The Banb [...]y Apes: Or, The Monkeys Chat⯑tering to the Magpye.
In a LETTER to a Friend in London.

THis Day a Meſſenger (on a Highflying Sorrel Horſe) came Poſt from Dr. S [...]l, and rode as if the Devil drove him, to ſignifie to our M [...]y [...]r, That he deſigned to viſit us; upon which the wild, frantick, fiery, zealous Ma⯑giſtrate ſummon'd his Brethren, the Ald [...]men, to meet at the Common-Hall; but before they were all Aſſembled, another Meſſenger brought Advice, That the Champion was juſt at hand; ſo that Mr. M [...]y [...]r, and thoſe with him, went to the Town's End (clad in old faſhion'd Forma⯑lities) to meet him. They found him very well guarded by a vaſt Rabble and Mob, crying (with loud Acclamations) Nonreſiſtance! Nonreſi⯑ſtance! Mr. M [...]y [...]r, &c. (headed by one that Records) Congratulated him upon his Deliver⯑ance, &c. And then the Publick Entry was or⯑dered as followeth:

FIrſt came the Bellman and Sexton of the Town, with Staves in their Hands.

Then Two Purſivants, bearing Pendants, with the D [...]r's Creſt (Pope Clement the XI's Head) and his Motto in theſe Words, Ʋnlimited Paſſive Obedience.

[4] Then a Herald, carrying his Coat-Armour, being a Field Sable, charged with Three Cardi⯑nals Caps, each with a Golden Band.

Then followed Two Old Women, one having a Bundle of Addreſſes on her Back, and a Paper on her Breaſt, with this Inſcription, We defie all Anti-Monarchial, Anti-Epiſcopal, and [almoſt all] Atheiſtical and Popiſh Principles; the other was covered all over with Pamphlets of divers ſorts; before her was The Elegy on High-Church Paſſive Obedience, and The Champion pleading his own Cauſe, but on her Bum the Effigies of Ben. H [...]y, with his Head downward.

Then the Serjeant of the Town, with a Mace on his Shoulder.

Then came Mr. M [...]y [...]r, with a Book in his Hand, (upſide down, according to Cuſtom) Intituled, The Perils of Falſe Brethren both in Church and State.

Then the Ald [...]men (Two by Two) having The Collections in their Hands.

Here followed a young Damſel, who had a Pro⯑miſe from the High-C [...]h Faction, to have any thing ſhe requeſted; whereupon ſhe deſired the Head of Benj. H. which ſhe brought in a Charger.

Then 6 Men with Red Hats, having Beads in their Hands, with this Inſcription on their Fore⯑heads, Nunc aut Nunquam.

Then an Old Man, with a long Beard, clothed in pure white Raiment; having the D [...]r's Ef⯑figies [in Metzotinto] in one Hand, and in the other, a Trinklet reſembling a Cru [...]fix.

Then followed the Old Women with Green Branches in their Hands.

[5] Then a Woman, preciouſly deck'd, ſitting (as near as I could gueſs) upon a Scarlet-colour'd Beaſt, having abundance of Names, written in Capital Letters, MYSTERY, &c

Then came the High-Ch [...]ch IDOL [in Garments as black as his Deeds] on a Sorrel Horſe.

After him 24 Tinkers, beating on their Ket⯑tles, that the Spectators might know what La⯑titude they were in.

Then a vaſt Mob, hollowing, hooping and playing the Devil.

In this Order he was conducted to his Inn, where he was again Congratulated, and preſent⯑ed with Wine. In fine, the Evening concluded with Ringing of Bells, Bonfires, Drunkenneſs, and all manner of Lewdneſs.

The Champion left this Town next Morning, and ſet out for W [...]ck, where he was again met, and Congratulated by the Monkeys in their Formalities. They entreated him to tarry ſome time with them; but he declined it, and purſued his Journey to the next Corporation; for, you muſt know, he expects the ſame Honours to be paid him where-ever he goes; which (how ſtrange ſoever it may ſeem to ſome) is no new thing; for he's not the firſt that has been waited on by a Corporation in their Robes; for in the Reign of Q. Eliz. a Fellow, who wore his Hat button'd up on one ſide, and a Feather therein, like a Tooth-drawer, with a Roſe and Crown on his Breaſt for a Badge, got a Licenſe to make a Show of a great APE about the Country: And coming to a certain Town, [☞Whether [6] Banbury, or not, I can't tell] they beat a Drum about to give Notice, That there was a very witty Ape to be ſeen; but the Towns-People, being poor, thought it not worth their while to ſee this ſight; upon which the Fellow was enraged, and was reſolved to put a Trick upon them; and thereupon ſends the following War⯑rant to the Worſhipful the Mayor.

