VORTIGERN AND ROWENA; A COMI-TRAGEDY.
PASSAGES SELECTED BY DISTINGUISHED PERSONAGES, ON THE GREAT LITERARY TRIAL OF VORTIGERN AND ROWENA; A Comi-Tragedy.
VOLUME III.
FOURTH EDITION.
LONDON: PRINTED BY H. BROWN, FOR J. RIDGWAY, YORK-STREET, ST. JAMES'S-SQUARE.
IRELAND, verſus SHAKESPEARE!!!
[]IT having in our ſapiency been diſcovered, through the courſe of the preſent im⯑portant CAUSE, that more evidence may ſometimes be given, where much has already been received—
It is ordered, for the furtherance of ſtrict poe⯑tical juſtice in ſaid Cauſe, that no ſolemn ADJUDI⯑CATION be made therein, until final default of teſti⯑mony extractive, be made appear by due procla⯑mation, through our truſty, and well beloved, FILAZER, the EDITOR of thoſe Diurnal Records, ycleped the MORNING HERALD!
CONTENTS.
[]- A
- Ad—ngt—n, Mr. Henry 96
- And—rſ—n, Lord M-y-r 65
- Ang—ſh, Miſs 54
- Anſtr—r, Sir J. 57
- Aſ—ph, Lady St. 76
- B
- B—me, Lady 34
- B—nb—y, Sir Ch. 63
- B—d—tt, Sir Francis 87
- B—kl—y, Counteſs of 88
- B—rw—l, Mr. 39
- Bl—gh, Hon. Miſs 52
- Br—dy—l, Mrs. 58
- Br—d—d, Mrs. 46
- B—k—g—m, March. of 60
- C
- C—nt—y, Archb—p of 9
- C—ll, Lady 38
- C-mpb-l, Mrs. ci-devant Miſs W—ll—s 50
- C—rp—r, Lady Almeria 74
- C—wd—r, Lord 77
- C—rk, Counteſs of 82
- C—rd—n, Earl of 83
- C—h—r, Lady 84
- C—lp—ys, Vice-Adm. 85
- Con—gh—m, Lady 92
- D
- D—rh—ſt, Lady 4
- D—nt, Mr. 27
- D—by, Counteſs of 30
- D—y, Mr. 31
- D—cre, Lady 40
- D—l, Sir Lionel 53
- D—nc—n, Adm. Lord 61
- D—nc—n, Hon. Miſs 66
- D—m, Biſhop of 81
- E
- Ed—n, Hon. Miſs 12
- Ed—ds, Mr. Bryan 71
- F
- F—n—ni, Mad. 26
- Fitzg—ld, Lady E. E. 90
- Fitzg—ld, Lady Edward 95
- F—ll—t—n, Col. 23
- G
- G—nn—g, Miſs 10
- Gr—nv—le, Lord 41
- G—, Prince William 45
- H
- H—m—lt—n, Duke of 13
- H—le, Mrs. 22
- H—l—d, Lady 42
- H-w-rd de W-ld-n, Lady 44
- H—ſt—gs, Mr. 47
- [ii] H—d, Adm. Lord 59
- H—ght—n, Sir H— 67
- H—wkeſ—ry, Lord 69
- H—rtf—d, March. of 72
- H—ref—d, Lord Viſc. 73
- H—rc—t, Counteſs of 86
- J
- J—rv—s, Adm. Sir John 17
- K
- K—n—d, Lord 1
- K—ng, Hon. Miſs 68
- L
- L—ds, Ducheſs of 64
- L—wr—ce, Dr. 79
- L—ghb—gh, Lady 94
- M
- M—nd—p, Lady 24
- M—r—ce, Capt. 43
- M-nsf-d, Cſs. Dow. of 62
- M—cn—m—a, Mr. [of Streatham] 75
- M—nto, Lord 91
- N
- N—wn—m, Ald—n 7
- N—res, Lady C. G. 28
- N—lf—n, Rear-Adm. 49
- N—th, Lady Ann 70
- O
- O—le, Miſs 2
- Oxf—d, Earl of 29
- Og—lvie, Miſs 36
- P
- P—ck—t, Ald—n 3
- P—lh—m, Mrs. 6
- P—g—t, Lady Jane 8
- P—lw—th, Lady Bell 18
- P—rr, Rev. Dr. 19
- P—tt, Rt. Hon. Wm. 21
- R
- R—ſe, Mr. Sec. 33
- R—del—fe, Sir Ch. F. 55
- S
- S—ph—a, Princeſs 16
- S—vb—ge, Miſs 20
- S—ff—k, Earl of 25
- Str—f—d, Hon. Mrs. 32
- Scr—pe, Mrs. 80
- Sc—t, Rev. Dr. [Anti-Sejanus] 93
- Sp—r, Earl 37
- St—t, Mrs. 48
- Sh—ftſb—y, Counteſs of 56
- T
- Th—rl—w, Miſs 14
- T—t—n, Sir Thomas 35
- T—yl—r, Lady — 78
- V
- V—nc—v—r, Capt. 15
- W
- W—ch—r, Biſhop of 89
- Y
- Y—k, Duke of 5
PASSAGES. SELECTED AS SUFFRAGES ON THE FIFTIETH DAY's TRIAL.
[]CCIV.—LORD K—N—D.
CCV.—MISS O—LE.
