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A RURAL RAMBLE; To which is annexed A POETICAL TAGG, OR BRIGHTHELMSTONE GUIDE. BY G. S. CAREY.

Terry, sculp Pater-noſter Row.

LONDON: Printed for R. THOMAS, Brighthelmſtone; and ſold by R. BALDWIN, Pater-noſter-row, LONDON. MDCCLXXVII.

APOLOGY.

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AS the following Trifle is the mere recital of a RURAL RAMBLE, when I had not time to wander from the ſtrait and common road, I hope the Reader will excuſe my not entering more particularly into the Origin of Cuſtoms, or Date of Antiquities; thoſe have already been given the world by more profound and indefatigable pens than mine;—all that I have attempted, is ſimple incident; and if it ſhould not be found altogether ſuited to the mind, from the Matter, yet I flatter myſelf, I have, in ſome meaſure, written to Time and Mode; as very few of our Faſhionable Readers would wiſh to have the contents of a volume outlaſt the dreſ [...]g of their hair, or the common poſt of a chaiſe and four.

RURAL RAMBLE.

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WALKING with a friend from the buſy Exchange to the forlorn St. James's, when the ſun ſhot down his hotteſt rays, and the fainting porter groaned beneath his load, I obſerved that London always wore the moſt unpleaſing aſpect at the moſt pleaſing ſeaſon of the year; it was July, and the gay and faſhionable part of the world was gone to [2] more faſhionable, or more retired reſorts;—town was half deſerted, a liberal face was rarely to be met, the ſmart and ſmirking ſhopkeeper, whoſe hands but a month ago were well employed in meaſuring out his different commodities, now ſtood at his door with his hands tucked up behind him, his cuſtomers fell in, like donations to a charity, ſlow, but well received.

The different avenues ſent up their unſavoury odours from their different confines, and as the heat encreaſed, the thicker were the riſing exhalations; we mutually wiſhed to be in the country; we challenged each other with a ramble, ſtepped into a tavern, eat a good dinner, ſettled the [3] propoſals over a bottle of wine, and put our wiſhes into action;—we agreed to walk or ride, as it might ſuit us, for the ſlower we were in our paces, the more explicit in our obſervations; we went home, packed up our different neceſſaries, and ſent them off by the Tunbridge machine. We left town about five o' clock in the afternoon, took with us a faithful favourite dog, to guard and to amuſe us, and walked through a perpetual cloud of duſt and throng to Greenwich, but turning on our way to Lewiſham we took our leave on't; the trees and hedges now were greener, the country ſtiller, and contemplation began to fill the mind.

We ſaunter'd on, and bent our way to Bromley, enjoying an uninterrupted [4] converſation, ſave, that now and then ſome view, ſome houſe or object, broke the thread of our diſcourſe, and would oft beguile us into a pleaſing obſervation.

About nine we enter'd Bromley; the evening was breaking in apace, but turning round we found there was yet light enough to view the great metropolis we juſt had left behind: St. Paul's, whoſe towering dome ſeemed to kiſs the clouds, was half encircled in a bed of ſmoke; the buſy buſtle of the noiſy city, that but a few hours before almoſt diſtracted us, now was heard no more, and we pleaſed ourſelves with the reflection, that we had already ſet the greateſt, [5] and the wealthieſt city in the world, at ſo great a diſtance, in ſo ſhort a time.

When we had reached our inn, were ſhewn into a room, and placed ourſelves in ſeparate chairs, we found, that if we had been neceſſitated to have gone farther, we ſhould have been tired; we ordered a good ſupper, eat with a good appetite, went to our beds, ſlept ſound, and waked in the morning without the headach.

In the morning we aroſe early; the ſun ſhone forth in all his ſplendor, and while our breakfaſts were preparing, we ſought the church-yard, and wandered through the tombs; here and there an uncouth epitaph was [6] cut, perhaps the rude production of the clerk or ſexton; here we found but little worth our obſervation, either from its oddity, ſentiment, or wit. But turning to take a ſurvey of the country round us, St. Paul's again ſtood in our way, and morning fires ſent up clouds of ſmoke, which ſeemed to make their way for many miles: yonder, ſaid I, is the greateſt capital in the world; there many a head is aching with its cares; there many a heart is breaking with its ſorrows: ſome full of age and avarice, cleaving to fortune like ivy to the oak, ſcraping up, with greedy anxiety, maſſy heaps of gold, to make them maſters, and to bear a tranſient ſway over ſtatemanſions and extenſive plains; let them come here, and ſee how little, [7] how ſmall a ſpot muſt ſoon ſuffice. Here ſtands a tomb that tells a wealthy merchant lies within, and here are too engraved the honors that he once poſſeſſed. Mark the characters of his life.

EPITAPH.
He was induſtrious to his coſt,
He ne'er a ſingle hour loſt,
To ſerve a friend, or ſay a prayer,
His buſineſs ſo engroſs'd his care;
In ſpring of age, in highth of pride,
His cares o'ercame him, and he dy'd.

The Scripture tells us there is a time for every thing; but this unfortunate man ſeems to have been poſſeſſed of a different way of thinking, he wanted to be rich, and thought his time was only given him to that end. He ſaw the golden Mammon [8] in his view, and ran himſelf out of breath in ſtriding forth too haſtily to his throne.

