[]

THE FARMER: A COMIC OPERA.

IN TWO ACTS.

AS IT IS PERFORMED AT THE THEATRES ROYAL IN LONDON AND DUBLIN.

By JOHN O'KEEFE, ESQ.

DUBLIN: PRINTED BY T. M'DONNELL, No. 50, ESSEX-STREET.

M, DCC, LXXXVIII.

Dramatis Perſonae

[]
 LONDON.DUBLIN.
Colonel Dormont,Mr. Fearnon.Mr. Mitchell.
Valentine,Mr. Johnſton.Mr. Duffy.
Fairly,Mr. Booth.Mr. King.
Farmer Blackberry,Mr. Darley.Mr. Brett.
Jemmy Jumps,Mr. Edwin.Mr. O'Reilly.
Counſellor Flummery,Mr. Rock.Mr. Owenſon.
Rundy,Mr. Blanchard.Mr. Cherry.
Farmer Stubble,Mr. Thompſon.Mr. Barret.
Landlord,Mr. Ledger.Mr. Smith.
Louiſa,Mrs. Mountain.Mrs. Marſhall.
Betty Blackberry, alias Miſs Eliza Timbertop,Mrs. Mattocks.Mrs. Hitchcock.
Molly Maybuſh,Mrs. Martyr.Mrs. Chalmers.
Landlady,Miſs Platt.Mrs. Hannam.
Waiters, Bailiffs, Tradeſmen, Peaſants, &c.

SCENE, FIRST ACT, KENT.

SCENE, SECOND ACT, LONDON.

THE FARMER.

[]

ACT I.

SCENE I.
A rural Proſpect, with a View of a Gentleman's Seat at a Diſtance.

Enter Fairly in a Paſſion, and Col. Dormont.
Fairly.

YOUR Maſter's a Raſcal!—unknown to me marrying my Daughter, then leaving her behind him at Canada, and here ſtepping into all the Vices of London, a ſingle Gentleman forſooth! Deny his Marriage!—but I'll ſtrip him of his new got Wealth.

Col. Dor.

Huſh! that's likely to happen without your help: You know that old Humouriſt his Uncle, Col. Dormont, wiſhing to avoid the Buſtle and Etiquette of Rank, as a Trick gave my Maſter here the Enjoyment of his Fortune, of which hearing he makes ſo ill a Uſe, he has abſolutely advertis'd in the News Papers to find if he han't ſome other Relation living to transfer it to.

Fair.

Then he has another Relation hereabouts too, and to find him is what brought me now into Kent.

Col. Dor.

What's his name?

Fair.

I won't tell.

Col. Dor.

Me you may; I'm Captain Valentine's Steward to be ſure; but I was plac'd here by his Uncle merely as a Guard over him; and harkee, Mr. Fairly, you know the Colonel from being ſo much abroad hasn't ſeen him ſince the hight of a Pen Caſe; I told him tho' of his deſerting [4] your Daughter, all his profl [...]gate Exploits! He's ſo much incens'd that—here's a Letter in his own Hand commanding my Maſter to reſign every Shilling's Worth belonging to him, without beat of Drum this very Evening march out of his Houſe yonder, and for the firſt Time appear before him on the Parade, St. James's Park, tomorrow Morning.

Fair.
(with Joy).

Then he's ruin'd! ha! ha! good Captain Valentine! Isn't that he,

(looking out)

cajoling ſome ſimple Country Girl? And his Wife—my poor Child Louiſa! Oh! how I ſhould like to break his Bones; but no Sword or Piſtol Work for me; no, I'll find the honeſt Farmer that's to ſuperſede him; I'll teach a Captain to wrong a Lawyer; I'll—

Exeunt.
Enter Valentine and Betty Blackberry.
AIR. Valentine.
Charming Village Maid,
If thou wilt be mine,
In Gold and Pearls array'd,
All my Wealth is thine.
For Gold is Droſs to me.
Ev'n Nature's Beauties fade,
If not enjoy'd by thee,
My Charming Village Maid!
Had I yon Shepherd's Care,
Your Lambs to feed and fold,
The Dog Star heat I'd bear,
And Winter's piercing cold;
Or ſuch my Lot ſhou'd be,
At Harrow, Flail or Spade,
Well pleas'd I'd toil for thee,
My charming Village Maid!
This Morn at Goſly Dawn
I had a Hedge Roſe wild,
Its Sweets perfum'd the Lawn,
'Twas ſportive Nature's Child;
[5]To grace my gay Parterre,
Tranſlated from the Glade,
Sweet Emblem of my Fair,
My charming Village Maid!
Enter Farmer Blackberry (with a Milking Pail.)
Farm.

Where is this Daughter of mine? Ah! hey!

Betty.

I vow, your Honor, all theſe fine Things ſhou'd make me vaſtly conceited.

Farm.

Ah! ha! he won't have much Trouble to do that.

(Aſide.)
Val.

My adorable Angel!

Farm.

I've heard ſay Fairies are good at it, but now I'll ſee an Angel milk my Cow.

Betty.

La! Father, talk of a Cow to a Gentleman!

Farm.

Yes, and I'll keep my Heifer from a Gentleman.

(Aſide to Betty. Gives her the Pail, and puts her off)
Val.

Stop, Farmer! Yes, I'll propoſe—he daren't refuſe his Landlord,

(aſide)

. I ſhall deal with you fair and open: your Daughter Betty pleaſes me; name any Settlement, or by Gad I'll ſign a Carte Blanche. You know the World, and I dare ſay underſtand me.

Farm.

Why, yes, Sir, I think I do underſtand you.

Val.

I'm inclined to be your Friend—I've Company waiting at home, ſo your Anſwer will oblige.

Farm.

Pray, Sir, did you ever feel the Weight of an Engliſh Cudgel?

Val.

A what!

(Surprized).
Farm.

Only a Twig of Oak like this, laid on with an old tough Arm, pretty ſtrong from Labour, and a Heart ſtung by an honeſt Reſentment.

Val.

Why, Fellow! I fancy you forget who you're talking to.

Farm.

Sir, you may be yet a Parent, then you'll be capable of a Father's Feelings, at the cruel Offer to make him a Party in the Proſtitution of his child.

[6]
AIR. Farmer.
Ere around the huge Oak that o'erſhadows yon Mill
The fond Ivy had dar'd to entwine.
Ere the Church was a Ruin that nods on that Hill,
Or a Rook built her Neſt in that Pine.
Cou'd I trace back the Time, a much earlier Date,
Since my Fore-fathers toil'd in this Field;
And the Farm I now hold on your Honor's Eſtate,
Is the ſame that my Grand-father till'd.
He dying bequeath'd to his Son a good Name,
Which unſullied deſcended to me;
For my Child I've preſerv'd it, unblemiſh'd with Shame,
And it ſtill from a Spot ſhall be free.
Exit.
Enter Col. Dormont.
Val.

Cudgel! A Reptile ſting! A Weed dare to raiſe its inſolent Head, and wag Defiance in my Face.

Col. Dor.

My good Sir, hear your poor Steward; Inſtead of ill-will to the Farmer, as an Engliſh Gentleman you ſhould cheriſh the Farmer's Spirit of an Engliſh Yeoman.

Val.

I hadn't a Thought Clowns had any Feeling.

Col. Dor.

Clown!—he's a Man and a Parent. For the Affront you offered, your Honor wou'dn't at all ſuffer by making him an Apology.

Val.

Apology! Dem'd impertinent this!

(Aſide.)

Total, will you take it?

Col. Dor.

That I will, Sir,

(quick)

and as an Atonement, I ſuppoſe preſent him from you an Acquittance for his Rent, as this is Quarter's Day.

Val.

A pretty Propoſal! but, ha! ha! ha! I'll fit my buſy Steward,

(aſide)

Come, I'll write a few Lines of Apology, you draw out a Receipt, I'll encloſe it, and you ſhall take it to him immediately.—His Daughter, my bonny Betty.—Total, can you blame me?