[2]‘—"Heaven befriende us, ſiſter Blanche! and, in its nexte ſhower of ſweete huſbandes, ſend us a comelie couple!—Marry, but we can accommodate our lordlie maſters more ways than one, or elſe be-ſhame our breeding up!—If they allowe us not to combe their conjugal heades, we can, at leaſt, carrie their palfries, and ride them ſaddle-leſs to water; ſo that, when we are found uſeleſs as Groomes o' the chamber, we may be convertible into thoſe of the ſtable!—Nay, and the worſt do befall us, we can lay aſide our tomboye trickes, and comport ourſelves like reaſonable women, ſans further ogle-ing!"’
CCVI.—ALD—N P—CK—T.
[3]‘—"When they did expunge thoſe emptie heades from off the frontlet of our Citie's gate, mine own was ſette thereon, and did moſt wittinglie deviſe, how to diſmantle our Temple's barre to publique inter-curſion. To builde a goode right civique fame, one muſt be conſtrained to pull you down the ſtouter workes of aun⯑tient men!—and the minde, my maſters, muſt be kept in concuſſion alſo, or the braine of an ordinarie citizen would curdle over, like greene ducke's-weede upon a gardenne ponde!"’
CCVII.—LADY D—RH—ST.
[4]FIFTY-FIRST DAY's TRIAL.
[5]CCVIII.—H. R. H. the DUKE of Y—K.
CCIX.—MRS. P—LH—M.
[6]‘—"Pooh, Nardina!—we women o' the cham⯑ber may as ſoone thinke of travelling to heaven on our backes, as into his Highneſs' favour by virtue of ſimple obedience.—Methinks one might enſure it by a pro⯑ſcription of all within the wane of his ſhort-lived plea⯑ſure!—but then we muſt promulgate freelie, and with⯑out reſpect of perſons:—nay, the prouder ſhe be whom his fancie hath diſcarded, the nobler game for us full crie to followe!"’
CCX.—ALD—N N—WN—M.
[7]‘"Sirs! 'tis wond'rous harde, that I, a Citizen and Vintner, ſhould find my popularitie under parre, for diſcompting a princelie reputation at a marvellous ſmall premium, which not a mortal amongſt you would un⯑derwrite even at cent. per cent.!—I opened not this accompt current on the ſcore of compound intereſt; for I was flattered that my comelineſſe of perſon would well befitte the purlieus of a Courte;—on this I indiſcreet⯑lie drewe a bill at ſight upon his Highneſs' favour, which being not dulie honoured, came back againe proteſted!"’
CCXI.—LADY JANE P—G—T.
[8]FIFTY-SECOND DAY's TRIAL.
[9]CCXII.—ARCHB—P OF C—NT—Y.
CCXIII.—MISS G—NN—G.
[10]‘—"Marvina, Sir, bleſſe her poore harte, hathe been no better entreated by thoſe from whome ſhe ſprung, than by the villainous worlde ſhe dothe inhabitte!—the former made her a ſillie baite for their own ambition, and the latter derided the abaſement of its miſcarriage:—then became ſhe drie nurſe to a withered Ducheſſe, who, in recompenſe for her fidelitie, left her even without a deathe-bed bleſſinge!—and now is ſhe conſtrained to live by her own wittes, of which, ſhe thanks Heaven, neither fortune, nor friendes can ſo baſelie beguile her!"’
CCXIV.—MR. C—NC—N.
[11]‘—"Arrah! but this foreign warfare abroad is a poore kind of trade for us Jontlemen at home, who thrive beſt by the ſweete artes of peace and good plen⯑tie!—By my own prettie conſcience, and I am deſtined to be ſcratched by a rantipole Ladie of qualitie to boote!—Och! but I had rather meete three flying devils in the bogge of Kilkennie, than one mad daugh⯑ter of old King Faro upon drie lande!— [...]aithe, and I think it was prettie well, to be bothered out of one's light golde for a ſcrap of waſte paper, without being tongue-tied to one's good behaviour by a piece of qualitie binding into the bargaine!"’
CCXV.—HON. MISS ED—N.
[12]FIFTY-THIRD DAY's TRIAL.
[13]CCXVI.—DUKE OF H—M—LT—N.
‘—"You may marvelle how it came to paſſe, but, certes, Sir, he did once poſſeſs a wife, formed from the pureſt modelle of the antique worlde!—Soon, however, ſhe was conſtrained to divorce herſelfe from bedde and boarde, to ſhunne that multiplying, which her harte did loathe!—Then betooke he to the chuck-ribbe of another man, a ſtage-going rantipole, who, decked in all her Grace's jewelrie, did the counterfeite of a Ducheſſe ſo laſciviouſlie enacte, that this leathern⯑pated Lord tranſportinglie did ſweare ſhe was his onlie Bona-roba!"’
CCXVII.—MISS TH—RL—W.
[14]CCXVIII.—CAPT. V—NC—V—R.
[15]‘—"Remembereſt thou not, Alberto, that, in the ſouthern latitudes, we did a flatte odde fiſhe deſ⯑crie, with finnes for circumnavigation formed, who toſſed the brinie element around him with the breathe of a fantaſtique noſtrille, as if it were created for his owne ſingle paſtime?—but, caſt on ſhore, he crawled not unlike to other quadrupeddes, who ever and anon muſt licke the duſte!"’
