A FURTHER ACCOUNT Of the moſt Deplorable Condition Of Mr. EDMUND CURLL, Bookſeller.
[5]THE Publick is already ac⯑quainted with the Man⯑ner of Mr. Curll's Impoi⯑ſonment, by a faithful, tho' unpolite, Hiſtorian of Grub⯑ſtreet. I am but the Continu⯑er of his Hiſtory; yet I hope a due Diſtinction will be made, be⯑tween an undignify'd Scribler of a Sheet and half, and the Author of [6] a Three-Penny ſtitcht Book, like my ſelf.
Wit (ſaith Sir Richard Blackmore) proceeds from a Concurrence of regular and exalted Ferments, and an Afflu⯑ence of Animal Spirits rectify'd and refin'd to a degree of Purity. On the contrary, when the igneous Parti⯑cle riſe with the vital Liquor, they produce an Abſtraction of the rati⯑onal Part of the Soul, which we commonly call Madneſs. The Ve⯑rity of this Hypotheſis, is juſtify'd by the Symptoms with which the unfortunate Mr. Edmund Curll, Bookſeller, hath been afflicted e⯑ver ſince his ſwallowing the Poiſon at the Swan Tavern in Fleetſtreet. For tho' the Neck of his Retort, which carries up the Animal Spi⯑rits to the Head, is of an extraordi⯑nary Length, yet the ſaid Animal Spirits riſe muddy, being contami⯑nated with the inflammable Parti⯑cles of this uncommon Poiſon.
[7] The Symptoms of his Departure from his uſual Temper of Mind, were at firſt only ſpeaking civilly to his Cuſtomers, taking a Fancy to ſay his Prayers, ſingeing a Pig with a new purchas'd Libel, and refuſing Two and Nine Pence for Sir R [...] B [...] 's Eſſays.
As the poor Man's Frenzy in⯑creas'd, he began to void his Excre⯑ments in his Bed, read Rocheſter's bawdy Poems to his Wife, gave Oldmix⯑on a ſlap on the Chops, and wou'd have kiſs'd Mr. Pemberton's A [...] by Violence.
But at laſt he came to ſuch a paſs, that he wou'd dine upon nothing but Copper Plates, took a Clyſter for a whipt Syllabub, and eat a Suppoſitory for a Raddiſh with Bread and Butter.
We leave it to every tender Wife to imagine how ſorely all this afflict⯑ed poor Mrs. Curll: At firſt ſhe pri⯑vately put a Bill into ſeveral Church⯑es, deſiring the Prayers of the Con⯑gregation [8] for a wretched Stationer diſtemper'd in Mind. But when ſhe was ſadly convinc'd that his Misfortune was publick to all the World, writ the following Letter to her good Neighbour Mr. Lintott.
A true Copy of Mrs. Curll's Letter to Mr. Lintott.
YOU, and all the Neighbours know too well, the Frenzy with which my poor Man is viſi⯑ted. I never perceiv'd he was out of himſelf, till that melancholy Day that he thought he was poi⯑ſon'd in a Glaſs of Sack; upon this, he took a ſtrange Fancy to run a Vomiting all over the Houſe, and in the new waſh'd Dining Room. Alas! this is the greateſt Adverſity that ever befel my poor Man ſince he loſt one Teſticle at School by the bite of a black Boar. Good Lord! if he ſhould die, where ſhould I diſ⯑poſe of the Stock? unleſs Mr. Pem⯑berton or you would help a diſtreſſed [9] Widow; for God knows he never publiſh'd any Books that laſted a⯑bove a Week, ſo that if we want⯑ed daily Books, we wanted daily Bread. I can write no more, for I hear the Rap of Mr. Curll's Ivory headed Cane upon the Coun⯑ter.—Pray recommend me to your Paſtry Cook, who furniſhes you yearly with Tarts in exchange for your Papers, for Mr. Curll has diſ⯑oblig'd ours ſince his Fits came up⯑on him;—before that, we gene⯑rally liv'd upon bak'd Meats.—He is coming in, and I have but juſt time to put his Son out of the way for fear of Miſchief: So wiſh⯑ing you a merry Eaſter, I remain your
P. S. As to the Report of my poor Husband's ſtealing a Calf, it is really groundleſs, for he always binds in Sheep.
[10] But return we to Mr. Curll, who all Wedneſday continued outragiouſly Mad. On Thurſday he had a lucid In⯑terval, that enabled him to ſend a general Summons to all his Authors. There was but one Porter who cou'd perform this Office, to whom he gave the following Bill of Directions where to find 'em. This Bill, to⯑gether with Mrs. Curll's Original Letter, lye at Mr. Lintott's Shop to be perus'd by the Curious.
Inſtructions to a Porter how to find Mr. Curll's Authors.
AT a Tallow-chandlers in Pet⯑ty France, half way under the blind Arch: Ask for the Hiſto⯑rian.
At the Bedſted and Bolſter, a Muſick Houſe in Morefields, two Tranſlators in a Bed together.
