VORTIGERN AND ROWENA; A COMI-TRAGEDY.
S. GOSNELL, Printer, Little Queen Street, Holborn.
PASSAGES SELECTED BY DISTINGUISHED PERSONAGES, ON THE GREAT LITERARY TRIAL OF VORTIGERN AND ROWENA; A Comi-Tragedy.
VOLUME II.
SEVENTH EDITION.
LONDON: PRINTED FOR J. RIDGWAY, NO. 170, OPPOSITE OLD BOND STREET, PICCADILLY. 1807.
IRELAND verſus SHAKESPEAR!!!
[]IT having been effectually argued, and demurred on the part of the DE⯑FENDANT, that no queſtionable points of Lite⯑rature, any more than queſtionable points of law, can in equity be preſſed to an haſty deciſion;
It is Ordered, that the VERDICT be not re⯑ceived, on this important cauſe, until the whole SUFFRAGES, already tendered, or intended to be tendered, in ſaid cauſe, be duly received, and ſolemnly recorded!
CONTENTS.
[]- A
- Amelia, Princeſs 37
- A—d—n, Sir P—p—r 13
- A—kl—d, Lady 74
- Atk—n, Mr. C. 102
- B
- B—lf—ſt, Earl of 3
- B—kl—y, Hon. Capt. G. 83
- B—ng—m, Lady E. 6
- B—ll—r, Sir F. 7
- B—ſt—w, Mrs. 28
- B—rw—l, Mrs. 36
- B—th, Marquis of 77
- B—v—rie, Hon. Mrs. 78
- B—k—h—m, M-q-s of 45
- B—g—ſs, Lady Sm—h 48
- Br—d—l, Mr. 63
- B—r, Biſhop of 69
- C
- C—ſs of ****** 4
- C—m—lf—d, Lord 94
- C—wth—ne, Colonel 5
- C-mpb-ll, Lady Caroline 8
- C—p—g—y, Mrs. 14
- Cl—v—g, Lady Auguſta 44
- C—nw—s, V. Admiral 47
- Ch—m—d—y, C—ſs 52
- C—v—y, Earl of 61
- C—mbe, Alderman 91
- D
- D—l—v—l, Lord 67
- D-d-y and W-d, Lady 39
- D-n-g-l, Marchioneſs of 42
- E
- Egr—m—t, Earl of 9
- Eſ—x, Counteſs of 10
- Ex—r, Counteſs of 24
- Er—l, Earl of 73
- G
- Gr—nv—le, Lady 12
- Gl—r, Duke of 25
- Gl—r, Princeſs S-ph-a of 80
- G—rd—r, Adm. Sir A. 59
- G—f—d, Counteſs of 66
- G—ry, Sir William 81
- H
- H—ſt—gs, Mrs. 34
- H—rl—y, Right Hon T. 41
- H—pſt—y, Sir John 53
- H—g—ſt—n, Lady 54
- H—th—c—te, Lady 104
- H—y, Hon. Miſs 99
- K
- K—p—l, Miſs 68
- L
- L—mb—n, Lady Ann 64
- L—ds, Duke of 11
- L—t—n, Marquis of 19
- L—ſh—n, Alderman 21
- Laſc—ls, Prince 23
- L—w—s, Sir W-tk-n 51
- L—t—l, Lady Eliz. 97
- L—ſd—le, Earl of 85
- M
- M—n—rs, Lady 60
- M—lb—gh, D—ſs of 50
- [viii] M—ld—n, Lord 49
- M—lmſ—y, Lord 87
- M—nch—r, Duke of 79
- M—y—r, the Lord 29
- M—c—d, Major Gen. 38
- M—lb—ne, Lady 31
- M—ra, Earl of 1
- M—nt—gu, Mrs. 2
- M—d, Earl of 15
- Mil—g—n, Lady 18
- M—ll—s, Mrs. 27
- M—l—g, Miſs 95
- N
- N—w—ſtle, Dutcheſs of 16
- N—r—h, Mrs. 20
- N-th-b-d, Ducheſs of 84
- N—th, Hon. Mrs. 82
- O
- O—ſl—w, Hon. T. 29
- Orf—d, Earl of 30
- P
- P—lt—y, Sir James 33
- P— of — 57
- P—lt—y, Sir William 89
- P—ck—t, Ald—n 103
- Q
- Q—ſb—y, Duke of 55
- R
- R—r, Biſhop of 17
- R—ck—ts, Lady E—th 46
- R—, Hon Miſs 72
- R—lle, Lord 96
- R—nd—ph, Rev. Dr. 75
- S
- S—mp—n, Lady 101
- S—w—l—gh, Madame 90
- S—ym—r, Lady H. 92
- St—f—d, M—n—ſs of 76
- St—rt, Miſs 88
- St—t, Mrs. 58
- Sn—w, Miſs 62
- T
- T—d, Lady John 22
- T-ll-m-che, Lady Bridget 32
- T—yl—r, Mr. M. A. 43
- T—yl—r, Mrs. M A. 56
- T—yl—r, Mrs. M. A. (Her ſecond ſuffrage) 86
- T—r, Sir G. P. 65
- T—rn—y, Mr. 98
- W
- W—tſ—n, Biſhop 93
- W—tſ—n, Ald. Brook 35
- W—lb—f—ce, Mr. 100
- W—r, Sir G—df—y 71
- Wh—tb—d, ſen. Mr. 40
- W—l—gh—y oſ E—by, Lady 70
PASSAGES SELECTED AS SUFFRAGES ON THE TWENTY-FOURTH DAY's TRIAL.
CI.—Earl of M—RA.
‘"—Commende me to a buſie COUNT for a buſtlinge worlde! One minute will he wooe you gallantlie at a faire Dame's toilette on his humble knee—and flie the next to bende a prouder creſte than his owne, in the face of the Lordes Senate-houſe!—You may always meete SERASKIN at one turn or other of human ex⯑tremes. He will with zeale overflowinge ſtop to pleade the cauſe of the poore captive, while conveying the gauge of honourable defiance to a proude PRINCE in aide of one, whom chaunce has barred from regal blood!—Fight will he himſelfe moſt manſullie; but, as you prize the credit of his valoure, let it be done under his own guidance ſpecial.—Punctilious is he as noble; ſo that he will ſence with the Sages of his Sov'raine's Council untill the moone's at the full, upon the ſenſe conſtructive of their own decrees!—Such outwarde workinges ſway this compound man, whoſe minde within moves but for others goode, which dothe his owne felicitie embrace!"’