CCXIX.—PRINCESS S—PH—A.
[16]FIFTY-THIRD DAY's TRIAL.
[17]CCXX.—ADMIRAL SIR JOHN J—RV—S.
CCXXI.—LADY BELL. P—LW—TH.
[18]‘"Pſhaw, man! a ſoule with ever ſo plaine a cover⯑inge may grace its benevolencies right noblie. Shew me the face, however coarſlie modelled, that can put you faire deedes out of countenance! So learned is this ſame Oreſterna, that ſhe hathe ſette the wittes o' the whole Vattican to their laſte ſtake to keepe diſ⯑courſe with her alive i' the dead languages! Her reli⯑gion alſo you do queſtion wrongfullie; for it is pure⯑lie Chriſtian, in deſpight of her Mahomedan whiſkers, a due portion of which ſhe dothe licke in with her dailie foode, as dried cattle do oaten ſtrawe in a farme⯑yarde!"’
CCXXII.—REV. DR. P—RR.
[19]‘—"On my reverence, goode Sirs, I am an Orthographer moſt villainouſlie entreated!—The var⯑lettes tooke me at a non plus, juſt emerging from the ſuddes of our village tonſor, with my temples freſh ſhorne of their natural ſtrengthe! Moreover, I had no pipe to ſmoke their waggeries withal?—I ſhould have tried their poetique fictionne by the genuine rules of ſyntaxe, and then their falſe concords had been moſt ap⯑parent! In lack of this, like a dull water fowle have they enſnared me! Nay, 'tis well in Chriſtian charitie I went no further; for the knaves did entreat my affi⯑davit of their deedes, expecting, as a Prieſte, that I ſhould ſweare through a churche-door, to ſave them⯑ſelves from d—mn—tion!"’
CCXXIII.—MISS S—WB—GE.
[20]FIFTY-FOURTH DAY's TRIAL.
[21]CCXXIV.—RT. HON. WM. P—TT.
CCXXV.—MRS. H—LE.
[22]‘—"Thankes to my manlie ſtarres, it did belike me better, from my youthe, to tell convivial tales arounde the feſtive board, than go and count o'er girliſh dimples in my glaſſe.—Sirs, I was trained with gal⯑lantes of the paſſing age, who could ſaie a choice thing with a goode grace,—marry, and doe one, when occa⯑ſion ſerved, right merrilie to boote!—But mark me ſonnes of Jollitie; if I follow not the dinner clothe of diaper ſo ſoone as doe the ſqueamiſh of my ſexe, I tarrie more for the flavour of your witte, than your wine!"’
CCXXVI.—COL. F—LL—T—N.
[23]‘—"Yclep me what you pleaſe, you ſhall finde me a marvel-monger, but not fabulous!—I belie no man's judgement, unleſſe prompted thereto by the re⯑cognition of mine owne ſuperior ſenſes!—By my maid⯑en buckler did I ſweare, and that right trulie, that, as Stateſmen, we are all journieing beſide our faire wittes, and all this, I feare, for foule purpoſes!—Yet, Sirs! is there a doore open to our political ſalvation, turning upon the honourable hinge of one manne's ſingle valour!—of him, who by arte magique, did transforme the penne of a Lay Clerke into the truncheon of a Champagne Marſhalle,—who hath fought with brother-ſtateſmen on all ſides, as well as ſubjects, in the ſenate, and in the fielde!—who heroicallie traverſed all regionnes, both hotte and colde!—who hath de⯑nied, in the teeth of Welch philoſophers, that the moone was made of cheeſe that is greene; and was the firſt of mankind to diſcover, that the Dragon of Wantlie had no ſting in his taile!"’
CCXXVII.—LADY M—ND—P.
[24]FIFTY-FIFTH DAY's TRIAL.
[25]CCXXVIII.—EARL OF S—FF—K.
CCXXIX.—MADEMOISELLE F—N—NI.
[26]‘—"Come, come, my prettie prattlinge Cozz, we'll bicker no more about the virtue of our progenitors, like greene goſslings on an open common!—The worlde is bountiful enough to me to acknowledge my deſcent either from a wiſe Witte, or a weake Lorde, to both of whom has baſelie been imputed the ſinne of my be⯑getting! Thus the oddes are two to one, at leaſt, but I had a father amongſt them! though, like the cuckooe, ſhe that hatched me, made any bird ſhe pleaſed to father,—nay, and feather well her neſtelinge into the bargaine!"’
CCXXX.—MR. D—NT.
[27]‘—"Becauſe I did accommodate the Kinge's Prime Ruler with the loane of a taxe on quadrupeddes canine, the curres on t'other ſide the Senate, have forced a run of witte upon me, in lack of other currencie, and now barke at me for the deede ſans ceaſing!—Nay, ſome of them hamper me with dailie baſkettes of dead turn⯑ſpittes, while others do hang their puppies on the knocker of my banke, denoting thereby, that I am little more than a diſcounter of dogge-ſkins!"’
CCXXXI.—LADY C. G. N—RES.
[28]FIFTY-SIXTH DAY's TRIAL.
[29]CCXXXII.—EARL OF OXF—D.
CCXXXIII.—COUNTESS OF D—BY.
