[]

THE LUCUBRATIONS OF Iſaac Bickerſtaff Eſq

Reviſed and Corrected by the Author.

VOL. I.

[...]
Homer.

LONDON, Printed by John Nutt, and ſold by John Morphew, near Stationers-Hall. MDCCXII.

TO Mr. Maynwaring.

[iii]
SIR,

THE State of Converſation and Buſineſs in this Town having been long perplexed with Pretenders in both Kinds, in order to open Men's Eyes againſt ſuch Abuſes, it appeared no unprofitable Undertaking to publiſh a Paper which ſhould obſerve upon the Manners of the Pleaſurable, as well as the Buſie Part of Mankind. To make this generally read, it ſeemed the moſt proper Method to form it by Way of a Letter of Intelligence, conſiſting of ſuch Parts as might gratify the Curioſity of Perſons of all Conditions, and of each Sex. [iv] But a Work of this Nature requiring Time to grow into the Notice of the World, it happened very luckily, that a little before I had reſolved upon this Deſign, a Gentleman had written Predictions, and Two or Three other Pieces in my Name, which had render'd it famous thro' all Parts of Europe; and by an inimitable Spirit and Humour, raiſed it to as high a Pitch of Reputation as it could poſſibly arrive at.

By this good Fortune, the Name of Iſaac Bickerſtaff gained an Audience of all who had any Taſte of Wit, and the Addition of the ordinary Occurrences of common Journals of News brought in a Multitude of other Readers. I could not, I confeſs, long keep up the Opinion of the Town, that theſe Lucubrations [v] were written by the ſame Hand with the firſt Works which were publiſhed under my Name; but before I loſt the Participation of that Author's Fame, I had already found the Advantage of his Authority, to which I owe the ſudden Acceptance which my Labours met with in the World.

The general Purpoſe of this Paper, is to expoſe the falſe Arts of Life, to pull off the Diſguiſes of Cunning, Vanity, and Affectation, and to recommend a general Simplicity in our Dreſs, our Diſcourſe, and our Behaviour. No Man has a better Judgment for the Diſcovery, or a nobler Spirit for the Contempt of all Impoſture, than your ſelf; which Qualities render you the moſt proper Patron for the Author of theſe Eſſays. In the general, the Deſign, [vi] however executed, has meet with ſo great Succeſs, that there is hardly a Name now eminent among us for Power, Wit, Beauty, Valour, or Wiſdom, which is not ſubſcribed, for the Encouragement of the Two Volumes in Octavo, on a Royal or Medium Paper. This is indeed an Honour for which it is impoſſible to expreſs a ſuitable Gratitude; and there is nothing could be an Addition to the Pleaſure I take in it, but the Reflection that it gives me the moſt conſpicuous Occaſion I can ever have, of ſubſcribing my ſelf,

SIR,
Your moſt Obliged, moſt Obedient, and moſt Humble Servant, Iſaac Bickerſtaff.

[No 1. THE TATLER:

[1]
Quicquid agunt Homines uoſtri Farrago Libelli.

THO' the other Papers which are publiſhed for the Uſe of the good People of England have certainly very wholſom Effects, and are laudable in their particular Kinds, they do not ſeem to come up to the main Deſign of ſuch Narrations, which I humbly preſume, ſhould be principally intended for the Uſe of politick Perſons, who are ſo publick-ſpirited as to neglect their own Affairs to look into Tranſactions of State. Now theſe Gentlemen, for the moſt Part, being Perſons of ſtrong Zeal, and weak Intellects, It is both a Charitable and Neceſſary Work to offer ſomething, whereby ſuch worthy and well-affected Members of the Commonwealth may be inſtructed, after their Reading, what to [2] think; which ſhall be the End and Purpoſe of this my Paper: Wherein I ſhall from Time to Time Report and Conſider all Matters of what Kind ſoever that ſhall occur to Me, and publiſh ſuch my Advices and Reflections every Tueſday, Thurſday, and Saturday in the Week, for the Convenience of the Poſt. I reſolved alſo to have ſomething which may be of Entertainment to the Fair Sex, in Honour of whom I have taken the Title of this Paper. I therefore earneſtly deſire all Perſons, without Diſtinction, to take it in for the preſent Gratis, and hereafter at the Price of One Penny, forbidding all Hawkers to take more for it at their Peril. And I deſire all Perſons to conſider, that I am at a very great Charge for proper Materials for this Work, as well as that before I reſolved upon it, I had ſettled a Correſpondence in all Parts of the Known and Knowing World. And foraſmuch as this Globe is not trodden upon by meer Drudges of Buſineſs only, but that Men of Spirit and Genius are juſtly to be eſteemed as conſiderable Agents in it, we ſhall not, upon a Dearth of News, preſent you with muſty Foreign Edicts, or dull Proclamations, but ſhall divide our Relation of the Paſſages which occur in Action or Diſcourſe throughout this Town as well as elſewhere, under ſuch Dates of Places as may prepare you for the Matter you are to expect, in the following Manner:

All Accounts of Gallantry, Pleaſure, and Entertainment, ſhall be under the Article of White's Chocolate-houſe; Poetry under that of Will's Coffee-houſe: Learning, under the Title of Graecian; Foreign and Domeſtick News, you will have from St. James's Coffee-houſe; and what elſe I have to offer on any other Subject ſhall be dated from my own Apartment.

I once more deſire my Reader to conſider, That as I cannot keep an ingenious Man to go daily to [3] Will's, under Twopence each Day mereby for his Charges; to White's, under Sixpence; nor to the Graecian, without allowing him ſome Plain Spaniſh, to be as able as others at the Learned Table; and that a good Obſerver cannot ſpeak with even Kidney at St. James's without clean Linnen. I ſay, theſe Conſiderations will, I hope, make all Perſons willing to comply with my Humble Requeſt (when my Gratis Stock is exhauſted) of a Penny a-piece; eſpecially ſince they are ſure of ſome proper Amuſement, and that it is impoſſible for me to want Means to entertain 'em, having, beſides the Force of my own Parts, the Power of Divination, and that I can, by caſting a Figure, tell you all that will happen before it comes to paſs.

But this laſt Faculty I ſhall uſe very ſparingly, and ſpeak but of few Things 'till they are paſſed for fear of divulging Matters which may offend our Superiors.

THE deplorable Condition of a very pretty Gentleman, who walks here at the Hours when Men of Quality firſt appear, is what is very much lamented. His Hiſtory is, That on the 9th of September 1705. being in his One and twentieth Year, he was waſhing his Teeth at a Tavern Window in Pall-mall, when a fine Equipage paſſed by, and in it a young Lady who looked up at him; away goes the Coach, and the young Gentleman pulled off his Nightcap, and inſtead of rubbing his Gums, as he ought to do out of the Window till about Four a Clock, ſits him down, and ſpoke not a Word till Twelve at Night; after which, he began to enquire, If any Body knew the Lady—The Company asked, What Lady? But he ſaid [4] no more, 'till they broke up at Six in the Morning. All the enſuing Winter he went from Church to Church every Sunday, and from Playhouſe to Playhouſe every Night in the Week, but could never find the Original of the Picture which dwelt in his Boſom. In a Word, his Attention to any Thing but his Paſſion, was utterly gone. He has loſt all the Money he ever played for, and been confuted in every Argument he has enter'd upon ſince the Moment he firſt ſaw her. He is of a Noble Family, has naturally a very good Air, and is of a frank, honeſt Temper: But this Paſſion has ſo extremely mauled him, that his Features are ſet and uninformed, and his whole Viſage is deaden'd by a long Abſence of Thought. He never appears in any Alacrity, but when raiſed by Wine; at which Time he is ſure to come hither, and throw away a great deal of Wit on Fellows, who have no Senſe further than juſt to obſerve, That our poor Lover has moſt Underſtanding when he is drunk, and is leaſt in his Senſes when he is ſober.

On Thurſday laſt was acted, for the Benefit of Mr. Betterton, the Celebrated Comedy, called Love for Love. Thoſe excellent Players, Mrs. Barry, Mrs. Bracegirdle, and Mr. Dogget, though not at preſent concerned in the Houſe, acted on that Occaſion. There has not b en known ſo great a Concourſe of Perſons of Diſtinction as at that Time; the Stage it ſelf was cover'd with Gentlemen and Ladies, and when the Curtain was drawn, it diſcovered even there a very ſplendid Audience. This unuſual Encouragement, which was given to a Play for the Advantage of ſo great an Actor, gives an undeniable Inſtance, That the true Reliſh for Manly Entertainments and Rational Pleaſures [5] is not wholly loſt. All the Parts were acted to Perfection: the Actors were careful of their Carriage, and no one was guilty of the Affection to inſert Witticiſms of his own, but a due Reſpect was had to the Audience, for encouraging this accompliſh'd Player. It is not now doubted but Plays will revive, and take their uſual Place in the Opinion of Perſons of Wit and Merit, notwithſtanding their late Apoſtacy in Favour of Dreſs and Sound. This Place is very much altered ſince Mr. Dryden frequented it; where you uſed to ſee Songs, Epigrams, and Satyrs, in the Hands of every Man you met, you have now only a Pack of Cards; and inſtead of the Cavils about the Turn of the Expreſſion, the Elegance of the Style, and the like, the Learned now diſpute only about the Truth of the Game. But however, the Company is altered, all have ſhewn a great Reſpect for Mr. Betterton: And the very Gaming Part of this Houſe have been ſo much touched with a Senſe of the Uncertainty of Humane Affairs, (which alter with themſelves every Moment) that in this Gentleman, they pitied Mark Anthony of Rome, Hamlet of Denmark, Mithridatus of Pontus, Theodoſius of Greece, and Henry the Eighth of England. It is well known, he has been in the Condition of each of thoſe illuſtrious Perſonages for ſeveral Hours together, and behaved himſelf in thoſe high Stations, in all the Changes of the Scene, with ſuitable Dignity. For theſe Reaſons, we intend to repeat this Favour to him on a proper Occaſion, leſt he who can inſtruct us ſo well in perſonating Feigned Sorrows, ſhould be loſt to us by ſuffering under Real Ones. The Town is at preſent in very great Expectation of ſeeing a Comedy now in Rehearſal, [6] which is the 25th Production of my Honoured Friend Mr. Thomas D'Urfey; who, beſides his great Abilities in the Dramatick, has a peculiar Talent in the Lyrick Way of Writing, and that with a Manner wholly new and unknown to the Ancient Greeks and Romans, wherein he is but faintly imitated in the Tranſlations of the Modern Italian Opera's.

Letters from the Hague of the 16th ſay, That Major-General Cadogan was gone to Bruſſels, with Orders to diſperſe proper Inſtructions for aſſembling the whole Force of the Allies in Flanders in the Beginning of the next Month. The late Offers concerning Peace, were made in the Style of Perſons who think themſelves upon equal Terms: But the Allies have ſo juſt a Senſe of their preſent Advantages, that they will not admit of a Treaty, except France offers what is more ſuitable to her preſent Condition. At the ſame Time we make Preparations, as if we were alarmed by a greater Force than that which we are carrying into the Field. Thus this Point ſeems now to be argued Sword in Hand. This was what a Great General alluded to, when being asked the Names of thoſe who were to be Plenipotentiaries for the enſuſuing Peace; anſwered, with a ſerious Air, There are about an Hundred thouſand of us. Mr. Kidney, who has the Ear of the greateſt Politicians that come hither, tells me, There is a Mail come in to Day with Letters, dated Hague, April 19. N. S. which ſay, a Deſign of bringing Part of our Troops into the Field at the latter End of this Month, is now altered to a Reſolution of marching towards the Camp about the 20th of the next. There happened t'other Day, in the Road of Scheveling, an Engagement between [7] a Privateer of Zealand, and one of Dunkirk. The Dunkirker, carrying 33 Pieces of Cannon, was taken and brought into the Texel. It is ſaid, the Courier of Monſieur Rouille is returned to him from the Court of France. Monſieur Vendo [...]e being reinſtated in the Favour of the Dutcheſs of Burgundy, is to command in Flanders.

Mr. Kidney added, That there were Letters of the 17th from Ghent, which give an Account, That the Enemy had formed a Deſign to ſurprize two Battalions of the Allies which lay at Aloſt; but thoſe Battalions received Advice of their March, and retired to Dendermond. Lieutenant General Wood appeared on this Occaſion at the Head of 5000 Foot, and 1000 Horſe, upon which the Enemy withdrew, without making any further Attempt.

I am ſorry I am obliged to trouble the Publick with ſo much Diſcourſe upon a Matter which I at the very firſt mentioned as a Trifle, viz. the Death of Mr. Partridge, under whoſe Name there is an Almanack come out for the Year 1709. In one Page of which it is aſſerted by the ſaid John Partridge, That he is ſtill living, and not only ſo, but that he was alſo living ſome Time before, and even at the Inſtant when I writ of his Death. I have in another Place, and in a Paper by it ſelf, ſufficiently convinced this Man that he is dead, and if he has any Shame, I don't doubt but that by this Time he owns it to all his Acquaintance: For tho' the Legs and Arms, and whole Body of that Man may ſtill appear and perform their animal Functions; yet ſince, as I have elſewhere obſerved, his Art is gone, the Man is gone. I am, as I ſaid, concerned, that this [8] little Matter ſhould make ſo much Noiſe; but ſince I am engaged, I take my ſelf obliged in Honour to go on in my Lucubrations, and by the Help of theſe Arts of which I am Maſter, as well as my Skill in Aſtrological Speculations, I ſhall, as I ſee Occaſion, proceed to confute other dead Men, who pretend to be in Being, that they are actually deceaſed. I therefore give all Men fair Warning to mend their Manners, for I ſhall from Time to Time print Bills of Mortality; and I beg Pardon of all ſuch who ſhall be named therein, if they who are good for nothing ſhall find themſelves in the Number of the Deceaſed.

The TATLER. [No 2.
From Tueſd. April 12. to Thurſd. April 14. 1709.

THere has lain all this Evening on the Table, the following Poem. The Subject of it being Matter very uſeful for Families, I thought it deſerved to be conſidered, and made more publick. The Turn the Poet gives it, is very happy; but the Foundation is from a real Accident which happened among my Acquaintance. A young Gentleman of a great Eſtate, fell deſperately in Love with a great Beauty, of very high Quality, but as ill-natured, as long Flattery and an habitual Self will could make her. However, my young Spark ventures upon her, like a Man of Quality, without being acquainted with her, or having ever ſaluted [9] her, till it was a Crime to kiſs any Woman elſe. Beauty is a Thing which palls with Poſſeſſion; and the Charms of this Lady ſoon wanted the Support of good Humour and Complaiſancy of Manners. Upon this my Spark flies to the Bottle for Relief from his Satiety. She diſdains him for being tired with that for which all Men envied him; and he never came Home, but it was—Was there no Sot that would ſtay longer? Would any Man living but you? Did I leave all the World for this Uſage? To which he—Madam, Split me, you are very impertinent! In a Word, this Match was Wedlock in its moſt terrible Appearances. She, at laſt weary of Railing to no Purpoſe, applies to a good Uncle, who gives her a Bottle of Water: The Vertue of this Powerful Liquor (ſaid he) is ſuch, that if the Woman you marry proves a Scold, (which, it ſeems, my dear Neece, is your Misfortune; as it was your good Mother's before you,) let her hold ſix Spoonfuls in her Mouth, for a full half Hour after you come Home—But I find I am not in Humour for telling a Tale, and nothing in Nature is ſo ungrateful as Story-Telling againſt the Grain, therefore take it as the Author has given it you.

The MEDECIN.A Tale—for the Ladies.
Miſs Molly, a fam'd Toaſt, was Fair and Young,
Had Wealth and Charms—but then ſhe had a Tongue!
From Morn' to Night, th' Eternal Larum run,
Which often loſt thoſe Hearts her Eyes had won.
[10]
Sir John was ſmitten, and confeſs'd his Flame,
Sigh'd out the uſual Time, then wed the Dame;
Poſſeſs'd he thought of every Joy of Life,
But his Dear Molly prov'd a very Wife.
Exceſs of Fondneſs did in Time decline,
Madam lov'd Money, and the Knight lov'd Wine.
From whence ſome petty Diſcords would ariſe,
As, You're a Fool;—and, You are mighty Wife!
Tho' he and all the World allow'd her Wit,
Her Voice was ſhrill, and rather loud than ſweet;
When ſhe began,—for Hat and Sword he'd call.
Then, after a faint Kiſs,—Cry, B'y, Dear Moll:
Supper and Friends expect me at the Roſe.
And, what, Sir John, You'll get your uſual Doſe:
Go, ſtink of Smoak, and guzzle naſty Wine,
Sure, never Virtuous Love was us'd like Mine!
Oft, as the watchful Bellman march'd his Round,
At a freſh Bottle gay Sir John he found.
By Four the Knight would get his Buſineſs done,
And only then reel'd off, becauſe alone;
Full well he knew the dreadful Storm to come,
But arm'd with Bourdeaux, he durſt venture Home.
My Lady with her Tongue was ſtill prepar'd,
She rattled loud, and he impatient heard:
'Tis a fine Hour! In a ſweet Pickle made!
And this, Sir John, is ev'ry Day the Trade.
Here I ſit moping all the live-long Night,
Devour'd with Spleen, and Stranger to Delight;
Till Morn' ſends ſtagg'ring Home a Drunken Beaſt,
Reſolv'd to break my Heart, as well as Reſt.
[11]
Hey! Hoop! d'ye hear my damn'd obſtrep'rous Spouſe!
What, can't you find one Bed about the Houſe!
Will that perpetual Clack lie never ſtill!
That Rival to the Softneſs of a Mill!
Some Couch and diſtant Room muſt be my Choice,
Where I may ſleep uncurs'd with Wife and Noiſe.
Long this uncomfortable Life they led,
With ſnarling Meals, and each a ſeparate Bed.
To an old Uncle oft ſhe would complain,
Beg his Advice, and ſcarce from Tears refrain.
Old Wiſewood ſmoak'd the Matter as it was,
Cheer up, cry'd he! and I'll remove the Cauſe.
A wond'rous Spring within my Garden flows,
Of Sov'reign Virtue, chiefly to compoſe
Domeſtick Jarrs, and Matrimonial Strife,
The beſt Elixir t'appeaſe Man and Wife;
Strange are th' Effects, the Qualitles Divine,
'Tis Water call'd, but worth its Weight in Wine.
If in his ſullen Airs Sir John ſhould come,
Three Spoonfuls take, hold in your Mouth—then Mum:
Smile, and look Pleas'd, when he ſhall Rage and Scold,
Still in your Mouth the Healing Cordial hold;
One Month this Sympathetick Med'cin try'd,
He'll grow a Lover, you a Happy Bride.
But, deareſt Neece, keep this Grand Secret cloſe,
Or ev'ry prat'ling Huſſy'll beg a Doſe.
A Water-Bottle's brought for her Relief,
Not Nants could ſooner eaſe the Lady's Grief:
Her buſy Thoughts are on the Tryal bent,
And Female-like, impatient for th' Event:
The Bonny Knight reels Home exceeding clear,
Prepar'd for Clamour, and Domeſtick War.
[12] Entring, he cries,—Hey! Where's our Thunder fled!
No Hurricane! Betty's your Lady dead?
Madam, aſide, an ample Mouthful takes,
Court'ſys, looks Kind, but not a Word ſhe ſpeaks:
Wond'ring, he ſtar'd, ſcarcely his Eyes believ'd,
But found his Ears agreeably deceiv'd.
Why, How now, Molly, What's the Crotchet now?
She ſmiles, and anſwers only with a Bow.
Then claſping her about,—Why, let me die!
Theſe Nightclothes, Moll, become thee mightily!
With that, he ſigh'd, her Hand began to preſs,
And Betty calls, her Lady to undreſs.
Nay, kiſs me, Molly,—for I'm much inclin'd.
Her Lace ſhe cuts, to take him in the Mind.
Thus the fond Pair to Bed enamour'd went,
The Lady pleas'd, and the good Knight content.
For many Days theſe fond Endearments paſs'd,
The reconciling Bottle fails at laſt;
'Twas us'd and gone,—Then Midnight Storms aroſe,
And Looks and Words the Union diſcompoſe.
Her Coach is order'd, and Poſt-haſte ſhe flies,
To beg her Uncle for ſome freſh Supplies;
Tranſported does the ſtrange Effects relate,
Her Knight's Converſion, and her happy State!
Why, Neece, ſays he.—I prithee apprehend
The Water's Water,—Be thy ſelf thy Friend;
Such Beauty would the coldeſt Husband warm,
But your provoking Tongue undoes the Charm:
Be ſilent, and complying,—You'll ſoon find,
Sir John, without a Med'cin, will be kind.

Letters from Venice ſay, The Diſappointment of their Expectation to ſee his Daniſh Majeſty, [13] has very much diſquieted the Court of Rome. Our laſt Advices from Germany inform us, That the Miniſter of Hanover has urg'd the Council at Ratisbonne to exert themſelves in Behalf of the Common Cauſe, and taken the Liberty to ſay, That the Dignity, the Virtue, the Prudence of his Electoral Highneſs, his Maſter, were called to the Head of their Affairs in vain, if they thought fit to leave him naked of the proper Means to make thoſe Excellencies uſeful for the Honour and Safety of the Empire. They write from Berlin of the 13th, O. S. That the true Deſign of General Fleming's Viſit to that Court was, to inſinuate, that it will be for the mutual Intereſt of the King of Pruſſia and King Auguſtus to enter into a new Alliance; but that the Miniſters of Pruſſia are not inclined to his Sentiments. We hear from Vienna, That his Imperial Majeſty has expreſſed great Satisfaction in their High Mightineſſes having communicated to him the whole that has paſſed in the Affair of a Peace. Though there have been Practices uſed by the Agents of France, in all the Courts of Europe, to break the good Underſtanding of the Allies, they have had no other Effect, but to make all the Members concerned in the Alliance, more doubtful of their Safety from the great Offers of the Enemy. The Empire is rouzed by this Alarm, and the Frontiers of all the French Dominions are in Danger of being inſulted the enſuing Campagne: Advices from all Parts confirm, That it is impoſſible for France to find a Way to obtain ſo much Credit, as to gain any one Potentate of the Allies, or conceive any Hope for Safety from other Proſpects.

[14]

I find it of very great Uſe, now I am ſetting up for a Writer of News, that I am an Adept in Aſtrological Speculations; by which Means. I avoid ſpeaking of Things which may offend Great Perſons. But at the ſame Time, I muſt not proſtitute the Liberal Sciences ſo far, as not to utter the Truth in Caſes which do not immediately concern the Good of my Native Country. I muſt therefore contradict what has been ſo aſſuredly reported by the News-Writers of England, That France is in the moſt deplorable Condition, and that their People die in great Multitudes. I will therefore let the World know, that my Correſpondent, by the Way of Bruſſels, informs me, upon his Honour, That the Gentleman who writes the Gazette of Paris, and ought to know as well as any Man, has told him, That ever ſince the King has been paſt his 63d Year, or Grand Climacterick, there has not died one Man of the French Nation who was younger than his Majeſty, except a very few, who were taken ſuddenly near the Village of Hickſtet in Germany; and ſome more, who were ſtraitned for Lodging at a Place called Ramilies, and died on the Road to Ghent and Bruges. There are alſo other Things given out by the Allies, which are Shifts below a Conquering Nation to make uſe of. Among others, 'tis ſaid, There is a general Murmuring among the People of France, tho' at the ſame Time all my Letters agree, That there is ſo good an Underſtanding among them, that there is not one Morſel carried out of any Market in the Kingdom, but what is delivered upon Credit.

The TATLER. [No 3.
From Thurſd. April 14. to Saturd. April 16. 1709.

[15]

THis Evening, the Comedy, call'd The Country Wife, was acted in Drury-Lane, for the Benefit of Mrs. Bignall. The Part which gives Name to the Play was performed by her ſelf. Through the whole Action, ſhe made a a very pretty Figure, and exactly entered into the Nature of the Part. Her Husband, in the Drama, is repreſented to be one of thoſe Debauchees who run through the Vices of the Town, and believe when they think fit they can marry and ſettle at their Eaſe. His own Knowledge of the Iniquity of the Age, makes him chuſe a Wife wholly ignorant of it, and place his Security in her Want of Skill how to abuſe him. The Poet, on many Occaſions, where the Propriety of the Character will admit of it, inſinuates, That there is no Defence againſt Vice, but the Contempt of it: And has, in the natural Ideas of an untainted Innocent, ſhown the gradual Steps to Ruin and Deſtruction, which Perſons of Condition run into, without the Help of a good Education how to form their Conduct. The Torment of a Jealous Coxcomb, which ariſes from his own Falſe Maxims, and the Aggravation of his Pain, by the very Words in which he ſees her Innocence, makes a very pleaſant and inſtructive Satyr. [16] The Character of Horner, and the Deſign of it, is a good Repreſentation of the Age in which that Comedy was written; at which Time Love and Wenching were the Buſineſs of Life, and the Gallant Manner of purſuing Women was the beſt Recommendation at Court. To which only it is to be imputed, that a Gentleman of Mr. Wicherly's Character and Senſe, condeſcends to repreſent the Inſults done to the Honour of the Bed, without juſt Reproof; but to have drawn a Man of Probity with Regard to ſuch Conſiderations, had been a Monſter, and a Poet had at that Time diſcovered his Want of knowing the Manners of the Court he lived in, by a Virtuous Character in his fine Gentleman, as he would ſhow his Ignorance, by drawing a Vicious one to pleaſe the preſent Audience. Mrs. Bignall did her Part very happily, and had a certain Grace in her Ruſticity, which gave us Hopes of ſeeing her a very Skilful Player, and in ſome Parts, ſupply our Loſs of Mrs. Verbruggen. I cannot be of the ſame Opinion with my Friends and Fellow-Labourers, the Reformers of Manners, in their Severity towards Plays, but muſt allow, that a good Play acted before a well-bred Audience, muſt raiſe very proper Incitements to good Behaviour, and be the moſt quick and moſt prevailing Method of giving Young People a Turn of Senſe and Breeding. But as I have ſet up for a Weekly Hiſtorian, I reſolve to be a Faithful One; and therefore take this publick Occaſion, to admoniſh a Young Nobleman, who came fluſtered into the Box laſt Night, and let him know, how much all his Friends were out of Countenance for him. The Women ſate in Terror of hearing ſomething that ſhould ſhock their Modeſty, and all [17] the Gentlemen in as much Pain, out of Compaſſion to the Ladies, and perhaps Reſentment for the Indignity which was offered in coming into their Preſence in ſo diſreſpectful a Manner. Wine made him ſay nothing that was Rude, therefore he is forgiven, upon Condition he weill never hazard his offending more in this Kind. As I juſt now hinted, I own my ſelf of the Society for Reformation of Manners. We have lower Inſtruments than thoſe of the Family of Bickerſtaff, for puniſhing great Crimes, and expoſing the Abanddoned. Therefore, as I diſign to have Notices from all Publick Aſſemblies, I ſhall take upon me only Indecorums, Improprieties, and Negligences, in ſuch as ſhould give us better Examples. After this Declaration; if a Fine Lady thinks fit to giggle at Church, or a Great Beau come in drunk to a Play, either ſhall be ſure to hear of it in my enſuing Paper: For meerly as a well-bred Man, I cannot bear theſe Enormities.

After the Play, we naturally ſtroll to this Coffee-houſe, in Hopes of meeting ſome new Poem, or other Entertainment, among the Men of Wit and Pleaſure, where there is a Dearth a preſent. But it is wonderful there ſhould be ſo few Writers, when the Art is become meerly Mechanick, and Men may make themſelves Great that Way, by as certain and infallible Rules, as you may be a Joiner or a Maſon. There happens a good Inſtance of this, in what the Hawker juſt now has offered to Sale; to wit, Inſtructions to Vanderbank; A Sequel to the Advice to the Poets; A poem, occaſioned by the Glorious Succeſs of Her Majeſty's Arms, under the Command of the Duke of Marlborought, the laſt Tear in Flanders. Here you are to underſtand, that the Author finding the [18] Poets would not take his Advice, he troubles himſelf no more about 'em; but has met with one Vanderbank, who works in Arras, and makes very good Tapeſtry Hangings: Therefore, in order to celebrate the Hero of the Age, he claps me together all that can be ſaid of a Man that makes Hangings: As,

Then, Artiſt, who doſt Nature's Face expreſs
In Silk and Gold, and Scenes of Action dreſs;
Doſt figur'd Arras animated leave,
Spin a Bright Story, or a Paſſion weave
By mingling Threads; canſt mingle Shade and Light,
Delineate Triumphs, or deſcribe a Fight?

Well, what ſhall this Work man do? Why? To ſhow how great an Hero the Poet intends, he provides him a very good Horſe:

Champing his Foam, and bounding on the Plain
Arch his High Neck, and Graceful ſpread his Mane.

Now as to the Intrepidity, the calm Courage, the conſtant Application of the Hero, it is not neceſſary to take that upon your ſelf; you may, in the Lump, bid him you employ raiſe him as High as he can, and if he does it not, let him anſwer for diſobeying Orders.

Let Fame and Victory in inferior Sky,
Hover with ballanc'd Wings, and ſmiling fly
Above his Head, &c.

A whole Poem of this Kind may be ready againſt an enſuing Campagne, as well as a Space left in the Canvaſs of a Piece of Tapeſtry for the principal Figure, while the Under-Parts are working: So that in Effect, the Adviſer copies after the Man he pretends to direct. [19] This Method ſhould, methinks, encourage young Beginners: For the Invention is ſo fitted to all Capacities, that by the Help of it a Man may make a Receipt for a Poem. A young Man may obſerve, that the Gigg of the Thing is, as I ſaid, finding out all that can be ſaid of his Way you employ to ſet forth your Worthy. Waller and Denham had worn out the Expedient of Advice to a Painter: This Author has transferred the Work, and ſent his Advice to the Poets; that is to ſay, to the Turners of Verſe, as he calls 'em. Well, that Thought is worn out alſo, therefore he directs his Genius to the Loom, and will have a new Set of Hangings in Honour of the laſt Year in Flanders. I muſt own to you, I approve extremely this Invention, and it might be improved for the Benefit of Manufactury: As, ſuppoſe an Ingenious Gentleman ſhould write a Poem of Advice to a Callico-Printer: Do you think there is a Girl in England, that would wear any Thing but The Taking of Liſle, or The Battle of Oudenarde? They would certainly be all the Faſhion, till the Heroes Abroad had cut out ſome more Parterns. I ſhould fancy ſmall Skirmiſhes might do for Under-Petticoats, provided they had a Siege for the Upper. If our Adviſer were well imitated, many Induſtrious People might be put to Work. Little Mr. Dactile, now in the Room, who formerly writ a Song and a Half, is a Week gone in a very pretty Work, upon this Hint: He is writing an Epigram to a young Virgin who knits very well ('tis a Thouſand Pities he is a Jacobite): But his Epigram is by Way of Advice to this Damſel, to knit all the Actions of the Pretender and the Duke of Burgundy laſt Campagne in the Clock of a Stocking. It were endleſs to enumerate [20] the many Hands and Trades that may be employed by Poets, of ſo uſeful a Turn as this Adviſer's. I ſhall think of it; and in this Time of Taxes, ſhall conſult a great Critick employed in the Cuſtom-houſe, in order to propoſe what Tax may be proper to put upon Knives, Seals, Rings, Hangings, Wrought-Beds, Gowns and Petticoats, where any of thoſe Commodities bear Motto's, or are worked upon Poetical Grounds.

Letters from Turin of the 3d Inſtant, N. S. inform us, That his Royal Highneſs employs all his Addreſs in alarming the Enemy, and perplexing their Speculations, concerning his real Deſigns the enſuing Campaign. Contracts are entered into with the Merchants of Milan, for a great Number of Mules to tranſport his Proviſions and Ammunition. His Royal Highneſs has ordered the Train of Artillery to be conveyed to Suſa before the 20th of the next Month. In the mean Time, all Accounts agree, Thas the Enemy are very backward in their Preparations, and almoſt incapable of defending themſelves againſt an Invaſion, by reaſon of the general Murmurs of their own People; which, they find, are no way to be quieted, but by giving them Hopes of a ſpeedy Peace. When theſe Letters were diſpatched, the Marſhal de Theſſe was arrived at Genoa, where he has taken much Pains to keep the Correſpondents of the Merchants of France in Hopes, that Meaſures will be found out to ſupport the Credit and Commerce between that State and Lyons; But the late Declaration of the Agents of Monſieur Bernard, that they cannot diſcharge the Demands made upon [21] them, has quite diſpirited all thoſe who are engaged in the Remittances of France.

It is a very natural Paſſion in all good Members of the Commonwealth, to take what Care they can of their Families. Therefore I hope the Reader will forgive me, that I deſire he would go to the Play called the Stratagem, this Evening, which is to be acted for the Benefit of my near Kinſman Mr. John Bickerſtaff. I proteſt to you, the Gentleman has not ſpoken to me to deſire this Favour; but I have a Reſpect for him, as well in Regard to Conſanguinity, as that he is an intimate Friend of that Famous and Heroick Actor, Mr. George Powell, who formerly played Alexander the Great in all Places, though he is lately grown ſo reſerved, as to act it only on the Stage.

The TATLER. [No 4.
From Saturd. April 16. to Tueſd. April 19. 1709.

IT is uſual with Perſons, who mount the Stage for the Cure or Information of the Crowd about 'em, to make ſolemn Profeſſions of their being wholly diſintereſted in the Pains they take for the Publick Good. At the ſame Time, thoſe very Men, who make Harangues in Pluſh Doublets, and extol their own Abilities and Generous Inclinations, tear their Lungs in vending a Drug, and ſhow no Act of Bounty, except it be, that they lower a Demand of a Crown, to Six, nay, to One Penny. We have a Contempt for ſuch Paultry Barterers, and have therefore all [22] along informed the Publick, that we intend to give them our Advices for our own Sakes, and are labouring to make our Lucubrations come to ſome Price in Money, for our more convenient Support in the Service of the Publick. It is certain, that many other Schemes have been propoſed to me; as a Friend offered to ſhow me a Treatiſe he had writ, which he called, The Whole Art of Life, or, The Introduction to Great Men, illuſtrated in a Pack of Cards. But being a Novice at all Manner of Play, I declined the Offer. Another adviſed me, for want of Money, to ſet up my Coach and practiſe Phyſick, but having been bred a Scholar, I feared I ſhould not ſucceed that Way neither; therefore reſolved to go on in my preſent Project. But you are to underſtand, that I ſhall not pretend to raiſe a Credit to this Work, upon the Weight of my Politick News only, but as my Latin Sentence in the Title Page informs you, ſhall take any Thing that offers for the Subject of my Diſcourſe. Thus, New Perſons, as well as New Things, are to come under my Conſideration; as, when a Toaſt, or a Wit, is firſt pronounced ſuch, You ſhall have the freſheſt Advice of their Preferment from me, with a Deſcription of the Beauty's Manner, and the Wit's Style, as alſo in whoſe Places they are advanced. For this Town is never good-natured enough to raiſe One, without depreſſing Another. But it is my Deſign, to avoid ſaying any Thing, of any Perſon, which ought juſtly to diſpleaſe; but ſhall endeavour, by the Variety of the Matter and Style, to give Entertainment for Men of Pleaſure, without Offence to thoſe of Buſineſs.

[23]

ALL Hearts at preſent pant for Two Ladies only, who have for ſome Time engroſſed the Dominion of the Town. They are indeed both exceeding Charming, but differ very much in their Excellencies. The Beauty of Clariſſa is Soft, that of Chloe Piercing. When you look at Clariſſa, you ſee the moſt exact Harmony of Feature, Complexion, and Shape; you find in Chloe nothing extraordinary in any one of thoſe Particulars, but the whole Woman irreſiſtible. Clariſſa looks Languiſhing; Chloe Killing. Clariſſa never fails of gaining Admiration; Chloe of moving Deſire. The Gazers at Clariſſa are at firſt unconcerned, as if they were obſerving a fine Picture. They who behold Chloe, at the firſt Glance, diſcover Tranſport, as if they met their deareſt Friend. Theſe different Perfections are ſuitably repreſented by the laſt great Painter Italy has ſent us, Mr. Jervaſe. Clariſſa is, by that skilful Hand, placed in a Manner that looks artleſs, and innocent of the Torments ſhe gives; Chloe drawn with a Livelineſs that ſhows ſhe is conſcious, but not affected, of her Perfections. Clariſſa is a Shepherdeſs; Chloe a Country Girl. I muſt own, the Deſign of Chloe's Picture ſhows, to me, great Maſtery in the Painter; for nothing could be better imagined than the Dreſs he has given her, of a Straw-Hat and Ribband, to repreſent that Sort of Beauty which enters the Heart with a certain Familiarity, and cheats it into a Belief, that it has received a Lover as well as an Object of Love. The Force of their different Beauties is ſeen alſo in the Effects it makes on their Lovers. The Admirers of Chloe are eternally gay and wellpleaſed: Thoſe of Clariſſa, melancholy and [24] thoughtful. And as this Paſſion always changes the natural Man into a quite different Creature from what he was before, the Love of Chloe makes Coxcombs; that of Clariſſa, Madmen. There were of each Kind juſt now in this Room. Here was one that whiſtles, laughs, ſings, and cuts Capers, for Love of Chloe. Another has juſt now writ Three Lines to Clariſſa, then taken a Turn in the Garden, then came back again, then tore his Fragment, then called for ſome Chocolate, then went away without it.

Chloe has ſo many Admirers in the Houſe at preſent, that there is too much Noiſe to proceed in my Narration: So that the Progreſs of the Loves of Clariſſa and Chloe, together with the Bottles that are drank each Night for the One, and the many Sighs which are uttered, and Songs written, on the Other, muſt be our Subject on future Occaſions.

Letters from the Hay-market inform us, That on Saturday Night laſt the Opera of Pyrrhus and Demetrius was performed with great Applauſe. This Intelligence is not very acceptable to us Friends of the Theatre; for the Stage being an Entertainment of the Reaſon and all our Faculties, this Way of being pleaſed with the Suſpence of 'em for Three Hours together, and being given up to the ſhallow Satisfaction of the Eyes and Ears only, ſeems to ariſe rather from the Degeneracy of our Underſtanding, than an Improvement of our Diverſions. That the Underſtanding has no Part in the Pleaſure is evident, from what theſe Letters very poſitively aſſert, to wit, That a great Part of the Performance was done in Italian: And a great Critick fell into Fits in the Gallery, at ſeeing, not only Time and Place, but Languages [25] and Nations confuſed in the moſt incorrigible Manner. His Spleen is ſo extremely moved on this Occaſion, that he is going to publiſh a Treatiſe againſt Opera's, which, he thinks, have already inclined us to Thoughts of Peace, and if tolerated, muſt infallibly diſpirit us from carrying on the War. He has communicated his Scheme to the whole Room, and declared in what Manner Things of this Kind were firſt introduced. He has upon this Occaſion conſidered the Nature of Sounds in general, and made a very elaborate Digreſſion upon the London Cries, wherein he has ſhown from Reaſon and Philoſophy, why Oyſters are cried, Card-matches ſung, and Turneps and all other Vegetables neither cried, ſung, nor ſaid, but ſold, with an Accent and Tone neither natural to Man or Beaſt. This Piece ſeems to be taken from the Model of that excellent Diſcourſe of Mrs. Manly the School Miſtreſs, concerning Samplers. Advices from the upper End of Piccadilly ſay, That May-Fair is utterly aboliſhed; and we hear, Mr. Penkethman has removed his ingenious Company of Strollers to Greenwich: But other Letters from Deptford ſay, the Company is only making thither, and not yet ſettled; but that ſeveral Heathen Gods and Goddeſſes, which are to deſcend in Machines, landed at the Kings-Head-Stairs laſt Saturday. Venus and Cupid went on Foot from thence to Greenwich; Mars got drunk in the Town, and broke his Landlord's Head, for which he ſate in the Stocks the whole Evening; but Mr. Penkethman giving Security that he ſhould do nothing this enſuing Summer, he was ſet at Liberty. The moſt melancholy Part of all, was, that Diana was taken in the Act of Fornication with a Boat-man, and committed [26] by Juſtice Wrathful, which has, it ſeems, put a Stop to the Diverſions of the Theatre of Black-Heath. But there goes down another Diana and a Patient Griſſel next Tide from Billingſgate.

They write from Saxony of the 13th Inſtant, N. S. That the Grand General of the Crown of Poland was ſo far from entring into a Treaty with King Staniſlaus, that he had written Circular Letters, wherein he exhorted the Palatinates to join againſt him; declaring, that this was the moſt favourable Conjuncture for aſſerting their Liberty.

Letters from the Hague of the 23d Inſtant, N. S. ſay, they have Advices from Vienna, which import, That his Electoral Highneſs of Hannover had ſignified to the Imperial Court, that he did not intend to put himſelf at the Head of the Troops of the Empire, except more effectual Meaſures were taken for acting vigorouſly againſt the Enemy the enſuing Campaign. Upon this Repreſentation, the Emperor has given Orders to ſeveral Regiments to march towards the Rhine, and diſpatched Expreſſes to the reſpective Princes of the Empire to deſire an Augmentation of their Forces.

Theſe Letters add, That an Expreſs arrived at the Hague on the 20th Inſtant, with Advice, That the Enemy having made a Detachment from Tournay of 1500 Horſe, each Trooper carrying a Foot Soldier behind him, in order to ſurpriſe the Garriſon of Aloſt; the Allies, upon Notice of their March, ſent out a ſtrong Body of Troops from Ghent, which engaged the Enemy at Aſche, and took 200 of them Priſoners, obliging the reſt to retire without making any farther Attempt. On the 22d in the Morning [27] a Fleet of Merchant Ships coming from Scotland, were attacked by Six French Privateers at the Entrance of the Meuſe. We have yet no certain Advice of the Event: But Letters from Rotterdam ſay, That a Dutch Man of War of Forty Guns, which was Convoy to the ſaid Fleet, was taken, as were alſo Eighteen of the Merchants. The Swiſs Troops, in the Service of the States, have compleated the Augmentation of their reſpective Companies. Thoſe of Wirtemberg and Pruſſia are expected on the Frontiers within few Days; and the Auxiliaries from Saxony, as alſo a Battalion of Holſtein, and another of Wolfembuttle, are advancing thither with all Expedition. On the 21ſt Inſtant, the Deputies of the States had a Conference near Woerden with the Preſident Rouille, but the Matter which was therein debated is not made publick. His Grace the Duke of Marlborough and Prince Eugene continue at the Hague.

I have lately been very ſtudious for Intelligence, and have juſt now, by my Aſtrological Flying-Poſt, received a Packet from Felicia, an Iſland in America, with an Account that gives me great Satisfaction, and lets me underſtand that the Iſland was never in greater Proſperity, or the Adminiſtration in ſo good Hands, ſince the Death of their late glorious King. Theſe Letters import, That the Chief Miniſter has entered into a firm League with the ableſt and beſt Men of the Nation, to carry on the Cauſe of Liberty, to the Encouragement of Religion, Virtue, and Honour. Thoſe Perſons at the Helm are ſo uſeful, and in themſelves of ſuch Weight, that their ſtrict Alliance muſt needs tend to the univerſal Proſperity of the People. Camillo, it ſeems, preſides [28] over the Deliberations of State; and is ſo highly valued by all Men for his ſingular Probity, Courage, Affability, and Love of Mankind, that his being placed in that Station has diſſipated the Fears of that People, who of all the World are the moſt jealous of their Liberty and Happineſs. The next Member of their Society is Horatio, who makes all the Publick Diſpatches. This Miniſter is Maſter of all the Languages in Uſe to great Perfection. He is held in the higheſt Veneration imaginable for a ſevere Honeſty, and Love of his Country: He lives in a Court unſullied with any of its Artifices, the Refuge of the Oppreſſed, and Terror of Oppreſſors. Martio has joined himſelf to this Council; a Man of moſt undaunted Reſolution and great Knowledge in Maritime Affairs; famous for deſtroying the Navy of the Franks, and ſingularly happy in one Particular, That he never preferred a Man who has not proved remarkably ſerviceable to his Country. Philander is mentioned with particular Diſtinction; a Nobleman who has the moſt refined Taſt of the true Pleaſures and Elegance of Life, joined to an indefatigable Induſtry in Buſineſs: A Man eloquent in Aſſemblies, agreeable in Converſation, and dextrous in all Manner of Publick Negotiations. Theſe Letters add, That Verono, who is alſo of this Council, has lately ſet Sail to his Government of Patricia, with Deſign to confirm the Affections of the People in the Intereſts of his Queen. This Miniſter is Maſter of great Abilities, and is as induſtrious and reſtleſs for the Preſervation of the Liberties of the People, as the greateſt Enemy can be to ſubvert them. The Influence of theſe Perſonages, who are Men of ſuch diſtinguiſhed Parts and Virtues, [29] makes the People enjoy the utmoſt Tranquility in the Midſt of a War, and gives them undoubted Hopes of a ſecure Peace from their Vigilance and Integrity.

The TATLER. [No 5.
From Tueſd. April 19. to Thurſd. April 21. 1709.

WHO names that loſt Thing, Love, without a Tear,
Since ſo debauch'd by ill-bred Cuſtoms here.
To an exact Perfection they have brought
The Action, Love, the Paſſion is forgot.

This was long ago a witty Author's Lamentation, but the Evil ſtill continues; and if a Man of any Delicacy were to attend the Diſcourſes of the young Fellows of this Age, they would believe there were none but Proſtitutes to make the Objects of Paſſion. So true it is what the Author of the above Verſes ſaid, a little before his Death, of the modern Pretenders to Gallantry: ‘"They ſet up for Wits in this Age, by ſaying when they are Sober, what they of the laſt ſpoke only when they were Drunk."’ But Cupid is not only Blind at preſent, but Deaddrunk; he has loſt all his Faculties: Elſe how ſhould Celia be ſo long a Maid with that agreeable Behaviour? Corinna, with that ſprightly Wit? Lesbia, with that Heavenly Voice? And Sachariſſa, with all thoſe Excellencies in one Perſon, frequent the Park, the Play, and murder the poor Tits that drag her to publick Places, and not a Man turn pale at her Appearance? But ſuch is the fallen State of Love, that if it were not for honeſt Cynthio, [30] who is true to the Cauſe, we ſhould hardly have a Pattern left of the ancient Worthies that Way: And indeed he has but very little Encouragement to perſevere; but he has a Devotion, rather than Love, for his Miſtreſs; and ſays,

Only tell her that I love,
Leave the reſt to her, and Fate;
Some kind Planet from Above,
May, perhaps, her Paſſion move:
Lovers on their Stars muſt wait.

But the Stars I am ſo intimately acquainted with, that I can aſſure him he will never have her: For would you believe it, tho' Cynthio has Wit, Good Senſe, Fortune, and his very Being depends upon her, the Termagant for whom he fighs, is in Love with a Fellow, who ſtares in the Glaſs all the Time he is with her, and lets her plainly ſee, ſhe may poſſibly be his Rival, but never his Miſtreſs. Yet Cynthio, the ſame unhappy Man whom I mentioned in my firſt Narrative, pleaſes himſelf with a vain Imagination, that with the Language of his Eyes, now he has found who ſhe is, he ſhall conquer her, though her Eyes are intent upon one who looks from her; which is ordinary with the Sex. It is certainly a Miſtake in the Ancients, to draw the little Gentleman, Love, as a blind Boy; for his real Character is, a little Thief that ſquints. For ask Mrs. Meddle, who is a Confident, or Spy, upon all the Paſſions in Town, and ſhe'll tell you, that the Whole is a Game of Croſs Purpoſes. The Lover is generally purſuing one who is in Purſuit of another, and running from one that deſires to meet him. Nay, the Nature of this Paſſion is ſo juſtly repreſented in a ſquinting little Thief, (who is always in a Double Action) that do but obſerve Clariſſa [31] next Time you ſee her, and you'll find, when her Eyes have made their ſoft Tour round the Company, ſhe makes no Stay on him they ſay ſhe is to marry, but reſts Two Seconds of a Minute on Wildair, who neither looks nor thinks on her, or any Woman elſe. However, Cynthio had a Bow from her t'other Day, upon which he is very much come to himſelf; and I heard him ſend his Man of an Errand Yeſterday without any Manner of Heſitation; a Quarter of an Hour after which he reckoned Twenty, remember'd he was to ſup with a Friend, and went exactly to his Appointment. I ſent to know how he did this Morning, and I find he hath not forgot that he ſpoke to me Yeſterday.

This Week being Sacred to Holy Things, and no publick Diverſions allowed, there has been taken Notice of, even here, a little Treatiſe, called, A Project for the Advancement of Religion: Dedicated to the Counteſs of Berkeley. The Title was ſo uncommon, and promiſed ſo peculiar a Way of Thinking, that every Man here has read it, and as many as have done ſo, have approved it. It is written with the Spirit of one who has ſeen the World enough to undervalue it with good Breeding. The Author muſt certainly be a Man of Wiſdom, as well as Piety, and have ſpent much Time in the Exerciſe of both. The real Cauſes of the Decay of the Intereſt of Religion, are ſet forth in a clear and lively Manner, without unſeaſonable Paſſions; and the whole Air of the Book, as to the Language, the Sentiments, and the Reaſonings, ſhow it was written by one whoſe Virtue ſits eaſie about him, and to whom Vice is throughly contemptible. It was ſaid by one of [32] this Company, alluding to that Knowledge of the World the Author ſeems to have, the Man writes much like a Gentleman, and goes to Heaven with a very good Mien.

Letters from Italy ſay, That the Marquis de Prie, upon the Receipt of an Expreſs from the Court of Vienna, went immediately to the Palace of Cardinal Paulucci, Miniſter of State to his Holineſs, and demanded in the Name of his Imperial Majeſty, that King Charles ſhould be forthwith acknowledged King of Spain, by a ſolemn Act of the Congregation of Cardinals appointed for that Purpoſe: He declared at the ſame Time, That if the leaſt Heſitation were made in this moſt important Article of the late Treaty, he ſhould not only be obliged to leave Rome himſelf, but alſo tranſmit his Maſter's Orders to the Imperial Troops to face about, and return into the Eccleſiaſtical Dominions. When the Cardinal reported this Meſſage to the Pope, his Holineſs was ſtruck with ſo ſenſible an Affliction, that he burſt into Tears. His Sorrow was aggravated by Letters which immediately after arrived from the Court of Madrid, wherein his Nuncio acquainted him, That upon the News of his Accommodation with the Emperor, he had received a Meſſage to forbear coming to Court; and the People were ſo highly provoked, that they could hardly be reſtrain'd from inſulting his Palace. Theſe Letters add, That the King of Denmark was gone from Florence to Piſa, and from Piſa to Leghorn, where the Governour paid his Majeſty all imaginable Honours. The King deſigned to go from thence to Lucca, where a Magnificent Tournament was prepared for his Diverſion. An Engliſh Man of War, which came from Port Mahon to Leghorn [33] in 6 Days, brought Advice. That the Fleet commanded by Admiral Whitaker was ſafely arrived at Barcelona, with the Troops and Ammunition which he had taken in at Naples.

General Boneval, Governo of Commacchio, had ſummoned the Magiſtrates of all the Towns near that Place to appear before him, and take an Oath of Fidelity to his Imperial Majeſty, commanding alſo the Gentry to pay him Homage, on Pain of Death and Confiſcation of Goods. Advices from Swiſſerland inform us, That the Bankers of Geneva were utterly ruined by the Failure of Mr. Bernard. They add, That the Deputies of the Swiſs Cantons were returned from Soleure, where they were aſſembled at the Inſtance of the French Ambaſſador; but were very much diſſatisfied with the Reception they had from that Miniſter. 'Tis true, he omitted no Civilities, or Expreſſions of Friendſhip from his Maſter, but he took no Notice of their Penſions and Arrears; what further provoked their Indignation, was, That inſtead of 25 Piſtoles formerly allowed to each Member for their Charge in coming to the Diet, he had preſented them with 6 only. They write from Dreſden, That King Auguſtus was ſtill buſie in recruiting his Cavalry, and that the Daniſh Troops, which lately ſerved in Hungary, had Orders to be in Saxony in the Middle of May, and that his Majeſty of Denmark was expected at Dreſden in the Beginning of that Month. King Auguſtus makes great Preparations for his Reception, and has appointed Sixty Coaches, each drawn by Six Horſes, for that Purpoſe: The Interview of theſe Princes affords great Matter for Speculation. Letters from Paris of the 22d of this Month ſay, That Mareſchal Harcourt and the Duke of Berwick [34] were preparing to go into Alſace and Dauphiné, but that their Troops were in Want of all Manner of Neceſſaries. The Court of France had received Advices from Madrid, That on the 7th of this Month the States of Spain had with much Magnificence acknowledged the Prince of Aſturias Preſumptive Heir of the Crown. This was performed at Buen Retiro; the Deputies took the Oaths on that Occaſion from the Hands of Cardinal Portocarrero. Theſe Advices add, That it was ſignified to the Pope's Nuncio, by Order of Council, to depart from that Court in 24 Hours, and that a Guard was accordingly appointed to conduct him to Bayonne.

Letters from the Hague of the 26th Inſtant inform us, That Prince Eugene was to ſet out the next Day for Bruſſels, to put all Things in a Readineſs for opening the Campaign. They add, That the Grand Penſioner having reported to the Duke of Marlborough what paſſed in the laſt Conference with Mr. Rouille, his Grace had taken a Reſolution immediately to return to Great Britain, to communicate to Her Majeſty all that has been tranſacted in that important Affair.

The Nature of my Miſcellaneous Work is ſuch, that I ſhall always take the Liberty to tell for News ſuch Things (let 'em have happened never ſo much before the Time of Writing) as have eſcaped publick Notice, or have been miſrepreſented to the World, provided that I am ſtill within Rules, and treſpaſs not as a Tatler any further than in an Incorrectneſs of Style, and writing in an Air of common Speech. Thus if any Thing that is ſaid, even of old Anchiſes or Aeneas, be ſet by me in a different Light than has [35] hitherto been hit upon, in order to inſpire the Love and Admiration of worthy Actions, you will, Gentle Reader, I hope, accept of it for Intelligence you had not before. But I am going upon a Narrative, the Matter of which I know to be true: It is not only doing Juſtice to the deceas'd Merit of ſuch Perſons, as, had they lived, would not have had it in their Power to thank me, but alſo an Inſtance of the Greatneſs of Spirit in the loweſt of Her Majeſty's Subjects. Take it as follows:

At the Siege of Namur by the Allies, there were in the Ranks of the Company commanded by Captain Pincent, in Colonel Frederick Hamilton's Regiment, one Unnion a Corporal, and one Valentine a private Centinel: There happened between theſe Two Men a Diſpute about a Matter of Love, which, upon ſome Aggravations, grew to an irreconcileable Hatred. Unnion being the Officer of Valentine, took all Opportunities even to ſtrike his Rival, and profeſs the Spite and Revenge which moved him to it. The Centinel bore it without Reſiſtance, but frequently ſaid, He would die to be revenged of that Tyrant. They had ſpent whole Months thus, one injuring, the other complaining; when in the Midſt of this Rage towards each other, they were commanded upon the Attack of the Caſtle, where the Corporal received a Shot in the Thigh, and fell; the French preſſing on, and he expecting to be trampled to Death, called out to his Enemy, Ah, Valentine! Can you leave me here? Valentine immediately ran back, and in the Midſt of a thick Fire of the French, took the Corporal upon his Back, and brought him thro' all that Danger as far as the Abbey of Salſine, where a Cannon-Ball took off his Head: His Body fell under his Enemy whom he was carrying [36] off. Unnion immediately forgot his Wound, roſe up, tearing his Hair, and then threw himſelf upon the bleeding Carcaſs, crying, Ah Valentine! Was it for me, who have ſo barbarouſly uſed thee, that thou haſt died? I will not live after thee. He was not by any Means to be forced from the Body, but was removed with it bleeding in his Arms, and attended with Tears by all their Comrades, who knew their Enmity. When he was brought to a Tent, his Wounds were dreſſed by Force; but the next Day, ſtill calling upon Valentine, and lamenting his Cruelties to him, he died in the Pangs of Remorſe and Deſpair.

It may be a Queſtion among Men of Noble Sentiments, Whether of theſe unfortunate Perſons had the greater Soul, he that was ſo generous as to venture his Life for his Enemy, or he who could not ſurvive the Man that died, in laying upon him ſuch an Obligation?

When we ſee Spirits like theſe in a People, to what Heights may we not ſuppoſe their Glory may ariſe, but (as it is excellently obſerved by Salluſt) it is not only to the general Bent of a Nation that great Revolutions are owing, but to the extraordinary Genio's that lead 'em. On which Occaſion he proceeds to ſay, That the Roman Greatneſs was neither to be attributed to their ſuperior Poli y, for in that the Carthaginians excelled; nor to their Valour, for in that the French were preferable; but to particular Men, who were born for the Good of their Country, and formed for great Attempts. This he ſays to introduce the Characters of Caeſar and Cato. It would be entring into too weighty a Diſcourſe for this Place, if I attempted to ſhow, that our Nation has produced as great and able Men for [37] publick Affairs as any other. But I believe, the Reader outruns me, and fixes his Imagination upon the Duke of Marlborough. It is, methinks, a pleaſing Reflection to conſider the Diſpenſations of Providence in the Fortune of this Illuſtrious Man, who, in the Space of Forty Years, has paſſed through all the Gradations of Humane Life, till he has aſcended to the Character of a Prince, and become the Scourge of a Tyrant, who ſate in one of the greateſt Thrones of Europe, before the Man who was to have the greateſt Part in his Downfal had made one Step in the World. But ſuch Elevations are the Natural Conſequences of an exact Prudence, a calm Courage, a well governed Temper, a patient Ambition, and an affable Behaviour. Theſe Arts, as they are the Steps to his Greatneſs, ſo they are the Pillars of it now it is raiſed. To this her Glorious Son, Great Britain is indebted for the happy Conduct of her Arms, in whom ſhe can boaſt, She has produced a Man formed by Nature to lead a Nation of Heroes.

The TATLER. [No 6.
From Thurſd. April 21. to Saturd. April 23. 1709.

I AM juſt come from viſiting Sappho, a fine Lady, who writes Verſes, ſings, dances, and can ſay and do whatever ſhe pleaſes, without the Imputation of any Thing that can injure her Character; for ſhe is ſo well known to have no Paſſion but Self-Love, or Folly but Affectation, that now upon any Occaſion, they only cry, 'Tis her Way, and That's ſo like her, [38] without further Reflection. As I came into the Room, ſhe cries, Oh! Mr. Bickerſtaff, I am utterly undone! I have broke that pretty Italian Fan I ſhowed you when you were here laſt, wherein were ſo admirably drawn our Firſt Parents in Paradiſe aſleep in each other's Arms. But there is ſuch an Affinity between Painting and Poetry, that I have been improving the Images which were raiſed by that Picture, by reading the ſame Repreſentation in Two of our greateſt Poets. Look you, here are the Paſſages in Milton and in Dryden. All Milton's Thoughts are wonderfully juſt and natural, in this inimitable Deſcription which Adam makes of himſelf in the Eighth Book of Paradiſe Loſt. But there is none of them finer than that contained in the following Lines, where he tells us his Thoughts when he was falling aſleep a little after his Creation:

While thus I call'd, and ſtray'd I know not whither,
From whence I firſt drew Air, and firſt beheld
This happy Light; when Anſwer none return'd,
On a green ſhady Bank, profuſe of Flowers,
Penſive I ſate me down, there gentle Sleep
Firſt found me, and with ſoft Oppreſſion ſeiz'd
My drowned Senſe, untroubled, though I thought
I then was paſſing to my former State,
Inſenſible and forthwith to diſſolve.

But now I can't forgive this odious Thing: This Dryden, who, in his State of Innocence, has given my Great-Grandmother Eve the ſame Apprehenſion of Annihilation on a very different Occaſion: As Adam pronounces it of himſelf. when he was ſeized with a pleaſing Kind of Stupor and Deadneſs, Eve fancies herſelf [39] falling away, and diſſolving in the Hurry of a Rapture. However, the Verſes are very good, and I don't know but it may be natural what ſhe ſays. I'll read 'em:

When your kind Eyes look'd languiſhing on mine,
And wreathing Arms did ſoft Embraces join;
A doubtful Trembling ſeiz'd me firſt all o'er,
Then Wiſhes, and a Warmth unknown before:
What follow'd, was all Extaſie and Trance,
Immortal Pleaſures round my ſwimming Eyes did dance;
And ſpeechleſs Joys, in whoſe ſweet Tumults toſt,
I thought my Breath and my New Being loſt.

She went on, and ſaid a Thouſand good Things at Random, but ſo ſtrangely mixed, that you would be apt to ſay, All her Wit is meer good Luck, and not the Effect of Reaſon and Judgment. When I made my Eſcape hither, I found a Gentleman playing the Critick on Two other great Poets, even Virgil and Homer. He was obſerving, that Virgil is more judicious than the other in the Epithets he gives his Hero. Homer's uſual Epithet, ſaid he, is [...], or [...], and his Indiſcretion has been often rallied by the Criticks, for mentioning the Nimbleneſs of Foot in Achilles, though he deſcribes him ſtanding, ſitting, lying down, fighting, eating, drinking, or in any other Circumſtance, however foreign or repugnant to Speed and Activity. Virgil's common Epithet to Aeneas, is Pius, or Pater. I have therefore conſidered, ſaid he, what Paſſage there is in any of his Hero's Actions, where either of theſe Appellations would have been moſt improper, to ſee if I could catch him at the ſame Fault with Homer: And this, I think, is his Meeting with Dido in the Cave, where Pius [40] Aeneas would have been Abſurd, and Pater Aeneas a Burleſque: The Poet has therefore wiſely dropped 'em both for Dux Trojanus.

Speluncam Dido Dux & Trojanus candem
Deveniunt, —

Which he has repeated twice in Juno's Speech, and his own Narration: For he very well knew, a looſe Action might be conſiſtent enough with the uſual Manners of a Soldier, tho' it became neither the Chaſtity of a Pious Man, nor the Gravity of the Father of a People.

While other Parts of the Town are amuſed with the preſent Actions, we generally ſpend the Evening at this Table in Enquiries into Antiquity, and think any Thing News which gives us new Knowledge. Thus we are making a very pleaſant Entertainment to our ſelves, in putting the Actions of Homer's Iliad into an exact Journal.

This Poem is introduced by Chryſes, King of Chryſeis, and Prieſt of Apollo, who comes to redemand his Daughter, who was carried off at the Taking of that City, and given to Agamemnon for his Part of the Booty. The Refuſal he received enrages Apollo, who for Nine Days ſhowered down Darts upon them, which occaſioned the Peſtilence.

The 10th Day Achilles aſſembles the Council, and encourages Calchas to ſpeak for the Surrender of Chryſeis to appeaſe Apollo. Agamemnon and Achilles ſtorm at one another, notwithſtanding which Agamemnon will not releaſe his Priſoner, unleſs he has Briſeis in her Stead. After long Conteſtations, wherein Agamemnon gives a glorious Character of Achilles's Valour, he determines to reſtore Briſeis to [41] her Father, and ſends Two Heralds to fetch away Chryſeis from Achilles, who abandons himſelf to Sorrow and Deſpair. His Mother Thetis came to comfort him under his Affliction, and promiſes to repreſent his ſorrowful Lamentations to Jupiter: But he could not attend it; for the Evening before, he had appointed to divert himſelf for Two Days beyond the Seas with the harmleſs Aethiopians.

'Twas the 21ſt Day after Chryſeis's Arrival to the Camp, that Thetis went very early to demand an Audience of Jupiter. The Means he uſes to ſatisfie her were, to perſwade the Greeks to attack the Trojans; that ſo they might perceive the Conſequence of contemning Achilles, and the Miſeries they ſuffer if he does not head them. The next Night he orders Agamemnon, in a Dream, to attack them; who was deceived with the Hopes of obtaining a Victory, and alſo taking the City without ſharing the Honour with Achilles.

On the 22d in the Morning, he aſſembles the Council, and having made a Feint of raiſing the Siege and retiring, he declares to them his Dream; and, together with Neſtor and Ulyſſes, reſolves on an Engagement.

This was the 23d Day, which is full of Incidents, and which continues from almoſt the Beginning of the Second Canto to the Eighth. The Armies being then drawn up in View of one another, Hector brings it about, that Menelaus and Paris, the Two Perſons concerned in the Quarrel, ſhould decide it by a ſingle Combat; which tending to the Advantage of Menelaus, was interrupted by a Cowardice infuſed by Minerva: Then both Armies engage, where the Trojans have the Diſadvantage; but being afterwards animated by Apollo, they repulſe [42] the Enemy, yet they are once again forced to give Ground; but their Affairs were retrieved by Hector, who has a ſingle Combat with Ajax. The Gods threw themſelves into the Battle, Juno and Minerva took the Gracians Part, and Apollo and Mars the Trojans: But Mars and Venus are both wounded by Diomedes.

The Truce for burying the Slain ended the 23d Day; after which the Greeks threw up a great Intrenchment to ſecure their Navy from Danger. Councils are held on both Sides. On the Morning of the 24th Day, the Battle is renewed, but in a very diſadvantagious Manner to the Greeks, who were beaten back to their Retrenchments. Agamemnon being in Deſpair at this ill Succeſs, propoſes to the Counſel to quit the Enterprize and retire from Troy. But by the Advice of Neſtor, he is perſwaded to regain Achilles, by returning Chryſeis, and ſending him conſiderable Preſents. Hereupon, Ulyſſes and Ajax are ſent to that Hero, who continues inflexible in his Anger. Ulyſſes, at his Return, joins himſelf with Diomedes, and goes in the Night to gain Intelligence of the Enemy: They enter into their very Camp, where, finding the Centinels aſleep, they made a great Slaughter. Rheſus, who was juſt then arrived with Recruits from Thrace for the Trojans, was killed in that Action. Here ends the 10th Canto. The Sequel of this Journal will be inſerted in the next Article from this Place.

We hear from Italy, That notwithſtanding the Pope has received a Letter from the Duke of Anjou, demanding of him to explain himſelf upon the Affair of acknowledging King Charles, his Holineſs has not yet thought fit to ſend any Anſwer to that Prince. The Court of Rome [43] appears very much mortified, that they are not to ſee his Majeſty of Denmark in that City, having perhaps given themſelves vain Hopes from a Viſit made by a Proteſtant Prince to that See. The Pope has diſpatched a Gentleman to compliment his Majeſty, and ſent the King a Preſent of all the Curioſities and Antiquities of Rome, repreſented in Seventeen Volumes, very richly bound, which were taken out of the Vatican Library. Letters from Genoa of the 14th Inſtant ſay, A Felucca was arrived there in Five Days from Marſeilles, with an Account, That the People of that City had made an Inſurrection, by reaſon of the Scarcity of Proviſions; and that the Intendant had ordered ſome Companies of Marines, and the Men belonging to the Gallies, to ſtand to their Arms to protect him from Violence; but that he began to be in as much Apprehenſion of his Guards, as thoſe from whom they were to defend him. When that Veſſel came away, the Soldiers murmured publickly for Want of Pay; and it was generally believed, they would pillage the Magazines, as the Garriſons of Grenoble, and other Towns of France, had already done. A Veſſel which lately came into Leghorn brought Advice, That the Britiſh Squadron was arrived at Port Mahon, where they were taking in more Troops, in order to attempt the Relief of Alicant, which ſtill made a very vigorous Defence. 'Tis ſaid, Admiral Bing will be at the Head of that Expedition. The King of Denmark was gone from Leghorn towards Lucca.

They write from Vienna, That in caſe the Allies ſhould enter into a Treaty of Peace with France, Count Zinzendorf will be appointed Firſt Plenipotentiary, the Count de Goes the Second, [44] and Monſieur Van Konsbruch a Third. Major-General Palmes, Envoy Extraordinary from Her Britannick Majeſty, has been very urgent with that Court to make their utmoſt Efforts againſt France the enſuing Campaign, in order to oblige it to ſuch a Peace, as may eſtabliſh the Tranquility of Europe for the future.

We are alſo informed, That the Pope uſes all imaginable Shifts to elude the Treaty concluded with the Emperor, and that he demanded the immediate Reſtitution of Commacchio, inſiſting alſo, That his Imperial Majeſty ſhould ask Pardon, and deſire Abſolution for what has formerly paſſed, before he would ſolemnly acknowledge King Charles: But this was utterly refuſed.

They hear at Vienna, by Letters from Conſtantinople, dated the 22d of February laſt, That on the 12th of that Month the Grand Signior took Occaſion, at the Celebration of the Feſtivals of the Muſſelmen, to ſet all the Chriſtian Slaves which were in the Galleys at Liberty.

Advices from Swiſſerland import, That the Preachers of the County of Tockenburg continue to create new Jealouſies of the Proteſtants, and ſome Diſturbances lately happened there on that Account. The Proteſtants and Papiſts in the Town of Hamman go to Divine Service one after another in the ſame Church, as is uſual in many other Parts of Swiſſerland; but on Sunday the 10th Inſtant, the Popiſh Curate having ended his Service, attempted to hinder the Proteſtants from entring into the Church according to Cuſtom; but the Proteſtants briskly attacked him and his Party, and broke into it by Force.

[45] Laſt Night, between Seven and Eight, his Grace the Duke of Marlborough arrived at Court.

The preſent great Captains of the Age, the Duke of Marlborough and Prince Eugene, having been the Subject of the Diſcourſe of the laſt Company I was in, it has naturally led me into a Conſideration of Alexander and Caeſar, the Two greateſt Names which ever appeared before this Century. In order to enter into their Characters, there needs no more but examining their Behaviour in Parallel Circumſtances. It muſt be allowed, That they had an equal Greatneſs of Soul; but Caeſar's was more corrected and allayed by a Mixture of Prudence and Circumſpection. This is ſeen conſpicuouſly in one Particular in their Hiſtories, wherein they ſeem to have ſhown exactly the Difference of their Tempers. When Alexander, after a long Courſe of Victories, would ſtill have led his Soldiers farther from Home, they unanimouſly refuſed to follow him. We meet with the like Behaviour in Caeſar's Army in the Midſt of his March againſt Arioviſtus. Let us therefore obſerve the Conduct of our Two Generals in ſo nice an Affair: And here we find Alexander at the Head of his Army, upbraiding them with their Cowardice, and Meanneſs of Spirit; and in the End, telling them plainly, He would go forward himſelf, though not a Man followed him. This ſhowed indeed an exceſſive Bravery; but how would the Commander have come off, if the Speech had not ſucceeded, and the Soldiers had taken him at his Word? The Project ſeems of a Piece with Mr. Bays's in the Rehearſal, who, to gain a Clap in his Prologue, comes out, with a terrible Fellow in a Fur-Cap following him, and [46] tells his Audience, If they would not like his Play, he would lie down and have his Head ſtruck off. If this gained a Clap, all was well; but if not, there was nothing left but for the Executioner to do his Office. But Caeſar would not leave the Succeſs of his Speech to ſuch uncertain Events: He ſhews his Men the Unreaſonableneſs of their Fears in an obliging Manner, and concludes, That if none elſe would march along with them, he would go himſelf with the Tenth Legion, for he was aſſured of their Fidelity and Valour, though all the reſt forſook him; not but that in all Probability they were as much againſt the March as the reſt. The Reſult of all was very natural: The Tenth Legion fired with the Praiſes of their General, ſend Thanks to him for the juſt Opinion he entertains of 'em; and the reſt, aſhamed to be outdone, aſſure him, That they are as ready to follow where he pleaſes to lead them, as any other Part of the Army.

The TATLER. [No 7.
From Saturd. April 23. to Tueſd. April 26. 1709.

IT is ſo juſt an Obſervation, That Mocking is Catching, that I am become an unhappy Inſtance of it, and am (in the ſame Manner that I have repreſented Mr. Partridge) my ſelf a dying Man, in Compariſon of the Vigour with which I firſt ſet out in the World. Had it been otherwiſe, you may be ſure I would not have pretended to have given for News, as I did laſt Saturday, a Diary of the Siege of Troy. But Man is a Creature very inconſiſtent with himſelf: The Greateſt [47] Heroes are ſometimes Fearful; the Spritelieſt Wits at ſome Hours Dull; and the Greateſt Politicians on ſome Occaſions Whimſical. But I ſhall not pretend to palliate, or excuſe the Matter; for I find, by a Calculation of my own Nativity, that I cannot hold out with any tolerable Wit longer than Two Minutes after Twelve a Clock at Night, between the 18th and 19th of the next Month. For which Space of Time, you may ſtill expect to hear from me, but no longer, except you will tranſmit to me the Occurrences you meet with relating to your Amours, or any other Subject within the Rules by which I have propoſed to walk. If any Gentleman or Lady ſends to Iſaac Bickerſtaff Eſq at Mr. Morphew's near Stationers-Hall, by the Penny-Poſt, the Grief or Joy of their Soul, what they think fit of the Matter ſhall be related in Colours as much to their Advantage, as thoſe in which Gervaſe has drawn the Agreeable Chloe. But ſince, without ſuch Aſſiſtance, I frankly confeſs, and am ſenſible, that I have not a Month's Wit more, I think I ought, while I am in my ſound Health and Senſes, to make my Will and Teſtament; which I do in Manner and Form following:

Imprimis, I give to the Stock-jobbers about the Exchange of London, as a Security for the Truſts daily repoſed in them, all my Real Eſtate; which I do hereby veſt in the ſaid Body of worthy Citizens for ever.

Item, For as much as it is very hard to keep Land in Repair without ready Caſh, I do, out of my Perſonal Eſtate, beſtow the Bear-skin, which I have frequently lent to ſeveral Societies about this Town, to ſupply their Neceſſities. I ſay, I give alſo the ſaid Bear-skin, as an immediate Fund to the ſaid Citizens for ever.