AIR. Valentine.
No more I'll court the town-bred Fair,
Who ſhines in artificial Beauty;
Her native Charms, without compare,
Claim all my Love, Reſpect and Duty.
[7]O my bonny, bonny Bet. ſweet Bloſſom,
Was I a King, ſo proud to wear thee,
From off the verdant Couch I'd bear thee,
To grace thy Lover's Boſom.
Yet aſk me where thoſe Beauties lie,
I cannot ſay in Smile or Dimple,
In blooming Cheek, or radiant Eye,
'Tis happy Nature, wild and ſimple.
O my bonny, bonny Bet. &c.
Let dainty Beaux for ladies pine,
Ad ſigh in Numbers trite and common;
Ye Gods! one darling Wiſh be mine,
And all I aſk is lovely Woman!
O my bonny, bonny Bet. &c.
Come, deareſt Girl, the roſy Bowl,
Like thy bright Eye, with pleaſure dancing;
My Heaven art thou, ſo take my Soul,
With Rapture every Senſe entrancing.
O my bonny, bonny Bet, &c.
Exeuut.

SCENE II.

Farmer Blackberry's Houſe.
Enter the Farmer and Betty.
Farm.

There, ſtay within Doors ſince you can't walk out without having Gentlemen after you.

Betty.

La! Father, the Gentlemen are ſo tempting, ha! ha! ha!

Farm.

Odſbobs! I command you not to let him ſpeak to you.

Betty.

If a Gentleman's going, to ſpeak, wou'dn't it be very rude in me to ſtop his Mouth.

Farm.

Then always get out of his Way.

Betty.

That I certainly ſhall, if he's on Horſeback.

Farm.

Zounds! Huſſy! cou'dn't you turn and walk from him!

Betty.

So I did, and he turn'd and walk'd from me; but both walking on all round the Field, 'till we came to [8] the oppoſite Side, there we met Face to Face you know, and then! ha! ha! ha! oh precious!

AIR. Betty.
To hear a ſweet Goldfinch's Sonnet,
This Morning I put on my Bonnet,
But ſcarce in the Meadow, pies on't,
When the Captain appears in my view.
I felt an odd Sort of Senſation.
My Heart beat an odd Palpitation,
I bluſh'd like a Pink or Carnation,
When, ſays he, "My dear, how do you do?"
The Devil ſure, ſays I, here has pop'd him,
I therefore to ſtip by but I ſtop'd him,
So my very beſt Curt'ſy I dropt him;
With an Air then he bobs off his Hat,
He ſeem'd with my Perſon enchanted,
He ſqueez'd my Hand, how my Heart panted,
He aſk'd for a Kiſs, and I granted,
And pray new what Harm was in that?
Says I, Sir, for what do you take me?
He ſaid a fine Lady he'd make me,
No, dem him, he'd never forſake me,
And then on his Knee he flap'd down.
His Handkerchief ſmelt ſo ſweetly,
His white Teeth he ſhew'd ſo completely,
He manag'd the Matter ſo neatly,
I ne'er can be kiſs'd by a Clown.
Farm.

Ecod, if Neighbour Stubble's Step-ſon, Jemmy, was come home from London, he ſhou'd take you off my Hands this very Evening.

Enter Farmer Stubble, joyful.
Farm. Stub.

Hey! Betty! your Sweetheart Jemmy's without.

Farm. B.

What, Jemmy Jumps! ecod, now I'm happy.

Betty.

Pray has London made him very like a Gentleman?

Farm. Stub.
[9]

Was'nt it for that, merely to pleaſe you, that I ſent him there?

Jemmy ſings without.
Farm. B.

Ecod, here he comes, gay as a Lark, fine as a Butter fly, ſtout as a Cock, and merry as a Cricket.

Betty.

Ay, here comes the London Beau!

Enter Jemmy, dreſs'd in the Extravagance of Faſhion.
Jemmy.

Gemmen I'm yours! Mem I'm your moſt,

(ſtruts and flouriſhes.)

Dad,

(apart to Stubble)

hope you did'nt tell you had me 'Prentice to a Stay-maker in London.

Betty.

Lud! he looks quite Rakiſh,

(admiring.)
Jemmy.

My Dear, I kiſs your Hand.

Farm. B.

Ecod, if you go no nigher, your Dear muſt ſtretch a long Arm.

Betty.

Why that was only Compliment, what they ſay in London.

Farm. B.

Oh, then, in London ſaying and doing are two Things.

Farm. Stub.

But, Jemmy, here's Neighbour Blackberry.

Jemmy.

Eh! ha!

(looking at Farmer B. through a flat Eye Glaſs.)
Farm. B.

Oh! ho!

(takes out a large Key and looks at Jemmy.)
Betty.

Oh, Jemmy, you can tell us all the new Faſhions in Town!

Farm. B.

Ah, what Price does Corn bring at London Market?

Jemmy.

Corn!

Farm. B.

Ah, how are Oats?

Jemmy.

Aſk my Ponies. Oats! think I'm from Bearquay? I'm a Gentleman of—ha! ha! ha!—Canile!

Betty.

Indeed, Father, you aſk ſuch uncouth Queſtions. Pray, Jemmy, what makes you a Gentleman?

Jemmy.

My Share in a Pharaoh Bank; my Boots to fling over the Benches in the Play-houſes; a Glaſs to ſquint at a Face not ſix Inches from my own Noſe; my Nag to kick up a Duſt in Rotten-row; ſhort Waiſtcoat, long Breeches, two Watches, twenty-inch Cane, Umbrella, Hat, Chin, Beau-daſh, and Shoe Strings.

All.

Ha! ha! ha!

[10]
AIR. Jemmy.
Look, dear Ma'am I'm quite the Thing,
Natibus hey, tipity ho,
In my Shoe I wear a String.
Plaidy my Tartan ho;
Cards and Dice I've monſtrous Luck,
Tho' no Drake yet keep a Duck,
Tho' not Nimrod yet I'm a Buck,
Lantherum ſwaſh kickee.
I've a Purſe well ſtocked with—Braſs,
Chinckily hee, chinckily ho;
I've good Eyes, yet cock my Glaſs,
Stare about, ſquintum ho;
In two Boots I boldly walk,
Piſtol, Sword, I never baulk,
Meet my Man and bravely talk,
Peppilus, pop, coupee;
Sometimes I mount a ſmart Cockade,
Puppydum hey, ſtruttledom ho,
From High Park to the Parade,
Cockmacary kee:
As I paſs a Centry Box,
Soldiers reſt their bright Firelocks,
Each about his Muſquet knocks,
Rattledum ſlap to me.
In the Mall Miſs gives her Card,
Caſhady me, kiſſady ſhe,
Set before the Palace Yard,
Leggerum, lounge a row;
Prettieſt Things I ſoftly ſay,
When I'm aſk'd our Chairs to pay,
Yes, ſays I, and walk away.
Pennybus, Farthing ho.
Bett.

Oh, Lord! he's quite rakiſh!

(enraptured.)
Farm. Stub.

Then, Jemmy, I warrant on your going to London you ſoon got up Stairs into Gentlemen's Company.

Farm. B.
[11]

Ay, and I warrant you he ſoon got down Stairs out of Gentlemen's Company, ha! ha! ha!

(making a Motion with his Foot.)
Jem.

Zounds, Sir, I belong'd to a Coterin.

Bett.

La! what's a Coterin?

Jem.

Ma'am, it's a Club, a Thing we eſtabliſhed—fitted up a Houſe in Stile—ſelect—to be by ourſelves for the Purpoſe of Play.

Farm. B

Oh, then there was a Gang of you?

Jem.

Gang! What do ye call —? Party—Men of Faſhion—deep Play—Egad the Rouleaus flew about like Shuttle-cocks.

Bett.

And what's a Rouleau?

Jem.

A Parcel of—Shillings—neatly rolled up like—a—

Farm. B.

Ay, like a Pennyworth of Tobacco, I ſuppoſe!

Jem.

Tobacco! 'gad, Sir, you ſuppoſe the ſtrangeſt—what—eh?

Farm. Stub.

And, Jemmy, who was of your—

Jem.

Party? I and Sir Bruin Bickery, Marquis Delpini, Colonel Pimlico, and my Lord Picardy—hem!

(flouriſhes.)
All.

Ha! ha! ha!

Jem.
(Apart to Farm. B.)

Muſt bounce a few, Betty's ſo upiſh—likely wou'dn't have me elſe.

Farm. B.

Right.

(to Jem.)

Neighbour we'll have Betty and Jemmy married this very Night—then ſhe'll be out of the Way of this wicked Devil of a Landlord. (Aſide.) (Pipes and Tabors without.) True, we have won our Cricket Match to Day, the Lads and Laſſes are all in ſuch high Glee, ſo your Wedding ſhall add to the Joy of the Day, ha! ha! ha!

