[]

A Bickerſtaff's Burying; OR, Work for the Upholders. A FARCE; As it is ACTED at the THEATRES, with Applauſe. By His MAJESTY'S Servants.

Written by Mrs. Suſanna Centlivre: Author of The Gameſter, a Comedy.

DUBLIN: Printed by S. Powell, for George Risk, at the Corner of Caſtle-lane in Dame-ſtreet, near the Horſe guard, MDCCXXIV.

Dramatis Perſonae.

[]
MEN.
  • Mezro.
  • Captain.
  • Boatſwain.
  • 1ſt Sailor.
  • 2d Sailor.
WOMEN.
  • Lady Mezro.
  • Iſabinda, her Niece.
  • A Lady.
  • Officer.
  • Servants.
  • Lucy.

To the Magnificent COMPANY of UPHOLDERS, &c.

[]

CƲſtom has made ſome Things abſolutely neceſſary, and two Sheets without a Dedication, or a Preface, by way of Excuſe, would be an unpardonable Indecency: To avoid which, I was conſidering at whoſe Feet to lay theſe following Scenes. Firſt I thought of offering it to all thoſe young Wives who had ſold themſelves for Money, and been inter'd with Miſery from the firſt Day of their Marriage; but ſuppoſing their chief Pleaſure to conſiſt in Pride, and that they had rather gratify their Ambition in the Arms of a Fool, or Fourſcore, than wed a Man of Senſe of narrower Fortunes, I concluded 'em unworthy of my Notice.

Then the Race of Old Men preſented themſelves in my Mind, who, deſpiſing Women of their own Years, marry Girls of fifteen, by which they keep open Houſe for all the young Fellows in Town, in order to encre [...]ſe their Families, and make their Tables flouriſh like the Vine: But my Averſion to Fools of all Kinds, made me decline them too.

At laſt, caſting my Eyes upon the Title of the F [...]rce, I found it could juſtly belong to none but the Magnificent Company of Upholders, whom the judicious Cenſor of Great Britain has ſo often condeſcended to mention; to you then, worthy Sirs, whoſe ſolemn Train keeps up the pompous State of Beauty, beyond the Limits of a Gaſp of Breath, and draws the gazing World to admire, even after Death; to you this Piece I Dedicate; 'tis but Reaſon that you ſhould receive ſome Tribute from us Living, who ſo truly mourn us dead. What does not Mankind owe to [] you? All Ranks and Conditions are obliged to you; th [...] Aged and the Young, the Generous and the Miſer, th [...] well deſcended and the boſer born. The Eſcutcheons garniſh out the Hearſe, the Streamers and Wax Lights, let [...] into the Name of a Man, which, all his Life had been hi [...] in Obſcurity; and many a Right Honourable would fal unlamented, we [...]e it not for your decent Cloaks, and diſmal Faces, that look as ſorrowful as the Creditors the leave unpaid. What an immenſe Sum might be rais'd from your Art to carry on the War, would you, like true Briton [...] exert your Power? The People being fond of Sights, wh [...] might not be g [...]ther'd at a Funeral, when the Rooms a [...] clad in Sable, the Body dreſsd out with all your skilfu [...] Care, the Tapers burning in their Silver Socke [...]s, th [...] weeping Virgins fixt like Statues round, and aromat [...] Gums perſume the Chambers, I think it preferable to th [...] Puppet Show, and a Peny a Head for all the Curiou [...] would, I dare be poſitive, amount to more than the Candl [...] Tax; and ſo make Death ſubſervient to the Living.

But this, Gentlemen, I leave to your ſuperior Judgme [...] in Politick Principles; and only beg leave to remind yo [...] that in this crouded Town, there are a Prodigious Numb [...] of Mr. Bickerſtaff's Dead Men, that ſwarm about Streets therefore, for the Sakes of the moſt ingenious Part of Ma [...] kind, you ought to take Care to interr them out of [...] Way, ſince he that does no Good in his Generation, ſhoul [...] not be reckon'd among the Living.

And now to conclude, Gentlemen, I hope you'll pard [...] this Liberty I have taken, and accept this as a Token [...] the Reſpect I bear your noble Society: I honour you tho' have no Deſire of falling into your Hands, but I thi [...] we Poets are in no Danger of that, ſince our real Eſta [...] lies in the Brain, and our perſonal conſiſts in two or th [...] looſe Scenes, a few Couplets for the Tag of an Act, and ſlight Sketch for a [...]ong, and as I take it, you are [...] over-fond of Paper-Credit, where there is no Probabili [...] of recovering the Debt: So wiſhing you better Cuſtome [...] I expect no Return, but am proud of ſubſcribing [...] ſelf,

GENTLEMEN,
Your moſt obedient humble Serv [...]

A Bickerſtaff's Burying; OR, Work for the Upholders.

[]

SCENE I.

A working Sea ſeen at a Diſtance, with the Appearance of a Head of a Ship bulging againſt a Rock: Mermaids riſe and ſing: Thunder and Lightning: Then the Scene ſhuts.
Enter Lady Mezro, and her Neice Iſabinda, vail'd.
Iſab.

WHY won't you tell me whither you are going, Aunt, this Morning? I can ſcarce keep Pace with you. What is it that tranſports you ſo? you do not uſe to be ſo gay.

Lady M.

Oh, my Girl, juſt now, from my Chamber-Window, I beheld a Ship, by Streſs of Weather, driven on our Coaſt; which, ſince the laſt unhappy one that brought me here, I have never ſeen; pray Heav'n it be Engliſh!

Iſab.
[2]

So ſay I, then I ſhall ſee the fine Men you have ſo often talk'd of, Aunt.

Lady M.