Item, I do hereby appoint a certain Number of [48] the ſaid Citizens to take all the Cuſtom-houſe or Cuſtomary Oaths, concerning all Goods Imported by the whole City, ſtrictly directing, That ſome ſelect Members, and not the whole Number of a Body Corporate, ſhould be perjured.

Item, I forbid all N—s and Perſons of Q—ty, to watch Bargains near and about the Exchange, to the Diminution and Wrong of the ſaid Stockjobbers.

Thus far, in as brief and intelligible a Manner as any Will can appear, till it is explained by the Learned, I have diſpoſed of my Real and Perſonal Eſtate: But, as I am an Adept, I have by Birth an equal Right to give alſo an indefeaſible Title to my Endowments and Qualifications; which I do in the following Manner:

Item, I give my Chaſtity to all Virgins who have withſtood their Market.

Item, I give my Courage among all who are aſhamed of their diſtreſſed Friends, all Sneakers in Aſſemblies, and Men who ſhow Valour in Common Converſation.

Item, I give my Wit, (as Rich Men give to the Rich) among ſuch as think they have enough already. And in caſe they ſhall not accept of the Legacy, I give it to Bentivolio, to defend his Works from Time to Time, as he ſhall think fit to publiſh 'em.

Item, I beſtow my Learning upon the Honourary Members of the Royal Society.

Now for the Diſpoſal of this Body.

As theſe Eyes muſt one Day ceaſe to gaze on Teraminta, and this Heart ſhall one Day pant no more for her Indignation: That is to ſay, ſince this Body muſt be Earth, I ſhall commit it to the Duſt in a Manner ſuitable to my Character. Therefore, as there are thoſe who diſpute, Whether there is any ſuch Real Perſon as Iſaac Bickerſtaff [49] or not? I ſhall excuſe all Perſons who appear what they really are, from coming to my Funeral. But all thoſe who are, in their Way of Life, Perſonae, as the Latins have it, Perſons aſſumed, and who appear what they really are not, are hereby invited to that Solemnity.

The Body ſhall be carried by Six Watchmen, who are never ſeen in the Day.

Item, The Pall ſhall be held up by the Six moſt known Pretenders to Honeſty, Wealth and Power, who are not poſſeſſed of any of them. The Two Firſt, an Half Lawyer, a Compleat Juſtice. The Two next, a Chymiſt, a Projector. The Third Couple, a Treaſury Solicitor, and a ſmall Courtier.

To make my Funeral (what that Solemnity, when done to common Men, really is in it ſelf) a very Farce; and ſince all Mourners are meer Actors on theſe Occaſions, I ſhall deſire thoſe who are profeſſedly ſuch, to attend me. I humbly therefore beſeech Mrs. Barry to act once more, and be my Widow-When ſhe ſwoons away at the Church-Porch, I appoint the Merry Sir John Falſtaff, and the Gay Sir Harry Wildair, to ſupport her. I deſire Mr. Penkethman to follow in the Habit of a Cardinal, and Mr. Bullock in that of a Privy-Councellor. To make up the reſt of the Appearance, I deſire all the Ladies from the Balconies to weep with Mrs. Barry, as they hope to be Wives and Widows themſelves. I invite all, who have nothing elſe to do, to accept of Gloves and Scarves.

Thus, with the Great Charles V. of Spain, I reſign the Glories of this Tranſitory World: Yet, at the ſame Time, to ſhow you my Indifference, and that my Deſires are not too much fixed upon any Thing, I own to you, I am as willing to ſtay as go: Therefore leave it in the Choice of my Gentle Readers, whether I ſhall hear from them, or they hear no more from me.

[50]

EAſter Day being a Time when you cannot well meet with any but humble Adventures; and there being ſuch a Thing as low Gallantry, as well as low Comedy, Colonel Ramble and my ſelf went early this Morning into the Fields, which were ſtrewed with Shepherds and Shepherdeſſes, but indeed of a different Turn from the Simplicity of thoſe of Arcadia. Every Hedge was conſcious of more than what the Repreſentations of enamoured Swains admit of. While we were ſurveying the Crowd around us, we ſaw at a Diſtance a Company coming towards Pancras-Church; but tho' there was not much Diſorder, we thought we ſaw the Figure of a Man ſtuck through with a Sword, and at every Step ready to fall, if a Woman by his Side had not ſupported him; the reſt followed Two and Two. When we came nearer this Appearance, who ſhould it be but Monſieur Guardeloop, mine and Ramble's French Taylor, attended by others, leading one of Madam Depingle's Maids to the Church, in order to their Eſpouſals. It was his Sword rucked ſo high above his Waſt, and the Circumflex which Perſons of his Profeſſion take in their Walking, that made him appear at a Diſtance wounded and falling. But the Morning being rainy, methought the March to thi [...] Wedding was but too lively a Picture of Wedlock it ſelf. They ſeemed both to have [...] Month's Mind to make the beſt of their Wa [...] ſingle; yet both tugged Arm in Arm; an [...] when they were in a dirty Way, he was bu [...] deeper in the Mire, by endeavouring to pu [...] out his Companion, and yet without helpin [...] her. The Bridegroom's Feathers in his Hat [...] drooped, one of his Shoes had loſt an He [...] [51] In ſhort, he was in his whole Perſon and Dreſs ſo extremely ſouſed, that there did not appear one Inch or ſingle Thread about him unmarried. Pardon me, that the melancholy Object ſtill dwells upon me ſo far as to reduce me to Punning. However, we attended to the Chappel, where we ſtay'd to hear the irrevocable Words pronounced upon our old Servant, and made the beſt of our Way to Town. I took a Reſolution to forbear all married Perſons, or any in Danger of being ſuch, for Four and twenty Hours at leaſt; therefore dreſſed, and went to viſit Florimell, the vaineſt Thing in Town, where I knew would drop in Colonel Picket, juſt come from the Camp, her profeſſed Admirer. He is of that Order of Men who has much Honour and Merit, but withal a Coxcomb; the other of that Set of Females who has Innocence and Wit, but the Firſt of Coquets. It is eaſy to believe, Theſe muſt be Admirers of each other. She ſays, The Colonel rides the beſt of any Man in England: The Colonel ſays, She talks the beſt of any Woman. At the ſame Time, he underſtands Wit juſt as ſhe does Horſemanſhip. You are to know, theſe extraordinary Perſons ſee each other daily; and they themſelves, as well as the Town, think it will be a Match: But it can never happen that they can come to the Point; for inſtead of addreſſing to each other, they ſpend their whole Time in Reports of themſelves: He is ſatisfied if he can convince her he is a fine Gentleman, and a Man of Conſequence; and ſhe, in appearing to him an accompliſhed Lady and a Wit, without further Deſign. Thus he tells her of his Manner of poſting his Men at ſuch a Paſs, with the Numbers he commanded on that Detachment: She tells him, [52] how ſhe was dreſſed on ſuch a Day at Court, and what Offers were made her the Week following. She ſeems to hear the Repetition of his Men's Names with Admiration; and waits only to anſwer him with as falſe a Muſter of Lovers. They talk to each other not to be informed, but approved. Thus they are ſo like, that they are to be ever diſtant, and the Parallel Lines may run together for ever, but never meet.

This Evening the Comedy, called Epſom-Wells, was acted for the Benefit of Mr. Bullock, who, though he is a Perſon of much Wit and Ingenuity, has a peculiar Talent of looking like a Fool, and therefore excellently well qualified for the Part of Bisket in this Play. I cannot indeed ſufficiently admire his Way of bearing a Beating, as he does in this Drama, and that with ſuch a Natural Air and Propriety of Folly, that one cannot help wiſhing the Whip in one's own Hand; ſo richly does he ſeem to deſerve his Chaſtiſement. Skilful Actors think it a very peculiar Happineſs to play in a Scene with ſuch as Top their Parts. Therefore I cannot but ſay, when the Judgment of any good Author directs him to write a Beating for Mr. Bullock from Mr. William Penkethman, or for Mr. William Penkethman from Mr. Bullock, thoſe excellent Players ſeem to be in their moſt ſhining Circumſtances, and pleaſe me more, but with a different Sort of Delight than that which I receive from thoſe Grave Scenes of Brutus and Caſſius, or Anthony and Ventidius. The whole Comedy is very juſt, and the Low Part of Humane Life repreſented with much Humour and Wit.

[53]

We are adviſed from Vienna, by Letters of the 20th Inſtant, That the Emperor hath lately added 20 new Members to his Council of State, but they have not yet taken their Places at the Board. General Thaun is returned from Baden, his Health being ſo well re-eſtabliſhed by the Baths of that Place, that he deſigns to ſet out next Week for Turin, to his Command of the Imperial Troops in the Service of the Duke of Savoy. His Imperial Majeſty has advanced his Brother Count Henry Thaun to be a Brigadier, and a Councellor of the Aulick Council of War. Theſe Letters import, That King Staniſlaus and the Swediſh General Craſſau are directing their March to the Nieper, to join the King of Sweden's Army in Ukrania: That the States of Auſtria have furniſhed Marſhal Heiſter with a conſiderable Sum of Money, to enable him to puſh on the War vigorouſly in Hungary, where all Things as yet are in perfect Tranquility: And that General Thungen has been very importunate for a ſpeedy Reinforcement of the Forces on the Upper Rhine, repreſenting at the ſame Time, what Miſeries the Inhabitants muſt neceſſarily undergo, if the Deſigns of France on thoſe Parts be not ſpeedily and effectually prevented.

Letters from Rome, dated the 13th Inſtant, ſay, That on the preceding Sunday his Holineſs was carried in an open Chair from St. Peter's to St. Mary's, attended by the Sacred College, in Cavalcade; and, after Maſs, diſtributed ſeveral Dowries for the Marriage of poor and diſtreſſed Virgins. The Proceedings of that Court are very dilatory concerning the Recognition of King Charles, notwithſtanding the preſſing Inſtances of the Marquis de Prie, who has declared, That if this Affair be not wholly concluded [54] by the 15th Inſtant, he will retire from that Court, and order the Imperial Troops to return into the Ecclefiaſtical State. On the other Hand, the Duke of Anjou's Miniſter has, in the Name of his Maſter, demanded of his Holineſs to explain himſelf on that Affair; which, 'tis ſaid, will be finally determined in a Conſiſtory to be held on Monday next; the Duke d'Uzeda defigning to delay his Departure till he ſees the Iſſue. Theſe Letters alſo ſay, That the Court was mightily alarmed at the News which they received by an Expreſs from Ferrara, that General Boneval, who commands in Commachio, had ſent Circular Letters to the Inhabitants of St. Alberto, Longaſtrino, Fillo, and other adjacent Parts, enjoining them to come and ſwear Fealty to the Emperor, and receive new Inveſtitures of their Fiefs from his Hands. Letters from other Parts of Italy ſay, That the King of Denmark continues at Lucca; that four Engliſh and Dutch Men of War were ſeen off of Oneglia, bound for Final, in order to tranſport the Troops deſigned for Barcelona; and that Her Majeſty's Ship the Colcheſter arriv'd at Leghorn the 4th Inſtant from Port Mahon, with Advice, That Major-General Stanhope deſigned to part from thence the 1ſt Inſtant with 6 or 7000 Men to attempt the Relief of the Caſtle of Alicant.

Our laſt Advices from Berlin, bearing Date the 27th Inſtant, import, That the King was gone to Linum, and the Queen to Meckleuburg; but that their Majeſties deſigned to return the next Week to Oranienburg, where a great Chaſe of Wild-Beaſts was prepared for their Diverſion, and from thence they intend to proceed together to Potſdam; That the Prince Royal was ſet out for Brahant, but intended to make ſome ſhort Stay at Hanever, Theſe Letters alſo inform us, That they are adviſed from Obory, [55] that the King of Sweden, being on his March towards Holki, met General Reune with a Dotachment of Muſcovites, who placing ſome Regiments in Ambuſcade, attacked the Swedes in their Rear, and putting them to Flight, killed 2000 Men, the King himſelf having his Horſe ſhot under him.

We hear from Copenhagen, That the Ice being broke, the Sound is again open for the Ships; and that they hoped his Majeſty would return ſooner than they at firſt expected.

Letters from the Hague, dated May 4. N. S. ſay, That an Expreſs arrived there on the 1ſt from Prince Eugene to his Grace the Duke of Marlborough. The States are adviſed, That the Auxiliaries of Saxony were arrived on the Frontiers of the United Provinces; as alſo, That the Two Regiments of Wolfembuttel, and 4000 Troops from Wirtemberg, which are to ſerve in Flanders, re in full March thither. Letters from Flanders ſay, That the great Convoy of Ammunition and Proviſions which ſet out from Ghent for Liſle, was ſafely arrived at Courtray. We hear from Paris, That the King has ordered the Militia on the Coaſts of Normandy and Bretagne to be in a Readineſs to march; and that the Court was in Apprehenſion of a Deſcent, to animate the People to riſe in the Midſt of their preſent Hardſhips.

They write from Spain, That the Pope's Nuncio left Madrid the 10th of April, in order to go to Bayonne; that the Marquis de Bay was at Badajos to obſerve the Motions of the Portugueze, and that the Count d'Eſtain, with a Body of 5000 Men, was on his March to attack Gironne. The Duke of Anjou has depoſed the Biſhop of Lerida, as being a Favourer of the Intereſt of King Charles; and has ſummoned a Convocation at Madrid, compoſed of the Archbiſhops, [56] Biſhops and States of that Kingdom, wherein he hopes they will come to a Reſolution to ſend for no more Bulls to Rome.

The TATLER. [No 8.
From Tueſd. Apr. 26. to Thurſd. Apr. 28. 1709.

THE Play of The London Cuckolds was acted this Evening before a ſuitable Audience, who were extremely well diverted with that Heap of Vice and Abſurdity. The Indignation which Eugenio, who is a Gentleman of a juſt Taſt, has, upon Occaſion of ſeeing humane Nature fall ſo low in their Delights, made him, I thought, expatiate upon the Mention of this Play very agreeably. Of all Men living, ſaid he, I pity Players, (who muſt be Men of good Underſtanding to be capable of being ſuch) that they are obliged to repeat and aſſume proper Geſtures for repreſenting Things of which their Reaſon muſt be aſhamed, and which they muſt diſdain their Audience for approving. The Amendment of theſe low Gratifications is only to be made by People of Condition, by encouraging the Preſentation of the Noble Characters drawn by Shakeſpeare and others, from whence it is impoſſible to return without ſtrong Impreſſions of Honour and Humanity. On theſe Occaſions, Diſtreſs is laid before us with all its Cauſes and Conſequences, and our Reſentment placed according to the Merit of the Perſons afflicted. Were Drama's of this Nature more acceptable to the Taſt of the Town, Men who have Genius would bend their Studies to excel in 'em. How forcible an Effect this would have on our Minds, one needs no more than to obſerve [57] how ſtrongly we are touched by meer Pictures. Who can ſee Le Brun's Picture of the Battle of Porus, without entring into the Character of that fierce gallant Man, and being accordingly ſpurred to an Emulation of his Conſtancy and Courage? When he is falling with his Wound, the Features are at the ſame Time very terrible and languiſhing; and there is ſuch a ſtern Faintneſs diffuſed through all his Look, as is apt to move a kind of Horrour, as well as Pity in the Beholder. This, I ſay, is an Effect wrought by meer Lights and Shades, conſider alſo a Repreſentation made by Words only, as in an Account given by a good Writer: Catiline in Salluſt makes juſt ſuch a Figure as Porus by Le Brun. It is ſaid of him, Catilina vero longe a ſuis inter Hoſtium Cadavera repertus eſt; paululum etiam ſpirans, Ferocitatemque Animi quam vivus habuerat in Vultu retinens. ‘'Catiline was found kill'd far from his own Men among the dead Bodies of the Enemy: He ſeemed ſtill to breath, and ſtill retained in his Face the ſame Fierceneſs he had when he was living."’ You have in that one Sentence a lively Impreſſion of his whole Life and Actions. What I would inſinuate from all this, is, That if the Painter and the Hiſtorian can do thus much in Colours and Language, what may not be performed by an excellent Poet? When the Character he draws is repreſented by the Perſon, the Manner, the Look, and the Motion, of an accompliſhed Player: If a Thing painted or related can irreſiſtibly enter our Hearts, what may not be brought to paſs by ſeeing generous Things performed before our Eyes? Eugenio ended his Diſcourſe, by recommending the apt Uſe of a Theatre, as the moſt agreeable and eaſie Method of making a polite and moral Gentry, which would end in rendring the reſt of the People regular in their [58] Behaviour, and ambitious of laudable Undertakings.

Letters f om Naples of the 9th Inſtant, N. S. adviſe, That Cardinal Grimani had ordered the Regiment commanded by General Pate to march towards Final, in order to embark for Catalonia, whither alſo a Thouſand Horſe are to be tranſported from Sardinia, beſides the Troops which come from the Milaneſe. An Engliſh Man of War has taken Two Prizes, One a Veſſel of Malta, the [...]ther of Genoa, both laden with Goods of the Enemy. They w ite from Florence of the 13th, That his Majeſty of Denmark had received a Courier from the Hague, with an Account of ſome Matters relating to the Treaty of a Peace; upon which he declared, that he thought it neceſſary to haſten to his own Dominions.

Letters from Swiſſerland inform us, That the Effects of the great Scarcity of Corn in France we e felt at Geneva; the Magiſtrates of which City had appointed Deputies to treat with the Cantons of Bern and Zurich, for Leave to buy up ſuch Quantities of Grain within their Territories as ſhould be thought neceſſary. The Proteſtants of Tockenburg are ſtill in Arms about the Convent of St. John, and have declared, That they will not lay them down, till they ſhall have ſufficient Security from the Roman Catholicks, of living unmoleſted in the Exerciſe of their Religion. In the mean Time, the Deputies of Bern and Tockenburg have frequent Conferences at Zurich with the Regency of that Canton, to find out Methods for the quieting theſe Diſorders.

Letters from the Hague of the 3d of May adviſe, That the Prendent Rouille, after his laſt Conference with the Deputies of the States, had retired to Bodegrave, five Miles diſtant from [59] Worden, and expected the Return of a Courier from France on the 4th, with new Inſtructions. It is ſaid, if his Anſwer from the French Court ſhall not prove Satisfactory, he will be deſired to withdraw out of theſe Parts. In the mean Time it is alſo reported, That his Equipage, as an Ambaſſador on this great Occaſion, is actually on the March towards him. They write from Flanders, That the great Convoy of Proviſions, which ſet out from Ghent, is ſafely arrived at Liſle. Thoſe Advices add, That the Enemy had aſſembled near Tournay a conſiderable Body of Troops drawn out of the Neighbouring Garriſons. Their High Mightineſſes having ſent Orders to their Miniſters at Hamburgh and Dantzick, to engage the Magiſtrates of thoſe Cities to forbid the Sale of Corn to the French, and to ſignify to them, That the Dutch Merchants will buy up as much of that Commodity as they can ſpare. The Hamburghers have accordingly contracted with the Dutch, and refuſed any Commerce with the French on that Occaſion.

After the Laſſitude of a Day ſpent in the ſtrolling Manner, which is uſual with Men of Pleaſure in this Town, and with a Head full of a Million of Impertinencies, which had danced round it for Ten Hours together, I came to my Lodging, and haſtened to Bed. My Valet de Chambre knows my Univerſity. Trick of reading there; and he being a good Scholar for a Gentleman, ran over the Names of Horace, Tibullus, Ovid, and others, to know which I would have. Bring Virgil, ſaid I, and if I fall aſleep, take Care of the Candle. I read the Sixth Book over with the moſt exquiſite Delight, and had gone half through it a ſecond Time, when the pleaſing Idea's of Elyſian Fields, [60] deceaſed Worthies walking in them, ſincere Lovers enjoying their Languiſhment without Pain, Compaſſion for the unhappy Spirits who had miſpent their ſhort Day-light, and were exiled from the Seats of Bliſs for ever; I ſay, I was deep again in my Reading, when this Mixture of Images had taken Place of all others in my Imagination before, and lulled me into a Dream, from which I am juſt awake, to my great Diſadvantage. The happy Manſions of Elyſium by Degrees ſeemed to be wafted from me, and the very Traces of my late walking Thoughts began to fade away, when I was caſt by a ſudden Whirlwind upon an Iſland, encompaſſed with a roaring and troubled Sea, which ſhak'd its very Centre, and rocked its Inhabitants as in a Cradle. The Iſlanders lay on their Faces without offering to look up, or hope for Preſervation; all her Harbours were crowded with Mariners, and tall Veſſels of War lay in Danger of being driven to Pieces on her Shores. Bleſs me! ſaid I, why have I lived in ſuch a Manner, that the Convulſion of Nature ſhould be ſo terrible to me, when I feel in my ſelf, that the better Part of me is to ſurvive it? Oh! may that be in Happineſs. A ſudden Shriek, in which the whole People on their Faces joined, interrupted my Soliloquy, and turned my Eyes and Attention to the Object which had given us that ſudden Start, in the Midſt of an inconſolable and ſpeechleſs Affliction. Immediately the Winds grew calm, the Waves ſubſided, and the People ſtood up, turning their Faces upon a magnificent Pile in the Midſt of the Iſland. There we beheld an Hero of a comely and erect Aſpect, but pale and languid, ſitting under a Canopy of State. By the Faces and dumb Sorrow of thoſe who attended, we thought him in the Article of Death. At a Diſtance ſate a Lady, whoſe Life ſeemed to [61] hang upon the ſame Thread with his: She kept her Eyes fixed upon him, and ſeemed to ſmother Ten Thouſand Thouſand nameleſs Things, which urged her Tenderneſs to claſp him in her Arms: But her Greatneſs of Spirit overcame thoſe Sentiments, and gave her Power to forbear diſturbing his laſt Moment; which immediately approached. The Hero looked up with an Air of Negligence, and Satiety of Being, rather than of Pain to leave it; and leaning back his Head, expired.

When the Heroine, who ſate at a Diſtance, ſaw his laſt Inſtant come, ſhe threw her ſelf at his Feet, and kneeling, preſſed his Hand to her Lips; in which Poſture ſhe continued under the Agony of an unutterable Sorrow, till conducted from our Sight by her Attendants. That commanding Awe, which accompanies the Grief of great Minds, reſtrained the Multitude while in her Preſence; but as ſoon as ſhe retired, they gave Way to their Diſtraction, and all the Iſlanders called upon their deceaſed Hero. To him, methought, they cried out, as to a Guardian Being, and I gathered from their broken Accents, That it was he who had the Empire over the Ocean and its Powers, by which he had long protected the Iſland from Shipwreck and Invaſion. They now give a Looſe to their Moan, and think themſelves expoſed without Hopes of Humane or Divine Aſſiſtance. While the People ran wild, and expreſſed all the different Forms of Lamentation, methought a Sable Cloud over-ſhadowed the whole Land, and covered its Inhabitants with Darkneſs: No Glimpſe of Light appeared, except one Ray from Heaven upon the Place in which the Heroine now ſecluded her ſelf from the World, with her Eyes fixed on thoſe Abodes to which her Conſort was aſcended. Methought a long Period of Time had paſſed away in Mourning [62] and in Darkneſs, when a Twilight began by Degrees to enlighten the Hemiſphere; and looking round me, I ſaw a Boat rowed towards the Shore, in which ſate a Perſonage adorned with Warlike Trophies, bearing on his left Arm a Shield, on which was engraven the Image of Victory, and in his Right Hand a Branch of Olive. His Viſage was at once ſo winning and ſo awful, that the Shield and the Olive ſeemed equally ſuitable to his Genius.

When this illuſtrious * Perſon touched on the Shore, he was received by the Acclamations of the People, and followed to the Palace of the Heroine. No Pleaſure in the Glory of her Arms, or the Acclamations of her applauding Subjects, were ever capable to ſuſpend her Sorrow for one Moment, till ſhe ſaw the Olive Branch in the Hand of that auſpicious Meſſenger. At that Sight, as Heaven beſtows its Bleſſings on the Wants and Importunities of Mortals, out of its Native Bounty, and not to encreaſe its own Power or Honour, in Compaſſion to the World, the Celeſtial Mourner was then firſt ſeen to turn her Regard to Things below; and taking the Branch out of the Warrior's Hand, looked at it with much Satisfaction, and ſpoke of the Bleſſings of Peace, with a Voice and Accent, ſuch as that in which Guardian Spirits whiſper to dying Penitents Aſſurances of Happineſs. The Air was huſhed, the Multitude attentive, and all Nature in a Pauſe, while ſhe was ſpeaking. But as ſoon as the Meſſenger of Peace had made ſome low Reply, in which, methought, I heard the Word Iberia, the Heroine aſſuming a more ſevere Air, but ſuch as ſpoke Reſolution, without Rage, returned him the Olive, and [63] again veiled her Face. Loud Cries and Claſhing of Arms immediately followed, which forced me from my charming Viſion, and drove me back to theſe Manſions of Care and Sorrow.

The TATLER. [No 9.
From Thurſd. Apr. 28. to Saturd. Apr. 30. 1709.

THis Evening we were entertained with The Old Batchelor, a Comedy of deſerved Reputation. In the Character which gives Name to the Play, there is excellently repreſented the Reluctance of a battered Debauchee to come into the Trammels of Order and Decency: He neither languiſhes nor burns, but frets, for Love. The Gentlemen of more regular Behaviour are drawn with much Spirit and Wit, and the Drama introduced by the Dialogue of the firſt Scens with uncommon, yet natural, Converſation. The Part of Fondlewife is a lively Image of the unſeaſonable Fondneſs of Age and impotence. But inſtead of ſuch agreeable Works as theſe, the Town has this half Age been tormented with Inſects, called Eaſie Writers, whoſe Abilities Mr. Wicherly one Day deſcribed excellently well in one Word: That, ſaid he, among theſe Fellows is called Eaſy Writing, which any one may eaſily write. Such Jantie Scribblers are ſo juſtly laughed at for their Sonnets on Phillis and Chloris, and Fantaſtical Deſcriptions in 'em, that an ingenious Kinſman of mine, of the Family of the Staffs, Mr. Humphrey Wagſtaff by Name, has, to avoid their Strain, run into a Way perfectly new, and deſcribed Things exactly as they happen: He never forms Fields, or Nymphs, or Groves, where they are not, but [64] makes the Incidents juſt as they really appear. For an Example of it, I ſtole out of his Manuſcript the following Lines: They are a Deſcription of the Morning, but of the Morning in Town; nay, of the Morning at this End of the Town, where my Kinſman at preſent lodges.

Now hardly here and there an Hackney-Coach
Appearing, ſhow'd the ruddy Morn's Approach.
Now Betty from her Maſter's Bed had flown,
And ſoftly ſtole to diſcompoſe her own.
The Slipſhod 'Prentice from his Maſter's Door,
Had par'd the Street, and ſprinkled round the Floor.
Now Moll had whirl'd her Mop with dextr'ous Airs,
Prepar'd to ſcrub the Entry and the Stairs.
The Youth with broomy Stumps began to trace
The Kennel Edge, where Wheels had worn the Place.
The Smallcoal Man was heard with Cadence deep,
Till drown'd in ſhriller Notes of Chimney ſweep.
Duns at his Lordſhip's Gate began to meet;
And Brickduſt Moll had ſcream'd through half a Street.
The Turnkey now his Flock returning ſees,
Duly let out a' Nights to ſteal for Fees.
The watchful Bailiffs take their ſilent Stands;
And School-boys lag with Satchels in their Hands.

All that I apprehend is, that dear Numps will be angry I have publiſhed theſe Lines; not that he has any Reaſon to be aſhamed of them, but for fear of thoſe Rogues, the Bane to all excellent Performances, the Imitators. Therefore, beforehand, I bar all Deſcriptions of the Evening; as, a Medley of Verſes ſignifying, Grey-Peas are now cried warm: That Wenches now begin to amble round the Paſſages of the Playhouſe: Or of Noon; as, That find Ladies and great Beaux are juſt yawning out of their Beds and Windows in Pall-Mall, and ſo forth. I forewarn alſo all Perſons from encouraging any Draughts after my Couſin; and foretel any [65] Man who ſhall go about to imitate him, that he will be very inſipid. The Family Stock is embarked in this Deſign, and we will not admit of Counterfeits: Dr. Anderſon and his Heirs enjoy his Pills, Sir Willium Read has the Cure of Eyes, and Monſieur Roſelli can only cure the Gout. We pretend to none of theſe Things; but to examine who and who are together, to tell any miſtaken Man he is not what he believes he is, to diſtinguiſh Merit, and expoſe falſe Pretences to it, is a Liberty our Family has by Law in 'em, from an Inter-Marriage with a Daughter of Mr. Scoggin, the famous Droll of the laſt Century. This Right I deſign to make Uſe of; but will not encroach upon the above-mentioned Adepts, or any other. At the ſame Time I ſhall take all the Privileges I may, as an Engliſhman, and will lay hold of the late Act of Naturalization to introduce what I ſhall think fit from France. The Uſe of that Law may, I hope, be extended to people the polite World with new Characters, as well as the Kingdom it ſelf with new Subjects. Therefore an Author of that Nation, called Le Bruyere, I ſhall make bold with on ſuch Occaſions. The laſt Perſon I read of in that Writer, was, Lord Timon. Timon, ſays my Author, is the moſt generous of all Men; but is ſo hurried away with that ſtrong Impulſe of Beſtowing, that he confers Benefits without Diſtinction, and is Munificent without laying Obligations. For all the Unworthy, who receive from him, have ſo little Senſe of this noble Infirmity, that they look upon themſelves rather as Partners in a Spoil, than Partakers of a Bounty. The other Day, coming into Paris, I met Timon going out on Horſeback, attended only by one Servant. It ſtruck me with a ſudden Damp, to ſee a Man of ſo excellent a Diſpoſition, and that underſtood making a Figure ſo very well, ſo much ſhorten'd [66] in his Retinue. But paſſing by his Houſe, I ſaw his great Coach break to Pieces before his Door, and, by a ſtrange Inchantment, immediately turned into many different Vehicles. The firſt was a very pretty Chariot, into which ſtep'd his Lordſhip's Secretary. The ſecond was hung a little heavier; into that ſtrutted the Fat Steward. In an Inſtant follow'd a Chaiſe, which was enter'd by the Butler. The reſt of the Body and Wheels were forthwith changed into Go-carts, and ran away with by the Nurſes and Brats of the reſt of the Family What makes theſe Misfortunes in the Affairs of Timon the more aſtoniſhing, is, That he has a better Underſtanding than thoſe who cheat him; ſo that a Man knows not which more to wonder at, the Indifference of the Maſter, or the Impud nce of the Servant.

It is a Matter of much Speculation among the Beaus and Oglers, what it is that can have made ſo ſuddeu a Change, as has been of late obſerved, in the whole Behaviour of Paſtorella, who never ſate ſtill a Moment till ſhe was Eighteen, which ſhe has now exceeded by Two Months. Her Aunt, who has the Care of her, has not been always ſo rigid as ſhe is at this preſent Date; but has ſo good a Senſe of the Frailty of Woman, and Falſhood of Man, that ſhe reſolved on all Manner of Methods to keep Paſtorella, if poſſible, in Safety, againſt her ſelf, and all her Admirers. At the ſame Time the good Lady knew by long Experience, that a gay Inclination, curbed too raſhly, would but run to the greater Exceſſes for that Reſtraint: Therefore intended to watch her, and take ſome Opportunity of engaging her inſenſibly in her own Intereſts, without the Anguiſh of an Admonition. You are to know then, That Miſs, with all her Flirting and Ogling, had alſo [67] naturally a ſtrong Curioſity in her, and was the greateſt Eves-Dropper breathing. Pariſatis (for ſo her prudent Aunt is called) obſerved this Humour, and retires one Day to her Cloſet, into which ſhe knew Paſtorella would peep, and liſten to know how ſhe was employed. It happened accordingly, and the young Lady ſaw her good Governante on her Knees, and after a mental Behaviour, break into theſe Words: As for the dear Child committed to my Care, let her Sobriety of Carriage, and Severity of Behaviour, be ſuch, as may make that Noble Lord, who is taken with her Beauty, turn his Deſigns to ſuch as are honourable. Here Pariſatis heard her Neece neſtle cloſer to the Key-Hole: She then goes on; Make her the joyful Mother of a numerous and wealthy Offspring; and let her Carriage be ſuch, as may make this Noble Youth expect the Bleſſings of an happy Marriage, from the Singularity of her Life, in this looſe and cenſorious Age. Miſs having heard enough, ſneaks off for Fear of Diſcovery, and immediately, at her Glaſs, alters the Sitting of her Head; then pulls up her Tucker, and forms herſelf into the exact Manner of Lindamira: In a Word, becomes a ſincere Convert to every Thing that's commendable in a fine young Lady; and Two or Three ſuch Matches as her Aunt feigned in her Devotions, are at this Day in her Choice. This is the Hiſtory and Original Cauſe of Paſtorella's Converſion from Coquettry. The Prudence in the Management of this young Lady's Temper, and good Judgment of it, is hardly to be exceeded. I ſcarce remember a greater Inſtance of Forbearance of the uſual peeviſh Way with which the Aged treat the Young, than this, except that of our famous Noy, whoſe good Nature went ſo far, as to make him put off his Admonitions to his Son, even till after his Death, [68] and did not give him his Thoughts of him, till he came to read that memo able Paſſage in his Will: All the reſt of my Eſtate, ſays he, I leave to my Son Edward (who is Executor to this my Will) to be ſquandred as he ſhall think fit: I leave it him for that Purpoſe, and hope no better from him. A generous Diſdain, and Reflection upon how little he deſerved from ſo excellent a Father, reformed the young Man, and made Edward, from an errant Rake, become a fine Gentleman.

Letters from Portugal of the 18th Inſtant, dated from Eſtremos, ſay, That on the 6th the Earl of Galway arrived at that Place, and had the Satiſfaction to ſee the Quarters well furniſhed with all Manner of Proviſions, and a Quantity of Bread ſufficient for ſubſuting the Troops for 60 Days, beſides Bisket for 25 Days. The Enemy give out, That they ſhall bring into the Field 14 Regiments of Horſe, and 24 Battalions. The Troops in the Service of Portugal will make up 14000 Foot, and 4000 Horſe. On the Day theſe Letters were diſpatched, the Earl of Galway received Advice, that the Marquis de Bay was preparing for ſome Enterprize, by gathering his Troops together on the Frontiers. Whereupon his Excellency reſolved to go that ſame Night to Villa Vicoſa, to aſſemble the Troops in that Neighbourhood, in order to diſappoint his Deſigns.

Yeſterday in the Evening Captain Foxon, Aidde-Camp to Major-General Cadogan, arriv'd here Expreſs from the Duke of Marlborough. And this Day a Mail is come in, with Letters dated from Bruſſels of the 6th of May, N. S. which adviſe, That the Enemy had drawn togethera Body, conſiſting of 20000 Men, with a Deſign, as was ſuppoſed, to intercept the great Convoy [69] on the March towards Liſle, which was ſafely arrived at Menin and Courtray, in its Way to that Place, the French having retired without making any Attempt.

We hear from the Hague, That a Perſon of the Firſt Quality is arrived in the Low-Countries from France, in order to be a Plenipotentiary in an enſuing Treaty of Peace.

Letters from France acknowledge, That Monſieur Bernard has made no higher Offers of Satiſfaction to his Creditors than of 35 l. per Cent.

Theſe Advices add, That the Mareſchal Boufflers, Monſieur Torcy, (who diſtinguiſhed himſelf formerly, by adviſing the Court of France to adhere to the Treaty of Partition) and Monſieur d' Harcourt, (who negotiated with Cardinal Portocarrero for the Succeſſion of the Crown of Spain in the Houſe of Bourbon) are all Three joined in a Commiſſion for a Treaty of Peace. The Mareſchal is come to Ghent: The other Two are arrived at the Hague.

It is confidently reported here, That the Right Honourable the Lord Townſhend is to go with his Grace the Duke of Marlborough into Holland.

The TATLER. [No 10.
From Saturd. April 30. to Tueſd. May 3. 1709.

MY Brother Iſaac having a ſudden Occaſion to go out of Town, ordered me to take upon me the Diſpatch of the next Advices from Home, with Liberty to ſpeak it my own Way; [70] not doubting the Allowances which would be given to a Writer of my Sex. You may be ſure, I undertook it with much Satisfaction: And I confeſs, I am not a little pleaſed with the Opportunity of running over all the Papers in his Cloſet, which he has left open for my Uſe on this Occaſion. The firſt that I lay my Hands on, is, A Treatiſe concerning The Empire of Beauty, and the Effects it has had in all Nations of the World, upon the publick and private Actions of Men; with an Appendix, which he calls, The Batchelor's Scheme for Governing his Wife. The firſt Thing he makes this Gentleman propoſe, is, That ſhe ſhall be no Woman; for ſhe is to have an Averſion to Balls, to Opera's, to Viſits: She is to think his Company ſufficient to fill up all the Hours of Life with great Satisfaction: She is never to believe any other Man Wiſe, Learned, or Valiant; or at leaſt but in a ſecond Degree. In the next Place, he intends ſhe ſhall be a Cuckold; but expects, that he himſelf muſt live in perfect Security from that Terror. He dwells a great while on Inſtructions for her diſcreet Behaviour, in caſe of his Falſhood. I have not Patience with theſe unreaſonable Expectations, therefore turn back to the Treatiſe it ſelf. Here, indeed, my Brother deduces all the Revolutions among Men from the Paſſion of Love; and in his Preface, anſwers that uſual Obſervation againſt us, That there is no Quarrel without a Woman in it; with a gallant Aſſertion, That there is nothing elſe worth Quarrelling for. My Brother is of a Complexion truly Amorous; all his Thoughts and Actions carry in 'em a Tincture of that obliging Inclination; and this Turn has opened his Eyes to ſee, we are not the inconſiderable C eatures which unlucky Pretenders to our Favour would inſinuate. He obſerves, That no Man begins to [71] make any tolerable Figure, till he ſets out with he Hopes of Pleaſing ſome one of us. No ſooner he takes that in Hand, but he pleaſes every one elſe by the by. It has an immediate Effect upon his Behaviour. There is Colonel Ranter, who never ſpoke without an Oath, till he ſaw the Lady Betty Modiſh; now never gives his Man an Order, but it is, Pray Tom, do it. The Drawers where he drinks, live in perfect Happineſs. He asked Will at the George t'other Day, How he did? Where he uſed to ſay, Damn it, Is it ſo? He now believes there is ſome Miſtake: He muſt confeſs, he is of another Opinion; but however he won't inſiſt.

Every Temper, except downright inſipid, is to be animated and ſoftned by the Influence of Beauty: But of this untractable Sort is a lifeleſs handſome Fellow that viſits us, whom I have dreſſed at this Twelvemonth; but he is as inſenſible of all the Arts I uſe, as if he converſed all that Time with his Nurſe. He outdoes our whole Sex in all the Faults our Enemies impute to us; he has brought Lazineſs into an Opinion, and makes his Indolence his Philoſophy: Inſomuch, that no long r ago than Yeſterday in the Evening he gave me this Account of himſelf: I am, Madam, perfectly unmoved at all that paſſes among Men, and ſeldom gives my ſelf the Fatigue of going among 'em; but when I do, I always appear the ſame Thing to thoſe whom I converſe with. My Hours of Exiſtence, or being awake, are from Eleven in the Morning to Eleven at Night; half of which I live to my ſelf, in picking my Teeth, waſhing my Hands, paring my Nails, and looking in the Glaſs. The Inſignificancy of my Manners to the reſt of the World, makes the Laughers call me a Quid Nunc, a Phraſe which I neither underſtand, or ſhall ever enquire what they mean by it. The laſt of me each Night is at St. James's Coffee-houſe, [72] where I converſe, yet never fall into a Diſpute on any Occaſion, but leave the Underſtanding I have Paſſive of all that goes through it, without entring into the Buſineſs of Life. And thus, Madam, have I arrived by Lazineſs, to what others pretended to by Philoſophy, a perfect Neglect of the World. Sure, if our Sex had the Liberty of frequenting Publick Houſes and Converſations, we ſhould put theſe Rivals of our Faults and Follies out of Countenance. However, we ſhall ſoon have the Pleaſure of being acquainted with 'em one Way or other; for my Brother Iſaac deſigns, for the Uſe of our Sex, to give the exact Characters of all the Chief Politicians who frequent any of the Coffee-houſes from St. James's to the Change; but deſigns to begin with that Cluſter of Wiſe Heads, as they are found ſitting every Evening from the Left-ſide of the Fire, at the Smyrna, to the Door. This will be of great Service for us, and I have Authority to promiſe an exact Journal of their Deliberations; the Publication of which I am to be allowed for Pin-Money. In the mean Time, I caſt my Eye upon a new Book, which gave me a more pleaſing Entertainment, being a ſixth Part of Miſcellany Poems, publiſh'd by Jacob Tonſon; which, I find, by my Brother's Notes upon it, no Way inferior to the other Volumes. There are, it ſeems, in this, a Collection of the beſt Paſtorals that have hitherto appeared in England; but among them, none ſuperior to that Dialogue between Sylvia and Dorinda, written by one of my own Sex; where all our little Weakneſſes are laid open in a Manner more juſt, and with truer Raillery, than ever Man yet hit upon.

Only this I now diſcern,
From the Things thou'ſt have me learn;
That Womankind's peculiar Joys
From paſt or preſent Beauties riſe.

[73] But to reaſſume my firſt Deſign, there cannot be a greater Inſtance of the Command of Females, than in the prevailing Charms of the Heroine in the Play which was acted this Night, call'd, All for Love; or, The World well loſt. The enamoured Antony reſigns Glory and Power to the Force of the attractive Cleopatra, whoſe Charms were the Defence of her Diadem, againſt a People otherwiſe invincible. It is ſo natural for Women to talk of themſelves, that it is to be hoped, all my own Sex, at leaſt, will pardon me, that I could fall into no other Diſcourſe. If we have their Favour, we give our ſelves very little Anxiety for the reſt of our Readers. I believe I ſee a Sentence of Latin in my Brother's Day-Book of Wit, which ſeems applicable on this Occaſion, and in Contempt of the Criticks.

— Triſtitiam & Metus
Tradam protectis in Mare Criticum
Portare Ventis.

But I am interrupted by a Packet from Mr. Kidney from St. James's Coffee-houſe, which I am obliged to inſert in the very Style and Words which Mr. Kidney uſes in his Letter.

We are adviſed by Letters from Bern, dated the 1ſt Inſtant, N. S. That the Duke of Berwick arrived at Lyons the 25th of the laſt Month, and continued his Journey the next Day to viſit the Paſſes of the Mountains, and other Poſts in Dauphine and Provence. Theſe Letters alſo informed us, That the Miſeries of the People in France are heightened to that Degree, that unleſs a Peace be ſpeedily concluded, half of that Kingdom would periſh for want of Bread. On the 24th, the Mareſchal de Theſſe paſſed through Lyons, in his Way to Verſailles; and Two Battalions, which were marching from Alſace to reinforce [74] the Army of the Duke of Berwick, paſſed alſo through that Place. Thoſe Troops were to be followed by 6 Battalions more.

Letters from Naples of the 16th of April ſay, That the Marquis de Prie's Son was arrived there, with Inſtructions from his Father, to ſignify to the Viceroy the Neceſſity his Imperial Majeſty was under, of deſiring an Aid from that Kingdom, for carrying on the extraordinary Expences of the War. On the 14th of the ſame Month, they made a Review of the Spaniſh Troops in that Garriſon, and afterwards of the Marines; one Part of whom will embark with thoſe deſigned for Barcelona, and the reſt are to be ſent on Board the Gallies appointed to convoy Proviſions to that Place.

We hear from Rome. by Letters dated the 20th of April, That the Count de Mellos, Envoy from the King of Portugal, had made his Publick Entry into that City with much State and Magnificence. The Pope has lately held Two other Conſiſtories, wherein he made a Promotion of Two Cardinals; but the Acknowledgment of King Charles is ſtill deferred.

Letters from other Parts of Italy adviſe us, That the Doge of Venice continues dangerouſly Ill: That the Prince de Carignan having relaps'd into a violent Fever, died the 23d of April, in his 80th Year.

Advices from Vienna of the 27th of April import, That the Archbiſhop of Saltzburg is dead, who is ſucceeded by Count Harrach, formerly Biſhop of Vienna, and for theſe laſt Three Years Coadjutor to the ſaid Archbiſhop; and that Prince Maximilian of Lichtenſtein has likewiſe depa ted this Life, at his Country Seat called Cromaw in Moravia. Theſe Advices add, That the Emperor has nam'd Count Zinzendorf, Count Goes, and Monſieur Consbruck, for his Plenipotentiaries [75] in an enſuing Treaty of Peace; and they hear from Hungary, That the Imperialiſts have had ſeveral ſucceſsful Skirmiſhes with the Malecontents.

Letters from Paris, dated May the 6th, ſay, That the Mareſchal de Theſſe arrived there on the 29th of the laſt Month; and that the Chevalier de Beuil was ſent thither by Don Pedro Rouquillo with Advice, That the Confederate Squadron appeared before Alicant on the 17th, and having for ſome Time cannonaded the City, endeavoured to land ſome Troops for the Relief of the Caſtle; but General Stanhope finding the Paſſes well guarded, and the Enterprize dangerous, demanded to capitulate for the Caſtle; which being granted him, the Garriſon, conſiſting of 600 Regular Troops, marched out with their Arms and Baggage the Day following; and being received on Board, they immediately ſet Sail for Barcelona. Theſe Letters add, That the March of the French and Swiſs Regiments is further deferred for a few Days; and that the Duke of Nouilles was juſt ready to ſet out for Rouſſillon, as well as the Count de Bezons for Catalonia.

The ſame Advices ſay, Bread was ſold at Paris for 6 d. per Pound; and that there was not half enough, even at that Rate, to ſupply the Neceſſities of the People, which reduced them to the utmoſt Deſpair; that 300 Men had taken up Arms, and having plunder'd the Market of the Suburb of St. Germain, preſſed down by their Multitude the King's Guards who oppoſed them. Two of thoſe Mutineers were afterward ſeiz'd, and condemn'd to Death; but Four others went to the Magiſtrate who pronounc'd that Sentence, and told him. He muſt expect to anſwer with his own Life, for thoſe of their Comrades. All Order and Senſe of Government being thus [76] loſt among the enraged People, to keep up a Show of Authority; the Captain of the Guards, who ſaw all their Inſolence, pretended, That he had repreſented to the King their deplorable Condition, and had obtained their Pardon. It is further reported, That the Dauphin, and Dutcheſs of Burgundy, as they went to the Opera, were ſurrounded by Crowds of People, who upbraided them with their Neglect of the general Calamity, in going to Diverſions, when the whole People were ready to periſh for want of Bread. Edicts are daily publiſhed to ſuppreſs theſe Riots; and Papers, with Menaces againſt the Government, as publickly thrown about. Among others, theſe Words were dropped in a Court of Juſtice, France wants a Ravilliac or a Jeſuit to deliver her. Beſides this univerſal Diſtreſs, there is a contagious Sickneſs, which, it is feared, will end in a Peſtilence. Letters from Bourdeaux bring Accounts no leſs lamentable: The Peaſants are driven by Hunger from their Abodes into that City, and make Lamentations in the Streets without Redreſs.

We are adviſed by Letters from the Hague, dated the 10th Inſtant, N. S. That on the 6th, the Marquis de Torcy arrived there from Paris, but the Paſſport, by which he came, having been ſent blank by Monſieur Rouille, he was there Two Days before his Quality was known. That Miniſter offer'd to communicate to Monſ. Heinſius the Propoſals which he had to make; but the Penſionary refuſed to ſee them, and ſaid, He would ſignify it to the States, who deputed ſome of their own Body to acquaint him, That they would enter into no Negotiation till the Arrival of his Grace the D. of Marlborough, and the other Miniſters of the Alliance. Prince Eugene was expected there the 12th Inſtant from Bruſſels. 'Tis ſaid, That beſides Monſieur de Torcy, and [77] Monſieur Pajot, Director General of the Poſts, there are Two or Three Perſons at the Hague whoſe Names are not known; but 'tis ſuppoſed, that the Duke d'Alba, Ambaſſador from the Duke of Anjou, was one of them. The States have ſent Letters to all the Cities of the Provinces, deſiring them to ſend their Deputies to receive the Propoſitions of Peace made by the Court of France.

The TATLER. [No 11.
From Tueſday May 3. to Thurſday May 5. 1709.

A Kinſman has ſent me a Letter, wherein he informs me, He had lately reſolved to write an Heroick Poem; but by Buſineſs has been interrupted, and has only made one Similitude, which he ſhould be afflicted to have wholly loſt, and begs of me to apply it to ſomething, being very deſirous to ſee it well placed in the World. I am ſo willing to help the Diſtreſſed, that I have taken it in: But though his greater Genius might very well diſtinguiſh his Verſes from mine, I have marked where his begin. His Lines are a Deſcription of the Sun in Eclipſe, which I know nothing more like than a brave Man in Sorrow, who bears it as he ſhould, without imploring the Pity of his Friends, or being dejected with the Contempt of his Enemies: As in the Caſe of Cato:

When all the Globe to Caeſar's Fortune bow'd,
Cato alone his Empire diſallow'd;
[78] With Inborn Strength alone oppos'd Mankind,
With Heav'n in View, to all below it blind:
Regardleſs of his Friend's Applauſe, or Moan,
Alone Triumphant, ſince he falls alone.
' Thus when the Ruler of the Genial Day,
' Behind ſome dark'ning Planet forms his Way,
' Deſponding Mortals, with officious Care,
' The Concave Drum, and Magick Braſs prepare;
' Implore him to ſuſtain th'important Fight,
' And ſave depending Worlds from endleſs Night.
' Fondly they hope their Labour may avail,
' To eaſe his Conflict, and aſſiſt his Toil.
' Whilſt he in Beams of Native Splendor bright
' (Tho' dark his Orb appear to Humane Sight)
' Shines to the Gods with more diffuſive Light.
' To diſtant Stars with equal Glory burns,
' Inflames their Lamps, and feeds their Golden Urns.
' Sure to retain his known ſuperior Tract,
' And proves the more illuſtrious by Defect.

This is a very lively Image; but I muſt take the Liberty to ſay, My Kinſman drives the Sun a little like Phaeton: He has all the Warmth of Phaebus, but won't ſtay for his Direction of it. Avail and Toil, Defect and Tract, will never do for Rhimes. But however, he has the true Spirit in him; for which Reaſon I was willing to entertain any Thing he pleas'd to ſend me. The Subject which he writes upon, naturally raiſes great Reflections in the Soul, and puts us in Mind of the mixed Condition which we Mortals are to ſupport; which, as it varies to Good or Bad, adorns or defaces our Actions to the Beholders: All which Glory and Shame muſt end in what we ſo much repine at, Death. But Doctrines on [79] this Occaſion, any other than that of living well, are the moſt inſignificant and moſt empty of all the Labours of Men. None but a Tragedian can die by Rule, and wait till he diſcovers a Plot, or ſays a fine Thing upon his Exit. In real Life, this is a Chimaera; and by Noble Spirits, it will be done decently, without the Oſtentation of it. We ſee Men of all Conditions and Characters go through it with equal Reſolution: And if we conſider the Speeches of the mighty Philoſophers, Heroes, Law-givers, and Great Captains, they can produce no more in a diſcerning Spirit, than Rules to make a Man a Fop on his Death-Bed. Commend me to that natural Greatneſs of Soul, expreſſed by an innocent, and conſequently reſolute Country Fellow, who ſaid in the Pains of the Cholick, If I once get this Breath out of my Body, you ſhall hang me before you put it in again. Honeſt Ned. and ſo he died.

But it is to be ſuppoſed, from this Place you may expect an Account of ſuch a Thing as a New Play is not to be omitted. That acted this Night is the neweſt that ever was writ. The Author is my ingenious Friend Mr. Thomas D—y. This Drama is called, The Modern Prophets, and is a moſt unanſwerable Satyr againſt the late Spirit of Enthuſiaſm. The Writer had by long Experience obſerved, That in Company, very grave Diſcourſes have been followed by Bawdry; and therefore has turned the Humour that Way with great Succeſs, and taken from his Audience all Manner of Superſtition, by the Agitations of pretty Mrs. Bignall, whom he has, with great Subtilty, made a Lay-Siſter, as well as a Propheteſs; by which Means, ſhe carries on the Affairs of both Worlds with great Succeſs. My Friend deſigns to go on with another Work againſt Winter, which he intends to call, [80] The Modern Poets; a People no leſs miſtaken in their Opinions of being inſpired, than the other. In order to this, he has by him ſeveral Songs, beſides many Ambiguities, which cannot be miſtaken for any Thing but what he means them. Mr. D—y generally writes State-Plays, and is wonderfully uſeful to the World in ſuch Repreſentations. This Method is the ſame that was us'd by the Old Athenians, to laugh out of Countenance, or promote Opinions among the People. My Friend has therefore, againſt this Play is acted for his own Benefit, made Two Dances, which may be alſo of an univerſal Benefit. In the Firſt, he has repreſented Abſolute Power in the Perſon of a Tall Man with an Hat and Feather, who gives his Firſt Miniſter, that ſtands juſt before him, an huge Kick; the Miniſter gives the Kick to the next before; and ſo to the End of the Stage. In the Moral and Practical Jeſt, you are made to underſtand, That there is, in an Abſolute Government, no Gratification, but giving the Kick you receive from one above you, to one below you. This is performed to a grave and melancholy Air; but on a ſudden the Tune moves quicker, and the whole Company fall into a Circle, and take Hands; then at a certain ſharp Note, they move round, and kick as kick can. This latter Performance he makes to be the Repreſentation of a Free State; where, if you all mind your Steps, you may go round and round very jollily, with a Motion pleaſant to your ſelves and thoſe you dance with: Nay, if you put your ſelves out, at the worſt you only kick and are kicked, like Friends and Equals.

Of all the Vanities under the Sun, I confeſs that of being proud of one's Birth is the greateſt. At the ſame Time, ſince in this unreaſonable Age, by the Force of prevailing Cuſtom, [81] Things in which Men have no Hand, are imputed to them; and that I am uſed by ſome People, as if Iſaac Bickerſtaff, tho' I write my ſelf Eſquire, was no Body: To ſet the World right in that Particular, I ſhall give you my Genealogy, as a Kinſman of ours has ſent it me from the Heralds-Office. It is certain, and obſerved by the wiſeſt Writers, That there are Women who are not nicely Chaſt, and Men not ſeverely Honeſt, in all Families; therefore let thoſe who may be apt to raiſe Aſperſions upon ours, pleaſe to give us as Impartial Account of their own, and we ſhall be ſatisfied. The Buſineſs of Heralds is a Matter of ſo great Nicety, that, to avoid Miſtakes, I ſhall give you my Couſin's Letter Verbatim, without altering a Syllable.

Dear Couſin,

SInce you have been pleaſed to make your ſelf ſo famous of late, by your ingenious Writings, and ſome Time ago by your learned Predictions: Since Partridge of Immortal Memory is dead and gone, who, Poetical as he was, could not underſtand his own Poetry; and Philomathical as he was, could not read his own Deſtiny: Since the Pope, the King of France, and great Part of his Court, are either literally or metaphorically defunct: Since, I ſay, theſe Things (not foretold by any one but your ſelf) have come to paſs after ſo ſurprizing a Manner; 'tis with no ſmall Concern I ſee the Original of the Staffian Race ſo little known in the World as it is at this Time; for which Reaſon, as you have employed your Studies in Aſtronomy, and the Occult Sciences; ſo I, my Mother being a Welch Woman, dedicated mine to Genealogy, particularly that of our own Family, which, for its Antiquity and Number, may challenge any in Great Britain. The Staffs are originally of Staffordſhire, which took its Name from them: The Firſt that I find of the [82] Staffs was one Jacobſtaff, a famous and renowned Aſtronomer, who by Dorothy his Wife, had Iſſue Seven Sons, viz. Bickerſtaff. Longſtaff, Wagſtaff, Quarterſtaff, Whiteſtaff, Falſtaff, and Tipſtaff. He alſo had a Younger Brother who was twice married, and had Five Sons; viz. Diſtaff, Pikeſtaff, Mopſtaff, Broomſtaff, and Raggedſtaff. As for the Branch from whence you ſpring, I ſhall ſay very little of it, only that 'tis the Chief of the Staffs, and called Bickerſtaff, quaſi Biggerſtaff; as much as to ſay, the Great Staff, or Staff of Staffs; and that it has applied it ſelf to Aſtronomy with great Succeſs, after the Example of our aforeſaid Forefather. The Deſcendants from Longſtaff, the ſecond Son, were a rakiſh diſorderly Sort of People, and rambled from one Place to another, till in Harry II.'s Time they ſettled in Kent, and were called Long-Tails, from the Long-Tails which were ſent them as a Puniſhment for the Murder of Thomas a Becket, as the Legends ſay. They have been always ſeeked after by the Ladies; but whether it be to ſhow their Averſion to Popery, or their Love to Miracles, I can't ſay. The Wagſtaffs are a merry thoughtleſs Sort of People, who have always been opinionated of their own Wit; they have turned themſelves moſtly to Poetry. This is the moſt numerous Branch of our Family, and the pooreſt. The Quarterſtaffs are moſt of them Prize-fighters, or Deerſtealers: There have been ſo many of them hanged lately, that there are very few of that Branch of our Family left. The Whiteſtaffs are all Courtiers, and have had very conſiderable Places. There have been ſome of them of that Strength and Dexterity. That Five hundred of the ableſt Men in the Kingdom have often tugged in vain to pull a Staff out of their Hands. The Falſtaffs are ſtrangely given to Whoring and Drinking: There are Abundance of them in and about London. And one Thing is very remarkable of this Branch, and that [83] is, There are juſt as many Women as Men in it. There was a wicked Stick of Wood of this Name in Harry IV.'s Time, one Sir John Falſtaff. As for Tipſtaff, the youngeſt Son, he was an honeſt Fellow; but his Sons, and his Sons Sons, have all of them been the verieſt Rogues living: 'Tis this unlucky Branch has ſtock'd the Nation with that Swarm of Lawyers, Attorneys, Serjeants, and Bailiffs, with which the Nation is over-run. Tipſtaff, being a Seventh Son, uſed to cure the King's-Evil; but his raſcally Deſcendants are ſo far from having that healing Quality, that by a Touch upon the Shoulder, they give a Man ſuch an ill Habit of Body, that he can never come abroad afterwards. This is all I know of the Line of Jacobſtaff: His younger Brother Iſaacſtaff, as I told you before, had Five Sons, and was married twice; his Firſt Wife was a Staff, (for they did not ſtand upon falſe Heraldry in thoſe Days) by whom he had one Son, who in Proceſs of Time being a School-maſter, and well read in the Greek, called himſelf Diſtaff or Twiceſtaff. He was not very rich, ſo he put his Children out to Trades; and the Diſtaffs have ever ſince been employed in the Woollen and Linen Manufactures, except my ſelf, who am a Genealogiſt. Pikeſtaff, the eldeſt Son by the Second Venter, was a Man of Buſineſs, a downright plodding Fellow, and withal ſo plain, that he became a Proverb. Moſt of this Family are at preſent in the Army. Raggedſtaff was an unlucky Boy, and uſed to tear his Clothes a getting Birds Neſts, and was always playing with a tame Bear his Father kept. Mopſtaff fell in love with one of his Father's Maids, and uſed to help her to clean the Houſe. Broomſtaff was a Chimney-Sweeper. The Mopſtaffs and Broomſtaffs are naturally as civil People as ever went out of Doors; but alas! If they once get into ill Hands, they knock down all before them. Pilgrimſtaff run away from his [84] Friends, and went ſtrolling about the Country: And Pipeſtaff was a Wine-Cooper. Theſe Two were the unlawful Iſſue of Longſtaff.

N. B. The Canes, the Clubs, the Cudgels, the Wands, the Devil upon Two Sticks, and one Bread, that goes by the Name of Staff of Life, are none of our Relations.

I am, Dear Couſin,
Your humble Servant, D. Diſtaff.

As politick News is not the principal Subject on which we treat, we are ſo happy as to have no Occaſion for that Art of Cookery which our Brother Newſmongers ſo much excel in; as appears by their excellent and inimitable Manner of dreſſing up a ſecond Time for your Taſt the ſame Diſh which they gave you the Day before, in caſe there come over no new Pickles from Holland. Therefore, when we have nothing to ſay to you from Courts and Camps, we hope ſtill to give you ſomewhat new and curious from our ſelves: The Women of our Houſe, upon Occaſion, being capable of carrying on the Bufineſs, according to the laudable Cuſtom of the Wives in Holland; but, without further Preface, take what we have not mentioned in our former Relations.

Letters from Hanover of the 30th of the laſt Month ſay, That the Prince Royal of Pruſſia arrived there on the 15th, and left that Court on the Second of this Month, in Purſuit of his Journey to Flanders, where he makes the enſuing Campaign. Thoſe Advices add, That the young Prince Naſſau, Hereditary Governour of Frieſland, conſummated on the 26th of the laſt Month his Marriage with the beaureous Princeſs of Heſſe-Caſſel, with a Pomp and Magnificence ſuitable to their Age and Quality.

[85] Letters from Paris ſay, His moſt Chriſtian Majeſty retired to Marly on the firſt Inſtant, N. S. and our laſt Advices from Spain inform us, That the Prince of Aſturias had made his publick Entry into Madrid in great Splendor. The Duke of Anjou has given Don Joſeph Hartado de Amaraga the Government of Terra-Firma de Veragua, and the Preſidency of Panama in America. They add, That the Forces commanded by the Marquis de Bay hath been reinforced by Six Battalions of Spaniſh and Walloon Guards. Letters from Lisbon adviſe, That the Army of the King of Portugal was at Elvas on the 22d of the laſt Month, and would decamp on the 24th, in order to march upon the Enemy, who lay at Badajos.

Yeſterday, at Four in the Morning, his Grace the Duke of Marlborough ſet out for Margate; and embarked for Holland at Eight this Morning.

Yeſterday alſo Sir George Thorold was declared Alderman of Cordwainers Ward, in the Room of his Brother Sir Charles Thorold deceaſed.

The TATLER. [No 12.
From Thurſd. May 5. to Saturd. May 7. 1709.

WHen a Man has engaged to keep a Stage-Coach, he is obliged, whether he has Paſſengers or not, to ſet out: Thus it fares with us Weekly Hiſtorians; but indeed, for my Particular, I hope I ſhall ſoon have little more to do in this Work than to publiſh what is ſent me from ſuch as have Leiſure and Capacity for giving Delight, and being pleaſed in an elegant Manner. The preſent Grandeur of [86] the Britiſh Nation might make us expect, that we ſhould riſe in our Publick Diverſions, and Manner of enjoying Life, in Proportion to our Advancement in Glory and Power. Inſtead of that, take and ſurvey this Town, and you'll find, Rakes and Debauchees are your Men of Pleaſure; Thoughtleſs Atheiſts, and Illiterate Drunkards, call themſelves Free-Thinkers; and Gameſters, Banterers, Biters, Swearers, and Twenty new born Inſects more, are, in their ſeveral Species, the Modern Men of Wit. Hence it is, that a Man who has been out of Town but one half Year, has loſt the Language, and muſt have ſome Friend to ſtand by him, and keep him in Countenance for talking common Senſe. To Day I ſaw a ſhort Interlude at White's of this Nature, which I took Notes of, and put together as well as I could in a Publick Place. The Perſons of the Drama are, Pip, the laſt Gentleman that has been made ſo at Cards; Trimmer, a Perſon half undone at them, and is now between a Cheat and a Gentleman; Acorn, an honeſt Engliſh Man, of good plain Senſe and Meaning; and Mr. Friendly, a reaſonable Man of the Town.

Enter Pip, Trim. and Acorn.
Ac.

What's the Matter, Gentlemen? What! Take no Notice of an old Friend?

Pip.

Pox on it! Don't talk to me, I am Vowel'd by the Count, and curſedly out of Humour.

Ac.

Vowel'd! Prithee, Trimmer, What does he mean by that?

Trim.

Have a Care, Harry, ſpeak ſoftly; don't ſhow your Ignorance:—If you do, they'll bite you where-e'er they meet you; they are ſuch curſed Curs,—the preſent Wits.

Ac.

Bite me! What do you mean?

Pip.
[87]

Why! Don't you know what Biting is? Nay, you are in the Right on't. However, one would learn it only to defend ones ſelf againſt Men of Wit, as one would know the Tricks of Play, to be ſecure againſt the Cheats. But don't you hear, Acorn, that Report, That ſome Potentates of the Alliance have taken Care of themſelves, excluſive of us?

Ac.

How! Heaven forbid! After all our Glorious Victories; all this Expence of Blood and Treaſure!

Pip.

Bite—

Ac.

Bite! How?

Trim.

Nay, he has Bit you fairly enough; that's certain.

Ac.

Pox! I don't feel it—How? Where?

Exit Pip and Trimmer laughing.
Ac.

Ho! Mr. Friendly, your moſt humble Servant; you heard what paſſed between thoſe fine Gentlemen and me. Pip complained to me, That he has been Vowel'd; and they tell me, I am Bit.

Friend.

You are to underſtand, Sir, That Simplicity of Behaviour, which is the Perfection of good Breeding and good Senſe, is utterly loſt in the World; and in the Room of it, there are ſtarted a Thouſand little Inventions, which Men, barren of better Things, take up in the Place of it. Thus for every Character in Converſation that uſed to pleaſe, there is an Impoſtor put upon you. Him whom we allow'd formerly for a certain pleaſant Subtilty, and natural Way of giving you an unexpected Hit, called a Droll, is now mimick'd by a Biter, who is a dull Fellow, that tells you a Lye with a grave Face, and laughs at you for knowing him no better than to believe him. Inſtead of that Sort of Companion, who could rally you, and keep his Countenance, till he made you fall [88] into ſome little Inconſiſtency of Behaviour, at which you your ſelf could laugh with him, you have the Sneerer, who will keep you Company from Morning to Night, to gather your Follies of the Day, (which perhaps you commit out of Confidence in him) and expoſe you in the Evening to all the Scorners in Town. For your Man of Senſe and free Spirit, whoſe Set of Thoughts were built upon Learning, Reaſon, and Experience, you have now an impudent Creature made up of Vice only, who ſupports his Ignorance by his Courage, and Want of Learning by Contempt of it.

Ac.

Dear Sir, hold: What you have told me already of this Change in Converſation, is too miſerable to be heard with any Delight; but, methinks, as theſe new Creatures appear in the World, it might give an excellent Field to Writers for the Stage, to divert us with the Repreſentation of them there.

Friend.

No, No: As you ſay, there might be ſome Hopes of Redreſs of theſe Grievances, if there were proper Care taken of the Theatre; but the Hiſtory of that is yet more lamentable, than that of the Decay of Converſation I gave you.

Ac.

Pray, Sir, a little: I han't been in Town theſe Six Years, till within this Fortnight.

Friend.

It is now ſome Years, ſince ſeveral Revolutions in the Gay World had made the Empire of the Stage ſubject to very fatal Convulſions, which were too dangerous to be cured by the Skill of little King Oberon, who then ſate in the Throne of it. The Lazineſs of this Prince threw him upon the Choice of a Perſon who was fit to ſpend his Life in Contentions, an able and profound Attorney, to whom he mortgaged his whole Empire. This Divite is the moſt skilful of all Politicians: He has a perfect [89] Art in being unintelligible in Diſcourſe, and uncomeatable in Buſineſs. But he having no Underſtanding in this polite Way, brought in upon us, to get in his Money, Ladder-dancers, Rope-dancers, Jugglers, and Mountebanks, to ſtrut in the Place of Shakeſpear's Heroes, and Johnſon's Humouriſts. When the Seat of Wit was thus mortgaged, without Equity of Redemption, an Architect aroſe, who has built the Muſe a new Palace, but ſecured her no Retinue; ſo that inſtead of Action there, we have been put off by Song and Dance. This latter Help of Sound has alſo began to fail for want of Voices; therefore the Palace has ſince been put into the Hands of a Surgeon, who cuts any Foreign Fellow into an Eunuch, and paſſes him upon us for a Singer of Italy.

Ac.

I'll go out of Town to Morrow.

Friend.

Things are come to this Paſs; and yet the World will not underſtand, that the Theatre has much the ſame Effect on the Manners of the Age, as the Bank on the Credit of the Nation. Wit and Spirit, Humour and good Senſe, can never be revived, but under the Government of thoſe who are Judges of ſuch Talents, who know, that whatever is put up in their Stead, is but a ſhort and trifling Expedient, to ſupport the Appearance of them for a Seaſon. It is poſſible, a Peace will give Leiſure to put theſe Matters under new Regulations; but at preſent all the Aſſiſtance we can ſee towards our Recovery, is as far from giving us Help, as a Poultice is from performing what can be done only by the Grand Elixir.

According to our late Deſign in the applauded Verſes on the Morning, which you lately had from hence, we proceed to improve that juſt Intention, and preſent you with other Labours, [90] made proper to the Place in which they were written. The following Poem comes from Copenhagen, and is as fine a Winter-piece, as we have ever had from any of the Schools of the moſt learned Painters. Such Images as theſe give us a new Pleaſure in our Sight, and fix upon our Minds Traces of Reflection, which accompany us whenever the like Objects occur. In ſhort, excellent Poetry and Deſcription dwell upon us ſo agreeably, that all the Readers of them are made to think, if not write, like Men of Wit. But it would be Injury to detain you longer from this excellent Performance, which is addreſſed to the Earl of Dorſet by Mr. Philips, the Author of ſeveral choice Poems in Mr. Tonſon's new Miſcellany.

From Frozen Climes, and endleſs Tracks of Snow,
From Streams that Northern Winds forbid to flow;
What Preſent ſhall the Muſe to Dorſet bring;
Or how, ſo near the Pole, attempt to ſing?
The heary Winter here conceals from Sight,
All pleaſing Objects that to Verſe invite.
The Hills and Dales, and the delightful Woods,
The Flowry Plains, and Silver Streaming Floods,
By Snow diſguis'd, in bright Confuſion lye,
And with one dazling Waſte fatigue the Eye.
No gentle breathing Breeze prepares the Spring,
No Birds within the Deſart Region ſing.
The Ships unmov'd the boiſt'rous Winds defie,
While rattling Chariots o'er the Ocean fly.
The vaſt Leviathan wants Room to play,
And ſpout his Waters in the Face of Day.
The ſtarving Wolves along the main Sea prowl,
And to the Moon in Icy Valleys howl.
For many a ſhining League the level Main
Here ſpreads it ſelf into a Glaſſy Plain:
[91] There ſolid Billows of enormous Size,
Alpes of green Ice, in wild Diſorder riſe.
And yet but lately have I ſeen e'en here,
The Winter in a lovely Dreſs appear.
Eer yet the Clouds lot fall the treaſur'd Snow,
Or Winds begun through hazy Skies to blow.
At Ev'ning a keen Eaſtern Breeze aroſe;
And the deſcending Rain unſully'd freze.
Soon as the ſilent Shades of Night withdrew,
The ruddy Morn diſclos'd at once to View
The Face of Nature in a rich Diſguiſe,
And brighten'd ev'ry Object to my Eyes:
For ev'ry Shrub, and ev'ry Blade of Graſs,
And ev'ry pointed Thorn, ſeem'd wrought in Glaſs.
In Pearls and Rubies rich the Hawthorns ſhow,
While through the Ice the Crimſon Berries glow.
The thick ſprung Reeds the watry Marſhes yield,
Seem poliſh'd Lances in a hoſtile Field.
The Stag in limpid Currents with Surprize,
Sees Chryſtal Branches on his Forehead riſe.
The ſpreading Oak, the Beech, and tow'ring Pine,
Glaz'd over, in the freezing Aether ſhine.
The frighted Birds the rattling Branches ſhun,
That wave and glitter in the diſtant Sun.
When if a ſudden Guſt of Wind ariſe,
The brittle Forreſt into Atoms flies:
The crackling Wood beneath the Tempeſt bends,
And in a ſpangled Show'r the Proſpect ends.
Or, if a Southern Gale the Region warm,
And by Degrees unbind the Wintry Charm,
The Traveller a miry Country ſees,
And Journeys ſad beneath the dropping Trees.
Like ſome deluded Peaſant, Merlin leads
Thro' fragrant Bow'rs and thro' delicious Meads;
While here inchanted Gardens to him riſe,
And airy Fabricks there attract his Eyes,
[92]
His wand'ring Feet the Magick Paths purſue;
And while he thinks the fair Illuſion true,
The trackleſs Scenes diſperſe in fluid Air,
And Woods, and Wilds, and Thorny Ways appear:
A tedious Road the weary Wretch returns,
And; as he goes, the tranſiens Viſion mourns.

There has a Mail this Day arrived from Holland; but the Matter of the Advices importing rather what gives us great Expectations, than any poſitive Aſſurances, I ſhall, for this Time, decline giving you what I know, and apply the following Verſes of Mr. Dryden, in the Second Part of Almanzor, to the preſent Circumſtances of Things, without diſcovering what my Knowledge in Aſtronomy ſuggeſts to me.

When Empire in its Childhood firſt appears,
A watchful Fate e'erſees its tender Years:
Till grown more ſtrong, it thruſts and ſtretches out,
And elbows all the Kingdoms round about.
The Place thus made for its firſt breathing free,
It moves again for Eaſe and Luxury:
Till ſwelling by Degrees it has poſſeſt
The greater Space, and now crowds up the reſt.
When from behind there ſtarts ſome petty State,
And puſhes on its now unweildy Fate.
Then down the Precipice of Time it goes,
And ſinks in Minutes, which in Ages roſe.