Exeunt all but Jemmy, who is detained by Molly Maybuſh.
Molly.

Jemmy, you ſhan't marry Betty Blackberry, you know afore you went up to London you was Book-ſworn to me.

Jem.

I went a Clown, and I'm come home a Gemman.

Moll.
[12]

I'm ſure all the Difference I ſee is, that going you had brown Hair, a fat Face, and an honeſt Heart; and you've come home with a white Head, lank Cheeks, and an ill-natur'd Soul.

Jem.

As to Head and Face—and Head—I'm juſt the—the Tippy; and as to Soul that is with us, Gents. like our Honor, a Thing we know nothing about only to ſwear by; as "'pon my Soul, Sir,"—"'pon my Honor, Mem,"—juſt as your Country Folks "Odſbodikins" "Gadzookens," and "by the living Jingo."

Moll.

For ſartain my Father can't leave me quite ſo well as Betty, we han't ſo much Corn in our Granary, but I've ten times as much Love in my Heart, Jemmy.

AIR. Molly.
My Daddy, O, was very good,
To make me fine he ſpar'd no Pelf,
And ſcrape up money all he cou'd,
He'd give it to my bonny Self.
My handſome Cap from Dover came,
Some thought from France, ſo gay to ſee,
Tho' ſigh'd for by each Maid and Dame;
'Twas not my Cap was dear to me.
Blythe Johnny, O, upon his Mare,
Adown the Dell his Horn ran ſweet,
To me preſented Puſs, the Hare,
That o'er the wild Thyme ran ſo fleet.
Then Ned a Noſegay for my Breaſt,
He brought no Flow'r more ſweet than he;
And warbling Will a Linnet's Neſt,
No Flow'rs or Birds were dear to me.
So ſoftly. O, to yonder Grove,
The Moon ſo kind the while did blink,
I ſtole to meet my own true Love,
Yet on falſe Love I fell to chink.
The ruſtling Leaves encreaſe my fears,
A Footſtep falls who cannot be;
Oh joy, my Jemmy now appears,
And he alone was dear to me.
Jem.
[13]

Piping for me, Molly, is—I'm not come-atable

(Swaggers.)
Moll.

But your Promiſe—

Jem

Keep a Promiſe! What do you take me for?

Moll.

Did I think you ever cou'd forget the Day you left our Village? Don't you remember as you were ſtepping on the Coach Roof, as I ſtood crying, you with one Foot on the little Wheel, and t'other juſt on the Boot; your right Hand you ſtretch'd to the Coachman, and your left as I held it mine, waſhing it with my Tears, the Poſtman at that Moment ſounding his Horn; Gee! up! ſays the Coachman, and I ſoon loſt Sight of my Jemmy.

Jem.

I proteſt I've ſuch an Abſence—that—

Moll.

You muſt remember your Promiſe to marry me—you can't forget the Horn.

Jem.

Horn!—A damn'd odd Marriage Memorandum you've hit upon, Molly.

Exeunt.

SCENE III.

A Green before Farmer Blackberry's Houſe, Muſic, with a Noiſe of Dancing.
Enter Farmer Blackberry and Jemmy.
Farm B.

Ah? ha! featly done! Jemmy, why don't you take a Dance?

Jem.

Me ſport a Toe among ſuch Clodhoppers! Ah! ha! dance away my Veſtris and Vetchelli's!

Farm. B.

Well, my Boy, you ſhall have Betty then; no fear of our Squire—Hey! what can his Steward want!

(Looking out.)
Enter Col. Dormant.
Col. Dor.

My Maſter is now ſorry, Farmer, for the Affront he offered you, and requeſts you'll accept here encloſed a Receipt and full Acquittance for your Quarter's Rent.

Jem.

Something towards Betty's Portion,

(aſide.)
Enter Rundy.
Run.

Why, Lord, Farmer, the Squire's Men are got driving your Cattle, and they ſay it's for your Rent.

Col. Dor.
[14]

What!

Farm. B.

On Quarter-day—this is his Receipt!

Col. Dor.

Oh! ſome Miſtake of that ſcoundrel the Bailiff!

Enter the Bailiff.

Harding, what d'you mean by this Outrage!

Bail.

T'obey Maſter's Orders.

Col. Dor.

Orders! Farmer, open that—or here, you young Fellow

(to Jemmy)

read aloud the Paper you'll find there, if your Scholarſhip reaches ſo far.

(Gives Letter exultingly.)
Jem.

Scholarſhip!

(Conceitedly. Opens and reads.)
" For golden Grain I bring you Chaff,
"So Neighbours at the Bearer laugh!"

Ha! ha! ha!

(looking at Col. Dormant)

how d'ye like my Scholarſhip?

(Reads.)
"If this for Quarter's Rent won't paſs,
"Why then the Reader is—
Run
(Who had been looking over him, reads)

An Aſs—ha! ha! ha!

(looking at Jemmy.)
Farm B.

Does he make a Jeſt of his Cruelty?

Col. Dor.

And me the Fool—be aſſured, Farmer, his Uncle will do you Juſtice; the Captain won't be long a Landlord.

(Walks up enraged)
Enter Betty.
Bett.

Oh, Father!

Farm. B.

Jemmy, I muſt borrow this Rent from the Portion I thought to pay down with Betty.

Jem.

Borrow! eh! od!—it happens ſo unlucky, but I now remember I promiſed Molly Maybuſh, and Dinner's ready—tol, lol, deral.

Exit.ſinging.
Bett.

There now, if Jemmy han't gone from me!

Farm. B.

And a good riddance of ſuch a ſordid [...]ſcal; but there's your London Gentleman.

Enter Fairly.
Fair.

Ay, this ſhou'd be the Houſe, and you the Maſter; let's ſee my Inſtructions,

(peruſes a Paper)

Blackberry—Mother's name—yes—I hope here my Search [15] is at an End, your Name is Blackberry, your Mother Niece to Edward Timbertop, Eſq.

Bett.

Yes, Sir, we have had 'Squires in our Family.

(Curtſies.)
Farm. B.

Ay, but I never knew any good on't, but to make you conceited.

Fair.

I have Authority to inform you that by this Deſcent you're likely ſoon to be Maſter of thoſe very Lands from whence your Cattle were drove by your worthleſs Landlord.

Col. Dor.

Eh, what, Mr. Fairly, is this, tho'—

(quick and joyful)

are you really related to Colonel Dormont?

Farm. B.

Why I did hear of ſome Relation made a huge Fortune in America by Army Contracts, or—but I know nought about'n.

Fair.

To prove your Affinity to the Colonel, and hear what he intends, you muſt go to London.

Bett.

To London!

(great.)
Fair.

Ay, and appear in Splendour as his adopted Heir; I'll have ſuch a triumphant Revenge on that Puppy your Maſter for his Uſage to my poor Louiſa.

(To Col. Dorm.)
Col. Dor.

But, beſt firſt let the Colonel—

Fair.

What d'ye talk, he's a Perſon of Property, and and if he diſapproves of what I've done, let my Pocket anſwer.

(Reſolutely.)
Col. D.

Well, ſince you're reſolved, I'll inſtantly deliver to my Maſter the Colonel's Letter of Diſmiſſion—take Charge of every Thing yonder, and if you'll undertake to get the Farmer and Family to Town, I transfer my Duty, and ſhall be there in Time to have Lodgings prepared for their Reception.

Fair.

Good Fellow.

Farm. B.

I live in Town, 'mongſt Smoak, Noiſe and Back-bitings; no, no, no.

Fair.

Eh! ay, and inſtead of Blackberry you muſt take the Name of Timbertop.

Col. D.

But why didn't you acquaint the Colonel with your Diſtreſs?

Farm. B.
[16]

Diſtreſs I never knew before to Day; ſo by Jingo I never thought of bruſhing up a grand Relationſhip for ſake of a Dinner or ſo, while here I could enjoy my homely Meal with the ſweet Sauce of Independance; but come in and take a Bit of Mutton over a Glaſs of my home-brew'd—we'll hear this Story, and before I turn a Gentleman, you ſhall ſee what a jolly Fellow is an Engliſh Farmer.

Exeunt Farmer and Betty.
[Betty, during the above Scene, alternately liſtens with Joy and Surprize — ſhe remains]
Bett.

To London—yes—inſtead of Betty Blackberry, I ſhall be Miſs Eliza Timbertop!

