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THE ADVENTURES OF Roderick Random.

Et genus & virtus, niſi cum re, vilior alga eſt. HOR.

VOL. II.

LONDON: Printed for J. OSBORN in Pater-noſter-Row. MDCCXLVIII.

THE CONTENTS OF THE SECOND VOLUME.

[iii]

CHAP. XXXVII. We depart for Europe—a miſunderſtanding ariſes between the cap⯑tain and ſurgeon, through the ſcandalous aſper⯑ſions of Crampley—the captain dies—Cramp⯑ley tyrannizes over the ſurgeon, who falls a victim to his cruelty—I am alſo ill uſed—the ſhip ſtrikes—the behaviour of Crampley and the ſeamen on that occaſion—I get on ſhore, chal⯑lenge the captain to ſingle combat—am treach⯑erouſly knocked down, wounded and robbed. p. 1
CHAP. XXXVIII. I get up, and crawl in⯑to a barn, where I am in danger of periſhing thro' the fear of the country people—their in⯑humanity—I am ſuccoured by a reputed witch—her ſtory—her advice—ſhe recommends me as a valet to a ſingle lady, whoſe character ſhe explains.
CHAP. XXXIX. My reception by that lady—I become enamoured of Narciſſa—recount the particulars of my laſt misfortune—acquire the good opinion of my miſtreſs—an account of the young 'Squire—I am made acquainted with more particulars of Narciſſa's ſituation—conceive [iv] a mortal hatred againſt Sir Timothy—I examine my lady's library and perfor⯑mances—her extravagant behaviour. p. 18
CHAP. XL. She is ſurprized at my learn⯑ing—communicates her performances to me—I impart ſome of mine to her—am morti⯑fied at her faint praiſe—Narciſſa approves of my production—I gain an involuntary conqueſt over the cook-wench and dairy-maid—their mutual reſentment and inſinuations—the jea⯑louſy of their lovers. p. 27
CHAP. XLI. Narciſſa being in danger from the brutality of Sir Timothy, is reſeued by me, who revenge myſelf on my rival—I declare my paſſion, and retreat to the ſea-ſide—I am ſurrounded by ſmugglers, and carried to Bul⯑loign—I find my uncle lieutenant Bowling, in great diſtreſs, and relieve him—our conver⯑ſation. p. 35
CHAP. XLII. He takes his paſſage in a Cut⯑ter for Deal—we are accoſted by a Prieſt, who proves to be a Scottiſhman—his profeſſions of friendſhip—he is affronted by the lieute⯑nant, who afterwards appeaſes him by ſubmiſ⯑ſion—my uncle embarks—I am introduced by the prieſt to a capuchin, in whoſe company I ſet out for Paris—the character of my fellow⯑traveller—an adventure on the road—I am ſhocked at his behaviour. p. 47
CHAP. XLIII. We lodge at a houſe near Amiens, where I am robbed by the capuchin, who eſcapes while I am aſleep—I go to Noyons in ſearch of him, but without ſucceſs—I make my condition known to ſeveral people, but find no relief—I grow deſperate—join a company of ſoldiers—inliſt in the regi⯑ment of Picardy—we are ordered into Ger⯑many—I [v] find the fatigues of the march almoſt intolerable—quarrel with my comerade in a diſpute upon politicks—he challenges me into the field, wounds and diſarms me. p. 56
CHAP. XLIV. The Gaſcon does not uſe his victory with all the moderation that might have been expected—In order to be revenged I learn the ſcience of Defence—we join Marechal Duc de Noailles—are en⯑gaged with the allies at Dettingen, and put to flight—the behaviour of the French ſoldiers on that occaſion—I induſtriouſly ſeek another combat with the old Gaſcon, and vanquiſh him in my turn—our regiment is put into winter-quarters at Rheims, where I find my friend Strap—our recognition—he ſupplies me with money, and procures my diſcharge—we take a trip to Paris; from whence we ſet out for London by the way of Flanders, where we ſafely arrive. p. 65
CHAP. XLV. I enquire about my uncle, and underſtand he is gone to ſea—take lodg⯑ings at Charing-croſs—go to the Play, where I meet with an adventure—I go to an ordi⯑nary; the gueſts deſcribed—become acquainted with Medlar and doctor Wagtail. p. 80
CHAP. XLVI. Wagtail introduces me to a ſet of fine gentlemen, with whom I ſpend the evening at a tavern—our converſation—the characters of my new companions—the doctor is roaſted—the iſſue of our debauch. 99
CHAP. XLVII. Strap communicates to me a conqueſt he had made on a chandler's widow—finds himſelf miſerably miſtaken—I go to the opera—admire Melinda—am cautioned by Banter—go to the aſſembly at Hampſtead—dance with that young lady—receive an inſo⯑lent meſſage from Bragwell, whoſe mettle is [vi] ſoon is cooled—am in favour with my miſtreſs, whom I viſit next day; and am bubbled out of eighteen guineas at cards—Strap triumphs at my ſucceſs, but is aſtoniſhed at my expence—Banter comes to my lodging, is very ſar⯑caſtic at my expence, and borrows five guineas from me, as a proof his friendſhip. p. 114
CHAP. XLVIII. We repair to the coffee⯑houſe, where we overhear a curious diſpute between Wagtail and Medlar, which is refer⯑red to our deciſion—the doctor gives us an ac⯑count of his experiment—Medlar is roaſted by Banter at the ordinary—the old gentleman's advice to me. p. 126
CHAP. XLIX. I receive a challenge—the con⯑ſequences of it—the quarrel being made up, I am put in arreſt, by the care and affection of Strap—but immediately releaſed upon explaining my affair—the behaviour of Mr. Oregan and his two friends—I viſit Melinda, whom I divert with an account of the duel—I propoſe marriage—ſhe refers the matter to her mother, of whom I make a ſolemn demand of her daughter—the old lady's behaviour—I am diſ⯑carded, reſent their diſdain. p. 132
CHAP. L. I long to be revenged on Melinda—apply to Banter for his aſſiſtance—he con⯑ceives a ſcheme for that purpoſe, which is put in execution with great ſucceſs—I make an attempt on the heart of Miſs Gripewell, but am diſ⯑appointed—I grow melancholy at my diſap⯑pointment, and have recourſe to the bottle—receive a billet doux—am raviſhed with the contents—find myſelf involved in an intrigue, which I imagined would make my fortune—am confounded at my miſtake, which baniſhes all thoughts of matrimony. p. 143
[vii] CHAP. LI. I cultivate an acquaintance with two noblemen—am introduced to Earl Strut⯑well—his kind promiſe and invitation—the behaviour of his porter and lacquey—he receives me with an appearance of uncommon affection—undertakes to ſpeak in my behalf to the miniſter—informs me of his ſucceſs, and wiſhes me joy—introduces a converſation about Petronius Arbiter—falls in love with my watch, which I preſs upon him—I make a preſent of a diamond ring to Lord Stradle—impart my good fortune to Strap, and Banter, who diſa⯑buſes me, to my utter mortification. p. 157
CHAP. LII. I attempt to recover my watch and jewel, but to no purpoſe—reſolve to revenge myſelf on Strutwell by my importunity—am re⯑duced to my laſt guinea—obliged to inform Strap of my neceſſity, who is almoſt diſtracted with the news—but nevertheleſs obliged to pawn my beſt ſword for preſent ſubſiſtence—that ſmall ſupply being near exhauſted, I am almoſt ſtu⯑pified with my misfortunes—go to the gaming table, by the advice of Banter, and come off with unexpected ſucceſs—Strap's extacy—Mrs. Gawkey waits upon me, profeſſes remorſe for her perfidy, and implores my aſſiſtance—I do my⯑ſelf a piece of juſtice by her means, and after⯑wards reconcile her to her father. p. 169
CHAP. LIII. I purchaſe new cloaths—repri⯑mand Strutwell and Straddle—Banter propoſes another matrimonial ſcheme—I accept of his terms—ſet out for Bath in a ſtage-coach, with the young lady and her mother—the behaviour of an officer and lawyer, our fellow travellers, deſcribed—a ſmart dialogue between my miſtreſs and the captain. p. 181
[viii] CHAP. LIV. Day breaking, I have the plea⯑ſure of viewing the perſon of miſs Snapper, whom I had not ſeen before—the ſoldier is witty upon me—is offended, talks much of his valour—is reprimanded by a grave gentlewoman—we are alarmed with the cry of highwaymen—I get out of the coach, and ſtand on my deſence—they ride off without having attacked us—I purſue them—one of them is thrown from his horſe and taken—I return to the coach—am complimented by Miſs Snapper—the cap⯑tain's behaviour on this occaſion—the prude re⯑proaches me in a ſoliloquy—I upbraid her in the ſame manner—the behaviour of Mrs. Snap⯑per at breakfaſt, diſobliges me—the lawyer is witty upon the officer, who threatens him. p. 190
CHAP. LV. I reſolve to ingratiate myſelf with the mother, and am favoured by accident—the preciſe lady finds her huſband, and quits the coach—the captain is diſappointed of his dinner—we arrive at Bath—I accompany Miſs Snap⯑per to the Long-Room, where ſhe is attacked by beau N—h, and turns the laugh againſt him—I make love to her and receive a check—I ſquire her to an aſſembly, where I am bleſt with a ſight of my dear Narciſſa, which diſ⯑compoſes me ſo much, that Miſs Snapper, ob⯑ſerving my diſorder, is at pains to diſcover the cauſe—is picqued at the occaſion, and in our way home, pays me a ſarcaſtic compliment—I am met by Miſs Williams, who is maid and confidante of Narciſſa—ſhe acquaints me with her lady's regard for me while under the diſguiſe of a ſervant, and deſcribes the tranſports of Nar⯑ciſſa on ſeeing me at the aſſembly in the cha⯑racter of a gentleman—I am ſurprized with an account of her aunt's marriage, and make an [ix] appointment to meet Miſs Williams next day. p. 200
CHAP. LVI. I become acquainted with Nar⯑ciſſa's brother, who invites me to his houſe—where I am introduced to that adorable crea⯑ture—after dinner, the Squire retires to take his nap—Freeman gueſſing the ſituation of my thoughts, withdraws likewiſe on pretence of buſineſs—I declare my paſſion for Narciſſa—am well received—charmed with her converſa⯑tion—the Squire detains us to ſupper—I elude his deſign by a ſtratagem, and get home ſober. p. 213
CHAP. LVII. Miſs Williams informs me of Narciſſa's approbation of my flame—I appeaſe the Squire—write to my miſtreſs, am bleſſed with an anſwer—beg leave of her brother to dance with her at a ball; obtain his conſent and her's—enjoy a private converſation with her—am perplexed with reflections—have the ho⯑nour of appearing her partner at the ball—we are complimented by a certain nobleman—he diſcovers ſome ſymptoms of paſſion for Narciſſa—I am ſtung with jealouſy—Narciſſa alarmed, retires—I obſerve Melinda in the company—the Squire is captivated by her beauty. p. 226
CHAP. LVIII. Tortured with jealouſy, I go home and abuſe Strap—receive a meſſage from Narciſſa, in conſequence of which, I haſten to her apartment, where her endearing aſſurances baniſh all my doubts and apprehen⯑ſions—in my retreat I diſcover ſomebody in the dark, whom, ſuſpecting to be a ſpy, I reſolve to kill: but to my great ſurprize, am convinced of his being no other than Strap—Melinda ſlanders me—I become acquainted with Lord Quiverwit, who endeavours to ſound me with [x] regard to Narciſſa—the Squire is introduced to his lordſhip, and grows cold towards me—I learn from my confidante, that this nobleman profeſſes honourable love to my miſtreſs, who continues faithful to me, notwithſtanding the ſcandalous report ſhe has heard to my prejudice—I am mortified with an aſſurance that her whole fortune depends upon the pleaſure of her brother—Mr. Freeman condoles me on the decline of my character, which I vindicate ſo much to his ſatisfaction, that he undertakes to combat fame in my behalf. p. 238
CHAP. LIX. I receive an extraordinary meſ⯑ſage at the door of the Long Room, which I however enter, and affront the Squire, who threatens to take the law of me—I rebuke Me⯑linda for her malice—ſhe weeps with vexation—Lord Quiverwit is ſevere upon me—I retort his ſarcaſm—am received with the utmoſt ten⯑derneſs by Narciſſa, who deſires to hear the ſtory of my life—we vow eternal conſtancy to one another—I retire—am waked by a meſ⯑ſenger, who brings a challenge from Qui⯑verwit, whom I meet, engage, and vanquiſh. p. 246
CHAP. LX. I am viſited by Freeman, with whom I appear in publick, and am careſſed—I am ſent for by Lord Quiverwit, whoſe preſence I quit in a paſſion—Narciſſa is carried off by her brother—I intend to purſue him, and am diſſuaded by my friend—I engage in play, and loſe all my money—ſet out for Lon⯑don—try my fortune at the gaming-table, without ſucceſs—receive a letter from Narciſſa—bilk my taylor. p. 255
CHAP. LXI. I am arreſted—carried to the Marſhalſea—find my old acquaintance beau [xi] Jackſon in that jail—he informs me of his ad⯑ventures—Strap arrives, and with difficul⯑ty is comforted—Jackſon introduces me to a poet—I admire his converſation and capacity—am deeply affected with my misfortune—Strap hires himſelf as a journeyman-barber, p. 265
CHAP. LXII. I read Melopoyn's tragedy, and conceive a vaſt opinion of his genius—he recounts his adventures. p. 274
CHAP. LXIII. The continuation and con⯑cluſion of Mr. Melopoyn's ſtory. p. 286
CHAP. LXIV. I am ſeized with a deep me⯑lancholy, and become a ſloven—I am relieved by my uncle—he prevails upon me to en⯑gage with his owners, as ſurgeon of the ſhip which he commands—he makes me a conſi⯑derable preſent—entertains Strap as his ſteward—I take my leave of my friends, and go on board—the ſhip arrives at the Downs. p. 303
CHAP. LXV. I ſet out for Suſſex—conſult Mrs. Sagely—atchieve an interview with Nar⯑ciſſa—return to the ſhip—we get clear of the channel—I learn our deſtination—we are chaced by a large ſhip—the company are diſ⯑mayed, and encouraged by the captain's ſpeech—our purſuer happens to be an Engliſh man of war—we arrive on the coaſt of Guinea, pur⯑chaſe 400 negroes, ſail for Paraguay, get ſafe into the river of Plate, and ſell our cargo to great advantage. p. 313
CHAP. LXVI. I am invited to the Villa of a Spaniſh Don, where we meet with an Engliſh gentleman, and make a very intereſting diſcovery—we leave Buenos Ayres, and arrive at Jamaica. p. 325
[xii] CHAP. LXVII. I viſit my old friend Thom⯑ſon—we ſet ſail for Europe, meet with an odd adventure—arrive in England—I ride acroſs the country from Portſmouth to Suſſex—con⯑verſe with Mrs. Sagely, who informs me of Narciſſa's being in London—in conſequence of this intelligence, I proceed to Canterbury—meet with my old friend Morgan—arrive at London—viſit Narciſſa—introduce my father to her—he is charmed with her good ſenſe and beauty—we come to a determination of de⯑manding her brother's conſent to our marriage. p. 337
CHAP. LXVIII. My father makes a preſent to Narciſſa—the letter is diſpatched to her bro⯑ther—I appear among my acquaintance—Banter's behaviour—the Squire refuſes his con⯑ſent—my uncle comes to town—approves of my choice—I am married—we meet the Squire and his lady at the play—our acquain⯑tance is courted. p. 351
CHAP. LXIX. My father intends to reviſit the place of his nativity—we propoſe to ac⯑company him—my uncle renews his will in my favour, determines to go to ſea again—we ſet out for Edinburgh—purchaſe our paternal e⯑ſtate—proceed to it—halt at the town where I was educated—take up my bond to Crab—the behaviour of Potion and his wife, and of my female couſins—our reception at the eſtate—Strap marries Miſs Williams, and is ſettled by my father to his own ſatisfaction—I am more and more happy. p. 360

[1] THE ADVENTURES OF RODERICK RANDOM.

CHAP. XXXVII.

We depart for Europe—a miſunderſtanding ariſes between the captain and ſurgeon, through the ſcandalous aſperſions of Cramp⯑ley—the captain dies—Crampley tyran⯑nizes over the ſurgeon, who falls a victim to his cruelty—I am alſo ill uſed—the ſhip ſtrikes—the behaviour of Crampley and the ſeamen on that occaſion.—I get on ſhore, challenge the captain to ſingle combat—am treacherouſly knocked down, wounded and robbed.

NOW that I could return to my native country in a creditable way, I felt exceſ⯑ſive pleaſure in finding myſelf out of ſight of that fatal iſland, which has been the grave of [2] ſo many Europeans; and as I was accommoda⯑ted with every thing to render the paſſage agree⯑able, I reſolved to enjoy myſelf as much as the inſolence of Crampley would permit.—This in⯑ſidious ſlanderer had found means already to cauſe a miſunderſtanding between the ſurgeon and captain, who by his age and infirmities was ren⯑dered intolerably peeviſh, his diſpoſition having alſo been ſowred by a long courſe of diſappointments, and had a particular averſion to all young men, eſpecially to ſurgeons, whom he conſidered as un⯑neceſſary animals on board of a ſhip.—In con⯑ſequence of theſe ſentiments, he never conſulted the doctor, notwithſtanding his being ſeized with a violent fit of the gout and gravel, but applied to a caſk of Holland-gin, which was his ſovereign preſcription againſt all diſtempers: But whether he was at this time too ſparing, or took an over⯑doſe of his cordial, certain it is, he departed in the night, without any ceremony, which indeed was a thing he always deſpiſed, and was found ſtiff, next morning, to the no ſmall ſatisfaction of Crampley, who ſucceeded to the command of the veſſel.—For that very reaſon, Mr. Tomlins and I had no cauſe to rejoice at this event, fearing that the tyranny of our new commander would now be as unlimited as his power.—The firſt day of his command juſtified our apprehenſion: For on pretence that the decks were too much crowded, he ordered the ſurgeon's hen-coops, with all his fowls, to be thrown over-board; and at the ſame time, prohibited him and me from appearing on the quarter-deck. Mr. Tomlins could not help complaining of theſe injuries, and in the courſe of his expoſtulation dropped ſome haſty words, of which Crampley taking hold, [3] confined him to his cabbin, where, in a few days, for want of air, he was attacked by a fever, which ſoon put an end to his life, after having made his will, by which he bequeathed all his eſtate, perſonal and real, to his ſiſter; and left to me his watch and inſtruments, as remembrances of his friendſhip.—I was penetrated with grief on this melancholy occaſion! the more becauſe there was no body on board, to whom I could communicate my griefs, or of whom I could receive the leaſt conſolation or advice.—Crampley was ſo far from diſcovering the leaſt remorſe for his barbarity, at the news of the ſurgeon's death, that he inſulted his memory in the moſt abuſive manner, and af⯑firmed he had poiſoned himſelf out of pure fear, dreading to be brought to a court-martial for mu⯑tiny; for which reaſon, he would not ſuffer the ſervice of the dead to be read over his body be⯑fore it was thrown over-board.

Nothing but a ſpeedy deliverance could have ſupported me under the brutal ſway of this ba⯑ſhaw; who to render my life the more irkſome, ſignified to my meſs-mates, a deſire that I ſhould be expelled from their ſociety.—This was no ſooner hinted, than they granted his requeſt; and I was fain to eat in a ſolitary manner by myſelf during the reſt of the paſſage, which however ſoon drew to a period.

We had been ſeven weeks at ſea, when the gunner told the captain, that by his reckoning we muſt be in ſoundings, and deſired he would order the lead to be heaved.—Crampley ſwore, he did not know how to keep the ſhip's way, for we were not within a hundred leagues of ſound⯑ings, and therefore he would not give himſelf the trouble to caſt the lead.—Accordingly, we con⯑tinued [4] our courſe all that afternoon and night, without ſhortening ſail, although the gunner pre⯑tended to diſcover Scilly light; and next morning proteſted in form againſt the captain's conduct; for which he was put in confinement.—We diſ⯑covered no land all that day, and Crampley was ſtill ſo infatuated as to neglect ſounding: But at three o' clock in the morning, the ſhip ſtruck, and remained faſt on a ſand bank. This accident alarmed the whole crew; the boat was imme⯑diately hoiſted out, but as we could not diſcern which way the ſhore lay, we were obliged to wait for day-light. In the mean time, the wind in⯑creaſed, and the waves beat againſt the ſloop with ſuch violence, that we expected ſhe would have gone to pieces. The gunner was releaſed and conſulted: He adviſed the captain to cut a⯑way the maſt, in order to lighten her; this was performed without ſucceſs: The ſailors ſeeing things in a deſperate ſituation, according to cuſtom, broke up the cheſts belonging to the officers, dreſſed themſelves in their cloaths, drank their liquors without ceremony; and drunken⯑neſs, tumult, and confuſion enſued.—In the midſt of this uproar, I went below to ſecure my own effects; and found the carpenter's mate he wing down the purſer's cabbin with his hatchet, whiſtling all the while, with great compoſure. When I aſked his intention in ſo doing, he re⯑plied very calmly, ‘"I only want to taſte the purſer's rum, that's all, maſter."—’At that inſtant the purſer coming down, and ſeeing his effects going to wreck, complained bitterly of the injuſtice done to him, and aſked the fellow what occaſion he had for liquor, when in all likelihood he would be in eternity in a few mi⯑nutes. [5] ‘"All's one for that (ſaid the plunderer) let us live while we can.—Miſerable wretch that thou art! (cried the purſer) what muſt be thy lot in the other world, if thou dieſt in the commiſſion of robbery?"—’ ‘"Why, hell, I ſuppoſe, (replied the other, with great deliberation,)"’ while the purſer fell on his knees and begged of heaven that we might not all periſh for the ſake of one Jonas.—During this dialogue, I cloathed myſelf in my beſt apparel, girded on my hanger, ſtuck my piſtols loaded in my belt, diſpoſed of all my valuable moveables about my perſon, and came upon deck, with a reſolution of taking the firſt opportunity to get on ſhore, which, when the day broke, appeared at the diſtance of three miles a-head.—Crampley finding his efforts to get the ſhip off ineffectual, determined to conſult his own ſafety, by going into the boat, which he had no ſooner done, than the ſhip's company followed ſo faſt, that ſhe would have ſunk along-ſide, had not ſome one wiſer than the reſt cut the rope and put off.—But before this happened, I had made ſeveral attempts to get in, and was always baulked by the captain, who was ſo eager in excluding me, that he did not mind the endeavours of any other body.—Enraged at this inhuman partiality, and ſeeing the rope cut, I pulled one of my piſtols from my belt, and cocking it, ſwore I would ſhoot any man who ſhould preſume to ob⯑ſtruct my entrance. So ſaying, I leaped with my full exertion, and got on board of the boat with the loſs of the ſkin of one of my ſhins.—I chanced in my deſcent to overturn Crampley, who no ſooner got up than he ſtruck at me ſeve⯑ral times with a cutlaſs, and ordered the men to [6] throw me overboard; but they were too anxious about their own ſafety to mind what he ſaid.—Though the boat was very deeply loaded, and the ſea terribly high, we made ſhift to get upon dry land in leſs than an hour after we parted from the ſloop.—As ſoon as I ſet foot on terra firma, my indignation, which had boiled ſo long within me, broke out againſt Crampley, whom I immediately challenged to ſingle combat, pre⯑ſenting my piſtols, that he might take his choice: He took one without heſitation, and before I could cock the other fired in my face throwing the piſtol after the ſhot.—I felt myſelf ſtun⯑ned, and imagining the bullet had entered my brain, diſcharged mine as quick as poſſible, that I might not die unrevenged; then flying upon my antagoniſt, knocked out ſeveral of his fore-teeth with the but-end of the piece; and would certainly have made an end of him with that inſtrument, had he not diſengaged him⯑ſelf, and ſeized his cutlaſs, which he had given to his ſervant when he received the piſtol. Seeing him armed in this manner, I drew my hanger, and having flung my piſtol at his head, cloſed with him in a tranſport of fury, and thruſt my weapon into his mouth, which it enlarged on one ſide to his ear.—Whether the ſmart of this wound diſconcerted him, or the unevenneſs of the ground made him reel, I know not, but he ſtag⯑gered ſome paces back: I followed cloſe, and with one ſtroke cut the tendons of the back of his hand, upon which his cutlaſs dropt, and he remained defenceleſs.—I know not with what cruelty my rage might have inſpired me, if I had not at that inſtant, been felled to the ground by a blow on the back part of my head, which deprived me [7] of all ſenſation.—When I received the uſe of my underſtanding, I found myſelf alone in a de⯑ſolate place, ſtript of my cloaths, money, watch, buckles, and every thing but my ſhoes, ſtockings, breeches, and ſhirt.—What a diſcovery muſt this be to me, who but an hour before, was worth ſixty guineas in caſh! I curſed the hour of my birth, the parents that gave me being, the ſea that did not ſwallow me up, the poignard of the enemy, which could not find the way to my heart, the villainy of thoſe who had left me in that miſerable condition, and in the exſtacy of de⯑ſpair, reſolved to lie ſtill where I was and periſh.

CHAP. XXXVIII.

I get up, and crawl into a barn, where I am in danger of periſhing thro' the fear of the country people—their inhumanity—I am ſuccoured by a reputed witch—her ſtory—her advice—ſhe recommends me as a valet to a ſingle lady, whoſe charac⯑ter ſhe explains.

BUT as I lay ruminating, my paſſion inſenſi⯑bly abated; I conſidered my ſituation in quite another light from that in which it appeared to me at firſt, and the reſult of my deliberation was to get up if I could, and crawl to the next inhabited place for aſſiſtance.—With ſome diffi⯑culty I got upon my legs, and having examined my body, found I had received no other injury than two large contuſed wounds, one on the [8] fore and another on the hinder part of my head; which ſeemed to be occaſioned by the ſame wea⯑pon; namely, the butt-end of a piſtol. I looked towards the ſea, but could diſcern no remains of the ſhip; which made me conclude ſhe had gone to pieces, and that thoſe who remained in her had periſhed: But, as I afterwards learned, the gunner, who had more ſagacity than Crampley, obſerving that it was flood when we left her, and that ſhe would poſſibly float at high-water, made no noiſe about getting on ſhore, but con⯑tinued on deck, in hopes of bringing her ſafe in⯑to ſome barbour, after the commander had de⯑ſerted her, for which he expected, no doubt, to be handſomely rewarded.—This he accordingly performed, and was promiſed great things by the admiralty for ſaving his Majeſty's ſhip; but I never heard he reaped the fruits of his expecta⯑tion.—As for my own part, I directed my courſe towards a ſmall cottage I perceived, and in the road picked up a ſea-man's old jacket, which I ſuppoſe the thief who dreſſed himſelf in my cloaths, had thrown away; this was a very com⯑fortable acquiſition to me, who was almoſt ſtiff with cold: I therefore put it on, and as my na⯑tural heat revived, my wounds, which had left off bleeding, burſt out afreſh; ſo that finding my⯑ſelf exceſſively exhauſted, I was about to lie down in the fields, when I diſcovered a barn on my left hand, within a few yards of me; thi⯑ther I made ſhift to ſtagger, and finding the door open, went in, but ſaw no body; upon which I threw myſelf upon a truſs of ſtraw, hoping to be ſoon relieved by ſome perſon or other.—I had not lain here many minutes, when I ſaw a country⯑man come in with a pitch-fork in his hand, [9] which he was upon the point of thruſting into the ſtraw that concealed me, and in all probabi⯑lity would have done my buſineſs, had I not ut⯑tered a dreadful groan, after having eſſayed in vain to ſpeak.—This melancholy note alarmed the clown, who ſtarted back, and diſcovering a body all beſmeared with blood, ſtood trembling, with the pitch-fork extended before him, his hair erect, his eyes ſtaring, his noſtrils dilated, and his mouth wide open.—At another time, I ſhould have been much diverted with this figure, which preſerved the ſame attitude very near a quarter of an hour, during which time I made many un⯑ſucceſsful efforts to implore his compaſſion and aſſiſtance; but my tongue failed me, and my language was only a repetition of groans: At length an old man arrived, who ſeeing the other in ſuch a poſture, cried, ‘"Mercy upon en! the leaad's bewitch'd!—why dick, beeſt thou be⯑ſayd thyſelf?"—’Dick, without moving his eyes from the object that terrified him, replied, ‘"O vather! vather! here be either the devil or a dead mon: I doan't know which o'en, but a groans woundily."—’The father, whoſe eye-ſight was none of the beſt, pulled out his ſpec⯑tacles, and having applied them to his noſe, re⯑connoitred me over his ſon's ſhoulder: But no ſooner did he behold me, than he was ſeized with a fit of ſhaking, even more violent than Dick's, and with a broken accent addreſſed me thus: ‘"In the name of the Vather, Zun, and Holy Ghoſty, I charge you an you been Satan to begone to the Red-Zea; but an you be a moordered mon, ſpeak, that you may have a chriſtom burial."—’As I was not in a condition to ſatisfy him in this particular, he repeated his conjuration to no pur⯑poſe; [10] and they continued a good while in the agonies of fear.—At length the father propoſed, that the ſon ſhould draw nearer and take a more diſtinct view of the apparition; but Dick was of opinion that his father ſhould advance firſt, as being an old man paſt his labour, and if he re⯑ceived any miſchief, the loſs would be the ſmaller; whereas he himſelf might eſcape, and be uſeful in his generation.—This prudential reaſon had no effect upon the ſenior, who ſtill kept Dick between me and him.—In the mean time I en⯑deavoured to raiſe one hand as a ſignal of diſtreſs, but had only ſtrength ſufficient to cauſe a ruſtling among the ſtraw, which diſcompoſed the young peaſant ſo much, that he ſprung out at the door, and overthrew his father in his flight.—The old gentleman would not ſpend time in getting up, but crawled backwards like a crab, with great ſpeed, till he had got over the threſhold, mum⯑bling exorciſms all the way.—I was exceedingly mortified to find myſelf in danger of periſhing through the ignorance and cowardice of theſe clowns; and felt my ſpirits decay apace, when an old woman entered the barn, followed by the two fugitives, and with great intrepidity ad⯑vanced to the place where I lay, ſaying, ‘"If it be the devil I fearen not, and for a dead mon a can do us no harm."—’When ſhe ſaw my condition, ſhe cried ‘"Here be no devil, but in youren fool's head.—Here be a poor miſerable wretch, bleeding to death, and if he dies, we muſt be at the charge of burying him; there⯑fore Dick, go vetch the old wheel-barrow and puten in, and carry him to good-man Hodge's back-door, he is more eable than we to lay out money upon poor vagrants."—’ [11] Her advice was taken, and immediately put in execution: I was rolled to the other farmer's door, where I was tumbled out like a heap of dung; and would certainly have fallen a prey to the hogs, if my groans had not diſturbed the family, and brought ſome of them out to view my ſituation.—But Hodge reſembled the Jew more than the good Samaritan, and ordered me to be carried to the houſe of the parſon, whoſe buſineſs it was to practiſe as well as to preach charity: obſerving that it was ſufficient for him to pay his quota toward the maintenance of the poor belonging to his own pariſh.—When I was ſet down at the vicar's gate, he fell into a migh⯑ty paſſion, and threatned to excommunicate him who ſent as well as thoſe who brought me, un⯑leſs they would move me immediately to ano⯑ther place.—About this time I fainted with the fatigue I had undergone, and afterwards under⯑ſtood that I was bandied from door to door through a whole village, no body having huma⯑nity enough to adminiſter the leaſt relief to me, until an old woman, who was ſuſpected of witch⯑craft by the neighbourhood, hearing of my diſtreſs, received me into her houſe, and having dreſſed my wounds, brought me to myſelf with cordials of her own preparing.—I was treated with great care and tenderneſs by this grave matron, who, after I had recovered ſome ſtrength, deſired to know the particulars of my laſt diſaſter.—This piece of ſatisfaction I could not refuſe to one who had ſaved my life, therefore related all my adventures without exaggeration or reſerve. She ſeemed ſurpriſed at the viciſſitudes I had under⯑gone, and drew a happy preſage of my future life, from my paſt ſufferings, then launched out [12] into the praiſe of adverſity with ſo much ardour and good ſenſe, that I concluded ſhe was a per⯑ſon who had ſeen better days, and conceived a longing deſire to hear her ſtory.—She perceiv⯑ed my drift by ſome words I dropped, and ſmiling, told me, there was nothing either enter⯑taining or extraordinary in the courſe of her for⯑tune; but however, ſhe would communicate it to me, in conſideration of the confidence I had repoſed in her.—‘"It is of little conſequence (ſaid ſhe) to tell the names of my parents, who are dead many years ago: let it ſuffice to aſſure you, they were wealthy, and had no other child than me, ſo that I was looked upon as heireſs to a conſiderable eſtate, and tiezed with addreſſes on that account. Among the number of my admirers, there was a young gentleman of no fortune, whoſe ſole dependence was on his promotion in the ar⯑my, in which at that time he bore a lieu⯑tenant's commiſſion.—I conceived an affection for this amiable officer, which in a ſhort time encreaſed to a violent paſſion, and, without entering into minute circumſtances, married him privately.—We had not enjoyed one another long, in ſtolen interviews, when he was or⯑dered with his regiment to Flanders; but be⯑fore he ſet out, it was agreed between us, that he ſhould declare our marriage to my fa⯑ther by letter, and implore his pardon for the ſtep we had taken without his approbation.—This was done while I was abroad viſiting, and juſt as I was about to return home, I received a letter from my father, importing, that ſince I had acted ſo undutifully and mean⯑ly, as to marry a beggar, without his privity [13] or conſent, to the diſgrace of his family, as well as the diſappointment of his hopes, he renounced me to the miſerable fate I had entailed upon myſelf, and charged me never to ſet foot within his doors again.—This rigid ſentence was confirmed by my mother, who, in a poſtſcript, gave me to underſtand that her ſentiments were exactly conformable to thoſe of my father, and that I might ſave myſelf the trouble of making any applications, for her reſolution was unalterable.—Thunder⯑ſtruck with my evil fortune, I called a coach and drove to my huſband's lodgings, where I found him waiting the event of his letter.—Though he could eaſily divine by my looks, the iſſue of his declaration, he read with great ſteadineſs the epiſtle I had received; and with a ſmile full of tenderneſs, which I ſhall ne⯑ver forget, embraced me, ſaying, I believe the good lady your mother might have ſpared herſelf the trouble of the laſt part of her poſtſcript.—Well, my dear Betty, you muſt lay aſide all thoughts of a coach, 'till I can procure the com⯑mand of a regiment.—This unconcerned behaviour, while it enabled me to ſupport my reverſe of fortune, at the ſame time endeared him to me the more, by convincing me of his diſintereſted views in eſpouſing me.—I was next day boarded in company with the wiſe of another officer, who had long been friend and confident of my huſband, at a vil⯑lage not far from London, where they parted with us in the moſt melting manner, went to Flanders, and were killed in fight of one another at the battle of the Wood.—Why ſhould I tire you with a deſcription of our un⯑utterable [14] ſorrow at the fatal news of this event, the remembrance of which now fills my aged eyes with tears! When our grief ſubſided a little, and reflection came to our aid, we found ourſelves deſerted by the whole world, and in danger of periſhing for want: Where⯑upon we made application for the penſion, and were put upon the liſt. Then vowing eternal friendſhip, ſold our jewels and ſuperfluous cloaths, retired to this place (which is in the county of Suſſex) bought this little houſe, where we lived may years in a ſolitary manner, indulging our mutual ſorrow, 'till it pleaſed heaven to call away my companion, two years ago; ſince which time I have lingered out an unhappy being, in hopes of a ſpeedy diſſolu⯑tion, when I promiſe myſelf the eternal re⯑ward of all my cares.—In the mean time, (continued ſhe) I muſt inform you of the character I bear among my neighbours.—My converſation being different from that of the inhabitants of the village, my recluſe way of life, my ſkill in curing diſtempers, which I acquired from books ſince I ſettled here, and laſtly, my age, have made the common people look upon me as ſomething preter⯑natural, and I am actually at this hour be⯑lieved to be a witch. The perſon of the pa⯑riſh, whoſe acquaintance I have not been at much pains to cultivate, taking umbrage at my ſuppoſed diſreſpect, has contributed not a little towards the confirmation of this opinion, by dropping certain hints to my prejudice, among the vulgar, who are alſo very much ſcandalized at my entertaining this poor tabby [15] cat with the collar about her neck, which was a favourite of my deceaſed companion."’

The whole behaviour of this venerable per⯑ſon, was ſo primitive, innocent, ſenſible, and humane, that I contracted a filial reſpect for her, and begged her advice with regard to my future conduct, as ſoon as I was in a condition to act for myſelf.—She diſſuaded me from a deſign I had formed of travelling to London in hopes of retrieving my cloaths and pay, by returning to my ſhip, which by this time, I read in a news⯑paper, was ſafely arrived in the river Thames: ‘"Becauſe (ſaid ſhe) you run the hazard of being treated not only as a deſerter, in quitting the ſloop, but alſo as a mutineer in aſſaulting your com⯑manding officer, to the malice of whoſe re⯑venge you will moreover be expoſed."—’She then promiſed to recommend me as a ſervant to a ſingle lady of her acquaintance, who lived in the neighbourhood with her nephew, who was a young fox-hunter of great fortune, where I might be very happy, provided I could bear with the diſpoſition and manners of my miſtreſs, which were ſomewhat whimſical and particular.—But above all things, ſhe counſelled me to conceal my ſtory, the knowledge of which would effectually poiſon my entertainment; for it was a maxim among moſt people of condition, that no gentleman in diſtreſs ought to be admitted into a family, as a domeſtick, leſt he become proud, lazy, and inſolent.—I was fain to em⯑brace this humble propoſal, becauſe my affairs were deſperate; and in a few days was hired by this lady, to ſerve in quality of her footman; be⯑ing repreſented by my hoſteſs, as a young man, who having been ſent to ſea by his relations [16] againſt his inclinations, was ſhipwrecked and rob⯑bed, which had encreaſed his diſguſt to that way of life ſo much, that he rather choſe to go to ſervice on ſhore than enter himſelf on board of any other ſhip.—Before I took poſſeſſion of my new place, ſhe gave me a ſketch of my miſtreſs's character, that I might know better how to re⯑gulate my conduct. ‘"Your lady (ſaid ſhe) is a maiden of forty years, not ſo remarkable for her beauty as her learning and taſte, which is famous all over the county.—Indeed ſhe is a perfect female virtuoſi, and ſo eager after the purſuit of knowledge, that ſhe neglects her perſon even to a degree of ſluttiſhneſs; this negligence, together with her contempt for the male part of the creation, gives her nephew no great concern, as by that means, he will probably keep her fortune, which is conſide⯑rable, in the family. He therefore permits her to live in her own way, which is ſome⯑thing extraordinary, and gratifies her in all her whimſical deſires.—Her apartment is at ſome diſtance from the other inhabited parts of the houſe; and conſiſts of a dining-room, bed-chamber and ſtudy: She keeps a cook⯑maid, waiting-woman, and footman of her own, and ſeldom eats or converſes with any of the family, but her niece, who is a very lovely creature, and humours her aunt often to the prejudice of her own health, by ſitting up with her whole nights together; for your miſtreſs is too much of a philoſopher to be ſwayed by the cuſtoms of the world, and ne⯑ver ſleeps or eats as other people do.—Among other odd notions, ſhe profeſſes the principles of Roſicrucius, and believes the earth, [17] air, and ſea are inhabited by inviſible beings, with whom it is poſſible for the human ſpecies to entertain correſpondence and intimacy, on the eaſy condition of living chaſte.—As ſhe hopes one day to be admitted into an acquain⯑tance of this kind, ſhe no ſooner heard of me and my cat, than ſhe paid me a viſit, with a view, as ſhe has ſince owned, to be intro⯑duced to my familiar; and was greatly mor⯑tified to find herſelf diſappointed in her ex⯑pectation. Being by this viſionary turn of mind, abſtracted as it were from the world, ſhe cannot advert to the common occur⯑rences of life; and therefore is frequently ſo abſent as to commit very ſtrange miſtakes and extravagancies, which you will do well to rectify and repair, as your prudence ſhall ſuggeſt."’

CHAP. XXXIX.

[18]

My reception by that lady—I become ena⯑moured of Narciſſa—recount the parti⯑culars of my laſt misfortune—acquire the good opinion of my miſtreſs—an account of the young 'Squire—I am made acquainted with more particulars of Nar⯑ciſſa's ſituation—conceive a mortal hatred againſt Sir Timothy—I examine my lady's library and performances—her extravagant behaviour.

FRAUGHT with theſe uſeful inſtructions, I repaired to the place of her habitation, and was introduced by the waiting-woman, to the preſence of my lady, who had not before ſeen me.—She ſat in her ſtudy, with one foot on the ground, and the other upon a high ſtool at ſome diſtance from her ſeat; her ſandy locks hung down in a diſorder I cannot call beautiful from her head, which was deprived of its coif, for the benefit of ſcratching with one hand, while ſhe held the ſtump of a pen in the other.—Her fore-head was high and wrinkled, her eyes large, grey and prominent; her noſe long, ſharp and aquiline; her mouth of vaſt capacity; her viſage meagre and freckled, and her chin peeked like a ſhoemaker's paring-knife: Her upper-lip contained a large quantity of plain Spaniſh, which by continual falling, had embroidered her neck [19] that was not naturally very white, and the breaſt of her gown, that flowed looſe about her with a negligence truly poetic, diſcovering linen that was very fine and to all appearance, never waſh⯑ed but in Caſtalian ſtreams.—Around her lay heaps of books, globes, quadrants, teleſcopes, and other learned apparatus: Her ſnuff-box ſtood at her right hand, at her left lay her handker⯑chief ſufficiently uſed, and a convenience to ſpit in appeared on one ſide of her chair.—Being in a reverie when we entered, the maid did not think proper to diſturb her; ſo that we waited ſome minutes unobſerved, during which time, ſhe bit the quill ſeveral times, altered her poſition, made many wry faces, and at length, with an air of triumph, repeated aloud;

"Nor dare th' immortal Gods my rage oppoſe!"

Having committed her ſucceſs to paper, ſhe turned toward the door, and perceiving us, cried, ‘"What's the matter?"—’ ‘"Here's the young man (replied my conductreſs) whom Mrs. Sagely recommended as a footman to your ladyſhip."’ On this information, ſhe ſtared in my face a conſiderable time, and then aſked my name, which I thought proper to conceal under that of John Brown.—After having ſurveyed me with a curious eye, ſhe broke out into ‘"O! ay, thou wa'ſt ſhipwrecked I remember.—Whether didſt thou come on ſhore on the back of a whale or a dolphin?"’ To this I an⯑ſwered, I had ſwam aſhore without any aſ⯑ſiſtance.—Then ſhe demanded to know if I had ever been at the Helleſpont, and ſwam from Seſtos to Abydos. I replied in the negative: [20] Upon which, ſhe bid the maid order a ſuit of new livery for me, and inſtruct me in the articles of my duty; ſo ſaying, ſhe ſpit in her ſnuff⯑box, and wiped her noſe with her cap which lay on the table, inſtead of a handkerchief.—We returned to the kitchin, where I was regaled by the maids, who ſeemed to outvie with one another, in expreſſing their regard for me.—From them I underſtood, that my buſineſs con⯑ſiſted in cleaning knives and forks, laying the cloth, waiting at table, carrying meſſages, and attending my lady when ſhe went abroad.—There being a very good ſuit of livery in the houſe, which had belonged to my predeceſſor deceaſed, I dreſſed myſelf in it, and found it fitted me exactly, ſo that there was no occaſion for employing a taylor on my account.—I had not been long equipped in this manner, when my lady's bell rung; upon which I ran up ſtairs, and found her ſtalking about the room in her ſhift and under-petticoat only, I would have imme⯑diately retired, as became me, but ſhe bid me come in, and air a clean ſhift for her; which having done with ſome backwardneſs, ſhe put it on before me without any ceremony, and I verily believe was ignorant of my ſex all the time, being quite abſorpt in contemplation.—About four o'clock in the afternoon, I was ordered to lay the cloth, and place two covers, which I underſtood was for my miſtreſs and her niece, whom I had not as yet ſeen.—Though I was not very dexterous at this operation, I performed it pretty well for a beginner, and when dinner was upon the table, ſaw my miſtreſs approach accompanied with the young lady, whoſe name for the preſent ſhall be Narciſſa.—So much ſweetneſs appeared in the [21] countenance and carriage of this amiable appari⯑tion, that my heart was captivated at firſt ſight, and while dinner laſted I gazed upon her without intermiſſion.—Her age ſeemed to be ſeventeen, her ſtature tall, her ſhape unexcep⯑tionable, her hair, that fell down upon her ivory neck in ringlets, black as jet; her arched eye⯑brows of the ſame colour; her eyes piercing, yet tender; her lips of the conſiſtence and hue of cherries; her complexion clear, delicate and healthy; her aſpect noble, ingen'ous and hu⯑mane; and the whole ſo raviſhingly delightful, that it was impoſſible for any creature, endued with ſenſibility, to ſee without admiring, and ad⯑mire without loving her to exceſs! How often did I curſe the ſervile ſtation, that placed me ſo infinitely beneath the regard of this idol of my adoration! and how often did I bleſs my fate, that enabled me to enjoy daily the ſight of ſo much perfection! When ſhe ſpoke, I liſtened with pleaſure; but when ſhe ſpoke to me, my ſoul was thrilled with an exſtaſy of tumultuous joy! I was even ſo happy as to be the ſubject of their converſation: For Narciſſa having obſerved me, ſaid to her aunt, ‘"I ſee your new footman is come."’ Then addreſſing herſelf to me, aſked, with ineffable complacency, if I was the perſon who had been ſo cruelly uſed by robbers? When I ſatisfied her in this, ſhe expreſſed a deſire of knowing the particulars of my fortune both be⯑fore and ſince my being ſhip wrecked: Hereupon (as Mrs. Sagely had counſelled me) I told her, that I had been bound apprentice to the maſter of a ſhip, contrary to my inclination, which ſhip had foundered at ſea;—that I and four more, who chanced to be on deck when ſhe went down, [22] made ſhift to ſwim to the ſhore, where my com⯑panions, after having overpowered me, ſtript me to the ſhirt, and left me, as they imagined, dead of the wounds I received in my own de⯑fence: Then I related the circumſtances of my being found in a barn, with the inhuman treat⯑ment I met with from the country people and parſon; which I perceived, drew tears from the charming creature's eyes! When I had finiſhed my recital, my miſtreſs ſaid, ‘"Ma foy! le gar⯑çon eſt bien fait!"’ To which opinion Nar⯑ciſſa aſſented, with a compliment to my under⯑ſtanding in the ſame language, that flattered my vanity extremely.

The converſation, among other ſubjects, turned upon the young 'Squire, whom my lady enquired after, under the title of the Savage; and was in⯑formed by her niece, that he was ſtill in bed, re⯑pairing the fatigue of laſt night's debauch, and recruiting ſtrength and ſpirits to undergo a fox⯑chace to-morrow morning, in company with Sir Timothy Thicket, 'Squire Bumper, and a great many other gentlemen of the ſame ſtamp, whom he had invited on that occaſion; ſo that by day⯑break, the whole houſe would be in an uproar.—This was a very diſagreeable piece of news to the virtuoſi, who proteſted ſhe would ſtuff her ears with cotton when ſhe went to bed, and take a doſe of opium to make her ſleep the more ſound, that ſhe might not be diſturbed and diſtracted by the clamour of the brutes.

When their dinner was over, I and my fellow⯑ſervants ſat down to ours in the kitchen, where I underſtood that Sir Timothy Thicket was a wealthy knight in the neighbourhood, between whom and Narciſſa a match had been projected [23] by her brother, who propoſed at the ſame time to eſpouſe Sir Timothy's ſiſter; by which means, as their fortunes were pretty equal, the young ladies would be provided for, and their brothers be never the poorer; but that the ladies did not concur in the ſcheme, each of them entertaining a hearty contempt for the perſon allotted to her for a huſband, by this agreement.—This infor⯑mation begat in me a mortal averſion to Sir Timothy, whom I looked upon as my rival, and curſed in my heart for his preſumption.—Next morning by day-break, being awaked by the noiſe of the hunters and hounds, I got up to view the cavalcade, and had a ſight of my com⯑petitor, whoſe accompliſhments (the eſtate ex⯑cluded) did not ſeem brilliant enough to give me much uneaſineſs with reſpect to Narciſſa, who, I flattered myſelf, was not to be won by ſuch qualifications as he was maſter of, either as to perſon or mind.—My miſtreſs, notwith⯑ſtanding her precaution, was ſo much diſturbed by her nephew's company, that ſhe did not riſe till five o'clock in the afternoon: So that I had an opportunity of examining her ſtudy at lei⯑ſure, to which I was ſtrongly prompted by my curioſity.—Here I found a thouſand ſcraps of her own poetry, conſiſting of three, four, ten, twelve and twenty lines, on an infinity of ſub⯑jects, which, as whim inſpired, ſhe had begun, without conſtancy or capacity to bring to any degree of compoſition: But what was very ex⯑traordinary in a female poet, there was not the leaſt mention made of love in any of her perfor⯑mances.—I counted fragments of five tragedies, the titles of which were, ‘"The ſtern Philoſo⯑pher.—The double Murder.—The ſacrile⯑gious [24] Traitor.—The fall of Lucifer;—And the Laſt Day."’ From whence I gathered, that her diſpoſition was gloomy, and her imagina⯑tion delighted with objects of horror.—Her li⯑brary was compoſed of the beſt Engliſh hiſtorians, poets, and philoſophers; of all the French cri⯑ticks and poets, and of a few books in Italian, chiefly poetry, at the head of which were Taſſo and Arioſto, pretty much uſed.—Beſides theſe, tranſlations of the claſſicks into French, but not one book in Greek or Latin; a circumſtance that diſcovered her ignorance of theſe languages.—After having taken a full view of this col⯑lection, I retired, and at the uſual time was preparing to lay the cloth, when I was told by the maid that her miſtreſs was ſtill in bed, and had been ſo affected with the notes of the hounds in the morning, that ſhe actually believed herſelf a hare beſet with the hunters; and begged a few greens to munch for her breakfaſt.—When I teſtified my ſurprize at this unaccountable ima⯑gination, ſhe let me know that her lady was very much ſubject to whims of this nature; ſome⯑times fancying herſelf an animal, ſometimes a piece of furniture, during which conceited tranſ⯑formations, it was very dangerous to come near her, eſpecially when ſhe repreſented a beaſt; for that lately, in the character of a cat, ſhe had flown at her and ſcratched her face in a terrible manner;—that ſome months ago, ſhe prophe⯑ſied the general conflagration was at hand, and nothing would be able to quench it, but her water, which therefore ſhe kept ſo long that her life was in danger; and ſhe muſt needs have died of the retention, had they not found an expedient to make her evacuate by kindling a [25] bonfire under her chamber window, and per⯑ſuading her that the houſe was in flames; upon which, with great deliberation, ſhe bid them bring all the tubs and veſſels they could find, to be filled, for the preſervation of the houſe, into one of which ſhe immediately diſcharged the cauſe of her diſtemper.—I was alſo informed, that nothing contributed ſo much to the recovery of her reaſon, as muſick, which was always admi⯑niſtred on theſe occaſions by Narciſſa, who play'd perfectly well on the harpſicord, and to whom ſhe (the maid) was juſt then going to intimate her aunt's diſorder.—She was no ſooner gone, than I was ſummoned by the bell to my lady's chamber, where I found her ſitting ſquat on her hams, on the floor, in the manner of puſs when ſhe liſtens to the cries of her purſuers.—When I appeared, ſhe ſtarted up with an alarmed look, and ſprung to the other ſide of the room to avoid me, whom, without doubt, ſhe miſtook for a beagle thirſting after her life.—Perceiving her extreme confuſion, I retired, and on the ſtair-caſe met the adorable Narciſſa com⯑ing up, to whom I imparted the ſituation of my miſtreſs: She ſaid not a word, but ſmiling with unſpeakable grace, went into her aunt's apart⯑ment, and in a little time my ears were raviſhed with the effects of her ſkill.—She accompanied the inſtrument with a voice ſo ſweet and melo⯑dious, that I did not wonder at the ſurprizing change it produced on the ſpirits of my miſtreſs, which were ſoon compoſed to peace and ſober reflection.

About ſeven o'clock the hunters arrived, with the ſkins of two foxes and one badger, carried before them as trophies of their ſucceſs; and [26] when they were about to ſit down to dinner (or ſupper) Sir Timothy Thicket deſired that Narciſſa would honour the table with her preſence: But this, notwithſtanding her brother's threats and in⯑treaties, ſhe refuſed, on pretence of attending her aunt, who was indiſpoſed; ſo that I enjoyed the ſatisfaction of ſeeing my rival mortified: But this diſappointment made no great impreſſion on him, who conſoled himſelf with the bottle, of which the whole company became ſo enamoured, that after a moſt horrid uproar of laughing, ſing⯑ing, ſwearing, dancing, and fighting, they were all carried to bed in a ſtate of utter oblivion.—My duty being altogether detached from the 'Squire and his family, I led a pretty eaſy and comfortable life, drinking daily intoxicating draughts of love from the charms of Narciſſa, which brightened on my contemplation, every day, more and more.—Inglorious as my ſtation was, I became blind to my own unworthineſs, and even conceived hopes of one day enjoying this amiable creature, whoſe affability greatly encou⯑raged theſe preſumptuous thoughts.

CHAP. XL.

[27]

She is ſurprized at my learning—communi⯑cates her performances to me—I im⯑part ſome of mine to her—am mortified at her faint praiſe—Narciſſa approves of my production—I gain an involun⯑tary conqueſt over the cook-wench and dairy⯑maid—their mutual reſentment and in⯑ſinuations—the jealouſy of their lovers.

DURING this ſeaſon of love and tranquil⯑lity, my muſe, which had lain dormant ſo long, awoke, and produced ſeveral ſmall per⯑formances on the ſubject of my flame: But as it concerned me nearly to remain undiſcovered in my real character and ſentiments, I was under a neceſſity of mortifying my deſire of praiſe, by confining my works to my own peruſal and applauſe.—In the mean time I ſtrove to inſinuate myſelf into the good opinion of both ladies; and ſucceeded ſo well, by my diligence and dutiful behaviour, that in a little time, I was at leaſt a favourite ſervant; and frequently enjoyed the pleaſure of hearing myſelf mentioned in French and Italian, with ſome degree of warmth and ſurprize, by the dear object of all my wiſhes, as a perſon who had ſo much of the gentleman in my appearance and diſcourſe, that ſhe could not for her ſoul treat me like a common lacquey.—My prudence and modeſty were not long proof [28] againſt theſe bewitching compliments. One day, while I waited at dinner, the converſation turned upon a knotty paſſage of Taſſo's Gieruſalem, which, it ſeems, had puzzled them both: After a great many unſatisfactory conjectures, my miſtreſs taking the book out of her pocket, turned up the place in queſtion, and read the ſentence over and over without ſucceſs; at length, deſpairing of finding the author's meaning, ſhe turned to me, ſaying, ‘"Come-hither, Bruno, let us ſee what fortune will do for us; I will interpret to thee what goes before and what follows this obſcure paragraph, the particular words of which I will alſo explain, that thou may'ſt, by comparing one with another, gueſs the ſenſe of that which perplexes us."—’I was too vain to let ſlip this opportunity of diſplaying my talents, therefore, without heſitation, read and explained the whole of that which had diſcon⯑certed them, to the utter aſtoniſhment of both.—Narciſſa's face and lovely neck were overſpread with bluſhes, from whence I drew a favourable omen, while her aunt, after having ſtared at me a good while with a look of amazement, ex⯑claimed, ‘"In the name of heaven! Who art thou?"—’I told her I had picked up a ſmat⯑tering of Italian, during a voyage up the Straits.—At this ſhe ſhook her head, and obſerved, that no ſmatterer could read as I had done.—She then deſired to know if I underſtood French, to which I anſwering in the affirmative: She aſked if I was acquainted with the Latin and Greek; I replied, ‘"A little."—’ ‘"Oho! (continued ſhe) and with philoſophy and mathematicks, I ſuppoſe?"—’I owned, I knew ſomething of each.—Where⯑upon ſhe repeated her ſtare and interrogation.— [29] I began to repent my vanity, and in order to re⯑pair the fault I had committed, ſaid, it was not to be wondered at if I had a tolerable education, becauſe learning was ſo cheap in my country, that every peaſant was a ſcholar; but I hoped her ladyſhip would think my underſtanding no ex⯑ception to my character.—She was pleaſed to an⯑ſwer, ‘"No, no, God forbid."—’But during the reſt of the time they ſat at table, they behaved with remarkable reſerve.

This alteration gave me much uneaſineſs; and I paſſed the night without ſleep, in melancholy reflections on the vanity of young men, which prompts them to commit ſo many fooliſh actions, contrary to their own ſober judgment.—Next day, however, inſtead of profiting by this ſelf⯑condemnation, I yielded ſtill more to the dictates of the principle I had endeavoured to chaſtize, and if fortune had not befriended me more than prudence could expect, I ſhould have been treated with the contempt I deſerved.—After breakfaſt, my lady, who was a true author, bid me follow her into the ſtudy, where ſhe expreſſed herſelf thus: ‘"Since you are ſo learned, you cannot be void of taſte; therefore I am to deſire your opinion of a ſmall performance in poetry, which I lately compoſed.—You muſt know, I have planned a tragedy, the ſubject of which ſhall be the murder of a prince before the al⯑tar, where he is buſy at his devotions.—Af⯑ter the deed is perpetrated, the regicide will harrangue the people, with the bloody dagger in his hand; and I have already compoſed a ſpeech, which I think will ſuit the character extremely.—Here it is."—’Then taking up a [30] ſcrape of paper, ſhe read with violent emphaſis and geſture, as follows:

"Thus have I ſent the ſimple king to hell,
"Without or coffin, ſhroud, or paſſing-bell:—
"To me, what are divine and human laws?
"I court no ſanction but my own applauſe!
"Rapes, robb'ries, treaſons yield my ſoul de⯑light;
"And human carnage gratifies my ſight:
"I drag the parent by the hoary hair,
"And toſs the ſprawling infant on my ſpear,
"While the fond mother's cries regale mine ear.
"I fight, I vanquiſh, murder friends and foes;
"Nor dare th'immortal gods my rage oppoſe."

Though I did great violence to my underſtand⯑ing in praiſing this unnatural rhapſody, I never⯑theleſs extolled it as a production that of itſelf deſerved immortal fame; and beſeeched her lady⯑ſhip to bleſs the world with the fruits of thoſe un⯑common talents heaven had beſtowed upon her.—She ſmiled with a look of ſelf-complacency, and encouraged by the incenſe I had offered, communicated all her poetical works, which I applauded one by one, with as little candour as I had ſhewn at firſt.—Satiated with my flat⯑tery, which I hope my ſituation juſtified, ſhe could not in conſcience refuſe me an opportunity of ſhining in my turn; and therefore, after a com⯑pliment to my nice diſcernment and taſte, ob⯑ſerved, that doubtleſs I muſt have produced ſomething in that way myſelf, which ſhe deſired to ſee.—This was a temptation I could by no means reſiſt.—I owned that while I was at [31] college, I wrote ſome ſmall detached pieces, at the deſire of a friend who was in love; and at her requeſt, repeated the following verſes, which indeed my love for Narciſſa had in⯑ſpired.

On Celia playing on the harpſicord and ſinging.

I.When Sapho ſtruck the quiv'ring wire,
The throbbing breaſt was all on fire:
And when ſhe rais'd the vocal lay,
The captive ſoul was charm'd away!

II.But had the nymph, poſſeſs'd with theſe
Thy ſofter, chaſter pow'r to pleaſe;
Thy beauteous air of ſprightly youth,
Thy native ſmiles of artleſs truth;

III.The worm of grief, had never prey'd
On the forſaken, love-ſick maid:
Nor had ſhe mourn'd an happleſs flame,
Nor daſh'd on rocks her tender frame.

My miſtreſs paid me a cold compliment on the verſification, which, ſhe ſaid, was elegant e⯑nough, but the ſubject beneath the pen of a true poet. I was extremely nettled at her indifference, and looked at Narciſſas, who by this time had joined us, for her approbation, but ſhe declined giving her opinion, proteſting ſhe was no judge of theſe matters: So that I was forced to retire, [32] very much baulked in my expectation, which was generally a little too ſanguine.—In the after⯑noon, however, the waiting-maid aſſured me, that Narciſſa had expreſſed her approbation of my performance with great warmth, and deſired her to procure a copy of it, as for herſelf, that ſhe (Narciſſa) might have an opportunity to peruſe it at leiſure.—I was elated to an extravagant pitch at this intelligence, and immediately tranſcribed a fair copy of my Ode, which was carried to the dear charmer, together with another on the ſame ſubject, as follows:

I.Thy fatal ſhafts unerring move,
I bow before thine altar, love!
I feel thy ſoft, reſiſtleſs flame
Glide ſwift through all my vital frame!

II.For while I gaze my boſom glows,
My blood in tides impetuous flows,
Hope, fear and joy alternate roll,
And floods of tranſports 'whelm my ſoul!

III.My fault'ring tongue attempts in vain
In ſoothing murmurs to complain,
My tongue ſome ſecret magick ties,
My murmurs ſink in broken ſighs!

IV.Condemn'd to nurſe eternal care,
And ever drop the ſilent tear,
Unheard I mourn, unknown I ſigh,
Unfriended live, unpitied die!

[33] Whether or not Narciſſa diſcovered my paſſion, I could not learn from her behaviour, which, though always benevolent to me, was henceforth more reſerved and leſs chearful.—While my thoughts aſpired to a ſphere ſo far above me, I had unwittingly made a conqueſt of the cook⯑wench and dairy-maid, who became ſo jealous of one another, that if their ſentiments had been refined by education, it is probable one or other of them would have had recourſe to poiſon or ſteel, to be revenged of her rival; but as their minds were happily adapted to their humble ſta⯑tion, their mutual enmity was confined to ſcold⯑ing and fifty-cuffs, in which exerciſes they were both well ſkilled.—My good fortune did not long remain a ſecret; being diſcloſed by the frequent broils of theſe heroines, who kept no decorum in their encounters. The coachman and gardiner, who paid their devoirs to my admirers, each to his reſpective choice, alarmed at my ſucceſs, laid their heads together, in order to concert a plan of revenge; and the former having been edu⯑cated at the academy of Tottenham-court, under⯑took to challenge me to ſingle combat; he ac⯑cordingly, with many opprobrious invectives, bid me defiance, and offered to box with me for twenty guineas.—I told him, that although I be⯑lieved myſelf a match for him, even at that work, I would not deſcend ſo far below the dignity of a gentleman, as to fight like a porter; but if he had any thing to ſay to me, I was his man at blunderbuſs, muſket, piſtol, ſword, hatchet, ſpit, cleaver, fork or needle;—nay more, that if he gave his tongue any more ſaucy liberties at my expence, I would crop his ears without any ceremony.—This rhodomontade de⯑livered [34] with a ſtern countenance, and reſolute tone, had the deſired effect upon my antagoniſt, who, with ſome confuſion, ſneaked off, and gave his friend an account of his reception.—The ſtory taking air among the ſervants, procured for me the title of Gentleman John, with which I was ſometimes honoured, even by my miſtreſs and Narciſſa, who had been informed of the whole af⯑fair by the chamber-maid.—In the mean time, the rival queens expreſſed their paſſion by all the ways in their power: The cook entertained me with choice bits, the dairy-maid with ſtroakings; the firſt would often encourage me to declare my⯑ſelf, by complimenting me upon my courage and learning, and obſerving, that if ſhe had a huſband like me, to maintain order and keep ac⯑counts, ſhe could make a great deal of money by ſetting up an eating-houſe at London, for gentlemen's ſervants on board-wages.—The other courted my affection, by ſhewing her own im⯑portance, and telling me, that many a ſubſtantial farmer in the neighbourhood would be glad to marry her; but ſhe was reſolved to pleaſe her eye, if ſhe ſhould plague her heart.—Then ſhe would launch out into the praiſe of my proper perſon, and ſay, ſhe was ſure I would make a good huſband, for I was very good-natured.—I began to be uneaſy at the importunities of theſe inamoratas, whom at another time, perhaps, I might have pleaſed without the diſagreeable ſauce of matrimony; but at preſent, my whole ſoul was engroſſed by Narciſſa, and I could not bear the thoughts of doing any thing derogatory of the paſſion I entertained for her.

CHAP. XLI.

[35]

Narciſſa being in danger from the brutality of Sir Timothy, is reſcued by me, who revenge myſelf on my rival—I declare my paſ⯑ſion, and retreat to the ſea-ſide—I am ſurrounded by ſmugglers, and carried to Bulloign—I find my uncle lieutenant Bowling, in great diſtreſs, and relieve him—our converſation.

AT certain intervals, my ambition would re⯑vive; I would deſpiſe myſelf for my tame reſignation to my ſordid fate, and revolve an hundred ſchemes for aſſuming the character of a gentleman, to which I was intitled by birth and education.—In theſe fruitleſs ſuggeſtions, time ſtole away unperceived, and I had already re⯑mained eight months in the ſtation of a foot⯑man, when an accident happened, that put an end to my ſervitude, and for the preſent baniſhed all hopes of ſucceeding in my love.

