[]
THE RETORT.
BY The AUTHOR.
Cum tua praetereas oculis male lippus inunctis,
Cur in Amicorum vitiis tam cernis acutum,
Quam aut aquila, aut ſerpens Epidaurius? at tibi contra
Evenit, inquirant vitia ut tua rurſus et illi.
HOR.
LONDON: Printed for, and ſold by W. FLEXNEY, near GRAY'S-INN-GATE, HOLBORN.
MDCCLXI.
To T. SMOLLET, M.D.
[]COULD the author, Sir, imagine that you was ac⯑ceſſable only by the ſteps of flattery and panegyrick, he would at once aſſign to you the united virtues and abilities of a PITT, a JOHNSON *, and a MEAD. But as he cannot conceive any thing more nauſeating to a ſenſible mind, will leave ſuch polluted offerings, and mean artifices to thoſe, who dreading your critic laſh, would thereby be⯑ſpeak your partiality. A method of addreſs this, which may at firſt perhaps, from its being a little unfaſhionable, ſeem to carry with it an air of vanity to ſome, with a de⯑gree of pride to others; but as the author is not himſelf conſcious of either, he will be as little affected by ſuch conſtructions, as he is by the ingenious writings of thoſe, who are ſaid to have laſhed the town with great humour and ſeverity †; whoſe particular freedom, and great illi⯑berality towards him (the preſent author) will, he hopes, ſo far bias you in your opinion, on the one hand, and ex⯑culpate him, on the other, as to prevent (ſhould curioſity, for want of other inducements, engage your peruſal of the following lines) any imputation or impeachment of that ſort, however deſerving you may think him of the laſh in other reſpects; for though he is ſenſible their having acted [iv]an illiberal part, is by no means a ſufficient plea for him, yet he ventures to aſſert, that there are men in the world, who can be attacked no other way. Who have, nor know any other weapon, and who, if they do not find men guilty, will make them ſo: Such is the pride, malice and folly of the age we live in; which cannot, he appre⯑hends, be more ſtrongly exemplified than in the parſon C—LL, lawyer C—N, and critic L—YD. Who,
Parties in wit, attend each other's call,
And he who cenſures one, offends them all.
To various poſts their faction they divide,
Thoſe take the players,—theſe the world deride.
And to whoſe ſecret ſtabs is the preſent RETORT en⯑tirely owing; for though it has been advertiſed under another title, yet the Author never intended it for the pub⯑lick eye, but was willing to let his ſilence ſhew his con⯑tempt for his accuſers, 'till provok'd too far.
'Be candid therefore where you can, nor break a fly upon a wheel.'
I am, Sir, Your very humble ſervant, The AUTHOR.
Gray's-Inn, October 19, 1751.
THE RETORT.
[]TALK not of POPE, of ADDISON, or GAY,
Of DRYDEN, CONGREVE, WYCHERLY, or GREY;
Men of contracted principles and worth,
Quite other beings from our preſent growth;
Mere apes of ſcience in an age of lead,
* "Doom'd to be ever writing, ſeldom read;"
Who had ('twas thought) a knack at ſmooth-ſhod rhyme,
And ſomething knew of unity, place, time.
[4]But long, too long, alas! their works have cloy'd,
A nation BIG with C—LL, C—N, L—YD.
Whoſe very names have ſtruck as great a damp,
As WOLF or GRANBY in the German camp;
* "And yields to HOMER on no other ſcore,
"Than he had liv'd ſome thouſand years before."
Whoſe morals it were treaſon to ſuſpect,
With lives and conduct as their page correct;
Whoſe full-grown merit may the laurel claim,
And frown contempt on leſs'ners of their fame;
Whoſe thoughts HABITUAL INNOCENCE adorns,
And flatt'ry with her oil-ſteept vaſſals ſcorns;
In whoſe joint works the ſweet harmonious line,
All vice ſuppreſſes, and makes virtue ſhime.
'TIS there, and there alone, we read and find,
Wit with good-nature, taſte with genius join'd;
SHAKESPEARE'S rich vein, the great ROSCOMMON'S eaſe,
With ev'ry nervous talent form'd to pleaſe;
With manners few can equal, none excel,
And what they dare to think, with candor tell;
From envy, malice, and detraction free,
And all the vip'rous taint of calumny.