But, ſays my friend, that never ſhall be the caſe with me; I am rich with a competency; I am happy; riches cannot purchaſe more. Perhaps the mouldering courſe that lays within this coſtly tomb, ne'er ſpent an hour in pleaſing reflection, like this we now enjoy. Ne'er viewed the beauties of the painted meads, or ſtrayed the plains to taſte the bliſs of health, or charms of ſocial converſation: but he has ſtolen into the grave, with a dull and ſordid mind, that ne'er would let him look up to the ſun. We left this conſecrated cloſe of meditation, and ſought our inn, eat our [9]breakfaſt, and made our way to Seven Oaks.

The country was beautifully variegated with hanging woods, that ſeemed to fringe the ſkirts of every hill; the vallies fertile, and were plentifully ſcattered over with flocks and herds; from every rood we made on either hand, we acquired ſome new object.

About fourteen miles from London we diſcovered a remarkable well; very wide, deep, and the water peerleſs, it was near the common road, and ſeemed to have been dug as a common convenience, to every needy thirſty traveller, that might chance to paſs that way. Near it ſat, on the [10] trunk of a bulky Elm, juſt felled, and lopped of all its branches, one who had juſt refreſhed himſelf from the cooling ſpring, by dipping in one corner of his hat, and drinking from the other. We accoſted him with enquiries, he made replies with civility; we found him more intelligent than we had reaſon to expect; he ſaid he lived in the neighbourhood, was an old inhabitant, and told us he had been informed, that the well we ſo much admired, was dug by the Romans for the uſe of one part of their army, that once was ſtationed near that ſpot; he then bid us obſerve a range of lofty trees at ſome diſtance, planted in the form of a creſcent; thoſe, he told us, were reared to perpetuate the ſituation in which their tents [11] were ſaid to have been ranged, and that thereabout was ſaid to have been fixed the ſtandard of one of their generals, but he honeſtly acknowledged he could not remember his name, ſaid he was fond of reading, had read much, but he was old, and his memory left him with his hairs.

We were pleaſed with his converſation, thanked him for the little piece of hiſtory he furniſhed us with, bid him a good morning, and made the beſt of our way to Riverhead, where we no ſooner wiſhed to reſt, than we found ourſelves invited by a whimſical illiterate triplet, written under the ſign of the maidenhead:

[12]
Gemmen if you have any
Pray ſtop and ſpend one penny
With poor Tom Lemmy.

The houſe is lowly, has a thatch'd roof, yet it is pleaſantly ſituated on a riſing ground, about ſixty paces from the road; the walls were built of clay, the landlord humble, and ſeems to place his dependance on cottage cuſtomers, or frugal country travellers; we paid our attention to the invitation on his ſign, aſked what he ſold, he told us, ale of his own brewing, and challenged the whole pariſh in reſpect to its good body, and ſound qualities; he ſometimes made an effort at a joke, therefore, we put him on his mettle, chafed him with rugged queſtions, but, we found from his replies, he was compoſed [13] of ſo ſoft a texture, that the coalition of his retorts, with our ſimple interrogatives, could not produce one ſpark of wit; then we ſate us down upon a bench under a ſpreading tree, that ſhades his houſe, taſted of his ale, which was very good, we praiſed it, but ſoon diſcovered, that though he had not much to boaſt of in reſpect of wit, he had more of cunning, for he adviſed us to have a ſecond tankard, which we refuſed; "What," ſays he, ‘"not any more? why, can you have too much of a good thing?"’ at which ſaying he was ſo pleaſed with himſelf, that he laughed immoderately; we told him we had drank ale enough, had ſwallowed too many bad jokes, and that when we might happen to come that [14] way again, we would thank him for his ale, but he might keep his wit for other company; this, we found, in ſome meaſure, ruffled the poor old man, ſo, to ſhew we did not mean to wage a war of words, we ſhook hands, and parted.

We arrived at Sevenoaks about noon, where we dined, took a ſurvey of the ancient ſeat of his Grace the Duke of Dorſet; the park is beautifully variegated with lakes and clamps of lofty trees, in different parts, very judiciouſly diſpoſed; the houſe has a venerable and magnificent appearance, but we had not an opportunity to ſee the interior excellences. The road, for ſome miles, is made uncommonly pleaſant by the [15] embowering trees that ſhelter it from the ſun; ſometimes from ſide to ſide they form a lofty arch, and then a break preſent [...] itſelf, and ſhews the houſe in a different point of view, furniſhing the traveller with a pleaſing variety of ſcenes.

We had walked almoſt to Tunbridge town, I believe it might have been at three miles diſtance, a guidepoſt was fixed at the corner of a lane, telling us it was a road to Tunbridge-Wells, but we ſoon found that it was a road that led us four or five miles out of our way; however, we arrived at a village about two miles out of the great high road; it was pleaſant, very retired, the inhabitants were exceeding ruſtic and civil; there was [16] a beautiful old church, a neat and decent place of entertainment; the ſun was near his ſetting, and the cricketers were at play upon a ſmooth and level green; the clack of the mill, and the ſign at the public houſe, brought to my remembrance the old ballad:

" At the ſign of the horſe, near the foot of the hill."

We refreſhed ourſelves here, and got inſtructed in our way to Tunbridge; the ſun was now gone down, it was about five miles we had to go through the moſt delightful meadows; the river was our guide, on the banks of which we walked, and found out Tunbridge, as Queen [17] Eleanor did her way through the meandering bower, by a clue of thread, ſo we by the winding ſtream;—the ſtars began to twinkle, the reed-ſparrows ſung upon the willows; at length the moon broke gravely through the clouds, and glimmered in the gliding ſtream.