[30]‘"Come! come! ſince you are now my wedded Lorde—you ſhall commande me as you pleaſe—I will refraine from laughter, though my poore ſides do cracke them⯑ſelves with the forbearance!—Then ſans merriment, if theſe be their chiefe actreſſes, I marvel not that the ſer⯑vice o'the State be managed ſo unprofitablie! The poore ſoules thinke, that if the bloode but riot noblie in their veines, they have no occaſion for more witte, or plaine ſenſe, than falls to the moderate ſhare of a grey wild-gooſe! Howe ſuch creatures played themſelves into the ſtatelie drama of the Courte, who could not earne clean ſtrawe by their atchievings in a boarded barne, is paſt my finding out!—For my own poor parte, my Lorde, I will the Counteſſe ſo enacte, and weare mine ermined crownette with ſuch thrift, that the inſidious worlde ſhall find no ſpotte thereon, nor cauſe of faulte with him who kindlie placed it on a grateful browe!’
CCXXXIV.—MR. D—Y.
[31]‘—"Enamoured of ſome or other of my rare qua⯑lities, his Highneſſe dothe continue to loade me with his prime civilities!—Whether I am debitor for all this to my witte, or that portion of witte's maſter piece my pocket dothe containe, I wotte not!—But yeſter morn he did my countenance reſemble to the Sunne, which had journied roſeilie from the Eaſte to his full at noone day: and the ſelf-ſame eve he bade me ſitte familiarlie by his ſide, to talke of friendlie loanes, and ſuch like courteſies.—Marry, there be thoſe of my acquaintance, who, envious of theſe honours, would blight their future harveſting; but I heede them not, though one ſarcaſticallie ſays, that ‘'everie dogge hath his day!'’—and another, ‘'that I Thomas Day, ſhale ſoone bid my monies a goode night!"’’
CCXXXV.—Hon. Mrs. STR—F—D.
[32]FIFTY-EIGHTH DAY's TRIAL.
[33]CCXXXVI.—Mr. Sec. R—SE.
‘"Upon my honour, Sirs, I am condemned moſt un⯑juſtlie!—As a ſerving man o'the State, I have drudged too harde for ſcantie pickings, to be thus hardilie en⯑treated.—To no one breathinge owe I aught on the ſcore of friendſhippe, or goode-wille—yet doe they cauſe hue and crie againſt me, as though I were the worlde's defaulter!—Nay, ſince the regalle treaſurie hath ſome⯑what runne to waſte, mennes eyes inquiſitivelie do ſearch, as if the loſſe were to be found beneathe my humble goodes, and chatels; when ‘"I can take my God to witneſſe, (and he will come along with me) that I am as poore a creature as any in his Highneſſe' realme!"’’
No. CCXXXVII.—Lady B—ME.
[34]‘"Come, come, my higher titled ſiſters, now are you too elate: her Grace, our huſbande-hunting Mother, has exerciſed her wittes in 'vantage for us all; and, though ſhe caughte no unfledged Duke for me, ſhe hathe at leaſt a neſtlinge Marquiſſe ta'en, with which my little harte's content!—She tells me, both his eyes are faſhioned out of briliantes from the Eaſte, and that the reſte of this my dea [...]er ſelfe, is formed of precious jewelrie throughout!—If it be ſo, looke laſſes to't, or my gay ſparke may your's yet outſhine, and I, his bonnie BROOME, ſweepe a proude traine before you!"’
No. CCXXXVIII.—Sir THOMAS T—T—N.
[35]‘—"I ſtopped me onlie, in Minceing-lane, for a contraband glaſſe of Carraway Comfitte, at the luſci⯑ous hande of TURGO's ſleeping partner, and the Var⯑lette hath demanded of me, payment through the noſe for this little lippe-full of ſimple compoundes!—He did alledge, that I had leakage given to a tierce of pre⯑cious Coniaque, moſt choicelie brought to proofe; when, in veritie, we no more than ſhooke an ullage caſque upon the lees between us! Troth I did pro⯑teſte, by the firſt-blown honours of my Knighthoode, the allegation was not true; yet this retailer of ſinful provocatives, called him forth twelve worldlie minded ſottes, who charged me on their oathes uſurious, five thouſand Ducattes for this fancied waſte of periſheable wares!"’
CCXXXIX.—Miſs OG—LVIE.
[36]FIFTY-NINETH DAY's TRIAL.
[37]No. CCXL.—Earl SP—R.
‘"Fie on your ſalte-water fates, who, from his cra⯑dle arriſtocratique, did bemounte this lande-nurſed Lorde upon the proudeſt courſer of the maine, and bade him rule the headeſtrong quadrupedde by guidance of his taile!—Awhile he rode o'er Biſquay's troubled ſeas, until his ſenſes with his ſeate he loſt, then, floundering, ploughed the deepe! the pitying Mermaides flewe to his reliefe, and combed his teare⯑full lockes; while Neptune's ſelfe deridinglie look'd on, and cracked his coral-mailed ſides with laughter!"’
No. CCXLI.—Lady C—LL.
[38]‘—"Stirre thee betimes goode Blanche! and endite me unnumbered cardes of complimente, invitinglie de⯑viſed! ſo ſhall we out-telle the viſitants to Noah's arque, where all Godde's animals of kindes diſtin⯑guiſhed did congregate in paires! Nay, we may boaſte perchance, more tongues than did the builders of proud Babel's tower confounde! Sacque-poſſets let me have enow; and bid, that lemmon-waters flowe in plentie rounde our dates, on cupboardes daintilie be-dight! Thus ſhall the Dames of common men in envie learne, that they have neither meanes, nor manners to convoke like me aſſemblage of the greate!"’