Narciſſa went one day to viſit Miſs Thicket, who lived with her brother, within leſs than a mile of our houſe, and was perſuaded to walk home in the cool of the evening, accompanied by Sir Timothy, who having a good deal of the brute in him, was inſtigated to uſe ſome unbe⯑coming familiarities with her, encouraged by the ſolitarineſs of a field through which they paſſed.—The lovely creature was incenſed at his rude behaviour, for which ſhe reproached him in ſuch [36] a manner, that he loſt all regard for decency, and actually offered violence to this pattern of innocence and beauty.—But heaven would not ſuffer ſo much goodneſs to be violated; and ſent me, who paſſing by accident near the place, was alarmed with her cries, to her ſuccour.—What were the emotions of my ſoul, when I beheld Narciſſa, almoſt ſinking beneath the brutal force of this ſatyr! I flew like lightening to her reſcue, which he perceiving, quitted his prey, and drew his hanger to chaſtiſe my preſumption.—My indignation was too high to admit one thought of fear, ſo that ruſhing upon him, I ſtruck his weapon out of his hand, and uſed my cudgel ſo ſucceſsfully, that he fell to the ground, and lay, to all appearance, without ſenſe.—Then I turned to Narciſſa, who had ſwooned, and ſit⯑ting down by her, gently raiſed her head, and ſupported it on my boſom, while with my hand around her waiſt, I kept her in that poſition. My ſoul was thrilled with tumultuous joy, at feeling the object of my deareſt wiſhes within my arms; and while ſhe lay inſenſible, I could not refrain from applying my cheek to her's, and raviſhing a kiſs: In a little time, the blood began to re⯑viſit her face, ſhe opened her enchanting eyes, and having recollected her late ſituation, ſaid, with a look full of tender acknowledgment, ‘"Dear John, I am eternally obliged to you!"’ So ſaying, ſhe made an effort to riſe, in which I aſſiſted her, and ſhe proceeded to the houſe, lean⯑ing upon me all the way. I was a thouſand times tempted by this opportunity to declare my paſſion, but the dread of diſobliging her, reſtrain⯑ed my tongue. We had not got an hundred paces from the ſcene of her diſtreſs, when I per⯑ceived [37] Sir Timothy get up and move homeward; a circumſtance, which, though it gave me ſome ſatisfaction, in as much as I thereby knew I had not killed him, filled me with juſt apprehen⯑ſion of his reſentment, which I found myſelf in no condition to withſtand: eſpecially when I conſidered his intimacy with our 'Squire, to whom I knew he would eaſily juſtify himſelf for what he had done, by imputing it to his love, and de⯑ſiring his brother Bruin to take the ſame liberty with his ſiſter, without any fear of offence.—When we arrived at the houſe, Narciſſa aſſured me, ſhe would exert all her influence in protect⯑ing me from the revenge of Thicket, and like⯑wiſe engage her aunt in my favour. At the ſame time, pulling out her purſe, offered it as a ſmall conſideration for the ſervice I had done her.—But I ſtood too much upon the punctilios of love to incur the leaſt ſuſpicion of being merce⯑nary, and refuſed the preſent, ſaying, I had me⯑rited nothing by barely doing my duty.—She ſeemed aſtoniſhed at my diſintereſtedneſs, and bluſhed: I felt the ſame ſuffuſion, and with a down-caſt eye and broken accent, told her, I had one requeſt to make, which if her genero⯑ſity would grant, I ſhould think myſelf fully re⯑compenſed for an age of miſery.—She changed colour at this preamble, and with great confuſion, replied, ſhe hoped my good ſenſe would hinder me from aſking any thing ſhe was bound in ho⯑nour to refuſe, and therefore bid me ſignify my deſire.—Upon which I kneeled, and begged to kiſs her hand. She immediately, with an averted look, ſtretched it out; I imprinted on it an ar⯑dent kiſs, and bathing it with my tears, cried, ‘"Dear Madam, I am an unfortunate gentle⯑man, [38] who loves you to diſtraction, but would have died a thouſand deaths, rather than make this declaration under ſuch a ſervile ap⯑pearance, were he not determined to yield to the rigour of his fate, to fly from your be⯑witching preſence, and bury his preſumptuous paſſion in eternal ſilence."’ With theſe words I roſe and went away, before ſhe could recover her ſpirits ſo far as to make any reply.—My firſt care was to go and conſult Mrs. Sagely, with whom I had maintained a friendly correſpon⯑dence ever ſince I left her houſe. When ſhe un⯑derſtood my ſituation, the good woman, with real concern, condoled me on my unhappy fate, and approved of my reſolution to leave the coun⯑try, being perfectly well acquainted with the bar⯑barous diſpoſition of my rival, ‘"who by this time (ſaid ſhe) has no doubt mediated a ſcheme of revenge.—Indeed, I cannot ſee how you will be able to elude his vengeance: be⯑ing himſelf in the commiſſion, he will im⯑mediately grant warrants for apprehending you; and as almoſt all the people in this coun⯑try are dependant on him or his friend, it will be impoſſible for you to find ſhelter a⯑mong them: If you ſhould be apprehended, he will commit you to jail, where you may poſſibly languiſh in great miſery till the next aſſizes, and then be tranſported for aſſaulting a magiſtrate."—’While ſhe thus warned me of my danger, we heard a knocking at the door, which threw us both into great conſternation, as in all probability, it was occaſioned by my purſuers; whereupon this generous old lady, put⯑ting two guineas into my hand, with tears in her eyes, bid me, for God's ſake, get out at the back [39] door, and conſult my ſafety as providence ſhould direct me.—There was no time for deliberation.—I followed her advice, and eſcaped by the be⯑nefit of a dark night, to the ſea-ſide, where while I ruminated on my next excurſion, I was all of a ſudden ſurrounded by armed men, who, having bound my hands and feet, bid me make no noiſe, on pain of being ſhot, and carried me on board of a veſſel, which I ſoon perceived to be a ſmuggling cutter.—This diſcovery gave me ſome ſatisfaction at firſt, becauſe I concluded myſelf ſafe from the reſentment of Sir Timothy: But when I found myſelf in the hands of ruf⯑fians, who threatned to execute me for a ſpy, I would have thought myſelf happily quit for a year's impriſonment, or even tranſportation.—It was in vain for me to proteſt my innocence: I could not perſuade them that I had taken a ſo⯑litary walk to their haunt, at ſuch an hour, mere⯑ly for my own amuſement; and I did not think it my intereſt to diſcloſe the true cauſe of my re⯑treat, becauſe I was afraid they would have made their peace with juſtice by ſurrendering me to the penalty of the law.—What confirmed their ſuſpicion was, the appearance of a Cuſtom⯑houſe yacht, which gave them chace, and had well-nigh made a prize of their veſſel; when they were delivered from their fears by a thick fog, which effectually ſcreened them, and favoured their arrival at Buloign.—But before they got out of ſight of their purſuer, they held a council of war about me, whom ſome of the moſt ſerocious a⯑mong them, would have thrown overboard, as a traitor who had betrayed them to their enemies; but others more conſiderate, alledged, that if they put me to death, and ſhould afterwards be [40] taken, they could expect no mercy from the legiſlature, which would never pardon outlawry aggravated by murder.—It was therefore deter⯑mined by a plurality of votes, that I ſhould be ſet on ſhore in France, and left to find my paſſage back to England, as I ſhould think pro⯑per, which would be puniſhment ſufficient for the bare ſuſpicion of a crime in itſelf not capital.—Although this favourable determination gave me great pleaſure, the apprehenſion of being robbed would not ſuffer me to be perfectly at eaſe: To prevent this calamity, as ſoon as I was untied, in conſequence of the foreſaid deciſion, I tore a ſmall hole in one of my ſtockings, into which I dropped ſix guineas, reſerving half a piece and ſome ſilver in my pocket, that finding ſomething, they might not be tempted to make any further in⯑quiry.—This was a very neceſſary precaution, for when we came within ſight of the French ſhore, one of the ſmugglers told me, I muſt pay for my paſſage.—To this I replied, that my paſſage was none of my own ſeeking; therefore they could not expect a reward from me for tranſport⯑ing me into a ſtrange country by force.—‘"Dam⯑me! (ſaid the outlaw) none of your palaver; but let me ſee what money you have got."—’So ſaying, he thruſt his hand into my pocket without any ceremony, and emptied it of the con⯑tents: Then caſting an eye at my hat and wig, which captivated his fancy, he took them off, and clap⯑ping his own on my head, declared, that a fair exchange was no robbery.—I was fain to put up with the bargain, which was by no means favour⯑able to me; and a little while after we went all on ſhore together.

[41] I reſolved to take my leave of theſe deſpera⯑does, without much ceremony, when one of them cautioned me againſt appearing to their prejudice if ever I returned to England, un⯑leſs I had a mind to be murdered; for which ſervice, he aſſured me, the gang never wanted agents.—I promiſed to obſerve his advice, and departed for the Upper Town, where I enquired for a cabaret or publick houſe, into which I went, with an intention of taking ſome refreſhment.—In the kitchin, five Dutch ſailors ſat at breakfaſt, with a large loaf, a ſirkin of butter, and a cag of brandy on the table, the bung of which they often applied to their mouths with great perſeve⯑rance and ſatisfaction.—At ſome diſtance from them, I perceived another perſon in the ſame garb, ſitting in a penſive ſolitary manner, enter⯑taining himſelf with a whiff of tobacco, from the ſtump of a pipe, as black as jet.—The ap⯑pearance of diſtreſs never failed to attract my regard and compaſſion; I approached this forlorn tar, with a view to offer him my aſſiſtance, and notwithſtanding the alteration of dreſs, and diſ⯑guiſe of a long beard, I diſcovered in him my long loſt and lamented uncle and benefactor, lieutenant Bowling! Good heaven! what were the agitations of my ſoul, between the joy of finding again ſuch a valuable friend, and the ſor⯑row of ſeeing him in ſuch a low condition! The tears guſhed down my cheeks, I ſtood motionleſs and ſilent for ſome time; at length, recovering the uſe of ſpeech, exclaimed, ‘"Gracious God! Mr. Bowling!"—’My uncle no ſooner heard his name mentioned, than he ſtarted up, crying with ſome ſurprize, ‘"Holloa!"’ and after hav⯑ing looked at me ſtedfaſtly, without being able [42] to recollect me, ſaid, ‘"Did you call me, brother?"’ I told him, I had ſomething extra⯑ordinary to communicate, and deſired him to give me a few minutes hearing in another room; but he would by no means conſent to this propoſal, ſaying, ‘"Avaſt there, friend; none of your tricks upon travellers;—if you have any thing to ſay to me, do it above-board;—you need not be afraid of being over-heard;—here are none who underſtand our lingo."—’Though I was loath to diſcover myſelf before company, I could no longer refrain from telling him, I was his own nephew Roderick Random. On this in⯑formation, he conſidered me with great earneſt⯑neſs and aſtoniſhment, and recalling my features, which though enlarged were not entirely altered ſince he had ſeen me, came up and ſhook me by the hand very cordially, proteſting he was glad to ſee me well. After ſome pauſe, he went on thus: ‘"And yet, my lad, I am ſorry to ſee you under ſuch colours; the more ſo, as it is not in my power, at preſent, to change them for the better, times being very hard with me."’ With theſe words I could perceive a tear trickle down his ſurrowed cheeks, which affected me ſo much, that I wept bitterly.—Imagining my ſorrow was the effect of my own misfortunes, he comforted me, by obſerving, that life was a voyage in which we muſt expect to meet with all weathers; ſome⯑times it was calm, ſometimes rough; that a fair gale often ſucceeded a ſtorm; that the wind did not always ſit one way, and that deſpair ſignified nothing; but reſolution and ſkill were better than a ſtout veſſel: For why? Becauſe they require no carpenter, and grow ſtronger the more labour they undergo. I dried up my tears, which I [43] aſſured him, were not ſhed for my own diſtreſs, but for his, and begged leave to accompany him into another room, where we could converſe more at our eaſe.—There I recounted to him the ungenerous uſage I had met with from Po⯑tion; at which he ſtarted up, ſtalked acroſs the room three or four times, in a great hurry, and graſping his cudgel, cried, ‘"I would I were a⯑long-ſide of him—that's all—I would I were along-ſide of him!"—’I then gave him a detail of all my adventures and ſufferings, which affected him more than I could have imagined; and concluded with telling him that captain Oak⯑hum was ſtill alive, and that he might return to England when he would, to ſollicite his affairs, without danger or moleſtation.—He was wonder⯑fully pleaſed at this piece of information, of which however, he ſaid he could not at preſent avail himſelf, for want of money to pay for his paſſage to London. This objection I ſoon re⯑moved, by putting five guineas into his hand, and telling him, I thought myſelf extremely happy in having an opportunity of manifeſting my gratitude to him in his neceſſity.—But it was with the utmoſt difficulty I could prevail upon him to accept of two, which he affirmed, were more than ſufficient to defray the neceſſary expence.—After this friendly conteſt was over, he propoſed we ſhould have a meſs of ſomething: ‘"For (ſaid he) it has been banyan day with me a great while.—You muſt know I was ſhipwrecked five days ago, near a place called Liſieux, in company with thoſe Dutchmen who are now drinking below; and having but little money when I came a⯑ſhore, it was ſoon ſpent, becauſe I let them [44] have ſhare and ſhare while it laſted.—How⯑ſomever, I ſhould have remembred the old ſaying, Every hog his own apple: For when they found my hold unſtowed, they went all hands to ſhooling and begging; and becauſe I would not take a ſpell at the ſame duty, refuſed to give me the leaſt aſſiſtance; ſo that I have not broke bread theſe two days."—’I was ſhocked at the extremity of his diſtreſs, and or⯑dered ſome bread, cheeſe and wine to be brought immediately, to allay his hunger, until a fricaſſee of chickens could be prepared.—When he had recruited his ſpirits with this homely fare, I de⯑ſired to know the particulars of his peregrination, ſince the accident at Cape Tiberoon; which were briefly theſe: The money he had about him be⯑ing all ſpent at Port Louis, the civility and hoſ⯑pitality of the French cooled to ſuch a degree, that he was obliged to liſt on board of one of their king's ſhips, as a common fore-maſt-man, to prevent himſelf from ſtarving on ſhore.—In this ſituation, he continued two years, during which time he had acquired ſome knowledge of their language, and the reputation of a good ſea⯑man: The ſhip he belonged to was ordered home to old France, where ſhe was laid up as unfit for ſervice, and he was received on board of one of monſieur D'Antin's ſquadron, in quality of quarter-maſter; which office he performed in a voyage to the Weſt-Indies, where they engaged with our ſhip, as before related; but his con⯑ſcience upbraiding him for ſerving the enemies of his country, he quitted the ſhip at the ſame place where he firſt liſted, and got to Curraſoa in a Dutch veſſel; there he bargained with another ſkipper, bound to Europe, to work for his paſ⯑ſage [45] to Holland, from whence he was in hopes of hearing from his friends in England; but was caſt away, as he mentioned before, on the French coaſt, and muſt have been reduced to the ne⯑ceſſity of travelling on foot to Holland, and begging for his ſubſiſtence on the road, or of en⯑tering on board of another French man of war, at the hazard of being treated as a deſerter, if Providence had not ſent me to his ſuccour.—‘"And now, my lad, (continued he) I think I ſhall ſteer my courſe directly to London, where I do not doubt of being replaced, and of having the R taken off me by the lords of the admiralty, to whom I intend to write a petition ſetting forth my caſe: If I ſucceed, I will have wherewithal to give you ſome aſ⯑ſiſtance, becauſe when I left the ſhip I had two years pay due to me; therefore I deſire to know whither you are bound; and beſide, perhaps, I may have intereſt enough to pro⯑cure a warrant appointing you ſurgeon's mate of the ſhip to which I ſhall belong.—For the beadle of the admiralty is my good friend; and he and one of the under-clerks are ſworn brothers, and that under-clerk has a good deal to ſay with one of the upper-clerks, who is very well known to the under-ſecretary, who, upon his recommendation, I hope will recommend my affair to the firſt ſecretary; and he again, will ſpeak to one of the Lords in my behalf: So that you ſee, I do not want friends to aſſiſt me on occaſion.—As for the fellowr Crampley, tho'ſ I know him not, I am ſure he is neither ſea-man nor officer; by what you have told me, or elſe he could never be ſo much miſtaken in his reckoning, [46] as to run the ſhip on ſhore on the coaſt of Suſſex, before he believed himſelf in ſoundings; neither, when that accident happened, would he have left the ſhip until ſhe had been ſtove to pieces, eſpecially when the tide was mak⯑ing; wherefore, by this time, I do ſuppoſe he has been tried by a court-martial and exe⯑cuted for his cowardice and miſconduct."—’I could not help ſmiling at the deſcription of my uncle's ladder, by which he propoſed to clime to the attention of the board of admiralty; and tho' I knew the world too well, to confide in ſuch de⯑pendance myſelf, I would not diſcourage him with doubts; but aſked if he had no friend in London, who would advance a ſmall ſum of mo⯑ney to enable him to appear as he ought, and make a ſmall preſent to the under ſecretary, who might poſſibly diſpatch his buſineſs the ſooner on that account.—He ſcratched his head, and after ſome recollection, replied, ‘"Why, yes, I believe Daniel Whipcord the ſhip-chandler in Wapping would not refuſe me ſuch a ſmall matter.—I know I can have what credit I would, for lodging, liquor and cloaths; but as to money, I won't be poſitive:—Had ho⯑neſt Block been living, I ſhould not have been at a loſs."—’I was heartily ſorry to find a wor⯑thy man ſo deſtitute of friends, when he had ſuch need of them; and looked upon my own ſituation as leſs miſerable than his, becauſe I was better acquainted with the ſelfiſhneſs and roguery of mankind; conſequently leſs liable to diſap⯑pointment and impoſition.

CHAP. XLII.

[47]

He takes his paſſage in a Cutter for Deal—we are accoſted by a prieſt, who proves to be a Scottiſhman—his profeſſions of friendſhip—he is affronted by the lieu⯑tenant, who afterwards appeaſes him by ſubmiſſion—my uncle embarks—I am introduced by the prieſt to a capuchin, in whoſe company I ſet out for Paris—the character of my fellow-traveller—an adventure on the road—I am ſhocked at his behaviour.

WHEN our repaſt was ended, we walked down to the harbour, where we found a Cutter that was to ſail for Deal in the evening, and Mr. Bowling agreed for his paſſage: In the mean time, we ſauntered about the town, to ſatisfy our curioſity, our converſation turning on the ſubject of my deſigns, which were not as yet fixed: Neither can it be ſuppoſed, that my mind was at eaſe, when I found myſelf reduced almoſt to extreme poverty, in the midſt of fo⯑reigners, among whom I had not one acquain⯑tance to adviſe or befriend me.—My uncle was ſenſible of my forlorn condition, and preſſed me to accompany him to England, where he did not doubt of finding ſome ſort of proviſion for me: But beſides the other reaſons I had for avoiding that kingdom, I looked upon it, at this time, as [48] the worſt country in the univerſe for a poor ho⯑neſt man to live in; and therefore determined to remain in France, coute que coute.—I was con⯑firmed in this reſolution, by a reverend prieſt, who paſſing by at this time, and overhearing us ſpeak Engliſh, accoſted us in the ſame language, telling us he was our countryman, and wiſhing it might be in his power to do us any ſervice: We thanked this grave perſon for his courteous offer, and invited him to drink a glaſs with us, which he did not think proper to refuſe, and we went all together into a tavern of his recommend⯑ing. After having drank to our healths in a bumper of good Burgundy, he began to enquire into our ſituation, and aſked particularly the place of our nativity, which we no ſooner named, than he ſtarted up, and wringing our hands with great fervour, ſhed a flood of tears, crying, ‘"I come from the ſame part of the country! perhaps you are my own relations."—’I was on my guard againſt his careſſes, which I ſuſpected very much, when I remembred the adventure of the money-dropper; but without any appearance of diffidence, obſerved, that as he was born in that part of the country, he muſt certainly know our families, which (howſoever mean our preſent ap⯑pearance might be) were none of the moſt obſcure and inconſiderable.—Then I diſcovered our names, to which I found he was no ſtranger; he had known my grandfather perſonally; and not⯑withſtanding an abſence of fifty years from Scot⯑land, recounted ſo many particulars of the fami⯑lies in the neighbourhood, that my ſcruples were entirely removed, and I thought myſelf happy in his acquaintance.—In the courſe of our conver⯑ſation, I diſcloſed my condition without reſerve, [49] and diſplayed my talents to ſuch advantage, that the old father looked upon me with admiration, and aſſured me, that if I ſtayed in France, and liſtened to reaſon, I could not fail of making my fortune, to which he would contribute all in his power.

My uncle began to be jealous of the prieſt's inſinuation, and very abruptly declared, that if ever I ſhould renounce my religion, he would break off all connexion and correſpondence with me; for it was his opinion, that no honeſt man would ſwerve from the principles in which he was bred, whether Turkiſh, Proteſtant or Ro⯑man.—The father, affronted at this declaration, with great vehemence, began a long diſcourſe, ſetting forth the danger of obſtinacy, and ſhut⯑ting one's eyes againſt the light: He ſaid, that ignorance would be no plea towards juſtification, when we had opportunities of being better in⯑formed; and that, if the minds of people had not been open to conviction, the Chriſtian reli⯑gion would not have been propagated in the world; and we ſhould now be in a ſtate of Pa⯑gan darkneſs and barbarity: He endeavoured to prove, by ſome texts of ſcripture, and many quotations from the fathers, that the Pope was the ſucceſſor of St. Peter, and vicar of Jeſus Chriſt; that the church of Rome was the true, holy, catholick church; and that the proteſtant faith was an impious hereſy, and damnable ſchiſm, by which many milions of ſouls would ſuffer ever⯑laſting perdition.—When he had finiſhed his ſer⯑mon, which I thought, he pronounced with more zeal than diſcretion, he addreſſed himſelf to my uncle, and deſired to know his objections to what had been ſaid. The lieutenant, whoſe [50] attention had been wholly engroſſed by his own affairs, took the pipe out of his mouth, and re⯑plied, ‘"As for me, friend, d'ye ſee, I have no objection to what you ſay, it may be either true or falſe, for what I know; I meddle with no body's affairs but my own; the gunner to his linſtock, and the ſteerſman to the helm, as the ſaying is.—I truſt to no creed but the compaſs, and do unto every man as I would be done by; ſo that I defy the pope, the de⯑vil, and the pretender; and hope to be ſaved as well as another."—’This aſſociation of per⯑ſons gave great offence to the friar, who proteſt⯑ed, in a mighty paſſion, that if Mr. Bowling had not been his countryman, he would have cauſed him to be impriſoned for his inſolence.—I ventured to diſapprove of my uncle's raſhneſs, and appeaſed the old gentleman, by aſſuring him, there was no offence intended by my kinſman, who by this time, ſenſible of his error, ſhook the injured party by the hand, and aſked pardon for the freedom he had taken.—Matters being amicably compromiſed, he invited us to come and ſee him in the afternoon at the convent to which he belonged, and took his leave for the preſent; when my uncle recommended it ſtrong⯑ly to me to perſevere in the religion of my fore⯑fathers, whatever advantages I might propoſe to my ſelf by a change, which could not fail of diſgracing myſelf, and diſhonouring my family.—I aſſured him no conſideration ſhould induce me to forfeit his friendſhip and good opinion, on that ſcore; at which he diſcovered great ſatiſ⯑faction, and put me in mind of dinner, which we immediately beſpoke, and when it was ready eat together.

[51] I imagined my acquaintance with the Scottiſh Prieſt, if properly managed, might turn out to my advantage, and therefore reſolved to cultivate it as much as I could. With this view we viſited him at his convent, according to his invitation, where he treated us with wine and ſweet-meats, and ſhewed us every thing that was remarka⯑ble in the monaſtery.—Having been thus enter⯑tained, we took our leave, though not before I had promiſed to ſee him next day; and the time fixed for my uncle's embarking being come, I accompanied him to the harbour, and ſaw him on board.—We parted not without tears, after we had embraced and wiſhed one another all manner of proſperity; and he intreated me to write to him often, directing to lieutenant Thomas Bowling, at the ſign of the Union flag, near the Hermitage, London.

I returned to the houſe in which we had met, where I paſſed the night in a very ſolitary man⯑ner, reflecting on the ſeverity of my fate, and endeavouring to project ſome likely ſcheme of life for the future; but my invention failed me, I ſaw nothing but unſurmountable difficulties in my way, and was ready to deſpair at the miſerable proſpect! That I might not, however, neglect any probable means, I got up in the morning, and went directly to the father, whoſe advice and aſſiſtance I implored.—He received me very kindly, and gave me to underſtand, that there was one way of life in which a perſon of my talents could not fail of making a great figure.—I gueſſed his meaning, and told him once for all, I was fully determined againſt any alteration in point of re⯑ligion, therefore if his propoſal regarded the church, he might ſave himſelf the trouble of [52] explaining it. He ſhook his head and ſighed, ſaying, ‘"Ah! ſon, ſon, what a glorious pro⯑ſpect is here ſpoiled, by your ſtubborn pre⯑judice! Suffer yourſelf to be perſuaded by rea⯑ſon, and conſult your temporal welfare, as well as the concerns of your eternal ſoul.—I can, by my intereſt, procure your admiſſion as a noviciate into this convent, where I will ſuperintend and direct you with a truly pater⯑nal affection."—’Then he launched out into the praiſes of a monaſtic life, which no noiſe diſturbs, no cares moleſt, and no danger invades—where the heart is weaned from carnal at⯑tachments, the groſſer appetites ſubdued and chaſtiſed, and the ſoul wafted to the divine re⯑gions of philoſophy and truth, on the wings of ſtudious contemplation.—But his eloquence was loſt upon me, whom two conſiderations enabled to withſtand his temptations; namely, my pro⯑miſe to my uncle, and my averſion to an eccle⯑ſiaſtical life; for as to the difference of religion, I looked upon it as a thing of too ſmall moment to come in competition with a man's fortune.—Finding me immoveable on this head, he told me, he was more ſorry than offended at my non⯑compliance, and ſtill ready to employ his good of⯑fices in my behalf.—‘"The ſame erroneous ma⯑xims (ſaid he) that obſtruct your promo⯑tion in the church, will infallibly prevent your advancement in the army; but if you can brook the condition of a ſervant, I am ac⯑quainted with ſome people of rank at Verſailles, to whom I can give you letters of recommen⯑dation, that you may be entertained by ſome one of them, in quality of maitre d' hotel; and I do not doubt that your qualifications [53] will ſoon entitle you to a better proviſion."—’I embraced his offer with great eagerneſs; and he appointed me to come back in the afternnoon, when he would not only give me the letters, but likewiſe introduce me to a capuchin of his ac⯑quaintance, who intended to ſet out for Paris next morning, in whoſe company I might travel, without being at the expence of one livre during the whole journey. This piece of good news gave me infinite pleaſure; I acknowledged my obligation to the benevolent father, in the moſt grateful expreſſions; and he performed his pro⯑miſe to a tittle, in delivering the letters, and making me acquainted with the capuchin, with whom I departed next morning by break of day.

It was not long before I diſcovered my fellow⯑traveller to be a merry facetious fellow, who, not⯑withſtanding his profeſſion and appearance of mortification, loved good eating and drinking bet⯑ter than his roſary, and paid more adoration to a pretty girl than to the Virgin Mary, or St. Ge⯑nevive.—He was a thick brawny young man, with red eye-brows, a hook noſe, a face covered with freckles; and his name was Frere Balthazar. His order did not permit him to wear linnen, ſo that having little occaſion to undreſs himſelf, he was none of the cleanlieſt animals in the world; and his conſtitution was naturally ſo ſtrong ſcent⯑ed, that I always thought it convenient to keep to the windward of him in our march.—As he was perfectly well known on the road, we fared ſumptuouſly without any coſt, and the fatigue of our journey was much alleviated by the good hu⯑mour of my companion, who ſung an infinite number of catches on the ſubjects of love and wine.—We took up our lodging the firſt night [54] at a peaſant's houſe, not far from Abbe Ville, where we were entertained with an excellent ragout, cooked by our landlord's daughters, one of whom was very handſome: After having eat heartily, and drank a ſufficient quantity of vin du Pais, we were conducted to a barn, where we found a couple of carpets ſpread upon clean ſtraw for our reception.—We had not lain in this ſituation above half an hour, when we heard ſomebody knock ſoftly at the door, upon which Balthazar got up, and let in our hoſt's two daugh⯑ters, who wanted to have ſome private conver⯑ſation with him in the dark; when they had whiſpered together ſome time, the capuchin came to me, and aſked if I was inſenſible to love, or ſo hard-hearted as to refuſe a ſhare of my bed to a pretty maid, who had a tendreſſe for me.—I muſt own, to my ſhame, that I ſuffered my⯑ſelf to be overcome by my paſſion, and with great eagerneſs ſeized the occaſion, when I un⯑derſtood that the amiable Nanette was to be my bedfellow.—In vain did my reaſon ſuggeſt the re⯑ſpect I owed to my dear miſtreſs Narciſſa; the idea of that lovely charmer, rather increaſed than allayed the ferment of my ſpirits; and the young Paiſanne had no reaſon to complain of my re⯑membrance.—Early in the morning, the kind creatures left us to our repoſe, which laſted till eight o'clock, when we got up, and were treat⯑ed at breakfaſt with chocolate and l'eau de vie, by our paramours, of whom we took a tender leave, after my companion had confeſſed and gi⯑ven them abſolution.—While we proceeded on our journey, the converſation turned upon the night's adventure, being introduced by the capu⯑chin, who aſked me how I liked my lodging: [55] I declared my ſatisfaction, and talked in raptures of the agreeable Nanette; at which he ſhook his head, and ſmiling ſaid, ſhe was a morçeau pour la bonne bouche. ‘"I never valued myſelf (continued he) upon any thing ſo much as the conqueſt of Nanette; and, vanity apart, I have been pretty fortunate in my amours."—’This in⯑formation ſhocked me not a little, as I was well convinced of his intimacy with her ſiſter; and though I did not care to tax him with downright inceſt, I profeſſed my aſtoniſhment at his laſt night's choice, when, I ſuppoſed, the other was at his devotion.—To this he anſwered, that be⯑ſides his natural complaiſance to the ſex, he had another reaſon to diſtribute his favours equal⯑ly between them; namely, to preſerve peace in the family, which could not otherwiſe be main⯑tained;—that moreover Nanette had conceived an affection for me, and he loved her too well to baulk her inclination; more eſpecially, when he had an opportunity of obliging his friend at the ſame time.—I thanked him for this inſtance of his friendſhip, though I was extremely diſ⯑guſted at his want of delicacy, and curſed the oc⯑caſion that threw me in his way.—Libertine as I was, I could not bear to ſee a man behave ſo wide of the character he aſſumed: I looked up⯑on him as perſon of very little worth or honeſty, and ſhould have even kept a wary eye upon my pocket, if I had thought he could have any temp⯑tation to ſteal.—But I could not conceive the uſe of money to a capuchin, who is obliged, by the rules of his order, to appear like a beggar, and enjoys all other neceſſaries of life gratis; beſides, my fellow-traveller ſeemed to be of a complexion too careleſs and ſanguine, to give me any apprehenſion [56] on that ſcore; ſo that I proceeded with great confidence, in expectation of being ſoon at my journey's end.

CHAP. XLIII.

We lodge at a houſe near Amiens, where I am robbed by the capuchin, who eſcapes while I am aſleep—I go to Noyons in ſearch of him, but without ſucceſs—I make my condition known to ſeveral people, but find no relief—I grow deſperate—join a company of ſoldiers—inliſt in the re⯑giment of Picardy—we are ordered in⯑to Germany—I find the fatigues of the march almoſt intolerable—quarrel with my comrade in a diſpute upon politicks—he challenges me to the field, wounds and diſarms me.

THE third night of our pilgrimage, we paſſed at a houſe near Amiens, where Bal⯑thazar being unknown, we ſupped upon indiffe⯑rent fare, and ſower wine, and were fain to lie in a garret upon an old mattraſs, which, I be⯑lieve, had been in the poſſeſſion of ten thouſand myriads of fleas, time out of mind.—We did not invade their territory with impunity; in leſs than a minute we were attacked with ſtings in⯑numerable, in ſpite of which, however, I fell faſt aſleep, being exceſſively fatigued with our day's march, and did not wake till nine next [57] morning, when, ſeeing myſelf alone, I ſtarted up in a terrible fright, and examining my pockets, found my preſaging fear too true! My compa⯑nion had made free with my caſh, and left me to ſeek my way to Paris by myſelf! I run down ſtairs immediately; and with a look full of grief and amazement, enquired for the mendicant, who, they gave me to underſtand, had ſet out four hours before, after having told them, I was a little indiſpoſed, and deſired I might not be diſturbed, but be informed when I ſhould wake he had ta⯑ken the road to Noyons, where he would wait for my coming, at the Coq D'Or.—I ſpoke not a word, but with a heavy heart, directed my courſe to that place, at which I arrived in the af⯑ternoon, fainting with wearineſs and hunger; but learned, to my utter confuſion, that no ſuch perſon had been there!—It was happy for me that I had a good deal of reſentment in my con⯑ſtitution, which animated me on ſuch occaſions, againſt the villainy of mankind, and enabled me to bear misfortunes otherwiſe intolerable.—Boil⯑ing with indignation, I diſcovered to the hoſt my deplorable condition, and inveighed with great bitterneſs againſt the treachery of Baltha⯑zar; at which he ſhrugged up his ſhoulders, and with a peculiar grimace on his countenance, ſaid, he was ſorry for my misfortune; but there was no remedy like patience.—At that inſtant ſome gueſts arrived, to whom he haſtened to offer his ſervice, leaving me mortified at his indifference, and fully perſuaded that an inn-keeper is the ſame ſordid animal all over the world.—While I ſtood in the porch, forlorn and undetermined, venting ejaculations of curſes againſt the thief who had robbed me, and the old prieſt who re⯑commended [58] him to my friendſhip; a young gentleman richly dreſſed, attended by a valet de chambre and two ſervants in livery, arrived at the inn. I thought I perceived a good deal of ſweet⯑neſs and good nature in his countenance; there⯑fore, he had no ſooner alighted than I accoſted him, and in a few words explained my ſituation: He liſtened with great politeneſs, and when I had made an end of my ſtory, ſaid, ‘"Well, mon⯑ſieur, what would you have me do?"’ I was effectually abaſhed at this interrogation, which I believed no man of common ſenſe or generoſity could make, and made no other reply than a low bow: He returned the compliment ſtill lower, and tript into an apartment, while the landlord let me know, that my ſtanding there to interrupt company gave offence, and might do him infinite prejudice.—He had no occaſion to repeat his inſinu⯑ation; I moved from the place immediately; and was ſo much tranſported with grief, anger, and diſ⯑dain, that a torrent of blood guſhed from my noſtrils.—In this extaſy, I quitted Noyons, and betook myſelf to the fields, where I wandered about like one diſtracted, till my ſpirits were quite ex⯑hauſted, and I was obliged to throw myſelf down at the root of a tree, to reſt my wearied limbs.—Here my rage forſook me, I began to feel the importunate cravings of nature, and relapſed in⯑to ſilent ſorrow and melancholy reflection. I re⯑volved all the crimes I had been guilty of, and found them ſo few and venial, that I could not comprehend the juſtice of that providence, which after having expoſed me to ſo much wretched⯑neſs and danger, left me a prey to famine at laſt in a foreign country, where I had not one friend or acquaintance to cloſe my eyes, and do the [59] laſt offices of humanity to my miſerable carcaſe.—A thouſand times I wiſhed myſelf a bear, that I might retreat to woods and deſarts, far from the inhoſpitable haunts of man, where I could live by my own talents independant of treache⯑rous friends, and ſupercilious ſcorn.

As I lay in this manner, groaning over my hapleſs fate, I heard the ſound of a violin, and raiſing my head, perceived a company of men and women dancing on the graſs at ſome diſtance from me.—I looked upon this to be a favourable ſeaſon for diſtreſs to attract compaſſion, when e⯑very ſelfiſh thought is baniſhed, and the heart dilated with mirth and ſocial joy; wherefore I got up and approached thoſe happy people, whom I ſoon diſcovered to be a party of ſoldiers, with their wives and children, unbending and divert⯑ing themſelves at this rate, after the fatigue of a march.—I had never before ſeen ſuch a parcel of ſcare-crows together, neither could I reconcile their meagre gaunt looks, their ſqualid and ragged attire, and every other external ſymptom of ex⯑treme woe, with this appearance of feſtivity.—I ſaluted them however, and was received with great politeſſe; after which they formed a ring and danced around me.—This jollity had a won⯑derful effect upon my ſpirits! I was infected with their gayety, and in ſpite of my diſmal ſituation forgot my cares, and joined in their extravagance.—When we had recreated ourſelves a good while at this diverſion, the ladies ſpread their manteaus on the ground, upon which they emptied their knapſacks of ſome onions, coarſe bread, and and few flaſks of poor wine: Being invited to a ſhare of the banquet, I ſat down with the reſt, and in the whole courſe of my life never made a [60] more comfortable meal.—When our repaſt was ended, we got up again to dance; and now that I found myſelf refreſhed, I behaved to the ad⯑miration of every body: I was loaded with a thouſand compliments, and profeſſions of friend⯑ſhip; the men commended my perſon and agility, and the women were loud in the praiſe of my bonne grace;—the ſerjeant in particular, expreſſed ſo much regard for me, and deſcribed the agree⯑mens of a ſoldier's life, with ſo much art, that I began to liſten to his propoſal of enliſting me in the ſervice; and the more I conſidered my own condition, the more I was convinced of the neceſſity I was under to come to a ſpeedy deter⯑mination.—Having therefore maturely weighed the circumſtances pro and con, I ſignified my con⯑ſent, and was admitted into the regiment of Pi⯑cardy, ſaid to be the oldeſt corps in Europe.—The company to which this command belonged, was quartered at a village not far off, whither we marched next day, and I was preſented to my captain, who ſeemed very well pleaſed with my appearance, gave me a crown to drink, and or⯑dered me to be accommodated with cloaths, arms and accoutrements.—Whereupon I ſold my livery ſuit, purchaſed linnen, and as I was at great pains to learn the exerciſe, in a very ſhort time be⯑came a compleat ſoldier.

It was not long before we received orders to join ſeveral more regiments, and march with all expedition into Germany, in order to reinforce Marechal Duc de Noailles, who was then en⯑camped with his army on the ſide of the river Main, to watch the motions of the Engliſh, Au⯑ſtrians, and Heſſians, under the command of the earl of Stair. We began our march accordingly, [61] and then I became acquainted with that part of a ſoldier's life to which I had been a ſtranger hither⯑to:—It is impoſſible to deſcribe the hunger and thirſt I ſuſtained, and the ſatigue I underwent in a march of ſo many hundred miles; during which, I was ſo much chaſed with the heat and motion of my limbs, that in a very ſhort time the inſide of my thighs and legs were deprived of ſkin, and I proceeded in the utmoſt torture.—This misfor⯑tune I owed to the plumpneſs of my conſtitution, which I curſed, and envied the withered con⯑dition of my comrades, whoſe bodies could not ſpare juice enough to ſupply a common iſſue, and were indeed proof againſt all manner of fric⯑tion. The continual pain I felt made me fretful, and my peeviſhneſs was increaſed by the mortifi⯑cation of my pride in ſeeing theſe miſerable wretches, whom a hard gale of wind would have ſcattered through the air like chaff, bear thoſe toils with alacrity, under which I was ready to ſink.

One day while we enjoyed a halt, and the ſol⯑diers with their wives had gone out to dance, ac⯑cording to cuſtom, my comrade ſtaid at home with me on pretence of friendſhip, and inſulted me with his pity and conſolation! He told me, though I was young and tender at preſent, I would ſoon be ſeaſoned to the ſervice; and he did not doubt but I ſhould have the honour to contribute in ſome meaſure to the glory of the king.—‘"Have courage, therefore, my child (ſaid he) and pray to the good God, that you may be as happy as I am, who have had the honour of ſerving Lewis the Great, and of re⯑ceiving many wounds in helping to eſtabliſh his glory."—’When I looked upon the con⯑temptible [62] object that pronounced theſe words, I was amazed at the infatuation that poſſeſſed him; and could not help expreſſing my aſtoniſhment at the abſurdity of a rational being, who thinks himſelf highly honoured in being permitted to encounter abject poverty, oppreſſion, famine, diſeaſe, mutilation, and evident death, merely to gratify the vicious ambition of a prince, by whom his ſufferings were diſregarded, and his name utterly unknown.—I obſerved, that if his ſituation was the conſequence of compulſion, as having been preſſed into the ſervice, I would praiſe his patience and fortitude in bearing his lot;—if he had taken up arms in defence of his in⯑jured country, he was to be applauded for his patriotiſm;—or if he had fled to this way of life as a refuge from a greater evil, he was juſtifiable in his own conſcience, (though I could have no notion of miſery more extreme than that he ſuf⯑fered;) but to put his condition on the footing of conducing to the glory of his prince, was no more than profeſſing himſelf a deſperate ſlave, who voluntarily underwent the utmoſt wretched⯑neſs and peril, and committed the moſt flagrant crimes, to ſooth the barbarous pride of a fellow⯑creature, his ſuperior in nothing but the power he derived from the ſubmiſſion of ſuch wretches as he. The ſoldier was very much affronted at the liberty I took with his king, which, he ſaid, nothing but my ignorance could excuſe: He affirmed, that the characters of princes were ſacred, and ought not to be profaned by the cenſure of their ſubjects, who were bound by their allegiance to obey their commands, of what nature ſoever, without ſcruple or repining—And adviſed me to correct the re⯑bellious principles I had imbibed among the [63] Engliſh, who, for their inſolence to their kings, were notorious all over the world, even to a proverb:

Le roy d' Angleterre,

Eſt le roy de l' Enfer.

In vindication of my countrymen, I adduced all the arguments commonly uſed to prove that every man has a natural right to liberty; that al⯑legiance and protection are reciprocal; that when the mutual tie is broken by the tyranny of the king, he is accountable to the people for his breach of contract, and ſubject to the penalty of the law; and that thoſe inſurrections of the Engliſh, which are branded with the name of rebellion, by the ſlaves of arbitrary power, were no other than glorious efforts to reſcue that inde⯑pendance which was their birthright, from the ravenous claws of uſurping ambition.—The Frenchman, provoked at the little deference I paid to the kingly name, loſt all patience, and re⯑proached me in ſuch a manner, that my temper forſook me, and I clenched my fiſt, with an in⯑tention to give him a hearty box on the ear.—Perceiving my deſign, he ſtarted back, and de⯑manded a parley; upon which I checked my in⯑dignation, and he gave me to underſtand that a Frenchman never forgave a blow; therefore if I was not weary of my life, I would do well to ſpare him that mortification, and do him the ho⯑nour of meaſuring his ſword with mine, like a gentleman.—I took his advice and followed him to a field hard by, where indeed I was aſhamed at the pitiful figure of my antagoniſt, who was a poor, little, ſhivering creature decrepid with [64] age, and blind of one eye.—But I ſoon found the folly of judging from appearances; being at the ſecond paſs wounded in the ſword hand, and im⯑mediately diſarmed with ſuch a jerk, that I thought the joint was diſlocated.—I was no leſs confounded than enraged at this event, eſpecially as my adverſary did not bear his ſucceſs with all the moderation that might have been expected; for he inſiſted upon my aſking pardon for my pre⯑ſumption in affronting his king and him.—This I would by no means comply with, but told him, it was a mean condeſcenſion, which no gentle⯑man in his circumſtances ought to propoſe, nor none in my ſituation perform;—and that if he perſiſted in his ungenerous demand, I would in my turn claim ſatisfaction with my muſket, at which weapon we ſhould be more upon a par, than with the ſword, of which he ſeemed ſo much maſter.

CHAP. XLIV.

[65]

The gaſcon does not uſe his victory with all the moderation that might have been expected—In order to be revenged I learn the ſcience of defence.—we join Marechal Duc de Noailles—are engaged with the allies at Dettingen, and put to flight—the behaviour of the French ſoldiers on that occaſion—I induſtriouſly ſeek another combat with the old gaſcon, and vanquiſh him in my turn—our regiment is put into winter quarters at Rheims, where I find my friend Strap—our recognition—he ſupplies me with money, and procures my diſcharge—we take a trip to Paris; from whence we ſet out for London by the way of Flanders, where we ſafely ar⯑rive.

HE was diſconcerted at this declaration, to which he made no reply, but repaired to the dancers, among whom he recounted his victory with many exaggerations and gaſconades; while I, taking up my ſword, went to my quar⯑ters and examined my wound, which I ſound was of no conſequence.—The ſame day, an Iriſh drummer, having heard my misfortune, viſited me, and after having condoled me on the chance of war, gave me to underſtand, that he was [66] maſter of his ſword, and would in a very ſhort time inſtruct me ſo thoroughly in that noble ſcience, that I ſhould be able to chaſtiſe the old gaſcon for his inſolent boaſting at my expence.—This friendly office he proffered on pretence of the regard he had for his countrymen; but I afterwards learned the true motive was no other than a jealouſy be entertained of a correſpondence between the Frenchman and his wife, which he did not think proper to reſent in perſon.—Be this as it will, I accepted his offer, and practiſed his leſſons with ſuch application, that I ſoon be⯑lieved myſelf a match for my conqueror.—In the mean time we continued our march, and arrived at the camp of Mareſchal Noailles, the night before the battle of Dettingen. Notwithſtanding the fatigue we had undergone, our regiment was one of thoſe that were ordered next day to croſs the river, under the command of the Duc de Gramont, to take poſſeſſion of a narrow defile, through which the allies muſt of neceſſity have paſſed at a great diſadvantage, or remain where they were, and periſh for want of proviſion, if they would not condeſcend to ſurrender at diſcre⯑tion.—How they ſuffered themſelves to be pent up in this manner, it is not my province to re⯑late; I ſhall only obſerve, that when we had taken poſſeſſion of our ground, I heard an old officer in converſation with another, proſeſs a ſurpriſe at the conduct of Lord Stair, who had the repu⯑tation of a good general.—But it ſeems, at this time, that nobleman was over-ruled, and only acted in an inferior character; ſo that no part of the blame could be imputed to him, who declared his diſapprobation of the ſtep, in conſequence of which the whole army was in the utmoſt dan⯑ger; [67] but providence or deſtiny acted miracles in their behalf, by diſpoſing the Duc de Gramont to quit his advantageous poſt, paſs the defile, and attack the Engliſh, who were drawn up in order of battle on the plain, and who handled us ſo roughly, that after having loſt a great number of men, we turned our backs without ceremony, and fled with ſuch precipitation, that many hun⯑dreds periſhed in the river, through pure fear and confuſion; for the enemy was ſo generous, that they did not purſue us one inch of ground; and if our conſternation would have permitted, we might have retreated with great order and de⯑liberation.—But not withſtanding the royal cle⯑mency of the king of Great Britain, who headed the allies in perſon, and no doubt, put a ſtop to the carnage, our loſs amounted to 5000 men, among whom were many officers of diſtinction.—Our miſcarriage opened a paſſage for the foe to Hanau, whither they immediately marched, leaving their ſick and wounded to the care of the French, who next day took poſſeſſion of the field of battle, buried the dead, and treated the living with hu⯑manity.—This was a great conſolation to us, who thence took occaſion to claim the victory; and the genius of the French nation never ap⯑peared more conſpicuous than now, in the rhodo⯑montades they uttered on the ſubject of their gene⯑roſity and courage: Every man, (by his own ac⯑count) performed feats that would have ſhamed all the heroes of antiquity.—One compared him⯑ſelf to a lion retiring at leiſure from his coward⯑ly purſuers, who keep at a wary diſtance, and gall him with their darts.—Another likened him⯑ſelf to a bear that retreats with his face to the [68] enemy, who dare not aſſail him; and a third aſ⯑ſumed the character of a deſperate ſtag, that turns upon the hounds and keeps them at bay.—There was not a private ſoldier engaged, who had not by the proweſs of his ſingle arm, de⯑moliſhed a whole platoon, or put a ſquadron of horſe to flight; and among others, the meagte gaſcon extoled his exploits above thoſe of Her⯑cules or Charlemagne.—As I ſtill retained my reſentment for the diſgrace I ſuffered in my laſt recontre with him, and now that I thought my⯑ſelf qualified, longed for an opportunity to re⯑trieve my honour; I magnified the valour of the Engliſh with all the hyperboles I could imagine, and decried the puſilanimity of the French in the ſame ſtile, comparing them to hares flying before grey-hounds, or mice purſued by cats; and paſſed an ironical compliment on the ſpeed he exerted in his flight, which, conſidering his age and in⯑firmities, I ſaid was ſurpriſing.—He was ſtung to the quick by this ſarcaſm, and with an air of threatning diſdain, bid me know myſelf better, and remember the correction I had already re⯑ceived from him for my inſolence; for he might not be always in the humour of ſparing a wretch who abuſed his goodneſs. To this inuendo I made no reply but by a kick on the breech, which overturned him in an inſtant.—He ſtarted up with wonderful agility, and drawing his ſword, attacked me with great fury: Several people interpoſed, but when he informed them of its being an affair of honour, they retired and left us to decide the battle by ourſelves. I ſuſ⯑tained his onſet with little damage, having only received a ſmall ſcratch on my right ſhoulder, [69] and ſeeing his breath and vigour almoſt exhauſted, aſſaulted him in my turn, cloſed with him, and wreſted his ſword out of his hand in the ſtruggle.—Having thus acquired the victory, I deſired him to beg his life; to which he made no anſwer, but ſhrugged up his ſhoulders to his ears, ex⯑panded his hands, elevated the ſkin of his fore⯑head and eye-brows, and depreſſed the corners of his mouth, in ſuch a manner, that I could ſcarce refrain from laughing aloud at his groteſque ap⯑pearance.—That I might, however, mortify his vanity, which had triumphed without bounds over my misfortune, I thruſt his ſword up to the hilt in ſomething (it was not a tanſy) that lay ſmoaking on the plain, and joined the reſt of the ſoldiers with an air of tranquility and indiffe⯑rence.

There was nothing more of moment attempted by either of the armies during the remaining part of the campaign, which being ended, the Engliſh marched back to the Netherlands; part of our army was detached to French Flanders, and our regiment ordered to winter-quarters in Cham⯑pagne.—It was the fate of the grenadier company, to which I now belonged, to lie at Rheims, where I found myſelf in the utmoſt want of every thing: My pay, which amounted to five ſols a day, ſo far from ſupplying me with neceſſaries, being ſcarce ſufficient to procure a wretched ſub⯑ſiſtance, to keep ſoul and body together; ſo that I was by hunger and hard duty, brought down to the meagre condition of my fellow-ſol⯑diers, and my linen reduced from three tolerable ſhirts, to two pair of ſleeves and necks, the bo⯑dies having been long ago converted into ſpatter⯑daſhes; and after all, I was better provided than [70] any private man in the regiment.—In this ur⯑gency of my affairs, I wrote to my uncle in England, though my hopes from that quarter were not at all ſanguine, for the reaſons I have already explained, and in the mean time had re⯑courſe to my old remedy patience, conſoling my⯑ſelf with the flattering ſuggeſtions of a lively imagination that never abandoned me in my diſtreſs.

One day, while I ſtood centinel at the gate of a general officer, a certain nobleman came to the door, followed by a gentleman in mourn⯑ing, to whom, at parting, I heard him ſay, ‘"You may depend upon my good offices."—’This aſſurance was anſwered by a low bow of the perſon in black, who turning to go away, diſcovered to me the individual countenance of my old friend and adherent Strap.—I was ſo much aſtoniſhed at the ſight, that I loſt the power of utterance, and before I could recollect myſelf, he was gone, without taking any notice of me.—Indeed, had he ſtaid, I ſcarce would have ven⯑tured to accoſt him; becauſe, though I was per⯑fectly well acquainted with the features of his face, I could not be poſitively certain as to the reſt of his perſon, which was very much altered for the better, ſince he leſt me at London; nei⯑ther could I conjecture by what means he was enabled to appear in the ſphere of a gentleman, to which, while I knew him, he had not even the ambition to aſpire.—But I was too much concerned in the affair to neglect further information, and therefore took the firſt opportunity of aſking the porter if he knew the gentleman to whom the Marquis ſpoke. The Swiſs told me, his name was Monſieur d'Eſtrapes, that he had been [71] valet de chambre to an Engliſh gentleman lately deceaſed, and that he was very much regarded by the Marquis for his fidelity to his maſter, be⯑tween whom and that nobleman a very intimate friendſhip had ſubſiſted.—Nothing could be more agreeable to me than this piece of intelligence, which baniſhed all doubt of its being my friend, who had found means to frenchify his name as well as his behaviour, ſince we parted. As ſoon therefore, as I was relieved, I went to his lodg⯑ing, according to a direction given me by the Swiſs, and had the good fortune to find him at home. That I might ſurprize him the more, I concealed my name and buſineſs, and only de⯑ſired the ſervant of the houſe, to tell Monſieur d'Eſtrapes, that I begged the honour of half an hour's converſation with him.—He was confound⯑ed and diſmayed at this meſſage, when he under⯑ſtood it was ſent by a ſoldier, though he was conſcious to himſelf of no crime; all that he had heard of the Baſtile appeared to his imagi⯑nation with aggravated horror, and it was not before I had waited a conſiderable time, that he had reſolution enough to bid the ſervant ſhew me up ſtairs.—When I entered his chamber, he re⯑turned my bow with great civility, and endea⯑voured with forced complaiſance, to diſguiſe his fear, which appeared in the paleneſs of his face, the wildneſs of his looks, and the ſhaking of his limbs.—I was diverted at his conſternation, which redoubled, when I told him (in French) I had buſineſs for his private ear, and demanded a par⯑ticular audience.—The valet being withdrawn, I aſked in the ſame language, if his name was d'Eſtrapes, to which he anſwered, with a faul⯑tering tongue, ‘"The ſame, at your ſervice."—’ [72] ‘"Are you a Frenchman? (ſaid I.)"—’ ‘"I have not the honour to be a Frenchman born (re⯑plied he) but I have an infinite veneration for the country."—’I then deſired he would do me the honour to look at me, which he no ſooner did, than ſtruck with my appearance, he ſtarted back and cried in Engliſh, ‘"O Jeſus!—ſure it can't!—No, 'tis impoſſible!"—’I ſmiled at his interjections, ſaying, ‘"I ſuppoſe you are too much of a gentleman to own your friend in adverſity."—’When he heard me pronounce theſe words in our own language, he leaped upon me in a tranſport of joy, hung about my neck, kiſſed me from ear to ear, and blubbered like a great ſchool-boy who has been whipt.—Then obſerving my dreſs, he ſet up his throat, crying, ‘"O L—d! O L—d! that ever I ſhould live to ſee my deareſt friend re⯑duced to the condition of a foot ſoldier in the French ſervice! Why did you conſent to my leaving you?—But I know the reaſon—you thought you had got more creditable friends, and grew aſhamed of my acquaintance.—Ah! Lord help us! though I was a little ſhort-ſighted, I was not altogether blind;—And though I did not complain, I was not the leſs ſenſible of your unkindneſs, which was indeed the only thing that induced me to ramble abroad, the Lord knows whither; but I muſt own it has been a lucky ramble to me, and ſo I forgive you, and may God forgive you:—O L—d! O L—d! is it come to this?"—’I was nettled at the charge, which, though juſt, I could not help thinking unſeaſonable, and told him with ſome tartneſs, that whether his ſuſpicions were well or ill-grounded, he might [73] have choſen a more convenient opportunity of in⯑troducing them: And that the queſtion now was, whether or no he found himſelf diſpoſed to lend me any aſſiſtance.—‘"Diſpoſed! (replied he with great emotion) I thought you had known me ſo well, as to aſſure yourſelf, without aſk⯑ing, that I, and all that belongs to me, are at your command.—In the mean time, you ſhall dine with me, and I will tell you ſomething that, perhaps, will not be diſpleaſing unto you."—’Then wringing my hand, he ſaid, ‘"It makes my heart bleed to ſee you in that garb!"—’I thanked him for his invitation, which, I obſerved, could not be unwelcome to a perſon who had not eaten a comfortable meal theſe ſeven months; but I had another requeſt to make, which I begged he would grant before dinner, and that was the loan of a ſhirt: For al⯑though my back had been many weeks a ſtranger to any comfort of this kind, my ſkin was not yet quite familiarized to the want of it.—He ſtared in my face, with a woful countenance, at this declaration, which he would ſcarce believe, until I explained it, by unbuttoning my coat, and diſcloſing my naked body; a circum⯑ſtance that ſhocked the tender-hearted Strap, who, with tears in his eyes, run to a cheſt of drawers, and taking out ſome linen, preſented to me a very fine ruffled holland ſhirt, and cambrick neckcloth, aſſuring me, he had three dozen of the ſame kind at my ſervice.—I was raviſhed at this piece of good news, and having accommodated myſelf in a moment, hug⯑ged my benefactor for his generous offer, ſaying, I was overjoyed to find him undebauched by proſperity, which ſeldom fails of corrupting the heart. He beſpoke for dinner, ſome ſoup and [74] boillé, a couple of pullets roaſted, and a diſh of ſparrowgraſs, and in the interim entertained me with biſcuit and Burgundy; after which he en⯑treated me to gratify his longing deſire of know⯑ing every circumſtance of my fortune ſince his departure from London.—This I complyed with, beginning at the adventure of Gawky, and re⯑lating every particular event in which I had been concerned from that day to the preſent hour. During the recital, my friend was ſtrongly af⯑fected, according to the various ſituations de⯑ſcribed: He ſtarted with ſurprize, glowed with indignation, gaped with curioſity, ſmiled with pleaſure, trembled with fear, and wept with ſor⯑row, as the viciſſitudes of my life inſpired theſe different paſſions; and when my ſtory was ended, ſignified his amazement on the whole, by lifting up his eyes and hands, and proteſting, that tho' I was a young man, I had ſuffered more than all the bleſſed martyrs.

After dinner, I deſired, in my turn, to know the particulars of his peregrination, and he ſatiſ⯑fied me in a few words, by giving me to under⯑ſtand that he had lived a year at Paris with his maſter, who, in that time, having acquired the language, as well as the faſhionable exerciſes, to perfection, made a tour of France and Holland, during which excurſion, he was ſo unfortunate as to meet with three of his own countrymen on their travels, in whoſe company he committed ſuch exceſſes, that his conſtitution failed, and he fell into a conſumption; that by the advice of phyſicians he went to Montpelier for the benefit of good air, and recovered ſo well in ſix weeks, that he returned to Rheims, ſeemingly in good health, where he had not continued above a [75] month, when he was ſeized with a looſeneſs, that carried him off in ten days, to the unſpeak⯑able ſorrow of all who knew him, and eſpecially of Strap, who had been very happy in his ſervice, and given ſuch ſatisfaction, that his maſter on his death-bed, recommended him to ſeveral perſons of diſtinction, for his diligence, ſobriety, and af⯑fection, and left him by will, his wearing apparel, gold watch, ſword, rings, ready money, and all the moveables he had in France, to the value of three hundred pounds, ‘"which I now (ſaid he) in the ſight of God and man, ſurrender to your abſolute diſpoſal: Here are my keys, take them, I beſeech you, and God give you joy of the poſſeſſion."—’My brain was almoſt turned with this ſudden change of fortune, which I could ſcarce believe real; however, I poſitively refuſed this extravagant proffer of my friend, and put him in mind of my being a ſoldier; at which he ſtarted, crying, ‘"Odſo! that's true—we muſt procure your diſcharge—I have ſome in⯑tereſt with a nobleman who is able to do me that favour."—’We conſulted about this affair, and it was determined, that Monſieur d'Eſtrapes, ſhould wait upon the Marquis in the morning, and tell him he had by accident found his brother, whom he had not ſeen for many years before, a private ſoldier in the regiment of Picardle, and im⯑plore that nobleman's intereſt for his diſcharge.—In the mean time, we enjoyed ourſelves over a bottle of good Burgundy, and ſpent the evening in concerting ſchemes for our future conduct, in caſe I ſhould be ſo lucky as to get rid of the army.—The buſineſs was to make ourſelves eaſy for life, by means of his legacy, a taſk very difficult, and, in the uſual methods of laying out [76] money, altogether impracticable; ſo that after much canvaſing, we could come to no reſolution that night, but when we parted, recommended the matter to the ſerious attention of each other. As for my own part, I puzzled my imagination to no purpoſe; when I thought of turning mer⯑chant, the ſmallneſs of our ſtock, and the riſk of ſeas, enemies and markets, deterred me from that ſcheme.—If I ſhould ſettle as a ſurgeon in my own country, I would find the buſineſs already overſtocked; or if I pretended to ſet up in Eng⯑land, muſt labour under want of friends and pow⯑erful oppoſition, obſtacles unſurmountable by the moſt ſhining merit; neither would I ſucceed in my endeavours to riſe in the ſtate, inaſmuch as I could neither flatter nor pimp for courtiers, nor proſtitute my pen in defence of a wicked and con⯑temptible adminiſtration.—Before I could form one feaſible project, I fell aſleep, and my fancy was bleſſed with the image of my dear Narciſſa, who ſeemed to ſmile upon my paſſion, and offer her hand as a reward for all my toils.

Early in the morning, I went to the lodgings of my friend, whom I found exulting over his happy invention; for I no ſooner entered his apartment, than he addreſſed me in theſe words, with a ſmile of ſelf-applauſe: ‘"Well, Mr. Random, a lucky thought may come into a fool's head ſometimes.—I have hit it—I'll hold you a button my plan is better than yours, for all your learning.—But you ſhall have the preference in this as in all other things; therefore proceed, and let us know the effects of your meditation,—and then I will impart my own ſimple excogitations."—’I told him, that not one thought occurred to me [77] which deſerved the leaſt notice, and ſignified my impatience to be acquainted with the fruits of his reflection.—‘"As we have not (ſaid he) money ſufficient to maintain us during a tedious ex⯑pectation, it is my opinion, that a bold puſh muſt be made; and I ſee none ſo likely to ſucceed as your appearing in the character of a gentleman (which is your due) and mak⯑ing your addreſſes to ſome lady of fortune who can render you independant at once.—Nay, don't ſtare—I affirm that this ſcheme is both prudent and honourable; for I would not have you throw yourſelf away upon an old, toothleſs, wheezing dame, whoſe breath would ſtink you into a conſumption in leſs than three months; neither would I adviſe you to aſſume the character of a wealthy 'Squire, as your common fortune-hunters do, by which means many a poor lady is cheated into matrimony, and inſtead of enjoying the pomp and grandeur that was promiſed, ſees her dowry ſeized by her huſband's rapacious creditors, and herſelf reduced to miſery and deſpair.—No, I know you have a ſoul that diſdains ſuch impoſition; and are maſter of qualifications both of mind and body, which alone entitle you to a match, that will ſet you above the world.—I have cloaths in my poſ⯑ſeſſion, that a Duke need not be aſhamed to wear.—I believe they will fit you as they are—if not, there are plenty of taylors in France.—Let us take a ſhort trip to Paris, and pro⯑vide ourſelves in all other neceſſaries, then ſet out for England, where I intend to do my⯑ſelf the honour of attending you in quality of valet.—This will ſave you the expence of a [78] ſervant, ſhaving and dreſſing; and I doubt not but by the bleſſing of God, we ſhall bring matters to a ſpeedy and fortunate iſſue."—’Extravagant as this propoſal was, I liſtened to it with pleaſure, becauſe it flattered my vanity, and indulged a ridiculous hope I began to entertain of inſpiring Narciſſa with a mutual flame.

After breakfaſt, Monſieur d'Eſtrapes went to pay his devoirs to the Marquis, and was ſo ſucceſs⯑ful in his application, that I obtained a diſcharge in a few days, upon which we ſet out for Paris.—Here I had time to reflect and congratulate myſelf upon this ſudden tranſition of fate, which to bear with moderation, required ſome degree of philoſophy and ſelf-denial.—This will be more obvious, if I give a detail of the particulars, to the quiet poſſeſſion of which I was raiſed in an inſtant, from the moſt abject miſery and con⯑tempt.—My wardrobe conſiſted of five faſhion⯑able coats full-mounted, two of which were plain, one of cut velvet, one trimed with gold, and another with ſilver-lace; two frocks, one of white drab with large plate buttons, the other of blue, with gold binding; one waiſtcoat of gold brocard; one of blue ſattin, embroidered with ſilver; one of green ſilk, trimmed with broad figured gold lace; one of black ſilk, with fi⯑gures; one of white ſattin; one of black cloth, and one of ſcarlet; ſix pair of cloth breeches; one pair of crimſon, and another of black velvet; twelve pair of white ſilk ſtockings, as many of black ſilk, and the ſame number of fine cotton; one hat, laced with gold point d' Eſpagne, another with ſilver-lace ſcolloped, a third with gold bind⯑ing, and a fourth plain; three dozen of fine ruffled ſhirts, as many neckcloths; one dozen [79] of cambrick handkerchiefs, and the like number of ſilk. The other moveables which I poſſeſſed by the generoſity and friendſhip of Strap, were, a gold watch with a chaſed caſe, two valuable diamond rings, two mourning ſwords, one with a ſilver handle, and a fourth cut ſteel inlaid with gold; a diamond ſtock-buckle, and a ſet of ſtone buckles for the knees and ſhoes; a pair of ſilver mounted piſtols with rich houſings; a gold-headed cane, and a ſnuff-box of tortoiſe-ſhell mounted with gold, having the picture of a lady in the lid.—The gentleman left many other things of value, which my friend had converted into caſh before I met with him, ſo that over and above theſe particulars, our ſtock in ready money a⯑mounted to ſomething more than two hundred pounds.

Thus equipt, I put on the gentleman of figure, and attended by my honeſt friend, who was con⯑tented with the ſtation of my valet. I viſited the Louvre, examined the gallery of Luxemburgh, and appeared at Verſailles, where I had the ho⯑nour of ſeeing his Moſt Chriſtian Majeſty eat a conſiderable quantity of olives.—During the month I ſpent at Paris, I went ſeveral times to court, the Italian opera, and play-houſe, danced at a maſquerade, and in ſhort ſaw every thing remarkable in and about that capital.—After which we ſet out for England by the way of Flanders, paſſed through Bruſſels, Ghent, and Bruges, and took ſhipping at Oſtend, from whence in fourteen hours we arrived at Deal, hired a poſt-chaiſe, and in twelve hours more got ſafe to London; having diſpoſed of our heavy baggage in the waggon.

CHAP. XLV.

[80]

I enquire about my uncle, and underſtand he is gone to ſea—take lodgings at Charing⯑croſs—go to the play, where I meet with an adventure—I go to an ordi⯑nary; the gueſts deſcribed—become acquainted with Medlar and doctor Wagtail.

AS ſoon as we alighted at the Inn, I diſ⯑patched Strap to enquire about my uncle, at the Samſon and Lion in Wapping; and he return⯑ed in a little time, with an account of Mr. Bowling's having gone to ſea, mate of a mer⯑chant ſhip, after a long and unſucceſsful applica⯑tion and attendance at the admiralty; where, it ſeems, the intereſt he depended upon, was not ſufficient to reinſtate him, or recover the pay that was due to him when he quitted the Thunder.

Next day I hired very handſome lodgings not far from Charing-croſs; and in the evening, dreſſed myſelf in a plain ſuit of the true Paris cut, and appeared in a front box at the play, where I ſaw a good deal of company, and had vanity enough to make me believe, that I was obſerved with an uncommon degree of attention and ap⯑plauſe. This ſilly conceit intoxicated me ſo much, that I was guilty of a thouſand ridiculous co⯑quetries; and I dare ſay, how favourable ſoever the thoughts of the company might be at my firſt appearance, they were ſoon changed by my [81] abſurd behaviour, into pity or contempt.—I got up and ſat down, covered and uncovered my head twenty times between the acts; pulled out my watch, clapped it to my ear, wound it up, ſet it, gave it the hearing again;—diſplayed my ſnuff-box, affected to take ſnuff, that I might have an opportunity of ſhewing my brilliant, and wiped my noſe with a perfumed handkerchief;—then dangled my cane, and adjuſted my ſword⯑knot, and acted many more fooleries of the ſame kind, in hopes of obtaining the character of a pretty fellow, in the acquiring of which, I found two conſiderable obſtructions in my diſpoſition; namely, a natural reſerve, and jealous ſenſibility.—Fain would I have entered into converſation with the people around me; but was reſtrained by the fear of being cenſured for my aſſurance, as well as by reflecting that I was more entitled to a compliment of this kind from them than they to ſuch condeſcenſion from a ſtranger like me.—How often did I redden at the frequent whiſpers and loud laughter of my fellow beaus, which I imagined were excited by me! and how often did I envy the happy indifference of thoſe choice ſpirits who beheld the diſtreſs of the ſcene, with⯑out diſcovering the leaſt ſymptom of approbation or concern! My attention was engaged in ſpite of myſelf, and I could not help weeping with the heroine of the ſtage; though I practiſed a great many ſhifts to conceal this impolite piece of weakneſs.—When the play was ended, I ſat waiting for an opportunity of handing ſome lady to her coach; but every one was attended by ſuch a number of officious gallants, that for a long time I was baulked in my expectation.—At length, however, I perceived a very handſome creature, [82] genteelly dreſſed, ſitting by herſelf in a box, at ſome diſtance from me; upon which I went up to her, and offered my ſervice.—She ſeemed to to be in ſome confuſion, thanked me for my complaiſance, and with a tender look declined giving me the trouble; looking at her watch, and teſtifying her ſurprize at the negligence of her footman, whom ſhe had ordered to have a chair ready for her at that hour.—I repeated my in⯑treaty with all the eloquence and compliment I was maſter of; and in the event, ſhe was pre⯑vailed upon to accept of a propoſal I made, to ſend my ſervant for a chair or coach: Accordingly, Strap was detached for that purpoſe, and returned without ſucceſs, there being none to be found; by this time the play-houſe was quite empty, and we were obliged to retire: As I led her through the paſſage, I obſerved five or ſix young fellows of faſhion, ſtanding in a corner, one of whom, as I thought, tipt my charmer the wink, and when we were paſt, I heard them ſet up the loud laugh.—This arrouſed my attention, and I was reſolved to be fully ſatisfied of this lady's charac⯑ter, before I ſhould have any nearer connexion with her.—As no convenience appeared, I pro⯑poſed, that I ſhould conduct her to a tavern, where we might ſtay a few minutes, until my ſer⯑vant could fetch a coach from the Strand.—She ſeemed particularly ſhy of truſting herſelf in a tavern with a ſtranger; but at laſt, yielded to my pathetic remonſtrances, rather than endanger her health, by remaining in a cold damp thorough-fare.—Having thus far ſucceeded, I begged to know what wine ſhe would be pleaſed to drink a glaſs of; but ſhe profeſſed the greateſt averſion to all ſorts of ſtrong liquors; and it was with much dif⯑ficulty [83] that I could perſuade her to eat a jelly.—In the mean time, I endeavoured to alleviate the uneaſineſs ſhe diſcovered, by ſaying all the agreeable things I could think of; at which ſhe would often ſigh, and regard me with a languiſh⯑ing look, that ſeemed too near a-kin to the lewd leer of a courtezan.—This diſcovery added to my former ſuſpicion, while it put me upon my guard againſt her arts, diveſted me of reſerve, and enabled me to entertain her with more gaity and freedom.—In the courſe of our converſation, I preſſed her to allow me the honour of waiting upon her next day, at her lodgings, which ſhe, with many apologies, refuſed, leſt it ſhould give umbrage to Sir John, who was of a diſpoſition apt to be fretted with trifles.—This information, by which I was to underſtand that her huſband was a knight, did not check my addreſſes, which be⯑came more and more importunate, and I was even hardy enough to raviſh a kiſs.—But, O heavens! inſtead of banqueting on the ambroſial flavour, that her delicacy and complexion promiſed, I was al⯑moſt ſuffocated with the ſteams of Geneva! An exhalation of this kind from a mouth which had juſt before declared an utter abhorrence of all ſpirituous liquors, not only changed my doubts into certainty, but my raptures into loathing; and it would have been impoſſible for me to have preſerved common complaiſance five mi⯑nutes longer, when my ſervant returned with a coach.—I took the advantage of this occaſion, and preſented my hand to the lady, who put in practice againſt me the whole artillery of her charms, ogling, languiſhing, ſighing, and ſqueez⯑ing, with ſo little reſerve, that Strap perceived her tenderneſs, and rubbed his hands with joy as [84] he followed us to the door;—but I was proof a⯑gainſt all her endearments, and handed her into the coach with an intention to take my leave im⯑mediately. She gueſſed my deſign, and invited me to her houſe, whiſpering, that now Sir John was gone to bed, ſhe could have the pleaſure of my converſation for half an hour without inter⯑ruption.—I told her, there was no mortification I would not undergo, rather than endanger the re⯑poſe of her ladyſhip; and bidding the coachman drive on, wiſhed her a good night.—She loſt all temper at my indifference, and ſtopping the coach at the diſtance of about twenty yards from me, popped out her head, and bawled with the lungs of a fiſh-woman, ‘"D—n you, you dog, won't you pay the coach-hire?"’ I made no anſwer: Upon which ſhe held forth againſt me with an e⯑loquence peculiar to herſelf; calling me pitiful fellow, ſcoundrel, and an hundred ſuch appella⯑tions; and concluding with an oath, that for all my appearance, ſhe believed I had got no money in my pocket.