Enter Jemmy Jumps.
Jem.
(aſide)

Old Blackberry fall'n into this Houſe—great Fortin! Oh, I muſt tack about.

Bett.

Yes, we ſhall have a coach.

Jem.

A Coach!

(aſide.)
Bett.

Preſcious! I ſhall be ſo taſty this Summer; round my Neck a charming thick Barcelona Handkerchief, with a beautiful double Gauze one over it, a Marſeilla quilted Petticoat ſtout and white as a Counterpane; over that a rich Paduaſoy Gown that ſhall ſtand an end; and over that again my choice long Sattin Cardinal furr'd with Ca [...]'s Skin.

Jem.
(Aſide.)

A cool Summer's Dreſs! poh!

Jemmy fans himſelf with his Hat.
Bett.

In my Kalimanco Shoes, I'll have ſuch a thumping Pair of Silver Buckles, and in my Pink Hat a Bunch of Cherry color'd Ribbon!

Jem.

Ha!

(advancing)

my Betty.

Bett.
(Looking round affectedly.)
Jem.

I'm come to with you Joy!

Bett.

Wiſh Joy! oh! oh! the Bellman!

Jem.

Bellman! my Dear your own Jemmy Jumps.

Bett.

Jumps! now what is this Perſon talking about?

Jem.

Hem! Mem! may I preſume to beg—

Bett.

Beg! I havn' [...] got no ſmall Change.

Exit Betty, very ſtately and affected.
Jem.
[17]
(After a Pauſe, whiſtles.)

Beg—ſmall! Change!—Me for a Beggarman! Yes, I muſt ha—Molly Maybuſh—ſhe's a hundred Pound—that, and a little Credit at Mancheſter—open a ſmart Shop—Yes, get to town, and buckle to Buſineſs—Eh, here's Molly, how rejoiced ſhe'll be at my coming back to her.—Tol, lol, lol!

Sings.
Enter Molly Maybuſh and Rundy.
Run.

And, Molly, ben't you aſhamed to leave ſuch a true loving Boy as I be?

Moll.

Yes, I now ſee Jemmy courted me all along only for the Lucre of Gain: Yonder he is, let's laugh at him—I'll pretend not to ſee him.

AIR. Molly.
Send him to me,
Let him woo me,
Softly breathe each tender Vow:
Why forſake me,
Come and take me,
Take me in the Humour now.
In my Cheeks full Roſes blowing,
Wiſhes twinkle in my Eyes;
Oh, what Joy when Joy beſtowing,
Yet my careleſs Lover flies.
Girls don't hear him,
Mock him, jeer him;
He'll deceive you,
Kiſs and leave you.
Jem.

Your moſt—lovely Molly

(bows)

Rundy what brings you here?

(fiercely.)
Run.

To ſee a little Fun, Sir.

Jem.

Fun.

Moll.

Ha! ha! ha!

Run.

Ha! ha! ha!

they get each Side of him.
Jem.

Molly, I left you crying. Methinks I find you wond'rous friſky.

Moll.

Yes, Sir.

(Curtſies with an arch mock complaiſance.)
Run.
[18]

Yes, Sir.

(Bows in like manner.)
Jem.

Amazing civil!

(Looking on each ſide of him.)
Moll.

Rundy, ſure this is a Gentleman!

Run.

Is't, indeed!

(Affects to look at Jemmy with Amazement.)
Moll.

Oh, yes, for his Soul is only a Thing to ſwear by, as "'Pen my Soul, Sir! 'Pon my Honor, Mem!" juſt as us Country Folks might ſay "Odſbodikins!" "Odzookerikins! and by the living Jingo!"

(Mimicking.)

Ha! ha! ha!

Run.

Ha! ha! ha!

Jem.
(Firſt looking at them very gravely, then laughing.)

Ha! ha! ha! again, if that what you're both for; ha! ha! ha!—Indeed! Molly, as ſecond Thought's beſt, I'll return to my firſt Deſign and have you.

Moll.

No, Sir; ſure you wou'dn't be ſo good!

(Arch and Ironical.)
Jem.

Think I'd break my Engagement! Molly, I claim, your Promiſe.

Moll.

I keep a Promiſe! what d'ye take me for?

(Mimicking.)
Run.

What d'ye take us for?

(Mimicking.)
Moll.

Jemmy, my Father has engaged me to Rundy here, ſo "I am not comeatable."

(Mimicking)

There—

(gives Rundy her Hand)

and thus let every Girl ſerve the fortune-hunting Chap that courts the Heart, while his Eye is on her Pocket

Jem.

Have I figured in London for this? The Tulip of Kenſington Gardens to be ouſted by a Cabbage Stalk! Oh, ye God's and Goddeſſes, Tags, Laces, Whalebone, Buſks and Bodices.

TRIO. Jemmy, Molly, Rundy
Jemmy.
Dear Madam, how you clack away,
King George's Engliſh hack away:
Go preſs your Cheeſe,
And feed your Geeſe,
Tuck up your Duds, and pack away.
Molly.
[19]
Go hop, pretty Pet along,
Rundy.
And down the Dance lead Bet. along;
Molly.
But Rundy's Stick,
Rundy.
Your Back ſhall lick,
Molly.
You ſaucy Monkey, get along.
Jemmy.
Machere-Ami tout autre choſe,
Tho' Gentleman, of Bully knows,
Lord, nothing yet,
Before my Bet,
I'd kick a Shinor, pull a Noſe.
DUETT.
Jemmy.
Your love is incompatable,
Since I am not come-at-able;
Molly.
For Dance we're ripe,
D'ye hear the Pipe,
And Tabor how rattattable,
Jemmy.
Dans Votres lilt, and ſweet Moll adieu,
Rundy.
And if ſo be what's that to you;
Jemmy.
If e'er we meet
In London Street
I'll honour you with How d'ye do.
Rundy.
A Fig for you and your How d'ye do.
Molly.
That for you, and your How d'ye do.
Exeunt.
END OF THE FIRST ACT.

ACT II.

SCENE I.
Louiſa's Lodgings in London.

Enter Colonel Dormant and Landlady.
Col. Dormant.

THE Apartments, Ma'am, are for a Family from the Country.

Land.

Well, Sir, the Lady here moves to-day to her own Houſe in Kent; this is ſhe, Sir.

(Looking out.)

Pleaſe to ſee the other Rooms. Sir.

Exit.
Col. Dor.

Ma'am.

Exit, following Landlady.
[20] Enter Louiſa.
AIR.
Winds, ſoftly tell my Love
You have brought home his Dove,
Say poor Louiſa flies to her Mate;
Smooth was the Ocean,
And ſwift was our Motion,
He was my Haven, and Abſence my Fate.
Yet the Lambs ſtraying,
Thro' the Meads playing,
Cropping wild Flow'rs on the Precipice Brink;
Joys ſurrounding,
Sporting, bounding,
Nor on fond Phillis the Wanton will think.
Col.Dor.
(Without.)

They'll do exceeding well, Ma'am; but

(enters)

I muſt apologize to this Lady for my Intruſion before ſhe had given up her Apartments.

(Bows.)
Louiſa.

Sir.

(Curtſies.)
A loud Knocking.
Col. Dor.

Hey! they are here! 'Squire Timbertop and his whole Family!

Fair.
(Without.)

Ha! Mr. Total's here!

Louiſa

Heavens! my Father!

Col. Dor.

What! Mr. Fairly!

Louiſa.

Oh! Sir! ſhut the Door! I'm loſt if he ſees me.

Col. Dor.

Then, Madam, I preſume you are Mrs. Valentine?

Louiſa

Sir, ſince you know—Dear, Sir, don't I— [...] d [...]r [...]'nt ſee my Father 'till acknowledged by my Huſband, who has—

Col. Dor.

You're juſt from Canada, Ma'am! And this the amiable Woman he has deſerted! Don't be alarmed, Ma'am, at my diſcovering, I'm your Steward, Ma'am.

Louiſa.

Perhaps my Huſband's, Sir! Oh! bring me to him!

Col. Dor.

Ma'am, he's now in Diſgrace with his Uncle; turn'd out, Ma'am; his Uncle, the Colonel, is one of your very odd Sort of Perſons; means well, but always [21] doing ſomething that nobody elſe wou'd think of; and I'm convinc'd he wou'dn't have you ſee your Huſband before he tries the Succeſs of a Scheme he has plann'd for his Reformation.