The TATLER. [No 13.
From Saturd. May 7. to. Tueſd. May 10. 1709.

[93]

MUch Hurry and Buſineſs had to Day perplex'd me into a Mood too thoughtful for going into Company; for which Reaſon, in ſtead of the Tavern, I went into Lincoln's Inn-Walks; and having taken a Round or Two, I ſate down, according to the allowed Familiarity of theſe Places, on a Bench; at the other End of which ſate a venerable Gentleman, who ſpeaking with a very affable Air, Mr. Bickerſtaff, ſaid he, I take it for a very great Piece of good Fortune that you have found me out. Sir, ſaid I, I had never, that I know of, the Honour of ſeeing you before. That, replied he, is what I have often lamented; but I aſſure you, I have for many Years done you good Offices, without being obſerved by you; or elſe, when you had any little Glimpſe of my being concerned in an Affair, you have fled from me, and ſhunned me like an Enemy; but however, the Part I am to act in the World is ſuch, that I am to go on in doing Good, though I meet with never ſo many Repulſes, even from thoſe I oblige. This, thought I, ſhows a great good Nature, but little Judgment in the Perſons upon whom he confers his Favours. He immediately took Notice to me, That he obſerved by my Countenance I thought him indiſcreet in his Beneficence, and proceeded to tell me his Quality in the following Manner: I know thee, Iſaac, to be ſo well vers'd in the Occult Sciences, that I need not much Preface, or make long Preparations to gain you Faith that there are Airy Beings, who are employed in the Care and Attendance [92] [...] [93] [...] [94] of Men, as Nurſes are to Infants, till they come to an Age in which they can act-of themſelves. Theſe Beings are uſually called amongſt Men, Guardian Angels; and, Mr. Bickerſtaff, I am to acquaint you, that I am to be yours for ſome Time to come; it being our Orders to vary our Stations, and ſometimes to have me Pationt under our Protection, and ſometimes another, with a Power of aſſuming what Shape we pleaſe, to enſuare our Words unto their own Good. I have of late been upon ſuch hard Duty, and know you have ſo much Work for me, that I think fit to appear to you Face to Face, to deſire you would give me as little Occaſion for Vigilance as you can. Sir, ſaid I, it will be a great Inſtruction to me in my Behaviour, if you pleaſe to give me ſome Account of your late Employments, and what Hardſhips or Satisfactions you have had in them, that I may govern my ſelf accordingly. He anſwered: To give you an Example of the Drudgery we go through, I will entertain you only with my Three laſt Stations: I was on the Firſt of April laſt put to mortifie a great Beauty, with whom I was a Week; from her I went to a common Swearer, and have been laſt with a Gameſter. When I firſt came to my Lady, I found my great Work was to guard well her Eyes and Ears, but her Flatterers were ſo numerous, and the Houſe, after the modern Way, ſo full of Looking-glaſſes, that I ſeldom had her ſafe but in her Sleep. Whenever we went Abroad, we were ſurrounded by an Army of Enemies: When a well-made Man appeared, he was ſure to have a Side-glance of Obſervation: If a diſagreeable Fellow, he had a full Face, out of meer Inclination to Conqueſts. But at the Cloſe of the Evening, on the Sixth of the laſt Month, my Ward was fitting on a Couch, reading Ovid's Epiſtles; and as ſhe came to this Line of Helen to Paris,

[95]
She half conſents who ſilently denies;

enter'd Philander, who is the moſt skilful of all Men in an Addreſs to Women. He is arrived at the Perfection of that Art which gains them, which is, To talk like a very miſerable Man, but look like a very happy One. I ſaw Dictinna bluſh at his Entrance, which gave me the Alarm; but he immediately ſaid ſomething ſo agreeable on her being at Study, and the Novelty of finding a Lady employed in ſo grave a Manner, that he on a ſudden became very familiarly a Man of no Conſequence; and in an Inſtant laid all her Suſpicions of his Skill aſleep, as he almoſt had done mine, till I obſerved him very dangerouſly turn his Diſcourſe upon the Elegance of her Dreſs, and her Judgment in the Choice of that very pretty Mourning. Having had Women before under my Care, I trembled at the Apprehenſion of a Man of Senſe who could talk upon Trifles, and reſolved to ſtick to my Poſt with all the Circumſpection imaginable. In ſhort, I prepoſſeſſed her againſt all he could ſay to the Advantage of her Dreſs and Perſon; but he turned again the Diſcourſe, where I found I had no Power o ver her, on the abuſing her Friends and Acquaintance. He allowed indeed, That Flora had a little Beauty, and a great deal of Wit; but then ſhe was ſo ungainly in her Behaviour, and ſuch a laughing Hoyden—Paſtorella had with him the Allowance of being Blameleſs: But what was that towards being Praiſe-worthy? To be only Innocent, is not to be Virtuous. He afterwards ſpoke ſo much againſt Mrs. Dipple's Forehead, Mrs. Prim's Mouth, Mrs. Dentifrice's Teeth, and Mrs. Fidget's Cheeks, that ſhe grew downright in Love with him: For it is always to be underſtood, That a Lady takes all you detract from the reſt of her Sex to [96] be a Gift to her. In a Word, Things went ſo far, that I was diſmiſſed, and ſhe will remember that Evening Nine Months, from the Sixth of April, by a very remarkable Token. The next, as I ſaid, I went to was a common Swearer: Never was a Creature ſo puzzled as my ſelf when I came firſt to view his Brain; half of it was worn out, and filled up with meer Expletives, that had nothing to do with any other Parts of the Texture; therefore, when he called for his Clothes in a Morning, he would cry, John?—John does not anſwer. What a Plague! No Body there? What the Devil, and rot me! John, for a laxy Dog as you are. I knew no Way to cure him, but by writing down all he ſaid one Morning as he was dreſſing, and laying it before him on the Toilet when he came to pick his Teeth. The laſt Recital I gave him of what he ſaid for half an Hour before, was, What, a Pox rot me! Where is the Waſhball? Call the Chairmen: Damn 'em, I warrant they are at the Alehouſe already! Zounds, and Confound 'em. When he came to the Glaſs, he takes up my Note—Ha! This Fellow is worſe than me: What, Does he ſwear with Pen and Ink? But reading on, he found them to be his own Words. The Stratagem had ſo good an Effect upon him, that he grew immediately a new Man, and is learning to ſpeak without an Oath, which makes him extremely ſhort in his Phraſes; for, as I obſerved before, a Common Swearer has a Brain without any Idea on the Swearing Side; therefore my Ward has yet mighty little to ſay, and is forced to ſubſtitute ſome other Vehicle of Nonſence to ſupply the Defect of his uſual Expletives. When I left him, he made Uſe of, Odsbodikins! Oh me! and Never ſtir alive! and ſo forth; which gave me the Hopes of his Recovery. So I went to the next I told you of, [97] the Gameſter. When we firſt take our Place about a Man, the Receptacles of the Pericranium are immediately ſearched. In his, I found no one ordinary Trace of Thinking; but ſtrong Paſſion, violent Deſires, and a continued Series of different Changes, had torn it to Pieces. There appeared no middle Condition; the Triumph of a Prince, or the Miſery of a Beggar, were his alternate States. I was with him no longer than one Day, which was Yeſterday. In the Morning at Twelve, we were worth Four Thouſand Pounds; at Three, we were arrived at Six Thouſand; half an Hour after, we were reduced to One Thouſand; at Four of the Clock we were down to Two Hundred; at Five, to Fifty; at Six, to Five; at Seven, to One Guinea; the next Bet, to Nothing. This Morning, he borrowed Half a Crown of the Maid who cleans his Shoes; and is now gaming in Lincolns-Inn-Fields among the Boys for Farthings and Oranges, till he has made up Three Pieces, and then he returns to White's into the beſt Company in Town. This ended our firſt Diſcourſe; and it is hoped, you will forgive me that I have picked ſo little out of my Companion at our firſt Interview. In the next, 'tis poſſible he may tell me more pleaſing Incidents; for though he is a Familiar, he is not an Evil Spirit.

We hear from the Hague of the 14th Inſtant, N, S. That Monſieur de Torcy hath had frequent Conferences with the Grand Penſioner, and the other Miniſters who were heretofore commiſſioned to treat with Monſieur Rouille. The Preliminaries of a Peace are almoſt ſettled, and the Proceedings wait only for the Arrival of the Duke of Marlborough; after whoſe Approbation of the Articles propoſed, it is not doubted [98] but the Methods of the Treaty will be publickly known. In the mean Time, the States have declared an Abhorrence of making any Step in this great Affair, but in Concert with the Court of Great Britain, and other Princes of the Alliance. The Poſture of Affairs in Franes does neceſſarily oblige that Nation to be very much in Earneſt in their Offers; and Monſieur de Torcy hath profeſſed to the Grand Penſioner, That he will avoid all Occaſions of giving him the leaſt Jealouſie of his uſing any Addreſs in private Converſations for accompliſhing the Ends of his Embaſſy. It is ſaid, That as ſoon as the Preliminaries are adjuſted, that Miniſter is to return to the French Court. The States of Holland have reſolved to make it an Inſtruction to all their Men of War and Privateers, to bring into their Ports whatever Neutral Ships they ſhall meet with laden with Corn, and bound for France; and to avoid all Cauſe of Complaint from the Potentates to whom theſe Ships ſhall belong, their full Demand for their Freight ſhall be paid them there. The French Proteſtants reſiding in that Country have applied themſelves to their reſpective Magiſtrates, deſiring that there may be an Article in the Treaty of Peace, which may give Liberty of Conſcience to the Proteſtants in France. Monſieur Boſnage, Miniſter of the Walloon Church at Rotterdam, has been at the Hague, and hath had ſome Conferences with the Deputies of the States on that Subject. It is reported there That all the French Refugees in thoſe Dominions are to be naturalized, that they may enjoy the ſame good Effects of the Treaty with the Hollanders themſelves, in reſpect to France.

Letters from Paris ſay, The People conceiv [...] great Hopes of a ſudden Peace, from Monſieu [...] Torcy's being employed in the Negotiation, h [...] [99] being a Miniſter of too great Weight in that Court, to be ſent on any Employment in which his Maſter would not act in a Manner wherein he might juſtly promiſe himſelf Succeſs. The France Advices add, That there is an Inſurrection in Poicton; 3000 Men having taken up Arms, and beaten the Troops which were appointed to diſperſe them: Three of the Mutineers being taken, were immediately executed; and as many of the King's Party were uſed after the ſame Manner.

Our late Act of Naturalization hath had ſo great an Effect in Foreign Parts, that ſome Princes have prohibited the French Refugees in their Dominions to ſell or transfer their Eſtates to any other of their Subjects; and at the ſame Time have granted them greater Immunities than they hitherto enjoyed. It has been alſo thought neceſſary to reſtrain their own Subjects from leaving their native Country, on Pain of Death.

The TATLER. [No 14.
From Tueſd. May 10. to Thurſd. May 12. 1709.

HAD it not been that my Familiar had appeared to me, as I told you in my laſt, in Perſon, I had certainly been unable to have found even Words, without Meaning, to keep up my Intelligence with the Town: But he has checked me ſeverely for my Deſpondence, and ordered me to go on in my Deſign of obſerving upon Things, and forbearing Perſons; for, ſaid he, the Age you live in is ſuch, that a good Picture of any Vice or Virtue will infallibly be [100] miſrepreſented; and though none will take the kind Deſcriptions you make ſo much to themſelves, as to wiſh well to the Author, yet all will reſent the ill Characters you produce, out of Fear of their own Turn in the Licence you muſt be obliged to take, if you point at particular Perſons. I took his Admonition kindly, and immediately promiſed him to beg Pardon of the Author of the Advice to the Poets, for my Raillery upon his Work; tho' I aimed at no more, in that Examination, but to convince him, and all Men of Genius, of the Folly of laying themſelves out on ſuch Plans as are below their Characters. I hope too it was done without Ill-Breeding, and nothing ſpoken below what a Civilian (as it is allowed I am) may utter to a Phyſician. After this Preface, all the World may be ſafe from my Writings; for if I can find nothing to commend, I am ſilent, and will forbear the Subject: For, though I am a Reformer, I ſcorn to be an Inquiſitor.

It would become all Men as well as me, to lay before 'em the noble Character of Verus the Magiſtrate, who always ſate in Triumph over, and Contempt of Vice; He never ſearched after it, or ſpared it when it came before him: At the ſame Time, He could ſee thro' the Hypocriſy and Diſguiſe of thoſe, who have no Pretence to Virtue themſelves, but by their Severity to the Vicious. This ſame Verus was, in Times long paſt, Chief Juſtice (as we call it amongſt us) in Faelicia. He was a Man of profound Knowledge of the Laws of his Country, and as juſt an Obſerver of 'em in his own Perſon. He conſidered Juſtice as a Cardinal Virtue, not as a Trade for Maintenance. Wherever he was Judge, he never forgot that he was alſo Council. The Criminal before him was always ſure he ſtood before his Country, and, in a Sort, a Parent of it. [101] The Priſoner knew, that tho' his Spirit was broken with Guilt, and incapable of Language to defend it ſelf, all would be gathered from him which could conduce to his Safety; and that his Judge would wreſt no Law to deſtroy him, nor conceal any that could ſave him. In his Time, there were a Neſt of Pretenders to Juſtice, who happen'd to be employed to put Things in a Method for being examined before him at his uſual Seſſions: Theſe Animals were to Verus, as Monkeys are to Men, ſo like, that you can hardly diſown them; but ſo baſe, that you are aſhamed of their Fraternity. It grew a Phraſe, Who would do Juſtice on the Juſtices? That certainly would Verus. I have ſeen an old Trial where he ſate Judge on Two of 'em; one was called Trick-Track, the other Tearſhift; one was a learned Judge of Sharpers, the other the quickeſt of all Men at finding out a Wench. Trick-Track never ſpared a Pick-pocket, but was a Companion to Cheats: Tearſhift would make Compliments to Wenches of Quality, but certainly commit poor ones. If a poor Rogue wanted a Lodging, Trick-Track ſent him to Gaol for a Thief: If a poor Whore went only with one thin Petticoat, Tearſhift would impriſon her for being looſe in her Dreſs. Theſe Patriots infeſted the Days of Verus, while they alternately committed and releaſed each others Priſoners. But Verus regarded them as Criminals, and always look'd upon Men as they ſtood in the Eye of Juſtice, without reſpecting whether they ſate on the Bench, or ſtood at the Bar.

Yeſterday we were entertained with the Tragedy of The Earl of Eſſex, in which there is not one good Line, and yet a Play which was never ſeen without drawing Tears from ſome Part of the Audience: A remarkable Inſtance, that the [102] Soul is not to be moved by Words, but Things for the Incidents in this Drama are laid together ſo happily, that the Spectator makes the Play for himſelf, by the Force which the Circumſtance has upon his Imagination. Thus, in ſpight of the moſt dry Diſcourſes, and Expreſſions almoſt ridiculous with reſpect to Propriety, it is impoſſible for one unprejudic'd to ſee it untouch'd with Pity. I muſt confeſs this Effect is not wrought on ſuch as examine why they are pleaſed; but it never fails to appear on thoſe who are not too learned in Nature, to be moved by her firſt Suggeſtions. It is certain, the Perſon and Behaviour of Mr. Wilks has no ſmall Share in conducing to the Popularity of the Play; and when an handſome Fellow is going to a more courſe Exit than Beheading, his Shape and Countenance makes every tender one reprieve him with all her Heart, without waiting till ſhe hears his dying Words.

This Evening The Alchymiſt was played. This Comedy is an Example of Ben's extenſive Genius and Penerration into the Paſſions and Follies of Mankind. The Scene in the Fourth Act, where all the cheated People oppoſe the Man that would open their Eyes, has ſomething in it ſo inimitably excellent, that it is certainly as great a Maſter-piece as has ever appeared by any Hand. The Author's great Addreſs in ſhowing Covetouſneſs the Motive of the Actions of the Puritan, the Epicure, the Gameſter, and the Trader; that all their Endeavours, how differently ſoever they ſeem to tend, center only in that one Point of Gain, ſhows he had to a great Perfection that Diſcernment of Spirit, which conſtitutes a Genius for Comedy.

It is not to be imagined how far the Violence of our Deſires will carry us towards our own [103] Deceit in the Purſuit of what we wiſh for. A Gentleman here this Evening was giving me an Account of a dumb Fortune-Teller, who outdoes Mr. Partridge, my ſelf, or the Unborn-Doctor, for Predictions. All his Viſitants come to him full of Expectations, and pay his own Rate for the Interpretations they put upon his Shrugs and Nods. There is a fine rich City-Widow ſtole thither the other Day, (though it is not Six Weeks ſince her Husband's Departure from her Company to reſt) and, with her truſty Maid, demanded of him, Whether ſhe ſhould marry again, by holding up Two Fingers, like Horns on her Forehead. The Wizard held up both her Hands forked. The Relict deſired to know, Whether he meant by his holding up both Hands, to repreſent that ſhe had one Huſband before, and that ſhe ſhould have another? Or that he intimated, ſhe ſhould have Two more? The Cunning Man look'd a little ſour; upon which Betty jogged her Miſtreſs, who gave t'other Guinea; and he made her underſtand, She ſhould poſitively have Two more; but ſhaked his Head, and hinted, that they ſhould not live long with her. The Widow ſighed, and gave him t'other half Guinea. After this Prepoſſeſſion, all that ſhe had next to do, was to make Sallies to our End of the Town, and find out who it is her Fate to have. There are Two who frequent this Place, whom ſhe takes for Men of Vogue, and of whom her Imagination has given her the Choice. They are both the Appearances of fine Gentlemen, to ſuch as do not know when they ſee Perſons of that Turn; and indeed, they are induſtrious enough to come at that Character, to deſerve the Reputation of being ſuch. But this Town will not allow us to be the Thing we ſeem to aim at, and are too diſcerning to be fobb'd off with Pretences. One of theſe pretty [104] Fellows fails by his laborious Exactneſs; the other, by his as much ſtudied Negligence. Frank Careleſs, as ſoon as his Valet has helped on and adjuſted his Clothes, goes to his Glaſs, ſets his Wig awry, tumbles his Cravat; and in ſhort, undreſſes himſelf to go into Company. Will Nice is ſo little ſatisfied with his Dreſs, that all the Time he is at a Viſit, he is ſtill mending it, and is for that Reaſon the more inſufferable; for he who ſtudies Careleſneſs, has, at leaſt, his Work the ſooner done of the Two. The Widow is diſtracted whom to take for her firſt Man; for Nice is every Way ſo careful, that ſhe fears his Length of Days; and Frank is ſo looſe, that ſhe has Apprehenſions for her own Health with him. I am puzzled how to give a juſt Idea of them; but in a Word, Careleſs is a Coxcomb, and Nice a Fop: Both, you'll ſay, very hopeful Candidates for a gay Woman juſt ſet at Liberty. But there is a Whiſper, her Maid will give her to Tom Terrour the Gameſter. This Fellow has undone ſo many Women, that he'll certainly ſucceed if he is introduced; for nothing ſo much prevails with the vain Part of that Sex, as the Glory of deceiving them who have deceived others.

Deſunt Multa.

Letters from Berlin, bearing Date May 11. N. S. inform us, That the Birth-Day of her Pruſſian Majeſty has been celebrated there with all poſſible Magnificence; and the King made her, on that Occaſion, a preſent of Jewels to the Value of Thirty Thouſand Crowns. The Marquis de Queſne, who has diſtinguiſhed himſelf by his great Zeal for the Proteſtant Intereſt, was, at the Time of the Diſpatch of theſe Letters, at that Court, ſoliciting the King to take Care, [105] that an Article in Behalf of the Refugees, admitting their Return to France, ſhould be inſerted in the Treaty of Peace. They write from Hanover of the 14th, That his Electoral Highneſs had received an Expreſs from Count Merci, repreſenting how neceſſary it was to the Common Cauſe, that he would pleaſe to haſten to the Rhine; for that nothing but his Preſence could quicken the Meaſures towards bringing the Imperial Army into the Field. There are very many Speculations upon the intended Interview of the King of Denmark and King Auguſtus. The latter has made ſuch Preparations for the Reception of the other, that it is ſaid, his Daniſh Majeſty will be entertained in Saxony with much more Elegance than he met with in Italy it ſelf.

Letters from the Hague of the 18th Inſtant, N. S. ſay, That his Grace the Duke of Marlborough landed the Night before at the Brill, after having been kept out at Sea by adverſe Winds two Days longer than is uſual in that Paſſage. His Excellency the Lord Townſhend, Her Majeſty's Ambaſſador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary to the State-General, was driven into the Veer in Zealand on Thurſday laſt, from whence he came to the Hague within few Hours after the Arrival of his Grace. The Duke, ſoon after his coming to the Hague, had a Viſit from the Penſioner of Holland. All Things relating to the Peace were in Suſpence till this Interview; nor is it yet known what Reſolutions will be taken on that Subject; for the Troops of the Allies have freſh Orders diſpatched to them to move from their reſpective Quarters, and march with all Expedition to the Frontiers, where the Enemy are making their utmoſt Efforts for the Defence of their Country. Theſe Advices further inform us, That the Marquis de Torcy had received [106] an Anſwer from the Court of France to his Letters which he had ſent thither by an Expreſs on the Friday before.

Mr. Bickerſtaff has received Letters from Mr. Coltſtaff, Mr. Whipſtaff, and Mrs. Rebecca Wagſtaff; all which relate chiefly to their being left out in the Genealogy of the Family lately publiſhed; but my Couſin being a Clerk in the Herald's Office who writ that Draught, and being at preſent under the Diſpleaſure of the Chapter; it is feared. if that Matter ſhould be touched upon at this Time, the young Gentleman would loſe his Place for Treaſon againſt the Kings at Arms.

The TATLER. [No 15.
From Thurſd. May 12. to Saturd. May 14. 1709.

I Have taken a Reſolution hereafter, on any Want of Intelligence, to carry my Familiar abroad with me, who has promiſed to give me very proper and juſt Notices of Perſons and Things, to make up the Hiſtory of the paſſing Day. He is wonderfully skilful in the Knowledge of Men and Manners, which has made me more than ordinary curious to know how he came to that Perfection, and I communicated to him that Doubt. Mr. Pacolet, ſaid I, I am mightily ſurpriz'd to ſee you ſo good a Judge of our Nature and Circumſtances, ſince you are a meer Spirit, and have no Knowledge of the Bodily Parts of us. He anſwered, ſmiling, You are miſtaken, I have been one of you, and lived a Month amongſt you, which gives me an exact Senſe of your Condition. You are to know, That all who enter into Humane Life, have a certain Date or Stamen given to their Being, [107] which they only who die of Age may be ſaid to have arrived at; but it is ordered ſometimes by Fate, that ſuch as die Infants, are after Death to attend Mankind to the End of that Stamen of Being in themſelves, which was broke off by Sickneſs or any other Diſafter. Theſe are proper Guardians to Men, as being inſenſible of the Infirmity of their State. You are Philoſopher enough to know, that the Difference of Men's Underſtanding proceeds only from the various Diſpoſitions of their Organs; ſo that he who dies at a Month old, is in the next Life as knowing (tho' more innocent) as they who live to Fifty; and after Death, they have as perfect a Memory and Judgment of all that paſs'd in their Life-time, as I have of all the Revolutions in that uneaſie, turbulent Condition of yours; and, you'd ſay, I had enough of it in a Month, were I to tell you all my Misfortunes. A Life of a Month, can't have, one would think, much Variety; but pray, ſaid I, let us have your Story.

Then he proceeds in the following Manner:

It was one of the moſt wealthy Families in Great Britain into which I was born, and it was a very great Happineſs to me that it ſo happen'd, otherwiſe I had ſtill, in all Probability, been living: But I ſhall recount to you all the Occurrences of my ſhort and miſerable Exiſtence, juſt as, by examining into the Traces made in my Brain, they appeared to me at that Time. The firſt Thing that ever ſtruck my Senſes, was a Noiſe over my Head of one ſhrieking; after which, methought I took a full Jump, and found my ſelf in the Hands of a Sorcereſs, who ſeem'd as if ſhe had been long waking, and employed in ſome Incantation: I was throughly frightned, and cried out, but ſhe immediately ſeem'd to go on in ſome Magical Operation, and [108] anointed me from Head to Foot. What they meant, I could not imagine; for there gather'd a great Crowd about me, crying, An Heir, an Heir; upon which I grew a little ſtill, and believed this was a Ceremony to be uſed only to great Perſons, and ſuch as made them, what they call'd, Heirs. I lay very quiet; but the Witch, for no Manner of Reaſon or Provocation in the World, takes me and binds my Head as hard as poſſibly ſhe could, then ties up both my Legs, and makes me ſwallow down an horrid Mixture; I thought it an harſh Entrance into Life to begin with taking Phyſick; but I was forced to it, or elſe muſt have taken down a great Inſtrument in which ſhe gave it me. When I was thus dreſſed, I was carried to a Bed-ſide, where a fine young Lady (my Mother I wot) had like to have hugg'd me to Death. From her, they faced me about, and there was a Thing with quite another Look from the reſt of the Room, to whom they talk'd about my Noſe. He ſeem'd wonderfully pleas'd to ſee me; but I knew ſince, my Noſe belong'd to another Family. That into which I was born, is one of the moſt numerous amongſt you; therefore Crowds of Relations came every Day to congratulate my Arrival; among others, my Couſin Betty, the greateſt Romp in Nature: She whisks me ſuch a Height over her Head, that I cry'd out for fear of falling. She pinch'd me, and called me ſquealing Chit, and threw me into a Girls Arms that was taken in to tend me. The Girl was very proud of the Womanly Employment of a Nurſe, and took upon her to ſtrip and dreſs me a-new, becauſe I made a Noiſe, to ſee what ailed me: She did ſo, and ſtuck a Pin in every Joint about me. I ſtill cried: Upon which, ſhe lays me on my Face in her Lap; and to quiet me, fell a nailing in all [109] the Pins, by clapping me on the Back, and skreaming a Lullaby. But my Pain made me exalt my Voice above hers, which brought up the Nurſe, the Witch I firſt ſaw, and my Grandmother. The Girl is turn'd down Stairs, and I ſtripp'd again, as well to find what ail'd me, as to ſatisfy my Granam's further Curioſity. This good old Woman's Viſit was the Cauſe of all my Troubles. You are to underſtand, That I was hitherto bred by Hand, and any Body that ſtood next, gave me Pap, if I did but open my Lips; inſomuch, that I was grown ſo cunning, as to pretend my ſelf aſleep when I was not, to prevent my being cramm'd. But my Grandmother began a loud Lecture upon the Idleneſs of the Wives of this Age, who, for Fear of their Shapes, forbear ſuckling their own Offſpring: And Ten Nurſes were immediately ſent for; one was whiſper'd to have a wanton Eye, and would ſoon ſpoil her Milk; another was in a Conſumption; the Third had an ill Voice, and would frighten me, inſtead of lulling me to ſleep. Such Exceptions were made againſt all but one Country Milch-Wench, to whom I was committed, and put to the Breaſt. This careleſs Jade was eternally romping with the Footmen, and downright ſtarved me; inſomuch that I daily pined away, and ſhould never have been reliev'd, had it not been, that on the Thirtieth Day of my Life, a Fellow of the Royal Society, who had writ upon Cold Baths, came to viſit me, and ſolemnly proteſted, I was utterly loſt for want of that Method: Upon which he ſous'd me Head and Ears into a Pail of Water, where I had the good Fortune to be drowned, and ſo eſcap'd being laſh'd into a Linguiſt till Sixteen, running after Wenches till Twenty five, and being married to an ill natured Wife till Sixty: Which had certainly been my Fate, had not the Inchantment [110] between Body and Soul been broke by this Philoſopher. Thus, till the Age I ſhould have otherwiſe liv'd. I am oblig'd to watch the Steps of Men; and if you pleaſe, ſhall accompany you in your preſent Walks, and get you Intelligence from the Aerial Lacquey, who is in Waiting, what are the Thoughts and Purpoſes of any whom you enquire for. I accepted his kind Offer, and immediately took him with me in an Hack to White's.

We got in hither, and my Companion threw a Powder round us, that made me as inviſible as himſelf; ſo that we could ſee and hear all others, our ſelves unſeen and unheard.

The firſt Thing we took Notice of, was a Nobleman of a goodly and frank Aſpect, with his generous Birth and Temper viſible in it, playing at Cards with a Creature of a black and horrid Countenance, wherein were plainly delineated the Arts of his Mind, Couſenage and Falſhood. They were marking their Game with Counters, on which we could ſee Inſcriptions, imperceptible to any but us. My Lord had ſcor'd with Pieces of Ivory, on which were writ, Good Fame, Glory, Riches, Honour, and Poſterity. The Spectre over-againſt him had on his Counters the Inſcriptions of Diſhonour. Impudence, Poverty, Ignorance, and Want of Shame. Bleſs me! ſaid I; Sure my Lord does not ſee what he plays for! As well as I do, ſays Pacolet. He deſpiſes that Fellow he plays with, and ſcorns himſelf for making him his Companion. At the very Inſtant he was ſpeaking, I ſaw the Fellow who play'd with my Lord, hide Two Cards in the Roll of his Stocking: Pacolet immediately ſtole 'em from thence; upon which the Nobleman [111] ſoon after won the Game. The little Triumph he appeared in, when he got ſuch a tri [...]ing Stock of ready Money, tho' he had ventured ſo great Sums with Indifference, increas'd my Admiration. But Pacolet began to talk to me. Mr. Iſaac, This to you looks wonderful, but not at all to us higher Beings: That Noble has as many good Qualities as any Man of his Order, and ſeems to have no Faults but what, as I may ſay, are Excreſcencies from Virtues. He is Generous to a Prodigality, more Affable than is conſiſtent with his Quality, and Couragious to a Raſhneſs. Yet, after all this, the Source of his whole Conduct is (tho' he would hate himſelf if he knew it) meer Avarice. The Ready Caſh laid before the Gameſter's Counters makes him venture, as you ſee, and lay Diſtinction againſt Infamy, Abundance againſt Want; in a Word, all that's deſirable againſt all that's to be avoided. However, ſaid I, be ſure you diſappoint the Sharpers to Night, and ſteal from 'em all the Cards they hide. Pacolet obey'd me, and my Lord went Home with their whole Bank in his Pocket.

To Night was acted a Second Time a Comedy, call'd, The Buſie Body: This Play is written by a Lady. In old Times, we us'd to ſit upon a Play here after it was acted; but now the Entertainment is turn'd another Way; not but there are conſiderable Men appear in all Ages, who, for ſome eminent Quality or Invention, deſerve the Eſteem and Thanks of the Publick. Such a Benefector is a Gentleman of this Houſe, who is obſerved by the Surgeons with much Envy; for he has invented an Engine for the Prevention of Harms by Love-Adventures, and by great Care and Application, hath made it an Immodeſty to name his Name. This Act of Self-denial has [112] gain'd this worthy Member of the Commonwealth a great Reputation. Some Law-giver [...] have departed from their Abodes for ever, an [...] commanded the Obſervation of their Laws til [...] their Return; others have uſed other Artifice [...] to fly the Applauſe of their Merit; but this Perſon ſhuns Glory with greater Addreſs, and has, by giving his Engine his own Name, made it obſcene to ſpeak of him more. However, he is rank'd among, and receiv'd by the modern Wits, as a great Promoter of Gallantry and Pleaſure. But I fear, Pleaſure is leſs underſtood in this Age, which ſo much pretends to it, than in any ſince the Creation. 'Twas admirably ſaid of him who firſt took Notice, That (Res eſt ſevera Voluptas) there is a certain Severity in Pleaſure. Without that, all Decency is baniſhed; and if Reaſon is not to be preſent at our greateſt Satisfactions, of all the Races of Creatures, the Humane is the moſt miſerable. It was not ſo of old; when Virgil deſcribes a Wit, he always means a virtuous Man; and all his Sentiments of Men of Genius are ſuch as ſhow Perſons diſtinguiſhed from the common Level of Mankind; ſuch as placed Happineſs in the Contempt of low Fears, and mean Gratifications: Fears, which we are ſubject to with the Vulgar; and Pleaſures, which we have in common with Beaſts. With theſe illuſtrious Perſonages, the wiſeſt Man was the greateſt Wit; and none was thought worthy of that Character, unleſs he anſwered this excellent Deſcription of the Poet:

Qui — Metus omnes & inexorabile Fatum
Subjecit Pedibus, ſtrepitum (que) Acherontis avari.

We had this Morning Advice, That ſome Engliſh Merchant Ships, convoyed by the Briſtol of 54 Guns, were met with by a Part of Monſ. du [113] Gui Trouin's Squadron, who engaged the Convoy. That Ship defended it ſelf till the Engliſh Merchants got clear of the Enemy, but being diſabled, was her ſelf taken. Within few Hours after, my Lord Durſley came up with Part of his Squadron, and engaging the French, retook the Briſtol (which being very much ſhattered, ſunk), and took the Glorieux, a Ship of 44 Guns, as alſo a Privateer of 14. Before this Action, his Lordſhip had taken Two French Merchant Men, and had, at the Diſpatch of theſe Advices, brought the whoſe ſafe into Plimouth.

The TATLER. [No 16.
From Saturd. May 14. to Tueſd. May 17. 1709.

SIR Thomas, of this Houſe, has ſhow'd me ſome Letters from the Bath, which give Accounts of what paſſes among the good Company of that Place; and allow'd me to tranſcribe one of them, that ſeems to be writ by ſome of Sir Thomas's particular Acquaintance, and is as follows:

Dear Knight,

I Deſire you would give my humble Service to all our Friends, which I ſpeak of to you (out of Method) in the very Beginning of my Epiſtle, leſt the preſent Diſorders, by which this Seat of Gallantry and Pleaſure is torn to Pieces, ſhould make me forget it. You keep ſo good Company, that you know Bath is ſtock'd with ſuch as come hither to be relieved from luxuriant Health, or imaginary Sickneſs, and conſequently is always as well ſtowed with Gallants as Invalids, who live together in a very good [114] Underſtanding. But the Seaſon is ſo early, that our fine Company is not yet arrived; and the Warm Bath, which in Heathen Times was dedicated to Venus, is now uſed only by ſuch as really want it for Health's Sake. There are however a good many Strangers, among whom are Two ambitious Ladies, who being both in the Autumn of their Life, take the Opportunity of placing themſelves at the Head of ſuch as we are, before the Chloe's, Clariſſa's, and Paſtorella's come down. One of theſe Two is exceſſively in Pain, that the ugly Being called Time will make Wrinkles in Spite of the Lead Forehead-Cloth; and therefore hides with the Gaiery of her Air, the Volubility of her Tongue, and Quickneſs of her Motion, the Injuries which it has done her. The other Lady is but Two Years behind her in Life, and dreads as much being laid aſide as the former, and conſequently has taken the neceſſary Precautions to prevent her Reign over us. But ſhe is very diſcreet, and wonderfully turned for Ambition, being never apparently tranſported either with Affectation or Malice. Thus, while Florimel is talking in Publick, and ſpreading her Graces in Aſſemblies, to gain a Popular Dominion over our Diverſions, Prudentia viſits very cunningly all the Lame, the Splenatick, and the Superannuated, who have their diſtinct Claſſes of Followers and Friends. Among theſe, ſhe has found that ſome Body has ſent down printed Certificates of Florimel's Age, which ſhe has read and diſtributed to this unjoyful Set of People, who are always Enemies to thoſe in Poſſeſſion of the good Opinion of the Company. This unprovoked Injury done by Prudentia, was the firſt Occaſion of our fatal Diviſions here, and a Declaration of War between theſe Rivals. Florimel has abundance of Wit, which ſhe has [115] laviſh'd in decrying Prudentia, and giving Defiance to her little Arts. For an Inſtance of her ſuperior Power, ſhe beſpoke the Play of Alexander the Great, to be acted by the Company of Strollers, and deſired us all to be there on Thurſday laſt. When ſhe ſpoke to me to come, As you are, ſaid ſhe, a Lover, you will not fail the Death of Alexander: The Paſſion of Love is wonderfully hit—Statira! Oh that happy Woman—To have a Conqueror at her Feet—But you'll be ſure to be there. I, and ſeveral others, reſolv'd to be of her Party. But ſee the irreſiſtible Strength of that unſuſpected Creature, a Silent Woman. Prudentia had counterplotted us, and had beſpoke on the ſame Evening the Popper-Show of The Creation of the World. She had engaged every Body to be there; and to turn our Leader into Ridicule, had ſecretly let 'em know, that the Poppet Eve was made the moſt like Florimel that ever was ſeen. On Thurſday Morning the Poppet-Drummer, Adam and Eve, and ſeveral others who lived before the Flood, paſs'd thro' the Streets on Horſeback, to invite us all to the Paſtime, and the Repreſentation of ſuch Things as we all knew to be true; and Mr. Mayor was ſo wiſe as to prefer theſe innocent People the Poppets, who, he ſaid, were to repreſent Chriſtians, before the wicked Players, who were to ſhow Alexander, an Heathen Philoſopher. To be ſhort, this Prudentia had ſo laid it, that at Ten of the Clock Footmen were ſent to take Places at the Poppet-Show, and all we of Florimel's Party were to be out of Faſhion, or deſert her. We choſe the latter. All the World crowded to Prudentia's Houſe, becauſe it was given out, no Body could get in. When we came to Noah's Flood in the Show, Punch and his Wife were introduced dancing in the Ark. An honeſt plain Friend of Florimel's, [116] but a Critick withal, roſe up in the midſt of the Repreſentation, and made many very good Exceptions to the Drama it ſelf, and told us. That it was againſt all Morality, as well as Rules of the Stage, that Punch ſhould be in Jeſt in the Deluge, or indeed that he ſhould appear at all. This was certainly a juſt Remark, and I thought to ſecond him; but he was hiſs'd by Prudentia's Party; upon which, really, Sir Thomas, we who were his Friends hiſs'd him too. Old Mrs. Petulent deſired both her Daughters to mind the Moral; then whiſpered Mrs. Mayoreſs, This is very proper for young People to ſee. Punch at the End of the Play made Madam Prudentia a Compliment, and was very civil to the whole Company, making Bows till his Buttons touch'd the Ground. All was carried triumphantly againſt our Party. In the mean Time Florimel went to the Tragedy, dreſs'd as fine as Hands could make her, in Hopes to ſee Prudentia pine away with Envy. Inſtead of that, ſhe ſate a full Hour alone, and at laſt was entertain'd with this whole Relation from Statira, who wiped her Eyes with her Tragical cut Handkerchief, and lamented the Ignorance of the Quality. Florimel was ſtung with this Affront, and the next Day beſpoke the Poppet-Show. Prudentia, inſolent with Power, beſpoke Alexander. The whole Company came then to Alexander. Madam Petulant deſired her Daughters to mind the Moral, and believe no Man's fair Words; For you'll ſee Children, ſaid ſhe, theſe Soldiers are never to be depended upon; they are ſometimes here, ſometimes there—Don't you ſee. Daughter Betty, Colonel Clod, our next Neighbour in the Country, pulls off his Hat to you? Court'ſie, good Child, his Eſtate is juſt by us. Florimel was now mortified down to Prudentia's Humour; and Prudentia exalted into [117] hers. This was obſerved: Florimel invites us to the Play a Second Time, Prudentia to the Show. See the Uncertainty of Humane Affairs! The Beaux, the Wits, the Gameſters, the Prues, the Coquets, the Valitudinarians, and Gallants, all now wait upon Florimel. Such is the State of Things at this preſent Date; and if there happens any new Commotions, you ſhall have immediate Advice from,

SIR,
Your Affectionate Friend, and Servant.

To CASTABELLA.

Madam,

I Have the Honour of a Letter from a Friend of yours, relating to an Incivility done to you at the Opera, by one of your own Sex; but I, who was an Eye-witneſs of the Accident, can teſtify to you, that tho' ſhe preſſed before you, ſhe loſt her Ends in that Deſign; for ſhe was taken Notice of for no other Reaſon, but her Endeavours to hide a finer Woman than her ſelf. But indeed, I dare not go further in this Matter, than juſt this bare Mention; for though it was taking your Place of Right, rather than Place of Precedence, yet it is ſo tender a Point, and on which the very Life of Female Ambition depends, that it is of the laſt Conſequence to meddle in it: All my Hopes are from your beautiful Sex; and thoſe bright Eyes, which are the Bane of others, are my only Sunſhine. My Writings are Sacred to you; and I hope, I ſhall always have the good Fortune to live under your Protection; therefore take this publick Opportunity to ſignify to all the World, That I deſign to forbear any Thing that may in the leaſt tend to the Diminution of your Intereſt, Reputation, or Power. You'll therefore [118] forgive me, that I ſtrive to conceal every wrong Step made by any who have the Honour to wear Petticoats; and ſhall at all Times do what is in my Power to make all Mankind as much their Slaves as my ſelf. If they would conſider Things as they ought, there needs not much Argument to convince 'em, that it is their Fate to be obedient to you, and that your greateſt Rebels do only ſerve with a worſe Grace. I am,

MADAM,
Your moſt Obedient, and moſt Humble Servant, Iſaac Bickerſtaff.

Letters from the Hague, bearing Date the 21ſt Inſtant, N. S. adviſe, That his Grace the Duke of Marlborough, immediately after his Arrival, ſent his Secretary to the Preſident and the Penſionary, to acquaint them therewith. Soon after, theſe Miniſters viſited the Duke, and made him Compliments in the Name of the States-General; after which they enter'd into a Conference with him on the preſent Poſture of Affairs, and gave his Grace Aſſurances of the firm Adherence of the States to the Alliance: At the ſame Time acquainting him, That all Overtures of Peace were rejected, till they had an Opportunity of acting in Concert with their Allies on that Subject. After this Interview, the Penſionary and the Preſident returned to the Aſſembly of the States. Monſieur Torcy has had a Conference at the Penſioner's Houſe with his Grace the Duke of Marlborough, Prince Eugene, and his Excellency the Lord Townſhend. The Reſult of what was debated at that Time is kept ſecret; but there appears an Air of Satisfaction and good Underſtanding between theſe Miniſters. [119] We are apt alſo to give our ſelves very hopeful Proſpects from Monſieur Torcy's being employed in this Negotiation, who has been always remarkable for a particular Way of Thinking, in his Senſe of the Greatneſs of France; which he has always ſaid, Was to be promoted rather by the Arts of Peace, than thoſe of War. His delivering himſelf freely on this Subject, has formerly appeared an unſucceſsful Way to Power in that Court; but in its preſent Circumſtances, thoſe Maxims are better received; and it is thought a certain Argument of the Sincerity of the French King's Intentions, that this Miniſter is at preſent made uſe of. The Marquis is to return to Paris within few Days, who has ſent a Courier thither to give Notice of the Reaſons of his Return, that the Court may be the ſooner able to diſpatch Commiſſioners for a formal Treaty.

The Expectations of Peace are increaſed by Advices from Paris of the 17th Inſtant, which ſay, The Dauphin hath altered his Reſolution of commanding in Flanders the enſuing Campaign. The Saxon and Pruſſian Reinforcements, together with Count Merci's Regiment of Imperial Horſe, are encamped in the Neighbourhood of Bruſſels; and ſufficient Stores of Corn and Forage are tranſported to that Place and Ghent for the Service of the Confederate Army.

They write from Mons, That the Elector of Bavaria had Advice, That an advanced Party of the Portugueze Army had been defeated by the Spaniards.

We hear from Languedoc, That their Corn, Olives, and Figs, were wholly deſtroyed; but that they have a hopeful Proſpect of a plentiful Vintage.

The TATLER. [No 17.
From Tueſday May 17. to Thurſday May 19. 1709.

[120]

THE Diſcourſe has happened to turn this Evening upon the true Nature of Panegyrick, the Perfection of which was aſſerted to conſiſt in a certain artful Way of conveying the Applauſe in an indirect Manner. There was a Gentleman gave us ſeveral Inſtances of it: Among others, he quoted (from Sir Francis Bacon, in his Advancement of Learning) a very great Compliment made to Tiberius, as follows: In a full Debate upon Publick Affairs in the Senate, one of the Aſſembly roſe up, and with a very grave Air ſaid, He thought it for the Honour and Dignity of the Commonwealth, that Tiberius ſhould be declared a God, and have Divine Worſhip paid him. The Emperor was ſurprized at the Propoſal, and demanded of him to declare whether he had made any Application to incline him to that Overture? The Senator anſwered, with a bold and haughty Tone, Sir, In Matters that concern the Commonwealth, I will be governed by no Man. Another Gentleman mentioned ſomething of the ſame Kind ſpoken by the late Duke of B—m, to the late Earl of O—y: My Lord, (ſays the Duke, after his Libertine Way) you will certainly be Damn'd. How, my Lord! ſays the Earl with ſome Warmth. Nay, ſays the Duke, there's no Help for it, for it is poſitively ſaid, Curſed is he of whom all Men ſpeak well. This is taking a Man by Surprize, and being welcome when you have ſo ſurprized him. The Perſon flattered receives you into his Cloſet at once; and the [121] ſudden Change in his Heart, from the Expectation of an Ill-wiſher, to find you his Friend, makes you in his full Favour in a Moment. The Spirits that were raiſed ſo ſuddenly againſt you, are as ſuddenly for you. There was another Inſtance given of this Kind at the Table: A Gentleman who had a very great Favour done him, and an Employment beſtowed upon him, without ſo much as being known to his Benefactor, waited upon the Great Man who was ſo Generous, and was beginning to ſay, he was infinitely obliged. Not at all, ſays the Patron, turning from him to another, Had I known a more deſerving Man in England, he ſhould not have had it.

We ſhould certainly have had more Examples, had not a Gentleman produced a Book which he thought an Inſtance of this kind: It was a Pamphlet, call'd, The Naked Truth. The Idea any one would have of that Work from the Title, was, That there would be much Plain Dealing with People in Power, and that we ſhould ſee Things in their proper Light, ſtripped of the Ornaments which are uſually given to the Actions of the Great: But the Skill of this Author is ſuch, that he has, under that rugged Appearance, approved himſelf the fineſt Gentleman and Courtier that ever writ. The Language is extremely ſublime, and not at all to be underſtood by the Vulgar: The Sentiments are ſuch as would make no Figure in ordinary Words; but ſuch is the Art of the Expreſſion, and the Thoughts are elevated to ſo high a Degree, that I queſtion whether the Diſcourſe will ſell much. There was an ill-natured Fellow preſent, who hates all Panegyrick mortally. P— take him! ſaid he, What the Devil means his Naked Truth, in ſpeaking nothing but to the Advantage of all whom he [122] mentions? This is juſt ſuch a great Action as that of the Champion's on a Coronation Day, who challenges all Mankind to diſpute with him the Right of the Sovereign, ſurrounded with his Guards. The Gentleman who produced the Treatiſe, deſired him to be cautious, and ſaid, it was writ by an excellent Soldier, which made the Company obſerve it more narrowly: And (as Criticks are the greateſt Conjurers at finding out a known Truth) one ſaid, he was ſure it was writ by the Hand of his Sword-Arm. I could not perceive much wit in that Expreſſion; but it rais'd a Laugh, and I ſuppoſe, was meant as a Sneer upon valiant Men. The ſame Man pretended to ſee in the Style, that it was an Horſe-Officer; but ſure that's being too nice: For though you may know Officers of the Cavalry by the Turn of their Feet, I can't imagine how you ſhould diſcern their Hands from thoſe of other Men. But it is always thus with Pedants; they will ever be carping, if a Gentleman or a Man of Honour puts Pen to Paper [...] I don't doubt, but this Author will find this Aſſertion too true, and that Obloquy is not repulſed by the Force of Arms. I will therefore ſet this Excellent Piece in a Light too glaring for weak Eyes, and, in Imitation of the Critick Longinus, ſhall, as well as I can, make my Obſervations in a Style like the Author's, of whom I treat; which perhaps I am as capable of as another, having an unbounded Force of Thinking, as well as a moſt exquiſite Addreſs extenſively and wiſely indulged to me by the ſupreme Powers. My Author, I will dare to aſſert ſhows the moſt Univerſal Knowledge of any Writer who has appeared this Century. He is a Poet, and Merchant, which is ſeen in Two Maſter-Words, Credit Bloſſoms. He is a G [...]ammarian, and a Politician; for he ſays, The Uniting [123] the Two Kingdoms, is the Emphaſis of the Security to the Proteſtants Succeſſion. Some would be apt to ſay, he is a Conjurer; for he has found, That a Republick is not made up of every Body of Animals, but is compoſed of Men only, and not of Horſes. Liberty and Property have choſen their Retreat within the Emulation Circle of an Humane Commonwealth. He is a Phyſician; for he ſays, I obſerve a conſtant Equality in its Pulſe, and a juſt Quickneſs of its vigorous Circulation. And again: I view the Strength of our Conſtitution plainly appear in the Sanguine and ruddy Complexion of a well-contented City. He is a Divine: For he ſays, I cannot but bleſs my ſelf. And indeed, this Excellent Treatiſe has had that good Effect upon me, who am far from being Superſtitious, that I, alſo, can't but bleſs my ſelf.

This Day arrived a Mail from Lisbon, with Letters of the 13th Inſtant, N. S. containing a particular Account of the late Action in Portugal. On the 7th Inſtant, the Army of Portugal, under the Command of the Marquis de Frontera, lay on the Side of the Caya, and the Army of the Duke of Anjou, commanded by the Marquis de Bay, on the other. The latter Commander having an Ambition to ravage the Country, in a Manner in Sight of the Portugueze, made a Motion with the whole Body f his Horſe toward Fort St. Chriſtopher, near the Town of Badajos. The Generals of the Portugueze, diſdaining that ſuch an Inſult ſhould be offered to their Arms, took a Reſolution to paſs the River, and oppoſe the Deſigns of the Enemy. The Earl of Galway [...]epreſented to them, That the preſent Poſtu [...]e of Affairs wa ſuch on the Side of the Allies, that there needed no more to be done at preſent in that Country, [124] but to carry on a Defenſive Part. But his Arguments could not avail in the Council of War. Upon which, a great Detachment of Foot, and the whole of the Horſe of the King of Portugal's Army, paſſed the River, and with ſome Pieces of Cannon did good Execution on the Enemy. Upon obſerving this, the Marquis de Bay advanced with his Horſe, and attacked the Right Wing of the Portugueze Cavalry, who faced about, and fled, without ſtanding the firſt Encounter. But their Foot repulſed the ſame Body of Horſe in three ſucceſſive Charges, with great Order and Reſolution. While this was tranſacting, the Britiſh General commanded the Brigade of Pearce, to keep the Enemy in Diverſion by a new Attack. This was ſo well executed, that the Portugueze Infantry had Time to retire in good Order, and repaſs the River. But that Brigade, which reſcued 'em, was it ſelf ſurrounded by the Enemy, and Major-General Sarkey, Brigadier Pearce, together with both their Regiments, and that of the Lord Galway, lately raiſed, were taken Priſoners.

During the Engagement, the Earl of Barrymore having advanced too far to give ſome neceſſary Order, was hemmed in by a Squadron of the Enemy; but found Means to gallop up to the Brigade of Pearce, with which he remains alſo a Priſoner. My Lord Galway had his Horſe ſhot under him in this Action; and the Conde de St. Juan, a Portugueze General, was taken Priſoner. The ſame Night the Army encamped at Aronches, and on the 9th moved to Elvas, where they lay when theſe Diſpatches came away. Colonel Stanwix's Regiment is alſo taken. The whole of this Affair has given the Portugueze a great Idea of the Capacity and Courage of my Lord Galway, againſt [125] whoſe Advice they entered upon this unfortunate Affair, and by whoſe Conduct they were reſcued from it. The prodigious Conſtancy and Reſolution of that great Man is hardly to be parallel'd, who, under the Oppreſſion of a maimed Body, and the Reflection of repeated ill Fortune, goes on with an unſpeakable Alacrity in the Service of the Common Cauſe. He has already put Things in a very good Poſture after this ill Accident, and made the neceſſary Diſpoſitions for covering the Country from any further Attempt of the Enemy, who lie ſtill in the Camp they were in before the Battle.

Letters from Bruſſels, dated the 25th Inſtant, adviſe, That notwithſtanding the Negotiations of a Peace ſeem ſo far advanced, that ſome do confidently report the Preliminaries of a Treaty to be actually agreed on; yet the Allies haſten their Preparations for opening the Campaign; and the Forces of the Empire, the Pruſſians, the Danes, the Wirtembergers, the Palatines, and Saxon Auxiliaries, are in Motion towards the General Rendevous, they being already arrived in the Neighbourhood of Bruſſels. Theſe Advices add, That the Deputies of the States of Holland, having made a General Review of the Troops in Flanders, ſet out for Antwerp on the 21ſt Inſtant from that Place. On the ſame Day the Prince Royal of Pruſſia came thither incognito, with a Deſign to make the enſuing Campaign under his Grace the Duke of Marlborough.

This Day is publiſhed a Treatiſe, call'd, The Difference between Scandal and Admonition. By Iſaac Bickerſtaff Eſq And on the 1ſt of July next, you may expect A Prophecy of Things paſt; wherein the Art of Fortune-telling is laid open to the meaneſt Capacity. And on the Monday [126] following, Choice Sentences for the Company of Maſons and Bricklayers, to be put upon new Houſes, with a Tranſlation of all the Latin Sentences, that have been built of late Years, together with a Comment upon Stone Walls, by the ſame Hand.

The TATLER. [No 18.
From Thurſd. May 19. to Saturd. May 21. 1709.

IT is obſerved too often, that Men of Wit do ſo much employ their Thoughts upon fine Speculations, that Things uſeful to Mankind are wholly neglected; and they are buſy in making Emendations upon ſome Encliticks in a Greek Author, while obvious Things, that every Man may have uſe for, are wholly overlooked. It would be an happy Thing, if ſuch as have real Capacities for Publick Service, were employed in Works of general Uſe; but becauſe a Thing is every Body's Buſineſs, it is no Body's Buſineſs: This is for Want of publick Spirit. As for my Part, who am only a Student, and a Man of no great Intereſt, I can only remark Things, and recommend the Correction of 'em to higher Powers. There is an Offence I have a Thouſand Times lamented, but fear I ſhall never ſee remedi d; which is, That in a Nation where Learning is ſo frequent as in Great Britain, there ſhould be ſo many groſs Errors as there are in the very Directions of Things, wherein Accuracy is neceſſary ſo the Conduct of Life. This is notoriouſly obſerved by all Men of Letters when they firſt come to Town (at [127] which Time they are uſually curious that Way) in the Inſcriptions on Sign-Poſts. I have Cauſe to know this Matter as well as any Body; for I have (when I went to Merchant-Taylor's School) ſuffered Stripes for ſpelling after the Signs I obſerved in my Way; tho' at the ſame Time, I muſt confeſs, ſtaring at thoſe Inſcriptions firſt gave me an Idea and Curioſity for Medals; in which I have ſince arrived at ſome Knowledge. Many a Man has loſt his Way and his Dinner by this general Want of Skill in Orthography: For, conſidering that the Painters are uſually ſo very bad, that you cannot know the Animal under whoſe Sign you are to live that Day, How muſt the Stranger be miſſed, if it be wrong ſpelled, as well as ill painted? I have a Couſin now in Town, who has anſwered under Batchellor at Queen's College, whoſe Name is Humphrey Mopſtaff: (He is a Kin to us by his Mother.) This young Man going to ſee a Relation in Barbekin, wandered a whole Day by the Miſtake of one Letter, for it was written, This is the BEER, inſtead of, This is the BEAR. He was ſet right at laſt, by enquiring for the Houſe, of a Fellow who could not read, and knew the Place mechanically, only by having been often drunk there. But, in the Name of Goodneſs, let us make our Learning of Uſe to us, or not. Was not this a Shame, that a Philoſopher ſhould be thus directed by a Cobler? I'll be ſworn, if it were known how many have ſuffered in this Kind by falſe Speeling ſince the Union, this Matter would not long lie thus. What makes theſe Evils the more inſupportable, is, That they are ſo eaſily amended, and nothing done in it. But it is ſo far from that, that the Evil goes on in other Arts as well as Orthography. Places are confounded, as well [128] for want of proper Diſtinctions, as Things for Want of true Characters. Had I not come by the other Day very early in the Morning, there might have been Miſchief done; for a worthy North-Britain was ſwearing at Stocks-market that they would not let him in at his Ludgings; but I knowing the Gentleman, and obſerving him look often at the King on Horſeback, and then double his Oaths, that he was ſure he was right, found he miſtook that for Charing-Croſs, by the Erection of the like Statue in each Place. I grant, private Men may diſtinguiſh their Abodes as they pleaſe; as one of my Acquaintance who lives at Marybone, has put a good Sentence of his own Invention upon his Dwelling-place, to find out where he lives: He is ſo near London, that his Conceit is this, The Country in Town; or, The Town in the Country; for you know, if they are both in one, they are all one. Beſides that, the Ambiguity is not of great Conſequence; if you are ſafe at the Place, 'tis no Matter if you do not diſtinctly know where to ſay the Place is. But to return to the Orthography of Publick Places: I propoſe, That every Tradeſman in the Cities of London and Weſtminſter, ſhall give me Sixpence a Quarter for keeping their Signs in Repair, as to the Grammatical Part; and I will take into my Houſe a Swiſs Count of my Acquaintance, who can remember all their Names without Book, for Diſpatch ſake, ſetting up the Head of the ſaid Foreigner for my Sign; the Features being ſtrong, and fit for hanging high.

This Day a Mail arrived from Holland, by which there are Advices from Paris, That the Kingdom of France is in the utmoſt Miſery and Diſtraction. The Merchants of Lions have been [129] at Court, to remonſtrate their great Sufferings by the Failure of their Publick Credit; but have received no other Satisfaction, than Promiſes of a ſudden Peace; and that their Debts will be made good by Funds out of the Revenue, which will not anſwer, but in caſe of the Peace which is promiſed. In the mean Time, the Cries of the common People are loud for Want of Bread, the Gentry have loſt all Spirit and Zeal for their Country, and the King himſelf ſeems to languiſh under the Anxiety of the preſſing Calamities of the Nation, and retires from hearing thoſe Grievances, which he hath not Power to redreſs. Inſtead of Preparations for War, and the Defence of their Country, there is nothing to be ſeen but evident Marks of a general Deſpair. Proceſſions, Faſtings, Publick Mournings, and Humiliations, are become the ſole Employments of a People, who were lately the moſt vain and gay of any in the Univerſe.

The Pope has written to the French King on the Subject of a Peace, and his Majeſty has anſwered in the lowlieſt Terms, That he entirely ſubmits his Affairs to Divine Providence, and ſhall ſoon ſhow the World, that he prefers the Tranquility of his People to the Glory of his Arms, and Extent of his Conqueſts.

Letters from the Hague of the 24th ſay, That his Excellency the Lord Toxnſhend delivered his Credentials on that Day to the States-General, as Plenipotentiary from the Queen of Great-Britain; as did alſo Count Zinzendorf, who bears the ſame Character from the Emperor.

Prince Eugene intended to ſet out the next Day for Bruſſels, and his Grace the Duke of Marlborough on the Tueſday following. The Marquis de Torcy talks daily of going, but ſtill [130] continues here. The Army of the Allies is to aſſemble on the 7th of the next Month at Helchin; though 'tis generally believed, that the Preliminar es to a Treaty are fully adjuſted.

The Approech of a Peace ſtrikes a Pannick thro' ou Armies, tho' that of a Battle could never do it, and they almoſt repent of their Bravery, that made ſuch haſt to humble themſelves and the French King. The Duke of Marlborough, tho' otherwiſe the greateſt General of the Age, has plainly ſhown himſelf unacquainted with the Arts of Husbanding a War. He might have grown as old as the Duke of Alva, or Prince Waldeck, in the Low-Countries, and yet have got Reputation enough every Year for any reaſonable Man: For the Command of General in Flanders hath been ever looked upon as a Proviſion for Life. For my Pa t, I can't ſee how his Grace can anſwer it to the World, for the great Eagerneſs he hath ſhown to ſend a Hundred Thouſand of the braveſt Fellows in Europe a begging. But the pr vate Gentlemen of the Infantry will be able to ſhift for themſelves; a brave Man can never ſtarve in a Country ſtock'd with Hen-rooſts. There is not a Yard of Linnen, ſays my honoured P ogenitor, Sir John Falſtaff, in my whole Company; but as for that, ſays this worthy Knight, I am in no great Pain, we ſhall find Shirts on every Heage. There is another Sort of Gentlemen whom I am much more concerned for, and that is, the ingenious Fraternity of which I have the Honour to be an unworthy Member; I mean th News-Writers of Great Britain, whether Poſt-Men or Poſt-Boys, or by what other Name or Title ſoever dignified or diſtinguiſhed. The Caſe of theſe Gentlemen is, I think, more hard than that of the Soldiers, conſidering that they have taken more Towns, and fought more [131] Battels. They have been upon Parties and Skirmiſhes, when our Armies have lain ſtill; and given the General Aſſault to many a Place, when the Beſiegers were quiet in their Trenches. They have made us Maſters of ſeveral ſtrong Towns many Weeks before our Generals could do it; and compleated Victories, when our greateſt Captains have been glad to come off with a drawn Battle. Where Prince Eugene has ſlain his Thouſands, Boyer has ſlain his Ten Thouſands. This Gentleman can indeed be never enough commended for his Courage and Intrepidity during this whole War: He has laid about him with an inexpreſſible Fury, and like the offended Marius of Ancient Rome, made ſuch Havock among his Countrymen, as muſt be the Work of Two or Three Ages to repair. It muſt be confeſs'd, the Redoubted Mr. Buckley has ſhed as much Blood as the former; but I cannot forbear ſaying, (and I hope it will not look like Envy) that we regard our Brother Buckley as a kind of Drawcanſir, who ſpares neither Friend or Foe: But generally kills as many of his own Side as the Enemy's. It is impoſſible for this ingenious Sort of Men to ſubſiſt after a Peace: Every one remembers the Shifts they were driven to in the Reign of King Charles the Second, when they could not furniſh out a ſingle Paper of News, without lighting up a Comet in Germany, or a Fire in Moſcow. There ſcarce appeared a Letter without a Paragraph on an Earthquake. Prodigies were grown ſo familiar, that they had loſt their Name, as a great Poet of that Age has it I remember Mr. Dyer, who is juſtly look'd upon by all the Fox-hunters in the Nation as the greateſt Stateſman our Country has produced, was particularly famous for dealing in Whales, inſomuch that in Five Months Time [130] [...] [131] [...] [132] (for I had the Curioſity to examine his Letters on that Occaſion) he brought Three into the Mouth of the River Thames, beſides Two Porpuſſes and a Sturgeon. The judicious and wary Mr. I. Dawks hath all along been the Rival of this great Writer, and got himſelf a Reputation from Plagues and Famines, by which, in thoſe Days, he deſtroyed as great Multirudes, as he has lately done by the Sword. In every Dearth of News, Grand Cairo was ſure to be unpeopled.

It being therefore viſible, that our Society will be greater Sufferers by the Peace than the Soldiery it ſelf; inſomuch that the Daily Courant is in Danger of being broken, my Friend Dyer of being reformed, and the very beſt of the whole Band of being reduced to Half-Pay; Might I preſume to offer any Thing in the Behalf of my diſtreſſed Brethren, I would humbly move, That an Appendix of proper Apartments furniſhed with Pen, Ink, and Paper, and other Neceſſaries of Life, ſhould be added to the Hoſpital of Chelſea, for the Relief of ſuch decay'd News-Writers as have ſerv'd their Country in the Wars; and that for their Exerciſe, they ſhould compile the Annals of their Brother Veterans, who have been engaged in the ſame Service, and are ſtill obliged to do Duty after the ſame Manner.

I cannot be thought to ſpeak this out of an Eye to any private Intereſt; for, as my chief Scenes of Action are Coffee-houſes, Play-houſes, and my own Apartment, I am in no need of Camps, Fortifications, and Fields of Battle, to ſupport me, I don't call out for Heroes and Generals to my Aſſiſtance. Though the Officers are broken, and the Armies disbanded, I ſhall ſtill be ſafe as long as there are Men or Women, or Politicians, or Lovers, or Poets, or [133] Nymphs, or Swains, or Cits, or Courtiers in Being.

The TATLER. [No 19.
From Saturd. May 21. to Tueſd. May 24. 1709.

THERE is nothing can give a Man of any Conſideration greater Pain, than to ſee Order and Diſtinction laid aſide amongſt Men, eſpecially when the Rank (of which he himſelf is a Member) is intruded upon by ſuch as have no Pretence to that Honour. The Appellation of Eſquire is the moſt notoriouſly abuſed in this Kind of any Claſs amongſt Men, inſomuch that it is become almoſt the Subject of Deriſion; but I will be bold to ſay, This Behaviour towards it proceeds from the Ignorance of the People in its true Origine. I ſhall therefore, as briefly as poſſible, do my ſelf and all true Eſquires the Juſtice to look into Antiquity upon this Subject.

In the Firſt Ages of the World, before the Invention of Jointures and Settlements, when the noble Paſſion of Love had Poſſeſſion of the Hearts of Men, and the Fair Sex were not yet cultivated into the merciful Diſpoſition which they have ſhowed in latter Centuries, it was natural for Great and Heroick Spirits to retire to Rivulets, Woods, and Caves, to lament their Deſtiny, and the Cruelty of the fair Perſons who were deaf to their Lamentations. The Hero in this Diſtreſs was generally in Armour, and in a Readineſs to fight any Man he met with, eſpecially if diſtinguiſhed by any extraordinary Qualifications, it being the Nature of Heroick Love to hate all Merit, leſt it ſhould [134] come within the Obſervation of the Cruel One, by whom its own Perfections are neglected. A Lover of this Kind had always about him a Perſon of a Second Value, and ſubordinate to him, who could hear his Afflictions, carry an Inchantment for his Wounds, hold his Helmet when he was eating (if ever he did eat); or in his Abſence, when he was retired to his Apartment in any King's Palace, tell the Prince himſelf, or perhaps his Daughter, the Birth, Parentage, and Adventures, of his valiant Maſter. This truſty Companion was ſtyled his Eſquire, and was always fit for any Offices about him; was as gentle and chaſt as a Gentleman-Uſher, quick and active as an Equerry, ſmooth and eloquent as a Maſter of the Ceremonies. A Man thus qualified was the firſt, as the Ancients affirm, who was called an Eſquire; and none without theſe Accompliſhments ought to aſſume our Order: But, to the utter Diſgrace and Confuſion of the Heralds, every Pretender is admitted into this Fraternity, even Perſons the moſt Foreign to this courteous Inſtitution I have taken an Inventory of all within this City, and looked over every Letter in the Poſt-Office for my better Information. There are of the Middle-Temple, including all in the Buttery-Books, and in the Liſts of the Houſe, 5000. In the Inner, 4000. In the King's Bench Walks the whole Buildings are inhabited by Eſquires only. The adjacent Street of Eſſex, from Morris's Coffee-houſe, and the Turning towards the Graecian, you cannot meet one who is not an Eſquire. 'till you take Water. Every Houſe in Norfolk and Arundel Streets is gove ned alſo by a 'Squire, or his Lady. Soho-Square, Bloomsbury-Square, and all other Places, where the Floors riſe above Nine Foot, are ſo many Univerſities, where you enter your ſelves, and become of our Order. [135] However, if this were the worſt of the Evil, it were to be ſupported, becauſe they are generally Men of ſome Figure and Uſe; though I know no Pretence they have to an Honour which had its Riſe from Chivalry. But if you travel into the Counties of Great Britain, we are ſtill more impoſed upon by Innovation. We are indeed derived from the Field: But ſhall that give Title to all that ride mad after Foxes, that holloo when they ſee an Hare, or venture their Necks full Speed after an Hawk, immediately to commence Eſquires? No; our Order is Temperate, Cleanly, Sober, and Chaſt; but theſe Rural Eſquires commit Immodeſties upon Hay-cocks, wear Shirts half a Week, and are drunk Twice a Day. Theſe Men are alſo to the laſt Degree exceſſive in their Food: An Eſquire of Norfolk eats Two Pounds of Dumplin every Meal, as if obliged to it by our Order: An Eſquire in Hampſhire is as ravenous in devouring Hogs-fleſh: One of Eſſex has as little Mercy on Calves. But I muſt take the Liberty to proteſt againſt them, and acquaint thoſe Perſons, that it is not the Quantity they eat, but the Manner of eating, that ſhows a Squire. But above all, I am moſt offended at ſmall Quill men, and Tranſcribing Clerks, who are all come into our Order, for no Reaſon that I know of, but that they can eaſily flouriſh it at the End of their Name. I'll undertake, that if you read the Superſcriptions to all the Offices in the Kingdom, you will not find Three Letters directed to any but Eſquires. I have my ſelf a Couple of Clerks, and the Rogues make nothing of leaving Meſſages upon each other's Desk: One directs, To Degory Gooſequill Eſq to which the other replies by a Note, To Nehemiah Daſhwell Eſq with Reſpect. In a Word, it is now Populus Armigerorum, A People of Eſquires. And I don't know, but, by the [136] late Act of Naturalization, Foreigners will aſſume that Title, as Part of the Immunity of being Engliſhmen. All theſe Improprieties flow from the Negligence of the Heralds-Office. Thoſe Gentlemen in Party-colour'd Habits do not ſo rightly, as they ought, underſtand themſelves; though they are dreſs'd Cap-a-pe in Hieroglyphicks, they are inwardly but ignorant Men. I asked an Acquaintance of mine, who is a Man of Wit, but of no Fortune, and is forced to appear as Jack-pudding on the Stage to a Mountebank: Prethee, Jack. Why is your Coat of ſo many Colours? He reply'd, I act a Fool, and this ſpotted Dreſs is to ſignifie, that every Man living has a weak Place about him; for I am Knight of the Shire, and repreſent you all. I wiſh the Heralds would know as well as this Man does, in his Way, that they are to act for us in the Caſe of our Arms and Appellations: We ſhould not then be jumbled together in ſo promiſcuous and abſurd a Manne. I deſign to take this Matter into fu ther Conſideration, and no Man ſhall be received as an Eſquire, who cannot bring a Certificate, That he has conquered ſome Lady's obdurate Heart; That he can lead up a Country Dance, or carry a Meſſage between her and her Lover, with Addreſs, Secrecy, and Diligence. A 'Squire is properly born for the Service of the Sex, and his Credentials ſhall be ſigned by Three Toaſts, and One Prude, before his Title ſhall receiv'd in my Office.

On Saturday laſt was preſented, The Buſie Body, a Comedy, written (as I have heretofore remark'd) by a Woman. The Plot and Incidents of the Play are laid with that Subtilty of Spirit which is peculiar to Females of Wit, and is very ſeldom well performed by thoſe of the other [137] Sex, in whom Craft in Love is an Act of Invention, and not, as with Women, the Effect of Nature and Inſtinct.

To Morrow will be acted a Play, call'd, The Trip to the Jubilee. This Performance is the greateſt Inſtance that we can have of the irreſiſtble Force of proper Action. The Dialogue in it ſelf has ſomething too low to bear a Criticiſm upon it: But Mr. Wilks enters into the Part with ſo much Skill, that the Gallantry, the Youth, and Gaiety of a young Man of a plentiful Fortune, is looked upon with as much Indulgence on the Stage, as in real Life, without any of thoſe Intermixtures of Wit and Humour, which uſually prepoſſeſs us in Favour of ſuch Characters in other Plays.

Letters from the Hague of the 23d Inſtant, N. S. ſay, Mr. Walpole (who is ſince arrived) was going with all Expedition to Great Britain, whither they doubted not but he carried with him the Preliminaries to a Treaty of Peace. The French Miniſter, Monſieur Torcy, has been obſerved in this whole Negotiation to turn his Diſcourſe upon the Calamities ſent down by Heaven upon France, and imputed the Neceſſities they were under to the immediate Hand of Providence, in inflicting a general Scarcity of Proviſion, rather than the ſuperior Genius of the Generals, or the Bravery of the Armies againſt them. It would be impious not to acknowledge the Indulgence of Heaven to us; but at the ſame Time, as we are to love our Enemies, we are glad to ſee 'em mortified enough to mix Chriſtianity with their Politicks. An Authentick Letter from Madam Maintenon to Monſieur Torcy has been ſtolen by a Perſon about him, who has communicated a Copy of it to ſome of the Dependants of a Miniſter of the Allies. [138] That Epiſtle is writ in the moſt Pathetick Manner imaginable, and in a Style which ſhows her Genius, that has ſo long engroſſed the Heart of this great Monarch.

SIR,

I Received yours, and am ſenſible of the Addreſs and Capacity with which you have hitherto tranſacted the great Affair under your Management. You well obſerve, that our Wants here are not to be concealed; and that it is Vanity to uſe Artifices with the knowing Men with whom you are to deal. Let me beg you therefore, in the Repreſentation of our Circumſtances, to lay aſide Art, which ceaſes to be ſuch when it is ſeen, and make uſe of all your Skill, to gain us what Advantages you can from the Enemy's Jealouſie of each other's Greatneſs; which is the Place where only you have Room for any Dexterity. If you have any Paſſion for your unhappy Country, or any Affection for your diſtreſſed Maſter, come Home with Peace. Oh Heaven! Do I live to talk of Lewis the Great as the Object of [...]ity? The King ſhews a great Uneaſineſs to be informed of all that paſſes; but at the ſame Time, is fearful of every one who appears in his Preſence, leſt he ſhould bring an Account of ſome new Calamity. I know not in what Terms to repreſent my Thoughts to you, when I ſpeak of the King with Relation to his Bodily Health. Figure to your ſelf that Immortal Man, who ſtood in our Publick Places, repreſented with Trophies, Armour, and Terrors, on his Pedeſtal: Conſider, the Invincible, the Great, the Good, the Pious, the Mighty, which were the uſual Epithets we gave him, both in our Language and Thoughts. I ſay, conſider him whom you knew the moſt Glorious and Great of Monarchs; and now think you ſee the ſame Man an unhappy Lazar, in the loweſt Circumſtances of Humane Nature it ſelf, [139] without Regard to the State from whence he is fallen. I write from his Bedſide: He is at preſent in a Slumber. I have many, many Things to add; but my Tears flow too faſt, and my Sorrow is too big for Utterance.