Having thus vented her indignation, ſhe or⯑dered the coachman to proceed, and I returned to the tavern, where I beſpoke ſomething for ſupper, very well pleaſed at the iſſue of this ad⯑venture.—I diſpenſed with the attendance of the waiter at table, on pretence that my own ſervant was preſent, and when we were alone, ſaid to Strap; ‘"Well, Monſieur d'Eſtrapes, what d'ye think of this lady?"’ My friend, who had not opened his mouth ſince her departure, could make no other reply than the monoſyllable ‘"Think!"’ which he pronounced with a note of fear and aſtoniſhment.—Surprized at this emphaſis, I ſur⯑veyed my valet, and perceiving a wildneſs in [85] his looks, aſked if he had ſeen his grandfather's ghoſt?—‘"Ghoſt! (ſaid he) I am ſure I have ſeen a devil incarnate! Who would have thought that ſo much deviliſh malice and Bil⯑lingſgate, could lurk under ſuch ſweetneſs of countenance and modeſty of behaviour? Ah! God help us! Fronti nulla fides—nimium ne crede colori—but we ought to down on our knees and bleſs God for delivering us from the jaws of that painted ſepulchre."—’I was pretty much of Strap's opinion, and though I did not believe myſelf in any danger from the al⯑lurements of that ſiſterhood, I determined to act with great circumſpection for the future, and ſhun all commerce of that kind, as equally prejudicial to my purſe and conſtitution.

My next care was to introduce myſelf into a ſet of good acquaintance; for which purpoſe, I frequented a certain coffee-houſe, noted for the reſort of good company, Engliſh as well as fo⯑reigners, where my appearance procured all the civilities and advances I could deſire. There be⯑ing an ordinary in the ſame houſe, I went up ſtairs to dinner with the other gueſts, and found myſelf at table with thirteen people, the greateſt part of whom were better dreſſed than myſelf.—The converſation, which was moſtly carried on in French, turned chiefly on politicks; and I ſoon found the whole company was in the French intereſt, myſelf excepted, and a teſty old gentle⯑man, who contradicted every thing that was ad⯑vanced in favour of his Moſt Chriſtian Majeſty, with a ſurlineſs truly Engliſh.—But this truſty patriot, who had never been out of his own country, and drew all his maxims and notions from prejudice and hearſay, was very unequal to [86] his antagoniſts, who were ſuperior to him in learning and experience, and often took the li⯑berty of travellers, in aſſerting things which were not ſtrictly true, becauſe they thought themſelves in no danger of being detected by him.—The claim of the queen of Spain to the Auſtrian do⯑minions in Italy, was fully explained and vin⯑dicated, by a perſon who ſat oppoſite to me, and by the ſolemnity of his manner, and the richneſs of his apparel, ſeemed to be a foreign ambaſſador.—This diſſertation introduced another on the Pragmatic Sanction, handled with great warmth by a young gentleman at my right hand, dreſſed in a green frock trimmed with gold, who juſtified the French king for his breach of that contract; and affirmed that he could not have obſerved it, without injuring his own glory.—Although I was not at all convinced by this gentleman's argu⯑ments, I could not help admiring his vivacity, which I imagined muſt be the effect of his il⯑luſtrious birth, and noble education, and accord⯑ingly rated him in my conjecture as a young prince on his travels.—The diſcourſe was after⯑wards ſhifted by an old gentleman of a very mar⯑tial appearance, to the laſt campaign, when the battle of Dettingen was fought over again, with ſo many circumſtances to the honour of the French, and diſadvantage of the Allies, that I began to entertain ſome doubts of my having been there in perſon; and took the liberty to mention ſome objections to what he advanced.—This introduced a diſpute which laſted a good while, to the mortification of all preſent; and was at laſt referred to the determination of a grave perſon, whom they ſtiled doctor, and who under a ſhew of great moderation, decided it againſt [87] me, with ſo little regard to truth, that I taxed him with partiality in pretty ſevere terms, to the no ſmall entertainment of the true Engliſh poli⯑tician, who rejoiced at my defence of a cauſe he had ſo often eſpouſed without ſucceſs: My opo⯑nent pleaſed with the victory he had gained, af⯑fected a great deal of candour, and told me, he would not have been ſo poſitive, if he had not been at great pains to inform himſelf of each par⯑ticular—‘"Indeed, (ſaid he) I am convinced, that, the previous ſteps conſidered, things could not happen otherwiſe; for we generals who have ſeen ſervice, tho' we may not be on the ſpot ourſelves, know by the leaſt ſketch of the diſpoſition, what muſt be the event."—’He then cenſured, with great freedom, every circum⯑ſtance of the conduct of thoſe who commanded the Allies; from thence made a tranſition to the Miniſtry, which he honoured with many invec⯑tives, for employing people who had neither ex⯑perience nor capacity, to the prejudice of old of⯑ficers who had been diſtinguiſhed for both; dropt many hints of his own importance; and con⯑cluded with obſerving, that the French and Spaniards knew better how to value generals of merit; the good effects of which are ſeen in the conqueſts they gain, and the admirable diſcipline of their troops, which are at the ſame time better cloathed and paid than any ſoldiers in the univerſe. Theſe remarks furniſhed the green knight with an opportunity of launching out in the praiſe of French government in general, civil as well as military; on which occaſion he made many odious com⯑pariſons to the diſadvantage of the Engliſh: Every body, almoſt, aſſented to the obſervations he made, and the doctor gave his ſanction, by ſaying, the [88] people in France were undoubtedly the happieſt ſubjects in the world.—I was ſo much aſtoniſhed and confounded at their infatuation and effron⯑tery, that I had not power to utter one word in oppoſition to their aſſertions; but my moroſe aſſo⯑ciate could not put up with the indignity that was offered to old England, and therefore with a ſati⯑rical grin addreſſed himſelf to the general in theſe words: ‘"Sir, Sir, I have often heard it ſaid, She's a villainous bird that befouls her own neſt.—As for what thoſe people who are foreigners ſay, I don't mind it, they know no better; but you who were bred and born, and have got your bread under the Engliſh government, ſhould have more regard to gratitude as well as truth, in cenſuring your native country.—If the miniſtry have thought fit to lay you aſide, I ſuppoſe they have their own reaſons for ſo doing; and you ought to remember that you ſtill live on the bounty of this nation.—As for theſe gentlemen, (meaning the prince and ambaſſador) who make ſo free with our conſtitution, laws and genius of our people, I think they might ſhew a little more reſpect for their benefactors, who, I muſt own, are to blame in harbouring, protecting and encou⯑raging ſuch ungrateful vagrants as they are."—’At theſe words the chevalier in green ſtarted up in a great paſſion, and laying his hand on the hilt of his hanger, exclaimed, ‘"Ha! foutre!"—’The Engliſhman on the other hand, graſping his cane, cried, ‘"Don't foutre me, ſirrah, or by G—d, I'll knock you down."—’The com⯑pany interpoſed, the Frenchman ſat down again, and his antagoniſt proceeded—‘"Lookee, mon⯑ſieur, you know very well, that had you [89] dared to ſpeak ſo freely of the adminiſtration of your own country in Paris, as you have done of ours in London, you would have been ſent to the Baſtile without ceremony, where you might have rotted in a dungeon, and never ſeen the light of the ſun again.—Now, Sir, take my word for it, although our conſtitution ſcreens us from ſuch oppreſſion, we want not laws to chaſtiſe the authors of ſeditious diſ⯑courſe; and if I hear another ſyllable out of your mouth, in contempt or prejudice of this kingdom, I will give you a convincing proof of what I advance, and have you laid by the heels for your preſumption."—’This declaration had an effect on the company, as ſudden as ſurprizing.—The young prince became ſupple as a ſpaniel, the ambaſſador trembled, the general ſat ſilent and abaſhed, and the doctor, who, it ſeems, had felt the rod of power, grew pale as death, and aſ⯑ſured us all, that he had no intention to affront any perſon or people.—‘"Your principles, doc⯑tor, (reſumed the old gentleman) are no ſecret—I have nothing to ſay upon that head; but am very much ſurprized, that a man who de⯑ſpiſes us ſo much, ſhould notwithſtanding live among us, when he has no viſible motive for ſo doing.—Why don't you take up your ha⯑bitation in your beloved France, where you may rail at England without cenſure?"—’To this the doctor thought proper to make no reply; and an unſocial ſilence enſued; which I perceiving, took notice, that it was pity ſuch idle diſputes, maintained very often for whim or di⯑verſion, ſhould create any miſunderſtanding among gentlemen of good ſenſe; and propoſed to drink down all animoſity in another bottle.—This mo⯑tion [90] was applauded by the whole company: The wine was brought, and the Engliſh champion de⯑claring he had no ſpleen againſt any man for dif⯑fering in opinion from him, any more than for difference of complexion, drank to the good health of all preſent; the compliment was re⯑turned, and the converſation once more became unreſerved, though more general than before.—Among other topicks, the ſubject of war was introduced, on which the general declaimed with great eloquence, recounting many of his own exploits by way of illuſtration.—In the courſe of his harrangue he happened to mention the word epaulement, upon which the teſty gentleman aſked the meaning of that term.—‘"I'll tell you what an epaulement is, (replied he)—I never ſaw an epaulement but once—and that was at the ſiege of Namur—in a council of war, mon⯑ſieur Cohorn, the famous engineer, affirmed that the place could not be taken.—’ ‘Yes, (ſaid the prince of Vaudemont) it may be taken by an epaulement."—’ ‘"This was imme⯑diately put in execution, and in twenty-fourhours Mareſchal Boufflers was fain to capitulate."—’Here he made a full ſtop, and the old gentleman repeated the queſtion, ‘"But pray what is an epaulement?"—’To this the officer made no immediate reply, but rung the bell and called for a bill, which being brought, he threw down his proportion of the reckoning, and telling the company, he would ſhew them what an epaule⯑ment is, when his Majeſty thought fit to entruſt him with the command of our army abroad, ſtrutted away with great dignity.—I could not imagine why he was ſo ſhy of explaining one of the moſt ſimple terms of fortification; which I [91] forthwith deſcribed as a ſide-work compoſed of earth, gabions, or faſchins; but I was very much ſurprized when I afterwards underſtood that his reſerve proceeded from his ignorance.—Having paid our bill, we adjourned to the coffee-room, where my fellow-labourer inſiſted on treating me with a diſh, giving me to underſtand at the ſame time, that I had acquired his good opinion, both with reſpect to my principles and intellects.—I thanked him for his compliment, and profeſſing myſelf an utter ſtranger in this part of the world, begged he would have the goodneſs to inform me of the quality and characters of the people who dined above.—This requeſt was a real fa⯑vour to one of his diſpoſition, which was no leſs communicative than curious; he therefore complied with great ſatisfaction, and let me know, to my extreme aſtoniſhment, that the ſuppoſed young prince was a dancer at one of the theatres; and the ambaſſador no other than a fidler belonging to the opera. ‘"The doctor (ſaid he) is a Ro⯑man Catholick prieſt, who ſometimes appears in the character of an officer, and aſſumes the name of captain; but more generally takes the garb, title and behaviour of a phyſician, in which capacity he wheedles himſelf into the confidence of weak-minded people, and by ar⯑guments no leſs ſpecious than falſe, converts them from their religion and allegiance.—He has been in the hands of juſtice more than once for ſuch practices; but he is a ſly dog, and manages matters with ſo much craft, that hitherto he has eſcaped for a ſhort impriſon⯑ment.—As for the general, you may ſee he has owed his promotion more to his intereſt than his capacity; and now that the eyes of [92] the miniſtry are opened, his friends dead, or become inconſiderable, he is ſtruck off the liſt, and obliged to put up with a yearly pen⯑ſion; in conſequence of this reduction, he is become malecontent, and enveighs againſt the government in all companies, with ſo little diſ⯑cretion, that I am ſurpriſed at the lenity of the adminiſtration in overlooking his inſolence, but the truth of the matter is, he owes his ſafety to his weakneſs and want of importance.—He has ſeen a little, and but a little ſervice, and yet if you will take his word for it, there has not been a great action performed in the field ſince the revolution, in which he was not principally concerned. When a ſtory is told of any great general, he immediately matches it with one of himſelf, though he is often unhap⯑py in his invention, and commits ſuch groſs blunders in the detail, that every body is in pain for him.—Caeſar, Pompey, and Alexander the Great are continually in his mouth; and as he reads a good deal without any judgment to digeſt it, his ideas are confuſed, and his har⯑rangues as unintelligible as infinite; for, once he begins, there is no chance of his leaving off ſpeaking, while one perſon remains to yield attention; therefore the only expedient I know, of putting a ſtop to his loquacity, is to lay hold of ſome incongruity he has ut⯑tered, and demand an explanation; or aſk the meaning of ſome difficult term that he knows by name only, this will effectually put him to ſilence, if not to flight, as it happened when I enquired about an epaulement.—Had he been acquainted with the ſignification of that word, his triumph would have been intolerable, and we muſt have quitted the field firſt, or [93] been worried with impertinence."—’Having thus gratified my curioſity, the old gentleman be⯑gan to diſcover his own, in queſtions relating to myſelf, to which I thought proper to return am⯑biguous anſwers.—‘"I preſume, Sir, (ſaid he) you have travelled."—’I anſwered, ‘"Yes."’ ‘"—I dare ſay, you would find it very expenſive (ſaid he.)"—’I replied, ‘"To be ſure, one cannot travel without money."—’ ‘"That I know by experience (ſaid he) for I myſelf take a trip to Bath or Tunbridge every ſeaſon; and one muſt pay ſauce for what he has on the road as well in other countries as in this.—That's a very pretty ſtone in your ring,—give me leave, Sir,—the French have attained to a wonderful ſkill in making compoſitions of this kind.—Why now, this looks almoſt as well as a diamond."—’ ‘"Almoſt as well, Sir, (ſaid I) why not altogether?—I'm ſure if you underſtand any thing of jewels, you muſt perceive at firſt ſight, that this ſtone is a real diamond, and that of a very fine water.—Take it in your hand, and examine it."—’He did ſo, with ſome confuſion, and returned it, ſaying, ‘"I aſk your pardon, I ſee it is a true brilliant of im⯑menſe value."—’I imagined his reſpect for me increaſed after this inquiry; therefore to captivate his eſteem the more, I told him, I would ſhew him a ſeal of compoſition, engraved after a very va⯑luable antique; upon which I pulled out my watch with a rich gold chain, adorned with three ſeals ſet in gold, and an opal ring.—He viewed each of them with great eagerneſs, handled the chain, admired the chaſed caſe, and obſerved, that the whole muſt have coſt me a vaſt ſum of money. I affected indifference, and replied in a careleſs manner, ‘"Some trifle of ſixty or [94] ſeventy guineas."’ Upon which he ſtared in my face for ſome time, and then aſked if I was an Engliſhman.—I anſwered in the negative.—‘"You are from Ireland then, Sir, I preſume, (ſaid he.)"’ I made the ſame reply. ‘"O! perhaps (ſaid he) you was born in one of our ſettlements abroad."—’I ſtill anſwered no.—He ſeemed very much ſurprized, and ſaid, he was ſure I was not a foreigner. I made no reply, but left him upon the tenter-hooks of impatient uncertainty.—He could not contain his anxiety, but aſked pardon for the liberties he had taken, and to encourage me the more to diſcloſe my ſi⯑tuation, diſplay'd his own without reſerve.—‘"I am (ſaid he) a ſingle man, have a con⯑ſiderable annuity, on which I live according to my own inclination; and make the ends of the year meet very comfortably.—As I have no eſtate to leave behind me, I am not troubled with the importunate officiouſneſs of relations, or legacy hunters, and I conſider the world as made for me, not me for the world: It is my ma⯑xim therefore to enjoy it while I can, and let futurity ſhift for itſelf."—’While he thus indulged his own talkative vein, and at the ſame time, no doubt, expected a retaliation from me; a young man entered, dreſſed in black velvet and an enormous tye-wig, with an air in which na⯑tural levity and affected ſolemnity were ſo jum⯑bled together, that on the whole, he appeared a burleſque on all decorum. This ridiculous oddity danced up to the table at which we ſat, and after a thouſand grimaces, aſked my friend by the name of Mr: Medlar, if we were not en⯑gaged upon buſineſs.—My companion put on a ſurly countenance, and replied, ‘"No great buſi⯑neſs, [95] doctor—but however."—’ ‘"O! then (cried the phyſician) I muſt beg your indul⯑gence a little, pray pardon me, gentlemen.—Sir, (ſaid, he, addreſſing himſelf to me) your moſt humble ſervant, I hope you will forgive me, Sir—I muſt beg the favour to ſit—Sir—Sir—I have ſomething of conſequence to impart to my friend Mr. Medlar—Sir, I hope you will excuſe my freedom in whiſpering, Sir."—’Before I had time to give this com⯑plaiſant perſon my permiſſion, Mr. Medlar cried, ‘"I'll have no whiſpering—if you have any thing to ſay to me, ſpeak with an audible voice."—’The doctor ſeemed a little diſcon⯑certed at this exclamation, and turning again to me, making a thouſand apologies for pretending to make a myſtery of any thing, which he ſaid was owing to his ignorance of my connexion with Mr. Medlar; but now he underſtood I was a friend, he would communicate what he had to ſay, in my hearing.—He then began, after two or three hems, in this manner:—‘"You muſt know Sir, I am juſt come from dinner at my lady Flareit's, (then addreſſing himſelf to me) a lady of quality, Sir, at whoſe table I have the honour of dining ſometimes.—There was lady Stately, and my lady Larum, and Mrs. Dainty, and Miſs Biddy Gigler, upon my word, a very good natured young lady, with a very pretty fortune, Sir.—There was alſo my Lord Straddle, Sir John Shrug, and maſ⯑ter Billy Chatter, who is actually a very fa⯑cetious young gentleman.—So, Sir, her lady⯑ſhip ſeeing me exceſſively fatigued, for ſhe was the laſt of fifteen patients (people of diſ⯑tinction, Sir) whom I had viſited this fore⯑noon,—inſiſted [96] upon my ſtaying dinner,—though upon my word, I proteſt I had no ap⯑petite; however, in compliance with her ladyſhip's requeſt, Sir, I ſat down, and the con⯑verſation turning on different ſubjects, among other things, Mr. Chatter aſked very earneſtly when I ſaw Mr. Medlar.—I told him I had not had the pleaſure of ſeeing you theſe nine⯑teen hours and a half; for you may remember, Sir, it was nearly about that time; I won't be poſitive as to a minute."—’ ‘"No! (ſays he) then I deſire you will go to his lodgings immediately after dinner, and ſee what is the matter with him, for he muſt certainly be very bad from having eat laſt night ſuch a vaſt quantity of raw oyſters."—’The cruſty gentleman, who from the ſolemnity of his delivery, expected ſomething ex⯑traordinary, no ſooner heard his concluſion, than he ſtarted up in a teſty humour, crying, ‘"Pſhaw, pſhaw! d—n your oyſters;"’ and walked away after a ſhort compliment of ‘"Your ſervant, Sir,"’ to me.—The doctor got up alſo, ſaying, ‘"I vow and proteſt, upon my word, I am actual⯑ly amazed."—’and followed. Mr. Medlar to the bar, which was hard by, where he was pay⯑ing for the coffee; there he whiſpered ſo loud that I could over-hear, ‘"Pray, who is this gen⯑tleman?"—’His friend replied haſtily, ‘"I might have known that before now, if it had not been for your impertinent intruſion,"—’and walked away very much diſappointed.—The ceremonious phyſician returned immediately and ſat down by me, aſking a thouſand pardons for leaving me alone; and giving me to under⯑ſtand that what he had communicated to Mr. Medlar at the bar was an affair of the laſt im⯑portance, [97] that would admit of no delay.—He then called for ſome coffee, and launched out into the virtues of that berry, which, he ſaid, in cold phlegmatic conſtitutions, like his, dried up the ſuperfluous moiſture, and braced the relaxed nerves.—He let me know, that it was utterly unknown to the ancients; and derived its name from an Arabian word, which I might eaſily perceive by the ſound and termination.—From this topick he transferred his diſquiſitions to the verb drink, which he affirmed, was impro⯑perly applied to the taking of coffee, in as much as people did not drink, but ſip or ſipple that li⯑quor;—that the genuine meaning of drinking is to quench one's thirſt, or commit a debauch by ſwallowing wine;—that the Latin word, which conveyed the ſame idea, was bibere or potare, and that of the Greeks pinein or poteein, though he was apt to believe they were diffe⯑rently uſed on different occaſions: For example; to drink a vaſt quantity, or, as the vulgar expreſs it, to drink an ocean of liquor, was in Latin potare, and in Greek poteein; and on the other hand, to uſe it moderately, was bibere and pinein;—that this was only a conjecture of his own, which, however, ſeemed to be ſupported by the word bibulous, which is particularly applied to the pores of the ſkin, that can only drink a very ſmall quantity of the circumambient moiſture, by reaſon of the ſmallneſs of their diameters;—whereas, from the verb poteein, is derived the ſubſtantive potamos, which ſignifies a river, or vaſt quantity of liquor.—I could not help ſmiling at this learned and important inveſtigation; and to recommend myſelf the more to my new ac⯑quaintance, whoſe diſpoſition I was by this time [98] well informed of, I obſerved, that what he al⯑ledged, did not, to the beſt of my remembrance, appear in the writings of the ancients; for, Ho⯑race uſes the words poto and bibo indifferently for the ſame purpoſe, as in the twentieth Ode of his firſt Book.

Vile potabis modicis ſabinum cantharis,—

—Et proelo domitam caleno tu bibes uvam.

That I had never heard of the verb poteein, but that potamos, potema, and potos, were derived from pino, poſo, pepoka; in conſequence of which, the Greek poets never uſe any other word for feſtal drinking.—Homer deſcribes Neſtor at his cups in theſe words:

Neſtora d' ouk elathen jache pinonta perempes.

And Anacreon mentions it on the ſame occaſion almoſt in every page,

Pionti d' oinon hedun
Otan pino ton oinon.
Opliz' ego de pino.

And in a thouſand other places.—The doctor, who, doubtleſs, intended by his criticiſm, to give me an high idea of his erudition, was infinitely ſurprized to find himſelf ſchooled by one in my appearance; and after a conſiderable pauſe, cried, ‘"Upon my word! you are in the right, Sir.—I find I have not conſidered this affair with my uſual accuracy.—’Then accoſting me, in Latin, which he ſpoke very well, the converſa⯑tion was maintained full two hours, on a variety of ſubjects, in that language; and indeed, he ſpoke ſo judiciouſly, that I was convinced, not⯑withſtanding his whimſical appearance, and at⯑tention [99] to trifles, of his being a man of extenſive knowledge, eſpecially in books; he looked upon upon me, as I afterwards underſtood from Mr. Medlar, as a prodigy in learning, and propoſed that very night, if I was not engaged, to intro⯑duce me to ſeveral young gentlemen of fortune and faſhion, with whom he had an appointment at the Bedford coffee-houſe.

CHAP. XLVI.

Wagtail introduces me to a ſet of fine gen⯑tlemen, with whom I ſpend the evening at a tavern—our converſation—the characters of my new companions—the doctor is roaſted—the iſſue of our de⯑bauch.

I Accepted his offer with pleaſure, and we went thither in a hackney-coach, where I ſaw a great number of gay figures fluttering about, moſt of whom ſpoke to the doctor with great familiarity. Among the reſt, ſtood a groupe of them around the fire, whom I immediately knew to be the very perſons who had the night before, by their laughing, alarmed my ſuſpicion of the lady who had put herſelf under my protection.—They no ſooner perceived me enter with Dr. Wagtail (for that was my companion's name) than they tittered and whiſpered one to another; and I was not a little ſurprized to find that they were the gentle⯑men to whoſe acquaintance he deſigned to re⯑commend me; for when he obſerved them to⯑gether, [100] he told me who they were, and deſired to know by what name he ſhould introduce me. I ſatisfied him in that particular, and he advanced with great gravity, ſaying, ‘"Gentlemen, your moſt obedient—give me leave to introduce my friend Mr. Random, to your ſociety."’ Then turning to me, ‘"Mr. Random, this is Mr. Bragwell—Mr. Banter, Sir—Mr. Chatter—my friend Mr. Slyboot, and Mr. Ranter, Sir."—’I ſaluted each of them in or⯑der, and when I came to take Mr. Slyboot by the hand, I perceived him thruſt his tongue in his cheek, to the no ſmall entertainment of the company; but I did not think proper to take any notice of it, on this occaſion.—Mr. Ranter too, (who I afterwards learned was a player) diſ⯑played his talents, by mimicking my air, features and voice, while he returned my compliment:—This I ſhould not have been ſo ſenſible of, had I not ſeen him behave in the ſame manner, to my friend Wagtail, when he made up to them at firſt.—But for once I let him enjoy the fruits of his dexterity without queſtion or controul, re⯑ſolved however, to chaſtize his inſolence at a more convenient opportunity.—Mr. Slyboot gueſſing I was a ſtranger, aſked if I had been lately in France; and when I anſwered in the af⯑firmative, enquired if I had ſeen the Luxem⯑burg gallery: I told him, I had conſidered it more than once, with great attention: Upon this a converſation enſued, in which I diſcovered him to be a painter.—While we were diſcourſ⯑ing upon the particular pieces of this famous col⯑lection, I overheard Banter aſk Dr. Wagtail, where he had picked up this Mr. Random.—To which queſtion the phyſician anſwered, ‘"Upon [101] my word, a mighty pretty ſort of a gentle⯑man—a man of fortune, Sir—he has made the grand tour—and ſeen the beſt company in Europe, Sir."—’ ‘"What, he told you ſo? I ſuppoſe, (ſaid the other) I take him to be neither more nor leſs than a French valet de chambre."—’ ‘"Oh! barbarous, barbarous! (cried the doctor) this is actually, upon my word, altogether unaccountable.—I know all his family perfectly well, Sir—He's of the Ran⯑doms in the north—a very ancient houſe, Sir, and a diſtant relation of mine."—’I was extremely nettled at the conjecture of Mr. Ban⯑ter, and began to entertain a very indifferent opi⯑nion of my company in general; but as I might poſſibly, by their means, acquire a more exten⯑ſive and agreeable acquaintance, I determined to bear theſe little mortifications as long as I could, without injuring the dignity of my character.—After having talked for ſome time on the weather, plays, politicks, and other coffee-houſe ſubjects, it was propoſed that we ſhould ſpend the evening at a noted tavern in the neighbourhood, whither we repaired in a body.—Having taken poſſeſſion of a room, called for French wine, and beſpoke ſupper, the glaſs went about pretty freely, and the characters of my aſſociates opened upon me more and more.—It ſoon appeared that the doc⯑tor was entertained as a butt for the painter and player to exerciſe their wit upon, for the diverſion of the company. Mr. Ranter began the game, by aſking him what was good for a hoarſeneſs, lowneſs of ſpirits and indigeſtion, he being troubled with all theſe complaints to a very great degree.—Wagtail immediately undertook to explain the nature of his caſe, and in a very prolix manner, harrangued [102] upon prognoſtics, diagnoſtics, ſymptomatics, the⯑rapeutics, inanition, and repletion; then calcu⯑lated the force of the ſtomach and lungs in their reſpective operations; aſcribed the player's malady to a diſorder in theſe organs, proceeding from hard drinking and vociferation, and pre⯑ſcribed a courſe of ſtomachics, with abſtinence from venery, wine, and loud ſpeaking, laughing, ſinging, coughing, ſneezing or hollowing.—‘"Pah, pah, (cried Ranter, interrupting him) the remedy is worſe than the diſeaſe—I wiſh I knew where to find ſome tinder-water."—’ ‘"Tinder-water! (ſaid the doctor) upon my word I don't apprehend you, Mr. Ranter."—’ ‘"Water extracted from tinder (replied the o⯑ther) an univerſal ſpecific for all diſtempers in⯑cident to man.—It was invented by a learned German monk, who, for a valuable conſide⯑ration, imparted the ſecret to Paracelſus."—’ ‘"Pardon me (cried the painter) it was firſt uſed by Solomon, as appears by a Greek manuſcript, in his own hand-writing, lately found at the foot of mount Lebanon, by a peaſant who was digging for potatoes."—’ ‘"Well, (ſaid Wag⯑tail) in all my vaſt reading, I never met with ſuch a preparation! neither did I know till this minute, that Solomon underſtood Greek, or that potatoes grew in Paleſtine."—’Here Banter interpoſed, ſaying, he was ſurprized that doctor Wagtail ſhould make the leaſt doubt of Solomon's underſtanding Greek, when he is repreſented to us as the wiſeſt and beſt educated prince in the world; and as for potatoes, they were tranſplanted thither from Ireland, in the time of the Cruſades, by ſome knights of that country.—‘"I profeſs (ſaid the doctor) there is [103] nothing more likely—I would actually give a vaſt ſum for a ſight of that manuſcript, which muſt be ineſtimable—and if I underſtood the proceſs, would ſet about it immediately."—’The player aſſured him, the proceſs was very ſimple—that he muſt cram a hundred weight of dry tinder into a glaſs retort, and diſtilling it by the force of animal heat, it would yield half a ſcruple of inſipid water, one drop of which is a full doſe.—‘"Upon my integrity! (exclaimed the credulous doctor) this is very amazing and extra⯑ordinary! that a caput mortuum ſhall yield any water at all—I muſt own, I have always been an enemy to ſpecifics, which I thought inconſiſtent with the nature of the animal oeconomy; but certainly the authority of Solomon is not to be queſtioned.—I wonder where I ſhall find a glaſs retort large enough to contain ſuch a vaſt quantity of tinder, the conſumption of which muſt undoubtedly raiſe the price of paper—or where ſhall I find animal heat ſufficient, even to warm ſuch a maſs."—’Slyboot informed him, that he might have a retort blown for him as big as a church, and that the eaſieſt method of raiſing the vapour by animal heat, would be to place it in the middle of an infirmary for feveriſh patients, who might lie upon matraſſes around, and in contact with it.—He had no ſooner pro⯑nounced theſe words, than Wagtail exclaimed in a rapture, ‘"An admirable expedient, as I hope to be ſaved! I will poſitively put it in prac⯑tice."—’This ſimplicity of the phyſician furniſhed excellent diverſion for the company, who in their turns, ſneered at him in ironical compliments, which his vanity ſwallowed as the genuine ſentiments of their hearts.—Mr. Chatter, [104] impatient of ſo long a ſilence, now broke out, and entertained us with a catalogue of all the people who danced at the laſt Hampſtead aſſembly, with a moſt circumſtantial account of the dreſs and ornaments of each, from the lappets of the ladies to the ſhoe-buckles of the men; conclud⯑ing with telling Bragwell, that his miſtreſs Me'⯑linda was there and ſeemed to miſs him; and ſol⯑liciting his company at the next occaſion of that kind.—‘"No, no, damme (ſaid Bragwell) I have ſomething elſe to mind than dangling af⯑ter a parcel of giddy-headed girls;—beſides, you know my temper is ſo unruly, that I am apt to involve myſelf in ſcrapes, when a wo⯑man is concerned.—The laſt time I was there, I had an affair with Tom Trippet."—’ ‘"O! I remember that (cried Banter) you lugged out before the ladies; and I commend you for ſo doing, becauſe you had an oppor⯑tunity of ſhewing your manhood, without running any riſk."—’ ‘"Riſk! (ſaid the other with a fierce countenance) d—n my blood! I fear no riſks.—I a'n't afraid of lugging out againſt any man that wears a head, damme! 'tis well known I have drawn blood more than once, and loſt ſome too; but what does that ſignify?"—’The player begged this champion to employ him as his ſecond the next time he intended to kill, for he wanted to ſee a man die of a ſtab, that he might know how to act ſuch a part the more naturally on the ſtage.—‘"Die! (replied the hero) No, by G—d! I know better things than to incur the verdict of a Middleſex jury—I ſhould look upon my fencing-maſter to be an ignorant ſon of a b—ch, if he had not taught me to prick any [105] part of my antagoniſt's body, that I pleaſe to diſable."—’ ‘"Oho! (cried Slyboot) if that be the caſe, I have a favour to aſk: You muſt know I am employed to paint a Jeſus on the croſs; and my purpoſe is to repreſent him at that point of time, when the ſpear is thruſt into his ſide.—Now I ſhould be glad you would, in my preſence, pink ſome impertinent fellow into convulſions, without endangering his life, that I may have an opportunity of taking a good clever agony from nature:—The doctor will direct you where to enter, and how far to go; but pray let it be as near the left ſide as poſſible."—’Wagtail, who took this propoſal ſeriouſly, obſerved, that it would be a very difficult matter to penetrate into the left ſide of the thorax, without hurting the heart, and of conſequence killing the patient; but he believed it was poſſible for a man of a very nice hand, and exact knowledge of anatomy, to wound the diaphragma ſomewhere about the ſkirts, which might induce a ſingultus, without being attended with death;—that he was ready to de⯑monſtrate the inſertion of that muſcle to Mr. Bragwell; but deſired to have no concern with the experiment, which might eſſentially prejudice his reputation in caſe of a miſcarriage.—Bragwell was as much impoſed upon by the painter's wag⯑gery as the doctor, and declined engaging in the affair, ſaying, he had a very great regard for Mr. Slyboot, but had laid it down as a maxim, never to fight except when his honour was en⯑gaged.—A thouſand jokes of this kind were paſſed; the wine circulated, ſupper was ſerved in, we eat heartily, returned to the bottle, Brag⯑well became noiſy and troubleſome, Banter grew [106] more and more ſevere, Ranter rehearſed, Slyboot made faces at the whole company, I ſung French catches, and Chatter kiſſed me with great affec⯑tion; while the doctor with a woful counte⯑nance, ſat ſilent like a diſciple of Pythagoras.—At length, it was propoſed by Bragwell, that we ſhould ſcour the hundreds, ſweat the conſta⯑ble, maul the watch, and then reel ſoberly to bed.

While we deliberated upon this expedition, the waiter came into the room, and aſked for doctor Wagtail; when he underſtood he was preſent, he told him, there was a lady below to enquire for him; at which the phyſician ſtarted from his melancholy contemplation, and with a look of extreme confuſion, aſſured the company, he could not poſſibly be the perſon wanted, for he had no connexion with any lady whatever; and bid the drawer tell her ſo.—‘"For ſhame! (cried Banter) would you be ſo impolite as to refuſe a lady the hearing? perhaps ſhe comes for a conſultation.—It muſt be ſome extra⯑ordinary affair that brings a lady to a tavern at this time o'night.—Mr. Ranter, pray do the doctor's baiſe-mains to the lady, and ſquire her hither."—’The player immediately ſtaggered out, and returned, leading in with much cere⯑mony, a tall ſtrapping wench, whoſe appearance proclaimed her condition. We received her with the utmoſt ſolemnity, and with a good deal of intreaty ſhe was perſuaded to ſit, when a pro⯑found ſilence enſued, during which ſhe fixed her eyes, with a diſconſolate look, upon the doctor, who was utterly confounded at her behaviour, and returned her melancholy ſour-fold; at length, after a good many piteous ſighs, ſhe wiped her [107] eyes, and accoſted him thus: ‘"What! not one word of comfort? Will nothing ſoften that ſtony heart of thine? Not all my tears! not all my affliction! Not the inevitable ruin thou haſt brought upon me! Where are thy vows, thou faithleſs perjured man?—Haſt thou no honour?—no conſcience—no remorſe for thy perfidious conduct to⯑wards me!—anſwer me, wilt thou at laſt do me juſtice, or muſt I have recourſe to hea⯑ven and hell for my revenge!"—’If poor Wagtail was amazed before ſhe ſpoke, what muſt his confuſion be on hearing this addreſs. His natural paleneſs changed into a ghaſtly clay colour, his eyes rolled, his lip trembled, and he anſwered in an accent not to be deſcribed;—‘"Upon my word, honour, and ſalvation! ma⯑dam, you are actually miſtaken in my perſon,—I have a moſt particular veneration for your ſex, madam, and am actually incapable of injuring any lady in the ſmalleſt degree, madam,—beſides, madam, to the beſt of my recollection, I never had the honour of ſeeing you before, as I hope to be ſaved, madam!"’ ‘"—How, traitor! (cried ſhe) doſt thou diſ⯑own me then?—Miſtaken! no,—too well I know that fair bewitching face! too well I know that falſe enchanting tongue! alas! gentlemen, ſince the villain compels me, by his unkindneſs, to expoſe myſelf and him, know, that this betrayer, under the ſpecious pretence of honourable addreſſes, won my heart, and taking advantage of his conqueſt, robbed me of my virgin treaſure, and after⯑wards abandoned me to my fate!—I am now four months gone with child by him, turned out [108] of doors by my relations, and left a prey to miſery and want! Yes, thou Barbarian (ſaid ſhe, turning to Wagtail) thou tiger, thou Succubus! too well thou knoweſt my ſituation—but I will tear out thy faithleſs heart, and deliver the world from ſuch a monſter."—’So ſaying, ſhe ſprung forward at the doctor, who, with incredible agility, jumped over the table and got behind Bragwell, while the reſt of us endeavoured to appeaſe the furious heroine—Although every body in the company affected the utmoſt ſurprize, I could eaſily perceive it was a ſcheme concerted among them, to produce diverſion at the doctor's expence; and being un⯑der no concern about the conſequence, I entered into the confederacy, and enjoy'd the diſtreſs of Wagtail, who with tears in his eyes, begged the protection of the company, declaring himſelf as innocent of the crime laid to his charge, as the foetus in utero; and hinting at the ſame time, that nature had not put it in his power to be guilty of ſuch a treſpaſs—‘"Nature! (cried the lady,) there was no nature in the caſe—he abuſed me by the help of charms and ſpells; elſe how is it poſſible, that any woman could have liſtened to the addreſſes of ſuch a ſcare⯑crow?—Were theſe owliſh eyes made for og⯑ling; that carrion complexion to be admired; or that mouth like a horſe-ſhoe to be kiſſed? No, no, you owe your ſucceſs to your philtres, to your drugs and incantations; and not to your natural talents, which are in every reſpect mean and contemptible"—’The doctor now thought he had got an opportunity of vindicating himſelf effectually; and deſired the complainant [109] to compoſe herſelf but for half an hour, in which he undertook to prove the abſurdity of believing in the power of incantations, which were only idle dreams of ignorance and ſuperſtition.—He accordingly pronounced a very learned diſcourſe upon the nature of ideas, the powers and inde⯑pendance of the mind, the properties of ſtimulat⯑ing medicines, the difference between a proneneſs to venery, which many ſimples would create, and a paſſion limited to one object, which can only be the reſult of ſenſe and reflection; and con⯑cluded with a pathetic remonſtrance, ſetting forth his unhappineſs of being perſecuted with the re⯑ſentment of a lady whom he had never injured, nor even ſeen before that occaſion, and whoſe faculties were, in all likelihood, ſo much impaired by her misfortunes, that an innocent perſon was in dan⯑ger of being ruined by her diſorder.—He had no ſooner finiſhed his harrangue, than the forlorn princeſs began her lamentations afreſh, and cau⯑tioned the company againſt his eloquence, which, ſhe ſaid, was able to byaſs the moſt impartial bench in chriſtendom.—Banter adviſed him to eſpouſe her immediately, as the only means to ſalve his reputation, and offered to accompany him to the Fleet for that purpoſe; but Slyboot propoſed that a father ſhould be purchaſed for the child, and a comfortable alimony ſettled on the mother. Ranter promiſed to adopt the infant gratis. Wagtail was ready to worſhip him for his generoſity; and though he perſiſted in proteſt⯑ing his innocence, condeſcended to every thing rather than his unblemiſhed character ſhould be called in queſtion.—The lady rejected the ex⯑pedient, and inſiſted on matrimony. Bragwell took up the cudgels for the doctor, and under⯑took [110] to rid him of her importunity, for half a guinea; upon which Wagtail, with great eager⯑neſs, pulled out his purſe and put it into the hand of his friend, who taking half a piece out of it, gave it to the plaintiff, and bid her thank God for her good fortune. When ſhe had received this bounty, ſhe affected to weep, and begged, ſince the phyſician had renounced her, he would at leaſt vouchſafe her a parting kiſs; this he was prevailed upon to grant, with great reluctance, and went up, with his uſual ſolemnity, to ſalute her; ſhe laid hold of his cheek with her teeth and held faſt, while he roared with anguiſh, to the unſpeakable diverſion of all preſent. When ſhe thought proper to releaſe him, ſhe dropped a low courteſy to the company, and quitted the room, leaving the doctor in the utmoſt horror, not ſo much on account of the pain, as the apprehen⯑ſion of the conſequence of the bite; for by this time, he was convinced of her being mad. Ban⯑ter preſcribed the actual cautery, and put the poker in the fire to be heated, in order to ſear the place.—The player was of opinion that Brag⯑well ſhould ſcoop out the part affected with the point of his ſword; but the painter prevented both theſe dreadful operations, by recommending a balſam he had in his pocket, which never failed to cure the bite of a mad dog: With theſe words, he pulled out a ſmall bladder of black paint, with which he inſtantly anointed not only the ſore, but the greateſt part of the patient's face, and left it in a frightful condition.—In ſhort, the poor creature was ſo harraſſed with fear and vexation, that I pitied him extremely, and ſent him home in a chair, contrary to the inclination of every body preſent.

[111] This freedom of mine, gave umbrage to Bragwell, who teſtified his diſpleaſure, by ſwear⯑ing a few threats, without making any application; which was no ſooner perceived by Slyboot, who ſat by me, than with a view of promoting a quarrel, he whiſpered to me, that he thought Bragwell uſed me very ill; but every man was the beſt judge of his own affairs.—I anſwered aloud, that I would neither ſuffer Mr. Bragwell nor him to uſe me ill with impunity; and that I ſtood in no need of his counſel in regard to the regulation of my conduct.—He thought proper to aſk a thouſand pardons, and aſſure me, he meant no offence; while Bragwell feigned him⯑ſelf aſleep, that he might not be obliged to take notice of what paſſed.—But the player, who had more animal ſpirits, and leſs prudence than Sly⯑boot, unwilling to let the affair reſt, where he had dropt it, jogged Mr. Bragwell, and told him ſoftly, that I called him names, and threatned to cudgel him.—This I underſtood by his ſtart⯑ing up and crying, ‘"Blood and wounds! you lie—No man durſt treat me ſo ignominiouſly,—Mr. Random, did you call me names, and threaten to drub me?"’ I denied the imputa⯑tion, and propoſed to puniſh the ſcoundrel, who en⯑deavoured to foment diſturbance in the company; Bragwell ſignified his approbation, and drew his ſword; I did the ſame, and accoſted the actor in theſe words, ‘"Lookee, Mr. Banter, I know you poſſeſs all the mimickry and miſchievous qualities of an ape, becauſe I have obſerved you put them all in practice more than once to-night, on me and others; now I want to ſee if you reſemble one in nimbleneſs alſo; there⯑fore I deſire you to leap over this ſword with⯑out [112] heſitation;"’ ſo ſaying, I held it parallel to the horizon, at the diſtance of about three feet from the floor, and called, ‘"Once—twice—thrice, and away;"—’but inſtead of complying with my command, he ſnatched his hat and hanger, and aſſuming the looks, ſwagger, and phraſe of Piſtol, burſt out in the following exclamation, ‘"Ha! muſt I then perform inglorious prank, of Sylvan ape in mountain foreſt caught! Death rock me aſleep, abridge my doleful days, and lay my hand in fury's lap—Have we not Hiren here?"—’This buffoonery did not anſwer his expectation, for by this time the com⯑pany was bent on ſeeing him in a new character. Mr. Banter deſired me to hold my ſword a foot or two higher, that he might have the better op⯑portunity of exerting himſelf.—The painter told him, if he performed well, he would recommend him as a vaulter to the proprietors of Sadler's Wells; and Bragwell crying, ‘"Leap for the king,"’ applied the point of his ſword to the player's poſteriors, with ſuch ſucceſs, that he ſprung over in a trice, and finding the door un⯑guarded, vaniſhed in a twinkling; glad, no doubt, of having paid his ſhare of the reckoning ſo eaſily.

It being now near two a-clock in the morning, we diſcharged the bill, and ſallied out into the ſtreet.—The painter ſlunk away without taking his leave.—Billy Chatter being unable to ſpeak or ſtand, was ſent to a Bagnio; and Banter and I accompanied Bragwell to Moll King's coffee-houſe, where after he had kicked half a dozen of hungry whores, we left him aſleep on a bench, and directed our courſe towards Charing Croſs, near which place both he and I lodged.

[113] The natural dryneſs of my companion being overcome by liquor, he honoured me by the way with many compliments and profeſſions of friend⯑ſhip, for which I made ſuitable acknowledgments, and told him, I thought myſelf happy in having, by my behaviour, removed the unfavourable o⯑pinion he entertained of me at firſt ſight.—He was ſurprized at this declaration, and begged me to explain myſelf: Upon which I mentioned what I had over-heard him ſay of me to Wag⯑tail, in the coffee-houſe.—He laughed, and made an apology for his freedom, aſſuring me, that my appearance had very much prepoſſeſſed him in my favour; and what he ſaid, was only intended as a joke on the doctor's ſolemnity.—I was highly pleaſed at being undeceived in this par⯑ticular, and not a little proud of the good opi⯑nion of this wit, who ſhook me by the hand at parting, and promiſed to meet me next day at the ordinary.

CHAP. XLVII.

[114]

Strap communicates to me a conqueſt he had made on a chandler's widow—finds himſelf miſerably miſtaken—I go to the opera—admire Melinda—am cautioned by Banter—go to the aſſembly at Hamp⯑ſtead—dance with that young lady—receive an inſolent meſſage from Bragwell, whoſe mettle is ſoon cooled—am in fa⯑vour with my miſtreſs, whom I viſit next day; and am bubbled out of eighteen guineas at cards—Strap triumphs at my ſucceſs, but is aſtoniſhed at my expence—Banter comes to my lodging, is very ſarcaſtic at my expence, and borrows five guineas from me, as a proof of his friend⯑ſhip.

IN the morning before I got up, Strap came in⯑to my chamber, and finding me awake, hem⯑med ſeveral times, ſcratched his head, caſt his eyes upon the ground, and with a very fooliſh kind of a ſimper on his face, let me know he had ſomething to communicate.—‘"By your counte⯑nance (ſaid I) I expect to hear good tidings."—’ ‘"—Indifferent (replied he, tittering) that is, thereafter as it ſhall be.—You muſt know, I have ſome thoughts of altering my condi⯑tion."—’ ‘"What! (cried I, aſtoniſhed) a matrimonial ſcheme? O rare Strap! thou haſt [115] got the heels of me at laſt."—’ ‘"N'—no leſs, I'll aſſure you (ſaid be, burſting into a laugh of ſelf-approbation) a tallow-chandler's widow, that lives hard by, has taken a liking to me.—A fine jolly dame, as plump as a partridge.—She has a well furniſhed houſe, a briſk trade, and a good deal of the ready.—I may have her for the aſking.—She told a friend of mine, a brother footman, that ſhe would take me out of a ſtinking clout.—But I refuſed to give my final anſwer, till I knew your opinion of the matter."—’I congratulated Monſieur d'Eſtrapes upon his conqueſt, and approved of the ſcheme, provided he could be aſſured of theſe circumſtances of her fortune; but adviſed him to do nothing raſhly, and give me an opportunity of ſeeing the lady before matters ſhould be brought to a concluſion.—He aſſured me he would do nothing without my conſent and ap⯑probation, and that very morning, while I was at breakfaſt, introduced his innamorata to my acquaintance.—She was a ſhort thick woman, about the age of thirty-ſix, and had a particular prominence of belly, which I perceived at firſt ſight, not without ſome ſuſpicion of foul play.—I deſired her, however, to ſit, and treated her with a diſh of tea; the diſcourſe turning on the good qualities of Strap, whom I repreſented as a prodigy of ſobriety, induſtry and virtue.—When ſhe took her leave, he followed her to the door, and returned licking his lips, and aſking if I did not think ſhe was a luſcious creature.—I made no myſtery of my apprehenſion, but declared my ſentiments of her without reſerve; at which he was not ſurprized, telling me, he had obſerved the ſame ſymptom, but was informed by his [116] friend that ſhe was only livergrown, and would in a few months be as ſmall in the Waiſt as ever.—‘"Yes, (ſaid I) a few weeks, I believe, will do the buſineſs.—In ſhort, Strap, it is my opi⯑nion, that you are egregiouſly impoſed upon; and that this friend is no other than a raſ⯑cal who wants to palm his trull upon you for a wife, that he may at once deliver himſelf from the importunities of the mother, and the expence of her bantling; for which rea⯑ſon I would not have you truſt implicitly to the report he makes of her wealth, which is inconſiſtent with his behaviour; nor run your head precipitately into a nooſe, that you may af⯑terwards wiſhed exchanged for the hangman's."’ He ſeemed very much ſtartled at my inſinuation, and promiſed to look twice before he leaped; ſaying, with ſome heat, ‘"Odd, if I find his in⯑tention is to betray me, we ſhall ſee which of us is the better man."—’My prediction was veri⯑fied in leſs than a fortnight; her great belly pro⯑ducing an infant, to the unſpeakable amazement of Strap, who was, before this happened, inclinable to believe I had refined a little too much in my penetration. His falſe friend diſappeared, and in a few days after, an execution was iſſued againſt her goods and houſhold-furniture, which were ſeized by the creditors.

Mean while I met my friend Banter at the ordinary, and in the evening went to the opera with him and Mr. Chatter, who pointed out Melinda in one of the boxes, and offered to in⯑troduce me to her, obſerving at the ſame time, that ſhe was a reigning toaſt worth ten thouſand pounds.—This piece of information made my heart bound with joy, and I diſcovered great [117] eagerneſs to accept the propoſal; upon which he aſſured me I ſhould dance with her at the next aſſembly, if he had any influence in that quarter; ſo ſaying, he went round, ſpoke to her ſome minutes, and, as I imagined, pointed at me, then returning, told me, to my inexpreſſible pleaſure, that I might depend upon what he had promiſed, for ſhe was now engaged as my partner.—Ban⯑ter, in a whiſper, gave me to underſtand that ſhe was an incorrigible coquette, who would grant the ſame favour to any young fellow in England, of a tolerable appearance, meerly to engage him among the herd of her admirers, that ſhe might have the pleaſure of ſeeing them increaſe daily;—that ſhe was of a cold inſenſible diſpoſition, dead to every paſſion but vanity, and ſo blind to merit, that he would lay any wager, the wealthieſt fool ſhould carry her at laſt. I attributed a good deal of this intelligence to the ſatirical turn of my friend, or reſentment, for having himſelf ſuf⯑fered a rebuff from the lady in queſtion; and at any rate, truſted ſo much to my own accompliſh⯑ments, as to believe no woman could reſiſt the ardour of my addreſſes.

Full of this confidence, I repaired to Hamp⯑ſtead, in company with Billy Chatter, my Lord Hobble, and doctor Wagtail.—Here I ſaw a very brilliant aſſembly, before whom I had the honour to walk a minuet with Melinda, who charmed me with her frank manner of re⯑ceiving me, and eaſineſs of behaviour.—Before the country dances began, I received a meſſage by a perſon I did not know, from Bragwell, who was preſent, importing that no body who knew him, preſumed to dance with Melinda, while he was there in perſon; and that I would [118] do well to relinquiſh her without noiſe, becauſe he had a mind to lead up a country dance with her. This extraordinary intimation, which was delivered in the lady's hearing, did not at all diſcompoſe me, who by this time was pretty well acquainted with the character of my rival. I therefore, without the leaſt ſymptom of concern, bid the gentleman tell Mr. Bragwell, that while I was ſo happy as to obtain the lady's conſent, I ſhould not be ſollicitous about his; and deſired the bearer himſelf to bring me no ſuch imperti⯑nent meſſages for the future. Melinda affected a ſort of confuſion, and pretended to wonder that Mr. Bragwell ſhould give himſelf ſuch liber⯑ties with regard to her, who had no manner of connexion with the fellow. I laid hold of this opportunity to diſplay my valour, and offered to call him to account for his inſolence, which ſhe ab⯑ſolutely refuſed, under pretence of conſulting my ſafety; though I could perceive by the ſparkling of her eyes, that ſhe would not have thought her⯑ſelf affronted in being the ſubject of a duel. I was by no means pleaſed with this diſcovery of her thoughts, which not only argued the moſt unjuſtifiable vanity, but likewiſe the moſt barba⯑rous indifference; however, I was allured by her fortune, and reſolved to gratify her pride, in making her the occaſion of a publick quarrel be⯑tween me and Bragwell, who, I was pretty cer⯑tain, would never drive matters to a dangerous extremity.

While we danced together, I obſerved this formidable rival at one end of the room, en⯑circled with a cluſter of beaus, to whom he talked with great vehemence, caſting many big looks at me, from time to time: I gueſſed the [119] ſubject of his diſcourſe, and as ſoon as I had handed my partner to her ſeat, ſtrutted up to the place where he ſtood, and cocking my hat in his face, demanded aloud, if he had any thing to ſay to me. He anſwered with a fullen tone, ‘"Nothing, at preſent, Sir,"’ and turned about upon his heel.—‘"Well, (ſaid I) you know where I am to be found at any time."—’His companions ſtared at one another, and I returned to the lady, whoſe features brightened at my ap⯑proach, and immediately a whiſper run thro' the whole room; after which, ſo many eyes were turned upon me, that I was ready to ſink with confu⯑ſion.—When the ball broke up, I led her to her coach, and, like a true French gallant, would have got up behind it, in order to protect her from violence on the road; but ſhe abſolutely refuſed my offer, and expreſſed her concern that-there was not an empty ſeat for me with⯑in it.

Next day in the afternoon I waited on her at her lodgings, by permiſſion, in company with Chatter, and was very civilly received by her mother, with whom ſhe lived;—there were a good many faſhionable people preſent, chiefly young fellows, and immediately after tea a couple of card tables were ſet, at one of which I had the honour to play with Melinda, who in leſs than three hours made ſhift to plunder me of eight guineas.—I was well enough content to loſe a little money with a good grace, that I might have an opportunity to ſay ſoft things in the mean time, which are ſtill moſt welcome, when attended with good luck; but I was by no means ſatisfied with her fair play, a circumſtance that ſhocked me not a little, and greatly impaired my [120] opinion of her diſintereſtedneſs and delicacy.—However, I was reſolved to profit by this be⯑haviour, and treat her in my turn with leſs ce⯑remony; accordingly, I laid cloſe ſiege to her, and finding her not at all diſguſted with the groſs incenſe I offered, that very night made a decla⯑ration of love in plain terms.—She received my addreſſes with great gaity, and pretended to laugh them off, but at the ſame time treated me with ſuch particular complacency, that I was perſuaded I had made a conqueſt of her heart, and con⯑cluded myſelf the happieſt man alive.—Elevated with theſe flattering ideas, I ſat down again to cards, after ſupper, and with great chearfulneſs ſuffered myſelf to be cheated of ten guineas more.

It was late before I took my leave, after being favoured with a general invitation; and when I got into bed, the adventures of the day hindered me from ſleeping.—Sometimes I pleaſed myſelf with the hopes of poſſeſſing a fine woman with ten thouſand pounds; then I would ruminate on the character I had heard of her from Banter, and compare it with the circumſtances of her conduct towards me, which ſeemed to bear too great a reſemblance to the picture he had drawn.—This introduced a melancholy reflection on the expence I had undergone, and the ſmallneſs of my funds to ſupport it, which, by the bye, were none of my own.—In ſhort, I found myſelf in⯑volved in doubts and perplexities, that kept me awake the greateſt part of the night.

In the morning, Strap, with whom I had not converſed theſe two days, preſented himſelf with the utenſils for ſhaving me; upon which, I aſked his opinion of the lady whom he had ſeen me [121] conduct to her coach at Hampſtead.—‘"Odd! ſhe's a delicious creature (cried he) and, as I am informed, a great fortune.—I am ſorry you did not inſiſt on going home with her.—I dare ſay, ſhe would not have refuſed your company; for ſhe ſeems to be a good-hu⯑moured ſoul."—’ ‘"There's a time for all things (ſaid I.) You muſt know, Strap, I was in company with her till one o'clock this morning."—’I had no ſooner pronounced theſe words, than he began to caper about the room, and ſnap his fingers, crying in a tranſport, ‘"The day's our own!—the day's our own!"’ I gave him to underſtand that his triumph was a little premature, and that I had more difficulties to ſurmount than he was aware of; then I re⯑counted to him the intelligence I had received from Banter.—At which he changed colour, ſhook his head, and obſerved there was no faith in woman.—I told him, I was reſolved to make a bold puſh notwithſtanding, although I foreſaw it would lead me into a great expence; and bid him gueſs the ſum I had loſt laſt night at cards.—He ſcratched his chin, and profeſſed his abhorrence of cards, the very name of which being mentioned made him ſweat with vexation, as it recalled the mo⯑ney-dropper to his remembrance; ‘"But how⯑ever (ſaid he) you have to do with other gueſs people now.—Why, I ſuppoſe, if you had a bad run laſt night, you would ſcarce come off for leſs than ten or twelve ſhillings.’—I was mortified at this piece of ſimplicity, which I imagined, at that time, was all affected by way of reprimand for my folly; and aſked with ſome heat, if he thought I had ſpent the evening in a cellar with chairmen and bunters; giving him to [122] know, at the ſame time time, that my expence amounted to eighteen guineas.—It would require the pencil of Hogarth to expreſs the aſtoniſhment and concern of Strap, on hearing this piece of news; the baſon in which he was preparing the lather for my chin, dropped out of his hands, and he remained ſome time immoveable in that lu⯑dicrous attitude, with his mouth open, and his eyes thruſt forward conſiderably beyond their ſtation; but remembering my diſpoſition, which was touchy and impatient of controul, he ſmothered his chagrin, and attempted to recollect himſelf.—With this view he endeavoured to laugh, but in ſpite of his teeth, broke out into a whimper, took up his waſhball and pewter-pot, ſcrubbed my beard with the one, and diſcharged the other upon my face.—I took no notice of his confu⯑ſion, but after he had fully recovered himſelf, put him in mind of his right, and aſſured him of my readineſs to ſurrender his effects when⯑ever he ſhould think proper to demand them.—He was nettled at my inſinuation, which he thought proceeded from my diſtruſt of his friend⯑ſhip; and begged I would never talk to him in that ſtrain again, unleſs I had a mind to break his heart.

This good creature's unalterable friendſhip for me affected me with the moſt grateful ſen⯑timents, and acted as a ſpur to my reſolution of acquiring a fortune, that I might have it in my power to manifeſt my generoſity in my turn.—For this purpoſe, I determined to bring matters to a ſpeedy concluſion with Melinda; well know⯑ing that a few ſuch nights as the laſt, would ef⯑fectually incapacitate me from proſecuting that, or any other advantageous amour.

[123] While my meditation was buſied in planning out my future conduct, Mr. Banter favoured me with a viſit; and after breakfaſt, aſked how I had paſſed the preceeding evening—I anſwered, I was very agreeably entertained at a private houſe.—‘"Yes, (ſaid he, with a ſarcaſtic ſmile) you deſerved ſomething extraordinary for the price you paid."—’I was ſurpriſed at his re⯑mark, and pretended ignorance of his meaning.—‘"Come, come, Random (continued he) you need not make a myſtery of it to me, the whole town has it.—I wiſh that fooliſh af⯑fair between you and Bragwell at Hampſtead had been leſs publick—It has ſet all the buſy bodies at work to find out your real character and ſituation; and you cannot imagine what conjectures have already circulated at your expence: One ſuſpects you to be Jeſuit in diſ⯑guiſe; another believes you are an agent from the Pretender; a third believes you to be an upſtart gameſter, becauſe no body knows any thing of your family or fortune; a fourth is of opinion, that you are an Iriſh fortune-hunter."—’This laſt hypotheſis touched me ſo near, that, to conceal my confuſion, I was fain to interrupt his detail, and damn the world for an envious meddling community, that would not ſuffer a gentleman to live without moleſta⯑tion. He took no notice of this apoſtrophe, but went on, ‘"For my own part, I neither know nor deſire to know, who, or what you are; this I am certain of, that few people make a myſtery of their origin and ſituation, who can boaſt of any thing advantageous in ei⯑ther;—and my own opinion of the matter is, that you have raiſed yourſelf by your induſtry, [124] from nothing to the appearance you now main⯑tain, and which you endeavour to ſupport by ſome matrimonial ſcheme."—’Here he fixed his eye, ſtedfaſtly upon me, and perceiving my face covered with bluſhes, told me, now he was confirmed in his opinion;—‘"Look ye, Random, (ſaid he) I have divined your plan, and am confident it will never ſucceed—You are too honeſt and too ignorant of the town, to practice the ne⯑ceſſary cheats of your profeſſion, and detect the conſpiracies that will be formed againſt you—Beſides, you are downright baſhful—what the devil! ſet up for a fortune-hunter, before you have conquered the ſenſe of ſhame!—Perhaps you are entitled by your merit, and I believe you are, to a richer and better wife than Melinda; but take my word for it, ſhe is not to be won at that rate;—or, if you are ſo lucky as to carry her, between you and me, you may ſay, as Teague did, By my ſoul I have gained a loſs! She would take care to ſpend her own fortune in a twinkling, and ſoon make you ſick of her extravagance."—’I was alarmed by his diſcourſe, while I reſented the freedom of it, and expreſſed my diſguſt, by telling him, he was miſtaken in my intentions, and deſiring he would give me leave to regulate my conduct according to the dictates of my own reaſon.—He made an apology for the liberty he had taken, and aſcribed it to the warmth of his friendſhip for me; as an uncommon inſtance of which, he borrowed five guineas, aſſuring me, there were very few people in the world whom he would ſo far favour with his confidence.—I gave him the money, and profeſſed myſelf ſo well convinced of his ſincerity, that he had no [125] occaſion to put it to ſuch extraordinary proofs for the future.—‘"I thought (ſaid he) to have aſked five pieces more, but hearing you was bubbled of eighteen laſt night, I preſumed you might be out of caſh, and reſolved to model my de⯑mand accordingly."’ I could not help ad⯑miring the cavalier behaviour of this ſpark, of whom I deſired to know his reaſon for ſaying I was bubbled.—Whereupon he gave me to under⯑ſtand, that before he came to my lodgings, he had beat up Tom Toſsle, who having been pre⯑ſent, informed him of the particulars, rehearſed all the fine things I ſaid to Melinda, with which he propoſed to entertain the town; and among other circumſtances, aſſured him, my miſtreſs cheated with ſo little art, that no body but a meer novice could have been impoſed upon.

The thoughts of becoming a ſubject of raillery for coxcombs, and loſing my money to boot, ſtung me to the quick; but I made a virtue of my indignation, and ſwore that no man ſhould with impunity, either aſperſe the character of Me⯑linda, or turn my behaviour into ridicule. He replied in a dry manner, that I would find it a Herculean taſk to chaſtiſe every body who ſhould laugh at my expence; and as for the character of Melinda, he did not ſee how it could ſuffer by what was laid to her charge; for that cheat⯑ing at cards, ſo far from being reckoned a blemiſh among people of faſhion, was looked upon as an honourable indication of ſuperior genius and ad⯑dreſs.—‘"But let us wave this ſubject (ſaid he) and go to the coffee-houſe, in order to make a party for dinner."’

CHAP. XLVIII.

[126]

We repair to the coffee-houſe, where we over⯑hear a curious diſpute between Wagtail and Medlar, which is referred to our de⯑ciſion—the doctor gives us an account of his experiment—Medlar is roaſted by Banter, at the ordinary—the old gentle⯑man's advice to me.

BEING as willing to drop the theme, as he to propoſe it, I accompanied him thither, where we found Mr. Medlar and doctor Wagtail, diſputing upon the word Cuſtard, which the phy⯑ſician affirmed ſhould be ſpelled with a G, be⯑cauſe it was derived from the Latin verb guſtare, "to taſte."—But Medlar pleaded cuſtom in be⯑half of C, obſerving, that by the doctor's rule, we ought to change pudding into budding, be⯑cauſe it is derived from the French word boudin; and in that caſe, why not retain the original or⯑thography and pronounciation of all the foreign words we have adopted; by which means our language would become a diſſonant jargon with⯑out ſtandard or propriety. The controverſy was referred to us; and Banter, notwithſtanding his real opinion to the contrary, decided it in favour of Wagtail: Upon which, the peeviſh annuitant aroſe, and uttering the monoſyllable, piſh! with great emphaſis, removed to another table.

[127] We then enquired of the doctor, what progreſs he had made in the experiment of diſtilling tinder⯑water; and he told us, he had been at all the glaſs-houſes about town, but could find no body who would undertake to blow a retort large enough to hold the third part of the quantity preſcribed; but he intended to try the proceſs on as much as would produce five drops, which would be ſufficient to prove the ſpecific, and then he would make it a parliamentary affair;—that he had already purchaſed a conſiderable weight of rags, in the reducing of which to tin⯑der, he had met with a misfortune which had obliged him to change his lodgings: For he had gathered them in a heap on the floor, and ſet fire to them with a candle, on the ſuppoſition that the boards would ſuſtain no damage, becauſe it is the nature of flame to aſcend; but by ſome very extraordinary accident, the wood was in⯑vaded, and began to blaze with great violence, which diſordered him ſo much, that he had not preſence of mind enough to call for aſſiſtance, and the whole houſe muſt have been conſumed with him in the midſt of it, had not the ſmoke that rolled out of the windows in clouds alarmed the neighbourhood, and brought people to his ſuccour.—That he had loſt a pair of black vel⯑vet breeches and a tye-wig in the hurry, beſides the expence of the rags, which were rendered uſeleſs by the water uſed to quench the flame, and the damage of the floor, which he was compelled to repair.—That his landlord believing him diſ⯑tracted, had inſiſted on his quitting his apart⯑ment at a minute's warning, which put him to incredible inconvenience; but now he was ſet⯑tled in a very comfortable houſe, and had the [128] uſe of a large paved yard for preparing his tin⯑der: So that he hoped in a very ſhort time to reap the fruits of his labour.

After having congratulated the doctor on his proſpect, and read the papers, we repaired to an auction of pictures, where we entertained our⯑ſelves an hour or two; from thence we adjourned to the Mall, and after two or three turns, went back to dinner, Banter aſſuring us, that be in⯑tended to roaſt Medlar, at the ordinary; and in⯑deed, we were no ſooner ſet than this Cynic began to execute his purpoſe by telling the old gentle⯑man, he looked extremely well, conſidering the little ſleep he had enjoyed laſt night. To this compliment Medlar made no reply, but by a ſtare, accompanied with a ſignificant grin;—and Banter went on thus: ‘"I don't know whether moſt to admire the charity of your mind, or the vigour of your body.—Upon my ſoul, Mr. Medlar, you do generous things with the beſt taſte of any man I know! You extend your compaſſion to real objects, and exact only ſuch returns as they are capable of making.—You muſt know, gentlemen, (ſaid he, turning to the company) I had been up moſt part of the night with a friend who is bad of a fever, and on my return home this morning, I chanced to paſs by a gin-ſhop ſtill open, whence iſſued a confuſed ſound of mirth and jollity: Upon which I popped in my head, and perceived Mr. Medlar dancing bare-headed in the midſt of ten or twenty ragged Bunters, who rejoiced at his expence. But indeed, Mr. Medlar, you ought not to ſacrifice your conſtitution to your benevolence.—Conſider you grow old apace; and there⯑fore [129] have a reverend care of your health, which muſt certainly be very much impaired by theſe nocturnal expeditions."—’The teſty ſenior could no longer contain himſelf, but cried haſtily, ‘"'Tis well known that your tongue is no ſlander."—’ ‘"I think (ſaid the other) you might ſpare that obſervation, as you are very ſenſible that my tongue has done you ſignal ſervice on many occaſions.—You may remem⯑ber, that when you made your addreſſes to the fat widow, who kept a publick-houſe at Iſlington, there was a report ſpread very much to the prejudice of your manhood; which coming to the ears of your miſtreſs, you was diſcarded immediately; and I brought matters to a reconciliation, by aſſuring her you had three baſtards at nurſe in the country: How you ruined your own affair afterwards, it is neither my buſineſs nor inclination to relate."—’This anecdote, which had no other foundation than in Banter's own invention, afforded a good deal of mirth to every body preſent, and pro⯑voked Mr. Medlar beyond all ſufferance; ſo that he ſtarted up in a mighty paſſion, and forgetting that his mouth was full, beſpattered thoſe who ſat next to him, while he diſcharged his indig⯑nation in a volly of oaths, and call'd Banter in⯑ſignificant puppy, impertinent jackanapes, and an hundred ſuch appellations; telling the company, he had invented theſe falſe malicious aſperſions, becauſe he would not lend him money to ſquan⯑der away upon rooks and whores.—‘"A very likely ſtory, (ſaid Banter) that I ſhould attempt to borrow money of a man who is obliged to practice a thouſand ſhifts to make his weekly allowance hold out to Saturday's [130] night. Sometimes he ſleeps four and twenty hours at a ſtretch, by which means he ſaves three meals beſides coffee-houſe expence.—Sometimes he is fain to put up with bread and cheeſe and ſmall beer for dinner; and ſometimes he regales on two pennyworth of ox-cheek in a cellar."—’ ‘"You are a lying miſcreant (cried Medlar, in an exſtacy of rage) I can al⯑ways command money enough to pay your taylor's bill, which I'm ſure is no trifle; and I have a good mind to give you a convincing proof of my circumſtances, by proſecuting you for de⯑famation, ſirrah."—’By this time the violence of his wrath had deprived him of his appetite, and he ſat ſilent, unable to ſwallow one mouth⯑ful, while his tormentor enjoyed his mortification, and encreaſed his chagrin, by adviſing him to lay in plentifully for his next day's faſt.