[5]'TIS they encourage and with warmth admire,
When genius prompts, and merit fans the fire;
'Tis they the tide of ev'ry vice controul,
And in reforming, harmonize the ſoul.
THE ONE a ſecond TILLOTTSON appears,
And charms at once our ſenſes and our ears;
In judgment ripe, in ſtile ſerene and clear,
Unfolding truths, is pleaſingly ſevere;
Like HORACE trifling with keen ſatire's dart,
* "Who while he trifled, drove it to the heart."
In ſofteſt features deep diſtreſs appears,
When virtue meets him begging alms with tears;
‖ Then all the MAN OF ROSS in him revives,
And all his virtue, with Addition lives.
To ſick and poor a tender pity ſhews,
And, babes deſerted by their mother, cloaths.
When ſouls departed wait their wanted reſt,
His aid but ſpeaks the temper of his breaſt;
Obedient to his laſt ſad function's rule,
[6]Whoſe great example is a flame ſo bright,
Men need but follow to purſue what's right.
NEXT him the critic L—YD, in learning ſmart,
Stands forth to tell the failings of the Heart;
To guide our ſenſes, and direct our choice,
Inform us where to weep, and where rejoice;
What books young men and maidens beſt had read,
Who moſt had labour'd to explain the creed.
Tho' young, mature, and tho' rejected, ſought,
By men admiring Roman ſtrength of thought;
Whoſe choiceſt ‡ numbers who but reads commends,
And wond'ring enemies become his friends;
‖ Deſparing rivals loath him, one and all,
As children dread the giants in Guild-Hall.
In whom, bleſt man, in ſweeteſt union meet,
The various beauties which the bard compleat;
A ſoul exempt from vanity and pride,
With reaſon, taſte, and judgment for his guide;
And ſuch his elegance and force of wit,
The praiſe is ſmall, to call him † Stagyrite.
[7]Whoſe other virtues to make juſtly known,
Demands a genius equal to his own.
ME talents of a ſmaller growth inſpire,
Content to warm at Grey's or Maſon's fire.
Here then with him I'll reſt the infant quill,
L—YD or LONGINUS, call him which you will.
C—N to him muſt next in order riſe,
And here, as in the eaſy world, ſurprize;
Whoſe comic pow'rs diſplay ſuch wond'rous ſkill,
'Tis mine to praiſe him, IRONISE who will.
Strongly he paints the manners of the age, *
And draws life's chequer'd picture on the ſtage;
Gives words tho' common, (ſo dext'rous his art)
The air of novelty in ev'ry part; †
Such ſtrokes of nature wake the conſcious ſoul,
C—N or nature from each other ſtole; ‖
Whilſt juſt connexion and arrangement meet,
To make this one, ‡ a comedy compleat.
[8]
So eaſy and familiar is each thought,
As ſeems by SWIFT, and gay ‖ PETRONIUS taught;
With all that * ARISTOPHANES e're knew,
Whoſe fable, diction, raillery and wit,
Receive their imprimatur from the pit;
Whilſt peals of laughter ſtop the buſy ſcene,
Charm'd § at the ringing of the bells within;
Then all is huſh'd, and quickly there appears,
A maid ſuſpecting her own want of ears.
BEAUTIES like theſe croud in ſo faſt, I own,
All comic powers centre here in one;
And tho' to GARRICK as to PRITCHARD due,
Involuntary plaudits do accrue;
From him their greateſt merit they receive,
Who to ſuch acting, could ſuch language give;
[9]Where no indecencies throughout appear,
To raiſe the virgin bluſh, or hurt the ear;
But modeſt as the pray'r-book he hath wrote,
And miſs from either, decently may quote.
Where quality is known by thoughts refin'd,
And imitating ſervants liſp their mind;
Where humor with true character unites,
"And boldly cenſures, as he boldly writes; *
Deſpiſing men who pilfer and tranſlate,
From authors in, or authors out of date;
But ſolely from himſelf his piece erects,
And dares the world, to ſhew him his defects;
Well-knowing men of candor muſt commend,
The theatre's philoſopher † and friend.
