was now ſo dreary and deſerted, that a certain wag fixed up a ticket on the outward gate with this inſcription: ‘"This tenement to be lett, the proprietor having left off houſe-keeping."’

Yak-ſtrot, however, was reſolved to ſhew, that if the new Dairo re⯑trenched the ſuperfluities of his do⯑meſtic expence, he did not act from avarice or poorneſs of ſpirit, inaſ⯑much as he ſhould now diſplay his liberality in patronizing genius and the arts. A general jubilee was now promiſed to all thoſe who had diſtin⯑guiſhed themſelves by their talents or erudition. The emiſſaries of Yak⯑ſtrot declared that Maecenas was but a type of this Ximian mountaineer; and that he was determined to ſearch for merit, even in the thickeſt ſhades of obſcurity. All theſe reſearches, [89] however, proved ſo unſucceſsful, that not above four or five men of ge⯑nius could be found in the whole empire of Japan, and theſe were gratified with penſions of about one hundred Obans each. One was a ſe⯑cularized Bonza from Ximo; another a malcontent poet of Niphon; a third, a reformed comedian of Xi⯑coco; a fourth, an empiric, who had outlived his practice; and a fifth, a decayed apothecary, who was bard, quack, author, chymiſt, philoſopher, and ſimpler by profeſſion. The whole of the expence ariſing from the fa⯑vour and protection granted by the Dairo to theſe men of genius, did not exceed ſeven or eight hundred Obans per annum, amounting to about fifteen hundred pounds ſterling; whereas many a private Quo in Ja⯑pan expended more money on a ken⯑nel of hounds. I do not mention thoſe men of ſingular merit, whom [90] Yak-ſtrot fixed in eſtabliſhed places under the government; ſuch as ar⯑chitects, aſtronomers, painters, phy⯑ſicians, barbers, &c. becauſe their ſa⯑laries were included in the ordinary expence of the crown: I ſhall only obſerve, that a certain perſon who could not read, was appointed libra⯑rian to his imperial majeſty.

Theſe were all the men of ſuperla⯑tive genius, that Yak-ſtrot could find at this period in the empire of Japan.

Whilſt this great patriot was thus employed in executing his ſchemes of oeconomy with more zeal than diſcretion, and in providing his poor relations with lucrative offices under the government, a negociation for peace was brought upon the carpet by the mediation of certain neutral powers; and Orator Taycho arrogated to himſelf the province of diſcuſſing the ſeveral articles of the treaty.—Up⯑on this occaſion he ſhewed himſelf ſur⯑prizingly [91] remiſs and indifferent in whatever related to the intereſt of Japan, particularly in regulating and fixing the boundaries of the Chi⯑neſe and Japoneſe ſettlements in Fat⯑ſiſio, the uncertainty of which had given riſe to the war: but when the buſineſs was to determine the claims and pretenſions of his ally Brut-an-tiffi, on the continent of Tartary, he appeared ſtiff and immoveable as mount Athos. He actually broke off the negotiation, becauſe the emperor of China would not engage to drive by force of arms the troops of his ally the princeſs of Oſtrog, from a village or two belonging to the Tartarian free-booter, who, by the bye, had left them defenceleſs at the beginning of the war, on pur⯑poſe that his enemies might, by tak⯑ing poſſeſſion of them, quicken the reſolutions of the Dairo to ſend over an army for the protection of Yeſſo.

[92] The court of Pekin perceiving that the Japoneſe were rendered intole⯑rably inſolent and overbearing by ſuc⯑ceſs, and that an equitable peace could not be obtained while Orator Taycho managed the reins of go⯑vernment at Meaco, and his friend Brut-an-tiffi found any thing to plunder in Tartary; reſolved to forti⯑fy themſelves with a new alliance. They actually entered into cloſer con⯑nections with the king of Corea, who was nearly related to the Chineſe emperor, had ſome old ſcores to ſet⯑tle with Japan, and becauſe he de⯑ſired thoſe diſputes might be ami⯑cably compromiſed in the general pa⯑cification, had been groſsly inſulted by Taycho, in the perſon of his am⯑baſſador. He had for ſome time dreaded the ambition of the Japo⯑neſe miniſtry, which ſeemed to aim at univerſal empire; and he was, moreover, ſtimulated by this outrage [93] to conclude a defenſive alliance with the emperor of China; a meaſure which all the caution of the two courts could not wholly conceal from the knowledge of the Japoneſe poli⯑ticians.

Mean while a dreadful cloud big with ruin and diſgrace ſeemed to ga⯑ther round the head of Brut-an-tiffi. The Mantchoux Tartars, ſenſible of the inconvenience of their diſtant ſituation from the ſcene of action, which render⯑ed it impoſſible for them to carry on their operations vigorouſly in conjunc⯑tion with the Oſtrog, reſolved to ſecure winter-quarters in ſome part of the enemy's territories, from whence they ſhould be able to take the field, and act againſt him early in the ſpring. With this view they beſieged and took a frontier fortreſs belonging to Brut-an-tiffi, ſituated upon a great inland lake which extended as far as the capital of the Mantchoux, who were thus enabled to ſend thither by [94] water-carriage all ſorts of proviſions and military ſtores for the uſe of their army, which took up their win⯑ter-quarters accordingly in and about this new acquiſition. It was now that the ruin of Brut-an-tiffi ſeemed inevitable. Orator Taycho ſaw with horror the precipice to the brink of which his dear ally was driven. Not that his fears were actuated by ſym⯑pathy or friendſhip. Such emotions had never poſſeſſed the heart of Tay⯑cho. No; he trembled becauſe he ſaw his own popularity connected with the fate of the Tartar. It was the ſucceſs and petty triumphs of this adventurer which had dazzled the eyes of the blatant beaſt, ſo as to diſorder its judgment, and prepare it for the illuſions of the Orator: but, now that Fortune ſeemed ready to turn tail to Brut-an-tiffi, and leave him a prey to his adverſaries, Tay⯑cho knew the diſpoſitions of the [95] monſter ſo well as to prognoſticate that its applauſe and affection would be immediately turned into grum⯑bling and diſguſt; and that he him⯑ſelf, who had led it blindfold into this unfortunate connexion, might poſ⯑ſibly fall a ſacrifice to its reſentment, provided he could not immediate⯑ly project ſome ſcheme to divert its attention, and transfer the blame from his own ſhoulders.

For this purpoſe he employed his invention, and ſucceeded to his wiſh. Having called a council of the Twenty-eight, at which the Dairo aſſiſted in perſon, he propoſed, and inſiſted upon it, that a ſtrong ſquadron of Fune ſhould be immediately ordered to ſcour the ſeas, and kidnap all the veſſels and ſhips belonging to the king of Corea, who had acted during the whole war with the moſt ſcandalous partiality in favour of the Chineſe emperor, and was now ſo intimately connected [96] with that potentate, by means of a ſecret alliance, that he ought to be proſecuted with the ſame hoſtilities which the other had ſeverely felt. The whole council were confounded at this propoſal: the Dairo ſtood aghaſt: the Cuboy trembled: Yak-ſtrot ſtared like a ſkewered pig. Af⯑ter ſome pauſe, the preſident Soo⯑ſan-ſin-o ventured to obſerve, that the meaſure ſeemed to be a little abrupt and premature: that the na⯑tion was already engaged in a very expenſive war, which had abſolute⯑lutely drained it of its wealth, and even loaded it with enormous debts; therefore little able to ſuſtain ſuch additional burthens as would, in all probability, be occaſioned by a rup⯑ture with a prince ſo rich and power⯑ful. Gotto-mio ſwore the land holders were already ſo impoveriſhed by the exactions of Taycho, that he him⯑ſelf, ere long, ſhould be obliged to [97] upon the pariſh. Fika-kaka got up to ſpeak; but could only cackle. Sti-phi-rum-poo was for proceeding in form by citation. Nin-kom-poo-po declared he had good intelli⯑gence of a fleet of merchant-ſhips belonging to Corea, laden with trea⯑ſure, who were then on their return from the Indian iſles; and he gave it as his opinion, that they ſhould be way-laid and brought into the har⯑bours of Japan; not by way of de⯑claring war, but only with a view to prevent the money's going into the coffers of the Chineſe emperor. Fokh-ſi-rokhu ſtarted two objections to this expedient: firſt, the uncertainty of falling in with the Corean fleet at ſea, alledging as an inſtance the diſ⯑appointment and miſcarriage of the ſquadron which the Sey-ſeo-gun had ſent ſome years ago to intercept the Chineſe Fune on the coaſt of Fat-ſiſio: ſecondly, the loſs and hardſhip [98] it would be to many ſubjects of Japan who dealt in commerce, and had great ſums embarked in thoſe very Corean bottoms. Indeed Fokh-ſi-rokhu himſelf was intereſted in this very commerce. The Fatz-man ſat ſilent. Yak-ſtrot, who had ſome roman⯑tic notions of honour and honeſty, repreſented that the nation had al⯑ready incurred the cenſure of all its neighbours, by ſeizing the merchant⯑ſhips of China, without any previ⯑ous declaration of war: that the law of nature and nations, confirmed by repeated treaties, preſcribed a more honourable method of proceeding, than that of plundering like robbers, the ſhips of pacific merchants, who trade on the faith of ſuch laws and ſuch treaties: he was, therefore, of opinion, that if the king of Corea had in any ſhape deviated from the neutrality which he profeſſed, ſatis⯑faction ſhould be demanded in the [99] uſual form; and when that ſhould be refuſed, it might be found neceſſary to proceed to compulſive meaſures. The Dairo acquieſced in this ad⯑vice, and aſſured Taycho that an ambaſſador ſhould be forthwith diſ⯑patched to Corea, with inſtructions to demand an immediate and ſatis⯑factory explanation of that prince's conduct and deſigns with regard to the empire of Japan.

This regular method of practice would by no means ſuit the purpoſes of Taycho, who rejected it with great in⯑ſolence and diſdain. He bit his thumb at the preſident; forked out his fingers on his forehead at Gotto-mio; wag⯑ged his under-jaw at the Cuboy; ſnapt his fingers at Sti-phi-rum-poo; grinned at the Sey-ſeo-gun; made the ſign of the croſs or gallows to Fokh-ſi-rokhu; then turning to Yak⯑ſtrot, he clapped his thumbs in his ears, and began to bray like an aſs: [100] finally, pulling out the badge of his office, he threw it at the Dairo, who in vain intreated him to be pacified; and wheeling to the right-about, ſtalked away, ſlapping the flat of his hand upon a certain part that ſhall be nameleſs. He was followed by his kinſman the Quo Lob-kob, who worſhipped him with the moſt hum⯑ble adoration. He now imitated this great original in the ſignal from behind at parting, and in him it was attended by a rumbling ſound; but whether this was the effect of contempt or compunction, I could never learn.