Dinner being ended, we came down ſtairs to the coffee-room, and Banter went away to keep an appointment, ſaying, he ſuppoſed he ſhould ſee Wagtail and me in the evening at the Bed⯑ford coffee-houſe.—He was no ſooner gone, than the old gentleman took me aſide, and ſaid, he was ſorry to ſee me ſo intimate with that fellow who was one of the moſt graceleſs rakes about town, and had already waſted a good eſtate and conſtitution upon harlots;—that he had been the ruin of many a young man, by introducing them into debauched company, and ſetting a lewd ex⯑ample of all manner of wickedneſs; and that, unleſs I was on my guard, he would ſtrip me in a ſhort time, both of my money and reputa⯑tion. I thanked him for his information, and promiſed to conduct myſelf accordingly, wiſhing however, his caution had been a few hours [131] more early, by which means I might have ſaved five guineas. Notwithſtanding this intelligence, I was inclinable to impute ſome part of the charge to Medlar's revenge for the liberties taken with him at dinner; and therefore, as ſoon as I could diſengage myſelf, applied to Wagtail for his opinion of the character in queſtion; reſolved to compare their accounts, allowing for the pre⯑judice of each, and form my judgment upon both, without adhering ſtrictly to either.—The doctor aſſured me that he was a very pretty gen⯑tleman, of family and fortune; a ſcholar, a wit, a critick, and perfectly well acquainted with the town; that his honour and courage were unque⯑ſtionable, though ſome extravagancies he had been guilty of, and his talent for ſatire, had pro⯑cured him enemies, and made ſome people ſhy of his acquaintance.—From theſe different ſketches, I concluded that Banter was a young fellow of ſome parts, who had ſpent his fortune, but retaine I his appetites, and fallen out with the world becauſe he could not enjoy it to his wiſh.

I went to the Bedford coffee-houſe in the even⯑ing, where I met my friends, from thence pro⯑ceeded to the play, and afterwards carried them home to my lodgings, where we ſupped with great harmony and ſatisfaction.

CHAP. XLIX.

[132]

I receive a challenge—the conſequences of it—the quarrel being made up, I am put in arreſt, by the care and affection of Strap—but immediately releaſed upon ex⯑plaining my affair—the behaviour of Mr. Oregan and his two friends—I viſit Melinda, whom I divert with an ac⯑count of the duel—I propoſe marriage—ſhe refers the matter to her mother, of whom I make a ſolemn demand of her daughter—the old lady's behaviour—I am diſcarded, reſent their diſdain.

WHEN I was ready to go abroad next day, Strap brought me a letter, directed To Mr. Random, Eſq Thoſe.—Which, upon opening, I found contained a challenge, couched in theſe very extraordinary terms:

SIR,

WHereas, I am informed that you make love to Miſs Melinda Gooſetrap, This is to let you know, that ſhe is under promiſe of marriage to me; and that I am at this preſent writing, at the back of Montague⯑houſe, with a pair of good piſtols in my hand, and if you will keep your appointment, I will make your tongue confeſs (after the [133] breath is out of your body) that you do not deſerve her as well as

Yours, &c. Rourk Oregan.

I gueſſed from the ſtile and ſubſcription of this billet, that my rival was a true Mileſian, and was not a little uneaſy at the contents, eſpecial⯑ly that part, where he aſſerts his right to my miſtreſs by promiſe, a circumſtance I did not know how to reconcile to her penetration.—However, this was no time for me to decline the invitation, becauſe the ſucceſs of my ad⯑dreſſes might in a great meaſure depend up⯑on my behaviour in that affair. I therefore immediately loaded my piſtols, and betook my⯑ſelf in a hackney-coach to the place appointed, where I found a tall raw-boned man, with a hard featured countenance, and black buſhy beard, walking by himſelf, wrapped up in a ſhabby great coat, over which his own hair de⯑ſcended in a leathern queue from his head, that was covered with a greaſy hat trimmed with a tarniſhed pointe d'eſpagne. He no ſooner per⯑ceived me advancing, than without any preamble, he pulled a piſtol from his boſom, and preſenting at me, ſnapt it. Alarmed at this rude ſalutation, I made a ſtand, and before he could adjuſt his other piece, fired one of mine at him, without doing any damage. By this time he was ready with his ſecond, that flaſhed in the pan with⯑out going off: Upon which he called, with a true Tipperary cadence, ‘"Fire away, honey,"—’and began to hammer his flint with great de⯑deliberation.—But [134] I was reſolved to make uſe of the advantage Fortune had given me; and therefore ſtept up, without throwing away my fire, deſiring him to aſk his life, or prepare for another world;—but this ſtout Hibernian refuſed to condeſcend, and complained bitterly of my having quitted my ground before he could return my ſhot; ſaying I ought to go back to my ſtation, and let him have an equal chance with me.—I endeavoured to perſuade him that I had given him a double chance already; and it was my buſineſs to prevent him from enjoying a third;—but now, ſince I had an opportunity, I de⯑manded a parley, and deſired to know his condi⯑tion, and reaſon for calling me to the field, who, to the beſt of my remembrance, ſo far from having done him any injury, had never be⯑fore ſeen him.—He told me, that he was a gen⯑tleman of fortune, who had ſpent all he had, and hearing that Melinda had got ten thouſand pounds, he intended to make himſelf maſter of that ſum by eſpouſing her, and was determined, in an ho⯑nourable way, to cut the throats of all thoſe who ſtood between him and his hopes.—I then demanded to know the foundation of his hopes; and now that I had ſeen him, being more and more aſtoniſhed at the circumſtance of the pro⯑miſe, deſired he would explain that myſtery:—He gave me to underſtand, that he truſted en⯑tirely to his birth and perſonal merit; that he had frequently wrote to Melinda, ſetting forth his claim and pretenſions, but ſhe was never kind enough to ſend an anſwer, or even to admit him into her preſence; and that the promiſe he men⯑tioned in his letter, was made by his friend Mr. Gaghagan, who aſſured him, that no woman [135] could reſiſt a man of his appearance.—I could not forbear laughing to exceſs, at the ſimplicity of my rival, who did not ſeem to reliſh my mirth; but began to be very ſerious: Upon which I endeavoured to appeaſe him, by giving him my word and honour, that ſo far from pre⯑judicing his addreſſes to the lady, I would repre⯑ſent him to her in the moſt favourable light I could, with any regard to truth; but he muſt not be ſurprized if ſhe ſhould remain blind to his deſerts, for nothing was more capricious than a woman's mind, and the affection of that ſex was ſeldom purchaſed with virtue alone.—That my declaration might have the better effect, I took notice of his diſhabille, and profeſſing ſorrow at ſeeing a gentleman reduced, ſlipt two guineas in⯑to his hand, at the ſight of which, he threw away his piſtols, and hugging me in his arms, cried, ‘"Arrah, by Jeſus, now, you are the beſt friend I have met with theſe ſeven long years."—’When I had ſuffered ſome minutes in his em⯑brace, he quitted me, and picking up his ruſty arms, wiſhed the devil might burn him if ever he ſhould give me any further trouble about wo⯑man-kind.

The quarrel being thus amicably compoſed, I begged leave to look at his piſtols, which I found ſo crazy and ſo foul, that, I believe, it was happy for him neither of them was diſcharged, for one of them would certainly have ſplit in the going off, and he would, in all probability, have loſt his hand in the exploſion; but what gave me a lively idea of the man's character, was to find, upon examination, that one of them had been loaded without being primed, and the other primed without a charge.

[136] While we walked homeward together, I ex⯑preſſed a deſire of knowing my new friend's hiſtory; and he informed me of his having ſerved in the German army as a volunteer againſt the Turks; that for his behaviour at the ſiege of Belgrade, he had been honoured with an enſign's commiſſion, and afterwards promoted to the rank of lieutenant, in which ſtation, it was his misfortune to affront his captain, who challenged him to the field, and was killed in the duel, upon which he was obliged to retreat;—that he had been in England ſome years ſolliciting his friends for proviſion in the Britiſh army; but being hitherto unſucceſsful, he was deſired by Mr. Gaghagan to turn his thoughts to matrimo⯑ny, and make his fortune by an advantageous match; in conſequence of which advice, he had made up to Melinda, and having heard, by means of an Iriſh footman in the family, that I was her chief favourite, had called me out in hopes of removing by my death, the greateſt obſtruction to his deſires; but now he was convinced of my honour and generoſity, he ſwore by the bleſſed Virgin, he would think of her no more, if there was not another woman in the world.—As a further proof of his veracity, which I did not at all doubt, he opened an old iron ſnuff-box, and pulled out his commiſſion in the imperial army, and his captain's challenge, which he preſerved as teſtimonials of his character.—I was ſo well convinced of this poor man's honeſty and cou⯑rage, that I determined to ſpeak in his behalf to ſome of my acquaintance, who might recom⯑mend his caſe to the conſideration of thoſe who could provide for him; and in the mean time to accommodate him with a few cloaths, by which [137] his appearance would be much mended, and him⯑ſelf enabled to renew his ſolicitations in per⯑ſon.

As we walked along, converſing ſocially to⯑gether, we were met by a file of Muſqueteers, and Strap at their head, who no ſooner approach⯑ed, than with a frantick look, he cried, ‘"Seize them!—in the name of God! ſeize them"—’We were accordingly ſurrounded, and I put in arreſt by the corporal, who was commanding of⯑ficer; but captain Oregan diſengaged himſelf, and run with ſuch ſpeed towards Tottenham-court-road, that he was out of ſight in a moment. When my arms were delivered up, and myſelf ſecured, Strap be⯑came a little more compoſed, and aſked pardon for the liberty he had taken, which he hoped I would excuſe, as it proceeded from his affection: He then told me that, ſuſpecting the letter (which by the bye was brought by the author himſelf) contained ſomething extraordinary, he had peeped through the key-hole, and ſeen me load my piſtols; upon which he run down to Whitehall, and applied to the officer on guard, for a party to put me in arreſt, but before he returned, I was gone in a coach; that he had enquired which way I went, and having often heard, that duels were commonly fought at the back of Montague-houſe, he conducted the guard to this place, where he thanked God for having found me ſafe and ſound. I let him know, that I forgave his officious con⯑cern for once, but cautioned him in pretty ſevere terms, from making me the ſubject of idle con⯑verſation for the future; then, turning to the corporal, I thanked him for his care, and gave hime a crown to drink with his men, aſſuring him that the rencontre was over long before he [138] came up, and every thing compromiſed, as he might have obſerved by our behaviour; as a far⯑ther proof of which, he would find upon exa⯑mination, that one of my piſtols had been diſ⯑charged;—but this civil perſon, without giving himſelf or me any further trouble, received the bounty with a thouſand bows and acknowledg⯑ments, and returning the piſtols, releaſed me immediately.

He was not gone an hundred yards, when my friend Oregan came up, in order to reſcue me, with two Tatterdemalions whom he had engaged for that purpoſe, about the purlieus of St. Giles's: One of them was armed with a muſket that wanted a lock, and another with a ruſty broad⯑ſword; but their dreſs ſurpaſſed all deſcription.—When he underſtood I was already free, he made an apology for his abrupt departure, and introduced me to his two companions: Firſt, to counſellor Fitz-clabber, who, he told me, was then employed in compiling a hiſtory of the kings of Munſter, from Iriſh manuſcripts; and then to his friend Mr. Gaghagan, who was a profound philoſopher and politician, and had projected many excellent ſchemes for the good of his country.—But it ſeems theſe literati had been very ill rewarded for their ingenious labours; for be⯑tween them both, there was but one ſhirt and half a pair of breeches.—I thanked them very kindly for their readineſs to aſſiſt me, and having offered my ſervice in my turn, wiſhed them a good-morrow, deſiring Oregan to accompany me to my lodgings, where he was fitted with decent cloaths from my wardrobe, ſo much to his ſatiſ⯑faction, that he ſwore eternal gratitude and friend⯑ſhip [139] to me, and at my requeſt, recounted all the adventures of his life.

In the afternoon, I waited on Melinda, who received me with great kindneſs and familiarity, and laughed exceſſively at my adventure with the Iriſhman, to whoſe wiſhes ſhe was no ſtranger, having more than a dozen letters in her poſſeſ⯑ſion, which he had wrote to her on the ſubject of love, and which, for my entertainment, ſhe ſubmitted to my peruſal.—Having made ourſelves merry at the expence of this poor admirer, I ſeized the opportunity of her mother's going out of the room, and introduced my own paſſion, which I recommended to her with all the ardour and elo⯑quence I was maſter of.—I flattered, ſighed, ſwore, intreated, and acted a thouſand extrava⯑gancies, in hopes of making ſome impreſſion on her heart; but ſhe heard every thing I ſaid with⯑out diſcovering the leaſt emotion; and other company came in, before ſhe would vouchſafe one ſerious reply.—After tea, the cards were brought in according to cuſtom, and it was my good fortune to have Melinda for my partner; by which means, inſtead of loſing, I came off with five guineas clear gain.

I ſoon became acquainted with a good many people of faſhion, and ſpent my time in the mo⯑diſh diverſions of the town, ſuch as plays, ope⯑ras, maſquerades, drums, aſſemblies and puppet⯑ſhews; chiefly in company with Melinda, whom I cultivated with all the eagerneſs and addreſs that my proſpect could inſpire, and my education afford: I ſpared neither my perſon nor my purſe, to gratify her vanity and pride; my rivals were intimidated, and indeed out-ſhone; and after all, I began to fear that the dear creature had not [140] a heart to loſe.—At laſt, finding myſelf unable to ſupport the expence of this amour much longer, I was determined to bring the matter to a criſis; and one evening, while we were tête a tête, complained of her indifference, deſcribed the tortures of ſuſpence to a love-ſick mind, and preſſed her to diſcloſe her ſentiments of matrimo⯑ny and me, with ſuch earneſtneſs, that ſhe could not with all her art, ſhift the ſubject; but was obliged to come to an eclairciſſement.—She let me know with a careleſs air, that ſhe had no objection to my perſon, and if I could ſatisfy her mother in other particulars, I ſhould not find her averſe to the match; but ſhe was reſolved to do nothing in an affair of ſuch moment'ous con⯑cern, without the advice and conſent of her pa⯑rent.—This was not a very agreeable de⯑claration to me, whoſe aim had been to win her inclination firſt, and then ſecure my con⯑queſt by a private marriage, to which I flat⯑tered myſelf ſhe would expreſs no reluctance.—That I might not, however, deſert my cauſe before it was deſperate, I waited on the mother, and with great formality demanded the daughter in marriage: The good lady, who was a very notable woman, behaved with great ſtate and civility; thanked me for the honour I intended her family, and ſaid, ſhe did not doubt that I was in all reſpects qualified to make a woman happy; but it concerned her as a parent anxious about the welfare of her child, to enquire into the particulars of my fortune, and know what ſettlement I propoſed to make. To this intimation, which would have utterly diſconcerted me, if I had not expected it, I replied without heſitation, that though my [141] fortune was very ſmall, I was a gentleman by birth and education, would maintain her daughter in the ſphere of a gentlewoman, and ſettle her own dowry on her and her heirs for ever.—This careful matron did not ſeem to reliſh my propoſal, but obſerved with a demure counte⯑nance, that there was no neceſſity for ſettling that upon her child which was her own already: However, if I pleaſed, her lawyer ſhould con⯑fer with mine upon the matter; and in the mean time, ſhe deſired I would favour her with the peruſal of my rent-roll.—Notwithſtanding the vexation I was under, I could ſcarce forbear laughing in her face, at the mention of my rent⯑roll, which was, indeed, a ſevere piece of ſatire upon my pretenſions. I frankly owned I had no landed eſtate: and told her, that I could not exactly ſpecify the ſum I was maſter of, un⯑til I had regulated my affairs, which were at preſent in ſome diſorder; but that I would take an opportunity of ſatisfying her on that head very ſoon.

It was not long before I took my leave, and returned to my lodgings in a very melancholy mood, perſuaded that I had nothing more to expect from that quarter: I was confirmed in this opi⯑nion next day, when I went back with a view of explaining myſelf more fully to the old gen⯑tlewoman; and was told by the footman, that his ladies were not at home, although I had ſeen Melinda through the blinds of a parlour win⯑dow, as I went up to the door. Incenſed at this affront I quitted the door, without ſaying one word, and as I repaſſed the parlour, bowed to Miſs, who ſtill remained in the ſame ſituation, [142] ſecurely ſcreened, as ſhe thought, from my view.

This diſappointment gave me more uneaſineſs on Strap's account, than my own; for I was in no danger of dying for love of Melinda; on the contrary, the remembrance of my charming Narciſſa, was a continual check upon my con⯑ſcience, during the whole courſe of my addreſſes; and perhaps contributed to the bad ſucceſs of my ſcheme, by controuling my raptures, and condemning my deſign.

There was a neceſſity for acquainting my com⯑panion with every thing that happened to me, and I performed this piece of duty in an affected paſſion, ſwearing I would be his pack-horſe no longer, and deſiring him to take the manage⯑ment of his affairs into his own hand. This fi⯑neſſe had the deſired effect, for inſtead of grum⯑bling over my miſcarriage, Strap was frightened at the paſſion I feigned, and begged me for the love of God to be appeaſed; obſerving, that al⯑though we had ſuffered a great loſs, it was not irreparable; and if fortune frowned to day, ſhe might perhaps ſmile to-morrow.—I pretended to acquieſce in his remarks, praiſe his equanimity, and promiſe to improve by misfortune.—He, on the other hand, pretended to be perfectly well ſatisfied with my conduct, and conjured me to follow the dictates of my own reflection; but in ſpite of all his affectation, I could perceive his inward af⯑fliction, and his viſage ſenſibly increaſed in lon⯑gitude from that day.

CHAP. L.

[143]

I long to be revenged on Melinda—apply to Banter for his aſſiſtance—he contrives a ſcheme for that purpoſe, which is put in execution with great ſucceſs—I make an attempt on the heart of Miſs Gripewell, but an diſappointed—I grow melancholy at my diſappointment, and have recourſe to the Bottle—receive a billet doux—am raviſhed with the contents—find myſelf involved in an intrigue, which I imagined would make my fortune—am confounded at my miſtake, which baniſhes all thoughts of matrimony.

IN the mean time, my attention was wholly engroſſed in ſearch of another miſtreſs, and the deſire of being revenged on Melinda, in both which ſchemes I was very much aſſiſted by Billy Chatter, who was ſuch a neceſſary creature among the ladies, that in all private dances he engaged the men.—To him therefore I applied, deſiring he would introduce me to a partner of ſome figure, at the next private aſſembly, for the ſake of a frolick, the intention of which I would afterwards communicate. Billy, who had heard ſomething of a difference between Melinda and me, immediately ſmoaked part of my deſign, and think⯑ing I only wanted to alarm her jealouſy a little, promiſed to gratify my deſire, by matching me [144] with a partner worth thirty thouſand pounds, whom the ladies of this end of the town, had lately taken into their management and protection.—Upon further inquiry, I found this perſon's name was Miſs Biddy Gripewell; that her father, who had been a pawnbroker, died inteſtate, by which means all his ſubſtance deſcended to this daughter, who was ſo little a favourite, that could the old man have prevailed with his own rapacious diſ⯑poſition, to part with as much money as would have paid the expence of a will, ſhe would not have inherited the ſixth part of his fortune;—that during his life, ſo far from being educated in a way ſuitable to ſuch great expectations, ſhe was obliged to live like a ſervant wench, and do the moſt menial offices in the family.—But his funeral was no ſooner performed, than ſhe aſ⯑ſumed the fine lady, and found ſo many people of both ſexes, to flatter, careſs and inſtruct her, that, for want of diſcretion and experience, ſhe was grown inſufferably vain and arrogant, and pretended to no leſs than a duke or earl at leaſt, for her huſband;—that ſhe had the misfortune to be neglected by the Engliſh quality, but a certain poor Scottiſh Lord was then making intereſt to be introduced to her acquaintance.—In the mean time, ſhe was fallen into the hands of a notable lady, who had already diſpoſed of her to a lieu⯑tenant of foot, a diſtant relation of her lady⯑ſhip's, though Miſs, as yet, knew nothing of the affair; and laſtly, that if I propoſed to dance with her, I muſt give him leave to repreſent me as a knight or foreign count at leaſt.—I was ra⯑viſhed at this piece of information, and con⯑tented, for one night, to perſonate a French Mar⯑quis, that I might the eaſier fulfil my revenge.

[145] Having made the appointment with Chatter, I went to Banter's lodgings, having by this time conceived a great opinion of his penetration and knowledge; and after I had injoined ſecrecy, told him every circumſtance of my diſgrace with Me⯑linda, and imparted the plan I had projected to mortify that proud coquette, deſiring his advice in improving, and aſſiſtance in executing the ſcheme.—Nothing could be more agreeable to his mi⯑ſanthropical temper, than an account of her be⯑haviour and my reſentment: He applauded my reſolution, and propoſed that I ſhould not only provide myſelf in a proper partner, but alſo pro⯑cure ſuch an one for Miſs Gooſetrap, as would infallibly intail upon her the ridicule of all her ac⯑quaintance: For this purpoſe he mentioned his barber, who, he ſaid, was an exceeding cox⯑comb, lately come from Paris, whoſe abſurd affectation and grimace would eaſily paſs upon her, for the ſprightly politeſſe of a gentleman improved by travel.—I hugged him for this hint; and he aſſured me, it would be no difficult mat⯑ter to make him believe, that Melinda having ſeen him by accident, was captivated by his ap⯑pearance, and longed for his acquaintance.—He actually engaged him on this pretence, and painted his good fortune in ſuch colours, that the poor ſhaver was quite beſide himſelf with joy,—He was immediately fitted with a tawdry ſuit of cloaths belonging to Banter, and by him re⯑commended to Chatter, as a very pretty fellow, juſt returned from his travels.—Maſter Billy, who acted as gentleman-uſher to a great many of the fair ſex in and about town undertook, at once, to beſpeak Melinda in his behalf; and every thing happened according to my wiſh.

[146] At the time appointed, I appeared, dreſſed to the beſt advantage; and in the character of Mar⯑quis, had the honour of opening the ball with the rich heireſs, who attracted the eyes of the whole company, by the prodigious number of jewels with which ſhe was adorned.—Among others, I perceived Melinda, who could no more conceal her envy than aſtoniſhment at my ſuc⯑ceſs: Her curioſity was ſtill more flagrant and tormenting, for ſhe had never ſeen Miſs Gripe⯑well before; and Chatter, who alone could give her any ſatisfaction on that head, was engaged in converſation at the other end of the room.—I obſerved her impatience, and exulted in her chagrin; and after my partner was ſet, took the opportunity of paſſing by her to make a ſlight bow without ſtopping; which compleated my triumph and her indignation. She changed co⯑lour, bridled up, aſſumed an air of diſdain, and flirted her fan with ſuch fury, that it went to pieces in a moment, to the no ſmall entertain⯑ment of thoſe who ſat near and obſerved her.

At length the metamorphoſed barber took her out, and acted his part with ſuch ridiculous ex⯑travagance, that the mirth of the whole com⯑pany was excited at his expence, and his partner ſo much aſhamed, that before the country dances began, ſhe retired in great confuſion, under pre⯑tence of being taken ſuddenly ill, and was fol⯑lowed by her gallant, who no doubt, imagined her indiſpoſition was nothing but love; and laid hold of the occaſion of conducting her home, to comfort her, with an aſſurance of his entertain⯑ing a reciprocal paſſion.—They were no ſooner gone, than an inquiſitive whiſper of ‘"Who is he?"’ run round the room; and Chaſter [147] could give them no other intelligence about him, than that he was a man of fortune, juſt returned from his travels: I, who alone was ac⯑quainted with his real quality, affected ignorance, well knowing that female curioſity would not reſt ſatisfied with ſuch a general account, and that the diſcovery would proceed with a better grace from any body than me.

Mean while, I was tempted by the richneſs of the prize, to practiſe upon Miſs Gripewell's heart, but ſoon found it too well fortified with pride and indifference to yield to any efforts in my own character, and I neither would nor could preſerve the title I had borrowed, longer than this night.

As I expected, every thing came to light next day: The barber, in pure ſimplicity of heart, detected himſelf to Melinda, and diſcovered the foundation of his hopes; ſhe ſickened at the af⯑front, and was aſhamed to ſhew her face in pub⯑lick for many weeks after this accident. Poor Chatter found it impoſſible to juſtify himſelf to her ſatisfaction; was in utter diſgrace with Miſs Gripewell, for having impoſed me upon her as a nobleman; and ſuffered very much in his character and influence among the ladies in gene⯑ral.

Finding my finances diminiſhed more than one half, and my project as little advanced as on the firſt day of my arrival in town, I began to deſpair of my ſucceſs, and grew melancholy at the proſpect of approaching want.—To diſ⯑pel the horrors of this fiend, I had recourſe to the bottle, and kept more company than ever.—I became particularly attached to the play-houſe, converſed with the actors behind the ſcenes, got acquainted with a body of templars, and in a [148] ſhort time commenced a profeſſed wit and critick. Indeed I may ſay without vanity, that I was much better qualified than any one of my com⯑panions, who were, generally ſpeaking, of all the creatures I ever converſed with, the moſt ig⯑norant and aſſuming.—By means of theſe avo⯑cations I got the better of care, and learned to ſeparate my ideas in ſuch a manner, that when⯑ever I was attacked by a gloomy reflection, I could ſhove it aſide, and call in ſome agreeable reverie to my aſſiſtance.—This was not the caſe with Strap, who practiſed a thouſand ſhifts to conceal the ſorrow that preyed upon his carcaſs, and re⯑duced him to the reſemblance of a meer ſkeleton.

While I thus poſted, in a thoughtleſs manner, towards poverty, I one day received, by the pen⯑ny-poſt, a letter written in a woman's hand, containing a great many high-flown compliments, warm proteſtations of love, couched in a very poeti⯑cal ſtile, an earneſt deſire of knowing whether or not my heart was engaged, by leaving an anſwer at a certain place directed to R. B. and the whole ſub⯑ſcribed, ‘"Your incognita."’ I was tranſported with joy on reading the contents of this billet doux, which I admired as a maſter-piece of tenderneſs and elegance, and was already up to the ears in love with the author, whom my imagination re⯑preſented as a lady of fortune, in the bloom of youth and beauty.—Elevated with this conjecture, I went to work and exhauſted my invention in compoſing an anſwer ſuitable to the ſublimity of her ſtile, and the ardour of her ſentiments.—I expreſſed my admiration of her wit, in terms the moſt hyperbolical, and while I acknowledged myſelf unworthy of her regard, declared myſelf enamoured of her underſtanding; and in the [149] moſt pathetick manner, implored the honour of an interview.—Having finiſhed this performance, and communicated it to Strap, who ſkipped about for joy, I diſpatched him with it to the place ap⯑pointed, which was the houſe of a milliner not far from Bond-ſtreet, and deſired him to keep watch near the door for ſome time, that he might diſcover the perſon who would call for it.—In leſs than an hour he returned, with a joyful countenance, and told me, that ſoon after he had delivered the letter a chairman was called, to whom it was given, with directions to carry it to the houſe of a rich gentleman in the neighbourhood, whither he (Strap) followed him, and ſaw it put into the hands of a waiting-wo⯑man, who paid the meſſenger and ſhut the door;—That upon inquiry at an ale-houſe hard by, where he called for a pint of beer, he under⯑ſtood, that the gentleman to whom the houſe be⯑longed had an only daughter, very handſome, who would inherit his whole eſtate; and who certainly was the author of the billet I had re⯑ceived.—I was of the ſame opinion, and hug⯑ing myſelf in the happy proſpect, dreſſed im⯑mediately, and paſſed in great ſtate by the houſe that contained my unknown admirer.—Nor was my vanity diſappointed; for I perceived a beautiful young creature ſtanding at one of the windows of the dining-room, who, I imagined, obſerved me with more than common curioſity. That I might indulge her view, and at the ſame time feaſt my own, I affected to ſtop, and give orders to Strap, in the ſtreet, juſt oppoſite to her ſtation, by which means I had an opportunity of ſeeing her more diſtinctly, and of congratulating myſelf on having made a conqueſt of ſo much perfection. [150] —In a few moments ſhe retired, and I betook myſelf to the ordinary, in a rapture of hope, which deprived me of my appetite for that meal, and ſent me home in the evening to indulge my con⯑templation.

Early next day, I was favoured with another epiſtle from my unknown charmer, ſignifying her unutterable joy at the receipt of mine, which, while it made a tender of my heart, convinced her of the value of it. Above all things, ſhe profeſſed extreme pleaſure in finding me ſo much attached to her underſtanding, a circumſtance that not only flattered her in the moſt ſenſible part, but at the ſame time argued my own ſagacity.—As for the interview I deſired, ſhe aſſured me, that I could not be more eager for ſuch an occaſion than ſhe; but ſhe muſt not only ſacrifice a little more to decorum, but be ſatisfied of my ho⯑nourable intentions, before ſhe would grant that requeſt: Mean while, ſhe gave me to underſtand, that although ſhe might owe ſome deference to the opinion of certain perſons, ſhe was reſolved, in an affair that ſo nearly concerned her happineſs, to conſult her own inclination, preferably to the advice of the whole world; eſpecially, as ſhe was urged to ſuch condeſcenſion by no conſidera⯑tion of fortune, what ſhe depended upon, being her own without reſtriction or controul.—Struck with admiration at the philoſophy and ſelf⯑denial of my miſtreſs, who ſeemed inſenſible of the beauty ſhe poſſeſſed; and in particular, ra⯑viſhed with that piece of intelligence, by which I learned her fortune was independent, I reſumed the pen, launched out into encomiums on the dignity of her ſentiments, affected to under⯑value the charms of external beauty, pretended to [151] ground my paſſion on the qualities of her mind; complained of her rigour, in ſacrificing my re⯑poſe to an overſcrupulous regard to decorum, and declared the purity of my deſigns in the moſt ſolemn and pathetic vows.—This performance being ſealed and directed, was ſent to the place appointed, by Strap, who, that we might be ſtill the more confirmed in our belief, renewed his watch, and in a little time brought back the ſame information as before, with this addition, that Miſs Sparkle, (the name of my ſuppoſed cor⯑reſpondent) looking out at the window, no ſooner ſaw the meſſenger arrive, than ſhe ſhut the caſe⯑ment in a ſort of beautiful confuſion, and diſap⯑peared; eager, no doubt, to hear from the dear object of her love.

My doubts now vaniſhed, the long expected port appeared, and I looked upon myſelf as per⯑fectly ſecure of that happineſs I had been in queſt of ſo long.—After dinner, I ſauntered in com⯑pany with doctor Wagtail, to that part of the town in which my inamorata lived; and as he was a meer regiſter, enquired of him into the name, character and fortune of every body who poſſeſſed a good houſe in the ſtreets through which we paſſed: When it came to his turn to mention Sir John Sparkle, he repreſented him as a man of an immenſe eſtate and narrow diſpoſition, who mewed up his only child, a fine young lady, from the converſation of mankind, under the ſtrict watch and inſpection of an old gouvernante, who was either ſo honeſt, envious or inſatiable, that no body had been, as yet, able to make her a friend, or get acceſs to her charge, though num⯑bers attempted it every day; not ſo much on account of her expectations from her father, [152] who being a widower, might marry again, and have ſons, as for a fortune of twelve thouſand pounds left her by an uncle, of which ſhe could not be deprived.—This piece of news exactly tallying with the laſt part of the letter I had been honoured with in the morning, had ſuch an effect on me, that any man, except Wagtail, might have obſerved my emotion; but his atten⯑tion was too much engroſſed on the contempla⯑tion of his own importance, to be affected with the deportment of any other body, unleſs it happened to be ſo particular, that he could not help taking notice of it.

When I had diſengaged myſelf from him, whoſe converſation grew inſipid to me, I went home, and made Strap acquainted with the fruits of my reſearches.—This faithful Squire was al⯑moſt choaked with tranſport, and even wept for joy; but whether on account of himſelf or me, I ſhall not pretend to determine.—Next day a third billet doux was brought to me, containing many expreſſions of tenderneſs, mingled with ſome affecting doubts about the artifice of man, the inconſtancy of youth, and the jealouſy often attending the moſt ſincere paſſion; withal deſiring I would excuſe her, if ſhe ſhould try me a little longer, before ſhe declared herſelf beyond the power of retracting.—Theſe intereſting ſcruples added fuel to my flame, and impatience to my hope; I redoubled my complaints of her indiffe⯑rence, and preſſed her to an aſſignation, with ſuch fervid intreaties, that in a few days, ſhe conſented to meet me at the houſe of that milli⯑ner, who had forwarded all my letters.—During the interval between the date of her promiſe, and the hour of appointment, my pride ſoarod [153] beyond all reaſon and deſcription; I loſt all re⯑membrance of the gentle Narciſſa, and my thoughts were wholly employed in planning triumphs over the malice and contempt of the world.

At length the happy hour arrived, I flew to the place of rendezvous, and was conducted in⯑to an apartment, where I had not waited ten mi⯑nutes, when I heard the ruſtling of ſilk and the ſound of feet aſcending the ſtairs: My heart took the alarm, and beat quick, my cheeks glowed, my nerves thrilled, and my knees ſhook with exſtaſy! I perceived the door opening, ſaw a gold brocade petticoat advance, and ſprung for⯑ward to embrace my charmer.—Heaven and earth! how ſhall I paint my ſituation, when I found Miſs Sparkle converted into a wrinkled hag turned of ſeventy! I was ſtruck dumb with amazement, and petrified with horror! This ancient urganda perceived my diſorder, and ap⯑proaching with a languiſhing air, ſeized my hand, aſking in a ſqueaking tone, if I was indiſpoſed.—Her monſtrous affectation compleated the diſ⯑guſt I had conceived for her at her firſt appear⯑ance; and it was a long time before I could com⯑mand myſelf ſo much, as to behave with com⯑mon civility: At length, however, I recollected myſelf and pronounced an apology for my be⯑haviour, which, I ſaid, proceeded from a dizzi⯑neſs that ſeized me all of a ſudden.—My hoary Dulcinea, who, no doubt, had been alarmed at my confuſion, no ſooner learned the cauſe to which I now aſcribed it, than ſhe diſcovered her joy in a thouſand amorous coquettries, and aſſumed the ſprightly arts of a girl of ſixteen. One while, ſhe ogled me with her dim eyes, [154] quenched in rheum; then, as if ſhe was aſhamed of that freedom, ſhe affected to look down, bluſh, and play with her fan, then toſs her head that I might not perceive a palſy that ſhook it, aſk ſome childiſh queſtions with a liſping accent, giggle and grin with her mouth ſhut, to conceal the ravages of time upon her teeth, leer upon me again, ſigh piteouſly, fling herſelf about in her chair to ſhew her agility, and act a great ma⯑ny more abſurdities that youth and beauty can alone excuſe.—Shocked as I was at my diſap⯑pointment, my diſpoſition was incapable of affront⯑ing any perſon who loved me; I therefore en⯑deavoured to put a good face on the matter for the preſent, reſolved to drop the whole affair as ſoon as I ſhould get clear of her company; with this view, I uttered ſome civil things, and in par⯑ticular deſired to know the name and condition of the lady who had honoured me ſo much.—She told me her name was Withers, that ſhe lived with Sir John Sparkle in quality of gover⯑neſs to his only daughter, in which ſituation ſhe had picked up a comfortable ſufficiency to make her eaſy for life; that ſhe had the pleaſure of ſeeing me at church, where my appearance and deportment made ſuch an impreſſion upon her heart, that ſhe could enjoy no eaſe until ſhe had inquired into my character, which ſhe found ſo amiable in all reſpects, that ſhe yielded to the violence of her inclination, and ventured to declare her paſſion, with too little regard, per⯑haps, to the decorum of her ſex; but ſhe hoped I would forgive a treſpaſs, of which I myſelf was, in ſome meaſure, the cauſe, and impute her intruſion to the irreſiſtible dictates of love.—No decayed rake ever ſwallowed a bolus with [155] more reluctance than I felt in making a reply ſuitable to the compliment, when inſtead of the jewel, I found the crazy caſket only in my power; and yet my hopes began to revive a little, when I conſidered, that by carrying on the appearance of an intrigue with the Duenna, I might poſſibly get acceſs to her charge. Encouraged by this ſuggeſtion, my temper grew more ſerene, my reſerve wore off, I talked en cavalier, and even made love to this antiquated coquette, who ſeemed extremely happy in her adorer, and ſpread all her allurements to make her imagined con⯑queſt more ſecure.—The good woman of the houſe treated us with tea and ſweet-meats, and afterwards withdrew, like a civil experienced ma⯑tron as ſhe was.—Left thus to our mutual en⯑dearments, Miſs Withers (for ſhe was ſtill a maiden) began to talk of matrimony, and ex⯑preſſed ſo much impatience in all her behaviour, that, had ſhe been fifty years younger, I might poſſibly have gratified her longing without having recourſe to the church; but this my virtue as well as intereſt forbad. When the inclinations or an old maid ſettle upon a young fellow, he is per⯑ſecuted with her addreſſes; but, ſhould he once grant her the favour, he will never be able to diſentangle himſelf from her importunities and reproaches. It was my buſineſs to defer the ceremony as long as poſſible under the moſt ſpecious pretences, with a view of becoming ac⯑quainted with Miſs Sparkle, in the mean time; and I did not deſpair of ſucceſs, when I con⯑ſidered, that in the courſe of our correſpondence I would, in all probability, be invited to viſit my miſtreſs in her own apartment, and by that means have an opportunity of converſing with [156] her charming ward. Pleaſed with this proſpect, my heart dilated with joy, I talked in raptures to the ſtale gouvernante, and kiſſed her ſhriveled hand with great devotion: She was ſo much tranſported with her good fortune, that ſhe could not contain her exſtaſy, but flew upon me like a tygereſs, and preſſed her ſkinny lips to mine; when (as it was no doubt concerted by her evil genius) a doſe of garlick ſhe had ſwallowed that morning, to diſpel wind I ſuppoſe, began to ope⯑rate with ſuch a ſudden exploſion, that human nature, circumſtanced as I was, could not endure the ſhock with any degree of temper.—I loſt all patience and reflection, flung away from her in an inſtant, ſnatched my hat and cane, and run down ſtairs as the devil had me in purſuit, and could ſcarce reſtrain the convulſion of my bowels, which were grievouſly offended by the perſume that aſſaulted me.—Strap, who waited my return with impatience, ſeeing me arrive in the utmoſt diſorder, ſtood motionleſs with apprehenſion, and durſt not enquire into the cauſe.

After I had waſhed my mouth more than once, and recruited my ſpirits with a glaſs of wine, I recounted to him every particular of what had happened; to which he made no other reply, for ſome time, than lifting up his eyes, claſping his hands, and uttering a hollow groan.—At length he obſerved, in a melancholy tone, that it was a thouſand pities my organs were ſo delicate as to be offended with the ſmell of garlick: ‘"Ah! God help us (ſaid he) 'tis not the ſteams of garlick, no, nor of ſomething elſe, that would give me the leaſt uneaſineſs—ſee what it is to be a cobler's ſon."—’I replied haſtily, ‘"I wiſh then, you would go and re⯑trieve [157] my miſcarriage."—’At this he ſtarted, forced a ſmile, and left the room, ſhaking his head. Whether the old gentlewoman reſented my abrupt departure ſo much, that her love changed into diſdain, or was aſhamed to ſee me on account of her infirmity, I know not, but I was never troubled again with her paſſion.

CHAP. LI.

I cultivate an acquaintance with two noble⯑men—am introduced to Earl Strutwell—his kind promiſe and invitation—the behaviour of his porter and lacquey—he receives me with an appearance of uncom⯑mon affection—undertakes to ſpeak in my behalf to the miniſter—informs me of his ſucceſs, and wiſhes me joy—introduces a converſation about Petronius Arbiter—falls in love with my watch, which I preſs upon him—I make a preſent of a diamond ring to lord Straddle—impart my good fortune to Strap and Banter, who diſſa⯑buſes me, to my utter mortification.

BAFFLED hitherto in my matrimonial ſchemes, I began to queſtion my talents for the ſcience of fortune-hunting, and to bend my thoughts towards ſome employment under the government.—With the view of procuring which, I cultivated the acquaintance of Lords [158] Straddle and Swillpot, whoſe fathers were men of intereſt at court.—I found theſe young noblemen as open to my advances as I could deſire: I accom⯑panied them in their midnight rambles, and often dined with them at taverns, where I had the ho⯑nour of paying the reckoning.

I one day took the opportunity, while I was loaded with proteſtations of friendſhip, to diſcloſe my deſire of being ſettled in ſome ſine-cure; and to ſolicit their influence in my behalf.—Swillpot ſqueezing my hand, ſaid, I might depend upon his ſervice, by G—d. The other ſwore that no man would be more proud than he to run my errands. Encouraged by theſe declara⯑tions I ventured to expreſs an inclination to be introduced to their fathers, who were able to do my buſineſs at once. Swillpot frankly owned he had not ſpoke to his father theſe three years; and Straddle aſſured me his father having lately diſobliged the Miniſter by ſubſcribing his name to a proteſt in the houſe of peers, was thereby ren⯑dered incapable of ſerving his friends at preſent; but he undertook to make me acquainted with Earl Strutwell, who was hand and glove with a certain perſon that ruled the roaſt. This offer I embraced with many acknowledgments, and plied him ſo cloſely, in ſpite of a thouſand evaſions, that he found himſelf under a neceſſity of keeping his word, and actually carried me to the levee of this great man, where he left me in a crowd of fellow-dependants, and was uſhered to a parti⯑cular cloſet audience; from whence in a few mi⯑nutes, he returned with his lordſhip, who took me by the hand, aſſured me he would do me all the ſervice he could, and deſired to ſee me often.—I was charmed with my reception, and al⯑though [159] I had heard that a courtier's promiſe is not to be depended upon, I thought I diſcovered ſo much ſweetneſs of temper and candour in this Earl's countenance, that I did not doubt of pro⯑fiting by his protection.—I reſolved therefore, to avail myſelf of his permiſſion, and waited on him next audience day, when I was favoured with a particular ſmile, ſqueeze of the hand, and a whiſ⯑per, ſignifying that he wanted half an hour's con⯑verſation with me tête a tête, when he ſhould be diſengaged, and for that purpoſe deſired me to come and drink a diſh of chocolate with him to⯑morrow morning.—This invitation, which did not a little flatter my vanity and expectation, I took care to obſerve, and went to his lordſhip's houſe at the time appointed. Having rapped at the gate, the porter unbolted and kept it half open, placing himſelf in the gap, like ſoldiers in a breach, to diſpute my paſſage.—I demanded to know if his lord was ſtirring?—He anſwered with a ſurly aſpect, ‘"No."—’ ‘"At what hour does he commonly riſe? (ſaid I)"—’ ‘"Sometimes ſooner, ſometimes later (ſaid he, cloſing the door upon me by degrees.)"—’I then told him I was come by his lordſhip's own ap⯑pointment; to which this Cerberus replied, ‘"I have received no orders about the matter;"’ and was upon the point of ſhutting me out, when I recollected myſelf all of a ſudden, and ſlipping a crown into his hand, begged as a favour that he would enquire and let me know whether or not the Earl was up. The grim janitor re⯑lented at the touch of my money, which he took with all the indifference of a tax-gatherer, and ſhewed me into a parlour, where, he ſaid, I might amuſe myſelf till ſuch time as his lord [160] ſhould be awake.—I had not ſat ten minutes in this place, when a footman entered, and without ſpeaking, ſtared at me; I interpreted this piece of his behaviour into ‘"Pray, Sir, what is your buſineſs?"’ and aſked the ſame queſtion I had put to the porter, when I accoſted him firſt. The lac⯑quey made the ſame reply, and diſappeared before I could get any further intelligence.—In a little time he returned, on pretence of poking the fire, and looked at me again with great earneſtneſs; upon which I began to perceive his meaning, and tipping him with half a crown, deſired he would be ſo good as to fall upon ſome method of letting the Earl know that I was in the houſe.—He made a low bow, ſaid, ‘"Yes, Sir,"’ and vaniſhed.—This bounty was not thrown away, for in an inſtant he came back, and conducted me to a chamber, where I was received with great kind⯑neſs and familiarity by his lordſhip, whom I found juſt riſen, in his morning gown and ſlippers.—After breakfaſt, he entered into a particular con⯑verſation with me about my travels, the remarks I had made abroad, and examined me to the full extent of my underſtanding.—My anſwers ſeemed to pleaſe him very much, he frequently ſqueezed my hand, and looking at me with a ſingular com⯑placency in his countenance, bid me depend up⯑on his good offices with the miniſtry in my be⯑half. ‘"Young men of your qualifications (ſaid he) ought to be cheriſhed by every adminiſtra⯑tion—For my own part, I ſee ſo little me⯑rit in the world, that I have laid it down as a maxim, to encourage the leaſt appearance of genius and virtue, to the utmoſt of my power—You have a great deal of both; and will not fail of making a figure one day, if I [161] am not miſtaken; but you muſt lay your ac⯑count with mounting by gradual ſteps to the ſummit of your fortune.—Rome was not built in a day.—As you underſtand the lan⯑guages perfectly well, how would you like to croſs the ſea, as ſecretary to an embaſſy?"—’I aſſured his lordſhip, with great eagerneſs, that nothing could be more agreeable to my inclination: Upon which he bid me make myſelf eaſy, my buſi⯑neſs was done, for he had a place of that kind in his view.—This piece of generoſity affected me ſo much, that I was unable for ſome time to ex⯑preſs my gratitude, which at length broke out in acknowledgments of my own unworthineſs, and encomiums on his benevolence.—I could not even help ſhedding tears, at the goodneſs of this noble lord, who no ſooner perceived them, than he caught me in his arms, hugged and kiſſed me with a ſeemingly paternal affection.—Conſounded at this uncommon inſtance of fondneſs for a ſtranger, I remained a few moments ſilent and aſhamed, then got up and took my leave, after he had aſſured me that he would ſpeak to the Miniſter in my favour, that very day; and deſired that I would not for the future give myſelf the trouble of attending at his levée, but come at the ſame hour every day, when he was at leiſure, which was three times a week.

Though my hopes were now very ſanguine, I determined to conceal my proſpect from every body, even from Strap, until I ſhould be more certain of ſucceſs; and in the mean time, give my patron no reſpite from my ſollicitations.—When I renewed my viſit, I found the ſtreet door opened to me as if by enchantment; but in my paſſage towards the preſence-room, I was [162] met by the valet de chambre, who caſt ſome fu⯑rious looks at me, the meaning of which I could not comprehend. The Earl ſaluted me at en⯑trance with a tender embrace, and wiſhed me joy of his ſucceſs with the Premier, who, he ſaid, had preferred his recommendation to that of two other noblemen very urgent in behalf of their reſpective friends, and abſolutely promiſed that I ſhould go to a certain foreign court in quality of ſecretary to an embaſſador and plenipotentiary, who would ſet out in a few weeks, on an affair of vaſt im⯑portance to the nation. I was thunder-ſtruck with my good fortune, and could make no o⯑ther reply, than kneel and attempt to kiſs my benefactor's hand, which he would not permit, but raiſing me up, preſſed me to his breaſt with ſurprizing emotion, and told me he had now taken upon himſelf the care of making my fortune.—What inhanced the value of the benefit ſtill the more, was his making light of the favour, and ſhifting the converſation to another ſubject: Among other topicks of diſcourſe, that of the Belle Lettre was introduced, upon which his lord⯑ſhip held forth with great taſte and erudition, and diſcovered an intimate knowledge of the authors of antiquity.—‘"Here's a book (ſaid he, taking one from his boſom) written with great elegance and ſpirit, and though the ſub⯑ject may give offence to ſome narrow-minded people, the author will always be held in e⯑ſteem by every perſon of ſenſe and learning."’ So ſaying, he put into my hand Petronius Arbiter, and aſked my opinion of his wit and manner.—I told him, that in my opinion, he wrote with great eaſe and vivacity, but was withal ſo lewd and indecent, that he ought to find no quarter or protection [163] among people of morals and taſte.—‘"I own (re⯑plied the Earl) that his taſte in love is gene⯑rally decried, and indeed condemned by our laws; but perhaps that may be more owing to prejudice and miſapprehenſion, than to true reaſon and deliberation.—The beſt man a⯑mong the ancients is ſaid to have entertained that paſſion; one of the wiſeſt of their legi⯑ſlators has permitted the indulgence of it in his commonwealth; the moſt celebrated poets have not ſcrupled to avow it at this day; it prevails not only over all the eaſt, but in moſt parts of Europe; in our own country it gains ground apace, and in all probability will become in a ſhort time a more faſhionable vice than ſimple fornication.—Indeed there is ſomething to be ſaid in vindication of it, for notwith⯑ſtanding the ſeverity of the law againſt offenders in this way, it muſt be confeſſed that the prac⯑tice of this paſſion is unattended with that curſe and burthen upon ſociety, which pro⯑ceeds from a race of miſerable deſerted baſtards, who are either murdered by their parents, de⯑ſerted to the utmoſt want and wretchedneſs, or bred up to prey upon the commonwealth: And it likewiſe prevents the debauchery of many a young maiden, and the proſtitution of honeſt men's wives; not to mention the con⯑ſideration of health, which is much leſs liable to be impaired in the gratification of this ap⯑petite, than in the exerciſe of common venery, which by ruining the conſtitutions of our young men, has produced a puny progeny that de⯑generates from generation to generation: Nay, I have been told, that there is another mo⯑tive perhaps more powerful than all theſe, [164] that induces people to cultivate this inclina⯑tion; namely, the exquiſite pleaſure attending its ſucceſs."’

From this diſcourſe, I began to be apprehenſive that his lordſhip finding I had travelled, was afraid I might have been infected with this ſpurious and ſordid deſire abroad, and took this method of ſounding my ſentiments on the ſubject.—Fired at this ſuppoſed ſuſpicion, I argued againſt it with great warmth, as an appetite unnatural, abſurd, and of pernicious conſequence; and declared my utter deteſtation and abhorrence of it in theſe lines of the ſatyriſt.

"Eternal infamy the wretch confound
"Who planted firſt, this vice on Britiſh ground!
"A vice! that 'ſpite of ſenſe and nature reigns,
"And poiſons genial love, and manhood ſtains!"

The Earl ſmiled at my indignation, told me he was glad to find my opinion of the matter ſo conformable to his own, and that what he had advanced was only to provoke me to an anſwer, with which he profeſſed himſelf perfectly well pleaſed.

After I had enjoyed a long audience, I hap⯑pened to look at my watch, in order to regulate my motions by it; and his lordſhip obſerving the chaſed caſe, deſired to ſee the device, and examine the execution, which he approved with ſome expreſſions of admiration.—Conſidering the obligations I lay under to his lordſhip, I thought there could not be a fitter opportunity than the preſent to manifeſt, in ſome ſhape, my gratitude; [165] I therefore begged he would do me the honour to accept of the watch as a ſmall teſtimony of the ſenſe I had of his lordſhip's generoſity; but he refuſed it in a peremptory manner, and ſaid he was ſorry I ſhould entertain ſuch a mer⯑cenary opinion of him, obſerving at the ſame time, that it was the moſt beautiful piece of workmanſhip he had ever ſeen; and deſiring to know where he could have ſuch another.—I begged a thouſand pardons for the freedom I had taken, which I hoped he would impute to nothing elſe than the higheſt veneration for his perſon—let him know that as it came to my hand by accident in France, I could give him no infor⯑mation about the maker, for there was no name on the inſide; and once more humbly entreated that he would indulge me ſo far as to uſe it for my ſake.—He was ſtill poſitive in refuſing it; but was pleaſed to thank me for my generous of⯑fer, ſaying, it was a preſent that no nobleman needed be aſhamed of receiving; though he was reſolved to ſhew his diſintereſtedneſs with regard to me, for whom he had conceived a particular friendſhip; and inſiſted (if I was willing to part with the watch) upon knowing what it coſt, that he might at leaſt indemnify me, by refunding the money. On the other hand, I aſſured his lord⯑ſhip, that I would look upon it as an uncommon mark of diſtinction, if he would take it with⯑out further queſtion; and rather than diſoblige me, he was at laſt perſuaded to put it in his poc⯑ket, to my no ſmall ſatisfaction, who took my leave immediately, after having received a kind ſqueeze, and an injunction to depend upon his promiſe.

Buoyed up with my reception, my heart opened, I gave away a guinea among the lacqueys, who [166] eſcorted me to the door, flew to the lodgings of Lord Straddle, upon whom I forced my dia⯑mond ring, as an acknowledgment for the great ſervice he had done me, and from thence hied myſelf home, with an intent of ſharing my hap⯑pineſs with honeſt Strap.—I determined, how⯑ever, to heighten his pleaſure by depreſſing his ſpirits at firſt, and then bringing in the good news with double reliſh.—For this purpoſe, I af⯑fected the appearance of diſappointment and chagrin, and told him in an abrupt manner, that I had loſt the watch and diamond. Poor Hugh, who had been already harraſſed into a con⯑ſumption by intelligence of this ſort, no ſooner heard theſe words, than, unable to contain him⯑ſelf, he cried with diſtraction in his looks, ‘"God in heaven forbid!"—’I could carry on the farce no longer, but laughing in his face, told him every thing that had befallen, as above recited. His features were immediately unbend⯑ed, and the tranſition ſo affecting, that he wept with joy, calling my Lord Strutwell by the ap⯑pellations of Jewel, Phoenix, Rara avis, and praiſing God, that there was ſtill ſome vir⯑tue left among our nobility.—Our mu⯑tual congratulations being over, we gave way to our imagination, and anticipated our happi⯑neſs by proſecuting my ſucceſs through the dif⯑ferent ſteps of promotion, till I arrived at the rank of a prime miniſter, and he to that of my firſt ſecretary.

Intoxicated with theſe ideas I went to the ordinary, where, meeting with Banter, I com⯑municated the whole affair in confidence to him, concluding with an aſſurance that I would do [167] him all the ſervice in my power.—He heard me to an end with great patience, then regard⯑ing me a good while with a look of diſdain, pro⯑nounced, ‘"So, your buſineſs is done, you think?"—’ ‘"As good as done, I believe, (ſaid I.)"—’ ‘"I'll tell you (replied he) what will do it ſtill more effectually—A halter—'Sdeath! if I had been ſuch a gull to two ſuch ſcoundrels as Strutwell and Straddle, I would without any more ado tuck myſelf up."’ Shocked at this exclamation, I deſired him with ſome confuſion to explain himſelf: Upon which he gave me to underſtand, that Straddle was a poor contemptible wretch, who lived by borrow⯑ing and pimping to his fellow peers; that in conſequence of this laſt capacity, he had, doubt⯑leſs, introduced me to Strutwell, who was ſo no⯑torious for a paſſion for his own ſex, that he was amazed his character had never reached my ears; and that ſo far from being able to obtain for me the poſt he had promiſed, his intereſt at court was ſo low, that he could ſcarce provide for a ſuperannuated footman once a year, in Chelſea-hoſpital;—that it was a common thing for him to amuſe ſtrangers whom his jack-calls run down, with ſuch aſſurances and careſſes as he had beſtowed on me, until he had ſtript them of their caſh and every thing valuable about them;—very often of their chaſtity, and then leave them a prey to want and infamy;—that he allowed his ſervants no other wages than that part of the ſpoil which they could glean by their in⯑duſtry; and that the whole of his conduct to⯑wards me was ſo glaring, that no body who knew any thing of mankind could have been impoſed upon by his inſinuations.

[168] I leave the reader to judge how I reliſhed this piece of information, which precipitated me from the moſt exalted pinnacle of hope to the loweſt abyſs of deſpondence; and well nigh determined me to take Banter's advice, and finiſh my chagrin with a halter.—I had no room to ſu⯑ſpect the veracity of my friend, becauſe upon re⯑collection, I found every circumſtance of Strut⯑well's behaviour, exactly tallying with the character he had deſcribed: His hugs, embraces, ſqueezes and eager looks, were now no longer a [...]yſtery; no more than his defence of Petro⯑ [...]ius, and the jealous frown of his valet de cham⯑ [...]re, who, it ſeems, was at preſent the favourite [...]athic of his lord.

CHAP. LII.

[169]

I attempt to recover my watch and jewel, but to no purpoſe—reſolve to revenge myſelf on Strutwell by my importunity—am reduced to my laſt guinea—obliged to inform Strap of my neceſſity, who is almoſt diſtracted with the news—but nevertheleſs obliged to pawn my beſt ſword for preſent ſubſiſtence—that ſmall ſupply being exhauſted, I am almoſt ſtupified with my misfortunes—go to the gaming table, by the advice of Ban⯑ter, and come off with unexpected ſucceſs—Strap's exſtacy—Mrs. Gawkey waits upon me, profeſſes remorſe for her perfidy, and implores my aſſiſtance—I do myſelf a piece of juſtice by her means, and afterwards reconcile her to her father.

I Was ſo confounded that I could make no re⯑ply to Banter, who reproached me with great indignation, for having thrown away upon raſcals, that which, had it been converted into ready money, would have ſupported the rank of a gentleman for ſome months, and enabled me, at the ſame time, to oblige my friends.—Stupified as I was, I could eaſily divine the ſource of his concern, but ſneaked away in a ſolitary manner, without yielding the leaſt anſwer to his [170] expoſtulations; and began to deliberate with my⯑ſelf, in what manner I ſhould attempt to retrieve the moveables I had ſo fooliſhly loſt.—I would have thought it no robbery to take them again by force, could I have done it without any danger of being detected; but as I could have no ſuch opportunity, I reſolved to work by fineſſe, and go immediately to the lodgings of Straddle, where I was ſo fortunate as to find him.—‘"My Lord, (ſaid I) I have juſt now recollected, that the diamond I had the honour of preſenting to you, is looſened a little in the ſocket, and there is a young fellow juſt arrived from Paris, who is reckoned the beſt jeweller in Europe; I knew him in France, and if your lordſhip will give me leave, will carry the ring to him to be ſet to rights."—’His lordſhip was not to be caught in this ſnare—he thanked me for my offer, and let me know, that having himſelf ob⯑ſerved the defect, he had already ſent it to his own jeweller to be mended.—And indeed, by this time, I believe it was in the jeweller's hands, though not in order to be mended, for it ſtood in need of no alteration.

Baulked in this piece of politicks, I curſed my ſimplicity; but reſolved to play a ſurer game with the Earl, which I had thus deviſed.—I did not doubt of being admitted into familiar con⯑verſation with him, as before, and hoped by ſome means, to get the watch into my hand, then on pretence of winding or playing with it, drop it on the floor, which in all probability would diſ⯑order the work ſo as to ſtop its motion: This event would furniſh me with an opportunity of inſiſting upon carrying it away in order to be repaired; and had this happened, I ſhould have [171] been in no hurry to bring it back.—What pity it was I could not find an occaſion of put⯑ting this fine ſcheme in execution! When I went to renew my viſit to his lordſhip, my ac⯑ceſs to the parlour was as free as ever; but af⯑ter I had waited ſome time, the valet de chambre came in with his Lord's compliments, and a deſire to ſee me to-morrow at his levée, being at preſent ſo much indiſpoſed that he could not ſee company.—I interpreted this meſſage into a bad omen, and came away muttering curſes a⯑gainſt his lordſhip's politeneſs, and ready to go to loggerheads with myſelf for being ſo egre⯑giouſly duped.—But that I might have ſome ſa⯑tisfaction for the loſs I had ſuſtained, I beſieged him cloſely at his levée, and perſecuted him with my ſolicitations; not without faint hopes indeed, of reaping ſomething more from my induſtry, than the bare pleaſure of making him uneaſy; though I could never obtain another private hearing, during the whole courſe of my atten⯑dance; neither had I reſolution enough, to un⯑deceive Strap, whoſe looks in a little time, were ſo whetted with impatience, that whenever I came home, his eyes devoured me, as it were, with eagerneſs of attention.

At length, however, finding myſelf reduced to my laſt guinea, I was compelled to diſcloſe my neceſſity, though I endeavoured to ſweeten the diſcovery by rehearſing to him the daily aſ⯑ſurances I received from my patron.—But theſe promiſes were not of efficacy ſufficient to ſupport the ſpirits of my friend, who no ſooner underſtood the lowneſs of my finances, than ut⯑tering a dreadful groan, he exclaimed, ‘"In the name of God, what ſhall we do?"—’In or⯑der [172] to comfort him, I ſaid that many of my ac⯑quaintance, who were in a worſe condition than we, ſupported, notwithſtanding, the character and appearance of gentlemen; and adviſing him to thank God that we had as yet incurred no debt, propoſed he ſhould pawn my ſword of ſteel inlaid with gold, and truſt to my diſcretion for the reſt. This expedient was wormwood and gall to poor Strap, who, in ſpite of his invincible affection for me, ſtill retained notions of oeconomy and expence ſuitable to the narrowneſs of his edu⯑cation; nevertheleſs he complied with my requeſt, and raiſed ſeven pieces on the ſword in a twinkling.—This ſupply, inconſiderable as it was, made me as happy for the preſent, as if I had had five hundred pounds in bank; for by this time I was ſo well ſkilled in procraſtinating every trouble⯑ſome reflection, that the proſpect of want ſeldom affected me very much, let it be ever ſo near.—And now indeed it was nearer than I imagined; for my landlord having occaſion for money, put me in mind of my being indebted to him five guineas in lodging; and telling me he had a ſum to make up, begged I would excuſe his impor⯑tunity and diſcharge the debt. Though I could ill ſpare ſo much caſh; my pride took the reſo⯑lution of diſburſing it, which I did in a cavalier manner, after he had written a diſcharge, telling him with an air of ſcorn and reſentment, I ſaw he was reſolved that I ſhould not be long in his books; while Strap, who ſtood by, and knew my circumſtances, wrung his hands in ſecret, gnawed his nether lip, and turned yellow with deſpair.—Whatever appearance of indifference my vanity enabled me to put on, I was thunder⯑ſtruck with this demand, which I had no ſooner [173] ſatisfied, than I haſtened into company, with a view of beguiling my cares with converſation, or of drowning them in wine.

After dinner, a party was accordingly made in the coffee-houſe, from whence we adjourned to the tavern, where inſtead of ſharing the mirth of the company, I was as much chagrined at their good humour as a damned ſoul in hell would be at a glimpſe of heaven.—In vain did I ſwallow bumper after bumper! the wine had loſt its effect upon me, and ſo far from raiſing my dejected ſpirits, could not even lay me aſleep.—Banter, who was the only intimate I had (Strap excepted) perceived my anxiety, and when we broke up, reproached me with puſilanimity, for being caſt down at any diſappointment that ſuch a raſcal as Strutwell could be the occaſion of.—I told him I did not at all ſee how Strutwell's being a raſcal alleviated my misfortune; and gave him to un⯑derſtand that my preſent grief did not ſo much proceed from that diſappointment, as from the low ebb of my fortune, which was ſunk to ſomething leſs than two guineas.—At this decla⯑ration, he cried, ‘"Pſhaw! is that all?"’ and aſſured me, there were a thouſand ways of living in town without fortune, he himſelf having ſubſiſt⯑ed many years entirely by his wit.—I expreſſed an eager deſire of being acquainted with ſome of theſe methods, and he, without further expoſtu⯑lation, bid me follow him.—He conducted me to a houſe under the piazzas in Convent Garden, which we entered, and having delivered our ſwords to a grim fellow who demanded them at the foot of the ſtair-caſe, aſcended to the ſecond ſtory, where I ſaw multitudes of people ſtanding round two gaming tables, loaded in a manner, [174] with gold and ſilver.—My conductor let me know that this was the houſe of a worthy Scotch Lord, who availing himſelf of the privilege of his peerage, had ſet up publick gaming tables, from the profits of which he drew a comfortable livelihood.—He then explained the difference be⯑tween the ſitters and the betters; characterized the firſt as old rooks, and the laſt as bubbles; and adviſed me to try my fortune at the ſilver table by betting a crown at a time.—Before I would venture any thing, I conſidered the com⯑pany more particularly, and there appeared ſuch a groupe of villainous faces, that I was ſtruck with horror and aſtoniſhment at the ſight! I ſignified my ſurprize to Banter, who whiſpered in my ear, that the bulk of thoſe preſent were compoſed of ſharpers, highwaymen, and appren⯑tices, who having embezzled their maſter's caſh, made a deſperate puſh in this place, to make up their deficiencies.—This account did not encou⯑rage me to hazard any part of my ſmall pittance; but at length being teized by the importunities of my friend, who aſſured me there was no danger of being ill uſed, people being hired by the owner to ſee juſtice done to every body; I began by riſquing one ſhilling, and in leſs than an hour, my winning amounted to thirty.—Convinced by this time of the fairneſs of the game, and ani⯑mated with ſucceſs, there was no need of further perſuaſion to continue the play: I lent Banter (who ſeldom had any money in his pocket) a guinea, which he carried to the gold table and loſt in a moment.—He would have borrowed another, but finding me deaf to his arguments, went away in a pet.—Mean while my gain ad⯑vanced to ſix pieces, and my deſire of more in⯑creaſed [175] in proportion; ſo that I moved to the higher table, where I laid half a guinea on every throw, and fortune ſtill favouring me, I became a ſitter, in which capacity I remained until it was broad day; when I found myſelf, after many viciſſitudes, one hundred and fifty guineas in pocket.

Thinking it now high time to retire with my booty, I aſked if any body would take my place, and made a motion to riſe; upon which an old gaſcon, who ſat oppoſite to me, and of whom I had won a little money, ſtarted up with fury in his looks, crying, ‘"Reſtez foutre, reſtez, il faut donner moi mon ravanchio!"’ At the ſame time, a Jew who ſat near the other, inſinuated that I was more beholden to art than fortune, for what I had got; that he had obſerved me wipe the table very often, and that ſome of the diviſions ſeemed to be greaſy. This intimation produced a great deal of clamour againſt me, eſpecially among the loſers, who threatned with many oaths and imprecations to take me up by a warrant as a a ſharper, unleſs I would compromiſe the affair by refunding the greateſt part of my winning.—Though I was far from being eaſy under this ac⯑cuſation, I relied upon my innocence, threatned in my turn to proſecute the Jew for defamation, and boldly offered to ſubmit my cauſe to the exa⯑mination of any juſtice in Weſtminſter; but they knew themſelves too well to put their characters on that iſſue, and finding I was not to be inti⯑midated into any conceſſion, dropt their plea, and made way for me to withdraw.—I would not however, ſtir from the table until the Iſraelite had retracted what he ſaid to my diſadvantage, and aſked pardon before the whole aſſembly.

[176] As I marched out with my prize, I happened to tread upon the toes of a tall raw-boned fellow, with a hooked noſe, fierce eyes, black thick eye⯑brows, a pig-tail wig of the ſame colour, and a formidable hat pulled over his forehead, who ſtood gnawing his fingers in the crowd, and no ſooner felt the application of my ſhoe-heel, than he roared out in a tremendous voice, ‘"Blood and wounds! you ſon of a whore, what's that for?"—’I aſked pardon with a great deal of ſubmiſſion, and proteſted I had no intention of hurting him; but the more I humbled myſelf the more he ſtormed, and inſiſted upon gentle⯑many ſatisfaction, at the ſame time provoking me with ſcandalous names that I could not put up with; ſo that I gave a looſe to my paſſion, returned his Billingſgate, and challenged him to follow me down to the piazzas.—His indignation cooling as mine warmed, he refuſed my invitation, ſaying, he would chuſe his own time, and returned to⯑wards the table muttering threats, which I nei⯑ther dreaded nor diſtinctly heard; but deſcending with great deliberation, received my ſword from the door-keeper, whom I gratified with a guinea according to the cuſtom of the place, and went home in a rapture of joy.

