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THE GOLDEN AGE, A POETICAL EPISTLE FROM ERASMUS D [...]N, M. D. TO THOMAS BEDDOES, M. D.

The French, that moſt injured and moſt enlightened people upon Earth, within theſe few years (ſince Deſpotiſm has been overawed by Liberty) have improved Science more than all other Nations put together. BEDDOES'S REASONS, &c.
May we not, by regulating the vegetable functions, teach our Woods and Hedges to ſupply us with Butter and Tallow? BEDDOES'S OBSERVATIONS ON CALCULUS, SCURVY, &c. p. [...].

LONDON, PRINTED FOR F. AND C. RIVINGTON; AND J. COOKE, OXFORD. MDCCXCIV.

THE GOLDEN AGE,
A POETICAL EPISTLE.

[]
BOAST of proud Shropſhire, Oxford's laſting ſhame,
Whom none but Coxcombs ſcorn, but Fools defame,
Eternal war with dulneſs born to wage,
Thou Paracelſus of this wondrous age;
BEDDOES, the philoſophic Chymiſt's Guide,
The Bigot's Scourge, of Democrats the Pride;
Accept this lay; and to thy Brother, Friend,
Or name more dear, a Sans Culotte attend,
While in Rhyme's Galligaſkins I encloſe
The broad poſteriors of thy brawny proſe,
[4] And ſing, by thee inſpir'd, in tuneful ſtrain,
The bleſt return of Saturn's golden reign!
Oh had I, ſilly ſwain, the force and fire
Of ſome, whom Frenchmen's bloody deeds inſpire;
Could I, aſcending on the wing of ſound,
Pleas'd with the grand, the lofty and profound,
Riſe above mortal ken in rapturous glow,
Leaving poor purſy Senſe to pant below;
Could I, for ever ſtudious to refine,
Prank with my pearly phraſe each pretty line,
Or like an empty Bottle, deep immers'd,
Whence Bubbles after Bubbles buſtling burſt,
Amus'd to view my noiſy nothings ſwell,
In the ſweet vanity of thought excel;
Now burſting o'er the bounds of vulgar Rhyme,
Gracefully great and terribly ſublime;
Trolling in full-toned melody along
With all the clattering clang of modern ſong;
I'd hail the progreſs of thoſe bliſsful days,
When fair Philoſophy's meridian rays
[5] Shall brighten Nature's face, ſhall drive the Moles
Of blinking Error to their ſecret holes,
Diſperſe the darkneſs of primaeval Night,
And bid a new Creation riſe to light!
Proceed, great days! and bring, oh! bring to view
Things ſtrange to tell! Incredible, but true!
Behold, behold, the Golden Age appears:
Skip, ſkip, ye Mountains! Foreſts lend your Ears!
See red-capt Liberty from heaven deſcend,
And real Prodigies her ſteps attend!
* No more immers'd in many a foreign dye
Shall Britiſh wool be taught to bluſh and lie;
But all our paſtures glow with purple Rams,
With ſcarlet Lambkins, and their yellow Dams!
No more the lazy Ox ſhall gormandize,
And ſwell with fattening graſs his monſtrous ſize;
[6] No more trot round and round the groaning field,
But tons of Beef our loaded Thickets yield!
The patient Dairy-Maid no more ſhall learn
With tedious toil to whirl the frothy Churn;
[7] But from the Hedges ſhall her Dairy fill,
As pounds of Butter in big drops diſtil!
The ſottiſh Jews, who in a God believ'd,
And ſometimes bleſſings, oftener plagues receiv'd,
Shouted a Miracle, when on the ground
Their boaſted bread the greedy grumblers found:
By no dry cruſts ſhall Infidels be fed,
Our ſoil producing Butter to our Bread!
See reverend Thames, who God of Rivers reigns,
And winds meand'ring through our richeſt plains,
To treat the Cits, that many a ſixpence give
Once in a week like Gentlemen to live,
Reſign his majeſty of mud, and ſtream
O'er ſtrawberry beds in deluges of Cream!
See Tallow Candles tip the modeſt Thorn,
Candles of Wax the prouder Elm adorn!
See the dull Clown ſurvey with ſtupid ſtare
Where Leaves once grew, now periwigs of Hair!