CII.—Mrs. M—NT—GU.
[2]‘"Marry, goode Dame! but you maie well deride the partial boones of Nature, when a left-handed imitation of taſte dothe ſo currentlie counterfeite her handi⯑workes!—With the redundance of mortal frailties eſtabliſh me thy faire fame on matchleſs ſingularitie!—Criticiſe where thou can'ſt not comprehend; and ſatirize where the weak worlde doth fooliſhlie admire.—Like the matron of Mantua, garter thy partie-co⯑loured leg below the knee; and mount on the liſtes of meeke-cyed Charitie, by feedinge with dates and dainties one day in the Kalendar, all the ſootie race of Chimnie-ſweepinge boyes, that they may enjoie the luxurie of their harde fate through the remainder of the yeare!"’
CIII.—Earl of B—LF—ST.
[3]‘"Methinks, good STEPHAND, thoſe of my father's houſe did take me for a Bulle of Iriſhe extraction; for they ſet curs to bait me into madneſs, while more tenderlie did they ſelect an ambling Scotte, of Gallowaye breed, for the merriment of my junior brother!—But ſince they drove me to the altar of ſacrifice, I did ad⯑venture to take with me a help-meet, and there, with the aide of pious Prieſt, I made my maiden * BELLE faſte, by a knot tied with my tongue, which dothe now challenge all their wiſe wittes to untie againe with their teethe!"’
CIV.—C—ſs of ******.
[4]TWENTY-FIFTH DAY's TRIAL.
[5]CV.—Colonel C—WTH—NE.
CVI.—Lady E— B—NG—M.
[6]CVII.—Sir F— B—LL—R.
[7]‘"This trottinge from Courte to Courte, terme after terme, befittes not my humour well!—But ſince I am ſworne an Adminiſtrator of the Lawes, I will ſee them moſt wholeſomelie diſpenſed to all offendinge crea⯑tures, male and female!—The knaves incorrigible will I ſtringe like ropes of onions; and to teache conjugal obeiſance to womankind, their meaſure of chaſtiſement will I decree to be dealt at their huſbandes handes by the Rule of THUMBE!"’
CVIII.—Lady CAROLINE C—MPB—LL.
[8]TWENTY-SIXTH DAY's TRIAL.
[9]CIX.—Earl of EGR—M—T.
‘—"When they made ſuch Lordes as this ſame Compte Hugolto, they knewe their trade well, and wrought with the beſt materials!—Marry, Sir, you trace not him through the foiles, and doubles of your Court purlieus, but finde him on his owne domaine, like one who ſhrinks not at the Shrieve's officer, nor feares the reproaches of a tenantrie tortured upon rack⯑rentes!—Although the learned languages be as familiar to him as plaine-dealing, he offends no unlettered man with his ecce homos! or tu quoques!—The felicitie of all Heaven's creatures is his delighte, and the voice of gratitude attends it—even his houndes challenge him at viewe, on the ſcore of his benevolence!—Whatever be the portion of his failings, the frailtie of man's nature will reaſonably account for it!"’
CX.—Counteſs of ES—X.
[10]‘—"On her viſit to Algieres, they did elect her Empreſs of the gaudie Maccaws!—ſince which, plumes, and cheekes of various hues, have mightlie adorned her!—After this, the doctrines of * painted paſte-b [...]ards did ſhe eſtudie under the learned Jewes in Paleſtine! ſtrange trickes by ſlight of hande were then diſplaied to thoſe her ſiſterhoode, who croſſed her luckie palme i' the ſillie hope of bettering their fortunes!—So that with her Lorde's Courte dealinges, and her own dex⯑terous dealinges in * Courtlie paper, they turne the worlde right merrilie around them!"’
CXI.—The Duke of L—DS.
[11]‘—"In good truth he hathe been piouſlie nurtured; for no ſooner did his ſainted mother bring him forthe, than falling ſound aſleepe, ſhe dreamed of ſucklinge his infant Grace upon the milkie way! hence of Chriſtian mildneſs doe all his manners gentlie ſmack.—And yet he 'll quarrel not either with a Grace, or a Muſe of fire; nay, he can whiſper a light thing gallantlie to a female in the darke, and tag a mendicant Epilogue, to chaunte an half-damned Plaie-wrighte out of the tortures of purgation!"’
CXII.—Lady GR—NV—LE.
[12]TWENTY-SEVENTH DAY's TRIAL.
[13]CXIII.—Sir P—P—R A—D—N.
‘—"Marrie, Sir, I picked not up my common lawe as a pigeon dothe his peaſe, i' th' common fielde,—So will I throwe away an opinion haſtilie for no man!—As everie caſe in pointe hathe of neceſſitie two ſides, ſo hathe your libelle conſtitutional its texte, and contexte; out of which we ſometimes make a third—to witte—your mar-texte!—But I do demean myſelfe to parlie thus; becauſe it appertaineth unto me, as Maſter of the Rolles to our truſtie Sov'raine Lorde the Kinge, to ſee that on the proper ſide his royal breade be gliblie butter'd!"’
CXIV.—Mrs. C—P—G—Y.
[14]‘"She is as daintie a wild-ducke as ever haunted the lake of a decoy—and, once on winge, arreſt her giddie flighte who can! She hath the witte moſt wiſelie to enacte whatever follie vanitie dothe ſette before her; and a charitie ſo Chriſtian-like, that ſhe dothe barter fine foode and raiment for the emptie ſcraps of ped⯑dling poetaſters!—Muſique and farabands doe ſo in⯑vite her, that, with her lattice open, ſhe'll ſit through moon-light nights, unmaſqued, to hear the ſtraines of amorous ſerenaders, and come ſorthe next morn the Arch'reſs DIAN, diſplaieing a leg moſt continentlie buſkined! Oh, Sir, ſo rarelie dothe ſhe plaie theſe prettie prankes, that halfe the gapeinge worlde are cheated in beliefe that they have ſeen one angel upon earthe Stark mad!"’
CXV.—Earl of M—D.