My faithful valet, who had ſat up all night in the utmoſt uneaſineſs on my account, let me in with his face beſlubbered with tears, and followed me to my chamber, where he ſtood ſilent like a condemned criminal, in expectation of hearing that every ſhilling was ſpent.—I gueſſed the ſi⯑tuation of his thoughts, and aſſuming a ſullen look, bid him fetch me ſome water to waſh.—He replied, without lifting his eyes from the ground, ‘"In my ſimple conjecture, you have [177] more occaſion for reſt, not having (I ſuppoſe) ſlept theſe four and twenty hours."—’ ‘"Bring me ſome water,"’ (ſaid I in a peremptory tone;) upon which he ſneaked away ſhrugging his ſhoulders. Before he returned I had ſpread my whole ſtock on the table in the moſt oſtentatious manner; ſo that when it firſt ſaluted his view, he ſtood like one intranced, and having rubbed his eyes more than once, to aſſure himſelf of his being awake, broke out into, ‘"Lord have mercy upon us, what a vaſt treaſure is here!"—’ ‘"'Tis all our own, Strap, (ſaid I) take what is neceſſary, and redeem the ſword immediately."’ He advanced towards the table, ſtopt ſhort by the way, looked at the money and me by turns, and with a wildneſs in his countenance, produced from joy checked by diſtruſt, cried, ‘"I dare ſay, it is honeſtly come by."’ To remove his ſcruples, I made him acquainted with the whole ſtory of my ſucceſs, on hearing of which, he danced about the room, in an exſtacy, ‘"God be praiſed!—a white ſtone!—God be praiſed!—a white ſtone!"’ So that I was afraid the ſudden change of fortune had diſordered his in⯑tellects, and that he was run mad with joy.—Extremely concerned at this event, I attempted to reaſon him out of his frenzy, but to no pur⯑poſe; for, without regarding what I ſaid, he continued to friſk up and down, and repeat his rhapſody of ‘"God be praiſed! a white ſtone!"’ At laſt, I roſe in the utmoſt conſternation, and laying violent hands upon him put a ſtop to his extravagance, by fixing him down to a ſettee that was in the room.—This conſtraint baniſhed his delirium; he ſtarted as if juſt awoke, and terrified at my behaviour, cried, ‘"What is the [178] matter?"’ When he learned the cauſe of my apprehenſion, he was aſhamed of his tranſports, and told me, that in mentioning the white ſtone, he alluded to the Dies faſti of the Romans, albo lapide notati.

Having no inclination to ſleep, I ſecured my caſh, dreſſed, and was juſt going abroad, when the ſervant of the houſe told me, there was a gentlewoman at the door, who wanted to ſpeak with me.—Surprized at this information, I bid Strap ſhew her up, and in leſs than a minute ſaw a young woman of a ſhabby decayed appearance enter my room. After half a dozen court'ſies, ſhe began to ſob, and told me her name was Gawkey; upon which I immediately recollected the features of Miſs Lavement, who had been the firſt occaſion of my misfortunes.—Though I had all the reaſon in the world, to reſent her treacherous uſage of me, I was moved at her diſtreſs, and profeſſing my ſorrow at ſeeing her ſo reduced, deſired her to ſit, and enquired into the particulars of her ſituation.—She fell upon her knees, and implored my forgivenneſs for the injuries ſhe had done me, proteſting before God, that ſhe was forced againſt her inclination, into that helliſh conſpiracy which had almoſt deprived me of my life, by the intreaties of her huſband, who having been afterwards renounced by his father on account of his marriage with her, and unable to ſupport a family on his pay, leſt his wife at her father's houſe, and went with the regiment to Germany, where he was broke for miſbehaviour at the battle of Dettingen; ſince which time ſhe had heard no tidings of him. She then gave me to underſtand with many ſymptoms of penitence, that it was her misfortune to bear a [179] child four months after marriage, by which her pa⯑rents were ſo incenſed, that ſhe was turned out of doors with the infant, that died ſoon after; and had hitherto ſubſiſted in a miſerable indigent man⯑ner, on the extorted charity of a few friends, who were now quite tired of giving; that not knowing where or how to ſupport herſelf one day longer, ſhe had fled for ſuccour even to me, who of all mankind had the leaſt cauſe to aſſiſt her, relying upon the generoſity of my diſpoſi⯑tion, which, ſhe hoped, would be pleaſed with this opportunity of avenging itſelf in the nobleſt manner, on the wretch who had wronged me.—I was very much affected with her diſcourſe, and having no cauſe to ſuſpect the ſincerity of her re⯑pentance, raiſed her up, freely pardoned all ſhe had done againſt me, and promiſed to befriend her as much as lay in my power.

Since my laſt arrival in London, I had made no advances to the apothecary, imagining it would be impoſſible for me to make my innocence ap⯑pear, ſo unhappily was my accuſation circum⯑ſtanced: Strap indeed had laboured to juſtify me to the ſchoolmaſter; but ſo far from ſucceeding in his attempt, Mr. Concordance dropt all cor⯑reſpondence with him, becauſe he refuſed to quit his connexion with me.—Things being in this ſituation, I thought a fairer opportunity of vin⯑dicating my character could not offer, than that which now preſented itſelf;—therefore ſtipulated with Mrs. Gawkey, that before I yielded her the leaſt aſſiſtance, ſhe ſhould do me the juſtice to clear my reputation, by explaining upon oath be⯑fore a Magiſtrate, the whole of the conſpiracy, as it had been executed againſt me.—When ſhe had given me this ſatisfaction, I preſented her with [180] five guineas, a ſum ſo much above her expecta⯑tion, that ſhe could ſcarce believe the evidence of her ſenſes, and was ready to worſhip me for my benevolence.—The declaration ſigned with her own hand, I ſent to her father, who, upon re⯑collecting and comparing the circumſtances of my charge, was convinced of my integrity, and waited on me next day, in company with his friend the ſchoolmaſter, to whom he had com⯑municated my vindication.—After mutual ſaluta⯑tion, Monſieur Lavement began a long apology for the unjuſt treatment I had received; but I ſaved him a good deal of breath, by interrupting his harrangue, and aſſuring him, that ſo far from entertaining any reſentment againſt him, I thought myſelf obliged to his lenity, which allowed me to eſcape, after ſuch ſtrong preſumptions of guilt ap⯑peared againſt me. Mr. Concordance thinking it now his turn to ſpeak, obſerved, that Mr. Random had too much candour and ſagacity to be diſobliged at their conduct, which, all things conſidered, could not have been otherwiſe, with any honeſty of intention. ‘"Indeed (ſaid he) if the plot had been unravelled to us by any ſupernatural intelligence; if it had been whiſpered by a genie, communicated by a dream, or revealed by an angel from on high, we ſhould have been to blame in crediting o⯑cular demonſtration;—but as we were left in the miſt of mortality, it cannot be expected we ſhould be incapable of impoſition.—I do aſſure you, Mr. Random, no man on earth is more pleaſed than I am at this triumph of your character; and as the news of your miſ⯑fortune panged me to the very intrails, this [181] manifeſtation of your innocence makes my midrif quiver with joy."—’I thanked him for his concern, deſired them to undeceive thoſe of their acquaintance who judged harſhly of me, and having treated them with a glaſs of wine, repre⯑ſented to Lavement the deplorable condition of his daughter, and pleaded her cauſe ſo effec⯑tually, that he conſented to ſettle a ſmall annuity on her for life; but could not be perſuaded to take her home, becauſe her mother was ſo much incenſed that ſhe would never ſee her.

CHAP. LIII.

I purchaſe new cloaths—reprimand Strut⯑well and Straddle—Banter propoſes ano⯑ther matrimonial ſcheme—I accept of his terms—ſet out for Bath in a ſtage⯑coach, with the young lady and her mo⯑ther—the behaviour of an officer and lawyer, our fellow-travellers, deſcribed—a ſmart dialogue between my miſtreſs and the captain.

HAVING finiſhed this affair to my ſatisfac⯑tion, I found myſelf perfectly at eaſe, and looking upon the gaming-table as a certain reſource for a gentleman in want, became more gay than ever.—Although my cloaths were almoſt as good as new, I grew aſhamed of wearing them, becauſe I thought every body, by this time, had [182] got an inventory of my wardrobe.—For which reaſon, I diſpoſed of a good part of my apparel to a ſaleſman in Monmouth-ſtreet, for half the value, and bought two new ſuits with the money. I likewiſe purchaſed a plain gold watch, deſpair⯑ing of recovering that which I had ſo fooliſhly given to Strutwell, whom, notwithſtanding, I ſtill continued to viſit at his levée, until the em⯑baſſador he had mentioned, ſet out with a ſecre⯑tary of his own chuſing.—I thought myſelf then at liberty to expoſtulate with his lordſhip, whom I treated with great freedom in a letter, for amuſing me with vain hopes, when he neither had the power nor inclination to provide for me.—Nor was I leſs reſerved with Straddle, whom I in perſon reproached for miſrepreſenting to me the character of Strutwell, which I did not ſcruple to aver was infamous in every reſpect.—He ſeemed very much enraged at my freedom, talked a great deal about his quality and honour, and began to make ſome compariſons which I thought ſo injurious to mine, that I demanded an explanation with great warmth; and he was mean enough to equivocate, and condeſcend in ſuch a manner, that I left him with a hearty contempt of his behaviour.

About this time, Banter, who had obſerved a ſurprizing and ſudden alteration in my appearance and diſpoſition, began to enquire very minutely into the cauſe; and as I did not think fit to let him know the true ſtate of the affair, leſt he might make free with my purſe, on the ſtrength of having propoſed the ſcheme that filled it, I told him that I had received a ſmall ſupply from a relation in the country, who at the ſame time had promiſed to uſe all his intereſt (which was not [183] ſmall) in ſolliciting ſome poſt for me that would make me eaſy for life.—‘"If that be the caſe (ſaid Banter) perhaps you won't care to mor⯑tify yourſelf a little, in making your fortune another way.—I have a relation who is to ſet out for Bath next week, with an only daugh⯑ter, who being ſickly and decrepid, intends to drink the waters for the recovery of her health.—Her father, who was a rich Turkey mer⯑chant, died about a year ago, and left her with a fortune of twenty thouſand pounds, under the ſole management of her mother, who is my kinſwoman.—I would have put in for the plate myſelf, but there is a breach at preſent between the old woman and me.—You muſt know, that ſome time ago I bor⯑rowed a ſmall ſum of her, and promiſed, it ſeems, to pay it before a certain time; but be⯑ing diſappointed in my expectation of money from the country, the day clapſed, without my being able to take up my note; upon which ſhe wrote a peremptory letter, threat⯑ning to arreſt me, if I did not pay the debt immediately: Nettled at this preciſe behaviour, I ſent a damned ſevere anſwer, which enraged her ſo much, that ſhe actually took out a writ againſt me.—Whereupon, finding the thing grow ſerious, I got a friend to advance the money for me, diſcharged the debt, went to her houſe, and abuſed her for unfriendly deal⯑ing.—She was provoked by my reproaches, and ſcolded in her turn. The little deformed urchin joined her mother with ſuch virulence and vo⯑lubility of tongue, that I was fain to make my retreat, after having been honoured with a great many ſcandalous epithets, which gave [184] me plainly to underſtand that I had nothing to hope from the eſteem of the one, or the af⯑fection of the other.—As they are both utter ſtrangers to life, it is a thouſand to one that the girl ſhall be picked up by ſome ſcoundrel or other at Bath, if I don't provide for her otherwiſe.—You are a well-looking ſellow, Random, and can behave as demurely as a quaker.—Now if you will give me an obliga⯑tion for five hundred pounds, to be paid ſix months after your marriage, I will put you in a method of carrying her in ſpite of all op⯑poſition."’

This propoſal was too advantageous for me, to be refuſed: The writing was immediately drawn and executed; and Banter giving me no⯑tice of the time when, and the ſtage-coach in which they were to ſet out, I beſpoke a place in the ſame convenience; and having hired a horſe for Strap, who was charmed with the project, ſet out accordingly.

As we embarked before day, I had not the pleaſure for ſome time of ſeeing Miſs Snapper (that was the name of my miſtreſs) nor even of perceiving the number and ſex of my fellow⯑travellers, although I gueſſed that the coach was full, by the difficulty I found in ſeating myſelf.—The firſt five minutes paſſed in a general ſilence, when all of a ſudden, the coach heeling to one ſide, a boiſterous voice pronounced, ‘"To the right and left, cover your flanks, damme!"’ I eaſily diſcovered by the tone and matter of this exclamation, that it was uttered by a ſon of Mars; neither was it hard to conceive the profeſſion of another perſon, who ſat oppoſite to me, and ob⯑ſerved, that we ought to have been well ſatisfied of [185] the ſecurity, before we entered upon the pre⯑miſes.—Theſe two ſallies had not the deſired ef⯑fect: We continued a good while as mute as be⯑fore, till at length, the gentleman of the ſword, impatient of longer ſilence, made a ſecond effort, by ſwearing, he had got into a meeting of qua⯑kers.—‘"I believe ſo too, (ſaid a ſhrill female voice, at my left hand) for the ſpirit of ſolly begins to move."—’ ‘"Out with it then, ma⯑dam," (replied the ſoldier.)—’ ‘"You ſeem to have no occaſion for a midwife," (cried the lady.)—’ ‘"D—n my blood! (exclaimed the other) a man can't talk to a woman, but ſhe immediately thinks of a midwife."—’ ‘"True, Sir, (ſaid ſhe) I long to be delivered."’ ‘"—What! of a mouſe, madam?" (ſaid he.)—’ ‘"No, Sir, (ſaid ſhe) of a fool."—’ ‘"Are you far gone with fool?" (ſaid he.)—’ ‘"Little more than two miles," (ſaid ſhe.)—’ ‘"By Gad, you're a wit, madam!" (cried the offi⯑cer)—’ ‘"I wiſh I could with any juſtice return the compliment," (ſaid the lady.)—’ ‘"Zounds! I have done," (ſaid he.)—’ ‘"Your bolt is ſoon ſhot, according to the proverb," (ſaid ſhe.)—’The warrior's powder was quite ſpent; the lawyer adviſed him to drop the proſecution, and a grave matron, who ſat on the left hand of the victorious wit, told her, ſhe muſt not let her tongue run ſo faſt among ſtrangers.—This re⯑primand ſoftened with the appellation of child, convinced me that the ſatyrical lady was no other than Miſs Snapper, and reſolved to regulate my conduct accordingly. The champion finding himſelf ſo ſmartly handled, changed his battery, and began to expatiate on his own exploits.—‘"You talk of ſhot, madam, (ſaid he) damme! [186] I have both given and received ſome ſhot in my time—I was wounded in the ſhoulder by a piſtol ball at Dettingen, where—I ſay nothing—but by G—d! if it had not been for me—all's one for that—I deſpiſe boaſting, G—d d—me!"—’So ſaying, he whiſtled one part and hummed another of Black Joke; then addreſſing himſelf to the lawyer, went on thus, ‘"Wouldn't you think it damn'd hard, after having, at the riſk of your life, re⯑covered the ſtandard of a regiment, that had been loſt, to receive no preferment for your pains! I don't chuſe to name no names, ſink me! but howſomever, this I will refer, by G—d, and that is this, a muſqueteer of the French guards, having taken a ſtandard from a certain cornet of a certain regiment, damme! was retreating with his prize as faſt as his horſe's heels could carry him, damme! Upon which, I ſnatched up a firelock that belonged to a dead man, damme! and ſhot his horſe under him, d—n my blood! The fellow got upon his feet and began to repoſe me, upon which I charged my bayonet breaſt high, and run him through the body, by G—d!—One of his comrades coming to his aſſiſtance, ſhot me in the ſhoulder, as I told you before; and another gave me a confuſion on the head with the butt end of his carbine; but damme, that did not ſignify—I killed one, put the other to flight, and taking up the ſtandard carried it off very deliberately—But the beſt joke of all was, the ſon of a b—ch of a cornet who had ſurrendered it in a cowardly manner, ſee⯑ing it in my poſſeſſion, demanded it from me, in the front of the line."—’ ‘"D—n my blood [187] (ſa [...] he) where did you find my ſtandard?" (ſays he.)—’ ‘"D—n my blood (ſaid I) where (ſaid I) did you loſe it?" (ſaid I.)—’ ‘"That's nothing to you (ſays he) 'tis my ſtandard (ſays he) and by G—d I'll have it." (ſays he.)—’ ‘"D—n—ti—n ſeize me (ſays I) if you ſhall (ſays I) till I have firſt delivered it to the General (ſays I;) and accordingly I went to the head quarters, after the battle, and delivered it to my Lord Stair, who promiſed to do for me, but I am no more than a poor lieutenant ſtill, d—n my blood."’

Having vented this repetition of expletives, the lawyer owned he had not been requited accord⯑ing to his deſerts; obſerved, that the labourer is always worthy of his hire, and aſked if the pro⯑miſe was made before witneſſes, becauſe in that caſe the law would compel the General to perform it;—but underſtanding that the promiſe was per⯑formed during a tête a tête, over a bottle, with⯑out being reſtricted to time or terms, he pro⯑nounced it not valid in law, proceeded to en⯑quire into the particulars of the battle, and af⯑firmed, that although the Engliſh had drawn themſelves into a premunire at firſt, the French managed their cauſe ſo lamely in the courſe of the diſpute, that they would have been utterly nonſuited, had they not obtained a noli-proſe⯑qui.—In ſpite of theſe enlivening touches, the converſation was like to ſuffer another long in⯑terruption; when the lieutenant, unwilling to conceal any of his accompliſhments that could be diſplayed in his preſent ſituation, offered to re⯑gale the company with a ſong; and interpreting our ſilence into a deſire of hearing, began to [188] warble a faſhionable air, the firſt ſtanza of which be pronounced thus:

"Would taſk the moon-ty'd hair,
"To yon flagrant beau repair;
"Where waving with the poppling vow
"The bantling fine will ſhelter you, &c."

The ſenſe of the reſt he perverted as he went on, with ſuch ſurprizing facility, that I could not help thinking he had been at ſome pains to burleſque the performance.—Miſs Snapper aſ⯑cribed it to the true cauſe, namely ignorance; and when he aſked her how ſhe reliſhed his mu⯑ſick, anſwered, that in her opinion, the muſick and the words were much of a piece.—‘"O! d—n my blood! (ſaid he) I take that as a high compliment; for every body allows the words are damnable fine."—’ ‘"They may be ſo, (replied the lady) for ought I know, but they are above my comprehenſion."—’ ‘"I an't obliged to find you comprehenſion, ma⯑dam, curſe me!" (cried he.)—’ ‘"No, nor to ſpeak ſenſe neither," (ſaid ſhe.)—’ ‘"D—n my heart (ſaid he) I'll ſpeak what I pleaſe."—’Here the lawyer interpoſed, by telling him there were ſome things he muſt not ſpeak.—And upon being defyed to give an in⯑ſtance, mentioned Treaſon and Defamation.—‘"As for the king, (cried the ſoldier) God bleſs him—I eat his bread, and have loſt blood in his cauſe, therefore I have nothing to ſay to him—but by G—d, I dare ſay any thing to any other man."—’ ‘"No, (ſaid the lawyer) you dare not call me rogue."—’ ‘"Damme, for [189] what?" ſaid the other.—’ ‘"Becauſe (replied the counſellor) I ſhould have a good action againſt you, and recover."—’ ‘"Well, well, (cried the officer) if I dare not call you rogue, I dare think you one, damme!—’This ſtroke of wit he accompanied with a loud laugh of ſelf⯑approbation, which unluckily did not affect the audience, but effectually ſilenced his antagoniſt, who did not open his mouth for the ſpace of an hour thereafter, except to clear his pipes with three hemms, which, however, produced nothing.

CHAP. LIV.

[190]

Day breaking, I have the pleaſure of viewing the perſon of Miſs Snapper, whom I had not ſeen before—the ſoldier is witty upon me—is offended, talks much of his valour—is reprimanded by a grave gentlewoman—we are alarmed with the cry of highwaymen—I get out of the coach, and ſtand on my defence—they ride off without having attacked us—I purſue them—one of them is thrown from his horſe and taken—I return to the coach—am complimented by miſs Snap⯑per—the captain's behaviour on this occaſion—the prude reproaches me in a ſoliloquy—I upbraid her in the ſame manner—the behaviour of Mrs. Snapper at breakfaſt, diſobliges me—the lawyer is witty upon the officer, who threatens him.

IN the mean time, day breaking in upon us, diſcovered to one another, the faces of their fellow-travellers; and I had the good fortune to find my miſtreſs not quite ſo deformed nor diſ⯑agreeable as ſhe had been repreſented to me.—Her head, indeed, bore ſome reſemblance to a hatchet, the edge being repreſented by her face; but ſhe had a certain delicacy in her complexion, [191] and a great deal of vivacity in her eyes, which were very large and black; and though the pro⯑tuberance of her breaſt, when conſidered alone, ſeemed to drag her forwards, it was eaſy to perceive an equivalent on her back which bal⯑lanced the other, and kept her body in equilibrio.—On the whole, I thought I ſhould have great reaſon to congratulate myſelf, if it ſhould be my fate to poſſeſs twenty thouſand pounds encum⯑bered with ſuch a wife.—I began therefore to de⯑liberate about the moſt probable means of acquir⯑ing the conqueſt, and was ſo much engroſſed by this idea, that I ſcarce took any notice of the reſt of the people in the coach, but revolved my proſpect in ſilence; while the converſation was maintained as before, by the object of my hopes, the ſon of Mars, and the barriſter, who by this time had recollected himſelf, and talked in terms as much as ever.—At length a diſpute happened, which ended in a wager, to be determined by me, who was ſo much abſorpt in contemplation, that I neither heard the reference nor the queſ⯑tion which was put to me by each in his turn; affronted at my ſuppoſed contempt, the ſol⯑dier with great vociferation, ſwore, I was either dumb or deaf, if not both, and that I looked as if I could not ſay Boh to a gooſe.—Arrouſed at this obſervation, I fixed my eyes upon him, and pronounced with emphaſis, the interjection Boh! Upon which he cocked his hat in a fierce manner and cried, ‘"Damme, Sir, what d'ye mean by that?"—’Had I intended to anſwer him, which by the bye, was not my deſign, I ſhould have been anticipated by Miſs, who told him, my meaning was to ſhew, that I could cry boh! to a gooſe; and laughed very heartily [192] at my laconic reproof.—Her explanation and mirth did not help to appeaſe his wrath, which broke out in ſeveral martial inſinuations, ſuch as—‘"I do not underſtand ſuch freedoms, damme!—D—n my blood! I'm a gentleman, and bear the king's commiſſion.—'Sblood! ſome people deſerve to have their noſes pulled for their impertinence."—’I thought to have checked theſe ejaculations by a frown; becauſe he had talked ſo much of his valour, that I had long ago rated him an aſs with a lion's ſkin; but ſo far from anſwering my expectation, that he took umbrage at the contraction of my brows, ſwore he did not value my ſulky look a fig's end, and proteſted he feared no man breathing.—Miſs Snapper ſaid, ſhe was very glad to find herſelf in company with a man of ſo much cou⯑rage, who ſhe did not doubt, would protect us all from the attempts of highwaymen, during our journey.—‘"Make yourſelf perfectly eaſy on that head, madam, (replied the officer) I have got a pair of piſtols (here they are) which I took from a horſe officer at the battle of Dettingen—they are double loaded, and if any highwayman in England robbs you of the value of a pin, while I have the honour of being in your company, d—n my heart."—’When he had expreſſed himſelf in this man⯑ner, a prim gentlewoman, who had ſat ſilent hitherto, opened her mouth, and ſaid, ſhe won⯑dered how any man could be ſo rude as to pull out ſuch weapons before ladies.—‘"Damme, ma⯑dam, (cried the champion) if you are ſo much afraid at ſight of a piſtol, how d'ye pro⯑poſe to ſtand fire if there ſhould be occaſion?"—’She let him know, that if ſhe thought he could [193] be ſo unmannerly as to uſe fire-arms in her pre⯑ſence, whatever might be the occaſion, ſhe would get out of the coach immediately, and walk to the next village, where ſhe might procure a con⯑venience to herſelf.—Before he could make any anſwer, my Dulcinea interpoſed, and obſerved, that ſo far from being offended at a gentleman's uſing his arms in his own defence, ſhe thought herſelf very lucky in being along with one by whoſe valour ſhe ſtood a good chance of ſaving herſelf from being rifled.—The prude caſt a diſ⯑dainful look at Miſs, and ſaid, that people who have but little to loſe, are ſometimes the moſt ſo⯑licitous about preſerving it.—The old lady was affronted at this inuendo, and took notice, that people ought to be very well informed before they ſpeak ſlightingly of other people's fortune, leſt they diſcover their own envy, and make them⯑ſelves ridiculous.—The daughter declared, that ſhe did not pretend to vie with any body in point of riches; and if the lady who inſiſted upon non⯑reſiſtance, would promiſe to indemnify us all for the loſs we ſhould ſuſtain; ſhe ſhould be one of the firſt to perſuade the captain to ſubmiſſion, in caſe we ſhould be attacked.—To this propoſal, reaſonable as it was, the reſerved lady made no other reply, than a ſcornful glance and a toſs of her head.—I was very well pleaſed with the ſpi⯑rit of my miſtreſs; and even wiſhed for an op⯑portunity of diſtinguiſhing my courage under her eye, which I believed, could not fail of pre⯑poſſeſſing her in my favour; when all of a ſud⯑den, Strap rode up to the coach door, and told us in a great fright, that two men on horſe-back were croſſing the heath (for by this time we had paſſed Hounſlow) and made directly towards us. [194] This piece of information was no ſooner delivered, than Mrs. Snapper began ſcream, her daughter grew pale, the other lady pulled out her purſe to be in readineſs, the lawyer's teeth chattered, while he pronounced, ‘"'Tis no matter—we'll ſue the county and recover."—’The captain gave evident ſigns of confuſion; and I, after hav⯑ing commanded the coachman to ſtop, opened the door, jumped out, and invited the warrior to follow me.—But finding him backward and a⯑ſtoniſhed, I took his piſtols, and giving them to Strap, who had by this time alighted, and trem⯑bled very much, I mounted on horſe-back; and taking my own, (which I could better depend upon) from the holſters, cocked them both, and faced the robbers, who were now very near us.—Seeing me ready to oppoſe them on horſe-back, and another man armed a-foot, they made a halt at ſome diſtance to reconnoitre us, and after having rode round us twice, myſelf ſtill facing about as they rode, went off the ſame way they came, at a hand gallop.—A gentleman's ſervant coming up with a horſe at the ſame time, I offered him a crown to aſſiſt me in purſuing them, which he no ſooner accepted, than I armed him with the officer's piſtols, and we galloped after the thieves, who truſting to the ſwiftneſs of their horſes, ſtopped, till we came within ſhot of them, and then firing at us, put their nags to the full ſpeed.—We followed them as faſt as our beaſts could carry us, but not being ſo well mounted as they, our efforts would have been to little purpoſe, had not the horſe of one of them ſtumbled and thrown his rider with ſuch violence over his head, that he lay ſenſeleſs, when we came up, and was taken without the leaſt oppoſition, while his [195] comrade conſulted his own ſafety in flight, with⯑out regarding the diſtreſs of his friend. We ſcarce had time to make ourſelves maſters of his arms, and tye his hands together, before he recovered his ſenſes; when learning his ſituation, he affected ſur⯑prize, demanded to know by what authority we uſed a gentleman in that manner, and had the impudence to threaten us with a proſecution for robbery.—In the mean time we perceived Strap coming up with a crowd of people, armed with different kinds of weapons; and among the reſt a farmer, who no ſooner perceived the thief, whom we had ſecured, than he cried with great emotion, ‘"There's the fellow who robbed me an hour ago, of twenty pounds, in a canvas bag."—’He was immediately ſearched, and the money found exactly as it had been deſcribed: Upon which, we committed him to the charge of the countryman, who guarded him to the town of Hounſlow, which it ſeems the farmer had alarmed; and having ſatisfied the footman for his trouble according to promiſe, returned with Strap to the coach, where I found the captain and lawyer buſy in adminiſtring ſmelling bottles and cordials to the grave lady, who had gone into a fit at the noiſe of the firing.

When I had taken my ſeat, Miſs Snapper, who from the coach had ſeen every thing that happened, made me a compliment on my behaviour, and ſaid, ſhe was glad to ſee me returned, without having received any injury; her mother too owned herſelf obliged to my reſolution; and the lawyer told me, that I was intitled by act of parliament to a reward of forty pounds, for having apprehended a highwayman.—The ſoldier obſerved, with a countenance in which impudence and ſhame ſtruggling, produced [196] ſome diſorder, that if I had not been in ſuch a damned hurry to get out of the coach, he would have ſecured the rogues effectually, without all this buſtle and loſs of time, by a ſcheme which my heat and precipitation ruined.—‘"For my own part, (continued he) I am always ex⯑tremely cool on theſe occaſions."—’ ‘"So it appeared, by your trembling" (ſaid the young lady.)—’ ‘"Death and damnation (cried he) your ſex protects you, madam; if any man on earth durſt tell me ſo much, I'd ſend him to hell, d—n my heart! in an inſtant."—’So ſay⯑ing, he fixed his eyes on me, and aſked if I had ſeen him tremble.—I anſwered without heſitation, ‘"Yes."—’ ‘"Damme, Sir, (ſaid he) d'ye doubt my courage?"—’I replied, ‘"Very much."—’This declaration quite diſconcerted him.—He looked blank, and pronounced with a faultering voice, ‘"O! 'tis very well—d—n my blood! I ſhall find a time."—’I ſignified my contempt of him, by thruſting my tongue in my cheek, which humbled him ſo much, that he ſcarce ſwore another oath during the whole journey.

The preciſe lady, having recruited her ſpirits by the help of ſome ſtrong waters, began a ſoli⯑loquy, in which ſhe wondered that any man, who pretended to maintain the character of a gentleman, could, for the ſake of a little paultry coin, throw perſons of honour into ſuch quan⯑daries as might endanger their lives; and pro⯑feſſed her ſurprize, that women were not aſhamed to commend ſuch brutality. At the ſame time vowing, that for the future ſhe would never ſet foot in a ſtage-coach, if a private convenience could be had for love or money.

[197] Nettled at her remarks, I took the ſame me⯑thod of conveying my ſentiments, and wondered in my turn, that any woman of common ſenſe, ſhould be ſo unreaſonable as to expect that people who had neither acquaintance nor connexion with her, would tamely allow themſelves to be robbed and mal-treated, meerly to indulge her capricious humour. I likewiſe confeſſed my aſto⯑niſhment at her inſolence and ingratitude in tax⯑ing a perſon with brutality, who deſerved her approbation and acknowledgment; and vowed, that if ever we ſhould be aſſaulted again, I would leave her to the mercy of the ſpoiler, that ſhe might know the value of my protection.

This perſon of honour did not think fit to carry on the altercation any further, but ſeemed to chew the cud of her reſentment, with the creſt⯑fallen captain, while I entered into diſcourſe with my charmer, who was the more pleaſed with my converſation, as ſhe had conceived a very in⯑different opinion of my intellects from my for⯑mer ſilence. I ſhould have had cauſe to be equally ſatisfied with the ſprightlineſs of her ge⯑nius, could ſhe have curbed her imagination with judgment; but ſhe laboured under ſuch a profuſion of talk, that I dreaded her unruly tongue, and felt by anticipation the horrors of an eternal clack! However, when I conſidered on the o⯑ther hand, the joys attending the poſſeſſion of twenty thouſand pounds, I forgot her imperfec⯑tions, ſeized occaſion by the fore-lock, and en⯑deavoured to inſinuate myſelf into her affection.—The careful mother kept a ſtrict watch over her, and though ſhe could not help behaving civilly to me, took frequent opportunities of diſ⯑couraging our communication, by reprimanding [198] her for being ſo free with ſtrangers, and telling her ſhe muſt learn to ſpeak leſs, and think more.—A bridged of the uſe of ſpeech, we converſed with our eyes, and I found the young lady very eloquent in this kind of diſcourſe. In ſhort, I had reaſon to believe, that ſhe was ſick of the old gentlewoman's tuition, and that I ſhould find it no difficult matter to ſuperſede her authority.

When we arrived at the place where we were to breakfaſt, I alighted and helped my miſtreſs out of the coach, as well as her mother, who called for a private room, to which they with⯑drew, in order to eat by themſelves.—As they retired together, I perceived that Miſs had got more twiſts from nature, than I had before ob⯑ſerved, being bent ſideways into the figure of an S, ſo that her progreſſion very much reſembled that of a crab.—The prude alſo choſe the captain for her meſs-mate, and ordered breakfaſt for two only to be brought into another ſeparate room; while the lawyer and I, deſerted by the reſt of the company, were fain to put up with one another. I was a good deal chagrined at the ſtately re⯑ſerve of Mrs. Snapper, who I thought did not uſe me with all the complaiſance I deſerved; and my companion declared, that he had been a tra⯑veller theſe twenty years, and never knew the ſtage-coach rules ſo much infringed before. As for the honourable gentlewoman, I could not conceive the meaning of her attachment to the lieutenant; and aſked the lawyer if he knew for which of the ſoldier's virtues ſhe admired him? The counſellor facetiouſly replied, ‘"I ſuppoſe the lady knows him to be an able conveyancer, and wants him to make a ſettlement intail."—’I could not help laughing at the archneſs of the [199] barriſter, who entertained me during breakfaſt, with a great deal of wit of the ſame kind, at the expence of our fellow-travellers; and among other things ſaid, he was ſorry to find the young lady ſaddled with ſuch incumbrances.

When we had made an end of our repaſt, and paid our reckoning, we went into the coach, took our places, and bribed the driver with ſix-pence, to revenge us on the reſt of his fare, by hurrying them away in the midſt of their meal.—This he performed to our ſatisfaction, after he had diſturbed their enjoyment with his importunate clamour.—The mother and daughter obeyed the ſummons firſt, and coming to the coach-door, were o⯑bliged to deſire the coachman's aſſiſtance to get in, becauſe the lawyer and I had agreed to ſhew our reſentment by our neglect.—They were no ſooner ſeated, than the captain appeared as much heated as if he had been purſued a dozen of miles by an enemy; and immediately after him came the lady, not without ſome marks of diſ⯑order.—Having helped her up, he entered him⯑ſelf, growling a few oaths againſt the coachman for his impertment interruption; and the lawyer comforted him, by ſaying, that if he had ſuffered a niſi prius through the obſtinacy of the defen⯑dant, he would have an opportunity to join iſſue at the next ſtage. This laſt expreſſion gave of⯑fence to the grave gentlewoman, who told him, if ſhe was a man, ſhe would make him repent of ſuch obſcenity, and thanked God ſhe had never been in ſuch company before.—At this inſinua⯑tion, the captain thought himſelf under a ne⯑ceſſity of eſpouſing the lady's cauſe; and accord⯑ingly threatned to cut the lawyer's ears out of his head, if he ſhould give his tongue any ſuch [200] liberties for the future.—The poor counſellor begged pardon, and univerſal ſilence enſued.

CHAP. LV.

I reſolve to ingratiate myſelf with the mother, and am favoured by accident—the preciſe lady finds her huſband, and quits the coach—the captain is diſappointed of his dinner—we arrive at Bath—I accompany Miſs Snapper to the long room, where ſhe is at⯑tacked by beau N—h, and turns the laugh againſt him—I make love to her, and receive a check—I ſquire her to an aſſembly, where I am bleſt with a ſight of my dear Narciſſa, which diſcompoſes me ſo much, that Miſs Snapper obſerving my diſ⯑order, is at pains to diſcover the cauſe—is picqued at the occaſion, and in our way home, pays me a ſarcaſtic compliment—I am met by Miſs Williams, who is maid and confidante of Narciſſa—ſhe acquaints me with her lady's regard for me while under the diſguiſe of a ſervant, and deſcribes the tranſports of Narciſſa on ſeeing me at the aſſembly, in the character of a gentle⯑man—I am ſurprized with an account of her aunt's marriage, and make an appoint⯑ment to meet Miſs Williams next day.

DURING this unſocial interval, my pride and intereſt maintained a ſevere conflict, [201] on the ſubject of Miſs Snapper, whom the one repreſented as unworthy of my notice, and the other propoſed as the object of my whole at⯑tention: The advantages and diſadvantages at⯑tending ſuch a match, were oppoſed to one a⯑nother by my imagination; and at length, my judgment gave it ſo much in favour of the firſt, that I reſolved to proſecute my ſcheme, with all the addreſs in my power.—I thought I perceived ſome concern in her countenance, occaſioned by my ſilence, which ſhe no doubt imputed to my diſguſt at her mother's behaviour; and as I be⯑lieved the old woman could not fail of aſcribing my muteneſs to the ſame motive, I determined to continue that ſullen conduct towards her, and fall upon ſome other method of manifeſting my eſteem for the daughter; nor was it difficult for me to make her acquainted with my ſentiments by the expreſſion of my looks, which I modelled into the characters of humility and love; and which were anſwered by her with all the ſympathy and approbation I could deſire. But when I began to conſider, that without further opportunities of improving my ſucceſs, all the progreſs I had hither⯑to made could not much avail, and that ſuch opportunities could not be enjoyed without the mother's permiſſion; I concluded it would be re⯑quiſite to vanquiſh her coldneſs and ſuſpicion by my aſſiduities and reſpectful behaviour on the road; and ſhe would in all likelihood invite me to viſit her at Bath, where I did not fear of being able to cultivate her acquaintance as much as would be neceſſary to the accompliſhment of my pur⯑poſe.—And indeed accident furniſhed me with an opportunity of obliging her ſo much, that ſhe [202] could not with any appearance of good manners, forbear to gratify my inclination.

When we arrived at our dining-place, we found all the eatables in the inn beſpoke by a certain nobleman, who had got the ſtart of us; and in all likelihood, my miſtreſs and her mother muſt have dined with Duke Humphrey, had I not exerted myſelf in their behalf, and bribed the landlord with a glaſs of wine to curtail his lordſhip's entertainment of a couple of fowls and ſome bacon, which I ſent with my compliments to the ladies; they accepted my treat with a great many thanks, and deſired I would favour them with my company at dinner, where I amuſed the old gentlewoman ſo ſucceſsfully, by maintaining a ſeemingly diſintereſted eaſe, in the midſt of my civility, that ſhe ſignified a deſire of being better acquainted, and hoped I would be ſo kind as to ſee her ſometimes at Bath.—While I enjoyed myſelf in this manner, the preciſe lady had the good fortune to meet with her huſband, who was no other than gentleman, or in other words, va⯑let de chambre to the very nobleman, whoſe coach ſtood at the door. Proud of the intereſt ſhe had in the houſe, ſhe affected to ſhew her power by introducing the captain to her ſpouſe, as a perſon who had treated her with great civility; upon which he was invited to a ſhare of their dinner; while the poor lawyer, finding himſelf utterly aban⯑doned, made application to me, and was, through my interceſſion, admitted into our company.—Having ſatisfied our appetites, and made our⯑ſelves very merry at the expence of the perſon of honour, the civil captain, and complaiſant huſ⯑band, I did myſelf the pleaſure of diſcharging the bill by ſtealth, for which I received a great [203] many apologies and acknowledgments from my gueſts, and we reimbarked at the firſt warning.—The officer was obliged, at laſt, to appeaſe his hunger with a luncheon of bread and cheeſe, and a pint bottle of brandy, which he diſpatched in the coach, curſing the inappetence of his lord⯑ſhip, who had ordered dinner to be put back a whole hour.

Nothing remarkable happened during the re⯑maining part of our journey, which was ended about twelve a-clock, when I waited on the la⯑dies to the houſe of a relation, in which they in⯑tended to lodge, and paſſing that night at the inn, took lodgings next morning for myſelf.

The forenoon was ſpent in viſiting every thing that was worth ſeeing in the place, which I did in company with a gentleman to whom Banter had given me a letter of introduction; and in the afternoon I waited on the ladies, and found Miſs a good deal indiſpoſed with the fatigues of the journey.—As they foreſaw they would have occaſion for a male acquaintance to ſquire them at all publick places, I was received with great cordiality, and had the mother's permiſſion to conduct them next day to the long room, which we no ſooner entered, than the eyes of every body preſent were turned upon us; and when we had ſuffered the martyrdom of their looks for ſome time, a whiſper circulated at our expence, which was accompanied with many contemptuous ſmiles, and tittering obſervations, to my utter ſhame and confuſion.—I did not ſo much conduct as follow my charge to a place where ſhe ſeated her mother and herſelf with aſtoniſhing compoſure, notwithſtanding the un⯑mannerly behaviour of the whole company, [204] which ſeemed to be aſſumed meerly to put her out of countenance.—The celebrated Mr. N—h, who commonly attends in this place, as maſter of the ceremonies, perceiving the diſpoſition of the aſſembly, took upon himſelf the taſk of gra⯑tifying their ill-nature ſtill further, by expoſing my miſtreſs to the edge of his wit.—With this view he approached us, with many bows and gri⯑maces, and after having welcomed Miſs Snapper to the place, aſked her, in the hearing of all preſent, if ſhe could inform him of the name of Tobit's dog.—I was ſo much incenſed at his in⯑ſolence, that I ſhould certainly have kicked him where he ſtood, without ceremony, had not the young lady prevented the effects of my indig⯑nation, by replying with the utmoſt vivacity, ‘"His name was N—ſh, and an impudent dog he was."’ This repartee, ſo unexpected and juſt, raiſed ſuch an univerſal laugh at the aggreſ⯑ſor, that all his aſſurance was inſufficient to ſup⯑port him under their deriſion; ſo that after he had endeavoured to compoſe himſelf, by taking ſnuff, and forcing a ſmile, he was obliged to ſneak off in a very ludicrous attitude; while my Dulcinea was applauded to the ſkies, for the brilliancy of her wit, and her acquaintance im⯑mediately courted by the beſt people of both ſexes in the room.—This event, with which I was in⯑finitely pleaſed at firſt, did not fail of alarming me, upon further reflection, when I conſidered that the more ſhe was careſſed by perſons of diſtinc⯑tion, the more her pride would be inflamed, and conſequently, the obſtacles to my ſucceſs mul⯑tiplied and enlarged.—Nor were my preſaging fears untrue—That very night I perceived her a little intoxicated with the incenſe ſhe had re⯑ceived, [205] and though ſhe ſtill behaved with a par⯑ticular civility to me, I foreſaw that as ſoon as her fortune ſhould be known, ſhe would be ſurrounded with a ſwarm of admirers, ſome one of whom might poſſibly, by excelling me in point of wealth, or in the arts of flattery and ſcandal, ſupplant me in her eſteem, and find means to make the mother of his party.—I re⯑ſolved therefore to loſe no time, and being in⯑vited to ſpend the evening with them, found an opportunity, in ſpite of the old gentlewoman's vi⯑gilance, to explain the meaning of my glances in the coach, by paying homage to her wit, and profeſſing myſelf enamoured of her perſon.—She bluſhed at my declaration, and in a favour⯑able manner diſapproved of the liberty I had taken, putting me in mind of our being ſtrangers to one another, and deſiring I would not be the means of interrupting our acquaintance, by any ſuch unſeaſonable ſtrokes of gallantry for the future.—My ardour was effectually checked by this repri⯑mand, which was, however, delivered in ſuch a gentle manner, that I had no cauſe to be diſo⯑bliged; and the arrival of her mother relieved me from a dilemma in which I ſhould not have known how to demean myſelf a minute longer.—Neither could I reſume the eaſineſs of carriage with which I came in, my miſtreſs acted on the reſerve, and the converſation beginning to flag, the old lady introduced her kinſwoman of the houſe, and propoſed a hand at whiſt.

While we amuſed ourſelves at this diverſion, I underſtood from the gentlewoman, that there was to be an aſſembly next night, at which I begged to have the honour of dancing with Miſs. She thanked me for the favour I intended her, aſſured me, ſhe [206] never did dance, but ſignified a deſire of ſeeing the company; upon which I offered my ſervice, and was accepted; not a little proud of being exempted from appearing with her, in a ſituation, that, notwithſtanding my profeſſion to the con⯑trary, was not at all agreeable to my inclina⯑tion.

Having ſupped, and continued the game, till ſuch time as the ſucceſſive yawns of the mother warned me to begone, I took my leave, and went home, where I made Strap very happy with an account of my progreſs.—Next day I put on my gayeſt apparel, and went to drink tea at Mrs. Snapper's, according to appointment, when I found, to my inexpreſſible ſatisfaction, that ſhe was laid up with the tooth-ach, and that Miſs was to be intruſted to my care.—Accord⯑ingly, we ſet out for the ball-room, pretty early in the evening, and took poſſeſſion of a commo⯑dious place, where we had not ſat longer than a quarter of an hour, when a gentleman dreſſed in a green frock came in, leading a young lady, whom I immediately diſcovered to be the adorable Narciſſa! Good heaven! what were the thrillings of my ſoul at that inſtant! my reflection was overwhelmed with a torrent of agitation! my heart throbbed with ſurprizing violence! a ſud⯑den miſt overſpread my eyes! my ears were in⯑vaded with a dreadful ſound! I panted for want of breath, and in ſhort, was for ſome moments in⯑tranced!—This firſt tumult ſubſiding, a crowd of flattering ideas ruſhed upon my imagination: Every thing that was ſoft, ſenſible, and engaging in the character of that dear creature, recurred to my remembrance, and every favourable circum⯑ſtance of my own qualifications appeared in all [207] the aggravation of ſelf-conceit, to heighten my expectation!—Neither was this tranſport of long duration: The dread of her being al⯑ready diſpoſed of, intervened, and over-caſt my enchanting reverie! My preſaging appre⯑henſion repreſented her encircled in the arms of ſome happy rival, and of conſequence for ever loſt to me! I was ſtung with this ſuggeſtion, and believing the perſon who conducted her, to be the huſband of this amiable young lady, al⯑ready devoted him to my fury, and ſtood up to mark him for my vengeance; when I recollected, to my unſpeakable joy, her brother the fox⯑hunter, in the perſon of her gallant.—Undeceived ſo much to my ſatisfaction in this particular, I gazed in a frenzy of delight, on the irreſiſtible charms of his ſiſter, who no ſooner diſtinguiſhed me in the crowd, than her evident confuſion af⯑forded a happy omen to my flame.—At ſight of me ſhe ſtarted, the roſes inſtantly vaniſhed from her poliſhed cheeks, and returned in a moment with a double glow that over-ſpread her lovely neck, while her enchanting boſom heaved with ſtrong emotion.—I hailed theſe favourable ſymptoms, and lying in wait for her looks, did homage with my eyes.—She ſeemed to approve my declaration, by the complacency of her aſpect; and I was ſo tranſported with the diſcovery, that more than once, I was on the point of making up to her, and diſcloſing the throbbings of my heart in perſon, had not that profound venera⯑tion which her preſence always inſpired, re⯑ſtrained the unſeaſonable impulſe.—My whole powers being engroſſed in this manner, it may be eaſily imagined how ill I entertained Miſs Snapper, on whom I could not now turn my [208] eyes, without making compariſons very little to her advantage.—It was not even in my power to return diſtinct anſwers to the queſtions ſhe aſked from time to time, ſo that ſhe could not help obſerving my abſence of behaviour; and having a turn, for obſervation, watched my glances, and tracing them to the divine object, diſcovered the cauſe of my diſorder.—That ſhe might, however, be convinced of the truth of her conjecture, ſhe began to interrogate me with regard to Narciſſa, and notwithſtanding all my endeavours to diſ⯑guiſe my ſentiments, perceived my attachment by my confuſion.—Upon which, ſhe aſſumed a ſtate⯑lineſs of behaviour, and ſat ſilent during the re⯑maining part of the entertainment.—At any o⯑ther time I ſhould have been prodigiouſly alarmed at her ſuſpicion, but at that inſtant, I was ele⯑vated by my paſſion above every other conſide⯑ration.—The miſtreſs of my ſoul having retired with her brother, I diſcovered ſo much uneaſi⯑neſs at my ſituation, that Miſs Snapper propoſed to go home; and while I conducted her to a chair, told me ſhe had too great a regard for me to keep me any longer in torment.—I feigned ignorance of her meaning, and having ſeen her ſafely at her lodgings, took my leave, and went home in an exſtaſy; where I diſcloſed every thing that had happened to my confident and humble ſervant Strap, who did not reliſh the accident ſo well as I expected; and obſerved, that a bird in hand is worth two in the buſh.—‘"But however (ſaid he) you know beſt—you know beſt."—’Next day as I went to the Bath, in hopes of ſeeing or hearing ſome tidings of my fair enſlaver, I was met by a gentlewoman, who having looked hard at me, cried, ‘"O Chriſt! Mr. Random!"’ [209] Surpriſed at this exclamation, I examined the countenance of the perſon who ſpoke, and im⯑mediately recognized my old ſweet-heart and fellow-ſufferer Miſs Williams.

I was mightily pleaſed to find this unfortunate woman under ſuch a decent appearance, profeſſed my joy at ſeeing her well, and deſired to know where I ſhould have the pleaſure of her conver⯑ſation. She was as heartily rejoiced at the ap⯑parent eaſineſs of my fortune, and gave me to know that ſhe, as yet, had no habitation that ſhe could properly call her own; but would wait on me at any place I would pleaſe to appoint—Under⯑ſtanding that ſhe was diſengaged for the preſent, I ſhewed her the way to my own lodgings, where, after a very affectionate ſalutation, ſhe informed me of her being very happy in the ſervice of a young lady, to whom ſhe was recommended by a former miſtreſs deceaſed, into whoſe family ſhe had introduced herſelf by the honeſt deceit ſhe had concerted, while ſhe lived with me in the garret at London—She then expreſſed a vehement deſire to be acquainted with the viciſſitudes of my life ſince we parted, and aſcribed her curioſity to the concern ſhe had for my intereſt—I forth⯑with gratified her requeſt, and when I deſcribed my ſituation in Suſſex, perceived her to attend to my ſtory with particular eagerneſs. She interrupted me when I had finiſhed that period, with ‘"good God! is it poſſible,"—’and then begged I would be ſo good as to continue my relation; which I did as briefly as I could, burning with impatience to know the cauſe of her ſurprize, about which I had already formed a very intereſting conjecture—Having therefore brought my adventures down to the preſent day, ſhe ſeemed very much affected with [210] the different circumſtances of my fortune; and ſaying with a ſmile, ſhe believed my diſtreſſes were now at a period, proceeded to inform me, that the lady whom ſhe ſerved was no other than the charming Narciſſa, who had honoured her with her confidence for ſome time,—that in conſe⯑quence of that truſt, ſhe had often repeated the ſtory of John Brown, with great admiration and regard; that ſhe loved to dwell upon the parti⯑culars of his character, and did not ſcruple to own a tender approbation of his flame—I became deli⯑rious with this piece of intelligence, ſtrained Miſs Williams in my embrace, called her the angel of my happineſs, and acted ſuch extrava⯑gancies, that ſhe would have been convinced of my ſincerity, had not my honour been clear enough to her before—As ſoon as I was in a con⯑dition to yield attention, ſhe deſcribed the preſent ſituation of her miſtreſs, who had no ſooner come home the night before, than ſhe cloſeted her, and in a rapture of joy, gave her to know that ſhe had ſeen me at the ball, where I appeared in the character which ſhe always thought my due, with ſuch advantage of transformation, that un⯑leſs my image had been engraven on her heart, it would have been impoſſible to know me for the perſon who had worn her aunt's livery;—that by the language of my eyes, ſhe was aſſured of the continuance of my paſſion for her, and conſe⯑quently of my being unengaged to any other; and that though ſhe did not doubt, I would ſpeedily fall upon ſome method of being intro⯑duced, ſhe was ſo impatient to hear of me, that ſhe (Miſs Williams) had been ſent abroad this very morning, on purpoſe to learn tidings of the name and character I at preſent bore.—My boſom [211] had been hitherto a ſtranger to ſuch a flood of joy as now ruſhed upon it: My faculties were over⯑born by the tide: It was ſome time, before I could open my mouth; and much longer 'ere I could utter a coherent ſentence—At length, I ſer⯑vently requeſted her to lead me immediately to the object of my adoration: but ſhe reſiſted my importunity, and explained the danger of ſuch premature conduct—‘"How favourable ſoever (ſaid ſhe) my lady's inclination towards you may be, this you may depend upon, that ſhe will not commit the ſmalleſt treſpaſs on de⯑corum, either in diſcloſing her own, or in re⯑ceiving a declaration of your paſſion: and al⯑tho' the great veneration I have for you, has prompted me to reveal what ſhe communicated to me in confidence, I know ſo well the ſeve⯑verity of her ſentiments with reſpect to the punctilios of her ſex, that, if ſhe ſhould learn the leaſt ſurmiſe of it, ſhe would not only diſmiſs me as a wretch unworthy of her bene⯑volence, but alſo for ever ſhun the efforts of your love"—’I aſſented to the juſtneſs of her remonſtrance, and deſired ſhe would aſſiſt me with her advice and direction: upon which, it was concerted between us, that for the preſent, I ſhould be contented with her telling Narciſſa that in the courſe of her inquiries, ſhe could only learn my name: and that if in a day or two, I could fall upon no other method of being made ac⯑quainted, ſhe would deliver a letter from me, on pretence of conſulting her happineſs; and ſay that I met her in the ſtreets, and bribed her to that piece of ſervice.—Matters being thus adjuſted, I kept my old acquaintance to breakfaſt, and learned [212] from her converſation, that my rival Sir Timothy had drunk himſelf into an apoplexy, of which he died five months ago, that the ſavage was ſtill un⯑married, and that his aunt had been ſeized with a whim which he little expected, and choſen the ſchool-maſter of the pariſh for her lord and huſband: but matrimony not agreeing with her conſtitution, ſhe had been hectick and dropſical a good while, and was now at Bath in order to drink the waters for the recovery of her health; that her niece had accompanied her thither at her requeſt, and attended her with the ſame affection as before, notwithſtanding the faux pas ſhe had committed: and that her nephew who had been exaſperated at the loſs of her fortune, did not give his attendance out of good will, but purely to have an eye on his ſiſter, leſt ſhe ſhould like⯑wiſe throw herſelf away, without his conſent or approbation.—Having enjoyed ourſelves in this manner, and made an aſſignation to meet next day at a certain place, Miſs Williams took her leave; and Strap's looks being very inquiſitive about the nature of the communication ſubſiſting between us, I made him acquainted with the whole affair, to his great aſtoniſhment and ſatisfaction.

CHAP. LVI.

[213]

I become acquainted with Narciſſa's brother who invites me to his houſe—where I am introduced to that adorable creature—after dinner, the ſquire retires to take his nap—Freeman, gueſſing the ſituation of my thoughts, withdraws likewiſe on pretence of buſineſs—I declare my paſſion for Narciſſa—am well received—charmed with her converſation—the ſquire detains us to ſupper—I elude his deſign by a ſtrata⯑gem, and get home ſober.

IN the afternoon, I drank tea at the houſe of Mr. Freeman, to whom I had been recom⯑mended by Banter; where I had not ſat five minutes, 'till the fox-hunter came in, and by his familiar behaviour, appeared to be intimate with my friend—I was, at firſt, under ſome concern, leſt he ſhould recollect my features; but when I found myſelf introduced to him as a gentleman from London, without being diſcovered, I bleſſed the opportunity that brought me into his company; hoping, that in the courſe of our ac⯑quaintance, he would invite me to his houſe—nor were my hopes fruſtrated, for as we ſpent the evening together, he grew extremely fond of my converſation, aſked a great many childiſh queſtions about France and foreign parts; and [214] ſeemed ſo highly entertained with my anſwers, that in his cups, he ſhook me often by the hand, pronounced me an honeſt fellow, and in fine, de⯑ſired our company at dinner next day, in his own houſe.—My imagination was ſo much em⯑ployed in anticipating the happineſs I was to en⯑joy next day, that I ſlept very little that night; but getting up early in the morning, went to the place appointed, where I met my ſhe-friend, and imparted to her my ſucceſs with the ſquire—She was very much pleaſed at the occaſion, which (ſhe ſaid) could not fail of being agreeable to Narciſſa, who in ſpite of her paſſion for me, had mentioned ſome ſcruples relating to my true ſituation and character, which the delicacy of her ſentiments ſuggeſted, and which ſhe believed I would find it neceſſary to remove, though ſhe did not know how.—I was a good deal ſtartled at this inſinuation, becauſe I foreſaw the difficulty I ſhould find in barely doing myſelf juſtice; for although it never was my intention to impoſe my⯑ſelf upon any woman, much leſs on Narciſſa, as a man of fortune, I laid claim to the character of a gentleman, by birth, education and behaviour; and yet (ſo unlucky had the circumſtances of my life fallen out) I ſhould find it a very hard matter to make good my pretenſions even to theſe, eſ⯑pecially to the laſt, which was the moſt eſſential—Miſs Williams was as ſenſible as I, of this my diſ⯑advantage; but comforted me with obſerving, that when once a woman has beſtowed her af⯑fections on a man, ſhe cannot help judging of him in all reſpects, with a partiality eaſily in⯑fluenced in his favour;—ſhe remarked that altho' ſome ſituations of my life had been low, yet none of them had been infamous; that my indigence [215] had been the crime not of me, but of fortune; and that the miſeries I had undergone, by im⯑proving the faculties both of mind and body, qualified me the more for any dignified ſtation; and would of conſequence, recommend me to the good graces of any ſenſible woman;—ſhe therefore adviſed me to be always open and unreſerved to the inquiries of my miſtreſs, without unneceſ⯑ſarily betraying the meaneſt occurrences of my fate; and truſt to the ſtrength of her love and re⯑flection, for the reſt.—The ſentiments of this ſenſible young woman on this, as well as on al⯑moſt every other ſubject, perfectly agreed with mine; I thanked her for the care ſhe took of my intereſts, and promiſing to behave myſelf accord⯑ing to her direction, we parted, after ſhe had aſſured me, that I might depend upon her beſt offices with her miſtreſs, and that ſhe would front time to time, communicate to me ſuch intelli⯑gence as ſhe could procure, relating to my flame.—Having dreſſed myſelf to the beſt advantage, I waited for the time of dinner with the moſt fear⯑ful impatience; and as the hour drew nigh, my heart beat with ſuch increaſed velocity, and my ſpirits contracted ſuch diſorder, that I began to ſuſpect my reſolution, and even to wiſh myſelf diſengaged:—At laſt Mr. Freeman called at my lodgings, in his way, and I accompanied him to the houſe where all my happineſs was depoſited.—We were very kindly received by the ſquire, who ſat ſmoaking his pipe in a parlour, and aſked if we choſe to drink any thing before dinner; tho' I never had more occaſion for a cordial, I was aſhamed to accept his offer, which was alſo refuſed by my friend. We ſat down (however) and entered into converſation, which laſted half an [216] hour, ſo that I had time to recollect myſelf; and (ſo capricious were my thoughts) even to hope that Narciſſa would not appear—when all of a ſudden, a ſervant coming in, gave us notice that dinner was upon the table—and my perturbation return⯑ed with ſuch violence, that I could ſcarce con⯑ceal it from the company as I aſcended the ſtair⯑caſe.—When I entered the dining-room, the firſt object that ſaluted my raviſhed eyes, was the di⯑vine Narciſſa, bluſhing like Aurora, adorned with all the graces that meekneſs, innocence and beauty can diffuſe! I was ſeized with a giddineſs, my knees tottered, and I ſcarce had ſtrength enough to perform the ceremony of ſalutation, when her brother ſlapping me upon the ſhoulder, cried ‘"Meaſter Randan, that there is my ſiſter."’ I approached her with eagerneſs and fear; but in the moment of our embrace, my ſoul was agonized with rapture!—It was a lucky circumſtance for us both, that my entertainer was not endued with an uncommon ſtock of penetra⯑tion; for our mutual confuſion was ſo manifeſt, that Mr. Freeman perceived it, and as we went home together, congratulated me on my good fortune.—But ſo far was Bruin from entertaining the leaſt ſuſpicion, that he encouraged me to be⯑gin a converſation with my miſtreſs in a language unknown to him, by telling her, that he had brought a gentleman (meaning me) who could jabber with her in French and other foreign lingos, as faſt as ſhe pleaſed: then turning to me, ſaid, ‘"Odds bobs! I wiſh you would hold diſ⯑courſe with her, in your French or Italiano; and tell me if ſhe underſtands it as well as ſhe would be thought to do—there's her aunt and ſhe will chatter together whole days in it, [217] and I can't have a mouthful of Engliſh for love or money."’ I conſulted the looks of my a⯑miable miſtreſs, and ſound her averſe to his pro⯑poſal, which indeed ſhe declined with a ſweet⯑neſs of denial peculiar to herſelf, as a piece of diſreſpect to that part of the company which did not underſtand the language in queſtion. As I had the happineſs of ſitting oppoſite to her, I feaſted my eyes much more than my palate, which ſhe tempted in vain with the moſt deli⯑cious bits carved by her fair hand, and recom⯑mended by her perſuaſive tongue;—but all my other appetites were ſwallowed up in the immen⯑ſity of my love, which I fed by gazing inceſ⯑ſantly on the delightful object.—Dinner was ſcarce ended, when the ſquire became very drouſy, and after ſeveral dreadful yawns, got up, ſtretched himſelf, took two or three turns acroſs the room, begg'd we would allow him to take a ſhort nap, and having laid a ſtrong injunction on his ſiſter to detain us 'till his return, went to his repoſe without any further ceremony.—He had not been gone many minutes, when Freeman gueſſing the ſituation of my heart, and thinking he could not do me a greater favour, than to leave me alone with Narciſſa, pretended to recollect himſelf all of a ſudden, and ſtarting up, begg'd the lady's pardon for half an hour, having luckily re⯑membered an engagement of ſome conſequence, that he muſt perform at that inſtant,—ſo ſaying, he went away, promiſing to be back in time enough for tea; leaving my miſtreſs and me in great con⯑fuſion.—Now that I enjoyed an opportunity of diſcloſing the pantings of my ſoul, I had not power to uſe it—I ſtudied many pathetic declara⯑tions, but when I attempted to give them ut⯑terance, [218] my tongue denied its office; and ſhe ſat ſilent, with a downcaſt look full of anxious alarm, her boſom heaving with expectation of ſome great event—At length, I endeavoured to put an end to this ſolemn pauſe, and began with ‘"It is very ſurprizing, Madam—’here the ſound dying away, I made a full ſtop—while Narciſſa ſtarting, bluſhed, and with a timid accent, an⯑ſwered, ‘"Sir?—’Confounded at this note of in⯑terrogation, I pronounced with the moſt ſheep⯑iſh baſhfulneſs, ‘"Madam!"’ to which ſhe re⯑plied, ‘"I beg pardon—I thought you had ſpoke to me."—’Another pauſe enſued—I made ano⯑ther effort, and tho' my voice faultered very much at the beginning, made ſhift to expreſs myſelf in this manner:—‘"I ſay, Madam, 'tis very ſurprizing that love ſhould act ſo incon⯑ſiſtent with itſelf, as to deprive its votaries of the uſe of their faculties, when they have moſt occaſion for them. Since the happy occaſion of being alone with you preſented itſelf, I have made many unſucceſsful attempts to declare a paſſion for the lovelieſt of her ſex—a paſſion which took poſſeſſion of my ſoul, while my cruel fate compell'd me to wear a ſervile diſ⯑guiſe ſo unſuitable to my birth, ſentiments, and let me add, my deſerts; yet favourable in one reſpect, as it furniſhed me with opportunities of ſeeing and adoring your perfections—Yes, Madam, it was then your dear idea entered my boſom, where it has lived unim⯑paired in the midſt of numberleſs cares, and animated me againſt a thouſand dangers and ca⯑lamities!"—’While I ſpoke thus, ſhe con⯑cealed her face with her fan; and when I [219] ceaſed, recovering herſelf from the moſt beauti⯑ful confuſion, told me, that ſhe thought herſelf very much obliged by my favourable opinion of her; and that ſhe was very ſorry to hear I had been unfortunate—Encouraged by this gentle re⯑ply, I proceeded, owned myſelf ſufficiently re⯑compenſed by her kind compaſſion for what I had undergone, and declared that the future hap⯑pineſs of my life depended ſolely upon her.—‘"Sir, (ſaid ſhe) I ſhould be very ungrateful, if after the ſignal protection you once afforded me, I could refuſe to contribute towards your hap⯑pineſs, in any reaſonable condeſcenſion."—’Tranſported at this acknowledgment, I threw myſelf at her feet, and begged ſhe would regard my paſſion with a favourable eye: She was alarmed at my behaviour, intreated me to riſe leſt her brother ſhould diſcover me in that poſture, and to ſpare her, for the preſent, upon a ſubject for which ſhe was altogether unprepared.—Upon this, I roſe, aſſuring her I would rather die than diſobey her; but in the mean time begged her to conſider how precious the minutes of this op⯑portunity were, and what reſtraint I put upon my inclination, in ſacrificing them to her deſire.—She ſmiled with unſpeakable ſweetneſs, and ſaid, there would be no want of opportunities, provided I could maintain the good opinion her brother had conceived of me; and I, enchanted with her charms, ſeized her hand, which I well nigh devoured with kiſſes—But ſhe check'd my boldneſs with a ſeverity of countenance; and de⯑ſired I would not ſo far forget myſelf or her, as to endanger the eſteem ſhe had for me;—ſhe re⯑minded me of our being almoſt ſtrangers to one another, and of the neceſſity there was, for her [220] knowing me better, before ſhe could take any re⯑ſolution in my favour; and, in ſhort, mingled ſo much good ſenſe and complacency in her reproof, that I became as much enamoured of her un⯑derſtanding, as I had been before of her beauty, and aſked pardon for my preſumption with the utmoſt reverence of conviction—She forgave my offence with her uſual affability; and ſealed my pardon with a look ſo full of bewitching tender⯑neſs, that for ſome minutes, my ſenſes were loſt in exſtaſy! I afterwards endeavoured to regulate my behaviour according to her deſire, and turn the converſation upon a more indifferent ſubject; but her preſence was an unſurmountable obſtacle to my deſign; while I behold ſo much excellence, I found it impoſſible to call my attention from the contemplation of it! I gazed with unutterable fondneſs! I grew mad with admiration!—‘"My condition is unſupportable (cried I) I am diſ⯑tracted with paſſion! why are you ſo exqui⯑ſitely fair?—Why are you ſo enchantingly good?—Why has nature dignified you with charms ſo much above the ſtandard of wo⯑man; and, wretch that I am, how dares my unworthineſs aſpire to the enjoyment of ſuch perfection!"’

She was ſtartled at my ravings, reaſoned down my tranſport, and by her irreſiſtible eloquence, ſoothed my ſoul into a ſtate of tranquil felicity; but leſt I might ſuffer a relapſe, induſtriouſly pro⯑moted other ſubjects to entertain my imagination—ſhe chid me for having omitted to inquire about her aunt, who (ſhe aſſured me) in the midſt of all her abſence of temper, and detachment from common affairs, often talked of me with uncom⯑mon warmth.—I profeſſed my veneration for the [221] good lady, excuſed my omiſſion, by imputing it to the violence of my love, which engroſſed my whole ſoul, and deſired to know the preſent ſitu⯑ation of her health.—Upon which, the amiable Narciſſa repeated what I had heard before, of her marriage, with all the tenderneſs for her reputa⯑tion that the ſubject would admit of; told me, ſhe liv'd with her huſband, hard by, and was ſo much afflicted with a dropſy, and waſted by a conſumption, that ſhe had ſmall hopes of her re⯑covery.—Having expreſſed my ſorrow for her diſ⯑temper, I queſtioned her about my good friend Mrs. Sagely, who I learned (to my great ſatis⯑faction) was ſtill in good health, and by the encomiums ſhe beſtowed upon me after I was gone, confirmed the favourable impreſſion, my behaviour at parting had made on Narciſſa's heart—This circumſtance introduced an inquiry into the conduct of Sir Timothy Thicket, who (ſhe informed me) had found means to incenſe her brother ſo much againſt me, that ſhe found it impoſſible to undeceive him; but on the contrary, ſuffered very much in her own character, by his ſcandalous inſinuations—that the whole pariſh was alarmed, and actually in purſuit of me; ſo that ſhe had been in the utmoſt conſternation up⯑on my account, well knowing how little my own innocence and her teſtimony would have weighed with the ignorance, prejudice and brutality of thoſe, who muſt have judged me, had I been ap⯑prehended—that Sir Timothy being ſeized with a fit of the apoplexy, from which with great difficulty he was recovered, began to be appre⯑henſive of death, and to prepare himſelf accord⯑ingly for that great event; as a ſtep to which, he ſent for her brother, owned with great con⯑trition, [222] the brutal deſign he had upon her, and of conſequence acquitted me of the aſſault, rob⯑bery and correſpondence with her, which he had laid to my charge, after which confeſſion he lived about a month in a languiſhing condition, and was carried off by a ſecond aſſault.