Ay, and the Country that breeds thoſe Men, Child, if we can handſomly get off.

Iſab.

With all my Heart; for I hate this Iſle of Corgar, and all its barbarous Laws, ſince you have inform'd me of thoſe of Great Britain.

Lady M.

Huſh here's ſome of the Ship's Crew; let's ſtep a-ſide and obſerve them.

(Exeunt.
Enter Captain, Boſon, and Sailors.
Capt.

Well, how fares the Ship, has ſhe any Damage?

Boſ.

Only the Leak, which the Carpenter has ſtop'd, Captain.

Capt.

That's well: I can't imagine what this Iſland produces!

Boſ

Monſters, I think; for they ſtare as if they never had any Commerce with Mankind, or ever ſaw a Ship in their Lives.

Capt.

I queſtion if ever they did, and wiſh it had not been our Fortune to have improv'd their Knowledge.

1 Sail.

I wiſh ſo too; I hate making ſtrange Land: Who the Devil knows where to find a Wench now?

Boſ.

Heres a [...]og, that two Hours ago, drown'd his neceſſary Orders with his Prayers, and now is roaring as loud for a Whore

1 Sail.

'Tis our Cuſtom, you know; out of Danger the Sailor muſt be merry i'Faith; ha, ha.

2 Sail.

Nell, at the Ship at Chattam, ſhall know this.

1 Sail.

I care not a Rope's-end if ſhe does: Why, what the Devil do you think I'll come into a ſtrange Land, and not examine what Commodity it produces? No, no, Faith; Nick muſt know if the Females here be Fiſh or Fleſh, before he puts off again.

Capt

Ha, ha; Well, well, take Care you han't your Brains beat out: Go, diſperſe your ſelves, and ſee what Proviſions you can get. I juſt now met a Native of the Country; who tells me, that the Prince is coming this Way: He underſtands a little of the Arabian Tongue, and has promis'd to introduce me to him; that I may endeavour, by ſome Preſents, to gain his Leave to re-fit our Ship, and ſupply our Wants.

Boſ.
[3]

Where ſhall we find you, Maſter?

(Exeunt Boſon and Sailors.
Capt.

Here, or hereabouts. Now for the Cabbacuca. Adſheart, what a Name's there! If the Prince be as barbarous as his Name, we had as good periſh'd in the Storm: but I wonder the Fellow comes not, that is to conduct me to Court; that is, I ſuppoſe, to a King ſitting under a Palm-tree: What would I give for a Friend there?

Enter Lady, and Iſabinda.
Lady.
(Clapping him on the Shoulder)

What would you give, Captain?

Capt.

Ha! Engliſh! Nay, then I am not ſo far out of Knowledge as I imagin'd.

Lady.

You are a great Way from the Roſe in Covent Garden, I promiſe you.

Capt.

The Roſe in Covent Garden! Let me ſee thy Face, thou dear Angel, or a die.

(Embraces her.)
Lady M.

Die! Nay, then you have chang'd your Inclination with the Clime; you never us'd to die for an old Acquaintance.

Capt.

Ah! an old Acquaintance, here, Child, is welcomer than old Wine, and the Accident will give it a new Reliſh.

Lady M.

Say you ſo? well, whether you ſpeak Truth or not, I proteſt this Sight of you pleaſes me better than the firſt; and now, Sir, I am your humble Servant.

(Turns up her Vail.
Capt.

Ha! Mrs. Take-it! Why what Wind blew you hither?

Lady M.

Juſt ſuch another as brought you, I fancy; our Ship was bound to Madderaſs.

Capt.

So was mine.

Lady M.

After three Days tempeſtuous Weather, having loſt our Main-maſt, and all our Tackle, expecting nothing but Death, when by a ſudden Guſt our Veſſel was driven upon you dreadful Rock, which ſplit her into a thouſand Pieces, and only I by Providence was ſav'd.

Capt.

Thank Heav'n, I've not loſt one Man; I pity your Misfortune, and yet, by your Appearance, 'tis a Fault to pity you, for it has turn'd to your Advantage Prithee what Buſineſs had you in the Indies?

Lady M.
[4]

To get a Husband; you know few Wom [...] go there but to make their Fortunes.

Capt.

Which I ſuppoſe you have done here, Madam

Lady M.

An Emir, which is a Lord, you muſt und [...] ſtand, walking by the Sea-ſide, ſpied me on the Rock, [...] kindly help'd me down, fell in Love, and married [...] and I am now one of the greateſt Women upon the Pla [...]

Capt.

I am glad on't, with all my Soul. Who is [...] Lady? another of my old Acquaintance too?

Lady M.

No, I promiſe you; there's a Face never [...] Covent Garden. She's my Huſband's Niece, the beſt [...] mour'd Woman in the World; and for her Beauty, [...] that ſpeak for it ſelf,

(turns up her Vail)

ſo, I ſee [...] your Eyes you like her.

Iſab.

Grant, Great Prophet, that he may! for I li [...] him, I'm ſure.

(Aſi [...]
Capt.

Like her! I'Gad, if your Iſland's peopled wi [...] ſuch Angels, tis certainly the Land of Promiſe, and eve [...] Ship will put in here for Proviſion.

Lady M.

She's the only handſome one in it, I prom [...] you; her Mother was Engliſh, and caſt hither by ſuch [...] nother Accident as my ſelf.

Iſab.

And do you think this Face will do in Cov [...] Garden, Captain?

Capt.

In Covent Garden, Madam! Where would it [...] do? Ha! your Skin's as ſmooth as the Sea in a Cal [...] and your Eyes outſhine the Sun after a Storm; your Voi [...] as ſweet as Syrens Songs; and 'tis greater Pleaſure to b [...] hold you, than Land after a dangerous Voyage. I'll ſe [...] here, I'm reſolv'd.