I am, &c.

There is ſuch a Veneration due from all Men to the Perſons of Princes, that it were a Sort of Diſhoneſty to repreſent further the Condition which the King is in; but it is certain, That ſoon after the Receipt of theſe Advices, Monſieur Torcy waited upon his Grace the Duke of Marlborough and the Lord Townſhend, and in that Conference gave up many Points, which he had before ſaid were ſuch, as he muſt return to France before he could anſwer.

The TATLER. [No 20.
From Tueſd. May 24. to Thurſd. May 26. 1709.

IT is not to be imagined how far Prepoſſeſſion will run away with People's Underſtandings, in Caſes wherein they are under preſent Uneaſineſs. The following Narration is a ſufficient Teſtimony of the Truth of this Obſervation.

I had the Honour the other Day of a Viſit from a Gentlewoman (a Stranger to me) who ſeemed to be about Thirty. Her Complexion is Brown; but the Air of her Face has an Agreeableneſs, which ſurpaſſes the Beauties of the Faireſt Women. There appeared in her Look and Mien a ſprightly Health; and her Eyes had too much Vivacity to become the Language of Complaint, which ſhe began to enter into. She ſeemed ſenſible of it; and therefore, with [140] down-caſt Looks, ſaid ſhe, Mr. Bickerſtaff, You ſee before you the unhappieſt of Women; and therefore, as you are eſteemed by all the World both a great Civilian, as well as an Aſtrologer, I muſt deſire your Advice and Aſſiſtance, in putting me in a Method of obtaining a Divorce from a Marriage, which I know the Law will pronounce void. Madam, ſaid I, your Grievance is of ſuch a Nature, that you muſt be very ingenuous in repreſenting the Cauſes of your Complaint, or I cannot give you the Satisfaction you deſire. Sir, ſhe anſwers, I believed there would be no need of half your Skill in the Art of Divination, to gueſs why a Woman would part from her Husband. 'Tis true, ſaid I, but Suſpicions, or Gueſſes at what you mean, nay, Certainty of it, except you plainly ſpeak it, are no Foundation for a formal Suit. She clap'd her Fan before her Face; My Huſband, ſaid ſhe, is no more an Husband (here ſhe burſt into Tears) than one of the Italian Singers.

Madam, ſaid I, the Affliction you complain of, is to be redreſſed by Law; but at the ſame Time, conſider what Mortifications you are to go through in bringing it into open Court; how you will be able to bear the impertinent Whiſpers of the People preſent at the Tryal, the licentious Reflections of the Pleaders, and the Interpretations that will in general be put upon your Conduct by all the World: How little (will they ſay) could that Lady command her Paſſions. Beſides, conſider, that curbing our Deſires is the greateſt Glory we can arrive at in this World, and will be moſt rewarded in the next. She anſwered, like a prudent Matron, Sir, if you pleaſe to remember the Office of Matrimony, the firſt Cauſe of its Inſtitution is that of having Poſterity: Therefore, as to the [141] curbing Deſires, I am willing to undergo any Abſtinence from Food as you pleaſe to enjoin me; but I cannot, with any Quiet of Mind, live in the Neglect of a neceſſary Duty, and an expreſs Commandment, Increaſe and Multiply. Obſerving ſhe was learned, and knew ſo well the Duties of Life, I turned my Arguments rather to dehort her from this Publick Procedure by Examples, than Precepts. Do but conſider, Madam, what Crowds of beauteous Women live in Nunneries, ſecluded for ever from the Sight and Converſation of Men, with all the Alacrity of Spirit imaginable; they ſpend their Time in Heavenly Raptures, in conſtant and frequent Devotion, and at proper Hours in agreeable Converſations. Sir, ſaid ſhe haſtily, Tell not me of Papiſts, or any of their Idolatries. Well then, Madam, conſider how many fine Ladies live innocently in the Eye of the World, and this gay Town, in the midſt of Temptation: There's the Witty Mrs. W— is a Virgin of 44, Mrs. T—s is 39, Mrs. L—ce 33; yet you ſee, they laugh and are gay, at the Park, at the Play-houſe, at Balls, and at Viſits; and ſo much at Eaſe, that all this ſeems hardly a Self-denial. Mr. Bickerſtaff, ſaid ſhe, with ſome Emotion, you are an excellent Caſuiſt; but the laſt Word deſtroyed your whole Argument; if it is not Self-denial, it is no Virtue. I preſented you with an Half-Guinea, in Hopes not only to have my Conſcience eas'd, but my Fortune told. Yet—Well Madam, ſaid I, Pray of what Age is your Husband? He is, reply'd my injured Client, Fifty, and I have been his Wife Fifteen Years. How happen'd it, you never communicated your Diſtreſs in all this Time to your Friends and Relations? She anſwered, He has been thus but a Fortnight. I am the [142] moſt ſerious Man in the World to look at, and yet could not forbear laughing out. Why, Madam, in caſe of Infirmity, which proceeds only from Age, the Law gives no Remedy. Sir, ſaid ſhe, I find you have no more Learning that Dr. Caſe; and I am told of a young Man, not Five and Twenty, juſt come from Oxford, to whom I will communicate this whole Matter, and doubt not but he will appear to have Seven Times more uſeful and ſatisfactory Knowledge than you and all your boaſted Family. Thus I have entirely loſt my Client: But if this tedious Narrative preſerves Paſtorella from the intended Marriage with one Twenty Years her Senior—To ſave a Fine Lady, I am contented to have my Learning decry'd, and my Predictions bound up with Poor Robin's Almanacks.

This Evening was acted, The Recruiting Officer, in which Mr. Eſtcourt's proper Senſe and Obſervation is what ſupports the Play. There is not, in my humble Opinion, the Humour hit in Serjeant Kite; but it is admirably ſupply'd by his Action. If I have Skill to judge, that Man is an excellent Actor; but the Crowd of the Audience are fitter for Repreſentations at May-Fair, than a Theatre-Royal. Yet that Fair is now broke, as well as the Theatre is breaking: But it is allowed ſtill to ſell Animals there. Therefore, if any Lady or Gentleman have Occaſion for a tame Elephant, let them enquire of Mr. Penkethman, who has one to diſpoſe of at a reaſonable Rate. The Downfal of May-Fair has quite ſunk the Price of this noble Creature, as well as of many other Curioſities of Nature. A Tyger will ſell almoſt as cheap as an Ox; and I am credibly informed, a Man may purchaſe a Cat with Three Legs, for very [143] near the Value of one with Four. I hear likewiſe, That there is a great Deſolation among the Gentlemen and Ladies who were the Ornaments of the Town, and uſed to ſhine in Plumes and Diadems; the Heroes being moſt of them preſs'd, and the Queens beating Hemp, Mrs. Sarabrand, ſo famous for her ingenious Puppet-Show, has ſet up a Shop in the Exchange, where ſhe ſells her little Troop under the Term of Jointed-Babies. I could not but be ſolicitous to know of her, how ſhe had diſpoſed of that Rake-hell Punch, whoſe lewd Life and Converſation had given ſo much Scandal, and did not a little contribute to the Ruin of the Fair. She told me, with a Sigh, That deſpairing of ever reclaiming him, ſhe would not offer to place him in a Civil Family, but got him in a Poſt upon a Stall in Wapping, where he may be ſeen from Sun-riſing to Sun-ſetting, with a Glaſs in one Hand, and a Pipe in the other, as Centry to a Brandy-Shop. The great Revolutions of this Nature bring to my Mind the Diſtreſſes of the unfortunate Camilla, who has had the ill Luck to break before her Voice, and to diſappear at a Time when her Beauty was in the Heighth of its Bloom. This Lady enter'd ſo throughly into the great Characters ſhe acted, that when ſhe had finiſhed her Part, ſhe could not think of retrenching her Equipage, but would appear in her own Lodgings with the ſame Magnificence that ſhe did upon the Stage. This Greatneſs of Soul has reduced that unhappy Princeſs to an involuntary Retirement, where ſhe now paſſes her Time among the Woods and Forreſts, thinking on the Crowns and Scepters ſhe has loſt, and often humming over in her Solitude,

I was born of Royal Race,
Yet muſt wander in Diſgrace, &c.

[144] But for Fear of being over-heard, and he Quality known, ſhe uſually ſings it in Italian;

Naqui al Regno, naqui al Trono
E pur ſono
Iventurata Paſtorella —

Since I have touched upon this Subject, I ſhal [...] communicate to my Reader Part of a Letter [...] have received from an Ingenious Friend at Amſterdam, where there is a very noble Theatre [...] though the Manner of furniſhing it with Actors is ſomething peculiar to that Place, and gives us Occaſion to admire both the Politeneſs and Frugality of the People.

MY Friends have kept me here a Week longer than ordinary to ſee one of their Plays, which was performed laſt Night with great Applauſe [...] The Actors are all of them Tradeſmen, who, after their Day's Work is over, earn about a Gilder a Night by perſonating Kings and Generals. The Here of the Tragedy I ſaw, was a Journey-man Taylor, und his Firſt Miniſter of State a Coffee-man. The Empreſs made me think of Parthenope in the Rehearſal; for her Mother keeps an Alehouſe in the Suburbs of Amſterdam. When the Tragedy was over, they entertained us with a ſhort Farce, in which the Cobler did his Part to a Miracle; but upon Enquiry, I found he had really been working at his own Trade, and repreſenting on the Stage what he acted every Day in his Shop [...] The Profits of the Theatre maintain an Hoſpital. For as here they do not think the Profeſſion of an Actor the only Trade that a Man ought to exerciſe [...] ſo they will not allow any Body to grow rich on a Profeſſion that, in their Opinion, ſo little conduce [...] to the Good of the Commonwealth. If I am no [...] miſtaken, your Play-houſes in England have don [...] the ſame Thing; for, unleſs I am miſinformed [...] [145] the Hoſpital at Dulledge was erected and endowed by Mr. Allen, a Player: And it is alſo ſaid, A famous She-Tragedian has ſettled her Eſtate, after her Death, for the Maintenance of decay'd Wits, who are to be takeu in aſſoon as they grow dull, at whatever Time of their Life that ſhall happen.

Letters from the Hague of the 31ſt Inſtant, N. S. ſay, That the Articles Preliminary to a general Peace were ſettled, communicated to the States-General, and all the Foreign Miniſters reſiding there, and tranſmitted to their reſpective Maſters on the 28th. Monſieur Torcy immediately returned to the Court of France, from whence he is expected again on the 4th of the next Month with thoſe Articles ratified by that Court. The Hague is agreed upon for the Place of Treaty, and the 15th of the next Month the Day on which it is to commence. The Terms whereon this Negotiation is founded, are not yet declared by publick Authority; but what is moſt generally received, is as follows:

Her Majeſty's Right and Title, and the Proteſtant Succeſſion to thoſe Dominions, is forthwith to be acknowledged. King Charles is to be owned the lawful Sovereign of Spain. The French King ſhall not only recall his Troops out of that Kingdom, and deliver up to the Allies the Towns of Roſes, Fonterabia, and Pampelona; but in caſe the Duke of Anjou ſhall not retire out of the Spaniſh Dominions, he ſhall be obliged to aſſiſt the Allies to force him from thence. A Ceſſation of Arms is agreed upon for Two Months from the firſt Day of the Treaty. The Port and Fortifications of Dunkirk are to be demoliſhed within Four Months; but the Town it ſelf left in the Hands of the French. The Pretender is to be obliged to leave France. All Newfoundland is to be reſtored to the Engliſh. As to [146] the other Parts of America, the French are to reſtore whatever they may have taken from the Engliſh, as the Engliſh in like Manner to give up what they may have taken from the French before the Commencement of the Treaty. The Trade between Great-Britain and France ſhall be ſettled upon the ſame Foundation as in the Reign of King Charles the Second.

The Dutch are to have for their Barriers, Newport, Berg, St. Vinox, Furnes, Ipres, Lille, Tournay, Doua, Valenciennes, Conde, Maubeuge, Mons, Charleroy, Namur, and Luxemburg; all which Places ſhall be delivered up to the Allies before the End of June. The Trade between Holland and France ſhall be on the ſame Foot as in 1664. The Cities of Strasburg, Briſac, and Alſatia, ſhall be reſtored to the Emperor and Empire; and the King of France, purſuant to the Treaty of Weſtphalia in 1648, ſhall only retain the Protection of Ten Imperial Cities, viz. Colmar, Schleſtat, Haguenau, Munſter, Turkeim, Keiſemberg, Obrenheim, Roſheim, Weiſemburg, and Landau, Huninguen, Fort Louis, Fort Khiel, and New Briſac, ſhall be demoliſhed, and all the Fortifications from Baſil to Philipsburg. The King of Pruſſia ſhall remain in the peaceable Poſſeſſion of Neufchatel. The Affair of Orange, as alſo the Pretenſions of his Pruſſian Majeſty in the French Comte, ſhall be determined at this general Negotiation of Peace. The Duke of Savoy ſhall have a Reſtitution made of all that has been taken from him by the French, and remain Maſter of Exilles, Chamont, Feneſtrelles, and the Valley of Pragelas.

The TATLER. [No 21.
From Thurſd. May 26. to Saturd. May 28. 1709.

[147]

A Gentleman has writ to me out of the Country a very civil Letter, and ſaid Things which I ſuppreſs with great Violence to my Vanity. There are many Terms in my Narratives which he complains want explaining, and has therefore deſired, that, for the Benefit of my Country Readers, I would let him know what I mean by a Gentleman, a Pretty-Fellow, a Toaſt, a Coquet, a Critick, a Wit, and all other Appellations of thoſe in the gayer World, who are in Poſſeſſion of theſe ſeveral Characters; together with an Account of thoſe who unfortunately pretend to 'em. I ſhall begin with him we uſually call a Gentleman, or Man of Converſation.

It is generally thought, That Warmth of Imagination, quick Reliſh of Pleaſure, and a Manner of becoming it, are the moſt eſſential Qualities for forming this Sort of Man. But any one that is much in Company will obſerve, that the Height of good Breeding is ſhown rather in never giving Offence, than in doing obliging Things. Thus he that never Shocks you, tho' he is ſeldom entertaining, is more likely to keep your Favour, than he who often entertains, and ſometimes diſpleaſes you. The moſt neceſſary Talent therefore in a Man of Converſation, which is what we ordinarily intend by a Fine Gentleman, is a good Judgment. He that has this in Perfection, is Maſter of his Companion, without letting him ſee it; and has the ſame Advantage over Men of any other Qualifications whatſoever, as one that can ſee would have over a blind Man of Ten times his Strength.

[148] This is what makes Sophronius the Darling of all who converſe with him, and the moſt Powerful with his Acquaintance of any Man in Town. By the Light of this Faculty, he acts with great Eaſe and Freedom among the Men of Pleaſure, and acquits himſelf with Skill and Diſpatch among the Men of Buſineſs. All which he performs with ſuch Succeſs, that, with as much Diſcretion in Life as any Man ever had, he neither is, nor appears Cunning. But as he does a good Office, if he ever does it, with Readineſs and Alacrity; ſo he denies what he does not care to engage in, in a Manner that convinces you, that you ought not to have asked it. His Judgment is ſo good and unerring, and accompanied with ſo chearful a Spirit, that his Converſation is a continual Feaſt, at which he helps ſome, and is helped by others, in ſuch a Manner, that the Equality of Society is perfectly kept up, and every Man obliges as much as he is obliged: For it is the greateſt and juſteſt Skill in a Man of Superior Underſtanding, to know how to be on a Level with his Companions. This ſweet Diſpoſition runs through all the Actions of Sophronius, and make his Company deſired by Women, without being envied by Men. Sophronius would be as juſt as he is, if there were no Law; and would be as diſcreet as he is, if there were no ſuch Thing as Calumny.

In Imitation of this agreeable Being, is made that Animal we call a Pretty Fellow; who being juſt able to find out, that what makes Sophronius acceptable, is a Natural Behaviour; in order to the ſame Reputation, makes his own an Artificial one. Jack Dimple is his perfect Mimick, whereby he is of Courſe the moſt unlike him of all Men living. Sophronius juſt now paſſed into the inner Room directly forward: Jack comes as faſt after as he can for the Right [149] and Left Looking-glaſs, in which he had but juſt approved himſelf by a Nod at each, and marched on. He will meditate within for Half an Hour, till he thinks he is not careleſs enough in his Air, and come back to the Mirror to recollect his Forgetfulneſs.

This Night was acted the Comedy, called, The Fox; but I wonder the Modern Writers do not uſe their Intereſt in the Houſe to ſuppreſs ſuch Repreſentations. A Man that has been at this, will ha dly like any other Play during the Seaſon: Therefore I humbly move, That the Writings, as well as Dreſſes, of the laſt Age, ſhould give Way to the preſent Faſhion. We are come into a good Method enough (if we were not interrupted in our Mi [...]th by ſuch an Apparition as a Play of Johnſon's) to be entertained at more Eaſe, both to the Spectator and the Writer, than in the Days of Old. It is no Difficulty to get Hats, and Swords, and Wigs, and Shooes, and every Thing elſe, from the Shops in Town, and make a Man ſhow himſelf by his Habit, without more ado, to be a Counſellor, a Fop, a Courtier, or a Citizen, and not be obliged to make thoſe Characters talk in different Dialects to be diſtinguiſhed from each other. This is certainly the ſureſt and beſt Way of Writing: But ſuch a Play as this makes a Man for a Month after over-run with Criticiſm, and enquire, What every Man on the Stage ſaid? What had ſuch a one to do to meddle with ſuch a Thing? How came t'other, who was bred after this or that Manner, to ſpeak ſo like a Man converſant among a different People? Theſe Queſtions rob us of all our Pleaſure; for at this Rate, no Sentence in a Play ſhould be ſpoken by any one Character which could poſſibly enter into the Head of any other Man repreſented in it; but [150] every Sentiment ſhould be peculiar to him only who utters it. Laborious Ben's Works will bear this Sort of Inquiſition; but if the preſent Writers were thus examined, and the Offences againſt this Rule cut out, few Plays would be long enough for the whole Evening's Entertainment.

But I don't know how they did in thoſe old Times: This ſame Ben Johnſon has made every one's Paſſion in this Play be towards Money, and yet not one of them expreſſes that Deſire, or endeavour to obtain it any Way but what is peculiar to him only: One ſacrifices his Wife, another his Profeſſion, another his Poſterity, from the ſame Motive; but their Characters are kept ſo skilfully apart, that it ſeems prodigious their Diſcourſes ſhould riſe from the Intention of the ſame Author.

But the Poets are a Neſt of Hornets, and I'll drive theſe Thoughts no farther, but muſt mention ſome hard Treatment I am like to meet with from my Brother Writers. I am credibly informed, that the Author of a Play, call'd, Love in a Hollow Tree, has made ſome Remarks upon my late Diſcourſe on The Naked Truth. I cannot blame a Gentleman for writing againſt any Error; it is for the Good of the learned World. But I would have the Thing fairly left between us Two, and not under the Protection of Patrons. But my Intelligence is, that he has dedicated his Treatiſe to the Honourable Mr. Edw—d H—rd.

To Iſaac Bickerſtaff Eſq

SIR,

BEing convinc'd, as the whole World is, how infallible your Predictions are, and having the Honour to be your near Relation, of the Staffian Family; I was under great Concern at one of your Predictions [151] relating to your ſelf, wherein you foretold your own Death would happen on the 17th Inſtant, unleſs it were prevented by the Aſſiſtance of welldiſpoſed People: I have therefore prevailed on my own Modeſty to ſend you a Piece of News, which may ſerve inſtead of Goddard's Drops, to keep you alive for Two Days, till Nature be able to recover it ſelf, or till you meet with ſome beteer Help from other Hands. Therefore, without further Ceremony, I will go on to relate a ſingular Adventure juſt happened in the Place where I am writing, wherein it may be highly uſeful for the Publick to be informed.

Three young Ladies of our Town were on Saturday laſt indicted for Witchcraft. The Witneſſes againſt the Firſt depoſed upon Oath before Juſtice Bindover, That ſhe kept Spirits locked up in Veſſels, which ſometimes appeared in Flames of blue Fire; That ſhe uſed Magical Herbs, with ſome of which ſhe drew in Hundreds of Men daily to her, who went out from her Preſence all inflamed, their Mouths parched, and a hot Steam iſſuing from them, attended with a grievous Stench; That many of the ſaid Men were by the Force of that Herb metamorphoſed into Swine, and lay wallowing in the Kennels for Twenty four Hours, before they could reaſſume their Shapes or their Senſes.

It was proved againſt the Second, That ſhe cut off by Night the Limbs from dead Bodies that were hanged, and were ſeen to dig Holes in the Ground, to mutter ſome conjuring Words, and bury Pieces of the Fleſh, after the uſual Manner of Witches.

The Third was accuſed for a notorious Piece of Sorcery, long practiſed by Hags, of moulding up Pieces of Dough into the Shapes of Men, Women and Children; then heating them at a gentle Fire, which had a Sympathetick Power to torment the Bowels of thoſe in the Neighbourhood.

[152] This was the Sum of what was objected againſt the Three Ladies, who indeed had nothing to ſay in their own Defence, but downright denying the Facts, which is like to avail very little when they come upon their Trials.

But the Parſon of our Pariſh, a ſtrange refractory Man, will believe nothing of all this; ſo that the whole Town cries out, Shame! That one of his Coat ſhould be ſuch an Atheiſt? And deſign to complain of him to the Biſhop. He goes about very odly to ſolve the Matter. He ſuppoſes, That the Firſt of theſe Ladies keeping a Brandy and Tobacco Shop, the Fellows went out ſmoaking, and got drunk towards Evening, and made themſelves Beaſts. He ſays, The Second is a Butcher's Daughter, and ſometimes brings a Quarter of Mutton from the Slaughter-houſe over Night againſt a Market-Day, and once buried a Bit of Beef in the Ground, as a known Receipt to cure Warts on her Hands. The Parſon affirms, That the Third ſells Gingerbread, which, to pleaſe the Children, ſhe is forced to ſtamp with Images before 'tis baked; and if it burns their Guts, 'tis becauſe they eat too much, or do not drink after it.

Theſe are the Anſwers he gives to ſolve theſe wonderful Phaenomena; upon which I ſhall not animaavert, but leave it among Philoſophers: And ſo wiſhing you all Succeſs in your Undertakings for the Amendment of the World, I remain,

Dear Couſin,
Your moſt Affectionate Kinſman, and Humble Servant, Ephraim Bedſtaff.

[153] P. S. Thoſe who were condemn'd to Death among the Athenians, were obliged to take a Doſe of Poiſon, which made them die upwards, ſeizing firſt upon their Feet, making them cold and inſenſible, and ſo aſcending gradually, till it reach'd the Vital Parts. I believe your Death, which you foretold would happen on the 17th Inſtant, will fall out the ſame Way, and that your Diſtemper hath already ſeiz'd on you, and makes Progreſs daily. The lower Part of you, that is, the Advertiſements, is dead; and theſe have riſen for theſe Ten Days laſt paſt, ſo that they now take up almoſt a whole Paragraph. Pray, Sir, do your Endeavour to drive this Diſtemper as much as poſſible to the extreme Parts, and keep it there, as wiſe Folks do the Gout; for if it once gets into your Stomach, it will ſoon fly up into your Head, and you are a dead Man.

We hear from Leghorn, That Sir Edward Whitaker, with Five Men of War, Four Tranſports, and Two Fireſhips, was arrived at that Port, and Admiral Bing was ſuddenly expected. Their Squadrons being joined, they deſign to ſail directly for Final, to tranſport the Reinforcements, lodg'd in thoſe Parts, to Barcelona.

They write from Milan, That Count Thaun arrived there on the 16th Inſtant, N. S. and proceeded on his Journey to Turin on the 21ſt, in order to concert ſuch Meaſures with his Royal Highneſs, as ſhall appear neceſſary for the Operations of the enſuing Campaign.

Advices from Dauphine ſay, That the Troops of the Duke of Savoy being already to appear in thoſe Valleys, whereof he made himſelf Maſter the laſt Year; and that the Duke of Berwick apply'd himſelf with all imaginable Diligence to ſecure the Paſſes of [154] the Mountains, by ordering Intrenchments to be made towards Briançon, Tourneau, and the Valley of Queiras. That General has alſo been at Marſeilles and Tboulon, to haſten the Tranſportation of the Corn and Proviſions deſigned for his Army.

Letters from Vienna, bearing Date May 23. N. S. import, That the Cardinal of Saxe-Zeits and the Prince of Litchtenſtein were preparing to ſet out for Presburgh, to aſſiſt at the Diet of the States of Hungary, which is to be aſſembled at that Place on the 25th of this Month. General Heiſter would ſhortly appear at the Head of his Army at Trentſchin, which Place is appointed for the general Rendevous of the Imperial Forces in Hungary; from whence he will advance to lay Siege in Newhauſel: In the mean Time, Reinforcements, with a great Train of Artillery, are marching the ſame Way. The King of Denmark arrived on the 10th Inſtant at Inſpruck, and on the 26th at Dreſden, under a a Triple Diſcharge of the Artillery of that Place; but his Majeſty refuſed the Ceremonies of a Publick Entry.

Our Letters from the Upper Rhine ſay, That the Imperial Army began to form it ſelf at Etlingen; where the reſpective Deputies of the Elector Palatine, the Prince of Baden Durlach, the Biſhoprick of Spires, &c. were aſſembled, and had taken the neceſſary Meaſures for the Proviſion of Forage, the Security of the Country againſt the Incurſions of the Enemy, and laying a Bridge over the Rhine. Several Veſſels laden with Corn are daily paſſing before Frankfort for the Lower Rhine.

Letters from Poland inform us, That a Detachment of Muſcovite Cavalry, under the Command of General Infland, had joined the Confederate Army; and the Infantry, commanded [155] by General Goltz, was expected to come up within few Days. Theſe Succour will amount to 20000 Men.

Our laſt Advices from the Hague, dated June the 4th, N. S. ſay, That they expected a Courier from the French Court with the Ratification of the Preliminaries that Night or the Day following. His Grace the Dake of Marlborough will ſet out for Bruſſels on Wedneſday or Thurſday next, if the Diſpatches which are expected from Paris don't alter his Reſolutions. Letters from Majorca confirm the Honourable Capitulation of the Caſtle of Alicant, and alſo the Death of the Governour Major-General Richards, Colonel S [...] bourg, and Major Vignolles, who were all buried in the Ruins of that Place by the ſpringing of their great Mine, which did, it ſeems, more Execution than was reported. Monſieur Torcy paſſed thro' Mons in his Return, and had there a long Conference with the Elector of Bavaria; after which, that Prince ſpoke publickly of the Treatment he had received from France with the utmoſt Indignation.

Any Perſon that ſhall come publickly Abroad in a fantaſtical Habit, contrary to the preſent Mode and Faſhion, except Don Diego Deſmallo, or any other out of Poverty, ſhall have his Name and Dreſs inſerted in our next.

N. B. Mr. Howd'call is deſired to leave off thoſe Buttons.

The TATLER. [No 22.
From Saturd. May 28. to Tueſd. May 31. 1709.

[156]

I Came hither this Evening to ſee Faſhions, and who ſhould I firſt encounter but my old Friend Cynthio (encompaſſed by a Crowd of young Fellows) dictating on the Paſſion of Love with the gayeſt Air imaginable. ‘'Well, ſays he, as to what I know of the Matter, there is nothing but Ogling with Skill carries a Woman; but indeed it is not every Fool that is capable of this Art: You will find Twenty can ſpeak eloquently, Fifty can fight manfully, and a Thouſand that can dreſs genteely at a Miſtreſs, where there is one that can gaze skilfully. This requires an exquiſite Judgment, to take the Language of her Eyes to yours exactly, and not let yours talk too faſt for hers; as at a Play between the Acts, when Beau Frisk ſtands upon a Bench full in Lindamira's Face, and her dear Eyes are ſearching round to avoid that flaring open Fool; ſhe meets the watchful Glance of her true Lover, and ſees his Heart attentive on her Charms, and waiting for a ſecond Twincle of her Eye for its next Motion. Here the good Company ſneer'd; but he goes on. Nor is this Attendance a Slavery, when a Man meets Encouragement, and her Eye comes often in his Way: For, after an Evening ſo ſpent, and the Repetition of Four or Five ſignificant Looks at him, the happy Man goes Home to his Lodging, full of Ten thouſand pleaſing Images: His Brain is dilated, and gives him all the Idea's and Proſpects which it ever lets in to its Seat of Pleaſure. [157] Thus a kind Look from Lindamira revives in his Imagination all the Beauteous Launs, Green Fields, Woods, Foreſts, Rivers, and Solitudes, which he had ever before ſeen in Picture, Deſcription, or Real Life: And all with this Addition, That he now ſees 'em with the Eyes of an happy Lover, as before only with thoſe of a common Man. You laugh, Gentlemen: But conſider your ſelves, (you common People that were never in Love) and compare your ſelves in good Humour with your ſelves out of Humour, and you will then acknowledge, that all External Objects affect you according to the Diſpoſition you are in to receive their Impreſſions, and not as thoſe Objects are in their own Nature. How much more ſhall all that paſſes within his View and Obſervation, touch with Delight a Man who is prepoſſeſs'd with ſucceſsful Love, which is an Aſſemblage of ſoft Affections, gay Deſires, and hopeful Reſolutions?'’

Poor Cynthio went on at this Rate to the Crowd about him, without any Purpoſe in his Talk, but to vent an Heart overflowing with Senſe of Succeſs. I wondered what could exalt him from the Diſtreſs in which he had long appear'd, to ſo much Alacrity. But my Familiar has given me the State of his Affairs. It ſeems then, that lately coming out of the Play-houſe, his Miſtreſs, who knows he is in her Livery, as the Manner of inſolent Beauties, is reſolved to keep him ſtill ſo, and gave him ſo much Wages, as to complain to him of the Crowd ſhe was to paſs through. He had his Wits and Reſolution enough about him to take her Hand, and ſay, He would attend her to her Coach. All the Way thither, my good young Man ſtammer'd at every Word, and ſtumbled at every Step. His Miſtreſs, wonderfully pleaſed with her Triumph, put him to a Thouſand Queſtions, [156] [...] [157] [...] [158] to make a Man of his natural Wit ſpeak with Heſitation, and let drop her Fan, to ſee him recover it aukwardly. This is the whole Foundation of Cynthio's Recovery to the ſprightly Air he appears with at preſent.

I grew mighty curious to know ſomething more of that Lady's Affairs, as being amaz'd how ſhe could dally with an Offer of one of his Merit and Fortune. I ſent Pacolet to her Lodgings, who immediately brought me back the following Letter to her Friend and Confident Amanda in the Country, wherein ſhe has open'd her Heart and all its Folds.

Dear Amanda,

THE Town grows ſo empty, that you muſt expect my Letter ſo too, except you will allow me to talk of my ſelf inſtead of others: You cannot imagine what Pain it is, after a whole Day ſpent in Publick, to want your Company, and the Eaſe which Friendſhip allows in being vain to each other, and ſpeaking all our Minds. An Account of the Slaughter which theſe unhappy Eyes have made within Ten Days laſt paſt, would make me appear too great a Tyrant to be allowed in a Chriſtian Country. I ſhall therefore confine my ſelf to my Principal Conqueſts, which are the Hearts of Beau Frisk, and Jack Freeland, beſides Cynthio, who, you know, wore my Fetters before you went out of Town. Shall I tell you my Weakneſs? I begin to love Frisk: It is the beſt humoured Impertinent Thing in the World: He is always too in waiting, and will certainly carry me off one Time or other. Freeland's Father and mine have been upon Treaty without conſulting me; and Cynthio has been eternally watching my Eyes, without approaching me, my Friends, my Maid, or any one about me: He hopes to get me, I believe, as they ſay the Rattle Snake does [159] the Squirrel, by ſtaring at me till I drop into his Mouth. Freeland demands me for a Jointure which he thinks deſerves me; Cynthio thinks nothing high enough to be my Value: Freeland therefore will take it for no Obligation to have me; and Cynthio's Idea of me, is what will vaniſh by knowing me better. Familiarity will equally turn the Veneration of the one, and the Indifference of the other, into Contempt. I will ſtick therefore to my old Maxim, To have that Sort of Man, who can have no greater Views than what are in my Power to give him Poſſeſſion of. The utmoſt of my Dear Frisk's Ambition is, to be thought a Man of Faſhion; and therefore has been ſo much in Mode, as to reſolve upon me, becauſe the whole Town likes me. Thus I chooſe rather a Man who loves me becauſe others do, than one who approves me on his own Judgment. He that judges for himſelf in Love, will often change his Opinion; but he that follows the Senſe of others, muſt be conſtant, as long as a Woman can make Advances. The Viſits I make, the Entertainments I give, and the Addreſſes I receive, will be all Arguments for me with a Man of Frisk's ſecond-hand Genius; but would be ſo many Bars to my Happineſs with any other Man. However, ſince Frisk can wait, I ſhall enjoy a Summer or Two longer, and remain a ſingle Woman, in the ſublime Pleaſure of being followed and admired; which nothing can equal, except that of being beloved by you.

I am, &c.

My chief Buſineſs here this Evening was to ſpeak to my Friends in Behalf of honeſt Cave Underhill, who has been a Comick for Three Generations: My Father admired him extremely when he was a Boy. There is certainly Nature [160] excellently repreſented in his Manner of Action; in which he ever avoided that general Fault in Players, of doing too much. It muſt be confeſs'd, he has not the Merit of ſome ingenious Perſons now on the Stage, of adding to his Authors; for the Actors were ſo dull in the laſt Age, that many of them have gone out of the World, without having ever ſpoke one Word of their own in the Theatre. Poor Cave is ſo mortified, that he quibbles, and tells you, he pretends only to act a Part fit for a Man who has one Foot in the Grave; viz. a Grave-digger. All Admirers of true Comedy, it is hop'd, will have the Gratitude to be preſent on the laſt Day of his Acting, who, if he does not happen to pleaſe them, will have it even then to ſay, That it is his firſt Offence.

But there is a Gentleman here, who ſays he has it from good Hands, that there is actually a Subſcription made by many Perſons of Wit and Quality, for the Encouragement of new Comedies. This Deſign will very much contribute to the Improvement and Diverſion of the Town: But as every Man is moſt concerned for himſelf, I, who am of a Saturnine and Melancholy Complexion, cannot but murmur, that there is not an equal Invitation to write Tragedies, having by me, in my Book of Common Places, enough to enable me to finiſh a very Sad one by the Fifth of the next Month. I have the Farewell of a General, with a Truncheon in his Hand, dying for Love, in Six Lines. I have the Principles of a Politician, (who does all the Miſchief in the Play,) together with his Declaration on the Vanity of Ambition in his laſt Moments, expreſs'd in a Page and an half. I have all my Oaths ready, and my Similies want nothing but Application. I won't pretend to give you an Account of the Plot, it being the [161] ſame Deſign upon which all Tragedies have been writ for ſeveral Years laſt paſt; and from the Beginning of the Firſt Scene, the Frequenters of the Houſe may know, as well as the Author, when the Battle is to be fought, the Lady to yield, and the Hero proceed to his Wedding and Coronation. Beſides theſe Advantages which I have in Readineſs, I have an eminent Tragedian very much my Friend, who ſhall come in, and go through the whole Five Acts, without troubling me for one Sentence, whether he is to kill or be killed, love or be loved, win Battles or loſe them, or whatever other Tragical Performance I ſhall pleaſe to aſſign him.

I have this Day received a Letter, ſubſcribed Fidelia, that gives me an Account of an Inchantment under which a young Lady ſuffers, and deſires my Help to exorciſe her from the Power of the Sorcerer. Her Lover is a Rake of Sixty; the Lady a virtuous Woman of Twenty five: Her Relations are to the laſt Degree afflicted, and amazed at this irregular Paſſion: Their Sorrow I know not how to remove, but can their Aſtoniſhment; for there is no Spirit in Woman half ſo prevalent as that of Contradiction, which is the ſole Cauſe of her Perſeverance. Let the whole Family go dreſs'd in a Body, and call the Bride to Morrow Morning to her Nuptials, and I'll undertake, the Inconſtant will forget her Lover in the midſt of all his Aches. But if this Expedient does not ſucceed, I muſt be ſo juſt to the young Lady's diſtinguiſhing Senſe, as to applaud her Choice. A fine young Woman, at laſt, is but what is due from Fate to an honeſt Fellow, who has ſuffered ſo unmercifully by the Sex; and I think we cannot enough celebrate her Heroick Virtue, who (like the Patriot that ended a Peſtilence by [162] plunging himſelf into a Gulph) gives her ſelf up to gorge that Dragon which has devoured ſo many Virgins before her.

A Letter directed to Iſaac Bickerſtaff Eſq Aſtrologer and Phyſician in Ordinary to Her Majeſty's Subjects of Great Britain, with Reſpect, is come to Hand.

The TATLER. [No 23.
From Tueſd. May 31. to Thurſd. June 2. 1709.

THE Generality of Mankind are ſo very fond of this World, and of ſtaying in it, that a Man cannot have eminent Skill in any one Art, but they will, in Spite of his Teeth, make him a Phyſician alſo, that being the Science the Worldings have moſt need of. I pretended, when I firſt ſet up, to Aſtrology only; but I am told, I have deep Skill alſo in Medecine. I am applied to now by a Gentleman for my Advice in Behalf of his Wife, who, upon the leaſt Matrimonial Difficulty, is exceſſively troubled with Fits, and can bear no Manner of Paſſion without falling into immediate Convulſions. I muſt confeſs, it is a Caſe I have known before, and remember the Party was recovered by certain Words pronounced in the midſt of the Fit, by the Learned Doctor who performed the Cure. Theſe Ails have uſually their Beginning from the Affections of the Mind: Therefore you muſt have Patience to let me give you an Inſtance, whereby you may diſcern the Cauſe of the Diſtemper, and then proceed in the Cure as follows:

A fine Town Lady was married to a Gentleman of ancient Deſcent in one of the Counties [163] of Great Britain, who had good Humour to a Weakneſs, and was that Sort of Perſon, of whom it is uſually ſaid, He is no Man's Enemy but his own: One who had too much Tenderneſs of Soul to have any Authority with his Wife; and ſhe too little Senſe to give him Authority for that Reaſon. His kind Wife obſerved this Temper in him, and made proper Uſe of it. But knowing it was below a Gentlewoman to wrangle, ſhe reſolved upon an Expedient to ſave Decorum, and wear her Dear to her Point at the ſame Time. She therefore took upon her to govern him, by falling into Fits whenever ſhe was repulſed in a Requeſt, or contradicted in a Diſcourſe. It was a Fiſh-Day, when in the midſt of her Husband's good Humour at Table, ſhe bethought her ſelf to try her Project. She made Signs that ſhe had ſwallowed a Bone. The Man grew pale as Aſhes, and ran to her Aſſiſtance, calling for Drink. No, my Dear, ſaid ſhe, recovering, It is down; don't be frightened. This Accident betrayed his Softneſs enough. The next Day ſhe complained, a Lady's Chariot, whoſe Husband had not half his Eſtate, had a Crane-Neck, and hung with twice the Air that hers did. He anſwered, Madam, You know my Income, you know I have loſt Two Coach-Horſes this Spring.—Down ſhe fell.—Hartshorn! Betty, Suſan, Alice, throw Water in her Face. With much Care and Pains ſhe was at laſt brought to her ſelf, and the Vehicle in which ſhe viſited was amended in the niceſt Manner, to prevent Relapſes; but they frequently happen'd during that Husband's whole Life, which he had the good Fortune to end in few Years after. The Diſconſolate ſoon pitched upon a very agreeable Succeſſor, whom ſhe very prudently deſigned to [...] by the ſame Method. This Man knew her little Arts, and reſolved to break through all [164] Tenderneſs, and be abſolute Maſter, as ſoon as Occaſion offered. One Day it happened, that a Diſcourſe aroſe about Furniture: He was very glad of the Occaſion, and fell into an Invective againſt China, proteſting, he would never let Five Pounds more of his Money be laid out that Way as long as he breathed. She immediately fainted—He ſtarts up as amaz'd, and calls for Help—The Maids ran to the Cloſet—He chafes her Face, bends her forwards, and beats the Palms of her Hands: Her Convulſions increaſe, and down ſhe tumbles on the Floor, where ſhe lies quite dead, in Spight of what the whole Family, from the Nurſery to the Kitchin, could do for her Relief.

While every Servant was thus helping or lamenting their Miſtreſs, he, fixing his Cheek to hers, ſeemed to be following her in a Trance of Sorrow; but ſecretly whiſpers her, My Dear, This will never do: What is within my Power and Fortune, you may always command, but none of your Artifices: You are quite in other Hands than thoſe you paſſed theſe pretty Paſſions upon. This made her almoſt in the Condition ſhe pretended; her Convulſions now come thicker, nor was ſhe to be held down. The kind Man doubles his Care, helps the Servants to throw Water in her Face by full Quarts; and when the ſinking Part of the Fit came again, Well, my Dear, (ſaid he) I applaud your Action; but I muſt take my Leave of you till you are more ſincere with me. Farewell for ever: You ſhall always know where to hear of me, and want for nothing. With that, he ordered the Maids to keep plying her with Hartshorn, while he went for a Phyſician: He was ſcarce at the Stair-head when ſhe followed, and pulling him into a Cloſet, thank'd him for her Cure; which was ſo abſolute, that ſhe gave me this Relation her ſelf, to be communicated [165] for the Benefit of all the voluntary Invalids of her Sex.

Advices from Bruſſels of the 6th Inſtant, N. S. ſay, His Highneſs Prince Eugene had received a Letter from Monſieur Torcy, wherein that Miniſter, after many Expreſſions of great Reſpect, acquaints him, That his Maſter had abſolutely refuſed to ſign the Preliminaries to the Treaty which he had, in his Majeſty's Behalf, conſented to at the Hague. Upon the Receipt of this Intelligence, the Face of Things at that Place were immediately altered, and the neceſſary Orders were tranſmitted to the Troops (which lay moſt remote from thence) to move towards the Place of Rendezvous with all Expedition. The Enemy ſeem alſo to prepare for the Field, and have at preſent drawn together Twenty-five Thouſand Men in the Plains of Lenz. Mareſchal Villars is at the Head of thoſe Troops; and has given the Generals under his Command all poſſible Aſſurances, that he will turn the Fate of the War to the Advantage of his Maſter.

They write from the Hague of the 7th, That Monſieur Rouille had received Orders from the Court of France, to ſignify to the States-General and the Miniſters of the High Allies, That the King could not conſent to the Preliminaries of a Treaty of Peace, as it was offered to him by Monſieur Torcy. The great Difficulty is the Buſineſs of Spain, on which Particular his Miniſters ſeemed only to ſay, during the Treaty, that it was not ſo immediately under their Maſter's Direction, as that he could engage for its being relinquiſhed by the Duke of Anjou: But now he poſitively anſwers, That he cannot comply with what his Miniſter has promiſed in his Behalf, even in ſuch Points as are wholly in himſelf to act in or not. This has had no [166] other Effect, than to give the Alliance freſh Arguments for being diffident of Engagements entered into by France. The Penſioner made a Report of all which this Miniſter had declared to the Deputies of the States-General, and all Things turn towards a vigorous War. The Duke of Marlborough deſigned to leave the Hague within Two Days, in order to put himſelf at the Head of the Army, which is to aſſemble on the 17th Inſtant between the Scheld and the Lis. A Fleet of Eighty Sail, laden with Corn from the Baltick, is arrived in the Texel. The States have ſent Circular Letters to all the Provinces, to notify this Change of Affairs, and animate their Subjects to new Reſolutions in Defence of their Country.

The Publick is not ſo little my Concern, tho' I am but a Student as that I ſhould not intereſt my ſelf in the preſent great Things in Agitation. I am ſtill of Opinion, the French King will ſign the Preliminaries. With that View, I have ſent him by my Familiar the following Epiſtle, and admoniſhed him, on Pain of what I ſhall ſay of him to future Generations, to act with Sincerity on this Occaſion.

Iſaac Bickerſtaff Eſq of Great Britain, to Lewis the Fourteenth of France.

THE ſurpriſing News which arrived this Day, of your Majeſty's having refuſed to ſign the Treaty your Miniſters have in a Manner ſued for, is what gives Ground to this Application to your Majeſty, from one whoſe Name, perhaps, is too obſcure to have ever reached your Territories; but one, who with all the European World, is affected with your Determinations. Therefore, [167] as it is mine and the common Cauſe of Mankind, I preſume to expoſtulate with you on this Occaſion. It will, I doubt not, appear to the Vulgar extravagant, that the Actions of a mighty Prince ſhould be ballanced by the Cenſure of a private Man, whoſe Approbation or Diſlike are equally contemptible in their Eyes, when they regard the Thrones of Sovereigns. But your Majeſty has ſhown, through the whole Courſe of your Reign, too great a Value for Liberal Arts to be inſenſible, that true Fame lies only in the Hands of Learned Men, by whom it is to be tranſmitted to Futurity, with Marks of Honour or Reproach to the End of Time. The Date of Humane Life is too ſhort to recompence the Cares which attend the moſt private Condition: Therefore it is, that our Souls are made as it were too big for it, and extend themſelves in the Proſpect of a longer Exiſtence, in a good Fame and Memory of worthy Actions after our Deceaſe. The whole Race of Men have this Paſſion in ſome Degree implanted in their Boſoms, which is the ſtrongeſt and nobleſt Incitation to honeſt Attempts: But the baſe Uſe of the Arts of Peace, Eloquence, Poetry, and all the Parts of Learning, have been poſſeſſed by Souls ſo unworthy thoſe Faculties, that the Names and Appellations of Things have been confounded by the Labours and Writings of proſtituted Men, who have ſtamp'd a Reputation upon ſuch Actions, as are in themſelves the Objects of Contempt and Diſgrace. This is that which has miſled your Majeſty in the Conduct of your Reign, and made that Life, which might have been the moſt imitable, the moſt to be avoided. To this it is, that the great and excellent Qualities of which your Majeſty is Maſter, are loſt in their Application; and your Majeſty has been carrying on for many Years the moſt [168] cruel Tyranny, with all the noble Methods which are uſed to ſupport a juſt Reign. Thus it is, that it avails nothing that you are a Bountiful Maſter; that you are ſo Generous as to reward even the Unſucceſsful with Honour and Riches; that no laudable Action paſſes unrewarded in your Kingdoms; that you have ſearched all Nations for obſcure Merit. In a Word, that you are in your private Character endowed with every Princely Quality, when all this is ſubjected to unjuſt and ill-taught Ambition, which to the Injury of the World, is gilded by thoſe Endowments. However, if your Majeſty will condeſcend to look into your own Soul, and conſider all its Faculties and Weakneſſes with Impartiality; if you will but be convinced, that Life is ſupported in you by the ordinary Methods of Food, Reſt, and Sleep; you would think it impoſſible that you could ever be ſo much impoſed on, as to have been wrought into a Belief, that ſo many Thouſands of the ſame Make with your ſelf were formed by Providence for no other End, but by the Hazard of their very Being to extend the Conqueſts and Glory of an Individual of their own Species. A very little Reflection will convince your Majeſty, that ſuch cannot be the Intent of the Creator; and if not, What Horror muſt it give your Majeſty to think of the vaſt Devaſtations your Ambition has made among your Fellow-Creatures? While the Warmth of Youth, the Flattery of Crowds, and a continual Series of Succeſs and Triumph, indulged your Majeſty in this Alluſion of Mind, it was leſs to be wondered at, that you proceeded in this miſtaken Purſuit of Grandeur; but when Age, Diſappointments, Publick Calamities, Perſonal Diſtempers, and the Reverſe of all that makes Men forget their true Being, are fallen upon you: Heavens! Is it poſſible you can live without [169] Remorſe? Can the wretched Man be a Tyrant? Can Grief ſtudy Torments? Can Sorrow be Cruel?—

Your Majeſty will obſerve, I do not bring againſt you a railing Accuſation; but as you are a ſtrict Profeſſor of Religion, I beſeech your Majeſty to ſtop the Effuſion of Blood, by receiving the Opportunity which preſents it ſelf, for the Preſervation of your diſtreſſed People. Be no longer ſo infatuated, as to hope for Renown from Murder and Violence: But conſider, that the Great Day will come, in which this World and all its Glory ſhall change in a Moment: When Nature ſhall ſicken, and the Earth and Sea give up the Bodies committed to them, to appear before the laſt Tribunal. Will it then, Oh King! be an Anſwer for the Lives of Millions who have fallen by the Sword? They periſhed for my Glory. That Day will come on, and one like it is immediately approaching: Injur'd Nations advance towards thy Habitation: Vengeance has began its March, which is to be diverted only by the Penitence of the Oppreſſor. Awake, O Monarch, from thy Lethargy! Diſdain the Abuſes thou haſt received: Pull down the Statue which calls thee Immortal: Be truly Great: Tear thy Purple, and put on Sackcloth. I am

Thy Generous Enemy, Iſaac Bickerſtaff.

The TATLER. [No 24.
From Thurſd. June 2. to Saturd. June 4. 1709.

[170]

IN my Paper of the 28th of the laſt Month, I mentioned ſeveral Characters which want Explanation to the Generality of Readers: Among others, I ſpoke of a Pretty Fellow. I have ſince received a kind Admonition in a Letter, to take Care that I do not omit to ſhow alſo what is meant by a very Pretty Fellow, which is to be allowed as a Character by it ſelf, and a Perſon exalted above the other by a peculiar Sprightlineſs; as one who, by a diſtinguiſhing Vigour, outſtrips his Companions, and has thereby deſerved and obtained a particular Appellation, or Nick-name of Familiarity. Some have this Diſtinction from the Fair Sex, who are ſo generous as to take into their Protection ſuch as are laughed at by the Men, and place them for that Reaſon in Degrees of Favour.

The chief of this Sort is Colonel Brunett, who is a Man of Faſhion, becauſe he will be ſo; and practiſes a very janty Way of Behaviour, becauſe he is too careleſs to know when he offends, and too ſanguine to be mortified if he did know it. Thus the Colonel has met with a Town ready to receive him, and cannot poſſibly ſee why he ſhould not make uſe of their Favour, and ſet himſelf in the Firſt Degree of Converſation. Therefore he is very ſucceſsfully loud among the Wits, familiar among the Ladies, and diſſolute among the Rakes. Thus he is admitted in one Place, becauſe he is ſo in another; and every Man treats Brunett well, not out of his particular Eſteem [171] for him, but in Reſpect to the Opinion of others. It is to me a ſolid Pleaſure to ſee the World thus miſtaken on the good-natur'd Side; for 'tis Ten to One but the Colonel mounts into a General Officer, marries a fine Lady, and is Maſter of a good Eſtate, before they come to explain upon him. What gives moſt Delight to me in this Obſervation, is, that all this ariſes from pure Nature, and the Colonel can account for his Succeſs no more than thoſe by whom he ſucceeds. For theſe Cauſes and Conſiderations, I pronounce him a true Woman's Man, and in the firſt Degree, A very pretty Fellow.

The next to a Man of this univerſal Genius, is one who is peculiarly formed for the Service of the Ladies, and his Merit chiefly is to be of no Conſequence. I am indeed a little in Doubt, Whether he ought not rather to be called a very Happy, than a very Pretty Fellow? For he is admitted at all Hours: All he ſays or does, which would offend in another, are paſſed over in him; and all Actions and Speeches which pleaſe, doubly pleaſe if they come from him: No one wonders or takes Notice when he's wrong; but all admire him when he's in the Right.—By the Way it is fit to remark, That there are People of better Senſe than theſe, who endeavour at this Character; but they are out of Nature; and tho', with ſome Induſtry, they get the Characters of Fools, they cannot arrive to be very, ſeldom to be meerly Pretty Fellows. But where Nature has formed a Perſon for this Station amongſt Men, he is gifted with a peculiar Genius for Succeſs, and his very Errors and Abſurdities contribute to it; this Felicity attending him to his Life's End. For it being in a Manner neceſſary that he ſhould be of no Conſequence, he is as well in old Age as Youth; and I know a Man, whoſe Son has been ſome Years a pretty Fellow, who is himſelf at this Hour a very Pretty Fellow.

[172] One muſt move tenderly in this Place, for we are now in the Ladies Lodgings, and ſpeaking of ſuch as are ſupported by their Influence and Favour; againſt which there is not, neither ought there to be, any Diſpute or Obſervation. But when we come into more free Air, one may talk a little more at large.

Give me Leave then to mention Three, whom I do not doubt but we ſhall ſee make conſiderable Figures; and theſe are ſuch as, for their Bacchanalian Performances, muſt be admitted into this Order. They are Three Brothers lately landed from Holland: As yet, indeed, they have not made their publick Entry, but lodge and converſe at Wapping. They have merited already on the Water-ſide particular Titles: The Firſt is called Hogſhead; the Second, Culverin; and the Third, Muſquet. This Fraternity is preparing for our End of the Town by their Ability in the Exerciſes of Bacchus, and meaſure their Time and Merit by Liquid Weight, and Power of Drinking. Hogſhead is a prettier Fellow than Culverin by Two Quarts, and Culverin than Muſquet by a full Pint. It is to be feared, Hogſhead is ſo often too full, and Culverin over-loaded, that Muſquet will be the only laſting very Pretty Fellow of the Three.

A Third Sort of this Denomination are ſuch as, by very daring Adventures in Love, have purchaſed to themſelves Renown and new Names; as, Jo. Carry, for his exceſſive Strength and Vigour; Tom Drybones, for his generous Loſs of Youth and Health; and Cancrum, for his meritorious Rottenneſs.

Theſe great and leading Spirits are propoſed to all ſuch of our Britiſh Youth as would arrive at Perfection in theſe different Kinds; and if their Parts and Accompliſhments were well imitated, it is not doubted but that our Nation [173] would ſoon excel all others it Wit and Arts, as they already do in Arms.

[N. B. The Gentleman who ſtole Betty Pepin, may own it, for he is allowed to be a very Pretty Fellow.]

But we muſt proceed to the Explanation of other Terms in our Writings.

To know what a Toaſt is in the Country, gives as much Perplexity as ſhe her ſelf does in Town: And indeed, the Learned differ very much upon the Original of this Word, and the Acceptation of it among the Moderns. However, it is by all agreed to have a joyous and chearful Import. A Toaſt in a cold Morning, heightened by Nutmeg, and ſweeten'd with Sugar, has for many Ages been given to our Rural Diſpenſers of Juſtice, before they enter'd upon Cauſes, and has been of great and politick Uſe to take off the Severity of their Sentences; but has indeed been remarkable for one ill Effect, that it inclines thoſe who uſe it immoderately, to ſpeak Latin, to the Admiration, rather than Information, of an Audience. This Application of a Toaſt makes it very obvious, that the Word may, without a Metaphor, be underſtood as an apt Name for a Thing which raiſes us in the moſt ſovereign Degree. But many of the Wits of the laſt Age will aſſert, That the Word, in its preſent Senſe, was known among them in their Youth, and had its Riſe from an Accident at the Town of Bath, in the Reign of King Charles the Second.

It happened, that on a Publick Day a celebrated Beauty of thoſe Times was in the Croſs Bath, and one of the Crowd of her Admirers took a Glaſs of the Water in which the Fair One ſtood, and drank her Health to the Company. There was in the Place a Gay Fellow, half fuddled, who offered to jump in, and ſwore, Tho' he liked not [174] the Liquor, he would have the Toaſt. He was oppoſed in his Reſolution; yet this Whim gave Foundation to the preſent Honour which is done to the Lady we mention in our Liquors, who has ever ſince been called a Toaſt.

Tho' this Inſtitution had ſo trivial a Beginning, it is now elevated into a formal Order; and that happy Virgin who is received and drank to at their Meetings, has no more to do in this Life, but to judge and accept of the firſt good Offer. The Manner of her Inauguration is much like that of the Choice of a Doge in Venice: It is performed by Ballotting; and when ſhe is ſo choſen, ſhe reigns indiſputably for that enſuing Year; but muſt be elected anew to prolong her Empire a Moment beyond it. When ſhe is regularly choſen, her Name is written with a Diamond on a Drinking-glaſs. The Hieroglyphick of the Diamond is to ſhew her, that her Value is imaginary; and that of the Glaſs to acquaint her, that her Condition is frail, and depends on the Hand which holds her. This wiſe Deſign admoniſhes her, neither to over-rate or depreciate her Charms; as well conſidering and applying, that it is perfectly according to the Humour and Taſte of the Company, whether the Toaſt is eaten, or left as an Offal.

The Foremoſt of the whole Rank of Toaſts, and the moſt undiſputed in their preſent Empire, are Mrs. Gatty and Mrs. Frontlet: The Firſt an Agreeable, the Second an Awful Beauty. Theſe Ladies are perfect Friends, out of a Knowledge, that their Perfections are too different to ſtand in Competition. He that likes Gatty, can have no Reliſh for ſo ſolemn a Creature as Frontlet; and an Admirer of Frontlet, will call Gatty a Maypole Girl. Gatty for ever ſmiles upon you; and Frontlet diſdains to ſee you ſmile. Gatty's Love is a ſhining quick Flame; Frontlet's a ſlow waſting [175] Fire. Gatty likes the Man that diverts her; Frontlet him who adores her. Gatty always improves the Soil in which ſhe travels; Frontlet lays waſte the Country. Gatty does not only ſmile, but laughs at her Lover; Frontlet not only looks ſerious, but frowns at him. All the Men of Wit, (and Coxcombs their Followers) are profeſſed Servants of Gatty: The Politicians and Pretenders give ſolemn Worſhip to Frontlet. Their Reign will be beſt judged of by its Duration. Frontlet will never be choſen more; and Gatty is a Toaſt for Life.

Letters from Hamburgh of the 7th Inſtant, N. S. inform us, That no Art or Coſt is omitted to make the Stay of his Daniſh Majeſty at Dreſden agreeable; but there are various Speculations upon the Interview between King Anguſtus and that Prince, many putting Politick Conſtructions upon his Daniſh Majeſty's Arrival, at a Time when his Troops are marching out of Hungary, with Orders to paſs through Saxony, where it is given out, that they are to be recruited. It is ſaid alſo, That ſeveral Poliſh Senators have invited K. Auguſtus to return into Poland. His Majeſty of Sweden, according to the ſame Advices, has paſſed the Nieper without any Oppoſition from the Muſcovites, and advances with all poſſible Expedition towards Volhinia, where he propoſes to join King Staniſlaus and General Creſſau.

We hear from Bern of the 1ſt Inſtant, N. S. That there is not a Province in France, from whence the Court is not apprehenſive of receiving Accounts of Publick Emotions, occaſion'd by the Want of Corn. The General Diet of the 13 Cantons is aſſembled at Baden, but have not yet entered upon Buſineſs, ſo that the Affair of Tockenburgh is yet at a Stand.

[176] Letters from the Hague, dated the 11th Inſtant, N. S. adviſe, That Monſieur Rouillé having acquainted the Miniſters of the Allies, that his Manner had refuſed to ratify the Preliminaries of a Treaty adjuſted with Monſieur Torcy, ſet out for Paris on Sunday Morning. The ſame Day the Foreign Miniſters met a Committee of the States-General, where Monſieur van Heſſen opened the Buſineſs upon which they were aſſembled, and in a very warm Diſcourſe laid before them the Conduct of France in the late Negotiations, repreſenting the abject Manner in which ſhe had laid open her own Diſtreſſes, that reduced her to a Compliance with the Demands of all the Allies, and her Meanneſſes in receding from thoſe Points to which Monſieur Torcy had conſented. The reſpective Miniſter of each Potentate of the Alliance ſeverally expreſſed their Reſentment of the faithleſs Behaviour of the French, and gave each other mutual Aſſurances of the Conſtancy and Reſolution of their Principals, to proceed with the utmoſt Vigour againſt the common Enemy-His Grace the Duke of Marlborough ſet out from the Hague on the 9th in the Afternoon, and lay that Night at Rotterdam, from whence at Four the next Morning he proceeded towards Antwerp, with a Deſign to reach Ghent the next Day. All the Troops in the Low-Countries are in Motion towards the general Rendezvous between the Scheld and the Lis, the whole Army will be formed on the 12th Inſtant; and 'tis ſaid, That on the 14th they will advance towards the Enemy's Country. In the mean Time, the Mareſchal de Villars has aſſembled the French Forces between Lens, la Baſſes, and Douay.

Yeſterday Morning Sir John Norris, with the Squadron under his Command, ſailed from the Downes for Holland.

[177]

I have the Honour of the following Letter from a Gentleman whom I receive into my Family, and order the Heralds at Arms to enroll him accordingly.

Mr. Bickerſtaff,

THO' you have excluded me the Honour of your Family, yet I have ventured to correſpond with the ſame great Perſons as your ſelf, and have wrote this Poſt to the King of France; tho' I am in a Manner unknown in his Country, and have not been ſeen there theſe many Months.

To LEWIS le Grand.
Tho' in your Country I'm unknown,
Yet, Sir, I muſt adviſe you;
Of late ſo poor and mean you're grown,
That all the World deſpiſe you.
Here Vermin eat your Majeſty,
There meagre Subjects ſtand unfed;
What ſurer Signs of Poverty,
Than many Lice, and little Bread?
Then, Sir, the preſent Minute chuſe,
Our Armies are advanced;
Thoſe Terms you at the Hague refuſe,
At Paris won't be granted.
Conſider this, and Dunkirk raze,
And Anna's Title own;
Send one Pretender out to graze,
And call the other Home.
Your Humble Servant, Bread, the Staff of Life.
[176]
[...]
[177]
[...]

The TATLER. [No 25.
From Saturday June 4. to Tueſd. June 7. 1709.

[178]

A Letter from a young Lady, written in the moſt paſſionate Terms, wherein ſhe laments the Misfortune of a Gentleman, her Lover, who was lately wounded in a Duel, has turned my Thoughts to that Subject, and enclined me to examine into the Cauſes which precipitate Men into ſo fatal a Folly. And as it has been propoſed to treat of Subjects of Gallantry in the Article from hence, and no one Point in Nature is more proper to be conſider'd by the Company who frequent this Place than that of Duels, it is worth our Conſideration to examine into this Chimaerical groundleſs Humour, and to lay every other Thought aſide, till we have ſtrip'd it of all its falſe Pretences to Credit and Reputation amongſt Men.

But I muſt confeſs, when I conſider what I am going about, and run over in my Imagination all the endleſs Crowd of Men of Honour who will be offended at ſuch a Diſcourſe; I am undertaking, methinks, a Work worthy an invulnerable Hero in Romance, rather than a private Gentleman with a ſingle Rapier: But as I am pretty well acquainted by great Opportunities with the Nature of Man, and know of a Truth, that all Men fight againſt their Will, the Danger vaniſhes, and Reſolution riſes upon this Subject. For this Reaſon I ſhall talk very freely on a Cuſtom which all Men wiſh exploded, though no Man has Courage enough to reſiſt it.

But there is one unintelligible Word which I fear will extremely perplex my Diſſertation; and [179] I confeſs to you I find very hard to explain, which is, the Term Satisfaction. An honeſt Country Gentleman had the Misfortune to fall into Company with Two or Three modern Men of Honour, where he happened to be very ill treated; and one of the Company being conſcious of his Offence, ſends a Note to him in the Morning, and tells him, He was ready to give him Satisfaction. This is fine Doing (ſays the plain Fellow). Laſt Night he ſent me away curſedly out of Humour, and this Morning he fancies it would be a Satiſfaction to be run through the Body.

As the Matter at preſent ſtands, it is not to do handſome Actions denominates a Man of Honour; it is enough if he dares to defend ill Ones. Thus you often ſee a common Sharper in Competition with a Gentleman of the firſt Rank; though all Mankind is convinced, that a fighting Gameſter is only a Pick-pocket with the Courage of an Highway-Man. One cannot with any Patience reflect on the unaccountable Jumble of Perſons and Things in this Town and Nation, which occaſions very frequently, that a brave Man falls by a Hand below that of the common Hangman, and yet his Executioner eſcapes the Clutches of the Hangman for doing it. I ſhall therefore hereafter conſider, how the braveſt Men in other Ages and Nations have behaved themſelves upon ſuch Incidents as we decide by Combat; and ſhow, from their Practice, that this Reſentment neither has its Foundation from true Reaſon, or ſolid Fame; but is an Impoſture, made up of Cowardice, Falſhood, and Want of Underſtanding. For this Work, a good Hiſtory of Quarrels would be very edifying to the Publick, and I apply my ſelf to the Town for Particulars and Circumſtances within their Knowledge, which may ſerve to embelliſh the Diſſertation with proper Cuts. Moſt of the Quarrels I have ever known, [180] have proceeded from ſome valiant Coxcomb's perſiſting in the Wrong, to defend ſome prevailing Folly, and preſerve himſelf from the Ingenuity of owning a Miſtake.

By this Means it is called, Giving a Man Satiſfaction, to urge your Offence againſt him with your Sword; which puts me in Mind of Peter's Order to the Keeper, in The Tale of a Tub: If you neglect to do all this, damn you and your Generation for ever; and ſo we bid you heartily farewel. If the Contradiction in the very Terms of one of our Challenges were as well explained, and turn'd into downright Engliſh, would it not run after this Manner?

SIR,

YOur extraordinary Behaviour laſt Night, and the Liberty you were pleaſed to take with me, makes me this Morning give you this, to tell you, becauſe you are an ill-bred Puppy, I will meet you in Hide-Park an Hour hence; and becauſe you want both Breeding and Humanity, I deſire you would come with a Piſtol in your Hand, on Horſeback, and endeavour to ſhoot me through the Head; to teach you more Manners. If you fail of doing me this Pleaſure, I ſhall ſay, You are a Raſcal on every Poſt in Town: And ſo, Sir, if you will not injure me more, I ſhall never forgive what you have done already. Pray Sir, do not fail of getting every Thing ready, and you will infinitely oblige,

SIR,
Your moſt Obedient, Humble Servant, &c.

Among the many Employments I am neceſſarily put upon by my Friends, that of giving Advice [181] is the moſt unwelcome to me; and indeed, I am forced to uſe a little Art in the Matter; for ſome People will ask Counſel of you, when they have already acted what they tell you is ſtill under Deliberation. I had almoſt loſt a very good Friend t'other Day, who came to know how I liked his Deſign to marry ſuch a Lady. I anſwered, By no Means; and I muſt be poſitive againſt it, for very ſolid Reaſous, which are not proper to communicate. Not proper to communicate! (ſaid he with a grave Air) I will know the Bottom of this. I ſaw him moved, and knew from thence he was already determined; therefore evaded it by ſaying, To tell you the Truth, dear Frank, Of all Women living, I would have her my ſelf. Iſaac, ſaid he, Thou art too late, for we have been both one theſe two Months.

I learned this Caution by a Gentleman's conſulting me formerly about his Son. He railed at his damn'd Extravagance, and told me, In a very little Time, he would beggar him by the exorbitant Bills which came from Oxford every Quarter. Make the Rogue bite upon the Bridle, ſaid I, pay none of his Bills, it will but encourage him to further Treſpaſſes. He look'd plaguy ſowr at me. His Son ſoon after ſent up a Paper of Verſes, forſooth, in Print, on the laſt publick Occaſion; upon which, he is convinced the Boy has Parts, and a Lad of Spirit is not to be too much cramp'd in his Maintenance, leſt he take ill Courſes. Neither Father nor Son can ever ſince endure the Sight of me.

Theſe Sort of People ask Opinions, only out of the Fulneſs of their Heart on the Subject of their Perplexity, and not from a Deſire of Information.

There is nothing ſo eaſy as to find out which Opinion the Perſon in Doubt has a Mind to; therefore the ſure Way is to tell him, that is certainly [182] to be choſen. Then you are to be very clear and poſitive; leave no Handle for Scruple. Bleſs me! Sir, there's no Room for a Queſtion. This rivets you into his Heart; for you at once applaud his Wiſdom, and gratify his Inclination. However, I had too much Bowels to be inſincere to a Man who came Yeſterday to know of me, With which of two eminent Men in the City he ſhould place his Son? Their Names are Paulo and Avaro. This gave me much Debate with my ſelf, becauſe not only the Fortune of the Youth, but his Virtue alſo, depended upon this Choice. The Men are equally wealthy; but they differ in the Uſe and Application of their Riches, which you immediately ſee upon entring their Doors.

The Habitation of Paulo has at once the Air of a Nobleman and a Merchant. You ſee the Servants act with Affection to their Maſter, and Satisfaction in themſelves: The Maſter meets you with an open Countenance, full of Benevolence and Integrity: Your Buſineſs is diſpatched with that Confidence and Welcome which always accompanies honeſt Minds: His Table is the Image of Plenty and Generoſity, ſupported by Juſtice and Frugality. After we had dined here, our Affair was to viſit Avaro: Out comes an aukward Fellow with a careful Countenance; Sir, Would you ſpeak with my Maſter? May I crave your Name? After the firſt Preambles, he leads us into a noble Solitude, a great Houſe that ſeem'd uninhabited; but from the End of the ſpacious Hall moves towards us Avaro, with a ſuſpicious Aſpect, as if he believed us Thieves; and as for my Part, I approached him as if I knew him a Cut-purſe. We fell into Diſcourſe of his noble Dwelling, and the Great Eſtate all the World knew he had to enjoy in it: And I, to plague him, fell a commending Paulo's Way [183] of Living. Paulo, anſwered Avaro, is a very good Man; but we who have ſmaller Eſtates, muſt cut our Coat according to our Cloth. Nay, ſays I, Every Man knows his own Circumſtance beſt; you are in the Right, if you han't wherewithal. He look'd very ſowr; (for it is, you muſt know, the utmoſt Vanity of a meanſpirited rich Man to be contradicted, when he calls himſelf Poor.) But I was reſolved to vex him, by conſenting to all he ſaid; the main Deſign of which was, that he would have us find out, he was one of the wealthieſt Men in London, and lived like a Beggar. We left him, and took a Turn on the Change. My Friend was raviſhed with Avaro: This (ſaid he) is certainly a ſure Man. I contradicted him with much Warmth, and ſummed up their different Characters as well as I could. This Paulo (ſaid I) grows wealthy by being a common Good; Avaro, by being a general Evil: Paulo has the Art, Avaro the Craft of Trade. When Paulo gains, all Men he deals with are the better: Whenever Avaro profits, another certainly loſes. In a Word, Paulo is a Citizen, and Avaro a Cit. I convinced my Friend, and carried the young Gentleman the next Day to Paulo, where he will learn the Way both to gain, and enjoy a good Fortune. And tho' I cannot ſay, I have, by keeping him from Avaro, ſaved him from the Gallows, I have prevented his deſerving it every Day he lives: For with Paulo he will be an honeſt Man, without being ſo for Fear of the Law; as with Avaro, he would have been a Villain within the Protection of it.

We hear from Vienna of the 1ſt Inſtant, That Baron Imoff, who attended her Catholick Majeſty with the Character of Envoy from the [184] Duke of Wolfembuttel, was returned thither. That Miniſter brought an Account, That Major-General Stanhope, with the Troops which embarked at Naples, was returned to Barcelona. We hear from Berlin, by Advices of the 8th Inſtant, That his Pruſſian Majeſty had received Intelligence from his Miniſter at Dreſden, that the King of Denmark deſired to meet his Majeſty at Magdeburg. The King of Pruſſia has ſent Anſwer, That his preſent Indiſpoſition will not admit of ſo great a Journey; but has ſent the King a very preſſing Invitation to come to Berlin or Potſdam. Theſe Advices ſay, That the Miniſter of the King of Sweden has produced a Letter from his Maſter to the King of Poland, dated from Batitzan the 30th of March, O. S. wherein he acquaints him, that he has been ſucceſsful againſt the Muſcovites in all the Occaſions which have happened ſince his March into their Country. Great Numbers have revolted to the Swedes ſince General Mazeppa went over to that Side; and as many as have done ſo, have taken ſolemn Oaths to adhere to the Intereſts of his Swediſh Majeſty.

Advices from the Hague of the 14th Inſtant, N. S. ſay, That all Things tended to a vigorous and active Campagne; the Allies having ſtrong Reſentments againſt the late Behaviour of the Court of France; and the French uſing all poſſible Endeavours to animate their Men to defend their Country againſt a victorious and exaſperated Enemy. Monſieur Rouillé had paſſed through Bruſſels without viſiting either the Duke of Marlborough or Prince Eugene, who were both there at that Time. The States have met, and publickly declared their Satisfaction in the Conduct of their Deputies during the whole Treaty. Letters from France ſay, That the Court is reſolved to put all to the Iſſue of the enſuing [185] Campaign. In the mean Time, they have ordered the Preliminary Treaty to be publiſhed, with Obſervation upon each Article, in order to quiet the Minds of the People, and perſwade them, that it has not been in the Power of the King to procure a Peace, but to the Diminution of his Majeſty's Glory, and the Hazard of his Dominions. His Grace the Duke of Marlborough and Prince Eugene arrived at Ghent on Wedneſday laſt, where, at an Aſſembly of all the General Officers, it was thought proper, by reaſon of the great Rains which have lately fallen, to defer forming a Camp, or bringing the Troops together; but as ſoon as the Weather would permit, to march upon the Enemy with all Expedition.

The TATLER. [No 26.
From Tueſday June 7. to Thurſd. June 9. 1709.