Every word that this dear creature ſpoke, ri⯑vetted the chains with which ſhe held me enſlaved! My miſchievous fancy began to work, and the tempeſt of my paſſion to wake again; when the return of Freeman deſtroyed the tempting opportunity, and enabled me to quell the riſing tumult.—A little while after, the Squire ſtaggered into the room, rubbing his eyes, and called for his tea, which he drank out of a ſmall bowl, qualified with brandy; we ſipped ſome in the ordinary way: Narciſſa left us in order to viſit her aunt, and when Freeman and I propoſed to take our leave, the fox-hunter inſiſted on our ſpending the evening at his houſe with ſuch ob⯑ſtinacy of affection, that we were obliged to comply.—For my own part, I ſhould have been glad of the invitation, by which, in all likeli⯑hood, I would be bleſt with his ſiſter's company, had I not been afraid of riſking her eſteem, by entering into a debauch of drinking with him, which, from the knowledge of his character, I foreſaw would happen; but there was no remedy—I was forced to rely upon the ſtrength of my conſtitution, which I hoped would reſiſt intoxi⯑cation longer than the Squire's; and to truſt to the good-nature and diſcretion of my miſtreſs for the reſt.

Our entertainer reſolving to begin by times, ordered the table to be furniſhed with liquor and glaſſes immediately after tea, but we abſolutely [223] refuſed to ſet in for drinking ſo ſoon; and pre⯑vailed upon him to paſs away an hour or two at whiſt, in which we engaged as ſoon as Narciſſa returned.—The ſavage and I happened to be part⯑ners at firſt, and as my thoughts were wholly em⯑ployed on a more intereſting game, I play'd ſo ill that he loſt all patience, ſwore bitterly, and threatened to call for wine if they would not grant him another aſſociate.—This deſire was gratified, and Narciſſa and I were of a ſide; he won for the ſame reaſon that made him loſe be⯑fore; I was ſatisfied, my lovely partner did not repine, and the time ſlipped away very agreeably, until we were told that ſupper was ſerved in another room.

The Squire was enraged to find the evening ſo unprofitably ſpent, and wrecked his vengeance on the cards, which he tore, and committed to the flames with many execrations; threatning to make us redeem our loſs with a large glaſs and a quick circulation; and indeed we had no ſooner ſupped, and my charmer withdrawn, than he be⯑gan to put his threats in execution. Three bot⯑tles of port (for he drank no other ſort of wine) were placed before us, with as many water glaſſes, which were immediately filled to the brim, after his example, by each out of his reſpective allow⯑ance, and emptied in a trice, to the beſt in chriſten⯑dom.—Though I ſwallowed this, and the next as faſt as the glaſs could be repleniſhed, without heſitation or ſhew of reluctance, I perceived that my brain would not be able to bear many bum⯑pers of this ſort; and dreading the perſeverance of a champion who began with ſuch vigour, I deter⯑mined to make up for the deficiency of my ſtrength by a ſtratagem, which I actually put in practice [224] when the ſecond courſe of bottles was called for.—The wine being ſtrong and heady, I was al⯑ready a good deal diſcompoſed by the diſpatch we had made, Freeman's eyes began to reel, and Bruin himſelf was elevated into a ſong, which he uttered with great vociferation.—When I therefore ſaw the ſecond round brought in, I aſ⯑ſumed a gay air, entertained him with a French catch on the ſubject of drinking, which, though he did not underſtand it, delighted him highly, and telling him that your choice ſpirits at Paris never troubled themſelves with glaſſes, aſked if he had not a bowl or cup in the houſe that would contain a whole quart of wine.—‘"Odds niggers! (cried he) I have a ſilver caudle-cup that holds juſt the quantity, for all the world—fetch it hither, Numps."—’The veſſel be⯑ing produced, I bid him decant his bottle into it, which having done, I nodded in a very deli⯑berate manner, and ſaid, ‘"Pledge you."—’He ſtared at me for ſome time, and crying, ‘"What! all at one pull, meaſter Randan?"—’I anſwered, ‘"At one pull! Sir, you are no milk-ſop—we ſhall do you juſtice."—’ ‘"Shall you? (ſaid he, ſhaking me by the hand) odd then, I'll ſee it out, an't were a mile to the bottom—Here's to our better acquaintance, meaſter Randan."’ So ſaying, he applied it to his lips, and emptied it in a breath.—I knew the effect of it would be almoſt inſtantaneous; therefore, taking the cup, I began to diſcharge my bottle into it, telling him he was now qualified to drink with the Cham of Tartary.—I had no ſooner pronounced theſe words, than he took umbrage at them, and after ſeveral attempts to ſpit, made ſhift to ſtut⯑ter [225] out, ‘"A f—f—t for your Chams of T—Tartary! I am a f—f—free-born Engliſh⯑man, worth th—three thouſand a year, and v—value no man, damme!"—’then drop⯑ping his jaw, and fixing his eyes, he hick up'd aloud, and fell upon the floor as mute as a flounder.—Mr. Freeman, heartily rejoiced at his deſeat, aſſiſted me in carrying him to bed, where we left him to the care of his ſervants, and went home to our reſpective habitations, congratulat⯑ing one another on our good fortune.

[224]

[...]

[225]

[...]

CHAP. LVII.

[226]

Miſs Williams informs me of Narciſſa's ap⯑probation of my flame—I appeaſe the Squire—write to my Miſtreſs, am bleſſed with an anſwer—beg leave of her bro⯑ther to dance with her at a ball; obtain his conſent and her's—enjoy a private converſation with her—am perplexed with reflections—have the honour of appear⯑ing her partner at the ball—we are complimented by a certain Nobleman—he diſ⯑covers ſome ſymptoms of paſſion for Narciſſa—I am ſtung with jealouſy—Narciſſa alarmed, retires—I obſerve Melinda in the company—the Squire is capti⯑vated by her beauty.

I Was met next morning, at the uſual place by Miſs Williams, who gave me joy of the progreſs I had made in the affection of her miſtreſs, and bleſſed me with an account of that dear creature's converſation with her, after ſhe had retired the night before from our company.—I could ſcarce believe her information, when ſhe recounted her expreſſions in my favour, ſo much more warm and paſſionate were they than my moſt ſanguine hopes had preſaged; and was par⯑ticularly pleaſed to hear that ſhe approved of my behaviour to her brother, after ſhe withdrew.— [227] Tranſported at the news of my happineſs, I preſented my ring to the meſſenger, as a teſtimo⯑ny of my gratitude and ſatisfaction; but ſhe was above ſuch mercenary conſiderations, and refuſed my compliment with ſome reſentment, ſaying, ſhe was not a little mortified to ſee my opinion of her ſo low and contemptible.—I did myſelf a piece of juſtice by explaining my behaviour on this head, and to convince her of my eſteem, promiſed to be ruled by her directions in the pro⯑ſecution of the whole affair, which I had ſo much at heart, that the repoſe of my life de⯑pended upon the conſequence.

As I fervently wiſhed for another interview, where I might pour out the effuſions of my love, without danger of being interrupted, and per⯑haps reap ſome endearing return from the queen of my deſires, I implored her advice and aſſiſ⯑tance in promoting this event;—but ſhe gave me to underſtand, that Narciſſa would make no pre⯑cipitate compliances of this kind, and that I would do well to cultivate her brother's acquain⯑tance, in the courſe of which, I would not want opportunities of removing that reſerve, which my miſtreſs thought herſelf obliged to maintain during the infancy of our correſpondence.—In the mean time, ſhe promiſed to tell her lady that I had endeavoured by preſents and perſuaſions, to prevail upon her, (Miſs Williams) to deliver a letter from me, which ſhe had refuſed to charge herſelf with, until ſhe ſhould know Narciſſa's ſentiments of the matter; and ſaid, by theſe means ſhe did not doubt of being able to open a literary communication between us, which could not fail of introducing more intimate connexions.

[228] I approved of her counſel, and our appoint⯑ment being renewed for next day, left her with an intent of falling upon ſome method of being re⯑conciled to the Squire, who, I ſuppoſed, would be offended with the trick we had put upon him.—With this view, I conſulted Freeman, who from his knowledge of the Fox-hunter's diſ⯑poſition, aſſured me there was no other me⯑thod of pacifying him, than that of ſacrificing ourſelves for one night, to an equal match with him in drinking: This I found myſelf neceſſi⯑tated to comply with, for the intereſt of my paſ⯑ſion, and therefore determined to commit the debauch at my own lodgings, that I might run no riſk of being diſcovered by Narciſſa, in a ſtate of brutal degeneracy.—Mr. Freeman, who was to be of the party, went, at my deſire, to the Squire in order to engage him, while I took care to furniſh myſelf for his reception.—My invita⯑tion was accepted, my gueſts honoured me with their company in the evening, when Bruin gave me to underſtand that he had drank many tuns of wine in his life, but was never ſerved ſuch a trick as I had played upon him the night before. I promiſed to atone for my treſpaſs, and having ordered to every man his bottle, began the con⯑teſt with a bumper to the health of Narciſſa.—The toaſts circulated with great devotion, the liquor began to operate, our mirth grew noiſy, and as Freeman and I had the advantage of drinking ſmall French claret, the ſavage was ef⯑fectually tamed before our ſenſes were in the leaſt affected, and carried home in a kind of apo⯑plexy of drunkenneſs.

I was next morning, as uſual, ſavoured with a viſit from my kind and punctual confidante, who [229] telling me, ſhe was permitted to receive my let⯑ters for her miſtreſs; I took up the pen immedi⯑ately, and following the firſt dictates of my paſ⯑ſion, wrote as follows:

DEAR. MADAM,

WERE it poſſible for the powers of utter⯑ance, to reveal the ſoft emotions of my ſoul; the fond anxiety, the glowing hopes, and chilling fears that rule my breaſt by turns; I ſhould need no other witneſs than this paper, to evince the purity and ardour of that flame your charms have kindled in my heart. But alas! expreſſion wrongs my love! I am in⯑ſpired with conceptions that no language can convey! Your beauty fills me with wonder! your underſtanding with raviſhment, and your goodneſs with adoration! I am tranſported with deſire, diſtracted with doubts, and tor⯑tured with impatience! Suffer me then, lovely arbitreſs of my fate, to approach you in perſon, to breathe in ſoft murmurs my paſſion to your car, to offer the ſacrifice of a heart overflow⯑ing with the moſt genuine and diſintereſted love; to gaze with exſtaſy on the divine ob⯑ject of my wiſhes, to hear the muſick of her enchanting tongue! to rejoice in her ſmiles of approbation, and baniſh the moſt intoler⯑able ſuſpence from the boſom of

Your enraptured R— R—.

[230] Having finiſhed this effuſion, I committed it to the care of my faithful friend, with an injunction to ſecond my intreaty with all her eloquence and influence; and in the mean time went to dreſs, with an intention of viſiting Mrs. Snapper and Miſs, whom I had utterly neglected and indeed almoſt forgot, ſince my dear Narciſſa had reſumed the empire of my ſoul. The old gentlewoman received me very kindly, and Miſs affected a frankneſs and gaiety, which, however, I could eaſily perceive was forced and diſſembled; among other things, ſhe pretended to joke me upon my paſſion for Narciſſa, which ſhe averred was no ſecret, and aſked if I intended to dance with her at the next aſſembly.—I was a good deal concerned to find myſelf become the town-talk on this ſubject, leſt the Squire, having notice of my inclinations, ſhould diſapprove of them, and by breaking off all correſpondence with me, deprive me of the opportunities I now enjoyed.—But I reſolved to uſe the intereſt I had with him, while it laſted; and that very night, meeting him occaſionally, aſked his permiſſion to ſolicit her company at the ball, which he very readily granted, to my inexpreſſible ſatisfaction.

Having been kept awake the greateſt part of the night, by a thouſand delightful reveries that took poſſeſſion of my fancy, I got up betimes, and flying to the place of rendezvous, had in a little time the pleaſure of ſeeing Miſs Williams approach with a ſmile on her countenance, which I interpreted into a good omen. Neither was I miſtaken in my preſage: She preſented me with a letter from the idol of my ſoul, which, after having kiſſed it with great devotion, I opened with the utmoſt eagerneſs, and was bleſſed with her approbation in theſe terms.

[231]

SIR,

TO ſay I look upon you with indifference, would be a piece of diſſimulation which, I think, no decorum requires, and no cuſtom can juſtify. As my heart never felt an impreſ⯑ſion that my tongue was aſhamed to declare, I will not ſcruple to own myſelf pleaſed with your paſſion, confident of your integrity, and ſo well convinced of my own diſcretion, that I ſhould not heſitate in granting you the in⯑terview you deſire, were I not over-awed by the prying curioſity of a malicious world, the cenſure of which might be fatally preju⯑dicial to the reputation of

Your NARCISSA.

No Anchorite in the exſtaſy of devotion, ever adored a relique with more fervour than that with which I kiſſed this inimitable proof of my charmer's candour, generoſity and affection! I read it over an hundred times; was raviſhed with her confeſſion in the beginning; but the ſub⯑ſcription of YOUR NARCISSA, yielded me ſuch delight as I had never felt before! My happineſs was ſtill increaſed by Miſs Williams, who bleſſed me with a repetition of her lady's tender expreſ⯑ſions in my favour, when ſhe received and read my letter.—In ſhort, I had all the reaſon in the world to believe that this gentle creature's boſom was poſſeſſed by a paſſion for me, as warm, [232] though perhaps not ſo impetuous, as mine for her.

I informed my friend of the Squire's conſent, with regard to my dancing with Narciſſa at the ball, and deſired her to tell her miſtreſs, that I would do myſelf the honour of viſiting her in the afternoon, in conſequence of his permiſſion, when I hoped to find her as indulgent as her brother had been complaiſant in that particular.—Miſs Williams expreſſed a good deal of joy, at hearing I was ſo much in favour with the fox-hunter, and ventured to aſſure me, that my viſit would be very agreeable to my miſtreſs, the rather becauſe Bruin was engaged to dine abroad.—This was a circumſtance, which I ſcarce need ſay, pleaſed me.—I went immediately to the long-room, where I found him, and af⯑fecting to know nothing of his engagement, told him, I would do myſelf the pleaſure to wait upon him in the afternoon, and to preſent his ſiſter with a ticket for the ball.—He ſhook me by the hand, according to cuſtom, and giving me to underſtand that he was to dine abroad, deſired me to go and drink tea with Narciſſa notwithſtanding, and promiſed to prepare her for my viſit in the mean time.

Every thing ſucceeding thus to my wiſh, I waited with incredible patience for the time, which no ſooner arrived, than I haſtened to the ſcene, which my fancy had pre-occupied long be⯑fore.—I was introduced accordingly, to the dear enchantreſs, whom I found accompanied by Miſs Williams, who, on pretence of ordering tea, re⯑tired at my approach.—This favourable accident, which alarmed my whole ſoul, diſordered her alſo.—I found myſelf actuated by an irreſiſtible [233] impulſe, I advanced to her with eagerneſs and awe; and profiting by the confuſion that pre⯑vailed over her, claſped the fair angel in my arms, and imprinted a glowing kiſs upon her lips, more ſoft and fragrant than the dewy roſe⯑bud juſt burſting from the ſtem! Her face was in an inſtant covered with bluſhes, her eyes ſparkled with reſentment; I threw myſelf at her feet, and implored her pardon.—Her love became advocate in my cauſe; her look ſoftened into forgiveneſs, ſhe raiſed me up, and chid me with ſo much ſweetneſs of diſpleaſure, that I was tempted to repeat the offence, had not the com⯑ing of a ſervant with the tea-board, prevented my preſumption.—While we were ſubject to be interrupted or over-heard, we converſed about the approaching ball, at which ſhe promiſed to grace me as a partner; but when the equipage was removed, and we were left alone, I reſumed the more intereſting theme, and expreſſed myſelf with ſuch tranſport and agitation, that my miſ⯑treſs, fearing I would commit ſome extravagance, rung the bell for her maid, whom ſhe detained in the room, as a check upon my vivacity.—I was not ſorry for this precaution, becauſe I could unboſom myſelf without reſerve, before Miſs Wil⯑liams, who was the confidante of us both.—I there⯑fore gave a looſe to the inſpirations of my paſſion, which operated ſo ſucceſsfully upon the tender affections of Narciſſa, that ſhe laid aſide the re⯑ſtraint ſhe had hitherto wore, and bleſſed me with the moſt melting declaration of her mutual flame!—It was impoſſible for me to forbear tak⯑ing the advantage of this endearing condeſcen⯑ſion.—She now gently yielded to my embrace, while I encircling all that I held dear, within [234] my arms, taſted in advance, the joys of that pa⯑radiſe I hoped in a little time wholly to poſſeſs!—We ſpent the afternoon in all the exſtacy of hope that the moſt fervent love exchanged by mutual vows could inſpire; and Miſs Williams was ſo much affected with our chaſte careſſes, which recalled the ſad remembrance of what ſhe was, that her eyes were filled with tears.

The evening being pretty far advanced, I forced myſelf from the dear object of my flame, who indulged me in a tender embrace at parting; and repairing to my lodgings, communicated to my friend Strap every circumſtance of my hap⯑pineſs, which filled him with ſo much pleaſure, that it run over at his eyes; and he prayed hearti⯑ly, that no envious devil might, as formerly, daſh the cup of bleſſing from my lip.—When I re⯑flected on what had happened, and eſpecially on the unreſerved proteſtations of Narciſſa's love, I could not help being amazed at her omitting to enquire into the particular circumſtances of the life and fortune of one whom ſhe had favoured with her affection, and I began to be a little an⯑xious about the ſituation of her finances; well knowing that I ſhould do an irreparable injury to the perſon my ſoul held moſt dear, if I ſhould eſpouſe her, without being enabled to ſupport her in the rank which was certainly her due.—I had heard indeed, while I ſerved her aunt, that her father had left her a conſiderable ſum; and that every body believed ſhe would inherit the greateſt part of her kinſwoman's dowry, but I did not know how far ſhe might be reſtricted by the old gentleman's will, in the enjoyment of what he left her; and I was too well informed of the virtuoſi's late conduct, to think my miſtreſs could [235] have any expectations from that quarter.—I con⯑fided, however, in the good ſenſe and delicacy of my charmer, who, I was ſure, would not conſent to unite her fate with mine, before ſhe had fully conſidered and provided for the conſe⯑quence.

The Ball-night being arrived, I dreſſed myſelf in a ſuit I had reſerved for ſome grand occaſion; and having drank tea with Narciſſa and her bro⯑ther, conducted my angel to the ſcene, where ſhe in a moment eclipſed all her female compe⯑titors for beauty, and attracted the admiration of the whole aſſembly.—My heart dilated with pride on this occaſion, and my triumph rejected all bounds, when, after we had danced together, a certain nobleman, remarkable for his figure and influence in the beau monde, came up, and in the hearing of all preſent, honoured us with a very particular compliment, upon our accom⯑pliſhments and appearance;—but this tranſport was ſoon checked, when I perceived his lordſhip attach himſelf with great aſſiduity to my miſtreſs; and ſay ſome warm things, which I thought, ſa⯑voured too much of paſſion.—It was then I be⯑gan to feel the pangs of jealouſy—I dreaded the power and addreſs of my rival—I ſickened at his diſcourſe; when ſhe opened her lips to an⯑ſwer, my heart died within me—when ſhe ſmiled, I felt the pains of the damned!—I was enraged at his preſumption; I curſed her com⯑plaiſance! when he quitted her and went to the other ſide of the room.—Narciſſa ſuſpecting no⯑thing of the rage that inflamed me, put ſome queſtions to me, as ſoon as he was gone, to which I made no other reply than a grim look, which too well denoted the agitation of my breaſt, [236] and ſurprized her not a little.—She no ſooner obſerved my emotion, than ſhe changed colour, and aſked what ailed me; but before I could make anſwer, her brother pulling me by the ſleeve, bid me take notice of a lady who ſat fronting us, whom I immediately, to my vaſt aſtoniſhment, diſtinguiſhed to be Melinda, ac⯑companied by her mother and an elderly gentle⯑man, whom I did not know.—‘"Wounds! Mr. Randan, (cried the Squire) is ſhe not a deli⯑cate piece of ſtuff?—'Sdeath! I have a good mind—if I thought ſhe was a ſingle per⯑ſon."—’Notwithſtanding the perplexity I was in, I had reflection enough to foreſee that my paſſion might ſuffer greatly by the preſence of this lady, who in all probability would revenge herſelf upon me for having formerly diſgraced her, by ſpreading reports to my prejudice.—I was therefore alarmed at theſe ſymptoms of the Squire's admiration; and for ſome time did not know what reply to make, when he aſked my opinion of her beauty: At length I came to a determination, and told him that her name was Melinda, that ſhe had a fortune of ten thouſand pounds, and was ſaid to be under promiſe of marriage to a certain lord, who deferred his nup⯑tials, until he ſhould be of age, which would hap⯑pen in a few months:—I thought this piece of intelligence, which I had myſelf invented, would have hindered him effectually from entertaining any further thoughts of her; but I was egre⯑giouſly miſtaken: The fox-hunter had too much ſelf-ſufficiency to deſpair of ſucceſs with any competitor on earth. He therefore made light of her engagement, ſaying, with a ſmile of ſelf-approbation, ‘"Mayhap ſhe will change her mind—what ſignifies his being a [237] Lord?—I think myſelf as good a man as e'er a Lord in chriſtendom; and I'll ſee if a commoner worth three thouſand a year won't ſerve her turn."—’This determination ſtartled me not a little; I knew he would ſoon diſcover the con⯑trary of what I advanced, and as I believed he would find her ear open to his addreſſes, did not doubt of meeting with every obſtacle in my a⯑mour, that her malice could invent, and her in⯑fluence with him execute.—This reflection increaſed my chagrin—My vexation was evi⯑dent—Narciſſa inſiſted on going home imme⯑diately; and as I led her to the door, her noble admirer, with a look full of languiſhment, di⯑tected to her a profound bow, which ſtung me to the ſoul.—Before ſhe went into the chair, ſhe aſked, with an appearance of concern, what was the matter with me? and I could pronounce no more than, ‘"By heaven! I'm diſtracted!"’

CHAP. LVIII.

[238]

Tortured with jealouſy, I go home and abuſe Strap—receive a meſſage from Nar⯑ciſſa, in conſequence of which, I haſten to her apartment, where her endearing aſ⯑ſurances baniſh all my doubts and appre⯑henſions—in my retreat I diſcover ſome⯑body in the dark, whom, ſuſpecting to be a ſpy, I reſolve to kill: but, to my great ſurprize, am convinced of his being no other than Strap—Melinda ſlanders me—I become acquainted with Lord Quiverwit, who endeavours to ſound me, with regard to Narciſſa—the Squire is introduced to his lordſhip, and grows cold towards me—I learn from my confidante, that this nobleman profeſſes honourable love to my miſtreſs, who continues faithful to me, not⯑withſtanding the ſcandalous reports ſhe has heard to my prejudice—I am mortified with an aſſurance that her whole fortune depends upon the pleaſure of her brother—Mr. Freeman condoles me on the de⯑cline of my character, which I vindicate ſo much to his ſatisfaction, that he under⯑takes to combat ſame in my behalf.

HAVING uttered this exclamation, at which ſhe ſighed, I went home in the condition [239] of a frantic Bedlamite; and finding the fire in my apartment almoſt extinguiſhed, vented my fury upon poor Strap, whoſe ear I pinched with ſuch violence, that he roared hideouſly with pain, and when I quitted my hold looked ſo fooliſhly aghaſt, that no unconcerned ſpectator could have ſeen him, without been ſeized with an immode⯑rate fit of laughter.—It it true, I was ſoon ſen⯑ſible of the injury I had done, and aſked pardon for the outrage I had committed; upon which my faithful valet, ſhaking his head, ſaid, ‘"I forgive you, and may God forgive you."—’But he could not help ſhedding ſome tears at my unkind⯑neſs. I felt unſpeakable remorſe for what I had done, curſed my own ingratitude, and conſidered his tears as a reproach that my ſoul, in her pre⯑ſent diſturbance, could not bear.—It ſet all my paſſions into a new ferment, I ſwore horrible oaths without meaning or application, I foamed at the mouth, kicked the chairs about the room, and play'd abundance of mad pranks that frightened my friend almoſt out of his ſenſes.—At length my tranſport ſubſided, I became melancholy, and wept inſenſibly.

During this ſtate of dejection, I was ſurprized with the appearance of Miſs Williams, whom Strap, blubbering all the while, had conducted in⯑to the chamber without giving me previous no⯑tice of her approach:—She was extremely af⯑fected with my condition, which ſhe had learned from him, begged me to moderate my paſſion, ſuſpend my conjectures, and follow her to Narciſſa, who deſired to ſee me forthwith.—That dear name operated upon me like a charm! I ſtarted up, and without opening my lips, was conducted into her apartment through the garden, which [240] we entered by a private door.—I found the ado⯑rable creature in tears! I was melted at the fight—we continued ſilent for ſome time—my heart was too full to ſpeak—her ſnowy boſom heaved with fond reſentment; at laſt ſhe ſobbing cried, ‘"What have I done to diſoblige you?"—’My heart was pierced with the tender queſtion! I drew near with the utmoſt reverence of affection! I fell upon my knees before her, and kiſſing her hand, exclaimed, ‘"O! thou art all goodneſs and per⯑fection! I am undone by my want of merit! I am unworthy to poſſeſs thy charms, which heaven hath deſtined for the arms of ſome more favoured being."—’She gueſſed the cauſe of my diſquiet, upbraided me gently for my ſuſpi⯑cion, and gave me ſuch flattering aſſurances of her eternal fidelity, that all my doubts and fears forſook me, and peace and ſatisfaction reigned within my breaſt.

At midnight I left the kind nymph to her re⯑poſe, and being let out by Miſs Williams, at the garden gate by which I entered, began to ex⯑plore my way homeward in the dark, when I heard at my back a noiſe like that of a baboon when he mows and chatters. I turned inſtantly, and perceiving ſomething black, concluded I was diſcovered by ſome ſpy, employed to watch for that purpoſe: Arrouſed at this conjecture, by which the reputation of the vir⯑tuous Narciſſa appeared in jeopardy, I drew my ſword, and would have ſacrificed him to her ſame, had not the voice of Strap reſtrained my arm: It was with great difficulty he could pronounce, ‘"D—d—d—do! mum—um—um—murder me, if you pleaſe!"’ Such an effect had the cold upon his jaws, that his teeth rattled like a [241] pair of caſtanets—Pleaſed to be thus undeceived, I laughed at his conſternation, and aſked what brought him thither? Upon which he gave me to underſtand, that his concern for me had in⯑duced him to dodge me to that place, where the ſame reaſon had detained him till now; and he frankly owned, that in ſpite of the eſteem he had for Miſs Williams, he began to be very un⯑eaſy about me, conſidering the diſpoſition in which I went abroad; and if I had ſtaid much longer, would have certainly alarmed the neigh⯑bourhood in my behalf.—The knowledge of this his intention confounded me! I repreſented to him the miſchievous conſequences that would have at⯑tended ſuch a raſh action, and cautioning him ſeverely againſt any ſuch deſign for the future, concluded my admonition with an aſſurance, that in caſe he ſhould ever act ſo madly, I would, without heſitation put him to death.—‘"Have a little patience (cried he, in a lamentable tone) your diſpleaſure will do the buſineſs, with⯑out your committing murder."—’I was touched with this reproach; and as ſoon as we got home, made it my buſineſs to appeaſe him, by explaining the cauſe of that tranſport, during which I had uſed him ſo unworthily.

Next day when I went into the long room, I obſerved ſeveral whiſpers circulate all of a ſudden; and did not doubt that Melinda had been buſy with my character; but I conſoled myſelf with the love of Narciſſa, upon which I reſted with the moſt perfect confidence, and going up to the rowly-powly table, won a few pieces from my ſuſpected rival, who with an eaſy politeneſs, entered into converſation with me, and deſiring my company to the coffee-houſe, treated me with [242] tea and chocolate.—I remembred Strutwell, and guarded againſt his inſinuating behaviour; nor was my ſuſpicion wrong placed; he artfully turned the diſcourſe upon Narciſſa, and endeavoured, by hinting at an intrigue he pretended to be engaged in elſewhere, to learn what connexion there was between her and me.—But all his fineſſe was in⯑effectual; I was convinced of his diſſimulation, and gave ſuch general anſwers to his inquiries, that he was forced to drop the ſubject and talk of ſomething elſe.

While we converſed in this manner, the ſavage came in, with another gentleman, who intro⯑duced him to his lordſhip; and he was received with ſuch peculiar marks of diſtinction, that I was perſuaded the courtier intended to uſe him in ſome ſhape or another; and thence I con⯑ceived an unlucky omen.—But I had more cauſe to be diſmayed the following day, when I ſaw the Squire in company with Melinda and her mo⯑ther, who honoured me with ſeveral diſdainful glances; and when I afterwards threw myſelf in his way, inſtead of the cordial ſhake of the hand, returned my ſalute with a cold repetition of ‘"Servant, ſervant,"’ which he pronounced with ſuch indifference, or rather contempt, that if he had not been Narciſſa's brother I ſhould have affronted him in publick.

Theſe occurrences diſturbed me not a little, I foreſaw the brooding ſtorm, and armed myſelf with reſolution for the occaſion; but Narciſſa be⯑ing at ſtake, I was far from being reſigned.—I could have renounced every other comfort of life with ſome degree of fortitude; but the proſpect of loſing her, diſabled all my philoſophy, and tortured my ſoul into madneſs.

[243] Miſs Williams found me, next morning, full of anxious tumult, which did not abate, when ſhe told me, that my Lord Quiverwit, having profeſſed honourable intentions, had been intro⯑duced to my lovely Miſtreſs by her brother, who had at the ſame time, from the information of Melinda, ſpoke of me as an Iriſh fortune-hunter, without either birth or eſtate to recommend me; who ſupported myſelf in the appearance of a gentleman by ſharping, and other infamous prac⯑tices; and who was of ſuch an obſcure origin, that I did not even know my own extraction.—Though I expected all this, I could not hear it with temper, eſpecially as truth was ſo blended with falſhood in the aſſertion, that it would be almoſt impoſſible to ſeparate the one from the o⯑ther in my vindication.—But I ſaid nothing on this head, being impatient to know how Narciſſa had been affected with the diſcovery.—That ge⯑nerous creature, far from believing theſe impu⯑tations, was no ſooner withdrawn with her con⯑fidante, than ſhe inveighed with great warmth againſt the malevolence of the world, to which only ſhe aſcribed the whole of what had been ſaid to my diſadvantage; and calling every cir⯑cumſtance of my behaviour to her, into review before her, found every thing ſo polite, honour⯑able and diſintereſted, that ſhe could not harbour the leaſt doubt of my being the gentleman I ap⯑peared to be.—‘"I have indeed (ſaid ſhe) pur⯑poſely forbore to aſk the particulars of his life, leſt the recapitulation of ſome misfortunes, which he has undergone, ſhould give him pain: And as to the article of his fortune, I own myſelf equally afraid of inquiring into it, and [244] of diſcovering the ſituation of my own, leſt we ſhould find ourſelves both unhappy in the explanation; for alas! my proviſion is con⯑ditional, and depends entirely on my marry⯑ing with my brother's conſent."’

Thunderſtruck with this intelligence, the light forſook my eyes, the colour vaniſhed from my cheeks, and I remained in a ſtate of univerſal trepidation!—My female friend perceiving my diſorder, encouraged me with aſſurances of Nar⯑ciſſa's conſtancy, and the hope of ſome accident favourable to our love; and as a further conſola⯑tion let me know, that ſhe had acquaint [...]d my miſtreſs with the out-lines of my life; and that although ſhe was no ſtranger to the preſent low ſtate of my finances, her love and eſteem were rather encreaſed than diminiſhed by the know⯑ledge of my circumſtances.—I was greatly com⯑forted by this aſſurance, which ſaved me a world of confuſion and anxiety: For I muſt have im⯑parted my ſituation one day to Narciſſa; and this I could not have done without ſhame and diſorder.

As I did not doubt that by this time, the ſcandalous aſperſions of Melinda were diffuſed all over the town, I reſolved to collect my whole ſtrength of aſſurance, to brow-beat the efforts of her malice, and to publiſh her adventure with the Frenchified barber, by way of repriſal.—In the mean time, having promiſed to be at the garden gate about midnight, Miſs Williams took her leave, bidding me repoſe myſelf en⯑tirely on the affection of my dear Narciſſa, which was as perfect as inviolable.—Before I went abroad I was viſited by Freeman, who [245] came on purpoſe to acquaint me with the infa⯑mous ſtories, that were raiſed at my expence; I heard them with great temper, and in my turn informed him of every thing that had hap⯑pened between Melinda and me; and among o⯑ther things entertained him with the ſtory of the barber, letting him know what ſhare his friend Banter had in that affair: He was convinced of the injury my reputation had ſuffered, and no longer doubting the ſource from whence this de⯑luge of ſlander had flowed upon me, undertook to undeceive the town in my behalf, and roll the ſtream back upon its origin; but in the mean time cautioned me from appearing in publick while the prepoſſeſſion was ſtrong againſt me, leſt I ſhould meet with ſome affront that might have bad conſequences.

CHAP. LIX.

[246]

I receive an extraordinary meſſage at the door of the long room, which I however enter, and affront the Squire, who threatens to take the law of me—I rebuke Me⯑linda for her malice—She weeps with vexation—Lord Quiverwit is ſevere upon me—I retort his ſarcaſm—am received with the utmoſt tenderneſs by Nar⯑ciſſa, who deſires to hear the ſtory of my life—we vow eternal conſtancy to one another—I retire—am waked by a meſſenger, who brings a challenge from Quiverwit, whom I meet, engage, and vanquiſh.

I Thanked him for his advice, which, how⯑ever, my pride and reſentment would not permit me to follow; for he no ſooner left me, in order to do juſtice to my character among his friends and acquaintance, than I ſallied out, and went directly to the long-room.—I was met at the door by a ſervant, who preſented to me a billet without a ſubſcription, importing that my preſence was diſagreeable to the company, and deſir⯑ing I would take the hint without further diſtur⯑bance, and beſtow myſelf elſewhere for the future.—This peremptory meſſage filled me with indig⯑nation.—I followed the fellow who delivered it, and ſeizing him by the collar, in preſence of all [247] the company, threatned to put him inſtantly to death, if he did not diſcover the ſcoundrel who had charged him with ſuch an impudent commiſ⯑ſion, that I might puniſh him as he deſerved.—The meſſenger, affrighted at my menaces and fu⯑rious looks, fell upon his knees, and told me, that the gentleman who ordered him to deliver the letter was no other than Narciſſa's brother, who at that time ſtood at the other end of the room, talking to Melinda.—I went up to him imme⯑diately, and in the hearing of his inamorata, ac⯑coſted him in theſe words: ‘"Lookee, Squire, was it not for one conſideration that protects you from my reſentment, I would cane you where you ſtand, for having had the preſumption to ſend me this ſcurrilous intimation,"’ which I tore to pieces and threw in his face; at the ſame time dart⯑ingan angry regard at his miſtreſs, and telling her, I was ſorry ſhe had put it out of my power to compliment her upon her invention, but at the expence of her good nature and veracity.—Her admirer, whoſe courage never roſe but in pro⯑portion to the wine he had ſwallowed, inſtead of reſenting my addreſs in what is called an ho⯑nourable way, threatned to proſecute me for an aſſault, and took witneſſes accordingly; while ſhe, piqued at his puſilanimous behaviour, and enraged at the ſarcaſm I had uttered againſt her, endea⯑voured to make her quarrel a publick cauſe, and wept aloud with ſpite and vexation.—The tears of a lady could not fail of attracting the notice and concern of the ſpectators, to whom ſhe com⯑plained of my rudeneſs, with great bitterneſs, ſaying, If ſhe was a man I durſt not uſe her ſo.—The greateſt part of the gentlemen, already prejudiced againſt me, were offended at the li⯑berty [248] I had taken, as appeared from their looks; though none of them ſignified their diſguſt any other way, except my Lord Quiverwit, who ven⯑tured to ſay with a ſneer, that I was in the right to eſtabliſh my own character, of which he had now no longer any doubt.—Nettled at this ſe⯑vere equivoque, which raiſed a laugh at my ex⯑pence, I replied with ſome warmth, ‘"I am proud of having in that particular got the ſtart of your lordſhip."—’He made no anſwer to my repartee, but with a contemptuous ſmile, walked off, leaving me in a very diſagree⯑able ſituation.—In vain did I make up to ſeveral people of my acquaintance, whoſe converſation, I hoped, would baniſh my confuſion; every body ſhunned me like a perſon infected, and I ſhould not have been able to bear my diſgrace, had not the idea of the ever faithful and fond Narciſſa come to my relief.—I quitted the ſcene of my mortification, and ſauntering about the town, happened to wake from my contemplation, when I found myſelf juſt oppoſite to a toy-ſhop, which I entered, and purchaſed a ring ſet with a ruby in the form of a heart, ſurrounded by diamond ſparks, for which I paid ten guineas, intending it for a preſent to the charmer of my ſoul.

I was introduced, at the hour appointed, to this divine creature, who, notwithſtanding what ſhe had heard to my diſadvantage, received me with the utmoſt confidence and tenderneſs; and hav⯑ing been informed of the general ſketches of my life, by Miſs Williams, expreſſed a deſire of knowing the particular circumſtances, which I related with great candour, omitting however, ſome things which I concluded altogether impro⯑per for her ear, and which the reader's reflection [249] will eaſily ſuggeſt.—As my ſtory was little elſe than a recital of misfortunes, the tear of ſympa⯑thy ceaſed not to trickle from her inchanting eyes, during the whole of the narration, which when I had finiſhed, ſhe recompenſed me for my trouble, with the moſt endearing proteſtations of eternal love.—She bewailed her reſtricted condition, as it was the means of retarding my happineſs; told me, that Lord Quiverwit, by her brother's permiſſion, had been to drink tea with her that very afternoon, and actually propoſed marriage; and ſeeing me extremely affected with this piece of in⯑formation, offered to give me a convincing proof of her affection, by eſpouſing me in private, and leaving the reſt to fate.—I was penetrated with this inſtance of her regard, but that I might not be outdone in generoſity, reſiſted the bewitching temptation, in conſideration of her honour and intereſt; at the ſame time, preſented my ring as a pledge of my inviolable attachment, and on my knees, implored heaven to ſhower its curſes on my head, if ever my heart ſhould entertain one thought unworthy of the paſſion that I then avowed.—She received my token, gave me in return her picture in miniature, exquiſitely drawn and ſet in gold; and in the ſame poſture called heaven to witneſs and to judge her flame.—Our vows thus reciprocally breathed, a confidence of hope enſued, and our mutual fondneſs becoming as intimate as innocence would allow, I grew inſenſible of the progreſs of time, and it was morning before I could tear myſelf from this darling of my ſoul!—My good angel foreſaw what would happen, and prompted me to indulge myſelf on this occaſion, in conſideration of the fatal abſence I was doomed to ſuffer.

[250] I went to bed immediately on my return to my lodging, and having ſlept about two hours, was waked by Strap, who, in great confuſion, told me, there was a footman below with a let⯑ter for me, which he would deliver to no body but myſelf.—Alarmed at this piece of news, I deſired my friend to ſhew him up to my cham⯑ber, and received a letter from him, which, he ſaid, required an immediate anſwer: Upon which I opened it, and read

SIR,

WHEN any man injures my honour, let the difference of rank between us be ever ſo great, I am contented to wave the privilege of my quality, and ſeek reparation from him on equal terms.—The inſolence of your reply to me yeſterday, in the long⯑room, I might have overlooked, had not your preſumptive emulation in a much more intereſting affair, and a diſcovery which I made this morning, concurred in perſuading me to chaſtiſe your audacity with my ſword.—If you therefore, have ſpirit enough to ſupport the character you aſſume, you will not fail to follow the bearer immediately to a conve⯑nient place, where you ſhall be met by

Quiverwit.

Whether I was enervated by the love and favour of Narciſſa, or awed by the ſuperior ſta⯑tion of my antagoniſt, I know not, but I never had leſs inclination to fight than at this time: However, finding there was a neceſſity for vin⯑dicating [251] the reputation of my miſtreſs, as well as for aſſerting my own honour, I forthwith roſe, and dreſſing in a hurry, put on my ſword, bid Strap attend me, and ſet out with my conductor, curſing my bad fortune all the way, for having been obſerved in my return from my angel—So I interpreted his lordſhip diſcovery.—When I came within ſight of my rival, his lacquey told me, he had orders to ſtop; upon which, I commanded Strap to halt alſo, while I walked forward; reſolved, if poſſible, to come to an ex⯑planation with my challenger, before we ſhould come to battle.—Nor was an opportunity want⯑ing; for I no ſooner approached, than he aſked with a ſtern countenance, what buſineſs I had in Mr. Tophall's garden, ſo early in the morning:—‘"I don't know, my Lord, (ſaid I) how to anſwer a queſtion put to me with ſuch a ma⯑giſterial haughtineſs.—If your lordſhip will pleaſe to expoſtulate calmly, you will have no cauſe to repent of your condeſcenſion—Otherwiſe, I am not to be intimidated into any confeſſion."—’ ‘"There's no room for denial (anſwered he) I ſaw you come out with my own eyes."—’ ‘"Did any other per⯑ſon ſee me?" (ſaid I.)—’ ‘"I neither know nor care (ſaid he) I want no other evidence than that of my own ſenſes."—’Pleaſed to hear that the ſuſpicion was confined to him alone, I endeavoured to appeaſe his jealouſy, by owning an intrigue with the waiting-maid; but he had too much diſcernment to be ſo eaſily impoſed upon, and told me there was only one way to convince him of the truth of what I alledged; which was no other than renouncing all claim to Narciſſa upon oath, and promiſing upon honour, [252] never to ſpeak to her for the future.—Exaſ⯑perated at this propoſal, I unſheathed my ſword, ſaying, ‘"Heavens! what title have you, or any man on earth, to impoſe ſuch terms on me!"’ He did the ſame, and making towards me with a contracted brow, ſaid I was a villain, and had diſhonoured Narciſſa.—‘"He's a ſcandalous vil⯑lain (I replied, in a tranſport of fury) who brands me with that imputation! She is a thouſand times more chaſte than the mother who bore you; and I will aſſert her honour with my heart's blood!"—’So ſaying, I ruſh⯑ed upon him with more eagerneſs than addreſs, and endeavouring to get within his point, received a wound in my neck, which redoubled my rage.—He excelled me in temper as well as in ſkill, by which means he parried my thruſts with great calmneſs, until I had almoſt exhauſted my ſpi⯑rits; and when he perceived me beginning to flag, attacked me fiercely in his turn.—Finding himſelf however better oppoſed than he expected, he reſolved to follow his longe, and cloſe with me; accordingly, his ſword entered my waiſtcoat, on the ſide of the breaſt-bone, and running up between my ſhirt and ſkin, appeared over my left ſhoulder: I imagined that his weapon had perforated my lungs, and of conſequence, that the wound was mortal; therefore determined not to die unrevenged, I ſeized his ſhell, which was cloſe to my breaſt, before he could diſintangle his point, and keeping it faſt with my left hand, ſhortned my own ſword with my right, intend⯑ing to run him through the heart; but he re⯑ceived the thruſt in the left arm, which pene⯑trated up to the ſhoulder-blade.—Diſappointed in this expectation, and afraid ſtill that death [253] would fruſtrate my revenge, I grappled with him, and being much the ſtronger, threw him upon the ground, where I wreſted his ſword out of his hand, and ſo great was my confuſion, inſtead of turning the point upon him, ſtruck out three of his fore-teeth with the hilt.—In the mean time, our ſervants ſeeing us fall, run up to ſeparate and aſſiſt us; but before their approach, I was upon my feet, and had diſcovered, that my ſuppoſed mortal wound was only a ſlight ſcratch. The knowledge of my own ſafety, diſarmed me of a good deal of my reſentment, and I began to en⯑quire with ſome concern into the ſituation of my antagoniſt, who remained on the ground bleeding plentifully at his mouth and arm.—I helped his footman to raiſe him, and having bound up his wound with my handkerchief, aſ⯑ſured him it was not dangerous; I likewiſe re⯑ſtored his ſword, and offered to ſupport him to his own houſe.—He thanked me, with an air of ſullen dignity; and whiſpering to me, that I ſhould hear from him ſoon, went away, leaning on his ſervant's ſhoulder.

I was ſurprized at this promiſe, which I con⯑ſtrued into a threat, and reſolved, if ever he ſhould call me out again, to uſe whatever ad⯑vantage fortune might give me over him, in ano⯑ther manner.—In the mean time, I had leiſure to take notice of Strap, who ſeemed quite ſtupi⯑fied with horror; and (after having recovered him from his exſtaſy, with an aſſurance that I had received no damage) to explain the nature of this affair as we walked homeward.—By that time I had got into my apartment, I found the wound in my neck ſtiff and uneaſy, and a good deal of clotted blood run down upon my ſhirt: [254] Upon which I pulled off my coat and waiſtcoat, and unbuttoned my collar, that I might dreſs it with more eaſe.—My friend no ſooner perceived my ſhirt quite dyed with blood, than imagining I had got at leaſt twenty dreadful wounds, he cried, ‘"O Jeſus!"’ and fell flat on the floor.—I ſtopt the bleeding with a little dry lint, and applying a plaiſter over it, cleaned myſelf from the gore, ſhifted and dreſſed, while he lay ſenſeleſs at my feet; ſo that when he recovered, and ſaw me perfectly well, he could ſcarce believe his own eyes.—Now that the danger was paſt, I was very well pleaſed with what had happened, which I did not doubt, would ſoon become known, and conſequently dignify my character not a little in this place.—I was alſo proud of having ſhewn myſelf, in ſome ſhape, worthy of the love of Narciſſa, who, I was perſuaded, would not think the worſe of me for what I had done.

CHAP. LX.

[255]

I am viſited by Freeman, with whom I ap⯑pear in public, and am carreſſed—I am ſent for by Lord Quiverwit, whoſe preſence I quit in a paſſion—Narciſſa is carried off by her brother—I intend to purſue him, and am diſſuaded by my friend—I engage in play, and loſe all my money—ſet out for London—try my fortune at the gaming-table, without ſucceſs—receive a letter from Narciſſa—bilk my taylor.

WHILE I entertained myſelf with theſe reflections, the news of this duel being communicated by ſome unknown channel, ſpread all over the town.—I was viſited by Freeman, who teſtified his ſurprize at finding me, having been told, that Lord Quiverwit being dead of his wounds, I had abſconded, in order to avoid the cognizance of the law. I aſked if people gueſſed the occaſion of the quarrel; and under⯑ſtanding it was attributed to his lordſhip's re⯑ſentment of my reply in the Long-room, con⯑firmed that conjecture, glad to find Narciſſa un⯑ſuſpected.—My friend, after I had aſſured him that my antagoniſt was in no danger, wiſhed me joy of the event, than which, he ſaid, nothing could happen more opportunely to ſupport the idea he had given of my character, to his friends, [256] among whom he had been very aſſiduous in my behalf.

On the ſtrength of this aſſurance, I went with him to the coffee-houſe, where I was ſaluted by a great many of thoſe very perſons, who ſhun⯑ned me the preceeding day.—And I found every body making merry with the ſtory of Melinda's French gallant.—While I remained in this place, I received a meſſage from Lord Quiverwit, de⯑ſiring, if I was not engaged, to ſee me at his houſe.

Thither I immediately repaired, and was con⯑ducted to an apartment where I was received by his lordſhip in bed.—Being leſt by ourſelves, he thanked me in very polite terms, for having uſed the advantage fortune had given me over him, with ſuch moderation; and aſked pardon for any offence his reſentment might have prompted him to commit.—‘"I would willingly, (ſaid he) make you my friend; but as it is impoſſible for me to diveſt myſelf of my paſſion for Narciſſa, I am too well convinced of your ſentiments, to think we ſhall ever agree on that ſubject. I took the liberty, therefore, of ſending for you, in order to own candidly, that I cannot help oppoſing your ſucceſs with that young lady; though at the ſame time, I promiſe to regulate my op⯑poſition by the dictates of juſtice and honour: This, however, I think proper to advertiſe you of, that ſhe has no independant fortune, and if you ſhould even ſucceed in your addreſſes, you would have the mortification to ſee her re⯑duced to indigence, unleſs you have where⯑withal to ſupport her—And I am credibly in⯑formed of your incapacity that way.—Nay, [257] I will confeſs, that, urged by this conſideration, I have actually ſent notice to her brother, of the progreſs I ſuſpect you have made in her affection, and deſired him to take his pre⯑cautions accordingly."—’Alarmed and pro⯑voked at this information, I told his lordſhip, that I did not ſee how he could reconcile that piece of conduct with his profeſſion of open dealing, and flung away from him in a paſſion.

As I walked homeward, in hopes of hearing from my miſtreſs as uſual by means of Miſs Williams, I was ſurprized with the waving of a handkerchief, from the window of a coach and ſix that paſſed by me at full ſpeed; and upon further obſervation, I ſaw a ſervant on horſe-back riding after it, who, I knew by his livery, be⯑longed to the Squire.—Thunderſtruck with this diſcovery, the knowledge of my misfortune ruſhed all at once upon my reflection! I gueſſed immediately that the ſignal was made by the dear hand of Narciſſa, who being hurried away in conſequence of Lord Quiverwit's meſſage to her brother, had no other method of relating her diſtreſs, and imploring my aſſiſtance.—Frantick with this conjecture, I run to my lodging, ſnatched my piſtols, and ordered Strap to get poſt-horſes, with ſuch incoherence of ſpeech and diſorder, that the poor valet, terrified with the ſuſpicion of another duel, inſtead of providing what I deſired, went forthwith to Freeman, who being informed of my be⯑haviour, came ſtreight to my apartment, and conjured me ſo pathetically to acquaint him with the cauſe of my uneaſineſs, that I could not refuſe to tell him my happineſs was fled with Narciſſa, and that I muſt retrieve [258] her or periſh. He repreſented the madneſs of ſuch an undertaking, and endeavoured to divert me from it with great ſtrength of friendſhip and reaſon: But all his arguments would have been ineffectual, had he not put me in mind of the dependance I ought to have on the love of Nar⯑ciſſa, and attachment of her maid, which could not fail of finding opportunities enow to adver⯑tiſe me of their ſituation; and at the ſame time, demonſtrated the injury my charmer's reputation muſt ſuffer from my precipitate retreat. I was convinced and compoſed by theſe conſiderations: I appeared in publick with an air of tranquility, was well received by the beſt company in town, and my misfortune taking air, condoled accord⯑ingly; while I had the ſatisfaction of ſeeing Melinda ſo univerſally diſcountenanced, that ſhe was fain to return to London, in order to avoid the ſcoffs and cenſure of the ladies at Bath.—But though the hope of hearing from the darling of my ſoul ſupported my ſpirits a little while, I began to be very uneaſy, when at the end of ſeveral weeks, I found that expectation diſap⯑pointed.—In ſhort, melancholy and deſpondence took poſſeſſion of my ſoul; and repining at that providence, which by acting the ſtepmother to⯑wards me, kept me from the fruition of my wiſhes, I determined, in a fit of deſpair, to riſk all I had at the gaming table, with a view of acquiring a fortune ſufficient to render me inde⯑pendant for life; or of plunging myſelf into ſuch a ſtate of miſery, as would effectually cruſh every ambitious hope that now tortured my imagination.

Actuated by this fatal reſolution, I engaged in play, and after ſome turns of fortune, found my⯑ſelf, [259] at the end of three days, worth a thouſand pounds; but it was not my intention to ſtop there, for which cauſe I kept Strap ignorant of my ſucceſs, and continued my career, until I was reduced to five guineas, which I would have hazarded alſo, had I not been aſhamed to fall from a bett of two hundred pounds to ſuch a petty ſum.

Having thus executed my ſcheme, I went home, amazed to find myſelf ſo much at eaſe, and informed my friend Strap of my miſchance, with ſuch calmneſs, that he imagining I joked, affected to receive the tidings with great equani⯑mity.—But both he and I found ourſelves miſtaken very ſoon.—I had miſinterpreted my own ſtupidity into deliberate reſignation, and he had reaſon to believe me in earneſt, when he ſaw me next morning agitated with the moſt violent deſpair, which he endeavoured to alleviate with all the conſolation in his power.

In one of my lucid intervals, however, I charged him to take a place in the ſtage coach for London; and in the mean time, pay'd my debts in Bath, which amounted to thirty ſhillings only.—Without taking leave of my friends I embarked, Strap having the good fortune to find a return horſe, and arrived in town, without having met with any thing remarkable on the road; ſave that, while we croſſed Bagſhot Heath, I was ſeized with a ſort of inclination to retrieve my fortune, by laying paſſengers under contribu⯑tion, in ſome ſuch place.—My thoughts were ſo circumſtanced at this time, that I ſhould have digeſted the crime of robbery, ſo righteouſly had I concerted my plan, and ventured my life in the [260] execution, had I not been deterred by reflecting upon the infamy that attends detection.

The apartment I formerly lived in being un⯑engaged, I took poſſeſſion of it, and next day went in queſt of Banter, who received me with open arms, in expectation of having his bond diſ⯑charged to his liking: But when he underſtood what had happened, his countenance changed of a ſudden; and he told me, with a dryneſs of diſpleaſure peculiar to himſelf, that if he was in my place, he would put it out of fortune's power to play him ſuch another trick, and be avenged of his own indiſcretion at once.—When I deſired him to explain his meaning, he pointed to his neck, raiſed himſelf on his tip-toes, and was going away without any further ceremony, when I put him in mind of my indigence, and de⯑manded the five guineas I had formerly lent him. ‘"Five guineas! (cried he) Zounds! had you acted with common prudence you might have had twenty thouſand in your pocket by this time.—I depended upon five hundred from you, as much as if I had had notes for it in the bank; and by all the rules of equity, you are indebted to me for that ſum."—’I was nei⯑ther pleaſed nor convinced by this computation, and inſiſted on my right with ſuch determined obſtinacy, that he was fain to alter his tone, and appeaſe my clamour, by aſſuring me, that he was not maſter of five ſhillings.—Society in diſtreſs, generally promotes good underſtanding among people; from being a dun, I deſcended to be a client, and aſked his advice about repair⯑ing my loſſes.—He counſelled me to have recourſe again to the gaming table, where I had ſucceeded [261] ſo well before, and to put myſelf in a condition, by ſelling my watch.—I followed his directions, and having accommodated him with a few pieces, went to the place, where I loſt every ſhilling.

I returned to my lodgings full of deſperate re⯑ſolution, and having made Strap acquainted with my fate, ordered him to pawn my ſword im⯑mediately, that I might be enabled to make a⯑nother effort.—This affectionate creature no ſooner underſtood my purpoſe, than ſeized with inſuppreſſible ſorrow at the proſpect of my mi⯑ſery, he burſt into tears, and aſked what I pro⯑poſed to do after the ſmall ſum he could raiſe on the ſword ſhould be ſpent: ‘"On my own ac⯑count (ſaid he) I am quite unconcerned; for while God ſpares me health and theſe ten fingers, I can earn a comfortable ſubſiſtence any where; but what muſt become of you, who have leſs humility to ſtoop, and more appetites to grati⯑fy."—’Here I interrupted him, by ſaying, with a gloomy aſpect, I could never want a reſource while I had a loaded piſtol in poſſeſſion.—Stupified with horror, at this dreadful inſinuation, he ſtood mute for ſome time, and then broke out into ‘"God of his infinite mercy enable you to with⯑ſtand that temptation of the devil!—conſider your immortal ſoul—there's no repentance in the grave!—O Lord! that ever it ſhould come to this—Are we not enjoined to reſign ourſelves to the will of heaven?—where is your patience?—Durum patientia frango—you are but a young man—there may be many good things in ſtore for you—accidit in puncto, quid non ſperatur in anno—remember your [262] uncle, Mr. Bowling; perhaps he is now on his voyage homeward, pleaſing himſelf with the hopes of finding and relieving you—nay, per⯑adventure he is already arrived, the ſhip was expected about this time."—’A ray of hope ſhot athwart the darkneſs of my ſoul, at this ſuggeſtion; I thanked my friend for his ſeaſonable recollection, and after having promiſed to take no reſolution till his return, diſmiſſed him to Wapping for intelligence.

In his abſence I was viſited by Banter, who being informed of my bad luck at play, told me, that fortune would probably be one day weary of perſecuting me, ‘"In the mean time, (ſaid he) here's a letter for you, which I received juſt now incloſed in one from Freeman."—’I ſnatched it with eagerneſs, and knowing the ſuperſcription to be of Narciſſa's hand-writing, kiſſed it with tranſport, and having opened it, read

IT is with great difficulty, that I have ſtolen from the obſervation of thoſe ſpies who are ſet over me, this opportunity of telling you, that I was ſuddenly carried away from Bath, by my brother, who was informed of our correſpondence by Lord Quiverwit, whom, I ſince underſtand, you have wounded in a duel on my account.—As I am fully convinced of your honour and love, I hope I ſhall never hear of ſuch deſperate proofs of either for the future.—I am ſo ſtrictly watched, that it will be impoſſible for you to ſee me, until my brother's ſuſpicion ſhall abate, or heaven contrive ſome other unfore⯑ſeen [263] event in our behalf.—In the mean time, you may depend on the conſtancy and affection of

Your own NARCISSA.

P. S. Miſs Williams, who is my fellow pri⯑ſoner, deſires to be remembered to you—We are both in good health, and only in pain for you, eſpecially, as it will be impracticable for you to convey any meſ⯑ſage or letter to the place of our con⯑finement—for which reaſon, pray deſiſt from the attempt, that by miſcarry⯑ing muſt prolong our captivity.

N—.

This kind letter afforded me great conſola⯑tion: I communicated it to Banter, and at the ſame time, ſhewed him her picture: He ap⯑proved her beauty and good ſenſe, and could not help owning, that my neglect of Miſs Snap⯑per was excuſable, when ſuch a fine creature engroſſed my attention.

I began to be reconciled to my fate, and ima⯑gined, that if I could contrive means of ſubſiſt⯑ing until my uncle ſhould arrive, in caſe he was not already at home, that he would enable me to do ſomething effectual in behalf of my love and fortune—I therefore conſulted Banter about a preſent ſupply, who no ſooner under⯑ſtood that I had credit with a taylor, than he adviſed me to take off two or three ſuits of [264] rich cloaths and convert them into caſh, by ſel⯑ling them at half price to a ſaleſman in Mon⯑mouth-ſtreet.—I was a little ſtartled at his pro⯑poſal, which I thought ſavoured a little of fraud; but he rendered it palatable, by obſerving, that in a few months, I might be in a condition to do every body juſtice; and in the mean time, I was acquitted by the honeſty of my intention—I ſuffered myſelf to be perſuaded by his ſalvo, by which my neceſſity, rather than my judgment, was convinced; and when I found there were no accounts of the ſhip in which my uncle em⯑barked, actually put the ſcheme in practice, and raiſed by it, five and twenty guineas, paying him for his advice with the odd five.

CHAP. LXI.

[265]

I am arreſted—carried to the Marſhalſea—find my old acquaintance beau Jackſon in that jail—he informs me of his adventures—Strap arrives, and with difficulty is com⯑forted—Jackſon introduces me to a poet—I admire his converſation and capacity—am deeply affected with my misfortune—Strap hires himſelf as a journeyman-barber.

BUT this expedient was in a few weeks at⯑tended with a conſequence I did not foreſee: a player having purchaſed one of the ſuits which were expoſed to ſale, appeared in it on the ſtage one night, while my taylor unfortunately happen⯑ed to be preſent.—He knew it immediately, and enquiring minutely into the affair, diſcovered my whole contrivance: upon which he came to my lodgings, and telling me that he was very much ſtraitened for want of money, preſented his bill, which amounted to 50l.—Surprized at this un⯑expected addreſs, I affected to treat him cava⯑lierly, ſwore ſome oaths, aſked if he doubted my honour, and, telling him I ſhould take care who I dealt with for the future, bid him come again in three days.—He obeyed me punctually, de⯑manded his money, and finding himſelf amuſed with bare promiſes, arreſted me that very day in the ſtreet.—I was not much ſhocked at this ad⯑venture, which, indeed, reſcued me from a hor⯑rible [266] ſuſpence in which I had lived ſince his firſt viſit. I refuſed to go to a ſpunging-houſe, where I had heard there was nothing but the moſt fla⯑grant impoſition; and a coach being called, I was carried to the Marſhalſea, attended by a bailiff and his follower, who were very much diſappointed and chagrined at my reſolution.

The turnkey gueſſing, from my appearance, that I had got money in my pocket, received me with the repetition of the Latin word depone, and gave me to underſtand, that I muſt pay be⯑fore-hand for the apartment I ſhould chuſe to dwell in.—ſ deſired to ſee his conveniencies, and hired a ſmall, paultry bed-chamber, for a crown a week, which, in any other place, would not have let at eighteen-pence.—Having taken poſſeſſion of this diſmal habitation, I ſent for Strap, and my thoughts were buſied in collecting matter of conſolation to that faithful ſquire, when ſomebody knocked at my door, which I no ſooner opened, than a young fellow entered, in very ſhabby cloaths and marvellous foul linnen. After a low bow, he called me by my name, and aſked if I had forgot him. His voice aſſiſted me in recollecting this perſon, whom I ſoon re⯑cognized to be my old acquaintance beau Jackſon, of whom mention is made in the firſt part of my memoirs.—I ſaluted him, expreſſed my ſa⯑tisfaction at finding him alive, and condoled with him on his preſent ſituation; which, how⯑ever, did not ſeem to affect him much, for he laughed very heartily at the occaſion of our meet⯑ing ſo unexpectedly in this place. After our mutual compliments were over, I enquired about his amour with the lady of fortune, which ſeem'd to be ſo near an happy concluſion when I had the [267] pleaſure of ſeeing him laſt: and after an immode⯑rate fit of laughter, he gave me to underſtand, that he had been egregiouſly bit in that affair.—‘"You muſt know, (ſaid ſhe) that a few days after our adventure with the bawd and her b—ches, I found means to be married to that ſame fine lady you ſpeak of, and paſſed the night with her at her lodgings, ſo much to her ſatisfaction, that early in the morning, after a good deal of ſniveling and ſobbing, ſhe owned, that ſo far from being an heireſs of a great fortune, ſhe was no other than a com⯑mon woman of the town, who had decoyed me into matrimony, in order to enjoy the pri⯑vilege of a ſemme couverte; and that, unleſs I made my eſcape immediately, I ſhould be arreſted for a debt of her contracting, by bai⯑liffs employed and inſtructed for that purpoſe.—Startled at this intimation, I got up in a twinkling, and taking leave of my ſpouſe with ſeveral hearty damns, got ſafe into the verge of the court; where I kept ſnug, until I was appointed ſurgeon's mate of a man of war at Portſmouth; for which place I ſet out on a Sunday, went on board of my ſhip, in which I ſailed to the Straits, where I had the good fortune to be made ſurgeon of a ſloop that came home in a few months after, and was put out of commiſſion: whereupon I came to London, imagining myſelf forgotten and freed from my wife and her creditors; but had not been in town a week before I was arreſted for a debt her's, amounting to 20l. and brought to this place, where I have been fixed by another action ſince that time.—However, you know my diſpoſition; I defy care and [268] anxiety; and being on the half-pay liſt, make ſhift to live here tolerably eaſy."—’I congra⯑tulated him on his philoſophy, and remembring that I was in his debt, repay'd the money he formerly lent me, which, I believe, was far from being unſeaſonable. I then enquired about the oeconomy of the place, which he explained to my ſatisfaction; and after we had agreed to meſs together, he was juſt going to give orders for dinner when Strap arrived.

I never in my life ſaw ſorrow ſo extravagantly expreſſed in any countenance, as in that of my honeſt friend, which was, indeed, particularly adapted by nature for ſuch impreſſions.—Being left by ourſelves, I communicated to him my diſaſter, and endeavoured to conſole him with the ſame arguments he had formerly uſed to me, withal repreſenting the fair chance I had of being relieved, in a ſhort time, by Mr. Bowling.—But his grief was unutterable; he ſeemed to give attention without liſtening, and wrung his hands in ſilence; ſo that I was in a fair way of being infected with his behaviour, when Jackſon returned, and perceiving the de⯑ference I payed to Strap, altho' in a footman's habit, diſtributed his crumbs of comfort with ſuch mirth, jollity and unconcern, that the fea⯑tures of the diſtreſſed ſquire relaxed by degrees, he recovered the uſe of ſpeech, and begun to be a little more reconciled to this lamentable event.—We dined together on beiled beef and greens, brought from a cook's ſhop in the neighbour⯑hood: and altho' this meal was ſerved up in a manner little correſponding with the ſphere of life in which I had lately lived, I made a virtue of neceſſity, eat with good appetite, and treated [269] my friends with a bottle of wine, which had the deſired effect, of increaſing the good humour of my fellow-priſoner, and exhilarating the ſpirits of Strap, who now talked of my misfortune en Cavalier.

After dinner Jackſon leſt us to our private af⯑fairs; when I deſired my friend to pack up all our things, and carry them to ſome cheap lodg⯑ing he ſhould chuſe for himſelf in the neighbour⯑hood of the Marſhalſea, after he had diſcharged my lodging, for which I gave him money.—I likewiſe recommended to him the keeping my misfortune ſecret, and ſaying to my landlord, or any other who ſhould enquire for me, that I was gone into the country for a few weeks: at the ſame time I laid ſtrong injunctions upon him to call every ſecond day upon Banter, in caſe he ſhould receive any letters for me from Narciſſa, by the canal of Freeman; and by all means to leave a direction for himſelf, at my uncle's lodg⯑ings in Wapping, by which I might be found when my kinſman ſhould arrive.

When he departed to execute theſe orders, (which, by the bye, were punctually perform'd that very night) I found myſelf ſo little ſeaſoned to my ſituation, that I dreaded reflection, and ſought ſhelter from it in the company of the beau, who, promiſing to regale me with a lecture upon taſte, conducted me to the common ſide, where I ſaw a number of naked miſerable wretches aſſembled together.—We had not been here many minutes, when a figure appeared, wrapp'd in a dirty rug, tied about his loins with two pieces of liſt, of different colours, knotted together; having a black buſhy beard, and his head co⯑vered with a huge maſs of brown periwig, which [270] ſeemed to have been raviſhed from the crown of ſome ſcare crow.—This apparition, ſtalking in with great ſolemnity, made a profound bow to the audience, who ſignified their approbation by a general reſponſe of ‘"How d'ye do, doctor?"’ He then turned towards us, and honoured Jack⯑ſon with a particular ſalutation: upon which my friend, in a formal manner, introduced him to me, by the name of Mr. Melopoyn.—This ce⯑remony being over, he advanced into the middle of the congregation, which crowded around him, and hemming three times, to my utter aſtoniſh⯑ment, pronounced with great ſignificance of voice and geſture, a very elegant and ingenious diſ⯑courſe upon the difference between genius and taſte, illuſtrating his aſſertions with apt quotations from the beſt authors, ancient as well as modern. When he had finiſhed his harangue, which laſted a full hour, he bowed again to the ſpectators; not one of whom (I was informed) underſtood ſo much as a ſentence of what he uttered. They manifeſted, however, their admiration and eſteem by voluntary contribution, which, Jackſon told me, one week with another, amounted to eigh⯑teen pence.—This moderate ſtipend, together with ſome ſmall preſents that he received for making up differences, and deciding cauſes a⯑mongſt the priſoners, juſt enabled him to breathe and walk about in the groteſque figure I have deſcribed.—I underſtood alſo, that he was an excellent poet, and had compoſed a tragedy, which was allowed, by every body who had ſeen it, to be a performance of great merit; that his learning was infinite, his morals unexceptionable, and his modeſty invincible.—Such a character could not fail of attracting my regard; I longed [271] impatiently to be better acquainted with him, and deſired Jackſon would engage him to ſpend the evening in my apartment.—My requeſt was granted, he favoured us with his company, and in the courſe of our converſation, perceiving that I was not illiterate, and that I had a ſtrong paſ⯑ſion for the Belle Lettres, acquitted himſelf ſo well on that ſubject, that I expreſſed a ſervent deſire of ſeeing his productions.—In this too be gratified my inclination:—he promiſed to bring his tragedy to my room next day, and, in the mean time, entertained me with ſome detach'd pieces, which gave me a very advantageous idea of his poetical talent.—Among other things I was particularly pleaſed with ſome elegies, in imitation of Tibullus; one of which I beg leave to ſubmit to the reader, as a ſpecimen of his com⯑plexion and capacity.