[15]‘—"To moulde a ſturdie race of mortal men, you muſt faſhion them from materials coarſe and impene⯑trable!—Let there be none, which the teare of dull⯑eyed Charitie dothe melt to womanlie compaſſion;—but imitate the Stoique fortitude of him, whoſe breaſte is harder than a ten weekes froſte, and which no human breathe e'er thawed into benevolence!"’
CXVI.—Ducheſs of N—W—STLE.
[16]TWENTY-EIGHTH DAY's TRIAL.
[17]CXVII.—Biſhop of R—R.
‘—"I meete the prattling ABBOTTE of Glaſton⯑burie, juſt as he had gotten the thorne i' the fleſhe by meddling more buſilie with the Lawe than the Goſ⯑ [...] and though a preacher of obedience paſſive in other men, he bore the ſmart of his own ſufferings a [...]er the manner of the prieſthoode—intolerantlie!—He was clothed in lambe-ſkin throughout, ſignifying, I wotte, that he ſhould become belle-wether to the re⯑verend flocke.—Journieing a little onward, I eſpied me the counterfeit reſemblance of his worſhippe, fagotted at the public Market Croſſe, in full pontifi⯑calibus!—Marrie, quothe I, my neighbours, but this looketh like a burninge ſhame, to make ye of ſuch combuſtible HOLINESS, a lighte to lighten the Gen⯑tiles!"’
CXVIII.—Lady MIL—G—N.
[18]CXIX.—Marquis of L—T—N.
[19]CXX.—Mrs. N—TH.
[20]TWENTY-NINTH DAY's TRIAL.
[21]CXXI.—Alderman L—SH—N.
‘—"More headſtrong are theſe fellowe Cittes of mine, than ſo manie Spanniſhe mules unbitted!—They delighte themſelves as muche in a roaſted Alder⯑manne on their huſtinges, as a barbicued pigge in the eramminge ides of November!—And here am I, the repreſentative ſworne of ſuch gluttonizing varlettes; compelled to bow to theſe ſtockes obeiſantlie, or be diſmiſſed their Senate-ſervice!—make ſtrange ſpeeches to amuſe their wilde-gooſe fancies!—eate with them through ſirlines colde, and paſties hotte!—nay eate mine own wordes till they nearlie choake me, and all will not content them!—A plague on ſuch ſervitude, ſaie I, where our men of Liverie doe lorde it o'er their betters, and keepe their Civicke Maſters thus at painful watch, and warde!"’
CXXII.—Lady JOHN T—D.
[22]CXXIII.—PRINCE LASC—S.
[23]‘—"Pooh! pooh!—Nature could never mean, in wanton mockerie, to ſtampe me ſo like the thinge in veritie I am not!—Sir, I was ſmuggled from my cradle royal in the unfortunate hour of dark⯑neſſe.—But, be that as it maie, each line of this faire face ſomething majeſtique dothe denote; for women far and neare doate fondlie on my PRINCELIE ſeeming!—Theſe finde it on my bloominge cheeke!—ſome in the noſe of regal arche!—and others in each looke, and lineament, that marke ſuperior birthe!—nay, there are thoſe, who doe diſcern ſimilitude of our Houſe i' the leathern veſt that dothe my rear environ!—True it is, that all theſe dignities are but ill provided for by ſub⯑ject-like revenues: yet muſt they be uphelde; for who, yelep'd the ſhadowe of a Prince, could baſelie crouch beneathe the ſlender ſubſtance of a Gentle⯑man!"’
CXXIV.—Counteſs of EX—R.
[24]‘—"Alacke! is lordlie grandeur nought but this,—to live thus under vaulted roofes, too vaſte for human wantes, and ſee poore folke pent up in heapes 'neath ſtrawleſs houſeings?—When they did tell me I was to be a Ladie noblie happy, I did expecte to holde more frequent commune with this worlde's peace; but, well a daie! time paſt I ſaw more inno⯑cencie 'mid the lowlie walkinges of my father's ſheepe, than now I finde through all the hurley-Burleigh ſcenes of proude man's race!"’
THIRTIETH DAY's TRIAL.
[25]CXXV.—Duke of GL—R.
CXXVI.—Hon. T. O—SL—W.
[26]‘—"I charge you, fellowes, lay not un⯑courtlie handes on me!—Should you finde me not the ſofte ſleepie ſonne of a Bedchamber LORDE, toſſe me in a Tailor's blankette!—Though I maie lacke vaſte poſſeſſions of landes and beeves, I am a huge in⯑heritor of pride, and that 's enough for me:—ſo looke too 't—for he muſt have more follie than doth apper⯑tain to my ſhare who contends with the firſt begotten of a race, ſo riche in oftentation human!"’
CXXVII.—Mrs. M—LLS.
[27]‘—"And this be a LORDE's manſion, I'd have you to knowe, that I and mine have beene houſed in a better!—We knewe what was what before we did departe from Merrie Wakefielde to joine the Londonne Gentrie!—My goode man, and it like your Ladieſhip, was a clothier, and ſo it bechanced that I became ſo marvelouſlie dreſſed!—For my parte, I like everie thinge that is goode for the outſide, as well as within; and the beſt will be the beſt, after all!—Small as I appeare, and little as your Ladieſhip maie think it, I am worthe no leſſe than ten thouſand du⯑cattes, ſimplie as I ſtand apparelled before you!"’
CXXVIII.—Mrs. BR—ST—W.
[28]THIRTY-FIRST DAY's TRIAL.
[29]CXXIX.—THE LORD M—Y—R.
‘—"This Sir KNIGHTE that would be, was a thrivinge baker of unleavened biſcuite, and his counte⯑nance being combuſtiblie inclined, did take much fire at the mouthe of his own oven!—He banquetted ſumptu⯑cuſlie whole troopes of Courtiers, in veſſels of ſretted ſilver, in honour of his own nativitie, while poore men were crying aloud for bread-corne, which they were forbidden to taſte, and therefore lamented the houre they were born!—His fellowe Cittes did proclaim in waggerie that he was himſelf but ſlacklie ba [...]ed; but that heeded he not, while he could contrive to gette a goodlie cutte at the Loafe of State, and thence lay up in ſtore, the crumbes of his owne comforte!"’
CXXX.—Earl of ORF—D.
