I Suppoſe every Body is ſufficiently appriz'd of, and duly prepar'd for the famous Conjunction to be celebrated the 29th of this Inſtant December, foretold by all the Sages of Antiquity, under the Name of the Annus Mirabilis, or the Metamorphoſtical Conjunction; a Word which denotes the mutual Transformation of Sexes, the Effect of that Configuration of the Celeſtial Bodies; the human Males being to be turned into Females, and the human Females into Males. As to Brutes, Antiquity is divided; nor will I interpoſe amongſt thoſe eminent Perſonages, or anticipate what the Event of a few Days will determine.

The Egyptians have repreſented this great Transformation by ſe⯑veral very ſignificant Hieroglyphicks, particularly one very remarka⯑ble. There are carv'd upon an Obelisk, a Barber and a Midwife; the Barber delivers his Razor to the Midwife, and ſhe her Swadling Cloaths to the Barber.

Accordingly Thales Mileſius (who, like the reſt of his Country⯑men, borrow'd his Learning from the Aegyptians) after having com⯑puted the Time of this famous Conjunction, Then, ſays he, ſhall Men and Women mutually exchange the Pangs of Shaving and Child⯑bearing.

[2] Anaximander modeſtly deſcribes this Metamorphoſis in Mathema⯑tical Terms: Then, ſays he, ſhall the negative Quantity of the Wo⯑men be turn'd into poſitive, their − into +; (i. e.) their leſs into more.

Plato not only ſpeaks of this great Change, but deſcribes all the Preparations towards it. ‘"Long before the bodily Transformation (ſays he) Nature ſhall begin the moſt difficult Part of her Work, by changing the Ideas and Inclinations of the two Sexes; Men ſhall turn effeminate, and Women manly; Wives ſhall domineer, and Husbands obey; Ladies ſhall ride a Horſeback, dreſs'd like Cavaliers; Princes and Nobles appear in Night-trails and Petticoats; Men ſhall ſqueak upon Theatres with Female Voices, and Wo⯑men corrupt Virgins; Men ſhall knot and cut Paper; and even the Northern People, [...]: A Phraſe (which for Modeſty's Sake I forbear to tranſlate) which denotes a Vice too frequent amongſt us."’ So far Plato.

Nor was our own Merlin ignorant of this Transformation; wit⯑neſs that myſterious Stanza of his, the Meaning of which is now plain.

That the Miniſtry foreſaw this great Change, is plain from the Callico-Act; whereby it is now become the Occupation of the Wo⯑men all over England, to convert their uſeleſs Female Habits into Beds, Window-Curtains, Chairs, and Joint-ſtools; undreſſing them⯑ſelves (as it were) before their Transformation.

The Philoſophy of this Transformation will not ſeem ſurprizing to People, who ſearch into the Bottom of Things. Madam Bourignon, a devout French Lady, has ſhewn us, how Man was at firſt created Male and Female in one Individual, having the Faculty of Propaga⯑tion within himſelf: A Circumſtance neceſſary to the State of Inno⯑cence, wherein a Man's Happineſs was not to depend upon the Ca⯑price of another. It was not till after he had made a faux pas, that he had his Female Mate, (firſt join'd to him as the Bohemian Girls were join'd, and then ſeparated.) Many ſuch Tranſ⯑formations of Individuals have been well atteſted; particularly one by Montaigne, and another by the late Biſhop of Salisbury. From all which it appears, that this Syſtem of Male and Female has alrea⯑dy undergone, and may hereafter ſuffer ſeveral Alterations. Every Smatterer in Anatomy knows, that a Woman is but an introverted Man; a new Fuſion and Flatus will turn the hollow Bottom of a Bottle into a Convexity; but I forbear, (for the Sake of my Men Readers, who are in a few Days to be Virgins.)

In ſome Subjects, the ſmalleſt Alterations will do; ſome Men are ſufficiently ſpread about the Hips, and contriv'd with that Female Softneſs, that they want only the Negative Quantity to make them Buxon Wenches; and there are Women who are, as it were, al⯑ready the Ebauche of a good ſturdy Man. If Nature cou'd be puzzl'd, [3] it will be how to beſtow the redundant Matter of the exuberant Bubbies that now appear about Town, or to roll out the ſhort dap⯑per Fellows into well-ſiz'd Women.

Ariſtotle has with great Nicety determin'd the Caſe of Eunuchs and Hermophrodites. The firſt, ſays he, will be transform'd into Bar⯑ren Women, (I ſuppoſe he means like a ſpay'd Hen.) The ſecond will change their predominant Inclination: I am glad of this Cir⯑cumſtance of Eunuchs, becauſe the Opera will not be interrupted by their big Bellies.