I.WHere now are all my flatt'ring dreams of joy!
Monimia, give my ſoul her wonted reſt;—
Since firſt thy beauty fix'd my roving eye,
Heart-gnawing cares corrode my penſive breaſt!

II.Let happy lovers fly where pleaſures call,
With feſtive ſongs beguile the fleeting hour;
Lead beauty thro' the mazes of the ball,
Or preſs her wanton in love's roſeate bow'r.

[272]III.

For me, no more I'll range th' empurpled mead,

Where ſhepherds pipe, and virgins dance around;

Nor wander thro' the woodbine's fragrant ſhade,

To hear the muſic of the grove reſound.

IV.I'll ſeek ſome lonely church, or dreary hall,
Where fancy paints the glimm'ring taper blue,
Where damps hang mould'ring on the ivy'd wall,
And ſheeted ghoſts drink up the midnight dew;

V.There leagu'd with hopeleſs anguiſh and deſpair,
A-while in ſilence o'er my fate repine;
Then, with a long farewel to love and care,
To kindred duſt my weary limbs conſign.

VI.Wilt thou, Monimia, ſhed a gracious tear
On the cold grave where all my ſorrows reſt?
Wilt thou ſtrew flow'rs, applaud my love ſincere,
And bid the turf lie light upon my breaſt!

I was wonderfully affected with this pathetic complaint, which ſeem'd ſo well calculated for my own diſappointment in love, that I could not help attaching the idea of Narciſſa to the name [273] of Monimia, and of forming ſuch melancholy preſages of my paſſion, that I could not recover my tranquility; and was fain to have recourſe to the bottle, which prepared me for a profound ſleep that I would not otherwiſe have enjoyed.—Whether theſe impreſſions invited and intro⯑duced a train of other melancholy reflections, or my fortitude was all exhauſted in the effort I made againſt deſpondence, the firſt day of my impri⯑ſonment, I cannot determine; but I awaked in the horrors, and found my imagination haunted with ſuch diſmal apparitions, that I was ready to deſpair:—and believe the reader will own, that I had no great cauſe to congratulate myſelf, when I conſidered my ſituation.—I was inter⯑rupted in the midſt of theſe gloomy apprehen⯑ſions by the arrival of Strap, who contributed not a little to the re-eſtabliſhment of my peace, by letting me know that he had hired himſelf as a journeyman barber; by which means he would not only ſave me a conſiderable expence, but even make ſhift to lay up ſomething for my ſub⯑ſiſtence after my money ſhould be ſpent, in caſe I ſhould not be relieved before.

CHAP. LXII.

[274]

I read Melopogn's tragedy, and conceive a vaſt opinion of his genius—he recounts his adventures.

WHILE we eat our breakfaſt together, I acquainted him with the character and con⯑dition of the poet, who came in with his play at that inſtant, and imagining we were engaged about buſineſs, could not be prevailed upon to ſit; but leaving his performance, went away.—My friend's tender heart was melted at the ſight of a gentleman and Chriſtian (for he had a great ve⯑neration for both theſe epithits) in ſuch miſery; and aſſented with great chearfulneſs to a propoſal I made of cloathing him with our ſuperfluities; a taſk with which he charged himſelf, and de⯑parted immediately to perform it.

He was no ſooner gone, than I locked my door and ſat down to the tragedy, which I read to the end with vaſt pleaſure, not a little amazed at the conduct of the managers who had rejected it.—The fable, in my opinion was well choſen, and naturally conducted, the incidents intereſt⯑ing, the characters beautifully contraſted, ſtrongly marked, and well ſupported; the diction poeti⯑cal, ſpirited and correct; the unities of the drama maintained with the moſt ſcrupulous exactneſs; the opening gradual and engaging; the [...] ſurprizing, and the cataſtrophe affecting: In [275] ſhort, I judged it by the laws of Ariſtotle and Horace, and could find nothing in it exceptionable, but a little too much embelliſhment in ſome few places, which objection he removed to my ſatis⯑faction, by a quotation from Ariſtotle's poetics, importing, that the leaſt intereſting parts of a poem ought to be raiſed and dignified by the charms and energy of diction.

I revered his genius, and was ſeized with an eager curioſity to know the particular events of a fortune ſo unworthy of his merit.—At that in⯑ſtant Strap returned with a bundle of cloaths, which I ſent with my compliments to Mr. Me⯑lopoyn, as a ſmall token of my regard, and de⯑ſired the favour of his company to dinner.—He accepted my preſent and invitation, and in leſs than half an hour made his appearance in a decent dreſs, which altered his figure very much to his advantage.—I perceived by his countenance, that his heart was big with gratitude, and endeavoured to prevent his acknowledgments, by aſking par⯑don for the liberty I had taken; he made no reply, but with an aſpect full of admiration and eſteem, bowed to the ground, while the tears guſhed from his eyes.—Affected with theſe ſymp⯑toms of an ingenuous mind, I ſhifted the conver⯑ſation from this ſubject, and complimented him on his performance, which I aſſured him, afforded me infinite pleaſure.—My approbation made him happy; dinner being ſerved, and Jackſon arrived, I begged their permiſſion for Strap to ſit at table with us, after having informed them, that he was a perſon to whom I was extremely obliged; they were kind enough to grant that ſavour, and we eat together with great harmony and ſatis⯑faction.

[276] Our meal being ended, I expreſſed my wonder at the little regard Mr. Melopoyn had met with from the world; and ſignified a deſire of hearing how he had been treated by the managers of the play-houſes, to whom, I underſtood from Jack⯑ſon, he had offered his tragedy, without ſucceſs.—‘"There is ſo little entertaining in the inci⯑dents of my life (ſaid he) that I am ſure the recital will not recompence your attention; but ſince you diſcover an inclination to know them, I underſtand my duty too well to diſap⯑point your deſire.’

MY father, who was a curate in the country, being by the narrowneſs of his circum⯑ſtances, hindred from maintaining me at the uni⯑verſity, took the charge of my education upon himſelf, and laboured with ſuch induſtry and concern in the undertaking, that I had little cauſe to regret the want of publick maſters.—Being at great pains to conſult my natural byaſs, he diſcovered in me betimes, an inclination for poetry; upon which he recommended to me an intimate acquaintance with the claſſicks, in the cultivation of which, he aſſiſted me with paternal zeal and uncommon erudition.—When he thought me ſufficiently acquainted with the an⯑cients, he directed my ſtudies to the beſt modern authors, French and Italian as well as Engliſh, and laid a particular injunction upon me, to make myſelf maſter of my mother tongue.

About the age of eighteen, I grew ambitious of undertaking a work of ſome conſequence; and with my father's approbation, actually plan⯑ned the tragedy you have read; but before I had finiſhed four acts, that indulgent parent died, [277] and left my mother and me in very indigent circumſtances.—A near relation compaſſionating our diſtreſs, took us into his family, where I brought my fable to a concluſion; and ſoon after, my mother quitted this life.—When my ſorrow for this melancholy event had ſubſided, I told my kinſman, who was a farmer, that having paid my laſt duty to my parent, I had now no attachment to detain me in the country, and therefore was reſolved to ſet out for London, and offer my play to the ſtage, where I did not doubt of acquiring a large ſhare of fame as well as fortune; in which caſe I ſhould not be unmind⯑ful of my friends and benefactors.—My couſin was raviſhed with the proſpect of my felicity, and willingly contributed towards the expence of fit⯑ting me out for my expedition.

Accordingly, I took a place in the waggon, and arrived in town, where I hired an apart⯑ment in a garret, willing to live as frugally as poſſible, until I ſhould know what I had to ex⯑pect from the manager, to whom I intended to offer my play.—For though I looked upon my⯑ſelf as perfectly ſecure of a good reception, ima⯑gining that a patentee would be as eager to re⯑ceive, as I to preſent my production; I did not know whether or not he might be pre-engaged in favour of another author, which would cer⯑tainly retard my ſucceſs.—On this conſideration too, I determined to be ſpeedy in my application, and even to wait upon one of the managers, the very next day. For this purpoſe, I enquired of my landlord, if he knew where either, or both of them lived; and he being curious to know my buſineſs, and at the ſame time, appearing to be a very honeſt friendly man (a tallow-chandler) [278] I made him acquainted with my deſign; upon which he told me, that I went the wrong way to work; that I would not find ſuch eaſy acceſs to a manager as I imagined; and that if I delivered my per⯑formance without proper recommendation, it would be as one to a thouſand if ever it ſhould be minded.—‘"Take my advice (ſaid he) and your buſineſs is done.—One of the patentees is a good catholick, as I am, and uſes the ſame father who confeſſes me.—I will make you acquainted with this good prieſt, who is an excellent ſcholar, and if he ſhall approve of your play, his recommendation will go a great way in determining Mr. Supple to bring it on the ſtage."—’I applauded his expedient, and was introduced to the friar, who having peruſed the tragedy, was pleaſed to ſignify his approba⯑tion, and commended me in particular, for hav⯑ing avoided all reflections upon religion.—He promiſed to uſe all his influence with his ſon Supple, in my behalf, and to inform himſelf that very day, when it would be proper for me to wait upon him with the piece.—He was punctual in performing his engagement, and next morning gave me to underſtand, that he had mentioned my affair to the manager, and that I had no more to do, than to go to his houſe any time in the forenoon, and make uſe of his name, upon which I would find immediate admittance.—I took his advice, put my performance in my boſom, and having received directions, went im⯑mediately to the houſe of Mr. Supple, and knocked at the door, that had a wicket in the middle, faced with a net-work of iron, through which a ſervant having viewed me ſome time, demanded to know my buſineſs.—I told him, my buſineſs [279] was with Mr. Supple, and that I came from Mr. O Varniſh.—He examined my appearance once more, then went away, returned in a few mi⯑nutes, and ſaid his maſter was buſy and could not be ſeen.—Although I was a little mortified at my diſappointment, I was perſuaded that my reception was owing to Mr. Supple's ignorance of my errand; and that I might meet with no more obſtructions of the ſame kind, I deſired Mr. O Varniſh to be my introductor the next time.—He complied with my requeſt, and obtained immediate admittance to the ma⯑nager, who received me with the utmoſt civility, and promiſed to read my play with the firſt con⯑venience.—By his own appointment I called again in a fortnight, but he was gone out; I returned in a week after, and the poor gentleman was ex⯑tremely ill; I renewed my viſit in a fortnight after that, and he aſſured me, he had been ſo much fatigued with buſineſs, that he had not been able as yet to read it to an end; but he would take the firſt opportunity; and in the mean time, obſerved, that what he had yet ſeen of it was very entertaining.—I comforted myſelf with this declaration a few weeks longer, at the end of which I appeared again before his wicket, was let in, and found him laid up with the gout. I no ſooner entered his chamber, than looking at me with a languiſhing eye, he pronounced, ‘"Mr. Melopoyn, I'm heartily ſorry for an ac⯑cident that has happened during my illneſs—you muſt know, that my eldeſt boy, finding your manuſcript upon the table, in the dining⯑room, where I uſed to read it, carried it into the kitchin, and leaving it there, a negligent wench of a cook maid, miſtaking it for waſte⯑paper, [280] has expended it all but a few leaves in ſingeing fouls upon the ſpit—But I hope the misfortune is not irreparable, ſince, no doubt, you have ſeveral copies."’

I proteſt to you, my good friend Mr. Random, I was extremely ſhocked at this information! but the good-natured gentleman ſeemed to be ſo much affected with my misfortune, that I ſup⯑preſſed my concern, and told him, that altho' I had not another copy, I ſhould be able to retrieve the loſs by writing another from my memory, which was very tenacious. You cannot imagine how well pleaſed Mr. Supple was at this aſſurance; he begged I would ſet about it immediately, and carefully re⯑volve and recollect every circumſtance, before I pretended to commit it to paper, that it might be the ſame individual play that he had peruſed.—Encouraged by this injunction, which plainly demonſtrated how much he intereſted himſelf in the affair, I taſked my remembrance and induſtry, and in three weeks produced the exact image of the former, which was conveyed to him by my good friend, father O Varniſh, who let me know next day, that Mr. Supple would reviſe it ſuper⯑ficially, in order to judge of its ſameneſs with the other, and then give his final anſwer.—For this examination I allotted a week; and in full confidence of ſeeing it acted in a little while, de⯑manded an audience of the manager, when that term was expired.—But alas! the ſeaſon had ſlipt away inſenſibly; he convinced me, that if my play had been put into rehearſal at that time, it could not have been ready for performing, until the end of March, when the benefit nights come on; conſequently it would have interfered with [281] the intereſt of the players, whom it was not my buſineſs to diſoblige.

I was fain to acquieſce in theſe reaſons, which to be ſure were extremely juſt; and to reſerve my performance to the next ſeaſon, when he hoped I would not be ſo unlucky.—Although it was a grievous diſappointment to me, who by this time, began to want both money and neceſ⯑ſaries; having, on the ſtrength of my expecta⯑tion from the theatre, launched out into ſome extravagancies, by which the ſum I brought to town was already almoſt conſumed.—Indeed, I ought to be aſhamed at this circumſtance of my conduct: For my finances were ſufficient, with good oeconomy, to have maintained me comfor⯑tably a whole year.—You will perhaps be amazed when I tell you, that in ſix months, I expended not a farthing leſs than ten guineas: But when one conſiders the temptations to which a young man is expoſed in this great city, eſpe⯑cially if he is addicted to pleaſure as I am, the wonder will vaniſh, or at leaſt abate.—Nor was the cauſe of my concern limited to my own ſi⯑tuation entirely: I had wrote an account of my good reception to my kinſman the farmer, and de⯑ſired him to depend upon me for the money he had kindly accommodated me with, about the end of February: which promiſe I now found myſelf unable to perform.—However, there was no remedy but patience: I applied to my land⯑lord, who was a very good-natured man, candid⯑ly owned my diſtreſs, and begged his advice in laying down ſome plan for my ſubſiſtence.—He readily promiſed to conſult his confeſſor on this ſubject, and in the mean time, told me, I was welcome to lodge and board with him, until for⯑tune [282] ſhould put it in my power to make reſtitu⯑tion.

Mr. O Varniſh being informed of my neceſ⯑ty, offered to introduce me to the author of a weekly paper, who, he did not doubt, would em⯑ploy me in that way, provided he ſhould find me duly qualified; but upon enquiry, I underſtood, that this journal was calculated to foment divi⯑ſions in the commonwealth, and therefore I de⯑ſired to be excuſed from engaging in it.—He then propoſed that I ſhould write ſomething in the poetical way, which I might diſpoſe of to a bookſeller for a pretty ſum of ready money, and perhaps eſtabliſh my own character into the bar⯑gain; this event would infallibly procure friends; and my tragedy would appear next ſeaſon to the beſt advantage, by being ſupported both by in⯑tereſt and reputation.—I was charmed with this proſpect, and having heard what friends Mr. Pope required by his paſtorals, ſet about a work of that kind, and in leſs than ſix weeks, compoſed as many ecclogues, which I forthwith offered to an eminent bookſeller, who deſired I would leave them for his peruſal, and he would give me an anſwer in two days.—At the end of that time, I went to him, when he returned the poems, tell⯑ing me, they would not anſwer his purpoſe, and ſweetned his refuſal, by ſaying there were ſome good clever lines in them.—Not a little dejected at his rebuff, which, I learned from Mr. O Var⯑niſh, was owing to the opinion of another author, whom this bookſeller always conſulted on theſe occaſions, I applied to another perſon of the ſame profeſſion, who told me, that the town was cloyed with paſtorals, and adviſed me, if I in⯑tended to profit by my talents, to write ſomething [283] ſatirical or luſcious, ſuch as the Button Hole, Shocky and Towzer, the Leaky Veſſel, &c.—and yet this was a man in years, who wore a reverend peri⯑wig, looked like a ſenator, and went regularly to church.—Be that as it will, I ſcorned to proſtitute my pen in the manner he propoſed, and carried my papers to a third, who aſſured me, that poetry was intirely out of his way; and aſked, if I had got never a piece of ſecret hi⯑ſtory, thrown into a ſeries of letters, or a volume of adventures, ſuch as thoſe of Robinſon Cruſoe, and Colonel Jack, or a collection of conundrums, wherewith to entertain the plantations.—Being quite unfurniſhed for this dealer, I had recourſe to another with as little ſucceſs, and I verily be⯑lieve was rejected by the whole trade.

I was afterwards perſuaded to offer myſelf as a tranſlator, and accordingly repaired to a perſon, who was ſaid to entertain numbers of that claſs in his pay; he aſſured me, he had already a great deal of that work on his hands, which he did not know what to do with; obſerved that tranſlation was a meer drug, that branch of li⯑terature being overſtocked by an inundation of au⯑thors from North-Britain; and aſked what I would expect per ſheet, for rendering the Latin claſſicks into Engliſh.—That I might not make myſelf too cheap, I determined to ſet a high price upon my qualifications, and demanded a guinea for every tranſlated ſheet.—‘"A guinea!’ (cried he, ſtaring at me) then pauſed a little, and ſaid, he had no occaſion for my ſervice at preſent.—I found my error, and reſolving to make amends, fell one half in my demand; upon which he ſtared at me again, and told me his hands were [284] full.—I attempted others, without finding em⯑ployment, and was actually reduced to a very un⯑comfortable proſpect, when I bethought myſelf of offering my talents to the printers of half⯑penny ballads, and other ſuch occaſional eſſays as are hawked about the ſtreets.—With this view, I applied to one of the moſt noted and vocife⯑rous of this tribe, who directed me to a perſon whom I found entertaining a whole crowd of them with gin, bread and cheeſe; he carried me into a little back parlour, very neatly furniſhed, where I ſignified my deſire of being enrolled a⯑mong his writers; and was aſked, what kind of compoſition I profeſſed?—Underſtanding that my inclination leaned towards poetry, he expreſſed his ſatisfaction, telling me, one of his poets had loſt his ſenſes, and was confined in Bedlam, and the other was become dozed with drinking drams; ſo that he had not done any thing tolerable theſe many weeks.—When I propoſed, that we ſhould enter into terms of agreement, he gave me to un⯑derſtand, that his bargains were always condi⯑tional, and his authors paid in proportion to the ſale of their works.

Having therefore ſettled theſe conditions, which (I do aſſure you) were not very advantageous to me, he aſſigned me a ſubject for a ballad, which was to be finiſhed in two hours; and I retired to my garret in order to perform his injunction.—As the theme happened to ſuit my fancy, I com⯑pleated a pretty ſort of an ode, within the time preſcribed, and brought it to him, big with hope of profit and applauſe. He read it in a twinkling, and to my utter aſtoniſhment, told me, it would not do; though indeed, he owned I wrote a good hand, and ſpelled very well, but my language [285] was too high flown, and of conſequence not at all adapted to the capacity and taſte of his cu⯑ſtomers.—I promiſed to rectify that miſtake, and in half an hour humbled my ſtile to the compre⯑henſion of vulgar readers; he approved of the alteration, and gave me ſome hopes of ſucceed⯑ing in time, though he obſerved, that my per⯑formance was very deficient in that quaintneſs of expreſſion that pleaſes the multitude: However, to encourage me, he ventured the expence of printing and paper, and, if I remember a-right, my ſhare of the ſale amounted to four pence half⯑penny.

From that day, I ſtudied the Grub-ſtreet man⯑ner with great diligence, and at length became ſuch a proficient, that my works were in great requeſt among the moſt polite of the chairmen, draymen, hackney-coachmen, footmen and ſerv⯑ing maids: Nay, I have enjoyed the pleaſure of ſeeing my productions adorned with cuts, paſted upon the wall as ornaments in beer-cellars and cobler's ſtalls; and have actually heard them ſung in clubs of ſubſtantial tradeſmen.—But empty praiſe (you know, my dear friend) will not ſupply the cravings of nature.—I found my⯑ſelf in danger of ſtarving in the midſt of all my fame; for of ten ſongs I compoſed, it was well if two had the good fortune to pleaſe.—For this reaſon I turned my thoughts to proſe, and during a tract of gloomy weather, publiſhed an apparition, on the ſubſtance of which I ſub⯑ſiſted very comfortably a whole month: I have made many a good meal upon a monſter; a rape has often afforded me great ſatisfaction; but a murder, well-timed, was my never-failing re⯑ſource. What then? I was a moſt miſerable ſlave to [286] my employers, who expected to be furniſhed at a minute's warning with proſe and verſe, juſt as they thought the circumſtances of the times re⯑quired, whether the inclination was abſent or pre⯑ſent. Upon my ſincerity, Mr. Random, I have been ſo much peſtered and beſieged by theſe chil⯑dren of clamour, that my life became a burden to me.

CHAP. LXII.

The continuation and concluſion of Mr. Melo⯑poyn's ſtory.

I Made ſhift, notwithſtanding, to maintain my⯑ſelf till the beginning of next winter, when I renewed my addreſſes to my friend Mr. Supple, and was moſt graciouſly received.—‘"I have been thinking of your affair Mr. Melopoyn, (ſaid he) and am determined to ſhew how far I have your intereſt at heart, by introducing you to a young nobleman of my acquaintance, who is remarkable for his fine taſte in dramatic writings, and is, beſide, a man of ſuch influ⯑ence, that if once he ſhould approve your play, his patronage will ſupport it againſt all the efforts of envy and ignorance: For I do aſſure you, that merit alone will not bring ſuc⯑ceſs.—I have already ſpoken of your perform⯑ance to Lord Rattle, and if you will call at my houſe, in a day or two, you ſhall have a letter of introduction to his lordſhip."—’I was ſenſibly touched with this mark of Mr. Supple's [287] friendſhip, and looking upon my affair as already done, went home and imparted my good fortune to my landlord, who, to render my appearance more acceptable to my patron, procured a ſuit of new cloaths for me on his own credit.

Not to trouble you with idle particulars, I carried my tragedy to his lordſhip's lodgings, and ſent it up along with Mr. Supple's letter, by one of his ſervants, who deſired me, by his lord's order, to return in a week.—I did ſo, and was admitted to his lordſhip, who received me very courteouſly, told me he had peruſed my play, which he thought, on the whole, was the beſt coup d'eſſai he had ever ſeen; but that he had marked ſome places in the margin, which he ima⯑gined might be altered for the better.—I was tranſported with this reception, and promiſed (with many acknowledgments of his lordſhip's generoſity) to be governed ſolely by his advice and direction.—‘"Well then (ſaid he) write another fair copy with the alterations I have propoſed, and bring it to me as ſoon as poſ⯑ſible, for I am reſolved to have it brought on the ſtage this winter."—’You may be ſure I ſet about this taſk with alacrity, and although I found his lordſhip's remarks much more nume⯑rous, and of leſs importance than I expected, I thought it was not my intereſt to diſpute upon trifles with my patron; therefore new-modelled it according to his deſire, in leſs than a month.

When I waited upon him with the manuſcript, I found one of the actors at breakfaſt with his lordſhip, who immediately introduced him to my acquaintance, and deſired him to read a ſcene of my play.—This he performed very much to my ſatisfaction, with regard to emphaſis and pro⯑nounciation; [288] but he ſignified his diſguſt at ſeve⯑ral words in every page, which I preſuming to defend, Lord Rattle told me, with a peremptory look, I muſt not pretend to diſpute with him, who had been a player theſe twenty years, and underſtood the oeconomy of the ſtage better than any man living. I was forced to ſubmit, and his lordſhip propoſed the ſame actor ſhould read the whole play, in the evening, before ſome gen⯑tlemen of his acquaintance, whom he would con⯑vene at his lodgings for that purpoſe.

I was preſent at the reading; and I proteſt to you, my dear friend, I never underwent ſuch a ſevere trial in the whole courſe of my life, as at that juncture! for although the player might be a very honeſt man and a good performer, he was exceſſively illiterate and aſſuming, and made a thouſand frivolous objections, which I was not permitted to anſwer: However, the piece was very much applauded on the whole; the gentle⯑men preſent, who I underſtood were men of fortune, promiſed to countenance and ſupport it as much as they could; and Lord Rattle aſſuring me, that he would act the part of a careful nurſe to it, deſired me to carry it home and alter it im⯑mediately according to their remarks:—I was fain to acquieſce in his determination, and fulfilled his injunctions with all the expedition in my power; but before I could preſent the new copy, my good friend Mr. Supple had diſpoſed of his property and patent to one Mr. Brayer; ſo that freſh intereſt was to be made with the new manager.—This taſk Lord Rattle undertook, having ſome acquaintance with him, and recom⯑mended my performance ſo ſtrongly, that it was received.

[289] I looked upon myſelf now, as upon the eve of reaping the fruits of all my labour: I waited a few days in expectation of its being put into rehearſal, and wondering at the delay, applied to my worthy patron, who excuſed Mr. Brayer on account of the multiplicity of buſineſs in which he was involved; and bid me beware of teizing the patentee.—I treaſured up this caution, and exerted my patience three weeks longer; at the end of which, his lordſhip gave me to under⯑ſtand that Mr. Brayer had read my play, and owned it had undubitable merit; but as he had long been pre-engaged to another author, he could not poſſibly repreſent it that ſeaſon; though if I would reſerve it for the next, and in the interim make ſuch alterations as he had propoſed by obſervations on the margin, I might depend upon his compliance.

Thunderſtruck at this diſappointment, I could not, for ſome minutes, utter one ſyllable: At length, however, I complained bitterly of the manager's inſincerity in amuſing me ſo long, when he knew from the beginning, that he could not gratify my deſire.—But his lordſhip reprimanded me for my freedom, ſaid Mr. Brayer was a man of honour, and imputed his behaviour with re⯑ſpect to me, to nothing elſe but forgetfulneſs.—And indeed I have had ſome reaſon ſince that time, to be convinced of his bad memory; for, in ſpite of appearances, I will not allow myſelf to in⯑terpret his conduct any other way.—Lord Rattle obſerving me very much affected with my diſap⯑pointment, offered his intereſt to bring on my play at the other houſe, which I eagerly accept⯑ing, he forthwith wrote a letter of recommenda⯑tion to Mr. Bellower, actor, and prime miniſter [290] to Mr. Vandal, proprietor of that theatre; and deſired me to deliver it with my tragedy, without loſs of time.—Accordingly, I haſtened to his houſe, where after having waited a whole hour in a lobby, I was admitted to his preſence, and my performance received with great ſtate.—He told me he was extremely buſy at preſent, but he would peruſe it as ſoon as poſſible; and bid me call again in a week. I took my leave, not a little aſtoniſhed at the port and ſupercilious beha⯑viour of this ſtage-player, who had not treated me with good manners; and began to think the dig⯑nity of a poet greatly impaired ſince the days of Euripedes and Sophocles; but all this was no⯑thing in compariſon of what I have ſince ob⯑ſerved.

Well, Mr. Random, I went back at the ap⯑pointed time, and was told that Mr. Bellower was engaged, and could not ſee me.—I repeated my viſit a few days after, and having waited a conſiderable time, was ſavoured with an audience, during which, he ſaid, he had not as yet read my play.—Nettled at this uſage, I could con⯑tain myſelf no longer, but telling him, I imagined he would have paid more deference to Lord Rattle's recommendation, demanded my manuſcript with ſome expreſſions of reſent⯑ment.—‘"Ay, (ſaid he, in a theatrical tone) with all my heart."—’Then pulling out a draw⯑er of the bureau at which he ſat, he took out a bundle, and threw it upon a table that was near him, pronouncing the word ‘"There,"’ with great diſdain.—I took it up, and perceiving with ſome ſurprize, that it was a comedy, told him, it did not belong to me; upon which he offered me another, which I alſo diſclaimed—A third was produced, and rejected for the ſame reaſon. At [291] length, he pulled out a whole handful, and ſpread them before me, ſaying, ‘"There are ſeven—take which you pleaſe—or take them all."—’I ſingled out my own, and went away, ſtruck dumb with admiration at what I had ſeen—not ſo much on account of his inſolence, as of the number of new plays, which from this cir⯑cumſtance, I concluded were yearly offered to the ſtage.—You may be ſure I did not fail to carry my complaint to my patron, who did not receive it with all the indignation I expected; but taxed me with precipitation, and told me, I muſt lay my account with bearing the humours of the players, if I intended to write for the ſtage.—‘"There is now no other remedy (ſaid he) but to keep it till the next ſeaſon for Mr. Brayer, and alter it at your leiſure, in the ſum⯑mer, according to his directions."—’I was now reduced to a terrible alternative, either to quit all hopes of my tragedy, from which I had all along promiſed myſelf a large ſhare of fortune and reputation, or to encounter eight long months of adverſity in preparing for, and expecting its appear⯑ance.—This laſt pennance, painful as it was, ſeemed moſt eligible to my reſtection at that time, and therefore I reſolved to undergo it.

Why ſhould I tire you with particulars of no conſequence? I wreſtled with extreme poverty, until the time of my probation was expired; and went to my Lord Rattle in order to remind him of my affair, when I underſtood, to my great concern, that his lordſhip was on the point of going abroad, and, which was ſtill more unfor⯑tunate for me, Mr. Brayer had gone into the country; ſo that my generous patron had it not in his power to introduce me perſonally, as he [292] intended: However, he wrote a very ſtrong let⯑ter to the manager in my favour, and put him in mind of the promiſe he had made in behalf of my play.

As ſoon as I was certified of Brayer's return, I went to his houſe with this letter, but was told he was gone out.—I called again next day early in the morning, received the ſame anſwer, and was deſired to leave my name and buſineſs; I did ſo, and returned the day after, when the ſervant ſtill affirmed that his maſter was gone abroad; though I perceived him, as I re⯑tired, obſerving me through a window.—In⯑cenſed at this diſcovery, I went to a coffee-houſe hard by, and incloſing his lordſhip's letter in one from myſelf, demanding a categorical anſwer, I ſent it to his houſe by a porter, who returned in a few minutes, and told me Mr. Brayer would be glad to ſee me at that inſtant.—I obeyed the ſummons, and was received with ſuch profuſion of compliments and apologies, that my reſent⯑ment immediately ſubſided, and I was even in pain for the concern which this honeſt man ſhewed at the miſtake of his ſervant, who, it ſeems, had been ordered to deny him to every body but me.—He expreſſed the utmoſt veneration for his good and noble friend Lord Rattle, whom he ſhould always be proud to ſerve; promiſed to peruſe the play with all diſpatch, and give me a meeting upon it; and as a teſtimony of his eſteem, made me a preſent of a general order for the ſeaſon, by which I would be admitted to any part of the theatre.—This was a very agreeable compli⯑ment to me, whoſe greateſt pleaſure conſiſted in ſeeing dramatic performances, and you need not doubt that I often availed myſelf of my privilege. [293] As I had an opportunity of being behind the ſcenes when I pleaſed, I frequently converſed with Mr. Brayer about my play, and aſked when he intended to put it into rehearſal, but he had always ſo much buſineſs upon his hands, that it remained with him unopened a conſiderable while; and I became very uneaſy about the ſeaſon, that waſted apace, when I ſaw in the papers, another new play ad⯑vertiſed, which had been written, offered, accepted and rehearſed in the compaſs of three months, without my knowledge or ſuſpicion.—You may eaſily gueſs how much I was confounded at this event! I own to you, that in the firſt tranſports of my anger, I ſuſpected Mr. Brayer of having acted towards me in the moſt pitiful, perfidious man⯑ner; and was actually glad at his diſappointment in the ſucceſs of his favourite piece, which by the ſtrength of art, lingered till the third night, and then died in a deplorable manner. But now that paſſion has no ſhare in my reflection, I am willing to aſcribe his behaviour to his want of me⯑mory or want of judgment, which, you know, are natural defects, that are more worthy of com⯑paſſion than reproach.

About this time, I happened to be in company with a gentlewoman, who having heard of my tragedy, told me, ſhe was acquainted with the wife of a gentleman, who was very well known to a lady, who had great intereſt with a perſon who was intimate with Earl Sheerwit, and that if I pleaſed, ſhe would uſe her influence in my be⯑half.—As this nobleman had the character of a Maecenas in the nation, and could ſtamp a value upon any work by his ſole countenance and ap⯑probation, I accepted her offer with eagerneſs, in full confidence of ſeeing my reputation eſta⯑bliſhed, [264] and my wiſhes fulfilled in a very ſhort time, provided that I ſhould have the good for⯑tune to pleaſe his Lordſhip's taſte. I withdrew the manuſcript from the hands of Mr. Brayer, and committed it to the care of this gentlewoman, who laboured ſo effectually in my intereſt, that in leſs than a month it was conveyed to the Earl, and in a few weeks after, I had the ſatisfaction to hear, that he had read, and approved it very much. Tranſported with this piece of intelligence, I flattered myſelf with the hopes of his intereſting himſelf in its favour; but hearing no more of the matter in three whole months, I began (God forgive me) to ſuſpect the veracity of the perſon who brought me the good tidings, for I thought it impoſſible, that a man of his rank and character, who knew the difficulty of writing a good tra⯑gedy, and underſtood the dignity of the work, ſhould read and applaud an eſſay of this kind, without feeling an inclination to befriend the author, whom his countenance alone could raiſe above dependance.—But it was not long before I ſound my friends very much wronged by my opinion.

You moſt know, that the civilities I had re⯑ceived from Lord Rattle, and the deſire he ma⯑nifeſted to promote the ſucceſs of my play, en⯑couraged me to write an account of my bad for⯑tune to his Lordſhip, who condeſcended ſo far as to deſire, by letter, a young Squire of a great eſtate, with whom he was intimate, to eſpouſe my cauſe, and in particular, make me acquainted with one Mr. Marmozet a celebrated player, who had lately appeared on the ſtage with aſtoniſhing eclat, and bore ſuch ſway in the houſe where he acted, that the managers durſt not refuſe any [295] thing he recommended. The young gentleman whom Lord Rattle had employed for this purpoſe, being diffident of his own intereſt with Mr. Mar⯑mozet, had recourſe to a nobleman of his ac⯑quaintance, who, at his ſollicitation, was ſo good as to introduce me to him; and the converſation turning upon my performance, I was not a little ſurprized, as well as pleaſed to hear, that Earl Sheerwit had ſpoke very much in its praiſe, and even ſent Mr. Marmozet the copy, with a meſſage expreſſing a deſire that he would act in it next ſea⯑ſon—Nor was this favourite actor backward in commending the piece, which he mentioned with ſome expreſſions of regard, that I do not chuſe to repeat; aſſuring me that he would appear in it, provided he ſhould be engaged to play at all during the enſuing ſeaſon. In the mean time, he deſired I would give him leave to peruſe it in the country, whither he intended to remove next day, that he might have leiſure to conſider and point out ſuch alterations as might, perhaps, be neceſſary for the jeu de theatre; and took my direction, that he might communicate by letter, the obſervations he ſhould make. Truſting to theſe aſſurances and the intereſt which had been made in my behalf, I hugged myſelf in the ex⯑pectation of ſeeing it, not only acted, but acted to the greateſt advantage, which I thought could not fail of recompenſing me in an ample manner, for the anxiety and affliction I had undergone: But ſix weeks being elapſed, I did not know how to reconcile Mr. Marmozet's ſilence, with his promiſe of writing to me in ten days after he ſet out for the country; however, I was at laſt fa⯑voured with a letter, importing that he had made ſome remarks on my tragedy, which he would [296] freely impart at meeting, and adviſing me to put it, without loſs of time, into the hands of that ma⯑nager, who had the beſt company: for he him⯑ſelf was quite uncertain, whether or not he ſhould be engaged that winter.—I was a good deal alarmed at this laſt part of his letter, and adviſed about it with a friend, who told me, it was a plain indication of Mr. Marmozet's deſire to be rid of his promiſe: that his pretended un⯑certainty about acting next winter, was no other than a ſcandalous evaſion; for to his certain know⯑ledge, he was already engaged, or at leaſt, in terms with Mr. Vandal; and that his deſign was to diſappoint me, in favour of a new comedy, which he had purchaſed of the author, and in⯑tended to bring upon the ſtage for his own ad⯑vantage.—In ſhort, my dear Sir, this perſon, who, I muſt own, is of a very ſanguine complexion, handled the moral character of Mr. Marmozet with ſuch ſeverity, that I began to ſuſpect him of ſome particular prejudice, and put myſelf upon my guard againſt his inſinuations.—I ought to crave pardon for this tedious narration of trivial circum⯑ſtances, which, however intereſting they may be to me, muſt certainly be very dry and inſipid to the ear of one unconcerned in the affair.—But I underſtand the meaning of your looks, and will proceed.—Well, Sir, Mr. Marmozet, upon his return to town, treated me with uncommon complaiſance, and invited me to his lodgings, where he propoſed to communicate his remarks, which I confeſs were more unfavourable than I expected; but I anſwered his objections, and, as I thought, brought him over to my opinion; for, on the whole, he ſignified the higheſt approbation of the performance.—In the courſe of our diſ⯑pute, [297] I was not a little ſurprized to find this poor gentleman's memory ſo treacherous as to let him forget what he had ſaid to me, before he went out of town, in regard to Earl Sheerwit's opinion of my play, which he now profeſſed himſelf ig⯑norant of; and I was extremely mortified at hearing from his own mouth, that his intereſt with Mr. Vandal was ſo very low, as to be in⯑ſufficient of itſelf, to bring a new piece upon the ſtage. I then begged his advice, and he counſelled me to apply to Earl Sheerwit for a meſſage in my favour to the manager, who would not preſume to refuſe any thing recommended by ſo great a man; and he was ſo kind as to promiſe to ſecond this meſſage with all his power.—I had imme⯑diate recourſe to the worthy gentlewoman my friend already mentioned, who opened the chan⯑nels of her conveyance with ſuch expedition, that in few days, I had a promiſe of the meſſage, pro⯑vided I could aſſure myſelf of Mr. Vandal's being uningaged to any other; for his Lordſhip did not chuſe to condeſcend ſo far, until he ſhould underſtand that there was a probability (at leaſt) of ſucceeding; at the ſame time in which I was bleſſed with this piece of news, I was ſtartled at another, by the ſame canal of communication; which was, that Mr. Marmozet, before he ad⯑viſed me to this application, had informed the Earl, that he had read my play, and found it altogether unfit for the ſtage.—Though I could not doubt the certainty of this intelligence, I be⯑lieved there was ſome miſapprehenſion in the caſe; and without taking any notice of it, told Mr. Marmozet the anſwer I had been favoured with; upon which, he teſtified much joy, and promiſed to aſk Mr. Vandal the queſtion propoſed.—I [298] waited upon him in a day or two, when he gave me to underſtand, that Mr. Vandal having pro⯑feſſed himſelf free of all engagements, he had put my play into his hands, and repreſented it as a piece ſtrongly recommended by Earl Sheerwit, who (he aſſured him) would honour him with a meſſage in its favour; and he deſired me to call for an anſwer at Mr. Vandal's houſe, in three days.—I followed his directions, and ſound the manager, who, being made acquainted with my buſineſs, owned, that Mr. Marmozet had given him a manuſcript play, but denied that he had mentioned Earl Sheerwit's name.—When I in⯑formed him of the circumſtances of the affair, he ſaid, he had no engagement with any author; that he would read my tragedy forthwith; and did not believe he ſhould venture to reject it in con⯑tradiction to his Lordſhip's opinion, for which he had the utmoſt veneration, but put it into re⯑hearſal without loſs of time.—I was ſo much intoxicated with this encouragement, that I over⯑looked the myſterious conduct of Mr. Marmozet, and attended the manager at the time appointed, when, to my infinite confuſion! he pronounced my play improper for the ſtage, and rejected it accordingly. As ſoon as I could recollect myſelf from the diſorder into which this unexpected re⯑fuſal had thrown me, I expreſſed a deſire of hearing his objections, which were ſo groundleſs, indiſtinct and unintelligible, that I perſuaded my⯑ſelf he had not at all peruſed the piece, but had been prompted by ſomebody whoſe leſſons he had not rightly retained. However, I have been ſince informed, that the poor man's head, which was not naturally very clear, had been diſordered with ſuper⯑ſtition, and that he laboured under the tyranny [299] of a wife, and the terrors of hell fire at the ſame time.—Precipitated in this manner, from the higheſt pinnacle of hope, to the abyſs of deſpon⯑dence, I was ready to ſink under the burthen of my affliction; and in the bitterneſs of my anguiſh, could not help entertaining ſome doubts of Mr. Marmozet's integrity, when I recollected and compared the circumſtances of his conduct to⯑wards me. I was encouraged in this ſuſpicion, by being told, that my Lord Sheerwit had ſpoke of his character with great contempt; and in par⯑ticular, reſented his inſolence in oppoſing his own taſte to that of his Lordſhip, concerning my tra⯑gedy.—While I heſitated between different opi⯑nions of the matter, that friend, who (as told you before) was a little hot-headed, favoured me with a viſit, and having heard a circumſtantial account of the whole affair, could not contain his indig⯑nation, but affirmed without ceremony, that Marmozet was the ſole occaſion of my diſappoint⯑ment; that he had acted from firſt to laſt with the moſt perfidious diſſimulation, cajoling with inſinu⯑ating civilities, while he underhand employed all his art and influence to prejudice the ignorant manager againſt my performance; that nothing could equal his hypocriſy, but his avarice, which ingroſſed the faculties of his ſoul ſo much, that he ſcrupled not to be guilty of the meaneſt practices to gratify that for⯑did appetite; that in conſequence of this diſpoſition, he had proſtituted his honour in betraying my in⯑experience, and in undermining the intereſt of another author of eſtabliſhed reputation, who had alſo offered a tragedy to the ſtage, which he thought would interfere with the ſucceſs of the comedy he had bought, and determined to bring on at all events.

[300] I was ſhocked at the deſcription of ſuch a mon⯑ſter, which I could not believe exiſted in the world, bad as it is, and argued againſt the aſſe⯑verations of my friend, by demonſtrating the bad policy of ſuch behaviour, which could not fail of entailing infamy upon the author; and the ſmall temptation that a man of Mr. Marmozet's figure and ſucceſs, could have to conſult his intereſt in ſuch a groveling manner, which muſt create contempt and abhorrence of him in his patrons, and effectual⯑ly deprive him of the countenance and protection he now enjoys in ſuch an eminent degree.—He pretended to laugh at my ſimplicity, and aſked if I knew for which of his virtues he was ſo much careſſed by the people of faſhion.—‘"It is not (ſaid he) for the qualities of his heart, that this little paraſite is invited to the tables of Dukes and Lords, who hire extraordinary cooks for his entertainment: His avarice they ſee not, his ingratitude they feel not, his hy⯑pocriſy accommodates itſelf to their humours, and is of conſequence pleaſing; but he is chiefly courted for his buffoonery, and will be admitted into the choiceſt parties of the quality for his talent of mimicking Punch and his wife Joan, when a poet of the moſt exquiſite ge⯑nius, is not able to attract the leaſt regard."—’God forbid, Mr. Random, that I ſhould credit aſſertions that degrade the dignity of our ſupe⯑riors ſo much, and repreſent that poor man as the moſt abject of all beings! No! I looked upon them as the hyperboles of paſſion; and though that comedy of which he ſpoke, did actually appear, I dare not doubt the innocence of Mr. Marmozet, who, I am told, is as much as ever in favour with the Earl; a circumſtance that, ſure⯑ly, [301] could not happen, unleſs he had vindicated his character to the ſatisfaction of his lordſhip.—Pray forgive this long digreſſion, and give me the hear⯑ing a little longer; for, thank heaven! I am now near the goal.

Baffled in all my attempts, I deſpaired of ſeeing my play acted, and bethought myſelf of chuſing ſome employment, that might afford a ſure, though mean ſubſiſtence; but my landlord, to whom I was by this time conſiderably indebted, and who had laid his account with having his money paid all in a heap, from the profits of my third night, could not brook his diſap⯑pointment, therefore made another effort in my behalf, and by dint of intereſt, procured a meſ⯑ſage from a lady of faſhion, to Mr. Brayer, who had always profeſſed a great veneration for her, deſiring that he would ſet up my play forthwith, and aſſuring him that ſhe and all her friends would ſupport it in the performance: To ſtrengthen my intereſt, ſhe engaged his beſt ac⯑tors in my cauſe; and in ſhort, exerted herſelf ſo much, that it was again received, and my hopes began to revive.—But Mr. Brayer, honeſt man, was ſo much engroſſed by buſineſs of vaſt conſequence, though to appearance he had nothing at all to do, that he could not find time to read it until the ſeaſon was pretty far advanced; and read it he muſt, for notwithſtanding his having peruſed it before, his memory did not retain one circumſtance of the matter.

At length he favoured it with his attention, and having propoſed certain alterations, ſent his duty to the lady who patronized it, and promiſed on his honour, to bring it on next winter, provided theſe alterations ſhould be made, and the copy [302] delivered to him before the end of April.—With an aching heart, I ſubmitted to theſe conditions, and performed them accordingly: But fortune owed me another unforeſeen mortification; Mr. Marmozet during the ſummer, became joint pa⯑tentee with Mr. Brayer, ſo that when I claimed performance of articles, I was told, he could do nothing without the conſent of his partner, who was pre-engaged to another author.

My condition was rendered deſperate by the death of my good friend and landlord, whoſe executors obtained a judgment againſt my effects, which they ſeized, turning me out into the ſtreet naked, friendleſs, and forlorn; there I was ar⯑reſted at the ſuit of my taylor, and thrown into this priſon, where I have made ſhift to live theſe five weeks on the bounty of my fellow-priſoners, who, I hope, are not the worſe for the inſtruction and good offices, by which I manifeſt my grati⯑tude; but in ſpite of all their charitable endea⯑vours, my life was ſcarce tolerable, until your uncommon benevolence enabled me to enjoy it with comfort.

CHAP. LXIV.

[303]

I am ſeized with a deep melancholy, and become a ſloven—I am relieved by my uncle—he prevails upon me to engage with his owners, as ſurgeon of the ſhip which he commands—he makes me a conſiderable preſent—entertains Strap as his ſteward—I take my leave of my friends, and go on board—the ſhip arrives at the Downs.

I Shall not make any reflections on this ſtory, in the courſe of which the reader muſt per⯑ceive how egregiouſly the ſimplicity and milky diſpoſition of this worthy man, had been duped and abuſed by a ſet of ſcoundrels, who were ſo habituated to falſhood and equivocation, that I verily believe, they could not utter one ſyllable of truth, though their lives depended upon their ſincerity.—Notwithſtanding all I had ſuffered from the knavery and ſelfiſhneſs of mankind, I was amazed, and incenſed at that baſe indiffe⯑rence which ſuffered ſuch uncommon merit as he poſſeſſed, to languiſh in obſcurity, and ſtruggle with all the miſeries of a loathſome jail;—and ſhould have bleſſed the occaſion that ſecluded me from ſuch a perfidious world, had not the re⯑membrance of the amiable Narciſſa, preſerved my attachment to that ſociety of which ſhe con⯑ſtituted a part.—The picture of that lovely crea⯑ture was the conſtant companion of my ſolitude: [304] How often did I contemplate the reſemblance of thoſe enchanting features that firſt captivated my heart! How often did I weep over thoſe en⯑dearing ſcenes which her image recalled! and how often did I curſe my perfidious fate for hav⯑ing robbed me of the fair original! In vain did my imagination flatter me with ſchemes of future happineſs; ſurly reaſon always interpoſed, and in a moment overthrew the unſubſtantial fa⯑brick, by chaſtiſing the extravagance of my hope, and repreſenting my unhappy ſituation in the right point of view: In vain did I fly for refuge to the amuſements of the place, and engage in the par⯑ties of Jackſon, at cards, billiards, nine-pins, and fives; a train of melancholy thoughts took poſſeſſion of my ſoul, which even the converſa⯑tion of Melopoyn could not divert.—I ordered Strap to inquire every day at Banter's lodgings, in expectation of hearing again from my charmer; and my diſappointment conſiderably augmented any chagrin.—My affectionate valet was infected with my ſorrow, and often ſat with me whole hours without ſpeaking, uttering ſigh for ſigh, and ſhedding tear for tear.—This fellowſhip in⯑creaſed our diſtemper; he became incapable of buſineſs, and was diſcarded by his maſter; while I ſeeing my money melt away, without any cer⯑tainty of deliverance, and in ſhort, all my hopes fruſtrated; grew negligent of life, loſt all appe⯑tite, and degenerated into ſuch a ſloven, that during the ſpace of two months, I was neither waſhed, ſhifted nor ſhaved; ſo that my face ren⯑dered meagre with abſtinence, was obſcured with dirt, and overſhadowed with hair, and my whole appearance ſqualid and even frightful; when, one day, Strap brought me notice, that there was a [305] man below who wanted to ſpeak with me. Rouſed at this intelligence, and in full hope of receiving a letter from the dear object of my love, I run down ſtairs with the utmoſt precipitation, and found, to my infinite ſurprize, my generous uncle Mr. Bowling! Tranſported at the ſight, I ſprung forward to embrace him. Upon which he ſtarted aſide with great agility, drew his hanger, and put himſelf upon his guard, crying, ‘"Avaſt, brother, avaſt! ſheer off—Yo ho! you turn⯑key, why don't you keep a better look out? here's one of your crazy priſoners broke from his laſhings, I do ſuppoſe."—’I could not help laughing heartily at his miſtake, which I ſoon rectified by my voice, which he inſtantly recol⯑lected, and ſhook me by the hand with great af⯑fection, teſtifying his concern at ſeeing me in ſuch a miſerable condition.

I conducted him to my apartment, where, in preſence of Strap, whom I introduced to him as one of my beſt friends, he let me know, that he was juſt arrived from the coaſt of Guinea, after having made a pretty ſucceſsful voyage, in which he had acted as mate, until the ſhip was attacked by a French privateer; that the captain being killed during the engagement, he had taken the command, and was ſo fortunate as to ſink the enemy; after which he fell in with a merchant ſhip from Martinico, laden with ſugar, indigo, and ſome ſilver; and by virtue of his letter of marque, attacked, took, and brought her ſafe in⯑to Kinſale in Ireland, where ſhe was condemned as a lawful prize; by which means, he had not only got a pretty ſum of money, but alſo ac⯑quired the favour of his owners, who had already conferred upon him the command of a large ſhip, [306] mounted with twenty nine-pounders, ready to ſail upon a very advantageous voyage, which he was not at liberty to diſcover—And he aſſured me, that it was with the greateſt difficulty he had found me, in conſequence of a direction left for him at his lodgings in Wapping

I was rejoiced beyond meaſure, at this account of his good fortune; and, at his deſire, recounted all the adventures that had happened to me ſince we parted.—When he underſtood the particulars of Strap's attachment to me, he ſqueezed his hand very cordially, and promiſed to make a man of him; and giving me ten guineas for my preſent occaſion, took a direction for the taylor who ar⯑reſted me, and went away, in order to diſcharge the debt, telling me at parting, that he would ſoon fetch up all my lee-way with a wet ſail.

I was utterly confounded at this ſudden tranſi⯑tion, which affected me more than any reverſe I had formerly felt; and a crowd of incoherent ideas ruſhed ſo impetuouſly upon my imagination, that my reaſon could neither ſeparate nor con⯑nect them; when Strap, whoſe joy had mani⯑feſted itſelf in a thouſand fooleries, came into my room with his ſhaving utenſils, and without any previous intimation, began to lather my beard, whiſtling with great emotion all the while.—I ſtarted from my reverie, and being too well ac⯑quainted with Strap, to truſt myſelf in his hands while he was under ſuch agitation, deſired to be excuſed, ſent for another barber, and ſuffered myſelf to be trimmed.—Having performed the ceremony of ablution, I ſhifted, and dreſſing in my gayeſt apparel, waited for the return of my uncle, who was agreeably ſurprized at my ſud⯑den transformation.

[307] This beneficent kinſman had ſatisfied my cre⯑ditor, and obtained an order for my diſcharge, ſo that I was no longer a priſoner; but as I had ſome reluctance to part with my friends and fel⯑lows in diſtreſs, I prevailed upon Mr. Bowling to favour us with his company, and invited Mr. Melopoyn and Jackſon to ſpend the evening at my apartment, where I regaled them with a ſup⯑per, good wine, and the news of my releaſe, on which they heartily congratulated me, notwith⯑ſtanding the loſs of my company, which, they were pleaſed to ſay, they would ſeverely feel.—As for Jackſon, his misfortune made ſo little im⯑preſſion on himſelf, and he was altogether ſo looſe, indifferent and indiſcreet, that I could ſcarce pity his ſituation: But I had conceived a veneration and friendſhip for the poet, who was in all reſpects, an object much more worthy of compaſſion and regard.—When our gueſts with⯑drew, and my uncle had retired, with an inten⯑tion to viſit me next morning I made up a bundle of ſome linnen, and other neceſſaries, and bid⯑ing Strap carry them to Mr. Melopoyn's lodg⯑ing, went thither myſelf, and preſſed it upon his acceptance with five guineas, which with much difficulty he received, aſſuring me at the ſame time, that he ſhould never have it in his power to make ſatisfaction. I then aſked if I could ſerve him any other way, to which he anſwered, ‘"You have already done too much,"’ and un⯑able to contain the emotions of his ſoul any longer; burſt into tears, and wept aloud.—Moved at the ſpectacle, I left him to his repoſe, and when my uncle returned in the morning, repreſented his cha⯑racter in ſuch a favourable light, that the honeſt ſeaman was affected with his diſtreſs, and determined [308] to follow my example, in preſenting him with five pieces more: Upon which, that I might ſave him ſome confuſion, I adviſed Mr. Bowling to incloſe it in a letter to be delivered by Strap, after we ſhould be gone.

This was accordingly done. I took a formal leave of all my acquaintance in the jail, and juſt as I was about to ſtep into a hackney-coach at the gate, Jackſon calling me, I returned, and he aſked me in a whiſper, if I could lend him a ſhilling! His demand being ſo moderate, and in all likelihood, the laſt he would make upon me, I ſlipt a guinea into his hand, which he no ſooner perceived, than he cried, ‘"O Jeſus! a guinea!"’ then laying hold of a button of my coat, he broke out into an immoderate fit of laughter; and when his convulſion was ended, told me, I was an honeſt fellow, and let me go.—The coachman was ordered to drive to Mr. Bowling's lodgings, where, when we arrived, he entered into a ſerious diſcourſe with me, on the ſubject of my ſituation, and propoſed that I ſhould ſail with him in quality of his Surgeon; in which caſe, he would put me on a method of getting a fortune in a few years, by my own induſtry; and aſſured me, that I might expect to inherit all that he ſhould die poſſeſſed of, provided I ſhould ſurvive him.—Though I was penetrated with a ſenſe of his generoſity, I was ſtartled at a propoſal that offered violence to my love, and ſignified my ſentiments on that head, which he did not ſeem to reliſh; but obſerved that love was the fruit of idleneſs, that when once I ſhould be employed in buſineſs, and my mind engaged in making money, I would be no more troubled with theſe ſilly notions, which none but your fair-weather [309] Jacks, who have nothing but their pleaſure to mind, ought to entertain.—I was piqued at this inſinuation, which I looked upon as a reproach, and without giving myſelf time to deliberate, ac⯑cepted his offer.—He was overjoyed at my com⯑pliance, carried me immediately to his chief owner, with whom a bargain was ſtruck, ſo that I could not retract with honour, ſhould I be never ſo much diſpoſed thereto.—That I might not have time to cool, he bid me draw out a liſt of medicines for a compliment of five hundred men, adapted to the diſtempers of hot climates, and ſufficient for a voyage of eighteen months; and carry it to a certain wholeſale apothecary, who would alſo provide me in two well-qualified mates.—While I was thus employed, Strap came in, and looked very blank, when he underſtood my reſolution: However, after a pauſe of ſome mi⯑nutes, he inſiſted upon going along with me; and at my deſire was made ſhip's ſteward by captain Bowling, who promiſed to be at the expence of fitting him out, and to lend him two hundred pounds to purchaſe an adventure.

When I had delivered my liſt of medicines, choſen a couple of my own countrymen for mates, and beſpoke a ſet of chirurgical inſtruments, my uncle told me, that by his laſt voyage, he had cleared almoſt three thouſand pounds, one thouſand of which he would immediately make over and put into my hands; that he would procure for me credit to the value of as much more, in ſuch goods as would turn to beſt account in the country to which we were bound; and that although he looked upon my intereſt as his own, he would keep the remaining part of his fortune in his own diſpoſal, with a view of preſerving his inde⯑pendance, [310] and the power of puniſhing me, in caſe I ſhould not make a good uſe of what he had already beſtowed upon me.

Without troubling the reader with an account of the effect which this ſurprizing generoſity had upon my mind, I ſhall only ſay, that his promiſes were inſtantly performed, and an invoyce of mer⯑chandize proper for the voyage preſented to me, that I might purchaſe the goods, and ſhip them with all expedition.—In the midſt of this hurry the remembrance of my charming Narciſſa often interpoſed, and made me the moſt miſerable of all mortals. I was diſtracted with the thought of being torn from her, perhaps, for ever; and though the hope of ſeeing her again, might have ſupported me under the torments of ſeparation, I could not reflect upon the anguiſh ſhe muſt feel at parting with me, and the inceſſant ſorrows to which her tender boſom would be expoſed daring my abſence, without being pierced with the deepeſt affliction! As an imagination was daily and nightly upon the rack to invent ſome me⯑thod of mitigating this cruel ſtroke, or at leaſt of acquitting my love and honour in the opinion of that gentle creature, I at length ſtumbled upon an expedient, with which the reader will be made acquainted in due time; and in conſequence of my determination, became leſs uneaſy and diſturbed.

My buſineſs being finiſhed, and the ſhip ready to ſail, I reſolved to make my laſt appearance among my acquaintance at the other end of the town, where I had not been ſeen ſince my impriſon⯑ment; and as I had, by the advice of my uncle, taken off ſome very rich cloaths for ſale, I put on the gayeſt ſuit in my poſſeſſion, and went in a chair to the coffee-houſe I uſed to frequent, [311] where I found my friend Banter ſo confounded at the magnificence of my dreſs, that when I made up to him, he gazed at me with a look of aſtoniſhment, without being able, for ſome mi⯑nutes, to open his lips;—then pulling me aſide by the ſleeve, and fixing his eyes on mine, accoſt⯑ed me in this manner: ‘"Random, where the devil have you been! eh?—What is the meaning of all this finery?—Oho! I underſtand you—You are juſt arrived from the country! what! the roads are good, eh!—well, Random, you are a bold fellow, and a lucky fellow!—but take care, the pitcher goes often to the well, but is broke at laſt."’ So ſaying, he pointed to his col⯑lar; by which geſture, and the broken hints he had ejaculated, I found he ſuſpected me of hav⯑ing robbed on the highway; and I laughed very heartily at his ſuppoſition.—Without explaining myſelf any farther, I told him he was miſtaken in his conjecture; that I had been for ſome time paſt with the relation of whom he had frequent⯑ly heard me ſpeak; and that being to ſet out next day upon my travels, I had come thither to take my leave of my friends, and to receive of him the money he had borrowed from me, which, now that I was going abroad, I ſhould have occaſion for—He was a little diſconcerted at this demand; but recollecting himſelf in a moment, ſwore, in an affected paſſion, that I had uſed him ex⯑tremely ill, and he would never forgive me, for having, by this ſhort warning, put it out of his power to free himſelf of an obligation he could no longer bear.—I could not help ſmiling at this pretended delicacy, which I commended highly, telling him, he needed not be uneaſy on that ſcore, for I would give him a cirection to a mer⯑chant [312] in the city, with whom I would leave a diſcharge for the ſum, to be delivered upon pay⯑ment.—He profeſſed much joy at this expedient, and with great eagerneſs aſked the perſon's name and place of abode, which he forthwith wrote in his pocket-book, aſſuring me, that he would not be long in my debt.—This affair, which I knew he would never after think of, being ſettled to his ſatisfaction, I ſent cards to all my friends, de⯑ſiring the ſavour of their company at a tavern in the evening, when they honoured my invitation, and I had the pleaſure of treating them in a ve⯑ry elegant manner, at which they expreſſed as much admiration as applauſe. Having enjoyed ourſelves till midnight, I took my leave of them all, being well-nigh ſtifled with careſſes; and next day I ſet out with Strap in a poſt-chaiſe for Graveſend, where we went on board, and the wind ſerving, weighed anchor in leſs than twelve hours.—Without meeting with any accident, we got as far as the Downs, where we were obliged to come to an anchor, and wait for an eaſterly wind to carry us out of the Channel.

CHAP. LXV.

[313]

I ſet out for Suſſex—conſult Mrs. Sagely—atchieve an interview with Narciſſa—return to the ſhip—we get clear of the Channel—I learn our deſtination—we are chaced by a large ſhip—the company are diſ⯑mayed, and encouraged by the captain's ſpeech—our purſuer happens to be an Engliſh man of war—we arrive on the coaſt of Guinea, purchaſe 400 negroes, ſail for Paraguay, get ſafe into the river of Plate, and ſell our cargo to great advantage.

IT was now I put in execution the ſcheme I had projected at London; and aſking leave of the captain, for Strap and me to ſtay on ſhore till the wind ſhould become favourable, my requeſt was granted, becauſe he had orders to remain in the Downs until he ſhould receive ſome diſpatches from London, which he did not expect in leſs than a week.—Having imparted my reſolution to my truſty valet, who (tho' he endeavour'd to diſſuade me from ſuch a raſh undertaking) would not quit me in the enterprize, I hired horſes, and ſet out immediately for that part of Suſſex where my charmer was confined, which was not above thirty miles diſtant from Deal where we mounted.—As I was perfectly well acquainted with the extent of the Squire's eſtate and influence, I halted within five miles of his houſe, where we remained [314] 'till the twilight, at which time we ſet forward, and, by the favour of a dark night, gained a copſe about half a mile from the village where Mrs. Sagely lived.—Here we left our horſes tied to a tree, and went directly to the houſe of my old benefactreſs, Strap trembling all the way, and venting ejaculatory petitions to heaven for our ſafety. Her habitation being quite ſolitary, we arrived at the door without being obſerved, when I ordered my companion to enter by himſelf, and in caſe there ſhould be company with her, deliver a letter which I had wrote for the purpoſe, and ſay that a friend of hers in London, underſtanding that he intended to travel this road, had com⯑mitted it to his care.—He rapped at the door, to which the good old matron coming, told him, that being a lone woman, he muſt excuſe her, if ſhe did not open it, until he had declared his name and buſineſs.—He anſwered, that his name was unknown to her, and that his buſineſs was to deliver a letter, which (to free her from all manner of apprehenſion) he would convey to her through the ſpace between the door and threſhold.—This he inſtantly performed; and ſhe no ſooner read the contents, which ſpecified my being preſent, than ſhe cried, ‘"If the perſon who wrote this letter be at hand, let him ſpeak, that I may be aſſured by his voice whether or not I may ſafely admit him."—’I forthwith applied my mouth to the key-hole, and pronoun⯑ced, ‘"Dear mother, you need not be afraid, it is I, ſo much indebted to your goodneſs, who now crave admittance."—’She knew my voice, and opening the door immediately, re⯑ceived me with a truly maternal affection, mani⯑feſting by the tears ſhe let fall, her concern leſt I [315] ſhould be diſcovered, for ſhe had been informed of every thing that had happened between Nar⯑ciſſa and me, from the dear captive's own mouth.—When I explained the motive of my journey, which was no other than a deſire of ſeeing the object of my love before I ſhould quit the king⯑dom, that I might in perſon convince her of the neceſſity I was under to leave her, reconcile her to that event, by deſcribing the advantages that in all probability would attend it, repeat my vows of eternal conſtancy, and enjoy the melancholy pleaſure of a tender embrace at parting—I ſay, when I had thus ſignified my intention, Mrs. Sagely told me, that Narciſſa, upon her return from the Bath, had been ſo ſtrictly watched, that no body, but one or two of the ſervants de⯑voted to her brother, was admitted to her preſence; that afterwards ſhe had been a little enlarged, and was permitted to ſee company; during which in⯑dulgence, ſhe had been ſeveral times at her cot⯑tage: but of late ſhe had been betrayed by one of the ſervants, who diſcovered to the ſquire, that he had once carried a letter from her to the poſt-houſe directed to me; upon which informa⯑tion, ſhe was now more confined than ever, and that I could have no chance of ſeeing her, unleſs I would run the riſque of getting into the garden, where ſhe and her maid were every day allowed to take the air, and lie hid until I ſhould have an opportunity of ſpeaking to them—an adventure which would be attended with ſuch danger, that no man in his right wits would attempt it.—This enterprize, hazardous as it was, I reſolved to perform, in ſpite of all the arguments of Mrs. Sagely, who reaſoned, chid, and intreated by turns; and the tears and prayers of Strap, who [316] conjured me on his knees, to have more regard to myſelf as well as to him, than to tempt my own deſtruction in ſuch a precipitate manner. But I was deaf to every thing, but the ſuggeſtions of my love; and ordering him to return immediately with the horſes to the inn from whence we ſet out, and wait for my coming in that place, he at firſt peremptorily refuſed to leave me, until I perſwaded him, that if our horſes ſhould remain where they were 'till day-light, they would certainly be diſcovered, and the whole county alarmed. On this conſideration, he took his leave in a ſorrow⯑ful plight, kiſſed my hand, and weeping, cried, ‘"God knows if ever I ſhall ſee you again."—’My kind landlady finding me obſtinate, gave me her beſt advice how to behave in the execution of my project; and after having perſwaded me to take a little refreſhment, accommodated me with a bed, and left me to my repoſe.—Early in the morning, I got up, and armed with a couple of loaded piſtols and a hanger, went to the back of the Squire's garden, climbed over the wall, and, according to Mrs. Sagely's direction, concealed myſelf in a thicket, hard by an alcove which ter⯑minated a walk at a good diſtance from the houſe, which (I was told) my miſtreſs chiefly frequented.—Here I abſconded from five a-clock in the morning to ſix in the evening, without ſeeing a human creature; at laſt I perceived two women approaching, whom by my throbbing heart I ſoon recogniz'd to be the adorable Narciſſa and Miſs Williams. I felt the ſtrongeſt agitation of ſoul at the ſight; and gueſſing that they would repoſe themſelves in the alcove, I ſtept into it unperceiv'd, and laid upon the ſtone-table a picture of myſelf in miniature, for which I had ſat in London, pur⯑poſing [317] to leave it with Narciſſa before I ſhould go abroad. I expoſed it in this manner, as an in⯑troduction to my own appearance, which, with⯑out ſome previous intimation, I was afraid might have an unlucky effect upon the delicate nerves of my fair enſlaver; and then withdrew into the thicket, where I could hear their diſcourſe, and ſuit myſelf to the circumſtances of the occaſion.—As they advanced, I obſerved an air of melan⯑choly in the countenance of Narciſſa, blended with ſuch unſpeakable ſweetneſs, that I could ſcarce refrain from flying into her arms, and kiſſing away the pearly drop that ſtood collected in each bewitching eye. According to my ex⯑pectation, ſhe entered the alcove, and perceiving ſomething on the table, took it up. No ſooner did ſhe caſt her eye upon the features, than ſhe ſtartled, crying, ‘"Gracious God!"’ and the roſes inſtantly vaniſhed from her cheeks.—Her confidante, alarm'd at this exclamation, looked at the picture, and, ſtruck with the reſemblance, cried, ‘"O Jeſus! the very features of Mr. Ran⯑dom!"’ Narciſſa having recollected herſelf a little, ſaid, ‘"Whatever angel brought it hither as a comfort to me in my affliction, I am thankful for the benefit, and will preſerve it as the deareſt object of my care."’ So ſaying, ſhe kiſſed it with ſurpriſing ardour, ſhed a flood of tears, and then depoſited the lifeleſs image in her lovely boſom. Tranſported at theſe ſymptoms of her unaltered affection, I was about to throw myſelf at her feet, when Miſs Williams, whoſe reflection was leſs engaged than that of her miſtreſs, obſerved, that the picture could not tranſport itſelf hither, and that ſhe could not help thinking I was not far off.—The gentle Narciſſa [318] ſtarting at this conjecture, anſwered, ‘"Heaven forbid! for although nothing in the univerſe could yield me ſatisfaction equal to that of his preſence for one poor moment, in a proper place, I would rather forfeit his company—almoſt for ever, than ſee him here, where his life would be expoſed to ſo much danger."—’I could no longer reſtrain the impulſe of my paſſion, but breaking from my concealment, ſtood before her, when ſhe uttered a fearful ſhriek, and fainted in the arms of her companion. I flew towards the treaſure of my ſoul, claſped her in my embrace, and with the warmth of my kiſſes, brought her again to life. O! that I were en⯑dowed with the expreſſion of a Raphael, the graces of a Guido, the magick touches of a Ti⯑tian, that I might repreſent the fond concern, the chaſtened rapture, and ingenuous bluſh that mingled on her beauteous face, when ſhe opened her eyes upon me, and pronounced, ‘"O heavens! is it you!"’