Whoſe life indulgent Heav'n preſerve, and pour
On him the choiceſt bleſſings in your ſtore;
For HE all vice and manners will reform,
And give our thoughtleſs tide a different turn;
By precept teach us what his works inſpire,
And make us from deſtructive paths retire.
[10]
WHO then can wonder at my urgent prayer,
Or think this great good man not worth my care?
IN fine, the world muſt L—d's dominion own,
And proſtrate pay due honours to the gown;
Muſt C—n raiſe on table, ſtool, or chair,
Leſt in the croud is loſt, this comic-ware,
Which feeds at once the Manager and Player.
AND yet I fear too raſhly I advance,
In praiſe, where few, if any countenance.
For oft I've heard th' impartial world proclaim,
'Theſe men the ſons of ribaldry and ſhame.
'Whom virtue wins not, but all follies charm,
'In bold defiance of th' Almighty's arm.
'Whom not one honourable tie controuls,
'But vice ( * as wave on waves) on vices rolls.
'Whom falſhood, ſcandal, treachery and lies,
'Detraction, calumny, and guilt comprize.
'Whoſe hearts would make men waver in their faith,
'And hold with what the rigid ſtoic ſaith †.
'Who crimes invent, ambiguous rumors ſpread,
'As fancy opes the ſin-mine of the head.
'Dull, yet conceited, inſolent and proud,
'Void of all worth, yet poſitive and loud;
[11]'Daring all ſin to act, exempt from law,
'Whom T—n may, but conſcience ne'er did awe.
'Who God's exiſtence doubtfully muſt own,
'If impious lives require there ſhould be none.
THE Parſon quits his pulpit for the ſtage,
And lives licentious, in a virtuous age;
Whoſe ſoul ne'er felt religion's ſacred call;
But acts in ſtrict conjunction with Breval *.
Obſerves each actreſs, and each actor's walk,
Can tell with whom they lye, with whom but talk;
And ſtrange Reverſion from his ſeat in pews,
Is ſeen with minors, viſiting the ſt—ws.
Where (as the caſh reports) whole nights he'll reſt,
Now treat with Wine, now Porter of the beſt;
With—luxuriouſly will eat,
On eel or mutton-pye, a glorious treat.
To miſs reclining on his downy cheek,
The Roſciad, or apology, will ſpeak †;
[12]Lay ſtrong the emphaſis where beauties ſhine,
And ſwear POPE breathes, and lives in every line;
At parting, whiſpers,— tell it o'er the town,
For here are beauties, worthy to be known.
IT'S come, it's come, the Roſciad's come, to mow,
And maſſacre whole legions at a blow,
'His ſingle arm more dreadful is than he.' *
Through five editions run within a year,
His printer paid, himſelf an hundred clear.
Proud with ſucceſs, and of a dauntleſs form,
‡ Rides in the whirlwind, and directs the ſtorm;
Sworn foe to men who win unborrow'd praiſe,
Himſelf and vaſſal adjutant to raiſe.
* * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * *
L—YD anſwers the ſalute with C—LL'S name,
And makes epiſtles ladders up to fame;
Weaves for his maſter's head, the laurel crown,
Nor cares what ſhrine he plunders or pulls down;
[13]Whilſt names big ſounding captivate our ears,
And dead to ſenſe of candor as to truth,
Stabs riſing merit in its earlieſt youth;
Calls this man ſcribler, that a letter'd rogue,
And C—ll is the only bard in vogue.
Whilſt he, the—of that lib'ler's ſhade,
Lives on the proſpect of men's future aid.
And foot-bard like, cloſe lacqueys at the heel,
With plans, much-wanted charity to ſteel.
Won by diſtreſs, his friends ſubſcribe the pence,
To read next year a baſtard common ſenſe.
Whilſt life rolls on in one unvaried ſcene,
Of all that's baſe, contemptible and mean.
Where pupils oft have liſt'ned to his wit,
So long as he could talk, or they could ſit;
And all within, and all without the bar,
Have thought there's none with Bobby could compare;
[14]His ſmutty joke ſo nat'ral and ſo fine.
Each w—e cry'd charming! and each youth divine *.
But now (ſo fickle is all human praiſe)
They firſt do cenſure, who were firſt to raiſe:
And from th' epiſtle's † dull, inſipid line,
No w—e cries charming, and no youth divine.
