A KEY TO THE DISSERTATION ON DUMPLING.

I Shall begin with his Motto, which ſays, What is bet⯑ter than a Pudding? The Body owns its Power, the Mind, its Delicacy; it will give Youth to grey Hairs, and Life to the moſt Deſponding: Therefore are [12] Pudding Eaters of great Uſe in State Affairs.

This Quotation is of a Piece with his Motto to the Tale of a Tub, and other Writings; altogether Fictiti⯑ous and Drole: he adds to the Jeſt, by putting an Air of Authority or genuine Quotation from ſome great Author; when alas! the whole is mere Farce and Invention.

The Dedication is one continued Sneer upon Authors, and their Pa⯑trons, and ſeems to carry a Glance of Deriſion towards Men of Quality in General; by ſetting a Cook above them, as a more uſeful Member in a body Politick. Some will have this Braund, to be Sir ****, others Sir ****, others Sir ****; but I take it to be more Railery than Myſtery, and that Mr. Braund, at the Rummer in Queen-ſtreet, is the Perſon; who ha⯑ving pleas'd the Author in two or three Entertainments, he, with a View truly Epicurean, conſtitutes him [13] his Maecenas; as being more agreeable to him than a whole Circle of Stars and Garters, of what Colour or De⯑nomination ſoever.

In his Tale of a Tub, he has a fling at Dependance, and Attendance, where he talks of a Body worn out with Poxes ill cured, and Shooes with Dependance, and Attendance. Not having the Book by me, I am forced to quote at Random, but I hope the courteous Reader will bear me out. He complains of it again in this Treatiſe, and makes a Comple⯑ment to Mr. Auſtin, Mr. Braund's late Servant; who keeps the Braund's Head in New Bond-ſtreet, near Hanover-Square; a Houſe of great Elegance, and where he uſed frequently to dine.

The Diſtinction of Brand, Braund, and Barnes, is a Banter on Criticks, and Genealogiſts, who make ſuch a Pother about the Orthography of Names and Things, that many Times, three Parts in four of a Folio Treatiſe, [14] is taken up in aſcertaining the Pro⯑priety of a Syllable, by which Means the Reader is left undetermined; having nothing but the various Read⯑ings on a ſingle Word, and that pro⯑bably, of ſmall Importance.

I heartily wiſh ſome of theſe Gloſ⯑ſographiſts would oblige the World with a Folio Treatiſe or two, on the Word Rabbet: We ſhall then know whether it is to be ſpelt with an e, or an i. For, to the Shame of the En⯑gliſh Tongue and this learned Age, our moſt eminent Phyſicians, Sur⯑geons, Anatomiſts and Men Mid⯑wives, have all been to ſeek in this Affair.

• St. André,
• Howard,
• Braithwaite,
• Ahlers and
• Manningham,

Spell it with an e.

• Douglas
• and the Gen⯑tleman who calls himſelf Gulliver,

Spell it with an i.

And ſome of theſe great Wits, have ſuch ſhort Memories, that they [15] ſpell it both Ways in one and the ſame Page.

The Maſter-Key to this Myſtery, is the Explanation of its Terms; for Example, by Dumpling is meant a Place, or any other Reward or En⯑couragement. A Pudding ſignifies a P—t, and ſometimes a C—tee. A Dumpling Eater, is a Dependant on the Court, or, in a Word, any one who will rather pocket an Affront than be angry at a Tip in Time. A Cook is a Miniſter of State. The Epicurean and Peripatetic Sects, are the two Par⯑ties of Whigg and Tory, who both are greedy enough of Dumpling.

The Author cannot forbear his old Sneer upon Foreigners, but ſays, in his 1ſt Page, ‘That finding it a Land of Plenty, they wiſely reſolved never to go home again,’ and in his 2d, ‘Nay, ſo zealous are they in the Cauſe of Bacchus, that one of the Chief a⯑mong them, made a Vow never to ſay his Prayers till he has a [16] Tavern of his own in every Street in London, and in every Market-Town in England:’ If he does not mean Sir J—T—I know not who he means.

By the Invention of Eggs, Page 4. is meant Perquiſites. ‘He cannot con⯑clude a Paragraph, in his 5th Page, without owning he received that important Part of the Hiſtory of Pudding, from old Mr. Lawrence of Wilſden Green, the greateſt Antiqua⯑ry of the preſent Age.’

This old Lawrence is a great Fa⯑vourite of the D—'s; he is a facetious Farmer, of above eighty Years of Age, now living at Wilſden Green, near Kil⯑burn in Middleſex, the moſt rural Place I ever ſaw: exactly like the Wilds of Ireland. It was here the D—n often retired incog. to amuſe himſelf with the Simplicity of the Place and People; where he got together all that Rig⯑mayroll of Childrens talk, which com⯑poſes his Namby Pamby. Old Law⯑rence [17] told me, the D—n has ſate ſe⯑veral Hours together to ſee the Chil⯑dren play, with the greateſt Pleaſure in Life: The reſt he learned from the old Nurſes thereabouts, of which there are a great many, with whom he would go and ſmoke a Pipe fre⯑quently, and cordially; not in his Clergyman's Habit, but in a black Suit of Cloth Clothes, and without a Roſe in his Hat: Which made them conclude him to be a Presbyterian Parſon.

