VORTIGERN AND ROWENA; A COMI-TRAGEDY.
PASSAGES SELECTED BY DISTINGUISHED PERSONAGES, ON THE GREAT LITERARY TRIAL OF VORTIGERN AND ROWENA; A Comi-Tragedy.
VOLUME IV.
LONDON: PRINTED BY H. BROWN, FOR J. RIDGWAY, PICCADILLY, FACING BOND-STREET.
IRELAND versus SHAKSPEARE!!!
[]IT having been specially moved by our Clerk in Court, on behalf of the Editor of the MORNING HERALD, for leave to file further evidence in the above Cause, we have conceded to said Motion, and have thereon directed, that judgment in said Cause should be staid and sus⯑pended, until it be ruled to the contrary.
CONTENTS.
[]- A
- Ad—ngt—n, Mr. H. 5
- Ab—n, late March. of 16
- Ab—n, Marquis of 21, 81
- Ant—m, Countess of 24
- Alb-n's, St. Duch. of 42, 80
- Ad—m, Miss 66
- Ang—st—n, Mr. 91
- Anst—r, Sir John 112
- B
- B—th, Countess of 8, 88
- B—nf—d, Mrs. Paul 2
- B—rkl—y, Earl of 85
- B—rg—s, Sir Bland 51
- B—rd—tt, Lady 8
- B—nb—y, Sir Ch—s 79
- B—ckf—d, Miss 98
- B—k—m, March. of 99
- B—sv—Ile, Mr. 108
- B—rn—y, Mrs. 104
- B—df—d, Duke of 105
- Bl—ke, Lady 108
- Br—nd, Mr. 118
- C
- C—rtn—y, Mr. 27
- Cr—ft—n, Hon. Miss 28
- C—nw—Ilis, Marquis 32
- C—mbe, H—v-y, Alder. 43
- C—v—d—sh, Lady Geo. 46
- Cr—v—n, Lord 49
- C—rl—sle, Earl of 53
- C—b—e, Mr. 55
- C—v—nt—y, Earl of 61
- Cant—b—y, Archb—p of 73
- C—d, Earl 85
- C-v-nd-sh, Lady Harriet 86
- C—yng—m, Countess of 110
- C—v—t—y, Miss Georgina [now Mrs. B—nes] 113
- D
- D—v—ns—re, Duke of 7
- D—rs, B-tl-r, Hon. Mrs. 12
- D—gl—s, Marquis of 29
- D—cre, Dowager Lady 44
- D—rs—t, Duchess of 54
- D—rsl—y, Lord 83
- [vii] D-di-y and W-rd, Lady 84
- D—r, Hon. Mrs. 119
- E
- Eam—r, Sir John 45
- Ell—nb,—gh, Lord 57
- E—k—ne, Lord Chan. 106
- F
- F—x, Hon. Miss 26, 50
- F—ley, Lord 47
- G
- G—ldf—d, Geo. E. of 9, 59
- Gr—y, Sir Charles, K. B. 11
- G—ll—w—y, Earl of 15
- G—rd—n, Lady Georg. 62
- Glenb—vie, Lord 67
- Gr—nv—lle, Lord 115
- H
- Harew—d, Lady 6
- H-m-lt-n, Lady Cath. 20, 72
- H—pe, Mrs. 22
- H—rr—s, Colonel 23
- H—od, Viscountess 52
- H—th—m, Sir Beaumont 88
- H—ntl—y, Marquis of 97
- H-m-lt-n, Lady 116
- K
- Kn-wles, General, [com⯑monly called Earl of B-nb-ry] 117
- L
- L—d—n, Lady 18
- L—y—n, Mrs. 34
- L—c—n, Lady 36
- L—ng, Lady Catherine 58
- Ly—n, Mrs. 89
- M
- M—z—ne, Lady 10
- M—re, Mrs. 64
- M—lv—le, Lord Vis—t 87
- M—ra, Countess of 90
- N
- N—c—lls, Mr. 39
- N—th, Mr. Dudley 69
- N—rf—k, Duke of 101
- N—ls—n, the Rev. Earl 114
- O
- Or—ge, H. R. H. the P. of 13
- O—to, Mr. 41
- Oxf—d, Countess of 56
- P
- P—g—t, Lord 37
- Pr—ce, Lady Caroline 60
- P—lt—y, Sir William 77
- P—yt—n, Sir Harry 93
- P—ph—m, Sir Home 95, 100
- P—nt—n, Mrs. 96
- P—rs, Sir John 111
- [viii] R
- Ryd—r, Hon. Mr. 3
- R—mn—y. Lord 25
- R—c—mier, Madame 30
- R—ch—d, Duke of 107
- S
- S—v—lle, L-ml-y, Mrs. 40
- Sc—tt, Sir William 63
- St—wart, Lady Caroline 68
- Sh—d—n, Mr. T. 71
- St—g, Sir James 74
- St—w—t, Lady Cath. 73
- S—ym—r, Miss (Piccadilly) 76
- S—ym—r, Miss M. G. E. 82
- S—m—rs—t, Duchess of 92
- S—tf—d, Marchioness of 96
- T
- T—p—st, Sir H. V T. 17
- T—mple—wn, Lady 70
- T—yl—r, Hon. Mrs. Ed. 132
- T—nt—n, Mr. Rob—t 109
- V
- V—ll—rs, Lord 33
- W
- W—rc—st—r, Bishop of 1
- W—lkes, Miss 4
- W—sl—y, Lady Emily 31
- W—lk—r, Mrs. 48
- Whitw—th, Lord 65
- Y
- Y—m—th, Countess of 14
- Y—ng, Rev. Arthur 19
PASSAGES. SELECTED AS SUFFRAGES ON THE SEVENTY-FOURTH DAY's TRIAL.