Lady M.

Ah, the right London Strain.

(Aſi [...]
Iſab.

And I'de rather go with him.

(Aſi [...]
Capt.

Where the Devil is my Ship's Crew? I'll ha [...] the Bottom of my Ship beaten out immediately, tha [...] may never put to Sea again.

Iſab.

I'm afraid, young Gentleman, you'll change yo [...] Note if you knew the Cuſtom of this Country.

Lady M.

Indeed, my quondam Spark, you'd be glad [...] get off in a Cock-Boat if you do, by that time you ha [...] been married half ſo long as I have been—I'm ſure [...] would.

Capt.
[5]

Ay? why ſo? you ſhine in Jewels.

Lady M.

I once thought Riches the greateſt, but now find them the leaſt Part of Happineſs.

Capt.

Oh, you want to ſee dear England again, and dazle the Eyes of your old Acquaintance.

Lady M.

That's not the Cauſe.

Capt.

Your Husband is old, I ſuppoſe?

Lady M.

True.

Capt.

What is that to my Repentance? This Lady is young.

Lady M.

Then he is as ugly as a Baboon.

Capt.

Yet wide; this Lady's as handſome as a Cherubin.

Lady M.

He's as jealous as a Spaniard, as barbarous as a Turk, and as ill-natur'd as an old Woman; and I hate him as heartily as one Beauty does another; yet fear him as much as you Merchant-Men do a French Privateer.

Capt.

Why there's nothing ſuper-natural in all this; Women hate their Husbands all the World over.

Iſab.

I'm ſure! ſhould never hate you, if I had you once.

(Aſide)

And are not you even with us, Captain?

Capt.

I won't anſwer for the whole Sex; but I'll engage for my ſelf, if thou'lt but try me, Child.

Iſab.

Firſt here the Conditions annext to Matrimony; then, if you'll venture—

Capt.

Venture! What the Devil doſt think I that have fac'd ſo many Dangers, ſhould be afraid of freſh Water?

Lady M.

Have a care what you ſay, Captain; for ſix to four but you'll wiſh your ſelf unmarried again; as heartily as I do.

Enter Lucy.
Lucy.

Oh Madam! undone! undone! my Lord's juſt dying.

Lady M.

Ah!

Capt.

Undone! Piſh, Pox, 'tis the beſt News thou ever brought'ſt in thy Life, Wench.

Lady M.

Ruin'd! paſt Redemption! Oh that ever I was born!

Capt.

Ha! what's the Meaning of this?

Iſab.

Oh unhappy Woman!

Capt.

Unhappy! adſheart, I ſhould have gueſs'd her the happieſt Woman in the World, now.

Lady M.
[6]

Fly, call Phyſicians ſtrait, here, bribe 'em [...] Jewels,

(tears off the Jewels)

give 'em a King's Randſo [...] if they can but ſave his Life, load 'em with Wealth [...] they ſink beneath the Weight. Oh! my lateſt Hou [...] come!

Capt.

What the Devil can be the Matter? why all [...] Noiſe? Here's none but Friends; I don't apprehend [...] any body can over-hear you; this is ſomething like [...] Iriſh Cry; I ſuppoſe it is the Cuſtom of the Count [...]

(Aſi [...])
Lady M.

Oh no! Neither Heaven nor Earth will h [...] me now! I'm loſt, for ever loſt! Oh, oh, oh!

Capt.

Humph! now I have found it; all the Eſta [...] goes with him, I warrant.

Lady M.

Eſtate! ſink the Eſtate! my Life goes wi [...] him!

Iſab.

Oh cruel, oh inhuman Law!

Capt.

What a-pox, ſhe wont die for the Man ſhe hat [...] will ſhe? Did you not wiſh to be unmarried juſt now and are you ſorry that your Husband's a-dying? [...] Woman's diſtracted ſure!

Lady M.

Oh, I muſt be burried with him alive! [...] dreadful Thought.

(Runs [...]
Capt.

Ha! how's that! Buried alive! I'm Thunde [...] ſtruck! Stay, I conjure you, Madam,

(to Iſabinda)

[...] explain to me this Riddle.

Iſab.

It is, Sir, the barbarous Cuſtom of our Country firſt ordain'd from frequent Poiſoning here, that which ſoever of the married Pair died firſt, the Survivor is buried with alive, dreſt, and adorn'd, for a ſecond Nuptial

Capt.

E'gad it has turn'd my Stomach againſt the firſt

(aſide)

Unheard of Barbarity! Is none exempt the Pai [...] of the Country?

Iſab.

None; all let down a deep hollow Mountain with ſome Loaves of Bread, and ſome Bottles of Water, on which they may feed for ſome time, and then expire within the loathſome Dungeon. My Mother in her Bloom was with my Father buried: I was but thrice twelve Moons old; yet I remember even then it rais'd a Horror in me, and as I grew up, fixt a Reſolution in me, never to wed in this curſt Place.

Capt.
[7]

Faith you had Reaſon, Madam, and I admire [...] any body does.

Iſab.

Cuſtom has made it eaſy to the true Coſgarian [...]ce, but I have a Britiſh Soul.

Capt.

You muſt be reſcued from this Impoſition; your [...]nt too muſt be ſav'd.

Iſab.

But how? If he dies, the Officers of Juſtice ſeize [...]; nay, 'tis Death for all the Houſhold if Information [...] not given ſtrait. Upon the Wedding-day, two Coffins [...] always brought into the Bride-Chamber, as Part of [...] Ceremony.

Capt.

E'gad I ſhould have ſmall Appetite to finiſh the [...]remony at the Sight of 'em.