While fluids, which a wondrous change betray,
Ooze from the vernal bud, the ſummer ſpray,
Differing from animals alone in name,
(As Botaniſts already half exclaim).
[8] See plants, ſuſceptible of joy and woe,
Feel all we feel, and know whate'er we know!
View them like us inclin'd to watch or ſleep,
Like us to ſmile, and, ah! like us to weep!
Like us behold them glow with warm deſire,
And catch from Beauty's glance celeſtial fire!
Then, oh! ye fair, if through the ſhady grove
Muſing on abſent Lovers you ſhould rove,
And there with tempting ſtep all heedleſs bruſh
Too near ſome wanton metamorphos'd Buſh,
Or only hear perchance the weſtern breeze
Steal murmuring through the animated Trees,
Beware, beware, leſt to your coſt you find
The Buſhes dangerous, dangerous too the Wind,
Leſt, ah! too late with ſhame and grief you feel
What your fictitious Pads would ill conceal!
While Plants turn Animals, Man, happy Man,
* To ages ſhall extend Life's lengthen'd ſpan.
[9] Bane to our bliſs, no more the wrinkled face
Beauty's bewitching circles ſhall diſgrace;
But ſee the reigning Toaſt half kind, half coy,
Her Rivals' envy, and her Lover's Joy,
Skill'd to allure, to charm us, and beguile,
In all the bloom of Eighty ſit and ſmile!
Thus ſhall each Belle a lovely L'ENCLOS prove,
Drive Boys of future Cent'ries mad with love;
The Marriage Table its degrees extend,
And to our great, great Grandmother aſcend.
Poor POPE, who griev'd "that Life could ſcarce ſupply
"More than to look about him, and to die,"
Had he but flouriſh'd in theſe Halcyon days,
Might long have bid Life's little Candle blaze,
Have grown ſtrait, handſome, briſk and debonnair,
The Muſes' favourite, favourite of the Fair!
[10] Happy the Poet's lot, who can prolong,
Till time ſhall be no more, his deathleſs ſong;
And live himſelf to ſee his ſwelling name
Roll, like a Snowball, gathering all its fame!
Happy, thrice happy he, who at his will
Can drink of Life's ſweet cup his conſtant fill;
* Who, if exceſs of Oxygene create
Symptoms, which lean Conſumption indicate,
A ſure ſpecific can procure with eaſe,
Rich Cream and Butter from his herd of Trees:
Or if he find exceſs of Hydrogene
His body load with fat, his mind with ſpleen,
True health and vigour to reſtore, can take
From ſome regenerate Oak a ſavoury ſteak,
[11] Sliced off the ſlaughter'd Monſter's quondam ſtump,
Converted now into a real Rump,
And, bleſt with an accommodating maw,
Devour the luſcious bit, red, recent, raw!
Now riſe, my Muſe, and, warm with rapture, dart
From Men to Manners, "Fancy to the Heart."
Tranſporting ſight! to view the Sons of Pride
Their little heads with ſhame and ſorrow hide,
Ranks and Diſtinctions ceaſe, all reeking lie
In the mean muck of low Equality!
Favourites of freedom, Sons of friſky France,
Who never learnt like Britiſh Bears to dance,
And, while their Premier's humdrum Bagpipes ſound,
Led by the noſe, jog growling round and round;
But more like Monkeys, airy, light, and gay,
Pleas'd on your Maſter's head to ſkip and play;
Ye pious Atheiſts, Moraliſts, who deem
The Chriſtian's Heaven and Hell an idle Dream,
Delighted to deride all vulgar fears
Of Beelzebub's black Claws, cropt Tail, and Ears,
[12] With manly Scorn and Dignity to tread
On proſtrate Superſtition's hoary head;
Who, foes to Power Deſpotic, dare defy
The King of Kings, that Bugbear of the ſky;
Dreading for preſent crimes no future rod,
Self-praiſe your worſhip, Vanity your God:
Oh how my Eyes with tears ecſtatic fill,
What new felt tranſports through my boſom thrill,
When I behold you with gigantic blow
The pigmy pride of Royalty lay low,
With pikes and guns this moral dogma teach—
Virtue conſiſts in nudity of Breech!
Soon ſhall we view no more the glittering Things
Beſtarr'd, begarter'd, and befool'd by Kings;
The pretty Twinklers that ſo ſweetly ſhone,
And deem'd their lovely luſtre all their own!