No. CCXLII.—Mr. B—RW—L.
[39]‘—"Laugh, and it ſo pleaſe you, my merrie maſters; but true it is, that I was broiled for yeares beneath the radiance of a burning ſunne, that my conſtitution might be warmed alſo, through a body ſo bepepper⯑ed by plannettarie influence?—Thus did I begette countleſs lacques of pagodas, that my fraile fleſh might lacke nought to luſte after in its mortal declen⯑ſion!—And now, quitting the hauntes of men, I have eſtabliſhed a free warren for 'tother gender, where a ſingle ſkutte i' the foreſt is not touched without privie leave of me, the ſole Lorde-paramount! ſo that if any ſlie puppie among you be found running by the noſe,—as licenſed keeper of mine own game, I ſhall rate the lurcher from his queſte, with ſimple loſſe of taile!"’
No. CCXLIII.—Lady D—CRE.
[40]FORTIETH DAY's TRIAL.
[41]CCXLIV.—Lord GR—NV—LE.
‘"Why doe the hungrie knaves begrudge me the com⯑mon crumbes of comforte, which appertaine unto my table of eſtate? Thoſe abroad, raile at me in the mar⯑kettable ſtyle of Byllingſgate, becauſe forſoothe I am daily purveyor of mine own coddes heade; while others on the opponent ſide of our own noble chamber, do in⯑vidiouſlie hint, that with our illuſtrious houſe, it is all fiſhe (particularly plaice) that comes into our nette!"—In veritie we ſomewhat trafficke in that commoditie; for while our brother of Buckingham dothe retaile his finnie race by the * inch ſuperficial, I, in wholeſale, buy me lumping pennieworths by the pounde avoirdupoiſe!’
CCXLV.—Lady H—L—D.
[42]‘"At her firſt enlaunchement, ſhe was as trim a barque as ever floated on Love's billow! but her head-ſtrong pilotte, clapping his helm too hard a weather, when ſhe was light of ballaſt, the veſſel was upſette, and ſoon drifted, ſans reckoning or compaſse, to a neighbouring Coaſte, where, liberated from Britiſh Vaſſalage, ſhe did become a leakie droit of Batavian Hollande!"’
CCXLVI.—Capt. M—R—CE.
[43]‘—"Capariſoned in a motley jacquet with qualitie binding, he became a Maurice dancer, ſurmounted with cappe and bells, which he jingled to the tune of other mens follie! Thus pranced he into goodlie dinners in jig-time; and, for his night's repaſt, that picked he up merrilie, by chaunting to unhallowed mindes the veſpers of laſcivious intoxication!"’
CCXLVII.—Lady H—W—RD de W—LD—N.
[44]FORTY-FIRST DAY's TRIAL.
[45]CCXLVIII.—Prince WILLIAM of G—.
‘—"Since your half-witted knaves do bemea⯑ſure man's reaſonable faculties by the narrowe circum⯑ference of his waiſte-band, I ſee not how a Princelie ſoldier now a daies is to paſſe muſter!—For my own parte, I can wooe ſighingly with moſt gallantes, and couch my lance, though full capariſoned, i' the tented fielde.—Let the Knight Errant who can atchieve more heroicallie, enter the liſtes, and he pleaſe, before me!"’
CCXLIX.—Mrs. BR—D—D.
[46]‘—"Come, come, Bud! let not you and I diſturb our ſillie pates about ſuch trifles!—Where is the benefitte of golde, unleſs, like the genial aire of heaven, it hathe moſt free circulation? or of man⯑ſions huge with their appurtenances, if not with oc⯑cupation free?—True, as you ſay, by courteſie right conjugale, you are my Lorde and Maſter;—but you did always tell your friendes that you were their obedient ſervant: therefore have I, on our ſpecial nights of feſtival, ta'en care that you ſhould not befalſifie your worde!—You do forget, that I, juſt out of dadeing-ſtrings, in ſofteſt dalliance did allow great girles to be bemodelled after the likeneſſe of your own harte's delighte, and which are now ſo multiplied, that the ſound of grand-damme echoes through my ears, before, in nature's courſe, I've ceaſed to be a mother!—Nay, deareſt chuck, you owe me many kindneſſes for this—indeed you do!"’
CCL.—Mr. H—ST—GS.
[47]CCLI.—Mrs. ST—T.
[48]FORTY-SECOND DAY's TRIAL.
[49]CCLII. Rear-Admiral Sir HORATIO N—LS—N, K. B.
‘"Pſhawe, Tubert! why, I tell thee that this man of warre, like the fire-baſqueing Salamander, cannot live but within the rake of your red-hotte ſhotte, and other mortal conflagrationes! nay, in admiration of their leader's appetite, his mariners doe grumble, un⯑leſs they have one warm meale a daie of this diette, which would give our ordinarie ſtomaches the harte⯑burn!"’