[30]‘—"Why ſhoulde they make any one of God's fraile creatures a mightie man againſt his wille, when ſo many packes of hungrie knaves are huntinge nighte and daie for lordlie honoures!—A title is to me no more than a potte of founding mettal is when tied perforce to a poor curre's taile, and which, with all his mighte, he cannot ſhuffle off!—I had rather be an indentured binder of bookes, and ſtiche mine owne workes in humble coveringe of vellum, than the pa⯑ramount Duke in Paleſtine, enrobed in golde, and er⯑mine!"’
CXXXI.—Lady M—LB—NE.
[31]CXXXII.—Lady BRIDGET T—LL—M—CHE.
[32]THIRTY-SECOND DAY's TRIAL.
[33]CXXXIII.—Sir JAMES M— P—LT—Y.
‘"Tell me, Belloſtern, did I not delineate their militarie exploites on the Continente, with marvellous circum⯑ſtantiation? When we were cuſſed like frogges acroſſe the dykes o' the Low Countries, ſente I not over cou⯑riers to them of victories atchieved, and i' the face of the Senate, vouched I not the veritie of mine own Commentaries?—And howe for all thoſe deedes have they repaide me? I aſked but to be ennobled after the manner of others of like deſerts, when they did re⯑nounce my ſuite who profitted of my ſervice; ſo that I was compelled to become the founder of mine owne honours, by creating myſelfe a Knighte of the BATHE!"’
CXXXIV.—Mrs. H—ST—GS.
[34]‘—"Marke me that fictionne fretted on the clothe in golde, and prieſtlie purple! A tale it is in veriue, though here by holie fabuliſte proclaimed!—She on the righte, with precious jewelrie bedecked, is the 'witch⯑ing Sheba, who roſe and journied with the Sunne, to viſitte Solomon in all his glorie!—To winne him o'er to Eaſtern dalliance, ſee howe her pliante bodie ſhe dothe bende ev'n to the grounde ſhe ſprang from!—and lo! her eyes by baſſeliſques bequeathed, do rivette on his frame the ſilke-worme chaine ſhe wroughte for his enthraldomme!"’
CXXXV.—Alderman B—K W—TS—N.
[35]‘"My Warde of * Coblers, revengeful of the fin I loſte, are ſworne devourers of the jowles of Coddo, with ſhoulders huge 'pertaininge!—Theſe ſimple knaves of gluttonie, but little wotte that I did tempte the prowlinge Sharke to plaie with me i' the waters, that I mighte learne of him voracious artes aright;—and howe, like this purveyor of the deepe, to boulte what⯑ever floated tempting to the eye!—I heede not then the ſhapeful limbe I loſte—for, down the jawe capacious of a Greenlande Whale alike the gorged PROPHET would I hoppe, ſo I might gaine more worldlie wiſ⯑dome by the dreade deſcente!"’
CXXXVI.—Mrs. B—RW—L.
[36]THIRTY-THIRD DAY's TRIAL.
[37]CXXXVII.—Princeſs AMELIA.
CXXXVIII.—Major-General M—C—D.
[38]‘"I knowe the ſavage HUNTER well; like his owne HOUNDES he dothe himſelfe delighte in human bloode! When he let ſlip his thirſtful dogges of warre, he did inſultinglie denounce my northerne noſe as not well-ſenſed for the fielde! therefore, as village curie, muſt I purſue, and yelpinge marre the chace I cannot ſhare!"’
CXXXIX.—Lady D—D—Y and W—D.
[39]‘"Touchinge at the ſamed Iſland of Madeira, the na⯑tives did courte her Excellencie to ſojourne there, fan⯑cieing that their vintage might purple more richlie under her roſeate influence! On this we gave our canvaſſe to the windes, leſt our own Britain might it⯑ſelf be ſpoiled of a countenance, which argufied the better deedes of the goode creature!"’
CXL.—Mr. WH—TB—D, Sen.
[40]‘—"This is he, who dothe an oylie beverage compounde, to cheere the honeſt vaſlalles of our iſle! Of liquor ſtoute he hoops ye countleſſe caſkes; though he makes no if, nor butte, in which to bung up his benevolence. He hathe a harte ſo faire abroache to ſilent charitie, that never can it reache the lees;—nay, looke at his verie beaſtes of burden!—do they not ſhine out the kindlie ſemblance of their maſter's face upon the poliſhed ſurface of their well-ſed ſkinnes?"’
THIRTY-FOURTH DAY's TRIAL.
[41]CXLI.—Right Hon. T. H—RL—Y.
‘"Well have they ſtamped VIRGISTERN father of the capitalle, whoſe heade Dan TIME has ſilvered o'er ſo honourablie in theire ſervitude! Unlike the cloudie-witted Cittes his fellowes, he taketh not his ſleepe and foode as dull provocatives to eache other's joie; for, his commercial duties done, he hies him to the noble culture of his ſoile, and thus ſtandes he ad⯑mired in eache, the civicke championne, and the ruralle Lorde!"’
CXLII.—Marchioneſs of D—N—G—L.
[42]CXLIII.—Mr. M. A. T—L—R.
[43]CXLIV.—Lady AUGUSTA CL—V—G.
[44]THIRTY-FIFTH DAY's TRIAL.
[45]CXLV.—M—q—s of B—K—H—M.
CXLVI.—Lady E—TH R—CK—TS.
[46]‘"I doe remember me, a faire, and noble maiden of Padua, ſo envied for her beautie, that ſome of her owne ſexe did chronicle againſt her lovelineſſe, tideings, falſe, as they were foule! but, in good ſoothe, Juſtice did amende her damaged fame with ſo rounde a ſumme in duckattes, that ſhe was conſtrained to call a huſ⯑bande in to counte them!—marry, from hence it wag⯑giſhlie was ſaid, that her Ladieſhip did drawe her wedding ſheetes from out the libertie of our preſſe!"’
CXLVII—Vice-Admiral C—NW—S.
[47]‘—"That ſame bluſtering Ocean, let me tell you, Neighbour, breedes us a fewe odde monſters, as trouble⯑ſome as itſelfe!—It is an element on which the circumnavigators of our Sovereign Lorde doe ſaile too ofte in chace of their owne phantaſies! Some, like the moodie animals in Noah's daies, you can⯑not drive on boarde their barque with pitch-forkes; while others, muleiſhlie inclined, will hardlie quitte the mountain ARKE when it be ſtranded!"’
CXLVIII.—Lady SM—H B—G—SS.