But thro' the ſilken veil, diſcern the teſt,
Of ignorance diſguis'd in learning's veſt.
With all that flimſy arrogance and pride,
Which ſtamps the dunce, and is the pedant's guide.
* * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * *
Caetera deſunt.
THEIR friend and ſworn ally, a ‡ modern ſquire,
Whom emptineſs and dulneſs can inſpire;
Whom vanity and malice can excite,
And beauties not his own ‖ have brought to light.
Who to the world mankind will guilty ſhew,
And thoſe he does not find, will conſtrue ſo.
True to no duty, but a miſtreſs' cauſe §,
And laſt, as leaſt in honor or applauſe.
[15]Who baſely for ſome vile clandeſtine end,
Would ſacrifice his deareſt boſom friend;
Would follow, fetch and carry, cringe and ſtoop,
Now P—Y'S ſpaniel, and now G—K'S dupe;
And dare moſt impudently falſe aſſert,
(Such reverence pays he to his mother dirt;)
The man, who judges him impartially,
'A coxcomb, ſcribler, noted debauchée.
'A green-room wit, a ſkip, an underſtrapp'r.
'Whoſe follies, ſhame, nor age, will e'er deſtroy;
'With vices would an hundred pens employ;
'By gilded ſpeeches, and by terms of art,
'Conceals the imperfections of his heart.'
* * * * * * *
* * * * * *
* * * * * *
* * * * * * * *
* * * * * * *
Caetera deſunt.
† Who is himſelf to all ſo near ally'd,
That thin partitions do the bounds divide.
[16]
THUS have I heard the world's impartial ſenſe,
Of thoſe who awe mankind by inſolence.
Who bear the names and dignities of men,
* As Buckhorſe in the maſonary ſcene.
Who link'd in wit, attend each other's call,
And he who cenſures one, offends them all.
To various poſts their faction they divide,
This takes the ſtage, and thoſe the world deride.
FROM whom I've felt the malice of the times,
Accus'd and cenſur'd for unpractis'd crimes:
Obliquely touch'd on in the ſmooth eſſay,
Penn'd by ſome knave, or genius of a day.
Or if my name, a ſpondee of two feet,
Would make the hobling proſe a verſe compleat,
'Twas done—and in I went—nor car'd the wit †,
So it but eas'd his viſionary fit.
Who ‖ Fiz-Gigg like, inglorious and unknown,
Aſſaſſins names, to varniſh o'er his own.
Attempts my muſe in leading-ſtrings to cruſh,
And at my morals makes a daring puſh;
Then my ſmall learning, and ſtill ſmaller wit,
Gives ſcope to fancy—, and here makes an hit.
[17]From V—n or Dapper makes whole vollies fly,
Of all that envious ſcandal can ſupply.
And Roſsius' ſelf and merit has deſcrib'd,
Conſtant alone to avarice and pride;
Whoſe life as actor, manager and man,
Gives calumny the lie, ſay all it can.
* LONG in my troubled breaſt, like Aetna's fire,
Burnt deep and ſilent my impriſon'd ire:
Curſing the author of my wounded name,
Who forg'd the treaſon, and then dar'd proclaim.
But now, thank Heaven, the abuſive croud,
May write whole rheams, and publiſh them aloud;
I've learnt themſelves and ſcandal to deſpiſe,
And hence ſhall think 'em worthleſs as their lies.
Tho' vengeance rouſe the titled ſon of God †,
And perſecution wave her iron rod.
With all the little reptile's arts to wound
The honeſt heart, impenetrably ſound.
Still will I read, unhurt, the guilty line,
Where all that Grub-ſtreet can ſuggeſt, may join;
Where indigent abuſe ſhall paſs for wit,
And truth and falſhood wonder how they met.
[18]Where faction with her ſelf-ſufficient train,
Shall brooding ſit, illiter ately vain;
Detraction with ſedition join the band *.
Of fools, who tax-free madden round the land.
Where rack'd invention ſhall a portrait draw,
And call the piece a wit, deſign'd for law;
Whoſe fame-led genius took another flight,
And ſoar'd aloft like any paper-kite.