CCLIII. Mrs. C—MPB—L, ci-devant Miſs W—LL—S.
[50]‘—"I doe marvelle, now the honied moone hath done to ſhine, if the ſame ſtarre of lowlie mo⯑deſtie will ſwaie Alberta's courſe, as it was wont! That ſhe did be-catch herſelf this golden plumed ſparke, by the arte magique of counterfeit reſem⯑blinges, no one can in veritie denie;—ſo ſhall it ſoon be ſeene, whether ſhe hath the witte to holde him now in undiſguiſe, or, in her ſelf-defence, muſt en⯑acte it with this ſame fancie bird, to the very end o' the chapter!"’
CCLIV.—Mr. FR—NC—S.
[51]‘—"If a manne's politie, which hath ſtoode the burning ſhame of various climes, is to be tram⯑melled up by the vulgar ligatures of your juriſpru⯑dence common, at home,—then are our liberties fit⯑tinge for little more than bandes to tie up dried pro⯑vender for ſtate cattle!—Sir, I had fairlie entrapped me ſome ſcores of Gloceſterſhire wights, and intended to have fed the hungrie knaves with the pareings of their ſingle cheeſe; but that fierle mountaineer o' the lawe, with a Welſh leeke in his bonnette, en⯑looſed theſe preſſers of curdes and whey, and then threw ſlander o'er my faire fame, as thick as their own Tewkeſburie muſtarde!"’
CCLV.—Hon. Miſs BL—GH.
[52]FORTY-THIRD DAY's TRIAL.
[53]CCLVI.—SIR LIONEL D—L.
‘—"His Highneſſe, in his marvellous conde⯑ſcenſion, did entreat himſelfe to dine with me, but on ſtipulation poſitive, that nothing feminine ſhould grace our boarde:—aſſenting thereunto, I have unwiſelie em⯑broiled myſelf with certain of mine own houſeholde; for my Ladie Wyfe, who delighteth in true courteſie, dothe ſo lamente this loſſe of the ſmile princelie, that ſhe hathe forbidden me to feede a royalle fowle thus privilie again, on peril of being hen-pecked for the remnant of my daies!"’
CCLVII.—MISS ANG—SH.
[54]‘—"I praie you, tell me the uſe of your digni⯑fied alliances, if we are not allowed to make our dailie boaſte of them? Since it hath pleaſed that capricious jade, Fortune, to trundle a ducalle crownette over our lowlie threſholde, I have rantipolled it faſhionablie with the beſt of them! and my tongue, which had ever a muſical propenſitie to repetitions, hathe caught the dulcet air of nobilitie ſo trulie, that it can chaunte you no other praiſes now but of her Grace, my dear be-Ducheſſed ſiſter!"’
CCLVIII.—SIR CHARLES F— R—DCL—FE.
[55]‘—"A plague on that commoditie of good-hu⯑mour, which, coming in ſimple contacte with a goode digeſtion, hathe ſwolen up Barbolto to the full ſize of carnal enormitie!—Why, the waiſtband of his lower garment hath dilated ſo hugelie, that tailors cannot en⯑compaſſe him with thrice ſtitched parchments! and ſo faſte doth he picke up ſtones averdupoize, that hack-horſes do ſhye at him more than a ſacke of ground midlings!—Marry, and he thus goes on, but all God's carrying creatures, male and female, will dread the mightie preſſure of his beſtrideing!"’
CCLIX.—COUNTESS OF SH—FTSB—Y.
[56]FORTY-FOURTH DAY's TRIAL.
[57]CCLX.—SIR J. ANSTR—R.
‘—"Had I not been a judge of capilliarie juriſ⯑prudence, they had compelled me on board ſhippe, without my wigge judicial, or even the ſtate dower of my now Ladie wyfe right legallie guaranteed!—I doe marvelle, how our Magi o' the Eaſte are to be per⯑ſonified, unleſs in full pontificalibus!—‘'Marry, Sirs,'’ quothe I, ‘'but my fage temples ſhall be well ſecured from mortal inquiſition, and the purlieu of my bodie incorporeal, amplified by circumvallations of ermined tabbie, or I depart not from his Liege's preſence!'’—Thus have they at length equipped me—and now may they reaſonablie looke for knottie pointes of ſerviceable hardihoode, of which the Medes, and Perſians never dreamt of yore!"’
CCLXI.—MRS. BR—DY—L.
[58]CCLXII.—ADMIRAL LORD H—D.
[59]CCLXIII.—MARCHIONESS OF B—K—G—M.
[60]FORTY-FIFTH DAY's TRIAL.
[61]CCLXIV.—ADMIRAL LORD D—NC—N.
CCLXV.—COUNTESS DOWAGER OF M—NSF—D.
[62]‘"Pooh—pooh! Tubert,—ſhe'll have her full ſwing, unleſs the rope of dalliance breake—or nought knowe I of woman's gambolles!—Marrie, man, why you can no more keep a Flandriken dame of qualitie from a ſecond ſnap carnalle, than a pedlar's pad from another quar⯑terne and penn'worth, when in manger ſette before him! tie them up as tightlie as you pleaſe, and both ſhall ſlippe their halter, for the liquoriſh provender their appetite delightes in!"’
CCLXVI.—SIR CH. B—NB—Y.
[63]‘—"Oh! he's the ſportinge Sir, who, in the hey-daie of his youthfulle bloode, did race it o'er Tar⯑tarian plains with flyinge Arrabs, and left their whiſ⯑kers diſtances behinde!—Nexte run he riotte through all the looſer petticoates of Salamanca.—But now, forſoothe, he queſts it ſoberlie on foote, to cull out dainties for his bedde and boarde! and, for the matter of that, they are not thrown away on him, who hath a diſpenſing hand, well faſhioned to ſubdue the preſſing wantes of others!"’