[48]THIRTY-SIXTH DAY's TRIAL.
[49]CXLIX.—Lord M—LD—N.
‘"In theſe ariſtocratique daies, 't is well there be ſome littel LORDES, who can deviſe the meanes to make themſelves leſſe: ſuch are your ſillie knaves, who, ſetting not their bartes on aught ſubſtantial, will bar⯑ter you the charmes of a delectable miſtreſſe for the more fleetinge ſemblance of a Prince's favour!—Theſe fellowes, without the ſpirit to protect a woman, will provoke you one of our moſt puiſſante Lordes to ſingle combatte, and after all he toucheth not his dou⯑blette, though it be ſwollen out as huge as an Iſling⯑towne hayſtacke!"’
CL.—D—ſs of M—LB—GH.
[50]CLI.—Sir W—TK—N L—W—S.
[51]‘"I have kepte my Sabbathes in potte houſes to a ſcur⯑vie tune, if theſe varlette Citizens, whom I have ſo nightlie drenched, do turne their ungrateful tailes upon me, now that my Welch ale is upon the lees!—But I will hie me to the lordlie ruler of our iſle, and aſke of him, whom I have followed through thicke and thinne, whether my deſerts do entitle me to no better fate than to be turned up like a worn-out gander, to ſtarve upon a common!"’
CLII.—C—ſs of CH—M—D—Y.
[52]THIRTY-SEVENTH DAY's TRIAL.
[53]CLIII.—Sir JOHN H—PSL—Y.
‘—"The nurſe who firſt proclaimed my goodlie noſe muſt have predicted unwiſelie, for it has led me on a wrong ſcent from it's nativitie to the preſent daie! If men's wives did marvelle in admiration of it in my youthe, their witleſſe Lordes were ſett upon their guard by this precurſor of my approach! and now 't is dwindled to a gibeing ſtocke for the honourable Virgin⯑nes of the Courte to giggle at!—Since I have commenced Courtlie Sir, our witcrackers have cudgelled me with mine own weapons; nay the holie Pontiffe's bleſſing has availed me nought in the honours it procured, for my conſtituents have laughed this bloodie hand to ſcorne, becauſe, forſoothe, they found it not bleede freelie!"’
CLIV.—Lady H—G—ST—N.
[54]CLV.—Duke of Q—SB—Y.
[55]‘"That can be no other than the Compte Falſteinberg, who ſtill wears the gaie doublette of youthe, for having wreſtled ſo long with Gaffer Time without a falle! He hath ſo beſhattered the optical nerve of his nether eye, by gazing beautie from it's countenance, that it latelie went out like a ſmall lighte in a ſtrong winde!—Nowe puts he more confidence in Women, and but little in Princes, thinking hereby to leade a life that is uprighte, and Chriſtian-like! Although inſirmities manifolde do beſette him, the milke of human kindneſſe flows ſo rounde his weather-beaten harte, that when the ballance of his frail account is ſtrucke, his follies ſhall weigh but as a feather, light againſt him!"’
CLVI.—Mrs. M. A. T—YL—R.
[56]THIRTY-EIGHTH DAY's TRIAL.
[57]CLVII.—The P— of —.
CLVIII.—Mrs. ST—T.
[58]‘"Goe, Gertrude, and informe my Lorde the Kynge's Chiefe Juſtice, that though a weake, and ſillie woman, I doe defie the power of his denunciations legal!—Tell him to boote, that, malgre his bar-points, I muſt have nightlie a cocke on my carde, though I do pennance for it by forfeiture of goodes, and chattalles! If his Lord⯑ſhip dothe ſaie trulie that I have loſt the ſenſe of ſhame, I can looke for it through any wooden * telleſcope in the face of the worlde, without further expenditure of bluſhinge!"’
CLIX.—Admiral Sir A— G—RD—R.
[59]CLX.—Lady M—N—RS.
[60]THIRTY-NINTH DAY's TRIAL.
[61]CLXI.—Earl of C—V—Y.
‘—"I doe ſtill prefer the rogueiſh twinkeling of an hazel eye, to any other conſtellation; and yet the ſpiteful jades reporte I am grown olde, and ebbing faſte to dotage! Marry but it likes me not to fall into the vale of yeares, becauſe poſſeſſion there is at the will of another Lorde, and deathe the fine cer⯑tain for the fee-ſimple of a ſinful life!—Were I not to encounter in the other worlde, wives, and doxies who have paid the debt of nature's frailties half a centurie before me, I might not heede this journie⯑ing hence; but to be clapper-clawed bothe here, and hereafter, is a pennance too harde for any mortal ſinning!"’
CLXII.—Miſs SN—W.
[62]‘"That faire embodied maſſe is one of the mountain Appenines, for ever capt with Snowe! Whene'er the Sunne dothe woo her with his ſmiles right luſtilie, charmed with his warme embrace, ſhe melting yieldes unto his wille, and then poures forthe a genial current to the worlde belowe!"’
CLXIII.—Mr. BR—D—L.
[63]‘"I knewe that whimſical Sir Hugo well, who waged knighte-errantrie againſt his own ſweete peace! In a ſunne-ſhinie day, one might ſee him, like an arrant ſchoole-boy, making duckes and drakes with the fleet⯑inge comfortes of human life! At other times would he ſtand ſlip-ſhod at his lattice, to kicke the pureſt bleſſ⯑inges from his threſholde! With ſo unreaſonable an eare for muſique was he born, that he would forſake all the harmonies of his owne houſholde, only to carry the cracked lute of a lewd minſtrel, from Padua to Verona!"’
CLXIV.—Lady ANN L—MB—N.
[64]‘—"Lowe on my bended knees I praie you pauſe, And viewe the dreadful precipice you neare With ſteppes unhallowed! Quick'ie tread them back, And Time oblivious ſoone ſhall raze them out. No longer let the proude, and parent ſoure Attainte the leſſer veſſels of your bloode, To pour diſhonour foule on all our race!"’
FORTIETH DAY's TRIAL.
[65]CLXV.—Sir G. P. T—R.