Enter Landlady.
Land.

Lud, Sir, here's your Country Family come; Ma'am, won't you make uſe of my Parlour 'till your Chaiſe comes—Jenny!

Calls, and Exit.
Col. Dor.

Near the Time I appointed my Gentleman in the Park, ſo muſt now leave the Blackberry's to Fairly

(aſide.)

Ma'am, beſt remain here, if you can keep out of your Father's Sight; in the Evening I'll give you convincing Reaſons for poſtponing your Journey to Kent; the Colonel, Ma'am, has heard of your Wrongs, and is determined to puniſh his Nephew; he'll teach him in the School of Poverty the Uſe of Riches, Ma'am.

Bows, and Exit.
Louiſa

Ah! my Valentine, to forſake, to deny me. I'll not encreaſe the Colonel's Diſpleaſure by ſeeing him; and yet—

Enter Landlady.
Land.

Where's that old Gentleman? Here's an Officer below ſaw him through the Window, and deſires he'd follow him into the Park.

Exit.
Louiſa.

An Officer! If it ſhou'd be

(goes to the Window)

'tis my Valentine! Diſcarded by his Uncle—perhaps diſtreſs'd—Yes, the Steward ſaid his Uncle was determined he ſhould learn in the School of Poverty: No, to, my Valentine, I cannot ſee it

(Rings.)

Enter a Servant.

Richard! that Gentleman—the Officer—follow, watch where he goes, and inſtantly bring me Word—Quick!

(Exit Servant.)

Cruel Uncle! to abandon him; and this unfeeling Steward—adviſe me not to ſee him—in Want!—Heavens!—the Thought!—Ah! Valentine though unkind yon have been, you are ſtill my Huſband.

Exit.

SCENE II.
St. James's Park.

[22]
Enter Colonel Dormant.
Col. Dor.

Follow you to the Park! but where.

(Looking round.)

Eh! isn't this the young Fellow that read the curious Receipt for me?

Enter Jemmy Jumps, with a Parcel,
Jem.

Toll lol! lol! eh! it is—Maſter Steward who thought to have met you in London! ha! ha! ha! Well, how have you left Ploughman Blackberry and his clumſy Family?

Col. Dor.

True, I thought you was to have had his Daughter and her clumſy Fortune!

Jem.

Have me! he! he! he! certainly they were all upon the Scramble for me, as if I was a tit Bit for a City Feaſt, I was ſuch a neat, tol, lol! hey!—Betty dreſſed at me—Jenny ſkimm'd the Cream—Molly robbed the Hen-Rooſt, and Suſan bak'd the round little hot Loaves for my Breakfaſt—Becky ſung at me; Sal hopp'd and Pol bob'd at me; but, poor Things, it was'nt on the Cards—cou'dn't be—

AIR. Jemmy.
Gad a mercy, Devil's in me,
All the Damſels wiſh to win me;
Like a Maypole round me cluſter,
Hanging Garlands fus and fluſter.
Jilting, capering, grinning, ſmirken,
Pouting, bobbing, winking, jerking,
Cocking Bills up, Chins up, perking.
Kates and Betties,
Polls and Letties.
All were doating gentle Creatures,
On their Features;
To their Aprons all won't pin me,
Gad a mercy, &c. &c.

[23] Old one, in the Country I was a Gentleman—in Town I'm a Staymaker.

(Points to his Parcel.)
Col. Dor.

A Staymaker?

Jem.

Perhaps you cou'd recommend one—but right—ha! ha! ha! your Maſter ran away from you—got into Place yet!

Col. Dor.

Pert Puppy!

(Aſide.)
Jem.

Never ſaw 'Squire Valentine—but hear he was a fine flaſhy Fellow! one of us! ha! ha!

(capers and ſings.)

I'm about ſetting up in Buſineſs—want only a Partner with a little ready—Molly's Penny wou'd have now been apropos—raiſing Capital is—I'm going now after a Perſon advances Money—but, my old Steward, you're among the monied Men, you cou'd put a Body in the way of raiſing a little Caſh—I can give undeniable Security.

Col. Dor.

I'll try it—yonder he comes—it may bring him into an embarraſſing Diſtreſs; and if any Thing can reclaim him the very Scheme of Neceſſity muſt be the Means.

(Aſide.)

Why I—I do know a Gentleman that does theſe Things.

Jem.
(With Joy.)

Where does he live?

Col. Dor.

This happens lucky enough—ſee that Gentleman coming ſtrait from Story's Gate.

Jem.

What! he in the brown Coat?

Col. Dor.

No.

Jem.

Oh! in the ſmart little buckled Wig.

Col. Dor.

Pſha! what think ye of that red Coat!

Jem.

That Officer! ha! ha! ha! a Captain lend Money! a good Joke!

Col. Dor.

He's Agent to fifteen Regiments.

Jem.

Zounds! then he can lend me the King's Money.

Col. Dor.

There—you ſee with what Authoriry he les againſt the Treaſury Wall.

Jem.

Like a prop to the Treaſury; a rich Fellow, I warrant: If you know him, my dear Boy, will you propoſe it?

Col. Dor.

Well, I'll ſpeak to him.

Jem.

Much obliged—here he is!

Col. Dor.
[24]

Be you in the Way.

Jem.

Only drop this in Fludyer-Street—two hundred will juſt do me—I'll do the handſome Thing—Houſekeeper's Security—Premium to you, and the neateſt Pair of Dimity Jumps for your Girl—mum, now—ha!

Exit grinning.
Enter Valentine, out of Temper.
Val.

When did you get to Town? Whoſe Houſe is that I ſaw you goſſipping in?

Col. Dor.

Then he hasn't ſeen his wife.

(Aſide.)
Val.

Well, here have I been parading this Half-hour, and no Uncle, as his Letter appointed.

Col. Dor.

You don't know his Perſon; perhaps he has been parading too, and ſurveying you.

Val.

I'll wait no longer—I diſcard him—talk of me! he's made up of Caprice and Uncertainty.

Col. Dor.

Why, faith he is a little queeriſh in his—but no Caprice—no, no—curs'd inflexible in what he thinks right—aye, he'll certainly ſettle his Fortune on this newfound Relation—your Conduct to your Wife—Affair of Blackberry—and—

Val.

Give me a Taſte of Life, and now turn me adrift, only for a few faſhionable Gallantries! I got them to paſs Dice too, before I left home—haven't one Guinea in my Pocket—if I could but raiſe a little Money juſt for an outſet.

Col. Dor.

Cou'dn't ſome be rais'd on your Commiſſion?

Val.

Eh—but I don't know any of thoſe Money Brokers.

Enter Jemmy, ſmiles at Col. Dormant, then walks up.
Col. Dor.

Sir, d'ye ſee that Gentleman?

Val.

That Fellow that nodded to you?

Col. Dor.

Fellow! You've ſeen an Advertiſement of a Perſon that has twenty thouſand lying at his Banker's! that's he! X. Y. the moſt liberal Money lender in Town.

Val.

Why, he gave you a very familiar Nod, Total; ſee if he'll advance the Caſh to me.

Col. Dor.

I'll try—about two hundred will do?

Val.
[25]

Capital!

Col. Dor.

Sir,

(calling Jemmy, then goes over, and ſpeaks apart to him)

He'll do't.

Jem.

My dear Friend! does he know the Sum I want—Security I can give, and—

Col. Dor.

All: Step to any Tavern hard-by, and I'll bring him to you.

Jem.

Eh—the Rummer—the Landlady a Cuſtomer of mine—think he'll have the Money about him!

(joyful.)
Col. Dor.

Iſn't Drummond's over the Way? Have you a Purſe or good ſtrong Pocket for the Caſh—when you get it?

(half aſide.)
Jem.

A good Pocket, but no Purſe.

Col. Dor.

Take my Glove—it is ſtout Ramſkin—the Guineas will lie there ſo ſnug in the Fingers.

Jem.

And the half Guineas drop ſo pat in the little one.

Col. Dor.

You'll have your caſh between finger and thumb.

Jem.

Snug as a Pinch o'Snuff.

Col. Dor.
(Aloud to Valentine)

Sir, the Gentleman will ſee you at the Rummer.

Val.
(Bowing to Jemmy)

Sir, I ſhall attend you.

Jem.

Sir—Oh Sir.—

(Apart to Col.)

A Country Family juſt come to Town, over in Suffolk-ſtreet, muſt ſtep juſt and take Meaſure of a young Lady.