[]CCC.—BISHOP OF W—RC—ST—R.
CCCI.—MRS. PAUL B—NF—D.
[2]CCCII.—HON. MR. RYD—R.*
[3]‘—"As sidesman, Sir, to his puissante honour on the gibbette-fringed heathe, I did endeavour, by much imparlance, to preserve it, Sans shotte, and blotte!—Soon as the motion was disposed of, I thought we might divide the fielde; but the Seconder o' th' other side proposed, that we should report progressive deedes, and pray for leave to meet again;—on this I moved the question previ⯑ouslie arrang'd, and sine die, instantlie adjourned!"’
CCCIII.—MISS W—LKES.
[4]SEVENTY-FIFTH DAY's TRIAL.
[5]CCCIV.—MR. H—Y AD—NGT—N.
‘—"Since I am reputed Wit-cracker to the Prime Ruler o' the realm, he must right honourablie let me pouch a little o' the State-kernel, else shall I make the heardes of his Courtiers wagge, to the miserable tune of mine own improvidence!"’
CCCV.—LADY HAREW—D.
[6]‘—"I tell thee, Girle, I will gadde me on in my old woman's visitations, as I have been wont to do, sans interruption by authoritie supreme: they shall no more bind my feete than my tongue by their courtlie commandments!—Prithee, what are the enchaffings of the royal bloode to me, who can paie my visit of obeisance to them all, without stirring the coales of discontent⯑ment, to enfever either the one, or the other?"’
CCCVI.—DUKE OF D—V—NS—RE.
[7]CCCVII.—COUNTESS OF B—TH.
[8]SEVENTY-SIXTH DAY's TRIAL.
[9]CCCVIII.—GEORGE EARL OF G—LDF—D.
CCCIX.—LADY M—Z—NE.
[10]‘—"I remember me a Prisonne-keeper's daughter at Aleppo, whom a haire-brained Counte did rescue front her iron bondage; and yet, forgetful of her own deli⯑verance, she did afterwards employ her matron-houres in settinge silken springes, to catch you littel boyes, as they do larkes on a furzeblowne common!"’
CCCX.—SIR CHARLES GR—Y, K. B.
[11]‘—"He on the right flanke is a toughe remnant of true British daring!—I remember him presse Bel⯑lona's flameing carre against the ſierie coursers of the sunne, under the varying signs of the zodiaque, and keepe a soldier's pace with them:—but now, having nought to wage against in foreign climes, he will occupie himself, forsoothe, in a kind of church-militancie, and pre⯑dicate, because he cannot ſighte!—On his chrest, which well adorns the frontlette of our isle, he dothe displaie a lustrous starre, to which the Militaire Magi o' the Easte do come, and most idolatrouslie worshippe!"’
CCCXL—HON. MRS. B—TL—R D—RS.
[12]SEVENTY-SEVENTH DAY's TRIAL.
[13]CCCXII.—H. R. H. the PRINCE OF OR—GE.
‘"Certes, good-man Dominique, a Potentate dothe slumber you more soundlie in his own nighte-cappe, than under a crownette which he wears for other men's repose:—nay, and doth batten more kindlie on his dailie comforts, when he hathe bidden this worlde's state a good nighte!"’
CCCXIII.—COUNTESS OF Y—M—TH.
[14]CCCXIV.—EARL OF G—LL—W—Y.
[15]‘—"He is right-noblie gifted i' the saving arte, knowing the weight of man, and beaste, onlie by the scale averdupoise—Why he will selle you a faire-skin⯑ned daughter, and a thick-hided Galloway runt, in one lotte at so much per stone; and barlie throw his bless⯑inge, as the offall, into the bargaine!"’
CCCXV.—LATE MARCHIONESS OF AB—N.
[16]SEVENTY-EIGHTH DAY's TRIAL.
[17]CCCXVI.—SIR H. V. T. T—P—ST.
CCCXVII.—LADY L—D—N.
[18]CCCXVIII.—REV. ARTHUR Y—NG.
[19]‘—"Go to, slave! I have the lawe's deliverance, and therefore defie the malice of those freeborne varlettes, who did threaten me with durance vile for my letter most pastorallie indited i' the State's defence.—Beshrewe me, if I had become enamour's of Aegyptian task-mas⯑ters, and peradventure thought mankinde were primi⯑tivelie ordain'd for bondage, what were that to any man living, gentle or simple, mine own reverence alone ex⯑cepted? Talke not to me, of penalties of the Lawe, who am ordained to promulgate condemnations by the can⯑nons of the Gospelle!—Why, Sirrah! he that had the fe⯑licitie of my begetting, is he not chiefe enregister of a congregated body of mightie menne, who do fortunatelie possesse more of this worlde's landes, than they have wittes to tille?—Moreover, hathe he not ta'en the shal⯑low-soiled understandings of some of those to farme, and thus enabled them to let ther sapience lie in fallowe?—If he then, being so great a Scribe, could not worke out an onlie sonne's deliverance, though he were a Pharisee, he would be passing strange indeed!"—’
CCCXIX.—LADY CATHERINE H—M—LT—N.
[20]SEVENTY-NINTH DAY's TRIAL.
[21]CCCXX.—MARQUIS OF AB—N.
CCCXXI.—MRS. H—PE.
[22]‘—"What a marvellous revolution chucke! How condescending in the High, and Mighty Duchesse, to make great folkes, out of us such little bodies!—When I did thank her for the honour she hathe conferred upon us, she bade me be of goode cheere, and graciouslie whispered in mine eare, that she would supplie us with all courtlinesse, and good breedinge, if we would only find ducquattes, and lowlie demeanour?—Heaven blesse her Grace's condescension!"’