Iſab.

This is the deplorable State of Matrimony in our [...]untry.

Capt.

If it were the Cuſtom all over the World, we [...]ung Fellows ſhould live deliciouſly; Women would be [...] plenty as Blackberries; we might put forth our Hands [...] take them without Jointures, Settlements, Pin-mony, [...]rſon, and ſo forth.

(Noiſe.)
Iſab.

Hark! I hear a Noiſe! Oh my poor Aunt! I [...]ſt in, and ſee the Event.

Capt.

Firſt promiſe me that if I contrive a Way to bear [...]u hence, you'll conſent to go with me?

Iſab.

With all my Heart, there's my Hand upon it; [...] have no time for Courtſhip; I'll meet you here again [...] an Hour.

(Exit.)
Capt.

Now if I can but handſomly carry off theſe Wo [...]n, their Jewels will turn to better Account than an [...]ſt-India Voyage.

Enter Boſon and Sailors.

Well, what cheer, my Lads; I have ſeen the Prince, [...] obtain'd his Leave for every thing I ask'd.

1 Sail.

Cheer! why Faith, Captain, we ſail directly [...]ore the Wind; and I want but your Conſent to make [...] richeſt Port in the Univerſe.

Capt.

What do you mean?

[...] Sail.

What! why I can have a fine Lady here, with [...] many Jewels about her as will ballaſt a Ship if you'll [...] give me my Diſcharge; nay, I won't be ungrateful [8] for it neither, you ſhall have all my Pay: What ſay y [...] Maſter, will you lend me your Hand to heave me [...] good Fortune?

2 Sail.

Will you be falſe-hearted then, Nick? [...] will hang herſelf in her Garters when ſhe hears it.

1 Sail.

Let her, let her, what care I, odsfiſh! do y [...] think I'd leave a firſt Rate for a Friggate, forſake a [...] Lady for Nell? That's quitting a Bowl of Punch [...] Draught of Sea-water.

(Spitting.)
Boſ.

I wonder what ſhe ſaw in that ugly Phiz of thi [...] that's always as dirty as the Hammock you ſwing in; [...] as ſeldom waſh'd as your Shirt, which is not on [...] Quarter.

2 Sail.

Ha, ha, Oh ſhe fell in Love with his Noſ [...] his Legs.

1 Sail.

Why, what Fault can you find with my No [...] Bob. Ha! 'tis ſound, and perhaps that's more than your [...]

Boſ.

Nay, nay, don't find Fault with his Noſe, [...] like the Bowſplit, and his Legs would ſerve for a Ma [...] maſt; I warrant the Jade underſtands Sailing, and ſo w [...] ly provides againſt Streſs of Weather, ha, ha,

1 Sail.

I faith, ſhe's a tite Veſſel, and I'll Man he [...] titely I warrant ye my Lads.

Capt.

Ha, ha; hark ye Sirrah; there's ſuch Conditi [...] entail'd upon this Woman, you are fond of, that [...] make you as Wife-ſick, as the Sea did in your firſt Voya [...]

1 Sail.

Aye, it's no matter for that, Captain; [...] muſt not think to ſerve me as you do a Whale, fling [...] an empty Cask till the Subſtance gets by. Look ye, Ma [...] to fetch up half her Wealth, I'd dive to the Bottom of [...] Sea, and venture being ſwallow'd by a Shark, Nick wo [...] I'faith. Maſter.

2 Sail.

Well ſaid Nick, E'gad, I warrant you think [...] be an Ambral now.

1 Sail

Why, why not, if I have Money enough [...] buy it? and I will be an Ambral too, for all you, [...] my Maſter here, ſhall be my Rear-Ambral.

Capt.

Oh your very humble Servant, Mr. Admira [...] but ſuppoſe your Wife ſhould die, Nick?

2 Sail.

Better and better ſtill; her Gold and preci [...] Stones, won't die too; and E'gad, I'll drink to her go [...] [9] Voyage in a Bowl of Punch, clap my Riches aboard, and hoiſt Sail for merry England.

Capt.

Ha, ha, Do you know that the Law of this Iſland buries the living Husband with the dead Wife.

1 Sail.

Ha! the Devil it does!

Capt.

'Tis even ſo.

Boſ.

Ambral, I wiſh you much Joy.

1 Sail.

A live!

2 Sail.

What, Is the Wind chop'd full in your Teeth, Nick? Ha, ha, ha!

1 Sail.

Ay Faith, and blows ſo hard, that it ſhall blow my Head off e'er I make the Port of Matrimony in this Iſland. Buried with her? quotha! E'gad, I always thought the Wedding-ſheet the Winding-ſheet of Pleaſure, after a Month; but to have no Hopes beyond her; Zounds! I had rather ſit in the Bilboes all Days of my Life. I'll aboard this Minute. Boſon, you grumbl'd at my good Fortune juſt now, take her your ſelf if you will.

Boſ.

The Devil take me if I do.

Capt.

I told you I ſhould take off the Edge of your Appetite: Go, go, try and get the Ship off: Ill be aboard immediately. Have you got any Proviſions?

Boſ.

That we have good ſtore.

Capt.

Well, well, be gone then.

1 Sail.

Ay, with all my Heart; if I get once aboard, I'll ſtick as cloſe to the Ship as Pitch to a Rope; and ſink with her rather than come aſhoar again. Buried with a Wife! The Devil!

(Exeunt Sailors.
Capt.

Let me conſider; what Stratagem ſhall I uſe to carry off the Women?

Enter Iſabinda.
Iſab.

There's a ſad Houſe within; but hang me if I don't fancy my Uncle counterfeits; for in my Mind his Pulſe beats as regular as mine.

Capt.