Taycho having thus carried his point, which was to have a pre⯑tence for quitting the reins of go⯑vernment, made his next appeal to the blatant beaſt. He reminded the many-headed monſter of the unin⯑terrupted ſucceſs which had attended his adminiſtration; of his having ſupported the glorious Brut-an-tiffi, [101] the great bulwark of the religion of Bupo, who had kept the common enemy at bay, and filled all Aſia with the fame of his victories. He told them, that for his own part, he pre⯑tended to have ſubdued Fatſiſio in the heart of Tartary: that he deſpiſ⯑ed honours, and had ſtill a greater contempt for riches; and that all his endeavours had been ſolely exerted for the good of his country, which was now brought to the very verge of deſtruction. He then gave the beaſt to underſtand that he had form⯑ed a ſcheme againſt the king of Co⯑rea, which would not only have diſ⯑abled that monarch from executing his hoſtile intentions with reſpect to Japan, but alſo have indemnified this nation for the whole expence of the war; but that his propoſal having been rejected by the council of Twenty-eight, who were influencd by Yak-ſtrot, a Ximian mountaineer [102] without ſpirit or underſtanding, he had reſigned his office with intention to retire to ſome ſolitude, where he ſhould in ſilence deplore the misfor⯑tunes of his country, and the ruin of the Buponian religion, which muſt fall of courſe with its great protector Brut⯑an-tiffi, whom he foreſaw the new miniſtry would immediately abandon.

This addreſs threw Legion into ſuch a qnandary, that it rolled it⯑ſelf in the dirt, and yelled hide⯑ouſly. Mean while the Orator re⯑treating to a cell in the neighbour⯑hood of Meaco, hired the common crier to go round the ſtreets and pro⯑claim that Taycho, being no longer in a condition to afford any thing but the bare neceſſaries of life, would by public ſale diſpoſe of his ambling mule and furniture, together with an ermined robe of his wife, and the greater part of his kitchen utenſils. At this time he was well known [103] to be worth upwards of twenty thou⯑ſand gold Obans; nevertheleſs, the Mobile diſcharging this circumſtance entirely from their reflection, attend⯑ed to nothing but the object which the Orator was pleaſed to preſent. They thought it was a piteous caſe, and a great ſcandal upon the govern⯑ment, that ſuch a patriot, who had ſaved the nation from ruin and diſ⯑grace, ſhould be reduced to the cruel neceſſity of ſelling his mule and his houſhold furniture. Accordingly they raiſed a clamour that ſoon rung in the ears of Gio-gio and his favourite.

It was ſuppoſed that Mura-clami ſuggeſted on this occaſion to his countryman Yak-ſtrot, the hint of offering a penſion to Taycho, by way of remuneration for his paſt ſervices. ‘"If he refuſes it, (ſaid he) the offer will at leaſt reflect ſome credit upon the Dairo and the adminiſtration; but, ſhould he accept of it, (which is [104] much more likely) it will either ſtop his mouth entirely, or expoſe him to the cenſure of the people, who now adore him as a mirrour of diſintereſt⯑ed integrity."’ The advice was in⯑ſtantly complied with: the Dairo ſigned a patent for a very ample pen⯑ſion to Taycho and his heirs; which patent Yak-ſtrot delivered to him next day at his cell in the country. This miracle of patriotiſm received the bounty as a turnpike-man re⯑ceives the toll, and then ſlapped his door full in the face of the favourite: yet, nothing of what Mura-clami had prognoſticated, came to paſs. The many-tailed monſter, far from calling in queſtion the Orator's diſ⯑intereſtedneſs, conſidered his accept⯑ance of the penſion as a proof of his moderation, in receiving ſuch a tri⯑fling reward for the great ſervices he had done his country; and the ge⯑neroſity of the Dairo, inſtead of ex⯑citing [105] the leaſt emotion of gratitude in Taycho's own breaſt, acted only as a golden key to unlock all the ſluices of his virulence and abuſe.

Theſe, however, he kept within bounds until he ſhould ſee what would be the fate of Brut-an-tiffi, who now ſeemed to be in the condi⯑tion of a criminal at the foot of the ladder. In this dilemma, he obtained a very unexpected reprieve. Before the army of the Mantchoux could take the leaſt advantage of the ſettle⯑ment they had made on his fron⯑tiers, their empreſs died, and was ſuc⯑ceeded by a weak prince, who no ſooner aſcended the throne than he ſtruck up a peace with the Tartar freebooter, and even ordered his troops to join him againſt the Oſtrog, to whom they had hitherto-acted as auxiliaries. Such an acceſſion of ſtrength would have caſt the balance [106] greatly in his favour, had not Provi⯑dence once more interpoſed, and brought matters again to an equi⯑librium.

Taycho no ſooner perceived his ally thus unexpectedly delivered from the dangers that ſurrounded him, than he began to repent of his own reſigna⯑tion; and reſolved once more, to force his way to the helm, by the ſame means he had ſo ſucceſsfully uſed before. He was, indeed, of ſuch a turbulent diſpoſition as could not reliſh the repoſe of private life, and his ſpirit ſo corroſive, that it would have preyed upon himſelf, if he could not have found external food for it to devour. He therefore began to pre⯑pare his engines, and provide proper emiſſaries to beſpatter, and raiſe a hue-and-cry againſt Yak-ſtrot at a convenient ſeaſon; not doubting but an occaſion would ſoon preſent itſelf, conſidering the temper, inexperience, and prejudices of this Ximian poli⯑tician, [107] together with the pacific ſyſtem he had adopted, ſo contrary to the preſent ſpirit of the blatant beaſt.

In theſe preparations he was much comforted and aſſiſted by his kinſman and pupil Lob-kob, who entered into his meaſures with ſurprizing zeal; and had the good luck to light on ſuch inſtruments as were admirably ſuited to the work in hand. Yak-ſtrot was extremely pleaſed at the ſeceſſion of Taycho, who had been a very troubleſome collegue to him in the adminiſtra⯑tion, and run counter to all the ſchemes he had projected for the good of the empire. He now found himſelf at liberty to follow his own inventions, and being naturally an enthuſiaſt, believed himſelf born to be the ſaviour of Japan. Some efforts, however, he made to acquire popula⯑rity, proved fruitleſs. Perceiving the people were, by the Orator's inſtiga⯑tions, [108] exaſperated againſt the king of Corea, he ſent a peremptory meſſage to that prince demanding a categorical anſwer; and this being denied, de⯑clared war againſt him, according to the practice of all civilized nations: but even this meaſure failed of ob⯑taining that approbation for which it was taken. The monſter, tutored by Taycho and his miniſters, exclaimed, that the golden opportunity was loſt, inaſmuch as, during the obſervance of thoſe uſeleſs forms, the treaſures of Corea were ſafely brought home to that kingdom; treaſures which, had they been interrupted by the Fune of Japan, would have payed off the debts of the nation, and enabled the inhabi⯑tants of Meaco to pave their ſtreets with ſilver. By the bye, this trea⯑ſure exiſted no where but in the fic⯑tion of Taycho and the imagination of the blatant beaſt, which never at⯑tempted to uſe the evidence of ſenſe [109] on reaſon to examine any aſſertion, how abſurd and improbable ſoever it might be, which proceeded from the mouth of the Orator.

Yak-ſtrot, having now taken upon himſelf the taſk of ſteering the political bark, reſolved to ſhew the Japoneſe, that altho' he recommended peace, he was as well qualified as his predeceſ⯑ſor for conducting the war. He there⯑fore, with the aſſiſtance of the Fatz⯑man, projected three naval enterprizes; the firſt againſt Thin-quo, the con⯑queſt of which had been unſucceſs⯑fully attempted by Taycho; the ſe⯑cond was deſtined for the reduction of Fan-yah, one of the moſt conſi⯑derable ſettlements belonging to the king of Corea, in the Indian ocean; and the third armament was ſent to plunder and deſtroy a flouriſhing colony called Lli-nam, which the ſame prince had eſtabliſhed almoſt as far to the ſouthward as the Terra [110] Auſtralis Incognita. Now the only merit which either Yak-ſtrot, or any other miniſter could juſtly claim from the ſucceſs of ſuch expeditions, is that of adopting the moſt feaſible of thoſe ſchemes which are preſent⯑ed by different projectors, and of ap⯑pointing ſuch commanders as are ca⯑pable of conducting them with vi⯑gour and ſagacity.

The next ſtep which the favourite took was to provide a help-mate for the young Dairo; and a certain Tartar prin⯑ceſs of the religion of Bupo, being pitched upon for this purpoſe, was formally demanded, brought over to Niphon, eſpouſed by Gio-gio, and in⯑ſtalled empreſs with the uſual ſolemni⯑ties. But, leſt the choice of a Tartarian princeſs ſhould ſubject the Dairo to the imputation of inheriting his pre⯑deceſſor's predilection for the land of Yeſſo, which had given ſuch ſen⯑ſible umbrage to all the ſenſible [111] Japoneſe who made uſe of their own reaſon; he determined to detach his maſter gradually from thoſe conti⯑nental connexions, which had been the ſource of ſuch enormous expence, and ſuch continual vexation to the em⯑pire of Japan. In theſe ſentiments, he with-held the annual tribute which had been lately payed to Brut-an-tiffi; by which means he ſaved a very con⯑ſiderable ſum to the nation, and, at the ſame time, reſcued it from the infamy of ſuch a diſgraceful impoſi⯑tion.—He expected the thanks of the public for this exertion of his influence in favour of his country; but he reckoned without his hoſt. What he flattered himſelf would yield him an abundant harveſt of ho⯑nour and applauſe, produced nothing but odium and reproach, as we ſhall ſee in the ſequel.

Theſe meaſures, purſued with an eye to the advantage of the public, [112] which ſeemed to argue a conſider⯑able ſhare of ſpirit and capacity, were ſtrangely chequered with others of a more domeſtic nature, which ſavoured ſtrongly of childiſh vanity, raſh ambi⯑tion, littleneſs of mind, and lack of underſtanding. He purchaſed a vaſt ward-robe of tawdry cloaths, and flut⯑tered in all the finery of Japan: he pre⯑vailed upon his maſter to veſt him with the badges and trappings of all the honorary inſtitutions of the empire, altho' this multiplication of orders in the perſon of one man, was altogether without precedent or pre⯑ſcription. This was only ſetting himſelf up as the more conſpicuous mark for envy and detraction.