When we arrived at the town of Tunbridge, we gave a good look-out for the beſt inn; we fixed upon one that wore the beſt external appearance, but as to the entertainment within, I believe I ſhall not be tempted to viſit it any more; we ordered ſupper, and out of many things, we hardly found one that was fit to eat; the wine ſo bad, that we contented ourſelves with making it into humble [18] negus, and improved it with lemon, water, and ſugar; our bed rooms dirty, as were our ſheets; our beds were hard: in the morning when we had eat a breakfaſt, compoſed of rank butter, coarſe ſugar, and ill-flavoured tea, the hoſteſs made a good concluſion, by bringing in a long and extravagant bill, which brought to our minds what Moody ſays in the Jubilee of Shakeſpeare; ‘"We had nothing to eat, and paid double for that too."’

We ſate off in the morning for the Wells, which are five miles from the town, which we had no ſooner left, than we found we had gradually to aſcend the road to the top of a hill for near two miles, which was [19] richly fertilized with corn, wood, and paſture; from the ſummit of which we had a moſt extenſive proſpect through moſt parts of Kent, part of Surry and Suſſex; the view was beautifully ornamented with different ſeats, ſurrounded with parks, villages, churches, with their taper ſpires, and glaſſy rivers gliſtening in their vallies. Walking on a few miles farther, through ſuch a country as I have deſcribed, we reached the gay, romantic, Tunbridge Wells.

They are in a bottom, ſurrounded by hills or mounts; Mount Ephraim, Mount Sion, Mount Miſery, &c. From the pump-room runs a terras of near a thouſand feet, on which is built a light and airy piazza, that [20] the gentry in rainy weather may walk and talk without being wet; under the piazza are ranged all kind of ſhops; bookſellers, confectioners, milleners, fruiterers, apothecaries, Tunbridge wares, &c. There are two ſets of public rooms, very handſome and convenient, Pinchbeck's and Fry's; likewiſe, an orcheſtra erected in the centre of the place, in which there is a tolerable band of muſic employed to play while the company are upon the walks; there ſeems to be a greater harmony in this than any other watering-place I know; perhaps this may proceed from its being more compact, that the company are brought more together than at any other place, or that the Maſter of the Ceremonies is a more ſenſible [21] man, or that he has leſs of a coxcomb about him than ſome I could mention, who would WADE through thick or thin to get to a gaming table, inſtead of attending to their company, or their friends; whatever it may proceed from, it is moſt certainly one of the pleaſanteſt and moſt agreeable places of its kind; there are two good inns, one I never viſited, but that which I made my quarters, (the Angel) had the moſt gentleman-like civil hoſt, I ever met with.

The lodging-houſes are whimſically ſeattered round the hills, ſome on a declivity, which open to the village with a pleaſing ſlope; each houſe has its grove, or garden annexed [22] to it: ſeveral perſonages of diſtinction make this their ſummer reſidence, having diſtinct and elegant villas of their own.

About a mile from the Wells there are a range of rocks, fantaſtically ranged; when you ſtand in the valley below them, they repreſent a fleet of ſtately men of war all abreaſt, bearing down upon the ſpectator; the tops of them are decorated with beautiful ſhrubs, and from out the different crannies ſhoot the birch and beach; from the ſummit of ſome ſtands towering a ſtately elm, which, with the aſſiſtance of a little fancy, may be often thought to bear a good reſemblance of a maſt, and the ſpreading branches hang like the [23] furled ſhrouds. They are moſtly ſeparated by different iſles or avenues; in ſome places they repreſent the ruins of an old cathedral. As we were paſſing through one of the avenues, we diſcovered the following inſcription, well chiſelled out upon one ſide of the rock, dated near an hundred years ago.

INSCRIPTION.
Stop, paſſenger, and read:
Beneath thy feet five fathom low,
Lies here entomb'd a beauteous beau,
He from the rock's dread ſummit fell,
Strike with thy ſtick and ring his knell.

We inſtantly ſtruck our canes againſt the ſides of the rock, and, whether it was from the droſſy nature of the ſtone, or from its reverberating [24] from ſome particular cell, we could not determine, however, it produced a ſound ſimilar to that of a bell. We climbed to the top, and took a full ſurvey of one of the moſt beautiful and romantic vallies we ever ſaw: the flocks were making to their fold; the moon was riſing majeſtically on the left, and a faint glimmering of the lamps at Tunbridge Wells, were ſeen upon our right: it was an aſſembly night, and we could ſometimes hear the buzzing of the gay beau monde, hurrying to their revels; the contraſted ſcenes urged me to reflection, and placing myſelf on the root of an old tree, near the corner of a rock, I pencilled down the following ſtanzas:

[25]
I.
Ye that groan beneath the weight
Of diſſipation, pride, and ſtate,
Condemn'd to walk thro' life's parade,
At rout, or drum, or maſquerade:
Ye that fain would pleaſure find,
Led by fortune, ever blind,
Come and ſit along with me,
Come and, taſte tranquillity.
II.
Or if chas'd by ſallow care,
Would you ſhun the hag deſpair,
Would you chearful health reſtore—
When advice can do no more,
Seek the freſh reviving breeze,
Or the fanning of the trees;
Come and ſit along with me,
Come and taſte tranquillity.
[26]III.
Ye that feel the pangs of love,
Come and murmur with the dove;
Shun the falſe ungrateful maid,
Seek the ſweet ſequeſter'd ſhade;
Let her ne'er behold thy tears.
Leave her,—Time the paſſion wears;
Come and ſit along with me,
Come and taſte tranquillity.
IV.
Ye that languiſh to regain
A breaking heart, or racking brain,
Drove by fortune, or by fate,
To a wild and frantic ſtate;
Or moping, wander like a loon,
Dreading oft the wayward moon;
Come and ſit along with me,
Come and taſte tranquillity.