This great Conjunction will begin to operate on Satur⯑day the 29th Inſtant. Accordingly, about Eight at Night, as Senzino begins, Si videte, Did you but ſee? He ſhall be obſerv'd to make an unuſual Motion; upon which the Audience will be af⯑fected with a red Suffuſion over their Countenance: And becauſe a ſtrong Succuſſion of the Muſcles of the Belly is neceſſary towards performing this great Operation, both Sexes will be thrown into a profuſe involuntary Laughter; then (to uſe the modeſt Terms of Anaximander) ſhall negative Quantity be turn'd into poſitive, &c. Time never beheld, nor will it ever aſſemble ſuch a Number of un⯑touch'd Virgins within thoſe Walls; but alas! ſuch will be the Im⯑patience and Curioſity of People to act in their new Capacity, that many of them will go to Pot that very Night. To prevent the Diſorders that may happen upon this Occaſion, is the chief Deſign of this Paper.

Gentlemen have begun already to make uſe of this Conjunction to compaſs their filthy Purpoſes. They tell the Ladies forſooth, that it is only parting with a periſhable Commodity; hardly of ſo much Va⯑lue as a Callico Under-petticoat, ſince, like its Miſtreſs, it will be uſe⯑leſs in the Form it is now in. If the Ladies have no Regard to the Diſho⯑nour and Immorality of the Action, I deſire they will conſider that Nature, who never deſtroys her own Productions, will exempt big-bel⯑ly'd Women till the Time of their Lying-in; ſo that not to be tranſ⯑form'd, will be the ſame as to be pregnant. If they don't think it worth while to defend a Fortreſs that is to be demoliſh'd in a few Days, let them reflect that it will be a melancholly thing Nine Months hence, to be brought to Bed of a Baſtard; a poſthumous Baſtard as it were, to which the Quondam Father can be no more than a dry Nurſe.

This wonderful Transformation is the Inſtrument of Nature, to balance Matters between the Sexes. Then ſhall the Cruelty of ſcorn⯑ful Miſtreſſes be return'd, and they forc'd to ſue to their new form'd Lovers with yet ſtronger Deſires: Happy Lovers ſhall repay in kind the Favours they have receiv'd, and be as bleſs'd as their fellow Worms of the Earth, who (contemptible as they ſeem) are fram'd by Nature to enjoy both Pleaſures. The ſlighted Maid ſhall grow into an imperious Gallant, and reward her Undoer with a big Belly, and a Baſtard. The Coquette Wife ſhall turn the jealous Husband; and every Individual ſhall be able to decide the Queſtion ſo much diſ⯑puted, concerning the comparative Delights of the Sexes.

It is hardly poſſible to imagine the Revolutions that this wonderful Phaenomenon will occaſion over the Face of the Earth. I long impatient⯑ly to ſee the Proceedings of the Parliament of Paris, as to the Title of [4] Succeſſion to their Crown; this being a Caſe not provided for by the Salique Law. There will be no preventing Diſorders amongſt Friars and Monks; for certainly Vows of Chaſtity don't bind but under the Sex in which they were made. The ſame will hold good with Marriages, tho' I think it will be a Scandal amongſt Proteſtants for Husbands and Wives to part, ſince there remains ſtill a poſſibility to perform the Debitum Conjugale by the Husband being femme Couverte. I ſubmit it to the Judgment of the Gentlemen of the Long Robe, whether this Transformation does not diſcharge all Suits of Rapes?

The Pope muſt undergo a new groping; but the falſe Prophet Mahomet has contriv'd Matters well for his Succeſſors; for as the Grand Signior has now a great many fine Women, he will then have as many fine young Gentlemen at his Devotion.

Theſe are ſurprizing Scenes, but I beg leave to affirm, that the ſolemn Operations of Nature are Subjects of Contemplation, but not of Ridicule; therefore I make it my earneſt Requeſt to the merry Fellows, and giggling Girls about Town, that they would not put themſelves in a high Twitter, when they go to viſit a General Ly⯑ing-in of his firſt Child; his Officers ſerving as Midwives, Nurſes and Rockers, diſpenſing Caudle; or if they behold the Reverend Prelates dreſſing the Heads and airing the Linnen at Court, I beg they will remember that theſe Offices muſt be fill'd with People of the greateſt Regularity, and beſt Characters. For the ſame Rea⯑ſon, I am ſorry that a certain Prelate, who notwithſtanding his Con⯑finement, ſtill preſerves his healthy, chearful Countenance, cannot come in time to be a Nurſe at Court.