Not contented with engroſſing the perſonal favour and confidence of his ſovereign, and, in effect, directing the whole machine of government, he thought his fortune ſtill imperfect, while the treaſure of the empire paſ⯑ſed [113] through the hands of the Cuboy, enabling that miniſter to maintain a very extenſive influence, which might one day interfere with his own. He therefore employed all his invention, together with that of his friends, to find out ſome ſpecious pretext for removing the old Cuboy from his office; and in a little time accident afforded what all their intrigues had not been able to procure.

Ever ſince the demiſe of Got-hama-baba, poor Fika-kaka had been ſub⯑ject to a new ſet of vagaries. The death of his old maſter gave him a rude ſhock: then the new Dairo encroached upon his province, by preferring a Bonze without his conſent or know⯑ledge: finally, he was prevented by the expreſs order of Gio-gio from touch⯑ing a certain ſum out of the treaſury, which he had been accuſtomed to throw out of his windows at ſtated pe⯑periods, [114] in order to keep up an intereſt among the dregs of the people. All theſe mortifications had an effect upon the weak brain of the Cuboy. He be⯑gan to loath his uſual food, and ſome⯑times even declined ſhewing himſelf to the Bonzes at his levee; ſymptoms that alarmed all his friends and depen⯑dants. Inſtead of frequenting the aſſemblies of the great, he now at⯑tended aſſiduouſly at all groanings and chriſtenings, grew extremely fond of caudle, and held conferences with practitioners, both male and fe⯑male, in the art of midwifry. When buſineſs or ceremony obliged him to viſit any of the Quos or Quanbukus of Meaco; he, by a ſurpriſing inſtinct, ran directly to the nurſery, where, if there happened to be a child in the cradle, he took it up, and if it was foul, wiped it with great care and ſeeming ſatisfaction. He, more⯑over, [115] learned of the good women to ſing lullabies, and practiſed them with uncommon ſucceſs: but the moſt extravagant of all his whims, was what he exhibited one day in his own court-yard. Obſerving a neſt with ſome eggs, which the gooſe had quitted, he forthwith dropped his trowſers, and ſquatting down in the at⯑titude of incubation, began to ſtretch out his neck, to hiſs and to cackle, as if he had been really metamorphoſed into the animal whoſe place he now ſupplied.

It was on the back of this adven⯑ture that one of the Bonzes, as pry⯑ing, and as great a goſſip as the barber of Midas, in paying his morn⯑ing worſhip to the Cuboy's poſteri⯑ors, ſpied ſomething, or rather no⯑thing, and was exceedingly affright⯑ed. He communicated his diſco⯑very and apprehenſion to divers others of the cloth; and they were all of [116] opinion that ſome effectual inqui⯑ſition ſhould be held on this phaenomenon, leſt the clergy of Japan ſhould hereafter be ſcanda⯑lized, as having knowingly kiſſed the breech of an old woman, perhaps a monſter or magician. Informa⯑tion was accordingly made to the Dairo, who gave orders for imme⯑diate inſpection; and Fika-kaka was formally examined by a jury of ma⯑trons. Whether theſe were actuated by undue influence, I ſhall not at pre⯑ſent explain; certain it is, they found their verdict, The Cuboy non mas; and among other evidences produced to atteſt his metamorphoſis, a certain Ximian, who pretended to have the ſecond ſight, made oath that he had one evening ſeen the ſaid Fika-ka⯑ka in a female dreſs, riding through the air on a broom-ſtick. The un⯑happy Cuboy being thus convicted, was diveſted of his office, and con⯑fined [117] to his palace in the country; while Gio-gio, by the advice of his favourite, publiſhed a proclamation, declaring it was not for the honour of Japan that her treaſury ſhould be managed either by a witch or an old woman.

Fika-kaka being thus removed, Yak-ſtrot was appointed treaſurer and Cuboy in his place, and now ruled the roaſt with uncontrouled authority. On the very threſhold of his greatneſs, however, he made a falſe ſtep, which was one cauſe of his tottering, during the whole ſequel of his adminiſtration. In order to refute the calumnies and defeat the intrigues of Taycho in the aſſemblies of the people, he choſe as an aſſociate in the miniſtry Fokh-ſi⯑rokhu, who was at that inſtant the moſt unpopular man in the whole empire of Japan; and at the inſti⯑gation of this collegue, deprived of [118] bread a great number of poor fami⯑lies, who ſubſiſted on petty places which had been beſtowed upon them by the former Cuboy. Thoſe were ſo many mouths opened to augment the clamour againſt his own perſon and adminiſtration.

It might be imagined, that while he thus ſet one part of the nation at defiance, he would endeavour to cul⯑tivate the other; and, in particular, ſtrive to conciliate the good-will of the nobility, who did not ſee his exaltation without umbrage. But, inſtead of ingratiating himſelf with them by a liberal turn of demea⯑nour; by treating them with frankneſs and affability; granting them favours with a good grace; making entertain⯑ments for them at his palace; and mixing in their ſocial parties of plea⯑ſure; Yak-ſtrot always appeared on the reſerve, and under all his finery, continually wore a doublet of buck⯑ram, [119] which gave an air of ſtiffneſs and conſtraint to his whole behaviour. He ſtudied poſtures, and, in giving audience, generally ſtood in the atti⯑tude of the idol Fo; ſo that he ſome⯑times was miſtaken for an image of ſtone. He formed a ſcale of geſticu⯑lation in a great variety of diviſions, comprehending the ſlighteſt inclinati⯑on of the head, the front-nod, the ſide-nod, the bow, the half, the ſemi-demi-bow, with the ſhuffle, the ſlide, the circular, ſemi-circular, and quadrant ſweep of the right foot. With equal care and preciſion did he model the oeconomy of his looks into the divi⯑ſions and ſub-diviſions of the full⯑ſtare, the ſide-glance, the penſive look, the pouting look, the gay look, the vacant look, and the ſtolid look. To theſe different expreſſions of the eye he ſuited the correſponding fea⯑tures of the noſe and mouth; ſuch as the wrinkled noſe, the retorted [120] noſe, the ſneer, the grin, the ſimper, and the ſmile. All theſe poſtures and geſticulations he practiſed, and diſtributed occaſionally, according to the difference of rank and impor⯑tance of the various individuals with whom he had communication.

But theſe affected airs being aſſum⯑ed in deſpite of nature, he appeared as aukward as a native of Angola, when he is firſt hampered with cloaths; or a Highlander, obliged by act of parliament to wear breeches.—In⯑deed, the diſtance obſerved by Yak⯑ſtrot in his behaviour to the nobles of Niphon, was imputed to his be⯑ing conſcious of a ſulphureous ſmell which came from his own body; ſo that greater familiarity on his ſide might have bred contempt. He took delight in no other converſa⯑tion but that of two or three obſcure Ximians, his companions and coun⯑ſellors, with whom he ſpent all his [121] leiſure time, in conferences upon po⯑litics, patriotiſm, philoſophy, and the Belles Lettres. Thoſe were the ora⯑cles he conſulted in all the emergen⯑cies of ſtate; and with theſe he ſpent many an Attic evening.

The gods, not yet tired of ſporting with the farce of human govern⯑ment, were ſtill reſolved to ſhew by what inconſiderable ſprings a mighty empire may be moved. The new Cuboy was vaſtly well diſpoſed to make his Ximian favourites great men. It was in his power to be⯑ſtow places and penſions upon them; but it was not in his power to give them conſequence in the eyes of the public. The adminiſtration of Yak⯑ſtrot could not fail of being propi⯑tious to his own family, and poor relations, who were very numerous. Their naked backs and hungry bel⯑lies were now clothed with the rich⯑eſt ſtuffs, and fed with the fat things [122] of Japan. Every department civil and military was filled with Ximi⯑ans. Thoſe iſlanders came over in ſhoals to Niphon, and ſwarmed in the ſtreets of Meaco, where they were eaſily diſtinguiſhed by their lank ſides, gaunt looks, lanthorn⯑jaws, and long ſharp teeth.—There was a fatality that attended the whole conduct of this unfortunate Cuboy. His very partiality to his own countrymen, brought upon him at laſt the curſes of the whole clan.

Mr. Orator Taycho and his kinſ⯑man Lob-kob were not idle in the mean time. They provided their emiſſaries, and primed all their en⯑gines. Their underſtrappers filled every corner of Meaco with rumours, jealouſies, and ſuſpicions. Yak-ſtrot was repreſented as a ſtateſman with⯑out diſcernment, a miniſter without knowledge, and a man without hu⯑manity. He was taxed with inſup⯑portable [123] pride, indiſcretion, puſilla⯑nimity, rapacity, partiality, and breach of faith. It was affirmed that he had diſhonoured the nation, and endangered the very exiſtence of the Buponian religion, in withdraw⯑ing the annual ſubſidy from the great Brut-an-tiffi: that he wanted to ſtarve the war, and betray the glory and advantage of the empire by a ſhameful peace: that he had avow⯑edly ſhared his adminiſtration with the greateſt knave in Japan: that he treated the nobles of Niphon with inſolence and contempt: that he had ſuborned evidence againſt the antient Cuboy Fika-kaka, who had ſpent a long life and an immenſe fortune in ſupporting the temple of Fak-ku-baſi: that he had cruelly turned adrift a great number of helpleſs families, in order to gratify his own worthleſs dependants with their ſpoils: that he had enriched his relations and [124] countrymen with the plunder of Ni⯑phon: that his intention was to bring over the whole nation of Ximians, a ſavage race, who had been ever per⯑fidious, greedy, and hoſtile towards the natives of the other Japoneſe iſlands. Nay, they were deſcribed as monſters in nature, with cloven feet, long tails, ſaucer eyes, iron fangs and claws, who would firſt de⯑vour the ſubſtance of the Niphonites, and then feed upon their blood.

Taycho had Legion's underſtand⯑ing ſo much in his power, that he actually made it believe Yak-ſtrot had formed a treaſonable ſcheme in favour of a foreign adventurer who pretended to the throne of Japan, and that the reigning Dairo was an accom⯑plice in this project for his own de⯑poſition. Indeed, they did not ſcru⯑ple to ſay that Gio-gio was no more than a puppet moved by his own grandmother and this vile Ximian, [125] between whom they hinted there was a ſecret correſpondence which reflected very little honour on the family of the Dairo.