[Exit bowing to Valentine, and ſmiling to Col.]
Col. Dor.

Oh, yes, he will.

Val.

You're a dev'liſh good Fellow, Total!

Col. Dor.

But then he's ſo curs'd fond of good Eating and Drinking: nothing to be done with him without giving him a Dinner, and drinks Burgundy, I aſſure you.

Val.

Zounds! I'll give him a Bottle and a Bird with all my Soul! Yonder's Supple and Captain Palaver! heard of my Misfortune, for they ſeem to avoid me.—My Friends!

Col. Dor.

Ah! my good Sir, even the civility of the World hangs on the Succeſs of the Moment; and let your empty Pocket now convince you that Diſtreſs is the Touchſtone of Friendſhip. Suppoſe to cut a Flaſh, I aſk 'em to the Dinner you'll be obliged to give this Gentleman, and; ha! ha! Sir, to carry it on I'll deſire Mr. X. Y. before them, to ſeem as if you was the Lender.

Val.

Ha! ha! ha! well done Total! ha! ha! ha! [26] Hey, Counſellor Flummery, too!

(looking out)

True: I owe him twenty Guineas.

Col. Dor.

Well, Sir, you'll be now able to pay him: 'Gad, Sir, he can draw up the neceſſary Writings between you and the Gentleman. I'll aſk him.

Val.

Run—beſpeak a good Room, and order Dinner for ſix.

(Puſhes Col. Dar. off.)

This Supply will ſet me going—I'll let Uncle ſee I can ſhine without his dirty Acres, but—without Houſe, chearful Home, Ability to entertain and enjoy the ſocial Hour.

AIR. Valentine.
How bright are the Joys of the Table,
I mean when the Cloth is remov'd;
Our Hearts are faſt held ly a Cable,
While round the Decanter is ſhov'd;
The Ladies all riſe to retire,
We ſtand up, and look very grave,
A Bumper, then draw round the Fire,
Determined like Souls to behave.
My Servant, he knows I'm a Toper,
Clean Glaſſes of Wine a Recruit,
He brings in a ſix Bottle Co [...]per,
And places it cloſe at my Foot;
I gingerly take up a Bottle,
The Saw-duſt I puff from his Coat,
The Cork out he ſings in the Throttle,
But ſweeter than Mara his Note.
What Gentlemen Coffee now chuſes,
The Compliment come from the Fair;
No Gentlemen Coffee refuſes,
But not a Man ſtirs from his Chair;
Tho' Frenchm [...]n may do ſo I bar it,
With Britiſh Politeneſs I think,
While Monſieur we thank for his Claret,
He never ſhall teach us to drink.
Gay Hebe now ſhews in Apolio,
A Strugg [...] 'tw [...]t Claret and Wit,
For Bacchus nſiſts he ſhall ſwallow
Six Bumpers before he may ſit;
Ye Fair, why ſo ill ſhould we treat you,
Go part ere the Bottle is won!
[27]At Supper Apollo ſhall meet you,
And ſhew you what Bacchus has done.
Exit.

SCENE III.
Apartments in which Louiſa had been ſeen.

Enter Fairly.
Fair.

What Accommodations has old Total got for the Farmer and his Family here?

Enter Rundy, in a Livery.

So Rundy, you've got from the Plough to the Coach!

Run.

Ay, Sir, Miſs Bett wou'd make Maſter and ſhe go all round the Town in Chairs. I walk'd afore, he! he! he! Maſter's ſo grand, and Miſs Betty's quite my Lady; my Molly is own Maid, and I am my own Gentleman.

Fair.

Tell your Maſter I am here.

Run.

Tell! why Mun in London one can call a Body from the Top of the Houſe to the Bottom, and from Bottom to Top, without opening ones Mouth,

(Goes to ſide and rings.)

that does it.

Fair.

Ha! ha! ha! why ſure you don't ring for your Maſter?

Run.

Why, Sir, he rings for me, and one good Turn deſerves another: Lord you can't think what a Beau I intend to be here in London—Oh—

AIR. Rundy.
A Flaxen-headed Cow boy, as ſimple as may be,
And next a merry Plough-boy, I whiſtled o'er the Lea,
But now a ſaucy Footman, I ſtrut in worſted Lace,
And ſoon I'll be a Butler, and wag my jolly Face;
When Steward I'm promoted, I'll ſnip a Tradeſman's Bill,
My Maſter's Coffers empty, my Pockets for to fill;
When lolling in my Chariot, ſo great a Man I'll be,
You'll forget the little Plough-boy that whiſtled o'er the Lea.
I'll buy Votes at Elections, but when I've made the Pelf,
I'll ſtand Poll for the Parliament, and then vote in myſelf;
Whatever's good for me, Sir, I never will oppoſe,
When all my Ayes are ſold off, why then I'll ſell my Noes;
I'll bawl, harangue and paragraph, with ſpeeches charm the Ear,
And when I'm tir'd on my Legs, then I'll ſit down a Peer.
In Court or City honour, ſo great a Man I'll be,
You'll forget the little Plough-boy that whiſtled o'er the Lea.
Exit,
[28] Enter Farmer Blackberry, and Betty, dreſſed.
Fair.

Ah! ha! Zounds who comes here?

Bett.

Sir, I have the Honor to be monſtrous proud to ſee you.

Farm. B.

Yes, Sir, you ſee ſhe has the Honour to be monſtrous—

Fair.

She's faſhionable!

Farm. B.

What! with her Coal black Hair full of brown Duſt, and her Hat all on one Side, as if ſhe'd got fuddled.

Bett.

Fuddled! Oh, it's Faſhion; ay, Sir, and Mrs. Fal-lal, the Milliner, ſays I ſhall ſoon ſet the Faſhions, ſhe'll be aſked for the Eliza Cap, the Timbertop Bonnet, la! we improve ſo! Sir, muſtn't I learn to Dance!

(dances)

and play Muſic on the Harp? that great Long-man in the Hay-Market is to ſend me all the new Songs, and the laſt Opera in Score.

Farm. B.

Score! No, Zounds! you ſhall not run in Debt, Daughter! there's Faſhion!

Bett.

He! he! he! Oh, Mr. Fairly, d'ye hear?—we have been ſhopping! bought ſuch Beauties!

Farm. B.

By Gad but I believe I've forgot all your Trinkums in the Chair that brought me home—you Rundy!

Enter Rundy.

Ods bobs! Rundy, where's the Chair?

(Rundy reaches a Chair, places it behind Farmer Blackberry, then bows.)

Poo! you Blockhead! I mean the Glaſ's Cupboard they ſwung us about the Street in.—

Run.

Oh, Lord, Sir; the Iriſhmen run away with that.

Bett.

How provoking!

Fair.

You know, Rundy, I deſired you, whenever you took a Chair or Coach, to take the Number.—

Run.

Oh, I did; here it is your Honour, and in nice Braſs; I cut it off when they went into the Ale-Houſe—

(ſhews a Chair Number.)
Bett.

Oh dear!

Enter Landlady.
Land.

One from Taviſtock-ſtreet, Miſs.

Bett.

Oh, la! it's the Stay-maker, Mrs. Fallal promiſed to ſend me. Do, ſend him in.

Land.

You may walk up, young Man.

Exit.
Enter Jemmy.
Jemmy.

Hem! Mem! pleaſe your Ladyſhip, Mrs, [29] Fal-lal, of Taviſtock-ſtreet, ſent me to take meaſure of your Ladyſhip for your Ladyſhip's new Stays; I'll ſit your Ladyſhip with a Waiſt neat as a topſy turvy Sugar-loaf.

Bett.

Turn me topſy turvy! la! is that the Faſhion.

Jemmy.
(preparing his Meaſure)

Now, Ma'am!

(looks and is ſurpriz'd.)
Bett.
(ſtaring)

Jemmy Jumps! What, our London Gentleman only a Stay-maker!

Jemmy.

I proteſt this is the oddeſt! I came to one Miſs Timbertop

(ſhe pats his Forehead)
Farm B.

A Stay-maker! oh, you make no Stay here.

Jemmy.

Then I'll go—hey! me—Mr. Jump's Carriage.—lal, lal, lal!—

(Exit ſinging.)
Bett.

La! what an impudent Fellow!

Farm. B.