‘"Which meddling Sir among you, can fathome the minde of a greate man by the ſhallowneſſe of his everie daie underſtanding?—As to mine own ſelfe, let my deedes challenge their paramount deſertes: am I not political, comical, ſcientifical, pragmatical, naie per⯑chance poetical, according to the quarterly variations of St. Dunſtan's chimes?—In the Senate, I doe ſpeake mar⯑vellouſſie without booke; and, returning home, can, upon a pinche, threade a needle for a faire ſempſtreſſe, though I doe pricke my littel finger in the atchieve⯑mente!—In a worde, I emploie the paſſing houres more in wiſdom and ſound diſcretion, than any other of our motlie Squires to be met with in Salamanca!"’
CLXVI.—Counteſs of G—F—D.
[66]‘"Come, come, Blanche, on the worlde let us ſette its proper value!—'tis this ſame wealthe dothe yielde to us women, all that our little hartes ſo ſobbe, and ſighe for. Marry, I tell thee, Girl, that monie is a matche as well as miſchiefe-maker; for though it ſett half mankind at loggerheades, it ſweetlie bindes the better parte in golden-bondage!—Had my Lorde been even blinde to my at⯑tractions perſonal, (which Heaven forbade), he had witte enough at will to ſpie endowments in me, which out⯑live the ſhort heighos of a bridal honie-moone!"’
CLXVII.—Lord D—L—V—L.
[67]‘"A plague on theſe female muſquitoes!—why do they keep buzzing about the fraile parte of man, after he is paſte flie-blowing?—The jades know my weakneſſe, and practiſe laſciviouſlie upon it: and yet the lees of life are ſweetened only by their cajoleries!—Men, it ſeems, have different taſtes and palates; for mine own parte, I am for plaine ſauce to my pickled gurnette! give me but a fine wenche and a fiddle, and conſign all the witchinge whoredoms of BABYLON to my Lordes the Bench of B—S!"’
CLXVIII.—Miſs K—P—L.
[68]FORTY-FIRST DAY's TRIAL.
[69]CLXIX.—Biſhop of B—R.
‘—"Pſhawe! my good Lorde of Canterburie! nowe are you grown more meeke, than trulie ſapient. If, for a little manual batterie in defence of our Holie Churche, they be ſuffered to aſſault me legallie—'tis well!—By St. Paule, I ſtretched out mine arme of fleſhe but to ſubdue the wratheful ſpirit of the ſinful man. In veritie he did refuſe ſalvation in mine own way, that I might humble him to the grounde, and thus from eternal bondage ſave him! Should they ſtill ſquib their pop-gun quidlibets at niſi prius—appeal⯑ing to our Alma Mater, I muſt bring her Cannon Lawe in my defence:—nay, and they more enchafe my mitred browes, malgre my wife's ſalt teares, by the maſſe, as Abbotte of BANGOR, but I will lay right luſtilie about me!"’
CLXX.—Lady W—L—GH—Y of E—BY.
[70]CLXXI.—Sir G—DF—Y W—R.
[71]‘—"And you ſhould ſee Sir Godbolde's pette Ewe paſſe the mountaine, doe his Worſhippe a goode turne, honeſt ſhepherde, and make reporte of her right ſpeedilie!—The poore Knight hathe lamentablie loſt in her, four quarters of as prettie muttone as ever ſheepiſhlie looked tuppe i' th' face!—We doe marvel what the murrain could aile her, unleſs ſhe was ſtricken with the gad-flie, and argyle on our Southerne Downes, could not decentlie contain herſelf!—Marry, I doe fear at beſt ſhe will return to us too full of unlaw⯑ful lambe, to be fit foode for any but FOXES to de⯑voure!"’
CLXXII.—Hon. Miſs R—.
[72]FORTY-SECOND DAY's TRIAL.
[73]CLXXIII.—Earl of ER—L.
‘"As you are more ſharpe-witted than myſelfe, I do ſubſcribe moſt voluntarilie to your opinion:—ſo thus it ſimplie ſtandes:—‘'by foregoing my title, I am the more entitled to be a Gentleman than when I was a Lorde;'’—for ſay you trulie, that Gentlemen were made ere Lordes were created, or begotten; ergo, Lordſhips were fabricated but to make new-fangled Gentrie, which we, of original ſtocke, ſtand not in neede of. In veritie then it is a problem moſt cleare, that I do think it long till I am beridden of my Lordlie title, and be⯑come the prettie kinde of Gentleman that you do de⯑voutlie wiſh to ſee me!"’
CLXXIV.—Lady A—KL—D.
[74]CLXXV.—Rev. Dr. R—ND—PH.
[75]‘—"Looke ye, Sirs! as a man of holie life and con⯑verſation, I doe expecte to be entreated with all prieſtlie reverence!—I'll take the ſinnes of no fraile fleſhe in chriſtendom more than what I bear alreadie.—I deli⯑vered the pacquet royalle with my own handes, and ſawe it booked, ‘'by the whole dutie of manne!'’—Touchinge the Golden Coinage of our Sov'rain Liege, I know nought—for by the maſſe if it did journie with me it chinked not! That I placed this pacquet in the right roade to ſalvation, is true as lighte! let thoſe who did pervert it to purpoſes of darkneſs therefore be reſponſible.—If the worlde, putting ‘'faithe in my goode workes,'’ do be⯑lieve me, ‘'well!'’—if not, I pleade my benefitte of Clergy!"’
CLXXVI.—M—n—ſs of ST—F—D.
[76]FORTY-THIRD DAY's TRIAL.
[77]CLXXVII.—Marquis of B—TH.
‘"Slave! bring me another ſtoope of Canarie, and then leave me to my lucubrations!—In taking offe all my bon companions, Dame Fate hathe rather run me harde; for nowe am I doom'd, bottle after bottle, to re⯑count my loſs of thoſe who popped off before me, like decayed corkes from wine upon the frette!—So here inceſſantlie ſit I, to drink a requiem to their jollie ſoules!"’
CLXXVIII.—Hon. Mrs. B—V—RIE.
[78]‘—"Oh! ſhe hathe an unconquerable ſpirit in matters of public concerne; and ſo zealous for the well doinge of the common weale, that ſhe kicked her tailor down ſtaires, onlie, forſoothe, becauſe he had made a coſtlie robe of ſtate for the Queene's Majeſtie, when ſhe looked to be ſole Regent of the People!"’
CLXXIX.—Duke of M—NCH—R.