Mr. Orator Taycho and his aſſo⯑ciate Lob-kob left no ſtone unturned to diſgrace the favourite, and drive him from the helm. They ſtruck up an alliance with the old Cuboy Fika-kaka, and fetching him from his retirement, produced him to the beaſt as a martyr to loyalty and vir⯑tue. They had often before this period, expoſed him to the deriſion of the populace; but now they ſet him up as the object of veneration and eſteem; and every thing ſuc⯑ceeded to their wiſh. Legion hoiſt⯑ed Fika-kaka on his back, and pa⯑raded through the ſtreets of Meaco, braying hoarſe encomiums on the great talents and great virtues of the antient Cuboy. His cauſe was now eſpouſed by his old friends Sti⯑phi-rum-poo [126] and Nin-kom-poo-poo, who had been turned adriſt along with him, and by ſeveral other Quos who had neſtled themſelves in warm places under the ſhadow of his protection: but it was remark⯑able, that not one of all the Bonzes who owed their preferment to his favour, had gratitude enough to ſol⯑low his fortune, or pay the leaſt re⯑ſpect to him in the day of his diſ⯑grace.—Advantage was alſo taken of the diſguſt occaſioned by Yak-ſtrot's reſerve among the nobles of Japan. Even the Fatz-man was eſtranged from the councils of his kinſman Gio⯑gio, and lent his name and counte⯑nance to the malcontents, who now formed themſelves into a very for⯑midable cabal, comprehending a great number of the firſt Quos in the empire.

In order to counterballance this confederacy, which was a ſtrange co⯑alition [127] of jarring intereſts, the new Cuboy endeavoured to ſtrengthen his adminiſtration, by admitting into a ſhare of it Gotto-mio, who dreaded nothing ſo much as the continuation of the war, and divers other noblemen, whoſe alliance contributed very lit⯑tle to his intereſt or advantage. Got⯑to-mio was univerſally envied for his wealth, and deteſted for his avarice: the reſt were either of the She-it⯑kum-ſheit-el faction, which had been long in diſgrace with the Mobile; or men of deſperate fortunes and looſe morals, who attached themſelves to the Ximian favourite ſolely on ac⯑count of the poſts and penſions he had to beſtow.

During theſe domeſtic commo⯑tions, the arms of Japan continued to proſper in the Indian ocean. Thin⯑quo was reduced almoſt without op⯑poſition; and news arrived that the conqueſt of Fan-yah was already [128] more than half atchieved. At the ſame time, ſome conſiderable advan⯑tages were gained over the enemy on the continent of Tartary, by the Ja⯑poneſe forces under the command of Bron-xi-tic. It might be naturally ſuppoſed that theſe events would have, in ſome meaſure, reconciled the Niphonites to the new miniſtry: but they produced rather a contrary effect. The blatant beaſt was reſolv⯑ed to rejoice at no victories but thoſe that were obtained under the auſpi⯑ces of its beloved Taycho; and now took it highly amiſs that Yak-ſtrot ſhould preſume to take any ſtep which might redound to the glory of the empire. Nothing could have pleaſed the monſter at this juncture ſo much as the miſcarriage of both expedi⯑tions, and a certain information that all the troops and ſhips employed in them had miſerably periſhed. The king of Corea, however, was ſo [129] alarmed at the progreſs of the Ja⯑poneſe before Fan-yah, that he be⯑gan to tremble for all his diſtant co⯑lonies, and earneſtly craved the ad⯑vice of the cabinet of Pekin touch⯑ing ſome ſcheme to make a diverſion in their favour.

The councils of Pekin have been ever fruitful of intrigues to embroil the reſt of Aſia. They ſuggeſted a plan to the king of Corea, which he forthwith put in execution. The land of Fumma, which borders on the Corean territories, was governed by a prince nearly allied to the king of Corea, although his ſubjects had very intimate connexions in the way of commerce with the empire of Japan, which, indeed, had entered into an offenſive and defenſive alli⯑ance with this country. The em⯑peror of China and the king of Co⯑rea having ſounded the ſovereign of Fumma, and found him well diſpoſ⯑ed [130] to enter into their meaſures, com⯑municated their ſcheme, in which he immediately concurred. They call⯑ed upon him in public, as their friend and ally, to join them againſt the Japoneſe, as the inveterate enemy of the religion of Fo, and as an inſolent people, who affect⯑ed a deſpotiſm at ſea, to the detri⯑ment and deſtruction of all their neighbours; plainly declaring that he muſt either immediately break with the Dairo, or expect an inva⯑ſion on the ſide of Corea. The prince of Fumma affected to complain loudly of this iniquitous propoſal; he made a merit of rejecting the alter⯑native; and immediately demanded of the court of Meaco, the ſuccours ſtipulated in the treaty of alliance, in order to defend his dominions. In all appearance, indeed, there was no time to be loſt; for the monarchs of China and Corea declared war againſt [131] him without further heſitation; and uniting their forces on that ſide, or⯑dered them to enter the land of Fum⯑ma, after having given ſatisfactory aſſurances in private, that the prince had nothing to fear from their hoſ⯑tilities.

Yak-ſtrot was not much embar⯑raſſed on this occaſion. Without ſuſpecting the leaſt colluſion among the parties, he reſolved to take the prince of Fumma under his pro⯑tection, thereunto moved by divers conſiderations. Firſt and foremoſt, he piqued himſelf upon his good faith: ſecondly, he knew that the trade with Fumma was of great conſequence to Japan; and therefore concluded that his ſupporting the ſo⯑vereign of it would be a popular meaſure: thirdly, he hoped that the multiplication of expence incurred by this new war, would make the blatant beaſt wince under its burden, [132] and of conſequence reconcile it to the thoughts of a general pacifica⯑tion, which he had very much at heart. Mean while he haſtened the neceſſary ſuccours to the land of Fumma, and ſent thither an old ge⯑neral called Le-yaw-ter, in order to concert with the prince and his mi⯑niſters the operations of the cam⯑paign.

This officer was counted one of the ſhrewdeſt politicians in Japan, and having reſided many years as ambaſſador in Fumma, was well ac⯑quainted with the genius of that people. He immediately diſcovered the ſcene which had been acted be⯑hind the curtain. He found that the prince of Fumma, far from having made any preparations for his own defence, had actually withdrawn his garriſons from the frontier places, which were by this time peaceably occupied by the invading army of [133] Chineſe and Coreans: that the few troops he had, were without cloaths, arms, and diſcipline; and that he had amuſed the court of Meaco with falſe muſters, and a ſpecious ac⯑count of levies and preparations which had been made. In a word, though he could not learn the particulars, he comprehended the whole myſtery of the ſecret negotiations. He up⯑braided the miniſter of Fumma with perſidy, refuſed to aſſume the com⯑mand of the Japoneſe auxiliaries when they arrived, and returning to Meaco, communicated his diſcove⯑ries and ſuſpicions to the new Cu⯑boy. But he did not meet with that reception which he thought he de⯑ſerved for intelligence of ſuch impor⯑tance. Yak-ſtrot affected to doubt; perhaps, he was not really convinced; or, if he was, thought proper to tem⯑porize; and he was in the right for ſo doing. A rupture with Fumma [134] at this juncture, would have forced the prince to declare openly for the enemies of Japan; in which caſe the inhabitants of Niphon would have loſt the benefit of a very advanta⯑geous trade. They had already been great ſufferers in commerce by the breach with the king of Corea, whoſe ſubjects had been uſed to take off great quantities of the Ja⯑poneſe manufactures, for which they payed in gold and ſilver; and they could ill bear ſuch an additional loſs as an interruption of the trade with Fumma would have occaſioned. The Cuboy, therefore, continued to treat the prince of that country as a ſtaunch ally, who had ſacrificed every other conſideration to his good faith; and, far from reſtricting himſelf to the number of troops and Fune ſtipu⯑lated in the treaty, ſent over a much more numerous body of ſorces and ſhips of war; declaring, at the ſame [135] time, he would ſupport the people of Fumma with the whole power of Japan.

Such a conſiderable diverſion of the Japoneſe ſtrength could not fail to anſwer, in ſome meaſure, the ex⯑pectation of the two ſovereigns of China and Corea; but it did not prevent the ſucceſs of the expedi⯑tions which were actually employed againſt their colonies in the Indian ocean. It was not in his power, however, to protect Fumma, had the invaders been in earneſt: but the combined army of the Chineſe and Coreans had orders to protract the war; and, inſtead of penetrating to the capital, at a time when the Fum⯑mians, tho' joined with the auxi⯑liaries of Japan, were not numerous enough to look them in the face, they made a full-ſtop in the middle of their march, and quietly retired into ſummer quarters.

[136] The additional incumbrance of a new continental war, redoubled the Cuboy's deſire of peace; and his in⯑clination being known to the ene⯑my, who were alſo ſick of the war, they had recourſe to the good offices of a certain neutral power, called Sab-oi, ſovereign of the moun⯑tains of Cambodia. This prince ac⯑cordingly offered his mediation at the court of Meaco, and it was immedi⯑ately accepted.—The negotiation for peace, which had been broke off in the miniſtry of Taycho, was now re⯑ſumed; an ambaſſador plenipotentiary arrived from Pekin; and Gotto-mio was ſent thither in the ſame ca⯑pacity, in order to adjuſt the ar⯑ticles, and ſign the preliminaries of peace.

While this new treaty was on the carpet, the armament equipped againſt Fan-yah under the command of the Quo Kep-marl, and the brave [137] admiral, who had ſignalized him⯑ſelf in the ſea of Kamtſchatka, re⯑duced that important place, where they became maſters of a ſtrong ſqua⯑dron of Fune belonging to the king of Corea, together with a very conſi⯑derable treaſure, ſufficient to indem⯑nify Japan for the expence of the expedition. This, though the moſt grievous, was not the only diſaſter which the war brought upon the Coreans. Their diſtant ſettlement of Lli-nam was likewiſe taken by general Tra-rep, and the inhabitants payed an immenſe ſum in order to redeem their capital from plun⯑der.

Theſe ſucceſſes did not at all re⯑tard the concluſion of the treaty, which was indeed become equally neceſſary to all the parties concerned. Japan, in particular, was in danger of being ruined by her conqueſts. The war had deſtroyed ſo many [138] men, that the whole empire could not afford a ſufficiency of recruits for the maintenance of the land-forces. All thoſe who had conquered Fat⯑ſiſio and Fan-yah, were already de⯑ſtroyed by hard duty and the diſeaſes of thoſe unhealthy climates: above two-thirds of the Fune were rotten in the courſe of ſervice; and the complements of mariners reduced to leſs than one half of their original numbers. Troops were actually want⯑ing to garriſon the new conqueſts. The finances of Japan were by this time drained to the bottom. One of her chief reſources was ſtopped by the rupture with Corea; while her expences were conſiderably augment⯑ed; and her national credit was ſtretched even to cracking. All theſe conſiderations ſtimulated more and more the Dairo and his Cuboy to conclude the work of peace.