CCCXXII.—COL. H—RR—ES.
[23]‘—"That's one, who hath been more annoyed by the privie shaftes of misfortune, than the javelins of an armed hoste—yet hath he made proud heade against them, because his breaste was firmlie mailed round with honour!—I tell thee, VORTIGERN, the soldier will march more erectlie in this buffetting worlde, who hath first walked through it, as an upright manne!"’
CCCXXIII.—COUNTESS OF ANT—M.
[24]EIGHTIETH DAY's TRIAL.
[25]CCCXXIV.—LORD R—MN—Y.
CCCXXV.—HON. MISS F—X.
[26]CCCXXVI.—MR. C—RTN—Y.
[27]‘—"This, Sirs, is one of those unprofitable wights that will breake you jeste upon jeste, 'till they do for⯑gette the humbler meanes of breakeing their own faste! Yet is he a singular cracker of drie jokes, and plaies right humorouslie with the shelles, until he hathe lost the kernelles!—Had he been of the Squirrel race, they would have banished him their woodland crafte, ſor so improvident an use of his sharp-edged instruments!"’
CCCXXVII.—HON. HISS CR—FT—N.
[28]EIGHTY-FIRST DAY's TRIAL.
[29]CCCXXVIII.—MARQUIS OF D—GL—S.
‘—"Why, my merrie masters, do you enquire of me the pedigree of that stocke, your rantipolle womenne of qualitie throwe out at so tickellish a seasone? If your Batavian Princes will suffer their Flanderkinne concubines to leap into other men's paddockes, who can adventure to enwarrant the produce to be of the bloode-royalle?"’
CCCXXIX—MADAME R—C—MIER.
[30]CCCXXX.—LADY EMILY W—SL—Y.
[31]‘—"Passinge through our holie Cloystere, I found my hande so suddenlie entangled betweene the two palmes of the younge Friar Lorenzo, that I could not disengage it before he had breathed upon it a love-spelle from his glowing lippes. He swore by his Alma Mater, that the Destinies had pre-ordained we should be one fleshe! Then talked he so wildlie of olive branches round about our table, that, to save the manne's poore wittes, I gave him my trothe, on condition that his noble friendes would teach his Reverence to down upon his knees with a better grace!"’
CCCXXXI.—MARQUIS C—NW—LLIS.
[32]EIGHTY-SECOND DAY's TRIAL.
[33]CCCXXXII.—LORD V—LL—RS.
‘—"The Countesse, my Ladie-Mother, chucking me by the chinne the other morne, did whisper in mine ear, that if I was observant of her denotements, I might begette a childe that would make a man of me for the remainder of my daies! Moreover, she did subjoin, that she would condescend, her illustrious selfe, to be⯑come its nurse, and that with so politique an affection, as soon to make of it—a babe of grace!"’
CCCXXXIII.—MRS. L—Y—N.
[34]‘—"Had I been a Lyonesse that had devoured the laste cubbe of her litter, men could not stare upon me with more holiday eyes where-ever I move, or keepe themselves more circumspectlie without the pounce of my ponderous pawe!"’
CCCXXXIV.—EARL OF B—RKL—Y.
[35]‘—"When the bloode dothe runne riotouslie through noble veines, propelling to atchievements amorous, a sapient headed man will not betrothe his honourable selfe, but as he may be unyoked again after his owne free-wille and pleasure! Matrimonie, Sirs, should be as slight of weare as an holidaie bonnette that may be doffed off at one's ease; and not as a foole's-cappe to jarr the meade in perpetuitie by the jingling of its bells!"—’
CCCXXXV.—LADY L—C—N.
[36]EIGHTY-THIRD DAY's TRIAL.
[37]CCCXXXVI.—LORD P—G—T.
CCCXXXVII.—COUNTESS OF B—TH.
[38]CCCXXXVIII.—MR. N—C—LLS.
[39]‘—"Why trulie, Goodman Loquardo, the times are miserablie out of jointe!—I do remember well the daies, when the wordes of a wise manne were sought as preci⯑ous jewelrie from far; but now are they most scoffinglie sette at nought! Marry, should you aske it of me, how they came so irreverentlie to expunge my powers poli⯑tique from the forum, and the senate? Certes, I cannot tell: so let it passe! and the mischiefe fall upon their own heades. Nay, and it had not been for the weight of my imparlancies, the State had before this been lightlie overthrown by the windie machinations of the jibe-mongers, who did assaile it!"’
CCCXXXIX.—MRS. L—ML—Y S—V—LLE.
[40]EIGHTY-FOURTH DAY's TRIAL.
[41]CCCXL.—MR. O—TO.
CCCXLI.—DUCHESS OF ST. ALB—NS.
[42]‘—"I would to Fortune, that her Grace, my Lorde's great grand-damme,* had caparizoned a nimbler steede, when, by her Sov'rain paramour's command, she did possesse, for amorous dowerie, as wide a space of this rich Isle, as in a faire daie's ride she could encircle: then might her descendant have boasted of more laundes, and beeves, and not been lefte the minor con⯑stellation in poore Charles's Waine!"’
CCCXLII.—ALDERMAN H—V—Y C—MBE.
[43]‘—"Hark ye! brother Cittes, but not fellow Citizens! I must be no more familiarlie entreated in Common Halle, but saluted by you at greate distance, as befittes a man of travelle. I have visited foreign climes—and within the walles of Paris held imparlance with HIM that makes Potentates tremble! Nay, he hath condescended to speake to me upon merchandize, and talked about Malte, and Hoppes, as though he had prime samples of both in his owne illustrious pockette! More⯑over, he spoke most courteouslie of my personal endow⯑ments; saide that I was well favoured as the Regicide Brewer of his Capital, and seemed in his presence to carrie as goode a heade as could a pottle of my own browne stoute. So look well, that on the score of these my new acquirementes, I do receive some increase in your cor⯑porate obeisance!"’