This Mention of old Lawrence, is in Ridicule to a certain great Artiſt, who wrote a Treatiſe upon the Word Connoiſſeur (or a Knower) and confeſſes himſelf to have been many Years at a loſs for a Word to expreſs the Acti⯑on of Knowing, till the great Mr. Prior gave him Eaſe, by furniſhing him with the Word Connoiſſance. Our D—n had drawn a Drole, Parallel to this, viz. Boudineur, a Pudding Pye⯑man; and Boudinance, the making of [18] Pudding Pies: But ſeveral Men of Quality begging it off, it was, at their Requeſt, ſcratch'd out, but my Friend, the Amanuenſis, remembers particularly its being originally inſerted.

If the Reader ſhould ask, Who is that K—John mentioned in the fourth Page, and which I ought to have ta⯑ken in its Place. I beg leave to inform him, that by K. John is meant the late Q.—, with whom the D—of M—was many Years in ſuch great Favour, that he was nick named K. John; it was in that Part of the Q—'s Reign, that Sir John Pudding, by whom is meant **** you know who, came in Favour; it is true, the Name is odd, and ſeems to carry an Air of Ridicule with it, but the Cha⯑racter given him by this allegorical Writer, is that of an able Stateſman, and an honeſt Man.

And here, begging Mr. D—n's Par⯑don, I cannot but think his Wit has out run his Judgment; for he puts [19] the Cart before the Horſe, and begins at the latter Part of Sir **** Admi⯑niſtration: But this might be owing to too plentiful a Dinner, and too much of the Creature. Be that as it will, I muſt follow my Copy, and ex⯑plain it as it lies. Proceed we there⯑fore to the Diſſertation, Page 6.

‘But what rais'd our Hero moſt in the Eſteem of this Pudding-eating Monarch, was his ſecond Edition of Pudding, he being the firſt that ever invented the Art of broiling Puddings, which he did to ſuch Per⯑fection, and ſo much to the King's liking (who had a mortal Averſion to cold Pudding) that he thereupon inſtituted him Knight of the Grid⯑iron, and gave him a Gridiron of Gold, the Enſign of that Order; which he always wore as a Mark of his Sovereign's Favour.’

If this does not mean the late Re⯑vival of an ancient Order of Knight⯑hood, I never will unriddle Myſtery [20] more: To prove which, we need but croſs over to the next Page, where he tells us, ‘Sir John had always a Squire, who followed him, bearing a huge Pair of Spectacles to ſaddle his Honour's Noſe. Diſſ. Page 7.’

After this, he very ſeverely runs upon thoſe would-be Stateſmen, who put themſelves in Competition with his Favourite, Sir ****, with whom he became exceeding intimate, and almoſt inſeperable, all the Time he was in England.

The Story of the Kit Cat Club, Dick Eſtcourt, and Jacob Tonſon, is a mere Digreſſion; and nothing more to the Purpoſe, than that we may ima⯑gine it came uppermoſt. He returns to his Subject in his 9th Page.

‘Now it was Sir John's Method, every Sunday Morning, to give the Courtiers a Breakfaſt; which Break⯑faſt was every Man his Dumpling, and Cup of Wine: For you muſt know, he was Yeoman of the [21] Wine-Cellar at the ſame Time.’

The Breakfaſt is Sir *** Levee, the Yeomanſhip of the Wine-Cellar, is the ***.

The Author of the Diſſertation, is a very bad Chronologiſt; for at Page 10. we are obliged to go back to the former Reign, where we ſhall find the lubberly Abbots (i. e.) the High Church Prieſts, miſrepreſenting Sir John's Actions, and never let the Q—alone, till poor Sir John was diſcarded.

All the World knows that the Tory Miniſtry got uppermoſt, for the four laſt Years of the Queen's Reign, and by their unaccountable Management, teaz'd that good Lady out of her Life: Which occaſion'd the D—n in his ele⯑venth Page to ſay; ‘Then too late he ſaw his Error; then he lamented the Loſs of Sir John; and in his lateſt Moments, would cry out, Oh! [24] that I had never parted from my dear Jack-Pudding! Would I had never left off Pudding and Dum⯑pling! then I had never been thus baſely poiſon'd! never thus treache⯑rouſly ſent out of the World!—Thus did this good King lament: But alas! to no purpoſe, the Prieſt had given him his Bane, and Com⯑plaints were ineffectual.’

This alludes to Sir **** Impriſon⯑ment and Diſgrace in the Year—Nay, ſo barefaced is the D—n in his Allegory, that he tells us, in his 12th Page, Norfolk was his Aſylum. This is as plain as the Noſe on a Man's Face! The ſubſequent Pages are an ex⯑act Deſcription of the Ingratitude of Courtiers; and his Fable of the Court Pudding, Page 13. is the beſt Part of the whole Diſſertation.