[11] At the Hercules and Still in Vine⯑gar-yard, a School-Maſter with Carbuncles on his Noſe.
At a Blackſmiths Shop in the Friars, a Pindarick Writer in red Stockings.
In the Calendar Mill Room at Exeter Change, a Compoſer of Meditations.
At the Three Tobacco Pipes in Dog and Bitch Yard, one that has been a Parſon, he wears a blue Camblet Coat trim'd with black: my beſt Writer againſt reveal'd Religion.
At Mr. Summers a Thief-catchers, in Lewkners Lane, the Man that wrote againſt the Impiety of Mr. Rowe's Plays.
At the Farthing Pye Houſe in Tooting Fields, the young Man who is writing my new Paſtorals.
[12] At the Laundreſſes, at the Hole in the Wall in Curſitors Alley, up three Pair of Stairs, the Author of my Church Hiſtory—if his Flux be over—you may alſo ſpeak to the Gentleman who lyes by him in the Flock Bed, my Index-maker.
The Cook's Wife in Buckingham Court; bid her bring along with her the Similes that were lent her for her next new Play.
Call at Budge Row for the Gen⯑tleman you uſe to go to in the Cock⯑loft; I have taken away the Lad⯑der, but his Landlady has it in keeping.
I don't much care if you ask at the Mint for the old Beetle⯑brow'd Critick, and the purblind Poet at the Alley over againſt St. Andrews Holbourn. But this as you have time.
[13] All theſe Gentlemen appear'd at the Hour appointed, in Mr. Curll's Dining Room, two excepted; one of whom was the Gentleman in the Cock-loft, his Landlady being out of the way, and the Gradus ad Par⯑naſſum taken down; the other hap⯑pened to be too cloſely watch'd by the Bailiffs.
They no ſooner enter'd the Room, but all of them ſhow'd in their Be⯑haviour ſome Suſpicion of each o⯑ther; ſome turning away their Heads with an Air of Contempt; others ſquinting with a Leer that ſhow'd at once Fear and Indignation, each with a haggard abſtracted Mien, the lively Picture of Scorn, Solitude, and ſhort Commons. So when a Keeper feeds his hungry Charge, of Vul⯑tures, Panthers, and of Lybian Leo⯑pards, each eyes his Fellow with a fiery Glare: High hung, the bloody Liver tempts their Maw. Or as a Houſewife ſtands before her Pales, ſurrounded by her Geeſe; they fight, [14] they hiſs, they gaggle, beat their Wings, and Down is ſcatter'd as the Winter's Snow, for a poor Grain of Oat, or Tare, or Barley. Such Looks ſhot thro' the Room tranſverſe, oblique, direct; ſuch was the ſtir and din, till Curll thus ſpoke, (but with⯑out riſing from his Cloſe-ſtool.)
'Whores and Authors muſt be paid beforehand to put them in good Humour; therefore here is half a Crown a piece for you to drink your own Healths, and Confuſion to Mr. Addiſon, and all other ſucceſs⯑ful Writers.'
'Ah Gentlemen! What have I not done, what have I not ſuffer'd, rather than the World ſhould be depriv'd of your Lucubrations? I have taken involuntary Purges, I have been vomited, three Times have I been can'd, once was I hun⯑ted, twice was my Head broke by a Grenadier, twice was I toſs'd in a Blanket; I have had Boxes on the Ear, Slaps on the Chops; I [15] have been frighted, pump'd, kick'd, ſlander'd and beſhitten.—I hope, Gentlemen, you are all convinc'd that this Author of Mr. Lintott's could mean nothing elſe but ſtarving you by poiſoning me. It remains for us to conſult the beſt and ſpeedieſt Methods of Revenge.'
He had ſcarce done ſpeaking, but the Hiſtorian propos'd a Hiſtory of his Life. The Exeter Exchange Gentle⯑man was for penning Articles of his Faith. Some pretty ſmart Pindarick, (ſays the Red-Stocking Gentleman,) would effectually do his Buſineſs. But the Index-maker ſaid their was no⯑thing like an Index to his Homer.
After ſeveral Debates they came to the following Reſolutions.
- Reſolv'd, That every Member of this Society, according to his ſe⯑veral Abilities, ſhall contribute ſome way or other to the Defama⯑tion of Mr. Pope.
- [16] Reſolv'd, That towards the Li⯑belling of the ſaid Mr. Pope, there be a Summ employ'd not exceed⯑ing Six Pounds Sixteen Shillings and Nine Pence (not including Advertiſements.)
- Reſolv'd, That Mr. D [...] make an Affidevit before Mr. Juſtice Tully, that in Mr. Pope's Homer, there are ſeveral Paſſages contra⯑ry to the eſtabliſh'd Rules of OUR Sublime.
- Reſolved, That he has on Pur⯑poſe in ſeveral Paſſages perverted the true ancient Heathen Senſe of Homer, for the more effectual Pro⯑pagation of the Popiſh Religion.
- Reſolv'd, That the Printing of Homer's Battles at this Juncture, has been the Occaſion of all the Diſturbances of this Kingdom.