I am afraid I have already encroached upon the reader's patience, with the particulars of this amour, on which (I own) I cannot help being impertinently circumſtantial. I ſhall therefore omit the leſs material paſſages of this inter⯑view, during which I convinced her reaſon, tho' I could not appeaſe the ſad preſages of her love, with regard to the long voyage, and dangers I muſt undergo.—When we had ſpent an hour (which was all ſhe could ſpare from the barbarity of her brother's vigilance) in lamenting over our hard fate, and in repeating our reciprocal vows, Miſs Williams reminded us of the neceſſity there was for our immediate parting; and ſure, lovers never parted with ſuch ſorrow and reluctance as we. [319] But becauſe my words are incapable of doing juſtice to this affecting circumſtance, I am obliged to draw a veil over it, and obſerve, that I returned in the dark to the houſe of Mrs. Sagely, who was overjoy'd to hear of my ſucceſs, and oppoſed the tumults of my grief with ſuch ſtrength of reaſon, that my mind regained in ſome meaſure its tranquility; and that very night, after having forced upon this good gentlewoman a purſe of twenty guineas, as a token of my gratitude and eſteem, I took my leave of her, ſet out on foot for the inn, where my arrival freed honeſt Strap from the horrors of unutterable dread.

We took horſe immediately, and alighted early next morning at Deal, where I found my uncle in great concern on account of my abſence, be⯑cauſe he had received his diſpatches, and muſt have weighed with the firſt fair wind, whether I had been on board or not.—Next day, a briſk eaſterly gale ſpringing up, we ſet ſail, and in eight and forty hours got clear of the Channel.

When we were about 200 leagues from the Land's end, the captain taking me apart into the cabbin, told me, that, now he was per⯑mitted by his inſtructions, he would diſcloſe the intent and deſtination of our voyage: ‘"The ſhip, ſaid he, which has been fitted out at a great expence, is bound for the coaſt of Guinea, where we ſhall exchange part of our cargo for ſlaves and gold duſt; from thence we will tranſport our negroes to Buenos Ayres in New-Spain, where (by virtue of paſſports obtained from our own court, and that of Madrid) we will diſpoſe of them and the goods that re⯑main on board for ſilver, by means of our ſupercargo, who is perfectly well acquainted [320] with the coaſt, the lingo and inhabitants."—’Being thus let into the ſecret of our expedition, I borrowed of the ſupercargo a Spaniſh grammar, dictionary, and ſome other books of the ſame language, which I ſtudied with ſuch application, that before we arrived in New-Spain, I could maintain a converſation with him in that tongue.—Being arrived in the warm latitudes, I ordered (with the captain's conſent) the whole ſhip's com⯑pany to be blooded and purged, myſelf under⯑going the ſame evacuation, in order to prevent thoſe dangerous fevers to which northern conſtitu⯑tions are ſubject in hot climates; and I have reaſon to believe that this precaution was not un⯑ſerviceable, for we loſt but one ſailor during our whole paſſage to the coaſt.

One day, when we had been about five weeks at ſea, we deſcried to windward a large ſhip bear⯑ing down upon us with all the ſail ſhe could carry. Upon which, my uncle ordered the ſtudding-ſails to be hoiſted, and the ſhip to be cleared for en⯑gaging; but finding, that (to uſe the ſeamen's phraſe) we were very much wronged by the ſhip which had us in chace, and which by this time had hoiſted French colours, he commanded the ſtudding-ſails to be taken in, the courſes to be clewed up, the main-top-ſail to be backed, the tompions to be taken out of the guns, and every man to repair to his quarters. While every body was buſied in the performance of theſe orders, Strap came upon the quarter-deck, trembling, and and looking aghaſt, and, with a voice half ſup⯑preſſed by fear, aſked if I thought we were a match for the veſſel in purſuit of us. Obſerving his conſternation, I ſaid, ‘"What! are you afraid, Strap?"’ ‘"Afraid! (he replied) n-n-no, [321] what ſhould I be afraid of? I thank God I have a clear conſcience;—but I believe it will be a bloody battle, and I wiſh you may not have occa⯑ſion for another hand to aſſiſt you in the cockpit."—’I immediately perceived his drift, and making the captain acquainted with his ſituation, deſired he might be ſtationed below with me and my mates. My uncle, incenſed at his puſilanimity, bid me ſend him down inſtantly, that his fear might not inſect the ſhip's company; whereupon I told the poor ſteward, that I had begg'd him for an aſſiſtant, and deſired him to go down and help my mates to get ready the inſtruments and dreſſings.—Notwithſtanding the ſatisfaction he muſt have felt at theſe tidings, he affected a ſhyneſs of quitting the upper deck; and ſaid, he hoped I did not imagine he was afraid to do his duty above board, for he believed himſelf as well prepared for death as any man in the ſhip, no diſparagement to me or the captain.—I was diſguſted at this affectation, and in order to puniſh his hypocriſy, aſſured him, he might either go down to the cockpit, or ſtay upon deck during the engagement. Alarmed at this indifference, he replied, ‘"Well, to oblige you, I'll go down, but remember it is more for your ſake than my own."’ So ſaying, he diſappeared in a twink⯑ling, without waiting for an anſwer.—By this time we could obſerve two tire of guns in the ſhip which purſued us, and which was now but two ſhort miles aſtern. This diſcovery had an evident effect upon the ſailors, who did not ſcruple to ſay, that we ſhould be tore to pieces, and blown out of the water, and that if in caſe any of them ſhould loſe their precious limbs, they muſt go a⯑begging for life, for there was no proviſion made [322] by the merchants for thoſe poor ſouls who are maimed in their ſervice. The captain under⯑ſtanding this backwardneſs, ordered the crew abaft, and ſpoke to them thus; ‘"My lads, I am told you hang an a—ſe.—I have gone to ſea thirty years, man and boy, and never ſaw Engliſh ſailors afraid before.—Mayhap you think I want to expoſe you for the lucre of gain.—Whoſoever thinks ſo, thinks a damned lie, for my whole cargo is inſured; ſo that in caſe I ſhould be taken, my loſs will not be great.—The enemy is ſtronger than we to be ſure.—What then? have we not a chance for carrying away one of her maſts, and ſo get clear of her?—If we find her too hard for us, 'tis but ſtriking at laſt.—If any man is hurt in the engagement, I promiſe on the word of an honeſt ſeaman, to make them a recompence according to his loſs.—So now, you that are lazy, lubberly, cowardly dogs, get away, and ſculk in the hold, and bread-room; and you that are jolly boys, ſtand by me, and let us give one broad-ſide for the honour of old England."’ This eloquent harangue was ſo well adapted to the diſpoſition of his hearers, that one and all of them, pulling off their hats, waved them over their heads, and ſaluted him with three chears; upon which he ſent his boy for two large caſe-bottles of brandy, and having treated every man with a dram, they repaired to their quarters, and waited impatiently for the word of command.—I muſt do my uncle the juſtice to ſay, that in the whole of his diſpoſition, he behaved with the utmoſt intrepidity, conduct and deliberation.—The enemy being very near, he ordered me to my ſtation, and was juſt going to [323] give the word for hoiſting the colours, and firing, when the ſuppoſed Frenchman, hauled down his white pennant jack and enſign, hoiſted Engliſh ones, and fired a gun a-head of us: This was a joyful event to captain Bowling, who imme⯑diately ſhewed his colours, and fired a gun to leeward: Upon which the other ſhip run along⯑ſide of him, hailed him, and giving him to know that ſhe was an Engliſh man of war of forty guns, ordered him to hoiſt out his boat and come on board.—This he performed with the more alacrity, becauſe upon enquiry, he found that ſhe was commanded by an old meſs-mate of his, who was overjoyed to ſee him, detained him to dinner, and ſent his barge for the ſupercargo and me, who were very much careſſed on his account.—As this commander was deſtined to cruiſe upon the French, in the latitude of Martinico, his ſtem and quarters were adorned with white flowers de lis, and the whole ſhell of the ſhip ſo much diſguiſed, for a decoy to the enemy, that it was no wonder my uncle did not know her, although he had ſailed on board of her many years.—We kept company with her four days, during which time the captains were never aſunder, and then parted, our courſe lying different from hers.

In leſs than a fortnight after, we made the land of Guinea, near the mouth of the river Gambia, and trading along the coaſt as far to the ſouthward of the Line as Angola and Ben⯑gula, in leſs than ſix months diſpoſed of the great⯑eſt part of our cargo, and purchaſed four hundred negroes, my adventure having been laid out chiefly in gold duſt.

[324] Our compliment being made up, we took our departure from Cape Negro, and arrived in the Rio de la Plata in ſix weeks, having met with nothing remarkable in our voyage, except an epidemic fever, not unlike the jail diſtemper, which broke out among our ſlaves, and carried off a good many of the ſhip's company; among whom I loſt one of my mates, and poor Strap had well nigh given up the ghoſt.—Having pro⯑duced our paſſport to the Spaniſh governor, we were received with great courteſy, ſold our ſlaves in a very few days, and could have put off five times the number at our own price; being o⯑bliged to ſmuggle the reſt of our merchandize, conſiſting of European bale goods, which how⯑ever we made ſhift to diſpoſe of at a great ad⯑vantage.

CHAP. LXVI.

[325]

I am invited to the Villa of a Spaniſh Don, where we meet with an Engliſh gentleman, and make a very intereſting diſcovery—we leave Buenos Ayres, and arrive at Ja⯑maica.

OUR ſhip being freed from the diſagreeable lading of Negroes, to whom indeed I had been a miſerable ſlave, ſince our leaving the coaſt of Guinea, I began to enjoy myſelf, and breathe with pleaſure the pure air of Paraguay, this part of which is reckoned the Montpelier of South America, and has obtained, on account of its climate, the name of Buenos Ayres.—It was in this delicious place, that I gave myſelf entirely up to the thoughts of my dear Narciſſa, whoſe image ſtill kept full poſſeſſion of my breaſt, and whoſe charms, enhanced by abſence, appeared to my imagination, if poſſible, more engaging than ever! I calculated the profits of my voyage, which even exceeded my expectation; reſolved to purchaſe a handſome ſine-cure upon my ar⯑rival in England, and if I ſhould find the Squire as averſe to me as ever, marry his ſiſter by ſtealth; and in caſe our family ſhould encreaſe, rely upon the generoſity of my uncle, who was by this time worth a conſiderable ſum.

While I amuſed myſelf with theſe agreeable projects, and the tranſporting hopes of enjoying [326] Narciſſa, we were very much careſſed by the Spaniſh gentlemen, who frequently formed par⯑ties of pleaſure for our entertainment, in which we made excurſions a good way into the country. Among thoſe who ſignalized themſelves by their civility to us, there was one Don Antonio de Ribera, a very polite young gentleman, with whom I had contracted an intimate friendſhip, who invited us one day to his country-houſe, and as a further inducement to our compliance, pro⯑miſed to procure for us the company of an En⯑gliſh ſignor, who had been ſettled in theſe parts many years, and acquired the love and eſteem of the whole province by his affability, good ſenſe, and honourable behaviour.

We accepted his invitation, and ſet out for his Villa, where we had not been longer than an hour, when the perſon arrived, in whoſe favour I had been ſo much prepoſſeſſed.—He was a tall man, remarkably well ſhaped, of a fine mein and appearance commanding reſpect, and ſeemed to be turned of ſorty; the features of his face were ſaddened with a reſerve and gravity, which in other countries would have been thought the ef⯑fect of melancholy; but here, appeared to have been contracted by his commerce with the Spa⯑niards, who are remarkable for that ſeverity of countenance: Underſtanding from Don Antonio, that we were his countrymen, he ſaluted us all [...]ound very complaiſantly, and fixing his eyes attentively on me, uttered a deep ſigh.—I had been ſtruck with a profound veneration for him at his firſt coming into the room; and no ſooner obſerved this expreſſion of his ſorrow, directed, as it were, in a particular manner to me, than my heart took part in his grief, I ſympathized invo⯑luntarily, [327] and ſighed in my turn.—Having aſked leave of our entertainer, he accoſted us in En⯑gliſh, profeſſed his ſatisfaction at ſeeing ſo many of his countrymen in ſuch a remote place, and aſked the captain, who went by the name of Signor Thoma, from what part of Britain he ſailed, and whither he was bound.—My uncle told him that we had ſailed from the river Thames, and were bound for the ſame place, by the way of Jamaica, where we intended to take in a lading of ſugar.

Having ſatisfied himſelf in theſe and other par⯑ticulars about the ſtate of the war, he gave us to underſtand, that he had a longing deſire to reviſit his native country, in conſequence of which, he had already tranſmitted to Europe the greateſt part of his fortune in neutral bottoms, and would willingly embark the reſt of it, with himſelf, in our ſhip, provided the captain had no objection to ſuch a paſſenger.—My uncle very prudently replied, that for his part, he ſhould be glad of his company, if he could procure the conſent of the governor, without which he durſt not admit him on board, whatever inclination he had to oblige him.—The gentleman approved of his diſ⯑cretion, and telling him, that there would be no difficulty in obtaining the connivance of the gover⯑nor, who was his good friend, ſhifted the con⯑verſation to another ſubject.

I was overjoyed to hear his intention, and al⯑ready intereſted myſelf ſo much in his favour, that had he been diſappointed, I ſhould have been very unhappy: In the courſe of our entertain⯑ment, he eyed me with uncommon attachment; I felt a ſurprizing attraction towards him; when he ſpoke, I liſtened with attention and reverence; [328] the dignity of his deportment filled me with af⯑fection and awe; and in ſhort, the emotions of my ſoul, in preſence of this ſtranger, were ſtrong and unaccountable.

Having ſpent the beſt part of the day with us, he took his leave, telling captain Thoma, that he would hear from him in a ſhort time: He was no ſooner gone, than I aſked a thouſand queſtions about him, of Don Antonio, who could give me no other ſatisfaction, than that his name was Don Rodriguez, that he had lived fifteen or ſix⯑teen years in theſe parts, was reputed rich, and ſuppoſed to have been unfortunate in his younger years, becauſe he was obſerved to nouriſh a pen⯑ſive melancholy, even from the time of his firſt ſettlement among them; but that no body had ventured to enquire into the cauſe of his ſorrow, in conſideration of his peace, which might ſuffer in the recapitulation of his misfortunes.

I was ſeized with an irreſiſtible deſire of know⯑ing the particulars of his fate, and enjoyed not one hour of repoſe during the whole night, by reaſon of the eager conceptions that inſpired me, with regard to his ſtory, which I reſolved (if poſſible) to learn.—Next morning, while we were at break⯑faſt, three mules richly capariſoned arrived, with a meſſage from Don Rodriguez, deſiring our com⯑pany, and that of Don Antonio, at his houſe, which was ſituated about ten miles further up in the country.—I was pleaſed with this invitation, in conſequence of which we mounted the mules which he had provided for us, and alighted at his houſe before noon.—Here we were ſplendidly entertained by the generous ſtranger, who ſtill ſeemed to ſhew a particular regard for me, and af⯑ter dinner, made me a preſent of a ring ſet with [329] a beautiful amethyſt, the production of that country, ſaying at the ſame time, that he was once bleſſed with a ſon, who, had he lived, would have been nearly of my age. This obſervation, delivered with a profound ſigh, made my heart throb with violence; a crowd of confuſed ideas ruſhed upon my imagination, which, while I en⯑deavoured to unravel, my uncle perceived my abſence of thought, and tapping me on the ſhoulder, ſaid, ‘"Oons! are you aſleep, Rory!"’ Before I had time to reply, Don Rodriguez, with an uncommon eagerneſs of voice and look, pro⯑nounced, ‘"Pray, captain, what is the young gentle⯑man's name?"—’ ‘"His name (ſaid my uncle) is Roderick Random."—’ ‘"Gracious Powers!" (cried the ſtranger, ſtarting up)—’ ‘"And his mother's—His mother (anſwered the captain, amazed) was called Charlotte Bowling."—’ ‘"O bounteous heaven! (exclaimed Don Rodri⯑guez, ſpringing acroſs the table, and claſping me in his arms) my ſon! my ſon! have I found thee again? do I hold thee in my em⯑brace, after having loſt and deſpaired of ſee⯑ing thee, ſo long?"’ So ſaying, he fell upon my neck and wept aloud with joy; while the power of nature operating ſtrongly in my breaſt, I was loſt in rapture, and while he preſſed me to his heart, let fall a ſhower of tears into his boſom.—His utterance was choaked up a good while, by the agitation of his ſoul; at length he broke out into ‘"Myſterious Providence!—O my dear Charlotte! there yet remains a pledge of our love! and ſuch a pledge!—ſo found!—O infinite goodneſs! let me adore thy all⯑wiſe decrees!"’ Having thus expreſſed him⯑ſelf, he kneeled upon the floor, lifted up his eyes [330] and hands to heaven, and remained ſome mi⯑nutes in a ſilent exſtacy of devotion: I put my⯑ſelf in the ſame poſture, adored the all good Diſ⯑poſer in a prayer of mental thankſgiving; and when his ejaculation was ended, did homage to my father, and craved his parental bleſſing. He hugged me again with unutterable fondneſs, and having implored the protection of heaven upon my head, raiſed me from the ground, and pre⯑ſented me as his ſon to the company, who wept in concert over this affecting ſcene.—Among the reſt my uncle did not fail of diſcovering the good⯑neſs and joy of his heart, albeit unuſed to the melt⯑ing mood; he blubbered with great tenderneſs, and wringing my father's hand, cry'd, ‘"Bro⯑ther Random, I'm rejoiced to ſee you—God be praiſed for this happy meeting."—’Don Rodri⯑guez, underſtanding that he was his brother-in-law, embraced him affectionately, ſaying, ‘"Are you my Charlotte's brother?—alas! unhappy Charlotte!—but why ſhould I repine? we ſhall meet again, never more to part!—Brother, you are truly wel⯑come—Dear ſon, I am tranſported with un⯑ſpeakable joy!—This day is a jubilee—my friends and ſervants ſhall ſhare my ſatisfac⯑tion."’

While he diſpatched meſſengers to the gentle⯑men in the neighbourhood, to annonce this event, and gave orders for a grand entertainment, I was ſo much affected with the tumults of paſſion, which aſſailed me on this great, ſudden, and un⯑expected occaſion, that I fell ſick, fevered, and in leſs than three hours, became quite de⯑lirious; ſo that the preparations were coun⯑termanded, and the joy of the family con⯑verted into grief and deſpair.—Phyſicians were [331] inſtantly called, I was plentifully blooded in the foot, my lower extremities were bathed in a de⯑coction of ſalutiferous herbs; in ten hours after I was taken ill, I enjoyed a critical ſweat, and next day, felt no remains of the diſtemper, but an agreeable laſſitude, which did not hinder me from getting up—During the progreſs of this fever, which, from the term of its duration, is called Ephemera, my father never once quitted my bed-ſide, but adminiſtred the preſcriptions of the phyſicians with the moſt pious care; while Captain Bowling manifeſted his concern by the like atten⯑dance.—I no ſooner found myſelf delivered from the diſeaſe, than I bethought myſelf of my honeſt friend Strap; and reſolving to make him happy forthwith, in the knowledge of my good for⯑tune, told my father, in general, that I had been infinitely obliged to this faithful adherent; and begged he would indulge me ſo far as to ſend for him, without letting him know my happineſs, until he could receive an account of it from my own mouth.

My requeſt was inſtantly complied with, and a meſſenger with a ſpare mule detached to the ſhip, carrying orders from the captain to the mate to ſend the ſteward by the bearer.—My health being, in the mean time, re-eſtabliſhed, and my mind compoſed, I began to reliſh this important turn of my fortune, in reflecting upon the advan⯑tages with which it muſt be attended; and as the idea of my lovely Narciſſa always joined itſelf to every ſcene of happineſs I could imagine, I en⯑tertained myſelf now, with the proſpect of poſ⯑ſeſſing her in that diſtinguiſhed ſphere, to which ſhe was intitled by her birth and qualifications.—Having often mentioned her name while I was [332] deprived of my ſenſes, my father gueſſed that there was an intimate connexion between us, and diſcovering the picture which hung in my boſom by a ribbon, did not doubt that it was the reſemblance of my amiable miſtreſs: In this belief he was confirmed by my uncle, who told him that it was the picture of a young wo⯑man, to whom I was under promiſe of marriage.—Alarmed at this piece of information, Don Rodriguez took the firſt opportunity of queſ⯑tioning me about the circumſtances of this affair, which when I had candidly recounted, he ap⯑proved of my paſſion, and promiſed to contri⯑bute all in his power towards its ſucceſs: though I never doubted his generoſity, I was tranſported on this occaſion, and throwing myſelf at his feet, told him, he had now compleated my happineſs; for without the poſſeſſion of Narciſſa, I ſhould be miſerable among all the pleaſures of life.—He raiſed me with a ſmile of paternal fondneſs; ſaid, he knew what it was to be in love; and ob⯑ſerved, that if he had been as tenderly beloved by his father, as I was by mine, he would not now, perhaps, have cauſe—Here he was in⯑terrupted by a ſigh, the tear ſtood collected in his eye, he ſuppreſſed the dictates of his grief, and the time being opportune, deſired me to re⯑late the paſſages of my life, which my uncle had told him were manifold and ſurprizing.—I re⯑counted the moſt material circumſtances of my fortune, to which he liſtened with wonder and attention, manifeſting from time to time thoſe different emotions, which my different ſituations may be ſuppoſed to have raiſed in a parent's breaſt; and when my detail was ended, bleſſed God for the adverſity I had undergone, which, [333] he ſaid, enlarged the underſtanding, improved the heart, ſteeled the conſtitution, and qualified a young man for all the duties and enjoyments of life, much better than any education which affluence could beſtow.

When I had thus ſatisfied his curioſity, I diſ⯑covered an inclination to hear the particulars of his ſtory, which he gratified, by beginning with his marriage, and proceeding to the day of his diſappearing, as I have related in the firſt part of my memoirs, ‘"Careleſs of life (con⯑tinued he) and unable to live in a place where every object recalled the memory of my dear Charlotte, whom I had loſt through the bar⯑barity of an unnatural parent, I took my leave of you, my child, then an infant, with an heart full of unutterable woe, but little ſuſpecting that my father's unkindneſs would have deſcended to my innocent orphan; and ſetting out alone, at midnight, for the neareſt ſea-port, early next morning got on board a ſhip, bound, as I had heard, for France, and bargaining with the maſter for my paſ⯑ſage, bid a long adieu to my native country, and put to ſea with the firſt fair wind. The place of our deſtination was Granville, but we had the misfortune to run upon a ridge of rocks near the iſland of Alderney called the Gaſkets, where the ſea running high, the ſhip went to pieces, the boat ſunk along-ſide, and every ſoul on board periſhed, except myſelf, who by the aſſiſtance of a grating, got aſhore on the coaſt of Normandy: I went directly to Caen, where I was ſo lucky as to meet with a Count, whom I had formerly known in my travels: With this gentleman, I ſet out for [334] Paris, where I was recommended by him and other friends, as a tutor to a young noble⯑man, whom I accompanied to the court of Spain.—There we remained a whole year, at the end of which my pupil being recalled by his father, I quitted my office and ſtaid be⯑hind, by the advice of a certain Spaniſh gran⯑dee who took me into his protection, and in⯑troduced me to another nobleman, who was afterwards created Viceroy of Peru.—He in⯑ſiſted on my attending him to his government in the Indies, where, however, by reaſon of my religion, it was not in his power to make my fortune any other way than by encouraging me to trade, which I had not long proſecuted when my patron died, and I found myſelf in the midſt of ſtrangers, without one friend to ſupport or protect me; urged by this conſi⯑deration, I ſold my effects and removed to this country, the governour of which having been appointed by the Vice-roy, was my inti⯑mate acquaintance.—Here has heaven pro⯑ſpered my endeavours, during a reſidence of ſixteen years, in which my tranquillity was never invaded, but by the remembrance of your mother, whoſe death I have in ſecret mourned without ceaſing; and the reflection of you, whoſe ſate I could never learn, not⯑withſtanding all my inquiries, by means of my friends in France, who, after the moſt ſtrict examination, could give me no other account, than that you went abroad ſix years ago, and was never after heard of.—I could not reſt ſatisfied with this imperfect informa⯑tion, and though my hope of finding you was [335] but languid, reſolved to go in queſt of you in perſon; for which purpoſe, I have remitted to Holland the value of twenty thouſand pound, and am in poſſeſſion of fifteen thouſand more, with which I intended to embark myſelf on board of captain Bowling, before I diſcovered this amazing ſtroke of providence, which you may be ſure has not altered my intention."’

My father having entertained us with this a⯑greeable ſketch of his life, withdrew in order to relieve Don Antonio, who in his abſence, had done the honours of his houſe; and I was juſt dreſſed for my appearance among the gueſts, when Strap arrived from the ſhip.

He no ſooner entered the grand apartment, in which I was, and ſaw the magnificence of my ap⯑parel, than his ſpeech was loſt in amazement, and he gaped in ſilence at the objects that ſur⯑rounded him.—I took him by the hand, obſerved that I had ſent for him to be a witneſs and ſharer of my happineſs, and told him I had found a father.—At theſe words he ſtarted, and after having continued ſome minutes with his mouth and eyes wide open, cried, ‘"Aha!—odd, I know what! go thy ways, poor Narciſſa, and go thy ways ſomebody elſe—well—Lord, what a thing is love?—God help us! are all our mad pranks and proteſtations come to this? what! and you have fixed your habitation in this diſtant land! God proſper you—I find we muſt part at laſt—for I would not leave my poor carcaſs ſo far from my native home, for all the wealth of the univerſe!"’ With theſe ejaculations, he began to ſob and make wry faces; upon which I aſſured him of his miſtake, [336] both in regard to Narciſſa, and my ſtaying in Paraguay, and informed him as briefly as I could, of the great event which had happened.—Never was rapture more ludicrouſly expreſſed, than in the behaviour of this worthy creature, who cried, laughed, whiſtled, ſung and danced, all in a breath; his tranſport was ſcarce over, when my father entered, who no ſooner underſtood that this was Strap, than he took him by the hand, ſaying, ‘"Is this the honeſt man, who be⯑friended you ſo much in your diſtreſs? your are welcome to my houſe, and I ſhall ſoon put it in the power of my ſon to reward you for your good offices in his behalf; in the mean time, go with us and partake of the repaſt that is provided."’ Strap, wild as he was with joy, would by no means accept of the profered honour, crying, ‘"God forbid! I know my diſtance—your worſhip ſhall excuſe me."’ And Don Rodriguez finding his modeſty in⯑vincible, recommended him to his Major Domo, to be treated with the utmoſt reſpect; while he carried me into a large ſaloon, where I was pre⯑ſented to a numerous company, who loaded me with compliments and careſſes, and congratu⯑lated my father in terms not proper for me to re⯑peat.

Without ſpecifying the particulars of our en⯑tertainment, let it ſuffice to ſay, it was at the ſame time elegant and ſumptuous, and the re⯑joicing laſted two days: After which, Don Ro⯑driguez ſettled his affairs, converted his effects into ſilver and gold, viſited and took leave of all his friends, who were grieved at his departure, and honoured me with conſiderable preſents; and [337] coming on board of my uncle's ſhip, with the firſt favourable wind we ſailed from the Rio de la Plato, and in two months came ſafe to an anchor in the harbour of Kingſton in the iſland of Jamaica.

CHAP. LXVII.

I viſit my old friend Thomſon—we ſet ſail for Europe, meet with an odd ad⯑venture—arrive in England—I ride acroſs the country from Portſmouth to Suſſex—converſe with Mrs. Sagely, who informs me of Narciſſa's being in Lon⯑don—in conſequence of this intelligence, I proceed to Canterbury—meet with my old friend Morgan—arrive at London—viſit Narciſſa—introduce my father to her—he is charmed with her good ſenſe and beauty—we come to a determination of demanding her brother's conſent to our mar⯑riage.

I Enquired, as ſoon as I got aſhore, about my generous companion Mr. Thomſon; and hear⯑ing that he lived in a flouriſhing condition, upon the eſtate leſt to him by his wife's father, who had been dead ſome years, I took horſe immedi⯑ately, with the conſent of Don Rodriguez, who had heard me mention him with great regard, [338] and in a few hours reached the place of his ha⯑bitation.

I ſhould much wrong the delicacy of Mr. Thomſon's ſentiments, to ſay barely he was glad to ſee me: He felt all that the moſt ſenſible and diſintereſted friendſhip could feel on this occaſion, introduced me to his wife, a very amiable young lady, who had already bleſſed him with two fine children; and being as yet ignorant of my cir⯑cumſtances, frankly offered me the aſſiſtance of his purſe and intereſt. I thanked him for his ge⯑nerous intention, and made him acquainted with my ſituation, on which he congratulated me with great joy, and after I had ſtaid with him a whole day and night, accompanied me back to King⯑ſton, to wait upon my father, whom he invited to his houſe: Don Rodriguez complied with his re⯑queſt, and having been handſomely entertained during the ſpace of a week, returned extremely well ſatisfied with the behaviour of my friend and his lady, to whom at parting, he preſented a valuable diamond ring, as a token of his eſteem. During the courſe of my converſation with Mr. Thomſon, he let me know, that his and my old com⯑mander captain Oakhum was dead ſome months, and that immediately after his death, a diſcovery had been made of ſome valuable effects that he had feloniouſly ſecreted out of a prize, by the aſſiſtance of Dr. Mackſhane, who was now ac⯑tually in priſon on that account, and being de⯑ſtitute of friends, ſubſiſted ſolely on the charity of my friend, whoſe bounty he had implored in the moſt abject manner, after having been the barbarous occaſion of driving him to that terrible extremity on board of the Thunder, which we [339] have formerly related.—Whatſoever this wretch might have been guilty of, I applauded Mr. Thomſon's generoſity towards him in his diſtreſs, which wrought ſo much upon me alſo, that I ſent him ten piſtoles, in ſuch a private manner, that he could never know his benefactor.

While my father and I were careſſed among the gentlemen on ſhore, captain Bowling had wrote to his owners, by the packet, which ſailed a few days after our arrival, ſignifying his proſperous voyage hitherto, and deſiring them to enſure his ſhip and cargo homeward bound; after which he applied himſelf ſo heartily to the loading his ſhip, that with the aſſiſtance of Mr. Thomſon, ſhe was full in leſs than ſix weeks. This kind gen⯑tleman likewiſe procured for Don Rodriguez, bills upon London for the greateſt part of his gold and ſilver, by which means it was ſecured againſt the riſk of the ſeas and the enemy; and before we ſailed, ſupplied us with ſuch large quantities of all kinds of ſtock, that not only we, but the whole ſhips company, fared ſumptu⯑ouſly during the voyage.

Every thing being ready, we took our leave of our kind entertainers, and going on board at Port Royal, ſet ſail for England on the firſt day of June.—We beat up to windward, with fine eaſy weather; and one night, believing ourſelves near Cape Tiberoon, lay to, with an intention to wood and water next morning in the bay: While we remained in this ſituation, a ſailor hav⯑ing drank more new rum than he could carry, ſtaggered over-board, and notwithſtanding all the means that could be uſed to preſerve him, went to the bottom and diſappeared. About two hours [340] after this melancholy accident happened, as I en⯑joyed a cool air on the quarter-deck, I heard a voice riſing, as it were, out of the ſea, and cal⯑ling, ‘"Ho, the ſhip, a hoy!"’ Upon which one of the men upon the forecaſtle cried, ‘"I'll be d—n'd, if that an't Jack Marlinſpike, who went over-board!"’ Not a little ſur⯑prized at this event, I jumped into the boat that lay along-ſide, with the ſecond mate and four men, and rowing towards the place, from whence the voice (which repeated the hail) ſeemed to proceed, we perceived ſomething floating upon the water; when we had rowed a little farther, we diſcerned it to be a man riding upon a hen⯑coop, who ſeeing us approach, pronounced with a hoarſe voice, ‘"D—n your bloods! why did you not anſwer when I hailed?"’ Our mate, who was a veritable ſeaman, hearing this ſalute, ſaid, ‘"By G—d, my lads, this is none of our man—This is the devil—pull away for the ſhip."’ The fellows obeyed his command, without queſtion, and were already ſome fathoms on our return, when I inſiſted on their taking up the poor creature, and prevailed upon them to go back to the wreck, which when we came near the ſecond time, and ſignified our intention, we received an anſwer of, ‘"Avaſt, avaſt—what ſhip, brother?"’ Being ſatisfied in this par⯑ticular, he cried, ‘"D—n the ſhip, I was in hopes it had been my own—where are you bound?"’ We gratified his curioſity in this too; upon which he ſuffered himſelf to be taken on board, and after being comforted with a dram, told us, he belonged to the Veſuvio man of war, upon a cruize off the iſland of Hiſpa⯑niola; [341] that he had fallen over-board about four and twenty hours ago, and the ſhip being under ſail, they did not chuſe to bring to, but toſſed a hen-coop over-board for his convenience, upon which he was in good hopes of reaching the Cape next morning; howſomever, he was as well content to be aboard us, becauſe he did not doubt that we ſhould meet his ſhip; and if he had gone aſhore in the bay, he might have been taken priſoner by the French.—My uncle and father were very much diverted with the account of this fellow's unconcerned behaviour; and in two days, meeting with the Veſuvio, as he expected, he was ſent him on board of her according to his deſire.

Having beat up ſucceſsfully the windward paſſage, we ſtretched to the northward, and fall⯑ing in with a weſterly wind, in eight weeks ar⯑rived in ſoundings, and in two days after made the Lizzard.—It is impoſſible to expreſs the joy I felt at ſight of Engliſh ground! Don Rodri⯑guez was not unmoved, and Strap ſhed tears of gladneſs.—The ſailors profited by our ſatisfaction; the ſhoe that was nailed to the maſt, being quite filled with our liberality.—My uncle reſolved to run up into the Downs at once, but the wind ſhifting when we were a-breaſt of the iſle of Wight, he was obliged to turn in to St. Helens, and come to an anchor at Spithead, to the great mortification of the crew, thirty of whom were immediately preſſed on board of a man of war.

My father and I went a ſhore immediately to Portſmouth, leaving Strap with the captain to go round with the ſhip and take care of our effects; and I diſcovered ſo much impatience to ſee my [342] charming Narciſſa, that my father permitted me to ride acroſs the country to her brother's houſe; while he ſhould hire a poſt-chaiſe for London, where he would wait for me at a place to which I directed him.

Fired with all the eagerneſs of paſſion, I took poſt that very night, and in the morning reached an inn, about three miles from the Squire's ha⯑bitation; here I remained till next evening, al⯑laying the torture of my impatience with the rapturous hope of ſeeing that divine creature, after an abſence of eighteen months, which ſo far from impairing, had raiſed my love to the moſt exalted pitch! Neither were my reflections free from apprehenſion, that ſometimes intervened in ſpite of all my hope, and repreſented her as having yielded to the importunity of her brother, and bleſſed the arms of an unhappy rival.—My thoughts were even maddened with the fear of her death; and when I arrived in the dark at the houſe of Mrs. Sagely, I had not for ſome time courage to deſire admittance, leſt my ſoul ſhould be ſhocked with diſmal tidings. At length, however, I knocked, and no ſooner certified the good gentlewoman of my voice than ſhe opened the door, and received me with a moſt affectionate embrace, that brought tears into her aged eyes: ‘"For heaven's ſake! dear mo⯑ther (cried I) tell me, how is Narciſſa? is ſhe the ſame that I left her?"’ She bleſſed my ears with ſaying, ‘"She is as beautiful, in as good health, and as much yours as ever."—’Tranſported at this aſſurance, I begged to know if I could not ſee her that very night; when this ſage matron gave me to underſtand that my [343] miſtreſs was in London, and that things were ſtrangely altered in the Squire's houſe ſince my departure; that he had been married a whole year to Melinda, who at firſt found means to wean his attention ſo much from Narciſſa, that he became quite careleſs of that lovely ſiſter, com⯑forting himſelf with the clauſe in his father's will, by which ſhe would forfeit her fortune, if ſhe ſhould marry without his conſent;—that my miſtreſs being but indifferently treated by her ſiſter-in-law, had made uſe of her freedom ſome months ago, and gone to town, where ſhe was lodged with Miſs Williams, in expectation of my arrival; and had been peſtered with the ad⯑dreſſes of Lord Quiverwit, who finding her heart engaged, had fallen upon a great many ſhifts, to perſwade her that I was dead: but finding all his artifices unſucceſsful, and deſpairing of gaining her affection, he had conſoled himſelf for her indiffe⯑rence, by marrying another lady ſome weeks ago, who had already leſt him on account of ſome family uneaſineſs.—Beſides this intereſting information, ſhe told me, that there was not a great deal of harmony between Melinda and the Squire, who was ſo much diſguſted at the number of gallants who continued to hover about her even after marriage, that he hurried her down into the country much againſt her inclination, where their mutual animoſities had riſen to ſuch a height, that they preſerved no decency before company or ſervants, but abuſed one another in the groſſeſt terms.

This good old gentlewoman, to give me a convincing proof of my dear Narciſſa's unalte⯑rable love, gratified me with a ſight of the laſt [344] letter ſhe had favoured her with, in which I was mentioned with ſo much honour, tenderneſs and concern, that my ſoul was fired with impatience, and I determined to ride all night, that I might have it the ſooner in my power to make her happy.—Mrs. Sagely perceiving my eagerneſs, and her maternal affection being equally divided between Narciſſa and me, begged leave to remind me of the ſentiments with which I went abroad, that would not permit me for any ſelfiſh grati⯑fication to prejudice the fortune of that amiable young lady, who muſt entirely depend upon me, after having beſtowed herſelf in marriage. I thanked her for her kind concern, and as briefly as poſſible deſcribed my flouriſhing ſituation, which afforded this humane perſon infinite wonder and ſatisfaction. I told her, that now I had an op⯑portunity to manifeſt my gratitude for the obli⯑gations I owed, I would endeavour to make her old age comfortable and eaſy; as a ſtep to which, I propoſed ſhe ſhould come and live with Narciſſa and me.—This venerable gentle⯑woman was ſo much affected with my words, that the tears run down her ancient cheeks; ſhe thanked heaven that I had not belied the preſages ſhe had made, on her firſt acquaintance with me; acknowledging my generoſity, as ſhe called it, in the moſt elegant and pathetick ex⯑preſſions; but declined my propoſal, on account of her attachment to the dear melancholy cot⯑tage where ſhe had ſo peacefully conſumed her ſolitary widowhood. Finding her immoveable on this ſubject, I inſiſted on her accepting a preſent of thirty guineas, and took my leave, reſolving to accommodate her with the ſame ſum annually, [345] for the more comfortable ſupport of the infirmities of age.

Having rode all night, I found myſelf at Can⯑terbury in the morning, where I alighted to pro⯑cure freſh horſes; and as I walked into the inn, perceived an apothecary's ſhop on the other ſide of the ſtreet, with the name of Morgan over the door: Alarm'd at this diſcovery, I could not help thinking that my old meſs-mate had ſettled in this place; and upon enquiry, found my conjecture true, and that he was married lately to a widow of that city, by whom he had got three thou⯑ſand pounds. Rejoiced at this intelligence, I went to his ſhop as ſoon as it was open, and found my friend behind the counter, buſy in preparing a glyſter. I ſaluted him at entrance, with ‘"Your ſervant, Mr. Morgan."—’Upon which he looked at me, and replying, ‘"Your moſt humble ſervant, goot Sir;"’rubbed his ingredients in the mortar, without any emotion. ‘"What! (ſaid I) Morgan, have you forgot your old meſs-mate?"’ At theſe words, he looked up again, and ſtarting, cried, ‘"As Got is my—ſure it cannot—yes by my ſalfation, I pelieve it is my tear frient Mr. Rantom."—’He was no ſooner convinced of my identity, than he threw down the peſtle, overſet the mortar, and jumping over the board, ſwept up the con⯑tents with his cloaths, flew about my neck, hugged me affectionately, and daubed me all over with turpentine and the yolks of eggs, which he had been mixing when I came in.—Our mutual congratulations being over, he told me, that he found himſelf a widower upon his return from the Weſt Indies; that he had got intereſt [346] to be appointed ſurgeon of a man of war, in which capacity he had ſerved ſome years, until he married an apothecary's widow, with whom he now enjoyed a pretty good ſum of money, peace and quiet, and an indifferent good trade.—He was very deſirous of hearing my adventures, which I aſſured him I had not time to relate, but told him in general, my circumſtances were very good, and that I hoped to ſee him when I ſhould not be in ſuch a hurry as at preſent.—He inſiſted however on my ſtaying breakfaſt, and introduced me to his wife, who ſeemed to be a decent ſen⯑ſible woman, pretty well ſtricken in years. In the courſe of our converſation, he ſhewed the ſleeve-buttons I had exchanged with him at our parting in the Weſt Indies, and was not a little proud to ſee that I had preſerved his with the ſame care. When I informed him of Mackſhane's condition, he ſeem'd at firſt to exult over his diſtreſs; but after a little recollection, he ſaid, ‘"Well, he has paid for his malice, I forgife him, and may Got forgife him likewiſe."’ He expreſſed great concern for the ſoul of captain Oakhum, which he believed was now gnaſhing its teeth: but it was ſome time before I could convince him of Thomſon's being alive, at whoſe good fortune nevertheleſs he was extremely glad.

Having renewed our proteſtations of friendſhip, I bid the honeſt Welchman and his ſpouſe fare⯑well, and taking poſt horſes, arrived at London that ſame night, where I found my father in good health, to whom I imparted what I had learned of Narciſſa.—This indulgent parent approved of my intention of marrying her, even without a [347] fortune, provided her brother's conſent could not be obtained; promiſed to make over to me in a few days a ſufficiency to maintain her in a faſhio⯑nable manner, and expreſſed a deſire of ſeeing this amiable creature, who had captivated me ſo much.—As I had not ſlept the night before, and was beſides fatigued with my journey, I found myſelf under a neceſſity of taking ſome repoſe, and went to bed accordingly: next morning about ten a-clock, I took a chair, and, according to Mrs. Sagely's directions, went to my charmer's lodgings, and enquired for Miſs Williams.—I had not waited in a parlour longer than a minute, when this young woman entered, and no ſooner perceived me, than ſhe ſhrieked and run back⯑ward; I got between her and the door, and claſping her in my arms, brought her to herſelf by an embrace. ‘"Good heaven (cried ſhe) Mr. Random is it you indeed! my miſtreſs will run diſtracted with joy."—’I told her, it was from an apprehenſion that my ſudden appearance would have ſome bad effect on my dear Nar⯑ciſſa, that I had deſired to ſee her firſt, in order to concert ſome method of acquainting her miſtreſs gradually with my arrival. She approved of my conduct, and after having yielded to the ſuggeſtions of her own friendſhip, in aſking if my voyage had been ſucceſsful, charged herſelf with that office, and left me glowing with deſire of ſeeing and embracing the object of my love. In a very little time I heard ſome body coming down ſtairs in haſte, and the voice of my angel pronounce, with an eager tone, ‘"O heaven! is it poſſible! where is he?"’ How were my faculties arrouſed at this well-known ſound! and how was [348] my ſoul tranſported, when ſhe broke in upon my view, in all the bloom of ripened beauty! Grace was in all her ſteps, heaven in her eye, in every geſture dignity and love!—You whoſe ſouls are ſuſceptible of the moſt delicate impreſſions, whoſe tender boſoms have felt the affecting viciſſitudes of love, who have ſuffered an abſence of eighteen long months from the dear object of your hope, and found at your return the melting fair, as kind and conſtant as your heart could wiſh; do me juſtice on this occaſion, and conceive what unutterable rapture poſſeſſed us both, while we flew into one anothers arms! This was no time for ſpeech,—locked in a mutual embrace, we continued ſome minutes in a ſilent trance of joy!—When I thus encircled all that my ſoul held dear,—while I hung over her beauties,—beheld her eyes ſparkle, and every feature fluſh with virtuous fondneſs; when I ſaw her enchanting boſom heave with undiſſembled rapture, and knew myſelf the happy cauſe—Heavens! what was my ſituation!—I am tempted to commit my paper to the flames, and to renounce my pen for ever, becauſe its moſt ardent and lucky expreſ⯑ſion ſo poorly deſcribes the emotions of my ſoul. O adorable Narciſſa! (cried I) O miracle of beauty, love and truth! I at laſt fold thee in my arms! I at laſt can call thee mine! no jealous brother ſhall thwart our happineſs again; fortune hath at length recompenced me for all my ſuffer⯑ings, and enabled me to do juſtice to my love.—The dear creature ſmiled ineffably charming, and with a look of bewitching tenderneſs, ſaid, ‘"And ſhall we never part again?"’ ‘"Never! (I replied) thou wondrous pattern of all earthly [349] perfection! never, until death ſhall divide us! by this ambroſial kiſs, a thouſand times more fragrant than the breeze that ſweeps the orange grove, I never more will leave thee!"’

As my firſt tranſport abated, my paſſion grew turbulent and unruly. I was giddy with ſtanding on the brink of bliſs, and all my virtue and phi⯑loſophy were ſcarce ſufficient to reſtrain the in⯑ordinate ſallies of deſire.—Narciſſa perceived the conflict within me, and with her uſual dignity of prudence, called off my imagination from the ob⯑ject in view, and with eager expreſſions of inte⯑reſted curioſity, deſired to know the particulars of my voyage.—In this I gratified her inclinati⯑on, bringing my ſtory down to the preſent hour. She was infinitely ſurpriſed at the circumſtances of my finding my father, which brought tears into her lovely eyes. She was tranſported at hear⯑ing that he approved my flame, diſcovered a longing deſire of being introduced to him, con⯑gratulated herſelf and me upon my good fortune, and obſerved that this great and unexpected ſtroke of fate ſeemed to have been brought about by the immediate direction of providence.—Having en⯑tertained ourſelves ſome hours with the genuine effuſions of our ſouls, I obtained her conſent to compleat my happineſs as ſoon as my father ſhould judge it proper; and applying with my own hands a valuable necklace, compoſed of diamonds and amethyſts ſet alternately, which an old Spa⯑niſh lady at Paraguay preſented me with, I took my leave, promiſing to return in the afternoon with Don Rodriguez.—When I went home, this generous parent enquired very affectionately about the health of my dear Narciſſa, to whom that [350] I might be the more agreeable, he put into my hand a deed, by which I found myſelf in poſ⯑ſeſſion of fifteen thouſand pounds, excluſive of the profits of my own merchandize, which a⯑mounted to three thouſand more.—After dinner I accompanied him to the lodging of my miſtreſs, who being dreſſed for the occaſion, made a moſt dazzling appearance. I could perceive him ſtruck with her figure, which I really think was the moſt beautiful that ever was created under the ſun. He embraced her tenderly, and told her, he was proud of having a ſon who had ſpirit to attempt, and qualifications to engage, the affecti⯑ons of ſuch a fine lady.—She bluſhed at this com⯑pliment, and with eyes full of the ſofteſt languiſh⯑ment turned upon me, ſaid, ſhe would have been unworthy of Mr. Random's attention, had ſhe been blind to his extraordinary merit.—I made no other anſwer than a low bow. My father ſigh⯑ing, pronounced, ‘"Such once was my Charlotte!"’ while the tear ruſhed into his eye, and the tender heart of Narciſſa manifeſted itſelf in two precious drops of ſympathy, which, but for his preſence, I would have kiſſed away. Without repeating the particulars of our converſation, I ſhall only obſerve, that Don Rodriguez was as much charmed with her good-ſenſe, as with her appearance; and ſhe was no leſs pleaſed with his underſtanding and polite addreſs.—It was determined that he ſhould write to the Squire ſignifying his approba⯑tion of my paſſion for his ſiſter, and offering a ſettlement which he ſhould have no reaſon to re⯑ject; and that, if he ſhould refuſe the propoſal, we would crown our mutual wiſhes without any farther regard to his will.

CHAP. LXVIII.

[351]

My father makes a preſent to Narciſſa—the letter is diſpatched to her brother—I ap⯑pear among my acquaintance—Banter's behaviour—the Squire refuſes his conſent—my uncle comes to town—approves of my choice—I am married—we meet the Squire and his lady at the play—our ac⯑quaintance is courted.

AFTER having ſpent the evening to the ſatisfaction of all preſent, my father addreſ⯑ſed himſelf thus to Narciſſa, ‘"Madam, give me leave to conſider you hereafter as my daughter, in which capacity I inſiſt upon your accepting this firſt inſtance of my paternal duty and af⯑fection."’ With theſe words, he put into her hand a bank-note for 500l. which ſhe no ſooner examined, than with a low curteſy ſhe replied, ‘"Dear Sir, tho' I have not the leaſt occaſion for this ſupply, I have too great a veneration for you, to refuſe this proof of your generoſity and eſteem, which I the more freely receive, be⯑cauſe I already look upon Mr. Random's inte⯑reſt as inſeparably connected with mine."’ He was extremely well pleaſed at her frank and in⯑genuous reply, upon which we ſaluted, and wiſhed her good night.—The letter, at my requeſt, was diſpatched to Suſſex by an expreſs, and in [352] the mean time, Don Rodriguez, to grace my nuptials, hired a ready-furniſhed houſe, and ſet up a very handſom equipage.

Though I paſſed the greateſt part of the day with the darling of my ſoul, I found leiſure ſometimes to be among my former acquaintance, who were aſtoniſhed at the magnificence of my appearance: Banter in particular was confounded at the ſtrange viciſſitudes of my fortune, the cauſes of which he endeavoured in vain to diſcover, un⯑til I thought fit to diſcloſe the whole ſecret of my laſt voyage, partly in conſideration of our former intimacy, and partly to prevent unfavourable conjectures which he and others, in all probabi⯑lity, would have made in regard to my circumſtan⯑ces. He profeſſed great ſatisfaction at this piece of news, and I had no cauſe to believe him inſin⯑cere, when I conſidered that he would now look upon himſelf as acquitted of the debt he owed me, and at the ſame time flatter himſelf with hopes of borrowing more.—I carried him home to dinner with me, and my father liked his converſation ſo much, that upon hearing his difficulties, he deſired me to accommodate him for the preſent, and enquire if he would accept of a commiſſion in the army, towards the pur⯑chaſe of which he would willingly lend him money. Accordingly, I gave my friend an op⯑portunity of being alone with me, when, as I expected, he told me that he was juſt on the point of being reconciled to an old rich uncle, whoſe heir he was, but wanted a few pieces for immediate expence, which he deſired I would lend him, and take his bond for the whole. His demand was limited to ten guineas; and [353] when I put twenty into his hand, he ſtared at me for ſome moments, then putting it into his purſe, ſaid, ‘"Ay, 'tis all one,—you'll have the whole in a very ſhort time."’ When I had taken his note, to ſave the expence of a bond, I expreſſed ſome ſurprize that a fellow of his ſpi⯑rit ſhould loiter away his time in idleneſs, and aſked why he did not chooſe to make his fortune in the army.—‘"What! (ſaid he) throw away money upon a ſubaltern's commiſſion, to be under the command of a parcel of ſcoundrels who have raiſed themſelves above me by the moſt infamous practices! no, I love indepen⯑dency too well to ſacrifice my life, health and pleaſure for ſuch a pitiful conſideration."—’Finding him averſe to this way of life, I chang'd the ſubject, and return'd to Don Rodriguez, who had juſt received the following epiſtle from the Squire.

SIR,

COncerning a letter which I received, ſub⯑ſcrib'd R. Random, this is the anſwer.—As for you, I know nothing of you.—Your ſon, or pretended ſon, I have ſeen;—if he mar⯑ries my ſiſter, at his peril be it; I do declare, that he ſhall not have one ſarthing of her for⯑tune, which becomes my property, if ſhe takes a huſband without my conſent.—Your ſettlement, I do believe, is all a ſham, and yourſelf no better than you ſhould be; but if you had all the wealth of the Indies, your ſon ſhall never match in our family, with the conſent of

Orſon Topehall.

[354] My father was not much ſurpriſed at this polite letter, after having heard the character of the author: and as for me, I was even pleaſed at his refuſal, becauſe I now had an opportunity of ſhewing my diſintereſted love. By his permiſ⯑ſion I waited on my charmer; and having im⯑parted the contents of her brother's letter, at which ſhe wept bitterly, in ſpite of all my con⯑ſolation and careſſes, the time of our marriage was fixed at the diſtance of two days.—During this interval, in which my ſoul was wound up to the laſt ſtretch of rapturous expectation, Nar⯑ciſſa endeavoured to reconcile ſome of her rela⯑tions in town to her marriage with me; but find⯑ing them all deaf to her remonſtrances, either out of envy or prejudice; ſhe told me with the moſt enchanting ſweetneſs, while the tears bedewed her lovely cheeks, ‘"Sure the world will no longer queſtion your generoſity, when you take a poor forlorn beggar to your arms."’ Affected with her ſorrow, I preſſed the fair mourner to my breaſt, and ſwore that ſhe was more dear and welcome on that account, becauſe ſhe had ſacri⯑ficed her friends and fortune to her love for me.—My uncle, for whoſe character ſhe had a great veneration, being by this time come to town, I introduced him to my bride; and although he was not very much ſubject to refined ſenſations, he was ſtruck dumb with admiration at her beauty. After having kiſſed and gazed at her for ſome time, he turned to me, ſaying, ‘"Odds bobs, Rory! here's a notable prize indeed, finely built and gloriouſly rigged, I faith! if ſhe an't well manned when you have the command of of her, ſirrah, you deſerve to go to ſea in [355] a cockle-ſhell.—No offence, I hope, niece; you muſt not mind what I ſay, being (as the ſaying is) a plain ſea-faring man, thof may⯑hap I have as much regard for you as another."—’She received him with great civility, told him ſhe had longed a great while to ſee a perſon to whom ſhe was ſo much indebted for his gene⯑roſity to Mr. Random, that ſhe looked upon him as her uncle, by which name ſhe begged leave to call him for the future, and that ſhe was very ſure he could ſay nothing that could give her the leaſt offence. The honeſt captain was tranſported at her courteous behaviour, and inſiſted upon giving her away at the ceremony, ſwearing that he loved her as well as if ſhe was his own child, and that he would give two thouſand guineas to the firſt fruit of o [...] [...]ove, as ſoon as it could ſqueak.—Every [...]ng being prepared for the ſolemnization of our nuptials, which were to be performed pri⯑vately at my father's houſe, the auſpicious hour arrived, when Don Rodriguez and my uncle went in the coach to fetch the bride and Miſs Williams; leaving me with a parſon, Banter and Strap, neither of whom had as yet ſeen my charming miſtreſs.—My faithful valet, who was on the rack of impatience to behold a lady of whom he had heard ſo much, no ſooner underſtood that the coach was returned, than he placed himſelf at a window to have a peep at her as ſhe alighted; and when he ſaw her, he clapped his hands to⯑gether, turned up the white of his eyes, and with his mouth wide open, remained in a ſort of extaſy, which broke out into, ‘"O Dea certe!—qualis in Eurotae ripis, aut per juga Cynthi exercet Diana choros!"—’The doctor and Banter were [356] ſurpriz'd to hear my man ſpeak Latin, but when my father led Narciſſa into the room, the object of their admiration was ſoon changed, as appear'd in the countenances of both.—Indeed they muſt have been the moſt inſenſible of all beings, could they have beheld without emotion the divine creature that approached! She was dreſſed in a ſack of white ſattin, embroidered on the breaſt with gold; the crown of her head was covered with a ſmall French cap, from whence deſcended her beautiful hair in ringlets that waved upon her ſnowy neck, which dignified the necklace I had given her; her looks glowed with modeſty and love; and her boſom, thro' the veil of gauze that ſhaded it, afforded a proſpect of Elyzium!—I re⯑ceived this ineſtimable gift of providence as be⯑came me; and in a little time the clergyman did his office, my uncle, at his own earneſt requeſt, acting the part of a father to my dear Narciſſa, who trembled very much, and had ſcarce ſpirits ſufficient to ſupport her under this great change of ſituation.—Soon as ſhe was mine by the laws of heaven and earth, I printed a burning kiſs upon her lips, my father embraced her tenderly, my uncle hugged her with great affection, and I pre⯑ſented her to my friend Banter, who ſaluted her in a very polite manner; Miſs Williams hung round her neck, and wept plentifully; while Strap fell upon his knees, and begged to kiſs his lady's hand, which ſhe preſented with great affability.—I ſhall not pretend to deſcribe my own feelings at this juncture; let it ſuffice to ſay, that after having ſupped and entertained ourſelves 'till ten a-clock, I cautioned my Narciſſa againſt expo⯑ſing her health by ſitting up too late, and ſhe [357] was prevailed upon to withdraw with her maid to an apartment deſtin'd for us. When ſhe left the room, her face was overſpread with a bluſh that ſet all my blood in a ſtate of fermenta⯑tion, and made every pulſe beat with tenfold vigour! She was ſo cruel as to let me remain in this condition a full half hour; when, no longer able to reſtrain my impatience, I broke from the company, burſt into her chamber, puſhed out her confidante, locked the door, and found her—O heav'n and earth! a feaſt, a thouſand times more delicious than my moſt ſanguine hope preſaged!—But let me not profane the chaſte myſteries of hymen—I was the happieſt of men!

In the morning I was awaked by three or four drums, which Banter had placed under the win⯑dow; upon which I withdrew the curtain, and enjoyed the unſpeakable ſatisfaction of contem⯑plating thoſe angelic charms, which were now in my poſſeſſion! Beauty! which whether ſleeping or awake, ſhot forth peculiar graces!—The light darting upon my Narciſſa's eyes, ſhe awoke alſo, and recollecting her ſituation, hid her bluſhes in my boſom.—I was diſtracted with joy! I could not believe the evidence of my ſenſes, and looked upon all that had happened, as the fictions of a dream! In the mean time my uncle knocked at the door, and bid me turn out, for I had had a long ſpell.—I got up accordingly, and ſent Miſs Williams to her miſtreſs, myſelf receiving the congratulation of captain Bowling, who ral⯑lied me in his ſea phraſe, with great ſucceſs.—In leſs than an hour, Don Rodriguez led my wife in to breakfaſt, where ſhe received the compliments [358] of the company on her looks, which, they ſaid, if poſſible, were improved by matrimony.—As her delicate ears were offended with none of thoſe indecent ambiguities, which are too often ſpoke on ſuch occaſions, ſhe behaved with dig⯑nity, unaffected modeſty, and eaſe; and as a teſtimony of my affection and eſteem, I preſented her, in preſence of them all, with a deed, by which I ſettled the whole fortune I was poſſeſſed of, on her and her heirs for ever.—She accepted it with a glance of moſt tender acknowledgment, obſerved, that ſhe could not be ſurprized at any thing of this kind I ſhould do, and deſired my father to take the trouble of keeping it, ſaying, ‘"Next to my own Mr. Random, you are the per⯑ſon in whom I ought to have the greateſt con⯑fidence."’ Charm'd with her prudent and in⯑genuous manner of proceeding, he took the paper, and aſſured her that it ſhould not loſe its value while in his cuſtody.

As we had not many viſits to give and re⯑ceive; the little time we ſtayed in town was ſpent in going to publick diverſions, where I have the vanity to think Narciſſa ſeldom was eclipſed.—One night in particular, we had ſent our footman to keep one of the ſtage-boxes, which we no ſooner entered, than we perceived in the oppo⯑ſite box the Squire and his lady, who ſeem'd not a little ſurpriſed at ſeeing us. I was pleaſed at this opportunity of confronting them; the more, becauſe Melinda was robbed of all her admirers by my wife, who happened that night to outſhine her ſiſter both in beauty and dreſs.—She was piqued at Narciſſa's victory, toſſed her head a thouſand different ways, flirted her fan, looked [359] at us with diſdain, then whiſpered to her huſband, and broke out into an affected giggle; but all her arts proved ineffectual, either to diſcompoſe Mrs. Random, or to conceal her own mortification, which at length forced her away long before the play was done.—The news of our marriage being ſpread, with many circumſtances to our diſadvantage, by the induſtry of this malignant creature, a certain ſet of perſons, fond of ſcandal, began to enquire into the particulars of my for⯑tune, which they no ſooner underſtood to be in⯑dependant, than the tables were turned, and our acquaintance was courted as much as it had been deſpiſed before: But Narciſſa had too much dig⯑nity of pride, to encourage this change of con⯑duct, eſpecially in her relations, whom ſhe could never be prevailed upon to ſee, after the malicious reports they had raiſed to her pre⯑judice.

CHAP. LXIX.

[360]

My father intends to reviſit the place of his nativity—we propoſe to accompany him—my uncle renews his will in my favour, de⯑termining to go to ſea again—we ſet out for Scotland—arrive at Edinburgh—purchaſe our paternal eſtate—proceed to to it—halt at the town where I was educated—take up my bond to Crab—the behaviour of Potion and his wife, and one of my female couſins—our reception at the eſtate—Strap marries Miſs Wil⯑liams, and is ſettled by my father to his own ſatisfaction—I am more and more happy.

MY father intending to reviſit his native coun⯑try, and pay the tribute of a few tears at my mother's grave, Narciſſa and I reſolved to accompany him in the execution of this pious office, and accordingly prepared for the journey; in which, however, my uncle would not engage, being reſolved to try his fortune once more at ſea. In the mean time, he renewed his will in favour of my wife and me, and depoſited it in the hands of his brother-in-law: While I (that I might not be wanting to my own intereſt) ſummoned the Squire to produce his father's will [361] at Doctor's Commons, and employed a proctor to manage the affair in my abſence.

Every thing being thus ſettled, we took leave of all our friends in London, and ſet out for Scotland, Don Rodriguez, Narciſſa, Miſs Williams, and I in the coach, and Strap with two men in livery on horſe-back: As we made eaſy ſtages, my charmer held it out very well, till we arrived at Edinburgh, where we propoſed to reſt ourſelves ſome weeks. People of our fi⯑gure could not fail of attracting the notice of ſuch a ſmall place, where, as ſoon as our family was known, we were loaded with careſſes, and Nar⯑ciſſa was ſo much pleaſed with the civilities ſhe received, that ſhe proteſted ſhe would never deſire to live in any other part of the world.

Here Don Rodriguez having intelligence that his nephew the fox-hunter had ſpent his eſtate, which was to be expoſed to ſale by publick auc⯑tion, he determined to make a purchaſe of the ſpot where he was born, and actually bought the whole of his father's lands.

In a few days after this bargain was made, we left Edinburgh, in order to go and take poſſeſſion; and by the way, halted one night in that town where I was educated.—Upon inquiry, I found that Mr. Crab was dead; whereupon I ſent for his executor, paid the ſum I owed, with intereſt, and took up my bond. Mr. Potion and his wife hearing of our arrival, had the aſſurance to come to the inn where we lodged, and ſend up their names, with a deſire of being permitted to pay their reſpects to my father and me: But their fordid behaviour towards me, when I was an orphan, had made too deep an impreſſion on [362] my mind, to be effaced by this mean mercena⯑ry piece of condeſcenſion; I therefore rejected their meſſage with diſdain, and bid Strap tell them, that my father and I deſired to have no commu⯑nication with ſuch low-minded wretches as they were.

They had not been gone half an hour, when a woman without any ceremony, opened the door of the room where we ſat, and making towards my father, accoſted him with, ‘"Uncle, your ſervant—I am glad to ſee you."—’This was no other than one of my female couſins, men⯑tioned in the firſt part of my memoirs, to whom Don Rodriguez replied, ‘"Pray, who are you, madam?"—’ ‘"O! (cried ſhe) my couſin Rory there, knows me very well—Don't you remember me, Rory?"—’ ‘"Yes, madam, (ſaid I) for my own part, I ſhall ne⯑ver forget you.—Sir, this is one of the young ladies, who (as I have formerly told you) treated me ſo humanely in my childhood!"’ When I pronounced theſe words, my father's re⯑ſentment glowed in his viſage, and he ordered her to be gone, with ſuch a commanding aſpect, that ſhe retired in a fright, muttering curſes as ſhe went down ſtairs: We afterwards learned that ſhe was married to an enſign, who had al⯑ready ſpent all her fortune; and that her ſiſter had bore a child to her mother's footman, who is now her huſband, and keeps a petty ale-houſe in the country.

The fame of our flouriſhing condition having arrived at this place before us, we got notice that the magiſtrates intended next day to com⯑pliment us with the freedom of their town; [363] upon which my father, conſidering their com⯑plaiſance in the right point of view, ordered the horſes to the coach early in the morning, when we proceeded to our eſtate, which lay about a dozen miles from this place.

When we came within half a league of the houſe, we were met by a prodigious number of poor tenants, men, women and children, who teſtified their joy by loud acclamations, and ac⯑companied our coach to the gate.—As there is no part of the world, in which the peaſants are more attached to their Lords, than in Scotland, we were almoſt devoured by their affection, in getting out of the coach: My father had always been their favourite, and now that he appeared their maſter, after being thought dead ſo long, their joy broke out into a thouſand extra⯑vagancies: When we got into the court-yard, we were ſurrounded by a vaſt number, who crowded together ſo cloſely to ſee us, that ſeveral were in danger of being ſqueezed to death; thoſe who were near Don Rodriguez fell upon their knees, and kiſſed his hand, o [...] the hem of his garment, praying aloud for long life and proſperity to him; others approached Narciſſa and me in the ſame manner; while the reſt clapped their hands at a diſtance, and invoked heaven to ſhower its choiceſt bleſſings on our heads!—In ſhort, the whole ſcene, though rude, was ſo affecting, that the gentle partner of my heart wept over it, and my father himſelf could not refrain from dropping a tear.

Having welcomed his daughter and me to his houſe, he ordered ſome bullocks to be killed, and ſome hogſheads of ale to be brought from [364] the neighbouring village, to regale thoſe honeſt people, who had not enjoyed ſuch a holiday for many years before.

Next day we were viſited by the gentlemen in the neighbourhood, moſt of them our relations, one of whom brought along with him my couſin, the fox-hunter, who had ſtaid at his houſe, ſince he was obliged to leave his own: My father was generous enough to receive him kindly, and even promiſe to purchaſe for him a commiſſion in the army, at which he ex⯑preſſed great thankfulneſs and joy:

My charming Narciſſa was univerſally admired and loved for her beauty, affability and good ſenſe; and ſo well pleaſed with the ſituation of the place, and the company around, that ſhe has not, as yet, diſcovered the leaſt deſire of changing her habitation.

We had not been many days ſettled, when I prevailed upon my father to pay a viſit to the village where I had been at ſchool. Here we were received by the principal inhabitants, who entertained us in the church, where Mr. Syntax the ſchoolmaſter (my tyrant being dead) pro⯑nounced a Latin ſpeech in honour of our family: And none exerted themſelves more than Strap's father and relations, who looked upon the honeſt valet as the firſt gentleman of their race, and ho⯑noured his benefactors accordingly.—Having re⯑ceived the homage of this place, we retired, leav⯑ing forty pounds for the benefit of the poor of the pariſh; and that very night, Strap being a little elevated with the regard that had been ſhewn to him, and to me on his account, ven⯑tured to tell me, that he had a ſneaking kind⯑neſs [365] for Miſs Williams, and that if his lady and I would uſe our intereſt in his behalf, he did not doubt that ſhe would liſten to his addreſſes. Surprized at this propoſal, I aſked if he knew the ſtory of that unfortunate young gentlewoman: Upon which, he replied, ‘"Yes, yes, I know what you mean—ſhe has been unhappy, I grant you—but what of that? I am convinced of her reformation; or elſe you and my good lady would not treat her with ſuch reſpect.—As for the cenſure of the world, I value it not a fig's end—beſides, the world knows nothing of the matter."’ I commended his philoſophy, and intereſted Narciſſa in his cauſe; who interceded ſo effectually, that in a little time, Miſs Williams, yielded her conſent, and they were married with the approbation of Don Rodriguez, who gave him five hundred pounds to ſtock a farm, and made him overſeer of his eſtate. My generous bedfellow gave her maid the ſame ſum; ſo that they live in great peace and plenty within half a mile of us, and daily put up prayers for our preſervation.

If there be ſuch a thing as true happineſs on earth, I enjoy it.—The impetuous tranſports of my paſſion are now ſettled and mellowed into endearing fondneſs and tranquillity of love, rooted by that intimate connexion and inter⯑change of hearts, which nought but virtuous wedlock can produce.—Fortune ſeems deter⯑mined to make ample amends for her for⯑mer cruelty; for my proctor writes, that not⯑withſtanding the clauſe in my father-in-law's will, on which the Squire founds his claim, I ſhall certainly [...]over my wife's fortune, in conſe⯑quence [366] of a codicil annexed, which explains that clauſe, and limits her reſtriction to the age of nineteen, after which ſhe was at her own diſ⯑poſal.—I would have ſet out for London immedi⯑ately after receiving this piece of intelligence, but my dear angel has been qualmiſh of late, and begins to grow remarkably round in the waiſt; ſo that I cannot leave her in ſuch an intereſting ſituation, which I hope will produce ſomething to crown my felicity.

FINIS.

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Citation Suggestion for this Object: TextGrid Repository (2020). TEI. 4295 The adventures of Roderick Random In two volumes pt 2. University of Oxford Text Archive. . https://hdl.handle.net/21.T11991/0000-001A-5BBC-B