D' FOE's Anſwer to the Quakers CATECHISM, &c.

A Quaker is a Hogs-head of Phanaticiſme drawn off to the Lees; a Common-Shore of Hereſie into which moſt extravagant Opinions at laſt Disembogue themſelves and center, the fag-end of Reformation marked with a ſullen meagre-look, and this Characteriſtick Thou; A Fox in a Lamb⯑skin Coat, that retains his Subtlety though not his colour, a dough-baked piece of formality that decries Superſti⯑tion, yet idolizes Garbs and Phraſes. You may know him by his diminitive-band, that looks like the Folorne⯑hope of his Shirt crawling out at his Collar; for his pu⯑rity conſiſts only in his Dreſs, and his Religion is, Not to ſpeak like his Neighbours. His Orignal is as Obſcure as the head of Nile; ſome refer it to Behmen the can⯑ [...]ing Philoſophaſter of Germany. Others run his Pe⯑digree higher, and ſay he was hatcht when the degra⯑ded Seraphm firſt took on him to counterfeit an Angel of Light. He is a meer Compoſition of Contradiction and Clowniſhneſsana, with a ſew odd Scruples of Hypo⯑criſie to give it a Tincture. Should the Parliament make a Law for Eating, he would Starve rather then be Guilty of obeying it; and if you would have him do a thing, you need only forbid it on Pain of Death: He thinks that to be Religious one is obliged to be Un⯑civil, and flings his Witts over Board to make room for Inſpirations. His Dreams he Intitles Viſions, and each Crapicio of his Fancy muſt paſs for a divine Reve⯑lation, to which he Blaſphemouſly puts a Probatum eſt, The Mouth of the Lord hath ſpoken it. The firſt Article of [3] this Creed is to keep his Hat on, which he obſervs ſo Religiouſly, as if he thought vailing Bonnet to be the Sin againſt the Holy Ghoſt; Titles of Honour he takes for infallible Marks of the Beaſt, and believes the Maſter of the Ceremonies to be Antichriſt; He would have done rarely in the old Chaos before Nature had anked ihings in their places, being a profeſt Enemy to all Order, that thinks there's no pure walking unleſs it be with the Heels upwards: He bears a Grudge a⯑gainſt Paul for ſaying moſt noble Feſtus, and hates the Memory of Sarah becauſe ſhe called her Husband Lord His Diſcourſes are nothing but a Rhapſody of oft re⯑peated Non-ſenſe; and when he hath darkned your Underſtanding with a Cloud of infignificant Babble, he Cry's, Ah! Friends mind the Light! He uſually be⯑gins with Raving like Mahomet in his Falling-fit, or the Devil of Delphoſe's Prieſts, that never delivered their Lying Oracles, but with extravagant Geſtures and odd Diſtortions of Body, Swear not at all, is his Motto, but Lies he holds in many caſes Venial, and in t [...]o meritori⯑ous, when they make for the Intereſt of the beloved Seed, or reflect Scandal on the Government. He Cheats worſe then a Long-lane Broaker, by pretending to deal at a word, and the Hook whereby he draws in his Cuſ⯑tomers, is a far-fetcht Sigh, and plainly I tell thee Friend.

This troubleſome Inſect (for all his demure Looks) is deſervedly ſuſpected to be part of the Vermine dropt from the Beaſt, a Puppet of Religion, contrived to amuſe the Rabble, that receives it's Motion from his Holyneſ⯑ſes inviſible Hand behind the Curtain; for though the Jeſuite and he ſeem Enemies, at long run (like Eaſt and Weſt,) they prove the ſame Equivocations being as common with them both as Curſes to a Gameſter. Ask our trembling Saint if he believe the Reſurrection of the Dead, he ſhall anſwer yea, but tell you another time, he meant only an ariſing from Sin; by Heaven and Hell he intends no more but ſeveral Scenes Tranſacted with⯑in [4] us, and abuſes holy Scripture into a myſtical Romance Each of them averrs Perfection Attainable in this Life but herein they differ, the Papiſt Acknowledgeth but one Pope in the World, the Quaker ſets up a Pope in every Individual Breaſt, to whom all Scripture and Rea⯑ſon muſt Truckle; ſo that refuſing the Poleſtar of Gods Word and the Churches Compaſs, he will needs Steer by the wandring Motion of a Treacherous Ignus fatuus within, ſubject to be blown any way, and often Exting⯑uiſht by the Hurricanes of Paſſion.