CCCXLIII.—DOWAGER LADY D—CRE.
[44]EIGHTY-FIFTH DAY's TRIAL.
[45]CCCXLIV.—SIR JOHN EAM—R.
‘"Well! Heaven's good blessings uphold me, since, in admiration of my shineing partes, they do thrust such weightie affaires right bodilie upon me. Moreover, Sirs, they have elevated in our Citie's chief Mansion, a bedde of state for the honourable delight of my Ladie Spouse! I dream not their politique intending therein; but per-chaunce they do expect that I should bequeathe them, in return, some half-score of suckling Lordes Mayor, as the hereditarie fruite of their bountie!"’
CCCXLV.—LADY GEORGIANA C—V—D—SH.
[46]‘"For mercie's sake, let not that faire Ladie smile with such redundancie of grace, nor fatten so vaste a congre⯑gation of dimples by incessant laughter, lest, in the su⯑premacie of youthful fleshe, we may loose the bloode, and breede, of lovelie Devon!"’
CCCXLVI.—LORD F—LEY.
[47]‘—"I did expect that these NIMRODS of the Pichley chace had been trained to nobler dareings!—Mark how they stoppe at a vaulting leape, to calculate whether the pleasures of this worlde, or the nexte, are best worth seeking. These laddes might have rose in their stirruppes, had they not been borne with the neckes of green-girles, that require so much womanlie caution to preserve them!"’
CCCXLVII.—MRS. W—LK—R.
[48]EIGHTY-SIXTH DAY's TRIAL.
[49]CCCXLVIII.—LORD CR—V—N.
CCCXLIX.—HON. MISS F—X.
[50]‘—"In good soothe, neighbour, but she is most marvellouslie learned. Nay, 'twas but last Candlemass that she did be-pose three of our gravest Doctors in all Padua out of their own bookes in the black-letter!—As she hath been so favoured with the gifte of tongues, 'tis pitie that her Ladieship doth not vouchsafe to give the worlde some semblance of her honoured selfe, and not burie all her prattling powers in the profittlesse grave of the dead languages!"’
CCCL.—SIR BLAND B—RO—SS.
[51]‘—"No sooner had our Lorde the Kinge dub'bed him a Knighte, than, in a frolicke-some moode, he did bedubbe himselfe Knighte-errant to those jades, the Muses. Since this, he hath encreased in consequential stature so, that he hath out grown the cloathes that Nature, in a botching kind of way, had cut out for him. And, if you do not keepe this Sir DOGGEREL from inflating by the windie recitation of his owne numbers, he will be swoln until he litterallie burst!"’
CCCLI.—VISCOUNTESS H—OD.
[52]EIGHTY-SEVENTH DAY's TRIAL.
[53]CCCLII.—EARL OF C—RL—SLE.
‘—"I marvelle much Malverto, had his honour's Muse been of ignoble birthe, whether she would not have limp'd it on one legge through lyfe, like a scurvie minstrelle: but being caparisoned in gilded trappinges, the jade now prances with a loftie chreste, although she hathe not a single foote that's sounde to stande upon!"’
CCCLIII.—DUCHESS OF D—RS—T.
[54]CCCLIV.—MR. C—B—E.
[55]‘—"That, Sirs, is the dapper Vintner of East-Cheape, whose animal spirittes are more friskie than his own outlandish wines newlie bottled!—Admire we his daintie grey Barbarie, which he got in barter of the Duke of Tunis for some score skinnes of excellent Ca⯑narie: Mark how he pads the pavement, doing dailie service to the Capital in riding matches through the streetes with the Prince's pennie-poste-boys, and be⯑fittinge himself in due time to become Purveyor-Gene⯑ral of the petty bagge!"’
CCCLV.—COUNTESS OF OXF—D.
[56]EIGHTY-EIGHTH DAY's TRIAL.
[57]CCCLVI.—LORD ELL—NB—GH.
CCCLVII.—LADY CATHARINE L—NG.
[58]‘"Some one of you, who do administer in matters of Estate, I pray inform me, when may this same Bourbon House to its own domestic comforts be restored? To deale trulie with you, Sirs, I do stand in much neede of the restoration of mine owne House, that it may be well purged of some unseemlinesse, that with plain Eng⯑lish manners doth but ill accord!"’
CCCLVIII.—EARL OF G—LF—D.
[59]‘—"Go to! I must incontinentlie have died with water on my chest, had they detained my bodie-corpo⯑rate but another moone at their bathes of Palermo!—Now hie thee, boy, to the sign of the Goate with the gilded hornes, and search me out mine old friend the Knight of the merrie countenance;—tell him, that I have personallie imported some skinnes of dryed Canarie, the flavours of which will hit his savorie palate well, because he may drink of it to the amendment of his own life, scott-free!"’
CCCLIX.—LADY CAROLINE PR—CE.
[60]EIGHTY-NINTH DAY's TRIAL.
[61]CCCLX.—EARL OF C—V—NT—Y.
‘—"Nay, my goode Lord Abbotte, if you do still hunt after my poor temporalities, let it be done with a little more spiritual charitie. Although the remnant of my life be scant, I pray you await its last threade as may become your own Right Reverence! Ev'n the currier doth forbear to flaye the hide from off the backs, until the animal be lifelesse. When on the bedde of sicknesse you have lain, and asked renewal of your ebbing life, think by the forbearance of your Godde it hath been given to you, and the tender mercies of him, whose holie Minister you are!"’
CCCLXI.—LADY GEORGIANA G—RD—N.