- Ordered, That Mr. Barnivelt be invited to be a Member of this So⯑ciety, [17] in order to make further Diſcoveries.
- Reſolv'd, That a number of ef⯑fective Errata's be raiſed out of Mr. Pope's Homer (not exceeding 1746.) and that every Gentleman, who ſhall ſend in one Error, for his Encouragement ſhall have the whole Works of this Society Gra⯑tis.
- Reſolv'd, That a Summ not ex⯑ceeding Ten Shillings and Six-pence be diſtributed among the Members of this Society for Coffee and To⯑bacco, in order to enable them the more effectually to defame him in Coffee-Houſes.
- Reſolv'd, That towards the fur⯑ther leſſening the Character of the ſaid Mr. Pope, ſome Perſons be de⯑puted to abuſe him at Ladies Tea Tables, and that in Conſideration our Authors are not well dreſs'd enough, Mr. C [...]y be deputed for that Service.
- [18] Reſolv'd, That a Ballad be made againſt Mr. Pope, and that Mr. Oldmixon, Mr. Gildon and Mrs. Centlivre do prepare and bring in the ſame.
- Reſolv'd, That above all, ſome effectual Ways and Means be found to encreaſe the Joint Stock of the Reputation of this Society, which at preſent is exceedingly low, and to give their Works the greater Currency; whether by raiſing the Denomination of the ſaid Works by counterfeit Title Pages, or mixing a greater Quantity of the fine Me⯑tal of other Authors, with the Al⯑loy of this Society.
- Reſolv'd, That no Member of this Society for the future mix Stout in his Ale in a Morning, and that Mr. B. remove from the Her⯑cules and Still.
- Reſolv'd, That all our Members, (except the Cook's Wife) be provi⯑ded [19] with a ſufficient Quantity of the vivifying Drops, Or Byfield's Sal Volatile.
- Reſolv'd, That Sir R. B. be ap⯑pointed to endue this Society with a large Quantity of regular and ex⯑alted Ferments, in order to enliven their cold Sentiments (being his true Receipt to make Wits)
Theſe Reſolutions being taken, the Aſſembly was ready to break up, but they took ſo near a-part in Mr. Curll's Afflictions, that none of them could leave him without gi⯑ving ſome Advice to re-inſtate him in his Health.
Mr. Gildon was of Opinion, That in order to drive a Pope out of his Belly, he ſhould get the Mummy of ſome deceas'd Moderator of the General Aſſembly in Scotland, to be taken inwardly as an effectual Anti⯑dote againſt Antichriſt; but Mr. Oldmixon did conceive, that the Li⯑ver of the Perſon who adminiſtred [20] the Poiſon, boil'd in Broth, would be a more certain Cure.
While the Company were expe⯑cting the Thanks of Mr. Curll, for theſe Demonſtrations of their Zeal, a whole Pile of Eſſays on a ſudden fell on his Head; the Shock of which in an Inſtant brought back his Dili⯑rium. He immediately roſe up, o⯑ver-turn'd the Cloſe-ſtool, and beſhit the Eſſays (which may probably oc⯑caſion a ſecond Edition) then without putting up his Breeches, in a moſt furious Tone, he thus broke out to his Books, which his diſtemper'd Imagination repreſented to him as alive, coming down from their Shelves, fluttering their Leaves, and flapping their Covers at him.
Now G [...]d damn all Folio's, Quar⯑to's, Octavo's and Duodecimo's! un⯑grateful Varlets that you are, who have ſo long taken up my Houſe with⯑out paying for your Lodging?—Are you not the beggarly Brood of fum⯑bling Journey-men; born in Garrets, [21] among Lice and Cobwebs, nurs'd up⯑on Grey Peas, Bullocks Liver, and Porter's Ale?—Was not the firſt Light you ſaw, the Farthing Candle I paid for? Did you not come before your Time into dirty Sheets of brown Pa⯑per?—And have not I cloath'd you in double Royal, lodg'd you hand⯑ſomely on decent Shelves, lac'd your Backs with Gold, equipt you with ſplendid Titles, and ſent you into the World with the Names of Per⯑ſons of Quality? Muſt I be always plagu'd with you?—Why flutter ye your Leaves, and flap your Covers at me? Damn ye all, ye Wolves in Sheeps Cloathing; Rags ye were, and to Rags ye ſhall return. Why hold you forth your Texts to me, ye pal⯑try Sermons? Why cry ye—at every Word to me, ye bawdy Poems?—To my Shop at Tunbridge ye ſhall go, by G [...] and thence be drawn like the reſt of your Predeceſſors, bit by bit, to the Paſſage-Houſe: For in this preſent Emotion of my Bowels, how do I compaſſionate thoſe who have [22] great need, and nothing to wipe their Breech with?
Having ſaid this, and at the ſame Time recollecting that his own was yet unwiped, he abated of his Fury, and with great Gravity, apply'd to that Function the unfiniſh'd Sheets of the Conduct of the E [...] of N [...]m.