This, and ten thouſand things beſide, may add,
Suſpect my courage, or pronounce me mad;
Still I'll convert to mirth, or Br—ches's uſe †,
What e'er the fam'd Triumvirate produce;
‡ Make them digeſt the venom of their ſpleen,
And envy with her ſnakes ſhall hiſs in vain;
In vain ſhall malice rear her ſpeckled creſt,
No longer to be made the muſe's jeſt.
But leave the paltry croud who rhyme for bread,
By hunger drove, and not by genius led.
Champing their froth, as dogs diſturb the night,
With fruitleſs howlings at fair Cynthia's light.
Forget that e'er my weak attention hung
On C—ll's, L—d's, or C—n's impious tongue.
Whoſe Hydra faction, and unclaſſick rage,
Too long have ſullied my Proſaic page.
[19]
HERE then the wiſh'd-for FINIS I'll embrace,
For competition is itſelf diſgrace.
And thoſe beſt friends enjoy, and with them live,
Who can thoſe follies which I have forgive *.
Yet, yet a moment more, indulge a ‖ Ward,
Whilſt he reports the ſtation of a bard.
ON rugged billows, and a dang'rous ſea,
Sails the Adventurer in poetry;
Round whoſe ſmall bark tremendous critics preſs,
Like hungry monſters from the deep's receſs;
With looks of rapine, guilt, and tyranny,
At once the world's, and muſe's Cerberi;
Such as ſhock'd nature ſcarce believes her own,
Who ſtab in ſecret, as they write unknown;
Quitting their law, their ſcripture and their ſchools,
To paſs for wits, whom nature meant for fools;
Judging with rigour ev'ry ſmall offence,
Which ſhews leſs want of candor, than of ſenſe.
To theſe give life, to thoſe immediate death,
As bribes or flattery corrupt their breath:
Yet bribes and flattery I alike deſpiſe,
Nor thus would break my fall, or creep to riſe.
[20]But to myſelf a friend, have dar'd to ſhew,
In turn, the errors of each ſelf-made ſoe;
Hoiſted my ſail, tho' fell ABORTIVES howl,
And Vulcan C—LL condeſcends to prowl.
Whoſe ſelf and Co. the firſt aggreſſors were,
Steel'd againſt nature, and averſe to ſpare.
So blood-nurs'd lions from the mountain's brow,
Oft ruſh unſeen on peaceful flocks below;
Till caught at length within ſome hidden ſnare,
Bite at the chaffing toils, — they're made to bear.
FINIS.
Notes
*
The author of the Rambler.
†
Vide C—LL and L—D'S reports of the play-houſe, in the two poems of the Roſciad and Actor. Alſo, C—N'S hiſtory of the manners and cuſtoms of London, in a paper call'd the Genius.
*
Vid. Many parts of the Roſciad, and almoſt every part of the Actor.
*
A line from Mr. WHITEHEAD'S Satires.
*
Et uni cedit, Homero
Propter mille Annos.
JUVENAL.
*
Vide J. Browne's eſſay on ſatire, part 3. l. 383.
‖
Pope's moral eſſay's, Ep. 3. l. 250. For his character.
†
This circumſtance of the Theatre is mentioned to refute the male⯑volent aſperſions of this gentleman's enemies, who wickedly gave out, that a body once waited interment, at a time he was amuſing himſelf at one of the Theatres. But it is to be hoped, there is no other grounds or foundation for ſuch an inſtance of inhumanity, than the weak baſis of calumny and detraction.
§
Poole. The aſſumed name of a Corrinna, or female confidant of this gentleman's, whom he tythes.
‡
Vid. The Actor, a poem. Shakeſpear, an epiſtle to Mr. Garrick; with an ode to Genius; and an epiſtle to C. Churchill; all by this Poet. "Scripta linenda Cedro, et levi ſervanda Cupreſſo"
HOR.
‖
"Deſpairing guilt, and dullneſs loath the ſight,
As ſpectres vaniſh at approaching light."
†
Ariſtotle ſo called.
*
Aetatis cujuſque notandi ſunt tibi mores,
Mobilibuſque decor, maturis dandus et Annis.
HOR. Ar. Poet.
†
Dixeris egregiè, notum ſi callida verbum.