I Have read the following Letter with Delight and Approbation, and I hereby order Mr. Kidney at St. James's, and Sir Thomas at White's, (who are my Clerks for enrolling all Men in their diſtant Claſſes, before they preſume to drink Tea or Chocolate in thoſe Places) to take Care, that the Perſons within the Deſcriptions in the Letter be admitted, and excluded according to my Friend's Remonſtrance.

SIR,

YOur Paper of Saturday has raiſed up in me a noble Emulation, to be recorded in the foremoſt Rank of Worthies therein mention'd; and if any Regard be had to Merit or Induſtry, I may hope to ſucceed in the Promotion, for I [186] have omitted no Toil or Expence to be a Proficient; and if my Friends do not flatter, they aſſure me, I have not loſt my Time ſince I came to Town. To enumerate but a few Particulars; There's hardly a Coachman I meet with, but deſires to be excuſed taking me, becauſe he has had me before. I have compounded Two or Three Rapes; and let out to Hire as many Baſtards to Beggars. I never ſaw above the Firſt Act of a Play: And as to my Courage, it is well known, I have more than once had ſufficient Witneſſes of my drawing my Sword both in Tavern and Playhouſe. Dr. Wall is my particular Friend; and if it were any Service to the Publick to compoſe the Difference between Martin and Sintilaer the Pearl-driller, I don't know a Judge of more Experience than my ſelf: For in that I may ſay with the Poet;

Quae Regio in Villâ noſtri non plena Laboris?

I omit other leſs Particulars, the neceſſary Conſequences of greater Actions. But my Reaſon for troubling you at this preſent is, to put a Stop, if it may be, to an inſinuating, increaſing Set of People, who ſticking to the Letter of your Treatiſe, and not to the Spirit of it, do aſſume the Name of Pretty Fellows; nay, and even get new Names, as you very well hint. Some of them I have heard calling to one another as I have ſate at White's and St. James's, by the Names of, Betty, Nelly, and ſo forth. You ſee them accoſt each other with effeminate Airs: They have their Signs and Tokens like Free-Maſons: They rail at Womenkind; receive Viſits on their Beds in Gowns, and do a Thouſand other unintelligible Prettineſſes that I cannot tell what to make of. I therefore heartily deſire you would exclude all this Sort of Animals.

[187] There is another Matter I am foreſeeing an ill Conſequence from, but may be timely prevented by Prudence; which is, that for the laſt Fortnight, prodigious Shoals of Volunteers have gone over to bully the French, upon hearing the Peace was juſt ſigning; and this is ſo true, that I can aſſure you, all Ingroſſing Work about the Temple is riſen above 3 s. in the Pound for want of Hands. Now as 'tis poſſible, ſome little Alteration of Affairs may have broken their Meaſures, and that they will poſt back again, I am under the laſt Apprehenſion, that theſe will, at their Return, all ſet up for Pretty Fellows, and thereby confound all Merit and Service, and impoſe on us ſome new Alteration in our Nightcap-Wigs and Pockets, unleſs you can provide a particular Claſs for them. I cannot apply my ſelf better than to you, and I am ſure I ſpeak the Mind of a very great Number as deſerving as my ſelf.

The Pretenſions of this Correſpondent are worthy a particular Diſtinction: He cannot indeed be admitted as a Pretty, but is, what we moſt juſtly call, a Smart Fellow. Never to pay at the Playhouſe, is an Act of Frugality that lets you into his Character; and his Expedient in ſending his Children a begging before they can go, are Characteriſtical Inſtances that he belongs to this Claſs. I never ſaw the Gentleman; but I know by his Letter, he hangs his Cane on his Button; and by ſome Lines of it, he ſhould wear red-heel'd Shoes; which are eſſential Parts of the Habit belonging to the Order of Smart Fellows.

My Familiar is returned with the following Letter from the French King:

[188]

Lewis the Fourteenth, to Iſaac Bickerſtaff Eſq

SIR,

I Have your Epiſtle, and muſt take the Liberty to ſay, That there has been a Time, when there were Generous Spirits in Great Britain; who would not have ſuffer'd my Name to be treated with the Familiarity you think fit to uſe. I thought Liberal Men would not be ſuch Timeſervers, as to fall upon a Man becauſe his Friends are not in Power. But having ſome Concern for what you may tranſmit to Poſterity concerning me, I am willing to keep Terms with you, and make a Requeſt to you, which is, That you would give my Service to the Nineteenth Century, (if ever you or yours reach to them) and tell them, That I have ſettled all Matters between them and me by Monſieur Boileau. I ſhould be glad to ſee you here.

It is very odd this Prince ſhould offer to invite me into his Dominions, or believe I ſhould accept the Invitation. No, no, I remember too well how he ſerved an ingenious Gentleman, a Friend of mine, whom he locked up in the Baſtile for no Reaſon in the World, but becauſe he was a Wit, and feared he might mention him with Juſtice in ſome of his Writings. His Way is, That all Men of Senſe are preferred, baniſhed, or impriſoned. He has indeed a Sort of Juſtice in him, like that of the Gameſters; for if a Stander-by ſees one at Play cheat, he has a Right to come in for Shares, as knowing the Myſteries of the Game.

This is a very wiſe and juſt Maxim; and if I have not left at Mr. Morphew's, directed to me, Bank Bills for 200 l. on or before this Day Sevennight, I ſhall tell how Tom Caſh got his Eſtate. [189] I expect Three Hundred Pounds of Mr. Soilett, for concealing all the Money he has lent to himſelf, and his Landed Friend bound with him, at Thirty per Cent. at his Scrivener's. Abſolute Princes make People pay what they pleaſe in Deference to their Power: I do not know why I ſhould not do the ſame, out of Fear or Reſpect to my Knowledge. I always preſerve Decorums and Civilities to the Fair Sex: Therefore if a certain Lady, who left her Coach at the New Exchange Door in the Strand, and whipt down Durham-Yard into a Boat with a young Gentleman for Fox-Hall; I ſay, if ſhe will ſend me Word, that I may give the Fan which ſhe drop'd, and I found, to my Siſter Jenny, there ſhall be no more ſaid of it. I expect Huſh-Money to be regularly ſent for every Folly or Vice any one commits in this whole Town; and hope, I may pretend to deſerve it better than a Chamber-Maid, or Valet de Chambre: They only whiſper it to the little Set of their Companions; but I can tell it to all Men living, or who are to live. Therefore I deſire all my Readers to pay their Fines, or mend their Lives.

My Familiar being come from France, with an Anſwer to my Letter to Lewis of that Kingdom, inſtead of going on in a Diſcourſe of what he had ſeen in that Court, he put on the immediate Concern of a Guardian, and fell to enquiring into my Thoughts and Adventures ſince his Journey. As ſhort as his Stay had been, I confeſs'd I had had many Occaſions for his Aſſiſtance in my Conduct; but communicated to him my Thoughts of putting all my Force againſt the horrid and ſenſeleſs Cuſtom of Duels; If it were poſſible, ſaid he, to laugh at Things in themſelves ſo deeply Tragical as the impertinent Profuſion of Humane Life, I think I could [190] divert you with a Figure I ſaw juſt after my Death, when the Philoſopher threw me, as I told you ſome Days ago, into the Pail of Water.

You are to know, That when Men leave the Body, there are Receptacles for them as ſoon as they depart, according to the Manner in which they lived and died. At the very Inſtant that I was killed, there came away with me a Spirit which had loſt its Body in a Duel. We were both examined. Me, the whole Aſſembly looked at with Kindneſs and Pity, but at the ſame Time with an Air of Welcome, and Conſolation: They pronounced me very happy, who had died in Innocence; and told me, a quite different Place was allotted to me, than that which was appointed for my Companion; there being a great Diſtance from the Manſions of Fools and Innocents: Tho' at the ſame Time, ſaid one of the Ghoſts, there is a great Affinity between an Idiot who has been ſo for long Life, and a Child who departs before Maturity. But this Gentleman who has arrived with you is a Fool of his own making, is ignorant out of Choice, and will fare accordingly. The Aſſembly began to flock about him, and one ſaid to him, Sir, I obſerved you came into the Gate of Perſons murdered, and I deſire to know, What brought you to your untimely End? He ſaid, He had been a Second. Socrates (who may be ſaid to have been murdered by the Commonwealth of Athens) ſtood by, and began to draw near him, in order, after his Manner, to lead him into a Senſe of his Error by Conceſſions in his own Diſcourſe. Sir, ſaid that Divine and Amicable Spirit, What was the Quarrel? He anſwered, We ſhall know very ſuddenly, when the Principal in the Buſineſs comes, for he was deſperately wounded before I fell. Sir, ſaid the Sage, Had you an Eſtate? Yes, Sir, the new Gueſt anſwered, [191] I have left it in a very good Condition, and made my Will the Night before this Occaſion. Did you read it before you ſign'd it? Yes ſure, Sir, ſaid the new Comer. Socrates replies, Could a Man, that would not give his Eſtate without reading the Inſtrument, diſpoſe of his Life without asking a Queſtion? That illuſtrious Shade turned from him, and a Crowd of impertinent Goblins, who had been Droles and Paraſites in their Life-time, and were knock'd on the Head for their Sawcineſs, came about my Fellow-Traveller, and made themſelves very merry with Queſtions about the Words Cart and Terce, and other Terms of Fencers. But his Thoughts began to ſettle into Reflection upon the Adventure which had robbed him of his late Being; and with a wretched Sigh, ſaid he, How terrible are Conviction and Guilt when they come too late for Penitence!

Pacolet was going on in this Strain, but he recovered from it, and told me, ‘It was too ſoon to give my Diſcourſe on this Subject ſo ſerious a Turn; you have chiefly to do with that Part of Mankind which muſt be led into Reflection by Degrees, and you muſt treat this Cuſtom with Humour and Raillery to get an Audience, before you come to pronounce Sentence upon it. There is Foundation enough for raiſing ſuch Entertainments from the Practice on this Occaſion. Don't you know, that often a Man is called out of Bed to follow implicitly a Coxcomb (with whom he would not keep Company on any other Occaſion) to Ruin and Death?—Then a good Liſt of ſuch as are qualified by the Laws of theſe uncourteous Men of Chivalry to enter into Combat (who are often Perſons of Honour without common Honeſty): Theſe, I ſay, ranged and drawn up in their proper Order, would give an Averſion to doing any Thing in common [192] with ſuch as Men laugh at and contemn. But to go through this Work, you muſt not let your Thoughts vary, or make Excurſions from your Theme: Conſider at the ſame Time, that the Matter has been often treated by the ableſt and greateſt Writers; yet that muſt not diſencourage you; for the propereſt Perſon to handle it, is one who has roved into mix'd Converſations, and muſt have Opportunities (which I ſhall give you) of ſeeing theſe Sort of Men in their Pleaſures and Gratifications; among which, they pretend to reckon Fighting. It was pleaſantly enough ſaid of a Bully in France, when Duels firſt began to be puniſhed: The King has taken away Gaming, and Stage-playing, and now Fighting too; How does he expect Gentlemen ſhall divert themſelves?’

The TATLER. No 27.
From Thurſd. June 9. to Saturd. June 11. 1709.

PAcolet being gone a ſtrolling among the Men of the Sword, in order to find out the ſecret Cauſes of the frequent Diſputes we meet with, and furniſh me with Materials for my Treatiſe on Duelling; I have Room left to go on in my Information to my Country Readers, whereby they may underſtand the bright People whoſe Memoirs I have taken upon me to write. But in my Diſcourſe of the 28th of the laſt Month, I omitted to mention the moſt agreeable of all bad Characters; and that is, a Rake.

A Rake is a Man always to be pitied; and if he lives, is one Day certainly reclaimed; for [193] his Faults proceed not from Choice or Inclination, but from ſtrong Paſſions and Appetites' which are in Youth too violent for the Club of Reaſon, good Senſe, good Manners, and good Nature: All which he muſt have by Nature and Education, before he can be allowed to be, or have been of this Order. He is a poor unweildy Wretch, that commits Faults out of the Redundance of his good Qualities. His Pity and Compaſſion makes him ſometimes a Bubble to all his Fellows, let 'em be never ſo much below him in Underſtanding. His Deſires run away with him through the Strength and Force of a lively Imagination, which hurries him on to unlawful Pleaſures, before Reaſon has Power to come in to his Reſcue. Thus, with all the good Intentions in the World to Amendment, this Creature ſins on againſt Heaven, himſelf, his Friends, and his Country, who all call for a better Uſe of his Talents. There is not a Being under the Sun ſo miſerable as this: He goes on in a Purſuit he himſelf diſapproves, and has no Enjoyment but what is followed by Remorſe; no Relief from Remorſe, but the Repetition of his Crime. It's poſſible I may talk of this Perſon with too much Indulgence; but I muſt repeat it, that I think this, a Character which is the moſt the Object of Pity of any in the World. The Man in the Pangs of the Stone, Gout, or any acute Diſtempers, is not in ſo deplorable a Condition in the Eye of right Senſe, as he that errs and repents, and repents and errs on. The Fellow with broken Limbs juſtly deſerves your Alms for his impotent Condition; but he that can't uſe his own Reaſon, is in a much worſe State; for you ſee him in miſerable Circumſtances, with his Remedy at the ſame Time in his own Poſſeſſion, if he would or could uſe it. This is the Cauſe [194] that, of all ill Characters, the Rake has the beſt Quarter in the World; for when he is himſelf, and unruffled with Intemperance, you ſee his natural Faculties exert themſelves, and attract an Eye of Favour towards his Infirmities.

But if we look round us here, how many dull Rogues are there, that would fain be what this poor Man hates himſelf for? All the Noiſe towards Six in the Evening, is cauſed by his Mimicks and Imitators. How ought Men of Senſe to be careful of their Actions, if it were meerly from the Indignation of ſeeing themſelves ill drawn by ſuch little Pretenders? Not to ſay, he that leads, is guilty of all the Actions of his Followers: And a Rake has Imitators whom you would never expect ſhould prove ſo-Second-hand Vice ſure of all is the moſt nauſeous. There is hardly a Folly more abſurd, or which ſeems leſs to be accounted for, (tho' 'tis what we ſee every Day) than that grave and honeſt Natures give into this Way, and at the ſame Time have good Senſe, if they thought fit to uſe it: But the Fatality (under which moſt Men labour) of deſiring to be what they are not, makes 'em go out of a Method, in which they might be received with Applauſe, and would certainly excel; into one, wherein they will all their Life have the Air of Strangers to what they aim at.

For this Reaſon, I have not lamented the Metamorphoſis of any one I know ſo much as of Nobilis, who was born with Sweetneſs of Temper, juſt Apprehenſion, and every Thing elſe that might make him a Man fit for his Order. But inſtead of the Purſuit of ſober Studies, and Applications, in which he would certainly be capable of making a conſiderable Figure in the nobleſt Aſſembly of Men in the World; I ſay, in ſpight of that good Nature, which is his proper Bent, [195] he will ſay ill-natured Things aloud, put ſuch as he was, and ſtill ſhould be, out of Countenance, and drown all the natural Good in him, to receive an artificial ill Character, in which he will never ſucceed: For Nobilis is no Rake. He may guzzle as much Wine as he pleaſes, talk Bawdy if he thinks fit; but he may as well drink Water-gruel, and go twice a Day to Church, for it will never do. I pronounce it again, Nobilis is no Rake. To be of that Order, he muſt be vicious againſt his Will, and not ſo by Study or Application. All Pretty Fellows are alſo excluded to a Man, as well as all Inamaratoes, or Perſons of the Epicene Gender, who gaze at one another in the Preſence of Ladies. This Claſs, of which I am giving you an Account, is pretended to alſo by Men of ſtrong Abilities in Drinking; tho' they are ſuch whom the Liquor, not the Converſation, keeps together. But Blockheads may roar, fight, and ſtab, and be never the nearer; their Labour is alſo loſt; they want Senſe: They are no Rakes.

As a Rake among Men is the Man who lives in the conſtant Abuſe of his Reaſon, ſo a Coquet among Women is one who lives in continual Miſapplication of her Beauty. The chief of all, whom I have the Honour to be acquainted with, is pretty Mrs. Toſs: She is ever in Practice of ſomething which disfigures her, and takes from her Charms; tho' all ſhe does, tends to a contrary Effect. She has naturally a very agreeable Voice and Utterance, which ſhe has chang'd for the prettieſt Liſp imaginable. She ſees what ſhe has a Mind to ſee, at half a Mile Diſtance; but poring with her Eyes half ſhut at every one ſhe paſſes by, ſhe believes much more becoming. The Cupid on her Fan and ſhe have their Eyes full on each other, all the Time in which they are not both in Motion. Whenever her Eye is turned from that dear Object, [196] you may have a Glance and your Bow, if ſhe is in Humour, returned as civilly as you make it; but that muſt not be in the Preſence of a Man of greater Quality: For Mrs. Toſs is ſo throughly well bred, that the chief Perſon preſent has all her Regards. And ſhe, who giggles at Divine Service, and laughs at her very Mother, can compoſe her ſelf at the Approach of a Man of a good Eſtate.

A fine Lady ſhewed a Gentleman of this Company, for an eternal Anſwer to all his Addreſſes, a Paper of Verſes, with which ſhe is ſo captivated, that ſhe profeſs'd, the Author ſhould be the happy Man in Spite of all other Pretenders. It is ordinary for Love to make Men Poetical, and it had that Effect on this enamour'd Man: But he was reſolved to try his Vein upon ſome of her Confidents or Retinue, before he ventured upon ſo high a Theme as her ſelf. To do otherwiſe than ſo, would be like making an Heroick Poem a Man's firſt Attempt. Among the Favourites to the Fair One, he found her Parrat not to be in the laſt Degree: He ſaw Poll had her Ear, when his Sighs were neglected. To write againſt him, had been a fruitleſs Labour; therefore he reſolved to flatter him into his Intereſts, in the following Manner:

To a Lady on her Parrat.
When Nymphs were coy, and Love could not prevail,
The Gods diſguis'd were ſeldom known to fail,
Leda was chaſt, but yet a Feather'd Jove
Surpriz'd the Fair, and taught her how to love.
There's no Celeſtial but his Heav'n wou [...]d quit,
For any Form which might to thee admit.
See how the wanton Bird, at every Glance,
Swells his glad Plumes, and feels an am'rous Trunce.
The Queen of Beauty has forſook the Dove,
Henceforth the Parrat be the Bird of Love.

[197] It is indeed a very juſt Propoſition, to give that Honour rather to the Parrat than the other Volatile. The Parrat repreſents us in the State of making Love: The Dove in the Poſſeſſion of the Object beloved. But inſtead of turning the Dove off, I fancy it would be better if the Chaiſe of Venus had hereafter a Parrat added, (as we ſee ſometimes a Third Horſe to a Coach) which might intimate, That to be a Parrat, is the only Way to ſucceed; and to be a Dove, to preſerve your Conqueſts. If the Swain would go on ſucceſsfully, he muſt imitate the Bird he writes upon. For he who would be loved by Women, muſt never be ſilent before the Favour, or open his Lips after it.

I have ſo many Meſſages from young Gentlemen who expect Preferment and Diſtinction, that I am wholly at a Loſs in what Manner to acquit my ſelf. The Writer of the following Letter tells me in a Poſtſcript, he cannot go out of Town till I have taken ſome Notice of him, and is very urgent to be ſome Body in it, before he returns to his Commons at the Univerſity. But take it from himſelf.

To Iſaac Bickerſtaff Eſq Monitor General of Great Britain.

SIR,

I Have been above 6 Months from the Univerſity, of Age theſe 3 Months, and ſo long in Town. I was recommended to one Charles Bubbleboy near the Temple, who has ſupply'd me with all the Furniture he ſays a Gentleman ought to have. I deſired a Certificate thereof from him, which he ſaid would require ſome Time to conſider of; and when I went Yeſterday Morning for it, he tells me, upon due Conſideration, I ſtill want ſome few odd [198] Things more, to the Value of Threeſcore or Fourſcore Pounds, to make me compleat. I have beſpoke them; and the Favour I beg of you is, to know, when I am equip'd, in what Part or Claſs of Men in this Town you will place me. Pray ſend me Word what I am, and you ſhall find me,

SIR
Your moſt humble Servant, Jeffry Nicknack.

I am very willing to encourage young Beginners; but am extreamly in the Dark how to diſpoſe of this Gentleman. I cannot ſee either his Perſon or Habit in this Letter; but I'll call at Charles's, and know the Shape of his Snuff-Box, by which I can ſettle his Character. Tho' indeed, to know his full Capacity, I ought to be inform'd, whether he takes Spaniſh or Muſty.

Letters from the Low-Countries of the 17th Inſtant ſay, That the Duke of Marlborough and the Prince of Savoy intended to leave Ghent on that Day, and join the Army, which lies between Pont d'Eſpiere and Courtray, their Head Quarters being at Helchin. The ſame Day the Palatine Foor was expected at Bruſſels. Lieutenant-General Dompre, with a Body of Eight Thouſand Men, is poſted at Aloſt, in order to cover Ghont and Bruſſels. The Marſhal de Villars was ſtill on the Plains of Lenz; and it is ſaid, the Duke of Vendoſme is appointed to command in Conjunction with that General. Advices from Paris ſay, Monſieur Voiſin is made Secretary of State, upon Monſieur Chamillard's Reſignation of that Employment. The Want of Money in that Kingdom is ſo great, that the Court has thought fit to command all the [199] Plate of pivate Families to be brought into the Mint. They write from the Hague of the 18th, That the States of Holland continue their Seſſion; and that they have approved the Reſolution of the States-General, to publiſh a Second Edict to prohibit the Sale of Corn to the Enemy. Many eminent Perſons in that Aſſembly have declared, that they are of Opinion, that all Commerce whatſoever with France ſhould be wholly forbidden: Which Point is under preſent Deliberation; but it is feared it will meet with powerful Oppoſition.

The TATLER. [No 28.
From Saturd. June 11. to Tueſd. June 14. 1709.

I Had ſuſpended the Buſineſs of Duelling to a diſtant Time, but that I am called upon to declare my ſelf on a Point propoſed in the following Letter.

SIR,

I Deſire the Favour of you to decide this Queſtion, Whether calling a Gentleman a Smart Fellow, is an Affront or not? A Youth entring a certain Coffee-houſe, with his Cane tied at his Button, wearing red-heel'd Shoes, I thought of your Deſcription, and could not forbear telling a Friend of mine next to me, There enters a Smart Fellow. The Gentleman hearing it, had immediately a Mind to pick a Quarrel with me, and deſired Satisfaction: At which I was more puzzled than at the other, remembring what Mention your Familiar makes of thoſe that had loſt their Lives on ſuch Occaſions. The Thing is referred to your [100] Judgment, and I expect you to be my Second, ſince you have been the Cauſe of our Quarrel. I am,

SIR,
Your Friend and humble Servant.

I abſolutely pronounce, that there is no Occaſion of Offence given in this Expreſſion; for a Smart Fellow is always an Appellation of Praiſe, and is a Man of double Capacity. The true Caſt or Mould in which you may be ſure to know him is, when his Livelihood or Education is in the Civil Liſt, and you ſee him expreſs a Vivacity or Mettle above the Way he is in by a little Jerk in his Motion, ſhort Trip in his Steps, well-fancied Lining of his Coat, or any other Indications which may be given in a vigorous Dreſs. Now, What poſſible Inſinuation can there be, that 'tis a Cauſe of Quarrel for a Man to ſay, he allows a Gentleman really to be, what he, his Taylor, his Hoſier, and his Millener, have conſpired to make him? I confeſs, if this Perſon who appeals to me had ſaid, He was not a Smart Fellow, there had been Cauſe for Reſentment; but if he ſtands to it that he is one, he leaves no Manner of Ground for a Miſunderſtanding. Indeed, it is a moſt lamentable Thing, that there ſhould be a Diſpure raiſed upon a Man's ſaying another is, what he plainly takes Pains to be thought.

But this Point connot be ſo well adjuſted, as by enquiring what are the Sentiments of wiſe Nations and Communities of the Uſe of the Sword, and from thence conclude, Whether it is honourable to draw it ſo frequently or not? An Illuſtrious Commonwealth of Italy has preſerved it ſelf for many Ages, without letting one of their Subjects handle this deſtructive, Inſtrument, always leaving that Work to ſuch of Mankind as underſtand the Uſe of a whole Skin [201] ſo little, as to make a Profeſſion of expoſing it to Cuts and Scars.

But what need we run to ſuch Foreign Inſtances: Our moſt ancient and well-governed Cities are conſpicuous Exemples to all Mankind in their Regulation of Military Atchievements. The chief Citizens, like the noble Italians, hire Mercenaries to carry Arms in their Stead; and you ſhall have a Fellow of a deſperate Fortune, for the Gain of one Half-Crown, go through all the Dangers of Tuttle-Fields, or the Artillery-Ground, clap his Right Jaw within Two Inches of the Touch-hole of a Muſquet, fire it off, and Huzza, with as little Concern as he tears a Pullet. Thus you ſee, to what Scorn of Danger theſe Mercenaries arrive, out of a meer Love of ſordid Gain: But methinks it ſhould take off the ſtrong Prepoſſeſſion Men have in Favour of bold Actions, when they ſee upon what low Motives Men aſpire to 'em. Do but obſerve the common Practice in the Government of thoſe Heroick Bodies, our Militia and Lieutenancies, the moſt ancient Corps of Soldiers, perhaps, in the Univerſe; I queſtion, Whether there is one Inſtance of an Animoſity between any Two of theſe illuſtrious Sons of Mars ſince their Inſtitution, which was decided by Combat? I remember indeed to have read the Chronicle, of an Accident which had like to have occaſiond Bloodſhed in the very Field before all the General Officers, tho' moſt of them were Juſtices of the Peace: Captain Crabtree of Birching-Lane, Haberdaſher, had drawn a Bill upon Major-General Maggot, Cheeſemonger in Thames-ſtreet. Crabtree draws this upon Mr. William Maggot and Company. A Country Lad receiv'd this Bill, and not underſtanding the Word Company, us'd in drawing Bills on Men in Partnerſhip, carried it to Mr. Jeffrey Stitch of Crooked-Lane (Lieutenant of [202] the Major-General's Company) whom he had the Day before ſeen march by the Door in all the Pomp of his Commiſſion. The Lieutenant accepts it, for the Honour of the Company, ſince it had come to him. But Repayment being ask'd from the Major-General, he abſolutely refuſes. Upon this, the Lieutenant thinks of nothing leſs than to bring this to a Rupture, and takes for his Second, Tobias Armſtrong of the Counter, and ſends him with a Challenge in a Scrip of Parchment, wherein was written, Stitch contra Maggot, and all the Fury vaniſh'd in a Moment. The Major-General gives Satisfaction to the Second, and all was well.

Hence it is, that the bold Spirits of our City are kept in ſuch Subjection to the Civil Power. Otherwiſe, Where would our Liberties ſoon be? If Wealth and Valour were ſuffer'd to exert themſelves with their utmoſt Force: If ſuch Officers as are employed in the terrible Bands abovementioned, were to draw Bills as well as Swords: Theſe dangerous Captains, who could victual an Army as well as lead it, would be too powerful for the State. But the Point of Honour juſtly gives Way to that of Gain; and by long and wiſe Regulation, the richeſt is the braveſt Man. I have known a Captain riſe to a Colonel in Two Days by the Fall of Stocks; and a Major, my good Friend, near the Monument. aſcended to that Honour by the Fall of the Price of Spirits, and the Riſing of right Nantz. By this true Senſe of Honour, that Body of Warriors are ever in good Order and Diſcipline, with their Colours and Coats all whole: As in other Battalions (where their Principles of Action are leſs ſolid) you ſee the Men of Service look like Spectres, with long Sides, and lank Cheeks. In this Army, you may meaſure a Man's Services by his Waſte, and the moſt [203] prominent Belly is certainly the Man who has been moſt upon Action. Beſides all this, there is another excellent Remark to be made in the Diſcipline of theſe Troops. It being of abſolute Neceſſity that the People of England ſhould ſee what they have for their Money, and be Eye-witneſſes of the Advantages they gain by it, all Battles which are fought abroad are repreſented here. But ſince one Side muſt be beaten, and the other conquer, which might create Diſputes, the eldeſt Company is always to make the other run, and the younger retreats, according to the laſt News and beſt Intelligence. I have my ſelf ſeen Prince Eugene make Catinat fly from the Back-ſide of Grays-Inn-Lane to Hockley in the Hole, and not give over the Purſuit, till obliged to leave the Bear-Garden on the Right, to avoid being borne down by Fencers, Wild Bulls and Monſters, too terrible for the Encounter of any Heroes, but ſuch whoſe Lives are their Livelihood.

We have here ſeen, that wiſe Nations do not admit of Fighting, even in the Defence of their Country, as a laudable Action; and they live within the Walls of our own City in great Honour and Reputation without it. It would be very neceſſary to underſtand, by what Force of the Climate, Food, Education, or Employment, one Man's Senſe is brought to differ ſo eſſentially from that of another; that one is ridiculous and contemptible for forbearing a Thing which makes for his Safety; and another applauded for conſulting his Ruin and Deſtruction.

It will therefore be neceſſary for us (to ſhow our Travelling) to examine this Subject fully, and tell you how it comes to paſs, That a Man of Honour in Spain, tho' you offend him never ſo gallantly, ſtabs you baſely; in England, tho' you offend never ſo baſely, challenges fairly: [204] The former kills you out of Revenge; the latter out of good Breeding. But to probe the Heart of Man in this Particular to its utmoſt Thoughts and Receſſes, I muſt wait for the Return of Pacelet, who is now attending a Gentleman lately in a Duel, and ſometimes viſits the Perſon, by whoſe Hand he received his Wounds.

Letters from Vienna of the 8th Inſtant ſay, there has been a Journal of the Marches and Actions of the King of Sweden, from the Beginning of January to the 11th of April, N. S. communicated by the Swediſh Miniſters to that Court. Theſe Advices inform, That his Swediſh Majeſty entered the Territories of Muſcovy in February laſt with the main Body of his Army, in order to oblige the Enemy to a general Engagement; but that the Muſcovites declining a Battle, and an univerſal Thaw having rendred the Rivers unpaſſable, the King returned into Ukrania. There are mentioned ſeveral Rencounters between conſiderable Detachments of the Swediſh and Ruſſian Armies. Marſhal Heiſter intended to take his Leave of the Court on the Day after the Date of theſe Letters, and put himſelf at the Head of the Army in Hungary. The Malecontents had attempted to ſend in a Supply of Proviſions into Newhauſel; but their Deſign was diſappointed by the Germans.

Advices from Berlin of the 15th Inſtant, N. S. ſay, That his Daniſh Majeſty having receiv'd an Invitation from the King of Pruſſia to an Interview, deſigned to come to Potſdam within few Days; and that King Auguſtus reſolved to accompany him thither. To avoid all Difficulties in Ceremony, the Three Kings, and all the Company who ſhall have the Honour to ſit with them at Table, are to draw Lots, and take Precedence accordingly.

[205] They write from Hamburgh of the 18th Inſtant, N. S. That ſome particular Letters from Dantzick ſpeak of a late Action between the Swedes and Muſcovites near Jeroſlaw; but that Engagement being mentioned from no other Place, there is not much Credit given to this Intelligence.

We hear from Bruſſels, by Letters dated the 20th, That on the 14th in the Evening the Duke of Marlborough and Prince Eugene arrived at Courtray, with a Deſign to proceed the Day following to Liſte, in the Neighbourhood of which City the Confederate Army was to rendezvous the ſame Day. Advices from Paris inform us, that the Marſhal de Bezons is appointed to command in Dauphine; and that the Duke of Berwick is ſet out for Spain, with a Deſign to follow the Fortunes of the Duke of Anjou, in caſe the French King ſhould comply with the late Demands of the Allies.

The Court of France has ſent a Circular Letter to all the Governours of the Provinces, to recommend to their Conſideration his Majeſty's late Conduct in the Affair of Peace. It is thought fit in that Epiſtle, to condeſcend to a certain Appeal to the People, Whether it is conſiſtent with the Dignity of the Crown, or the French Name, to ſubmit to the Preliminaties demanded by the Confederates? That Letter dwells upon the Unreaſonableneſs of the Allies, in requiring his Majeſty's Aſſiſtance in dethroning his Grandſon, and treats this Particular in Language more ſuitable to it, as it is a Topick of Oratory, than a real Circumſtance on which the Intereſts of Nations, and Reaſons of State, which affect all Europe, are concern'd.

The Cloſe of this Memorial ſeems to prepare the People to expect all Events, attributing the Confidence of the Enemy to the Goodneſs of their [206] Troops; but acknowledging, that his ſole Dependance is upon the Intervention of Providence.

The TATLER. [No 29.
From Tueſd. June. 14. to Thurſd. June 16. 1709.

HAving a very ſolid Reſpect for humane Nature, however it is diſtorted from its natural Make, by Affectation, Humour, Cuſtom, Misfortune, or Vice, I do apply my ſelf to my Friends to help me in raiſing Arguments for preſerving it in all its Individuals, as long as it is permitted. To one of my Letters on this Subject, I have received the following Anſwer:

SIR.

IN Anſwer to your Queſtion, Why Men of Senſe, Virtue and Experience are ſeen ſtill to comply with that ridiculous Cuſtom of Duelling? I muſt deſire you to reflect, that Cuſtom has diſb'd up in Ruffs the wiſeſt Heads of our Anceſtors, and put the beſt of the preſent Age into huge Falbala Periwigs. Men of Senſe would not impoſe ſuch Incumbrances on themſelves; but be glad they might ſhow their Faces decently in Publick upon eaſier Terms. If then ſuch Men app [...]ar reaſonably Slaves to the Faſhion, in what rega [...]ds the Figure of their Perſons, me ought not to wonder, that they are at leaſt ſo in what ſeems to touch their Reputations. B [...]ſides, you can't be ignorant, that Dreſs and Chivalry have been always encouraged by the Ladies, as the Two principal Branches of Gallantry. 'Tis to avoid being ſneer'd at for his Singularity, and from a Deſire to appear more agreeable to his Miſtreſs, that a wiſe, experienced, and polite Man, [207] complices with the Dreſs commonly received, and is prevailed upon to violate his Reaſon and Principles, in hazarding his Life and Eſtate by a Tilt, as well as ſuffering his Pleaſures to be conſtrained and ſowred by the conſtant Apprehenſion of a Quarrel. This is the more ſurpriſing, becauſe Men of the moſt delicate Senſe and Principles have naturally in other Caſes a particular Repugnance in accommodating themſelves to the Maxims of the World: But one may eaſily diſtinguiſh the Man that is affected with Beauetry, and the Reputation of a Tilt, from him who complies with both, meerly as they are impoſed upon him by Cuſtom; for in the former you'll remark an Air of Vanity and Triumph; whereas when the latter appears in a long Duvillier full of Powder, or has decided a Quarrel by the Sword, you may perceive in his Face, that he appeals to Cuſtom for an Excuſe. I think it may not be improper to enquire into the Genealogy of this Chimerical Monſter, called a Duel, which I take to be an illegitimate Species of the ancient Knight-Errantry. By the Laws of this Whim, your Heroick Perſon, or Man of Gallantry, was indiſpenſibly obliged to ſtarve in Armour a certain Number of Years in the Chaſe of Monſters, encounter them at the Peril of his Life, and ſuffer great Hardſhips, in order to gain the Affection of the Fair Lady, and qualifie himſelf for aſſuming the B [...]lle-Air, that is, of a Pretty Fellow, or Man of Honour according to the Faſhion: But ſince the Publiſhing of Don Quixot, and Extinction of the Race of Dragons, which Suetonius ſays happen'd in that of Wantley, the gallant and heroick Spirits of theſe latter Times have been under the Neceſſity of creating new Chimerical Monſters to entertain themſelves with, by Way of ſingle Combat, as the only Proofs they are able to give their own Sex, and the Ladies, that they are in all [208] Poin's Men of nice Honour. But to do Juſtice to the ancient and real Monſters, I muſt obſerve, that they never moleſted thoſe who were not of a Humour to Hunt for them in the Woods and Deſarts; whereas on the contrary, our modern Monſters are ſo familiarly admitted and entertained in all the Courts and Cities of Europe, (except France) that one can ſcarce be in the moſt humaniz'd Society without riſquing ones Life; the People of the beſt Sort, and the fine Gentlemen of the Age, being ſo fond of 'em, that they ſeldom appear in any publick Place without one. I have ſome further Conſiderations upon this Subject, which as you encourage me, ſhall be communicated to you, by, Sir, a Couſin; but once removed from the beſt Family of the Staffs, namely,

SIR,
Your humble Servant, Kinſman and Friend, Tim. Switch.

It is certain, Mr. Switch has hit upon the true Source of this Evil; and that it proceeds only from the Force of Cuſtom that we contradict our ſelves in half the Particulars and Occurrences of Life. But ſuch a Tyranny in Love, which the Fair impoſe upon us, is a little too ſevere, that we muſt demonſtrate our Affection for 'em by no certain Proof but Hatred to one another, or come at them (only as one does to an Eſtate) by Survivorſhip. This Way of Application to gain a Lady's Heart, is taking her as we do Towns and Caſtles, by diſtreſſing the Place, and letting none come near 'em without our Paſs. Were ſuch a Lover once to write the Truth of his Heart, and let her know his whole Thoughts, he would appear indeed to have a Paſſion for her; but it would hardly be called Love. The Billet-Deux would run to this Purpoſe:

[209]
Madam,

I Have ſo tender a Regard for you and your Intereſts, that I'll knock any Man in the Head whom I obſerve to be of my Mind, and like you. Mr. Truman the other Day look'd at you in ſo languiſhing a Manner, that I am reſolved to run him through to morrow Morning: This, I think, he deſerves for his Guilt in admiring you; than which I cannot have a greater Reaſon for murdering him, except it be that you alſo approve him. Whoever ſays he dies for you, I will make his Words good, for I will kill him. I am,

Madam,
Your moſt Obedient, Moſt Humble Servant.

I am juſt come hither at Ten at Night, and have ever ſince Six been in the moſt celebrated, though moſt nauſeous, Company in Town: The Two Leaders of the Society were a Critick and a Wit. Theſe Two Gentlemen are great Opponents upon all Occaſions, not diſcerning that they are the neareſt each other in Temper and Talents of any Two Claſſes of Men in the World; for to profeſs Judgment, and to profeſs Wit, both ariſe from the ſame Failure, which is Want of Judgment. The Poverty of the Critick this Way proceeds from the Abuſe of his Faculty; that of the Wit, from the Neglect of it. It's a particular Obſervation I have always made, That of all Morrals, a Critick is the ſillieſt; for by inuring himſelf to examine all Things, whether they are of Conſequence or not, he never looks upon any Thing but with a Deſign of paſſing Sentence upon it; by which Means, he is never a Companion, [210] but always a Cenſor. This makes him earneſt upon Trifles; and diſpute on the moſt indifferent Occaſions with Vehemence. If he offers to ſpeak or write, that Talent which ſhould approve the Work of the other Faculties, prevents their Operation. He comes upon Action in Armour; but without Weapons: He ſtands in Safety; but can gain no Glory. The Wit on the other Hand has been hurried ſo long away by Imagination only, that Judgment ſeems not to have ever been one of his natural Faculties. This Gentleman takes himſelf to be as much obliged to be merry, as the other to be grave. A thorough Critick is a Sort of Puritan in the polite World. As an Enthuſiaſt in Religion ſtumbles at the ordinary Occurrences of Life, if he cannot quote Scripture Examples on the Occaſion; ſo the Critick is never ſafe in his Speech or Writing, without he has among the celebrated Writers an Authority for the Truth of his Sentence. You will believe we had a very good Time with theſe Brethren, who were ſo far out of the Dreſs of their native Country, and ſo loſt to its Dialect, that they were as much Strangers to themſelves, as to their Relation to each other. They took up the whole Diſcourſe; ſometimes the Critick grew paſſionate, and when reprimanded by the Wit for any Trip or Heſitation in his Voice, he would anſwer, Mr. Dryden makes ſuch a Character on ſuch an Occaſion break off in the ſame Manner; ſo that the Stop was according to Nature, and as a Man in a Paſſion ſhould do. The Wit, who is as far gone in Letters as himſelf, ſeems to be at a Loſs to anſwer ſuch an Apology; and concludes only, that though his Anger is juſtly vented, it wants Fire in the Utterance. If Wit is to be meaſured by the Circumſtances of Time and Place, there is no [211] Man has generally ſo little of that Talent, as he who is a Wit by Profeſſion. What he ſays, inſtead of ariſing from the Occaſion, has an Occaſion invented to bring it in. Thus he is new for no other Reaſon, but that he talks like no Body elſe; but has taken up a Method of his own, without Commerce or Dialogue with other People. The lively Jaſper Dactyle is one of this Character. He ſeems to have made a Vow to be witty to his Life's End. When you meet him, What do you think, ſays he, I have been entertaining my ſelf with? Then out comes a premeditated Turn; to which 'tis to no Purpoſe to anſwer, for he goes on in the ſame Strain of Thought he deſigned without your ſpeaking. Therefore I have a general Anſwer to all he can ſay; as, Sure there never was any Creature had ſo much Fire! Spondee, who is a Critick, is ſeldom out of this fine Man's Company. They have no Manner of Affection for each other, but keep together, like Novell and Oldfox in the Plain-Dealer, becauſe they ſhow each other. I know ſeveral of Senſe who can be diverted with this Couple; but I ſee no Curioſity in the Thing, except it be, that Spondee is dull and ſeems dull; but Dactyle is heavy with a brisk Face. It muſt be own'd alſo, that Dactyle has almoſt Vigour enough to be a Coxcomb; but Spondee by the Lowneſs of his Conſtitution, is only a Blockhead.

We have no Particulars of Moment ſince our laſt, except it be, that the Copy of the following Original Letter came by the Way of Oſtend. It is ſaid to have been found in the Cloſet of Monſieur Chamillard, the late Secretary of State of France, ſince his Diſgrace. It was ſigned by Two Brothers of the famous [212] Cavalier, who led the Cevennois, and had a Perſonal Interview with the King, as well as a Capitulation to lay down his Arms, and leave the Dominions of France. There are many other Names to it; among whom, is the Chief of the Family of the Marquis Guiſcard. It is not yet known, whether Monſieur Chamillard had any real Deſign to favour the Proteſtant Intereſt, or only thought to place himſelf at the Head of that People, to make himſelf conſiderable enough to oppoſe his Enemies at Court, and reinſtate himſelf in Power there.

SIR,

WE have read your Majeſty's * Letter to the Governours of your Provinces, with Inſtructions what Sentiments to inſinuate into the Minds of your People: But as you have always acted upon the Maxim, That we were made for you, and not you for us; we muſt take Leave to aſſure your Majeſty, that we are exactly of the contrary Opinion, and muſt deſire you to ſend for your Grandſon Home, and acquaint him, that you now know by Experience, Abſolute Power is only a Vertigo in the Brain of Princes, which for a Time may quicken their Motion, and double in their diſeas'd Sight the Inſtances of Power above 'em; but muſt end in their Fall and Deſtruction. Your Memorial ſpeaks a good Father of your Family, but a very ill one of your People. Your Majeſty is reduced to hear [213] Truth when you are oblig'd to ſpeak it: There is no governing any but Savages by other Methods than their own Conſent, which you ſeem to acknowledge, in appealing to us for our Opinion of your Conduct in treating of Peace. Had your People been always of your Council, the King of France had never been reduced ſo low, as to acknowledge his Arms were fall'n into Contempt. But ſince it is thus, we muſt ask, How is any Man of France, but they of the Houſe of Bourbon, the better that Philip is King of Spain? We have outgrown that Folly of placing our Happineſs in your Majeſty's being call'd, The Great: Therefore as you and we are all alike * Bankrupts, and undone, let us not deceive our ſelves, but compound with our Adverſaries, and not talk like their Equals. Your Majeſty muſt forgive us that we cannot wiſh you Succeſs, or lend you Help; for if you loſe one Battle more, we may have an Hand in the Peace you make; and doubt not but your Majeſty's Faith in Treaties will require the Ratification of the States of your Kingdoms. So we bid you heartily farewel, till we have the Honour to meet you aſſembled in Parliament. This happy Expectation makes us willing to wait the Event of another Campagne, from whence we hope to be raiſed from the Miſe y of Slaves, to the Privileges of Subjects. We are,

Your Majeſty's Truly Faithful, and Loyal Subjects, &c.
*
Soon after the Concluſion of the late Treaty of Peace, the French King diſpers'd a Letter through his Dominions, wherein he ſhows the Reaſons why he could not ratifie the Preliminaries. Vide the publick News-Papers of this Date.
*
N.B. Monſ. Bernard and the chief Banker: of France became Bankrupts about this Time.

The TATLER. [No 30.
From Thurſd. June 16. to Saturd. June 18. 1709.

[214]

THE Vigilance, the Anxiety, the Tenderneſs, which I have for the good People of England, I am perſwaded will in Time be much commended; but I doubt whether they will ever be rewarded. However, I muſt go on chearfully in my Work of Reformation: That being my great Deſign, I am ſtudious to prevent my Labour's increaſing upon me; therefore am particularly obſervant of the Temper and Inclinations of Childhood and Youth, that we may not give Vice and Folly Supplies from the growing Generation. It is hardly to be imagined how uſeful this Study is, and what great Evils or Benefits ariſe from putting us in our tender Years to what we are fit, or unfit: Therefore on Tueſday laſt (with a Deſign to ſound their Inclinations) I took Three Lads who are under my Guardianſhip, a rambling, in a Hackney-Coach, to ſhow them the Town, as the Lions, the Tombs, Bedlam, and the other Places which are Entertainments to raw Minds, becauſe they ſtrike forcibly on the Fancy. The Boys are Brothers, one of Sixteen, the other of Fourteen, the other of Twelve. The Firſt was his Father's Darling, the Second his Mother's, and the Third is mine, who am their Uncle. Mr. William is a Lad of true Genius; but being at the upper End of a great School, and having all the Boys below him, his Arrogance is inſupportable. If I begin to ſhow a little of my Latin, he immediately interrupts: Uncle, under Favour, that which you ſay is not underſtood in that Manner. [215] Brother, ſays my Boy Jack, You do not ſhow your Manners much in contradicting my Unkle Iſaac. You queer Cur, ſays Mr. William, Do you think my Uncle takes any Notice of ſuch a dull Rogue as you are? Mr. William goes on; He is the moſt ſtupid of all my Mother's Children: He knows nothing of his Book: When he ſhould mind that, he is hiding or hoarding his Taws and Marbles, or laying up Farthings. His Way of Thinking is, Four and twenty Farthings make Sixpence, and Two Sixpences a Shilling, Two Shillings and Sixpence Half a Crown, and Two Half-Crowns Five Shillings. So within theſe Two Months, the cloſe Hunks has ſcrap'd up Twenty Shillings, and we'll make him ſpend it all before he comes Home. Jack immediately claps his Hands into both Pockets, and turns as pale as Aſhes. There is nothing touches a Parent (and ſuch I am to Jack) ſo nearly, as a provident Conduct. This Lad has in him the true Temper for a good Husband, a kind Father, and an honeſt Executor. All the great People you ſee make conſiderable Figures on the Change, in Court, and ſometimes in Senates, are ſuch as in Reality have no greater Faculty than what may be called Humane Inſtinct, which is a natural Tendency to their own Preſervation, and that of their Friends, without being capable of ſtriking out of the Road for Adventures. There's Sir William Scrip was of this Sort of Capacity from his Childhood: He has bought the Country round him, and makes a Bargain better than Sir Harry Wildfire with all his Wit and Humour. Sir Harry never wants Money but he comes to Scrip, laughs at him half an Hour, and then gives Bond for t'other Thouſand. The cloſe Men are incapable of placing Merit any where but in their Pence, and therefore gain it; while others, who have larger Capacities. [216] are diverted from the Purſuit by Enjoyments, which can be ſupported only by that Caſh which they deſpiſe; and therefore are in the End, Slaves to their Inferiors both in Fortune and Underſtanding. I once heard a Man of excellent Senſe obſerve, That more Affairs in the World failed by being in the Hands of Men of too large Capacities for their Buſineſs, than by being in the Conduct of ſuch as wanted Abilities to execute them. Jack therefore being of a plodding Make, ſhall be a Citizen; and I deſign him to be the Refuge of the Family in their Diſtreſs, as well as their Jeſt in Proſperity. His Brother Will ſhall go to Oxford with all Speed, where, if he does not arrive at being a Man of Senſe, he will ſoon be informed wherein he is a Coxcomb. There is in that Place ſuch a true Spirit of Raillery and Humour, that if they can't make you a wiſe Man, they will certainly let you know you are a Fool, which is all my Couſin wants to ceaſe to be ſo. Thus having taken theſe Two out of the Way, I have Leiſure to look at my Third Lad. I obſerve in the young Rogue a natural Subtilty of Mind, which diſcovers it ſelf rather in forbearing to declare his Thoughts on any Occaſion, than in any viſible Way of exerting himſelf in Diſcourſe. For which Reaſon I will place him where, if he commits no Faults, he may go further than thoſe in other Stations, though they excel in Virtues. The Boy is well faſhioned, and will eaſily fall into a graceful Manner; wherefore, I have a Deſign to make him a Page to a great Lady of my Acquaintance; by which Means he will be well skill'd in the common Modes of Life, and make a greater Progreſs in the World by that Knowledge, than with the greateſt Qualities without it. A good Mien in a Court will carry a Man greater Lengths than [217] a good Underſtanding in any other Place. We ſee a World of Pains taken, and the beſt Years of Life ſpent, in collecting a Set of Thoughts in a College for the Conduct of Life; and after all, the Man ſo qualified ſhall heſitate in his Speech to a good Suit of Clothes, and want common Senſe before an agreeable Woman. Hence it is, that Wiſdom, Valour, Juſtice, and Learning, can't keep a Man in Countenance that is poſſeſſed with theſe Excellencies, if he wants that inferior Art of Life and Behaviour, call'd Good Breeding. A Man endow'd with great Perfections without this, is like one who has his Pockets full of Gold, but always wants Change for his ordinary Occaſions.

Will. Courtly is a living Inſtance of this Truth, and has had the ſame Education which I am giving my Nephew. He never ſpoke a Thing but what was ſaid before, and yet can converſe with the wittieſt Men without being ridiculous. Among the Learned, he does not appear ignorant; nor with the Wiſe, indiſcreet. Living in Converſation from his Infancy, makes him no where at a Loſs; and a long Familiarity with the Perſons of Men, is in a Manner of the ſame Service to him, as if he knew their Arts. As Ceremony is the Invention of wiſe Men to keep Fools at a Diſtance, ſo good Breeding is an Expedient to make Fools and wiſe Men Equals.

The Suſpenſion of the Playhouſe has made me have nothing to ſend you from hence; but calling here this Evening, I found the Party I uſually ſit with, upon the Buſineſs of Writing, and examining what was the handſomeſt Style in which to addreſs Women, and write Letters of Gallantry. Many were the Opinions which were immediately declared on this Subject: Some were for a certain Softneſs; ſome for I [218] know not what Delicacy; others for ſomething inexpreſſibly Tender: When it came to me, I ſaid there was no Rule in the World to be made for writing Letters, but that of being as near what you ſpeak Face to Face as you can; which is ſo great a Truth, that I am of Opinion, Writing has loſt more Miſtreſſes than any one Miſtake in the whole Legend of Love. For when you write to a Lady for whom you have a ſolid and honourable Paſſion, the great Idea you have of her, join'd to a quick Senſe of her Abſence, fills your Mind with a Sort of Tenderneſs, that gives your Language too much the Air of Complaint, which is ſeldom ſucceſsful. For a Man may flatter himſelf as he pleaſes, but he will find, that the Women have more Underſtanding in their own Affairs than we have, and Women of Spirit are not to be won by Mourners. He that can keep handſomely within Rules, and ſupport the Carriage of a Companion to his Miſtreſs, is much more likely to prevail, than he who lets her ſee, the whole Reliſh of his Life depends upon her. If poſſible therefore divert your Miſtreſs, rather than ſigh to her. The pleaſant Man ſhe will deſire for her own Sake; but the languiſhing Lover has nothing to hope from, but her Pity. To ſhew the Difference, I produced two Letters [...] Lady gave me, which had been writ by two Gentlemen, who pretended to her, but were bot [...] kill'd the next Day after the Date at the Batt [...] of Almonza. One of them was a mercurial ga [...] humour'd Man; the other a Man of a ſerious, b [...] a great and gallant Spirit. Poor Jack Careleſ [...] This is his Letter: You ſee how it is folded: T [...] Air of it is ſo negligent, one might have re [...] half of it by peeping into it, without breaking [...] open. He had no Exactneſs.

[219]
MADAM,

IT is a very pleaſant Circumſtance I am in, that while I ſhould be thinking of the good Company we are to meet within a Day or two, where we ſhall go to Loggerheads, my Thoughts are running upon a Fair Enemy in England. I was in Hopes I had left you there; but you follow the Camp, tho' I have endeavoured to make ſome of our Leaguer Ladies drive you out of the Field. All my Comfort is, you are more troubleſome to my Colonel than my ſelf: I permit you to viſit me only now and then; but he downright keeps you. I laugh at his Honour as far as his Gravity will allow me: But I know him to be a Man of too much Merit to ſucceed with a Woman. Therefore defend your Heart as well as you can, I ſhall come Home this Winter irreſiſtibly dreſs'd, and with quite a new Foreign Air. And ſo I had like to ſay, I reſt, but alas! I remain,

Madam,
Your moſt Obedient, Moſt Humble Servant. John Careleſs.

Now for Colonel Conſtant's Epiſtle; you ſee it is folded and directed with the utmoſt Care.

MADAM,

I Do my ſelf the Honour to write to you this Evening, becauſe I believe to Morrow will be a Day of Battle, and ſomething forebodes in my Breaſt that I ſhall fall in it. If it proves ſo, I hope you will hear, I have done nothing [220] below a Man who had the Love of his Country, quickened by a Paſſion for a Woman of Honour. If there be any Thing noble in going to a certain Death; if there be any Merit, that I meet it with Pleaſure, by promiſing my ſelf a Place in your Eſteem; if your Applauſe, when I am no more, is preferable to the moſt glorious Life without you: I ſay, Madam, If any of theſe Conſiderations can have Weight with you, you will give me a kind Place in your Memory, which I prefer to the Glory of Caeſar. I hope, this will be read, as it is writ, with Tears.

The beloved Lady is a Woman of a ſenſible Mind; but ſhe has confeſs'd to me, that after all her true and ſolid Value for Conſtant, ſhe had much more Concern for the Loſs of Careleſs. Thoſe noble and ſerious Spirits have ſomething equal to the Adverſities they meet with, and conſequently leſſen the Objects of Pity. Great Accidents ſeem not cut out ſo much for Men of familiar Characters, which makes them more eaſily pitied, and ſoon after beloved. Add to this, that the Sort of Love which generally ſucceeds, is a Stranger to Awe and Diſtance. I asked Romana, Whether of the Two ſhe ſhould have choſen had they ſurvived? She ſaid, She knew ſhe ought to have taken Conſtant; but believed, ſhe ſhould have choſen Careleſs.

Letters from Lisbon of the 9th Inſtant, N. S. ſay, That the Enemy's Army, having block'd up Olivenza, was poſted on the Guadiana. The Portugueſe are very apprehenſive that the Garriſon of that Place, tho' it conſiſts of five of the beſt Regiments of their Army, will be obliged to ſurrender, if not timely relieved, they not being ſupplied with Proviſions for more than Six [221] Weeks. Hereupon their Generals held a Council of War on the 4th Inſtant, wherein it was concluded to advance towards Badajos. With this Deſign the Army decamped on the 5th from Jerumena, and marched to Cancaon. 'Tis hoped, that if the Enemy follow their Motions, they may have Opportunity to put a ſufficient Quantity of Proviſion and Ammunition into Olivenza.

Mr. Bickerſtaff gives Notice to all Perſons that dreſs themſelves as they pleaſe, without Regard to Decorum, (as with blue and red Stockings in Mourning; tuck'd Cravats, and Nightcap Wigs, before People of the Firſt Quality) That he has yet received no Fine for indulging them in that Liberty, and that he expects their Compliance with this Demand, or that they go Home immediately and ſhift themſelves. This is further to acquaint the Town, That the Report of the Hoſiers, Toymen, and Milleners, having compounded with Mr. Bickerſtaff for tolerating ſuch Enormities, is utterly falſe and ſcandalous.

The TATLER. [No 31.
From Saturday June 18. to Tueſd. June 21. 1709.

IN my Diſſertation againſt the Cuſtom of ſingle Combat, it has been objected, that there is not Learning, or much Reading, ſhown therein, which is the very Life and Soul of all Treatiſes; for which Reaſon, being always eaſy to receive Admonitions, and reform my Errors, I thought fit to conſult this learned [222] Board on the Subject. Upon propoſing ſome Doubts, and deſiring their Aſſiſtance, a very hopeful young Gentleman, my Relation, who is to be called to the Bar within a Year and an half at fartheſt, told me, That he had ever ſince I firſt mentioned Duelling turned his Head that Way; and that he was principally moved thereto, becauſe he deſigned to follow the Circuits in the North of England and the South of Scotland, and to reſide moſtly at his own Eſtate at Landbadernawz in Cardiganſhire. The Northern Britains and the Southern Scots are a warm People, and the Welſh a Nation of Gentlemen; ſo that it behov'd him to underſtand well the Science of Quarrelling. The young Gentleman proceeded admirably well, and gave the Board an Account, that he had read Fitzherbert's Grand Abridgment, and had found, that Duelling is a very ancient Part of the Law: For when a Man is ſued, be it for his Life or his Land, the Perſon that joins the Iſſue, whether Plaintiff or Defendant, may put the Trial upon the Duel. Further he argued, under Favour of the Court, that when the Iſſue is joined by the Duel in Treaſon or other Capital Crimes, the Parties accuſed and Accuſer muſt fight in their own proper Perſons: But if the Diſpute be for Lands, you may hire a Champion at Hockley in the Hole, or any where elſe. This Part of the Law we had from the Saxons; and they had it, as alſo the Trial by Ordeal, from the Laplanders. It is indeed agreed, ſaid he, the Southern and Eaſtern Nations never knew any Thing of it; for though the ancient Romans would ſcold, and call Names filthily, yet there is not an Example of a Challenge that ever paſſed amongſt them.

His quoting the Eaſtern Nations, put another Gentleman in Mind of an Account he had from [223] a Boatſwain of an Eaſt-India Man; which was, that a Chineſe had tricked and bubbled him, and that when he came to demand Satisfaction the next Morning, and like a true Tar of Honour called him Son of a Whore, Lyar, Dog, and other rough Appellatives uſed by Perſons converſant with Winds and Waves; the Chineſe, with great Tranquility, deſired him not to come Abroad faſting, nor put himſelf in a Heat, for it would prejudice his Health. Thus the Eaſt knows nothing of this Gallantry.

There ſate at the Left of the Table a Perſon of a venerable Aſpect, who aſſerted, That half the Impoſitions which are put upon theſe Ages, have been tranſmitted by Writers who have given too great Pomp and Magnificence to the Exploits of the ancient Bear-Garden, and made their Gladiators, by fabulous Tradition, greater than Gorman and others of Great-Britain. He informed the Company, that he had ſearched Authorities for what he ſaid, and that a learned Antiquary, Humphrey Scarecrow Eſq of Hockley in the Hole, Recorder to the Bear-Garden, was then writing a Diſcourſe on the Subject. It appears by the beſt Accounts, ſays this Gentleman, that the high Names which are uſed among us with ſo great Veneration, were no other than Stage-fighters, and Worthies of the ancient Bear-Garden. The renowned Hercules always carried a Quarterſtaff, and was from thence called Claviger. A learned Chronologiſt is about proving what Wood this Staff was made of, whether Oak, Aſh, or Crab-Tree. The firſt Trial of Skill he ever performed, was with one Cacus, a Deer-Stealer; the next was with Typhonus, a Giant of Forty Foot Four Inches. Indeed it was unhappily recorded, that meeting at laſt with a Sailor's Wife, ſhe made his Staff of Proweſs ſerve her own Uſe, and dwindle [224] away to a Diſtaff: She clapt him on an old Tar-Jacket of her Husband's; ſo that this great Hero drooped like a ſcabbed Sheep. Him his Contemporary Theſeus ſucceeded in the Bear-Garden, which Honour he held for many Years: This grand Duelliſt went to Hell, and was the only One of that Sort that ever came back again. As for Achilles and Hector, (as the Ballads of thoſe Times mention) they were pretty Smart Fellows; they fought at Sword and Buckler; but the former had much the better of it; his Mother, who was an Oyſter-Woman, having got a Black-Smith of Lemnos to make her Son's Weapons. There's a Pair of truſty Trojans in a Song of Virgil's, that were famous for handling their Gauntlets, Dares, and Entellus; and indeed it does appear, they fought no Sham Prize. What Arms the great Alexander uſed, is uncertain; however, the Hiſtorian mentions, when he attack'd Thaleſtris, it was only at ſingle Rapier; but the Weapon ſoon failed; for it was always obſerved, that the Amazons had a Sort of Enchantment about them, which made the Blade of the Weapon, though never of ſo good Metal, at every home Puſh loſe its Edge and grow feeble.

The Roman Bear-Garden was abundantly more magnificent than any Thing Greece could boaſt of; it flouriſhed moſt under thoſe Delights of Mankind, Nero and Domitian: At one Time it's recorded, 400 Senators enter'd the Liſt, and thought it an Honour to be cudgelled and quarterſtaffed. I obſerve, the Laniſtae were the People chiefly employed, which makes me imagine our Bear-Garden copied much after this, the Butchers being the greateſt Men in it.

Thus far the Glory and Honour of the Bear-Garden ſtood ſecure, till Fate, that irreſiſtible Ruler of ſublunary Things, in that univerſal [225] Ruin of Arts and politer Learning, by thoſe ſavage People the Goths and Vandals, deſtroyed and levelled it to the Ground. Then fell the Grandeur and Bravery of the Roman State, till at laſt the Warlike Genius (but accompanied with more Courteſie) revived in the Chriſtian World under thoſe puiſſant Champions, St. George, St. Dennis, and other dignified Heroes: One kill'd his Dragon, another his Lion, and were all afterwards canonized for it, having red Letters before them to illuſtrate their Martial Temper. The Spaniſh Nation, it muſt be own'd, were devoted to Gallantry and Chivalry above the reſt of the World. What a great Figure does that great Name, Don Quixot, make in Hiſtory? How ſhines this glorious Star in the Weſtern World? O renown'd Hero! O Mirror of Knighthood!

Thy braniſh'd Winyard all the World defies,
And kills as ſure as del Toboſa's Eyes.

I am forced to break off abruptly, being ſent for in Haſte, with my Rule, to meaſure the Degree of an Affront, before the Two Gentlemen (who are now in their Breeches and Pumps ready to engage behind Mountague-Houſe) have made a Paſs.

It is an unreaſonable Objection I find againſt my Labours, that my Stock is not all my own, and therefore the kind Reception I have met with is not ſo deſerved as it ought to be. But I hope, though it be never ſo true, that I am obliged to my Friends for laying their Caſh in my Hands, ſince I give it them again when they pleaſe, and leave them at their Liberty to call it Home, it will not hurt me with my gentle Readers. Ask all the Merchants who act upon Conſignments, Where is the Neceſſity (if they anſwer readily what their Correſpondents [226] draw) of their being wealthy themſelves? Ask the greateſt Bankers, If all the Men they deal with were to draw at once, what would be the Conſequence? But indeed a Country Friend has writ me a Letter which gives me great Mortification; wherein I find I am ſo far from expecting a Supply from thence, that ſome have not heard of me, and the reſt do not underſtand me. His Epiſtle is as follows:

Dear Couſin,

I Thought when I left the Town to have raiſed your Fame here, and helped you to ſupport it by Intelligence from hence; but alas! they had never heard of the Tatler till I brought down a Set. I lent them from Houſe to Houſe; but they asked we what they meant. I began to enlighten them, by telling who and who were ſuppoſed to be intended by the Characters drawn. I ſaid for Inſtance, Chloe and Clariſſa are two eminent Toaſts. A Gentleman (who keeps his Greyhound and Gun, and one would think might know better) told me, he ſuppoſed they were Papiſhes, for their Names were not Engliſh: Then, ſaid he, Why do you call live People Toaſts? I anſwered, That was a new Name found out by the Wits, to make a Lady have the ſame Effect as Burridge in the Glaſs when a Man is drinking. But ſays I, Sir, I perceive this is to you all bamboozling; why you look as if you were Don Diego'd to the Tune of a Thouſand Pounds. All this good Language was loſt upon him: He only ſtared, though he is as good a Scholar as any Layman in the Town, except the Barber. Thus, Couſin, you muſt be content with London for the Center of your Wealth and Fame; we have no Reliſh for you. Wit muſt deſcribe its proper Circumference, and not go beyond it, leſt [227] (like little Boys, when they ſtraggle out of their own Pariſh) it may wander to Places where it is not known, and be loſt. Since it is ſo, you muſt excuſe me that I am forced at a Viſit to ſit ſilent, and only lay up what excellent Things paſs at ſuch Converſations.

This Evening I was with a Couple of young Ladies; one of them has the Character of the prettieſt Company, yet really I thought her but ſilly; the other, who talked a great deal leſs, I obſerved to have Underſtanding. The Lady who is reckoned ſuch a Companion among her Acquaintance, has only, with a very brisk Air, a Knack of ſaying the commoneſt Things: The other, with a ſly ſerious one, ſays home Things enough. The firſt (Miſtreſs Giddy) is very quick; but the ſecond (Mrs. Slim) fell into Giddy's own Style, and was as good Company as ſhe. Giddy happens to drop her Glove; Slim reaches it to her: Madam (ſays Giddy) I hope you'll have a better Office. Upon which Slim immediately repartees, and ſits in her Lap, and cries, Are you not ſorry for my Heavineſs? This ſly Wench pleaſed me to ſee how ſhe hit her Height of Underſtanding ſo well. We ſate down to Supper. Says Giddy, mighty prettily, Two Hands in a Diſh, and One in a Purſe: Says Slim, Ay, Madam, the More the Merrier; but the Fewer the Better Chear. I quickly took the Hint, and was as witty and talkative as they. Says I,

He that will not when he may,
When he will he ſhall have Nay;

[228] and ſo helped my ſelf. Giddy turns about, What have you found your Tongue? Yes, (ſays I) 'tis Manners to ſpeak when I am ſpoken to; but your greateſt Talkers are the leaſt Doers, and the ſtill Sow eats up all the Broth. Ha! Ha! ſays Giddy, One would think he had nothing in him, and do you hear how he talks when he pleaſes! I grew immediately roguiſh and pleaſant to a Degree in the ſame Strain. Slim, who knew how good Company we had been, cries, You'll certainly print this bright Converſation.

It is ſo; and hereby you may ſee how ſmall an Appearance the prettieſt Things ſaid in Company make when in Print.

A Mail from Lisbon has brought Advices of June the 12th, from the King of Portugal's Army encamped at Torre Allegada, which inform us, That the General of the Army called a Court-Martial on the 4th at the Camp of Gerumhena, where it was reſolved to march with a Deſign to attempt the Succour of Olivenza. Accordingly the Army moved on the 5th, and marched towards Badajos. Upon their Approach, the Marquis de Bay detached ſo great a Party from the Blockade of Olivenza, that the Marquis das Minas, at the Head of a large Detachment, covered a great Convoy of Proviſions towards Olivenza, which threw in their Stores, and marched back to the main Army, without Moleſtation from the Spaniards. They add, That each Army muſt neceſſarily march into Quarters within Twenty Days.

[229]

Whoſoever can diſcover a Surgeon's Apprentice, who fell upon Mr. Bickerſtaff's Meſſenger, or (as the Printers call him) Devil, going to the Preſs, and tore out of his Hand Part of his Eſſay againſt Duels, in the Fragments of which were the Words, You lie, and Man of Honour, taken up at the Temple-Gate; and the Words, Perhaps,—May be not,—By your Leave, Sir,—and other Terms of Provocation, taken up at the Door of Young Man's Coffee-houſe, ſhall receive Satisfaction from Mr. Morphew, beſides a Set of Arguments to be ſpoken to any Man in a Paſſion, which, if the ſaid enraged Man liſtens to, will prevent Quarrelling.

Mr. Bickerſtaff does hereby give Notice, That he has taken the Two famous Univerſities of this Land under his immediate Care, and does hereby promiſe all Tutors and Pupils, That he will hear what can be ſaid of each Side between them, and to correct them impartially, by placing them in Orders and Claſſes in the Learned World, according to their Merit.

The TATLER. [No 32.
From Tueſday June 21. to Thurſd. June 23. 1709.

AN Anſwer to the following Letter being abſolutely neceſſary to be diſpatched with all Expedition, I muſt treſpaſs upon all that come with Horary Queſtions into my Antichamber, to give the Gentleman my Opinion.

[230]

To Iſaac Bickerſtaff Eſq

SIR,

I Know not whether you ought to pity or laugh at me; for I am fallen deſperately in Love with a profeſs'd Platonne, the moſt unaccountable Creature of her Sex. To hear her talk Seraphicks, and run over Norris and Moor, and Milton, and the whole Set of Intellectual Triflers, torments me heartily; for to a Lover who underſtands Metaphors, all this pretty Prattle of Idea's gives very fine Views of Pleaſure, which only the dear Declaimer prevents, by underſtanding them literally. Why ſhould ſhe wiſh to be a Cherubim, when 'tis Fleſh and Blood that makes her adorable? If I ſpeak to her, that's a high Breach of the Idea of Intuition: If I offer at her Hand or Lip, ſhe ſhrinks from the Touch like a Senſitive Plant, and would contract her ſelf into meer Spirit. She calls her Chariot, Vehicle; her furbelow'd Scarf, Pinnions: Her blue Mant and Petticoat is her Azure Dreſs; and her Footman goes by the Name of Oberon. 'Tis my Misfortune to be Six Foot and a half high, Two full Spans between the Shoulders, Thirteen Inches Diameter in the Calves; and before I was in Love, I had a noble Stomach, and uſually went to Bed ſober with Two Bottles. I am not quite Six and twenty, and my Noſe is marked truly Aquiline. For theſe Reaſons, I am in a very particular Manner her Averſion. What ſhall I do? Impudence it ſelf cannot reclaim her. If I write miſerable, ſhe reckons me among the Children of Perdition, and diſcards me her Region: If I aſſume the Groſs and Subſtantial, ſhe plays the real Ghoſt with me, and vani&;shes in a Moment. [231] I had Hopes in the Hypocriſy of her Sex; but Perſeverance makes it as bad as fixed Averſion. I deſire your Opinion, Whether I may not lawfully play the Inquiſition upon her, make uſe of a little Force, and put her to the Rack and the Torture, only to convince her, ſhe has really fine Limbs, without ſpoiling or diſtorting them. I expect your Directions, e're I proceed to dwindle and fall away with Deſpair; which at preſent I don't think adviſable, becauſe, if ſhe ſhould recant, ſhe may then hate me perhaps in the other Extreme for my Tenuity. I am (with Impatience)

Your moſt humble Servant, Charles Sturdy.

My Patient has put his Caſe with very much Warmth, and repreſented it in ſo lively a Manner, that I ſee both his Torment and Tormenter with great Perſpicuity. This Order of Platonick Ladies are to be dealt with in a peculiar Manner from all the reſt of the Sex. Flattery is the general Way, and the Way in this Caſe; but it is not to be done groſly. Every Man that has Wit, and Humour, and Raillery, can make a good Flatterer for Woman in general; but a Platoune is not to be touched with Panegyrick: She will tell you, it is a Senſuality in the Soul to be delighted that Way. You are not therefore to commend, but ſilently conſent to all ſhe does, and ſays. You are to conſider in her, the Scorn of you is not Humour, but Opinion.