[139] Mean while the enemies of Yak⯑ſtrot gave him no quarter nor reſ⯑pite. They vilified his parts, tra⯑duced his morals, endeavoured to in⯑timidate him with threats which did not even reſpect the Dairo, and ne⯑ver failed to inſult him whenever he appeared in public. It had been the cuſtom, time immemorial, for the chief magiſtrate of Meaco to make an entertainment for the Dairo and his empreſs, immediately after their nuptials, and to this banquet all the great Quos in Japan were invited. The perſon who filled the chair at preſent, was Rhum-kikh, an half-witted politician, ſelf-con⯑ceited, head-ſtrong, turbulent, and ambitious; a profeſſed worſhipper of Taycho, whoſe oratorial talents he admired, and attempted to imi⯑tate in the aſſemblies of the people, where he generally excited the laughter of his audience. By dint [140] of great wealth and extenſive traf⯑fick he became a man of conſe⯑quence among the mob, notwith⯑ſtanding an illiberal turn of mind, and an ungracious addreſs; and now he reſolved to uſe this influence for the glory of Taycho and the diſgrace of the Ximian favourite. Legion was tutored for the purpoſe, and moreover, well primed with a fiery cauſtic ſpirit in which Rhum-kikh was a conſiderable dealer. The Dairo and his young empreſs were received by him and his council with a ſul⯑len formality in profound ſilence. The Cuboy was pelted as he paſſed along, and his litter almoſt over⯑turned by the monſter, which yelled, and brayed, and hooted without ceaſ⯑ing, until he was houſed in the ci⯑ty-hall, where he met with every ſort of mortification from the en⯑tertainer as well as the ſpectators. At length Mr. Orator Taycho, with [141] his couſin Lob-kob, appearing in a triumphal car at the city-gate, the blatant beaſt received them with loud huzzas, unharneſſed their horſes, and putting itſelf in the traces, drew them through the ſtreets of Meaco, which reſounded with acclamation. They were received with the ſame exultation within the hall of enter⯑tainment, where their ſovereign and his conſort ſat altogether unhonoured and unnoticed.

A ſmall ſquadron of Chineſe Fune having taken poſſeſſion of a defenceleſs fiſhery belonging to Ja⯑pan, in the neighbourhood of Fat⯑ſiſio, the emiſſaries of Taycho mag⯑nified this event into a terrible misfortune, ariſing from the mal⯑adminiſtration of the new Cuboy: nay, they did not ſcruple to affirm, that he had left the fiſhing-town de⯑fenceleſs on purpoſe that it might be taken by the enemy. This cla⯑mour, [142] however, was of ſhort dura⯑tion. The Quo Phyl-Kholl, who commanded a few Fune in one of the harbours of Fatſiſio, no ſooner re⯑ceived intelligence of what had hap⯑pened, than he embarked what troops were at hand, and ſailing directly to the place, obliged the enemy to aban⯑don their conqueſt with precipita⯑tion and diſgrace.

In the midſt of theſe tranſactions, the peace was ſigned, ratified, and even approved in the great national council of the Quos, as well as in the aſſembly of the people. The truth is, the miniſter of Japan has it always in his power to ſecure a majority in both theſe conventions, by means that may be eaſily gueſſed; and thoſe were not ſpared on this occaſion. Yak-ſtrot, in a ſpeech, harangued the great council, who were not a little ſurpriſed to hear him ſpeak with ſuch propriety and [143] extent of knowledge; for he had been repreſented as tongue-tied, and in point of elocution, little better than the palfrey he rode. He now vindicated all the ſteps he had taken ſince his acceſſion to the helm: he demonſtrated the neceſſity of a paci⯑fication; explained and deſcanted upon every article of the treaty; and finally, declared his conſcience was ſo clear in this matter, that when he died, he ſhould deſire no other en⯑comium to be engraved on his tomb, but that he was the author of this peace.

Nevertheleſs, the approbation of the council was not obtained with⯑out violent debate and altercation. The different articles were cenſured and inveighed againſt by the Fatz⯑man, the late Cuboy Fika-kaka, Lob-kob, Sti-phi-rum-poo, Nin-kom-poo-poo, and many other Quos; but, at the long-run, the influence [144] of the preſent miniſtry predominat⯑ed. As for Taycho, he exerted him⯑ſelf in a very extraordinary effort to depreciate the peace in the aſſembly of the people. He had for ſome days pretended to be dangerouſly ill, that he might make a merit of his patriotiſm by ſhewing a contempt for his own life, when the good of his country was at ſtake. In order to excite the admiration of the pub⯑lic, and render his appearance in the aſſembly the more ſtriking, he was carried thither on a kind of hand⯑barrow, wrapped up in flannel, with three woollen night-caps on his head, efcorted by Legion, which yelled, and brayed, and whooped, and hol⯑lowed, with ſuch vociferation, that every ſtreet of Meaco rung with hideous clamour. In this equipage did Taycho enter the aſſembly, where, being held up by two adherents, he, after a prelude of groans to rouſe the [145] attention of his audience, began to declaim againſt the peace as inade⯑quate, ſhameful, and diſadvantageous: nay, he ventured to ſtigmatize every ſeparate article, though he knew it was in the power of each individual of his hearers, to confront him with the terms to which he had ſubſcrib⯑ed the preceding year, in all reſpects leſs honourable and advantageous to his country. Inconſiſtencies equally glaring and abſurd he had often crammed down the throats of the multitude: but they would not go down with this aſſembly of the peo⯑ple, which, in ſpite of his flannel, his night-caps, his crutches, and his groans, confirmed the treaty of peace by a great majority. Not that they had any great reaſon to applaud the peace-makers, who might have dic⯑tated their own terms, had they proceeded with more ſagacity and leſs precipitation. But Fokh-ſi⯑rokhu [146] and his brother undertakers, having the treaſure of Japan at their command, had anointed the greateſt part of the aſſembly with a certain precious ſalve, which preſerved them effectually from the faſcinating arts of Taycho.

This Orator, incenſed at his bad ſucceſs within doors, renewed and redoubled his operations without. He exaſperated Legion aganſt Yak-ſtrot to ſuch a pitch of rage, that the monſter could not hear the Cuboy's name three times pronounced with⯑out falling into fits. His confede⯑rate Lob-kob, in the courſe of his re⯑ſearches, found out two originals ad⯑mirably calculated for executing his vengeance againſt the Ximian fa⯑vourite. One of them, called Llur⯑chir, a profligate Bonze, degraded for his lewd life, poſſeſſed a won⯑derful talent of exciting different paſſions in the blatant beaſt, by dint [147] of quaint rhimes, which were ſaid to be inſpirations of the daemon of obloquy, to whom he had ſold his ſoul. Theſe oracles not only com⯑manded the paſſions, but even in⯑fluenced the organs of the beaſt in ſuch a manner, as to occaſion an evacuation either upwards or down⯑wards, at the pleaſure of the operator. The other, known by the name of Jan-ki-dtzin, was counted the beſt markſman in Japan in the art and myſtery of dirt-throwing. He poſ⯑ſeſſed the art of making balls of filth, which were famous for ſtick⯑ing and ſtinking; and theſe he threw with ſuch dexterity, that they very ſeldom miſſed their aim. Being re⯑duced to a low ebb of fortune by his debaucheries, he had made advances to the new Cuboy, who had rejected his proffered ſervices, on account of his immoral character: a prudiſh punctilio, which but ill became Yak-ſtrot, who had payed very little re⯑gard [148] to reputation in chooſing ſome of the colleagues he had aſſociated in his adminiſtration. Be that as it may, he no ſooner underſtood that Mr. Orator Taycho was buſy in pre⯑paring for an active campaign, than he likewiſe began to put himſelf in a poſture of defence. He hired a body of mercenaries, and provided ſome dirt-men and rhymers. Then, taking the field, a ſharp conteſt and pelting-match enſued: but the diſ⯑pute was ſoon terminated. Yak-ſtrot's verſifiers turned out no great conjurers, on the trial. They were not ſuch favourites of the daemon as Llur-chir. The rhimes they uſed, produced no other effect upon Le⯑gion, but that of ſetting it a-bray⯑ing. The Cuboy's dirt-men, how⯑ever, played their parts tolerably well. Though their balls were in⯑ferior in point of compoſition to thoſe of Jan-ki-dtzin, they did not fail to diſcompoſe Orator Taycho and [149] his friend Lob-kob, whoſe eyes were ſeen to water with the ſmart occa⯑ſioned by thoſe miſſiles: but theſe laſt had a great advantage over their adverſaries, in the zeal and attach⯑ment of Legion, whoſe numerous tongues were always ready to lick off the ordure that ſtuck to any part of their leaders; and this they did with ſuch ſigns of ſatisfaction, as ſeemed to indicate an appetite for all manner of filth.

Yak-ſtrot having ſuffered woſully in his own perſon, and ſeeing his partiſans in confuſion, thought pro⯑per to retreat. Yet, although diſ⯑comfited, he was not diſcouraged. On the contrary, having at bottom a fund of fanaticiſm which, like ca⯑momile, grows the faſter for being trod upon, he became more obſtinately bent than ever upon proſecuting his own ſchemes for the good of the people in their own deſpite. His [150] vanity was likewiſe buoyed up by the flattery of his creatures, who ex⯑tolled the paſſive courage he had ſhewn in the late engagement. Tho' every part of him ſtill tingled and ſtunk from the balls of the enemy, he perſuaded himſelf that not one of their miſſiles had taken place; and of conſequence, that there was ſome⯑thing of divinity in his perſon. Full of this notion, he diſcarded his rhym⯑ſters and his dirt-caſters as unneceſ⯑ſary, and reſolved to bear the brunt of the battle in his own individual.