[27]We took our leave of Tunbridge Wells, but had previouſly made enquiry of a farmer whom we met plodding near the rocks the preceding day, what accomodations he thought we might meet with at Boar's-headſtreet, a ſtraggling village five miles from the Wells, and in our road to Brighthelmſtone; he told us there was a maen good houſe, called the Boar's-head, and gave us to underſtand, the man who kept it was a friend of his, and would uſe us well if we made uſe of his name; we thanked him, and reſted confidently on his information; the weather was warm, ſo purpoſed getting there between tea and ſupper, to avoid, in ſome meaſure, the expence of lodging [28] at the Wells; for beds are dear, very dear, at this place: accordingly we ſat out, enjoying the ſweet ſerenity of the evening, and arrived at this ſeemingly deſerted village, about nine o'clock, comforting ourſelves that we had made an end of our journey; then enquired for the Boar's-head, which we, according to the farmer's tale, ſuppoſed a tolerable inn, but, to our mutual mortification, found it nothing but a humble pot houſe, and the landlord and his wife, for want of cuſtom, were gone to bed; however, we were determined not to be too precipitately prejudiced by external appearances, which is too generally the caſe, ſo knocked at the door, for our predicament made us flatter ourſelves, [29] it might be better than it ſeemed: as ſoon as we were heard, we were queſtioned by a female with a ragged head, peeping through as ragged a caſement, with, ‘"Who is there?"’ we told our buſineſs; ſhe replied, ‘"'Ifegs we've got no beds;"’ then, ſaid we, have you no wine? ‘"No, 'Ifegs, we have no commendation for gemmen:"’ we aſked her where we might expect to be accommodated: ‘"Oh ſir, a little farther there is a deſperate good houſe, called Crowberry Gate:"’ we aſked her how far ſhe might ſuppoſe it was to Crowborough Gate? ſhe replied, ‘"only four miles;"’ we, with an emphaſis of admiration, as well as mortification, cried, only four miles! ‘"no, indeed, gemmen, I'fegs it is [30] no more:"’ as we had no other alternative than purſuing our journey, we gulped the diſappointment like a bitter bolus, and made the beſt of our way to Crowborough Gate, though not without ſome fears, and from different cauſes; the one, that we might chance to miſs our way, and the other, that we might happen to be ſtopped upon the way; but the evening being very favourable, after croſſing an extenſive heath, ſuch a one, on which one might conceive Macbeth held converſe with the Witches, we reached Crowborough Gate; 'tis a lonely houſe; all were faſt aſleep within; we had no one to aſk whether it was the houſe to which we had been directed; or not; but looking at the ſign, which [31] we with difficulty diſtinguiſhed was a Crow and a Gate; the Crow was repreſented ſitting on the top; then making to the houſe, which we feared at firſt was uninhabited, perceived a label on the door, on which was written ‘"London Porter ſold here;"’ we knocked, but it was a long time before we could raiſe the ſoporific landlord; at length a window was thrown up, at which a head appeared with a topping like a buffalo, and voice like a bear or Caliban, crying, ‘"Who is at the door?"’ we told him we were benighted, were tired, and ſhould be glad of ſomething to eat, and a bed to reſt ourſelves: ‘"that may be, he cried, but I don't think it worth my while to let you in:"’ we importuned him much, [32] but found him obdurate, then aſked him what county we were in, to which he replied ‘"Suſſex, and a very good county too;"’ we were ſorry he had given us ſo bad a ſpecimen of it; however, we deſired him to acquaint us where there was any likelihood of getting proper entertainment: ‘"Where, ſaid he? why at the Uckfield;"’ which he gave us to underſtand was five miles farther; ‘"there you may chance to get in, they are up there all hours, ſo I wiſh you a good night."’

This ſtaggered our philoſophy, as our exerciſe had not only made us heartily wiſh to reſt, but had begot an appetite we wiſhed to gratify: this, ſaid my friend, is one of the [33] many viciſſitudes travellers often experience; let us comfort ourſelves with one conſolation which many in our preſent ſituation are not furniſhed with; though we have met with the want of humanity, we are not alſo in want of money; that, and daylight will bring us to ſome haven; the firſt will urge the induſtrious to open their doors, and the latter the moſt ſordid to open their hearts.

When we had, with weary paces, plodded about a mile from this inhoſpitable dwelling, the road, though it was night, was ſtill made darker by the gloomy curtain of a wood;—there was a friendly ſtile at the entrance of an avenue, that ſeemingly [34] meandered through the ſolemn ſhades; here we ſat and reſted for a while; the fluttering bat flew wantonly around our heads, the cricket ſung, the owl hooted to his fellow ſage; yet all contributed to form a pleaſing awful ſcene; here, ſimilar to the time, we quoted many a favourite verſe; from Shakeſpeare, Milton, Dryden, of our immortal bards of old;—there was a cottage oppoſite to where we ſate; the ſilence of the night was broke by the whimſical controverſy of its inhabitants; we could eaſily diſtinguiſh what they ſaid, and drawing nearer to the door, we found it was a curious curtain lecture, which a woman was delivering to her drowſy huſband; ſhe evidently diſcovered a perturbed ſpirit; her [35] huſband's conduct the preceding day would not let her reſt, for this was partly the diſcourſe;—‘"Ah, you can ſleep well-enough, and be hanged to you; a fine day's work you have made on't indeed; you have brought your pigs to a fine market; ſold only one poor ſack of wheat, and ſpent half the money by the way;"’ to which the huſband replied rather vociferouſly, ‘"What the devil, is the woman mad; can one have no reſt for you night nor day? I never brought my pigs to ſo bad a market as when I married you:"’ theſe words were but throwing ſpirits on the fire; reproach was anſwered by reproach, and as the weakeſt always falls to the ground, the wife was [36] tumbled out of bed; this raiſed the reſt of the family, who, with a friendly interference, convinced them they were both in the wrong; and after ſome little wailing of the wife, the huſband was ſoftened into pity, they kiſſed, and made it up, and we purſued our journey; when we reached Uckfield we were ſo tired, that we were determined to go no further. As we entered the town, the church clock ſtruck one; this directly brought to our fancy the firſt two lines in Young's Night Thoughts:

" The clock ſtrikes one!
" We take no note of time, but from its loſs."