There were ſome Years ſince a Set of theſe Ladies who were of Quality, and gave out, That Virginity was to be their State of Life during this mortal Condition, and therefore reſolved to join their Fortunes, and erect a [232] Nunnery. The Place of Reſidence was pitched upon; and a pretty Situation, full of natural Falls and Riſings of Waters, with ſhady Coverts, and flowry Arbours, was approved by Seven of the Founders. There were as many of our Sex who took the Liberty to viſit thoſe Manſions of intended Severity; among others, a famous Rake of that Time, who had the grave Way to an Excellence. He came in firſt; but upon ſeeing a Servant coming towards him, with a Deſign to tell him, this was no Place for him or his Companions, up goes my grave Impudence to the Maid: Young Woman, ſaid he, if any of the Ladies are in the Way on this Side of the Houſe, pray carry us on the other Side towards the Gardens: We are, you muſt know, Gentlemen that are travelling England; after which we ſhall go into Foreign Parts, where ſome of us have already been. Here he bows in the moſt humble Manner, and kiſſed the Girl, who knew not how to behave to ſuch a Sort of Carriage. He goes on: Now you muſt know we have an Ambition to have it to ſay, That we have a Proteſtant Nunnery in England: But pray Mrs. Betty—Sir, ſhe replied, my Name is Suſan, at your Service. Then I heartily beg your Pardon—No Offence in the leaſt (ſays ſhe) for I have a Couſin-German whoſe Name is Betty. Indeed, ſaid he, I proteſt to you that was more than I knew, I ſpoke at Random: But ſince it happens that I was near in the Right, give me Leave to preſent this Gentleman to the Favour of a civil Salute. His Friend advances, and ſo on, till that they had all ſaluted her. By this Means, the poor Girl was in the middle of the Crowd of theſe Fellows at a Loſs what to do, without Courage to paſs through 'em; and the Platonicks, at ſeveral Peep-holes, pale, trembling, and fretting. [233] Rake perceiv'd they were obſerv'd, and therefore took Care to keep Suky in Chat with Queſtions concerning their Way of Life; when appeared at laſt Madonella, a Lady who had writ a fine Book concerning the Recluſe Life, and was the Projectrix of the Foundation. She approaches into the Hall; and Rake, knowing the Dignity of his own Mien and Aſpect, goes Deputy from his Company. She begins; Sir, I am obliged to follow the Servant, who was ſent out to know, What Affair could make Strangers preſs upon a Solitude which we, who are to inhabit this Place, have devoted to Heaven and our own Thoughts? Madam, replies Rake, (with an Air of great Diſtance, mixed with a certain Indifference, by which he could diſſemble Diſſimulation) your great Intention has made more Noiſe in the World than you deſign it ſhould; and we Travellers, who have ſeen many foreign Inſtitutions of this Kind, have a Curioſity to ſee, in its firſt Rudiments, this Seat of Primitive Piety; for ſuch it muſt be called by future Ages, to the Eternal Honour of the Founders. I have read Madonella's excellent and ſeraphick Diſcourſe on this Subject. The Lady immediately anſwers, If what I have ſaid could have contributed to raiſe any Thoughts in you that may make for the Advancement of intellectual and divine Converſation, I ſhould think my ſelf extremely happy. He immediately fell back with the profoundeſt Veneration; then advancing, Are you then that admired Lady? If I may approach Lips which have uttered Things ſo ſacred—He ſalutes her. His Friends followed his Example. The Devoted within ſtood in Amazement where this would end, to ſee Madonella receive their Addreſs and their Company. But Rake goes on—We [234] would not tranſgreſs Rules; but if we may take the Liberty to ſee the Place you have thought fit to chuſe for ever, we would go into ſuch Parts of the Gardens as is conſiſtent with the Severitics you have impoſed on your ſelves. To be ſhort, Madonella permitted Rake to lead her into the Aſſembly of Nuns, followed by his Friends, and each took his Fair One by the Hand, after due Explanation, to walk round the Gardens. The Converſation turned upon the Lillies, the Flowers, the Arbors, and the growing Vegetables; and Rake had the ſolemn Impudence, when the whole Company ſtood round him, to ſay, That he ſincerely wiſhed Men might riſe out of the Earth like Plants; and that our Minds were not of Neceſſity to be ſullied with carnivorous Appetites for the Generation, as well as Support of our Species. This was ſpoke with ſo eaſie and fixed an Aſſurance, that Madonella anſwer'd, Sir, under the Notion of a pious Thought, you deceive your ſelf in wiſhing an Inſtitution foreign to that of Providence: Theſe Deſires were implanted in us for reverend Purpoſes, in preſerving the Race of Men, and giving Opportunities for making our Chaſtity more Heroick. The Conference was continued in this Celeſtial Strain, and carried on ſo well by the Managers on both Sides, that it created a Second and a Second Interview; and, without entring into further Particulars, there was hardly one of them but was a Mother or Father that Day Twelvemonth.

Any unnatural Part is long taking up, and as long laying aſide; therefore Mr. Sturdy may aſſure himſelf, Platonica will fly for ever from a forward Behaviour; but if he approaches her according to this Model, ſhe will fall in with the Neceſſities of mortal Life, and condeſcend [235] to look with Pity upon an unhappy Man, impriſoned in ſo much Body, and urged by ſuch violent Deſires.

The Evils of this Town increaſe upon me to ſo great a Degree, that I am half afraid I ſhall not leave the World much better than I found it. Several worthy Gentlemen and Criticks have applied to me, to give my Cenſure of an Enormity which has been revived (after being long oppreſſed) and is called Punning. I have ſeveral Arguments ready to prove, that he cannot be a Man of Honour who is guilty of this Abuſe of Humane Society. But the Way to expoſe it, is, like the Expedient of curing Drunkenneſs, ſhowing a Man in that Condition: Therefore I muſt give my Reader Warning, to expect a Collection of theſe Offences; without which Preparation, I thought it too adventurous to introduce the very Mention of it in good Company; and hope, I ſhall be underſtood to do it, as a Divine mentions Oaths and Curſes, only for their Condemnation. I ſhall dedicate this Diſcourſe to a Gentleman my very good Friend, who is the Janus of our Times, and whom, by his Years and Wit, you would take to be of the laſt Age; but by his Dreſs and Morals, of this.

Laſt Night arrived Two Mails from Holland, which bring Letters from the Hague of the 28th Inſtant, N. S. with Advice, That the Enemy lay encamped behind a ſtrong Retrenchment, with the Marſh of Remieres on their Right and Left, extending it ſelf as far as Bethune: La Baſſee is in their Front, Lens in their Rear, and their Camp is ſtrengthened by another Line from Lens to Douay. The Duke of Marlborough cauſed an [236] exact Obſervation to be made of their Ground, and the Works by which they were covered, which appeared ſo ſtrong, that it was not thought proper to attack them in their preſent Poſture. However, the Duke thought fit to make a Feint as if he deſign'd it; His Grace accordingly marching from the Abbey at Looze, as did Prince Eugene from Lampret, and advanced with all poſſible Diligence towards the Enemy. To favour the Appearance of an intended Aſſault, the Ways were made, and Orders diſtributed in ſuch a Manner, that none in either Camp could have Thoughts of any Thing but charging the Enemy by Break of Day the next Morning: But ſoon after the Fall of the Night of the 26th, the whole Army faced towards Tournay, which Place they inveſted early in the Morning of the 27th. The Mareſchal Villars was ſo confident that we deſigned to attack him, that he had drawn great Part of the Garriſon of the Place, which is now inveſted, into the Field: For which Reaſon, it is preſumed it muſt ſubmit within a ſmall Time; which the Enemy cannot prevent, but by coming out of their preſent Camp, and hazarding a general Engagement. Theſe Advices add, That the Garriſon of Mons had marched out under the Command of Mareſchal d' Arco; which, with the Bavarians, Walloons, and the Troops of Cologne, have join'd the grand Army of the Enemy.

The TATLER. [No 33.
From Thurſd. June 23. to Saturd. June 25. 1709.

[237]

MY Brother has made an Excurſion into the Country, and the Work againſt Saturday lies upon me. I am very glad I have got Pen and Ink in my Hand; for I have for ſome Time longed for his Abſence, to give a Right Idea of Things, which I thought he put in a very odd Light, and ſome of them to the Diſadvantage of my own Sex. It is much to be lamented, that it is neceſſary to make Diſcourſes, and publiſh Treatiſes, to keep the horrid Creatures, the Men, within the Rules of common Decency. Turning over the Papers of Memorials or Hints for the enſuing Diſcourſes, I find a Letter ſubſcribed by Mr. Truman.

SIR,

I Am lately come to Town, and have read your Works with much Pleaſure. You make Wit ſubſervient to good Principles and good Manners. Yet, becauſe I deſign to buy the Tatlers for my Daughters to read, I take the Freedom to deſire you, for the future, to ſay nothing about any Combat between Alexander and Thaleſtris.

This Offence gives me Occaſion to expreſs my ſelf with the Reſentment I ought, on People who take Liberties of Speech before that Sex of [238] whom the honoured Names of Mother, Daughter, and Siſter, are a Part: I had like to have named Wife in the Number; but the ſenſeleſs World are ſo miſtaken in their Sentiments of Pleaſure, that the moſt amiable Term in Humane Life is become the Deriſion of Fools and Scorners. My Brother and I have at leaſt Fifty Times quarrell'd upon this Topick. I ever argue, That the Frailties of Women are to be imputed to the falſe Ornaments which Men of Wit put upon our Folly and Coquetry. He lays all the Vices of Men upon Women's ſecret Approbation of Libertine Characters in them. I did not care to give up a Point; but now he is out of the Way, I cannot but own I believe there is very much in what he aſſerted: For if you will believe your Eyes, and own, that the wickedeſt and the wittieſt of them all marry one Day or other; Is it poſſible to believe, that if a Man thought he ſhould be for ever incapable of being received by a Woman of Merit and Honour, he would perſiſt in an abandon'd Way, and deny himſelf the Poſſibility of enjoying the Happineſs of well-govern'd Deſires, orderly Satisfactions, and honourable Methods of Life? If our Sex were wiſe, a Lover ſhould have a Certificate from the laſt Woman he ſerved, how he was turned away, before he was received into the Service of another: But at preſent any Vagabond is welcome, provided he promiſes to enter into our Livery. It is wonderful, that we will not take a Footman without Credentials from his laſt Maſter; and in the greateſt Concern of Life, we make no Scruple of falling into a Treaty with the moſt notorious Offender in his Behaviour againſt others. But this Breach of Commerce between the Sexes, proceeds from an unaccountable Prevalence of Cuſtom, by which a Woman is to the laſt Degree reproachable [239] for being deceived, and a Man ſuffers no Loſs of Credit for being a Deceiver.

Since this Tyrant Humour has gained Place, Why are we repreſented in the Writings of Men in ill Figures for Artifice in our Carriage, when we have to do with a profeſſed Impoſtor? When Oaths, Imprecations, Vows, and Adorations, are made uſe of as Words of Courſe, What Arts are not neceſſary to defend us from ſuch as glory in the Breach of 'em? As for my Part, I am reſolved to hear all, and believe none of 'em; and therefore ſolemnly declare, no Vow ſhall deceive me, but that of Marriage: For I am turned of Twenty, and being of a ſmall Fortune, ſome Wit. and (if I can believe my Lovers and my Glaſs) Handſome, I have heard all that can be ſaid towards my Undoing, and ſhall therefore, for Warning-ſake, give an Account of the Offers that have been made me, my Manner of rejecting 'em, and my Aſſiſtances to keep my Reſolution.

In the Sixteenth Year of my Life, I fell into the Acquaintance of a Lady extremely well known in this Town for the quick Advancement of her Husband, and the Honours and Diſtinctions which her Induſtry has procured him, and all who belong to her. This excellent Body ſate next to me for ſome Months at Church, and took the Liberty (which ſhe ſaid her Years and the Zeal ſhe had for my Welfare gave her Claim to) to aſſure me, that ſhe obſerved ſome Parts of my Behaviour which would lead me into Errors, and give Encouragement to ſome to entertain Hopes I did not think of. What made you (ſaid ſhe) look through your Fan at that Lord, when your Eyes ſhould have been turned upward, or cloſed in Attention upon better Objects? I bluſhed, and pretended Fifty odd Excuſes;—but confounded my ſelf the more. She wanted [240] nothing but to ſee that Confuſion, and goes on: Nay, Child, do not be troubled that I take Notice of it, my Value for you made me ſpeak it; for though he is my Kinſman, I have a nearer Regard to Virtue than any other Conſideration. She had hardly done ſpeaking, when this noble Lord came up to us, and lead her to her Coach.

My Head ran all that Day and Night on the exemplary Carriage of this Woman, who could be ſo virtuouſly impertinent, as to admoniſh one ſhe was hardly acquainted with. However it ſtruck upon the Vanity of a Girl that it may poſſibly be, his Thoughts might have been as favourable of me, as mine were amorous of him, and as unlikely Things as that have happened, if he ſhould make me his Wife. She never mentioned this more to me; but I ſtill in all publick Places ſtole Looks at this Man, who eaſily obſerved my Paſſion for him. It is ſo hard a Thing to check the Return of agreeable Thoughts, that he became my Dream, my Viſion, my Food, my Wiſh, my Torment.

That Miniſter of Darkneſs, the Lady Semphronia, perceived too well the Temper I was in, and would one Day after Evening Service needs take me to the Park. When we were there, my Lord paſſes by; I fluſhed into a Flame. Mrs. Diſtaff, (ſaid ſhe) You may very well remember the Concern I was in upon the firſt Notice I took of your Regard to that Lord, and forgive me, who had a tender Friendſhip for your Mother (now in her Grave) that I am vigilant of your Conduct. She went on with much Severity, and after great Solicitation, prevailed on me to go with her into the Country, and there ſpend the enſuing Summer out of the Way of a Man ſhe ſaw I loved, and one whom [241] ſhe perceived meditated my Ruin, by frequently deſiring her to introduce him to me; which ſhe abſolutely refuſed, except he would give his Honour that he had no other Deſign but to marry me. To her Country-Houſe a Week or Two after we went: There was at the farther End of her Garden a Kind of Wilderneſs, in the Middle of which ran a ſoft Rivulet by an Arbour of Jeſſamin. In this Place I uſually paſſed my retired Hours, and read ſome Romantick or Poetical Tale till the Cloſe of the Evening. It was near that Time in the Heat of Summer, when gentle Winds, ſoft Murmurs of Water, and Notes of Nightingals had given my Mind an Indolence, which added to that Repoſe of Soul, Twilight and the End of a warm Day naturally throws upon the Spirits. It was at ſuch an Hour, and in ſuch a State of Tranquility I ſat, when, to my unexpreſſible Amazement, I ſaw my Lord walking towards me, whom I knew not till that Moment to have been in the Country. I could obſerve in his Approach the Perplexity which attends a Man big with Deſign; and I had, while he was coming forward, Time to reflect that I was betrayed; the Senſe of which gave me a Reſentment ſuitable to ſuch a Baſeneſs: But when he entered into the Bower where I was, my Heart flew towards him, and, I confeſs, a certain Joy came into my Mind, with an Hope, that he might then make a Declaration of Honour and Paſſion. This threw my Eye upon him with ſuch Tenderneſs, as gave him Power, with a broken Accent, to begin. Madam,—You will wonder—For it is certain, you muſt have obſerved—though I fear you will miſinterpret the Motives—But by Heaven, and all that's Sacred! If you could—Here he [242] made a full Stand. And I recovered Power to ſay, The Conſternation I am in you will not, I hope, believe—An helpleſs innocent Maid—Beſides that, the Place—He ſaw me in as great Confuſion as himſelf; which attributing to the ſame Cauſes, he had the Audaciouſneſs to throw himſelf at my Feet, talk of the Stilneſs of the Evening, and then ran into Deifications of my Perſon. Pure Flames, Conſtant Love, Eternal Raptures, and a Thouſand other Phraſes drawn from the Images we have of Heaven, which ill Men uſe for the Service of Hell, were run over with uncommon Vehemence. After which, he ſeized me in his Arms: His Deſign was too evident. In my utmoſt Diſtreſs, I fell upon my Knees—My Lord, pity me, on my Knees—On my Knees in the Cauſe of Virtue, as you were lately in that of Wickedneſs. Can you think of deſtroying the Labour of a whole Life, the Purpoſe of a long Education, for the baſe Service of a ſudden Appetite; to throw one that loves you, that doats on you, out of the Company and Road of all that is virtuous and Praiſeworthy? Have I taken in all the Inſtructions of Piety, Religion and Reaſon, for no other End, but to be the Sacrifice of Luſt, and abandoned to Scorn? Aſſume your ſelf, my Lord, and do not attempt to vitiate a Temple Sacred to Innocence, Honour, and Religion. If I have injured you, ſtab this Boſom, and let me die, but not be ruined by the Hand I love. The Ardency of my Paſſion made me incapable of uttering more; and I ſaw my Lover aſtoniſhed and reformed by my Behaviour: When ruſhed in Semphronia. Ha! Faithful baſe Man, could you then ſteal out of Town, and lurk like a Robber about my Houſe for ſuch brutiſh Purpoſes!

[243] My Lord was by this Time recovered, and fell into a violent Laughter at the Turn which Semphronia deſigned to give her Villany. He bowed to me with the utmoſt Reſpect: Mrs. Diſtaff, ſaid he, be careful hereafter of your Company; and ſo retired. The Friend Semphronia congratulated my Deliverance with a Flood of Tears.

This Nobleman has ſince very frequently made his Addreſſes to me with Honour, but I have as often refuſed them; as well knowing, that Familiarity and Marriage will make him, on ſome ill-natured Occaſion, call all I ſaid in the Arbour a Theatrical Action. Beſides that, I glory in contemning a Man, who had Thoughts to my Diſhonour. If this Method were the Imitation of the whole Sex, Innocence would be the only Dreſs of Beauty; and all Affectation by any other Arts to pleaſe the Eyes of Men, would be baniſhed to the Stews for ever. The Conqueſt of Paſſion gives Ten times more Happineſs than we can reap from the Gratification of it; and ſhe that has got over ſuch a one as mine, will ſtand among Beaux and Pretty Fellows, with as much Safety as in a Summer's Day among Graſs-hoppers and Butterflies.

P. S. I have Ten Millions of Things more againſt Men, if I ever get the Pen again.

Our laſt Advices from the Hague, dated the 28th Inſtant, N. S. ſay, That on the 2 [...]th a Squadron of Dutch Men of War ſailed out of the Texel to join Admiral Baker at Spithead. The 26th was obſerved as a Day of Faſting and Humiliation, to implore a Bleſſing on the Arms of the Allies this enſuing Campaign. Letters from Dreſden are very particular in the Account of the Gallantry and Magnificence in which that Court has appeared [244] ſince the Arrival of the King of Denmark. No Day has paſſed in which publick Shews have not been exhibited for his Entertainment and Diverſion: The laſt of that Kind which is mentioned is a Carouſal, wherein many of the Youth of the firſt Quality, dreſſed in the moſt ſplendid Manner, ran for the Prize. His Daniſh Majeſty condeſcended to the ſame; but having obſerved that there was a Deſign laid to throw it in his Way, paſſed by without attempting to gain it. The Court of Dreſden was preparing to accompany his Daniſh Majeſty to Potſdam, where the Expectation of an Interview of three Kings had drawn together ſuch Multitudes of People, that many Perſons of Diſtinction will be obliged to lie in Tents as long as thoſe Courts continue in that Place.

The TATLER. [No 34.
From Saturd. June 25. to Tueſd. June 28. 1709.

HAving taken upon me to cure all the Diſtempers which proceed from Affections of the Mind, I have laboured, ſince I firſt kept this publick Stage, to do all the Good I could, and have perfected many Cures at my own Lodgings; carefully avoiding the common Method of Mountebanks, to do their moſt eminent Operations [245] in Sight of the People; but muſt be ſo juſt to my Patients as to declare, they have teſtified under their Hands their Senſe of my poor Abilities, and the Good I have done them, which I publiſh for the Benefit of the World, and not out of any Thoughts of private Advantage.

I have cured fine Mrs. Spy of a great Imperfection in her Eyes, which made her eternally rolling them from one Coxcomb to another in publick Places, in ſo languiſhing a Manner, that it at once leſſened her own Power, and her Beholders Vanity. Twenty Drops of my Ink, placed in certain Letters on which ſhe attentively looked for half an Hour, have reſtored her to the true Uſe of her Sight; which is, to guide, and not miſlead us. Ever ſince ſhe took this Liquor, which I call, Bickerſtaff's Circumſpection-Water, ſhe looks right forward, and can bear being looked at for half a Day without returning one Glance. This Water has a peculiar Vertue in it, which makes it the only true Coſmetick or Beauty-Waſh in the World: The Nature of it is ſuch, that if you go to a Glaſs, with a Deſign to admire your Face, it immediately changes it into downright Deformity. If you conſult it only to look with a better Countenance upon your Friends, it immediately gives an Alacrity to the Viſage, and new Grace to the whole Perſon. There is indeed a great deal owing to the Conſtitution of the Perſon to whom it is applied: It is in vain to give it when the Patient is in the Rage of the Diſtemper; a Bride in her firſt Month, a Lady ſoon after her Husband's being Knighted, or any Perſon of either Sex who has lately obtained any new good Fortune or Preferment, muſt be prepared ſome Time before they uſe it. It has an Effect upon others, as well as the Patient, when it is taken in due Form. Lady Petulant has by [246] the Uſe of it cured her Husband of Jealouſy, and Lady Gad her whole Neighbourhood of Detraction.

The Fame of theſe Things, added to my being an old Fellow, makes me extreamly acceptable to the Fair Sex. You would hardly believe me, when I tell you there is not a Man in Town ſo much their Delight as my ſelf. They make no more of viſiting me, than going to Madam d'Epingle's. There were two of them, namely, Damia and Clidamira, (I aſſure you Women of Diſtinction) who came to ſee me this Morning in their Way to Prayers, and being in a very diverting Humour, (as Innocence always makes People chea ful) they would needs have me, according to the Diſtinction of pretty and very pretty Fellows, inform them, if I thought either of them had a Title to the very Pretty among thoſe of their own Sex; and if I did, which was the more deſerving of the Two?

To put them to the Tryal, Look ye, ſaid I, I muſt not raſhly give my Judgment in Matters or this Importance; pray let me ſee you dance: I play upon the Kit. They immediately fell back to the lower End of the Room (You may be ſure they curt'ſy'd low enough to me): And began. Never were Two in the World ſo equally matched, and both S [...]ars to my Nameſake Iſaac. Never was Man in ſo dange ous a Condition as my ſe f, when they began to expand their Charms. Oh! Ladies, Ladies, cried I, not half that Air, you'll fire the Houſe. Both ſmiled; for by the by, there's no carrying a Metaphor too far, when a Lady's Charms are ſpoke of. Some Body, I think, has called a fine Woman dancing, a Brandiſhed Torch of Beauty. Theſe Rivals moved with ſuch an agreeable Freedom, that you would believe their Geſture was the neceſſary Effect of the Muſick, and not the Product of Skill and Practice. Now Clidamira came on [247] with a Crowd of Graces, and demanded my Judgment with ſo ſweet an Air—And ſhe had no ſooner carried it, but Damia made her utterly forgot by a gentle ſinking, and a Rigadoon Step. The Conteſt held a full half Hour; and I proteſt, I ſaw no manner of Difference in their Perfections, till they came up together, and expected [...] Sentence. Look ye Ladies, ſaid I, I ſee no Preference in the leaſt in your Performance; but you Clidamira ſeem to be ſo well ſatisfied that I ſhall determine for you, that I muſt give it to Damia, who ſtands with ſo much Diffidence and Fear, after ſhowing an equal Merit to what ſhe pretends to. Therefore, Clidamira, you are a pretty; but, Damia, you are a very pretty Lady. For, ſaid I, Beauty loſes its Force, if not accompanied with Modeſty. She that has an humble Opinion of her ſelf, will have every Body's Applauſe, becauſe ſhe does not expect it; while the vain Creature loſes Approbation through too great a Senſe of deſerving it.

Being of a very ſpare and hective Conſtitution, I am forced to make frequent Journies of a Mile or Two for freſh Air; and indeed by this laſt, which was no further than the Village of Chelſea, I am further convinced of the Neceſſity of travelling to know the World. For as it is uſual with young Voyagers, aſſoon as they land upon a Shore, to begin their Accounts of the Nature of the People, their Soil, their Government, their Inclinations, and their Paſſions; ſo really I fancied I could give you an immediate Deſcription of this Village, from the Five Fields where the Robbers lie in wait, to the Coffee-houſe where the Literari ſit in Council. A great Anceſtor of ours by the Mother's Side, Mr. Juſtice Overdo, (whoſe Hiſtory is [248] written by Ben Johnſon) met with more Enormities by walking incog. than he was capable of correcting; and found great Mortifications in obſerving alſo Perſons of Eminence, whom he before knew nothing of. Thus it fared with me, even in a Place ſo near the Town as this. When I came into the Coffee-houſe, I had not Time to ſalute the Company, before my Eye was diverted by Ten Thouſand Gimcracks round the Room and on the Sieling. When my firſt Aſtoniſhment was over, comes to me a Sage of a thin and meagre Countenance; which Aſpect made me doubt, whether Reading or Fretting had made it ſo Philoſophick: But I very ſoon perceived him to be of that Sect which the Ancients call Gingiviſtae; in our Language, Tooth-Drawers. I immediately had a Reſpect for the Man; for theſe practical Philoſophers go upon a very rational Hypotheſis, not to cure, but take away the Part affected. My Love of Mankind made me very benevolent to Mr. Salter, for ſuch is the Name of this eminent Barber and Antiquary. Men are uſually, but unjuſtly, diſtinguiſhed rather by their Fortunes, than their Talents, otherwiſe this Perſonage would make a great Figure in that Claſs of Men which I diſtinguiſh under the Title of Odd Fellows. But it is the Misfortune of Perſons of great Genius, to have their Faculties diſſipated by Attention to too many Things at once. Mr. Salter is an Inſtance of this: If he would wholly give himſelf up to the String, inſtead of playing Twenty Beginnings to Tunes, he might before he dies play Roger de Caubly quite out. I heard him go through his whole Round, and indeed I think he does play the merry Chriſt-Church Bells pretty juſtly; but he confeſs'd to me, he did that rather to ſhow he was Orthodox, than that he valued himſelf upon [249] the Muſick it ſelf. Or if he did proceed in his Anatomy, Why might not he hope in Time to cut off Legs, as well as draw Teeth? The Particularity of this Man put me into a deep Thought, whence it ſhould proceed, that of all the lower Order, Barbers ſhould go further in hitting the Ridicul us, than any other Set of Men. Watermen brawl, Coblers ſing: But why muſt a Barber be for ever a Politician, a Muſician, an Anatomiſt, a Poet, and a Phyſician? The learned Voſſius ſays, his Barber uſed to comb his Head in Iambicks. And indeed in all Ages, one of this uſeful Profeſſion, this Order of Coſmetick Philoſophers, has been celebrated by the moſt eminent Hands. You ſee the Barber in Don Quixot is one of the principal Characters in the Hiſtory, which gave me Satisfaction in the Doubt, why Don Saltero writ his Name with a Spaniſh Termination: For he is deſcended in a right Line, not from John Tradeſcan, as he himſelf aſſerts, but from that memorable Companion of the Knight of Mancha. And I hereby certify all the worthy Citizens who travel to ſee his Rarities, that his doublebarrelled Piſtols, Targets, Coats of Mail, his Sclopeta, and Sword of Toledo, were left to his Anceſtor by the ſaid Don Quixot, and by the ſaid Anceſtor to all his Progeny down to Don Saltero. Though I go thus far in favour of Don Saltero's great Merit, I cannot allow a Liberty he takes of impoſing ſeveral Names (without my Licence) on the Collections he has made, to the Abuſe of the good People of England; one of which is particularly calculated to deceive Religious Perſons, to the great Scandal of the Well-diſpoſed, and may introduce Heterodox Opinions. He ſhows you a Straw-Hat, which I know to be made by Madge Peskad, within Three Miles of Bedford; and tells you. [250] it is Pontius Pilate's Wife's Chambermaid's Siſter's Hat. To my knowledge of this very Hat, it may be added, that the Covering of Straw was never uſed among the Jews, ſince it was demanded of them to make Bricks without it. Therefore this is really nothing, but under the ſpecious Pretence of Learning and Antiquity, to impoſe upon the World. There are other Things which I cannot tolerate among his Rarities; as, the China Figure of a Lady in the Glaſs-Caſe; the Italian Engine for the Impriſonment of thoſe who go Abroad with it: Both which I hereby order to be taken down, or elſe he may expect to have his Letters Patents for making Punch ſuperſeded, be debarred wearing his Muff next Winter, or ever coming to London without his Wife. It may perhaps be thought I have dwelt too long upon the Affairs of this Operator; but I deſire the Reader to remember, that it is my Way to conſider Men as they ſtand in Merit, and not according to their Fortune or Figure; and if he is in a Coffee-houſe at the Reading hereof, let him look round, and he will find there may be more Characters drawn in this Account than that of Don Saltero; for half the Politicians about him, he may obſerve, are, by their Place in Nature, of the Claſs of Tooth-Drawers.

The TATLER. [No 35.
From Tueſd. June 28. to Thurſd. June 30. 1709.

[251]

THere is an Habit or Cuſtom which I have put my Patience to the utmoſt Stretch to have ſuffered ſo long, becauſe ſeveral of my intimate Friends are in the Guilt; and that is, the Humour of taking Snuff, and looking dirty about the Mouth by Way of Ornament.

My Method is to dive to the Bottom of a Sore before I pretend to apply a Remedy. For this Reaſon, I ſat by an eminent Story-teller and Politician who takes half an Ounce in five Seconds, and has mortgaged a pretty Tenement near the Town, meerly to improve and dung his Brains with this prolifick Powder. I obſerved this Gentleman t'other Day in the midſt of a Story diverted from it by looking at ſomething at a Diſtance, and I ſoftly hid his Box. But he returns to his Tale, and looking for his Box, he cries, And ſo Sir—Then when he ſhould have taken a Pinch; As I was ſaying, ſays he—Has no Body ſeen my Box? His Friend beſeeches him to finiſh his Narration. Then he proceeds; And [...] Sir—Where can my Box be? Then turning to me; Pray Sir, Did you ſee my Box? Yes Sir, ſaid I, I took it to ſee how long you could live without it. He reſumes his Tale; and I took Notice, that his Dulneſs was much more regular and fluent than before. A Pinch ſupplied the Place of, As I was ſaying, And ſo Sir; and he went on currently enough in that Style [252] which the Learned call the Inſipid. This Obſervation eaſily led me into a Philoſophick Reaſon for taking Snuff, which is done only to ſupply with Senſations the Want of Reflection. This I take to be an [...], a noſtrum; upon which I hope to receive the Thanks of this Board. For as it is natural to lift a Man's Hand to a Sore, when you fear any Thing coming at you; ſo when a Perſon feels his Thoughts are run out, and has no more to ſay, it is as natural to ſupply his weak Brain with Powder at the neareſt Place of Acceſs, viz. the Noſtrils. This is ſo evident, that Nature ſuggeſts the Uſe according to the Indigence of the Perſons who uſe this Medicine, without being prepoſſeſſed with the Force of Faſhion or Cuſtom. For Example; the Native Hibernians, who are reckoned not much unlike the ancie t Baeotians, take this Specifick for Emptineſs in the Head, in greater Abundance than any other Nation under the Sun. The learned Sotus, as ſparing as he is in his Words, would be ſtill more ſilent if it were not for this Powder.

However low and poor, the taking Snuff argues a Man to be in his own Stock of Thought, or Means to employ his Brains and his Fingers, yet there is a poorer Creature in the World than He, and this is a Borrower of Snuff; a Fellow that keeps no Box of his own, but is always asking others for a Pinch. Such poor Rogues put me always in Mind of a common Phraſe among School-Boys when they are compoſing their Exerciſe, who run to an upper Scholar, and cry, Pray give me a little Senſe. But of all Things, commend me to the Ladies who are got into this pretty Help to Diſcourſe. I have been this Three Years perſwading Sagiſſa to leave it off; but ſhe talks ſo much, and is ſo Learned, that ſhe is above Contradiction. However, an Accident t'other Day brought that about, which my Eloquence never [253] could accompliſh: She had a very pretty Fellow in her Cloſet, who ran thither to avoid ſome Company that came to viſit her. She made an Excuſe to go in to him for ſome Implement they were talking of. Her eager Gallant ſnatched a Kiſs; but being unuſed to Snuff, ſome Grains from off her upper Lip made him ſneeze aloud, which alarm'd the Viſitants, and has made a Diſcovery, that profound Reading, very much Intelligence, and a general Knowledge of who and who's together, cannot fill up her vacant Hours ſo much, but that ſhe is ſometimes obliged to deſcend to Entertainments leſs intellectual.

I know no Manner of News for this Place, but that Cynthio, having been long in Deſpair for the inexorable Clariſſa, lately reſolved to fall in Love the good old Way of Bargain and Sale, and has pitched upon a very agreeable young Woman. He will undoubtedly ſucceed; for he accoſts her in a Strain of Familiarity, without breaking thro' the Deference that is due to Woman whom a Man would chuſe for his Life. I have hardly ever heard rough Truth ſpoken with a better Grace than in this his Letter.

MADAM,

I Writ to you on Saturday by Mrs. Lucy, and give you this Trouble to urge the ſame Requeſt I made then, which was, that I may be admitted to wait upon you. I ſhould be very far from deſiring this, if it were a Tranſgreſſion of the moſt ſevere Rules to allow it: I know you are very much above the little Arts which are frequent in your Sex, of giving unneceſſary Torments to their Admi [...]rs; therefore hope, you'll do ſo much Juſtice [254] to the generous Paſſion I have for you, as to let me have an Opportunity of acquainting you upon what Motives I pretend to your good Opinion. I ſhall not trouble you with my Sentiments, till I know how they will be received; and as I know no Reaſon why Difference of Sex ſhould make our Language to each other differ from the ordinary Rules of right Reaſon, I ſhall affect Plainneſs and Sincerity in my Diſcourſe to you, as much as other Lovers do Perplexity and Rapture. Inſtead of ſaying, I ſhall die for you, I profeſs I ſhould be glad to lead my Life with you: You are as beautiful, as witty, as prudent, and as good humour'd, as any Woman breathing; but I muſt confeſs to you, I regard all theſe Excellencies as you will pleaſe to direct them, for my Happineſs or Miſery. With me, Madam, the only laſting Motive to Love is the Hope of its becoming mutual. I beg of you to let Mrs. Lucy ſend me Word when I may attend you. I promiſe you, I'll talk of nothing but indifferent Things; though at the ſame Time I know not how I ſhall approach you in the tender Moment of firſt ſeeing you, after this Declaration of,

MADAM,
Your moſt Obedient, and moſt Faithful Humble Servant, &c.

Having taken a Reſolution when Plays are acted next Winter by an entire good Company, to publiſh Obſervations from Time to Time on the Performance of the Actors, I think it but juſt to give an Abſtract of the Laws of Action, for the Help of the leſs learned Part of the Audience, [255] that they may rationally enjoy ſo refined and inſtructive a Pleaſure as a juſt Repreſentation of humane Life. The great Errors in Playing are admirably well expoſed in Hamlet's Direction to the Actors who are to play in his ſuppoſed Tragedy; by which we ſhall form our future Judgments on their Behaviour, and for that Reaſon you have the Diſcourſe as follows:

Speak the Speech as I pronounce it to you, trippingly on the Tongue; but if you mouth it as many of our Players do, I had as lieu the Town-Cryer had ſpoke my Lines: Nor do not ſaw the Air too much with your Hand thus; but uſe all gently: For in the very Torrent, Tempeſt, and, as I may ſay, the Whirlwind of Paſſion, you muſt acquire and beget a Temperance that may give it Smoothneſs. Oh! It offends me to the Soul, to ſee a robuſtous Periwig-pated Fellow tear a Paſſion to Tatters, to very Rags, to ſplit the Ears of the Groundlings, who (for the moſt Part) are capable of nothing but inexplicable dumb Shews and Noiſe. I could have ſuch a Fellow whipt for o'erdoing Termagant: It out-Herod's Herod. Be not too tame neither; but let your own Diſcretion be your Tutor: Sute the Action to the Word, the Word to the Action; with this ſpecial Obſervance, that you o'erſtop not the Modeſty of Nature; for any Thing ſo overdone, is from the Purpoſe of Playing, whoſe End, both at the firſt and now, was, and is, to hold as 'twere the Mirror up to Nature; to ſhew Virtue her own Feature; Scorn her own Image; and the very Age and Body of the Time its Form and Preſſure. Now this overdone, or come tardy off, though it make the Unskilful laugh, cannot but make the Judicious grieve. The Cenſures of which one muſt, in your Allowance, overſway a whole Theatre [256] of others. Oh! there be Players that I have ſeen play, and heard others praiſe, and that highly, (not to ſpeak it prophanely) that neither having the Accent of Chriſtian, Pagan, or Norman, have ſo ſtrutted and bellowed, that I have thought ſome of Nature's Journey men had made Men, and not made them well, they imitated Humanity ſo abominably. This ſhould be reformed altogether; and let thoſe that play your Clowns, ſpeak no more than is ſet down for them: For there be of them that will of themſelves laugh, to ſet on ſome Quantity of barren Spectators to laugh too; though in the mean Time, ſome neceſſary Queſtion of the Play be then to be conſider'd; that's villanous, and ſhews a moſt pitiful Ambition in the Fool that uſes it.

It would be a ve y great Obligation, and an Aſſiſtance to my Treatiſe upon Punning, if any one would pleaſe to inform in what Claſs, among the Learned who play with Words, to place the Author of the following Letter.

SIR,

NOT long ſince you were pleaſed to give us a Chimerical Account of the famous Family of Staffs, from whence I ſuppoſe you would inſinuate, that it is the moſt ancient and numerous Houſe in all Europe. But I poſitively deny that it is either; and wonder much at your audacious Proceedings in this Matter, ſince 'tis well known, that our moſt illuſtrious, moſt renowned, and moſt celebrated Roman Family of Ix, has enjoyed the Precedency to all others from the Reign of good old Saturn. I could ſay much to the Defamation and Diſgrace of your Family; as, that [257] your Relations Diſtaff and Broomſtaff were both inconſiderate mean Perſons, one ſpinning, the other ſweeping the Streets, for their daily Bread. But I forbear to vent my Spleen on Objects ſo much beneath my Indignation. I ſhall only give the World a Catalogue of my Anceſtors, and leave them to determine which hath hitherto had, and which for the future ought to have, the Preference.

Firſt then comes the moſt famous and popular Lady Meretrix, Parent of the fertile Family of Bellatrix, Lotrix, Netrix, Nutrix, Obſtetrix, Famulatrix, Coctrix, Ornatrix, Sarcinatrix, Fextrix, Balneatrix, Portatrix, Saltatrix, Divinatrix, Conjectrix, Comtrix, Debitrix, Creditrix, Donatrix, Ambulatrix, Mercatrix, Adſectrix, Aſſectatrix, Palpatrix, Preceptrix, Piſtrix. I am

Yours, Eliz. Potatrix.

Letters from Bruſſels of the 2d of July, N. S. ſay, That the Duke of Marlborough and Prince Eugene having received Advice, That the Marſhal Villars had drawn a conſiderable Body out of the Garriſon of Tournay to reinforce his Army, marched towards that Place, and came before it early in the Morning of the 27th. As ſoon as they came into that Ground, the Prince of Naſſau was ſent with a ſtrong Detachment to take Poſt at St. Amand; and at the ſame Time my Lord Orkney received Orders to poſſeſs himſelf of Mortagne; both which were ſucceſsfully executed; whereby we are Maſters of the Scheld and the Scarp. Eight Men were drawn out of each Troop of Dragoons and Company of Foot in the Garriſon of Tournay, to make up the Reinforcement which was order'd to join Marſhal Villars; but upon Advice that the Allies were [258] marching towards Tournay, they endeavoured to return into the Town; but were intercepted by the Earl of Orkney, by whom that whole Body was killed or taken. Theſe Letters add, That 1200 Dragoons (each Horſeman carrying a Foot-Soldier behind him) were detached from Mons to throw themſelves into Tournay; but upon Appearance of a great Body of Horſe of the Allies, retired towards Condé. We hear, That the Garriſon does not conſiſt of more than 3500 Men. Of the 60 Battalions deſign'd to be employ'd in this Siege, 7 are Engliſh, viz. Two of Guards, and the Regiments of Argyle, Temple, Evans and Meredith.

The TATLER. [No 36.
From Thurſd. June 30. to Saturd. July 2. 1709.

MANY Affairs calling my Brother into the Country, the Care of our Intelligence with the Town is left to me for ſome Time; therefore you muſt expect the Advices you meet with in this Paper to be ſuch, as more immediately and naturally fall under the Conſideration of our Sex: Hiſtory therefore written by a Woman, you will eaſily imagine to conſiſt of Love in all its Forms, both in the Abuſe of, and Obedience to that Paſſion. As to the Faculty of Writing it ſelf, it will not, it is hoped, be demanded, that Stile and Ornament ſhall be ſo much conſulted, as Truth and Simplicity; which latter Qualities we may more juſtly pretend to beyond [259] the other Sex. While therefore the Adminiſtration of our Affairs is in my Hands, you ſhall from Time to Time have an exact Account of all falſe Lovers, and their ſhallow Pretences for breaking off; of all Termagant Wives who make Wedlock a Yoke; of Men who affect the Entertainments and Manners ſuitable only to our Sex, and Women who pretend to the Conduct of ſuch Affairs as are only within the Province of Men. It is neceſſary further to advertiſe the Reader, that the uſual Places of Reſort being utterly out of my Province or Obſervation, I ſhall be obliged frequently to change the Dates of Places, as Occurrences come into my Way. The following Letter I lately received from Epſom.

IT is now almoſt Three Weeks ſince what you writ about happen'd in this Place: The Quarrel between my Friends did not run ſo high as I find your Accounts have made it. The Truth of the Fact you ſhall have very faithfully. You are to underſtand, that the Perſons concern'd in this Scene were, Lady Autumn, and Lady Springly: Autumn is a Perſon of good Breeding, Formality, and a ſingular Way practiſed in the laſt Age; and Lady Springly, a modern Impertinent of our Sex, who affects as improper a Familiarity, as the other does Diſtance. Lady Autumn knows to an Hair's Breadth where her Place is in all Aſſemblies and Converſations; but Springly neither gives nor takes Place of any Body, but underſtands the Place to ſignify no more, than to have Room enough to be at Eaſe wherever ſhe comes. Thus while Autumn takes the Whole of this Life to conſiſt in underſtanding Punctilio and Decorum, Springly takes every Thing to be becoming which contributes [260] to her Eaſe and Satisfaction. Theſe Heroines have married Two Brothers, both Knights. Springly is the Spouſe of the elder, who is a Baronet; and Autumn, being a rich Widow, has taken the younger, and her Purſe endowed him with an equal Fortune and Knighthood of the ſame Order. This Jumble of Titles, you need not doubt, has been an aching Torment to Autumn, who took Place of the other on no Pretence, but her Careleſneſs and Diſregard of Diſtinction. The ſecret Occaſion of Envy broiled long in the Breaſt of Autumn; but no Opportunity of Contention on that Subject happening, kept all Things quiet till the Accident, of which you demand an Account.

It was given out among all the gay People of this Place, That on the 9th Inſtant ſeveral Damſels, ſwift of Foot, were to run for a Sute of Head-Clothes at the Old Wells. Lady Autumn on this Occaſion invited Springly to go with her in her Coach to ſee the Race. When they came to the Place where the Governour of Epſom and all his Court of Citizens were aſſembled, as well as a Crowd of People of all Orders, a brisk young Fellow addreſſes himſelf to the younger of the Ladies, viz. Springly, and offers her his Service to conduct her into the Muſick-Room. Springly accepts the Compliment, and is led triumphantly through a bowing Crowd, while Autumn is left among the Rabble, and has much ado to get back into her Coach; but ſhe did it at laſt: And as it is uſual to ſee by the Horſes my Lady's preſent Diſpoſition, ſhe orders John to whip furiouſly Home to her Husband; where, when ſhe enters, down ſhe ſits, began to unpin her Hood, and lament her fooliſh fond Heart to marry into a Family where [261] ſhe was ſo little regarded, ſhe that might—Here ſhe ſtops; then riſes up and ſtamps, and ſits down again. Her gentle Knight made his Approaches with a ſupple beſeeching Geſture. My Dear, ſaid he,—Tell me no Dears, replied Autumn—in the Preſence of the Governour and all the Merchants—What will the World ſay of a Woman that has thrown her ſelf away at this Rate? Sir Thomas withdrew, and knew it would not be long a Secret to him; as well as that Experience told him, He that marries a Fortune, is of Courſe guilty of all Faults againſt his Wife, let them be committed by whom they will. But Springly, an Hour or Two after, returns from the Wells, and finds the whole Company together. Down ſhe ſat, and a profound Silence enſued. You know a premeditated Quarrel uſually begins and works up with the Words, Some People. The Silence was broken by Lady Autumn, who began to ſay, There are Some People who fancy, that if Some People—Springly immediately takes her up; There are Some People who fancy, if Other People—Autumn repartees; People may give themſelves Airs; but Other People, perhaps, who make leſs ado, may be, perhaps, as agreeable as People who ſet themſelves out more. All the other People at the Table ſat mute, while theſe Two People, who were quarrelling, went on with the Uſe of the Word People, inſtancing the very Accidents between them, as if they kept only in diſtant Hints. Therefore, ſays Autumn, redning, There are ſome People will go Abroad in other People's Coaches, and leave thoſe with whom they went to ſhift for themſelves; and if, perhaps, thoſe People have married the younger Brother; yet, perhaps, he may be beholden to thoſe People for what he is. Springly [262] ſmartly anſwers, People may bring ſo much ill Humour into a Family, as People may repent their receiving their Money; and goes on,—Every Body is not conſiderable enough to give her Uneaſineſs. Upon this, Autumn comes up to her, and deſired her to kiſs her, and never to ſee her again; which her Siſter refuſing, my Lady gave her a Box on the Ear—Springly returns; Ay, ay, ſaid ſhe, I knew well enough you meant me by your Some People, and gives her another on t'other Side. To it they went with moſt Maſculine Fury: Each Husband ran in. The Wives immediately fell upon their Husbands, and tore Periwigs and Cravats. The Company interpoſed; when (according to the Slip-Knot of Matrimony, which makes them return to one another when any put in between) the Ladies and their Husbands fell upon all the reſt of the Company; and having beat all their Friends and Relations out of the Houſe, came to themſelves time enough to know, there was no bearing the Jeſt of the Place after theſe Adventures, and therefore marched off the next Day. It is ſaid, the Governour has ſent ſeveral Joints of Mutton, and has propoſed divers Diſhes very exquiſitely dreſſed, to bring them down again. From his Addreſs and Knowledge in Roaſt and Boiled, all our Hopes of the Return of this good Company depend. I am,

Dear Jenny,
Your Ready Friend and Servant, Martha Tatler.
[263]

This Day appear'd here a Figure of a Perſon, whoſe Services to the Fair Sex have reduced him to a Kind of Exiſtence, for which there is no Name. If there be a Condition between Life and Death, without being abſolutely dead or living, his State is that. His Aſpect and Complexion in his robuſt Days gave him the illuſtrious Title of Africanus: But it is not only from the warm Climates in which he has ſerved, nor from the Diſaſters in which he has ſuffered, that he deſerves the ſame Appellation with that renowned Roman; but the Magnanimity with which he appears in his laſt Moments, is what gives him the undoubted Character of Hero. Cato ſtabbed himſelf, and Hannibal drank Poiſon; but our Africanus lives in the continual Puncture of aching Bones and poiſoned Juices. The Old Heroes fled from Torments by Death, and this Modern lives in Death and Torments, with an Heart wholly bent upon a Supply for remaining in them. An ordinary Spirit would ſink under his Oppreſſions; but he makes an Advantage of his very Sorrow, and raiſes an Income from his Diſeaſes. Long has this Worthy been converſant in Bartering, and knows that when Stocks are loweſt, it is the Time to buy. Therefore, with much Prudence and Tranquility, he thinks, that now he has not a Bone ſound, but a Thouſand nodous Parts for which the Anatomiſt have not Words, and more Diſeaſes than the College ever heard of, it is the only Times to purchaſe an Annuity for Life. Sir Thomas told me, it was an Entertainment more ſurprizing and pleaſant than can be imagined, to ſee an Inhabitant of neither World without Hand to lift, or Leg to move, ſcarce Tongue to utter his Meaning, ſo keen upon [264] biting the whole World, and making Bubbles at his Exit. Sir Thomas added, that he would have bought Twelve Shillings a Year of him, but that he feared there was ſome Trick in it, and believed him already dead: What! Says that Knight, Is Mr. Partridge, whom I met juſt now going on both his Legs firmer than I can, allowed to be quire dead; and ſhall Africanus, without one Limb that can do its Office, be pronounced alive.

What heightened the Tragi-Comedy of this Market for Annuities was, that the Obſervation of it provoked Monocalus (who is the moſt Eloquent of all Men) to many excellent Reflections, which he ſpoke with the Vehemence and Language both of a Gameſter and an Orator. ‘"When I caſt (ſaid that delightful Speaker) my Eye upon thee, thou unaccountable Africanus, I cannot but call my ſelf as unaccountable as thou art; for certainly we were born to ſhew what Contradictions Nature is pleaſed to form in the ſame Species. Here am I, able to eat, to drink, to ſleep, and do all Acts of Nature, except begetting my Like; and yet by an unintelligible Force of Spleen and Fancy, I every Moment imagine I am dying. It is utter Madneſs in thee to provide for Supper; for I'll bet you Ten to One, you don't live till half an Hour after Four; and yet I am ſo diſtracted as to be in Fear every Moment, though I'll lay Ten to Three, I drink Three Pints of burnt Claret at your Funeral Three Nights hence. After all, I envy thee; thou that haſt no Senſe of Death, art happier than one that always fears it."’ The Knight had gone on, but that a Third Man ended the Seene by applauding the Knight's Eloquence [265] and Philoſophy, in a Laughter too violent for his own Conſtitution, as much as he mock'd that of Africanus and Monoculus.

This Day arrived Three Mails from Holland, with Advices relating to the Poſture of Affairs in the Low-Countries, which ſay, That the Confederate Army extends from Luchin, on the Cauſeway between Tournay and Liſle, to Epain near Mortagne on the Scheld. The Marſhal Villars remains in his Camp at Lens; but it is ſaid, he detached Ten Thouſand Men under the Command of the Chevalier de Luxemburg, with Orders to form a Camp at Crepin on the Haine, between Condé and St. Guillain, where he is to be joined by the Elector of Bavaria with a Body of Troops, and after their Conjunction, to attempt to march into Brabant. But they write from Bruſſels, That the Duke of Marlborough having it equally in his Power to make Detachments to the ſame Parts, they are under no Apprehenſions from theſe Reports for the Safety of their Country. They further add from Bruſſels, that they have good Authority for believing, That the French Troops under the Conduct of Marſhal de Bezons are retiring out of Spain.

The TATLER. [No 37.
From Saturd. July 2. to Tueſd. July 5. 1709.

[266]

IT may be thought very unaccountable, that I who can never be ſuppoſed to go to White's, ſhould pretend to talk to you of Matters proper for, or in the Stile of, that Place. But though I never viſit theſe publick Haunts, I converſe with thoſe that do; and for all they pretend ſo much to the contrary, they are as talkative as our Sex, and as much at a Loſs to entertain the preſent Company, without ſacrificing the laſt, as we our ſelves. This Reflection has led me into the Conſideration of the Uſe of Speech; and made me look over in my Memory all my Acquaintance of both Sexes, to know to which I may more juſtly impute the Sin of ſuperfluous Diſcourſe, in Regard to Converſation, without entring into it as it reſpects Religion.

I foreſee my Acquaintance will immediately, upon ſtarting this Subject, ask me, How I ſhall celebrate Mrs. Alſe Copſwood, the Yorkſhire Huntreſs, who is come to Town lately, and moves as if ſhe were on her Nag, and going to take a Five-Bar Gate; and is as loud as if ſhe were following her Dogs? I can eaſily anſwer that; for ſhe is as ſoft as Damon, in Compariſon of her Brother-in-Law Tom. Bellfrey, who is the moſt accompliſh'd Man in this Kingdom for all Gentleman-like Activities and Accompliſhments. It is allow'd, that he is a profeſs'd Enemy to the [267] Italian Performers in Muſick. But then for our own native Manner, according to the Cuſtoms and known Uſages of our Iſland, he is to be preferr'd, for the Generality of the Pleaſure he beſtows, much before thoſe Fellows, though they ſing to full Theatres. For what is a Theatrical Voice to that of a Fox-hunter? I have been at a Muſical Entertainment in an open Field, where it amaz'd me to hear to what Pitches the chief Maſters would reach. There was a Meeting near our Seat in Staffordſhire, and the moſt emine t of all the Counties of England were at it. How wonderful was the Harmony between Men and Dogs! Robin Cartail of Bucks was to anſwer to Jowler; Mr. Tinbreaſt of Cornwal was appointed to open with Sweetlips, and Beaux Slimber, a Londoner, undertook to keep up with Trips, a Whelp juſt ſet in: Tom. Bellfrey and Ringwood were coupled together, to fill the Cry on all Occaſions, and be in at the Death of the Fox, Hare, or Stag; for which both the Dog and the Man were excellently ſuited, and loved one another, and were as much together as Baniſter and King. When Jowler firſt alarm'd the Field, Cartail repeated every Note; Sweetlips's Treble ſucceeded, and ſhook the Wood; Tinbreaſt eccho'd a Quarter of a Mile beyond it. We were ſoon after all at a Loſs, till we rid up, and found Trips and Slimber at a Default in Half Notes: But the Day and the Tune was recovered by Tom. Bellfrey and Ringwood, to the great Joy of us all, tho' they drowned every other Voice: For Bellfrey carries a Note Four Furlongs, Three Rood, and Six Paces, further than any other in England.

I fear the Mention of this will be thought a Digreſſion from my Purpoſe about Speech: But I anſwer, No. Since this is uſed where Speech rather ſhould be employ'd, it may come in o Conſideration in the ſame Chapter: For Mr. Bellfrey [268] being at a Viſit where I was, viz. his Couſin's (Lady Dainty's) in Soho, was asked, What Entertainments they had in the Country? Now Bellfrey is very ignorant, and much a Clown; but confident withal. In a Word, he ſtruck up a Fox-Chaſe: Lady Dainty's Dog, Mr. Sippet, as ſhe calls him, ſtarted and jump'd out of his Lady's Lap, and fell a barking. Bellfrey went on, and call'd all the neighbouring Pariſhes into the Square. Never was Woman in ſuch Confuſion as that delicate Lady. But there was no ſtopping her Kinſman. A Room full of Ladies fell into the moſt violent Laughter: My Lady look'd as if ſhe was ſhrieking; Mr. Sippet in the Middle of the Room, breaking his Heart with barking, but all of us unheard. As ſoon as Bellfrey became ſilent, up gets my Lady, and takes him by the Arm to lead him off: Bellfrey was in his Boots. As ſhe was hurrying him away, his Spurs takes hold of her Petticoat; his Whip throws down a Cabinet of China: He cries, What! Are your Crocks rotten? Are your Petticoats ragged? A Man can't walk in your Houſe for Trincums.

Every County of Great Britain has One Hundred or more of this Sort of Fellows, who Roar inſtead of Speaking. Therefore if it be true, that we Women are alſo given to greater Fluency of Words than is neceſſary, ſure ſhe that diſturbs but a Room or a Family is more to be tolerated, than one who draws together Pariſhes and Counties, and ſometimes (with an Eſtate that might make him the Bleſſing and Ornament of the World around him) has no other View and Ambition, but to be an Animal above Dogs and Horſes, without the Reliſh of any one Enjoyment, which is peculiar to the Faculties of humane Nature. I know it will here be ſaid, that talking of meer Country Squires at this Rate, is, [269] as it were, to write againſt Valentine and Orſon. To prove any Thing againſt the Race of Men, you muſt take 'em as they are adorn'd with Education, as they live in Courts, or have received Inſtructions in Colleges.

But I am ſo full of my late Entertainment by Mr. Bellfrey, that I muſt defer purſuing this Subject to another Day; and wave the proper Obſervations upon the different Offenders in this Kind, ſome by profound Eloquence on ſmall Occaſions, others by degrading Speech upon great Circumſtances. Expect therefore to hear of the Whiſperer without Buſineſs, the Laugher without Wit, the Complainer without receiving Injuries, and a very large Crowd, which I ſhall not foreſtall, who are common (though not commonly obſerv'd) Impertinents, whoſe Tongues are too voluble for their Brains, and are the general Deſpiſers of us Women, though we have their Superiors, the Men of Senſe, for our Servants.

There has arriv'd no Mail ſince our laſt; ſo that we have no Manner of Foreign News, except we were to give you, for ſuch, the many Speculations which are on Foot concerning what was imported by the laſt Advices. There are, it ſeems, Sixty Battalions and Seventeen Squadrons appointed to ſerve in the Siege of Tournay; the Garriſon of which Place conſiſts but of Eleven Battalions and Four Squadrons. Letters of the 29th of the laſt Month from Berlin have brought Advice, That the Kings of Denmark, Pruſſia, and his Majeſty Auguſtus, were within few Days to come to an Interview at Potſdam. Theſe Letters mention, That Two Poliſh Princes of the Family of Sapicha and Lubermirsky, lately arriv'd from Paris, confirm [270] the Reports of the Miſery in France for Want of Proviſions, and give a particular Inſtance of it, which is, That on the Day Monſieur Rouille returned to Court, the Common People gather'd in Crowds about the Dauphin's Coach, crying, Peace and Bread, Bread and Peace.

Mrs. Diſtaff has taken upon her, while ſhe writes this Paper, to turn her Thoughts wholly to the Service of her own Sex, and to propoſe Remedies againſt the greateſt Vexations attending Female Life. She has for this End written a ſmall Treatiſe concerning the Second Word, with an Appendix on the Uſe of a Reply, very proper for all ſuch as are married to Perſons either ill-bred or illnatured. There is in this Tract a Digreſſion, for the Uſe of Virgins, concerning the Words, I will.

A Gentlewoman who has a very delicate Ear, wants a Maid who can whiſper, and help her in the Government of her Family. If the ſaid Servant can Clear-Starch, Liſp, and Tread ſoftly, ſhe ſhall have ſuitable Encouragement in her Wages.

The TATLER. [No 38.
From Tueſd. July 5. to Thurſd. July 7. 1709.

I Find among my Brother's Papers the following Letter verbatim, which I wonder how he could ſuppreſs ſo long as he has, ſince it was ſent him for no other End, but to ſhow the good Effect his Writings have already had upon the ill Cuſtoms of the Age.

[271]
SIR,

THE End of all publick Papers ought to be the Benefit and Inſtruction, as well as the Diverſion of the Readers: To which I ſee none ſo truly conducive as your late Performances; eſpecially thoſe tending to the rooting out from amongſt us that Unchriſtian-like and Bloody Cuſtom of Duelling; which, that you have already in ſome Meaſure perform'd, will appear to the Publick in the following no leſs True than Heroick Story.

A Noble Gentleman of this City, who has the Honour of ſerving his Country as Major in the Train-Bands, being at that General Mart of Stock-Jobbers call'd Jonathans, endeavouring to raiſe himſelf (as all Men of Honour ought) to the Degree of Colonel at leaſt; it happened that he bought the Bear of another Officer, who, though not Commiſſioned in the Army, yet no leſs eminently ſerves the Publick than the other, in raiſing the Credit of the Kingdom, by raiſing that of the Stocks. However, having ſold the Bear, and Words ariſing about the Delivery, the moſt Noble Major, no leſs ſcorning to be outwitted in the Coffee-houſe, than to run into the Field, according to Method, abuſed the other with the Titles of, Rogue, Villain, Bearskin-Man, and the like. Whereupon Satisfaction was demanded, and accepted: So, forth the Major march'd, commanding his Adverſary to follow. To a moſt ſpacious Room in the Sheriff's Houſe, near the Place of Quarrel, they come; where, having due Regard to what you have lately publiſh'd, they reſolved not to ſhed one another's Blood in that barbarous Manner you prohibited; yet, not willing [272] to put up Affronts without Satisfaction' they ſtripp'd, and in decent Manner fought full fairly with their wrathful Hands. The Combat laſted a Quarter of an Hour; in which Time Victory was often doubtful, and many a dry Blow was ſtrenuouſly laid on by each Side, till the Major finding his Adverſary obſtinate, unwilling to give him further Chaſtiſement, with moſt ſhrill Voice cry'd out, I am ſatisfied, enough. Whereupon the Combat ceas'd, and both were Friends immediately.

Thus the World may ſee, how neceſſary it is to encourage thoſe Men, who make it their Buſineſs to inſtruct the People in every Thing neceſſary for their Preſervation. I am informed, a Body of worthy Citizens have agreed on an Addreſs of Thanks to you for what you have writ on the foregoing Subject, whereby they acknowledge one of their highly eſteem'd Officers preſerv'd from Death.

Your humble Servant, A. B.

I fear the Word Bear is hardly to be underſtood among the polite People; but I take the Meaning to be, That one who enſures a Real Value upon an Imaginary Thing, is ſaid to ſell a Bear, and is the ſame Thing as a Promiſe among Courtiers, or a Vow between Lovers. I have writ to my Brother to haſten to Town; and hope, that printing the Letters directed to him, which I knew not how to anſwer, will bring him ſpeedily; and therefore I add alſo the following:

[273]
Mr. Bickerſtaff,

YOU having hinted a generous Intention of taking under your Conſideration the Whiſperers without Buſineſs, and Laughers without Occaſion; as you tender the Welfare of your Country, I entreat you not to forget or delay ſo Publick-ſpirited a Work. Now or never is the Time. Many other Calamities may ceaſe with the War; but I diſmally dread the Multiplication of theſe Mortals under the Eaſe and Luxuriouſneſs of a ſettled Peace, half the Bleſſing of which may be deſtroyed by 'em. Their Miſtake lies certainly here, in a wretched Belief, That their Mimickry paſſes for Real Buſineſs, or True Wit. Dear Sir, convince 'em, that it never was, is, or ever will be, either of them; nor ever did, does, or to all Futurity ever can look like either of them; but that it is the moſt curſed Diſturbance in Nature, which is poſſible to be inflicted on Mankind, under the noble Definition of a Sociable Creature. In doing this, Sir, you will oblige more Humble Servants, than can find Room to ſubſcribe their Names.

In Purſuance of my laſt Date from hence, I am to proceed on the Accounts I promiſed of ſeveral Perſonages among the Men, whoſe conſpicuous Fortunes, or Ambition in ſhewing their Follies, have exalted them above their Fellows: The Levity of their Minds is viſible in their every Word and Geſture, and there [...]s not a Day paſſes but puts me in Mind of Mr. Wycherley's Character of a Coxcomb He is ugly all over with the Affectation of the fine Gentleman. Now though the Women may put on Softneſs in their [274] Looks, or affected Severity, or impertinent Gaiety, or pert Smartneſs, their Self-Love and Admiration cannot, under any of theſe Diſguiſes, appear ſo invincible as that of the Men. You may eaſily take Notice, that in all their Actions there is a ſecret Approbation, either in the Tone of their Voice, the Turn of their Body, or Caſt of their Eye, which ſhows that they are extremely in their own Favour.

Take one of your Men of Buſineſs, he ſhall keep you half an Hour with your Hat off, entertaining you with his Conſideration of that Affair you ſpoke of to him laſt, till he has drawn a Crowd that obſerves you in this Grimace. Then when he is publick enough, he immediately runs into Secrets, and falls a whiſpering. You and he make Breaks with Adverbs; as, But however, thus far; and then you whiſper again, and ſo on, till they who are about you are diſperſed, and your buſy Man's Vanity is no longer gratified by the Notice taken of what Importance he is, and how inconſiderable you are; for your Pretender to Buſineſs is never in Secret, but in Publick.

There is my dear Lord No-where, of all Men the moſt gracious and moſt obliging, the Terror of all Valets de Chambre, whom he oppreſſes with good Breeding, in enquiring for my good Lord, and for my good Lady's Health. This imitable Courtier will whiſper a Privy-Counſellor's Lacquey with the utmoſt Goodneſs and Condeſcention, to know when they next ſit; and is throughly taken up, and thinks he has a Part in a Secret, if he knows that there is a Secret. What it is he will whiſper you, that Time will diſcover; then he ſhrugs, and calls you back again—Sir, I need not ſay to you. That theſe Things are not to be ſpoken of—And hark'ee, No Names, I would not be quoted. What adds to the Jeſt is, that his Emptineſs has its Moods and Seaſons, [275] and he will not condeſcend to let you into theſe his Diſcoveries, except he is in very good Humour, or has ſeen ſome Body in Faſhion talk to you. He will keep his Nothing to himſelf, and paſs by and overlook as well as the beſt of 'em; not obſerving that he is inſolent when he is gracious, and obliging when he is haughty. Show me a Woman ſo inconſiderable as this frequent Character.

But my Mind (now I am in) turns to many no leſs obſervable: Thou dear Will. Shoeſtring! I profeſs my ſelf in Love with thee? How ſhall I ſpeak thee? How ſhall I addreſs thee? How ſhall I draw thee? Thou dear Outſide! Will you be combing your Wig, Playing with your Box, or Picking your Teeth? Or chuſeſt thou rather to be Speaking; to be ſpeaking for thy only Purpoſe in Speaking, to ſhew your Teeth? Rub 'em no longer, dear Shoeſtring: Do not premeditate Murder: Do not for ever Whiten: Oh! That for my Quiet and his own they were rotten.

But I will forget him, and give my Hand to the courteous Umbra; He is a fine Man indeed, but the ſoft Creature bows below my Apron-String before he takes it; yet after the firſt Ceremonies, he is as familiar as my Phyſician, and his Inſignificancy makes me half ready to complain to him of all I would to my Doctor. He is ſo courteous, that he carries half the Meſſages of Ladies Ails in Town to their Midwives and Nurſes. He underſtands too the Art of Medicine as far as to the Cure of a Pimple or a Raſh. On Occaſions of the like Importance, he is the moſt aſſiduous of all Men living, in conſulting and ſearching Precedents from Family to Family; then he ſpeaks of his Obſequiouſneſs and Diligence in the Style of real Services. If you ſneer at him, and thank him for his great Friendſhip, he bows, and ſays, Madam, all the good [276] Offices in my Power, while I have any Knowledge or Credit, ſhall be at your Service. The Conſideration of ſo ſhallow a Being, and the intent Application with which he purſues Trifles, has made me carefully reflect upon that Sort of Men we uſually call an Impertinent: And I am, upon mature Deliberation, ſo far from being offended with him, that I am really obliged to him; for though he will take you aſide, and talk half an Hour upon Matters wholly inſignificant with the moſt ſolemn Air, yet I conſider, that theſe Things are of Weight in his Imagination, and he thinks he is communicating what is for my Service. If therefore it be a juſt Rule, to judge of a Man by his Intention, according to the Equity of Goodbreeding, he that is impertinently kind or wiſe, to do you Service, ought in Return to have a proportionable Place both in your Aff ction and Eſteem; ſo that the courteous Umbra deſerves the Favour of all his Acquaintance; for though he never ſerv'd 'em, he is ever willing to do it, and believes he does it.

As impotent Kindneſs is to be returned with all our Abilities to oblige; ſo impotent Malice is to be treated with all our Force to depreſs it. For this Reaſon, Fly-Blow (who is received in all the Families in Town through the Degeneracy and Iniquity of their Manners) is to be treated like a Knave, tho' he is one of the weakeſt of Fools: He has by Rote, and at Second hand, all that can be ſaid of any Man of Figure, Wit, and Virtue in Town. Name a Man of Worth, and this Creature tells you the worſt Paſſage of his Life. Speak of a beautiful Woman, and this Puppy will whiſper the next Man to him, tho' he has nothing to ſay of her. He is a Fly that feeds on the ſore Part, and would have nothing to live on, if the whole Body were in Health. You may know him by the Frequency of pronouncing [277] the Particle But; for which Reaſon I never hear him ſpoke of with common Charity, without uſing my But againſt him: For a Friend of mine ſaving the other Day, Mrs. Diſtaff has Wit, good Humour, Virtue and Friendſhip; this Oaf added, But ſhe is not handſome. Coxcomb! The Gentleman was ſaying what I was, not what I was not.

The Approaches before Tournay have been carried on with great Succeſs; and our Advices from the Camp before that Place of the 11th Inſtant ſay, That they had already made a Lodgment on the Glacis. Two Hundred Boats were come up the Scheld with the heavy Artillery and Ammunition, which would be employed in diſmounting the Enemy's Defences, and rais'd on the Batteries the 15th. A great Body of Miners are ſummoned to the Camp to countermine the Works of the Enemy. We are convinced of the Weakneſs of the Garriſon, by a certain Account, That they call'd a Council of War, to conſult whether it was not adviſable to march into the Citadel, and leave the Town defenceleſs. We are aſſured, That when the Confederate Army was advancing towards the Camp of Marſhal Villars, that General diſpatch'd a Courier to his Maſter with a Letter, giving an Account of their Approach, which concluded with the following Words: The Day begins to break, and your Majeſty's Army is already in Order of Battle. Before Noon, I hope to have the Honour of congratulating your Majeſty on the Succeſs of a great Action; and you ſhall be very well ſatisfied with the Marſhal Villars.

It is to be noted, That when any Part of this Paper appears dull, there is a Deſign in it.

The TATLER. [No 39.
From Thurſd. July 7. to Saturd. July 9. 1709.

[278]

AS I am call'd forth by the immenſe Love I bear to my Fellow Creatures, and the warm Inclination I feel within me, to ſtem, as far I can, the prevailing Torrent of Vice and Ignorance; ſo I cannot more properly purſue that noble Impulſe, than by ſetting forth the Excellence of Virtue and Knowledge in their native and beautiful Colours. For this Reaſon I made my late Excurſion to Oxford, where thoſe Qualities appear in their higheſt Luſtre, and are the only Pretences to Honour and Diſtinction. Superiority is there given in Proportion to Men's Advancement in Wiſdom and Learning; and that juſt Rule of Life is ſo univerſally received among thoſe happy People, that you ſhall ſee an Earl walk bear-headed to the Son of the meaneſt Artificer, in Reſpect to ſeven Years more Worth and Knowledge than the Nobleman is poſſeſs'd of. In other Places they bow to Men's Fortunes, but here to their Underſtandings. It is not to be expreſs'd, how pleaſing the Order, the Diſcipline, the Regularity of their Lives, is to a Philoſopher, who has, by many Years Experience in the World, learn'd to contemn every Thing but what is rever'd in this Manſion of ſelect and well-taught Spirits. The Magnificence of their Palaces, the Greatneſs of their Revenues, the Sweetneſs of their Groves and Retirements, ſeem equally adapted [279] for the Reſidence of Princes and Philoſophers; and a Familiarity with Objects of Splendour, as well as Places of Receſs, prepares the Inhabitants with an Equanimity for their future Fortunes, whether humble or illuſtrious. How was I pleas'd when I look'd round at St. Mary's, and could, in the Faces of the ingenious Youth, ſee Miniſters of State, Chanſellors, Biſhops, and Judges. Here only is Humane Life! Here only the Life of Man is a Rational Being! Here Men underſtand and are employed in Works worthy their noble Nature. This tranſitory Being paſſes away in an Employment not unworthy a future State, the Contemplation of the great Decrees of Providence. Each Man lives as if he were to anſwer the Queſtions made to Job, Where waſt thou when I laid the Foundations of the Earth? Who ſhut up the Sea with Doors, and ſaid, Hitherto ſhalt thou come, and no further? Such Speculations make Life agreeable, make Death welcome.

But alas! I was torn from this noble Society by the Buſineſs of this dirty mean World, and the Cares of Fortune: For I was oblig'd to be in London againſt the 7th Day of the Term, and accordingly govern'd my ſelf by my Oxford Almanack, and came laſt Night; but find, to my great Aſtoniſhment, that this ignorant Town began the Term on the 24th of the laſt Month, in Oppoſition to all the Learning and Aſtronomy of the famous Univerſity of which I have been ſpeaking; according to which, the Term certainly was to commence on the 1ſt Inſtant. You may be ſure, a Man who has turn'd his Studies as I have, could not be miſtaken in Point of Time; for knowing I was come to Town in Term, I examin'd the paſſing Moments very narrowly, and called an eminent Aſtronomer to my Aſſiſtance. Upon very ſtrict Obſervation [280] we ſound, that the Cold has been ſo ſevere this laſt Winter, (which is allow'd to have a benumming Quality) that it retarded the Earth in moving round from Chriſtmas to this Seaſon full Seven Days and Two Seconds. My Learned Friend aſſured me further, That the Earth had lately received a Shog from a Comet that croſs'd its Vortex, which, if it had come Ten Degrees nearer us, had made us loſe this whole Term. I was indeed once of Opinion, That the Gregorian Computation was the moſt regular, as being Eleven Days before the Julian; but am now fully convinc'd, that we ought to be Seven Days after the Chancellor and Judges, and Eighteen before the Pope of Rome; and that the Oxonion Computation is the beſt of the Three.

Theſe are the Reaſons which I have gather'd from Philoſophy and Nature; to which I can add other Circumſtances in Vindication of the Account of this Learned Body who publiſh'd this Almanack.

It is notorious to Philoſophers, that Joy and Grief can haſten and delay Time. Mr. Lock is of Opinion, That a Man in great Miſery may ſo far loſe his Meaſures, as to think a Minute an Hour; or in Joy, make an Hour a Minute. Let us examine the preſent Caſe by this Rule, and we ſhall find, that the Cauſe of this general Miſtake in the Britiſh Nation, has been the great Succeſs of the laſt Campaigne, and the following Hopes of Peace. Stocks ran ſo high at the Change, that the Citizens had gain'd Three Days of the Courtiers; and we have indeed been ſo happy this Reign, that it the Univerſity did not rectify our Miſtakes, we ſhould think our ſelves but in the Second Year of Her pretent Majeſty. It would be endleſs to enumerate the many Damages that have happened by this Ignorance of [281] the Vulgar. All the Recognizances within the Dioceſe of Oxford have been forfeited, for not appearing on the Firſt Day of this Fictitious Term. The Univerſity has been Nonſuited in their Action againſt the Bookſellers for printing Clarendon in Quarto. Indeed what gives me the moſt quick Concern, is the Caſe of a poor Gentleman my Friend, who was t'other Day taken in Execution by a Set of ignorant Bailiffs. He ſhould, it ſeems, have pleaded in the firſt Week of Term; but being a Maſter of Arts of Oxford, he would not recede from the Oxonian Computation. He ſhew'd Mr. Broad the Almanack, and the very Day when the Term began; but the mercileſs ignorant Fellow, againſt all Senſe and Learning, would hurry him away. He went indeed quietly enough; but he has taken exact Notes of the Time of Arreſt, and ſufficient Witneſſes of his being carried into Gaol; and has, by Advice of the Recorder of Oxford, brought his Action; and we doubt not but we ſhall pay 'em off with Damages, and blemiſh the Reputation of Mr. Broad. We have one convincing Proof, which all that frequent the Courts of Juſtices are Witneſſes of: The Dog that comes conſtantly to Weſtminſter on the Firſt Day of the Term, did not appear till the Firſt Day according to the Oxford Almanack; whoſe Inſtinct I take to be a better Guide than Men's erroneous Opinions, which are uſually byaſs'd by Intereſt. I judge in this Caſe, as King Charles II. victual'd his Navy, with the Bread which one of his Dogs choſe of ſeveral Pieces thrown before him, rather than truſt to the Aſſeverations of the Victuallers. Mr. Cowper, and other learned Council, have already urg'd the Authority of this Almanack in Behalf of their Clients. We ſhall therefore go on with all Speed in our Cauſe; and doubt not, but Chancery will give at the End what [280] [...] [281] [...] [282] we loſt in the Beginning, by protracting the Term for us till Wedneſday come Se'nnight: And the Univerſity Orator ſhall for ever pray, &c.