Ay, Girl, beware of the Fops, tho' while you've Youth be merry;—

AIR. Farm. Blackberry.
Lovely Ladies, Sprigs of Faſhion,
Smile the youthful Hour away;
Welcome now the tender Paſſion,
In my Sunſhine I made Hay.
Muſty Age forbids ſoft Wooing,
What themſelves are paſt the doing,
But ſage Reaſon, to each Seaſon,
Pleaſures ſuiting, Age recruiting,
By full Glaſſes, tho' Life paſſes,
Wine reſtores the Lamp of Day.—
The Sun's Love Potion.
Hits my Notion
To ſet in Ocean, next Morning riſe
Shewing a broad Face,
Glowing in Youth
My girl, in Age a glorious Flaſk,
So live ſo die is all I aſk. Lovely Ladies, &c. &c.
Enter Colonel Dormant.
Col. D.

Farmer, the Colonel deſires me to conduct you to him. He has ſent his Coach.

Bett.

Coach! Oh, if Jemmy Jumps was but to ſee us now!

Fair.

And pray what is become of his hopeful Nephew, my good Son-in-law!

Farm. B.

Ay, Gadzooks! where's the Squire!

Col. D.
[30]

Now at the Rummer Tavern, and ſoon in the Hands of the Bailiffs—

Fair.

Now, Farmer you and I'll have a compleat Revenge.

Farm. B.

Well, you ſhall ſee my Revenge, I'm ſomewhat the humour of my Countrymen towards the French, ready to ſhake Hands, but as ready for a Blow if they intend one.—

AIR. Farmer Blackberry.
Old England's a Lion, ſtretch'd out at his Eaſe,
A Sailor his Keeper, his Couch the green Seas;
Should a Monkey dare to chatter
Or a Tyger Claw
They tumble at his roar,
They tremble at his roar
As he lifts his Paw.
I love a Neigbour's Friendſhip, but he turn'd Foe,
Prepare to receive him with Blow for Blow.
Exeunt.

SCENE IV.
A Room at the Rummer Tavern, Charing Croſs, loud laughing without.—

Enter Jemmy Jumps, Hatter, Boot-maker, and 1ſt Waiter.
Jemmy.

Very well, I think my Hat and Boots will do, ſo ſtep down and call for a Glaſs, and I'll ſend the Caſh down to you preſently.

Exeunt Hatler and Boot-maker.
Jemmy.

Oh, the Gentlemen deſired you'd call me out from the company, and he'd ſettle the affair with me here.

1ſt Wait.

Yes.

Jemmy.

Now, I ſhall pocket the Caſh, lal, lal, lal! Oh! and Jack, if your Miſtreſs ſends me up her Stays, I'll take 'em home with me now, and alter them to her liking.

(Exit 1ſt Waiter)

That will ſhow this Gentleman I'm a Man of Buſineſs, then he won't be afraid to lend the Caſh about him, though I ſhould like he'd ſend me over to Drummond's, it's ſo pretty to ſee thoſe Bankers Clerks ſhovel up the Gold! with a back Paw ſlide a handful of Guineas along the Counter, then tip, tip, tip! reckon ſo nimble—

(mimicks)

With this Money ſuch a ſmart Shop as I ſhall open.

Val.
(without)

Puſh about, Lads! the Gentleman and I'll return to you inſtantly.

Jemmy.

Oh! here he is!

(with Joy and Expectation.)
[31] Enter Valentine.
Val

Well, Sir, a [...]nt my Friends jolly Fellows?

Jemmy

Very Jolly, Sir, and we'd a choice fine Dinner! that Pig and Egg-ſauce was! Oh, dear! but there'll be a mon [...]ous great Bill to pay!

Val

A vulgar Fellow this! but I'll touch his Caſh, and then get rid of him

(Aſide.)

Won't you pleaſe to ſit, Sir?

Jemmy.

Now, if he isn't as condeſcending as if he wasn't worth a Guinea

(Aſide.)
Val

True, Total ſaid he loves his Bottle

(Aſide)

Waiter! a Batch of Burgundy in here

Jemmy.

More Burgundy! my Shot will make a vaſt Hole in the Money I'm to get

(Aſide)
[Valentine and Jemmy cringingly complaiſant in the following Scene.]
Val

Sir, I eſteen myſelf to much obliged.

Jemmy.

Sir,

(bows and ſmiles)

what genteelneſs to me that's going to borrow his Caſh from him

(Aſide)

Sir, it's what I never ſhall forget the longeſt Day I have to live!

Val.

Sir, the civileſt Money-lender I ever met with

(aſide)

Sir, tho' I flatter myſelf the Security is unexceptionable.

Jemmy.

Security! Sir, I'll have two of the warmeſt Houſe-keepers in Norton Falgate.—

Val.

Norton Falgate! Really, Sir, I don't know any body in that Quarter of the Town.—

Jemmy.

Lord, Sir; it's one of the moſt ſubſtantialiſt and moſt opulentiſt Place.—

Val.

I hav'n't a doubt, Sir—but had hopes of giving you up a Lieutenant's Commiſſion.—

Jemmy.

Give me a Commiſſion—eh—he, he, he.

Val.

Oh, well, Sir; ſince that is not—if Mr. Total joins in a Bond.—

Jemmy.

Sir, I've no objection to a Bond if you think that ſufficient; but aſking Mr. Total to join is a Liberty that—almoſt a Stranger to me—though he has ſo kindly brought about this Buſineſs, I cou'dn't expect him to join—Oh, no!

Val.

My dear Sir, if he dare refuſe I'd break his Back.

Jemmy.

Back! his Back! Oh, Lord! what! force him to join? Oh, Sir, by no means. He's almoſt a Stranger to me.

Val.

Oh, well Sir, if you think it can be done between ourſelves.

Jemmy.
[32]

Sir.

(Bows)

how good!

(Bows)

the Sum I ſuppoſe you underſtand is—

Val.

Two hundred Pounds

(Bows and Smiles)
Jemmy.

Juſt

(Bows)
Val.

Sir, won't you take a Glaſs of Wine?

(fills for Jemmy.)
Jem.

Sir, won't you take another?

(Runs and fills for Val.)
Val.

Sir.

Jem.

Sir.

(They jingle Glaſſes.)
Val.

Here is X. Y. againſt the whole Alphabet.

Jem.

A new Toaſt amongſt the Money-Lenders.

(Aſide)

Sir, here is X. Y. in the Alphabet.

(Drinks.)
Val.

Sir, now if you pleaſe I'll call in my Friend the Lawyer, and we'll ſettle the Affair at once.

Jem.

Sir—now I ſhall touch—that for Molly Maybuſh's Fortune.

(Aſide and ſnapping his Fingers.)
Val.

'Gad this two Hundred will make a Man of me.

(Aſide.)

Counſellor Flummery come into Court.

(Calling with great Gaiety)
Enter Counſellor Flummery.
Coun. Flum.

Well, Gentlemen, if you're, quite agreed—

Val. and Jem.

Oh, yes, we're quite agreed.

(Counſellor Flummery takes out a Bond, and begins to read)
Val.

P [...]ha!

(ſnatching Bond)

we both know the Sum and Terms, ſo here goes to ſign and ſeal, and all's ſettled.

(Writes on Bond)
Jem.
(Signs)

I deliver that as my Hand and Pen.

Coun Flum

Your Hand and Pen! Oh, my dear, it's your Act and Deed you mean. Valentine, I've drawn out a Bill and Receipt for that twenty Guinea

(apart.)
Val.

My dear Fellow, I'll pay you down this Moment

(apart.)
Coun. Flum.

Then, now, Gentlemen, nothing's to be done but down with the Gold.

(Valentine and Jemmy ſtand ſome Time looking at each other with Expectation.)
Val.

Here's a Repoſitory for the Two Hundred

(taking out an empty Purſe.)
Jem.

[...]nd here's my Ramſkin Budget

(ſhews Glove given by the Col.)
Val.

What's that for, Sir?

Jem.

To put your Money in, Sir or if you'll give me a Draft, I'll ſtep over to Drummond's.

Val.

What Draft, Sir?

Jem.
[33]

To receive the Caſh, Sir!

Val.

To receive! True, Total told me he had Twenty Thouſand at his Banker's

(aſide.)

Then, Sir, I'll wait here 'till you bring me the Money.

Jem.

Then you'll wait a damn'd long while

(aſide.)

Lord, Sir, Drummond wou'd'nt give his Daddy Money without your Order.

Val.