He makes Self the Centre whereunto the Lines of all his Actions tend, and like a Hedge-hog wrapt up in his own warm down, turn out Briſles to all the World beſides; you can come on no ſide of him but he Pricks and Bites, and all his Craggy and Inhoſpitable. He that deals with him has need of more Eyes then Poets beſtow on Argus, for he out-vies a Genoe's for Subtlety, and a Jew may come to be an Apprentice with him; he loves the Exchange though he hates the Church, and Admires no Preaching ſo much as Foxes.

For all his peaceable Sheepiſh Countenance, he de⯑lights in Contention, and when he is Thou-ing a Court of Juſtice, thinks himſelf in his proper Element. He bawls (like an Oyſterwife) at other Folks Pride, and evidences his own Humility onely in defying the Ped⯑lars Pack, Lace, Ribbons, &c. whileſt he ſawcily con⯑temns his Superiours, and prefers the Crotchets of his own giddy Brain before the Decrees of a general Council. He hates no Whore ſo much as her of Babylon, and ever and anon greatifies the old Man with a kind Green-ap⯑ron'd Friend, whom he picks up at a Conventicle by a teacherous Touch of the Hand, under pretence of a pure Salutation, and finding by her rampant Pulſe, and temp⯑ting turning up the Whites, (which ſhe pretends to do in Devotion) that her deſires are at Flood, they retire to⯑gether for mutual Edification. He is often Drunk, but not like his Neighbours Temporally, for Sleep cannot [5] cure him, but the Fumes of his ſpiritual Pride having Intoxicated his Head, makes his very Soul Reel, and but his Body into a fit of Shivering; ye, will he not privatly in the company of Friends refuſe the refreſhing Bottle, provided it be not known in Gath, nor publiſh⯑ed amongſt the wicked of Askalon, for he confeſſeth the uſe of the Creature (eſpecially when it comes on Free-coſt) to be exceeding Lawful. He is very curious to be in all things contrary to the common Mode, that he may be taken notice of, for a ſingular Man, and hav⯑ing ſcrew'd his Face into a Religious Frame, and turn'd his Voice to a puling ſanctimonious Key, he uſes it as a Low-bell to catch Larks, or rather ſuch Owles as will be Bubbled out of their Money merely on the Repute of his conſcientions Dealing; he abominates our Churches, and ſayes very well, that God muſt be Wor⯑ſhipped every where in Spirit, yet will rather be knock'd o'th' Head theu forſake Bull and Mouth, here it is that he Glories in Tribulations.

In brief, a Quaker is a Cynick in Religion, one that would have Illnature tranſlated Grace; as if the Holy Spirit (that pure ſweet gentle Dove) did inſpire Men with ſullen Humours and waſpiſh Diſpoſition: He hates both Magiſtracie and Miniſtrie, and never ſpeaks, well of Authority or Obedience, but when he is going to laſh his Maid or his Apprentices; for though himſelf have ſhaken off all ſubjection to Superious, yet to his Dome⯑ſticks he is worſe then an Egyptian Taskmaſter, and ſpeaks to his Servants in a tone as imperious as the Grand Seigniour to his Mutes; he cannot endure Cere⯑monies or Complements, eſpecially where his Belly is concerned, and therefore falls to all meat (as Gal⯑lants do to a Wench or Oyſters) without ſaying Grace, he is very diligent in his Generation-work, and may therefore have many Children but no Heirs; for his Iſſue comes into the World out-law'd, and can no more boaſt to be born in lawful Wedlock, then [9] the Kinchen-cove of a Gypſie got under a Hedge by a ſtrauling Tinker; he bannes the Banes, and i [...] this Reſpect only refuſes Licenſe, Conſummating his Marriage before it is Solemnized; for ſo ſoon as the Spirit begins to yield to the Rebellion of the Fleſh, and his Bowels Yearn to be Multiplying, he and his willing Doxy never wait the Parſons Leiſure, but take each others Word and ſo to Bed.