The Subject of Duels has, I find, been ſtarted with ſo good Succeſs, that it has been the frequent Subject of Converſation among polite Men; and a Dialogue of that Kind has been tranſmitted to me verbatim, as follows. The Perſons concern'd in it are Men of Honour, and Experience in the Manners of Men, and have fallen upon the trueſt Foundation, as well as ſearch'd the Bottom of this Evil.

Mr. Sage.

If it were in my Power, every Man that drew his Sword, unleſs in the Service, or purely to defend his Life, Perſon, or Goods, from Violence, (I mean abſtracted from all Puncto's or Whims of Honour) ſhould ride the Wooden Horſe in the Tilt-Yard for ſuch Firſt Offence, for the Second ſtand in the Pillory, and for the Third be Priſoner in Bedlam for Life.

Colonel Plume.

I remember, that a Rencounter or Duel was ſo far from being in Faſhion among the Officers that ſerv'd in the Parliament Army, that on the contrary, it was as diſreputable, and as great an Impediment to Advancement in the Service, as being baſhful in Time of Action.

Sir Mark.

Yet I have been inform'd by ſome old Cavaliers, of famous Reputation for brave and gallant Men, that they were much more in Mode among their Party, than they have been during this laſt War.

Col. Plume.

That is true too Sir.

Mr. Sage.
[283]

By what you ſay, Gentlemen, one ſhould think that our preſent Military Officers are compounded of an equal Proportion of both thoſe Tempers; ſince Duels are neither quite diſcountenanc'd, nor much in vogue.

Sir Mark.

That Difference of Temper, in Regard to Duels, which appears to have been between the Court and Parliament-Men of the Sword, was not (I conceive) for Want of Courage in the latter, nor of a liberal Education, becauſe there were ſome of the beſt Families in England engag'd in that Party; but Gallantry and Mode, which glitter agreeably to the Imagination, were encouraged by the Court, as promoting its Splendour; and it was as natural that the contrary Party (who were to recommend themſelves to the Publick for Men of ſerious and ſolid Parts) ſhould deviate from every Thing Chimerical.

Mr. Sage.

I have never read of a Duel among the Romans; and yet their Nobility uſed more Liberty with their Tongues than one may do now without being challeng'd.

Sir Mark.

Perhaps the Romans were of Opinion, that ill Language, and brutal Manners, reflected only on thoſe who were guilty of them; and that a Man's Reputation was not at all clear'd by cutting the Perſon's Throat who had reflected upon it: But the Cuſtom of thoſe Times had fixed the Scandal in the Action; whereas now it lies in the Reproach.

Mr. Sage.

And yet the only Sort of Duel that one can conceive to have been fought upon Motives truly honourable and allowable, was that between the Horatii and Curiatii.

Sir Mark.

Colonel Plume, Pray what was the Method of Single Combat in your Time among the Cavaliers? I ſuppoſe, that as the Uſe of Clothes continues, though the Faſhion of them [284] has been mutable; ſo Duels, tho' ſtill in Uſe, have had in all Times their particular Modes of Performance.

Col. Plume.

We had no conſtant Rule, but generally conducted our Diſpute and Tilt according to the laſt that had happen'd between Perſons of Reputation among the very Top Fellows for Bravery and Gallantry.

Sir Mark.

If the Faſhion of Quarrelling and Tilting was ſo often chang'd in your Time, Colonel Plume, a Man might fight, yet loſe his Credit for want of underſtanding the Faſhion.

Col. Plume.

Why, Sir Mark, in the Beginning of July, a Man would have been cenſur'd for want of Courage, or been thought indigent of the true Notions of Honour, if he had put up Words; which in the End of September following, one could not reſent without paſſing for a brutal and quarrelſome Fellow.

Sir Mark.

But Colonel, Were Duels or Rencounters moſt in Faſhion in thoſe Days?

Col. Plume.

Your Men of nice Honour, Sir, were for avoiding all Cenſure of Advantage which they ſuppos'd might be taken in a Rencounter; therefore they us'd Seconds, who were to ſee that all was upon the Square, and make a faithful Report of the whole Combat; but in a little Time it became a Faſhion for the Seconds to fight, and I'll tell you how it happened.

Mr. Sage.

Pray do, Colonel Plume, and the Method of a Duel at that Time, and give us ſome Notion of the Puncto's upon which your nice Men quarrelled in thoſe Days.

Col. Plume.

I was going to tell you, Mr. Sage, That one Cornet Modiſh had deſned his Friend, Captain Smart,'s Opinion in ſome Affair, but did not follow it; upon which Captain Smart ſent [285] Major Adroit (a very Topping Fellow of thoſe Times) to the Perſon that had ſlighted his Advice. The Major never enquired into the Quarrel, becauſe it was not the manner then among the very Topping Fellows; but got two Swords of an equal Length, and then waited upon Cornet Modiſh, deſiring him to chooſe his Sword, and meet his Friend Captain Smart. Cornet Modiſh came with his Friend to the Place of Combat; there the Principals put on their Pumps, and ſtriped to their Shirts, to ſhow they had nothing but what Men of Honour carry about 'em, and then engag'd.

Sir Mark.

And did the Seconds ſtand by Sir?

Col. Plume.

It was a received Cuſtom till that Time; but the Swords of thoſe Days being pretty long, and the Principals acting on both Sides upon the Defenſive, and the Morning being froſty, Major Adroit deſired that the other Second, who was alſo a very Topping Fellow, would try a Thruſt or Two only to keep them warm, till the Principals had decided the Matter, which was agreed to by Modiſh's Second, who preſently whipt Adroit through the Body, diſarm'd him, and then parted the Principals, who had receiv'd no Harm at all.

Mr. Sage.

But was not Adroit laugh'd at?

Col. Plume.

On the Contrary, the very Topping Fellows were ever after of Opinion. That no Man who deſerved that Character, could ſerve as a Second, without Fighting; and the Smarts and Modiſhes finding their Account in it, the Humour took without Oppoſition.

Mr. Sage.

Pray Colonel, How long did that Faſhion continue?

Col. Plume.

Not long neither, Mr. Sage; for as ſoon as it became a Faſhion, the very Topping Fellows thought their Honour reflected upon, [286] if they did not proffer themſelves as Seconds when any of their Friends had a Quarrel; ſo that ſometimes there were a Dozen of a Side.

Sir Mark.

Bleſs me! If that Cuſtom had continued, we ſhould have been at a Loſs now for our very Pretty Fellows; for they ſeem to be the proper Men to officer, animate, and keep up an Army: But, pray Sir, How did that ſociable Manner of Tilting grow out of Mode?

Col. Plume.

Why, Sir, I'll tell you: It was a Law among the Combatants, That the Party which happen'd to have the firſt Man diſarm'd or kill'd, ſhould yield as vanquiſh'd; which ſome People thought might encourage the Modiſhes and Smarts in quarrelling, to the Deſtruction of only the very Topping Fellows; and as ſoon as this Reflection was ſtarted, the very Topping Fellows thought it an Incumbrance upon their Honour to fight at all themſelves. Since that Time, the Modiſhes and the Smarts, throughout all Europe, have extoll'd the French King's Edict.

Sir Mark.

Our very pretty Fellows, whom I take to be the Succeſſors of the very Topping Fellows, think a Quarrel ſo little Faſhionable, that they will not be expos'd to it by another Man's Vanity, or Want of Senſe.

Mr. Sage.

But, Colonel, I have obſerv'd in your Account of Duels, that there was a great Exactneſs in avoiding all Advantage that might poſſibly be between the Combatants.

Col. Plume.

That's true, Sir; for the Weapons were always equal.

Mr. Sage.

Yes, Sir; but ſuppoſe an active, adroit, ſtrong Man, had inſulted an aukward, or a feeble, or an unpractis'd Swords-man.

Col. Plume.

Then, Sir, they fought with Piſtols.

Mr. Sage.
[287]

But, Sir, there might be a certain Advantage that Way; for a good Marks-man will be ſure to hit his Man at 20 Yards Diſtance; and a Man whoſe Hand ſhakes (which is common to Men that debauch in Pleaſures, or have not us'd Piſtols out of their Holſters) won't venture to fire, unleſs he touches the Perſon he ſhoots at. Now, Sir, I am of Opinion, that one can get no Honour in killing a Man (if one has it all Rug) as the Gameſters ſay, when they have a Trick to make the Game ſecure, though they ſeem to play upon the Square.

Sir Mark.

In Truth, Mr. Sage, I think ſuch a Fact muſt be Murder in a Man's own private Conſcience, whatever it may appear to the World.

Col. Plume.

I have known ſome Men ſo nice, that they would not fight but upon a Cloak without Piſtols.

Mr. Sage.

I believe a Cuſtom, well eſtabliſhed, would outdo the Grand Monarch's Edict.

Sir Mark.

And Bullies would then leave off their long Swords; but I don't find that a very Pretty Fellow can ſtay to change his Sword, when he is inſulted by a Bully with a long Diego, tho' his own at the ſame Time be no longer than a Pen-knife; which will certainly be the Caſe, if ſuch little Swords are in Mode. Pray Colonel, how was it between the Hectors of your Time and the very Topping Fellows?

Col. Plume.

Sir, Long Swords happened to be generally worn in thoſe Times.

Mr. Sage.

In anſwer to what you were ſaying, Sir Mark, give me Leave to inform you, that your Knights-Errant, (who were the very Pretty Fellows of thoſe Ancient Times) thought they could not honourably yield, though they had fought their own truſty Weapons to the Stumps; but would venture as boldly with the Page's Leaden [288] Sword, as if it had been of enchanted Meta [...] Whence I conceive, there muſt be a Spice o [...] Romantick Gallantry in the Compoſition of tha [...] very Pretty Fellow.

Sir Mark.

I am of Opinion, Mr. Sage, tha [...] Faſhion governs a very pretty Fellow; Nature [...] or common Senſe, your ordinary Perſons, an [...] ſometimes Men of fine Parts.

Mr. Sage.

But what is the Reaſon, that Me [...] of the moſt excellent Senſe and Morals (in other Points) aſſociate their Underſtandings with the very Pretty Fellows in that Chimaera of a Duel?

Sir Mark.

There's no diſputing againſt ſo great a Majority.

Mr. Sage.

But there is one Scruple, (Col. Plume) and I have done: Don't you believe, there may be ſome Advantage even upon a Cloak with Piſtols? Which a Man of nice Honour would ſcruple to take.

Col. Plume.

Faith, I can't tell, Sir; but ſince one may reaſonably ſuppoſe, that (in ſuch a Caſe) there can be but one ſo far in the Wrong as to occaſion Matters to come to that Extremity, I think the Chance of being kill'd ſhould fall but on one; whereas by their cloſe and deſperate Manner of Fighting, it may very probably happen to both.

Sir Mark.

Why Gentlemen, if they are Men of ſuch nice Honour, (and muſt fight) there will be no fear of foul Play, if they threw up Croſs or Pile who ſhould be ſhot.

The TATLER. [No 40.
From Saturday July 9. to Tueſd. July 12. 1709.

[289]

LEtters from the City of London give an Account of a very great Conſternation that [...]ace is in at preſent, by reaſon of a late Enquiry [...]ade at Guildhall, Whether a Noble Perſon has [...]rts enough to deſerve the Enjoyment of the [...]reat Eſtate of which he is poſſeſs'd? The City [...] apprehenſive, that this Precedent may go fur [...]er than was at firſt imagin'd. The Perſon a [...]inſt whom this Inquiſition is ſet up by his Re [...]tions, is a Peer of a neighbouring Kingdom, [...]d has in his Youth made ſome few Bulls, by [...]hich it is inſinuated, that he has forfeited his [...]oods and Chattels. This is the more aſtoniſh [...]g, in that there are many Perſons in the ſaid [...]ity who are ſtill more guilty than his Lord [...]ip, and who, though they are Ideots, do not [...]nly poſſeſs, but have alſo themſelves acquired [...]reat Eſtates, contrary to the known Laws of [...]is Realm, which veſts their Poſſeſſions in the Crown.

There is a Gentleman in the Coffee-houſe at [...]is Time exhibiting a Bill in Chancery againſt [...]s Father's younger Brother, who by ſome [...]range Magick has arrived at the Value of half [...] Plumb, as the Citizens call an Hundred Thou [...]nd Pounds; and in all the Time of growing up [...] that Wealth, was never known in any of his [...]rdinary Words or Actions to diſcover any Proof [290] of Reaſon. Upon this Foundation my Friend ha [...] ſet forth, that he is illegally Maſter of his Coffers, and has writ two Epigrams to ſignify his own Pretenſions and Sufficiency for ſpending that Eſtate. He has inſerted in his Plea ſome Things which I fear will give Offence, for he pretends to argue, that tho' a Man has a little of the Knave mix'd with the Fool, he is nevertheleſs liable to the Loſs of Goods; and makes the Abuſe of Reaſon as juſt an Avoidance of an Eſtate as the total Abſence of it. This is what can never paſs; but witty Men are ſo full of themſelves, that there is no perſwading 'em; and my Friend will not be convinc'd, but that upon quoting Solomon, who always uſed the Word Fool as a Term of the ſame Signification with Unjuſt, and makes all Deviation from Goodneſs and Virtue to come under the Notion of Folly, I ſay he doubts not, but by the Force of this Authority, let his Ideot Uncle appear never ſo great a Knave, he ſhall prove him a Fool at the ſame Time.

This Affair led the Company here into an Examination of theſe Points; and none coming here but Wits, what was aſſerted by a young Lawyer, that a Lunatick is in the Care of the Chancery, but a Fool in that of the Crown, was received with general Indignation. ‘'Why that? ſays old Renault. Why that? Why muſt a Fool be a Courtier more than a Madman? This is the Iniquity of this dull Age: I remember the Time when it went on the mad Side; all your Top Wits were Scowrers, Rakes, Roarers, and Demoliſhers of Windows. I knew a mad Lord who was drunk five Years together, and was the Envy of that Age; who is faintly imitated by the dull Pretenders to Vice and Madneſs in this. Had he lived to this Day, there had not been a Fool in Faſhion in the whole [291] Kingdom. When Renault had done ſpeaking, a very worthy Man aſſumed the Diſcourſe. This is (ſaid he) Mr. Bickerſtaff, a proper Argument for you to treat in your Article from this Place; and if you would ſend your Pacolet into all our Brains, you would find, that a little Fibre or Valve, ſcarce diſcernable, makes the Diſtinction between a Politician and an Ideot. We ſhould therefore throw a Veil upon thoſe unhappy Inſtances of humane Nature, who ſeem to breath without the Direction of Reaſon and Underſtanding, as we ſhould avert our Eyes with Abhorrence from ſuch as live in perpetual Abuſe and Contradiction to theſe noble Faculties. Shall this unfortunate Man be diveſted of his Eſtate, becauſe he is tractable and indolent, runs in no Man's Debt, invades no Man's Bed, nor ſpends the Eſtate he owes his Children and his Character; when one who ſhews no Senſe above him, but in ſuch Practices, ſhall be eſteem'd in his Senſes, and poſſibly may pretend to the Guardianſhip of him who is no Ways his Inferior, but in being leſs wicked? We ſee old Age brings us indifferently into the ſame Impotence of Soul, wherein Nature has plac'd this Lo [...]d.'’

There is ſomething very fantaſtical in the Diſtribution of Civil Power and Capacity among Men. The Law certainly gives theſe Perſons into the Ward and Care of the Crown, becauſe that is beſt able to protect 'em from Injuries, and the Impoſitions of Craft and Knavery; that the Life of an Ideot may not ruin the Intail of a noble Houſe, and his Weakneſs may not fruſtrate the Induſtry or Capacity of the Founder of his Family. But when one of bright Parts, as we ſay, with his Eyes open, and all Men's Eyes upon him, deſtroys thoſe Purpoſes, there is no Remedy. Folly and Ignorance are puniſh'd! Folly and Guilt are [292] tolerated! Mr. Lock has ſomewhere made a [...] ſtinction between a Madman and a Fool: A Fo [...] is he that from right Principles makes a wro [...] Concluſion; but a Madman is one who draws [...] juſt Inference from falſe Principles. Thus th [...] Fool who cut off the Fellow's Head that lay aſlee [...] and hid it, and then waited to ſee what he wou [...] ſay when he awak'd and miſs'd his Head-piece was in the Right in the firſt Thought, that a Ma [...] would be ſurprized to find ſuch an Alteration i [...] Things ſince he fell aſleep; but he was a littl [...] miſtaken to imagine he could awake at all afte [...] his Head was off. A Madman fancies himſelf a Prince; but upon his Miſtake, he acts ſuitably [...] that Character; and tho' he is out in ſuppoſion he has Principalities, while he drinks Gruel, and lies in Straw, yet you ſhall ſee him keep the Port of a diſtreſſed Monarch in all his Words and Actions. Theſe Two Perſons are equally taken into Cuſtody: But what muſt be done to half this good Company, who every Hour of their Life are knowingly and wittingly both Fools and Madmen, and yet have Capacities both of forming Principles, and drawing Concluſions, with the full Uſe of Reaſon?

This Evening ſome Ladies came to viſit my Siſter Jenny; and the Diſcourſe, after very many frivolous and publick Matters, turned upon the main Point among the Women, the Paſſion of Love. Sappho, who always leads on this Occaſion, began to ſhow her Reading, and told us, That Sir John Suckling and Milton had, upon a parallel Occaſion, ſaid the tendereſt Things ſhe had ever read. The Circumſtance, ſaid ſhe, is ſuch as gives us a Notion of that Protecting Part which is the Duty of Men in their honourable Deſigns upon, or Poſſeſſion of [293] [...]omen. In Suckling's Tragedy of Brennoralt, [...]e makes the Lover ſteal into his Miſtreſs's Bed [...]amber, and draw the Curtains; then, when [...]is Heart is full of her Charms, as ſhe lies ſleep [...]g, inſtead of being carried away by the Vio [...]ce of his Deſires into Thoughts of a warmer [...]ature, Sleep, which is the Image of Death, [...]ives this generous Lover Reflections of a diffe [...]ent Kind, which regard rather her Safety than [...]is own Paſſion. For, beholding her as ſhe lies [...]eeping, he utters theſe Words:

So Miſers look upon their Gold,
Which, while they joy to ſee, they fear to loſe:
The Pleaſure of the Sight ſcarce equalling
The Jealouſy of being diſpoſſeſs'd by others.
Her Face is like the Milky Way i'th' Sky,
A Meeting of gentle Lights without Name!

Heav'ns! Shall this freſh Ornament of the World,
Theſe precious Love-Lines, paſs with other common Things
Amongſt the Waſts of Time? What Pity 'twere!

When Milton makes Adam leaning on his Arm, beholding Eve, and lying in the Contemplation of her Beauty, he deſcribes utmoſt Tenderneſs and Guardian Affection in one Word:

Adam with Looks of Cordial Love
Hung over her enamour'd.

This is that Sort of Paſſion which truly deſerves the Name of Love, and has ſomething more generous than Friendſhip it ſelf; for it has a conſtant Care of the Object beloved, abſtracted from its own Intereſts in the [...]oſſeſſion of it. Sappho was proceeding on the Subject, when my Siſter produced a Letter ſent to her in the Time of my Abſence, in Celebration of the Marriage State, which is the Condition [294] wherein only this Sort of Paſſion reigns in [...] Authority. The Epiſtle is as follows:

Dear Madam,

YOur Brother being abſent, I dare take the Liberty of writing to you my Thought of that State, which our whole Sex either is or deſires to be in: You'll eaſily gueſs I mean Matrimony, which I hear ſo much decry'd, that it was with no ſmall Labour I maintained my Ground againſt Two Opponents; but, as your Brother obſerv'd of Socrates, I drew them into my Concluſion from their own Conceſſions; thus:

In Marriage are Two happy Things allow'd,
A Wife in Wedding Sheets, and in a Shrowd.
How can a Marriage State then be accurs'd,
Since the laſt Day's as happy as the Firſt?

If you think they were too eaſily confuted, you may conclude them not of the Firſt Senſe, by their talking againſt Marriage.

Yours, Mariana.

I obſerved Sappho began to redden at this Epiſtle; and turning to a Lady, who was playing with a Dog ſhe was ſo fond of, as to carry him Abroad with her; Nays, ſays ſhe, I cannot blame the Men if they have mean Ideas of our Souls and Affections, and wonder ſo many are brought to take us for Companions for Life, when they ſee our Endearments ſo triflingly placed: For, to my knowledge, Mr. Truman would give half his Eſtate for half the Affection you have ſhown to that Shock: Nor do I believe you would be aſhamed to confeſs, that I ſaw you cry, when he had the Cholick laſt Week [295] with lapping ſour Milk. What more could you do for your Lover himſelf? What more! replied the Lady. There is not a Man in England for whom I could lament half ſo much. Then ſhe ſtifled the Animal with Kiſſes, and call'd him, Beau, Life, Dear, Monſieur, Pretty Fellow, and what not, in the Hurry of her Impertinence. Sappho roſe up; as ſhe always does at any Thing. The obſerves done, which diſcovers in her own. Sex a Levity of Mind, which renders 'em iuconſiderable in the Opinion of ours.

Letters from the Hague of the 16th Inſtant, N. S. ſay, That the Siege of Tournay went on with all imaginable Succeſs; and that there has been no manner of Stop given to the Attempts of the Confederates ſince they undertook it, except that by an Accident of Firing a Piece of Ordnance it burſt, and kill'd 15 or 16 Men. The French Army is ſtill in the Camp of Lens, and goes on in improving their Intrenchments. When the laſt Advices came away, it was believed the Town of Tournay would be in the Hands of the Confederates by the End of this Month. Advices from Bruſſels inform us, That they have an Account of a great Action between the Malecontents in the Vivarez, and the French King's Forces under the Command of the Duke of Roquelaure, in which Engagement there were Eighteen Hundred Men Kill'd on the Spot. They add, That all Sorts of People who are under any Oppreſſion or Diſcontent do daily join the Vivarois; and that their preſent Body of Men in Arms conſiſted of Six Thouſand. This ſudden Inſurrection has put the Court of France under great Difficulties; and the King has given Orders, That the main Body of his Troops in Spain ſhall withdraw into his own Dominions, [296] where they are to be quartered in ſuch Countries as have of late diſcovered an Inclination to take up Arms: The Calamities of that Kingdom, being ſuch, that the People are not by any Means to be kept in Obedience, except by the Terror of Military Execution. What makes the Diſtreſſes ſtill greater, is, That the Court begins to be doubtful of their Troops, ſome Regiments in the Action of the Cevennes having faced about againſt their Officers; and after the Battle was over, join'd the Malecontents. Upon receiving Advice of this Battle, the Duke of Berwick detached Twelve Battalions into thoſe Parts, and began to add new Works to his Intrenchments near Brianzon, in order to defend his Camp, after being weakened by ſending ſo great a Reinforcement into the Cevennes. Letters from Spain ſay, That the Dutcheſs of Anjou was lately delivered of a Second Son. They write from Madrid of the 25th of June, That the Blockade of Olivenza was continued; but acknowledge, that the late Proviſions which were thrown into the Place, make them doubt whether they ſhall be Maſters of it this Campaign; though it is at preſent ſo cloſely blocked up, that it appears impracticable to ſend in any more Stores or Succours. They are preparing with all Expedition to repair the Fortifications of Alicant, for the Security of the Kingdom of Valencia.

The TATLER. [No 41.
From Tueſd. July 12. to Thurſd. July 14. 1709.

[297]
— Celebrare Domeſtica Facta.

THere is no one Thing more to be lamented in our Nation, than their general Affectation of every Thing that is Foreign; nay, we carry it ſo far, that we are more anxious for our own Countrymen when they have croſſed the Seas, than when we ſee them in the ſame dangerous Condition before our Eyes at Home: Elſe how is it poſſible, that on the 29th of the laſt Month, there ſhould have been a Battle fought in our very Streets of London, and no Body at this End of the Town have heard of it. I proteſt, I, who make it my Buſineſs to enquire after Adventures, ſhould never have known this, had not the following Account been ſent me incloſed in a Letter. This, it ſeems, is the Way of giving out of Orders in the Artillery Company; and they prepare for a Day of Action with ſo little Concern, as only to call it, An Exerciſe of Arms.

[298]
An Exerciſe at Arms of the Artillery Company, to be performed on Wedneſday June 29. 1709. under the Command of Sir Joſeph Woolf, Knight and Alderman, General; Charles Hoplon, Eſquire, preſent Sheriff, Lieutenant-General; Captain Richard Synge, Major; Major John Shorey, Captain of Granadiers; Capt. William Grayhurſt, Capt. John Butler, Capt. Robert Carellis, Captains.

THE Body march from the Artillery-Ground through Moregate, Coleman ſtreet, Lothbury, Broad ſtreet, Finch-Lane, Cornhill, Cheapſide, St. Martins, St. Anne's-Lane, Hault the Pikes under the Wall in Noble-ſtreet, Draw up the Firelocks facing the Goldſmiths Hall, make Ready and Face to the Left, and Fire, and ſo ditto Three Times. Beat to Arms, and March round the Hall, as up Lad-Lane, Gutter-Lane, Honey-Lane, and ſo Wheel to the Right, and make your Salute to my Lord, and ſo down St. Anne's Lane, up Alderſgate-ſtreet, Barbican, and draw up in Red-Croſs ſtreet, the Right at St. Paul's-Alley in the Rear. March off Lieutenant-General with Half the Body up Beech-Lane: He ſends a Sub-Diviſion up Kings-Head-Court, and takes Poſt in it, and marches Two Diviſions round into Red-Lion-Market, to defend that Paſs, and ſuccour the Diviſion in Kings-Head-Court, but keeps in White-Croſs-ſtreet, facing Beech-Lane, the reſt of the Body ready drawn up. Then the General marches up Beech-Lane, is attacked, but forces the Diviſion in the Court into the Market, and enters with Three Diviſions while he preſſes the Lieutenant-General's Main Body; and at the ſame Time, the Three Diviſions force thoſe of the Revolters out of the Market, and ſo all the Lieutenant-General's Body retreats into Chiſwel-ſtreet, and lodges Two Diviſions in Grub-ſtreet; [299] and as the General marches on, they fall on his Flank, but ſoon made to give Way; but having a Retreating-Place in Red-Lion-Court, but could not hold it, being put to Flight thro' Paul's-Alley, and purſued by the General's Granadiers, while he marches up and attacks their main Body, but are oppoſed again by a Party of Men as lay in Black-Raven-Court; but they are forced alſo to Retire ſoon in the utmoſt Confuſion, and at the ſame Time thoſe Brave Diviſions in Paul's-Alley ply their Rear with Granadiers, that with Precipitation they take to the Rout along Bunhill-Row: So the General marches into the Artillery-Ground, and being drawn up, finds the Revolting Party to have found Entrance, and makes a Show as if for a Battle, and both Armies ſoon Engage in Form, and Fire by Platoons.

Much might be ſaid for the Improvement of this Syſtem; which, for its Style and Invention, may inſtruct Generals and their Hiſtorians, both in fighting a Battle, and deſcribing it when 'tis over. Theſe elegant Expreſſions, Ditto—And ſo—But ſoon—But having—But could not—But are—But they—Finds the Party to have found, &c.—do certainly give great Life and Spirit to the Relation.

Indeed I am extremely concerned for the Lieutenant-General, who, by his Overthrow and Defeat, is made a deplorable Inſtance of the Fortune of War, and Viciſſitudes of humane Affairs. He, alas! has loſt in Beech-Lane and Chiſwel-ſtreet, all the Glory he lately gain'd in and about Holborn and St. Giles's. The Art of Subdividing firſt, and Dividing afterwards, is new and ſurpriſing; and according to this Method, the Troops are diſpoſed in Kings-Head-Court and Red-Lion-Market: Nor is the Conduct of theſe Leaders leſs conſpicuous in their Choice of the [300]Ground or Field of Battle. Happy was it, that the greateſt Part of the Atchievements of this Day was to be performed near Grub-ſtreet, that there might not be wanting a ſufficient Number of faithful Hiſtorians. who being Eye-Witneſſes of theſe Wonders, ſhould impartially tranſmit them to Poſterity: But then it can never be enough regretted, that we are left in the Dark as to the Name and Title of that extraordinary Hero who commanded the Diviſions in Paul's-Alley; eſpecially becauſe thoſe Diviſions are juſtly ſtyled Brave, and accordingly were to puſh the Enemy along Bunhill-Row, and thereby occaſion a general Battle. But Pallas appeared in the Form of a Shower of Rain, and prevented the Slaughter and Deſolation which were threatned by theſe extraordinary Preparations.

Hi Motus Animorum at (que) haec Certamina tanta
Pulveris exigui Jactu compreſſa quieſcunt.

Some Part of the Company keep up the old Way of Converſation in this Place, which uſually turned upon the Examination of Nature, and an Enquiry into the Manners of Men. There is one in the Room ſo very judicious, that he manages Impertinents with the utmoſt Dexterity. It was diverting this Evening to hear a Diſcourſe between him and one of theſe Gentlemen. He told me before that Perſon join'd us, that he was a Queſtioner, who, according to his Deſcription, is one who asks Queſtions, not with a Deſign to receive Information, but an Affectation to ſhow his Uneaſineſs for Want of it. He went on in aſſerting, that there are Crowds of that modeſt Ambition, as to aim no further than to demonſtrate that they are in Doubt. By this Time Will. Why-not was [301] fate down by us. So Gentlemen, (ſays he) In how many Days, think you, ſhall we be Maſters of Tournay? Is the Account of the Action of the Vivarois to be depended upon? Could you have imagined England had ſo much Money in it as you ſee it has produced? Pray Sirs, What do you think? Will the Duke of Savoy make an Irruption into France? But (ſays he) Time will clear all theſe Myſteries. His Anſwer to himſelf gave me the Altitude of his Head, and to all his Queſtions I thus anſwered very ſatisfactorily—Sir, have you heard that this Slaughterford never own'd the Fact for which he died? Have the News-Papers mentioned that Matter? But, pray, Can you tell me what Method will be taken to provide for theſe Palatines? But this, as you ſay, Time will clear. Ay, ay, ſays he, and whiſpers me, They will never let us into theſe Things before-hand. I whiſpered him again, We ſhall know it as ſoon as there is a Proclamation—He tells me in t'other Ear, You are in the Right of it. Then he whiſpered my Friend to know what my Name was; then made an obliging Bow, and went to examine another Table. This led my Friend and me to weigh this wandring Manner in many other Incidents, and he took out of his Pockets ſeveral little Notes or Tickets to ſollicit for Votes to Employments: As, ‘"Mr. John Taplaſh having ſerved all Offices, and being reduced to great Poverty, deſires your Vote for Singing-Clerk of this Pariſh. Another has had Ten Children, all whom his Wife has ſuckled her ſelf; therefore humbly deſires to be a Schoolmaſter.'’

There is nothing ſo frequent as this Way of Application for Offices. It is not that you are fit for the Place, but becauſe the Place would be convenient for you, that you claim a Merit to it. [300] [...] [301] [...] [302] But commend me to the great Kirleus, who has lately ſet up for Midwiſery, and to help Childbirth, for no other Reaſon, but that he is himſelf the Unborn Doctor. The Way is to hit upon ſomething that puts the Vulgar upon the Stare, or that touches their Compaſſion, which is often the weakeſt Part about us. I know a good Lady, who has taken her Daughters from their old Dancing-maſter, to place them with another, for no other Reaſon, but becauſe the new Man has broke his Leg, which is ſo ill ſet, that he can never dance more.

As it is a frequent Mortification to me to receive Letters, wherein People tell me, without a Name, they know I meant them in ſuch and ſuch a Paſſage; ſo that very Accuſation is an Argument, That there are ſuch Beings in Humane Life, as fall under our Deſcription, and our Diſcourſe is not altogether fantaſtical and groundleſs. But in this Caſe I am treated as I ſaw a Boy was t'other Day, who gave out pocky Bills: Every plain Fellow took it that paſs'd by, and went on his Way without further Notice: At laſt came one with his Noſe a little abridg'd; who knocks the Lad down, with a, Why you Son of a W—e, do you think I am p—d? But Shakeſpear has made the beſt Apology for this Way of Talking againſt the Publick Errors: He makes Jaques, in the Play, call'd, As you like it, expreſs himſelf thus:

Why, Who cries out on Pride,
That can therein tax any private Party?
What Woman in the City do I name?
When that I ſay the City Woman bears
The Coſt of Princes on unworthy Shoulders.
Who can come in and ſay that I mean her,
When ſuch a one as ſhe, ſuch is her Neighbour?
[303] Or, What is he of baſeſt Function,
That ſays his Bravery is not on my Coſt?
Thinking that I mean him, but therein ſuits
His Folly to the Mettle of my Speech.
There then! How then? Then let me ſee wherein
My Tongue hath wrong'd him: If it do him right,
Then he hath wronged himſelf: If he be free,
Why then my Taxing like a wild Gooſe flies,
Unclaimed of any Man.

We have received, by Letters of the 18th Inſtant from the Camp before Tournay, an Account, That we were in a fair Proſpect of being Maſters of the Town within ſeven Days after that Date. Our Batteries had utterly overthrown thoſe of the Enemy. On the 16th Inſtant, N. S. General Schuylemburgh had made a Lodgment on the Counterſcarp of the Tenaille; which Poſt was ſo weakly defended, that we loſt but Six Men in gaining it. So that there ſeems Reaſon to hope, that the Citadel will alſo be in the Hands of the Confederates about the 6th of Auguſt, O. S. Theſe Advices inform us further, That Marſhal Villars had ordered large Detachments to make Motions towards Douay and Condé. The ſwift Progreſs of this Siege has ſo much alarmed the other Frontier Towns of France, that they were throwing down ſome Houſes in the Suburbs of Valenciennes, which they think may ſtand commodiouſly for the Enemy in caſe that Place ſhould be inveſted. The Elector of Cologue is making all imaginable Haſte to remove from hence to Rheims.

The TATLER. [No 42.
From Thurſd. July 14. to Saturd. July 16. 1709.

[304]
— Celebrare Domeſtica Facta.

LOoking over ſome old Papers, I found a little Treatiſe, written by my Great-Grandfather, concerning Bribery, and thought his Manner of treating that Subject not unworthy my Remark. He there has a Digreſſion concerning a Poſſibility, that in ſome Circumſtances a Man may receive an Injury, and yet be conſcious to himſelf that he deſerves it. There are abundance of fine Things ſaid on the Subject; but the whole wrap'd up in ſo much Jingle and Pun, (which was the Wit of thoſe Times) that it is ſcarce intelligible; but I thought the Deſign was well enough in the following Sketch of the old Gentleman's Poetry: For in this Caſe, where Two are Rivals for the ſame Thing, and propoſe to obtain it by Preſents, he that attempts the Judge's Honeſty, by making him Offers of Reward, ought not to complain when he loſes his Cauſe by a better Bidder. The good old Dogrel runs thus:

A Poor Man once a Judge beſought,
To judge aright his Cauſe,
And with a Pot of Oil ſalutes
This Judger of the Laws.
My Friend, quoth he, thy Cauſe is good:
He glad away did trudge;
Anon his wealthy Foe did come
Before this partial Judge.
[305]
An Hog well fed this Churl preſents,
And craves a Strain of Law;
The Hog receiv'd, the Poor Man's Right
Was judg'd not worth a Straw.
Therewith he cry'd, O! Partial Judge,
Thy Doom has me undone;
When Oil I gave, my Cauſe was good;
But now to Ruin run.
Poor Man, quoth he, I thee forgot,
And ſee thy Cauſe of Foil;
An Hog came ſince into my Houſe,
And broke thy Pot of Oil.

The Diſcourſe happen'd this Evening to fall upon Characters drawn in Plays, and a Gentleman remark'd, That there was no Method in the World of knowing the Taſte of an Age, or Period of Time ſo good, as by the Obſervations of the Perſons repreſented in their Comedies. There were ſeveral Inſtances produced, as Ben. Johnſon's bringing in a Fellow ſmoaking as a Piece of Foppery; but, ſaid the Gentleman, (who entertain'd us on this Subject) this Matter is no where ſo obſervable as in the Difference of the Characters of Women on the Stage in the laſt Age, and in this. It is not to be ſuppoſed that it was a Poverty of Genius in Shakeſpear, that his Women made ſo ſmall a Figure in his Dialogues; but it certainly is, that he drew Women as they then were in Life; for that Sex had not in thoſe Days that Freedom in Converſation; and their Characters were only, that they were Mothers, Siſters, Daughters, and Wives. There were not then among the Ladies, ſhining Wits, Politicians, Virtuoſae, Free-Thinkers, and Diſputants; nay, there was then hardly ſuch a Creature ev'n as a Coquet: But Vanity had quite another Turn, and the moſt conſpicuous [306] Woman at that Time of Day was only the beſt Houſewife. Were it poſſible to bring into Life an Aſſembly of Matrons of that Age, and introduce the learned Lady Woodby into their Company, they would not believe the ſame Nation could produce a Creature ſo unlike any Thing they ever ſaw in it.

But theſe Ancients would be as much aſtoniſh'd to ſee in the ſame Age ſo illuſtrious a Pattern to all who love Things Praiſe-worthy, as the divine Aſpaſia. Methinks, I now ſee her walking in her Garden like our firſt Parent, with unaffected Charms, before Beauty had Spectators, and bearing celeſtial conſcious Virtue in her Aſpect. Her Countenance is the lively Picture of her Mind, which is the Seat of Honour, Truth, Compaſſion, Knowledge, and Innocence.

There dwells the Scorn of Vice and Pity too.

In the Midſt of the moſt ample Fortune, and Veneration of all that behold and know her, without the leaſt Affectation, ſhe conſults Retirement, the Contemplation of her own Being, and that ſupreme Power which beſtowed it. Without the Learning of Schools, or Knowledge of a long Courſe of Arguments, ſhe goes on in a ſteady Courſe of uninterrupted Piety and Virtue, and adds to the Severity and Privacy of the laſt Age all the Freedom and Eaſe of this. The Language and Mien of a Court ſhe is poſſeſſed of in the higheſt Degree; but the Simplicity and humble Thoughts of a Cottage, are her more welcome Entertainments. Aſpaſia is a Female Philoſopher, who does not only live up to the Reſignation of the moſt retired Lives of the ancient Sages, but alſo to the Schemes and Plans which they thought beautiful, tho' inimitable. This Lady is the moſt exact Oeconomiſt, without appearing buſie; the moſt ſtrictly virtuous, [307] without taſting the Praiſe of it; and ſhuns Applauſe with as much Induſtry, as others do Reproach. This Character is ſo particular, that it will very eaſily be fixed on her only, by all that know her: But I dare ſay, ſhe will be the laſt that finds it out.

But, alas! If we have One or Two ſuch Ladies, How many Dozens are there like the reſtleſs Polugloſſa, who is acquainted with all the World but her ſelf; who has the Appearance of all, and Poſſeſſion of no one Virtue: She has indeed in her Practice the Abſence of Vice, but her Diſcourſe is the continual Hiſtory of it; and it is apparent, when ſhe ſpeaks of the criminal Gratifications of others, that her Innocence is only a Reſtraint, with a certain Mixture of Envy. She is ſo perfectly oppoſite to the Character of Aſpaſia, that as Vice is terrible to her only as it is the Object of Reproach, ſo Virtue is agreeable only as it is attended with Applauſe.

It is now Twelve a Clock at Noon, and no Mail come in; therefore I am not without Hopes, that the Town will allow me the Liberty which my Brother News-Writers take, in giving them what may be for their Information in another Kind, and indulge me in doing an Act of Friendſhip, by publiſhing the following Account of Goods and Moveables.

This is to give Notice, That a magnificent Palace, with great Variety of Gardens, Statues, and Water-Works, may be bought cheap in Drury-Lane; where there are likewiſe ſeveral Caſtles to be diſpoſed of, very delightfully ſituated; as alſo Groves, Woods, Forreſts, Fountains and Country Seats, with very pleaſant Proſpects on all Sides of them; being the Moveables of Ch—r R—ch Eſq who is breaking [308] up Houſe-keeping, and has many curious Pieces of Furniture to be diſpoſed of, which may be ſeen between the Hours of Six and Ten in the Evening.
The INVENTORY.
  • Spirits of Right Nants Brandy, for Lambent Flames and Apparitions.
  • Three Bottles and a Half of Lightning.
  • One Shower of Snow in the whiteſt French Paper.
  • Two Showers of a browner Sort.
  • A Sea, conſiſting of a Dozen large Waves; the Tenth bigger than ordinary, and a little dammaged.
  • A Dozen and a half of Clouds, trimm'd with black, and well conditioned.
  • A Rainbow a little faded.
  • A Set of Clouds after the French Mode, ſtreaked with Lightning, and furbelow'd.
  • A New-Moon ſomething decay'd.
  • A Pint of the fineſt Spaniſh Waſh, being all that is left of Two Hogſheads ſent over laſt Winter.
  • A Coach very finely gilt, and little uſed, with a Pair of Dragons, to be ſold cheap.
  • A Setting-Sun, a Pennyworth.
  • An Imperial Mantle, made for Cyrus the Great, and worn by Julius Caeſar, Bajazet, King Henry the Eighth, and Signior Valentini.
  • A Basket-Hilt Sword, very convenient to carry Milk in.
  • Roxana's Night-Gown.
  • Othello's Handkerchief.
  • The Imperial Robes of Xerxes, never worn but once.
  • A Wild-Boar, kill'd by Mrs. Tofts and Diocleſian.
  • [309] A Serpent to ſting Cleopatra.
  • A Muſtard-Bowl to make Thunder with.
  • Another of a bigger Sort, by Mr. D—is's Directions, little uſed.
  • Six Elbow-Chairs, very expert in Country-Dances, with Six Flower-Pots for their Partners.
  • The Whiskers of a Turkiſh Baſſa.
  • The Complexion of a Murderer in a Band-box; conſiſting of a large Piece of burnt Cork, and a Cole-black Peruke.
  • A Suit of Clothes for a Ghoſt, viz. a bloody Shi t, a Doublet curiouſly pink'd, and a Coat with Three great Eyelet-Holes upon the Breaſt.
  • A Bale of Red Spaniſh Wool.
  • Modern Plots, commonly know by the Name of Trap-Doors, Ladders of Ropes, Viſard-Maſques, and Tables with broad Carpets over them.
  • Three Oak Cudgels, with one of Crab-Tree; all bought for the Uſe of Mr. Penkethman.
  • Materials for Dancing; as Maſques, Caſtanets, and a Ladder of Ten Rounds.
  • Aurengezebe's Scymeter, made by Will. Brown in Piccadilly.
  • A Plume of Feathers, never uſed but by Ocdipus and the Earl of Eſſex.
  • There are alſo Swords, Halberts, Sheep-Hooks, Cardinals Hats, Turbants, Drums, Gally Pots, a Gibbet, a Cradle, a Rack, a Cart-Wheel, an Altar, a Helmet, a Back-Piece, a Breſt-Plate, a Bell, a Tub, and a Jointed-Baby.

Theſe are the hard Shifts we Intelligencers are forced to; therefore our Readers ought to excuſe us, if a Weſterly Wind blowing for a Fortnight together, generally fills every Paper with an Order of Battle; when we ſhow our Martial Skill in each Line, and, according to the [310] Space we have to fill, we range our Men in Squadrons and Battalions, or draw out Company by Company, and Troop by Troop; ever obſerving, that no Muſter is to be made, but when the Wind is in a croſs Point, which often happens at the End of a Campaign, when half the Men are deſerted or killed. The Courant is ſometimes Ten deep, his Ranks cloſe: The Poſt-Boy is generally in Files, for greater Exactneſs; and the Poſt-Man comes down upon you rather after the Turkiſh Way, Sword in Hand, Pell-mell, without Form or Diſcipline; but ſure to bring Men enough into the Field; and where-ever they are raiſed, never to loſe a Battle for Want of Numbers.

The TATLER. [No 43.
From Saturd. July 16. to Tueſd. July 19. 1709.

— Bene Nummatum decorat Swadela Venuſque.
Hor.

I Write from hence at preſent to complain, That Wit and Merit are ſo little encouraged by People of Rank and Quality, that the Wits of the Age are obliged to run within Temple-Bar for Patronage. There is a deplorable Inſtance of this in the Caſe of Mr. D—y, who has dedicated his inimitable Comedy, called, The Modern Prophets, to a worthy Knight, to whom, it ſeems, he had before communicated his Plan, which was, To Ridicule the Ridiculers of our eſtabliſh'd Doctrine. I have elſewhere celebrated the Contrivance of this excellent Drama; but was [311] not, till I read the Dedication, wholly let into the Religious Deſign of it. I am afraid it has ſuffered Diſcontinuance at this gay End of the Town, for no other Reaſon but the Piety of the Purpoſe. There is however in this Epiſtle the true Life of Panegyrical Performance; and I do not doubt but, if the Patron would part with it, I can help him to others with good Pretenſions to it; viz. of Uncommon Underſtanding, who would give him as much as he gave for it. I know perfectly well a Noble Perſon to whom theſe Words (which are the Body of the Panegyrick) would fit to a Hair.

Your Eaſineſs of Humour, or rather your harmonious Diſpoſition, is ſo admirably mixed with your Compoſure, that the rugged Cares and Diſturbance that Publick Affairs brings with it, which does ſo vexatiouſly affect the Heads of other great Men of Buſineſs, &c. does ſcarce ever ruffle your un louded Brow ſo much as with a Frown. And what above all is Praiſe-worthy, you are ſo far from thinking your ſelf better than others, that a flouriſhing and opulent Fortune, which by a certain natural Corruption in its Quality, ſeldom fails to infect other Poſſeſſors with Pride, ſeems in this Caſe as if only providentially diſpoſed to enlarge your Humility.

But I find, Sir, I am now got into a very large Field, where tho' I could with great Eaſe raiſe a Number of Plants in Relation to your Merit of this plauditory Nature; yet for Fear of an Author's general Vice, and that the plain Juſtice I have done you ſhould, by my Proceeding and others miſtaken Judgment, be imagined Flattery, a Thing the Bluntneſs of my Nature does not care to be concern'd with, and which I alſo know you abominate.

[312] It is wonderful to ſee how many Judges [...] theſe fine Things ſpring up every Day by th [...] Riſe of Stocks, and other elegant Methods [...] abridging the Way to Learning and Criticiſm [...] But I do hereby forbid all Dedications to any Perſons within the City of London, except Sir Francis, Sir Stephen, and the Bank, will take Epigrams and Epiſtles as Value received for their Notes; and the Eaſt-India Companies accept of Heroick Poems for their Seal'd Bonds. Upon which Bottom, our Publiſhers have full Power to treat with the City in Behalf of us Authors, to enable Traders to become Patrons and Fellows of the Royal Society, as well as receive certain Degrees of Skill in the Latin and Greek Tongues, according to the Quantity of the Commodities which they take off our Hands.

The Learned have ſo long laboured under the Imputation of Dryneſs and Dulneſs in their Accounts of their Phaenomena, that an ingenious Gentleman of our Society has reſolved to write a Syſtem of Philoſophy in a more lively Method, both as to the Matter and Language, than has been hitherto attempted. He read to us the Plan upon which he intends to proceed. I thought his Account, by Way of Fable of the Worlds about us, had ſo much Vivacity in it, that I could not forbear tranſcribing his Hypotheſis, to give the Reader a Taſte of my Friend's Treatiſe, which is now in the Preſs.

The Inferior Deities having deſigned on a Day to play a Game at Football, knead together a numberleſs Collection of dancing Atoms into the Form of Seven rowling Globes: And that Nature might be kept from a dull Inactivity, each ſeparate Particle is endued with a Principle of Motion, or a Power of Attraction, [313] whereby all the ſeveral Parcels of Matter draw each other proportionably to their Magnitudes and Diſtances, into ſuch a remarkable Variety of different Forms, as to produce all the wonderful Appearances we now obſerve in Empire, Philoſophy, and Religion. But to proceed.

At the Beginning of the Game, each of the Globes being ſtruck forward with a vaſt Violence, ran out of Sight, and wander'd in a ſtraight Line thro' the infinite Spaces. The nimble Deities purſue, breathleſs almoſt, and ſpent in the eager Chace; each of them catched hold of one, and ſtamped it with his Name; as, Saturn, Jupiter, Mars, and ſo of the reſt. To prevent this Inconveniene for the future, the Seven are condemned to a Precipitation, which in our inferior Style we call Gravity. Thus the Tangential and Centripetal Forces, by their Counter-ſtruggle, make the Celeſtial Bodies deſcribe an exact Ellipſis.

There will be added to this, an Appendix, in Defence of the Firſt Day of the Term according to the Oxford Almanack, by a learned Knight of this Realm, with an Apology for the ſaid Knight's Manner of Dreſs; proving, That his Habit, according to this Hypotheſis, is the true Modern and Faſhionable; and that Buckles are not to be worn, by this Syſtem, till the 10th of March, in the Year 1714, which, according to the Computation of ſome of our greateſt Divines, is to be the firſt Year of the Millennium; in which bleſſed Age, all Habits will be reduced to a Primitive Simplicity; and whoever ſhall be found to have perſevered in a Conſtancy of Dreſs, in Spight of all the Allurements of prophane and heathen Habits, ſhall be rewarded with a never-fading Doublet of a Thouſand Years. All Points in the [314] Syſtem which are doubted, ſhall be atteſted by the Knight's Extemporary Oath, for the Satisfaction of his Readers.

We were upon the Heroick Strain this Evening, and the Queſtion was, What is the True Sublime? Many very good Diſcourſes happen'd thereupon; after which a Gentleman at the Table, who is, it ſeems, writing on that Subject, aſſum'd the Argument; and tho' he ran thro' many Inſtances of Sublimity from the ancient Writers, ſaid, He had hardly known an Occaſion wherein the true Greatneſs of Soul, which animates a General in Action, is ſo well repreſented, with Regard to the Perſon of whom it was ſpoken, and the Time in which it was writ, as in a few Lines in a modern Poem: There is (continued he) nothing ſo forc'd and conſtrain'd, as what we frequently meet with in Tragedies; to make a Man under the Weight of a great Sorrow, or full of Meditation upon what he is ſoon to execute, caſt about for a Simile to what he himſelf is, or the Thing which he is going to act: But there is nothing more proper and natural for a Poet, whoſe Buſineſs is to deſcribe, and who is Spectator of one in that Circumſtance when his Mind is working upon a great Image, and that the Idea's hurry upon his Imagination; I ſay, there is nothing ſo natural, as for a Poet to relieve and clear himſelf from the Burthen of Thought at that Time, by uttering his Conception in Simile and Metaphor. The higheſt Act of the Mind of Man, is to poſſeſs it ſelf with Tranquility in eminent Danger, and to have its Thoughts ſo free, as to act at that Time without Perplexity. The ancient Authors have compared this ſedate Courage to a Rock that remains immoveable [315] amidſt the Rage of Winds and Waves; but that is too ſtupid and inanimate a Similitude, and could do no Credit to the Hero. At other Times they are all of 'em wonderfully obliged to a Lybian Lion, which may give indeed very agreeable Terrors to a Deſcription; but is no Compliment to the Perſon to whom it is applied: Eagles, Tygers, and Wolves, are made Uſe of on the ſame Occaſion, and very often with much Beauty; but this is ſtill an Honour done to the Brute, rather than the Hero. Mars, Pallas, Bacchus, and Hercules, have each of 'em furniſh'd very good Similes in their Time, and made, doubtleſs, a greater Impreſſion on the Mind of a Heathen, than they have on that of a modern Reader. But the ſublime Image that I am talking of, and which I really think as great as ever enter'd into the Thought of Man, is in the Poem call'd, The Campaign; where the Simile of a miniſtring Angel ſets forth the moſt ſedate and the moſt active Courage, engaged in an Uproar of Nature, a Confuſion of Elements, and a Scene of Divine Vengeance. Add to all, That theſe Lines compliment the General and his Queen at the ſame Time, and have all the natural Horrors, heighten'd by the Image that was ſtill freſh in the Mind of every Reader.

'Twas then Great Marlbro's mighty Soul was prov'd,
That, in the Shock of charging Hoſts unmov'd,
Amidſt Confuſion, Horror, and Deſpair,
Examin'd all the dreadful Scenes of War;
In peaceful Thought the Field of Death ſurvey'd,
To fainting Squadrons ſent the timely Aid,
Inſpir'd repuls'd Battalions to engage,
And taught the doubtful Battle where to rage.
So when an Angel by Divine Command,
With riſing Tempeſts ſhakes a guilty Land,
[316] Such as of late o'er pale Britannia paſt,
Calm and ſerene he drives the furious Blaſt;
And, pleas'd th' Almighty's Orders to perform,
Rides in the Whirl-wind, and directs the Storm.

The whole Poem is ſo exquiſitely Noble and Poetick, that I think it an Honour to our Nation and Language. The Gentleman concluded his Critick on this Work, by ſaying, that he eſteemed it wholly new, and a wonderful Attempt to keep up the ordinary Idea's of a March of an Army, juſt as they happen'd in ſo warm and great a Style, and yet be at once Familiar and Heroick. Such a Performance is a Chronicle as well as a Poem, and will preſerve the Memory of our Hero, when all the Edifices and Statues erected to his Honour are blended with common Duſt.

Letters from the Hague of the 23d Inſtant, N. S. ſay, That the Allies were ſo forward in the Siege of Tournay, that they were preparing for a general Aſſault, which, it was ſuppoſed, would be made within a few Days. Deſerters from the Town gave an Account, That the Garriſon was carrying their Ammunition and Proviſions into the Citadel, which occaſion'd a Tumult among the Inhabitants of the Town. The French Army had laid Bridges over the Scarp, and made a Motion as if they intended to paſs that River; but tho' they are joined by the Reinforcement expected from Germany, it was not believed they would make any Attempt towards relieving Tournay. Letters from Brabant ſay, There has been a Diſcovery made of a Deſign to deliver up Antwerp to the Enemy. The States of Holland have agreed to a general Naturalization of all Proteſtants who ſhall fly into [317] their Dominions; to which Purpoſe, a Proclamation was to be iſſued within few Days.

They write from France, That the great Miſery and Want under which that Nation has ſo long laboured, has ended in a Peſtilence, which began to appear in Burgundy and Dauphin [...]. They add, That in the Town of Mazon, Three Hundred Perſons had died in the Space of Ten Days. Letters from Liſle of the 24th Inſtant adviſe, That great Numbers of Deſerters came daily into that City, the moſt Part of whom are Dragoons. We are adviſed from France, That the Loire having overflowed its Banks, hath laid the Country under Water for 300 Miles together.

The TATLER. [No 44.
From Tueſday July 19. to Thurſd. July 21. 1709.

— Nullis Amor eſt medicabilis Herbis.

THIS Day, paſſing through Covent-Garden, I was ſtopp'd in the Piazza by Pacolet, to obſerve what he called the Triumph of Love and Youth. I turned to the Object he pointed at; and there I ſaw a gay gilt Chariot drawn by freſh prancing Horſes; the Coachman with a new Cockade, and the Lacques with Inſolence and Plenty in their Countenances. I asked immediately, What young Heir or Lover own'd that glittering Equipage? But my Companion interrupted: Do not you ſee there the mourning Aeſculapius? The Mourning! ſaid I. Yes Iſaac, ſaid Pacolet, He is in deep Mourning, and is the languiſhing hopeleſs Lover of the divine Hebe, the Emblem of Youth and Beauty. The excellent and [318] learned Sage you behold in that Furniture, is th [...] ſtrongeſt Inſtance imaginable, that Love is th [...] moſt powerful of all Things:

You are not ſo ignorant as to be a Stranger to the Character of Aeſculapius, as the Patron and moſt ſucceſsful of all who profeſs the Art of Medicine. But as moſt of his Operations are owing to a natural Sagacity or Impulſe, he has very little troubled himſelf with the Doctrine of Drugs; but has always given Nature more Room to help her ſelf, than any of her learned Aſſiſtants; and conſequently has done greater Wonders than is in the Power of Art to perform: For which Reaſon he is half deify'd by the People; and has ever been juſtly courted by all the World, as if he were a Seventh Son.

It happen'd, that the charming Hebe was reduced, by a long and violent Fever, to the moſt extreme Danger of Death; and when all Skill fail'd, they ſent for Aeſculapius. The renowned Artiſt was touch'd with the deepeſt Compaſſion to ſee the faded Charms and faint Bloom of Hebe; and had a generous Concern in beholding a Struggle, not between Life, but rather between Youth and Death. All his Skill and his Paſſion tended to the Recovery of Hebe, beautiful even in Sickneſs: But, alas! the unhappy Phyſician knew not, that in all his Care he was only ſharpening Darts for his own Deſtruction. In a Word, his Fortune was the ſame with that of the Statuary, who fell in Love with the Image of his own making; and the unfortunate Aeſculapius is become the Patient of her whom he lately recovered. Long before this Diſaſter, Aeſculapius was far gone in the unneceſſary and ſuperfluous Amuſements of old Age, in increaſing unweildy Stores, and providing, in the midſt of an Incapacity of Enjoyment of what he had, for a Supply of more Wants than he had Calls for in Youth it ſelf. But theſe low Conſiderations [319] are now no more, and Love has taken Place of Avarice, or rather is become an Avarice of another Kind, which ſtill urges him to purſue what he does not want. But behold the Matamorphoſis; the anxious mean Cares of an Uſurer are turned into the Languiſhments and Complaints of a Lover. Behold, ſays the aged Aeſculapius, I ſubmit, I own, great Love, thy Empire: Pity, Hebe, the Fop you have made: What have I to do with Guilding but on Pills? Yet, O Fair! For thee I ſit amidſt a Crowd of painted Deities on my Chariot, button'd in Gold, claſp'd in Gold, without having any Value for that beloved Metal, but as it adorns the Perſon, and laces the Hat of thy dying Lover. I ask not to live, O Hebe! Give me but gentle Death: Euthanaſia, Euthanaſia, that is all I implore. When Aeſculapius had finiſhed his Complaint, Pacolet went on in deep Morals on the Incertainty of Riches with this remarkable Exclamation; O Wealth! How impotent art thou? And how little doſt thou ſupply us with real Happineſs, when the Uſurer himſelf can forget thee for the Love of what is as foreign to his Felicity as thou art?

The Company here, who have all a delicate Taſte of Theatrical Repreſentations, had made a Gathering to purchaſe the Moveables of the neighbouring Play-houſe, for the Encouragement of one which is ſetting up in the Hay-Market. But the Proceedings at the Auction (by which Method the Goods have been ſold this Evening) have been ſo unfair, that this generous Deſign has been fruſtrated; for the Imperial Mantle made for Cyrus was miſſing, as alſo the Chariot and Two Dragons: But upon Examination it was found, that a Gentleman of Hampſhire had clandeſtinely bought them both, and is gone down to his Country Seat; and that on [320] Saturday laſt he paſſed through Staines attired in that Robe, and drawn by the ſaid Dragons, aſſiſted by Two only of his own Horſes. This Theatrical Traveller has alſo left Orders with Mr. Hall to ſend the faded Rainbow to the Scowrers, and when it comes home, to diſpatch it after him. At the ſame Time C— R— Eſq is invited to bring down his Setting Sun himſelf, and be Box-keeper to a Theatre erected by this Gentleman near Southampton. Thus there has been nothing but Artifice in the Management of this Affair; for which Reaſon I beg Pardon of the Town, that I inſerted the Inventory in my Paper, and ſolemnly proteſt, I knew nothing of this artful Deſign of vending theſe Rarities: But I meant only the Good of the World in that and all other Things which I divulge.

And now I am upon this Subject, I muſt do my ſelf Juſtice in Relation to an Article in a former Paper, wherein I made Mention of a Perſon who keeps a Puppet-Show in the Town of Bath; I was tender of naming Names, and only juſt hinted, that he makes larger Promiſes, when he invites People to his Dramatick Repreſentations, than he is able to perform: But I am credibly informed, that he makes a prophane lewd Jeſter, whom he calls Punch, ſpeak to the Diſhonour of Iſaac Bickerſtaff with great Familiarity; and before all my learned Friends in that Place, takes upon him to diſpute my Title to the Appellation of Eſquire. I think I need not ſay much to convince all the World, that this Mr. Powell (for that is his Name) is a pragmatical and vain Perſon to pretend to argue with me on any Subject. Mecum certaſſe feretur; that is to ſay, It will be an Honour to him to have it ſaid he contended with me; but I would have him to know, that I can look beyond his Wires, and know very well the [321] whole Trick of his Art, and that it is only by theſe Wires that the Eye of the Spectator is cheated, and hinder'd from ſeeing that there is a Thread on one of Punch's Chops, which draws it up, and lets it fall at the Diſcretion of the ſaid Powell, who ſtands behind and plays him, and makes him ſpeak ſawcily of his Betters. He! To pretend to make Prologues againſt me!—But a Man never behaves himſelf with Decency in his own Caſe; therefore I ſhall command my ſelf, and never trouble me further with this little Fellow, who is himſelf but a tall Puppet, and has not Brains enough to make even Wood ſpeak as it ought to do: And I, that have heard the Groaning Board, can deſpiſe all that his Puppets ſhall be able to ſpeak as long as they live. But, Ex quovis Ligno non fit Mercurius. He has pretended to write to me alſo from the Bath, and ſays, He thought to have deferred giving me an Anſwer till he came to his Books; but that my Writings might do well with the Waters: Which are pert Expreſſions that become a School-boy, better than one that is to teach others: And when I have ſaid a civil Thing to him, he cries, Oh! I thank you for that—I am your humble Servant for that. Ah! Mr. Powell, theſe ſmart Civilities will never run down Men of Learning: I know well enough your Deſign is to have all Men Automata, like your Puppets; but the World is grown too wiſe, and can look through theſe thin Devices. I know you deſign to make a Reply to this; but be ſure you ſtick cloſe to my Words; for if you bring me into Diſcourſes concerning the Government of your Puppets, I muſt tell you, I neither am, nor have been, nor will be, at Leiſure to anſwer you. It is really a burning Shame this Man ſhould be tolerated in abuſing the World with ſuch Repreſentations of Things: But his Parts [322] decay, and he is not much more alive than Partridge.

I muſt beg Pardon of my Readers that for this Time I have, I fear, huddled up my Diſcourſe, having been very buſy in helping an old Friend of mine out of Town. He has a very good Eſtate, is a Man of Wit; but he had been Three Years abſent from Town, and can't bear a Jeſt; for which Reaſon I have, with ſome Pains, convinc'd him, that he can no more live here than if he were a downright Bankrupt. He was ſo fond of dear London, that he began to fret only inwardly; but being unable to laugh and be laugh'd at, I took a Place in the Northern Coach for him and his Family; and hope he is got to Night ſafe from all Sneerers in his own Parlour.

This Morning we received by Expreſs, the agreeable News of the Surrender of the Town of Tournay on the 28th Inſtant, N. S. The Place was aſſaulted at the Attacks of General Schuylemberg, and that of General Lottum, at the ſame Time. The Action at both thoſe Parts of the Town was very obſtinate, and the Allies loſt a conſiderable Number at the Beginning of the Diſpute; but the Fight was continued with ſo great Bravery, that the Enemy obſerving our Men to be Maſters of all the Poſts which were neceſſary for a general Attack, beat the Chamade, and Hoſtages were receiv'd from the Town, and others ſent from the Befiegers, in order to come to a formal Capitulation for the Surrender of the Place. We have alſo this Day received Advice, That Sir John Leak, who lies off of Dunkirk, had intercepted ſeveral Ships laden with Corn from the Baltick; and that the [223] Dutch Privateers had fallen in with others, and carried them into Holland. The French Letters adviſe, That the young Son to the Duke of Anjou lived but Eight Days.

The TATLER. [No 45.
From Thurſd. July 21. to Saturd. July 23. 1709.

Credo Pudicitiam Saturno Rege moratam
In Terris. —

THE other Day I took a Walk a Mile or Twoout of Town, and ſtrolling wherever Chance led me, I was inſenſibly carried into a By-Road, along which was a very agreeable Quickſet, of an extraordinary Height, which ſurrounded a very delicious Seat and Garden. From one Angle of the Hedge, I heard a Voice cry, Sir, Sir—This rais'd my Curioſity, and I heard the ſame Voice ſay, but in a gentle Tone, Come forward, come forward. I did ſo, and one through the Hedge called me by my Name, and bad me go on to the Left, and I ſhould be admitted to viſit an old Acquaintance in Diſtreſs. The Laws of Knight Errantry made me obey the Summons without Heſitation; and I was let in at the Back-Gate of a lovely Houſe by a Maid-Servant, who carried me from Room to Room, till I came into a Gallery; at the End of which, I ſaw a fine Lady dreſſed in the moſt ſumptuous Habit, as if ſhe were going to a Ball, but with the moſt abject and diſconſolate Sorrow in her Face [324] that I ever beheld. As I came near, ſhe burſt into Tears, and cry'd, Sir, Do not you know the unhappy Teraminta? I ſoon recollected her whole Perſon: But (ſaid I) Madam, The Simplicity of Dreſs, in which I have ever ſeen you at your good Father's Houſe, and the Chearfulneſs of Countenance with which you always appeared, are ſo unlike the Faſhion and Temper you are now in, that I did not eaſily recover the Memory of you. Your habit was then decent and modeſt, your Looks ſerene and beautiful: Whence then this unaccountable Change? Nothing can ſpeak ſo deep a Sorrow as your preſent Aſpect; yet your Dreſs is made for Jollity and Revelling. It is (ſaid ſhe) an unſpeakable Pleaſure to meet with one I know, and to bewail my ſelf to any that is not an utter Stranger to Humanity.

When your Friend my Father died, he left me to a wide World, with no Defence againſt the Inſults of Fortune, but rather, a Thouſand Snares to intrap me in the Dangers to which Youth and Innocence are expoſed, in an Age wherein Honour and Virtue are become mere Words, and uſed only as they ſerve to betray thoſe who underſtand them in their native Senſe, and obey them as the Guides and Motives of their Being. The wickedeſt of all Men living, the abandoned Decius, who has no Knowledge of any good Art or Purpoſe of Humane Life, but as it tends to the Satisfaction of his Appetites, had Opportunities of frequently ſeeing and entertaining me at a Houſe where mixed Company boarded, and where he placed himſelf for the baſe Intention which he has ſince brought to paſs. Decius ſaw enough in me to raiſe his brural Deſires, and my Circumſtances gave him Hopes of accompliſhing them. But a l the glittering Expectations he could lay before me, joined by my private Terrors of Poverty [325] it ſelf, could not for ſome Months prevail upon me; yet however I hated his Intention, I ſtill had a ſecret Satisfaction in his Courtſhip, and always expoſed my ſelf to his Solicitations. See here the Bane of our Sex! Let the Flattery be never ſo apparent, the Flatterer never ſo ill thought of, his Praiſes are ſtill agreeable, and we contribute to our own Deceit. I was therefore ever fond of all Opportunities and Pretences of being in his Company. In a Word, I was at laſt ruined by him, and brought to this Place, where I have been ever ſince immur'd; and from the fatal Day after my Fall from Innocence, my Worſhipper became my Maſter and my Tyrant.

Thus you ſee me habited in the moſt gorgeous Manner, not in Honour of me as a Woman he loves, but as this Attire charms his own Eye, and urges him to repeat the Gratification he takes in me, as the Servant of his brutiſh Luſts and Appetites. I know not where to fly for Redreſs; but am here pining away Life in the Solitude and Severity of a Nun, but the Conſcience and Guilt of an Harlot. I live in this lewd Practice with a Religious Awe of my Miniſter of Darkneſs, upbraided with the Support I receive from him, for the ineſtimable Poſſeſſion of Youth, of Innocence, of Honour, and of Conſcience. I ſee, Sir, my Diſcourſe grows painful to you, all I beg of you is, to paint in ſo ſtrong Colours, as to let Decius ſee I am diſcovered to be in his Poſſeſſion, that I may be turned out of this deteſtable Scene of regular Iniquity, and either think no more, or ſin no more. If your Writings have the good Effect of gaining my Enlargement, I promiſe you I will atone for this unhappy Step, by preferring an innocent laborious Poverty, to all the guilty Affluence the World can offer me.

[326]

To ſhow that I do not bear an irreconcilable Hatred to my mortal Enemy, Mr. Powell at Bath, I do his Function the Honour to publiſh to the World, that Plays repreſented by Puppets are permitted in our Univerſities, and that Sort of Drama is not wholly thought unworthy the Critick of learned Heads: But as I have been converſant rather with the greater Ode, as I think the Criticks call it, I muſt be ſo humble as to make a Requeſt to Mr. Powell, and deſire him to apply his Thoughts to anſwering the Difficulties with which my Kinſman, the Author of the following Letter, ſeems to be embarraſſed.

To my Honoured Kinſman Iſaac Bickerſtaff Eſq

Dear Couſin,

HAD the Family of the Beadleſtaffs, whereof I, tho' unworthy, am one, known of your being lately at Oxon, we had in our own Name, and in the Univerſities, (as it is our Office) made you a Compliment: But your ſhort Stay here robbed us of an Opportunity of paying our due Reſpects, and you of receiving an ingenious Entertainment, with which we at preſent divert our ſelves and Strangers. A Puppet-Show at this Time ſupplies the Want of an ACT. And ſince the Nymphs of this City are diſappointed of a luſcious Muſick-Speech, and the Country Ladies of hearing their Sons or Brothers ſpeak Verſes; yet the vocal Machines, like them, by the Help of a Prompter, ſay Things as much to the Benefit of the Audience, and almoſt as properly their own. The Licence of a Terra-Filius is refined to the well-bred Satyr of Punchenella. Now, Couſin Bickerſtaff, tho' Punch [327] has neither a French Nightcap, nor Long Pockets, yet you muſt own him to be a Pretty Fellow, a very Pretty Fellow: Nay, ſince he ſeldom leaves the Company, without calling, Son of a Whore, demanding Satisfaction, and Duelling, he muſt be owned a Smart Fellow too. Yet, by ſome Indecencies towards the Ladies, he ſeems to be of a Third Character, diſtinct from any you have yet touch'd upon. A young Gentleman who ſate next me (for I had the Curioſity of ſeeing this Entertainment) in a tufted Gown, red Stockings, and long Wig, (which I pronounce to be tantamount to red Heels and a dangling Cane) was enraged when Punchenello diſturbed a ſoft Love-Scene with his Ribaldry. You would oblige us mightily by laying down ſome Rules for adjuſting the extravagant Behaviour of this Almanzor of the Play, and by writing a Treatiſe on this Sort of Dramatick Poetry, ſo much favoured, and ſo little underſtood, by the learned World.

From its being conveyed in a Cart after the Theſpian Manner, all the Parts being recited by one Perſon, as the Cuſtom was before Aeſchilus, and from the Behaviour of Punch as if he had won the Goal, you may poſſibly deduce its Antiquity, and ſettle the Chronology, as well as ſome of our Modern Criticks. In its natural Tranſitions, from Mournful to Merry; as, from the Hanging of a Lover, to Dancing upon the Rope; from the Stalking of a Ghoſt, to a Lady's preſenting you with a Jig; you may diſcover ſuch a Decorum, as is not to be found elſewhere than in our Tragi-Comedies. But I forget my ſelf; 'tis not for me to dictate: I thought fit, dear Couſin, to give you theſe Hints, to ſhew you, that the Beadleſtaff's don't walk before Men of Letters to no [328] Purpoſe; and that tho' we do but hold up the Train of Arts and Sciences, yet like other Pages, we are now and then let into our Ladies Secrets. I am

Your moſt Affectionate Kinſman, Benjamin Beadleſtaff.

I am got hither ſafe, but never ſpent Time with ſo little Satisfaction as this Evening; for you muſt know, I was Five Hours with Three Merry, and Two Honeſt Fellows. The former ſang Catches; and the latter even died with laughing at the Noiſe they made. Well, (ſays Tom Belfrey) You Scholars, Mr. Bickerſtaff, are the worſt Company in the World. Ay, (ſays his Oppoſite) You are dull to Night; prithee be merry. With that I huzza'd, and took a Jump croſs the Table, then came clever upon my Legs, and fell a laughing. Let Mr. Bickerſtaff alone (ſays one of the Honeſt Fellows), when he's in a good Humour, he's as good Company as any Man in England. He had no ſooner ſpoke, but I ſnatched his Hat off his Head, and clap'd it upon my own, and burſt out a laughing again; upon which we all fell a laughing for half an Hour. One of the Honeſt Fellows got behind me in the Interim, and hit me a ſound Slap on the Back; upon which he got the Laugh out of my Hands, and it was ſuch a Twang on my Shoulders, that I confeſs he was much merrier than I. I was half angry; but reſolved to keep up the good Humour of [329] the Company; and after hollowing as loud as I could poſſibly, I drank off a Bumper of Claret, that made me ſtare again. Nay, (ſays one of the Honeſt Fellows) Mr. Iſaac is in the Right, there is no Converſation in this; What fignifies Jumping, or hitting one another on the Back? Let's drink about. We did ſo from Seven a Clock till Eleven; and now I am come hither, and, after the Manner of the wiſe Pythagoras, begin to reflect upon the Paſſages of the Day. I remember nothing, but that I am bruiſed to Death; and as it is my Way to write down all the good Things I have heard in the laſt Converſation to furniſh my Paper, I can from this only tell you my Sufferings, and my Bangs.