No more the Deſpot view, whoſe mighty nods
Shook nature, and proclaim'd him God of Gods;
Drunk with applauſe who rais'd his rolling Eyes,
And ſeem'd, whene'er he mov'd, to tread the ſkies!
[13] Deſpis'd, deteſted, all ſhall wing their flight,
And ſink, no more to riſe, in endleſs night!
Arm'd with a briſtled End and glittering Awl,
Behold a minor Monarch in his Stall!
No circling Gold his royal brow ſurrounds,
A Yard of Room his ſphere of Action bounds;
His ſole ambition and his prime purſuit,
With ſkill a Shoe to patch, to ſtitch a Boot!
Nor deem his fate ſevere! The time may come
When many a pious King in Chriſtendom,
Daſh'd from his throne, and made Dame Fortune's Fool,
Shall envy little Capet's cobbling ſtool!
Mark with the Peer and Prince the * canting Prieſt,
Forbidden on his Country's fat to feaſt, *
[14] While peace looks down ſweet ſmiling on the ſwains,
And untax'd Plenty crowns the fruitful plains!
No more that lazy Lubbard ſhall we pay,
With phiz ſo farcical to preach and pray;
No more behold that Harpy of the land
Lay on our largeſt ſheaves his greedy hand;
With Bigotry's black banner wide unfurl'd,
Fright into Gothic Ignorance the world:
But Truth and Light ſhall come, with hoſtile rage,
"To drive the holy Vandal off the ſtage."
See Tythes expire, and ancient Slavery fail;
Proud Superſtition turn her vanquiſh'd tail;
No zealous Miniſter the Church befriend,
But all her ſorceries with the Beldame end:
[15] Lo! Babylon is fallen! That myſtic —
That Sink of Wickedneſs, is now no more!
Great Babylon is fallen! Shout, ſhout, ye Meads!
And, oh! ye Corn-fields, wave your happy heads!
Ye lovely Lambkins, ſtrain your feeble voice,
And with your Dams in loudeſt Baas rejoice!
Calves, join your notes to ſwell the gladdening ſound!
Cows, let your lowings from the ſkies rebound!
Prolific Ducks, quack mid the mighty noiſe!
Hens, more prolific, cackle out your joys!
And ye, oh! Swine, lift up your little Eyes,
With rapture riot round your rotten Styes!
Stretch your triumphant throats, and ſtrive to make
The frighten'd welkin with your Gruntings ſhake!
FINIS.
Notes
*
Nec varios diſcet mentiri lana colores:
Ipſe ſed in pratis Aries jam ſuavè rubenti
Murice, jam croceo mutabit vellera luto:
Sponte ſuâ ſandyx paſcentes veſtiet agnos.
VIRGIL.
The renovation of the world under the benign influence of French Freedom has been long foretold by prophets of every deſcription, by ſome who manufacture verſes, others who manufacture cotton, by maudling Mrs's, and mincing Miſſes, by enlightened Lawyers and more enlightened Phyſicians; but by none more fully expected, more ardently longed for, than by Dr. Beddoes and * his "Dear Giddy!" The great Dr. aſſures us, that not only ſcience in general will ſhortly advance towards perfection, but that in particular "a new Medicine will ariſe from the aſhes of the old with healing in its wings." How this revolution is to be effected we are informed in the dedication of his Obſervations on Calculus, &c. p. 4. "We are juſt beginning to catch a glimpſe of the laws of animal Nature; and now when the human mind ſeems in ſo many countries [...] be rouſed from that torpor, by which it has ſo long been benumbed, we may reaſonably indulge the expectation of a rapid progreſs in this the moſt beneficial of all the ſciences. An infinitely ſmall portion of genius has hitherto been exerted to diminiſh the ſum of our painful ſenſations; and the force of ſociety has been excluſively at the diſpoſal of Deſpots and Juntos, the great Artificers of human Evil. Should an entire change in theſe two reſpects any where take place, every member of ſociety might ſoon expect to experience in his own perſon the conſequence of ſo happy an innovation; and ſhould the example be generally [...], there is no improvement in the condition of the World, for which we might not [...] from the bloodleſs rivalſhip of Nations." But we are told, that the ſame influence of Liberty and Genius will not only in other reſpects effect equal wonders, but produce greater bleſſings. "We know," exclaims this egregious Chymiſt, "that vegetables are capable of forming oils either exactly the ſame as thoſe of Animals, or very nearly reſembling them. Thus we have the ſuet of the Croton Sebiferum, the butter of the Phoenix Dactylifera and of the Butyrum Cacao. When, from a more intimate acquaintance with them, we ſhall be better able to apply the Laws of organic bodies to the accommodation as well as preſervation of Life, may we not, by regulating the vegetable functions, teach our woods and hedges to ſupply us with Butter and Tallow?" Obſervations on Calculus, &c. p. 109.