Fokh-ſi-rokhu adviſed him, ne⯑vertheleſs, to fill his trowſers with gold Obans, which he might throw at Legion in caſe of neceſſity, aſſur⯑ing him that this was the only am⯑munition which the monſter could not withſtand. The advice was good; and the Cuboy might have followed it, without being obliged to the trea⯑ſury of Japan; for he was by this [151] time become immenſely rich, in conſequence of having found a hoard in digging his garden: but this was an expedient which Yak-ſtrot could never be prevailed upon to uſe, either on this or any other occaſion. In⯑deed, he was now ſo convinced of his own perſonal energy, that he perſuaded his maſter Gio-gio to come forth and ſee it operate on the bla⯑tant beaſt. Accordingly the Dairo aſcended his car of ſtate, while the Cuboy, arrayed in all his trappings, ſtood before him with the reins in his own hand, and drove directly to the enemy, who waited for him without flinching. Being arrived within dung-ſhot of Jan-ki-dtzin, he made a halt, and putting himſelf in the attitude of the idol Fo, with a ſimper in his countenance, ſeemed to invite the warrior to make a full diſcharge of his artillery. He did not long wait in ſuſpence. The balls ſoon [152] began to whizz about his ears; and a great number took effect upon his perſon. At length, he received a ſhot upon his right temple which brought him to the ground. All his gewgaws fluttered, and his buck⯑ram doublet rattled as he fell. Llur-chir no ſooner beheld him proſ⯑trate, than advancing with the mon⯑ſter, he began to repeat his rhymes, at which every mouth and every tail of Legion was opened and liſt⯑ed up; and ſuch a torrent of filth ſquirted from theſe channels, that the unfortunate Cuboy was quite overwhelmed. Nay, he muſt have been actually ſuffocated where he lay, had not ſome of the Dairo's at⯑tendants interpoſed and reſcued him from the vengeance of the mon⯑ſter. He was carried home in ſuch an unſavoury pickle, that his family ſmelled his diſaſter long before he came in ſight; and when he appear⯑ed [153] in this woeful condition, cover⯑ed with ordure, blinded with dirt, and even deprived of ſenſe and mo⯑tion, his wife was ſeized with hyſ⯑terica paſſio. He was immediately ſtripped and waſhed, and other means being uſed for his recovery, he in a little time retrieved his recol⯑lection.

He was now pretty well unde⯑ceived, with reſpect to the divinity of his perſon: but his enthuſiaſm took a new turn. He aſpired to the glory of martyrdom, and reſolved to devote himſelf as a victim to patri⯑otic virtue. While his attendants were employed in waſhing off the filth that ſtuck to his beard, he recited in a theatrical tone, the ſtanza of a famous Japoneſe bard, whoſe ſoul afterwards tranſmigrated into the body of the Roman poet Horatius Flaccus, and inſpired him [154] with the ſame ſentiment in the La⯑tin tongue.

His friends hearing him declare his reſolution of dying for his coun⯑try, began to fear that his under⯑ſtanding was diſturbed. They ad⯑viſed him to yield to the torrent, which was become too impetuous to ſtem; to reſign the Cuboyſhip quietly, and reſerve his virtues for a more favourable occaſion. In vain his friends remonſtrated: in vain his wife and children employed their tears and intreaties to the ſame pur⯑poſe. He lent a deaf ear to all their ſollicitations, until they began to drop ſome hints that ſeemed to im⯑ply [155] a ſuſpicion of his inſanity, which alarmed him exceedingly; and the Dairo himſelf ſignifying to him in pri⯑vate, that it was become abſolutely ne⯑ceſſary to temporize, he reſigned the reins of government with a heavy heart, though not before he was aſſured that he ſhould ſtill continue to exert his influence behind the curtain,

Gio-gio's own perſon had not eſcaped untouched in the laſt ſkir⯑miſh. Jan-ki-dtzin was tranſported to ſuch a pitch of inſolence, that he aimed ſome balls at the Dairo, and one of them taking place exactly betwixt the eyes, defiled his whole viſage. Had the laws of Japan been executed in all their ſeveri⯑ty againſt this audacious plebeian, he would have ſuffered crucifixion on the ſpot: but Gio-gio, being good-natured even to a fault, con⯑tented himſelf with ordering ſome [156] of his attendants to apprehend and put him in the public ſtocks, after having ſeized the whole cargo of filth which he had collected at his habitation for the manufacture of his balls. Legion was no ſooner informed of his diſgrace, than it re⯑leaſed him by force, being therein comforted and abetted by the de⯑claration of a puny magiſtrate, cal⯑led Praff-patt-phogg, who ſeized this, as the only opportunity he ſhould ever find of giving himſelf any conſequence in the common⯑wealth. Accordingly, the monſter hoiſting him and Jan-ki-dtzin on their ſhoulders, went in proceſſion through the ſtreets of Meaco, hol⯑lowing, huzzaing, and extolling this venerable pair of patriots as the Pal⯑ladia of the liberty of Japan.

The monſter's officious zeal on this occaſion, was far from being agreeable to Mr. Orator Taycho, [157] who took umbrage at this exalta⯑tion of his two underſtrappers, and from that moment devoted Jan-ki-dtzin to deſtruction. The Dairo finding it abſolutely neceſſary for the ſupport of his government, that this dirt-monger ſhould be puniſh⯑ed, gave directions for trying him according to the laws of the land. He was ignominiouſly expelled from the aſſembly of the people, where his old patron Taycho not only diſ⯑claimed him, but even repreſented him as a worthleſs atheiſt and ſower of ſedition: but he eſcaped the weight of a more ſevere ſentence in another tribunal, by retreating without beat of drum, into the ter⯑ritories of China, where he found an aſylum, from whence he made divers ineffectual appeals to the mul⯑titudinous beaſt at Niphon.

As for Yak-ſtrot, he was every thing but a down-right martyr to [158] the odium of the public, which pro⯑duced a ferment all over the nation. His name was become a term of reproach. He was burnt or cruci⯑fied in effigy in every city, town, village, and diſtrict of Niphon. Even his own countrymen, the Ximians, held him in abhorrence and execra⯑tion. Notwithſtanding his parti⯑ality to the natale ſolum, he had not been able to provide for all thoſe adventurers who came from thence in conſequence of his promo⯑tion. The whole number of the diſappointed became his enemies of courſe; and the reſt finding them⯑ſelves expoſed to the animoſity and ill offices of their fellow-ſubjects of Niphon, who hated the whole com⯑munity for his ſake, inveighed againſt Yak-ſtrot as the curſe of their na⯑tion.

In the midſt of all this deteſtation and diſgrace, it muſt be owned for [159] the ſake of truth, that Yak-ſtrot was one of the honeſteſt men in Japan, and certainly the greateſt benefactor to the empire. Juſt, up⯑right, ſincere, and charitable; his heart was ſuſceptible of friendſhip and tenderneſs. He was a virtu⯑ous huſband, a fond father, a kind maſter, and a zealous friend. In his public capacity he had nothing in view but the advantage of Japan, in the proſecution of which he flattered himſelf he ſhould be able to diſplay all the abilities of a pro⯑found ſtateſman, and all the virtues of the moſt ſublime patriotiſm. It was here he over-rated his own im⯑portance. His virtue became the dupe of his vanity. Nature had de⯑nied him ſhining talents, as well as that eaſineſs of deportment, that af⯑fability, liberal turn, and verſatile genius, without which no man can ever figure at the head of an admi⯑niſtration. [160] Nothing could be more abſurd than his being charged with want of parts and underſtanding to guide the helm of government, conſidering how happily it had been conducted for many years by Fika-kaka, whoſe natural genius would have been found unequal even to the art and myſtery of wool-combing. Beſides, the war had proſpered in his hands as much as it ever did under the auſpices of his predeceſſor; though, as I have be⯑fore obſerved, neither the one nor the other could juſtly claim any merit from its ſucceſs.

But Yak-ſtrot's ſervices to the public, were much more important in another reſpect. He had the reſolution to diſſolve the ſhameful and pernicious engagements which the empire had contracted on the continent of Tartary. He lightened the intolerable burthens of the em⯑pire: [161] he ſaved its credit when it was ſtretched even to burſting. He made a peace, which, if not the moſt glorious that might have been ob⯑tained, was, at leaſt, the moſt ſolid and advantageous that ever Japan had concluded with any power what⯑ſoever; and, in particular, much more honourable, uſeful, and aſcer⯑tained, than that which Taycho had agreed to ſubſcribe the preced⯑ing year; and, by this peace, he put an end to all the horrors of a cruel war, which had ravaged the beſt parts of Aſia, and deſtroyed the lives of ſix hundred thouſand men every year. On the whole, Yak-ſtrot's good qualities were reſpect⯑able. There was very little vi⯑cious in his compoſition; and as to his follies, they were rather the ſubjects of ridicule than of reſent⯑ment.

[162] Yak-ſtrot's ſubalterns in the mi⯑niſtry, rejoiced in ſecret at his running ſo far into the north of Legion's diſ⯑pleaſure. Nay, it was ſhrewdly ſuſ⯑pected that ſome of their emiſſaries had been very active againſt him in the day of his diſcomfiture. They flattered themſelves, that if he could be effectually driven from the pre⯑ſence of the Dairo, they would ſuc⯑ceed to his influence; and in the mean time would acquire popularity by turning tail to, and kicking at, the Ximian favourite, who had aſſo⯑ciated them in the adminiſtration in conſequence of their vowing eternal attachment to his intereſt, and con⯑ſtant ſubmiſſion to his will. Having held a ſecret conclave to concert their operations, they began to exe⯑cute their plan, by ſeducing Yak-ſtrot into certain odious meaſures of raiſing new impoſitions on the peo⯑ple, which did not fail, indeed, to [163] increaſe the clamour of the blatant Beaſt, and promote its filthy diſ⯑charge upwards and downwards; but then the torrents were divided, and many a tail was lifted up againſt the real projectors of the ſcheme which the favourite had adopted. They now reſolved to make a merit with the Mobile, by picking a ger⯑man quarrel with Strot, and inſult⯑ing him in public. Gotto-mio cauſed a ſcrubbing-poſt to be ſet up in the night, at the Cuboy's door.—The ſcribe Zan-ti-fic preſented him with a ſcheme for the importation of brimſtone into the iſland of Ximo: the other ſcribe pretended he could not ſpell the barbarous names of the Cuboy's relations and countrymen, who were daily thruſt into the moſt lucrative employments. As for Twitz-er the Financier, he never approached Yak-ſtrot without claw⯑ing his knuckles in deriſion. At the [164] council of Twenty-Eight, they thwarted every plan he propoſed, and turned into ridicule every word he ſpoke. At length they bluntly told the Dairo, that as Yak-ſtrot re⯑ſigned the reins of adminiſtration in public, he muſt likewiſe give up his management behind the curtain; for they were not at all diſpoſed to anſwer to the people for meaſures dictated by an inviſible agent. This was but a reaſonable demand, in which the emperor ſeemed to ac⯑quieſce. But the new miniſters thought it was requiſite that they ſhould commit ſome overt act of contempt for the abdicated Cuboy. One of his neareſt relations had ob⯑tained a profitable office in the iſland of Ximo; and of this, the new ca⯑bal inſiſted he ſhould be immediate⯑ly deprived. The Dairo remonſtrated againſt the injuſtice of turning a man out of his place for no other [165] reaſon but to ſatisfy their caprice; and plainly told them he could not do it without infringing his honour, as he had given his word that the poſſeſſor ſhould enjoy the poſt for life. Far from being ſatisfied with this declaration, they urged their de⯑mand with redoubled importunity, mixed with menaces which equally embarraſſed and incenſed the good⯑natured Dairo. At laſt Yak-ſtrot, taking compaſſion upon his indul⯑gent maſter, prevailed upon his kinſman to releaſe him from the obligation of his word, by making a voluntary reſignation of his office. The Dairo fell ſick of vexation: his life was deſpaired of; and all Japan was filled with alarm and ap⯑prehenſion at the proſpect of an in⯑fant's aſcending the throne: for the heir apparent was ſtill in the cradle.