Ha! Say you ſo? Then I have it. Convey me into the Houſe, where I'll tell you the Plot, to free you from theſe Apprehenſions.

Iſab.

If you effect it you are a Deity. Come along with me; in this Confuſion I can preſerve you undiſcovered.

Capt.

Along then.

(Exeunt.

SCENE II.

[10]
The Emir on a Couch, with his Wife weeping [...] him, and Attendants round about. Tab [...] Couch, 2 Chairs, Gally-pots, &c.
Lady.

Oh Diſtraction! Look up my Lord, my Lo [...] my Husband! Oh you will break my Heart, and I ſh [...] go before you! Oh, oh, oh!

Emir.

The Stars forbid! Oh, oh!

(Gro [...]
Lady.

Ah! Help ye Slaves—Gently bear him up Rub his Temples—Apply the Hartſhorn to his Noſe Oh ſpeak and tell me how you do, my Dear!—O [...] oh, oh!

(roars [...]
Emir.

Very bad—Oh, oh!

Lady.

Are you very bad, my Love? What will b [...] come of me?

(Aſi [...]
Em.

Very bad indeed, Wife—Oh, I ſhall not li [...] this Day, I doubt.

Lady.

Ah! What do I hear—Oh ye cruel Po [...] ers—Why was I caſt upon this Shoar? Curſe on th [...] glittering Bawbl [...]s, whoſe bewitching Luſtre cheats [...] of true Happineſs.

(Tears off her Jewels)

A Thirſt [...] Riches drew me from that Land where Widow-hood [...] happy—to die within a loathſome Dungeon, unpiti [...] and forlorn.

Em.

What does ſhe ſay now?—Prithee my Dea [...] don't afflict yourſelf ſo much—You'll be ſick, [...] Love—

Lady.

But you'll die, my Love—Sick, quoth [...] Good Heaven! Can I be well when you are dying?

Em.

Oh you think of the Cuſtom of our Countr [...] Wife; you fear to be buried with me, that's all—

Lady.
[11]

All does he call it—

Em.

Now if it had pleas'd Great Mahomet, that thou ſhouldſt have gone firſt, I ſhould have accompanied thee with Pleaſure—

Lady.

That's more than I ſhall do you, I'm ſure.

(Aſide)

So ſhall I you, my Dear, as to any Buſineſs I have with Life, when thour't gone; but the Pain to ſee thee die, to part with thee for ever, is the Shock that Nature feels—and 'tis unkindly urg'd to think I fear the Cuſtom of the Iſland—for what Joy could I have when thou art gone?

Em.

I doubt ſhe lies—But this is the only Way I could ever find to keep her in Subjection, for as ſoon as I am well, whip! ſhe's ſcamper'd, and I have no more Comfort of a Wife than I ſhould have in her Grave: If all Engliſh Wives are ſuch Gadders, Heaven help their Husbands, I ſay—

Lady.

How doſt thou do, Jewel?

Em.

I think I am a little better; I believe I could eat a Leg of that Chicken within—

Lady.

Fly ye Slaves, and fetch it inſtantly, Oh, all ye Powers, that protect our Lives, I thank ye; I feel the Springs of Joy recruit; thy Words run thro' my Soul with ſuch exulting Pleaſure, that 'tis all one Rapture—Oh let me hold thee ever in my Arms—Oh! that ſingle Word, Better—has more Harmony in it than the Muſick of the Spheres—Thus let me kiſs it from thy Lips, 'tis the richeſt Cordial Nature could produce to raiſe my ſinking Hopes.

(Embraces and kiſſes him in an Extaſy)

Where are you, Slaves, why do you ſtay ſo long.

Enter Servants.
Em.

Ah, this Wiſe of mine does but counterfeit this Love to me, I fear—If our Law did not bury the Living with the Dead, here would be no Joy for my Recovery.

Lady.

Come, my Dear, ſhall I cut it for thee?

Em.

No, I'll not trouble thee.

(He cuts and eats greedily.)

'Tis very good: Won't you eat a Bit of it, Deary?

Lady.
[12]

No, thou ſhalt eat it all—He feeds heartily Ah, if I had him in Old England, I ſhould wiſh it we [...] his laſt—Oh the vaſt Difference between a Widow's Weed and a Winding-Sheet, between the civil Ceremonie [...] of ſhedding Tears at the Grave, and the barbarous Coſtom of making one's Bed there.

Em.

How pleas'd ſhe is? Ah, wou'd ſhe be in this good Humour always—

Lady.

Much good may do you, my Dear.

(Kiſſes him.
Em.

I thank you my Love—Ah you little Rogue how warm your Buſſes are—

(Riſes from the Table

Od, they infuſe new Life into me; and methinks I fe [...] Health pop into my Heart, like a Pot-gun—Anothe [...] Kiſs, my Deareſt—

(Kiſſes her)

So, ſo, thou ha [...] done it, thou haſt done it, thou dear Rogue—Go what do you ſtare at? begone and leave your Lady an [...] I alone—

(To the Servan [...]
Lady.

Say you ſo—alone! alas, are you fit to [...] left alone—leave a dying Man alone—Let the [...] ſtir if they dare—I ſhall take better Care of yo [...] than that comes to, my Dear.

E.

Piſh, Piſh, I tell thee I am out of Danger.

Lady

I wiſh thou wert—

Em.

Indeed I am, and thou ſhalt find it ſo; therefo [...] prithee let them go—

(Winking at her
Lady.

Alaſs, I fear you are light-headed, my Dear. Aye, your Pulſe is upon the Gallop; you are in a raging Fever—Oh, woe is me! Oh, oh, oh! Away, ſome of ye, and fetch a Doctor.

Em.