[37] All ſeemed folded up in ſleep and ſilence; anon a cheering candle from a garret window, ſhot its feeble rays, and much attracted our attention; and leſt it ſhould unfortunately have been extinguiſhed before we reached the houſe in which it was, we made the beſt of our way; 'twas at the ſign of the Maidenhead; we knocked, and was immediately anſwered by a mild angelic voice from above; we aſked if we could be furniſhed with a ſupper and a bed; yes, replied the damſel, ‘"I'll go to my miſtreſs directly for the key:"’ no cry of a reprieve to a deſpairing criminal could have been received with greater welcome: preſently a murmuring we heard in her miſtreſs's [38] chamber; and, from her long delay of bringing down the key, we feared ſome obſtacle was raiſed by fate, ſtill to exerciſe our patience; and our conjectures were too directly verified; our little bird of hope returned, but ſang a different ſtrain; ‘"Gentlemen, I am very ſorry, ſorry indeed, but my miſtreſs ſays, ſhe will let in none to-night:"’ here I broke out into heroics; tell your miſtreſs, then, ſhe is inhuman, we will go no farther, we are tired, hungry, and benighted; my poor dog, too, is foot-ſore, and ſtill more hungry than ourſelves; he ſhall be my pillow, and here we will ſtay till morning; this had ſome effect, for we were deſired to ſtay for a moment, the hoſteſs was about revoking of her ſentence; but firſt [39] the hoſtler was ſent out to reconnoitre; his inſtructions, we plainly could conceive, were to notice our addreſs, and our attire; he ſaluted us with pity, the moſt contemptible ſpecimen of friendſhip; then admired the beauty and nobility of our dog, who would have brought the hoſtler on his firſt appearance to the ground, had not we prevented him; for his exterior character was truly groteſque; a woollen night cap, half drawn over a buſhy head of hair; a waggoner's frock thrown over his ſhoulders, was without ſtockings, but had on a pair of ſhoes that made a clattering like a troop of horſe: after he had ſatisfied himſelf with taking a full ſurvey of us and our dog, he ſaid he would try his miſtreſs [40] again, he did not ſee why ſhe might not let us in; he had not left us long, before he put his head out of the window, and, ſeemingly, with ſome pleaſure, cried, ‘"Gemmen, ſtay a moment, I'm coming down, I've got the key!"’ preſently the door was unlocked, which raiſed a moſt ecſtatic impulſe in our breaſts; 'twas a ſecond heaven; nothing but the key of St. Peter could have given greater bliſs. A cold collation, and a jug of humming ale was ſoon produced, which was crowned with a bouncing bottle of rich old Tawny Port; I need not ſay with what a zeſt we battened on our unexpected meal of luxury; but that we might not abuſe the indulgencies they had ſhewn, for ſo we thought them, we [41] went to our beds ſooner than we otherwiſe would have done; no peaſant from his long day's toil, ever ſounder ſlept; we did not riſe till twelve at noon; our anxieties, and our labours being over, we began already to reflect with pleaſure, on the viciſſitudes of the preceding day; how dearly we had purchaſed, and how heartily we received our meal; but we made it our firſt buſineſs to addreſs our hoſteſs with all the civilities we were maſters of, for her humanity, and for her indulging us with an admittance at ſo unſeaſonable an hour; but ſhe preſently overwhelmed our gratitude; "ah," ſaid ſhe, ‘"you have no occaſion to thank me ſo much for yourſelves, 'twas not for your ſake; I heard you had a [42] dog with you, I pitied him, therefore I let you in; oh, I'm vaſtly fond of dogs, and a fine fellow he is;"’ looking at him, and fawning on him all the while; this cauſed us to laugh immoderately; and made our dumb, but faithful companion, ſeem ſtill more valuable than ever; we breakfaſted at noon, on the beſt tea, ſugar, butter, cream, and rolls, that were ever put upon a table; then ordered a chaiſe to Lewes; we had the wilds of Suſſex in our view; a beautiful range of lofty mountains; the hedges on each ſide the road became more ſcanty, and the trees more ſcarce; when we arrived near the margin of the mightieſt hill, we mutually agreed to leave our chaiſe a while, and obtain the formidable [43] heighth; the turf which cloathed its bulky ſides was ſmooth and green, nibbled by the ſheep; the air was thinner ſtill, and thinner as we aſcended toward the top, and when we had obtained the ſummit, a ſweet refreſhing breeze reſtored us from our laſſitude; this was a novel ſcene, indeed; the ſea diſcloſed itſelf upon our left, and diſtant was the view on every ſide; in different parts were ſeen the careleſs ſhepherd, and his watchful cur, ſtretched upon the ground, while the harmleſs flock was feeding near his ſide. Lewes had a beautiful effect, the river gliſtening in the valley, the venerable caſtle mantled over with ivy, overlooked the town; this cauſed us to obſerve, that the very ſpot on which we ſtood, [44] ſo ſilent and ſerene, was once the ſeat of war; for here, in times of old, did many a Saxon, with a Briton fall; yon flinty walls ſtood many a ſiege, and all theſe plains were anarchy and uproar; but peace now reigns, and pure tranquillity; here we could have roamed the live-long day, but growing anxious for our journey's end, deſcended to our chaiſe, and made the beſt of our way to Brighthelmſtone; we went through Lewes; the town is beautiful, and erected on the declivity of a hill; the houſes chiefly built with flint, cut into ſquares, like bricks, and every houſe almoſt has its arbour of jeſſamine at the door; the inhabitants rich, but proud and booriſh; the women [45] handſome, but illiterate; the inns are ſpacious, but exorbitant; were it not for theſe obſtructions, I do not know a town that I would ſooner wiſh to make my reſidence. When we had got through Lewes, we preſently arrived at Brighthelmſtone, though we could ſee little of the town till we were cloſe upon its borders; the tranſition was great; the ſilent rural ſcene was now no more; the gay beau-monde were here aſſembled in all the hurry of a jubilee; the racket of the carriages, and the ruſhing of the ocean, made a glorious uproar; I had not been here a day, before my muſe began to wanton in my mind, and tumbled forth the following Poetical TAGG.