Reddiderit junctura novum.
Ibid.
‖
— [...],
[...].
Ariſtoph. in Menand.
‡
Vid. Jealous Wife, a modern Comedy.
‖
Fancy and art in gay Petronius meet,
The ſcholar's learning, with the courtier's wit,
POPE'S Eſſay on Crit.
*
Ariſtophanes according to Suidas and others, is ſaid to have written thirty-five comedies; of which Mr. Franklin, in his diſſertation upon ancient tragedy, obſerves, there are eleven now extant.
†
Menander is ſaid to have written one hundred comedies; and to have invented the new among the antients.
‡
Plautus has aſſigned to him by A. Gellius, one hundred and thirty comedies; but the more probable account given by Aelius, ſays only twenty-five were authentically wrote by him.
§
Charm'd at the ringing of the bells within,—
And a maid ſuſpecting her own want of ears,—
Are beauties which the author has ſelected from many others, as ſuppoſing them the moſt ſtriking, from the conſtant and almoſt univerſal laugh they occaſion when the piece is repreſented.—But whether the laugh of contempt, or approbation, is known only to the riſible.
*
A line from POPE'S Eſſay on Criticiſm.
†
[...]. Euripides ſo called, from the Socratic, and Argumentive turn which appeared in all his writings.
*
‘Velut unda impellitur undâ. OVID. Met.’
†
Pythagoras maintained, that the ſouls of animals infuſed themſelves into the bodies of men.
‡
The author not having any lucrative views in the preſent publication; but giving the ſale and profits (if any) ariſing thereby to his pub⯑liſher, is here unwilling to inſert ſuch anecdotes and particulars, as muſt not only offend the ear of the moſt indelicate, but would greatly prejudice the ſale hereof.
*
An infamous libeller mentioned by POPE in his Dunciad.
†
Speak for ſpout.
†
Mr. M—y, and Mr. V—n, cenſured under theſe titles.
*
Vid. The Rehearſal, p. 57.
‡
A well known line of Mr. POPE'S Dunciad: But the ſtorm meant here, is the preſent paper one.
*
‘Gracchus ut hic illi foret, hic ut Mucius illi. HOR.’
†
The Lyon, Roſe, and Bob Derry's, are eſtabliſhed ſeminaries for polite education; where the Bellus Homo, or town gentleman, receives his firſt principles; and here takes his degrees, before he can honourably enter on the laudable eſtabliſhment of Bucks, Bloods, and Choice Spirits.
‡
i. e. ſignifying nothing.
‖
Gemman and Poet — ſo called by the Demi—ps.
*
Vid. POPE'S Dunciad, lib. iv. l. 40.
†
Vid. Critical Review for Auguſt 1761, p. 160, on this head.
‡
Modern — i. e. ſelf-dubb'd.
‖
‘Miraturque novas frondes, et non ſua poma. VIRG.’
§
Thereby hangs a tail.
*
Vid. a Paper miſnamed the Genius, No. 6.
†
Great wits are ſure to madneſs near ally'd,
And thin partitions do their bounds divide.
DRYD. Abſ. & Achit.
*
Alluding to the mock-maſonary ſcene, exhibited ſome years ago, wherein Buckhorſe had a capital part.
†
Author of the Triumvirate; the wittieſt man alive.
‖
A Grub-ſtreet critic run to ſeed.—
*
Vid. parallel ſimile in the play of Coriolanus.
†
To theſe, that ſober race of men, whoſe lives
Religious, titled them the ſons of God.
MILTON'S Paradiſe Loſt.
*
Vid. VIRG. Aeneid i. l. 152.
†
i. e. Provided they PRINT upon ſoft paper.
‡
A line from Shakeſpeare's Julius Caeſar.
*
Et mihi dulces
Ignoſcent, ſi quid peccavero ſtultus amici.
HOR. Sat. 3. lib. 1.
‖
‘A Ward, i. e. a minor under the direction and guardianſhip of the muſes' court. Vid. Colman's Reports.’
- Citation Suggestion for this Object
- TextGrid Repository (2020). TEI. 3429 The retort By the author. University of Oxford Text Archive. . https://hdl.handle.net/21.T11991/0000-001A-5895-9