[62]‘—"Come! dearest Ladie Mother, and let us hence for Padua; for my harte is sick to learn, why the love of Alberto so long doth linger! And were myself a man begirt with dirke, and doublette, no betrothed one of mine should so unreasonablie await for bridal salutation! Sithe, in obedience to your wille, I did be-mourn the deadlie departure of a fancied lover, help me now, I pray you, to enjoy the greeting of one, who swore he onlie lives for me!"’
CCCLXII.—SIR W. SC—TT.
[63]CCCLXIII.—MRS. M—RE.
[64]NINETIETH DAY's TRIAL.
[65]CCCLXIV.—LORD WHITW—TH.
CCCLXV.—MISS AD—M.
[66]‘—"An I were Nature, and had so proudlie gifted you, I should have look'd for a more grateful return at your fair handes!—Come, come, my sweete ROWENA, you must unbend a little from this unprofitable severitie: and though you should have coldlie sworn those cherrie-coloured lippes to silence against me—bestow (as with⯑out offence to maiden modestie you may) some mute confession that my faithful love offends you not. Lend to my suit one sense, if but an ear, or by the little hope you've left me, I shall loose man's reasonable use of every one of my poor seven!"’
CCCLXVI.—LORD GLENB—VIE.
[67]‘—"Why, Sirs of Caledonia, do you marvelle at Don Avaro's shift of fortune, that hath transformed him into a mightier Man of the Woodes from a petty Laird of a barren mountain? Coming naked into a wide worlde, with such an itch for selfe-prosperities, he would have done thriftilie, even on the hill where London Citadelle doth stand, though he had been constrained to begge for a baubee standing upon one legge! Oh, Sirs, he pro⯑phecied arightlie, when he said that the readiest roade to every Paradise, save that of fooles, is by prayer and supplication, where that which is denied you on the score of charitie, you may extort by persecution."’
CCCLXVII.—LADY CAROLINE ST—WART.
[68]NINETY-FIRST DAY's TRIAL.
[69]CCCLXVIII.—MR. DUDLEY N—TH.
‘—"Pooh! old man—'tis never too late to dissolve the icey bondage of an old Bachelor's life! Why, my own vane did continue to stande so long due Northe, that women began to sweare by their chastitie 'twas a burning shame! Since this, the wind of my better des⯑tinie hath veered about to a more genial corner, and now blowes me nuptial blessinges from the amorous Southe!"’
CCCLXIX—LADY T—MPLE—WN.
[70]CCCLXX.—MR. T. SH—D—N.
[71]‘"How it was good man Vardelt, that he became so pre⯑ternaturallie gifted, he best can tell that made him; but certes he hath the animal worlde so aptlie at com⯑mand, that he will drawe you all things living within the magicale circle of his vision! Nay, our race mortal he so swayeth by his arte persuasive, that he will trans⯑form everie other man's enemie into his own friende! Marry, whether it be on earth, in air, or water, 'tis all alike to faculties like his; for he doth deport himselfe so gracefullie on either, that your wild-pated women of qualitie, so delighting in his sportivenesse, do pull cappes with each other, which of them shall ascende with him to the upper regions, for foretaste of blisse celestial!—"’
CCCLXXI.—LADY C. H—M—LT—N.
[72]NINETY-SECOND DAY's TRIAL.
[73]CCCLXXII.—ARCHB—P OF CANT—B—Y.
CCCLXXIII.—SIR JAMES ST—G.
[74]‘"—I pray you, brother soldiers, tell me, by what authoritie this same busie worlde would command a gallant Knighte, one trained to armes, to impose upon him the fulfillment of an obligation personalle? I have traversed long enough in this same worlde, to be able to know my owne wants and desires, and to regulate my pursuits accordinglie.—When I am tired of a life of single servitude, then may I, perhaps, enliste at the drum-heade of matrimonie as an uxorious Volunteere; but, Sirs! as I never could be goaded to felicitie by forced marches, so will it be difficult to prick me into any ser⯑vice by ballotte, or to enchain me even to the luxuries of an under-petticoate, as a miserable conscript."’
CCCLXXIV.—LADY CATHARINE ST—W—T.
[75]NINETY-THIRD DAY's TRIAL.
[76]CCCLXXV.—MISS S—YM—R. (Piccadiliy.)
CCCLXXVI.—SIR WM. P—LT—Y.
[77]‘"Time was, Sirs, when a Gentleman of condition might have repaired an olde House, or taken to himselfe a young Wyſe, without publique marvaille, or imparlance; but in these presumptuous daies, no man can adventure to caterre for his owne comfortes, without drawing a nest of witte crackers about his eares! Nay, the puppies will sometimes take your worke out of your handes, and fancifullie begettinge your chaste spouse with childe, make you father it for their owne lascivious amusement! In gravitie, I tell you, Sirs, these thinges are pushed beyond endurance!"’
CCCLXXVII.—LADY B—RD—TT.
[78]NINETY-FOURTH DAY's TRIAL.
[79]CCCLXXVIII.—SIR CH—S B—NB—Y.
‘—"An you match me that plaine-coated Knight o'th' Shire, then will I shew unto the worlde a pair of honest Senators worth their lookinge on! Why he doth hide his right hande in his bosome I trow not; for 'tis a clean one, and there's no danger but that his manlie harte will keepe in the right place, without manual assistance!"’
CCCLXXIX.—D—SS OF ST. A—N'S.
[80]CCCLXXX.—M—QUIS OF AB—N.
[81]‘"I doe require, my Lordes, that since his worshippe is come over, he be cited straitlie to appear before us, in our full pontificalibus of British jurisprudence! What⯑ever be my portion of human frailtie, I will abstain from choler, if I may be permitted to catechize this sage upon his owne expoundings. Let our Sister Isle be taught by us to knowe, that our suprema Lex, which hath the power to take an Asiatique Pard by the beard, hath no fear of her little finger being snapped, by one of their bag'd FOXES!"’