Appendix A []THE TAGG, OR BRIGHTHELMSTONE GUIDE.

[]

THE TAGG; OR BRIGHTHELMSTONE GUIDE.

Appendix A.1 To R. B—D, Eſq Oxford.

YOU ſay you vaſtly long to hear,
What great inducements we have here,
That coaxes all our courtiers down,
And half depopulates the town;
Like Bath, you think our ſtreets are fine,
Our ſquares and creſcents all divine;
You think our hills and vales produce
The pomgranate, or nectar juice:
[50] In rhime you aſk me to relate,
The wonders of its preſent ſtate:
Tho' you're a critic, yet I'll try
To give it you in poetry.
This town, or village of renown,
Like London Bridge, half broken down,
Few yers ago was worſe than Wapping,
Not fit for human ſoul to ſtop in;
But now, like to a worn-out ſhoe,
By patching well, the place will do.
You'd wonder much, I'm ſure, to ſee,
How it's becramm'd with quality:
Here Lords and Ladies oft carouſe
Together in a tiny houſe;
Like Joan and Darby in their cot,
With ſtool and table, ſpit and pot;
And what his valet would deſpiſe,
His lordſhip praiſes to the ſkies;
But ſuch the ton is, ſuch the caſe,
You'll ſee the firſt of rank or place,
With ſtar and riband, all profuſe,
Duck at his door-way like a gooſe:
[51] The humble beam was plac'd ſo low,
Perhaps to teach ſome clown to bow.
The air is pure as pure can be,
And ſuch an aſpect of the ſea!
As you, perhaps, ne'er ſaw before,
From off the ſide of any ſhore:
On one hand Ceres ſpread, her plain,
And on the other, o'er the main,
Many a bark majeſtic laves
Upon the ſalt and buoyant waves;
The hills all mantl'd o'er with green,
A friendly ſhelter to the Styene,
Whene'er the rugged Boreas blows,
Bemingled with unwelcome ſnows:
Such is the place and ſituation,
Such is the reigning ſeat of faſhion.