Their fears, however, were hap⯑pily diſappointed by the recovery of [166] the emperor, who, to prevent as much as poſſible the inconvenien⯑ces that might attend his demiſe, during the minority of his ſon, re⯑ſolved that a regency ſhould be eſta⯑bliſhed and ratified by the ſtates of the empire. The plan of this re⯑gency he concerted in private with the venerable princeſs his grand⯑mother, and his friend Yak-ſtrot; and then communicated the deſign to his miniſters, who knowing the quarter from whence it had come, treated it with coldneſs and con⯑tempt. They were ſo elevated by their laſt triumph over the Ximian favourite, that they overlooked eve⯑ry obſtacle to their ambition; and determined to render the Dairo de⯑pendant on them, and them only. With this view they threw cold water on the preſent meaſure; and to mark their hatred of the fa⯑vourite more ſtrongly in the eyes of [167] Legion, they endeavoured to exclude the name of his patroneſs the Dairo's grandmother, from the deed of re⯑gency, though their malice was fruſ⯑trated by the vigilance of Yak-ſtrot, and the indignation of the ſtates, who reſented this affront offered to the family of their ſovereign.

The tyranny of this junto became ſo intolerable to Gio-gio, that he re⯑ſolved to ſhake off their yoke, what⯑ever might be the conſequence: but before any effectual ſtep was taken for this purpoſe, Yak-ſtrot, who un⯑derſtood mechanics, and had ſtudi⯑ed the art of puppet-playing, tried an experiment on the organs of the cabal, which he tempered with in⯑dividually without ſucceſs. Inſtead of uttering what he prompted, the ſounds came out quite altered in their paſſage. Gotto-mio grunted; the Fi⯑nancier Twitz-er bleated, or rather brayed; one ſcribe mewed like a [168] cat; the other yelped like a jack⯑all. In ſhort, they were found ſo perverſe and refractory, that the ma⯑ſter of the motion kicked them off the ſtage, and ſupplied the ſcene with a new ſet of puppets made of very extraordinary materials. They were the very figures through whoſe pipes the charge of mal-adminiſtra⯑tion had been ſo loudly ſounded againſt the Ximian favourite. They were now muſtered by the Fatzman, and hung upon the pegs of the very ſame puppet-ſhew-man againſt whom they had ſo vehemently inveighed. Even the ſuperannuated Fika-kaka ap⯑peared again upon the ſtage as an actor of ſome conſequence; and inſiſted upon it, that his metamorphoſis was a meer calumny. But Taycho and Lob-kob kept aloof, becauſe Yak-ſtrot had not yet touched them on the proper keys.

[169] The firſt exhibition of the new puppets, was called Topſy-turvy, a farce in which they overthrew all the paper houſes which their pre⯑deceſſors had built: but they per⯑formed their parts in ſuch confu⯑ſion, that Yak-ſtrot interpoſing to keep them in order, received divers contuſions and ſevere kicks on the ſhins, which made his eyes water; and, indeed, he had in a little time reaſon enough to repent of the re⯑volution he had brought about. The new ſticks of adminiſtration proved more ſtiff and unmanageable than the former; and thoſe he had diſ⯑carded, aſſociating with the blatant Beaſt, bedaubed him with ſuch a variety of filth, drained from all the ſewers of ſcurrility, that he really became a public nuiſance. Gotto-mio pretended remorſe of conſcience, and declared he would impeach Yak-ſtrot for the peace [170] which he himſelf had negotiated. Twitz-er ſnivelled and cried, and caſt figures to prove that Yak-ſtrot was born for the deſtruction of Japan; and Zan-ti-fic lured an incendiary Bonze called Toks, to throw fire-balls by night into the palace of the favourite.

In this diſtreſs Strot caſt his eyes on Taycho the monſter⯑tamer, who alone ſeemed able to over-ballance the weight of all other oppoſition; and to him he made large advances accordingly; but his of⯑fers were ſtill inadequate to the ex⯑pectations of that Demagogue, who, nevertheleſs, put on a face of capitu⯑lation. He was even heard to ſay that Yak-ſtrot was an honeſt man and a good miniſter: nay, he declared he would aſcend the higheſt pin⯑nacle of the higheſt pagod in Japan, and proclaim that Yak-ſtrot had ne⯑ver, directly nor indirectly, meddled with adminiſtration ſince he reſign⯑ed [171] the public office of miniſter. Finding him, however, tardy and phlegmatic in his propoſals, he thought proper to change his phraſe, and in the next aſſembly of the peo⯑ple ſwore, with great vociferation, that the ſaid Yak-ſtrot was the greateſt rogue that ever eſcaped the gallows. This was a neceſſary fillip to Yak-ſtrot, and operated upon him ſo effectu⯑ally, that he forthwith ſent a charte blanche to the great Taycho, and a treaty was immediately ratified on the following conditions: That the ſaid Taycho ſhould be raiſed to the rank of Quanbuku, and be appointed conſervator of the Dairo's ſignet: that no ſtate meaſure ſhould be taken without his expreſs approbation: that his creature the lawyer Praff⯑fog ſhould be ennobled and prefer⯑red to the moſt eminent place in the tribunals of Japan; and that all his friends and dependants ſhould be [172] provided for at the public expence, in ſuch a manner as he himſelf ſhould propoſe. His kinſman Lob-kob, however, was not comprehended in this treaty, the articles of which he inveighed againſt with ſuch acri⯑mony, that a rupture enſued betwixt theſe two originals. The truth is, Lob-kob was now ſo full of his own importance, that nothing leſs than an equal ſhare of adminiſtration would ſatisfy his ambition; and this was neither in Taycho's power nor inclination to grant.

The firſt conſequence of this treaty was a new ſhift of hands, and a new dance of miniſters. The chair of pre⯑cedency was pulled from under the antiquated Fika-kaka, who fell upon his back; and his heels flying up, diſcovered but too plainly the melan⯑choly truth of his metamorphoſis. All his colleagues were diſcarded, except thoſe who thought proper to [173] temporize and join in dancing the hay, according as they were actu⯑ated by the new partners of the pup⯑pet-ſhew. This coalition was the greateſt maſter-piece in politics that ever Yak-ſtrot performed. Taycho, the formidable Taycho! whom in his ſingle perſon he dreaded more than all his other enemies of Japan united, was now become his coadju⯑tor, abettor, and advocate; and, which was ſtill of more conſequence to Strot, that Demagogue was forſaken of his good genius Legion.

The many-headed Monſter would have ſwallowed down every other ſpecies of tergiverſation in Taycho, except a coalition with the deteſted favourite, and the title of Quo, by which he formally renounced its ſo⯑ciety: but theſe were articles which the mongrel could not digeſt. The tidings of this union threw the Beaſt into a kind of ſtupor, from which it [174] was rouſed by bliſters and cauteries applied by Gotto-mio, Twitz-er, Zan-ti-fic, with his underſtrapper Toks, now reinforced by Fika-kaka, and his diſcarded aſſociates: for their common hatred to Yak-ſtrot, like the rod of Moſes, ſwallowed up every diſtinction of party, and every ſug⯑geſtion of former animoſity; and they concurred with incredible zeal, in rouſing Legion to a due ſenſe of Taycho's apoſtacy. The Beaſt, ſo ſti⯑mulated, howled three days and three nights ſucceſſively at Taycho's gate; then was ſeized with a convulſion, that went off with an evacuation upwards and downwards, ſo offen⯑ſive, that the very air was infected.

The horrid ſounds of the Beaſt's lamentation, the noxious effluvia of its filthy diſcharge, joined to the poignant remorſe which Taycho felt at finding his power over Legion diſſolved, occaſioned a com⯑motion [175] in his brain; and this led him into certain extravagancies, which gave his enemies a handle to ſay he was actually inſane. His former friends and partizans thought the beſt apology they could make for the inconſiſtency of his conduct, was to ſay he was non compos; and this report was far from being diſagree⯑able to Yak-ſtrot, becauſe it would at any time furniſh him with a plau⯑ſible pretence to diſſolve the partner⯑ſhip, at which he inwardly repined: for it was neceſſity alone that drove him to a partition of his power with a man ſo incapable of acting in con⯑cert with any collegue whatſoever.

In the mean time Gotto-mio and his aſſociates left no ſtone unturned to acquire the ſame influence over Le⯑gion, which Taycho had ſo eminently poſſeſſed: but the Beaſt's faculties, ſlender as they were, ſeemed now greatly impaired, in conſequence of [176] that arch empiric's practices upon its conſtitution. In vain did Gotto-mio hoop and hollow: in vain did Twitz-er tickle its long ears: in vain did Zan-ti-fic apply ſternutatories, and his Bonze adminiſter inflammatory glyſters; the monſter could never be brought to a right underſtanding, or at all concur with their deſigns, ex⯑cept in one inſtance, which was its antipathy to the Ximian favourite. This had become ſo habitual, that it acted mechanically upon its organs, even after it had loſt all other ſigns of recognition. As often as the name of Yak-ſtrot was pronounced, the Beaſt began to yell; and all the uſual conſequences enſued: but when⯑ever his new friends preſumed to mount him, he threw himſelf on his back, and rolled them in the kennel at the hazard of their lives.