Really, Sir, I know nothing about Drummond, or his Daddy; I wait for the Money that you—

Jem.

Sir!—

Val.

The two hundred Pounds you're going to lend me.

Jem.

I going to lend you!

Val.

Why, Sir, you know that's what brought you here.

Jem.

Oh, Lord, no Sir; no, no. I came here for you to lend me two hundred Pounds.

Coun. Flum.

Ho! ha! ha! 'Pun my Honour here's a fine Iriſh Bargain; all Borrowers but no Lenders. But who's to pay Coſts? As you don't want the Receipt, John Doe and Richard Roe.

(aſide to Valentine, and Exit,)
Enter 1ſt Waiter.
Val.

Damme, Sir! who are you?

1ſt Wait.
(Who gives Stays to Jemmy)

Here, my Miſtreſs deſires you'll add two Bones to her Stays, and bring 'em againſt To-morrow.

Val.

Stays and Bones! Pray, Friend, do you know this Gentleman?

1ſt Wait.

Oh, yes, Sir; that Gentleman is Jemmy Jumps—ha! ha! ha! the Stay-maker.

Exit.
Jem.

Yes, Sir; and if your Lady ſhou'd want me, I have the neateſt Stich.

Val.

Stich! Pray, Sir, an't you X. Y.?

Jem.

No, Sir; nor P. Q. Pray, Sir, don't you prop the Treaſury? Oh! I ſuſpect here has been a Hum.

Val.

Total has either play'd me a Trick, or made ſome curs'd Blunder here!

(Aſide.)

Retire.

(Commanding.)
Jem.

Retire!

Val.

Withdraw, you Raſcal.

Enter 2d Waiter.
2d Wait.

The other Gentlemen are ſtepp'd out, and deſired me to bring the Bill up to you, Gentlemen.

(Offers it to Jemmy)
Jem.

Bill! Lord, a Bill to me! I'm no Gentleman.

2d Wait.
[34]

It's Twenty-two Pounds, ten—

Jem.

Twenty-two Pounds, ten

(looking at it in the Waiter's Hand.)

Withdraw, you Raſcal.

As Jemmy's going off, enters Hatter.
Hatt.

Sir,

(to Jemmy)

as my Maſter keeps no Accounts with any body, you'll be pleaſed to pay for the Hat.

Jem.

Eh—oh—the Hat.

Enter Boot-maker.
Boot.

Sir, I'd be glad of the Money for the Boots.

Jem.

Eh—oh—the Boots.

Boot.

Yes, Sir, if they fit I'd be glad you'd let me go home.

Jem.

Do go home, my Lad, you ſhou'd not ſtay out ſo long from your Buſineſs.

Boot.

My Buſineſs is to be paid for my Goods; ay, and I will too.

Jem.

To block a new Beaver and jump into ſuch coſtly Cordovens on the Strength of—oh, dear! what ſhall I—

Val.

This infernal old Badger to draw me into a Tavern Bill, and not a Guinca in my Pocket.

(Aſide.)

Is Counſellor Flummery gone too?

Wait.

Yes, Sir, but he has left a Bailiff below.

(Ringing without.)

Coming up, Sir.

Exit.
Val.

A Bailiff!

Jem.

A Bailiff! oh, Lord!

Enter Bailiff.
Bail.

Sir, I've a Writ againſt you—

(to Val.)
Val.

Well, I'll go.

Enter Landlord and Waiters
Land.

You won't go, I hope, Sir, 'till the Bill is ſettled?

Jem.

But I will if I can tho'.

(Runs off.)
Val.

Confuſion! Now I'm puniſhed for my Cruelty to my amiable Wife.

Enter Louiſa.
Louiſa.

Here, my Valentine;

(gives him a Pocket Book)

nor bluſh to receive Liberty from your affectionate Louiſa.

Val.

My kind! my generous!

Enter Fairly.
Louiſa.

My Father!

Val.

Mr. Fairly, I have wrong'd you, but ſhall make atonement here.

(To Louiſa.)
Fair.

Do, Sir,

[35] Enter Colonel Dormant.
Val.

Total! ah! you old humming Cantoo Baboo, but now all's Forgiveneſs—Love and Liberty! I muſt diſcharge! here!

Enter 2d Waiter.

Send up Counſellor Flummery's Bailiff.

Waiter.

Sir, he's gone: the Country Gentleman that came with you, Sir,

(to Colonel Dormant,)

paid Debt, Coſts, and diſcharged the Bill of the Houſe.

Exit.
Col. Dor.

Old Blackberry do this.

Enter Farmer Blackberry and Betty.
Farm. B.

There! 'Squire's a different ſort of Receipt from what you ſent me for my Rent.

Fair.

Zounds! what?

Farm. B.

Mr. Fairly, you're a wiſe Lawyer; but a ſimple Farmer thinks Good for Evil is the moſt complete Revenge.

Col. Dor.

Ah! ha! what ſay you to the Colonel's Heir?

Val.

This—you're the King of Spades! Total, now where's my Uncle?

(ſlapping Col. Dormant heartily on the Shoulder.)
Col. Dor.

You needn't hit your Uncle quite ſo hard.

Val.

It muſt, be—Oh, Sir! as you have been all along the Witneſs of my Follies—

Col. Dor.

Vices! by Corroſives I attempted the Cure.

Louiſa.

Which I hope by Lenatives to perform.

Farm. B.

If you are the Colonel, thank ye; but take your Grandeur from me! Gads bobs! I find my Hands are too hard and my Head too ſoft for a Gentleman.

Col. Dor.

Well, my honeſt Kinſman, if you can enjoy more Happineſs in your Farm, I'll take care your Stock ſhall never be ſeized by a Landlord.

Farm. B.

Then, huzza! come Child, from our little Sample of Faſhion, we ſhall return with double Reliſh for Peace, Happineſs and Blackberry Farm.

Bett.

I don't Love Peace and Happineſs, I won't leave London—I won't go home again—oh! oh!

(cries)

to leave London without a Beau!

(cries)

oh! oh!

Enter Jemmy, Rundy, Molly.
Jem.

How d'ye do all? Squire Timberhead, a Gentleman, would aſk a thouſand with Miſs, I'll take her with half the Money, ſet up a ſmart Shop without the Help of [36] your Money-lender.

(to Col.)

I hope your Friends will drop their Guineas into my Ramſkin Budget.

Col. Dor.

Mr. Fairly, I thank you for all your Trouble, proud of my generous new Relation! Nephew, henceforth the honeſt Man in Diſtreſs ſhall be my Kinſman.

FINALE.
Farm. B.
Welcome Joy, and hence with Sorrow,
Love to Day, and cry to-morrow;
Smiles ſucceeding Fortunes Frowns,
All the World is Ups and Downs.
Cho.
Welcome, &c,
Col. Dor.
Proſper and the Spaniel Throng
Friſk around to ſhare the Bone,
Cringe and fawn, but things go wrong,
You're all along.
Cho.
Welcome, &c.
Loui.
Blooming Maids and ſprightly Belles,
All Charms compar'd to mine;
Yet none lov'd you half ſo well
My Valentine.
Val.
Joy and Truth's in gen'rous Wine,
Friends ſooth the Cares of Life,
Joy, Friend, Truth, in you combine
My faithful Wife.
Bett.
Four in Hand I'll ſpank away,
Harp tinkle, twang my Bobs;
To a Circle read a Play,
When I knobs hobs.
Cho.
Welcome, &c.
Run.
Sweet to kiſs upon the Graſs,
'Gadzooks! I can't in Town,
Give my Molly willing Laſs.
Molly.
Farewell Fields and ſweet Hay mow;
No more my Lambs I'll ſee,
Rundy ſays I muſt be Nobs,
A gay Lady.
Cho.
Welcome, &c.
Jem.
Pretty Girls, who fine Things lack,
All come and deal with me;
I'm myſelf, a nice Nick Nack,
Your own Jemmy.
Ev'ry one our poor Scenes viewing,
In ſome Scheme of Life purſuing;
Critics in our Places ſtand,
Give a fellow-feeling Hand.
Cho.
Welcome, &c
FINIS.
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Zitationsvorschlag für dieses Objekt
TextGrid Repository (2020). TEI. 3742 The farmer a comic opera In two acts As it is performed at the theatres Royal in London and Dublin By John O Keefe Esq. University of Oxford Text Archive. . https://hdl.handle.net/21.T11991/0000-001A-5882-E