CCCLXXXI.—MISS M. G. E. S—YM—R.
[82]NINETY-FIFTH DAY's TRIAL.
[83]CCCLXXXII.—LORD D—RSL—Y.
CCCLXXXIII.—LADY D—DL—Y AND W—RD.
[84]‘—"I like your vocal musique reasonablie well, so it be well-timed, and breathe not too colde an aire upon the comfortes of a warm dinner:—nay, when the clothe be drawn away, I can hear your 'non nobis,' my Lorde, with tolerable endurance, if it be accompanied in right glee with goode harmonique glasses!"’
CCCLXXXIV.—EARL C—D.
[85]‘"Go to! I tell thee he feedeth not within the purlieus of the Courte, argal he cannot be dubbed the KINGE's Jester! He may sometimes cracke small jokes within the privie presence, to make his master smile, yet hath he no patent royalle for the manufactorie of broad grinnes!—Seest thou that double ell of watered tabbie clinging so closelie to his noble shoulder? Marry, but that is the silken reward of brave doings, such as your swaggering Knights-Errant of Salamanca had never the witte to dream of!"’
CCCLXXXV.—LADY HARRIET C—V—ND—SH.
[86]NINETY-SIXTH DAY's TRIAL.
[87]CCCLXXXVI.—LORD VIS—T. M—LV—LE.
‘"Since the lawe of the realme hath provided me a coate of mail, you may presse me to the torture, with⯑out wringing from me such responses as I am not dis⯑posed to bestowe. When I did lend my hande to enacte a statute to restraine certain Lordes, and courtlie men from picking and stealing from the granarie of the publique, I looked not to be found at the Barne-door winnowing of its corne myſelf! Yet do I with contrite shame remember me of one Sir Ol ver Spintext, who, ill-placing his ladder against the arm of a fructifying tree, did saw it off, and thus brought himself to the ground by his own handicrafte operations!"’
CCCLXXXVII.—SIR BEAUMONT H—TH—M.
[88]CCCLXXXVIII.—MRS. LY—N.
[89]‘"I passed this morn a Lybian Lyoness in our forest, who, by the sleeknesse of her skinne, and the rotunditie of her form, seemed providentlie catered for, although she was attended by no provider.—Oh! she was a comelie creature, and wonderfullie well shaped to keep all mortal travellers at awful distance!"’
CCCLXXXIX.—COUNTESS OF M—RA.
[90]NINETY-SEVENTH DAY's TRIAL.
[91]CCCXC.—MR. ANG—ST—N.
‘"Madam, I doe thank your Highnesse for your coun⯑selle, although I could have dispensed with it most wil⯑linglie. True, you have a daughter of your owne; but she is guarded by the State against such actes of disobe⯑dience—mine hath espoused a Russe without consent or privitie of me! If he hath all the savage virtues of SIBERIA's clime, what then? I shall not thither to be⯑hold their lustre. I have been the creator of mine owne fortune, and therefore must be allowed to be the dis⯑penser of it after my own humour.—To say trulie, Ma⯑dam, my mind is so settled on this point, that I do be⯑seech your Highnesse I may be no more entreated!"’
CCCXCI.—DUCHESS OF S—M—RS—T.
[92]CCCXCII.—SIR HARRY P—YT—N.
[93]‘"Heigh over, slack-ones!—forward!—hark forward! for now we'll make our play, and leave yon blowing Cocknies of the chace! May he who rides not this high-scenting day, as the foxe lays out his brushe right straight an end, be banished from our Pichley hunt; and the man that regards his necke beyond his renowne, let him ever after whip-in but to a welter's packe!"’
CCCXCIII.—MARCHIONESS OF S—FF—D.
[94]NINETY-EIGHTH DAY's TRIAL.
[95]CCCXCIV.—SIR HOME P—PH—M.
‘"Helm hard a lee! good master!—and we shall wea⯑ther the rest of these d—d breakers under our bow!—the skie grows less dirtie, and the squawle abates:—give her another smart shake in the winde, and she'll right herselfe, I'll warrant you!—Though poore Pha⯑roah, and his hoste were swallowed up in this Red Sea, we'll scud safelie through it without an anchor left on board us!—There! steadie—my hearty, steadie!—now she lies her faire course for Old Englande—where we have onlie to buffet some foul windes, and cross cur⯑rents, under close reefed top-sailes,—and we gain our port at last!"’
CCCXCV.—MRS. P—NT—N (ci-devant MISS G—BB—NS).
[96]‘"Come, Sir! mount, and away! Since it hath pleased Heaven to lay your old roan Barbarie under the turfe, we'll freelie enjoy the sportes that are above it! I'll try your bottom over the Beacon neck and neck, and, not⯑withstanding you are aged, you shall be beaten dead hollow by sheer bloode, although I carry weight for inches!"’
CCCXCVI.—MARQUIS OF H—NTL—Y.
[97]CCCXCVII.—MISS B—CKF—D.
[98]NINETY-NINTH DAY's TRIAL.
[99]CCCXCVIII.—MARCHIONESS OF B—K—M.
CCCXCIX.—SIR HOME P—PH—M.
[100]CCCC.—DUKE OF N—RF—K.
[101]‘"It is said they doe intend to investe my bodie cor⯑porate with some elles more of ribband garter-blew, than be required for the encompassment of an ordinarie Courtier: marry and so they ought, for in their politi⯑calle warfare I have been most scurvilie entreated! Did they not wrest from me my pyke martial at the heade of mine own trained bande, and cashier me in the broad face of noon-tide day? Nay, an their power had been commensurate with their wille, they would unmarshally have despoiled me of my truncheon to boote. And now would they weedle me into a forgetfulnesse of my wronges forsoothe! But little do they know of that bloode which they have enchaffed, or of my woundes, which are too deep for all their Courte-plaister to cover them."’