Appendix A.2 THE TABERNACLE.
To M. P. A. Eſq

[52]
YOU, perhaps, have not heard, that the Counteſs of Grace,
Has built a new Methodiſt houſe at this place;
You may chance to be ſav'd, if you hither ſhould come,
By a Cobler, a Taylor, a Tinker, or Groom.
[53] The firſt (for of late you have often been dull)
Will mend up that fractur'd old ſaucepan, your ſkull;
The ſecond will botch up the hole in your heart,
Which was rent by Miſs Nancy—when forc'd to depart;
The third, to preſerve your poor ſoul give his all;
The fourth will well litter you up in a ſtall,
Will bridle your conſcience, and ſaddle your ſoul,
And water your faith in a Whitſieldite bowl:
So, 'tween one and t'other, you'll unleav'n become,
And be rubb'd into bliſs by a heavenly groom.
Religion of old did the wiſeſt confound,
But now it's as clear as four crowns to a pound:
Arithmetic-like are all matters reveal'd
That ſo ſhamefully lay to paſt ages concealed;
[54] By tropes, or by figures we're all ſet to right,
And the cloud is expell'd that ſecluded the light:
If you'll patiently read it, I'll try to rehearſe,
A methodiſt ſermon—but take it in verſe,
That was preach'd by a taylor—believe me 'tis true,
They call'd him a Chriſtian—he look'd like a Jew;
His ſemblance beſpoke him as ſordid a dog,
As ever was ſeen at a Jew's Synagogue;
And thus he began to expound, and to preach,
Tho' he never was maſter of one part of ſpeech:
SERMON.
" My ſiſters and brothers, who hither come crying,
Whoſe practice is nothing but ſwearing and lying,
[55] Is it heaven you ſeek, your journey purſue,
You'll never get there—I'll be d—d if you do,
Except you ſet off on the wings of religion,
For religion's a dove, and a dove is a pidgeon:
Then daily come here, on your marrowbones fall,
Aſk me but for wings, and I'll pidgeon you all:
And if you would live, if you never would die,
Say, what can ſupport you like ſweet charity?
On charity's wings you will fly up to heaven,
I will venture to lay you twelve groats to eleven;
Then pull out your purſes, and give to the poor,
See, Peter ſtands ſtarving to death at the door;
[56] Ah! don't deny Peter, tho' Peter denied
His maſter, when once he in trouble eſpied,
And ſaw him ſurrounded in imminent danger,
He told a great fib, and he call'd him a ſtranger.
'Ere crows the next cock, you will all deny me,
I know by your faces I plainly can ſee;
I've not in the plate yet a penny heard fall,
Mark this! you'll be damn'd, ev'ry cock of you all;
And can't you afford it, have you no avocation?
Say no: oh, that no, is a ſweet palliation!
Why don't you contribute? or have you not any?
Had you rather be damn'd, than you'd part with a penny?
[57] You that here come with your faces ſo meek,
Who worſhip old Mammon the reſt of the week,
Some ſelling of one thing, or making another,
By cheating, and lying, and tricking, his brother,
Each makes up a purſe, then comes to this place,
All hoping to drink of the fountain of grace.
You'd be glad of ſome faith, for you hav'nt a jot,
And do you not find your poor tongues very hot?
Of faith, or of grace, not a drop left to cool ye,
Becauſe you will let that old Beelzebub rule ye:
But he that a penny to Peter ſhall pay,
I'll give him a bucket of faith ev'ry day:
He that feeds daily on conſerves and pickles,
And every hour his appetite tickles,
[58] He little now thinketh, becauſe he lives well,
What a pickle he'll be in, when burning in hell;
When bathing in brimſtone as hot as a heater,
He'll then wiſh he'd given his penny to Peter.
I've touch'd you, then, have I?—I've touch'd to the quick!
You'd forgot, then, that cunning old ſoulcatcher, Nick:
You did not then know of his fiery lakes,
How he ſpreads out his nets, and what trouble he takes;
Like a bird-catcher ſitting, conceal'd in a ditch,
As ſly as a ſox, and as foul as a witch;
Juſt like to that ſauc'reſs, that wicked offender,
You've often heard talk'd of, the old witch of Endore;
But I'll be your Generaliſſimo, I,
All his nets and his brimſtone I dare to deſy;
[59] This book is my ſhield, and my tongue is my ſpear,
I'll ſend him away with a flea in his ear."
When this he had ſaid, I could not ſtay longer,
My apprehenſions grew ſtronger and ſtronger,
Then out at the door I judiciouſly ſneak'd,
'Twas a thouſand to one but my pocket was pick'd.
I plainly could ſee thro' the farcical joke,
The preacher was clad in a myſtical cloak:
By ſnaring my heart, and by blinding my eyes,
He thought to deceive me in holy diſguiſe.

Appendix A.3 To the Rev. Mr. H—D.

[60]
I'VE juſt left a ſcene, and had you been preſent,
I'm ſure you'd have thought it was wonderous pleaſant.
T'other morn as my lady Fal-lal was at tea,
Juſt after ſhe'd pickl'd herſelf in the ſea,
She gap'd, and ſhe yawn'd, and ſaid it was ſtrange,
That the ſea ſhould have made ſuch a wonderful change:
She roſe to the glaſs her old treſſes to plume,
Then ſmil'd on herſelf, and ſhe fancied a bloom;
[61] Lord Saunter was there, like herſelf in decay,
Who came down to waſh all his humours away;
Pray my good lord, ſaid my lady Fal-lal,
Don't you think it a heaven, compar'd to Pall mall?
What tho' we've no park, nor a tree to be ſeen,
But yet there's that little ſweet level, the Styene.
'Tis a damnable town, ſays my lord, you'll agree,
But then, ſays my lady, my lord, there's the ſea.
Then, ſays my lord, in a jocular ſtrain,
I don't think I ever ſhall ſea it again.
At length then the thread of the ſubject to break,
My lady propos'd ſome excurſion to take;
For time ſeems to hang here moſt ſadly on hand,
Altho' it's the firſt-faſhion'd place in the land;
[62] Ods bobs, ſays my lord, there's a raffle on foot,
That's good, ſays my lady, ſo off they went to't:
You'd have laugh'd to have ſeen 'em, or amble or hop,
With a heart full of glee, to the bookſellers' ſhop;
The bookſellers ſhop is the change of this place,
From Sir Timothy Traffick, e'en up to his Grace;
For my lord-duke of Blenheim preferreth the Styene,
To a palace that's fit for a King or a Queen:
But the bookſeller's ſhop, I muſt tell all about it,
The place would be dull as a dunghill without it.
In a corner ſat little miſs Tit-up a leering,
And old lady Wiſhfor't ſat oppoſite ſneering,
[63] Sir Chriſtopher Croaker, with ſpindles ſo taper,
Sat ſquinting thro' ſpectacles over a paper;
Then all of a ſudden began he to croak,
This war with the Congreſs, by G-d is no joke;
Then addreſſing himſelf to a new-married dame,
Who was deeply engag'd with the Temple of Fame,
What think you, my lady?—I don't think at all,
Sir Chriſtopher Croaker, unleſs of a ball.
A-propos, ſhe continued, pray what do you ſay;
Now you talk of a ball, will you go to the play?
Sir Chriſtopher inſtantly, ſeiz'd with the dumps,
He threw down his paper, and took to his ſtumps:
[64] He wonder'd how people could e'er think of plays,
In theſe terrible, troubleſome, critical, days.
A new face appear'd in a ſmart riding hat;
The whiſper was inſtantly—Pray who is that?
'Tis miſs Molly Mundungus—"What fortune?" but ſmall;
" No perſon of rank, then?" no, nothing at all:
" Don't you think ſhe is pretty?" yes, without grace;
All beauty, you know, is not centr'd in face:
Do but obſerve how ſhe carries her arms,
And yet the poor ſimpleton fancies ſhe charms.
If ſhe looks for a fortune, cries one with a ſcoff.
She may wait till ſhe's tir'd before ſhe goes off.
[65] Though ſhe that ſaid this, will, perhaps, lay herſelf,
Until ſhe is muſty, upon the high ſhelf.
She was old, and as ugly as envy could make her,
As fine as a Bell-horſe, as ſtiff as a quaker:
And, what is ſtill worſe, I am ſorely afraid,
She's likely, poor lady, to die an old maid!
Miſs Mundungus came in, and a prettier face,
I'll venture to ſay, was ne'er ſeen in the place;
So dimpled, ſo blooming, ſo ſmiling, and young,
And then when ſhe ſpoke, ſuch a muſical tongue!
I could—that I could!—but I won't tell you now—
Odds-bobs, I'd forgot, there was Billy, the beau,
[66] With his R-ſe by his ſide, you ſcarcely would think it,
He preſented my lady Fal-lal with a trinket;
And then to miſs Tit-up began to make love,
And what was his paſſion?—to put on her glove!
One aſk'd the gay beau, why he ventur'd to roam,
And leave his dear Butter Patt [...]ighing at home?
He ſtraight took the hint, and cry'd, come my dear R-ſe,
And, mounting his whiſky, to London he goes.