Sha, ſha; I tell thee thou art miſtaken; I am in no Fever but what proceeds from thy pretty pouting Lips and thou art the beſt Phyſician, let me kiſs them again; ye, ye, ye, ye, dear ſoft Charmer, ye, ye.

Lady.

Are you ſure you are well?

Em.

Very ſure on't, my Dear—Come, let us take a Nap together.

Lady.

You know I can't ſleep in the Day-time: Beſides you ought to return your Prophet Thanks for your Recovery—

Em.

Oh, that I'll do to morrow.

Lady.
[13]

To morrow! a Man of your Years ought to be aſham'd of deferring Things of that Kind till to morrow.

Em.

Why Child, upon Occaſion one may—

Lady.

Occaſion! What Occaſions have People of your Age for Life, but to pray—

Em.

Have Women in your Country no other Buſineſs for their Husbands, my Dear?

Lady.

No—

Em.

Humpth! That was the Reaſon you left it, I doubt—

Lady.

Ah would I had never left it—

Em.

But come, come, you jeſt but with me. Lucy, fetch your Lady's Night-gown—I love to ſee her in her Night-gown—Ah thoſe roguiſh Eyes! Another Kiſs and then—

Lady.

You love to ſee me in my Night-gown, I think I ſhan't conſult your Fancy much—Prithee no more Sloping; your Breath's ready to ſtrike one down, and your Beard's as rough as a Hedge-hog. Lucy, fetch me my Vail, I have a Viſit to make.

Lucy.

Yes, Madam.

(Exit.
Em.

So, ſhe's no Changeling I find; never Man had ſuch a Wife, certainly—I muſt always be ſick, or ſhe'll always be out of Humour,

(aſide.)

Sure you'll not leave me, Wife.

Lady.

Indeed but I ſhall, Husband.

(Enter Lucy.
Lucy.

Here's the Vail, Madam.

(She puts it on.
Em.

Well, go then, I won't hinder you—Shadock, give me my Cloak; I'll go ſee the Grand Emir, and paſs away the Time a little till your Lady's Return.

Lady.

Well, now I like your Humour. You ſhou'd always let your Wife go, when and where ſhe pleaſes.

Em.

That I reſolve for the future—Ha! what ails me—Bleſs me, I'm very ſick o'th' Sudden; oh, oh! pray lead me to my Bed, or I ſhall die this Moment—

Lady.

Ha! what's that, die ſay you?

(throws off her Vail)

Oh wretched me! here, here, here, here, take a little of this, my Lord. Judgment is pronounc'd againſt my Life, and I muſt die at laſt,

(aſide)

—Away, and call the Phyſicians: Haſte, fly, Oh, oh, oh!

Em.
[14]

No, no, 'twill off again; 'tis only a Fit—thy Kindneſs is my beſt Cordial. I'll try to reſt a little.

Lady.

Withdraw all of you, and ſeparate into Silence, I'll watch by thee. Heaven ſend my Love a comfortable Nap—What Diſtractions tear my Breaſt—Now Hope, then Deſpair, with alternate Sway, exerciſe their Power, and no kind Glimpſe of Safety offers me Relief.

Enter Iſabinda.
Iſab.

Oh Aunt, the Captain is without, and has a Secret to deliver us from this Pla [...]e if you'll but help the Deſign.

Lady

Bring him in: If your Uncle wakes I'll tell him it is a Doctor.

Enter Captain and whiſpers the Lady.
Iſab.

Here he is

Capt.

Do you this, and I'll be ready to finiſh it.

(Exit.
Lady.

I'll ven [...]ure. Oh Fortune, be this once propitious, and I'll ſubmit my future Life, without the leaſt Complaint. Ah! my Head turns round! Oh I faint, I die!

(Swoons.
Iſab.

Ah Help! Help! Where are you? My Aunt's dead. Help! Help!

(The Emir riſes, runs, and catches hold of his Wife.
Em.

I'm thunder-ſtruck—Oh, oh, oh, ho!

Serv.

Ha! Dead! Nay then, where are the Coffins?

(Exeunt Servants
Em.

Oh woe is me! Speak to me, my Dear; ſpeak to me; ſpeak to me.

Iſab.

As I ſuſpected: See how nimble he is at the Apprehenſion of being buried with her. What ſhall I do? ſhe's breathleſs quite—

Em.

Oh, oh, oh!

(Roars out.)

Undone, undone, for ever—

Iſab.

Ay, it is you have been the Cauſe, oh wretched Man! Prophet, thou art juſt.

Em.

Wretched indeed. I conſeſs I did but counterſeit—Oh Alla,

(Kneels)

pardon my Deceit, and give me back her Life, and let her cuckold me with every thing ſhe meets; let her be the verieſt Wife that ever England bred, I never will be jealous more! oh, oh!

(Gets up and runs to her, and feels her Pulſe, then rubs her Temples, then prays again—)

Is there any Hopes, Niece?

Iſab.
[15]

No, none. Oh diſtracting Thought! This comes of your frighting her ſo.

Em.

Oh forgive me, Niece, for I truly repent: Alas! I did it only to keep her in Subjection. Oh fetch the Cordial which I, like a falſe Wretch, had no Occaſion for! Oh! I do believe ſhe lov'd me now! Oh Niece, try, try, to pour ſome down her Throat; for I tremble ſo, I cannot guide it to her Lips.

Iſab.

Alas! her Teeth are ſet: She's gone! for ever gone!

Em.

Then I'm gone too!

(burſts out again into Tears)

Oh, oh, oh!

Enter Servants with two Coffins.
Iſab.

Oh killing Sight!

(kneels)

Thou glorious Sun aſſiſt us now and we are happy.

(Aſide.
Em.