CCCCI.—HON. MRS. ED. T—YL—R.
[102]HUNDREDTH DAY's TRIAL.
[103]CCCCII.—MR. B—SV—LLE.
‘"These are no times, my busie masters, to waste in dulle forbearance! Have they not tinkered our Constitu⯑tion politique until more lioles are hammered through it, than the countrie has solder left to sear over—or they have the workeman-like skille to mend? In the abundant love I doe beare this isle, I did recommend to them a nimble-fingered tailor, who, an they had let him go thorough stitcke with the worke, would soone have given it a new bodie-lininge of fustainne everlasting;but they have entreated him with scorne, by refusing him a cross-legged seate on the shoppe-boarde of the State, lest he should witn—ess how they doe cut the countrie's clothe against the graine to satisfie their own abomina⯑ble hunger after cabbage!"’
CCCCIII.—MRS. B—RN—Y.
[104]‘—"Did I not tell thee, my little Coz, that we should hacke the spurres from off the heeles of our wou'd-be knights o' th' shire?—and have we not triumphantlie at⯑chieved it? And now, goode Yeomanrie of Norfolke, mark that you abstaine from your hotte buttered dump⯑linges until your suffrages be dulie enregistered; for not a manne of you shall dare taste so much as would breake the faste of a cocke-sparrowe, before we of the fairer sexe are more decentlie entreated, or by the womman's spirit that stirs within us, you shall pay as dearlie for it, as in their utmost rigour, the lawes parliamentarie can inflicte!"’
CCCCIV.—DUKE OF B—DF—D.
[105]HUNDRED AND FIRST DAY's TRIAL.
[106]CCCCV.—LORD CHAN. E—K—NE.
CCCCVI.—DUKE OF R—CH—D.
[107]‘—"Why should that blinde jade Fortune bejiit a man out of his natural comfortes, by loading him with ho⯑nours which he sought not for? Banish'd the Smoaking Roome o' the Commones by the power of mine own dig⯑nitie, it will be expected, I suppose, that I doe beſitte myselfe for better companie:—So, boye, lay the Trini⯑dada sparinglie before me, and plye me not so plenti⯑fullie with stoopes of drie Canarie, that I may abridge myselfe of deep potations; for when a man is made perforce a Duke puissante, it would be unseemlie in him to become as—as an ordinarie Lorde!"’
CCCCVII.—LADY BL—KE.
[108]HUNDRED AND SECOND DAY's TRIAL.
[109]CCCCVIII.—MR. ROBT. T—NT—N.
‘"To speake plainlie to you, and not after the manner of the Scribes, the Pharisees, or the Hypocrites, these same Committee-men Select do prie themselves too sedulouslie into the secret intentions of the faithful. I myselfe was placed by them into a boxe* not made of Shittim-woode, and there, like unto one of the unchosen, most familiarlie interrogated on pointes of political faith, to which no Christian man endowed with saveing knowledge could in prudence make replie. Trulie, Sirs, if the consciences of the ELECT are to be thus thrown into one common purgatorie with those of ordinarie transgressors, it will become difficult hereafter to distinguish betwixt Sainte, and Sinner!"’
CCCCIX.—COUNTESS C—YNG—M.
[110]CCCCX.—SIR JOHN P—RS.
[111]‘—"No sooner had I made perambulation of Man's Isle with right valorous celebritie, than my warme ima⯑gination be-stirred itselfe, to trie how far the Continent of the female worlde might with safetie be explored. In this research faire ARABELLA cross'd my roveing view, of whose glowing charmes I thought to take an hastie, and a secret sketche; but as mine evil Genius wou'd ordaine, upon the gilded roofe of her privie chamber, a scurvie dauber from Salamancha did sit perch'd; who, as I advanced in my amorous design, took him a villainous copie of all my warmest colouringes! On this, I was most indecentlie arraigned on charge of covert-acie against the state connubial, and condemned in penal summes, too excessive for man of honour to liquidate, or of dignitie to notice.—Thus in daies of yore, was a proud Venetian of Virtu amerced by a tyranique Senate in seven thousand ducattes ten times told, for kindlie breathing on the precious jewelle of a noble friende, to prove for him whether, as he supposed, it was without flawe, or blemishe!"’
HUNDRED AND THIRD DAY's TRIAL.
[112]CCCCXI.—SIR JOHN ANST—R.
‘"I cross'd a lean, and warie Scotte upon the sultrie coaste of Malabarre, seeking for gold duste with an eager eye. In his left hande he bore a paire of scales most dexterouslie poised, like unto those which do be⯑deck the dexter arme of Justice. Marry, quoth I, if men in everie clime become sole Judges of their actions, why not weigh out their own deservinges by poundes avoir⯑dupoise, without tarrying untill the ballance be made to tremble with graines, or scruples?"’
CCCCXII.—MISS GEORGINA C—V—T—Y, (NOW MRS. B—NES.)
[113]CCCCXIII.—THE REV. EARL N—LS—N.
[114]‘—"When of necessitie they transformed me into a Lorde Temporalle of this Isle for no well doing of mine owne, they did conspire to unfrocke me of my canoni⯑calles prebendal! Not so, my Lordes, quoth I! you may drive an Oxe from rich pasturage, and even goade an Asse from his bunch of thistles, but you cannot prick a true Churchman from the stalle in which he hath been well fed. So unlesse you do force upon me a Bishop⯑ricke to boote, I shall continue to chaunte a requiem for the soul of the relative that made me, as an humble Ab⯑botte of Canterburie!"’