The Devil that furniſhes others with his Tare but by Retail, deals with the Quaker by Whole ſale, ſo many Hereſies Club to his Generation that 'tis Impoſſible to ſay which he Reſembles moſt. Sure Satan had a Fancy to preſent the World with an Oglio, and therefore here hath Rendevouzed all his Hell bred Errours in Epitomie, and ſet down a Catalogue of them in Short-hand.

By his obſtinate Zeal to keep his Noddle cover⯑ed, you may gueſs him a Mahumetan, that reſents nothing ſo Diſhonourable as a bare Head; and in⯑deed he hath no more Chriſtinaity in him than a Turk: His Good Fryday Looks ſpeak him a ſuperſti⯑tious Anchorite; his Subtlety and Equivocations would become a Jeſuite; he Names his Children with as little Ceremony as other Folks do their Whelps; and ſo far kees pace with the Anabaptiſt, but of a ſudden he out-ſtrips them, and falls in with the Seekers to deny all Ordinances. From Socinus he ſteals Arguments againſt the bleſſed Trinity, and learns to diſown all Government from John of Leyden. At firſt he was much a⯑gainſt the Carnal-Weapon, but now begins to be Reconciled to Fighting, and if you Anger him will rather venture a Rubbers at fity Cuffs, then [] turn the other Cheek to the Smiter. He has of [...]ate ſo far fallen from his firſt pretence of Humillity [...]hat he out ſtrips Handſom Fielding, or any Play⯑houſe Bully for Wig and Vanity.

'Tis a prudent Maxime in the Art Military, never [...]o think too Contemptibly of an Enemy. Our Grandfathers ſaw that Scotch-miſt Presbytery riſing to bigger then a Mans Hand, and yet how Diſmal⯑ly did it in few Years over-ſpread our whole Ho⯑riſon.

Conſider but this Quaking Gang in it's true Di⯑menſions, and the Arts they have to promote their Deſigns, and they will appear more formidable then moſt of the other Eactions.

For Firſt, They are a People generally Subtle, Frugal, Induſtrious, and Wary in their Dealing; by which and their large Pretenſions to a punctual Honeſty, they have Ingroſſed a grand part of the Nations Trade.

Secondly, Whereas other Perſwaſions are di⯑vided into diſtinct Congregations, and ſo have ſe⯑veral particular TEACHERS, who frequent⯑ly Broaching different Whimſeys, Mince them into ſubdiviſions, whilſt ſome dare not hear ſuch an one, and others ſcruple to Communicate with ſuch a one, though all of a PARTY.

The QUAKERS on the contrary; though [...]o two of them ſcarce agree in all things, doe yet generally throughout England keep themſelves up [...]n one intire Body, glewed together with a ſtrict Unity, as to Affection, and Correſpondence, as is [...]vident by their Weekly Collections in every Coun⯑ [...]y continually ſent up to London where their [8] common Stock cannot but in ſo many Years as they have Maintained it, be very vaſt. To which add the exact Accompt and Registry they every where keep of all their Births and Burials (which are likewiſe duely Tranſmitted up) ſo that in an Inſtant they are able to give a near Eſtimate of their Number and Strength in all the three Nati⯑ons. Theſe and ſome other Importants being due⯑ly weighed, render this ſhivering Sect not ſo in conſiderable as the common Rabble Deluded with their ſpecious Pretences are apt to think them. 'Tis a good Caution of a Minor Poet,

To conclude, a Quaker is a canting thing that Cozens the World by the Purity of his Cloaths, a few Cloſe-ſtool Faces and whineing Expreſſions, his Life is only a real Lye, his Doctrine contrary to all ſober Religon, and withal ſo Troubleſome that I am grown quite Weary of drawing his Character and cannot but wiſh him and all his Tribe fairly Embarqu'd for terra Incognita, of the late found Iſle of Pines, under the Conduct of Penn their high Admiral.