Ay do, do pray for thy Uncle, Child: Oh, oh, oh!

Iſab.

I have Occaſion for my Prayers my ſelf, at this Time, I thank ye, for I'm afraid we are in the greater Danger at preſent.

(Aſide.
Em.
(Turns and ſees the Coffins)

Oh, oh, oh, that ever I married! Where ſhall I hide my ſelf? Oh, oh, oh!

(Runs off.
Serv.

Stop him, ſtop him.

(Exeunt Servants.
Iſab.

Call the Officers of Juſtice ſtrait; I muſt be cruel here. So, he's gone, Captain, come forth.

Enter Captain.
Lady M.

I'm almoſt choak'd with holding my Breath ſo long; what's to be done now? Pray Heaven we proſper!

Cap.

I warrant you, Madam, come, come, be quick, you muſt aboard this Minute. Have you any thing you would take with you?

Iſab.

I have pack'd up all your Jewels, and every thing of Value, here, Madam: Mercy on me, how I tremble!

Lady M.

And I'm ready to ſink with Fear: If we are taken we are undone, and you loſe your Lives.

Capt.

Nothing like a good Courage: Come let's not ſtand diſputing, and loſe the lucky Minute.

Lady.

From theſe curſt Laws, oh let me ſcape with Life.

Iſab.

And make me any Creature but a Wife.

Capt.

Your Wealth at any time decides the Strife.

(Exeunt.

SCENE III.

[16]
A Coſgarian Lady, dragging in the firſt Sailor.
Lady.

Nay, don't think to leave me, Sir, did you n [...] promiſe to ſtay here?

1 Sail.

But will you promiſe not to die before [...] then? Anſwer me that: Adsbud, who do you think [...] chouſe? ha!

Lady.

What are you afraid to die with her you love!

1 Sail.

Love! Zounds! does any body love a Woma [...] well enough to die with her?

Lady.

Yes certainly with their Wives.

1 Sail.

That's a Miſtake, d'ye ſee; for of all the W [...] men in the World we care the leaſt for our Wives, in [...] Country.

Lady.

That's ſtrange. Why I ſhould rejoice to [...] with you, pretty Engliſhman.

1 Sail.

Aye, one Way, perhaps, pretty Devil! But [...] be plain with you, I deſire to die no Way with you all; and ſo I ſhear off.

(Going
Lady

Stay. Cannot Gold and Jewels tempt you

(Shews Gold and Jewe [...]
1 Sail.

No.

Lady.

What are you Engliſhmen made on?

1 Sail.

Fleſh and Blood, Child; If I can find one [...] Iron and Steel, I'll recommend him to you.

Lady.

Iron and Steel! What kind of Men are they?

1 Sail.

Oh Things that are ſo well acquainted wi [...] the Earth, that they'll lie twenty Years in it and take [...] Hurt: Now for my Part, I have as much Antipathy [...] freſh Mould as freſh Water; and had rather eat Sea-Bisk [...] than a green Sod; and the Wind will as ſoon blow Nort [...] and by South, as I be prevail'd upon to turn in with yo [...]

Lady.
[17]

Faint-hearted Wretch! Take me with you, then, to your World.

[...] Sail.

Look ye, I'll have nothing to do with you at all; and there's your Anſwer; and if you offer to ſtop me, I ſhall make uſe of my Cat of Nine Tails, in troth I ſhall. Zounds! I never had ſuch an Averſion for a Woman in my Life.

(Exit Sailor.
Lady.

Sure this is ſome Sea-Monſter, it cannot be a Man, and Proof againſt Gold and Jewels.

The European's God is Gold, we Indians ſay,
Then dare they fly from that to which they pray!
When next—
To th'ſhining Ore thou doſt for Mercy ſue,
As you've been deaf to me, may that be deaf to you.
(Exit.
Enter ſecond Sailor.
2 Sail.

Ha! the Woman here that Nick ſhould have had; a faint-hearted Dog! Now have I a Mind to knock her Brains out, and carry off her Jewels.

Lady.

What's here—another of the puny Knaves?

(a Whiſtle within.)
2 Sail.

Ha! the Boſon's Whiſtle! nay then I muſt be ſpeedy; and yet I can't find in my Heart to kill her.

(Whiſtle again.)

Adſheart, I ſhall be left aſhoar; I muſt away.

Lady.

You look diſorder'd, Sir; are you in Love?

2 Sail.

With your rare gliſt'ning Stones I am; and if your damn'd Faſhion did not heave the living Husband [...] board with the dead Wife, I did not care if I ſaid I was in love with you.

Lady.

Then take me where we may live for ever; for indeed I don't like this Cuſtom amongſt us, but muſt obey it. Come bear me hence, and I will load thee with wealth enough to buy thy Country.

(Whiſtle and hollow within.)
2 Sail.

Ha! I have no time to think; come along then; [...] venture to ſwing in a Hammock with you for once.

Blow gently, Boreas, Neptune's Rage confound,
And let us ſafely upon Britiſh Ground,
Where we will drink and ſing till the whole World goes round.
(Exeunt.

SCENE IV.

[18]
The Emir dragg'd in by Officers, with Servan [...] bringing in Loaves of Bread and Bottles Water.
Off.

What, a Native of Coſgar, and tremble at its Laws when even our Kings are ſubject to 'em. For ſham [...] Emir, bear yourſelf like a Man—Come, open th [...] Coffin, and put in the Loaves and Water.

Em.

Ah, I ſhall have but ſmall Stomach to eat.

(Aſide

Confound our Laws; I'm inform'd that no part of th [...] World is curſt with ſuch, but only us, the reſt live [...] long as they can: To be buried alive—Oh curs'd Cuſtom! Oh, oh, oh! In perfect Health too! Oh, oh, oh

Off.