CCLXVII.—DUCHESS OF L—DS.
[64]SIXTY-SIXTH DAY's TRIAL.
[65]CCLXVIII.—ALDERMAN AND—RS—N, LORD M—Y—R.
CCLXIX.—HON. MISS D—NC—N.
[66]‘—"Beſhrewe me, Coz! but I am ignorant, for which of my tall properties I have ſo hugelie grown in man's eſteeme!—I am moſt wonderfullie beviſitted of late by gaie gallants, who tender me their harte's beſt ſuite and ſervice; yet talk they little more to me, than of my father's deedes in armes; ſo that I do feare me, after all, I owe theſe ſudden conqueſts more to his mightie valoure, than to my own poor feminine at⯑chievings!"’
CCLXX.—SIR H— H—GHT—N.
[67]‘—"Oh, he is a moſt ſteady Sir! one with moſt fixed principles who will ſitte you for whole moones in the playing roome at the Bathe, like a piece of its own furniture immoveable!—Though choſen to the Senate, he obtrudes amongſt them neither his opinions, nor his perſon: nay, he is a man of ſo few words, that he never ſaid Aye in his whole life, till they did lead him t'other day blindfolded to the al⯑tarre!"’
CCLXXI.—HON. MISS K—NG.
[68]SIXTY-SEVENTH DAY's TRIAL.
[69]CCLXXII.—LORD H—WKES—RY.
‘—"I met me on the Kinge's highwaye, a Tom Thumbe of a Lordeling, who did boaſte of mightier deedes than thoſe of Jack the ſlaughterer of Giantes! He told me he had vaulted the daie before with the man of Rhodes, and beaten him by a furlong at a ſingle jumpe! He had juſt ſtepped into his nine-leagued bootes, and ſwore by the maidenheade of his nobilitie, that he would be at the capital of the Gauls and back again, before he broke his faſte!"’
CCLXXIII.—LADY ANN N—TH.
[70]CCLXXIV.—MR. BRYAN ED—DS.
[71]‘—"If a man having been bleſſed with God⯑fathers and Godmothers, be deſpoiled of his Chriſtian name by thoſe who rule us, what chaunce have we, my neighbours, in ſuch times, to maintain the rem⯑nant of our birthrightes? Why, Sirs, they have em⯑ployed their ſerving knaves o' th' preſs, to y'clep me by a beaſtlie name, denoting that I would daunce, and play you ſillie antickes, under the cudgel of my leader! Nay, the very Oracle of our Aſſembly, for⯑getful of his nomenclatura, called me forth but t'other daie as Mr. Bruin, and thus did he provoke a moſt unſeemlie roar of merriment at my expenditure!"’
CCLXXV.—MARCHIONESS OF H—RTF—D.
[72]SIXTY-EIGHTH DAY's TRIAL.
[73]CCLXXVI.—LORD VISCOUNT H—REF—D.
CCLXXVII.—LADY ALMERIA C—RP—R.
[74]‘—"They tell me I have not done amiſs in bartering a littel of my woman's beautie, for a better portion of worldlie wiſdome.—I would not have been hand-maiden to any houſholde thus long, without knowing my why? and my wherefore?—However, in pure friendſhippe to her Highneſſe, I will continue cheerfullie to undertake thoſe familie-affayres, for which her own infirmities do unfitte her, and leave it to the Duke to reckon on my deſerts accordinglie!"’
CCLXXVIII.—MR. M—CN—M—A, [of Streatham.]
[75]‘—"The wagges o' the Courte would inſinuate againſt me, that mine is the Houſe of Calle for poli⯑tique confederation: moreover, that I do retaile oute ſtate projects at the tippling ſign of the Iriſhe Piper! Truth it is, that I put good cheere before my gueſts; but if there be any treaſon among 'em, it muſt be found in their owne wittes, and not in M'Nab's old wine!—That ſome of their midnight deedes have ſa⯑voured of darkneſſe, I cannot well denie; but that, indeed, was onlie after quaffing ſo incontinentlie, that they could not ſee!"’
CCLXXIX.—LADY ST. AS—PH.
[76]SIXTY-NINTH DAY's TRIAL.
[77]CCLXXX.—LORD C—WD—R.
CCLXXXI.—LADY — T—YL—R.
[78]CCLXXXII—DR. L—WR—CE.
[79]‘—"I did betake me, t' other morn, to Father L—wr—ce, a Soothe-ſayer, and grave Oracle o' the Arches, one who dothe retaile you civille lawe, and po⯑litiques moſt villainouſſie compounded!—I found him in learned tribulation, having juſt eſcaped the COM⯑MONS not Doctorial, where, being far from home, he did make it a dubitable queſtion with his own pericra⯑nium, whether he had riſen by his heade, or on his feete?—The wagges had laughed incontinentlie at his confuſion, and told his Reverence to his bearde, that he had been aſſeſſing his five ſenſes quintuplie, with⯑out levying from thence one graine of common under⯑ſtanding!"’
CCLXXXIII.—MRS. SCR—PE.
[80]SEVENTIETH DAY's TRIAL.
[81]CCLXXXIV.—BISHOP OF D—M.