I nam'd Pythagoras juſt now, and I proteſt to you, as he believ'd Men after Death enter'd into other Species, I am now and then tempted to think other Animals enter into Men, and could name ſeveral on Two Legs, that never diſcover any Sentiment above what is common with the Species of a lower Kind; as we ſee in theſe bodily Wits whom I was with to Night, whoſe Parts conſiſt in Strength and Activity; but their boiſterous Mirth gives me great Impatience for the Return of ſuch Happineſs as I enjoyed in a Converſation laſt Week. Among others in that Company, we had Florio, who never interrupted any Man living when he was ſpeaking; or ever ceaſed to ſpeak, but others lamented that he had done. His Diſcourſe ever ariſes from a Fulneſs of the Matter before him, and not from Oſtentation or Triumph of his Underſtanding; for though he ſeldom delivers what he need fear being repeated, he ſpeaks without having that End in View; and his Forbearance of Calumny or Bitterneſs, is owing rather to his good Nature than his Diſcretion; for which Reaſon, he is eſteem'd a Gentleman perfectly qualified for [330] Converſation, in whom a general Good-will to Mankind takes off the Neceſſity of Caution and Circumſpection.

We had at the ſame Time that Evening the beſt Sort of Companion that can be, a good-natured old Man. This Perſon meets in the Company of young Men, Veneration for his Benevolence, and is not only valued for the good Qualities of which he is Maſter, but reaps an Acceptance from the Pardon he gives to other Men Faults: And the ingenious Sort of Men with whom he converſes, have ſo juſt a Regard for him, that he rather is an Example, than a Check to their Behaviour. For this Reaſon, as Senecio never pretends to be a Man of Pleaſure before Youth, ſo young Men never ſet up for Wiſdom before Senecio; ſo that you never meet, where he is, thoſe Monſters of Converſation, who are grave or gay above their Years. He never converſes but with Followers of Nature and good Senſe, where all that is uttered is only the Effect of a communicable Temper, and not of Emulation to excel their Companions; all Deſire of Superiority being a Contradiction to that Spirit which makes a juſt Converſation, the very Eſſence of which is mutual Good-will. Hence it is, that I take it for a Rule, that the natural, and not the acquired Man, is the Companion. Learning, Wit, Gallantry, and good Breeding, are all but ſubordinate Qualities in Society, and are of no Value, but as they are ſubſervient to Benevolence, and tend to a certain Manner of being or appearing equal to the reſt of the Company; for Converſation is compoſed of an Aſſembly of Men, as they are Men, and not as they are diſtinguiſhed by Fortune: Therefore he that brings his Quality with him into Converſation, ſhould always pay the Reckoning; for he came to receive Homage, and not to meet his Friends.—But [331] [...]he Din about my Ears from the Clamour of [...]he People I was with this Evening, has carried [...]e beyond my intended Purpoſe, which was to [...]xplain upon the Order of Merry Fellows; but I [...]hink I may pronounce of them, as I heard good [...]enecio, with a Spice of the Wit of the laſt Age, [...]ay, viz. That a Merry Fellow is the Saddeſt Fel [...]ow in the World.

The TATLER. [No 46.
From Saturd. July 23. to Tueſd. July 26. 1709.

Non bene conveniunt, nec in una Sede morantur,
Majeſtas & Amor. —

WE ſee every Day Volumes written againſt that Tyrant of Humane Life called Love, and yet there is no Help found againſt his Cruelties, or Barrier againſt the Inroads he is pleaſed to make into the Mind of Man. After this Preface, you will expect I am going to give particular Inſtances of what I have aſſerted. That Expectation cannot be raiſed too high for the Novelty of the Hiſtory, and Manner of Life, of the Emperor Aurengezebe, who has reſided for ſome Years in the Cities of London and Weſtminſter, with the Air and Mien indeed of his Imperial Quality, but the Equipage and Appointment only of a private Gentleman. This Potentate, for a long Series of Time, appeared from the Hour of Twelve till that of Two at a Coffee-houſe near the Change, and had a Seat (though without a Canopy) ſacred to himſelf, [332] where he gave diurnal Audiences concerning Commerce, Politicks, Tare and Tret, Uſury and Abatement, with all Things neceſſary for helping the Diſtreſſed, who are willing to give one Limb for the better Maintenance of the reſt; or ſuch joyous Youths, whoſe Philoſophy is confined to the preſent Hour, and were deſirous to call in the Revenue of next half Year to double the Enjoyment of this. Long did this growing Monarch employ himſelf after this Manner: And as Alliances are neceſſary to all great Kingdoms, he took particularly the Intereſts of Lewis the Fourteenth into his Care and Protection. When all Mankind were attacking that unhappy Monarch, and thoſe who had neither Valour or Wit to oppoſe againſt him, would be ſtill ſhowing their impotent Malice by laying Wagers in Oppoſition to his Intereſts, Aurengezebe ever took the Part of his Contemporary, and laid immenſe Treaſures on his Side in Defence of his important Magazine of Toulon. Aurengezebe alſo had all this while a conſtant Intelligence with India, and his Letters were anſwered in Jewels, which he ſoon made Brillant, and cauſed to be affixed to his Imperial Caſtor, which he always wears cock'd in Front, to ſhow his Defiance; with an Hear of Imperial Snuff in the Middle of his ample Viſage, to ſhow his Sagacity. The Zealots, for this little Spot called Great Britain, fell univerſally into this Emperor's Policies, and paid Homage to his ſuperior Genius, in forfeiting their Coffers to his Treaſury.

But Wealth and Wiſdom are Poſſeſſions too ſolemn not to give Wearineſs to active Minds, without the Relief (in vacant Hours) of Wit and Love, which are the proper Amuſements of the Powerful and the Wiſe: This Emperor therefore, with great Regularity, every Day at Five in the [333] Afternoon, leaves his Money-Changers, his Publicans, and little Hoarders of Wealth, to their low Purſuits, and aſcends his Chariot to drive to Will's; where the Taſte is refined, and a Reliſh given to Mens Poſſeſſions, by a polite Skill in gratifying their Paſſions and Appetites. There it is that the Emperor has learned to live and to love, and not, like a Miſer, to gaze only on his Ingots or his Treaſures; but with a nobler Satisfaction, to live the Admiration of others, for his Splendour and Happineſs in being Maſter of them. But a Prince is no more to be his own Caterer in his Love, than in his Food; therefore Aurengezebe has ever in waiting Two Purveyors for his Diſhes, and his Wenches for his retired Hours, by whom the Scene of his Diverſion is prepared in the following Manner.

There is near Covent-Garden a Street known by the Name of Drury, which, before the Days of Chriſtianity, was purchaſed by the Queen of Paphos, and is the only Part of Great Britain where the Tenure of Vaſſalage is ſtill in Being. All that long Courſe of Building is under particular Diſtricts or Ladiſhips, after the Manner of Lordſhips in other Parts, over which Matrons of known Abilities preſide, and have, for the Support of their Age and Infirmities, certain Taxes paid out of the Rewards of the amorous Labours of the Young. This Seraglio of Great Britain is diſpoſed into convenient Allies and Apartments, and every Houſe, from the Cellar to the Garret, inhabited by Nymphs of different Orders, that Perſons of every Rank may be accommodated with an immediate Conſort, to allay their Flames, and partake of their Cares. Here it is, that when Aurengezebe thinks fit to give a Looſe to Dalliance, the Purveyors prepare the Entertainment; and what makes it more [334] auguſt is, that every Perſon concerned in the Interlude has his ſet Part, and the Prince ſends before-hand Word what he deſigns to ſay, and directs alſo the very Anſwer which ſhall be made to him.

It has been before hinted, that this Emperor has a continual Commerce with India; and it is to be noted, that the largeſt Stone that rich Earth has produced, is in our Aurengezebe's Poſſeſſion.

But all Things are now diſpoſed for his Reception. At his Entrance into the Seraglio, a Servant delivers him his Bever of State and Love, on which is fixed this ineſtimable Jewel as his Diadem. When he is ſeated, the Purveyors, Pandarus and Nuncio, marching on each Side of the Matron of the Houſe, introduce her into his Preſence. In the midſt of the Room, they bow all together to the Diadem.

When the Matron—

Whoever thou art, (as thy awful Aſpect ſpeaks thee a Man of Power) be propitious to this Manſus of Love, and let not the Severity of thy Wiſdom diſdain, that by the Repreſentation of naked Innocence, or paſtoral Figures, we revive in thee the Memory at leaſt of that Power of Venus, to which all the Wiſe and the Brave are ſome Part of their Lives devoted. Aurengezebe conſents by a Nod, and they go out backward.

After this, an unhappy Nymph, who is to be ſuppoſed juſt eſcaped from the Hands of a Raviſher, with her Treſſes diſhevel'd, runs into the Room with a Dagger in her Hand, and falls before the Emperor.

Pity, Oh! pity! whoever thou art, an unhappy Virgin, whom one of the Train has robbed of her Innocence; her Innocence, which was all her [335] Portion—Or rather, let me die like the memorable Lucretia—Upon which ſhe ſtabs her ſelf. The Body is immediately examined after the Manner of our Coroners. Lucretia recovers by a Cup of right Nants; and the Matron, who is her next Relation, ſtops all Proceſs at Law.

This unhappy Affair is no ſooner over, but a naked Mad-woman breaks into the Room, calls for her Duke, her Lord, her Emperor. As ſoon as ſhe ſpies Aurengezebe, the Object of all her Fury and Love, ſhe calls for Petticoats, is ready to ſink with Shame, and is dreſſed in all haſte in new Attire at his Charge. This unexpected Accident of the Mad-woman, makes Aurengezebe curious to know, whether others who are in their Senſes can gueſs at his Quality. For which Reaſon the whole Convent is examined one by one. The Matron marches in with a tawdry Country Girl—Pray Winifred, (ſays ſhe) Who do you think that fine Man with thoſe Jewels and Pearls is?—I believe (ſays Winifred) it is our Landlord—It muſt be the Squire himſelf—The Emperor laughs at her Simplicity—Go Fool, ſays the Matron: Then turning to the Emperor—Your Greatneſs will pardon her Ignorance! After her, ſeveral others of different Characters are inſtructed to miſtake who he is in the ſame Manner: Then the whole Siſterhood are called together, and the Emperor riſes, and cocking his Hat, declares, He is the Great Mogul, and they his Concubines. A general Murmur goes through the Aſſembly, and Aurengezebe certifying, that he keeps them for State rather than Uſe; tells them, they are permitted to receive all Men into their Apartments; then proceeds through the Crowd, among whom he throws Medals ſhaped like Half-Crowns, and returns to his Chariot.

[336] This being all that paſſed the laſt Day a which Aurengezebe viſited the Women's Apartments, I conſulted Pacolet concerning the Foundation of ſuch ſtrange Amuſements in old Age: To which he anſwer'd; You may remember, when I gave you an Account of my good Fortune in being drowned on the 30th Day of my Humane Life, I told you of the Diſaſters I ſhould otherwiſe have met with before I arrived at the End of my Stamen, which was Sixty Years. I may now add an Obſervation to you, That all who exceed that Period, except the latter Part of it is ſpent in the Exerciſe of Virtue and Contemplation of Futurity, muſt neceſſarily fall into an Indecent old Age, becauſe, with Regard to all the Enjoyments of the Years of Vigour and Manhood, Childhood returns upon them: And as Infants ride on Sticks, build Houſes in Dirt, and make Ships in Gutters, by a faint Idea of Things they are to act hereafter; ſo old Men play the Lovers, Potentates, and Emperors, from the decaying Image of the more perfect Performances of their ſtronger Years: Therefore be ſure to inſert Aeſculapius and Aurengezebe in your next Bill of Mortality of the Metaphorically Defunct.

As ſoon as I came hither this Evening, no leſs than Ten People produced the following Poem, which they all reported was ſent to each of them by the Penny-Poſt from an unknown Hand. All the Battle-Writers in the Room were in Debate, who could be the Author of a Piece ſo martially written; and every Body applauded the Addreſs and Skill of the Author, in calling it a Poſtſcript: It being the Nature of [337] a Poſtſcript to contain ſomething very Material which was forgotten, or not clearly expreſſed in the Letter it ſelf. Thus, the Verſes being occaſioned by a March without Beat of Drum, and that Circumſtance being no ways taken Notice of in any of the Stanza's, the Author calls it a Poſtſcript; not that it is a Poſtſcript, but figuratively, becauſe it wants a Poſtſcript. Common Writers, when what they mean is not expreſſed in the Book it ſelf, ſupply it by a Preface; but a Poſtſcript ſeems to me the more juſt Way of Apology; becauſe otherwiſe a Man makes an Excuſe before the Offence is committed. All the Heroick Poets were gueſſed at for its Author; but though we could not find out his Name, yet one repeated a Couplet in Hudibras which ſpoke his Qualifications:

I'th' midſt of all this Warlike Rabble,
Crowdero march'd, expert and able.

The Poem is admirably ſuited to the Occaſion: For to write without diſcovering your Meaning, bears a juſt Reſemblance to Marching without Beat of Drum.

The Bruſſels POSTSCRIPT.

On the March to Tournay without Beat of Drum.
Could I with plaineſt Words expreſs
That great Man's wonderful Addreſs,
His Penetration, and his towring Thought;
It would the gazing World ſurprize,
To ſee one Man at all Times wiſe,
To view the Wonders he with Eaſe has wrought.
[338]
Refining Schemes approach his Mind,
Like Breezes of a Southern Wind,
To temperate a ſultry glorious Day;
Whoſe Fannings, with an uſeful Pride,
Its mighty Heat doth ſoftly guide,
And having cleared the Air, glide ſilently away.
Thus his Immenſity of Thought,
Is deeply form'd, and gently wrought,
His Temper always ſoftening Life's Diſeaſe;
That Fortune, when ſhe does intend
To rudely frown, ſhe turns his Friend,
Admires his Judgment, and applauds his Eaſe.
His great Addreſs in this Deſign,
Does now, and will for ever ſhine,
And wants a Waller but to do him Right:
The whole Amuſement was ſo ſtrong,
Like Fate he doom'd them to be wrong,
And Tournay's took by a peculiar Slight.
Thus, Madam, all Mankind behold
Your vaſt Aſcendant, not by Gold,
But by your Wiſdom, and your pious Life:
Your Aim no more, than to deſtroy
That which does Europe's Eaſe annoy,
And ſuperſede a Reign of Shame and Striſe.

My Brethren of the Quill, the ingenious Society of News-writers, having with great Spirit and Elegance already informed the World, that the Town of Tournay capitulated on the 28th Inſtant, there is nothing left for me to ſay, but to congratulate the good Company here, that we have Reaſon to hope for an Opportunity of thanking Mr. Withers next Winter in this Place, for the Service he has done his Country. No Man deſerves better of his Friends [339] than that Gentleman, whoſe diſtinguiſhing Character it is, that he gives his Orders with the Familiarity, and enjoys his Fortune with the Generoſity, of a Fellow-Soldier. His Grace the Duke of Argyle had alſo an eminent Part in the Reduction of this important Place. That illuſtrious Youth diſcovers the peculiar Turn of Spirit and Greatneſs of Soul, which only make Men of high Birth and Quality uſeful to their Country; and conſiders Nobility as an imaginary Diſtinction, unleſs accompanied with the Practice of thoſe generous Virtues by which it ought to be obtained. But that our Military Glory is arrived at its preſent Height, and that Men of all Ranks ſo paſſionately affect their Share in it, is certainly owing to the Merit and Conduct of our glorious General: For as the great Secret in Chymiſtry, though not in Nature, has occaſioned many uſeful Diſcoveries; and the fantaſtick Notion of being wholly diſintereſted in Friendſhip, has made Men do a Thouſand generous Actions above themſelves; ſo, though the preſent Grandeur and Fame of the Duke of Marlborough is a Station of Glory to which no one hopes to arrive, yet all carry their Actions to an higher Pitch, by having that great Example laid before them.

The TATLER. [No 47.
From Tueſd. July 26. to Thurſd. July 28. 1709.

[340]
Quicquid agunt Homines noſtri Farrago Libelli.

MY Friend Sir Thomas has communicated to me his Letters from Epſom of the 25th Inſtant, which give, in general, a very good Account of the preſent Poſture of Affairs in that Place; but that the Tranquility and Correſpondence of the Company begins to be interrupted by the Arrival of Sir Taffety Trippet, a Fortune-hunter, whoſe Follies are too groſs to give Diverſion; and whoſe Vanity is too ſtupid to let him be ſenſible that he is a publick Offence. If People will indulge a ſplenatick Humour, it is impoſſible to be at Eaſe, when ſuch Creatures as are the Scandal of our Species, ſet up for Gallantry and Adventures. It will be much more eaſy therefore to laugh Sir Taffety into Reaſon, than convert him from his Foppery by any ſerious Contempt. I knew a Gentleman that made it a Maxim to open his Doors, and ever run into the Way of Bullies, to avoid their Inſolence. The Rule will hold as well with Coxcombs: They are never mortified, but when they ſee you receive, and deſpiſe them; otherwiſe they reſt aſſured, that it is your Ignorance makes them out of your good Graces; or, that 'tis only want of Admittance prevents their being amiable where they are ſhun'd and avoided. But Sir Taffety is a Fop of ſo ſanguine a Complexion, that I fear it will [341] be very hard for the fair One he at preſent purſues to get rid of the Chace, without being ſo tired, as for her own Eaſe to fall into the Mouth of the Mungrel ſhe runs from. But the Hiſtory of Sir Taffety is as pleaſant as his Character.

It happened, that when he firſt ſet up for a Fortune-hunter, he choſe Tunbridge for the Scene of Action; where were at that Time Two Siſters upon the ſame Deſign. The Knight believed of Courſe the Elder muſt be the better Prize; and conſequently makes all his Sail that Way. People that want Senſe, do always in an egregious Manner want Modeſty, which made our Hero triumph in making his Amour as publick as was poſſible. The adored Lady was no leſs vain of his publick Addreſſes. An Attorney with one Cauſe is not half ſo reſtleſs as a Woman with one Lover. Where-ever they met, they talked to each other aloud, choſe each other Partner at Balls, ſaluted at the moſt conſpicuous Parts of the Service at Church, and practiſed in Honour of each other all the remarkable Particularities which are uſual for Perſons who admire one another, and are contemptible to the reſt of the World. Theſe Two Lovers ſeem'd as much made for each other as Adam and Eve, and all pronounced it a Match of Nature's own making; but the Night before the Nuptials, (ſo univerſally approved) the younger Siſter, envious of the good Fortune even of her Siſter, who had been preſent at moſt of their Interviews, and had an equal Taſt for the Charms of a Fop (as there are a Set of Women made for that Order of Men); the younger, I ſay, unable to ſee ſo rich a Prize paſs by her, diſcovered to Sir Taffety, that a Coquet Air, much Tongue, and Three Suits, was all the Portion of his Miſtreſs. His Love vaniſhed that Moment, himſelf and Equipage [342] the next Morning. It is uncertain where the Lover has been ever ſince engag'd; but certain it is, he has not appeared in his Character as a Follower of Love and Fortune till he arrived at Epſom, where there is at preſent a young Lady of Youth, Beauty, and Fortune, who has alarmed all the Vain and the Impertinent to infeſt that Quarter. At the Head of this Aſſembly, Sir Taffety ſhines in the brighteſt Manner, with all the Accompliſhments which uſually enſuare the Heart of Woman; with this particular Merit, (which often is of great Service) that he is laughed at for her Sake. The Friends of the fair One are in much Pain for the Sufferings ſhe goes through from the Perſeverance of this Hero; but they may be much more ſo from the Danger of his ſucceeding, toward which they give him an helping Hand, if they diſſwade her with Bitterneſs; for there is a fantaſtical Generoſity in the Sex, to approve Creatures of the leaſt Merit imaginable, when they ſee the Imperfections of their Admirers are become Marks of Deriſion for their Sakes; and there is nothing ſo frequent, as that he who was contemptible to a Woman in her own Judgment, has won her by being too violently oppoſed by others.

In the ſeveral Capacities I bear, of Aſtrologer, Civilian, and Phyſician, I have with great Application ſtudied the publick Emolument: To this End ſerve all my Lucubrations, Speculations, and whatever other Labours I undertake, whether nocturnal or diurnal. On this Motive am I induced to publiſh a never-failing Medicine for the Spleen: My Experience in this Diſtemper came from a very remarkable Cure on my ever worthy Friend Tom Spindle, who, through exceſſive Gaiety, had exhauſted [343] that natural Stock of Wit and Spirits he had long been bleſſed with: He was ſunk and flattened to the lower Degree imaginable, ſitting whole Hours over the Book of Martyrs, and Pilgrims Progreſs; his other Contemplations never riſing higher than the Colour of his Urine, or Regularity of his Pulſe. In this Condition I found him, accompanied by the learned Dr. Drachm, and a good old Nurſe. Drachm had preſcribed Magazines of Herbs, and Mines of Steel. I ſoon diſcovered the Malady, and deſcanted on the Nature of it, till I convinced both the Patient and his Nurſe, that the Spleen is not to be cured by Medicine, but by Poetry. Apollo, the Author of Phyſick, ſhone with diffuſive Rays the beſt of Poets as well as of Phyſicians; and it is in this double Capacity that I have made my Way, and have found ſweet, eaſy, flowring Numbers, are oft ſuperior to our nobleſt Medicines. When the Spirits are low, and Nature ſunk, the Muſe, with ſprightly and harmonious Notes, gives an unexpected Turn with a Grain of Poetry, which I prepare without the Uſe of Mercury. I have done Wonders in this Kind; for the Spleen is like the Tarantula, the Effects of whoſe malignant Poiſon are to be prevented by no other Remedy but the Charms of Muſick: For you are to underſtand, that as ſome noxious Animals carry Antidotes for their own Poiſons; ſo there is ſomething equally unaccountable in Poetry: For though it is ſometimes a Diſeaſe, it is to be cured only by it ſelf. Now I knowing Tom Spindle's Conſtitution, and that he is not only a pretty Gentleman, but alſo a pretty Poet, found the true Cauſe of his Diſtemper was a violent Grief that moved his Affections too ſtrongly: For during the late Treaty of Peace, he had writ a moſt excellent Poem on that Subject; [344] and when he wanted but Two Lines in the laſt Stanza for finiſhing the whole Piece, there comes News that the French Tyrant would not ſign. Spindle in a few Days took his Bed, and had lain there ſtill, had not I been ſent for. I immediately told him, there was great Probability the French would now ſue to us for Peace. I ſaw immediately a new Life in his Eyes; and knew, That nothing could help him forward ſo well, as hearing Verſes which he would believe worſe than his own; I read him therefore the Bruſſels Poſtſcript. After which I recited ſome Heroick Lines of my own, which operated ſo ſtrongly on the Tympanum of his Ear, that I doubt not but I have kept out all other Sounds for a Fortnight; and have Reaſon to hope, we ſhall ſee him abroad the Day before his Poem.

This you ſee, is a particular Secret I have found out, viz. That you are not to chuſe your Phyſician for his Knowledge in your Diſtemper, but for having it himſelf. Therefore I am at Hand for all Maladies ariſing from Poetical Vapours, beyond which I never pretend. For being called the other Day to one in Love, I took indeed their Three Guinea's, and gave them my Advice; which was, to ſend for Aeſculapius. Aeſculapius, as ſoon as he ſaw the Patient, cries out, 'Tis Love! 'Tis Love! Oh! the unequal Pulſe! Theſe are the Symptoms a Lover feels; ſuch Sighs, ſuch Pangs, attend the uneaſy Mind; nor can our Art, or all our boaſted Skill, avail—Yet, O Fair! for thee—Thus the Sage ran on, and owned the Paſſion which he pitied, as well as that he felt a greater Pain than ever he cured: After which he concluded, All I can adviſe, is Marriage: Charms and Beauty will give new Life and Vigour, and turn the Courſe of Nature to its better Proſpect. This is the new Way; and [345] thus Aeſculapius has left his beloved Powders, and writes a Recipe for a Wife at Sixty. In ſhort, my Friend followed the Preſcription, and married Youth and Beauty in its perfect Bloom.

Supine in Silvia's ſnowy Arms he lies,
And all the buſy Care of Life defies:
Each happy Hour is fill'd with freſh Delight,
While Peace the Day, and Pleaſure crowns the Night.

Tragical Paſſion was the Subject of the Diſcourſe where I laſt viſited this Evening; and a Gentleman who knows that I am at preſent writing a very deep Tragedy, directed his Diſcourſe in a particular Manner to me. It is the common Fault (ſaid he) of you, Gentlemen, who write in the Buskin Style, that you give us rather the Sentiments of ſuch who behold Tragical Events, than of ſuch who bear a Part in 'em themſelves. I would adviſe all who pretend this Way, to read Shakeſpear with Care, and they will ſoon be deterred from putting forth what is uſually called Tragedy. The Way of common Writers in this Kind, is rather the Deſcription than the Expreſſion of Sorrow. There is no Medium in theſe Attempts; and you muſt go to the very Bottom of the Heart, or it is all mere Language; and the Writer of ſuch Lines is no more a Poet, than a Man is a Phyſician for knowing the Names of Diſtempers, without the Cauſes of them Men of Senſe are profeſſed Enemies to all ſuch empty Labours: For he who p [...]etends to be ſorrowful, and is not, is a Wretch yet more contemptible than he who pretends to be me [...]ry, and is not. Such a Tragedian is only maudlin drunk. The [346] Gentleman went on with much Warmth; but all he could ſay had little Effect upon me: But when I came hither, I ſo far obſerved his Counſel, that I looked into Shakeſpear. The Tragedy I dipped into was, Harry the Fourth. In the Scene where Morton is preparing to tell Northumberland of his Son's Death; the old Man does not give him Time to ſpeak, but ſays,

The Whiteneſs of thy Cheeks
Is apter than thy Tongue to tell thy Errand;
Even ſuch a Man, ſo faint, ſo ſpiritleſs,
So dull, ſo dead in Look, ſo Woe—Be gone.
Drew Priam's Curtain at the Dead of Night,
And would have told him Half his Troy was burnt
But Priam found the Fire, e're he his Tongue,
And I my Percy's Death e're thou report'ſt it.

The Image in this Place is wonderfully noble and great; yet this Man in all this is but riſing towards his great Affliction, and is ſtill enough himſelf, as you ſee, to make a Simile? But when he is certain of his Son's Death, he is loſt to all Patience, and gives up all the Regards of this Life; and ſince the laſt of Evils is fallen upon him, he calls for it upon all the World.

Now let not Nature's Hand
Keep the wild [...]lood confined; let Order die,
And let the World no longer be a Stage,
To feed [...]on [...]tion in a ling'ring Act;
But let one Spirit of the firſt-born Cain
Reign in all Boſoms, that each Heart being ſet
On bloody Courſes, the wide Scene may end,
And Darkneſs be the Burier of the Dead.

[347] Reading but this one Scene has convinced me, that he who deſcribes the Concern of great Men, muſt have a Soul as noble, and as ſuſceptible of high Thoughts, as they whom he repreſents: I ſhall therefore lay by my Drama for ſome Time, and turn my Thoughts to Cares and Griefs, ſomewhat below that of Heroes, but no leſs moving. A Misfortune proper for me to take Notice of, has too lately happened: The diſconſolate Maria has three Days kept her Chamber for the Loſs of the beauteous Fidelia, her Lap dog. Lesbia her ſelf did not ſhed more Tears for her Sparrow. What makes her the more concern'd, is, that we know not whether Fidelia was kill'd or ſtolen; but ſhe was ſeen in the Parlour-Window when the Train-bands went by, and never ſince. Whoever gives Notice of her, dead or alive, ſhall be rewarded with a Kiſs of her Lady.

The TATLER. [No 48.
From Thurſd. July 28. to Saturd. July 30. 1709.

— Virtutem Verba putant, ut
Lucum Ligna. —
Hor.

THIS Day I obliged Pacolet to entertain me w [...]th Matters which regarded Perſons of his own Character and Occupation. We choſe to take our Walk on Tower Hill; and as we were coming from thence in o der to ſtroll as far as Garraway's, I obſe ved two Men, who had but juſt landed, coming from the Waterſide. I thought there was ſomething uncommon [348] in their Mien and Aſpect; but though they ſeemed by their Viſage to be related, yet, was there a Warmth in their Manner, as if they differed very much in their Sentiments of the Subject on which they were talking. One of them ſeem'd to have a natural Confidence, mixed with an ingenuous Freedom in his Geſture, his Dreſs very plain, but very graceful and becoming: The other, in the midſt of an over-bearing Carriage, betrayed (by frequently looking round him) a Suſpicion that he was not enough regarded by thoſe he met, or that he feared they would make ſome Attack upon him. This Perſon was much taller than his Companion, and added to that Height the Advantage of a Feather in his Hat, and Heels to his Shoes ſo monſtrouſly high, that he had Three or Four Times fallen down, had he not been ſupported by his Friend. They made a full Stop as they came within a few Yards of the Place where we ſtood. The plain Gentleman bowed to Pacolet; the other looked on him with ſome Diſpleaſure: Upon which I asked him, Who they both were? When he thus informed me of their Perſons and Circumſtances.

You may remember, Iſaac, that I have often told you, there are Beings of a ſuperior Rank to Mankind, who frequently viſit the Habitations of Men, in order to call them from ſome wrong Purſuits in which they are actually engaged, or divert them from Methods which will lead them into Errors for the future. He that will carefully reflect upon the Occurrences of his Life, will find he has been ſometimes extricated out of Difficulties, and received Favours where he could never have expected ſuch Benefits; as well as met with croſs Events from ſome unſeen Hand, which have diſappointed [349] his beſt laid Deſigns. Such Accidents arrive from the Interventions of Aerial Beings, as they are benevolent or hurtful to the Nature of Man, and attend his Steps in the Tracts of Ambition, of Buſineſs, and of Pleaſure. Before I ever appeared to you in the Manner I do now, I have frequently followed you in your Evening Walks, and have often, by throwing ſome Accident in your Way, as the paſſing by of a Funeral, or the Appearance of ſome other ſolemn Object, given your Imagination a new Turn, and changed a Night you had deſtined to Mirth and Jollity, into an Exerciſe of Study and Contemplation. I was the old Soldier who met you laſt Summer in Chelſea-Fields, and pretended that I had broken my Wooden-Leg, and could not get Home; but I ſnap'd it ſhort off on purpoſe, that you might fall into the Reflections you did on that Subject, and take me into your Hack. If you remember, you made your ſelf very merry on that Fracture, and asked me, Whether I thought I ſhould next Winter feel Cold in the Toes of that Leg? As is uſually obſerved, that thoſe who loſe Limbs, are ſenſible of Pains in the extreme Parts, even after thoſe Limbs are cut off. However, my keeping you then in the Story of the Battle of the Boin, prevented an Aſſignation, which would have led you into more Diſaſters than I then related.

To be ſhort: Thoſe Two Perſons you ſee yonder, are ſuch as I am; they are not real Men, but are mere Shades and Figures: One is named Alethes, the other Veriſimilis. Their Office is to be the Guardians and Repreſentatives of Conſcience and Honour. They are now going to viſit the ſeveral Parts of the Town, to ſee how their Intereſts in the World decay or flouriſh, and to purge themſelves from the [350] many falſe Imputations they daily meet with in the Commerce and Converſation of Men. You obſerved Veriſimilis frowned when he firſt ſaw me. What he is provoked at, is, that I told him one Day, though he ſtrutted and dreſſed with ſo much Oſtentation, if he kept himſelf within his own Bounds, he was but a Lacquey, and wore only that Gentleman's Livery whom he is now with. This frets him to the Heart; for you muſt know, he has pretended a long Time to ſet up for himſelf, and gets among a Crowd of the more unthinking Part of Mankind, who take him for a Perſon of the Firſt Quality; though his Introduction into the World was wholly owing to his preſent Companion.

This Encounter was very agreeable to me, and I was reſolved to dog them, and deſired Pacolet to accompany me. I ſoon perceived what he told me in the Geſture of the Perſons: For when they look'd at each other in Diſcourſe, the well-dreſs'd Man ſuddenly caſt down his Eyes, and diſcovered that the other had a painful Superiority over him. After ſome further Diſcourſe, they took Leave. The plain Gentleman went down towards Thames-ſtreet, in order to be preſent, at leaſt, at the Oaths taken at the Cuſtom Houſe; and the other made directly for the Heart of the City. It is incredible how great a Change there immediately appeared in the Man of Honour when he got rid of his uneaſie Companion: He adjuſted the Cock of his Hat a-new, ſettled his Sword-Knot, and had an Appearance that attracted a ſudden Inclination for him and his Intereſts in all who beheld him. For my Part (ſaid I to Pacolet) I cannot but think you are miſtaken in calling this Perſon, of the Lower Quality; for he looks much more like a Gentleman [351] than the other. Don't you obſerve all Eyes are upon him as he advances: How each Sex gazes at his Stature, Aſpect, Addreſs, and Motion? Pacolet only ſmiled, and ſhaked his Head; as leaving me to be convinced by my own further Obſervation. We kept on our Way after him till we came to Exchange-Alley, where the plain Gentleman again came up to the other; and they ſtood together after the Manner of eminent Merchants, as if ready to receive Application; but I could obſerve no Man talk to either of them. The One was laughed at as a Fop; and I heard many Whiſpers againſt the other, as a whimſical Sort of Fellow, and a great Enemy to Trade. They croſſed Cornhill together, and came into the full Change, where ſome bowed, and gave themſelves Airs in being known to ſo fine a Man as Veriſimilis, who, they ſaid, had great Intereſt in all Princes Courts; and the other was taken Notice of by ſeveral as one they had ſeen ſomewhere long before. One more particularly ſaid, He had formerly been a Man of Conſideration in the World; but was ſo unlucky, that they who dealt with him, by ſome ſtrange Infatuation or other, had a Way of cutting off their own Bills, and were prodigiouſly ſlow in improving their Stock. But as much as I was curious to obſerve the Reception theſe Gentlemen met with upon Change, I could not help being interrupted by one that came up towards us, to whom every Body made their Compliments. He was of the common Height, and in his Dreſs there ſeemed to be great Care to appear no Way particular, except in a certain exact and feat Manner of Behaviour and Circumſpection. He was wonderfully careful that his Shoes and Cloathes ſhould be without the leaſt Speck upon them; [352] and ſeem'd to think, that on ſuch an Accident depended his very Life and Fortune. There was hardly a Man on Change who had not a Note upon him; and each ſeem'd very well ſatisfied that their Money lay in his Hands, without demanding Payment. I asked Pacolet, What great Merchant that was, who was ſo univerſally addreſſed to, yet made too familiar an Appearance to command that extraordinary Deference? Pacolet anſwer'd, This Perſon is the Daemon or Genius of Credit; his Name is Umbra. If you obſerve, he follows Alethes and Veriſimilis at a Diſtance; and indeed has no Foundation for the Figure he makes in the World, but that he is thought to keep their Caſh; though at the ſame Time, none who truſt him, would truſt the other for a Groat. As the Company rolled about, the Three Specters were jumbled into one Place: When they were ſo, and all thought there was an Alliance between them, they immediately drew upon them the Buſineſs of the whole Change. But their Affairs ſoon encreaſed to ſuch an unweildy Bulk, that Alethes took his Leave, and ſaid, He would not engage further than he had an immediate Fund to anſwer. Veriſimilis pretended, that though he had Revenues large enough to go on his own Bottom, yet it was below one of his Family to condeſcend to trade in his own Name; therefore he alſo retired. I was extremely troubled, to ſee the glorious Mart of London left with no other Guardian, but him of Credit. But Pacolet told me, That Traders had nothing to do with the Honour or Conſcience of their Correſpondents, provided they ſupported a general Behaviour in the World, which could not hurt their Credit or their Purſes: For (ſaid he) you may in this one Tract of Building of London and Weſtminſter ſee the imaginary [353] Motives on which the greateſt Affairs move, as well as in rambling over the Face of the Earth. For tho' Alethes is the real Governour, as well as Legiſlator of Mankind, he has very little Buſineſs but to make up Quarrels, and is only a general Referree, to whom every Man pretends to appeal; but is ſatisfied with his Determinations no further than they promote his own Intereſt. Hence it is, that the Soldier and the Courtier model their Actions according to Veriſimilis's Manner, and the Merchant according to that of Umbra. Among theſe Men, Honour and Credit are not valuable Poſſeſſions in themſelves, or purſued out of a Principle of Juſtice; but merely as they are ſerviceable to Ambition and to Commerce. But the World will never be in any Manner of Order or Tranquility, till Men are firmly convinced, that Conſcience, Honour, and Credit, are all in one Intereſt; and that without the Concurrence of the former, the latter are but Impoſitions upon our ſelves and others. The Force theſe deluſive Words have, is not ſeen in the Tranſactions of the buſie World only, but alſo have their Tyranny over the Fair Sex. Were you to ask the unhappy Lais, What Pangs of Reflection, preferring the Conſideration of her Honour to her Conſcience, has given her? She could tell you, That it has forced her to drink up half a Gallon this Winter of Tom Daſſapas's Potions; That ſhe ſtill pines away for fear of being a Mother; and knows not, but the Moment ſhe is ſuch, ſhe ſhall be a Murdereſs: But if Conſcience had as ſtrong a Force upon her Mind as Honour, the firſt Step to her unhappy Condition had never been made; ſhe had ſtill been innocent, as ſhe's beautiful. Were Men ſo enlighten'd and ſtudious of their own Good, as to act by the Dictates of their Reaſon and [354] Reflection, and not the Opinion of others, Conſcience would be the ſteady Ruler of humane Life; and the Words, Truth, Law, Reaſon, Equity, and Religion, would be but Synonymous Terms, for that only Guide which makes us paſs our Days in our own Favour and Approbation.

The TATLER. [No 49.
From Saturd. July 30. to Tueſd. Aug. 2. 1709.

Quicquid agunt Homines noſtri Farrago Libelli.

THE Impo ition of honeſt Names and Words upon improper Subjects, has made ſo regular a Confuſion amongſt us, that we are apt to ſit down with our Errors, well enough ſatisfied with the Methods we are fallen into, without attempting to deliver ou ſelves from the Tyranny under which we are reduc'd by ſuch Innovations. Of all the laudable Motives of humane Life, none has ſuffered ſo much in this Kind, as Love; under which rever'd Name, a brutal Deſire call'd Luſt is frequently concealed and admitted; tho' they differ as much as a Matron from a Proſtiture, or a Companion from a Buffoon. Philander the other Day was bewailing this Misfortune w [...] much Indignation, and upbraided me for hav [...]g ſome Time ſince quoted thoſe excellent Lines of the Satyriſt:

To an exact Perfection they have brought
The Action Love, the Paſſion is forgot.

[355] How could you (ſaid he) leave ſuch a Hint ſo coldly? How could Aſpaſia and Semphronia enter into your Imagination at the ſame Time, and you never declare to us the different Reception you gave 'em?

The Figures which the ancient Mythologiſts and Poets put upon Love and Luſt in their Writings, are very inſtructive. Love is a beauteous Blind Child, adorn'd with a Quiver and a Bow, which he plays with, and ſhoots around him, without Deſign or Direction; to intimate to us, that the Perſon beloved has no Intention to give us the Anxieties we meet with; but that the Beauties of a worthy Object are like the Charms of a lovely Infant: They cannot but attract your Concern and Fondneſs, tho' the Child ſo regarded is as inſenſible of the Value you put upon it, as it is that it deſerves your Benevolence. On the other Side, the Sages figured Luſt in the Form of a Satyr; of Shape, part Humane, part Beſtial; to ſignify, that the Followers of it proſtitute the Reaſon of a Man to purſue the Appetites of a Beaſt. This Satyr is made to haunt the Paths and Coverts of the Wood-Nymphs and Shepherdeſſes, to lurk on the Banks of Rivulets, and watch the purling Streams, (as the Reſorts of retired Virgins) to ſhow, that lawleſs Deſire tends chiefly to prey upon Innocence, and has ſomething ſo unnatural in it, that it hates its own Make, and ſhuns the Object it lov'd, as ſoon as it has made it like it ſelf. Love therefore is a Child that complains and bewails its Inability to help it ſelf, and weeps for Aſſiſtance, without an immediate Reflection or Knowledge of the Food it wants: Luſt, a watchful Thief which ſeizes its Prey, and lays Snares for its own Relief; and its principal Object being Innocence, it never robs, but it murders at the ſame Time.

[356] From this Idea of a Cupid and a Satyr, we may ſettle our Notion of theſe different Deſires, and accordingly rank their Followers. Aſpaſia muſt therefore be allow'd to be the firſt of the beauteous Order of Love, whoſe unaffected Freedom, and conſcious Innocence, give her the Attendance of the Graces in all her Actions. That awful Diſtance which we bear towards her in all our Thoughts of her, and that chearful Familiarity with which we approach her, are certain Inſtances of her being the trueſt Object of Love of any of her Sex. In this accompliſh'd Lady, Love is the conſtant Effect, becauſe it is never the Deſign. Yet, tho' her Mien carries much more Invitation than Command, to behold her is an immediate Check to looſe Behaviour; and to love her, is a liberal Education: For, it being the Nature of all Love to create an Imitation of the beloved Perſon in the Lover, a Regard for Aſpaſia naturally produces Decency of Manners, and good Conduct of Life in her Admirers. If therefore the giggling Leucippe could but ſee her Train of Fops aſſembled, and Aſpaſia move by 'em, ſhe would be mortified at the Veneration with which ſhe is beheld, ev'n by Leucippe's own unthinking Equipage, whoſe Paſſions have long taken Leave of their Underſtandings.

As Charity is eſteemed a Conjunction of the good Qualities neceſſary to a virtuous Man, ſo Love is the happy Compoſition of all the Accompliſhments that make a Fine Gentleman. The Motive of a Man's Life is ſeen in all his Actions; and ſuch as have the Beauteous Boy for their Inſpirer, have a Simplicity of Behaviour, and a certain Evenneſs of Deſire, which burns like the Lamp of Life in their Boſoms; while they who are inſtigated by the Satyr, are ever tortured by Jealouſies of the Object of their Wiſhes; often deſire what they ſcorn, and as often [357] conſciouſly and knowingly embrace where they are mutually indifferent.

Florio, the generous Husband, and Limberham, the kind Keeper, are noted Examples of the different Effects which theſe Deſires produce in the Mind. Amanda, who is the Wife of Florio, lives in the continual Enjoyment of new Inſtances of her Husband's Friendſhip, and ſees it the End of all his Ambition to make her Life one Series of Pleaſure and Satisfaction; and Amanda's Reliſh of the Goods of Life, is all that makes 'em pleaſing to Florio: They behave themſelves to each other when preſent with a certain apparent Benevolence, which tranſports above Rapture; and they think of each other in Abſence with a Confidence unknown to the higheſt Friendſhip: Their Satisfactions are doubled, their Sorrows leſſen'd by Participation.

On the other Hand, Corinna, who is the Miſtreſs of Limberham, lives in conſtant Torment: Her Equipage is, an old Woman, who was what Corinna is now; an antiquated Footman, who was Pimp to Limberham's Father; and a Chamber-Maid, who is Limberham's Wench by Fits, out of a Principle of Politicks to make her jealous and watchful of Corinna. Under this Guard, and in this Converſation, Corinna lives in State: The Furniture of her Habitation, and her own gorgeous Dreſs, make her the Envy of all the ſtrolling Ladies in the Town; but Corinna know ſhe her ſelf is but Part of Limberham's Houſhold-Stuff, and is as capable of being diſpos'd of elſewhere, as any other Moveable. But while her Keeper is perſwaded by his Spies, that no Enemy has been within his Doors ſince his laſt Viſit, no Perſian Prince was ever ſo magnificently bountiful: A kind Look or falling Tear is worth a Piece of Brockade, a Sigh is a Jewel, and a Smile is a Cupboard [358] board of Plate. All this is ſhar'd between Corinna and her Guard in his Abſence. With this great Oeconomy and Induſtry does the unhappy Limberham purchaſe the conſtant Tortures of Jealouſie, the Favour of ſpending his Eſtate, and the Opportunity of enriching one by whom he knows he is hated and deſpiſed. Theſe are the ordinary and common Evils which attend Keepers, and Corinna is a Wench but of common Size of Wickedneſs, were you to know what paſſes under the Roof where the fair Meſſalina reigns with her humble Adorer!

Meſſalina is the profeſs'd Miſtreſs of Mankind; ſhe has left the Bed of her Husband and her beauteous Offspring, to give a Looſe to Want of Shame and Fulneſs of Deſire. Wretched Nocturuus, her feeble Keeper! How the poor Creature fribles in his Gate, and skuttles from Place to Place to diſpatch his neceſſary Affairs in painful Day-light, that he may return to the conſtant Twilight preſerv'd in that Scene of Wantonneſs, Meſſalina's Bed-chamber! How does he, while he is abſent from thence, conſider in his Imagination the Breadth of his Porter's Shoulders, the ſpruce Nightcap of his Valet, the ready Attendance of his Butler! Any of all whom he knows ſhe admits, and profeſſes to approve of. This, alas! is the Gallantry; this the Freedom of our Fine Gentlemen: For this they preſerve their Liberty, and keep clear of that Bugbear, Marriage. But he does not underſtand either Vice or Virtue, who will not allow, that Life without the Rules of Morality is a wayward uneaſie Being, with Snatches only of Pleaſure; but under the Regulation of Virtue, a reaſonable and uniform Habit of Enjoyment. I have ſeen in a Play of old Haywood's, a Speech at the End of an Act, which touch'd this Point with much Spirit. He makes a married [359] Man in the Play, upon ſome endearing Occaſion, look at his Spouſe with an Air of Fondneſs, and fall into the following Reflection on his Condition:

Oh Marriage! Happieſt, eaſieſt, ſafeſt State;
Let Debauchees and Drunkards ſcorn thy Rights,
Who, in their nauſeous Draughts and Luſts, profane
Both thee and Heav'n by whom thou wer't ordain'd.
How can the Savage call it Loſs of Freedom,
Thus to converſe with, thus to gaze at
A faithful, beauteous Friend?
Bluſh not, my fair One, that thy Love applauds thee,
Nor be it painful to my wedded Wife,
That my full Heart o'erflows in Praiſe of thee.
Thou art by Law, by Intereſt, Paſſion, mine:
Paſſion and Reaſon join in Love of thee.
Thus, through a World of Calumny and Fraud,
We paſs both unreproach'd, both undeceiv'd;
While in each other's Intereſt and Happineſs,
We without Art all Faculties employ,
And all our Senſes without Guilt enjoy.

Letters from the Hague of the 6th Inſtant, N. S. ſay, That there daily arrive at our Camp Deſerters in conſiderable Numbers; and that ſeveral of the Enemy concealed themſelves in the Town of Tournay when the Garriſon marched into the Citadel; after which, they preſented themſelves to the Duke of Marlborough; ſome of whom were Commiſſioned Officers. The Earl of Albemarle is appointed Governour of the Town. Soon after the Surrender, there aroſe a Diſpute about a conſiderable Work, which was aſſerted by the Allies to be Part of the Town, and by the French to belong [360] to the Citadel. It is ſaid, Monſieur de Survill [...] was ſo ingenuous as to declare, he thought it t [...] be comprehended within the Limits of the Town [...] but Monſieur de Meſgrigny, Governour of the Citadel, was of a contrary Opinion. It is reported [...] That this Affair occaſioned great Difficulties [...] which ended in a Capitulation for the Citadel i [...] ſelf; the principal Article of which is, That i [...] ſhall be ſurrendred on the 5th of September next [...] in caſe they are not in the mean Time relieved [...] This Circumſtance gives Foundation to believe that the Enemy have acted in this Manner, rather from ſome Hopes they conceive of a Treaty of Peace before that Time, than any Expectation from their Army, which has retired towards their former Works between Lens and La Baſſee. Theſe Advices add, That his Excellency the Czariſh Ambaſſador has communicated to the States-General, and the Foreign Miniſters reſiding at the Hague, a Copy of a Letter from his Maſter's Camp, which gives an Account of the entire Defeat of the Swediſh Army. They further ſay, That Count Piper is taken Priſoner, and that it is doubted whether the King of Sweden himſelf was not kill'd in the Action. We hear from Savoy, That Count Thaun having amus'd the Enemy by a March as far as the Tarantaiſe, had ſuddenly repaſſed Mount Cennis, and moved towards Brianzon. This unexpected Diſpoſition is apprehended by the Enemy as a Piece of the Duke of Savoy's Dexterity; and the French adding this Circumſtance to that of the Confederate Squadron's lying before Toulon, convince themſelves, that his Royal Highneſs has his Thoughts upon the Execution of ſome great Deſign in thoſe Parts.

The TATLER. [No 50.
From Tueſd. Aug. 2. to Thurſd. Aug. 4. 1709.

[361]

The Hiſtory of Orlando the Fair. Chap. I.

WHatever malicious Men may ſay of our Lucubrations, we have no Deſign but to produce unknown Merit, or place in a proper Light the Actions of our Contemporaries who labour to diſtinguiſh themſelves, whether it be by Vice or Virtue. For we ſhall never give Accounts to the World of any Thing, but what the Lives and Endeavours of the Perſons (of whom we treat) make the Baſis of their Fame and Reputation. For this Reaſon it is to be hoped, that our Appearance is reputed a publick Benefit; and tho' certain Perſons may turn what we mean for Panegyrick into Scandal, let it be anſwered once for all, That if our Praiſes are really deſign'd as Raillery, ſuch malevolent Perſons owe their Safety from it only to their being too inconſiderable for Hiſtory. It is not every Man who deals in Ratsbane, or is unſeaſonably amorous, that can adorn Story like Aeſculapius; nor every Stock-Jobber of the India Company can aſſume the Port, and perſonate the Figure of Aurengezebe. My noble Anceſtor Mr. Shakeſpear, who was of the Race of the Staffs, was not more fond of the memorable Sir John Falſtaff, than I am of thoſe Worthies; but the Latins have an admirable Admonition expreſs'd in two Words, to wit, Nequid nimis, which forbids my indulging my ſelf on thoſe delightful [362] Subjects, and calls me to do Juſtice to others, who make no leſs Figures in our Generation. Of ſuch, the firſt and moſt renown'd is, that eminent Hero and Lover, Orlando the Handſome, whoſe Diſappointments in Love, in Gallantry, and in War, have baniſhed him from publick View, and made him voluntarily enter into a Confinement, to which the ungrateful Age would otherwiſe have forced him. Ten Luſtra and more are wholly paſs'd ſince Orlando firſt appeared in the Metropolis of this Iſland: His Deſcent noble, his Wit humorous, his Perſon charming. But to none of theſe Recommendatory Advantages was his Title ſo undoubted as that of his Beauty. His Complexion was fair, but his Countenance manly; his Stature of the talleſt, his Shape the moſt exact; and tho' in all his Limbs he had a Proportion as delicate as we ſee in the Works of the moſt skilful Statuaries, his Body had a Strength and Firmneſs little inferior to the Marble of which ſuch Images are form'd. This made Orlando the univerſal Flame of all the Fair Sex; Innocent Virgins ſigh'd for him, as Adonis; experienced Widows, as Hercules. Thus did this Figure walk alone the Pattern and Ornament of our Species, but of Courſe the Envy of all who had the ſame Paſſions, without his ſuperior Merit and Pretences to the Favour of that enchanting Creature, Woman. However, the generous Orlando believ'd himſelf form'd for the World, and not to be engroſs'd by any particular Affection. He ſigh'd not for Delia, for Chloris, for Chloe, for Betty, nor my Lady, nor for the ready Chamber-maid, nor diſtant Baroneſs: Woman was his Miſtreſs, and the whole Sex his Seraglio. His Form was always irreſiſtible: And if we conſider, that not One of Five hundred can bear the leaſt Favour from a Lady without being exalted above himſelf; [363] if alſo we muſt allow, that a Smile from a Side-Box has made Jack Spruce half mad, we can't think it wonderful that Orlando's repeated Conqueſts touch'd his Brain: So it certainly did, and Orlando became an Enthuſiaſt in Love; and in all his Addreſs, contracted ſomething out of the ordinary Courſe of Breeding and Civility. However, (powerful as he was) he would ſtill add to the Advantages of his Perſon, that of a Profeſſion which the Ladies always favour, and immediately commenced Soldier. Thus equipp'd for Love and Honour, our Hero ſeeks diſtant Climes and Adventures, and leaves the deſpairing Nymphs of Great Britain to the Courtſhip of Beaus and Witlings till his Return. His Exploits in Foreign Nations and Courts, have not been regularly enough communicated unto us, to report 'em with that Veracity which we profeſs in our Narrations: But after many Feats of Arms, (which thoſe who were Witneſſes to them have ſuppreſs'd out of Envy, but which we have had faithfully related from his own Mouth in our publick Streets) Orlando returns home full, but not loaded with Years. Beaus born in his Abſence made it their Buſineſs to decry his Furniture, his Dreſs, his Manner; but all ſuch Rivalry he ſuppreſſed (as the Philoſopher did the Sceptick, who argued there was no ſuch Thing as Motion) by only moving. The Beauteous Villar J. who only was formed for his Paramour, became the O [...] of his Affection. His firſt Speech to he was as follows:

Madam, It is not only that Nature has made us Two the moſt accompliſhed of each Sex, and minted to us to obey her Dictates in becoming One; but [...] there is alſo an Ambition in following the mighty Perſons you have favoured. Where King, [364] and Heroes, as great as Alexander, or ſuch as could perſonate Alexander, have bowed, permit your General to lay his Lawrels:

According to Milton;

The Fair with conſcious Majeſty approv'd
His pleaded Reaſon. —

Fortune having now ſupplied Orlando with Neceſſaries for his high Taſte of Gallantry and Pleaſure, his Equipage and Oeconomy had ſomething in them more ſumptuous and gallant than could be receiv'd in our degenerate Age; therefore his Figure (tho' highly graceful) appeared ſo exotick, that it aſſembled all the Britons under the Age of Sixteen, who ſaw his Grandeur to follow his Chariot with Shouts and Acclamations, which he regarded with the Contempt which great Minds affect in the midſt of Applauſes. I remember I had the Honour to ſee him one Day ſtop, and call the Youths about him, to whom he ſpake as follows:

‘'Good Baſtards—Go to School, and don't loſe your Time in following my Wheels: I am loth to hurt you, becauſe. I know not but you are all my own Offspring: Hark'ee, you Sirrah with the white Hair, I am ſure you are mine: There's Half a Crown. Tell your Mother, This, with the Half Crown I gave her when I got you, comes to Five Shillings. Thou haſt coſt me all that, and yet thou art good for nothing. Why, you young Dogs, did you never ſee a Man before?'’ Never ſuch a one as you, Noble General, replied a Truant from Weſtminſter. ‘'Sirrah, I believe thee: There is a Crown for thee. Drive on Coachman.'’

This Vehicle, tho' ſacred to Love, was not adorn'd with Doves. Such an Hieroglyphick denoted [365] too languiſhing a Paſſion. Orlando therefore gave the Eagle, as being of a Conſtitution which inclined him rather to ſeize his Prey with Talons, than pine for it with Murmurs.

I have received the following Letter from Mr. Powell of the Bath, who, I think, runs from the Point between us, which I leave the whole World to judge.

To Iſaac Bickerſtaff Eſq

SIR,

HAving a great deal of more advantagious Buſineſs at preſent on my Hands, I thought to have deferr'd anſwering your Tatler of the 21ſt Inſtant, till the Company was gone, and Seaſon over; but having reſolved not to regard any Impertinences of your Paper, except what relate particularly to me, I am the more eaſily induc'd to anſwer you (as I ſhall find Time to do it): Firſt, pa tly leſt you ſhould think your ſelf neglected, which I have Reaſon to believe you would take heinouſly ill. Secondly, partly becauſe it will increaſe my Fame, and conſequently my Audience, when all the Quality ſhall ſee with how much Wit and Raillery I ſhow you—I don't care a Farthing for you. Thirdly, partly becauſe being without Books, if I don't ſhow much Learning, it will not be imputed to my having none.

I have travelled Italy, France, and Spain, and fully comprehend whatever any German Arriſt in the World can do; yet cannot I imagine, why you ſhould endeavour to diſturb the Repoſe and Plenty which (tho' unworthy) I enjoy at this Place. It cannot be, that you take Offence at my Prologues and Epilogues, which you are pleas'd to miſcall Fooliſh and [366] Abuſive. No, no, until you give a better, I ſhall not forbear thinking, that the true Reaſon of your picking a Quarrel with me was, becauſe it is more agreeable to your Principles, as well as more to the Honour of your [...]ured Victory, to attack a Governour. Mr. Iſaac, Mr. Iſaac, I can ſee into a Mill-ſtone as far as another (as the Saying is). You [...] for ſowing the Seeds of Sedition and [...]bedience among my Puppets, and your [...]eal for the (good old) Cauſe would make you perſwade Punch to pull the String from his Chops, and not move his Jaw when I have a Mind he ſhould harangue. Now I appeal to all Men, if this is not contrary to that uncontroulable, unaccountable Dominion, which by the Laws of Nature I exerciſe over them; for all Sorts of Wood and Wire were made for the Uſe and Benefit of Man: I have therefore an unqueſtionable Right to frame, faſhion, and put them together, as I pleaſe; and having made them what they are, my Puppets are my Property, and therefore my Slaves: Nor is there in Nature any Thing more juſt, than the Homage which is paid by a leſs to a more excellent Being: So that by the Right therefore of a ſuperior Genius, I am their ſupreme Moderator, altho' you would inſinuate (agreeably to your levelling Principles) that I am my ſelf but a great Puppet, and can therefore have but a co-ordinate Juriſdiction with them. I ſuppoſe I have now ſufficiently made it appear, that I have a paternal Right to keep a Puppet-Show, and this Right I will maintain in my Prologues on all Occaſions.

And therefore, if you write a Defence of your ſelf againſt this my Self-Defence, I admoniſh you to keep within Bounds; for [367] every Day will not be ſo propitious to you as the 29th of April; and perhaps my Reſentment may get the better of my Generoſity, and I may no longer ſcorn to fight one who is not my Equal with unequal Weapons: There are ſuch Things as Scandulums Magnatums; therefore take Heed hereafter how you write ſuch Things as I cannot eaſily anſwer, for that will put me in a Paſſion.

I order you to handle only theſe Two Propoſitions, to which our Diſpute may be reduced: The Firſt, Whether I have not an Abſolute Power, whenever I pleaſe, to light a Pipe with one of Punch's Legs, or warm my Fingers with his whole Carcaſs? The Second, Whether the Devil would not be in Punch, ſhould he by Word or Deed oppoſe my Sovereign Will and Pleaſure? And then, perhaps, I may (if I can find Leiſure for it) give you the Trouble of a ſecond Letter.

But if you intend to tell me of the Original of Puppet-Shows, and the ſeveral Changes and Revolutions that have happened in them, ſince Theſpis, and I don't care who, that's Noli me tangere; I have ſolemnly engaged to ſay nothing of what I can't approve. Or, if you talk of certain Contracts with the Mayor and Burgeſſes, or Fees to the Conſtables, for the Privilege of Acting, I will not write one ſingle Word about any ſuch Matters; but ſhall leave you to be mumbled by the learned and very ingenious Author of a late Book, who knows very well what's to be ſaid and done in ſuch Caſes. He is now ſhuffling the Cards, and dealing to Timothy; but if he wins the Game; I will ſend him to play at Backgammon with you; and then he will ſatisfy you, that Deuce-Ace makes Five.

[368] And ſo, ſubmitting my ſelf to be try'd by my Country, and allowing any Jury of 12 good Men, and true, to be that Country; not excepting any (unleſs Mr. Iſaac Bickerſtaff) to be of the Pannel, for you are neither good nor true; I bid you heartily farewel; and am,

SIR,
Your Loving Friend, Powell.
The End of the Firſt Volume.

Appendix A A Faithful INDEX OF THE Dull as well as ingenious Paſſages IN THE TATLERS.
VOL. I.

[]
A.
  • ACTS the Country Wife: (Mrs. Bignell.) Page 15
  • Advice asked, not for Information, but out of the Fullneſs of Heart on its Perplexity. 181
  • Advice not to be given by every Body. Ibid.
  • Aeſculapius and Hebe. 317
  • Aeſculapius's Recepe for Love. 345
  • Africanus's Magnanimity and Manner of purchaſing Annuities. 263
  • Alchymiſt. 102
  • Alicant taken. 155
  • Amanda, Wife of Florio. 357
  • Annihilation deſcribed by Milton and Dryden. 38
  • Aſpaſia's Character. 306
  • Avaro's Character. 182
  • Aurengezebe Trades with the Engliſh. 331
B.
  • Bankers ſhould take Poems for Bills. Page [...]
  • Batchelor's Scheme to govern a Wife. 70
  • Battle near Badajos. 123
  • Beadleſtaff's Teſtimony of the Reformation at Oxford, and of a Puppet-Show. 316
  • Betterton's Character. 5
  • Mr. Bickerſtaff's Cures. 245
  • Mr. Bickerſtaff's Diſpoſal of his Three Nephews. 214
  • — A Baſe Report that he has compounded with the Toymen and Milleners. 221
  • Mr. Bickerſtaff makes his Will. [...]
  • Billet-deux concerning a Rival. [...]
  • Bruſſels Poſtſcript (a Poem) conſidered. [...]
  • Buſy-Body: (A Play.) [...]
C.
  • Camilla's Exit. [...]
  • Cancrum, his Merit. [...]
  • Cant of modern Men of Wit. [...]
  • Careleſs's Character. [...]
  • Challenge, the Style of it. [...]
  • Charms of Muſick cure the Spleen. [...]
  • Children, how nurſed. [...]
  • Circumſpection-Water, its Effects. [...]
  • Clariſſa and Chloe, celebrated Beauties. [...]
  • Clidamira, a Woman of Diſtinction. [...]
  • Comment on Stone-Walls. [...]
  • Compariſon between Caeſar and Alexander. [...]
  • Conſcience deſcribed under the Character of Alethes. [...]
  • Contention between Two Ladies to the Title of Ver [...] Pretty. [...]
  • Converſation-Repartees. [...]
  • Coquet. 19
  • Corinna's Life with Limberham. [...]
  • Country's Ignorance of Bickerſtaff's Characters. [...]
  • [] Credit deſcribed under the Character of Umbra. Page 353
  • Critick. 210
  • Cynthio's Hiſtory. 3
  • Cynthio's Hiſtory continued. 29
  • Cynthio dictating on the Paſſion of Love. 156
  • Cynthio's Letter to his Miſtreſs. 253
  • Cynthio (once in Deſpair for Clariſſa) is now reſolved upon the good old Way of Loving, as Bargain and Sale. Ibid.
  • Czar's Victory. 360
D.
  • Damia, a Woman of Diſtinction. 246
  • Decius, a lewd Perſon. 324
  • Deſcription of the Morning in Town: (A Poem.) 64
  • Dial [...]gue on Duelling. 282
  • Difference between a Madman and a Fool. 292
  • Digreſſion upon the London Cries. 25
  • Directions on writing Letters. 217
  • Diſcourſe concerning Bribery. 304
  • Diſſertation on Duelling. 221
  • Diſtaff (Jenny), her Diſcourſe on Love, the Command and Power of Women. 70
  • Diſtaff (Jenny), her Reflections on her Brother's Writings. 237
  • — Her Account of her own Conduct in an Amour, &c. 239
  • Diſtinction between an Idiot and Politician. 291
  • Diverſions for the K. of D. at Dreſden. 243
  • D [...]'s Sale of Goods Celeſtial and Terreſtrial. 308
  • Dryden, on Empire. 92
  • Duellers, how treated after Death. 190
  • — How uſed by different Nations. 203
  • Duelling, and its Terms explain'd. 178
  • Duell [...]ng, the Source of it. 206
  • D [...] Fortune-Teller. 103
  • D'Urfey's Panegyrick. 311
E.
  • Earl of Eſſex; a Play: Its Character. Page 101
  • Eaſie Writers. 63
  • Emblem of the Parrat and Dove. 197
  • Epigram on Marriage. 294
  • Epſom-Wells; a Play: Its Character. 52
  • The Order of Eſquires, &c. 133
  • Every Temper to be animated or ſoftned by the Influence of Beauty. 71
  • Exerciſe of Arms in the Metropolis of Great Britain, with Conſiderations thereupon. 298
F.
  • Felicia, its Happineſs. 27
  • Florimel and Picket, their Way of Courtſhip. 51
  • Florio's Character. 329
  • Fly-blow's Character. 276
  • Foot-Race by Damſels at Epſom-Wells. 260
  • The Fox(a Play) applauded. 149
  • France, its Miſery. 129
  • Frank Careleſs. 104
  • Free Thinkers. 86
  • French King's Subjects Anſwer to his Letter. 212
  • Frontlet, her Character. 174
G.
  • Gameſter. 102
  • Gameſters Miſery and alternate State. 97
  • What Men of Wealth play againſt Gameſters, &c. 110
  • Gatty, her Character. 174
  • Genealogy of the Bickerſtaffs. 81
  • Genii, their good Offices to Men. 349
  • Gentleman, what. 147
  • Good Breeding, what. 31, 217
  • Good-natured old Man. 330
  • Guilt applies the Satyr. 302
H.
  • Honeſt Fellows deſcribed. [...]
  • Huſh-Money demanded. [...]
I.
  • Jack Spruce. Page 363
  • Impreſſions made on us by Pictures. 57
  • Inſtance of the noble Britiſh Genius, in Valentine and Unnion. 36
  • Inſurrection in Poictou. 99
  • Inſurrection in Marſeilles. 43
  • Invention never to have ones Name mention'd, 112
  • Inventory of Goods in Drury-Lane of C— R—ch Eſq 308
  • Johnſon (Ben), his Manner of Writing. 149
  • Journal of Homer's Iliad. 40
  • Juſtice of Lewis le Grand, much like unto Gameſters. 188
K.
  • Knaves prov'd Fools. 290
L.
  • Lady (being young) ſtrangely inchanted by a Rake of 60 Years. 161
  • Lady's Complaint of her Husband. 140
  • Lady conſults Mr. Bickerſtaff about being divorced. Ibid.
  • Lady, how recovered out of Fits. 164
  • Lady's Lover wounded in a Duel. 178
  • Ladies trifling Endearments give us mean Ideas of their Souls. 294
  • Letter for Mr. Bickerſtaff's Return. 273
  • Letter of Challenge. 180
  • Lewis XIV.'s Letter to Iſaac Bickerſtaff, and Reflections thereon. 188
  • Limberham, the Keeper. 357
  • London Cuckolds; a Play: Its Character. 56
  • London in Conſternation, an Idiot being tried. 289
  • Love and Luſt diſtinguiſh'd. 355
  • Love, its Decay. 29
  • Love-Letter, by Cynthio. 253
  • Lucubrations, their Deſign. 361
M.
  • Madam Maintenon's Letter to M. Torcy, on the Peace. Page 138
  • Madonella's Nunnery for Virgins. 231
  • Maria loſes her Lap-Dog. 347
  • Marriage a Bugbear to our fine Gentlemen. 358
  • Marriage deſcribed. 50
  • Marriage the ſafeſt, happieſt State this World affords. 359
  • May-Fair broke, and ſeveral Moveables put to Sale. 142
  • Medecin for a Scold: (A Poem.) 9
  • Meeting of Hunters deſcribed. 267
  • Men in Love, Poetical. 196
  • Men of Senſe are Women's humble Servants. 269
  • Merry Fellows deſcribed. 331
  • Meſſalina's Character. 358
  • Military Atchievements of London. 201
  • Milton and Suckling, on a parallel Occaſion, ſhow the Duty of Man in their Deſigns upon Women, in an Inſtance of true Love. 292
  • Moveables of the Playhouſe intended to be purchaſed by a Gathering at Will's, but fruſtrated by unfair Dealings. 319
N.
  • Naked Truth, a dangerous Pamphlet. 121
  • Natural for Women to talk of themſelves. 73
  • Naturalization Act, how advantagious. 99
  • Nice's Character. 104
  • Noy's Expedient to reform his Son by a Legacy. 67
O.
  • Ogling gains Women. 156
  • Old Batchelor, its Character. [...]
  • Opera's condenmed. [...]
  • Orlando's Hiſtory. [...]
  • Orlando's Speech to beauteous Villara. [...]
  • [] Orlando's Speech to the Youth that followed his Chariot. Page 364
  • Oxford Diſcipline applauded. 278
  • — Their Almanack conſidered. 279
P.
  • Pacolet checks Mr. Bickerſtaff in not going on with his Deſign. 99
  • Pacolet's Admonition to B. on his Writings. 100
  • Pacolet's Diſcourſe with Mr. Bickerſtaff in Lincoln's-Inn Walks. 93
  • Pacolet's firſt Interview with Bickerſtaff. Ibid.
  • — His Relation of his Wards. 94
  • Pacolet's Life of a Month. 107, &c.
  • Pacolet's Obſervation on Gameſters and Cheats. 110
  • Panegyrick, its Nature. 120
  • Paris Gazette. 14
  • Partridge's Death demonſtrated. 7
  • Paſtorella's Character. 66
  • Paulo's Character. 182
  • Philander the moſt skilful in addreſſing the Female Sex. 95
  • Pinkethman's Progreſs with his Company to Greenwich. 25
  • Places pretended to, not out of Merit, but becauſe they are convenient. 301
  • Plan of Philoſophy, with an Appendix. 312
  • Platonne deſcribed. 230
  • Players inſtructed in the Laws of Action, out of Shakeſpear. 255
  • Plays (Modern) deſcribed. 149
  • Plays, proper In [...]tements to good Behaviour. 16
  • Poem on Bribery. 304
  • Polugloſſa's Character. 307
  • Powell's Letter, in Anſwer to the Puppet-Show at Bath. 365
  • — He affronts Mr. Bickerſtaff. 320
  • Preliminaries of a Peace. 145
  • [] Pretty Fellow, who. Page 147
  • Pretty Fellow, with the Word [very], is a true Womans Man in the Firſt Degree. 171
  • Proceedings at Rome about the Recognition of K. Charles. 32
  • Progreſs of the Siege of Tournay. 295
  • Prophets (Modern), their Character, with Reflections. 79, 80
  • Punning treated of. 235
  • Punning, an Inſtance of it. 257
Q.
  • Quality always to pay the Reckoning. 330
  • Quarrel at Epſom between Autumn and Springly about Precedence. 259
  • Queſtioners. 300
  • Quid Nunc's Character of Lazineſs, &c. 71
R.
  • Raillery againſt Perſons taking upon them the Names of the Females. 186
  • Rake, his Character. 192
  • Ranter civilized at the Sight of the Lady Betty Modiſh. 71
  • Reconſideration on Inſtructions to Vanderbank: (A Poem.) 18
  • Recruiting Officer: Its Character. 142
  • Reflections on the French King's Letter to his Subjects after the Treaty. 205
  • Religion, a Project for its Advancement recommended. 31
  • Remarks on Virgil and Homer's Choice of their Epithets. 39
S.
  • Sachariſſa's Character. 29
  • Saltero's Qualifications, Name and Reliques. 248
  • Sappho's Character. 37
  • [] Sarabrand's Puppet-Show at her Shop in the Exchange. Page 143
  • Sarabrand's Rake-hell Punch diſpoſed of. Ibid.
  • Satisfaction, a Term in Duelling, explain'd. 179
  • Sempronia's Character. 240
  • Senecio's Character. 330
  • Sentiment of the Allies on the Rupture of the Treaty. 176
  • Shakeſpear's Apology for Satyr. 302
  • Of Shakeſpear. 56
  • S [...]gn Poſts falſe ſpelled, how pernicious. 128
  • Smart Fellow, his Pretenſions, Exploits and Character. 185, &c.
  • — Whether an Affront to be called ſo. 199
  • Snuff taking, &c. 251
  • Sophronius's juſt Carriage. 148
  • Sorrow expreſſed, by Shakeſpear. 346
  • Spindle (Tom) cured of the Spleen. 342
  • Staff of Life's Poem on the Fr. K. 177
  • Sublime, inſtanced in a Simily of the Campaign. 315
  • Swearer, how reformed. 96
T.
  • Taſte of an Age, known by the Characters of their plays. 305
  • Teraminta, her miſerable State. 324
  • Theatres recommended. 57
  • Of a Toaſt. 173
  • Toaſts, and why they are ſo called. 226
  • Tom. Drybones. 172
  • Tournay inveſted. 258
  • Treaty of Peace broken off. 168
  • Trippet (Sir Taffety), his Amours at Tunbridge. 340, 341
  • Trip to the Jubilee. 137
  • T [...] is at Paris. 75, 76
V.
  • Verſes on a Parrat. Page 196
  • Verus's Character. 100
  • Villaria, beauteous. 363
W.
  • Welſh, all Gentlemen, and given much to Duelling. 222
  • Whiſperers without Buſineſs. 273
  • Wife is become the Deriſion of F [...]ols. [...]
  • Winter P [...]ce from Copenhagen. [...]
  • Witchcraft a [...]ſcribed and explain'd. 151
  • Wit, his Character. [...]
  • Women more [...] than Men in their own Affairs. [...]
FINIS.
Notes
*
About this Time the D. of M. returned from Holland with the Preliminaries of a Peace.
Distributed by the University of Oxford under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License

Citation Suggestion for this Object
TextGrid Repository (2020). TEI. 5074 The lucubrations of Isaac Bickerstaff Esq revised and corrected by the author pt 1. University of Oxford Text Archive. . https://hdl.handle.net/21.T11991/0000-001A-6045-A