HUNDRED AND FOURTH DAY's TRIAL.
[115]CCCCXIV.—LORD GR—NV—LLE.
CCCCXV.—LADY H—M—LT—N.
[116]‘"Ah, Blanche! the worlde's inquisitors but little know of me! If I did think this deeplie wounded harte could beat again in sympathie with aught that wooing man could say, I'd tear the trait'rous inmate from its seat, a bleedinge sacrifice to plighted love!—Bring, girl, my mournful lute, that I may call his listening spirit down to hear those straines which he alone inspired!"’
CCCCXVI.—GENERAL KN—WLES, [Commonly called EARL OF B—NB—RY.]
[117]‘"Why, brother Soldiers, if a man in these wonder⯑workinge daies cannot ennoble himselfe, he is fitte onlie to dreame o' nights of coronettes, and go bare headed for want of one, all the daies of his lyfe! Moulde but the dough of mankind to your wille, and you shall find no more arte required to make a modern Lorde, than a Banburie Cake!"’
HUNDRED AND FIFTH DAY's TRIAL.
[118]CCCCXVII.—MR. BR—ND.
‘—"I saw just now a cholerique youthe running with a fire-brand towards the Capitolle! Stay, rash boy, quoth I, for you do bear in that left hande what may consume our citie into ashes. Yet on with heedlesse steppe went he, enchafinge the fierie mischief with his breath, un⯑til its violence (by Providence decreed) dispers'd the sparkes it meant not to extinguish!"’
CCCCXVIII.—HON. MRS. D—R.
[119]Appendix A ADDENDA.
DRAMA.
GREEN-ROOM SELECTIONS, [From the last new-discovered Old Trunk, containing the Posthumous Works of SHAKESPEARE.]
[121]Appendix A.1 I.—BY MR. KEMBLE.
Appendix A.2 II.—BY MRS. JORDAN.
[122]‘"Why dost thou foolishlie chew the cudde of melan⯑cholie, man, when thou mayest betake thee to you boothe of comicalle enactors, and be most pleasantlie purged of it for half a ducatte? There mark thee well a sprightlie jade, who dothe turne mens hartes, until she gettes the best humoured side of them uppermost; nay, her merit halts not here, for when her mirthful vizard is thrown by, she wears the * veil of charitie with so goode a grace, that the invidious even of her own sexe, can scarcelie spie a blemish underneath it!"’
GENUINE.
Appendix A.3 III.—BY MR. M—ND—N.
[123]‘—"I sawe last Martinmasse, just such another odde countenanced varlette with his huge whiskers, dauncing a sarabande at the sign of the Old Catte and Bagpipes in Lothburie! The knave, with follies enough of his owne, could give you the counterfeit resemblance of all those appertaining to other men, having been a skip-jacke in divers comical professions, from a mender of mouse-trappes up to his present vocation. In the downie daies of his youthe, he was a plucker of pen-feathers to a Poulterer in Leadenball, and there stripped he the winges of tame grey-geese sufficient to endow him to become scrivener to a lean lawyer, and to engrosse his deedes of darknesse in black letter; but [...]inding it not so plea⯑sant to play the rogue as the foole, now goes he about from tythinge to tythinge, and makes brave earninges by letting out wry faces to full-mouth'd visitors, who can swallowe nothing but on the broad grinne!"’
Appendix A.4 IV.—MRS. S—DD—NS.
[124]Appendix A.5 V.—BY MR. J. B—NN—ST—R.
[125]‘"Thou sayest trulie, Goodman Spadro!—Nature doth not mould us such comical wagges everie day in the yeare.—Marry, but it doth require something more than an ordinarie-witted fellowe, to plaie the foole to his own proffittinge, and stille keepe a goode humoured worlde his debitor! Marvel thee not, man, for he hath endowed himselfe with qualities suſſicient to enacte the parte of a wise man sans imitation. When the merrie rogue is pleased to throw his dark eyes incontinentlie around him, if you had nine pair of sides, he would shake them all with laughter!—No varietie hath a voice that he cannot purloine—nor a face that he will not borrowe, and humourouslie wear it over his owne! nay, I have known him to ape a Jewe so well, that you would swear he did not possess one Christian virtue by natural inheritance; and yet no sooner doſſs he his arti⯑ficialle doublette, than he hies him to his own fire side, and there performes those partes * which enactinge can⯑not counterſeit!"’
Appendix A.6 VI.—BY MISS BR—NT—N.
[126]Appendix A.7 VII.—BY MR. EL—ST—N.
[127]‘"In veritie, his talents like me more than passinge well; for he doth wear, and shifte his masque with so adroite a skille, that he can give men better semblances of what is fraile, or perfect in their nature, than most of his compeers have ev'n the witte to dreame of! I have seen him enacte the Mad Lover with so amorous a phrenzie, that you would sweare the fellow had lost the whole of his seven senses in a lascivious rencontre about the hemminge of an under petticoate! Marry but he can traine you a Ladie Bryde in the well-feigned schoole of adversitie better than any man John of them, and tame a young shrewe i' the budde, by bending her to a right obedient wyfe, before the honie moone be waned! Then will he restore her to the honours of his House with so high a grace, that he doth make it ques⯑tionable by his pourtraying arte, whether his Prince, or Peasante be the nobler man!"’
Appendix A.8 VIII.—BY MRS. HENRY J—NST—N.
[128]- Citation Suggestion for this Object
- TextGrid Repository (2020). TEI. 5232 Passages selected by distinguished personages on the great literary trial of Vortigern and Rowena a comi tragedy pt 4. University of Oxford Text Archive. . https://hdl.handle.net/21.T11991/0000-001A-5CCD-7