One would imagine the D—n had been at Sea, by his writing Catharp⯑ing-Faſhion, and dodging the Story ſometimes Twenty-Years backwards, [25] at other Times advancing as many; ſo that one knows not where to have him: for in his fifteenth Page, he returns to the preſent Scene of Action, and brings his Hero into the Favour of K—Harry, alias **** who being ſenſible of his Abilities, reſtores him into Fa⯑vour, and makes Uſe of his admi⯑rable Skill in Cookery, alias State Affairs.

[26] This ſeems to hint at the Oppo⯑ſition Sir **** met with from the contrary Party, and how ſenſible the K—was, that they were all unable to hold the Staff in Competition with him.

After this the D—n runs into a whimſical Deſcription of his Heroes perſonal Virtues; but draws the Pi⯑cture too much Alla Carraccatura, and is, in my Opinion, not only a little too familiar, but wide of his Subject. For begging his Deanſhip's Pardon, he mightily betrays his Judgment, when he ſays, Sir John was no very great Scholar, whereas all Men of Learning allow him to be a moſt excellent one; but as we may ſuppoſe he grew pretty warm by this Time with the Book⯑ſellers Wine, he got into his old Knack of Raillery, and begins to run upon all Mankind: In this Mood he falls up⯑on C—J—n, and Sir R—Bl—re, a Pair of twin Poets, who ſuck'd one and the ſame Muſe. After [27] this he has a Fling at Handel, Bononcini and Attilio, the Opera Compoſers; and a ſevere Sneer on the late High-Church Idol, Sacheverel. As for Cluer, the Printer, any Body that knows Muſic, or Bow Church Yard, needs no farther Information.

And now he proceeds to a Digreſſion, which is indeed the Diſſertation it ſelf; proving all Arts and Sciences to owe their Origin and Exiſtence to Pudding and Dumpling (i. e.) Encou⯑ragement. His Hiatus in the 20th Page, I could, but dare not Decy⯑pher.

In his 22d Page, he laſhes the Au⯑thors who oppoſe the Government; ſuch as the Craftſmain, Occaſional Wri⯑ter, and other Scribblers, paſt, pre⯑ſent, and to come. The Dumpling-Eaters Downfal, is a Title of his own Imagination; I have run over all Wil⯑ford's Catalogues, and ſee no Men⯑tion made of ſuch a Book: All that Paragraph therefore is a mere Piece of Rablaiſciſm.

[28] In his 23d Page, he has another confounded Fling at Foreigners; and after having determinately dubb'd his Hero, the Prince of Stateſmen, he concludes his Diſſertation with a Meſs of Drollery, and goes off in a Laugh.

In a Word, the whole Diſſertation ſeems calculated to ingratiate the D—n in Sir **** Favour; he draws the Picture of an able and an honeſt Miniſter, painful in his Countries Service, and beloved by his Prince; yet oftentimes miſrepreſented and be⯑ly'd: Nay, ſometimes on the Brink of Ruin, but always Conqueror. The Fears, the Jealouſies, the Miſrepre⯑ſentations of an enraged and diſap⯑pointed Party, give him no ſmall Un⯑eaſineſs to ſee the Ingratitude of ſome Men, the Folly of others, who ſhall believe black to be white, becauſe prejudiced and deſigning Knaves a⯑larm 'em with falſe Fears. We ſee every Action miſconſtrued, and Evil made out of Good; but as the beſt [29] Perſons and Things are ſubject to Scandal and Ridicule; ſo have they the Pleaſure of Triumphing in the Truth, which always will prevail.

I take the Allegory of this Diſſer⯑tation to be partly Hiſtorical, partly Prophetical; the D—n ſeeming to have carried his View, not only to the pre⯑ſent, but even, ſucceeding Times. He ſets his Hero down at laſt in Peace, Plenty, and a happy Retirement, not unrelented by his Prince; his Honeſty apparent, his Enemies baffled and con⯑founded, and his Meaſures made the Standard of good Government; and a Pattern for all juſt Miniſters to follow.

Thus, gentle Reader, have I, at the Expence of theſe poor Brains, crack'd this thick Shell, and given thee the Kernel. If any ſhould object, and ſay this Expoſition is a Contradiction to the D—n's Principles; I aſſure ſuch Objector, that the D—n is an errant Whig by Education, and Choice: He may indeed cajole the Tories [30] with a Belief that he is of their Party; but it is all a Joke, he is a Whig, and I know him to be ſo; Nay more, I can prove it, and defy him to con⯑tradict me; did he not juſt after his Arrival and Promotion in Ireland, writing to one of his intimate Friends in London, conclude his Letter in this Manner?

This Letter, his Tale of a Tub, and in a Word, all his Invectives againſt Enthuſiaſm and Prieſtcraft, plainly prove him to be no Tory; and if his Intimacy, not only with Sir **** himſelf, but moſt of the prime Men in the Miniſtry, cannot prove him a Whig, I have no more to ſay.