*
A Gentleman of Pembroke College, Oxford, to whom Dr. Beddoes addreſſes a late elaborate work [...] appellation
*
"If this ſuppoſition were juſt, might not ſome means be diſcovered to protract the period of Youth and Vigour indefinitely? Whether true or falſe, and even though we ſhould never be able to reſtore new excitability to the ſyſtem, there can be no doubt of the immediate practicability of prolonging Life conſiderably; and what is much more deſirable, of maintaining a firmer ſtate of Health." Obſervations on Calculus, &c. p. 106. "Nor, however remote Medicine may be at preſent from ſuch perfection, do I ſee any reaſon to doubt, that by taking advantage of various and continual acceſſions as they accrue to Science, the ſame power may be acquired over living as is at preſent exerciſed over ſome inanimate bodies; and that not only the cure and prevention of diſeaſes, but the art of protracting the faireſt ſeaſon of Life, and rendering Health more vigorous, will one day half realize the dream of Alchemy!" Beddoes's Letter to Darwin, p. 29.
*
Dr. Beddoes, in a little tract addreſſed to the Author of this Epiſtle, entertains us with a long hiſtory of how he made himſelf very lean, very fair (his complexion having been before of an uniform brown), very pretty, and very conſumptive, by the uſe of a certain "Coſmetic" called Oxygenous Air; and how he afterwards cured himſelf of the ſaid Leanneſs and Conſumption at his Friend's, Quaker Reynolds's, in Colnbrook Dale, by a diet in which Butter and Cream bore the largeſt proportions. See pages 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, and 55.
To prevent our Sailors from growing fat, and afterwards falling into the Scurvy (of which Obeſity, we are informed, is the firſt ſymptom), Dr. Beddoes propoſes that the jolly Tars ſhould eat their food raw! Obſervations, p. 60.
*
"It is a law of human Nature, the leſs of eccleſiaſtical influence, the leſs of deadly animoſity among Men."—"It is reaſonable to preſume that the majority of French Prieſts in England partake of the Spirit of their Brethren; and to a large portion of the popiſh Prieſthood, Chriſtianity is believed, upon good grounds, to be as much fooliſhneſs as it was to the Greeks. Their faith in the advantages of the immenſe emoluments which thoſe Reverend Robbers, their predeceſſors, had extorted from ſuperſtitious Barbarians, never ſuffered any abatement; hence probably that conduct to which their ſufferings are to be imputed."—"Through all the calumny that has been vomited forth againſt the French, the moſt injured and moſt enlightened people upon Earth, it is eaſy to diſcern ſome advantages which the Nation owes to Liberty—Tythes, the accurſed relic of Popery, have been aboliſhed.—France is purged not only from Eccleſiaſtical Drones, which conſumed the ſweeteſt honey of the hive, but alſo from the monſtrous debauchery of the richer, and the beggarly inſolence of the poorer Nobleſſe."—Dr. Beddoes's admirable Reaſons for believing the friends of Liberty in France not to be the Authors or Abettors of the crimes committed in that Country; humbly addreſſed to thoſe who from time to time conſtitute themſelves Judges and Jury upon affairs public and private and, without admitting any teſtimony but the groſs lies of Beldame Rumour, damn their Neighbours individually, and the reſt of the World by the Lump; the celebrated Hand bill circulated in Shropſhire, which eventually occaſioned his reſignation of the Chemical Chair in the Univerſity of Oxford.
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Zitationsvorschlag für dieses Objekt
TextGrid Repository (2020). TEI. 3378 The golden age a poetical epistle from Erasmus D n M D to Thomas Beddoes M D. University of Oxford Text Archive. . https://hdl.handle.net/21.T11991/0000-001A-61B2-D