Appendix A.4 To W. D—, Eſq Oxford.

[67]
YOU aſk me if I ſpend my day,
In the circle of the gay;
Or if greater pleaſures riſe,
From the ſylvan deities:
Liſten then, while I confeſs,
How I purchaſe happineſs.
'Tis not on the crouded Styene,
Where the great and proud are ſeen,
No, nor do I ever ſtoop,
Where the vari'gated group
Bend to Faſhion's airy ſhrine;
Such are no purſuits of mine.
But when Tyrra-lyrra ſings,
Spreading his ecſtatic wings;
[68] With ſome friend, or fav'rite book,
Near ſome fountain, or ſome brook,
There it is I take my ſeat,
There I always pleaſure meet.
Or where Ceres ſpreads the plain,
With her rich luxuriant grain,
Or Pomona's fruits invite,
Tempting of the raviſh'd ſight:
Oft the mountain's brow I tread,
Where the ſhepherd's care is ſpread,
Or the gradual heights aſcend,
View or proſpect to extend:
Plains or diſtant hills I ſpy,
Proudly tow'ring to the ſky,
Here a level, there a ſteep,
Or a winding river peep,
Shewing oft its glaſſy face,
In ſome unexpected place,
Till ſome mountain riſe between,
Vari'gating of the ſcene,
There it is I take my ſeat,
There I always pleaſure meet.
[69] Here, tho' coy to ſluggiſh wealth,
Sits the roſy god of health;
Here his fount for ever flows,
Ev'ry happy ſhepherd knows;
Here the gentle zephyrs ſpill
Their aromatics round each hill;
Here the liſtleſs nerve is brac'd,
Here the wonted bloom replac'd,
Robb'd by diſſipation's crew,
Here reſtores its native hue;
Then my friend attend to me,
Tread the margin of the ſea,
Seek the woodland or the lawn,
Or the hill at early dawn,
'Ere the thirſty ſun appears,
Tippling on nocturnal tears:
There it is I take my ſeat,
There it is I pleaſure meet.

Appendix A.5 A SYLVAN ODE,
Intended to have been performed one Moonlight Evening, to a Select Society, in the Grove at PRESTON, near BRIGHTHELMSTONE.

[70]
RECITATIVE:
COME ye gay illuſtrious train,
Rivals of the Cypraean queen,
This is now the golden reign,
Where each ſocial face is ſeen;
For ſallow Care
Ne'er enters here;
To the ſordid miſer's cell
He's ſure to hie,
With low'ring eye,
But dares not in this circle dwell.
[71]AIR:
Sons of Bacchus and Apollo,
Follow, follow, follow, follow,
Sylvans, Sylphs, and Faries come,
From hillock green, or cavern hollow;
Come and join the chearful throng,
In merry dance, or merry ſong;
Sylvans, Sylphs, and Fairies come,
Come, come along.
RECITATIVE.
With pearly veil,
Behold fair Cynthia mantles ev'ry tree,
The thriftieſt maiden of the vaulted ſky.
The Zephyrs riſe, and at their bidding, ſee
The tow'ring branches with their plumage high
Nod to the gale.
With what majeſtic homage they incline
To make this jocund ſcene, a ſcene divine.
[72]AIR:
To every cadence let echo return
Her ſoft ſwelling notes from her rockriven cave,
Let every boſom with rhapſody burn,
And the heart in a fountain of extacy lave;
Let every mountain, let every dell,
Return a ſoft echo to ſweet Philomel.
RECITATIVE:
Once more your tuneful voices raiſe,
Where'ere ye lay, where'ere ye rove,
On dreary heath, or woody maze,
Or in the lover-haunted grove.
Now tune the ſhell, or ſtrike the lyre,
Enforc'd by rich poetic fire.
And as you ſing, or as you play,
Be this the burthen of your lay.
CHORUS:
Let Peace for ever, ever ſmile,
Around this heaven-favour'd Iſle;
From Eaſt and Weſt this ſentence ſing,
" Protect her Beauties, and her King."
FINIS.
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TextGrid Repository (2020). TEI. 4926 A rural ramble to which is annexed a poetical tagg or Brighthelmstone guide By G S Carey. University of Oxford Text Archive. . https://hdl.handle.net/21.T11991/0000-001A-5C17-4