I likewiſe earneſtly intreat the Maids of Honour, (then Enſign and Captains of the Guards,) that at their firſt ſetting out, they have ſome Regard to their former Station; and not run wild through all the infamous Houſes about Town. That the preſent Grooms of the Bed-Chamber (the Maids of Honour) would not eat Chalk and Lime in their Green-Sickneſs: And in general, that the Men would remember that they are then become Retromingent, and not by In⯑advertency lift up againſt Walls and Poſts. Petticoats will not be burdenſome to the Clergy; but Balls and Aſſemblies will be inde⯑cent for ſome Time.

As for you, Coquettes, Bawds, and Chambermaids, (the future Miniſters, Plenipotentiaries and Cabinet-Counſellors to the Princes of the Earth,) manage the great Intrigues that will be committed to your Charge, with your uſual Secrecy and Conduct; and the Affairs of your Maſters will go better than ever.

O ye Exchange Women (our Right Worſhipful Repreſentatives that are to be) be not ſo griping in the Sale of your Ware as your Predeceſſors, but conſider that the Nation, like a ſpend-thrift Heir, has run out: Be likewiſe a little more continent in your Tongues than you are at preſent, elſe the Length of Debates will ſpoil your Dinners.

You Houſewively good Women, who now preſide over the Con⯑jectionary, (henceforth Commiſſioners of the Treaſury) be ſo good as to diſpenſe the Sugar Plumbs of the Government with a more impartial and frugal Hand. Ye Prudes and cenſorious old Maids, (the Hopes of the Bench) exert but your uſual Talent of find⯑ing Faults, and the Laws will be ſtrictly executed; only I would [5] not have you proceed upon ſuch ſlender Evidences as you have done hitherto. It is from you, eloquent Oyſter-Merchants of Billingſgate, (juſt ready to be call'd to the Bar, and quoif'd like your Siſter-Ser⯑jeants,) that we expect the ſhortening the Time, and leſſening the Expences of Law-Suits: For I think you are obſerv'd to bring your Debates to a ſhort Iſſue; and even Cuſtom will refrain you from ta⯑king the Oyſter, and leaving only the Shell to your Clients. O ye Prieſts, who now in a clandeſtine Way exerciſe your Office of coupling, when you continue your Practice in a lower Sphere, I queſtion not but you will be more ſucceſsful than you have been hitherto, in pleaſing both Parties. O ye Phyſicians, who in the Figure of old Women are to clean the Tripe in the Markets; ſcour it as effectually as you have done that of your Patients, and the Town will fare moſt deliciouſly on Saturdays.

I cannot but congratulate human Nature, upon this happy Tranſ⯑formation; the only Expedient left to reſtore the Liberties and Tran⯑quility of Mankind; which is ſo evident, that it is almoſt an Affront to common Senſe to inſiſt upon the Proof it. If there can be any ſuch ſtupid Creature who doubts of it, I deſire he will make but the fol⯑lowing obvious Reflection: There are in Europe alone, at preſent, about a Million of ſturdy Fellows, under the Denomination of ſtand⯑ing Forces, with Arms in their Hands: That thoſe are Maſters of the Lives, Liberties and Fortunes of all the reſt, I believe no body will deny. It is no leſs true in Fact, that Reams of Paper, and above a ſquare Mile of Skins of Vellum have been employ'd to no Purpoſe, to ſettle Peace amongſt thoſe Sons of Violence. Pray, who is he that will ſay unto them, Go and diſband your ſelves? But lo! by this Transformation it is done at once, and the Halcyon Days of publick Tranquillity return. For neither the military Temper nor Diſcipline can taint the ſoft Sex for a whole Age to come. Bellaque matribus inviſa, Wars odious now to Mothers, will not grow imme⯑diately palatable in their Paternal State.

Nor will the Influence of this Transformation be leſs in Family-Tranquillity than it is in National. Great Faults will be amended, and Frailties forgiven on both Sides. A Wife who has been di⯑ſturb'd with late Hours, and choak'd with the Hautgoût of a Sot, will remember her Sufferings, and avoid the Temptation; and will, for the ſame Reaſon, indulge her Mate in his female Capacity in ſome Paſſions, which ſhe is ſenſible from Experience are natural to the Sex. Such as Vanity of fine Cloaths, being ad⯑mir'd, &c. And how tenderly muſt ſhe uſe her Mate under the breeding Qualms and Labour-Pains, which ſhe felt her ſelf? In ſhort, all unreaſonable Demands upon Husbands muſt ceaſe, becauſe they are already ſatisfy'd from natural Experience that they are impoſſi⯑ble. That the Ladies may govern the Affairs of the World, and the Gentlemen thoſe of their Houſhold, better than either of them have hither done, is the hearty Deſire of,