[79]‘"I viewed him on the margin of the Thames, plyeing a pair of oares, as if he had to earn a ſcantie liveli⯑hoode by buffeting the foamie tide!—Whether his Grace will thus bequalifie himſelf the better for affaires of ſtate, I wotte not; but, certes, he muſt be well prepared for the worſte of times; becauſe, by the dexterous uſe of his ſcull, he maie contrive at leaſt to keepe his owne heade above the water!"’
CLXXX.—Princeſs S—PH—A of GL—R.
[80]FORTY-FOURTH DAY's TRIAL.
[81]CLXXXI.—Sir WILLIAM G—RY.
‘—"To the SULTAN's prime Mufti am I indebitted for mine election, who deigned to chooſe me publicke ſpendthrifte of mine own privie purſe for the benefitte of the State! The nexte honour I do looke for, is a permiſſion, under his Highneſs's hande and ſeale, to builde an hoſpitalle for courtlie lunatiques, and to be named ſole Governor thereof myſelfe, at ſpecial times, whene'er the moone be at her fulle!"’
CLXXXII.—Hon. Mrs. N—TH.
[82]‘—"Oh! there is a giddie worme within this un⯑ſubdued fleſhe of mine, that will not die, and which neither travel e, nor the arte ſpiritualle of my mitred LORDE can ever ſette at reſte!"’
CLXXXIII.—Hon. Capt. GEORGE B—KL—Y.
[83]‘"The faulte muſt lie at his own doore, if a warfareing man be not accounted valorous in the world's weake judgement at the leaſt!—Why hathe he the gifte of tongue, but to promulgate deedes, which did not reach the eyes of ordinarie obſervers?—Marry, to make Fame's records ſurer on your ſide, call forthe the Limner's arte, which dothe bepaint right luſtilie beyond the life, and he will ſo beblazon fiction's feates to after⯑times, that they ſhall long ſurvive the ſhort-lived va⯑loure of your fighting Sirs!"—’
CLXXXIV.—Ducheſs of N—TH—B—D.
[84]FORTY-FIFTH DAY's TRIAL.
[85]CLXXXV.—Earl of L—SD—LE.
‘—"That is the manne to my thinking on the ſcore of valour perſonal, who can fighte with all heaven's creatures more heartilie than feede them!—Such an one is conſtrained to delve into the hungrie bowels of the laude, in ſearche of wealthe he lacketh not; thus procreating convulſions under grounde, and making her people with their mother earthe to quake!—Of ſuch almightie men, Marvino, they now-a-daies doe moulde their Lordes, ſo that their conſtitution politique be not ſapped by more deſperate underminers!"’
CLXXXVI.—Mrs. M. A. T—YL—R.
[Her Second SUFFRAGE.]
[86]CLXXXVII.—Lord M—LMS—Y.
[87]‘—"Oh, Sir, their choice did well devolve on him, ſo artfullie ordained to nibble things aſunder!—Marked you not, in Regencies of yore, how well he did eſſay to gnawe the ligatures in twaine, which had ſo long up⯑held the canopie o' the State?—Who then ſo fitte to trie his ſkilfulle toothe upon the newer cordage that dothe more ſlightlie binde the deſtinies of France!—Truſt to 't, the deede he 'll doe, if that his ratteiſh noſe be not enſnared within the freſh-filed trappe of thier new republique!"’
CLXXXVIII.—Miſs ST—RT.
[88]FORTY-SIXTH DAY's TRIAL.
[89]CLXXXIX.—Sir WM. P—LT—Y.
‘—"Naie, and what of that?—If manne be borne of earthlie minde, let him be forthwith nomi⯑nated Purveyor-General in peccadilloe of that duſte, to which worm-like he muſt returne;—I knewe me ſuch an one, the ſtrange inhabitant of a venerable dwellinge, who did eſcape taxation of all windowe lattices, by contenting himſelfe with the ſimple lu⯑minations of his owne braine!—there ſatre he, time out of patience, exorbitantlie meaſuring forth to needie trowel-menne, his owne ſoile by the inch ſquare!—thus he grewe abundant in his wealthe, until the maine beames of his manſion did becracke with the ſterling weighte of golde, incontinentlie piled up!"’
CXC.—Madame S—W—L—GH.
[90]‘"Mine Got! but dey doe belie his royalle youthe moſt marvelouſlie!—By mine trute, but he be growne both a ſveete, and a goote P [...]ince! Vhy—in his grace he now be ſo font of me, that he dothe wiſitre de bedde in mine affliction, and plaie with efferie littel haire upon mine cheeke!—then he dothe talke of mine ducattes ſo kindlie, az eef dey ve [...] his owne!—naie, I doe be⯑liefe dat he vould kindl [...]e take dem into his own royalle keepinge, for de comforte of mine old age!—Oh! he be de ſveeieſt, and de viſeſt Prince that ever did ſpring from the Royalle ſtocke of Yarmanny!"’
CXCI.—Alderman C—MBE.
[91]‘—"Sir, I tell you, though I am a brewer of browne ſtoute, theſe civique honours ſitte not lightlie on my ſhoulders. True it is, that I have raiſed my⯑ſelfe, from a man o' the Common Liverie, to be a chiefe o'er Common Counſellors i' the Eaſte, while my com⯑panions i' the Weſt did declare unto me, that 'robes and fuired gownes hide all!' Marry, Sir, if that were ſo, the Cittes had not eſpied the ſhaking of my elbowe beneath an Aldermanique gabardine!—I tell you once againe, theſe civique honours ſitte not light upon me!"’
CXCII.—Lady H— S—YM—R.
[92]FORTY-SEVENTH DAY's TRIAL.
[93]CXCIII.—Biſhop W—TS—N.
‘—"Suppoſe that he be an ABBOTTE cloathed in prieſtehoode, he will prove no worme-eaten buttraſſe to our Mother Churche on this ſide the grave, or I have miſta'en his Reverence hugelie! Whilſt his bretheren in the houre of jeopardie did turn their mitres into night-cappes, from their meeke propenſitie to dozeing, he beſtirred luſtilie in his vocation, and ſtoode him forthe the true defender of our Chriſtianne faithe!—Hence is yclep'd the holie Al-hymiſte, becauſe he dothe extracte for men's mindes, the puritie of earthlie comforte from the cruſcible of his owne benevolence!"’
CXCIV.—Lord C—M—LF—D.