‘THeſe are to Require you, and every one of you, with your Wives and Families, (upon ſight hereof) to make your perſonal Ap⯑pearance before the Queen's Ape, who is a Per⯑ſon of Rank and Quality, and of vaſt Parts, he having been bred at an Univerſity; and is to viſit moſt Parts of the Kingdom, that by his Converſation with the Queen's Subjects, he may be the better enabled to diſcover their Fidelity and Loyalty. Hereof fail not at your Peril.’

When Mr. Mayor had open'd the Warrant, he (who always did what he pleas'd) holds it topſie turvy, and after ſome thoughts thereon, ſends his Maid to the further end of the Town, for a Shoemaker to come and read it. When he heard the Contents, he ſummon'd his Brethren the Al⯑dermen to the Town-Hall, to conſult of this weighty Affair; where they ſat looking on one another for ſome time, not knowing what to ſay: At length the youngeſt Alderman, ſtanding up, ſaid, Gentlemen, If I may ſpeak without Offence, [7] I'll give you my Opinion in this Matter. — Speak on, ſays Mr. Mayor, for though you are but a young Officer, you may ſpeak as much Senſe as any of us. — Well then, ſays he, my humble Opinion is, That this Ape-Fellow is a ſawcy Knave, and only deſigns to make our Town ridiculous: For was it ever known, that a Warrant ſhould be ſent, without either Name or Date, to a Mayor of a Town, who is the Queen's Lieutenant; and that he, and his Brethren, their Wives and Children, ſhould be commanded to appear before a Jackanapes? My Council is therefore, That you take him and his Ape, and whip the whole Tribe out of Town, which will be much to your Credit and Reputa⯑tion. The Words were ſcarce ſpoke, e're a grave Al⯑derman reply'd, Hold, Friend, you have ſpoke little leſs than Treaſon; Remember 'tis the Queen's Ape. — True, Brother, quoth the Mayor, therefore it behoves us to take care what we ſay in this troubleſom Buſineſs. — Marry, ſays another grave Senior, we may ſee by the Feather in his Cap, and the Badge he wears, that he is the Queen's Man; and who knows what an Injury he may do us poor Men in the Country for contemning the Warrant? there⯑fore let us e'ne go and ſee the Ape; 'tis but 2 d. apiece, and no doubt but the Queen will tak [...] it well, when ſhe hears we have ſhown ſo much Reverence to her Ape. — Upon this Speech the Aſſembly reſolved to pay the Ape a Viſit, and ordered the Town-Clerk to acquaint the Queen's Man therewith.

Next Day the Mayor and Aldermen in their Robes, (the Serjeant carrying the Mace before them, their Recorder being at the Head of them) with whole Droves of Townſmen, and their Wives, &c. attended the Ape at his Inn; where they found him ſitting on a Table; Mr. Mayor preſented him with Wine, [...] off his Hat, and made a Leg; but Pag did not mind him. Next came Mrs. Mayoreſs, in a [...] Apron, and made Pug a fine low Courtiſie; upon which he put out his [...], and made a Mouth. — I [...], quoth ſhe, I think in my Conſcience, the Queen's Ape mocks me. — Sirrah, ſays [8] the Mayor, I ſee thy ſawcineſs, and I'll make thee to know that the Woman, whom thou mockeſt, is my Wife, an An⯑cient Woman, and a Midwife, and one who is old enough to be thy Mother. And thereupon going to his Tutor, Sir, ſaid he, do you allow your Ape to abuſe my Wife? — No, quoth he. — Truly, ſays the Mayor, there's ſufficient witneſs that ſaw him make Mops and Mows at her. — The Tutor thereupon gave poor Pug half a Dozen ſmart Laſhes with his Whip, which made his Teeth chatter; upon which Mr. Mayor cried out, Enough, Enough: Good Sir, you have done like a Gentleman: I deſire you never to give Correction any more in your Wrath: And when the Play is done, be pleaſed to come along with your Ape to our Town-Hall, both of you to take a ſmall Supper with me, and the reſt of my Brethren the Aldermen.

But to return to our Champion: After he had viſited ſeveral Corporations, and given Audience to the Mob, (who were wonderfully taken with this new Raree-Show) he diſpatches a Trumpeter to Cov [...]ry, to give Notice of his coming. — The Bells immediately rung for Joy: — But that avail'd him nothing; for the Monkeys did not appear in their Robes! which was a great Mortification to him, and thoſe of his Faction. However, he was met by 10 or 12 ſtiff Sons of Levi on Sorrel Nags, attended by a few Butchers and Barbers, who made a Purſe, and bought Two Hogſheads of Ale, which were ſet in the Publick Street, where the Rabble got ſhamefully drunk in Toaſting a Health to their be⯑loved IDOL.