One would imagine there was ſome leaven in the nature of Yak⯑ſtrot, [177] that ſoured all his ſubalterns who were natives of Niphon; for how⯑ſoever they promiſed all ſubmiſſion to his will before they were admit⯑ted into his motion, they no ſooner found themſelves acting characters in his drama, than they began to thwart him in his meaſures; ſo that he was plagued by thoſe he had taken in, and perſecuted by thoſe he had driven out. The two great props which he had been at ſo much pains to pro⯑vide, now failed him. Taycho was grown crazy, and could no longer manage the monſter; and Quam-ba⯑cundono the Fatzman, whoſe autho⯑rity had kept ſeveral puppets in awe, died about this period. Theſe two circumſtances were the more alarm⯑ing, as Gotto-mio and his crew be⯑gan to gain ground, not only in their endeavours to rouſe the Monſter, but alſo in tampering with ſome of the acting puppets, to join their cabal [178] and make head againſt their maſter. Theſe exoterics grew ſo refractory, that when he tried to wheel them to the right, they turned to the left about; and, inſtead of joining hands in the dance of politics, rapped their heads againſt each other with ſuch violence, that the noiſe of the colli⯑ſion was heard in the ſtreet; and if they had not been made of the hard⯑eſt wood in Japan, ſome of them would certainly have been ſplit in the encounter.

By this time Legionbegan to have ſome ſenſe of its own miſerable condi⯑tion. The effects of the yeaſt potions which it had drank ſo liberally from the hands of Taycho, now wore off. The fumes diſperſed; the illuſion va⯑niſhed; the flatulent tumor of its bel⯑ly diſappeared with innumerable ex⯑ploſions, leaving a hideous lankneſs and ſuch a canine appetite as all the eatables of Japan could not ſatisfy. [179] After having devoured the whole harveſt, it yawned for more, and grew quite outrageous in its hunger, threatening to feed on human fleſh, if not plentifully ſupplied with other viands. In this dilemma Yak-ſtrot convened the council of Twenty-Eight, where, in conſideration of the urgency of the caſe, it was reſolved to ſuſpend the law againſt the im⯑portation of foreign proviſions, and open the ports of Japan for the relief of the blatant Beaſt.

As this was veſting the Dairo with a diſpenſing power unknown to the conſtitution of Japan, it was thought neceſſary at the next aſſem⯑bly of the Quos and Quanbukus that conſtitute the legiſlature, to obtain a legal ſanction for that extraordinary exerciſe of prerogative, which nothing but the ſalus populi could excuſe. Up⯑on this occaſion it was diverting to ſee with what effrontery individuals [180] changed their principles with their places. Taycho the Quo, happen⯑ing to be in one of his lucid inter⯑vals, went to the aſſembly, ſupport⯑ed by his two creatures Praff-fog, and another limb of the law, called Lley-nah, ſurnamed Gurg-grog, or Curſe-mother; and this triumvirate, who had raiſed themſelves from no⯑thing to the firſt rank in the ſtate, by vilifying and inſulting the kingly power, and affirming that the Dairo was the ſlave of the people, now had the impudence to declare in the face of day, that in ſome caſes the empe⯑ror's power was abſolute, and that he had an inherent right to ſuſpend and ſuperſede the laws and ordinances of the legiſlature.

Mura-clami, who had been for ſome time eclipſed in his judicial capacity by the popularity of Praff-fog, did not fail to ſeize this opportunity of ex⯑poſing the character of his upſtart rival. [181] Though he had been all his life an humble retainer to the prerogative, he now made a parade of patriotiſm, and in a tide of eloquence bore down all the flimſy arguments which the triumvirate advanced. He demon⯑ſtrated the futility of their reaſoning, from the expreſs laws and cuſtoms of the empire; he expatiated on the pernicious tendency of their doctrine, and exhibited the inconſiſtency of their conduct in ſuch colours, that they muſt have hid their heads in confuſion, had they not happily con⯑quered all ſenſe of ſhame, and been well convinced that the majority of the aſſembly were not a whit more honeſt than themſelves. Mura-cla⯑mi enjoyed a momentary triumph; but his words made a very ſlight impreſſion; for it was his misfor⯑tune to be a Ximian; and if his vir⯑tues had been more numerous than [182] the hairs in his beard, this very cir⯑cumſtance would have ſhaved them clean away from the conſideration of the audience.

Taycho, opening the flood-gates of his abuſe, beſpattered all that oppoſed him. Lleynah, alias Curſe-mother, ſwore that he had got into the wrong⯑box; then turning to Praff-fog, ‘"Bro⯑ther Praff, (cried he) thou haſt now let down thy trowſers, and every raſcal in Japan will whip thy a—ſe!"’ Praff was afraid of the Beaſt's re⯑ſentment; but Taycho beſtrid him like a Coloſſus, and he crept through between his legs into a place of ſafety. This was the laſt time that the Orator appeared in public. Im⯑mediately after this occurrence it was found neceſſary to confine him to a dark chamber, and Yak-ſtrot was left to his own inventions.

In this dilemma he had recourſe [183] to the old expedient of changing hands; and as a prelude to this re⯑form, made advances to Gotto-mio, whom he actually detached from the oppoſition, by providing his friends and dependants with lucrative offices, and promiſing to take no ſteps of con⯑ſequence without his privity and ap⯑probation. A ſop was at the ſame time thrown to Twitz-er; Zan-ti-fic, lul⯑led with ſpecious promiſes, diſcarded Toks the incendiary Bonze; Lob-kob ſigned a neutrality, and old Fika-kaka was deprived of the uſe of ſpeech:—in a word, the ill-cemented con⯑federacy of Strot's exoteric foes fell aſunder; and Legion had now no rage but the rage of hunger to be appeaſed. But the Ximian favourite was ſtill thwarted in his operations behind the curtain; for he had ſo often chopped and changed the figures that compoſed his motion, [184] that they were all of different ma⯑terials; ſo wretchedly ſorted and ſo ill-toned, that when they came up⯑on the ſcene, they produced nothing but diſcord and diſorder.

The Japoneſe colony of Fatſiſio had been ſettled above a century, and in the face of a thouſand dangers and difficulties raiſed themſelves to ſuch conſideration, that they con⯑ſumed infinite quantities of the ma⯑nufactures of Japan, for which they payed their mother-country in gold and ſilver, and precious drugs, the produce of their plantations. The advantages which Japan reaped from this traffic with her own coloniſts, almoſt equalled the amount of what ſhe gained by her commerce with all the other parts of Aſia. Twitz-er, when he managed the finances of Ja⯑pan, had in his great wiſdom plan⯑ned, procured, and promulgated a [185] law ſaddling the Fatſiſians with a grievous tax to anſwer the occa⯑ſions of the Japoneſe government; an impoſition which ſtruck at the very vitals of their conſtitution, by which they were exempt from all burthens but ſuch as they fitted for their own ſhoulders. They raiſed a mighty clamour at this innovation, in which they were joined by Le⯑gion, at that time under the influ⯑ence of Taycho, who, in the aſſem⯑bly of the people, bitterly inveighed againſt the authors and abettors of ſuch an arbitrary and tyrannical meaſure. Their reproach and exe⯑creation did not ſtop at Twitz-er, but proceeded, as uſual, to Yak-ſtrot, who was the general butt at which all the arrows of ſlander, ſcurrility, and abuſe, were levelled. The pup⯑pets with which he ſupplied the places of Twitz-er and his aſſoci⯑ates, [186] in order to recommend them⯑ſelves to Legion, and perhaps, with a view to mortify the favourite, who had patronized the Fatſiſian tax, in⯑ſiſted upon withdrawing this impo⯑ſition, which was accordingly abro⯑gated, to the no ſmall diſgrace and contempt of the law-givers: but when theſe new miniſters were turn⯑ed out, to make way for Taycho and his friends, the intereſt of the Fat⯑ſiſians was again abandoned. Even the Orator himſelf declaimed againſt them with an unembarraſſed counte⯑nance, after they had raiſed ſtatues to him as their friend and patron; and meaſures were taken to make them feel all the ſeverity of an ab⯑ject dependance upon the legiſlature of Japan. Finally, Gotto-mio ac⯑ceded to this ſyſtem, which he had formerly approved in conjunction with Twitz-er; and preparations [187] were made for uſing compulſory meaſures, ſhould the coloniſts re⯑fuſe to ſubmit with a good grace.

The Fatſiſians, far from ac⯑quieſcing in theſe proceedings, re⯑ſolved to defend to the laſt extre⯑mity thoſe liberties which they had hitherto preſerved; and, as a proof of their independence, agreed among themſelves to renounce all the ſuper⯑fluities with which they had ſo long been furniſhed, at a vaſt expence, from the manufactures of Japan, ſince that nation had begun to act towards them with all the cruelty of a ſtep-mother. It was amazing to ſee and to hear how Legion raved, and ſlabbered, and ſnapped its multitu⯑dinous jaws in the ſtreets of Meaco, when it underſtood that the Fatſi⯑ſians were determined to live on what their own country afforded. They were repreſented and reviled [188] as ruffians, barbarians, and unnatu⯑ral monſters, who clapped the dag⯑ger to the breaſt of their indulgent mother, in preſuming to ſave them⯑ſelves the expence of thoſe ſuper⯑fluities, which, by the bye, her cruel impoſitions had left them no money to purchaſe. Nothing was heard in Japan but threats of puniſhing thoſe ungrateful coloniſts with whips and ſcorpions. For this purpoſe troops were aſſembled and fleets equipped; and the blatant Beaſt yawned with impa⯑tient expectation of being drenched with the blood of its fellow-ſubjects.

Yak-ſtrot was ſeized with hor⯑ror at the proſpect of ſuch ex⯑tremities; for, to give the devil his due, his diſpoſition was neither arbitrary nor cruel; but he had been hurried by evil counſellors into a train of falſe politics, the conſe⯑quences of which he did not fore⯑ſee. [189] He now ſummoned council after council to deliberate upon conciliatory expedients; but found the motley crew ſo divided by ſelf⯑intereſt, faction, and mutual rancour, that no conſiſtent plan could be formed: all was nonſenſe, clamour, and contradiction. The Ximian favourite now wiſhed all his puppets at the devil, and ſecretly curſed the hour in which he firſt undertook the motion. He even fell ſick of chagrin, and reſolved, in good ear⯑neſt, to withdraw himſelf intire⯑ly from the political helm, which he was now convinced he had no talents to guide. In the mean time, he tried to find ſome tem⯑porary alleviation to the evils oc⯑caſioned by the monſtrous incon⯑gruity of the members and ma⯑terials that compoſed his admini⯑ſtration. But before any effectual [190] meaſures could be taken, his evil ge⯑nius, ever active, brewed up a new ſtorm in another quarter, which had well-nigh ſwept him and all his projects into the gulph of perdition.