[94]‘—"Avaſte, my brinie meſſemates!—if you thwa [...]e, and turn him blufflie noſe to tide, the ſpraye of his wrathe will ſouſe ſome of you ſore and afte, I tell ye!—Only eaſe him, d'ye ſee, a point or two from the winde, and you 'll ride ſafelie with him through the rougheſt weather!—Neither your Courtes nor crownettes, bilboes nor baſtinadoes, can warpe him from ſait water, which he delights in like a wild-ducke!—He met the Algerine but t'other day, who gave him ſo ſhort an allowance of comfort on board his corſair!—my limbs! but he rubbed out the old ſcore with his rattan upon his Barbary ſhoulders, till the Sea-calfe roared out for mereie he had never [...]ew [...]!—The younker is a pickled fiſh, that's certain—but a goode office goes with him through life, while a dirtie one never ſlippe, his reckoninge!"’
CXCV.—Miſs M—L—S.
[95]CXCVI.—Lord R—LLE.
[96]‘—"Certes, SIRE, a man may plaie the foole in lowe life in order to his exaltation; but having at⯑tained a Lordſhippe paramount, he cannot continue to execute the humble things that appertain themſelves to ſimple common-hoode!—True it is, my LIEGE, that our vaſſalage of DEVONNE have ſwerved from their betrothed allegiance to the Ruler of your State. Deign you to aſke, why I, with all my mighte and zeale, did not prevent it?—my anſwer, SIRE, is ſhort⯑lie this: I could have diſperſed the ſturdie knaves with the bare breathe of my lordlie noſtrils, though they had ſwarmed like pilchardes on our coaſte; but ſince it did bepleaſe your Highneſſe to ſhape from me a PEER of Brittaine's realme—marry I've other fiſhe to frie!"’
FORTY-EIGHTH DAY's TRIAL.
[97]CXCVII.—Lady ELIZ. L—T—L.
‘"What an Iriſhe howle is here ſette up, about the departure of a paltrie rouleau of light guineas, for which I gave a draughte upon my monie-holder's banke, for value not received!—A Bill of Plai [...], not being ſtamped for honourable purpoſe, ought not, by legalle cuſtom of exchange, to be dulie honoured; therefore did I counter-cheque my order, which, in the weakneſſe of womanhoode, I had iſſued; and for this onlie hathe my ſaire fame been ſcandalouſlie beſlurred throughout the capital!—But if I have not ample ven⯑g [...]ance on that dealer in odde trickes, may I never ſette cocke upon a carde againe!"’
CXCVIII.—Mr. T—RN—Y.
[98]‘—"Canvaſſe me the voters wives of Southwarke, for I muſt batter the huſtinges once more with the cuckoldie heades of their Lordes and Maſters!—Since no lawe, dead or living, can denominate this a treate, kiſſe me alſo their ſpinſter daughters throughout the Mint, being heedful that the huſſies do not warmlie paie you back in your own coine!—Having ſtayed the trencher worke of my opponent, perchance I may the electors ſtarve into a juſt opinion of mine own deſert.—I have told them roundlie, that a freed-man muſt come to the polle with an emptie ſtomach, to preſerve a ſounde conſtitution, and that he can ſwallowe nought but my wordes without a deep tranſgreſſion of the ſtatute lawe:—if this avail me not, there will be no trap⯑pinge the warie knaves, either full, or faſtinge!"’
CXCIX.—Hon. Miſs H—Y.
[99]‘—"By my knighthoode but ſhe is a comlie laſſe! and ſo expert a miſtreſſe in the arte of ſignalles, that ſhe can make you a mirrour of her own 'kerchiefe, and, by the quickneſſe of her eye, reade its reflected anſwers from one ſtreete's end to the other. In good ſoothe, this faire dame is in a faire way to be mar⯑velouſlie ſignalized!"’
CC.—Mr. W—LB—F—CE.
[100]‘"Mark me nowe, Honourable Sirs! although manne's conſcience be enſlaved, may not his bodie ſtill be free, and active to the warie purports of his minde!—For mine own parte, I had, in Chriſtianne veritie, an earlie calle unto the humbler pathes of grace;—whate'er the proffitte of it be in this vaine worlde, I take it as a foretaſte of my future recompence in that which is to come!—Nay, and it be our ſacred privilege, goode Se⯑nators, to trafficke in pietie, we muſt be allowed to barter the ſuperfluxe of ſpiritual concerns, to inſure our own political ſalvation!"’
FORTY-NINTH DAY's TRIAL.
[101]CCI.—Lady S—MP—N.
‘—"If ſhe be an old Puſs too proude and ſtatelie to catch a mouſe i' the barne, ſhe were as well, for the quiet of the houſe, to be without her clawes!—A mur⯑rain ſeize your tabbie CATTES, ſay I!—what a ſpittinge and meweinge doe they ſette up, to make the braw⯑linges of a high winde more hideous! Woe betide the reſtleſs tenants of that rooſe, o'er the pann-tiles of which theſe whiſkered wizzardes doe rantipole it ſo ſhrewiſhlie!"’
CCII.—Mr. C. ATK—N.
[102]‘—"Bleſſe the poore manne's odde wittes, that will never let his heade reſte but in ſtations too ex⯑alted! Here have they thruſte it once more into our Senate Houſe, where the wagges doe throwe their jokes and jibes more cuttinglie about them, that your poul⯑terers wives their filthie egges at Martin-maſſe!"’
CCIII—Ald—n P—CK—T.
[103]‘—"When they did expunge thoſe emptie heades from off the frontler of our Citie's gate, mine own was ſette thereon, and did moſt wittinglie deviſe how to diſmantle our Temple's barre to pub [...]ique inter curſion. It doth ſeeme, to builde a civique fame, one muſt be conſtrained to pull you down the ſtouter workes of an⯑tient men!—But the minde, my maſters, muſt be kept in concuſſion, or the braine of an ordinarie citizen would ſoon curdle over, like greene duck-weede on a gardenne ponde!"’
CCIV.—Lady H—THC—TE.
[104]Appendix A
S. Gosnell, Printer, Little Queen Street.
- Citation Suggestion for this Object
- TextGrid Repository (2020). TEI. 5230 Passages selected by distinguished personages on the great literary trial of Vortigern and Rowena a comi tragedy Volume I pt 2. University of Oxford Text Archive. . https://hdl.handle.net/21.T11991/0000-001A-58CD-B