In Health! nay my Lord, that you are not; every body expected your Death this Morning; the Fright [...] which, I ſuppoſe, has caus'd your Lady's: I'm ſure every body thought you very ill.

Em.

Aye, and may be every body thought me willing to die too, but every body was miſtaken.

Off.

My Lord, we have no time for Talking; it is no [...] in our Powers to prevent your Fate. Here lift him in [...] the Coffin. Where are your Cords to let the Coffins dow [...] the Mountain?

(They ſeize him
Em.

I will not go down the Mountain: Unconſcionable Rogues!

(Struggles with them)

I hope your Wive [...] will die to morrow—Hold, hold, let me ſee my Wi [...] firſt; ſhe died ſuddenly, and may come to Life again.

Off.

Piſh! Piſh! This is Trifling, in with him, I ſay

Em.

I tell you my Wife was an Engliſh Wife, and troubled with Vapours, as all that Country Wives are [19] ſhe us'd to die and come to Life again ten times in an Hour, therefore I will ſee her.

(Struggling to reach at her Coffin.
2 Off.

Shall he ſee her, Brother?

1 Off.

No, no.

Em.

Ye Dogs, I will.

(Gets hold on't, and pulls off the Lid.)

By Alla, Sun, Moon and Stars, here's no body! Huſſa, here's no body, ſhe's alive.

(Jumps and dances about.
Off.

Alive! bring her out then.

Em.

Nay do you bring her out, if you will, for you ſhall never bring me in.

Off.

My Lord, I ſhall make you bring her out; you have buried her in your Garden, I ſuppoſe; but that ſhan't ſerve: Produce her living, or I'll inſtantly proceed to the Ceremony of Burial with you: Where is ſhe?

Em.

Sir, I told you before ſhe was an Engliſh Wife, and I believe few Husbands know where to find them.

Off.

This ſhan't ſerve: Where's Mrs Iſabinda, your Niece?

Em.

With her Aunt, for ought I know.

Enter a Servant.
Serv.

Oh my Lord, the Ship that was caſt here, yeſterday, is gone off, and with it your Lady, Niece and Maid, with all your Jewels.

Emir.

With all my Soul; and there's ſomething for thy News; a boon Voyage, and a merry Gale to them, ſay [...] it is the moſt comfortable Loſs that ever Man had.

Off.

Why what a Misfortune's this! here's our Fees loſt.

(Aſide.
Emir.

And if ever you catch me marrying again, I'll give you leave to uſe your Cords. Dogs! get out of my Houſe, go; troop, Vermin, no going down the Mountain now—Here kick the Coffins after them, with their Loaves and Water; and there ſhall never be more occaſion for 'em in this Houſe, I promiſe you—Come, where are my Servants? Here, let me have Muſick and Dancing, to cheer my Spirits.

The Laws of Wedlock all Men think ſevere;
But 'tis Damnation ſure to marry here.
FINIS.
[18]
[...]
[19]
[...]

Appendix A POEMS and PLAYS Printed for, and ſold by George Risk, Bookſell [...] at the Corner of Caſtle-lane in Dames-ſtreet.

[]
  • ALlan Ramſay's Poems.
  • Alexander Pennecuik's Poems.
  • Edinburgh's Miſcellany Poems.
  • Trivia, or the Art of walking the Streets of London, by [...]
  • The firſt Book of Homer, by Mr. Tickle.
  • The Hoop Peticoat, by Mr. Gay.
  • The Court Poems, by Mr. Pope.
  • The Gameſter, by Mrs. Centlivre.
  • King Henry V. of England, by Mr. Hill.
  • The Captives, by Mr. Gay.
  • Lady Jane Gray, by N. Rowe, Eſq
  • Sophoniſha, or Hanibal's Overthrow, by Mr. Lee.
  • Sir Walter Raleigh, by Mr. Sewell.
  • Spartan Dame, by Mr. Southern.
  • King Henry IV. of France, by Mr. Beckingham.
  • The Rival Queens, or the Death of Alexander the Gre [...] by Mr. Lee.
  • Buſiris, King of Egypt, by Mr. Young.
  • Non-Juror, by Mr. Cibber.
  • Chit-Chat, by Mr. Killigrew.
  • The Conſcious Lovers, by Sir Richard Steel.
  • Three Hours after Marriage, by Mr. Gay.
  • The Earl of Eſſex, by Mr. Banks.
  • The Fair Penitent, by N. Rowe, Eſq
  • The Fop's Fortune, or Love makes a Man, by Mr. Cibb [...]
  • The Committee, or the Faithful Iriſh Man, by Sir Rob [...] Howard.
  • The Stage-Coach, by Mr. Farquhar.
  • Cobler of Preſton, by Mr. Johnſton.
  • The Per-Juror and Juror.
  • Hob, or the Country Wake, by Mr. Doget.
  • The Contrivances, by Mr. Carey.
  • The Country Houſe, by Mr. Vanburgh.
  • The Adventures of Half an Hour, by Mr. Bullock.
  • The Walking Statue, or the Devil in the Wine Cellar, [...] Mr. Hi [...]
  • The Slip, by Mr. Bullock.
  • Hob's Wedding.
  • The School-Boy, or the Comical Rival, by Mr. Cibbe [...]
Distributed by the University of Oxford under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License

Citation Suggestion for this Object
TextGrid Repository (2020). TEI. 3865 A Bickerstaff s burying or work for the upholders A farce as it is acted at the theatres with applause By His Majesty s servants Written by Mrs Susanna Centlivre. University of Oxford Text Archive. . https://hdl.handle.net/21.T11991/0000-001A-58A4-8