CCLXXXV.—COUNTESS OF C—RK.
[82]CCLXXXVI.—EARL OF C—RD—N.
[83]‘—"If my Ladie Wyfe be not overgone theſe eighteen moones with ſon and heire of mine owne be⯑getting, then know I nought of the net proceeds of noble manhoode!—Why, Sir, but t'other night, in my repoſe—(but mark, 'tis entre nous),—the littel ſight⯑leſs rogue did fairlie kick his much delighted ſire, in place I dare not nominate:—taking the hint, no ſooner came the morn, than I did hie me forth, and, with his cradle, bought me up rich ſwaddling cloathes in plentie, to await the time of his forthcoming!"’
CCLXXXVII.—LADY C—H—R.
[84]SEVENTY-FIRST DAY's TRIAL.
[85]CCLXXXVIII.—VICE-ADMIRAL C—LP—YS.
‘—"Give me a Tarre, who ſerves his countrie trulie, and without much imparlance; ſo that, when an enemie doth holde diſputation with him, he an⯑ſwereth in repartee, and cuts off his chaine of argu⯑ment by a quick exchange of chaine-ſhotte!—I knew a ſalt-water Chief of this ſtampe, who ſilenced the mutinie of his ſhippe by the ſame ſplice of eloquence, and for which his Sov'rain, in admiration of the deede, did command him to diſplay the Red Flag at his own gallant main!"’
CCLXXXIX.—COUNTESS OF H—RC—T.
[86]‘—"I pray thee, Spaldo, give not thy tongue propenſitie to courtlie ſlander.—That Ladie is the prime-moveable feminine about the Queene's perſon, which may account for its haveing been handled, in time of yore, rather freelie.—It argueth marvellous greatneſs for one noblie bred, to be able in her ſpleene, to deſcant boldlie on Royal weakneſſes; and when the fit of obſequience doth return, to bend, and licke the very duſte beneath her Highneſſe's ſandals!—Marry, knave, to be in perfect tune with the times, one muſt have an alarum, that will ring you all the changes o' the State, from the treble key of ſycophancie, down to the lower baſſe of courtlie diſcontent!—"’
CCXC.—SIR FRANCIS B—D—TT.
[87]‘—"Should this whimſical Knight have ſworne to urge perpetual ſtrife with nature, he will keepe his worde!—Why, Sir, he can combatte with all the ſpiteful elements, one after t'other, in their bit⯑tereſt wrath, and laugh at his own diſcomfiture: nay, he will now lick redde fierrie barrs of iron, till his tongue growe hiſſing hotte, and then mount upon tavern benches, and make you flameing declamations! Hea⯑ven, in its waſte of bountie, did beſtowe upon his heade a liberal covering of haire, but he hath diſplaced it even to the nodde of his necke, that none of it might ſtand i' the way of his political exaltation!"’
CCXCI.—COUNTESS OF B—KL—Y.
[88]SEVENTY-SECOND DAY's TRIAL.
[89]CCXCII.—BISHOP OF W—CH—R.
‘—"Nay, nay, goode brother Abbotte—by the maſſe; but we are all of the Church Militant,—and there⯑fore bound by the cannon, to fighte, as well as praie! I am not for letting our common clothe go forth to wage our battles of defence, and not budge a ſingle inch ourſelves, although we piouſlie commend the Lord of Hoſies to war upon their ſide:—Do ye all as beſt be⯑likes your reverend phantaſies—but, for mine own part, I'll not be knocked o' the head, like a lewd goate kneelinglie—that's poz!!"’
CCXCIII.—LADY E. E. FITZG—LD.
[90]CCXCIV.—LORD M—NTO.
[91]CCXCV.—LADY CON—GH—M.
[92]SEVENTY-THIRD DAY's TRIAL.
[93]CCXCVI.—Rev. DR. [Anti-Sejanus] SC—T.
‘—"If your holie Soothſayers, are with their grey haires, to be reviſitted by the politique ſinnes of their youthe, then will annointed men be placed in purgatorie everlaſting!—But t'other Sabbathe, when I was propounding paſſive obedience to the goode houſe⯑wives of that piſcatorie towne called Scarborough, came there a Capittaine of a militarie cohort, who did drawe from me my faire congregation by the ſound of trum⯑pette, blown at the very doore of the tabernacle!—I did appeale me to my countrie's lawes for this offence againſt the ſtatutes divine; when the Jurors for our Sov'rain Lorde the King, in lack of reverence for the Churche, awarded me but a cracked teaſter for ſo abominable a waſte of reputation cleriqual!"’
CCXCVII.—LADY L—GHB—GH.
[94]CCXCVIII.—LADY EDWARD FITZG—LD.
[95]CCXCIX.—MR. HENRY AD—NGT—N.
[96]‘—"Since I am reputed Wit-cracker to the Prime Ruler o' the realm, he muſt right honourablie let me pouch a little o' the State-kernel, elſe ſhall I make the beardes of his Courtiers wagge, to the miſerable tune of mine own improvidence!"’
- Citation Suggestion for this Object
- TextGrid Repository (2020). TEI. 5231 Passages selected by distinguished personages on the great literary trial of Vortigern and Rowena a comi tragedy pt 3. University of Oxford Text Archive. . https://hdl.handle.net/21.T11991/0000-001A-6136-A